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Donkey - Friday Mar 23, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 139.0

Yesterday was so hard. I can only hope that today is better.

Husband and I had to go to my son's school and take him home early because he was having behavior issues, and the school social worker thought it best that he not return to the classroom. My son is having such a hard time. And my Husband isn't helping matters much, as I think he's been living in a semi-state of denial about our son's struggles.

So of course, what do we have for dinner but pizza. I was doing very well calorie-wise until dinner. Then I had 4 slices of pepperoni pizza and that was 1000 calories right there. So I had to try *very hard* not to have dessert. Which was probably a good idea anyway, because feeling as bad and stressed and sad as I was feeling, getting started on any kind of sweet probably wouldn't have been a good idea.

Hopefully my son will have a better day today. We talked over some things, gave him some coping mechanisms and he seemed to understand the importance of normal behavior, of what is expected of him. I hope that he does not become SO overwhelmed or anxious that he resorts back to his old behaviors today.

Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

jon'smom on 03/23/2007:
I hope things go well for your son today. Keep up the good work. You are doing the best that you can in this situation.

hollybelle on 03/23/2007:
You are working very hard at making changes and YOU ARE DOING FINE. Good job on not eating the dessert, too!! You really didn't do badly at all. You will do better today. It is so hard coping with kid problems. Some of your comments remind me of me! On your bio when you talk about making peace with food. In your post below when you talk about working up courage to work out in public at the size you are now (which is not so big - by the way!!). Oh, the common struggles with kid issues. Sometimes it's not possible to make wonderful food choices (like busy night and resoroting to the pizza). You are doing well, really. I have been trying to channel some of my frustrations into positive activity like more exercise and eating right, too. Because we have only a few pounds to lose - I want to lose 10-12 more - it is slower than if we had more to lose. Hang in there. You are really doing great. Don't get too hung up on any one day and keep up the wonderful attitude you are coming up with each day!

WorkingIt2 on 03/23/2007:
awww, I wish your little guy the best and a big bunch of strength for him to get through his struggles. It is so difficult being a little kid anymore :(

greengirl on 03/23/2007:
You have to be strong for your little boy. Its so easy for children to feel that everyone is against them. He needs to know that you are in his corner for him. I hope that his problems can be resolved, with your support. i wish you the best of luck in getting this sorted out for him.

Donkey - Thursday Mar 22, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 139.0

I've been going to the gym every day this week. Now my Husband has a week and a half off, so my whole routine will be thrown off. I can only hope that he will come to the gym with me.

Yesterday was warmer outside, so I tried to put on a pair of capri pants after my shower after exercising. I could hardly snap them and my butt felt so tight in the fabric. I took a look and oh my, how saggy and droopy and flabby I looked from behind. So I am not quite ready for summer clothing yet, unless I want to go out and buy new clothes (which I don't want to do).

But all in all, I've been doing much better. See what I mean about everything falling into place with exercise? I had a conference with my son's teacher, and my son is having a lot of problems and issues that need to be addressed. He's been neglected because the school district we used to live in was AWFUL and most of the teachers were in denial. (And we could not afford to provide services for him privately. We knew we were moving, and we wanted to see how many of my son's problems were environmental (due to the school) and how many were actually his issues.) So when we moved, my son starts a new school and it's like he's waving all these "red flags" that he needs help. Poor kid! And I feel just horrible.

BUT I DID NOT RESORT TO FOOD! I did not fall back on eating to make me feel better about the situation. It was then that I realized that Life is going to throw obstacles at me all the time. And I need to learn how to cope with them other than stuffing my face at the first sign of trouble. I need to learn to live with and deal with the discomfort of anxiety and sadness. It's a part of life.

Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 03/22/2007:
Oh! Donkey girl, It is SO WONDERFUL that you didn't resort to food at the stressful time with your son. That is the biggest thing I have worked on through this journey with food I am on and alot of my stress centers around my daughter and school, too. It's like we have this worry (over the kids) and we must handle it, but in the meantime we comfort ourselves with food and then we have two problems - the original kid thing and some extra pounds and one of those we actually created, huh?

It's a big step that you have taken toward real change. Keep up the good work, you inspired ME today!

Justine6Robert3 on 03/22/2007:
Great job getting to the gym everyday, thats awesome!!! I find when I'm feeling stressed out (which is most to the time!!!) I try to step up my exercise. It seems to get rid of all my negative energy plus its good for me physically!!

That must be very frustrating for you to see your son struggling and not being able to get him the help he needs. It does seem to vary from school to school and also with their teacher. I hope his new school is more willing to give him the extra help he needs!!

I have an interview with Taylor's teacher tomorrow. She has been struggling with her reading and writing. Her teacher is really amazing with her though. She has been very hands on with Taylor. She has called me in for extra interviews so that we could get her extra help both at home and in the school. They have been having Taylor and a few other students pulled out of their regular class a couple of times a week to give them extra help in a small group setting and they have now arranged for her to meet with a "Speech-Language Pathologist to try to further figure out why she's having difficulty so they can find a way to get her the help she needs right away. Taylor has only met with the speech-language pathologist once so far (I think from now on she will see her once a week, one on one) and she loved her and can't wait to get together with her again. They make it a very non threatening environment and try to teach them through games and things that won't intimidate them.

Taylor does really well in Math, gym, drama, music etc (many of the arts!!) but she just seems to be struggling with her writing and reading. She is also almost a year younger than many of the kids in her grade because she was born in December so I think that puts her at a bit of a disadvantage also.

Good for you not resorting to food for comfort!! Keep up the great job with your exercising!!! I find it more challenging to stick with my routine on week-ends or when Kirt is off work also, good luck next week!!

sweetpea1977 on 03/22/2007:
Good work on making it to the gym every day! And a big congrats on not resorting to food during times of stress. Thats an awesome big step in the right direction!

Anyway, I hope that the new school provides a better environment and services for your son.

WorkingIt2 on 03/22/2007:
Great job on the gym and avoiding the stress eating! I think that makes us stronger when we face our stresses head-on instead of hiding behind food, drink, or whatever until it 'passes'. We learn more and we actually solve things. I wish your son the very best!

greengirl on 03/22/2007:
Well done on making the most of the gym. I hope that the new school can help your son to solve some of his problems and reach his full potential. congratulations in not giving in to the stress :)

GG on 03/22/2007:
It's SO funny! You say your husband has a week and 1/2 off and he will screw up your whole routine, my mom says that all the time about my dad, its really funny: its like a love-hate relationship. Does your husband work out? Why dont you try to get him to engage in some activity with you, go for walks, hikes, bike rides...? Since you have said that life throws you obsticles....your husbands time off included....NOW YOU KNOW HOW TO HANDLE THEM! I am glad you have come to this conclusion because it is true! And food/not working out really does not help bolster the obsticles! I swear when I work out every morning my head clears and I am prepared for any challeges the day may throw my way!!!

borntocry on 03/23/2007:
Well done, Donkey! I like what you wrote about learning to cope without turning to food. I've had the same thought myself - if I find myself turning to food to deal with the minor stresses and depressions which I face now, what are things going to be like when I have kids? when my parents are old and dependent on me? when I'm dealing with major life changes? We know that food doesn't actually solve any of these problems - in most cases it only makes us feel worse about ourselves - so what's the point?

I hope you can get your son's "issues" sorted out soon! Hopefully he will get more attention in the new school.

Donkey - Tuesday Mar 20, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 139.0

If I could have more days like today I would have no problem getting to goal and STAYING at goal.

Today I did an hour of interval training on the crosstrainer. Then I walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes during the 11a news broadcast. (I'm so glad that missing Boy Scout was rescued!) Then I tried the stair stepping machine for 10 minutes. I had the level or resistance entered in wrong, though, so I only felt like I worked for 3 minutes of the 10. The rest of it was like a really good stretch. At any rate, I now have a goal of conquering the stair stepper.

I also had enough courage today to try the lower body weight training machines. If you could see the cellulite on my thighs from this weight gain, you would understand what drove me to conquer my fear or shyness and get on those machines and work it. UGH! How could 15lb look so UGLY???

Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Justine6Robert3 on 03/20/2007:
Way to go Donkey!!! Great work-out!!!! If you keep this up you'll have no problem shedding 15 lbs!! I'm glad you conquered your fear and shyness and got on those weight machines! As you know weight training makes a huge difference in loosing weight and turning fat into lean muscle. Summer is just around the corner, think how great your legs will look in a pair of shorts if you keep this up!!

leeumom on 03/20/2007:
Wonderful job! Don't be so hard on yourself for the 15 pounds. You are feeding yourself negative imput and you need to thrive on the positive. Not so much of the 15 pounds, but rather that you are working on the machines that are for a healthy going forward on your life. Keep it up girl.

sharklover on 03/20/2007:
Woohoo! What a great day! you did so well! and way to conquer the fear or the weight training machines!

sweetpea1977 on 03/21/2007:
Wow, what an awesome day you had!

greengirl on 03/21/2007:
WOW. What a workout!!! I am in awe!! Keep it up and the cellulite will be long gone :0)

WorkingIt2 on 03/21/2007:
Way to go! Cardio is the best way to blast the fat...weight training is the best way to keep it from coming back LOL enjoy your gym!

borntocry on 03/22/2007:
Oh, I know what you're talking about. My parents have this horrible dual mirror action in their guest bathroom (a mirror over the sink and one on the door) and I was forced to confront the fact that my saddle-bags haven't gone anywhere and there's still this horrible jiggling round mass of cellulitey fat over my left hip!

So I'm glad you have tackled the machines at the gym. The stair stepper has always been the toughest for me. I wish I could have a go at the weight training machines - I love those!

Thanks for your advice on my recent lack of enthusiasm for exercise. I think I'll take it and go buy some new sports bras (can't really justify the shoes after two recent purchases turned out to be uncomfortable and are pretty much wasted)!

Donkey - Monday Mar 19, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 139.0

I don't know what to do. I realized over the weekend that we should have joined the Fancy Gym. I think. I think I would be so much more motivated to go to that gym more often than I am at the Basic Gym (although I have yet to step in the Basic Gym). On weekends that my Husband works - like this past weekend - I could have taken the kids swimming. Otherwise we're just sloths all day long. Also, with the Fancy Gym, the child care there is better, so Husband and I could workout together, after he gets home from work (on days that the kids don't have anything scheduled). I think we're both having trouble getting motivated to get into the gym.

Ergh. I know I'm right: we should have joined the Fancy Gym. It's just that I cannot possibly justify the high enrollment fee ($380, if you will recall) while I am not bringing in any income into the family. Especially if eventually we will have home gym equipment and won't need a gym period.

Maybe I'm just trying to talk myself out of going to the Basic Gym this morning. It might just be my fear of new situations talking, and not actually my Logical Self (if that makes any sense).

If you notice, I weighed in higher than ever this morning. I am not a happy camper.


UPDATE: I finally peeled my butt away from the computer and went to the gym. I tried to act like I knew exactly what I was doing, which of course, I did not. So because I did not know what I was doing 2 very interesting things happened:

1. I ended up doing 60 minutes on the elliptical crosstrainer. I couldn't figure out how to set the timer, it just did it for me, so I figured, OK, what the heck, I'll do an hour.

2. I tried to program the treadmill, but it asked me how many miles per hour I wanted to move at. Now how can I figure that out without my calculator and some scratch paper and a pencil? So I typed in "10 mph" until I realized that that is a VERY fast run. Oh my! So very quickly, I started walking, jogging, sprinting. All I can say is thank goodness the "STOP" button is very red and very large.

I was somewhat disappointed in myself that I did not have the courage to try any of the weight training machines. But that will come in time. Tomorrow I want to try the stair stepper machine, as it has been ages since I've used one of those.

One very annoying aspect of the gym is that there are only 4 ellipticals that I like (the ones withOUT the moving handlebars) and they face TV's with sports channels. BAH! Oh well, at least it wasn't a soap opera but I would have preferred a game show or news. Can't go wrong with news. Also the music piped in at the gym was not what I would have chosen, but my mp3 player seems not to be functioning any more.

I repeatedly told myself not to think negatively, that this would be just like working out at home (eventually) with just the basics and to be happy with what I have. I think it worked, to some degree.

Husband called me when I came home. He will be working overtime. So dinner will be very late tonight because I will have to take the kids to martial arts and THEN come home and start dinner. That's kind of a hassle, but all in all, I'm feeling very optimistic right now about the day. Thank you all for your encouragement to just go and do it. You were right!

Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Justine6Robert3 on 03/19/2007:
The hardest part will be just motivating yourself to get there. Once your there, I'm sure you'll get into exercise mode!! I know what you mean with the fear of new situations, I felt uncomfortable in my own gym until I went a few times and got to know the equipment and how all of the cardio machines work, now I feel right at home there! You just need to get your butt there and then it will be easier for you once you get that first visit out of the way!! I know you'll feel so much better once you start going again!!

Sorry I made you blush with my Fantasia party and then the strip club, hee, hee!! I'm really not typically interested in going to those places but with a large group of girls it is good for a laugh every now and then!!

Have a great day, I hope you can motivate yourself to get to that gym today!!!!

geevee on 03/19/2007:
The more you think about going or not going to the Basic Gym, the harder it is. You have to put yourself on auto-pilot and just go with no thoughts in your mind. I know the problem WELL! I'm still in the "thinking about it stage" and haven't done anything. I need to follow my own advice!

girliegirl6486 on 03/19/2007:
I agree with Justine6 & geevee - don't compare the other gym to this one, just motivate yourself that you need to go to A gym, no matter what sort, and just reason with yourself that either way you will be burning calories which is what we need the gym for! Good luck!

girliegirl6486 on 03/19/2007:
Oh and I forgot to reply to your comment - yes I yell at my mom all the time to stop eating out, it would save her calories AND money...but she always argues that my dad and my brother are picky and so it's easier for her to just let everyone eat what they want somewhere else.

And I just noticed the beginning of your last entry - I feel the same way, I have to wonder how bad I really want this weight loss too. Quite frankly I'm pretty much comfortable with myself, but societal pressures make me feel like I have to be thinner. Some days I'm really motivated and other days I just want my food!

hollybelle on 03/19/2007:
Oh, Oh - Buyers remorse! I think there is some good advice above - just get in auto-pilot and go! What is your membership committment? You can always join the Fancy Gym next time.....but don't waste your investment on the Basic Gym - figure it out adn go!

biscottibody59 on 03/19/2007:
Well then I guess you'll never know how bad it is 'til you go:-) These things are best not thought over too much!

borntocry on 03/19/2007:
Oh God, I'm sorry. I gave you the wrong advice. At least give the basic gym a try! Do it for my sake, so I don't feel too bad about it! Please...?!

WorkingIt2 on 03/19/2007:
LOL I'm not laughing at you..just at the story of your poor day! The treadmill thing...I've been there LOL. Thought I was going to FLY off the treadmill lol. So happy you went and had your workout...I LOVE doing my workout at home..I just wish I had MORE stuff! I really like the stair-climber machines like the ones they use for the firefighters to train on..the revolving stairs..would love to have one of those. Hope you get your MP3 player working soon! Have a good night =)

sharklover on 03/19/2007:
aw, haha. That's why they make those stop buttons to red! :-)

Good luck with the stairstepper tomorrow. That's a really good workout, but that machine is my nemesis. I do it often, but it is so tough.

I'm glad you did finally make it to the gym. And even if you think you would have been better off with the fancy gym, any exercise, on any kind of exercise machine is better than none. Yay! You get to go to a gym now! :-)

biscottibody59 on 03/20/2007:
Thanks for the birthday wishes!

You may have inspired me to go to the gym I call the "do it yourself" gym--nearby--it's in what looks like a shed and you have to key in a passcode to get in. It has a phone. I went there once a long time ago (stuck my head in and wasn't impressed so never went back). It has to at least have a decent spot to do some bench pressing and flyes:-)

Just curious, did you have to sign a release/waiver for your gym? I actually had to sign a waiver before they gave me the passcode a while ago.

Also I'd encourage you to take some kind of tour of the place next time you go in. I think the management usually expects you to do that. Don't want to see you hurting yourself and being out of commission.

All that said, you kicked a** girlie!

Have a good one!

Donkey - Sunday Mar 18, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 138.5

Ugh. I think that's the best word to describe yesterday. I ate so much Irish soda bread yesterday that I truly felt sick to my stomach. But did that stop me from eating more? Nooo. I have to wonder how badly I really want this weight loss. Maybe I WANT to be a fat person, I don't know.

I did eat a few of the kids' chocolates, but there are still plenty left. And they are for the kids.

I hope to start making the gym part of my routine starting tomorrow (Monday). That's the plan, anyway. I anticipate tomorrow's weigh-in being higher than EVER.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

greengirl on 03/18/2007:
I'm sure the gym will inspire you again. As for yesterday, it was St Pat's Day so it was a one off with the soda bread (wasn;t it???). Start afresh with a new weight and new aims. You will be ok :)

WorkingIt2 on 03/18/2007:
So happy for you that you will be going to the gym! YAY! I know what you mean about looking at your daughter and not wanting her to suffer through the same 'fatness' that you suffered through. I tell my daughter all the time that I was whip-cord thin until I turned 15 and it wasn't until I moved out of my parent's house at the age of 18 that I started to slim down (didn't have as much food to eat and had to walk everywhere because I didn't have a car lol) and then I piled it back on with each baby. She is really doing great, looking at calories and paying attention to exercise. I think it is great that we are setting healthy examples for them to follow. I can remember my mom exercising once while I was growing up. And she is paying a heavy price on her health now, which makes me sad.

New starts are a great place to begin....I wish you the best!

Justine6Robert3 on 03/18/2007:
I think when you get back into the routine of going to the gym your eating habits will improve. I always eat better when I exercise because I feel like if I eat all kinds of bad food then there was no point in all of that exercise. Then on days that I don't exercise (when my calories should be lower!) I almost always struggle more to eat well and keep my calories low.

I also had a bad day yesturday. I went to a b-day party where there was NO option of healthy food, urgh!! The party was from 12:00-3:00 and I was starving. I find it very frustrating when people have nothing healthy for me to eat. They had sandwiches that were all on white bread & white pasta salades!! I have eaten white bread or white pasta since I started this and I was really annoyed that I had no choice, I either had to eat some or starve!! I didn't eat alot, 3 quarters of a sandwich, a scoop or so of salade and some cucumbers. (oh they had a tiny veggie tray and water, at least that was healthy!!) Anyway, once I got home I was just out of control hungry and I ate to much and very badly the rest of the day. I decided I wasn't even going to try to total my calories and I would just move on today and start fresh.

I hope you have a better day today and enjoy your first trip to the gym!! I really think getting back to a gym is going to get you back to a positive place!! Hang in there Donkey, I know you can get back on track!

Donkey - Friday Mar 16, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 138.5

I have been a Busy Donkey these past couple of days -- today included! When my Husband has his days off, it throws my routine into a scramble. Yesterday, we spent all morning and most of the afternoon trying to make purchasing decisions for materials to repair our old house (that we need to sell). Then we came home and as soon as both kids were home, I rushed off to martial arts with them. They are enjoying it so far. I'm glad that they are getting exercise in. My son (who is so thin) hates to exercise, but my daughter (6) has all of a sudden started EATING a LOT. Not that it's bad, because she's in for a growth spurt I believe. But I was a chubby child and suffered horribly for it. And I just want to make sure that intake/output are balanced for my daughter. I'm also hoping that martial arts will give her the self-confidence that I never had (and still lack). As long as they enjoy it... Once it's not fun any more, then we'll move on, if we get to that point.

Today I am helping out in my daughter's classroom for 1.5 hours. Then I have to go grocery shopping for fresh fruit, milk and some kind of St Patrick's Day treat(s) for the kids. My son made some kind of Leprechaun trap so I think it would be fun to surprise him tomorrow morning with some goodies in his contraption. I'm hoping to find chocolate coins, but I think they will have to settle for a box of Lucky Charms cereal. Wah wah...

But at least I know I won't be tempted by the Lucky Charms. Those chocolates might not last too long around me (unfortunately). It was hard enough not to have a big ol' slice of the berry pie my Husband made last night. I managed to keep the calories to around 1100 (too low, but did not exercise). I'm ashamed to admit that in the past, I have often binged on the kids' treats. How bad is that? :(

Please be patient with me working into a routine to working out at the gym. I know by Monday I will be there exercising. I"m looking forward to my weigh-in on Monday morning. Gosh I hope I can stay on track over the weekend. Weekends are SO hard for me....

AFTERNOON UPDATE: I have come back from my errands. My daughter was crying when I left the school. That was hard. She misses me. She wanted me to take the bus with her this morning, but I told her I'd be there at 10a.

I bought treats for the Leprechaun Trap. A bag full of golden chocolate eggs, a box of Lucky Charms, and a box of chocolate glazed doughnut holes with green sprinkles on them. I will tell you now, I could easily eat all of those treats up. Yes, even the box of Lucky Charms. Maybe not the whole box, but I can eat cereal like people eat popcorn.

You know what though? It's time for me to be the adult here. The treats are for the KIDS, and not for me. I would be horrified if they ate everything all at once, so why should it be ok for me to do that very same thing? It's not.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 03/16/2007:
I wonder what "alot" is for a 6 y/o? I can't EVEN remember what I ate back then AT ALL. I was even trying to remember some time ago what they served in the cafeteria that passed for lunch when I was in grades 1-3--didn't bring my lunch very often.

With the growth spurt and just getting more active, she should do fine!

WorkingIt2 on 03/16/2007:
Nah..not a fluke..she's been doing this for a few weeks now according to compiled video. She has a second job and I suppose the one she has(had) with my company was the one she felt she could sleep on. When you are running a business that is being paid for performance, having someone sleeping isn't going to cut it..if they are sick or tired, they need to stay home. =)

greengirl on 03/16/2007:
The way I am eating at the moment I couldnt have treats in the house or I would be definately eating them!!! On my way to work I travel through the Manchester gay village, and this week the trees there are dressed in green net (for St Pats Day). They look brilliant, and very cheerful!!!

geevee on 03/16/2007:
You are right about the price at the Biltmore Fitness Center, but if you saw the place you'd understand. WOW! The best part is that in addition to the gym which is really big, plus the pool, sauna, steam room, 20% discount at their restaurants, you can go to as many classes everyday of the week. There is no limit. So, when I was doing well weightwise, I also was going to 5-7 yoga classes a week, was swimming a mile a day everyday and sometimes I'd even work out in the gym.

I just think that the new price structure is outrageous.

Justine6Robert3 on 03/16/2007:
Why is it that the little boys are always so slim?! My son is also very tiny! He was a really chubby baby (I used to call him my chunk of fudge!!) and as soon as he started to walk he became so skinny. I even have to take in his pants that come with an elastic waist sometimes because they won't stay up on him!!! My daughter has always been a little thicker. She isn't big by any means but she still has a bit of a belly, I'm not sure why. It does concern me a little because although my husband and I were both very slim as children my mom and his mom have always struggled with there weight. I hope she doesn't ever have a weight problem but it is hard to tell, she is also 6 yrs old. I do keep her very active though. She takes dance class and swim class and when the weather gets nice we are never indoors.

I to want my daughter to have great self esteem. I don't really know why I grew up feeling so insecure and still now as an adult I have terribly low self confidence. Mine wasn't due to weight, maybe it was because I was so painfully shy and timid, who knows!! All I know is I want my kids to have loads of confidence. For some reason it seems like girls often suffer more with the low self esteem. So far my daughter seems to have more than enough confidence, I just hope that doesn't change once she hits her teens!!

Good luck staying away from all of those treats! My hubby bought my daughter chocolate icecream as a treat. I don't usually have trouble resisting icecream but he bought Haagen-dazs and it smells sooo good! I hope they eat it before I loose my will power!! It has 280 calories in 1 half of a cup, brutal!!

sharklover on 03/16/2007:
aw. way to be the adult. :-)

that's a really cute idea to suprise your son with treats in the thing he made. I used to love it when my mom did stuff like that. Like she would put a note in my lunch that just said 'have a great day, i love you'. Moms are so creative. :-)

borntocry on 03/17/2007:
Your husband makes pies?! How cool is that!

Oh, and I could easily eat a whole box of cereal. I've done it before, and it's easier than you might think. So watch out for that!

I think it's a great idea to encourage your daughter to take martial arts and other sports. I agree, it's a good way to help make sure she stays in shape as she gets older, without putting the focus on her weight (heaven knows girls don't need any encouragement to do THAT!). And you're right, it will also be good for her self-esteem, which is just as important, if not more. I was always thin as a child, but I might as well have been overweight because I was always so self-conscious and embarrassed about my physical appearance. Honestly, since I started running, the biggest change in me has been mental, not physical. Although I did lose a few pounds, I never really achieved the really slim profile which I wanted (I guess I have those J-Lo genes!). But I appreciate my body for what I know it can do, if that makes any sense. I guess I know I'm fit and in good shape, and that's more important to me now than just looking really skinny.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/17/2007:
ahhh, the good old Lucky Charm's! That used to be my FAVORITE cereal as a kid! I would take the marshmellows out of my breakfast cereal before I added the milk and bring them to school in a little container to have with lunch! haha

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 14, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 138.5

Well, last night, after I added my Update, I had another slip-up. Bad Donkey! Afterwards, I tried to express to my Husband how disgusted I was with myself but he did not understand. Men just have a different way of seeing things, I guess. I know he tried to help me feel better.

So --- today, we went and joined a gym. I confess that I just could NOT pick up the phone and call to ask questions, so I had my Husband do it. He's better on the phone with people anyway, and he loves to be my hero. After getting rates from both the Fancy Gym and the Basic Gym, I decided that we should sign up with the Basic Gym. Price-wise, I just could not justify the high enrollment fee for us at the Fancy Gym ($380! with monthly dues at $120). Basic Gym was $60 enrollment fee and $32 a month for both of us to join. We both agree that this will be satisfactory for now (until we get our home gym set up). And for me, it's not that much $$ lost if Husband decides he doesn't want to exercise after all.

The Fancy Gym would have been nice because there's stuff to do for the kids and because they are open 24/7 and there's a swimming pool (exercise classes cost extra). But honestly, I like the gym to be just for me. It's my "Me Time", even if I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to go without kids in tow.

We will be going shopping for supplies for repairs on the old house. I am anxious to get it up for sale ASAP. Not that it will sell in the depressed real estate market, but just to have it done and "open for business", so to speak. It will be a great deal of stress off my mind, that's for sure.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

borntocry on 03/14/2007:
I never thought I'd find someone else too shy to make telephone calls - we must be twins separated at birth!

I think you made the right choice of gym. This way you won't be nagging the kids and husband to use the gym. And I know what you mean about enjoying your time to yourself. People are always trying to hook me up with other runners, but I kind of like this time alone. And I'm not quite fit enough to carry on a conversation while running. And of course there's also that shyness...

Justine6Robert3 on 03/14/2007:
Yay, I'm so glad you've finally decided on a gym, great price too!! I think you'll find it so much easier to get on track now that you'll have a gym to go to again!

That's nice that your hubby likes to be your "hero". My husband is also that way, he loves to fix all of my little problems when he can. He is actually rather nurturing for a man especially since he is a real "mans man". He only shows his big teddy bear side to the kids and myself though (and his and my Mom to some extent also). He has a very protective nature to him when it comes to females, I like that about him, reminds me of my own Dad. He also likes to take care of my Mom since my Dad passed away, my Mom adores him. They often butt heads because they are both so outspoken but they have alot of respect and love for one another. My Mom takes alot of comfort in him because he reminds her so much of my Dad, even in his less enduring traits, ha,ha!!

Thank-you for the nice comments you left me on my diary, I really appreciate all of your positive feedback and encouragment!!

I also know how you feel with the "me time" at the gym. I love to go to the gym and have that couple of hours to myself. Even though I am physically exerting myself, its so relaxing in a way to just listen to tunes and work out and not have to worry about taking care of my childrens needs. Don't get me wrong I love being with my kids but we all need a break for our own sanity, alone time is so important!!

Enjoy your new gym!

hollybelle on 03/14/2007:
Great price on the gym. Enjoy with your husband. Tee-Hee on the "Butt Crack of Dawn" expression! Loved it!

greengirl on 03/14/2007:
well done on joining the gym. I'm sure you wont regret it. It must be nice to have someone who will make the phone calls for you. It's just the opposite in our house. I either have to make the calls or chase up whoever it is who has to make a call, until they do it. good luck with selling the house :)

WorkingIt2 on 03/14/2007:
Congrats on the gym. Now you can concentrate on yourself at least some of the time!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/15/2007:
congrats on joining the gym!!! and thanks for the post! It's not like you have to mandatorily post on my diary...since you had apologized for not posting the other day..i think that was you, anyway! definitely check out all your gym has to offer...you never know, you may really enjoy the company of those around you! I get highly motivated when i see others at the gym!

borntocry on 03/16/2007:
Hi Donkey! Thanks for your comment! I've decided to take your advice and wear the same sweater again today. I don't know if I'll go so far as to wear it every day, but it will probably make a much more frequent appearance from now on. And to think that I was initially going to go the opposite route and never wear it again!

Believe me, I thought of quite a few retorts I could have made ("and your breath stinks of those cigarillos you smoke!") but I just wasn't expecting this sudden insult and was too shocked to respond with anything right away!

Donkey - Tuesday Mar 13, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 138.5

I did not want to log in until I finished my exercising! I did my weight training at home and then went for a 45 minute brisk walk outside. It is beautiful but windy, and the wind gives the air a slight chill. Snow forecasted for Friday, by the way.

Someone want to tell me how a bowl of chili can have nearly 500 calories? I had a bowl of chili and a cup of honeydew melon for lunch and that, along with my All Bran cereal in the morning, put me at nearly 1000 calories already. BAH! Oh well, I ate the chili and THEN went for the walk.

My Husband and I had a talk about gyms yesterday. He said that we should join a gym with just the basics for now and then once we sell our old house (the one we moved from), then we can look into purchasing some equipment for home usage. OK, I can sorta go along with that. Even if I have a home gym, I can still sign up for exercise classes through our parks system. So that made me feel a little better about the gym issue.

EVENING UPDATE: Today's calorie count: 1675. It's probably either a little higher or a lot lower, depending on you count that bowl of chili I had for lunch. I had a pretty good day today, though. Tomorrow should be "interesting": Cooler weather, it's my running day, and my Husband has the day off. I am hoping that we can go gym shopping tomorrow, but he has things to finish up at the old house in the morning. Then after the kids get home, he's taking them to check out a martial arts class.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

greengirl on 03/13/2007:
Calories sound a bit steep at 500 for a bowl of chili!!! well done on the exercise front :0)

sharklover on 03/13/2007:
yay! you're sorting out the gym stuff! :-)

girliegirl6486 on 03/13/2007:
I don't understand how some foods are so high either :/ I went running outside today! It was only a bit over a mile but still. Has much more impact than just a treadmill.

Snow on Friday?! I wanna cry!

borntocry on 03/14/2007:
Yes, I hate how these so-called healthy foods are loaded with calories. I could have had anything I wanted for my birthday dinner and chose black beans and rice because I thought that would be a nice, healthy option. Well, it was a nice, healthy option - but at 700 calories, I could have had half a pizza instead!!

hollybelle on 03/14/2007:
I've been making chili with ground turkey (the lean kind) an it's pretty good and saves alot of fat content. I was surprised, too.

Donkey - Monday Mar 12, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 138.5

WEIGH IN: 138.5

*sigh* I'm back up to my starting weight. With 2 slip-ups this week, what else could I expect? Well, I have decided to stick to my calorie levels this week and see what my weigh in is next week. Hopefully this will be enough incentive to get me to call up some gyms to get prices. I realized yesterday that I do not want to be dealing with these last 10-15lb when I am in my 40s. I want to lose this weight this year, maintain and move on. Is that possible? Or will I be a 60 yr old still complaining that I've binged again? Will I ever learn and evolve?

EVENING UPDATE: Went for an awesome run today! No stopping, this time (no cell phone calls, LOL.) It's hard to get me started but once I get going on a run, it feels OK. I also found a way to extend my run for when it comes time to add mileage (if I want; good for walks, too). Calories for today, according to calorie counter, is 1333. I've discovered that it really helps keep the daily calorie level down if I eat more vegetables at lunch and dinner. Imagine that!

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

borntocry on 03/12/2007:
You will learn and evolve. You know, three years ago, when I decided I wanted to get in shape, I had the same thought: I didn't want to wait until I was older, because it'll only get harder, right? And in these last three years, my weight's been going up and down the whole time. But I feel like it's slightly more in control as time goes by. The first time I got down to my current weight, I gained it all back within the next few months. The second time, I only gained some of it back. This time, hopefully even less. I still have binges but they're never as bad as they used to be. I used to eat so much I couldn't even stand afterwards! Now I rarely get to the point where I feel sick from overeating. You know, we do learn from our mistakes, though maybe not as quickly as we would like.

WorkingIt2 on 03/12/2007:
I feel the SAME way about carrying around the weight I have into my 40's. I hope you have a much better week, this week! Have a great day =)

greengirl on 03/12/2007:
Keep up the good work like you know how and none of you girls will ever be fat, fair and forty!!! I was exactly that and now , here I am in my fifties, when it is much harder to lose each pound. Do it now ladies, and you will not have to regret wasting the best years of your life hiding under a layer of fat!!!!!

GirlieGirl6486 on 03/12/2007:
Nice job on the run! My friend Billy is going to be my running buddy for warm days outside, so that will help. He already mapped out a route and checked the mileage! I need to add more veggies and stuff too...I think laziness has something to do with me not adding more veggies. They take so much darn preparation! LOL.

WorkingIt2 on 03/12/2007:
Yay congrats on the run!

Justine6Robert3 on 03/12/2007:
Great job on the run and eating more veggies!! I also need to eat more veggies but I'm so picky, its going to take me a while to find things I can eat and get used to sucking it up and just eating them even if I really don't enjoy them!!

I'm sure you will "evolve", you just had a bad couple of days!! The fact that your so loyal to making your entries here tells me that you really want to make the changes and succeed at loosing that weight!

Have a great day and enjoy that nice weather that's coming your way!!

borntocry on 03/13/2007:
Hey Donkey! Thanks for your comment. I must say, that's pretty optimistic of you to think that my eating will "moderate itself" now that I'm not training for a race. I fear it will be quite the opposite!

Donkey - Sunday Mar 11, 2007
(Portion control)
Weight: 136.0

It was not a good day yesterday. We did end up going to the library but I did not check out a yoga DVD. I did not manage to get in a walk yesterday. We had a conflict with a girl in the neighborhood, and I'm not sure if it was her or if it was me or my daughter or what. But needless to say it bothered me all afternoon.

My husband announced that he had to go to bed early last night, because he has a 12-hour shift today. I know that on nights that he goes to bed early, I do not deal with this well. And last night was no exception. I had a binge of sorts, only to be stopped when my daughter walked in on me eating butter cookies in front of the TV. I felt so bad, because the cookies are for the kids. But I was relieved that her entrance into the room stopped me from eating.

My Husband thinks that we will sign up for one of the smaller (and less expensive) gyms for now. I admit I felt disappointed, but I cannot stick up for myself and say, "No I want to go to the fancy gym" because I am not bringing in any money into the family and I can hardly justify the cost to myself much less to him. It's not that I wanted to go to the mega gym per se; it's that I don't like being told it's out of my reach. How immature is THAT??? DUH!

Tomorrow afternoon, I *WILL* be making phone calls around to local gyms to get prices.

I have no exercise ambitions for today as I am stuck with both kids at home all day. My son prefers to do activities on his own (like his mom) and my daughter is too little to go the distance that I require. Too bad, too, because it's going to be a beautiful day. High of 65 on Tuesday? Highs of 30 by Saturday. I hate this.

UPDATE: Just took my measurements. UGH, what a BIG BUTT I have!!! 40 inches???

EVENING UPDATE: Today's total calories ended up being around 1100. Huh??? That doesn't seem right, but that's what the calorie counter says. And I measured, too. Hmm... But it ended up being a nice day after all. I spent about 2 hours outside with the kids. It was so nice to have warm, sunny weather. I still needed a jacket and gloves, but it was nice.

I do hesitate to weigh in tomorrow. My jeans are starting to feel oh so tight. I've got my list of phone numbers and questions to ask when I call up gyms tomorrow!

Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

borntocry on 03/11/2007:
Hi Donkey! I was kind of leaning towards the more basic gym anyway. It'll be summer soon, and you and the kids will probably want to do more outdoor activities anyway. If you really get a lot of use out of the gym you can always sign up for the more expensive one next year, or in six months or something. I'm sure your husband will support you if he sees you're really going to benefit from it.

Thanks for your comments and for wishing me luck before my race! And also for the warning not to pig out on those macadamia nuts... you were right about that... I found out the hard way!

borntocry on 03/11/2007:
I just read your comment... thank you for saying that!

biscottibody59 on 03/11/2007:
My 2cents: Isn't the job (uncompensated) as "housewife" and major caregiver to your children and all the stuff you've been doing to put your old house on the market worth something? Especially if you're eventually going to go to work at some point. Imagine what you'd have to pay someone else to do all that.

borntocry on 03/11/2007:
P.S. 39 inches here!

biscottibody59 on 03/11/2007:
In addition: You may still lose the argument or the desire to choose the more expensive, fancier gym. But your time and effort is certainly worth alot!

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