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Donkey - Saturday Nov 16, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

 Day 49:  today I choose to focus on things that bring me joy.  


Posting on my phone, which I hate doing, but seeing as I have legal clinic this morning, this is probably the only time I'll have to post until later today, if even...

I love volunteering at this legal aid clinic, but even though it's only once a month, lately I've been feeling like it's more of a burden than a blessing.  It may be time to move on soon.  I'm just tired.

It's odd that I feel this way, since it was a short work week for me.  Why am I feeling so dragged out and stressed after a vacation?  Not sure what this is about.

Slipped up a bit last night after dinner. I think I was craving sugar...  Diverted myself with other activities, but ended up indulging in some peanut butter.... and then some whipped heavy cream (out of the can - real cream, though, not that yucky Cool Whip).

Felt somewhat satisfied after that, not stuffed, not disgusted.  But my tongue feels a little funny today.


Baby Kitty is ok, and the vet bill was manageable.   She's had some trauma to her eye, whether from a fight or if she scratched herself.  She got a shot, and then we have to put ointment in her eye twice a day.  She will be ok, but we may not survive having to get this stuff in her tiny eye.

To reduce the overall cat stress in our house,  we've gone back to keeping New Kitty segregated in his own room.  Kind of sad because he's so friendly to us.


I'm finding myself floating away from my yoga practice.  Can't go this morning, obviously because of legal clinic, and kind of grateful that I don't have to make that decision.  There's yoga tomorrow morning, but not sure I want to take that class, with the owner.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 11/16/2019:
Glad your kitty is going to be okay. Yes, sounds like you've done your time with the legal clinic. A blessing, indeed, and you will find something else you are happier to to in place of it.

Donkey on 11/17/2019:
Thank you for this acknowledgement. It helps me to hear it from someone else. It is a good feeling knowing that I have "put in my time" with this organization.

I've done some praying over this and have come to a slightly altered conclusion on my next step. I will discuss this in my entry today, but I feel that your support has helped me arrive at the point where I'm at.


BearCountryGG on 11/16/2019:
Glad to hear your kitten is going to be okay...when we went to the shelter to get Sampson there had been a fight among the cats that morning and on had an eye injury....looking at the claws of this guy here,....they can sure do a lot of damage. Sampson is systematically ruining all of my clothes with his claws....holes in everything it seems.

Donkey on 11/17/2019:
Oh my goodness, I just got done trimming everyone's nails, and last night, I noticed that I have to start the rotation again! I guess that's the one thing about having 3 cats.


Horn_of_plenty on 11/16/2019:
LOL i had to laugh when you said "not that yucky cool whip"...the real deal is much better, i'd agree with that! and i still have a few more tubs of cool whip in my freezer too! haha

Sometimes that dragging feeling (as in my case) can be a sign of anxiety or depression. try to be on top of yourself and push yourself to feel better. if not, then maybe it is time to drop things that aren't giving you any happiness.

I do think it's wonderful you volunteer and i do think it gives you extra experience outside of your day job.

Keep us up to date with your yoga explorations. I hope i get to try chair yoga at some point, at this group therapy program i am attending. i think i have just over a week left of it.

Donkey on 11/17/2019:
My mother LOVES Cool Whip! She keeps a tub frozen, and then, for a treat, she'll take a spoonful of it for her dessert. It does the trick for me. I used to like it but ever since I went for the real deal, it's not the same.

Some day, I shall expound on my thoughts on Miracle Whip versus mayonnaise.


Horn_of_plenty on 11/16/2019:
I want to thank you for all your comments on my entry. I was working by responding to the oldest entries up to the most recent DD'er entries. You were i guess writing a lot of entries, so i got to commenting on your journal last since you were at the very top of the list when i finally got to you, if you can understand what i am saying!

But finally, i caught up and have responded and commented on all DDer journals! woohoo!

Anyways, i appreciate your comments and they have helped me greatly, so thank you!

Donkey on 11/17/2019:
You are most welcome! And thank you for following up. I was feeling rather uncertain, because as I tried to make clear, some of my comments to you may have been influenced by my own frustration.

One thing this yoga journey has taught me - or shown me - is that I am not alone in how I feel. And I assure you, that whatever you may be feeling at any given time - negative and positive, too, - you are not alone. Ever.


happy-1 on 11/17/2019:
I was thinking about getting this on Amazon to make giving this cat a bath a little easier. Might also be good for giving meds... https://www.amazon.com/Faith-Force-Multifunctional-Anti-Scratch-Clean%EF%BC%88Blue%EF%BC%89/dp/B07Y9MDY5X/ref=pd_sbs_199_2/136-3955738-3519540?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B07Y9MDY5X&pd_rd_r=ff8b6f9d-3a1c-41e2-b391-d4532a3a2d68&pd_rd_w=av9n0&pd_rd_wg=NfaHl&pf_rd_p=52b7592c-2dc9-4ac6-84d4-4bda6360045e&pf_rd_r=YEZANR47VZ0GQMHS14S6&psc=1&refRID=YEZANR47VZ0GQMHS14S6



Donkey - Friday Nov 15, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

 Day 48:  Intention: Letting things roll off my back.  Mantra:  Just trying to be a blessing.


 I thought I'd have enough time to finish my entry on my laptop, but sadly time is slipping away.

Today's Challenges:

  • Everyone in my house is on 2nd shift schedule, and I am on 1st shift (I'm awake at 5am), but I have things that I have to ask my husband or daughter to do, and everyone is asleep!
  • Baby kitty has an eye infection.  Need husband to make an appointment.  Need to know when that is - I guess that will be my lunch hour today.
  • Friend's husband's wake is today with funeral tomorrow.  I need to know if my husband ordered the flowers.  He is sleeping.
  • Old Kitty and Baby Kitty are not getting along with New Kitty.  There is a fight every day.  I am wondering if Baby Kitty's eye infection is a result of one of these fights or just one of those things.
  • Worried about the cost of taking care of these cats.  Old Kitty needs expensive dental work, which I'm hoping can wait until January. 
  • One of the toilets broke, so the plumber is coming out today to fix it.  $$$

I really wanted to go to yoga last night, but talked myself out of it.  Next week, the teacher for the Stress Reduction Yoga series is out of town, so no yoga on Tuesday.  I thought that next week Thursday, then, would be a good time to try this new yoga class (& teacher).  I have a 10-class pass and felt that this would be a better use of it.


Trying to be a blessing, just trying to be a blessing....  and not eat my weight in food.

 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/15/2019:
Have a good day today!

Donkey on 11/16/2019:
I was so stressed out for most of it, but managed to have a productive day nonetheless. So, I guess that means it was a good day.


Maria7 on 11/15/2019:
Hope your kitty is okay.

Donkey on 11/16/2019:
Her eye will be ok. A week's worth of ointment. I was afraid that she might lose her eye!


Horn_of_plenty on 11/16/2019:
so sorry to hear of the events in your house causing you stress like the toilet and kitty's eye. sorry to hear of these financial things that you hadn't previously accounted for.

although there is some stress, your journal entry still sounds healthy and good. you sound good especially with your mantra and countdowns. Up to how many days will you do it for, i'm thinking it was until the end of the year, 100 days total for you?

with questions for the family and the fact they are sleeping, could you leave them handwritten notes on like post it's at the kitchen table that they see and then they can text you?

or of course, you could also text them ?

i like the handwritten notes idea if you had time...



Donkey - Thursday Nov 14, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 47:


Logging in from my phone which I hate doing, but I refuse to use my work computer,  and I just ran out of time this morning.  It was either DD or shovel. 

Cat knocked over my breakfast yogurt onto the floor,  and the  keto lunch I had planned to take has been ruined by dinnertime who added rice to it. 

So not the best way to start my day. 


I'm not sure I will continue my 100 day countdown to self enrichment.  I can't seem to prevent life from imploding  my well-being or serenity. 


Might try to go to yoga tonight.  It would be a new class, new teacher that I haven't tried before.  

Just something to get me out of this little funk I'm in today. 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/14/2019:
Maybe your 100 day countdown should include the little oopsies or tangents life takes you on, rather than trying to control each day? For example, a mantra to "live positively through the obstacles in my day" or "resolve to allow imperfection in my day today". Gaining well-being is a lot about learning to deal or cope with the everyday crap that keeps beating us down, and still be able to - somehow - come out on top at the end of the day. Doing your best each day isn't about how perfectly you're able to stick to a plan. It's more about how well you can roll with the punches.

Donkey on 11/15/2019:
The "live positively" is great - I will use this.


BearCountryGG on 11/14/2019:
I think any of us would be hard put to find any 100 days that went perfectly......sometimes ya just have to go on to plan b...or c...etc.

Donkey on 11/15/2019:
It's not that I expect every day to be perfect, but rather that I've felt that I've lost my focus.

For where I'm at, I must be intentional with being positive - or if not positive, at least not crabby or negative or down.

I find myself being pulled down, meaning I've lost my focus on being intentionally positive in thinking. That is to say, I find myself switching back to "glass half empty" thinking.

It's a work in progress. Ok I won't give up yet.



Donkey - Tuesday Nov 12, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 45: 


 Came back from an interesting little vacation with my daughter.  It was so very cold to go hiking, but we dressed appropriately.  I did not feel much cold at all.  My daughter did not dress as well as I, but did pretty well, and only felt a little cold towards the end.  It was lovely to be near the lake and in nature, walking.  Spent time in the hot tub each night, and I swam in the pool the last night.  Aside from the outdoors and the pool area, we hung out watching ridiculous "realty" shows on TV (90 Day Fiance, Say Yes to the Dress - OK, that's not ridiculous) and cartoons (Family Guy).

Tried to stay low carb as best as I could, but the cold weather just brings out the carb cravings.  I did my best, and that's all I can do.


Tonight is Stress Reducing Yoga.  Looking forward to that, I guess, but not looking forward to going out in the cold and dark.  And I mean COLD.  "Feels like 2F" - that's cold.  I've officially switched to my long winter coat, which can withstand temperatures of -40F.


Mistakes Girl took over my desk because Nice Lady said she wasn't going to do it any more, because she makes mistakes and then gets in trouble.  Well, yes, Nice Lady.  The last time you worked at my desk, I was paying for one mistake you made for about a week.  And while you complained to my boss, believe me sweetie, he already knew about it because I complained to him about you too.

Just gonna let it roll off my back.  >>> I think that's going to be my mantra for the rest of the year.  AMEN.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

questforthebest on 11/12/2019:
Sho, they;s crazy cold! wow

Enjoy yoga x


Maria7 on 11/12/2019:
Sounds like you and your Daughter had a delightful time on your weekend vacation...FUN! As for what you said at the end of your entry...let it roll off your back...amen to that! Imagine how much happier we could all be if we did that every day! A very positive attitude indeed.


legcramps on 11/13/2019:
Ugh, I had a day at work yesterday too. I didn't quite get it to roll off my back, but hopefully I will get there soon. It's no use holding on to the frustration. Sometimes I wonder if it's actually just me that can't seem to get along with anyone else!



Donkey - Saturday Nov 09, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 42: 


 I picked the best time to go on a long weekend away from work, because Mistakes Girl is getting sick, and I do not need to be around that.  My husband's medicine lowers his immune system, so he's very vulnerable to getting sick.  When he gets a cold, he'll have it for weeks on end.  So it's very important that I do not get sick or bring home sickness to him.

On the other hand, I picked the worst time to go on a long weekend away from work, because that file with the awful agent who was so rude to me is closing on Wednesday, so I won't be able to prepare the file for closing.  Oh well.... maybe that's just as well.


Yoga classes were canceled this morning at the New Yoga Studio, which is a little disappointing, but in a major way, probably better for me, because I didn't have to feel conflicted about going or not.  I may try to go to the Yin Yoga class taught by the owner, tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure I like her teaching style much.

Also, I downloaded the Downward Dog app on my phone, and set up the settings, so that I can practice at home.  I might give that a go today.  There is a 30-day series on YouTube (Yoga with Adrienne) that sounds tempting, but more so because it's a 30-day challenge, more than the yoga itself.  Adrienne is a non-annoying YouTube Yoga teacher.  So there's home options.


I hope to update this entry later today...

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 11/09/2019:
Good job on unhooking from work, avoiding germs, finding options for yoga at home, and getting some brainspace back.


BearCountryGG on 11/09/2019:
It sounds like NOT preparing that file may be a very good thing!!! I like yoga at home....you tube makes it so easy..


Maria7 on 11/12/2019:
Hope you have had a good weekend away.



Donkey - Friday Nov 08, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

 Day 41:  I celebrate my own gratitude today. 


Posting on my phone,  which I hate doing,  but time has been so tight this week that it seems this is the only time I have to post, since I insist on NOT using my work computer to write.   Too bad,  too, as it's kind of slow at work and I would have time to post at work...

I'm so grateful that work has slowed down.  I mean,  it's good to be busy,  and it's good for business to be busy,  but the boss doesn't seem to care about working any more. IDK, if he is pulling back,  is it MY responsibility to pick up the slack?  I don't think so,  but maybe I'm misguided in this opinion. 


Last night was Cat Yoga.  My husband said that Daughter seemed kind of disappointed that she couldn't go,  because now she's on 2nd shift. But to be honest here,  it was I who was a little disappointed with the class.  I love the instructor and her method and routines, but it felt like something gratifying or satisfying was just missing...

If she taught classes at a studio,  I would seriously consider following her, but I didn't have the opportunity to ask her after class....  and I thought that my question might seem rude towards the cat shelter, since this is a regular fundraiser for them. 


Mistakes Girl was kind enough to observe that I have a 4 day weekend (from work), since daughter and I are going to Wisconsin for Monday and Tuesday.  Somehow though,  to me, it feels like I only have  Saturday off,  because the vacation feels like a lot of work,  even though we're just relaxing and hiking. 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 11/08/2019:
Try googling her, look for her on Mindbody too. It wouldn't be rude... she's teaching as a volunteer and it is always good to build a following. If you want to go more frequently with the same instructor you have to kind of follow them around. That's why I like Classpass.

Donkey on 11/09/2019:
Good idea!


happy-1 on 11/08/2019:
Vacations seem like a lot of work to me too!

Donkey on 11/09/2019:
Oh I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

My boss LOVES vacations. That's how he recharges his mental battery - and this just drives me nuts. I feel like a failure every Monday when he says, So what did you do this weekend?

Um... most weekends, I find rejuvenation in small, mundane tasks: laundry, library, yardwork, outdoor walking, knitting, etc.



Donkey - Wednesday Nov 06, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 39:


 Work on Monday was not too bad.  I went in with my guard up, so it may have come across as being grumpy.  I talked about the incident with the rude agent with Mistakes Girl (on Monday) and then Male Co-Worker again yesterday.  I feel better about it.

The boss has left for a long vacation in Italy, and I'm so glad he's gone.  I'm finding him difficult to work with lately, mostly because he's pulling back, without really admitting or telling anyone that he's pulling back.  So it comes across more like being lazy or reckless.

Associate Attorney is not doing anything to step up and take charge.


Last night was the beginning of a new yoga series at the New Yoga Studio.  This is called Stress Reduction Yoga.  I had mixed feelings about the overall experience:

I walk into the studio, and there are a million little girls for a Girl Scout outing - all chatting, moving, wiggling, etc.  Oh my, how adorable!  I remember those days fondly!  I went into a corner, to warm up and watch the friendly chaos.  Even though the noise and everything was a bit overwhelming - definitely not stress-reducing to walk into - I loved the energy.  

After the Girl Scout Troop left, there were 2 other women who were there for the series.  So now I have company!  The Self Love Yoga series was just me.  So it was Jenna, who knows of the teachers from a different yoga studio in another town (I guess they all defected and opened their own studio in my town!) and her mom, Linda.  The mom says to me, "I'm so stressed out at work - I think this will help!"  

Again, someone who is completely stressed out.  I think there are a lot of us out there.  I can't tell you how tempted I was to ask her if she worked in a law firm or real estate office.

The class was slow, held positions, and focused on releasing tension in the lower body.  I felt good, but I think I was in the mood for something else.  Or maybe it was not being alone in the class.  Or maybe just recovering from the Girl Scouts.  Not sure...  I think it's the first reason.  But I'm still glad that I signed up.


Cat yoga on Thursday!


I received 2 lovely complements yesterday that just made my day:

  • My husband said, "Tonight is Mom's yoga night" -- WOW!
  • Linda, from Stress Reduction Yoga, said that she noticed I was pretty flexible - WOW!

These just made my day!


FOOD:  Believe me when I say that on Sunday, I had every intention of returning to keto, watching portions, eating better.  I noticed after dinner last night that I was not very mindful of that for the entire Tuesday.  Still eating way too much.  It's the weather, I'm sure.

 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/07/2019:
I'm glad you are finding yoga classes to keep those stress levels down...it sounds like it is pretty tough at work lately for you. Such nice compliments!


happy-1 on 11/08/2019:
Love nice comments from instructors that show improvement... It makes it feel worth it.



Donkey - Monday Nov 04, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 37:


 I'm afraid to go to work.  I do not want to be verbally abused by clients or agents any more.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/04/2019:
that is so sad. I would not want to face that either. I was told if you start with a good morning it helps YOU feel better about your day. I tried it and I think it works.


happy-1 on 11/08/2019:
I feel the same way about walking out into my living room every morning. Hugs.



Donkey - Sunday Nov 03, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 36: 


 I plan to edit this post later on in the day.  This weekend we changed the clocks, giving me an extra hour of sleep.  I went to bed super early, got an extra hour of sleep, and STILL slept in late.  I was so tired and drained from this week.  I think I really needed the rest.  And it was a good, deep rest, pretty much through the entire night, solid.

Because I woke up later, though, I did not make it to Yin Yoga this morning.  Oh well.  Also, I'm later in getting started with my errands, so I'm going to start those soon.


Our Baby Kitty is upset with new cat Jack.  She used my clean laundry basket as a litter box (#1).  She did not come to say good morning to me.  She was nowhere to be found for most of the morning.  But eventually, she came out and I was very happy to see her.  My clothes are in the dryer, drying.


EVENING EDIT:  I got everything done today.  My future butterfly garden is set for the winter.  Bird feeders are filled.  Shopping is done.   Laundry is done.  (Ended up re-washing the load that had been peed on because the smell was still there. )

I missed yoga class this morning so I did my first home yoga session off of YouTube.  I'm glad,  because it's been hard for me to take that step to practice on my own. 

Last night,  I slept almost 8.5 hours.  I would love to get at least 7 tonight...

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 11/08/2019:
Borax, lots of borax.



Donkey - Saturday Nov 02, 2019
(Lazy/dirty keto & recumbent biking (indoor))
Weight: 132.5

Day 36:  Intention:  Today I strive for balance in my life.  Mantra:  Snap back to reality


Oh my goodness... not going to dwell on the past, but I hope that I never have another couple of weeks taking abuse from clients and agents like I've just finished.  I think when that happens, I need to just step away - literally - whether it's going for a walk, going home, stop answering calls, something.  I just have to cut it off at the source.  I will not allow myself to be verbally abused any more.


To help re-center myself, I'm thinking of trying a new class at New Yoga Studio at 11am.  It's called Slow Warm Yoga, coming off the heat that built up doing the Hot Yoga session at 9:30am. 

I'm also considering signing up for another Tuesday night yoga series (the Yoga for Stress Relief).  I think it will help me to have a weekly commitment.

I also wanted to start a 30-day yoga practice & diary (hand-written), but I missed November 1st because of all the STUPID CRAP at work.  I do not need a number on a calendar to start any 30-day journey, but just need to be in a right frame of mind.  It would basically be working on a designated pose a day for about 5 minutes.


FOOD THOUGHTS

This has been the first week of winter-like weather, and wow, could I tell the shift in my eating.  My willpower suffered, as I did partake a couple of nights with the Halloween cupcakes.  I did not eat any Halloween candy, but did have dark chocolate (which is allowed on keto, but probably not in the quantities I was eating).  I also have been drinking more coffee, which is not good.  Some coffee is OK; too much coffee is not OK.  Also, I pretty much ate a whole butternut squash throughout the week.  Butternut squash is nutritious and packed with vitamins, but it's not keto.

So it seems that the shift from keto to low carb has happened all on its own....  I know that if I had the mental energy to stick to keto, that I could do that.  There just doesn't seem to be anything left in me after work, kids, husband, house, weather...

IDK I feel quite a mess... 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

Grannyannie on 11/02/2019:
Good luck. I know you are struggling but I have faith you will achieve your goals.

Donkey on 11/03/2019:
Thank you - this means so much to me.


BearCountryGG on 11/02/2019:
Life just seems to take over sometimes.......sounds like yoga is suiting you really well.

Donkey on 11/03/2019:
100% on both accounts. Yoga helped, but things are still out of balance. It takes time for the pendulum to swing back.


happy-1 on 11/02/2019:
What on earth do they say to be verbally abusive????

Donkey on 11/03/2019:
That everyone knew what the buyer was asking for except for me. I said, everything I see, the attorney sees, and it was his call to make.

Well, then our office screwed up, "I won't be sending you any more contracts." OK by me. I'd rather not communicate with you EVER again.


happy-1 on 11/02/2019:
MMMMMM... cupcakes and chocolate... Oh my!

Donkey on 11/03/2019:
Oh I know - I had 2 more of them yesterday (Saturday) to finish up the package. Now, no more.... At least until the Thanksgiving pies start coming.



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