Day 92? 93?
Not much to say. I've been eating way too much fruit cake. It's almost gone, so once it's gone, then I'm done. Left work at 11:30am today. We're taking my mother in law out for dinner tonight, and then a small gift exchange at her studio apartment in assisted living.
We played a 2.5 hour Scrabble game last night. My fellow family members are not really word people. My grandmother was a hawk at Scrabble, so I learned from one of the best.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Day 91:
Yesterday was a good reset day. Although I had rice at dinner (Chinese), I felt that I did pretty well on food choices and quantities. It feels good to eat right.
Thanks to Bear, I've been thinking about goals for 2020. I confess that I hadn't even really thought about it - that is to say, it didn't register that this was a new year coming up so why not work on new goals? That's how "out of it" I am right now - just coasting along in neutral, not really aware of what's going on around me, but just going through the motions. Not good.
I went back in entries, to see what my goals were for 2019:
LOL - lots of options!
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Also, the planner I use at work for calculating pro-rations throughout the year has a "Goals" section for each week. (Every time I turn a page, it's a new week.) I just noticed this a couple of weeks ago. Why haven't I been using this before? I pick up that planner almost every day - definitely every day when we're busier - so seeing my goals written out would be a reminder and a motivator.
Of course, you would utilize your planner differently, but I think that planners are excellent tools to help us use our time efficiently.
I tried a recipe similar to yours with the cooked cranberries - and i added a tiny bit of gelatin...then i needed more sweetener!...and it sorta burned my stomach....but i think in the end it will taste good tonight with whipped cream.
Day 89: today I will honor my body and treat myself with kindness.
This conflict with my mother is still eating away at me (literally). Did pretty well with eating at work, but came home and threw myself - once again - into food, after yoga class.
It hurts to be forgotten. It hurts to be ignored. This is a repeat of what it was like growing up. My brother had friends and everyone liked him. I was the fat older sister who stayed home, alone, to take care of the house. Fat and ugly, with glasses, short, big legs. I know that if I could just be thin and athletic, like my brother, people would love me too.
Delusional, with faulty logic, but there you go and here I am.
Second day in a row of waking up with a sour stomach and a tongue that feels like it's been burned. Why am I so mean to myself?
Tried Yin yoga with the teacher that teaches hard yoga, since the hard yoga class is later, and I wanted to get home to watch the debate.
It was a very nice, relaxing session, but... afterwards I was kind of missing the hard yoga experience. I don't mean to sound difficult, but that's exactly what I am right now. It's a learning experience, seeing what works and what doesn't, but I just realized that the hard yoga class is changing to something else in January, so there is no decision to be made.
Today is the office Christmas party. Queen Bee will be there. I plan to sit back and enjoy.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
BCGG is right...and you aren't the same way now. you've changed yourself, your body..
I project what I think I look like and instruct other people how to treat me.
You say short, thick, legs... Isn't that the stuff of homeboy cartoon porn?
Day 88:
So the texting tiff with my mom: she texted my brother and me an old photo that the woman who took care of us on Sundays and Thursdays. This woman wrote a note to my mom to share with photo with my brother, no mention of me whatsoever. I said that my feelings were hurt by that. My brother agreed. Rather than validate my feelings or say something supportive like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I don't think it was intentional", she said that I need to get over it. She went on to make more excuses for this woman than to perhaps be a little supportive to her own daughter. . WTF.
There was a little more to the texting, that ended up sounding like I was mad at my brother, and then I said, I'm done with this conversation.
I've been stewing over this for the past 2 day . I've been eating my emotions too. (Ugh, this morning, I'm really regretting what I ate.) Self-abuse. But also a very good reminder to me that our relationship is not yet at the point where we can move out to Vegas to be near her.
It also brought to my attention how all the pain of my childhood is still unresolved.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
anyways, i wouldn't get any more worked up about this...seems the women who gave your mom the picture didn't mention you but that's something you cannot control at all. one of those things out of your hands. i guess your mom just didn't realize you were so upset or why.
either way, i hope this passes soon. and like i was saying, sometimes you cannot make others feel your pain or feel what you are feeling or expect them to act as you would :/
Day 88:
Last night's last Stress Reduction yoga session was slow yoga, where we assumed mostly standing positions and held them for about 45 seconds. I loved this, as it's standing, but slow enough to give me time to make adjustments and then breathe and enjoy the pose. The fast yoga is too fast for me.
Two things:
Last night was the teacher's last night. Becky will no longer teach adults, nor during the week. She will continue teaching the kids' classes on Sunday, but her schedule was getting too hectic to continue teaching during the week. This is sad because I really like her teaching style. She has a very soothing voice.
Secondly, on Thursday, rather than subject myself to fast yoga and all the anxiety that goes along with that, I will go to Jean's Yin yoga class at 6p, instead of vinyasa at 7p.
Got into a group texting argument with my mother and brother last night. My brother thought that my upset was directed at him but actually I'm upset with my mom. Would it be too much that she acknowledge my hurt, rather than make excuses for someone else's behavior?
Anyway, just another reminder to me that I need boundaries and distance between myself and toxic people in my life.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
The CALM app is very good. it was on sale for $41 the other day, usually it's like $60 for the year. it's more than meditation - it has multiple features and seems easy to use. there's even bedtime stories! and new things are added daily to the app. so far i've used it twice, but 1 time was on train and i wasn't truly focused but it still had some variable relaxation help if i would have been able to focus on it but it was a new train route so i couldn't focus on the app..app was still nice though in terms of the voice narrating and the words and meaning. i'm sure it will be very easy for me to use it on weekends.
Day 87: Peace be with you.
The restorative-yin yoga class I went to last night was wonderful. It seemed to have worked out the back issues I've been having since last Tuesday. I don't often like to use props to assist in the poses (for any class), but last night, I embraced the props (mentally embraced, meaning, I was open to accepting of using props), and wow!
Tonight is the last Stress Reduction yoga class. It's supposed to be a more active practice tonight, more flow and movement. I'm looking forward to it. Becky isn't the best teacher, but I just love the way she teaches. I wonder what she'll teach next!
I'm looking forward to continuing my yoga journey into 2020. I've already signed up for the free classes through the library. I'm reevaluating if I want to pursue the faster, more athletic vinyasa yoga (Thursday nights), or maybe I just want to stay with a slower yin practice. What do I want of my practice?
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
After being off yoga a few days, it sounds like you are back in the groove. You have so many lovely yoga options, I love it!!!
I'm seeking out meditation now. I have an app, paid $40 for it since it was recommended to me by my therapist. I figure i'll try to use it before bed and some nights / weekends at home. it's called CALM.
BTW if you get sudden urges to go down to Florida, that's more of our psychic connection!...
Vinyasa challenges me, but it scares me too, and it usually requires me to psyche myself up to go. I just don't move that fast (yet) and I'm not that flexible (yet) to do a lot of the moves properly. In the other hand, there's no improvement without effort. Can't get better if I don't do the work.
Day 86: thanks be to God
Woke up late, so everything is behind. Big cat fight in my room last night had me mopping up the floor at 10p.
When I woke up, I had difficulty determining what day it was, and whether I had to actually get up or not. Unfortunately, it's not Sunday, so I got up but it was already later than is comfortable.
Thank goodness the boss comes in late on Mondays because he has cardiac rehab. He says he can't wait to stop working out...
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
and hopefully tonight was relaxing for you.
your boss should continue to work out lol...he sounds a lot different than me and you :)
Oh, I meant to tell you, son is in the Air Force :) It's ok if you get it mixed up. I'm so proud of him for serving our country.
Day 85:
I did really well yesterday until the nighttime snacking took over. So I was a little bloated this morning. Still weighed in but I feel that it's a little inflated because of the extra cheese (salty) and nuts I ate last night. So.... I will not update my weight, but pretty much staying the same.
I just realized though that I have an annual doctor's exam coming up soon, I think January, so I should probably work on the weight numbers a little bit, even though I'm maintaining.
I did a nice session of yoga last night at home. The "Yin" yoga isn't available for free, so I did "Restorative", which seemed to me to be a Yin yoga session. Some of the poses were very challenging, and I opted not to do them because of my back. This is HUGE for me, to recognize and respect the limits of my body. I felt good afterwards, and my back feels good this morning.
I forgot that we were going to see the Christmas pagent that Male Co-Worker is directing at his church today. Also didn't realize that my daughter had to work today, so she won't be able to go. After the play, husband and I will go out to breakfast if he wants to, as I promised him this as incentive to go. (We're all trying to support one another here.) I'd rather not eat out yet again, but this typically happens in December, so I'll roll with it.
So I could not attend Yin Yoga at the studio this morning. However, the owner is having a "pop-up" class tomorrow night from 6:30p-7:30p. I want to see if my daughter would like to go with me to this, since she has the day off, and I haven't really seen her at all this weekend. It's $10, which is very reasonable.
This reminds me - one of our local animal shelters is having a yoga fundraiser: Puppies & Yoga. Oh I think I really want to go to to this! It's $20 for 50 minutes of yoga, which is kind of on the OUCH side. I know it's for charity.... Oh the temptation!
I did not work out with weights yesterday, as I had planned, because I was still hesitant to test my back. However, I will try to get this in today.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Nice job listening to your body and not "overdoing the restorative yoga." it seems you used the yoga to help you just right.
The charity yoga session sounds really nice, though a little pricey it's still a fair deal i'd say.
let us know if you got to the weights. and have fun today at the pagent.
I did shoulders (and other stuff), and then did restorative yoga later in that really stretched out the shoulders. My arms felt worked out after that!
Day 84: Peace be with you.
My plan is to do yin yoga at home, using the Downward Dog app. Just holding of poses to get a nice stretch is what I need right now.
Probably pushed myself too hard this morning by mopping up the floors. Our Sick Kitty had made a mess of the floors, and this needed to be cleaned, in my opinion Mopping is one of those activities that my back does NOT like - probably because it's an unbalanced action. It's a repeated, prolonged twist at the waist that is only one side. (I can't really mop with my left side leading - I've tried.)
No yoga studio today. As I mentioned, spending time with my family is my #1 priority right now, and with daughter having to work today at noon, I am home for whatever few minutes I get to spend with her this morning, before she leaves.
I'd like to go to a tea shop in a nearby town today, but I'm not sure we'll get to it. I have to check in with husband to see what tea gifts he already purchased for daughter. I hate crowds.
I also have to go to Walmart - probably later tonight to avoid big crowds - to get a gift for the office Christmas party on Friday, plus I want to get little gifts for my office peeps (except Queen Bee). I'm thinking nice gel pens for Male Co-Worker. Maybe some roll-on aromatherapy for Mistakes Girl and Nice Lady.
So my son has to start all over again with his training, because they have determined that the field he has been training for is just not the right fit. We will find out AFTER Christmas what job he will start training for. He also says that because of a new job, he will have to re-pick where he gets stationed after he's done with training. He says he wants to go overseas, which I think is a wonderful thing for him to do, depending on the place he goes. Oh, I don't know if I could visit him in Korea.... Japan would be a real challenge for me too -- but I might be up to visiting him in other places.
My husband asked son if he was relieved, and he said in a way he is. I cannot express what a strong feeling I have in my heart, just knowing that this is the right thing to be happening. How many times have we been disappointed in life, only to find out 6 months later, Hey, it's a good thing that didn't happen! That's the kind of feeling I'm sensing right now.
Oh I forgot to weigh in this morning - I'll try to remember tomorrow morning! Part of this was that I slept in a bit. Tomorrow, if I want to go to the studio for early morning yin yoga, I won't be able to sleep in. Let's see what my back has to say about all of this.
One of the reasons I started to pursue the practice of yoga was to find a balance in my life. Isn't it ironic that, physically, the balancing poses are the hardest for me to do? Balancing on one foot/leg is such a struggle for me. I'm thinking that this is no co-incidence-- that is to say, that my physical imbalance is reflective of my internal imbalance of life.
I actually thought this week, Maybe these balancing poses aren't meant to be for me. I was so startled! I caught myself and said, "Well, maybe not, but that doesn't mean that you can't keep trying!" This idea was like a light bulb going off, realizing that my life has become a series of imbalanced: physically (hips, back), mentally (depression, anxiety), and spiritually (my ever-growing frustration and discontent, excessive crabbiness).
I want to remain focused on my mission: to seek a better balanced life. So yoga will continue...
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Is it wrong that I am so jealous of this??? I deeply wish someone would do that for me right now... figure out what I should be doing and would be good at, stop me from heading down the wrong path.
i am in 100% agreement about your son. i keep forgetting what branch he is in. either way, they've been testing folks for a long time, and, it's good he will have a branch to enter and something that is suitable for HIM. that's 100% great. it is. and it's a relief to know there is something for YOUR SON.
yes, remain focused and try those yoga poses :) xoxoxo
Day 83: feeling paralyzed by stress and sadness.
I did not go to yoga last night. I was debating up to the end of what was a sad, stressful day, only to receive the final bad news blow when we learned that our son has been set back again in his training. As this is his third setback, they may decide that he is not fit for this job and reassign him to another job. That would mean he would have to stay all over again with job training. So disappointing for him.
I've missed a few yoga opportunities recently. Missed Library Yin Yoga, missed Library Chair Yoga, missed Difficult Yoga...
My eating yesterday was not good. Succumbed to some chocolates and a couple of cookies at work. They are gone now. Not dwelling on this, but just being accountable.
Can I just put this out there, that I'm feeling incredibly frustrated that I'm spending all my time at a stupid, thankless job, dealing with stupid, petty drama, when I should be home taking care of my poor kitty, my home, my family...
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Do you think you are feeling extra stressed/sad because you haven't been able to vent through your yoga sessions? I find when I haven't been to the gym, I start to feel a lot more anxiety (which i'm feeling this week). We all need our vices in order to deal with life. I hope you are able to get back to a session soon.
In regards to the job, I too find the majority of my workdays to be thankless and stressful. I don't know what the answer here is - the easy one is to leave and do what makes you happy, but the action of that is often impossible to achieve. If we figure out a better solution, we'd better bottle it! Hugs.
I'm eager to get back to yoga, but very protective of my back. There is a Slow Flow class today that I was thinking about going to, but then I realized that it's during the 1 hour I'll get to see my daughter today, before she goes to work. Lately, I've been making this a priority.
I feel bad about missing classes, but then again, maybe not really.
I don't know if that sunk in with him, but I sense this so strongly, knowing that this is the right thing.
But they aren’t throwing him out to not have anything for work. Remind him that before this he didn’t have anything and now it’s just trying to find his groove and stick with it for the career path that’s stable as he continues. It’s all still new and not for him to give up on at all- tell your son - I recommend going with the flow and getting what is possible for him and not to put too much emphasis on what isn’t. To try his best and know there is something for him in this career and not give up and know it’s meant to be challenging!
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Love scrabble......Have a nice Christmas! I guess we all struggle with food over the holidays....but you are right....it to will pass.
That's kind of how I figure it - I am not as selective this year on what I eat. I think last year, I made better choices. This year, I'm not so restrictive.
Horn_of_plenty on 12/24/2019:
Scrabble sounds great - i think i may play a game with my mom on New Years! :)
Also, since we live parallel lives, i could have left work as early as 11:30am too! but i left around 12:30 because i wasn't rushing.
what happened was, in our queens office the fire alarm went off, and they said just go home! - instead of having everyone leave the building and have to come back in....so, when that word traveled that the main office went home at 11-11:30am, well, everyone in my office decided it was time to go home too, LOL.
i stayed and ate lunch with my coworker...she was so very spirited and into doing work today! i couldn't believe her energy! and then i left her, but she was busy still talking to people on our floor from the other company who works with us but didn't go home yet. she prob left at least 30min after me....lately, she is full of energy, but always i guess, she inspires me as my boss and her capabilities but sometimes i feel in awe/wishing to be 10% even more like her!
LOL - I love that about the fire alarm! Yep, I'd be all about, "This is a sign from the Almighty Above that it is time to GO."
I would love to be THAT person that has energy and enthusiasm like that, but I've always been a quieter soul, more introverted. Still, it's nice to have energized people around for inspiration.
horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2019:
Also you aren’t late to wish me a happy Chanukah because it’s still going on so it still works and is totally great to say it any of the 8 days :)
Yep! I know it's not a major Jewish holiday, but I still wish you "light" in your life. :-)
happy-1 on 12/27/2019:
Hugs. Fruitcake is delicious. I would have eaten the whole thing in one go.