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Donkey - Tuesday Jul 26, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Yesterday was a pretty good eating day -- except that I reached for a 2nd hot dog at dinner.  As soon as I finished it, I regretted it, because it was sitting a little heavy.  Calorie-wise though, I think it was OK because I didn't have an dessert.  And I was still able to do yoga very comfortably and no sugar cravings afterwards.

It's good that there were no sugar cravings because yesterday was a very emotionally charged day.  I hadn't realized it until I was talking to Nice Lady about selling Son's car.  I could feel the emotions manifest themselves physically. It was the oddest feeling, starting at the bottom and traveling upwards, like filling up with hot bubbles.  But it's done.  His car is gone and the garage is empty.

I'm grateful that it was a quick process - not a lot of back and forth.  We got the minimum price we were willing to settle for, and he got a ride home from the salesperson, so I didn't have to leave work.  So like ripping off a band-aid really fast.  But last night, I had the saddest feeling looking at the empty space in the garage, like we are wiping the memory of him away, which is NOT what we're doing.  As the solid, material possessions leave, it feels as though all I am left with are faded ghosts and memories...

I'm trying not to think of the 3 interviewees yesterday, because I'm pretty sure that the Boss will hire the person I don't want, at the cheapest price.  Oh well, it's out of my hands and not my decision to make.

But work was OK yesterday. I was more pre-occupied with the car, the interviews, and trying to get the one copy machine to work.

This morning, I opted to do tricep and back weights rather than try for an outdoor bike ride.  However, it is on my list to ride outside this evening.  That's my goal.  AND if Hannah Banana finishes opening up her latest leaf, I will repot her.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
are the succulents below going to be further repotted or is the photo below the actual repotting?

horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
oops reading up, i see it's the photo of the actual repotting :)

Donkey on 07/27/2022:

horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
that is great that the new gal is far away from you...this is best when you do not want to see/work with/run into a coworker...you get me. this is what helps me at work too...all our desks are separated as much as humanly possible in the trailer...people have their own offices or the desks have walls or subdivisions and are along the permiter also. it was planned well in terms of the most privacy available.

next, good idea re a plant that needs indirect sunlight. my "rubber plant," that is the nickname, that i got a branch from neighbors to replant is such a plant that has very shiny leaves and was once actually used to produce rubber or help make it...that is why it has the name...this plant does not need direct sunlight. lately my blinds are closed until it's cooler / more sun if i'm home during day on weekend to operate the a/c...anyways, the plant grows well in INDIRECT light. I was happy to read that; as it's perfect for an apt plant that is not always needing direct sun...

Donkey on 07/27/2022:
Did I mention that the last plant I bought on Sunday was a rubber plant? It's a "burgundy" ficus which means the leaves are darker with a reddish tint. It's so beautiful - and when the leaves are polished with neem oil, they shine so nicely!

I'll write more about New Gal and office drama. I just need to step away from all of that.

horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2022:
i did what you did for my dinner yesterday. i reached for too many extras without really calculating or remembering until the end. i wasn't calculating or keeping track well at the time of grabbing each item...also the extra desserts at lunch had placed me calorically higher even before dinner...seems you had a similar thing going on reaching for an extra at dinner.

yeah, a hot dog in bun is equivalent of a slice of pie...and without bun equivalent of a couple cookies. 2-4 cookies.

maybe now you can use garage for your car during winter weather. i think you had said you didn't use it last year.

i've also been lessening on my outdoor bike rides as it was too hot lately or i ran out of time.

Donkey on 07/27/2022:
It was just the hot dog - no bun - so an extra 120 calories. I could live with that.

legcramps on 07/26/2022:
That would have been a long day yesterday, you had a lot going on. Hopefully the bike ride tonight will help you to recharge!

Donkey on 07/27/2022:
Ohhh, you know Donkey - I ended up making the long day longer, by washing the carpeted staircase in my home. A LOT of work, but so glad it's done. So I was rather following your "deep cleaning" theme :-)

Jacky82020 on 07/26/2022:
You’re doing terrific under very difficult circumstances. You’re strong & brave.

Donkey on 07/27/2022:
Thank you -- I'm not sure it feels that way. You know what I mean? I'm sure you do, because I can see that you're productive in your day (e.g. putting together that lovely fish tank!), and yet, inside, the emotions are all over the place.

YOU are strong & brave too, my friend. (((hugs)))

bearcountrygg on 07/26/2022:
Im hear you about the second helpings...I always come away from the table sorry that I had done that........at the moment it's tempting but later it's uncomfortable.

Donkey on 07/27/2022:
And the thing is, I'm not even sure the 2nd hot dog tasted all that great, as it had cooled down a bit. Darn it!

Donkey - Monday Jul 25, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Another good eating day yesterday, although, in retrospect, perhaps I had too much pork chop?  IDK, I had one, but they were rather large. I'm not going to overthink it.

I wanted to ride Daughter's bike outside last night, after dinner, but there were too many people in the cul-de-sac, and I didn't want to be seen.  The idea was I'd get up early today to fit an outdoor bike ride after my indoor bike ride, but it was hard to get up this morning.  Really hard.  So instead, I did shoulder weights and a tricep weight exercise with the spare 15 minutes I had, after my indoor bike ride. 

The indoor bike ride is always a MUST, because it helps loosen up my hips and lower back for the day.  I drink my coffee and read social media & news on my phone while I ride in the basement.  So good for my heart and my mind.

I decided that I do not need to buy a plant for my workspace.  Perhaps I can bring one of the more tolerate plants from home to visit for a day or so, instead.  However, I did purchase a burgandy ficus plant/tree yesterday.  It's beautiful.  I think my ficus collection is complete, and I'm very happy now with all of the plants that I have.  There is only 1 more plant that I want to add, but not until I have both my plant room and Son's room organized and set up, to determine where the last plant will go, and only if it seems right.

OK, it's time to face the day.  I'm expecting a larger amount of new contracts, because the Fed will be raising interest rates this week, and folks want to get into the market before they do go up.  People don't really understand what all of that means, except that they'd better spend their money now, before it's "too late".  

Anyway, I hope I'm wrong about a lot of contracts.  Replacement Kid is leaving at noon today.  5-6 people are interviewing today.  Exciting times!  But I just want to get through the day and come home.  Yoga tonight.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2022:
The Mean book is such a fun, light read. and it's written obviously by an adult so some of the jokes/humor are at the adult level, like i cannot imagine 12yo girls coming up with some of the jokes in the bood...so it's a good read in my opinion for adult women bc of the level of the reading material.

Donkey on 07/26/2022:
I will let you know my impressions! I'm looking forward to a fun book.

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2022:
will do more commenting later. was away from computer most of the weekend :)

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2022:
and yea, being home all day saturday helped me be ready to spend Sunday out...a good compromise of weekend planning.

horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2022:
lol when you do read the Mean book, i want to hear what you honestly think :)

legcramps on 07/25/2022:
I just want to get through the day and go home as well. I hope you have a good day at work though - not too many new contracts, and a little bit of help in the office would be nice too :)

Donkey on 07/26/2022:
Amen, I know those days all too well -- just getting through them, not really living them.

All in all, it wasn't a bad Monday. Having interviewees was kind of exciting. It's nice to meet new people.

bearcountrygg on 07/25/2022:
Intervieing people...that ought to keep the office hopping today!!!

Donkey on 07/26/2022:
We had a cancellation and a no-show. But 3 candidates showed up, and I got to meet and greet each one of them, which was nice, to get a sneak peak.

happy-1 on 07/25/2022:
Yes… all the plants

Donkey on 07/26/2022:
Well..... now I'm thinking of 2 more plants to add, in addition to the last plant I wanted to add to the collection. I seem to go back and forth between wanting very large leafy plants and small succulents. Stay steady, Donkey...

Donkey - Monday Jul 25, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Succulent Project #1 - repotting work plants.


Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 07/25/2022:
The pot on the lower right has leaves that fell off. Sometimes, if you stick them in soil, they will grow roots and propagate a new plant. This has never worked for me, but I'm giving it another try.

bearcountrygg on 07/25/2022:
I was going to ask you about the leaves in the dirt....LOL They are all cute........I have a question about cactus....do you know if the ones with little dry flowers are real? They always looked like they were stuck on there.....

Donkey - Sunday Jul 24, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 145.5

I remembered to weigh in this morning, but decided against it. Saturdays are weigh-in days, and I am in a good place eating-wise, that I want to give it a little bit more time to see what I can accomplish with moderate eating.  So next weekend I will weigh in.  Everyone needs a break now and then.

With yesterday being so shaky, emotionally speaking, I actually did manage to accomplish quite a bit (in my book):

  • Laundry - DONE
  • Repot work plants - DONE and so cute - I love it!!!  I'll post a picture here later.
  • Pack up bedding for donation - much more overwhelming and physical than I had anticipated but DONE
  • Gym - DONE
  • Helped Husband put air in bike tires, so now I can go for outdoor bike rides too!

Well, this doesn't seem like much of a list, but it filled my day.

We were thrown for a bit of a loop when we received the corrected title to Son's car, in yesterday's mail.  So this week, Husband will work on selling the car, and I have made it known that if I need to take time off of work to help with this, I will. 

All I can say is that this is a HUGE step in letting go...   

While I was typing out comments on yesterday's entry, about the work drama, I realized that now that New Gal has moved her desk, she is as far away from me as possible - WOO HOO!  So see, this truly is a good thing, the right thing.  I almost missed this blessing!

I did a search last night to see what kind of plants would grow well under flurescent lights, and I have a few options available to me.  I think I might get one of those for my desk, to keep me company.  I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I've always moved all plants I've received to sunny areas of the office, which of course, are nowhere near where I sit..

I did well with eating yesterday too. I had a moderate lunch and dinner, and only a small piece of chocolate cake for dessert, after dinner had digested. I'm not sure it's tasty enough to eat the rest of it. It's been in the freezer for a while.  I got sick of seeing it, so I've started dividing it up, 3 pieces at a time.  This was the first chunk - there are 2 more chunks of cake to divide up in this manner as well.  But like I said, I'm not sure about the quality.  I'm going to ask Daughter her thoughts.



Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/24/2022:
Silk plants do very well under fluorescent lights. LOL. Actually, I’d imagine most real ones would too. I had nice plants in my San Diego classroom under such lighting & all did well. These were typical house plants that did not require much intensity.

happy-1 on 07/24/2022:

Donkey - Saturday Jul 23, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Thank goodness the weekend is here!  I'm taking today a lot slower, not accomplishing too much this morning, and that's OK.  There's a ton of stuff that can be done, needs to be done, but I'm not so sure how much of it will actually happen THIS weekend. 

I forgot to weigh in this morning!  Ha ha -- remember I wrote about self-sabotage?  Well, I guess I meant it.  I will try to remember to weigh in tomorrow morning, or maybe I'll just wait until next Saturday.

So at work, Male Co-Worker only mentioned to New Gal about changing desks, and before I knew what was going on, New Gal was moving into the nicest desk space in our office.  She said her boss (Associate Attorney) said it was OK to do so, so without any approval from the real Boss (the owner of the firm), she's moving into the office that Queen Bee and then Mistakes Girl had.  Meanwhile, I am still stuck in a windowless office space with no privacy, next to a bathroom (where I can hear all of the bathroom activity, if you know what I mean).  I told the Boss that I have been with him for 10 years, a faithful servant, and I'm still stuck at this crappy desk.  Male Co-Worker finally told me, "(Donkey), you will never be able to leave this desk because the Boss wants you here." 

ARGHHH!!!  OK, so this wouldn't be such a big deal except that New Gal - without tell me or asking me - starts moving all of my plants to her old empty desk.  Um... these are mine. Can you ask me to move them, instead?  Would that courtesy be too much to ask for?  I guess so.  She doesn't ask for anything.  She takes and does what she wants.

But I realized yesterday afternoon, that it's probably just as well that I don't have the nicer office space because I would fill it with plants, and that could cause more drama & problems that I might take personally.

I'm feeling kind of lost this weekend, and I know part of it is suppressed grief.  I do have things to do - things that I might even like to do, but I'm just having trouble getting started.  Even with the plant stuff I have to do - yes, even this is difficult.  Because of the office space drama, though, I brought home 2 of my plants to put into proper pots.  Also, Hannah Banana is getting so big, she needs a new pot already!

Gym, laundry, tending to plants, start organizing the plant room (HARD), organize bedding to donate to the high school band boosters this next week.  I'm very conflicted about this, because I'm getting rid of Son's bedding, which we got from my mother-in-law.  It was a very nice & quite functional set, including curtains, valences, etc., but I never cared for the colors or style, so I think I am glad to be rid of it and make a helpful contribution... but to be honest, there are mixed feelings, a lot of them.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 07/23/2022:
I took today slower but was so glad i was able to do a little cooking and baking :) it's nice to have a good assortment of food to get me thru the early part of this week, ready to go! (also nice that it was all previously bought and in my freezer or cabinet!)

one good thing about staying at your desk is that you do not have to move - i have moving!

next, yeah, she should have asked you about your plants. you can indeed take them back or some of the back, whatever. if there's more sun there, you may want to keep them there. don't take offense.

you should see the nonsense that went on at my job yesterday. young girl threatened me i better not tell the boss that she left early. she left around 1hr15min early to go home. maybe she shouldn't tell tales about me to the boss and then maybe i'd actually WANT to help her. she is an idiot! of course i don't plan to tell him, but doesn't she realize to treat people well and maybe they'll want to be nice to you?

i think it's smart to get rid of the bedding, etc, that you do not care for. that sounds logical to me. xo.

it's ok to have a low key weekend or day.

Donkey on 07/24/2022:
This is very true - I would not want to do the actual cleaning & moving. It truly is better this way - but I just wish I had a window, and a little privacy.

I'm probably overreacting about the plants anyway. It just gets under my skin that she takes such liberties, but I think a lot of that is just her personality. Like we both concluded, this way is for the best. Oh I just had an amazing revelation - I'll mention it in today's entry!

At least I'm not alone with nonsense co-workers, it would seem. I feel your pain.

horn_of_plenty on 07/23/2022:
nice job on having successful eating days. many in a row will give you the results you want.

i have also needed to take less/move vacation days around as I have the long vacation i'm going on in February and that is almost at the end of our vacation year (it ends April 1). so i have to wait out this year until then, so i am paid for all those days off i want to take! :)

anyways, try not to resent the desk changes or vacation changes...take the paycheck...and relax and live you life on your own terms. take your lunch walks, too. i wish i could do those, then i would prob go home to relax and that's it on nights where i do not have weights. right now, it is not part of the plan for us to take walks and i don't plan on changing that precedent. not worth it, at all. and who anyway wants to sweat in the heat out there....but it's good exercise; and nice to do before heading home for the day if it was possible....

Donkey on 07/24/2022:
I am keenly aware that when I come back from my walks, there's a high possibility of being a bit stinky. And yes, I do sweat - not profusely but I can feel it. I take care to do some personal grooming when I get back. So there's that.

I have struggled with eating issues for so long, that this feels like a relief, and truly where I want to be, if I can sustain it.

Donkey - Friday Jul 22, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Disclaimer:  Yesterday, I did not mean to imply that Jacky was using her fish hobby to compensate for her grief.  I only meant to convey the magnitude of the feeling of loss.  I, on the other hand, AM using plants to try to fill the void (LOL), but it's also turning out to be a nice hobby for me, too.  Still, I'm glad that I've realized that I need some moderation.

Well, I lost my Fitbit.  I wear it around my ankle with a snap-on strap, and sometimes it comes unsnapped.  I usually can feel when it falls off, but yesterday I didn't.  It's not at home, it's not in the car.  I'm hoping it's at the office, and not outside on yesterday's walk route.  Don't misunderstand me - I'm greatly bothered by this, BUT it was time to let this thing go, and maybe this was just Fate's way of making it happen, because I couldn't do it myself.  I have my Garmin, it's time to move forward with the future, and not hold onto things of the past.  The Fitbit was expiring anyway, which was the reason for getting the Garmin.  I just couldn't stop tracking with the Fitbit too, but now I have to.

I just realized that Monday will be an interesting day, because the Boss, New Guy, and Male Co-Worker will be involved with interviews pretty much the whole day.  There are at least 4 scheduled, and we're trying to get 1-2 more scheduled.  That will keep the Boss busy and out of my hair with trivial conversation.

I've had to move my vacation in September because Queen Bee has also taken that week off, and I need somebody to cover my desk.  So I moved it to the next week, 2nd to the last week in September.  I could resent this, but I've chosen to see that perhaps this change is for the best.  I'm not sure our new person will be up to speed to cover my desk by the end of September.

Eating yesterday was still good.  I slipped a little after work. I had a cereal bowl's worth of tortilla chips, because dinner was going to be much later than usual.  That held me, along with keeping busy with my plants, until Husband came home with dinner at around 6:30pm.  That's late for us!

I am going to get rid of some plants this weekend.  There are 5 of them - all of the same kind - that I don't particularly care for, and they seem to have some kind of fungal infection.  I will compost them, and make more room for plants that I actually want & like.  I'm also thinking about starting to work on organizing the plant room, unless something else comes up.  I need to approach it with baby steps or it will feel completely overwhelming.

I did not do yoga last night.  Watched TV with the Husband, but we both ended up dozing off.  Stayed up too late.  I'm so glad it's Friday.


Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/22/2022:
Hope you have an enjoyable Friday. Hang in there! The weekend is almost here!

legcramps on 07/22/2022:
It took me about two weeks to get used to not having my Fitbit on my wrist when it finally stopped working. It is hard to leave something behind when it is so ingrained on our daily lives.

I hope you have a nice weekend!

Donkey - Thursday Jul 21, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Another successful eating day!  I just realized how fortunate I am to be in this place right now, to have the opportunity and time to focus on getting a handle on eating.  I just seem to be in the right frame of mind to get through the stress & drama at work, to stay steady on eating course.  And I've been able to carry this on into the evening at home.  Last night for dessert, I had a small spoon of ice cream for dessert and a cup of decaf.  That was it.  No second helpings at dinner - gaged that well. Ate slowly, let my food settle.

Yesterday, when I was taking my lunchtime walk, enjoying the company of trees, thinking about the next plant or 2 (or 3 or 4) that I'd like to add, when I said to myself, "There aren't enough plants in the world to fill the hole in my heart."  And then I thought of Jacky and said, "There aren't enough fish in the ocean to fill the hole in her heart."  It's a sobering feeling to have.  Turns out, it seems as though, from her comment to me, that Jacky has been feeling a hole in her heart as well. She's very wise to realize that eventually the hole will scab/scar over, and life goes on, I suppose, right?  But that void will always be there.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/21/2022:
The realization of what you and Jacky have come to know is true......You will always feel the loss......My brother died at birth and our parents spoke of him until the day that they died.....and they didn't have the benefit of ever really gettting to know him......You and Jacky have memories of your son and daughter....they were adults with personalities .....and talents and you got to know them.....You are right..plants and fish won't take away the pain of loss....but they are giving you both something to care for while you deal with the loss.......and the loss will become easier to accept and deal with....but it will still be a loss...and you will go on, After my Dad passed away...my Mom kept his clothes in the closet...and one day told me that she wasn't ready to give them away because she thought he might come back and need them....I told her...he wouldn't be coming back and she said that she knew that.....But I think that she just needed the reassurance that his death was real......and then one day some weeks later....his closet was empty......and she felt it was okay to deal with his things at that time. That first year especially is rough.....but it will get easier.

Donkey on 07/22/2022:
You know, I sometimes forget that it hasn't even been 6 months yet. It feels like a million years.

Maria7 on 07/21/2022:
Amen to what BCGG said above.

Donkey - Wednesday Jul 20, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Day 2 of successful eating at work completed.  AND it was a double success day because not only did I moderate what I ate at dinner, but I was satisfied with having just decaf after dinner and did not have ANY dessert.  No, not even a square of dark chocolate. 

I am considering - just thinking about - not weighing in on Saturday, because I KNOW I'm on the right track and I do NOT want to do ANYTHING to discourage myself.  IDK, I'm thinking about it... 

Work continues to be drama-filled, with the law firm become more fractured and less efficient at every turn.  We're actually more like 3 separate firms trying to work together, and it's not working.  I guess the Ideal Candidate never got back to us, so now they are trying to set up interviews with less-than-ideal interviewees.  In the meantime, we're plodding along with Replacement Kid who is incompetent, and as he's temporary, not worth the investment to train in some of the things that need to be implemented now.

I am not OK.  I mean, maybe I am:  I get up, I get cleaned up, I exercise, I eat, I talk to people, I function.  But inside, I am screaming.  Yesterday, I could have stayed a little later to do some easy tasks, but realized that if I didn't get out of there ASAP, I would just start screaming outloud - like I just couldn't keep it compacted on the outside any longer.  Once I left, I was able to relax a bit, until I got home.  

At home, we're all trying to keep ourselves together, but it's clear to me that Husband is struggling.  I'm sure that in her own way, Daughter is struggling too, but it's harder for me to tell, mainly becasue I don't see a lot of her. 

I've stopped exercising after dinner.  I usually do chores and then just go upstairs.  It doesn't help that it's very hot and buggy outside right now, even in the evenings.  (I'm speckled with mosquito bites that don't itch!)  Last night, I went upstairs at 7:30pm and just did who-knows-what for 2.5 hours, turning off the lights at 10pm.  So maybe it's time to start doing some yoga at night.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 07/20/2022:
Grief manifests itself in all forms - maybe you just need that who-knows-what for 2.5 hours for awhile.

Donkey on 07/21/2022:
I think so - I think that's just where I'm at right now, because it happened again last night, which is OK.

Jacky82020 on 07/20/2022:
I understand, Donk, I truly do. Our hearts have been blown apart and with time veneer will cover the hole. It will never be filled, at least not for me.

Donkey on 07/21/2022:
This is an excellent analogy. It's funny that you talk about a hole that can't be filled, because that is exactly what I was thinking about yesterday, during my walk, when I thought of you as well.

bearcountrygg on 07/20/2022:
Sometimes you just have to shut the door and have a big old ugly cry!!!! It might just help you let go of that about to explode feeling......It really isn't good to try to keep it in.....because it will come out in some other way.....

Donkey on 07/21/2022:
Yes, that might very well be it. I have felt on the very verge of crying, only to have to stuff it back inside, before I face the world. I think I'm going to look at taking a couple of shortened days in August. Not days off, but just leaving early, since I can't really take days off any more.

legcramps on 07/20/2022:
I agree with what BCGG said above, but I have not had to try to cope with something like this. So you need to do whatever works for you, whatever that is - even if you don't know what it is yet, and 2.5 hours goes by while you're trying to figure it out.

Donkey on 07/21/2022:
This is a very keen observation that I had not realized myself, but now that you say it, I can see it. Yes, this is exactly how it feels, like I'm trying to work something out, processing... So I just need time to do that. I can't force it. It has to come in its own time.

horn_of_plenty on 07/20/2022:
go you on your eating/lifestyle! you sound very motivated and eager to continue your streak. like you, i also avoid weighing sometimes bc i just want to continue where i am at; and do not necessarily need the scale's feedback to sway me.

i hear you on the work drama. i have some too; but it's not worth the energy to write about it bc most of it is totally bc of the 24yo who is choosing to act really immature and tattle on me for things that are not at all things to tattle about. she doesn't realize that she does so much wrongs; takes and is entitled is what she thinks she can do...and she doesn't see it...she just sees ways to make others look bad and trying to get me in trouble but the issue is i didn't really do anything wrong. anyways, it's not worth writing about as it's very, very immature of her to do what she did - trying to make me look bad while i was off yesterday. not nice. therefore, i will not help her at all anymore. or give her anything. she doesn;t realize you can't act one way and have people want to help you too!

I hear you, Donkey. You really push yourself to do a lot. you do not have to always push. it is ok to rest; and i know you are also talking about your loss. it is still early. take it easy now, it is summer. try not too push too much and maybe rest more...

whatever you choose, you can get thru this. and we are all here for you. you can write here and we can try to help you with our advice.

your entry at the beginning was so encouraging (to yourself) in what you have been up to. don't talk yourself out of it. you are worth it.

Donkey on 07/21/2022:
The thing about work drama - especially when I had to deal with Queen Bee so much more - was that I had to catch myself before I felt into it. I wouldn't always do that in time.

I'm still thinking about Saturday's weigh-in. If I know in my heart that I'm on the right track, then weighing in shouldn't make much of a difference either way.

Donkey - Tuesday Jul 19, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

I did very well with eating at work yesterday!   I relied on eating (a lot of) fresh fruit, chai tea, and  just sitting with the anxiety-hunger.  I did have a 200 calorie dessert after yoga.

I had 8 new contracts come in.  That's kind of busy for me.  But once I prepped the contracts for Replacement Kid to open up the files in the database, I was only so-so busy.  Being so-so busy is opportune for focusing on losing weight.  I'm busy just enough to keep me occupied without having to get totally stressed out.  I did feel some of that anxiety-hunger urge to stress-eat, but I had fruit and then I just sat with the feelings.  It's manageable to do that (sit) when the stress is not overwhelming.  I will not squander this opportunity to make improvements.

Associate Attorney's family has COVID again.  This is like the 3rd or 4th time.  It seems to hit every time his daughter from Ireland comes to visit.  So, presuming he's telling us the truth about his family, I'm back to mask-wearing at work.  AA tested negative yesterday afternoon.  I imagine he'll test again this morning, to see if he tests positive.  Maybe, maybe not.  I'm guessing whatever will allow him to stay at home is what he'll do.

Our lunch with the title company on Wednesday has been canceled because our rep has COVID.

This reminds me:  we're getting one of the copiers/scanners replaced this morning.  This should mean chaos for those who use the machine. It's not clear to me which machine is getting replaced.

Yoga was nice last night, but oh boy could I tell that I hadn't practiced in 2 weeks.  While I wasn't aware of any pain or tightness, my hips were SO tight!  Poses that have been easy in the past were ouchy-ouchy last night.  I need to make my yoga practice a priority -- for my own good.

No weights today, and not planning any tonight.  With this break, I should be ready to do something on Wednesday, weight-training related.


Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/19/2022:
Sounds like you had a good eating day at work.........and if you meaan that you allowed yourself to feel hunger and decided to just not eat anyway...I agree with that. It's oksy to feel hungry for awhile....as long as you do eat at some point. That is suspicious about AA having so many Covid breaks at opertune times.........Son says that where he works there are a lot of people taking advantage of the covid days off with pay policy so they are stopping the with pay part.........It kind of looks like covid is here to stay with us for at laest awhile.....and we will probably all get it at some point.......at least this new one isn't as serious as the others for most people.....with less hospitalizations.

Donkey on 07/20/2022:
I realize that I probably wasn't as clear as I meant to be. When I say that I feel "hunger" at work, I don't believe it to be true hunger, but more of a reaction to anxiety, and it's THAT feeling that I am working to resist automatically soothing.

I do eat meals - I'm not talking about restricting meals. Seriously, I could eat constantly from the minute I step into the office until I leave.

innerpeace on 07/19/2022:
Do you ever wonder if people are using COVID now as an excuse for EVERYTHING? The bill is late - COVID, the mail is late - COVID, there are no supplies - COVID! I'm sick of it! I'm glad you are in a place where work isn't too stressful - manageable is a good place.

I had the tv on yesterday and a talk show was on - and the guest was Bob Harper from the Biggest Loser and they were talking about the heart attack he had, he was saying he thought he was the healthiest person ever until that heart attack. He said you also have to take care of and know your inside health and this completely changed the way he worked out...he now does all kinds of yoga. So this is inspiring. I may try to start yoga...thanks for always talking about it.

Donkey on 07/20/2022:
Oh yes, COVID and "supply chain issues"... I'm not sure if it's an excuse or reality, but the end result is just the same.

Bob Harper is 100% -- I'll confess to you that the main reason I started weight training with the intent of building muscle was so that I could do more of the yoga moves, which require strength to hold.

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2022:
yeah, the PRP therapy i think needs to be done like 3x during a year, then 1x annual to keep it up...it's not the most costly thing like hair transplants or anything like that; and i have what your daughter seems to have - hair loss in front.

they inject around your head where you have the most hairloss. i have paid for it; and if the place still offers it in September and i do not have to get a refund (i don't plan on it!) with groupon, i will do it after my bday, after the summer. i bought a groupon for actually 2 sessions, i already know that 3 are needed so i bought it for two since the price was so good, and like i said i figure it's best to do come fall when i'm not in the sun as much or wanting to wear hats at the beach...woman on phone was talking about not wearing a hat when getting it done; and also i don't want to have marks on my head near the front where i have hair loss or any reactions until after my bday!

Donkey on 07/20/2022:
I am excited to hear about your PRP experience!!! I do think it's a good idea to wait to start the shots, for the reasons you stated. I may recommend this to my Daughter.

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2022:
yeah, the PRP therapy i think needs to be done like 3x during a year, then 1x annual to keep it up...it's not the most costly thing like hair transplants or anything like that; and i have what your daughter seems to have - hair loss in front.

they inject around your head where you have the most hairloss. i have paid for it; and if the place still offers it in September and i do not have to get a refund (i don't plan on it!) with groupon, i will do it after my bday, after the summer. i bought a groupon for actually 2 sessions, i already know that 3 are needed so i bought it for two since the price was so good, and like i said i figure it's best to do come fall when i'm not in the sun as much or wanting to wear hats at the beach...woman on phone was talking about not wearing a hat when getting it done; and also i don't want to have marks on my head near the front where i have hair loss or any reactions until after my bday!

horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2022:
re the snack and then just sitting with the anxiety/hunger, this is what i do. i DO have a snack at work, or lunch, but if i am snacky, i try to let it pass by chewing gum and drinking water,, after i eat...and it will pass usually.

nice to go back to yoga after a couple weeks. it's only natural to be tighter, so it's good you got back into it! :)

Donkey on 07/20/2022:
YES - gum, herbal tea, water, carbonated water, flavored water - those have been my go-to tools this week. And then I am able to put off reaching for food until the actual meal or break.

I realize I should have been more clear about what I'm feeling at work and how I react by eating. I still have breakfast at home, a morning snack (fruit & almonds), lunch, and an afternoon snack (fruit or vegetable, with 1 TSBP of granola or nuts).

I would like to practice yoga at home on my own, with YouTube, but I never seem to get to that point of doing it. However, my after dinner routine has changed recently, so maybe this is the time to start doing it.

Donkey - Monday Jul 18, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

It was hard to get out of bed this morning.  I have very little motivation to go to work today.  It is a beautiful day outside, but that's not why I have no motivation to go to work.

I ate way too much dinner last night.  I'm not sure why I went up for second helpings, but I know that having a glass of wine beforehand did me no good - really no good.  It went to my head, and so I think some of the eating was to try to counter the fuzziness in my head.  Also, feeling fuzzy in the brain seemed to turn off any hope of moderation.  

Today is a new day.  I rode my bike for 45 minutes so that I would have time to do bicep weights (DONE - 3 sets of 2 exercises, but it's something).  Tonight is yoga after a 2-week hiatus.

Definitely working on eating in moderation this week.  This is my #1 goal. I'm moving the trail mix packets to a far away location. I'm drinking more herbal tea (hot or cold), because water is my #2 goal.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/18/2022:
I'm noticing that I just feel better when I eat a small meal.....there is some reward to eating small and feeling that it gives me energy instead of dragging me down.

That is a good amt of bike riding before work!!!!

Good idea to move the tempting things farther away.....it gives you more time to decided how important they really are to you and lets you change your mind. It takes away the tendency for mindless eating...the kind of thing that you suddenly realize what you are doing halfway through the pkg.

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
By moving the trail mix downstairs, if I have one of those overwhelming anxiety moments, I have to make more of an effort to get the trail mix. Plus, I'm hoping other people will eat the stuff, instead of me.

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2022:
the palm below is seriously so adorable. sorry it was eaten somewhat haha.

serving sizes are hard for me to control, i leaned a lot onto veggies yesterday large amount at lunch as well as other low cal items to help me...

last night with it being so late and not a real dinner, it was easy to snack on a few milanos; and then since cals were still on low side, i had the chips...followed by another bag just bc i knew i had the low cals...but usually i wouldn't want 400 cals of cookies/chips in one sitting, only bc cals were low. still, 400 cals in one sitting, without a meal also, worked...not sugguesting that approach, but saying it's a way still to limit cals...just to have the snack or just to have the sweets vs. a meal and sweets. like, at work, if you did lots of cooked or raw veggies, followed by a pack of trail mix...that would work for me if i had the hot cooked veggies, a lot, and trail mix...i could work that in..maybe a few crackers with hot veggies; and trail mix as a meal that combo...thinking outside the box...how to be satisfied and eat what you want...

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
I have thought about incorporating the trail mix as part of a meal, but I think I'd rather just avoid it all together.

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2022:
i was reading today major causes hairloss...one being iron deficiency. just an fyi, you probably already know that. i'm experiencing it a lot at front of my scalp, i may pay for injections in near future. ..need to see how long the injection procedure lasts. it is something i would consider using my savings on...i see myself waiting a couple years max before really considering it?

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
Some ladies have amazing luck with adding collagen supplements and biotin. I had heard about iron deficiency contributing to hair loss. Adding iron though hasn't shown me any re-growth. I anticipate that once I enter menopause, my hair will thin out considerably.

My daughter has thinning hair in front.

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2022:
its called PRP hair injections and after reading about it, i am very tempted to try it, now.

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
See below. I would be sure, though, to get a hormone panel blood test done by your primary care doctor first, just to make sure it's not related to something else.

horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2022:
maybe i can find a groupon for a place by me.

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
That's a good idea! Is it something that you have to keep up once you start?

I realize I still haven't tried the Rogaine.

legcramps on 07/18/2022:
It was hard for me to get out of bed this morning, too. Hugs.

Donkey on 07/19/2022:
Thank you -- and hugs to you too.

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