Happy Saturday! I felt it for a little bit when I woke up, but now I'm struggling a little bit with negative feelings that I was experiencing last night. It sort of feels like I'm breathing through a straw, but on an emotional level. I can still breath, but I'm feeling a tightness or restriction (sadness) that is uncomfortable.
This sadness is work-related - nothing confrontational, or anything like that - just a sadness that things are not right, and there's nothing I can do, it seems. I was reminded by Horn's words this morning: Just do the work -- and so that's what I'm going with. I actually feel better writing that down here. I think it will end up being a good day after all.
Let me just say though, it's not only New Gal not following our established procedure, but also now there is nastiness (poop related) in the staff bathroom. So now I'm being forced out of the staff bathroom too - because I can only change my actions, not the actions of others. Dirty toilet seat, and TP that should be flushed but someone has decided to put in the wastepaper basket for all to see. That is just gross, and for me, pretty much touching on the line of unacceptable.
I took a mini-vacation to get away and think. I did that, and came back to more things to think about, except NOW I don't have the quiet time to think about things. This week, I didn't even have much time to read, much less think!
Back to diet stuff...
I did make a list of October goals for myself, but I am keeping them offline.
I'm quite pleased to see that I have lost 2 pounds. There's always this underlying fear that if I weight train heavy, that I will GAIN weight with muscle mass. My weight training goals are undefined at this point - I'm just doing it. I'm not so focused on the number on the scale, but rather what I can physically accomplish when lifting, how my pants feel, and my appearance. I don't mean "appearance" so much as a vanity thing, but rather seeing muscle definition (trying to peek through, but still kind of mushy).
I love (love, LOVE, *love*, love, love, LOVE, *LOVE*) cardio, but I really think that weight training is the answer to being able to eat more and still get the results I want. I'm finding that it helps with yoga moves too, so that's a double-win.
Today is a "relax" day with food, but honestly, I'm not so sure that I've been very vigilent in what I eat. I can't say that I've been "eating clean" or restricting calories (dieting), even during the week, so I'm not sure how much there is to "relax" about.
Today, there will be time to read, time to rest, maybe a little time to think - not like when I go away, though as weekend thinking is not as effective - but it's a start, I suppose.
Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
A new month with potential and possibilities. I am really looking forward to this month, and I'm not even sure why. I think it has to do with the cooler temperatures. What a blessing. This has been a warmer week, and today will be quite warm (high of 86), but the cool-off keeps promising to come soon. The unusually warm summer has made me anticipate autumn and winter with much more enthusiasm.
I won't know for sure until I weigh-in tomorrow, but it looks like the 1st month of maintenance has gone relatively well.
Yesterday, Mistakes Girl came up to me and said that she and I make a good team --- bless her heart! I was so touched by this.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
Obviously, I'm going to have a really hard time with climate change, with hotter temperatures and drier weather.
Just bought a $5 box of Holiday Greeting cards.
Ordered stamps from USPS the other day. Said free 2-3 day shipping & $35 for 1-2. Guess which I chose? And in today’s delivery per their daily alert.
It's interesting you all are still getting the hot weather. we have been cooler. Our mornings, it's around low 60's and feels cooler. some nights are dipping into 50's i think. Our days only see up to 70F, if that, this week. it's been wonderful, that type of weather, for walking after work!
It's wonderful that already you have one month of maintenance happening for you. you can totally do this. you have learned so much on the maintenance level!
That's wonderful that you and mistakes girl can be friendly and hold each other up at work. i'm sure she is SO THANKFUL for you both as a friend and also for fixing her mistakes ;) hahaha. but, i do mean for both reasons!
Oh my word... Work is so busy. This is nuts. It should not be like this. I was so overwhelmed, trying to keep up, that I started making mistakes. I would read an email, say I'm going to act on it, and then move on, NOT acting on it. 20 minutes later, I'd remember that I hadn't acted, so then I'd do so, but I'm sure I missed a couple of these. It's better to let the emails just accumulate and take care of each task as it comes along. I will do this today.
On Monday, I had 2 important conversations on files, and when we revisited these files the next day, he had totally forgotten our conversations, couldn't recall anything, or was giving opposite advice to clients than what we had discussed. So I'm saying one thing to the clients, based on what Boss told me, and Boss is telling the clients something completely different. This is very stressful to me, and makes my job all that more difficult. My first reaction is impatience, which is not good. But seriously, being so busy, I don't have TIME to go over things that just happened the day before.
The Boss isn't looking too well lately either. I mean, I know we're all getting older, but he seems to be aging more noticeably so this year. His heart attack was 2 years ago, but it seems as though this is the year that it has really caught up with him, maybe.
September Re-Cap:
I had an awesome leg weight-training workout last night, too, so I'm surprised that I didn't feel that this morning. Legs feel find this morning. Makes me wonder if what I'm doing is truly effective. But my new workout schedule for weight-training, yoga, and active rest has worked well.
Did a too-short meditation at work yesterday. It helped, but it really needed to be longer than 2 minutes. 5 minutes is really decompressing, but it's just hard to step away when we're busy. Mistakes Girl is busier than I am, and I don't want to leave her with answering the phones because I've stepped out for 5 minutes. I was not consistent enough this month, in doing a regular meditation on workdays. It's too bad, too, because it really does help a LOT.
I've done well with eating more protein, especially in the morning. I realized why I was so hungry on Tuesday afternoon -- I forgot to eat my afternoon protein snack (cottage cheese)!
I did very well with my push-ups goal, missing only 1 day because I forgot. I remembered several times, but then never got done to doing my 3 sets.
I haven't had much time to think about October goals, yet.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
Does your job slow down in the winter so you can relax? Traditional wisdom ‘twas once winter better for buyers because sellers aren’t selling.
This season has really pushed our limits. We're all exhausted, overwhelmed. Picture working at the full capacity for 4 months straight, when usually it's 2.5 months.
Discomfort causes change. I am not uncomfortable enough to make big changes in my life, at least right now. Also, making big changes takes courage, and self-esteem to do this, and this is where I'm sadly lacking. Several years ago, I was fired from a job. I won't go into specifics, but suffice it to say that it was a HUGE drama, damaged me very badly. It had taken me a long time to rebuild myself to become employable again. It's not so much that I feel that I owe my Boss a debt to stay, because he had enough faith in me to hire me after all of that trauma, but more so that I don't want to revisit this previous trauma, even though it's completely different circumstances.
I think that's why I wish my Boss would cut back, so that I could cut back too and exit gracefully, or maybe stay part-time for a few hours a week, to pick up the slack.
I mentioned to Mistakes Girl yesterday, about this wanting to "cut back" at the office, go to part-time, and she said that she would quit if I did that. Ha ha ha... Well, I feel the same way about her, if she were to quit, which, if she gets pregnant again, will happen. (Even if she's out for 9 months, because of her high-risk status, it would be a lengthy absence, so pretty much the same thing as quitting.)
Anyway, thank you so much for listening and holding my hand through this part of my journey, which isn't really diet related at all. I think what I'm going to try is to make changes in other areas of my life that are smaller and positive (or less risky). For example, figuring out my yoga situation, or scheduling the personal trainer. A new hair color?
Woke up very early today (4:24am) and got up. Had a very good lower body weight session, but took it a little easier on the cardio. Yep, I think I'm good with that.
Did OK with eating. I stayed late at work - SO BUSY - and got REALLY hungry. It was SO HARD not to go downstairs into the kitchenette to grab some nuts, but I resisted and had a diet Coke instead. Came home far too hungry and had several bites of foods that I might otherwise be stronger to resist: French fries (maybe 10?) and onion rings. But I had a salad with my sandwich, which I cut into thirds and ate 1/3 of it.
After weight training last night, though, I did drink a protein shake. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do, but it did help settle me.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
I'm my own worst critic.
If you choose to stay which is your decision, your wish that your boss will do this or that is out of your control - so just be open to knowing things will keep changing - but you will keep receiving a paycheck. that doesn't seem to be changing for many, many months (fingers crossed)
i like your hair color the current dark way.
protein shake is good after workout. i can't do late shakes at night, i'll pee all night lol.
sounds like you are doing good with eating! good idea to cut sandwich for multiple meals. i like this approach a lot.
Following this example, an Arby's Reuben sandwich will last me 4 meals.
I am not ready to change because not enough around me has changed, to make me want to change for myself. Really, really sad. That is not being pro-active in my life. That is not being the master of my donkey destiny. That is not taking life by the reins. That is Donkey, stuck in a stable, until she is led to a new pasture or hooked up to a new wagon. That is living a passive life, waiting for changes to come to me.
Yesterday was so busy at work. I missed my morning meditation, and I mean, I *really* missed it. I kept thinking how nice it would be to take a time-out to breathe and stretch, but if I could only finish "one more thing", then maybe I'd get a chance. The problem is that there were like a hundred "one more thing's" to take care of. This busy-ness had nothing to do with me being gone, either. It was a busy, busy day anyway, and it's going to be a busy, busy week. And by the number of new contracts coming in, October is going to be busy-busy too.
The thing that is frustrating me is that the Boss keeps saying, "Things will slow down, we're headed into the colder months" - but things aren't slowing down. The only thing slowing down is HIM.
Yesterday's yoga: A lot of the usual poses. It feels very stale. But it was a GOOD stretch, and I really did need that. Here's another thing in my life that needs a change.
Today's weight training (upper body) was great, but too short. I want/need to try to get to work early today, to work on opening contracts because New Gal didn't get to all of them. (We're having problems with New Gal, and it's not just me now.) Plus, there are some house duties I have to get to before I leave, and that's always extra pressure to rush a bit. Oh well, the house stuff I'm not going to worry too much about.
Right now, I'm a bit of a jumble in my thoughts and feelings.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
The last time I got stuck in a snow rut, I needed help to get out. I wonder if that is applicable here. Maybe that's why I keep talking about this, LOL...
I think I'll write more about this today, so I'm cutting this reply short.
Bear has many good points, especially her top paragraph to you. i wonder about the movie happy mentioned ;)
Donkey, do your work but you aren't the owner. just do what you can so you have no regrets but that's it. the boss has to figure it out (the owner). just be aware that you'll have to make a move later, unless someone asks you to continue to work with them.
i guess you have to go with whatever is happening at your office.. i think you are going to see many more changes still. you tend to "feel" change and how others are feeling...i think it will be tough until the end...whatever that is. especially bc you've been there awhile. how many years are you there? i forgot.
i think that your reality, by staying, is that the reality is going to be changes until the end. especially if boss is getting ready to leave or lessen his work and someone else possibly take over. as long as you are working, i think you will just be seeing all the change happen. if you are an asset, you may be able to continue to work with the younger guy ?
i def do not know. i'm just guessing.
but there's obviously a lot more changes to occur. some would have left because they would have had enough of it. but staying can also help you...maybe you will get an in somewhere...
You are right: Just do the work. And that is what I will do for today.
Another hot day here today - high of 88F. Not quite time to put away the capri pants for work and shorts for play (exercising).
Not only was I out of the office on Friday, but so was Nice Lady (went to NYC) and the Boss (went downstate IL for wife's high school reunion). New Guy is out of the office W-F this week at a "work-related" conference in San Diego, that has no direct benefit to the law firm, but the Boss said he could go. Then Male Co-Worker begins a series of long weekends for family-related trips.
My plan is to walk into that office today and handle one task at a time. There's not much else I can do. I must leave at 5pm tonight because there is yoga.
Trying to keep it light and positive, but I am feeling this tight feeling of dread in my chest.
Yesterday afternoon was quite pleasant and restful. I did some reading, revisiting a book I had started, found difficult to read, but have reached a point in the book where the information is interesting, applicable, and useful.
I was feeling a little munchy in the afternoon, into the evening. I had a protein shake and was able to move beyond that feeling. It really did feel more like "I'm lacking protein" versus "I'm feeling anxious." It's too bad that I did not take that opportunity AT LEAST TRY to apply some of the techniques I've been reading about how to manage and divert such feelings. I guess I didn't quite equate the two, that is, "This is how I'm feeling" and "Let's try this technique". A tad disappointing.
That's another realization I came to on Sunday. Through my readings, I've taken on a self-affirmation that says, "I am not afraid of change. I am open to change." But when I actually wrote down, "I am willing to change", I realized ... not really. I'm not REALLY willing to change right now. Also disappointing.
Hmm....
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
sounds like you MIGHT have less interruptions today as some folks are out. i'm sure you'll get distracted by new girl though, but i don't think you actually work with her much.
you can't finish everything all the time so just do whatever you can today and don't forget to also care for you! :) i hope you can do what you can do today and are content with it...
i think you did great with the protein shake when you were hungry, instead of bingeing or having a lot of unncessary eating.
i really don't agree that you are not ready for change. you are more than you think you are. NOBODY ever feels 100% ready for change (well, most people). for instance, it's never the "perfect time" for most people to move or buy a house...or make big decisions. but whether you are ready or not; some changes will have to occur. and i feel you will be able to do it. have confidence,you are stronger and smarter than you think.
I think that I'm not ready to change because not enough around me has changed. There you have it.
A later day entry for me. This Sunday and last, I've gotten into the mindset of getting to the gym early "to get it out of the way" of the rest of the day. Hmm... I'm not sure that's the most positive approach, but as long as it gets done, I suppose no harm. I try to get back home before Daughter has to leave for work, so that I can see her, even if it's only for 5 minutes or so. The gym was only OK, but I'm still glad that I went and I'm glad that it's open. My knee is a little achy today, and we'll see how my hips feel tomorrow.
I took a look at the strength training class that I've been thinking about signing up for (at the gym). There are 3 rows of about 5 stations, and the last row looked empty. I won't make any friends being in the back row by myself, but for now, that would be OK with me.
There are also 3-4 yoga classes that I would suit me and my availability, to sign up for, for free, at the gym. So I think once I'm done with my 20-class pass on Zoom, I will check them out (maybe one every week). If getting back into a studio is what I need, then that should fit the bill.
The personal training responded to my email, asking for availability. Ha ha ha ha! Like I have free time -- remember that argument I had with Husband about no free time during the week, a couple of weeks ago? I might make an exception, since this is a one-time session, or maybe try to meet on the weekend.
So any of these points up above would make excellent goals for October, right? *sigh* No push-ups for October. I've decided that daily physical challenges work best on shorter months that don't have 31 days in them. Not sure about diet goals. Will I go back to tracking macros for a month?
I think the rest of today will be a quieter day. Husband takes his shot today, for his disease, so he's not feeling well today. Poor guy, he was talking about going to the gym together or maybe a local hike --- for me. I told him that it would be OK if we had a quiet day today. I might "push" him a little bit to hike next weekend. Not like our vacation, but just for an hour or so, since it's local. Chair yoga starts up again in October, so I'm trying to encourage him to go. He doesn't want to do it while wearing a mask, but I thought that we should at least try it with a mask to see if it's really all that bad or not, before he cancels it. The instructor will understand, and so will I.
I'm not even going to think or worry about work until I get there. It is what it is.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
Are you thinking of getting a personal trainer? I remember the gym i belonged to years ago had them.
Once a nice old lady invited me to her yoga class. I went just to be nice. They all sat in chairs & held neckties over their heads & stretched. Think it was at the community rec center. I hated it, but most were fat & old, so it was great for them. At the end, everyone walked up to a table & gave her a dollar.
Any kind of exercise is always better than none.
My problem is that I don't know what my goals really are. I know it involves weights. Do I want to lift heavier? Do I want to build bulk? Will my body even allow any of this to happen?
I have to say, that is one of the advantages of where I work. The Boss doesn't seem to care very much about the work product, as long as it gets the job done. He gave me a letter to send out that had completely wrong formatting -- the thing was UGLY. I fixed the formatting and asked him to sign the letter again. I told him that it's OK to let me know if a letter or document isn't formatted correctly.
The strength straining sounds good. I remember I used to do yoga abs wasn’t near the best but after going quite a bit, I took a front row position anyways ;)
Free yoga sounds wonderful !
Yeah if I were in your place, I’d do the personal training session on the weekend so I could be more relaxed and ready to learn any new tips or machines so I could incorporate them in the future and not rushed just to get home
Thanks!
I think we should at least try it. For Husband, it's to get him out of the house, around other veterans, and if he gets some gains from stretching, breathing, relaxing, then all the better.
Donkey is back! And I am happy to be able to resume writing entries, which is much harder for me to do on my phone, when I'm away from my laptop at home.
Am I glad to be home? I'm not feeling that HUGE "Wow, am I GLAD to be home" feeling that I usually experience. Yes, I am glad to be home, but I am not so eager to get back into my routine. I'm eager to get back into exercising, and my tummy sure would appreciate getting back to normal eating. (I'll write more about this below.) My daughter has a wedding to go to this evening, so I'm looking forward not only to seeing her and chatting, but also to see her all dressed up, too.
I was very torn to weigh in this morning. Eating was quite indulgent this time. I realize that there are 2 types of eating while traveling:
I was quite relieved to see that today's weigh-in was not all that bad, just a slight gain, which I can live with.
Hiking was wonderful! Something about Wisconsin trails that is much more inviting and lovely than what we have here in Illinois. Think forest versus prairie, although this is not entirely accurate. Illinois has a lot of wooded areas, too, that are lovely. But in Wisconsin, the woods just seem more like woods, rather than trees that divide prairies. The hikes that we went on were definitely challenging - I'm not sure how Husband managed, but he was a trooper and a good sport.
We also had a good chat about our future. He really wants me to change jobs to Walmart. If I worked 5am-1pm, we would have more time available together. Something with a 401K, something with real insurance. I could not explain to him why I'm finding it so hard to leave where I'm at.
Then I come home and find out that one of my internet friends (I've been friends with this lady for over 20 years) is starting to work part-time at Walmart, as a shopper, just like I am/was thinking about doing, this weekend, to earn extra money -- or maybe it's for a change of pace? I'm not sure, but she's doing it. And I'm not. I'm still stuck. (I don't feel that I could do Walmart on a part-time basis either, becaue I really do need some down-time from my regular job. Maybe THAT way of thinking needs to change. Hmm...)
I also come home to another curveball that the 1 book I'm reading (the 5 regrets of the dying) is due today, being recalled a week before I thought it would be due. So I'm kind of rushing to finish the last 100 pages. I have 10 more to go, which I can do today. The part about her insights in pallative care is done, so she's wrapping up her story with "where I went from here with what I learned", which is not nearly as interesting as what she had learned from people in her care. So it's not a big deal about finishing the book, except that I feel rushed about it. I could just turn it in late, but I'd rather not. IDK, just feeling pressured and rushed, all over such a little thing. It's more of an annoyance than anything else.
Oh well, I'm going to try not to feel too pressed for much of anything today. If it gets done, great. And if it doesn't, oh well, there's always tomorrow.
Possible things to do today:
All in all, it was a good day. I have the evening to continue to relax and reset my mind. I had some sinus pressure this morning, and so I think that was a large contributor to feeling so stressed.
I plan to have a quiet evening tonight.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
I like this mantra: You cannot control things, only manage them. I am going to draw from this saying this week, and see where it takes me :-)
I agree with your friend's feelings about hiking. This time, too, I did have pain - a tightness behind the knees (probably due to the hills). Well, at least I know that my body made an effort!
Thank you for saying that about the difficulty of changing jobs. I hadn't quite acknowledged that to myself. If/when the time is right, I'll make my move.
I could never eat traveling as a do at home! Always overeat & have to lose it again, but big deal. That’s life for most ppl.
Can’t imagine doing Walmart part time & your regular job, unless they allow very few hours, idk, maybe 10-15? That way you could try it & quit if it sucks.
Oh, your woods sound wonderful!
I'm wondering why my internet friend decided to do this. Her full-time job is at a government agency.
Also, we stayed in a college town, but didn't go onto the campus. I could have - there's a walking route recommended to see the lay of the campus - but I think that would have been too much for Husband -- and maybe it would have been too much for me too. I mean to say, part of the reason for the trip was to rest as well.
Rest, refuel, and reset. The "reset" wasn't as complete as I had wanted/needed/hoped, but some of it was there.
How old is your internet friend? Could she be saving for something special like a house or car? Maybe wants to pay down some debts?
I'll have to ask her. We used to have a neighbor who worked at Walmart after his first just was done just to get away from his wife. So he'd work job 1 from 7am-3pm, come home, grab a dinner box, and head off to job 2 for the rest of the evening.
How old is your internet friend? Could she be saving for something special like a house or car? Maybe wants to pay down some debts?
i didn't think you'd be leaving comments while i was away; i thought you'd want to relax...how nice to get a few from you. you didn't have to though!!
that's cool your daughter is going to a wedding. i have heard of a few people going to those. glad some people are able to continue to start to do things as we did, sort of, pre-covid. and its nice for your daughter to experience.
it's nice to hear you enjoyed the food while away and took a break from your usual. you can, of course, do both...like a mix of you and your mom, but, if you want to view it as an "occasion," that is certainly your choice and i support you on that! You live your life!
I want to say this one thing; just hear me out. I am not sure how much longer you will live than your hubby, but it may be a lot. I am also not sure how he will progress with his issues. You cannot only switch jobs for him; it has to be the best for both of you (including you).
also, it's not hubby waking up to work at 5am. it would be you. you would get a lot of exercise if you are on your feet for your job, which is nice. and i'm SURE your body could get used to that.
i'm just offering my opinions, which may not be suitable for you. not sure.
also, i do feel you do not need a second job to your full time job. i have a coworker that is pretty high energy and turning 24 soon. she tells me she makes extra money (after the job she works with me and her THREE HOUR COMMUTE BOTH WAYS), by doing take out food deliveries driving around her neighborhood at night for the app...i forget the apps name right now..oh, DOOR DASH i think it is. well, that's fine and cool...and she does it she says bc she needs more money to pay her taxes on her house (yes, she has a house)...but honestly in my head i jsut feel she's young and has the time to fool around going her and there and not sleeping. i don't think she'll be doing this or working 2 jobs ever again after this time period. she'll prob get married and have a baby....
what i'm saying is, i don't think the 2 job scenario is right for you...and that it would be beneficial for you LONG TERM.
I hope you have a nice evening, too.
As I am up early to exercise anyway, I think I could get used to starting at 5am. I don't have to start at 5am. I can put my availability at 6am or 7am. I think I could handle all of the work-exercise, but what if I can't? What if I quit my job, start the Walmart job, and have foot or knee pain that makes it miserable? Then what?
But I have to agree, a 2nd job would not be ideal for me, not even as an way to "ease in" to working at Walmart (full time or otherwise).
I was glad to comment. I didn't totally disconnect from the media world. We didn't have a TV in our room, but I would check my usual websites, and Husband did listen to the news on the radio for a little bit.
so her reality now shall change i am sure...door dash i cannot see for her future...but it serves its purpose now, i guess. she could have saved more or planned better or who knows how much she puts in her 401k to save too....i just see her as 23 turning 24 and doing everything she can in a short amount of time; as most young people tend to do more in my opinion.
With me, the cost of childcare never made it worthy to me to work outside of the home. I'd end up breaking even, or maybe even lose money by working outside of the home. Financially not worth it, but... damn it, I think I would have been a happier mom, wife, woman, person, had I been able to stay working, at least a little bit.
I will probably live to be in my 90's. Most folks in my direct family line have lived to be in their early 90's. I am 9+ years younger than my husband, and he has a lot of health issues. The irony with AS (the disease he has) is that it's life-shortening, so one ends up living a very long, compromised, painful life. So maybe we'll be together for a long time.... But the math says that yes, I will have a considerable amount of time on my own.
i think you'd be fine on your feet. and could adjust your hours to make sure of it, but lessening hours at first or later.
Due to some things beyond his control, he doesn't draw from a well-funded pension (not enough years vested) but has 3 little pensions (again, because not enough years vested to make it to the higher tiers) that are keeping us afloat. I'm not sure if I get any "surviving spouse" benefit if he passes away. I have a small life insurance policy on him, to give me time to figure out things, if he should die.
It's important to me, though to know that I will land on my feet if something happens to him.
This afternoon, Husband and I leave for our long weekend getaway, and all I can feel is stressed that I'm not packed yet, and I have a ton of work to do, at work, before I leave. I'm worried about leaving Mistakes Girl so much work. I'm worried about all the work that wil be waiting for me on Monday. This so sucks.
Mistakes Girl and I had a nice private chat yesterday. She has it on good authority that if something should happen to the Boss,unexpectedly, where Boss cannot work, that the New Guy is to take over the running of the firm, not the older, more experienced Associate Attorney. This is in writing, so it will be. What a kick in the gut to Associate Attorney - I wonder if he knows. Nice Lady has already sort of figured it out.
I didn't tell MG that I don't want to work for New Guy -- BUT I did tell her that I have problems "meshing" with New Gal. (New Girl is 47 years old, so she's not really a "girl" - I will be calling her New Gal from now on.) And I do not want to work at the firm if Mistakes Girl isn't there to act as a buffer between the 2 of us.
Eating was OK yesterday. Upper body weights wasn't as good though, because I worked an hour of overtime, to get caught up for today, so that I could get as much done today as possible, before I leave. Lower body weight training this morning was only OK. The stress of everything kind of got in the way, plus, I didn't want to push myself and strain my back right before our hiking trip. So I held back a bit and it was nothing spectacular.
The nice thing about this trip is that we are coming back home on Friday afternoon, so I get a little longer at home. That probably defeats the "long weekend" thing, but I really just need those 2 days AT HOME. My mom recently mentioned to me that a 3-night stay anywhere seems to be the ideal limit for any trip. This is 2 nights... IDK I feel like I just need time to think and be.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
no no, you should go on this vacation. separate yourself from those worries. you will catch up little by little. it will be ok. don't worry about mistakes girl...well, don't worry for her. she has to do the work. if she makes mistakes, i would worry only about that !(but, later!) now is time to enjoy your trip. if you forget something or don't pack something, you can pick it up whereever you go. you will be OK!
try not to worry too much about "what will be" for the future of the firm. try to be in the moment. you may say now that you don't want to work for attorney if there's no buffer, but you may change your mind if it means you lose your job....but, that's for you to think about.
smart to hold back on a workout rather than cause injury. i would prob think of that, too.
when my life becomes a little too stressful, i also suffer in my workouts, like if i'm constantly losing sleep or too much OT. totally get that.
I LOVE time home after a trip. i'd do the same plan as you. you do you. homebodies like us like that recovery time at home - i love it.
If I ever see him when I drive down the road gonna yell out the window: GET COMPENSATED!!!
He is sharky looking. His dad & brother are attorneys too. The brother is a beefy tribal tattooed guy who has his big pic in the Sunday newspaper every week, Specializes in real estate! Makes me wonder.
So let me start by saying that overall, yesterday was an OK day, which isn't bad - not great, but not awful. Having said that, I will tell you that work just drained any sense of happiness or contentment that I had from the weekend, stomach problems or not. The most positive thing I can say is that at least I know that I wasn't alone in feeling that way, because Mistakes Girl has probably reached my level of fatigue/frustration that I have been operating at.
Just drowning in emails mostly, for me. I walk in to 32 emails to start my day. That is a high number, meaning it will be a busy day. I have to jump in and get started on chipping away at those right away or the emails will become uncontrollable. At least I did not have as many new contracts as Mistakes Girl had (because of New Guy). And New Girl was there all day, which helped, EXCEPT that I just don't like the way she opens up files. Of the 3 that I reviewed (for mistakes) that she opened, only 1 of them could pass. The other 2 have mistakes that require extensive data re-entry. I know that she won't learn if I don't say anything, but these were so bad that I don't even think it's a learning experience. It's just a redo.
So I put the new re-do files aside and left for the day at 5:15p - late for a yoga day. Dinner was a little rocky because Husband thinks that by talking louder, he'll become more clearer in what he's trying to communicate. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say - I think my brain was just on overload.
Yoga was pretty bad because the instructor's WiFi wasn't working well, and so it was very choppy. Also, I'm not sure what's going on with her, but I notice that she's not participating in the session as much any more. She sits and coaches me verbally through the moves. In a way, that's good, because she lets me know when I've gotten into the pose correctly or prompts me to make adjustments. I miss that about yoga in the studio.
I think I did OK with eating. Stayed up a little later because I went out with Daughter after yoga, to drop off cans at the animal shelter, and then to use coupons at the drug store to buy vitamins. It was so nice to spend time with Daughter, even at the expense of my own sleep. We had an interesting conversation about younger workers and older workers, and how they relate or don't relate. This was prompted by my realization that Male Co-Worker is a bitter old man. For someone who identifies as a Christian, I'm just amazed at the lengths of his meanness sometimes. TOXIC.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
I get vitamins/supplements online from Puritans Pride. Mostly for Matt, I don’t take many, he does. Some better prices than Walmart.
What is it with people I work with don't want to be with their spouses????
my male coworkers have many personalities. one tells me of his stresses, sadly. he's just stressed and wants to retire. he's only 57. i tell him not to forget about the good things in his life....i hope he'll be ok. he's just a kind man. i guess i should let him. i once went to him crying, on my bday, when i misinterpreted something a coworker said - i went into him and he made me feel a lot better. so, if he wants to share anything with me, i just have to give him some pep talk i guess..
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Congrats on the weight loss!
That TP situation is plain disgusting! Read it is common in other countries where it is not even possible to flush & always grosses tourists out.
HoP is right! Stay focused on your work. Let what you can’t change go.
Thank you!
Yeah, that TP situation is a deal-breaker. Honestly, I'm not using that bathroom any more.
Yep, just do the work. So moving forward, regardless of what I'm given, I just have to move forward with what I do, even if it means undoing or redoing incorrect work. It will make me busier than I need to be. If this is the case, then I will speak to my Boss about that, not saying So-And-So isn't doing her job correctly, but rather, Be aware that I'm doing extra work.
Horn_of_plenty on 10/02/2021:
yes, with the work situation, it's is not "your company," it's only the company you work for. be content you have done the work; and pass on the real worries to someone else. it is right at work...but what is right is determined by the boss, not you. so things are going to keep changing, the changes will not feel right as most people including myself like some things to remain the same, not always changing. do not worry, you've got this. you are showing up to do what you know how to do - leave the rest of the items for someone else to deal with. as long as you have work there, that should also make you feel content. you have other things you love, at home and your personal activities. there's change, that is ok to know it and think about it, you just try your best to just go with it. mistakes girl, not sure she'll even be able to go with it as well as you do - you have more experience generally, years in the business.
yes, that's nasty. sorry she doesn't know better. maybe she was trying not to clog the toilet, still, she could have put some fresh paper on top or something. sorry - yuck!
so, on this week, do your reading if you can, do what makes you happiest, of what you can.
i do agree, with weight lifting, you shouldn't be gaining pounds and pounds...and that once you really are maintaining, as you are, weight lifting can only help.
i also agree that cardio is very important, it's something i lack on a bit...and i do think you have a good cardio relationship - it's very important i feel for the long run and being able to do things on your own for life. i feel if a person is too sedentary, i always think they'll wind up in a wheelchair earlier late in life...from being in nursing homes often and visiting my grandmother, i saw this. she was always up and remained that way until the last 5 years of her life and only had issues bc of dementia which ruined her ability to keep muscle memory, etc. but with my sedentary ways, i always think that walking will help me because otherwise i'll wind up even earlier in that wheelchair bc most of my time is not spent cleaning/working at home/cooking as my grandmother did! she was partially blind, so didn't work, but kept an impecable house and was always out visiting the senior center in her younger days as an older adult. wonderful woman!
when i was truly in maintenance, it's also the time that the line wasn't drawn as clearly between "dieting" and "relax" and any difference really day to day in my diet (as is now.). when you get to the point where you kinda have your set script and it's easy to follow, you are def more intertwined in maintenance. like it's becomong part of who you are; and you KNOW it better, less guessing, less confusion.
It's not Mistakes Girl that is the problem -- it's New Gal. She's not following our established procedure, and it is causing a LOT of problems for all of us, not just me, but I'm just less tolerant of the disruption.
I was able to reconcile myself to the issues that were bringing me down on Friday. (See my comments to Little One & Inner Peace.) I'm ready to move forward on Monday.
I'm not so sure my relationship with cardio is entirely healthy. I'm working on it. I think the important thing, for me, is to NOT compare myself to what other people are doing or not doing, but FOCUS on what makes me happy, and keeps me healthy.
little_one on 10/02/2021:
"This sadness is work-related - nothing confrontational, or anything like that - just a sadness that things are not right,"
I think I know how you feel. Things have been like that at my job as well. As was said, just do your job and TRY to let the rest go. (((((HUGS)))))
Yep, just gotta let the rest go. I feel trapped when I can't see a solution immediately. My first reaction is, "(Other Person) isn't doing it right", when really my reaction should be, "This is what I'm given, what do I need to do to ensure that I do my job correctly?"
Horn_of_plenty on 10/02/2021:
when i said "so,on this week"...i meant, on this WEEKEND!
I figured, but it also works for "for this week", meaning in the upcoming week. I don't want to save reading for the weekends. It is something that I like to do during the week too, for example.
innerpeace on 10/02/2021:
Oh the nastiness in the bathroom - IS UNACCEPTABLE!! You are ALL adults and NO one should behave that way! (Unless is was a customer). Of all the foulness I had to deal with in the military - cleaning up the bathroom was the worst - I always felt...how the hell did people go through life doing this in the bathroom - and then it dawned on me, maybe they did this awfulness because they knew others had to clean it up! So disgusting.
I do hope your work and feelings about your work gets better. I know that can be a drain. I hope you can find a sense of peace and enjoyment over the weekend!
Thank you! Right? UNACCEPTABLE. Friday night, I was *really* struggling because a dirty (in the way I described) bathroom is almost a deal-breaker for me.
I think I've been able to work through the 2 things that were really bringing me down on Friday. Like I commented to Little One, I get panicky when I can't see the solution immediately --- I don't automatically see a half-full glass.
But I *DO* feel more at peace, now that I know how I'm going to proceed forward.
Horn_of_plenty on 10/03/2021:
asked my mom what she thought of the TP situation, she said she thought it was disgusting and cannot think of a reason why someone would be so disgusting....she said it would also smell bad.
I think Jacky nailed it on the head, it's a third-world country thing, so someone who had a very hard childhood when she was growing up.
OR Inner Peace nailed it on the head, and it's someone very upset that wants to gross the rest of us out, like a revenge sort of thing.
KathyBlue on 10/03/2021:
October goals sound intriguing! I should do it, too. I just get too frustrated when I start lagging behind because of stuff out of my control. OCD sucks...