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Donkey - Tuesday Dec 24, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 92? 93?


Not much to say.  I've been eating way too much fruit cake.  It's almost gone, so once it's gone, then I'm done.  Left work at 11:30am today.  We're taking my mother in law out for dinner tonight, and then a small gift exchange at her studio apartment in assisted living.  

We played a 2.5 hour Scrabble game last night.  My fellow family members are not really word people.  My grandmother was a hawk at Scrabble, so I learned from one of the best.

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/24/2019:
Love scrabble......Have a nice Christmas! I guess we all struggle with food over the holidays....but you are right....it to will pass.

Donkey on 12/25/2019:
That's kind of how I figure it - I am not as selective this year on what I eat. I think last year, I made better choices. This year, I'm not so restrictive.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/24/2019:
Scrabble sounds great - i think i may play a game with my mom on New Years! :)

Also, since we live parallel lives, i could have left work as early as 11:30am too! but i left around 12:30 because i wasn't rushing.

what happened was, in our queens office the fire alarm went off, and they said just go home! - instead of having everyone leave the building and have to come back in....so, when that word traveled that the main office went home at 11-11:30am, well, everyone in my office decided it was time to go home too, LOL.

i stayed and ate lunch with my coworker...she was so very spirited and into doing work today! i couldn't believe her energy! and then i left her, but she was busy still talking to people on our floor from the other company who works with us but didn't go home yet. she prob left at least 30min after me....lately, she is full of energy, but always i guess, she inspires me as my boss and her capabilities but sometimes i feel in awe/wishing to be 10% even more like her!

Donkey on 12/25/2019:
LOL - I love that about the fire alarm! Yep, I'd be all about, "This is a sign from the Almighty Above that it is time to GO."

I would love to be THAT person that has energy and enthusiasm like that, but I've always been a quieter soul, more introverted. Still, it's nice to have energized people around for inspiration.


horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2019:
Also you aren’t late to wish me a happy Chanukah because it’s still going on so it still works and is totally great to say it any of the 8 days :)

Donkey on 12/25/2019:
Yep! I know it's not a major Jewish holiday, but I still wish you "light" in your life. :-)


happy-1 on 12/27/2019:
Hugs. Fruitcake is delicious. I would have eaten the whole thing in one go.



Donkey - Sunday Dec 22, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

Day 91:


Yesterday was a good reset day.  Although I had rice at dinner (Chinese), I felt that I did pretty well on food choices and quantities.   It feels good to eat right.

Thanks to Bear, I've been thinking about goals for 2020.  I confess that I hadn't even really thought about it - that is to say, it didn't register that this was a new year coming up so why not work on new goals?  That's how "out of it" I am right now - just coasting along in neutral, not really aware of what's going on around me, but just going through the motions.  Not good.

I went back in entries, to see what my goals were for 2019:

  1. Conscious relaxation - physical and mental/emotional.  Ideally, on a daily basis:  stretching/yoga, deep breathing, prayer.
  2. Keeping a cleaner house.  15 minutes daily.  Will invest $ in getting the house deep-cleaned, which will then be easier to maintain. Start a decluttering habit.
  3. Changing my relationship with food.  Exploring and trying keto recipes, having fun with this, rather than seeing restrictions.
 
I feel that I worked on the first 2, but not so much on the third.  Keto ended up being even more restrictive that I had wanted.  I'm kind of in limbo with an eating plan.

The new schedule came out for 2020 for the yoga studio.  I'm kind of sad to see that there will be less classes offered.  Most of the classes are the slower type of yoga.  The hard yoga class on Thursday has been combined with yin yoga (which is on the floor, holding poses).  Maybe that will be a better fit for where I'm at right now?  
 
Also, I had made a comment to the owner about looking for a Friday night class, kind of like a "date night" with myself, to get into a mindset for the weekend.  Anyway, I made that comment about 3 weeks ago, and then, the more I thought about it, the more I thought, "Maybe not a good idea..."  Anyway, in the new schedule, I see that now there's a Friday night Yin class, so I feel rather obligated to go.  Er....
 
Veterans Chair Yoga is on the first Friday night of every month so that night is out.  The remaining Fridays of the month I could go 
 
Looking at the class schedule, these are my options:
  • Sunday morning Yin Yoga
  • Monday night Slow Yoga
  • Thursday night Hard Yoga & Yin Yoga
  • Friday night Yin Yoga
  • Saturday morning Slow Yoga

LOL - lots of options!  

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/22/2019:
Looks like you have lots of yoga options now.........I enjoy the planning for a new year but like many...I have in the past lost my mo jo after a few weeks.....this coming year I think the planner will nudge me along a little better instead of winging it.

Donkey on 12/22/2019:
I meant to chat with you about the planner idea - which I think is FANTASTIC! I use my daughter's unused planner to log in my yoga experiences.

Also, the planner I use at work for calculating pro-rations throughout the year has a "Goals" section for each week. (Every time I turn a page, it's a new week.) I just noticed this a couple of weeks ago. Why haven't I been using this before? I pick up that planner almost every day - definitely every day when we're busier - so seeing my goals written out would be a reminder and a motivator.

Of course, you would utilize your planner differently, but I think that planners are excellent tools to help us use our time efficiently.


Maria7 on 12/22/2019:
That was good goals for 2019. I might consider setting some goals for 2020, also. Something to think about.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/23/2019:
This is so great how there's so much yoga for you to chose to do. Also great that you have worked on your New Year's goals...and you did try quite a few keto recipes, i remember, this year! Remember back to the Keto microwave bread?!

I tried a recipe similar to yours with the cooked cranberries - and i added a tiny bit of gelatin...then i needed more sweetener!...and it sorta burned my stomach....but i think in the end it will taste good tonight with whipped cream.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/23/2019:
i haven't considered 2020 goals..


happy-1 on 12/24/2019:
I'm using a student planner to just record important events. Really helpful.



Donkey - Friday Dec 20, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 89:  today I will honor my body and treat  myself with kindness. 


This conflict with my mother is still eating away at me (literally).  Did pretty well with eating at work,  but came home and threw myself - once again - into food,  after yoga class. 

It hurts to be forgotten.  It hurts to be ignored.  This is a repeat of what it was like growing up. My brother had friends and everyone liked him. I was the fat older sister who stayed home, alone,  to take care of the house.  Fat and ugly, with glasses,  short,  big legs. I know that if I could just be thin and athletic,  like my brother,  people would love me too. 

Delusional,  with faulty logic,  but there you go and here I am. 

Second day in a row of waking up with a sour stomach and a tongue that feels like it's been burned. Why am I so mean to myself?


Tried Yin yoga with the teacher that teaches hard yoga, since the hard yoga class is later,  and I wanted to get home to watch the debate. 

It was a very nice,  relaxing session,  but...  afterwards I was kind of missing the hard yoga experience.  I don't mean to sound difficult, but that's exactly what I am right now. It's a learning experience, seeing what works and what doesn't,  but I just realized that the hard yoga class is changing to something else in January,  so there is no decision to be made. 


Today is the office Christmas party.   Queen Bee will be there.  I plan to sit back and enjoy.  

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/20/2019:
No one can ever be harder on us than we are on ourselves.......and that is a fact! Try to remember that the squeaky wheel gets the grease...my guess is that your brother was the squeaky wheel....and you are a quieter more observant soul and he just soaked it in and you watched and felt less than....but in fact...I bet your Mom was feeling very blessed that she had a daughter that wasn't so demanding......and time consuming. You and I know that we love all of our kids...we love them differently because they are all different...but we love them all......your Mom probably loves your ability to be quiet and observant...she could count on that and felt you were just fine....while your brother probably had to be watched like a hawk...( besides...we know how boys are). Unfortunately what we expect from others doesn't always happen the way we want it to.....YOU be good to YOU.....WE KNOW that you are a wonderful person and a great friend...I LOVE TO READ YOUR POSTS...I LOOK FORWARD TO THEM DAILY!!! We are all a little bit damaged ........and that makes us who we are!!! So in the end it all works out....we are unique and we need to take good care to accept our selves and know that we need to fill our own cup because we know exactly what we need....((HUGS))


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/20/2019:
We have our Christmas Party tonight. I hope there'll be some veggies, though not much is on the menu that i got to see today. I also hope to eat some protein as i have been craving it since morning but didn't stop to get the egg whites at the buffet since i was running late anyways.

BCGG is right...and you aren't the same way now. you've changed yourself, your body..


happy-1 on 12/20/2019:
I always thought if I had a sibling, I would be in the same boat you describe. I feel the same way about myself and what I look like. If you asked me at any point in my life I would have told you I was a hideous troll that shouldn't be allowed around other people. I remember thinking that starting around the 4th grade... So who is this gorgeous, tall, tan, blonde California girl I keep digging up photos of as I go through boxes?

I project what I think I look like and instruct other people how to treat me.

You say short, thick, legs... Isn't that the stuff of homeboy cartoon porn?

Donkey on 12/21/2019:
My daughter says I'm "slim thick". Let me tell ya, all of this thick sh*t is a bit cray-cray. It's not cool, it's not pretty, I hate it. THIN is what I want.



Donkey - Thursday Dec 19, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 88:


So the texting tiff with my mom:  she texted my brother and me an old photo that the woman who took care of us on Sundays and Thursdays.  This woman wrote a note to my mom to share with photo with my brother,  no mention of me whatsoever.  I said that my feelings were hurt by that.  My brother agreed.  Rather than validate my feelings or say something supportive like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I don't think it was intentional", she said that I need to get over it.  She went on to make more  excuses for this woman than to perhaps be a little supportive to her own daughter. . WTF.

There was a little more to the texting,  that ended up sounding like I was mad at my brother,  and then I said,  I'm done with this conversation. 

I've been stewing over this for the past 2 day . I've been eating my emotions too.  (Ugh, this morning, I'm really regretting what I ate.)  Self-abuse.  But also a very good reminder to me that our relationship is not yet at the point where we can move out to Vegas to be near her.  

It also brought to my attention how all the pain of my childhood is still unresolved.  

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/19/2019:
I wrote a big ole response to your post and I don't know where it went!!!!!! The main thing was i understand your hurt and it compounded it when your mom told you to get over it.......getting over things is never as easy as other people would like them to be.....I agree...it probably isn't a good time to move to Vegas. We all have hurts from childhood...i know D and I do as well as our kids...we made mistakes in dealing with them at times and I know that they now carry those things with them....I wish I could go back and change that but it's not possible...all I can do is tell them that we made mistakes that we regret and today we would have handled things differently and hope that they understand....but I know that won't make it any less of an issue for them......I guess life is an experience that teaches us things that we aren't always happy with...but learning to cope is something we can take with us and be proud of...((HUGS)).


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/19/2019:
after reading this, i was considering the woman may just have forgotten to mention you just mentioning your brother and maybe figuring your mom would show it to both of you. Does the brother live near your mom and that's why she said to your mom to show it to your brother only?

anyways, i wouldn't get any more worked up about this...seems the women who gave your mom the picture didn't mention you but that's something you cannot control at all. one of those things out of your hands. i guess your mom just didn't realize you were so upset or why.

either way, i hope this passes soon. and like i was saying, sometimes you cannot make others feel your pain or feel what you are feeling or expect them to act as you would :/



Donkey - Wednesday Dec 18, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 88:


Last night's last Stress Reduction yoga session was slow yoga, where we assumed mostly standing positions and held them for about 45 seconds. I loved this,  as it's standing,  but slow enough to give me time to make adjustments and then breathe and enjoy the pose.  The fast yoga is too fast for me. 

Two things:

Last night was the teacher's last night.  Becky will no longer teach adults, nor during the week.  She will continue teaching the kids' classes on Sunday, but her schedule was getting too hectic to continue teaching during the week.  This is sad because I really like her teaching style.   She has a very soothing voice. 

Secondly,  on Thursday,  rather than subject myself to fast yoga and all the anxiety that goes along with that,  I will go to Jean's Yin yoga class at 6p, instead of vinyasa at 7p. 


Got into a group texting argument with my mother and brother last night. My brother thought that my upset was directed at him but actually I'm upset with my mom.  Would it be too much that she acknowledge my hurt,  rather than make excuses for someone else's behavior?

Anyway,  just another reminder to me that I need boundaries and distance between myself and toxic people in my life.

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/18/2019:
no urges to go to florida, but would love warm weather now. ...either way it seems lately everyone here is on the same page regarding many thoughts and actions! even making sets of keys - i did it and so did Happy on maybe even the same day!

The CALM app is very good. it was on sale for $41 the other day, usually it's like $60 for the year. it's more than meditation - it has multiple features and seems easy to use. there's even bedtime stories! and new things are added daily to the app. so far i've used it twice, but 1 time was on train and i wasn't truly focused but it still had some variable relaxation help if i would have been able to focus on it but it was a new train route so i couldn't focus on the app..app was still nice though in terms of the voice narrating and the words and meaning. i'm sure it will be very easy for me to use it on weekends.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/18/2019:
Seems you have a boundary set regarding your mother and brother. at least you know the true story and how you feel and what's right and wrong. i hope you can just let it go with them, if possible, regarding the scenario...if it's possible / logical.


happy-1 on 12/18/2019:
I missed something... What did mom do?


bearcountrygg on 12/18/2019:
Sad for you that your favorite yoga instructor won't be there now.....yoga should be calm and enjoyable. Hopefully expectations of family will change...I think that happens in most all families....the old saying "you always hurt the ones you love" is so true. The ones we love are easier to hurt because we know them so well...and we know what will rile them. It gets easier to "walk on eggshells" around people....but it does create a distance.



Donkey - Tuesday Dec 17, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 87:  Peace be with you.


The restorative-yin yoga class I went to last night was wonderful.  It seemed to have worked out the back issues I've been having since last Tuesday.   I don't often like to use props to assist in the poses (for any class), but last night,  I embraced the props (mentally embraced,  meaning,  I was open to accepting of using props), and wow!

Tonight is the last Stress Reduction yoga class. It's supposed to be a more active practice tonight,  more flow and movement.  I'm looking forward to it.  Becky isn't the best teacher,  but I just love the way she teaches.  I wonder what she'll teach next!


I'm looking forward to continuing my yoga journey into 2020. I've already signed up for the free classes through the library.  I'm reevaluating if I want to pursue the faster,  more athletic vinyasa yoga (Thursday nights), or maybe I just want to stay with a slower yin practice.   What do I want of my practice?

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/17/2019:
How cool is that, to work in the Air Force!

After being off yoga a few days, it sounds like you are back in the groove. You have so many lovely yoga options, I love it!!!

I'm seeking out meditation now. I have an app, paid $40 for it since it was recommended to me by my therapist. I figure i'll try to use it before bed and some nights / weekends at home. it's called CALM.

Donkey on 12/17/2019:
I'm telling you, we are psychically connected! I was JUST thinking about looking into guided meditation in 2020. (A lot of yoga studios offer this regularly!) I think it would help me in my quest for balance. I hope you give it a try too! We're can do it "together" (lol)!

BTW if you get sudden urges to go down to Florida, that's more of our psychic connection!...


happy-1 on 12/17/2019:
Which class makes you feel like a million bucks?

Donkey on 12/17/2019:
I love Yin Yoga. I also love Slow Yoga, where there is a variety of poses, both standing and floor, but there is time between poses to breath and adjust. These 2 being me joy.

Vinyasa challenges me, but it scares me too, and it usually requires me to psyche myself up to go. I just don't move that fast (yet) and I'm not that flexible (yet) to do a lot of the moves properly. In the other hand, there's no improvement without effort. Can't get better if I don't do the work.



Donkey - Monday Dec 16, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 86:  thanks be to God


Woke up late,  so everything is behind.  Big cat fight in my room last night had me mopping up the floor at 10p.

When I woke up,  I had difficulty determining what day it was,  and whether I had to actually get up or not.  Unfortunately,  it's not Sunday,  so I got up but it was already later than is comfortable.  

Thank goodness the boss comes in late on Mondays because he has cardiac rehab.  He says he can't wait to stop working out...

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/16/2019:
Oh boy, cat fights! I was just over at BF's daughter's place last night. They have a large (huge) dog, and four cats at their small house right now! It's a zoo over there.

Donkey on 12/17/2019:
Lol, having a house full of pets is great! Sickness is always hard, though. Our Associate Attorney's mom has moved in with him and his family, because she cannot afford a nursing home. She needs a lot of bathroom assistance. So when I'm cleaning up after kitty, I think that it must be easier than what other folks gave to deal with.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/17/2019:
i hope the cats are ok!?

and hopefully tonight was relaxing for you.

your boss should continue to work out lol...he sounds a lot different than me and you :)

Donkey on 12/17/2019:
The cats just have to work it out. It was just the timing of it all. The vet remains hopeful for Sick Kitty's recovery. May not be 100%, but we're still seeing improvement on a daily basis with some of her symptoms.

Oh, I meant to tell you, son is in the Air Force :) It's ok if you get it mixed up. I'm so proud of him for serving our country.



Donkey - Sunday Dec 15, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

Day 85:


 I did really well yesterday until the nighttime snacking took over.  So I was a little bloated this morning.  Still weighed in but I feel that it's a little inflated because of the extra cheese (salty) and nuts I ate last night.  So.... I will not update my weight, but pretty much staying the same.

I just realized though that I have an annual doctor's exam coming up soon, I think January, so I should probably work on the weight numbers a little bit, even though I'm maintaining.

I did a nice session of yoga last night at home.  The "Yin" yoga isn't available for free, so I did "Restorative", which seemed to me to be a Yin yoga session.  Some of the poses were very challenging, and I opted not to do them because of my back.  This is HUGE for me, to recognize and respect the limits of my body.  I felt good afterwards, and my back feels good this morning.


I forgot that we were going to see the Christmas pagent that Male Co-Worker is directing at his church today.  Also didn't realize that my daughter had to work today, so she won't be able to go.  After the play, husband and I will go out to breakfast if he wants to, as I promised him this as incentive to go.  (We're all trying to support one another here.)  I'd rather not eat out yet again, but this typically happens in December, so I'll roll with it.

So I could not attend Yin Yoga at the studio this morning.  However, the owner is having a "pop-up" class tomorrow night from 6:30p-7:30p.  I want to see if my daughter would like to go with me to this, since she has the day off, and I haven't really seen her at all this weekend.  It's $10, which is very reasonable.

This reminds me - one of our local animal shelters is having a yoga fundraiser: Puppies & Yoga.  Oh I think I really want to go to to this!  It's $20 for 50 minutes of yoga, which is kind of on the OUCH side.  I know it's for charity.... Oh the temptation!


I did not work out with weights yesterday, as I had planned, because I was still hesitant to test my back.  However, I will try to get this in today.  

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/15/2019:
Hi J donk!

Nice job listening to your body and not "overdoing the restorative yoga." it seems you used the yoga to help you just right.

The charity yoga session sounds really nice, though a little pricey it's still a fair deal i'd say.

let us know if you got to the weights. and have fun today at the pagent.

Donkey on 12/16/2019:
I did weights! Wasn't very motivated, but I felt rather accountable here, so thank you for that!

I did shoulders (and other stuff), and then did restorative yoga later in that really stretched out the shoulders. My arms felt worked out after that!



Donkey - Saturday Dec 14, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

Day 84:  Peace be with you.


My plan is to do yin yoga at home, using the Downward Dog app.  Just holding of poses to get a nice stretch is what I need right now.  

Probably pushed myself too hard this morning by mopping up the floors. Our Sick Kitty had made a mess of the floors, and this needed to be cleaned, in my opinion  Mopping is one of those activities that my back does NOT like - probably because it's an unbalanced action.  It's a repeated, prolonged twist at the waist that is only one side.  (I can't really mop with my left side leading - I've tried.)

No yoga studio today.  As I mentioned, spending time with my family is my #1 priority right now, and with daughter having to work today at noon, I am home for whatever few minutes I get to spend with her this morning, before she leaves. 

I'd like to go to a tea shop in a nearby town today, but I'm not sure we'll get to it. I have to check in with husband to see what tea gifts he already purchased for daughter.  I hate crowds.

I also have to go to Walmart - probably later tonight to avoid big crowds - to get a gift for the office Christmas party on Friday, plus I want to get little gifts for my office peeps (except Queen Bee).  I'm thinking nice gel pens for Male Co-Worker.  Maybe some roll-on aromatherapy for Mistakes Girl and Nice Lady.


So my son has to start all over again with his training, because they have determined that the field he has been training for is just not the right fit.  We will find out AFTER Christmas what job he will start training for.  He also says that because of a new job, he will have to re-pick where he gets stationed after he's done with training.  He says he wants to go overseas, which I think is a wonderful thing for him to do, depending on the place he goes.  Oh, I don't know if I could visit him in Korea.... Japan would be a real challenge for me too --  but I might be up to visiting him in other places.

My husband asked son if he was relieved, and he said in a way he is.  I cannot express what a strong feeling I have in my heart, just knowing that this is the right thing to be happening.  How many times have we been disappointed in life, only to find out 6 months later, Hey, it's a good thing that didn't happen!  That's the kind of feeling I'm sensing right now.


Oh I forgot to weigh in this morning - I'll try to remember tomorrow morning!  Part of this was that I slept in a bit.  Tomorrow, if I want to go to the studio for early morning yin yoga, I won't be able to sleep in.  Let's see what my back has to say about all of this.


One of the reasons I started to pursue the practice of yoga was to find a balance in my life.  Isn't it ironic that, physically, the balancing poses are the hardest for me to do?  Balancing on one foot/leg is such a struggle for me.  I'm thinking that this is no co-incidence-- that is to say, that my physical imbalance is reflective of my internal imbalance of life.  

I actually thought this week, Maybe these balancing poses aren't meant to be for me.  I was so startled!  I caught myself and said, "Well, maybe not, but that doesn't mean that you can't keep trying!"  This idea was like a light bulb going off, realizing that my life has become a series of imbalanced:  physically (hips, back), mentally (depression, anxiety), and spiritually (my ever-growing frustration and discontent, excessive crabbiness).  

I want to remain focused on my mission:  to seek a better balanced life.  So yoga will continue...

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
"So my son has to start all over again with his training, because they have determined that the field he has been training for is just not the right fit. We will find out AFTER Christmas what job he will start training for."

Is it wrong that I am so jealous of this??? I deeply wish someone would do that for me right now... figure out what I should be doing and would be good at, stop me from heading down the wrong path.

Donkey on 12/15/2019:
You have a really good point. You are not wrong; I completely understand.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/15/2019:
Those are all very thoughtful gifts you are thinking to get coworkers and also your daughter. i love tea, too.

i am in 100% agreement about your son. i keep forgetting what branch he is in. either way, they've been testing folks for a long time, and, it's good he will have a branch to enter and something that is suitable for HIM. that's 100% great. it is. and it's a relief to know there is something for YOUR SON.

yes, remain focused and try those yoga poses :) xoxoxo



Donkey - Friday Dec 13, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 136.5

 Day 83:  feeling paralyzed by stress and sadness. 


I did not go to yoga last night.  I was debating up to the end of what was a sad, stressful day, only to receive the final bad news blow when we learned that our son has been set back again in his training.  As this is his third setback, they may decide that he is not fit for this job and reassign him to another job. That would mean he would have to stay all over again with job training.  So disappointing for him. 

I've missed a few yoga opportunities recently.  Missed Library Yin Yoga,  missed Library Chair Yoga, missed Difficult Yoga...  

My eating yesterday was not good.  Succumbed to some chocolates and a couple of cookies at work.  They are gone now.  Not dwelling on this,  but just being accountable.  

Can I just put this out there,  that I'm feeling incredibly frustrated that I'm spending all my time at a stupid, thankless job,  dealing with stupid,  petty drama,  when I should be home taking care of my poor kitty, my home,  my family...

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/13/2019:
I'm sorry to hear about your son, that must be very stressful for him to have to deal with - not knowing what will come next.

Do you think you are feeling extra stressed/sad because you haven't been able to vent through your yoga sessions? I find when I haven't been to the gym, I start to feel a lot more anxiety (which i'm feeling this week). We all need our vices in order to deal with life. I hope you are able to get back to a session soon.

In regards to the job, I too find the majority of my workdays to be thankless and stressful. I don't know what the answer here is - the easy one is to leave and do what makes you happy, but the action of that is often impossible to achieve. If we figure out a better solution, we'd better bottle it! Hugs.

Donkey on 12/14/2019:
You are so right that some of the stress is because I'm NOT practicing yoga. I completely agree with your comment.

I'm eager to get back to yoga, but very protective of my back. There is a Slow Flow class today that I was thinking about going to, but then I realized that it's during the 1 hour I'll get to see my daughter today, before she goes to work. Lately, I've been making this a priority.


Maria7 on 12/13/2019:
Can you perhaps take some 'time off' since it is Christmas holidays? Just a thought. You seem overwhelmed and unless you can take you job less seriously and 'detach' somewhat, you may be miserable at a time when you should be extra happy. As for our children, know you are not alone in your worries over your child's struggles...We, as their Mamas can only do so much for them and just put them in God's Hands, asking his help for them. We only want the best for them but sometimes things can be very challenging. Ever heard the old sayin'...'when you're at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on'? Smile. Hoping you feel better. Love, Maria

Donkey on 12/14/2019:
I've given myself permission to take the time off. In fact, I think the yoga classes I "forgot" were actually subconsciously intentional, because I was so overwhelmed.

I feel bad about missing classes, but then again, maybe not really.


happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
If he's anything like you, this is just a bump in the road he will barely remember when he has found his groove. More frustrating for you than for him... He's got your "donkey" genes for endurance and carrying a load. He'll make it through and be successful and have a shot at all the things you want for him in life that don't fit under a Christmas tree in a neat little package.

Donkey on 12/14/2019:
So true! Also, please see my response below, which was intended for both of your comments :-)


happy-1 on 12/14/2019:
Honestly, if you think back you might have tried a job or two that weren't a fit. I SUCK at sales.

Donkey on 12/14/2019:
With respect to this comment and yours above, and also part of Maria's comment, I strongly feel that my son's setback was for a good reason. I told him last night, You may have dodged a disaster, or perhaps you have something really good coming in the future, because of this change.

I don't know if that sunk in with him, but I sense this so strongly, knowing that this is the right thing.


horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2019:
I don’t think it’s a major blow for your son as long as they are keeping him and if they have to reassign him. It means he’s still going to work in the program he has wanted to - Air Force? Or was it Navy ?

But they aren’t throwing him out to not have anything for work. Remind him that before this he didn’t have anything and now it’s just trying to find his groove and stick with it for the career path that’s stable as he continues. It’s all still new and not for him to give up on at all- tell your son - I recommend going with the flow and getting what is possible for him and not to put too much emphasis on what isn’t. To try his best and know there is something for him in this career and not give up and know it’s meant to be challenging!


horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2019:
Your job may feel thankless but I am sure everyone there appreciates your work :) even the people coming to you - the clients. I’m sure you don’t get told enough. I’m sure even nice lady and associate attorney appreciate you tons <3



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