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Donkey - Thursday Jan 13, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

Good morning!  I sure am glad it's Thursday.  I will relish this weekend for sure.

Yesterday's Highlights:

  • Did 2 more lower body weights last night, after walking on the treadmill.
  • Eating went well, except for having more fries at dinner than I had intended.  These were fat French fries.  Had planned to have maybe 5.  Ended up having more than that, but did not finish my serving.
  • Turned off the light to sleep before 9:30pm.

This morning, I'm having some inconvenient abdomen pain, thanks to hormones.  Oh my, it's always something with hormones.  I'm waiting for the Tyenol to kick in, and then I should be fine.  But it's a very distracting pain.  Hard to ride bike, hard to type, hard to sit.  I'll be OK in about 20-30 minutes.

The pain has made me realize how hard it is to concentrate on anything while one is in pain.  I would say this is very true when I hurt my back.  It's so hard to be able to do anything else because the pain just dominates.  I don't think that it's limited to physical pain.  Grief, depression, anxiety -- those emotions, too, can dominate our days.  Oh my how hard it is to push through it.  "Fake it 'til you make it" is good advice, but it's not always as easy as that.  Sometimes it's REALLY, REALLY hard to even get to that point of "faking it".

I am currently "faking it" at work.  This is mainly in part because I am not busy at all.  Wow, what a switch from being overwhelmed to not having much of anything to do.  

Because I have this down time, I am realizing that I have lost most of my spaces.  My meditation room is now occupied by Male Co-Worker, which is fine, except that now there is no place to go to sit to have a quiet moment.  I mentioned yesterday how my walking areas are being used by Associate Attorney and New Guy quite often.

New Gal has moved to Mistakes Girl's desk and turned it into a proper receptionist area.  So now my receptionist duties are gone (or at least fading away quickly).  Mistakes Girl now has the nicest desk area, so that she is in close proximity to New Guy.  Yes, I'm jealous, but it makes sense.  That whole area of the office is now devoted to New Guy and Spanish-speaking.  

I think I'm coping with the changes quite well.  Aesthetically, it looks much nicer, but I feel very detached and separated from the rest of the office. I know that this is not so, because I still have people walking back and forth by my desk.  But it does feel that way.  However, feeling separated now will make it much easier for me when I actually do separate (leave) from the firm.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

jacky82020 on 01/13/2022:
Sure hope the Tylenol kicks in soon, or better yet has by now.

Too bad about having your spaces invaded at work. Knowing you, you’ll have Plan B up & running soon.

So are you serious about seeking another job soon? Vaguely recall you had a timeline mentioning 2/22, but I don’t read all the posts here & misremember I do

Maria7 on 01/13/2022:
Think outside the box. You need a personal space to meditate. Are there any other rooms available that you could go to for a few minutes each day at work? If not this...maybe your car...or even the restroom? I would say outside but too cold for that. You'll figure it out. You're very smart!

innerpeace on 01/13/2022:
I think I would like to be isolated - COVID, meditation room, etc. Do you listen to music - I think I would even have a radio station softly playing. I hope your tylenol kicks in and you are able to find comfort.

bearcountrygg on 01/13/2022:
Hope you are feeling better now....can you leave the office during lunchtime? Maybe get in the car and go to a nearby parking lot for some alone time to meditate? Maybe take the time before work to meditate at home and some time again as soon as you get home?

legcramps on 01/14/2022:
If it means that duties are being done by someone else who is the appropriate person to be doing them, being a little isolated in the office is not a terrible thing. You may get used to it being a little quieter near you, and be able to use that to your advantage.

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 12, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

Yesterday was a MUCH better day on the diet and exercise fronts.  

On the exercise part, things that helped were:

  • Finding other ways to get in steps every hour, even if someone is occupying the main walking areas.
  • Having a good show to watch at night when I do upper body weights, because I couldn't fit them in, in the morning.  
  • Taking a longer walk at lunchtime, mainly because I have not much work to do.

On the eating part, things that helped were:

  • Knowing the Boss is coming back in about a month and not wanting to look like I've gained weight.  Not that he would ever say anything, of course, either way.  Something about having an end date is helping me "stay strong" and "I can do this" in my mind, whenever I start to feel weak.

I ran out of time to do lower body weights this morning again.  I usually tell myself that I need to be done exercising and upstairs by 7am to log in here and eat breakfast, so that I can start getting dressed & packed to leave for work.  However, I see that I'm caught up on comments and such, with about 15 minutes left, before I have to start getting ready for work, so I will go back downstairs to do lower body weights -- at least a little bit.  I will try my darnedest to do more tonight.

Garage door gets fixed today.  That will be a huge relief.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2022:
wrote you yesterday see below.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
I responded to your comment below and the comment you left on my 1/11 entry too. I hope you will read it in your spare time. I can certainly relate, and what you wrote actually helped me to put my recent non-busy time into perspective.

bearcountrygg on 01/12/2022:
Moving around is a BIG plus!!!

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
Well, if there's no work to be done, then I gotta do something.

Maria7 on 01/12/2022:
Hope you get your garage door fixed. Looks like you are doing real well.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
The door is more broken than we initially thought. It will have to get repaired properly in the Spring or Summer, and we're to keep the usage to a minimum. That means my poor little car has to stay outside overnight, unless it rains (see below) or snows.

My Prius hybrid doesn't like moisture. It has problems starting, running rough, if it sits out in the wet.

Well, at least the door is down and keeps the cold out of the garage. Daughter's bedroom is above the garage, so we need to keep all of that as warm as possible for her sakes.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2022:
good luck with your garage door and i hope you finish your weights tonight if you can.

re my comments in your below entry, i was trying to say that i can relate to your sadness and i understand it again even more after experiencing it lately myself. i also realize i have to try very hard to block the feelings bc i think it's a bad cycle to be in when nothing can be totally 100% changed. i am trying to let go of the negative thinking cycle.

but on another note, a little neg thinkinig can be helpful to make onself want to keep pushing forward for something else they want.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
I did get in more weights last night. I think I might get myself a knee sleeve to help with my right knee, when doing barbell squats. Felt that little twinge again...

You may be experiencing Winter Blahs - but also, I went through a period of feeling sad and frustrated for a while, when I felt "stuck" with my profession, because I couldn't figure out what my next step would be. It's hard to "tread water" or keep with the status quo, especially when you think/know you'd rather be doing something else.

You had commented to me at one point that I needed (paraphrasing) a big distraction or something to that affect. I even thought about getting a puppy, to have something exciting to look forward to. That would have been great (?), of course, but a puppy would not fix what was really bothering me (which was my work situation).

happy-1 on 01/13/2022:
You are relentless and inspiring.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
Thank you! It doesn't always feel that way. I struggle a lot with depression, so it's a constant battle to push against that. If I can push it earlier on, it's better than when it hits hard.

Don't think for one minute that I wouldn't love to be a naturally thin person who could sit around all day eating M&M's.

Maria7 on 01/13/2022:
Wishing you a good morning.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
Thank you! I'm so glad it's Thursday!

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 11, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

The chocolate covered almonds are gone, so no need to worry about those any more, except for when I step on the scale(s) on Saturday -- then the day of reconning will be upon me.  (cue lightening and thunder here)

I tried so hard, and resisted a few times, but then I had reached my breaking point on a total emotional level.  I'm not sure what it was exactly.  Was it work emotions, because a property did not appraise out, and a client was really furious?  Or was it real emotions when I saw that Mistakes Girl is taking 2-3 days off this week (starting Wednesday) and the reality of being stuck with New Gal hit me?  Or a little bit of both?

Looking back, there were other alternatives that I could have done, should have done.  But I didn't.  I'm not going to dwell on this any more, but just leaving it here.

This made me realize that I am squandering an opportunity to make improvements in my overall health while the Boss is away.  I had not realized that until last night.  

Also, I just realized that if my breaking point was an absence of Mistakes Girl, I'd better get used to it, because she will be vulnerable to being gone more often, if her pregnancy has problems, and then eventually, soon, she will be gone altogether.  I'm glad, in a way, that I realize now that I could very well have difficulties with her leaving and sooth my emotions with food.  Being aware of this NOW will help me when it happens.  I guess this shows me that I still have problems with people leaving, still have not made peace with food, putting it in its proper place.

If he stays away as he planned, the Boss will be gone for another 29 days, so I am going to make the very MOST of this time... for ME.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/11/2022:
""MISTAKES GIRL""...makes MISTAKES.......maybe the replacement won't.....or maybe it will save you a lot of time not having to correct or look for her mistakes.......In an office it is easy to eventually discover each others weak and strong points.......and work with them knowing that........it may actually get better instead of worse.

Donkey on 01/12/2022:
I hadn't considered that! Wow, you're right - it might actually be better. I'm kind of sad that I didn't see this positive potential in the situation on my own, but thank you for pointing this out!

Jacky82020 on 01/11/2022:
Awareness of a troubling situation is key to remedying it, if at all possible, & if not in finding acceptance & ways of coping. Sure seems to me you have profound insights & that will take you far.

Donkey on 01/12/2022:
For me, awareness is half the battle. I've learned this past year, by talking this all out here, to put this job - any job - in its proper place, and not to try to make a job a passion if it's not. And I've learned it's not.

legcramps on 01/11/2022:
I think you have discovered a lot about yourself in the professional environment this past bit, and although change is never fun - I think you can handle it. And then some!

Donkey on 01/12/2022:
It really has been a year of awakening for me.

horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2022:
dinner re below spagh squash and air fried ptoatoes sounds great as squash isn't carb heavy...i really like that meal, doesn't need too much protein if any...? lately, i sometimes skip the protein in a meal....but i must at least have the veggies and the carbs. that meal sounds fabulous with the potato to hold all that squash together in digestion, if you know what i mean...

i really like how strong you sound yesterday.

server isn't working at work to get to work files, so coming on here now :)

lately i am having periods of anger/sadness (not crazy, just there), so i can relate to your sadness / negative feelings affecting you the past few entries when you wrote about it.

i still feel that stuck feeling now. and am slightly angry at my salary and place in life...but as i walked to my garage/car this am, i told myself "just don't think about it, just be happy."

basically, i know i have to ignore my thoughts; as i cannot change the exact present, only future....and that is with patience.

so, i have to work on pushing the feelings aside as there's nothing to change.

Donkey on 01/13/2022:
I commented a bit on my entry 1/12 about these feelings you're having. Yes, it's feelings that stem from feeing "stuck". Some things don't resolve themselves immediately, so they sit with us and fester and make us uncomfortable.

However, you are right that we have to focus on today, work on tomorrow, and know in our hearts that things WILL change, because things DO change. I guess it's a lesson in patience, but that doesn't mean that we have to sit still being "stuck". We can co a lot of self-enrichment in the meantime: reading for fun, reading for improvement, resting, meditating, volunteering, etc.

Donkey - Monday Jan 10, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

I am hoping for a very uneventful, non-eventful day at work today, because I have enough chaos in my real life to deal with, without having to have extra drama at work.  Dealing with more car problems (this time daughter's car), the garage door that I damaged on Saturday, the very frigid cold temperatures outside, yoga tonight (which IS relaxing, but the anticipation of the event is stressful), etc. 

However, I know that it will be somewhat of a stressful day.  The Phone Guy is coming today to work on hooking up Male Co-Worker's phone in his new office.  I know a couple of the files have deadlines that are up today, so that's always a torment.  I know that all that I can control is myself. I'm just hoping for not a lot of incoming emails or contracts, so that I can use my energies for the stressors that I know I have to deal with today.

I think eating went well yesterday.  Dinner was a little heavy on the carbs, because Husband made spaghetti squash and air fried potatoes.  Kind of an interesting choice, but there you go.

Gym workout in the morning went well.  Leg day.  It was not crowded when I went early.  If I had gone even a little earlier, it might have been even more empty.  It was starting to get crowded as I was leaving.  

Well, time to face the day's challenges.  I will endeavor to be more disciplined about mask-wearing and NOT eating sweets at work.  Yes, I can do this. Tomorrow morning, I want to write to you all and say that I was able to stay strong.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/10/2022:
I crunched a garage door once.......previous car had a back up sensor....wasn't sure about the new one...so I tested it while backing up to the garage door...(IT DIDN'T HAVE ONE)....probably NOT the best place to test it! You can do anything that you set out to do.

innerpeace on 01/10/2022:
oh...garage door breakage always seems to happen at the most inopportune times. Yes...but he cooked! Good luck at work today!

Jacky82020 on 01/10/2022:
My deepest sympathies on the car troubles & frigid weather, got a little of that going on here to.

Just ignore the junk food at work. That’s what I did. Brought breakfast & protein bars.

Donkey - Sunday Jan 09, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

On the advice from Happy, I remembered to check the Body Battery on the Garmin, and I was quite pleased to see that I had recharged to 91/100.  That's pretty good, especially when you consider that I stayed up way too late watching TV (completely addicted to Downton Abbey).  I went to bed slightly after 11pm, so I didn't get out of bed until nearly 6am. 

I've noticed that my performance during my morning bike rides has been less this past week and including today.  I'm not sure why. I'm just not pedaling as fast or as hard.  I think it might be time for a change in routine.  It's hard for me to let go of certain numbers (time, miles, calories burned) that are probably not accurate anyway.  Isn't that funny...

Husband and I went to the gym yesterday.  I'm thrilled that he got out of the house and went.  Even if he didn't do as much as he has in the past, he got out and moved.  And we did it together.  Between you and me, I prefer it when it's just me, so that I can go in, do my business, and leave - much quicker and more efficient.  I still would like to take the Aqua class with him, but it starts at 8am, and that's difficult for both of us to achieve.

Eating went reasonably well, as well.  Last night, as I was closing up the kitchen for the night, I realized how good it felt to not have to wear a mask at home.  I felt no need to stress-eat, no munchies... I'm not saying it's all because of the mask, because I've done those things even before mask-wearing was ever in the picture.  It was just nice to have a break in the behaviors that seemed to plague me this week.

I'm wanting to get to the gym very soon, and then look forward to a day of football that doesn't mean anything. I might even try to read a chapter or 2 in an easy book.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 01/09/2022:
Football that doesn't mean anything!! I Love this and I too shall partake in this frivolity.

The gym is starting to grow oh me, less anxious with each visit. Have a great Sunday.

Donkey on 01/10/2022:
That's great to hear about the gym! Some day, I will try going to the gym early in the morning (meaning around 5:30am) to see how that works out.

bearcountrygg on 01/09/2022:
I know a few people who had really gotten hooked on Downton Abbey!!.......I prefer to shop alone for the same reason......and when I'm downstairs exercising D often comes down too...and asks questions...etc...He really likes to keep an eye on me...LOL

Donkey on 01/10/2022:
One of the ladies that I volunteer(ed) with at legal clinic LOVES Downton Abbey. So now that I'm watching it, I will have someone to chat about it with, if I'm so inclined.

Jacky82020 on 01/09/2022:
I have the worse time keeping my pace up on the bike, trying more to focus & go faster. I’m always reading or tweeting or emailing or doing stock market stuff, so easy to slow down

Donkey on 01/10/2022:
You have described my bike rides - yep! :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 01/09/2022:
so glad that munchies and masks were not in your routine last night at home! Masks are a nuisance for sure!

at the cirucs which required vaccine proof, we drank our drinks with straws...but then i was under the influence and hungry....and we both resorted to plain old eating without masks at intermission. smartest? no. but at least vaccines were required and i wore one the rest of the time...i know we'll both be fine.

that's why i stopped recording my hours in the sun...it really doesn't matter as what matters is that I'm DOING THE WORK...similar but not the same as what you say about your morning bike rides.

thanks for recommending i get a better boot for snow. it's good i finally did it online today (ebay). i will donate mine as they aren't comfortable and i have no need for them anymore. i have plenty of other types of shoes for hiking (2 other ones for hiking) so these old snow boots can go. looking forward to wearing my new ones to work during the next storm!

Donkey on 01/10/2022:
When the stats start to become more important than the effort itself, it's time to let them go. I hadn't realized that you stopped tracking sunshine hours, but you make a really good point. It's doing the work that's the real gains, not the stats themselves.

Now that's not to say that stats aren't helpful or have their purpose, because they do! They sometimes push me to do a little more, like when I hop on the treadmill in the evenings, to reach 10,000 Garmin steps. Or if I've been riding the bike for 48 minutes -- I would probably push myself to go 2 more minutes for an even 50.

But if one feels deflated because she wasn't tracking - like what happened to me at the gym yesterday - then one must realize that the elliptical workout still counts, even if she didn't set her Garmin to track it (lol).

Donkey - Saturday Jan 08, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 137.0

Lost a pound... maybe.  The 0.5 scale was acting a little wonky this morning - I think it's dying a slow death, so I weighed myself on the 0.2 Ironman scale and it said 137.8, and this scale usually weighs me about a pound heavier.  So 137 it is.  

And I am grateful for that loss, because this past week was not the shining example of disciplined eating at work.  Yesterday was especially bad, with the consumption of several chocolate-covered candy-coated almonds.  And I finished the Three Kings cake, too.  Just zero willpower.  I've been able to identify a few obstacles that I'm encountering at work:

  1. Continued wearing of a mask.  THIS I think is the biggest contribution to eating at work.  I just realized this last night, because it happened before when we were all wearing masks when COVID first started.  Husband says that it's because I want more oxygen, but I wonder if it's because eating allows me to take off the mask.
  2. If people would STAY at their desks, I would not have to wear a mask, because I'm socially isolated - we pretty much all are - where I sit. But NO.  People are constantly walking back and forth past my desk, to the shredder, to the Boss' office, to the coffee closet, to other desk areas, over and over and over.  This really HONKS me off!  STAY AT YOUR DESK, people!  But I know that they do this because they want to get up and walk around -- because I do the same thing!
  3. I can't walk around as much as I would normally like to do at work, because other people are walking around, too, "trying to get in my steps".  Associate Attorney and New Guy are constantly on their cell phones, walking around.  The area to walk around is very limited.  Oh I suppose I could go up and down the stairs repeatedly, but this is very hard on my knees, especially the one I tweeked on Tuesday.

So these factors have contributed to an unhealthy work environment.  Add to this all of the hostile drama - whether or not it's directed to me, it still affects me - and there's the perfect storm for gaining weight at work.

If it were warmer outside, I could walk around the outside of the building, but with all of the snow and gosh-awful cold, going outside requires 5 minutes of putting on winter-wear, and then 5 minutes of taking off winter-wear.  The weather is so RUDE.  So that's not an option for me at this time.

However, being aware of these obstacles, now I can combat them.

  • I haven't been taking very good care of myself this 1st week of 2022 though, and that also makes me feel kind of sad.
  • I've been staying up past 9:30pm.  This is because I watch the news to get the weather report, which starts at 9:30pm.
  • I haven't been reading anything.  ANYTHING.  Not even very easy books. 
  • I've been feeling down in the dumps lately.  Not a depression, not anxiety, but just a dull feeling.  I'm surprised because usually I haven't minded winter so much, but this year has been the first time that it's bothered me to the point of discomfort.

At least the scale is moving downward, so what I want to do is build on that momentum and keep it going.

Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/08/2022:
You might benefit from one of the lights made for Seasonal Affective disorder.

happy-1 on 01/08/2022:
Dumps…. Come from light, being off schedule, sugary holiday treats. Sugar is a major down cycle trigger.

happy-1 on 01/08/2022:
Actually, now that I think about it... all the stress, physical exertion shoveling snow, and sugar, your lower Body Battery may be telling you you are setting yourself up to get sick. What did it charge to this morning?

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
sorry i didn't comment earlier this week. it's not only DD that i am less communicative on; but with Christine (as our lives are not in any zone for mesh with her mostly off work and me mostly working; as well as her wanting my support for her to go on a weekend overnight trip for a flight when i don't want to talk about nonsense/support her plan when i just need to rest myself.). hard to explain. i also hardly spoke to family. my job/life is going to be like this for the next 3 months at least...and 90% like this until i have a different commute / work/life balance i do think. As long as i'm at the company, i do feel this is going to be my pattern here unfortunately. i am so grateful for the job, but life is give and take - and the commute/job are taking more of my time than before.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
one piece cake and some candy coated almonds are not a binge...remember that. enjoy the flavor. i yearn for when you wrote that you enjoyed it; and you are ok with this. it doesn't mean no willpower. perhaps you did what you wanted and perhaps it's a good thing. to enjoy it this time; and learn to savor when you enjoy; and have smaller or don't finish dessert on other occasions.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
in order not to keep eating, make sure you are drinking either water or an extra hot herbal tea to help you. i drink a LOT of water some days at work. i mean, it could easily be 6 cups in just cold water. i do this when i'm particularly noshy.

i also sometimes drink an extra (decaf) coffee after my regular coffee on cold days / days i am more tired or craving food.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
yeah, the weather is not great for walking. but (when no snow on ground), even if cold, you can go out for shorter periods (once the snow is off the sidewalks).

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
listen, your last paragraph. so you haven't been taking care of yourself = this is done already. cannot go back and fix. don't let it leave you too sad, you can fix it going forwards. try not to waste your time/emotions on things in the past. Bear and Happy have good ideas about this. Remember, things that are done and choices that have been made cannot be fixed. You can only change the present/future. so do not waste your energies being too sad about what's in the past. trust me, i could easily do the same, but it's not going to help me move forward.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
if i made a joke i was bringing carrots to the next party/holiday; i think my coworkers would groan too! like when is a carrot as tasty as a piece of cake. don't take the below personally ;)

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
listen, i have my male coworkers lately all up in sex talk and trying to figure out my life. but i'm not taking it personally or as harassment. i simply don't care. they asked me if i ever danced on a bar; which i did and said yes...lots of joking around in "male talk" with no other females at work the past two weeks. it's not a very profressional environment and there's a ton of joking...and as long as i get my pay check, i'm good. if something actually bothered me, i'd speak up, but the less issues at work, the better. people say all sorts of things, and a groan about carrots...def i wouldn't think twice about it....try to relax a bit about your stressful work environment. try to make it easier to work there in your mind. the more you think negatively about it, the more negative it will be....try to go home; and not hound on all the negative at work...because the cycle will repeat itself.

also, if you need to talk to us here; keep on; i'm just reminding you of a negative cycle. i have been there many times, so i know.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2022:
most importantly, there may be drama but i do think (and have thought this for a very LONG time), that they need you there. so, the person most preventing you from trying to be positive could be YOU. you have a job; now it's up to you how you want to think of this job...

what i'm saying is, it's not being taken away from you....try to see that perspective...

the paycheck is coming in; until possibly YOU stop it from coming in. you can walk away from this job, but you are walking away from the paycheck until you find another one....

Donkey - Friday Jan 07, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 138.0

It was oh so difficult to get up this morning.  Cold weather, demoralizing environment at work, tired.  So this morning was bike ride only.  No weights tonight.

I did OK with my daily goals yesterday except for eating what was planned.  It was Epiphany, so New Guy brought in a Three Kings cake, and I had 2 pieces.  Oh yes, and there was a whole bunch of drama that went with that cake.  I tried to keep it inclusive and light.  My first piece had a plastic baby Jesus in it, which means, according to custom, that I host the next party, which I think is for Mardi Gras, but not sure.  So I made a joke about bringing carrots and celery sticks for all.  Seriously, there was a collective groan from all of my co-workers - ha ha ha! 

But seriously, the spitefulness at work has just exceeded my limits.  I'm almost wondering if Male Co-Worker and Associate Attorney are going at it as a joke - who can be the meanest or something like that...  It's to the point now where I have to rise above it, because if I let it bother me, it will just bring more negativity in my life, and I don't need that.  We're all on edge with the changes that are coming to the firm...

As you know, I have had conflicts with New Gal and Mistakes Girl will be going on maternity leave (perhaps permanently) eventually, soon.  We couldn't find an outside hire, so New Gal brought in the resume of her friend.  I'm not sure how others feel about this, but it is most likely that she will get hired.  Mistakes Girl is livid, for many reasons.  I was very disappointed, but instantly realized that this will probably be the push for me out the door.  I cannot work with another New Gal.

I didn't even realize it until I was almost done, but I did a pretty good upper body weight routine last night.  My "required" minimum was 2 exercises and I ended up doing around 6 or so, working more of my arms than I had intended.  It felt good.

Tonight is Chair Yoga, but it is very very cold out plus rocketing COVID rates, so as of last night, we were "undecided" as to whether or not we would attend.  I'm leaving it up to Husband to decide what he wants to do.

Husband has his MOVE support group starting in about 20 minutes, and I need to get ready for work, so I'll end this here.  We're going to have a GREAT DAY today!

Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/07/2022:
Sorry about all the work drama! I saw some of the same when I taught high school for 13 years in Southern California. Not easy. Never heard of a Three Kings Cake! Baby Jesus! Sounds like a Christmas cake.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
In Mexico, Three Kings (Epiphany) is the day of exchanging gifts, not Christmas. At least that was in the olden days.

It's much like a not-so-sweet coffee cake. However, in America, we drizzle icing on it, which then makes it very sweet. It's much like a concha bun, if you've had one of those.

innerpeace on 01/07/2022:
People, treats just two reasons I'm glad I'm not in the office as much. I'm proud of you for raising above the drama! I don't think I would fare well in an hostile environment. Good luck today! I usually only brought the 3 kind cake in at Mardi Gras, but as I haven't been going in, it all works out! So the Meteorologists who work during the week have an ongoing tradition where the journeyman on shift brings donuts on Saturday and the lead on Shift will bring the donuts on Sunday...every MONDAY they're left over donuts on the break room counter - some days - its VERY hard to just keep going, but there are some days when just a little peak in the box will suffice...other days I will CAVE!!

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
My work environment is causing me to eat more. I just realized this. I thought it was more specific than that (wearing a mask, which I'll write more about today), but as I was getting ready to type out my comment to you, I realized that it's the whole environment overall that is sabotaging me.

Now that I am aware, I can work on improving my circumstances.

Maria7 on 01/07/2022:
Good idea to simply ignore the drama, get your work done, and live a peaceful life.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
I agree that this approach works so much better. You know, I was taught that it's not a good thing to be self-centered, but maybe in this case, it's best to be focused on myself (at work).

bearcountrygg on 01/07/2022:
If those guys are in a match to agitate each other then it sounds like they are both giving it their best shot. Is it Mardi Gras time? Office food is what put weight back on me after losing 55 pounds....I was wearing size small scrubs and then went through mediums and on to large...seems like I was always at the uniform store........it wasn't how I was eating at home...that didn't change.......it was the meals that drug reps brought in almost daily.......We got a 20 minute paid lunch break and ate in the lunchroom so we were away from our computers for that time.....it was very hard to ignore 2 long tables of food 4 out of 5 days a week.....so we all ate well and way too much there.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
Lately, the eating-at-work thing has become another hurdle. It was in the past, and then it wasn't - so I know I can overcome this.

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
Ok... catching up... I kind of spaced out while I was prepping the challenge and only did that...

12/30/21 - Ok... So here is the deal with body battery... You need to wear the watch for 30 days continuously, except to charge it while you shower in the morning. Make sure you wear it two hours before bed.

You also want to check that the wakeup time is correct in Sleep every morning by lunch. Sometimes if you wake up and don't get out of bed right away, it will count it as REM sleep. Sleep stats are finalized 24 hours later, so you can only use the ones from yesterday as your baseline. They will be 5-7% off of lab data, so 4min/hour. Pretty close.

You always want to use an activity on the watch to log outdoor chores, bike rides... anything that raises your heart rate to or past Zone 3. Body Battery is based on HRV. The better you are about this, the more accurate it will be.

Body Battery explanation... https://www.garmin.com/en-US/blog/fitness/5-reasons-your-body-battery-running-low/

It uses heart rate variability, stress, and activity to estimate a user’s energy reserves throughout the day...

Stress is not just stress... it's more like allostatic load... So sugar, processed foods, medications, cognitive drain, stress, poor sleep, anger...

From Reddit:

"the stress function on a Garmin is calculated by measuring heart rate variability as a metric for stress your body is experiencing. The mistake people make is assuming it exclusively measures anxiety. It doesn't. What it measures instead is what we call sympathetic activation or systemic nervous system activity. Basically your body has a nervous system that you can't control made up of two different, antagonistic nervous systems - the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. The parasympathetic nervous system is activated in rest and relaxation (or rest and digest) while the sympathetic nervous system is activated in stress situations (good example is your fight or flight response). Now if the stress metric is a measure of sympathetic nervous system activity, what is it really measuring? Well naturally it also measures psychological stress. If your tense, your heart beats faster, your blood pressure increases and so on and so forth (thus sympathetic activation). This system is also active when our body is mounting an immune response, albeit to infection, a vaccine or an auto-immune disease, such as in your case. When you exercise, this nervous system is also activated and actually stays active for quite a bit after exercise (check your stress levels after exercise)." https://www.reddit.com/r/Garmin/comments/m15xwe/garmin_body_battery_and_autoimmune_conditions/

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
I need to play around with this some more, and I'll check out the links.

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
After a month, next part of that is your workstation at work... sitting is one of the worst things we do all day... If you get some time alone at the office, play a meditation music thing on YouTube for 10 minutes while doing box breath and sitting however you normally sit looking at text on your screen... then look at Body Battery... the 10 min you meditated should be blue.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
I'll have to try that. Even a sedentary activity - sitting while meditating - can raise my Body Battery? That makes sense to me, but I'd still like to try it out, for my own fun if nothing else.

Normally, I would get up and walk around the office, but as of late, this has become a HUGE problem and I can no longer do this.

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
Assuming things like cortisol, blood sugar, etc are normal and you aren't on a med with side effects of fatigue

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
Your Menu comes with advanced insights... So at 10am, use it to tell you about your sleep last night.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
OK, I will check this out. Thanks!

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
HOP's comment... "Remember, that more than any watch or exterior measurement, listening to your own body and mind in general is most important to your well being, in my opinion. a watch is good, but if it has you overdo or underdo because of the watch, then it will not be worth it." Yes... BUT... with Body Battery 100% as a goal, you are learning how to not tax your body pointlessly and rest correctly so you start your morning like an apex predator, not a mouse.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
True - I see the Garmin as a tool, giving suggestions and indicating direction, not judgment.

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
1/4/22... He bought peanut butters in palm oil??? I assume with sugars? That would give me so much arthritis. I wouldn't move.

happy-1 on 01/07/2022:
And today's... A hostile work environment will drain you and prevent you from charging 100% no matter what you do.

Donkey on 01/08/2022:
GREAT POINT! Ooo, I should use this to remind myself throughout the day at work.

Donkey - Thursday Jan 06, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 138.0

Tried to move on from the negativity of Tuesday at work, but yesterday, Associate Attorney asked for a sit-down with me, so of course I could not say no.  I tried to play the incident off as casually as I could, saying that I had just mentioned the drama to Male Co-Worker, and Male Co-Worker blew it way out of proportion.  That's not what exactly what happened.  Yes, MCW made a huge dramatic deal out of the whole thing, but I was stirring the pot.  I was adding fuel to the fire.   And I guess it blew up in my face.  Lesson learned.  Don't give Male Co-Worker any cause to make fun of AA, because he'll do it, and very publicly too. :-(

Because it was so cold out yesterday, my lunchtime walk was shorter.  So I walked on the treadmill last night to meet 10,000 steps.  But then stayed up too late after that, which means I didn't wake up early enough to do weights this morning.  I may try to do upper body weights tonight, but if I have to walk on the treadmill, then that might not happen.  Not good. 

In fact, I'm not in a good spot right now. I am not taking good care of myself.  I seem to be in a backslide this whole week.  I may give myself some grace this week, though.  Winter seems to have hit my psyche hard this year.  It might have been better handled if the snow & cold came before Christmas.

On the plus side, eating went reasonably well, with only 2 chocolate covered almonds at work, after lunch.  Also, I started a new TV show to watch while exercising (mostly for the treadmill, but I may start watching it in the morning, during bike ride and/or weight training), which is a great motivator.  Now that I can watch episodes in a row, I've started "Downtown Abbey" and perhaps this will be enough motivation to get through the winter.

Today, Mistakes Girl is leaving early for a pre-natal appointment with a specialist.  It will be a long appointment; I'm not sure if she's coming back in the afternoon.  I feel better when she is around, even if we don't work together as much any more.  Plus, now there's no barrier between myself and New Gal.  I will just keep to myself.  I don't have much to do at work right now.  The Boss is out until February 9th.

So today's goals:

  • Eat what's planned
  • 10,000 steps -- will try to take a longer, safer walk today, even though it's colder than yesterday
  • 2 upper body weight exercises - probably 1 for back and 1 for chest, or maybe bicep/tricep
  • Bed before 10p
  • 100 oz of water
  • Keep my mouth shut at work.

Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/06/2022:
I know around here...if one of us starts the day with a less than stellar attitude.....the other snaps right back...and the race is on to see who can be the bad attitude winner........it seems contagious. I'm reminded by Sampson sometimes.....if he asks to climb on my lap sometimes ( yes he asks...with a little mew and direct eye contact and waits for me to tell him okay)........the gentler and slower that I pet him...the more he calms.....it was that way with foster babies too.....they were wound tighter than little springs when they arrived......the calmer I was with them...they would just melt.....it never took more than a few minutes of rocking and speaking softly to them.......calm feels safe and secure. Have you ever gone to a doctor with a great bedside manner where they made you feel like you were the only patient they have? It is so easy to talk to them, and it's easier to hear what they have to say......but in reality..they have rooms full of patients waiting...........they are like a duck on the pond...appearing to just be gliding along the water so serenely......but under that water...those little feet are paddling a mile a minute......it is well worth treating others calmly......they relax and just carry on.....and it sets a pace.

Donkey on 01/07/2022:
Yes, after much soul searching yesterday, I've decided to try to maintain my own personal dignity and remain calm, and try to bring forth more kindness.

Jacky82020 on 01/06/2022:
10K real steps is fantastic! Best I can do these days on the treadmill or other walking. My steps are the far easier on my buttocks steps.

Glad you seem to have worked some job things out. Must be difficult

Donkey on 01/07/2022:
The drama and pettiness at work is to the point of ridiculous. Yesterday (Thursday) was just the limit.

I can't talk about it to Husband because he tells me to quit, and as you know, it's not as easy as just quitting.

Maria7 on 01/06/2022:
Oh, dear! I know that must have been uncomfortable for you to go through with AA. Hopefully your day improves and when you go home, you can get some rest and relaxation.

Donkey on 01/07/2022:
It's hard to watch people being mean to each other. Associate Attorney can handle it and dish it back, but it really bothers Nice Lady, probably because she's nice.

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 05, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 138.0

Well.... Yesterday was day of failure that I do not want to repeat ever again.  I don't want to dwell on the negatives too much, but I failed at dieting (chocolate covered cruchy coated almonds at work). I failed at being a good person by spreading negative drama at work, which caused hurt feelings. I hurt my right knee while working on leg weights last night.  It feels OK today, but I definitely did not get the workout in that I wanted.  I went to bed after 9:30pm -- this must stop -- and all I wanted to do was put this day behind me.

In thinking about how unhappy of a person Male Co-Worker must be to stir things up, I then realized that maybe it's ME that's a miserably unhappy person.  Maybe *I* am the rotton apple in the bunch.  Well, that's not who I want to be.  

So today I'm turning it around.  This is a new day and I am ready to make the most of it.  I need to keep my mouth shut, unless it's to smile or say something positive - at least at work, and hopefully at home too.  Why is this so hard?  Like I said, maybe it's ME that's the unhappy one, and the only one that can change that is ME.


Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/05/2022:
Don't look back...it's another day......with different rules...one day at a time.

legcramps on 01/05/2022:
Yes, one day at a time. I had a crappy day at work yesterday as well, and once you get into that mood it's tough to be positive about everything. It's ok to have a bad day - you find compassion and empathy for others who do, so have some for yourself too.

Jacky82020 on 01/05/2022:
Please don’t be too hard on yourself. We all have thise overeating goody days. Hope that knee is doing much better.

Donkey on 01/06/2022:
Felt a strain in my right knee here and there. Then I started feeling it in my left knee, after walking in the snow. I walk differently in the snow, because I have to be prepared in case there is ice under the snow.

I will probably not be doing squats for the remainder of the week.

Maria7 on 01/05/2022:
Sometimes, the less said, the better. I've been guilty of not saying less before, too. We need to find our 'happy place' and let go of negatives. When we do this, we will have more peace. And I am talking to myself, too. Smile.

horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2022:
All nut butters are so similar too bad your hubby bought more but they do last a long time without opening so you have time to use them. Lately I go thru nut butters fast bc I don’t plan breakfast like I used to and / I snack on a tbsp during the morning at work. The tbsps empty the jar quickly as many of the jars I bought are smaller

horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2022:
Yeah I like your end paragraph! Don’t worry so much and all those li type things you list in your first paragraph that you are mad at yourself for are trivial don’t you think ?! You are a great person and you do good for the world ! Don’t even question it. Chocolate covered almonds I would say are welcome to my diet ;)

Donkey on 01/06/2022:
I try, but I am also painfully aware when I fall short. And I don't mean just being crabby. Crabby is a normal state and exempted, LOL... Maybe I could work on that too.

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 04, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 138.0

Yesterday was a very stressful day.  It was difficult to be back at work with a Boss that has nothing to do, and just wants to get out of town on Thursday, for his month-long sabbatical (vacation) in Florida.  Baby Kitty was at the vet all day - 3 enemas, and she might need a 4th, if she doesn't go on her own today or tomorrow. She stinks, even though Daughter gave her a bath late last night when she got home from work.  I stayed up too late last night so that I could have cuddle time with Baby Kitty.  Difficult to get up this morning.

I did well with eating.  During yoga, I checked in with myself, and made sure that I was in a strong place mentally, so that I did not eat afterwards.  I woke up OK, I think, but I do remember getting hungry during my morning bike ride.  

Husband is on Whole 30 for a month, which is basically a paleo diet.  I think he's been gaining weight, because he broke the garbage can pedal due to the force used, and then his office chair broke because he's too heavy.  He had mentioned walking on the treadmill, but the one we have doesn't support weight above 300 lbs, so I've asked him not to use it.  

The thing is, he picks up groceries from Walmart and bought all these nut butters for the diet.  OMG, do you know who is going to end up eating these????  And they aren't cheap!  One jar was a peanut butter "spread" with palm oil, which he said he didn't order (a "substitute") but the Walmart receipt shows that he did order it, so he says he must have selected the wrong item.  We have 3 jars of natural peanut butter (peanuts & salt) already in the pantry, but he goes and buys all of these spreads which contain palm oil and other ingredients.  OMG.  Way to support the destruction of the Amazon rainforests.  Well, I will do my very best not to open ANY of these jars with the intention of making a donation to the food pantry in February or March.

I ran out of time this morning to do weights (leg day), so I might do them tonight, or I might take another rest day and focus more on turning the light off at 9:30pm instead.  I haven't been going to bed on time lately, so my sleep and rest is lacking.

Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/04/2022:
It's hard to have food in the house that calls you.....but palm oil is the pits.....that peanut spread sounds like it has a lot of something else in it......ugh!

Jacky82020 on 01/04/2022:
Walmart does allow the exchange of foods purchased in error or whatever. Sure they toss it in the garbage. I have done this only a few times when the shopper put the wrong item in my pickup cart. Always a hassle though dealing with the very polite but poor English speaking customer service reps. Sometimes easier to absorb the loss.

I’d spread any unwanted PB on trees or whatever for the woodpeckers & other birds. This is commonly done, & I have done it too.

Maria7 on 01/04/2022:
When I have food in the house that is tempting to eat but that I don't need to eat, sooner or later, I usually eat it and not a small amount, either.

Donkey on 01/05/2022:
YES -- THIS!!! EXACTLY my point, but this seems to be lost on my Husband. Not inconsiderate, but rather, this never occurs to him.

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