Yesterday was a pretty good eating day -- except that I reached for a 2nd hot dog at dinner. As soon as I finished it, I regretted it, because it was sitting a little heavy. Calorie-wise though, I think it was OK because I didn't have an dessert. And I was still able to do yoga very comfortably and no sugar cravings afterwards.
It's good that there were no sugar cravings because yesterday was a very emotionally charged day. I hadn't realized it until I was talking to Nice Lady about selling Son's car. I could feel the emotions manifest themselves physically. It was the oddest feeling, starting at the bottom and traveling upwards, like filling up with hot bubbles. But it's done. His car is gone and the garage is empty.
I'm grateful that it was a quick process - not a lot of back and forth. We got the minimum price we were willing to settle for, and he got a ride home from the salesperson, so I didn't have to leave work. So like ripping off a band-aid really fast. But last night, I had the saddest feeling looking at the empty space in the garage, like we are wiping the memory of him away, which is NOT what we're doing. As the solid, material possessions leave, it feels as though all I am left with are faded ghosts and memories...
I'm trying not to think of the 3 interviewees yesterday, because I'm pretty sure that the Boss will hire the person I don't want, at the cheapest price. Oh well, it's out of my hands and not my decision to make.
But work was OK yesterday. I was more pre-occupied with the car, the interviews, and trying to get the one copy machine to work.
This morning, I opted to do tricep and back weights rather than try for an outdoor bike ride. However, it is on my list to ride outside this evening. That's my goal. AND if Hannah Banana finishes opening up her latest leaf, I will repot her.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
Another good eating day yesterday, although, in retrospect, perhaps I had too much pork chop? IDK, I had one, but they were rather large. I'm not going to overthink it.
I wanted to ride Daughter's bike outside last night, after dinner, but there were too many people in the cul-de-sac, and I didn't want to be seen. The idea was I'd get up early today to fit an outdoor bike ride after my indoor bike ride, but it was hard to get up this morning. Really hard. So instead, I did shoulder weights and a tricep weight exercise with the spare 15 minutes I had, after my indoor bike ride.
The indoor bike ride is always a MUST, because it helps loosen up my hips and lower back for the day. I drink my coffee and read social media & news on my phone while I ride in the basement. So good for my heart and my mind.
I decided that I do not need to buy a plant for my workspace. Perhaps I can bring one of the more tolerate plants from home to visit for a day or so, instead. However, I did purchase a burgandy ficus plant/tree yesterday. It's beautiful. I think my ficus collection is complete, and I'm very happy now with all of the plants that I have. There is only 1 more plant that I want to add, but not until I have both my plant room and Son's room organized and set up, to determine where the last plant will go, and only if it seems right.
OK, it's time to face the day. I'm expecting a larger amount of new contracts, because the Fed will be raising interest rates this week, and folks want to get into the market before they do go up. People don't really understand what all of that means, except that they'd better spend their money now, before it's "too late".
Anyway, I hope I'm wrong about a lot of contracts. Replacement Kid is leaving at noon today. 5-6 people are interviewing today. Exciting times! But I just want to get through the day and come home. Yoga tonight.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
All in all, it wasn't a bad Monday. Having interviewees was kind of exciting. It's nice to meet new people.
Succulent Project #1 - repotting work plants.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
I remembered to weigh in this morning, but decided against it. Saturdays are weigh-in days, and I am in a good place eating-wise, that I want to give it a little bit more time to see what I can accomplish with moderate eating. So next weekend I will weigh in. Everyone needs a break now and then.
With yesterday being so shaky, emotionally speaking, I actually did manage to accomplish quite a bit (in my book):
Well, this doesn't seem like much of a list, but it filled my day.
We were thrown for a bit of a loop when we received the corrected title to Son's car, in yesterday's mail. So this week, Husband will work on selling the car, and I have made it known that if I need to take time off of work to help with this, I will.
All I can say is that this is a HUGE step in letting go...
While I was typing out comments on yesterday's entry, about the work drama, I realized that now that New Gal has moved her desk, she is as far away from me as possible - WOO HOO! So see, this truly is a good thing, the right thing. I almost missed this blessing!
I did a search last night to see what kind of plants would grow well under flurescent lights, and I have a few options available to me. I think I might get one of those for my desk, to keep me company. I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I've always moved all plants I've received to sunny areas of the office, which of course, are nowhere near where I sit..
I did well with eating yesterday too. I had a moderate lunch and dinner, and only a small piece of chocolate cake for dessert, after dinner had digested. I'm not sure it's tasty enough to eat the rest of it. It's been in the freezer for a while. I got sick of seeing it, so I've started dividing it up, 3 pieces at a time. This was the first chunk - there are 2 more chunks of cake to divide up in this manner as well. But like I said, I'm not sure about the quality. I'm going to ask Daughter her thoughts.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
Thank goodness the weekend is here! I'm taking today a lot slower, not accomplishing too much this morning, and that's OK. There's a ton of stuff that can be done, needs to be done, but I'm not so sure how much of it will actually happen THIS weekend.
I forgot to weigh in this morning! Ha ha -- remember I wrote about self-sabotage? Well, I guess I meant it. I will try to remember to weigh in tomorrow morning, or maybe I'll just wait until next Saturday.
So at work, Male Co-Worker only mentioned to New Gal about changing desks, and before I knew what was going on, New Gal was moving into the nicest desk space in our office. She said her boss (Associate Attorney) said it was OK to do so, so without any approval from the real Boss (the owner of the firm), she's moving into the office that Queen Bee and then Mistakes Girl had. Meanwhile, I am still stuck in a windowless office space with no privacy, next to a bathroom (where I can hear all of the bathroom activity, if you know what I mean). I told the Boss that I have been with him for 10 years, a faithful servant, and I'm still stuck at this crappy desk. Male Co-Worker finally told me, "(Donkey), you will never be able to leave this desk because the Boss wants you here."
ARGHHH!!! OK, so this wouldn't be such a big deal except that New Gal - without tell me or asking me - starts moving all of my plants to her old empty desk. Um... these are mine. Can you ask me to move them, instead? Would that courtesy be too much to ask for? I guess so. She doesn't ask for anything. She takes and does what she wants.
But I realized yesterday afternoon, that it's probably just as well that I don't have the nicer office space because I would fill it with plants, and that could cause more drama & problems that I might take personally.
I'm feeling kind of lost this weekend, and I know part of it is suppressed grief. I do have things to do - things that I might even like to do, but I'm just having trouble getting started. Even with the plant stuff I have to do - yes, even this is difficult. Because of the office space drama, though, I brought home 2 of my plants to put into proper pots. Also, Hannah Banana is getting so big, she needs a new pot already!
Gym, laundry, tending to plants, start organizing the plant room (HARD), organize bedding to donate to the high school band boosters this next week. I'm very conflicted about this, because I'm getting rid of Son's bedding, which we got from my mother-in-law. It was a very nice & quite functional set, including curtains, valences, etc., but I never cared for the colors or style, so I think I am glad to be rid of it and make a helpful contribution... but to be honest, there are mixed feelings, a lot of them.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
one good thing about staying at your desk is that you do not have to move - i have moving!
next, yeah, she should have asked you about your plants. you can indeed take them back or some of the back, whatever. if there's more sun there, you may want to keep them there. don't take offense.
you should see the nonsense that went on at my job yesterday. young girl threatened me i better not tell the boss that she left early. she left around 1hr15min early to go home. maybe she shouldn't tell tales about me to the boss and then maybe i'd actually WANT to help her. she is an idiot! of course i don't plan to tell him, but doesn't she realize to treat people well and maybe they'll want to be nice to you?
i think it's smart to get rid of the bedding, etc, that you do not care for. that sounds logical to me. xo.
it's ok to have a low key weekend or day.
I'm probably overreacting about the plants anyway. It just gets under my skin that she takes such liberties, but I think a lot of that is just her personality. Like we both concluded, this way is for the best. Oh I just had an amazing revelation - I'll mention it in today's entry!
At least I'm not alone with nonsense co-workers, it would seem. I feel your pain.
i have also needed to take less/move vacation days around as I have the long vacation i'm going on in February and that is almost at the end of our vacation year (it ends April 1). so i have to wait out this year until then, so i am paid for all those days off i want to take! :)
anyways, try not to resent the desk changes or vacation changes...take the paycheck...and relax and live you life on your own terms. take your lunch walks, too. i wish i could do those, then i would prob go home to relax and that's it on nights where i do not have weights. right now, it is not part of the plan for us to take walks and i don't plan on changing that precedent. not worth it, at all. and who anyway wants to sweat in the heat out there....but it's good exercise; and nice to do before heading home for the day if it was possible....
I have struggled with eating issues for so long, that this feels like a relief, and truly where I want to be, if I can sustain it.
Disclaimer: Yesterday, I did not mean to imply that Jacky was using her fish hobby to compensate for her grief. I only meant to convey the magnitude of the feeling of loss. I, on the other hand, AM using plants to try to fill the void (LOL), but it's also turning out to be a nice hobby for me, too. Still, I'm glad that I've realized that I need some moderation.
Well, I lost my Fitbit. I wear it around my ankle with a snap-on strap, and sometimes it comes unsnapped. I usually can feel when it falls off, but yesterday I didn't. It's not at home, it's not in the car. I'm hoping it's at the office, and not outside on yesterday's walk route. Don't misunderstand me - I'm greatly bothered by this, BUT it was time to let this thing go, and maybe this was just Fate's way of making it happen, because I couldn't do it myself. I have my Garmin, it's time to move forward with the future, and not hold onto things of the past. The Fitbit was expiring anyway, which was the reason for getting the Garmin. I just couldn't stop tracking with the Fitbit too, but now I have to.
I just realized that Monday will be an interesting day, because the Boss, New Guy, and Male Co-Worker will be involved with interviews pretty much the whole day. There are at least 4 scheduled, and we're trying to get 1-2 more scheduled. That will keep the Boss busy and out of my hair with trivial conversation.
I've had to move my vacation in September because Queen Bee has also taken that week off, and I need somebody to cover my desk. So I moved it to the next week, 2nd to the last week in September. I could resent this, but I've chosen to see that perhaps this change is for the best. I'm not sure our new person will be up to speed to cover my desk by the end of September.
Eating yesterday was still good. I slipped a little after work. I had a cereal bowl's worth of tortilla chips, because dinner was going to be much later than usual. That held me, along with keeping busy with my plants, until Husband came home with dinner at around 6:30pm. That's late for us!
I am going to get rid of some plants this weekend. There are 5 of them - all of the same kind - that I don't particularly care for, and they seem to have some kind of fungal infection. I will compost them, and make more room for plants that I actually want & like. I'm also thinking about starting to work on organizing the plant room, unless something else comes up. I need to approach it with baby steps or it will feel completely overwhelming.
I did not do yoga last night. Watched TV with the Husband, but we both ended up dozing off. Stayed up too late. I'm so glad it's Friday.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
I hope you have a nice weekend!
Another successful eating day! I just realized how fortunate I am to be in this place right now, to have the opportunity and time to focus on getting a handle on eating. I just seem to be in the right frame of mind to get through the stress & drama at work, to stay steady on eating course. And I've been able to carry this on into the evening at home. Last night for dessert, I had a small spoon of ice cream for dessert and a cup of decaf. That was it. No second helpings at dinner - gaged that well. Ate slowly, let my food settle.
Yesterday, when I was taking my lunchtime walk, enjoying the company of trees, thinking about the next plant or 2 (or 3 or 4) that I'd like to add, when I said to myself, "There aren't enough plants in the world to fill the hole in my heart." And then I thought of Jacky and said, "There aren't enough fish in the ocean to fill the hole in her heart." It's a sobering feeling to have. Turns out, it seems as though, from her comment to me, that Jacky has been feeling a hole in her heart as well. She's very wise to realize that eventually the hole will scab/scar over, and life goes on, I suppose, right? But that void will always be there.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
Day 2 of successful eating at work completed. AND it was a double success day because not only did I moderate what I ate at dinner, but I was satisfied with having just decaf after dinner and did not have ANY dessert. No, not even a square of dark chocolate.
I am considering - just thinking about - not weighing in on Saturday, because I KNOW I'm on the right track and I do NOT want to do ANYTHING to discourage myself. IDK, I'm thinking about it...
Work continues to be drama-filled, with the law firm become more fractured and less efficient at every turn. We're actually more like 3 separate firms trying to work together, and it's not working. I guess the Ideal Candidate never got back to us, so now they are trying to set up interviews with less-than-ideal interviewees. In the meantime, we're plodding along with Replacement Kid who is incompetent, and as he's temporary, not worth the investment to train in some of the things that need to be implemented now.
I am not OK. I mean, maybe I am: I get up, I get cleaned up, I exercise, I eat, I talk to people, I function. But inside, I am screaming. Yesterday, I could have stayed a little later to do some easy tasks, but realized that if I didn't get out of there ASAP, I would just start screaming outloud - like I just couldn't keep it compacted on the outside any longer. Once I left, I was able to relax a bit, until I got home.
At home, we're all trying to keep ourselves together, but it's clear to me that Husband is struggling. I'm sure that in her own way, Daughter is struggling too, but it's harder for me to tell, mainly becasue I don't see a lot of her.
I've stopped exercising after dinner. I usually do chores and then just go upstairs. It doesn't help that it's very hot and buggy outside right now, even in the evenings. (I'm speckled with mosquito bites that don't itch!) Last night, I went upstairs at 7:30pm and just did who-knows-what for 2.5 hours, turning off the lights at 10pm. So maybe it's time to start doing some yoga at night.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
i hear you on the work drama. i have some too; but it's not worth the energy to write about it bc most of it is totally bc of the 24yo who is choosing to act really immature and tattle on me for things that are not at all things to tattle about. she doesn't realize that she does so much wrongs; takes and is entitled is what she thinks she can do...and she doesn't see it...she just sees ways to make others look bad and trying to get me in trouble but the issue is i didn't really do anything wrong. anyways, it's not worth writing about as it's very, very immature of her to do what she did - trying to make me look bad while i was off yesterday. not nice. therefore, i will not help her at all anymore. or give her anything. she doesn;t realize you can't act one way and have people want to help you too!
I hear you, Donkey. You really push yourself to do a lot. you do not have to always push. it is ok to rest; and i know you are also talking about your loss. it is still early. take it easy now, it is summer. try not too push too much and maybe rest more...
whatever you choose, you can get thru this. and we are all here for you. you can write here and we can try to help you with our advice.
your entry at the beginning was so encouraging (to yourself) in what you have been up to. don't talk yourself out of it. you are worth it.
I'm still thinking about Saturday's weigh-in. If I know in my heart that I'm on the right track, then weighing in shouldn't make much of a difference either way.
I did very well with eating at work yesterday! I relied on eating (a lot of) fresh fruit, chai tea, and just sitting with the anxiety-hunger. I did have a 200 calorie dessert after yoga.
I had 8 new contracts come in. That's kind of busy for me. But once I prepped the contracts for Replacement Kid to open up the files in the database, I was only so-so busy. Being so-so busy is opportune for focusing on losing weight. I'm busy just enough to keep me occupied without having to get totally stressed out. I did feel some of that anxiety-hunger urge to stress-eat, but I had fruit and then I just sat with the feelings. It's manageable to do that (sit) when the stress is not overwhelming. I will not squander this opportunity to make improvements.
Associate Attorney's family has COVID again. This is like the 3rd or 4th time. It seems to hit every time his daughter from Ireland comes to visit. So, presuming he's telling us the truth about his family, I'm back to mask-wearing at work. AA tested negative yesterday afternoon. I imagine he'll test again this morning, to see if he tests positive. Maybe, maybe not. I'm guessing whatever will allow him to stay at home is what he'll do.
Our lunch with the title company on Wednesday has been canceled because our rep has COVID.
This reminds me: we're getting one of the copiers/scanners replaced this morning. This should mean chaos for those who use the machine. It's not clear to me which machine is getting replaced.
Yoga was nice last night, but oh boy could I tell that I hadn't practiced in 2 weeks. While I wasn't aware of any pain or tightness, my hips were SO tight! Poses that have been easy in the past were ouchy-ouchy last night. I need to make my yoga practice a priority -- for my own good.
No weights today, and not planning any tonight. With this break, I should be ready to do something on Wednesday, weight-training related.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
I do eat meals - I'm not talking about restricting meals. Seriously, I could eat constantly from the minute I step into the office until I leave.
I had the tv on yesterday and a talk show was on - and the guest was Bob Harper from the Biggest Loser and they were talking about the heart attack he had, he was saying he thought he was the healthiest person ever until that heart attack. He said you also have to take care of and know your inside health and this completely changed the way he worked out...he now does all kinds of yoga. So this is inspiring. I may try to start yoga...thanks for always talking about it.
Bob Harper is 100% -- I'll confess to you that the main reason I started weight training with the intent of building muscle was so that I could do more of the yoga moves, which require strength to hold.
they inject around your head where you have the most hairloss. i have paid for it; and if the place still offers it in September and i do not have to get a refund (i don't plan on it!) with groupon, i will do it after my bday, after the summer. i bought a groupon for actually 2 sessions, i already know that 3 are needed so i bought it for two since the price was so good, and like i said i figure it's best to do come fall when i'm not in the sun as much or wanting to wear hats at the beach...woman on phone was talking about not wearing a hat when getting it done; and also i don't want to have marks on my head near the front where i have hair loss or any reactions until after my bday!
they inject around your head where you have the most hairloss. i have paid for it; and if the place still offers it in September and i do not have to get a refund (i don't plan on it!) with groupon, i will do it after my bday, after the summer. i bought a groupon for actually 2 sessions, i already know that 3 are needed so i bought it for two since the price was so good, and like i said i figure it's best to do come fall when i'm not in the sun as much or wanting to wear hats at the beach...woman on phone was talking about not wearing a hat when getting it done; and also i don't want to have marks on my head near the front where i have hair loss or any reactions until after my bday!
nice to go back to yoga after a couple weeks. it's only natural to be tighter, so it's good you got back into it! :)
I realize I should have been more clear about what I'm feeling at work and how I react by eating. I still have breakfast at home, a morning snack (fruit & almonds), lunch, and an afternoon snack (fruit or vegetable, with 1 TSBP of granola or nuts).
I would like to practice yoga at home on my own, with YouTube, but I never seem to get to that point of doing it. However, my after dinner routine has changed recently, so maybe this is the time to start doing it.
It was hard to get out of bed this morning. I have very little motivation to go to work today. It is a beautiful day outside, but that's not why I have no motivation to go to work.
I ate way too much dinner last night. I'm not sure why I went up for second helpings, but I know that having a glass of wine beforehand did me no good - really no good. It went to my head, and so I think some of the eating was to try to counter the fuzziness in my head. Also, feeling fuzzy in the brain seemed to turn off any hope of moderation.
Today is a new day. I rode my bike for 45 minutes so that I would have time to do bicep weights (DONE - 3 sets of 2 exercises, but it's something). Tonight is yoga after a 2-week hiatus.
Definitely working on eating in moderation this week. This is my #1 goal. I'm moving the trail mix packets to a far away location. I'm drinking more herbal tea (hot or cold), because water is my #2 goal.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
That is a good amt of bike riding before work!!!!
Good idea to move the tempting things farther away.....it gives you more time to decided how important they really are to you and lets you change your mind. It takes away the tendency for mindless eating...the kind of thing that you suddenly realize what you are doing halfway through the pkg.
serving sizes are hard for me to control, i leaned a lot onto veggies yesterday large amount at lunch as well as other low cal items to help me...
last night with it being so late and not a real dinner, it was easy to snack on a few milanos; and then since cals were still on low side, i had the chips...followed by another bag just bc i knew i had the low cals...but usually i wouldn't want 400 cals of cookies/chips in one sitting, only bc cals were low. still, 400 cals in one sitting, without a meal also, worked...not sugguesting that approach, but saying it's a way still to limit cals...just to have the snack or just to have the sweets vs. a meal and sweets. like, at work, if you did lots of cooked or raw veggies, followed by a pack of trail mix...that would work for me if i had the hot cooked veggies, a lot, and trail mix...i could work that in..maybe a few crackers with hot veggies; and trail mix as a meal that combo...thinking outside the box...how to be satisfied and eat what you want...
My daughter has thinning hair in front.
I realize I still haven't tried the Rogaine.
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are the succulents below going to be further repotted or is the photo below the actual repotting?
horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
oops reading up, i see it's the photo of the actual repotting :)
:-)
horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
that is great that the new gal is far away from you...this is best when you do not want to see/work with/run into a coworker...you get me. this is what helps me at work too...all our desks are separated as much as humanly possible in the trailer...people have their own offices or the desks have walls or subdivisions and are along the permiter also. it was planned well in terms of the most privacy available.
next, good idea re a plant that needs indirect sunlight. my "rubber plant," that is the nickname, that i got a branch from neighbors to replant is such a plant that has very shiny leaves and was once actually used to produce rubber or help make it...that is why it has the name...this plant does not need direct sunlight. lately my blinds are closed until it's cooler / more sun if i'm home during day on weekend to operate the a/c...anyways, the plant grows well in INDIRECT light. I was happy to read that; as it's perfect for an apt plant that is not always needing direct sun...
Did I mention that the last plant I bought on Sunday was a rubber plant? It's a "burgundy" ficus which means the leaves are darker with a reddish tint. It's so beautiful - and when the leaves are polished with neem oil, they shine so nicely!
I'll write more about New Gal and office drama. I just need to step away from all of that.
horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
i did what you did for my dinner yesterday. i reached for too many extras without really calculating or remembering until the end. i wasn't calculating or keeping track well at the time of grabbing each item...also the extra desserts at lunch had placed me calorically higher even before dinner...seems you had a similar thing going on reaching for an extra at dinner.
yeah, a hot dog in bun is equivalent of a slice of pie...and without bun equivalent of a couple cookies. 2-4 cookies.
maybe now you can use garage for your car during winter weather. i think you had said you didn't use it last year.
i've also been lessening on my outdoor bike rides as it was too hot lately or i ran out of time.
It was just the hot dog - no bun - so an extra 120 calories. I could live with that.
legcramps on 07/26/2022:
That would have been a long day yesterday, you had a lot going on. Hopefully the bike ride tonight will help you to recharge!
Ohhh, you know Donkey - I ended up making the long day longer, by washing the carpeted staircase in my home. A LOT of work, but so glad it's done. So I was rather following your "deep cleaning" theme :-)
Jacky82020 on 07/26/2022:
You’re doing terrific under very difficult circumstances. You’re strong & brave.
Thank you -- I'm not sure it feels that way. You know what I mean? I'm sure you do, because I can see that you're productive in your day (e.g. putting together that lovely fish tank!), and yet, inside, the emotions are all over the place.
YOU are strong & brave too, my friend. (((hugs)))
bearcountrygg on 07/26/2022:
Im hear you about the second helpings...I always come away from the table sorry that I had done that........at the moment it's tempting but later it's uncomfortable.
And the thing is, I'm not even sure the 2nd hot dog tasted all that great, as it had cooled down a bit. Darn it!