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Donkey - Sunday Nov 07, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Good morning!  Oh how nice it was to wake up to light in the sky.  I went to bed at 9:47pm and got out of bed at around 6am, although my FitBit says that I got up at 4:51am - no, that's not true.  We're having a couple of warmer days in the low 60's today and tomorrow, with sun, before the cooler temps come back. (Please come back!)  I'm hoping this means that the gym will be emptier with people outside more.

I want to thank you for comments about aging and ability. I realize that the best thing I can do for myself now is to be pro-active in keeping healthy and mobile.  Not only do I need to WORK AT keeping an optimal weight, but I also need to keep working on:  maintaining strength & muscle mass, balance, and flexibility.

I got my renewal booklet in the mail for my health insurance, with the new prices, and WOW, all I can say is that the lesson learned there is: 

  • DO NOT HAVE A BABY - no worries there;

It will be very expensive out-of-pocket.  Even something like type-2 diabetes would cost me about $3300 a year out of pocket to deal with.  Yowza!

As I get older, and I see & feel the signs of aging, I am torn between acceptance and fighting it every step of the way.  I'm not talking about dying my hair or wrinkle treatments (beyond a good moisturizer & sunscreen).  I mean, healthy eating, yoga, weights, etc., that I talk about here.

<deleted text>

I had written some harsh words about my co-workers who do not take care of their health, but decided to delete what I had written.  Let's just say that it's frustrating to be with people who could be doing more to increase the quality of their lives, and yet choose not to.  I will allow myself to say that it is especially disconcerning to me to see my Boss, who had a heart attack, but has not done nearly enough to rehabilitate from that.  It's very sad.

On the other hand, I'm so happy that my mom works very hard to stay healthy.  I wouldn't say that she's fighting old age, but she is doing a lot of pro-active measures (diet, exercise, mental exercises, etc.) to stay active and healthy.  Way to go , Mom!

This morning, I attempted to try some barbell movements using a broom, just to learn the movement, without any taxing weight to lift.  Well, first, let me say that my back was none too happy about this. (Ha ha)  Also, I now understand why weightlifters drop a heavy barbell with weights, after lifting it.  So I do want to take the class on my stay-cation, so that I can learn proper technique.  I hope that my back will allow me to participate.  

I did upper body weights at the gym.  I am learning that I can lift/pull/push heavier than I usually think I can.  My Husband had an interesting comment to me.  I can do cardio at any time, so more of my gym time should be focused on weights.  I do 25 minutes of cardio (includes a cool-down) before I work on weights, just to get moving.  Maybe that's too much?  IDK, I love using the cardio macihes at the gym, but Husband has a GOOD point, especially with my limited time.  Hmm... I might consider this as a December goal.  

I made really good progress on my library book.  I plan to read more today.  I must, because the other book I have on interlibrary loan has come in, and that's a huge book too.  So I'm delaying picking book #2 up, so that I can make as much progress on book #1 first, LOL.  

Eating was OK yesterday, although I had a little extra peanut butter last night. This needs to stop.  I will not be at my "fighting weight" for my doctor's appointment, if I keep this up.  Also, my lax eating is taking away from what I want to achieve.  So this stops now, and now starts a better eating.  Title company cookies will need to remain in the freezer for now.  No more peanut butter at night -- go brush my teeth instead.  (This is not deprivation, as I am still planning to have a small piece of dark chocolate with my evening decaf.)

OK, I guess I've chatted enough here for now.  I am grateful for my DD friends :-)

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/07/2021:
Americans are digging their graves with their forks. Most age related issues can be mitigated by activity & proper diet & not getting fat. You won’t have these problems, Donk. You’re doing a terrific job!

Years ago I stumbled across a bodybuilding book for women over 50, many featured were much older. Of course it was all the same free weight moves anyone would do, guess seeing the terrific shape these women were in would be more motivating than looking at Mr. Universe. Anyways, barely 30, I vowed I couldn’t prevent getting old, but I would never get fat & old. Therein lies heart, liver, lung disease & numerous obesity linked cancers.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Thank you for your vote of confidence. I know that there will be some inevitable limitations, but this little burro is going to give it everything she's got to keep on moving. I'm very inspired by women (and some men, too, yes) who are my age and older (older more so), who maintain active, healthy, & happy lives. I just wish I had more of them around me in my real life.

bearcountrygg on 11/07/2021:
Pro active is a good mindset to keep....with a little reality mixed in too.......I have to say here that when I was 48 I had a hysterectomy...it was necessary.....hemorraghing isn't compatible with life so...I had no choice...I had a complete hysterectomy so at 48 I quit making estrogen.....I'm not totally sure if that was the right thing to do...ovaries are there for a reason but it's done and I believe other autoimmune issues started at that point as well as weight gain and some other things that seemed to start around that time....Staying as active as you can is important.....aging will happen and you can adjust accordingly. Brushing teeth as a great way to stop eating too. It sounds like your Mom is setting a very good example.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
You make an excellent point, and I am aware that sometimes we can't help what happens to us. I have no idea what menopause will bring, so that may really (REALLY) change things for me. No choice there. And when I've hurt my back, everything else gets thrown down the toilet too (due to pain). Thank goodness I've been able to recover, but suppose not - then what?

I hope I didn't sound too arrogant or conceited. I guess it's like that meme/quote that I see on FB a lot: Everyone is fighting a battle inside, so be kind.

bearcountrygg on 11/07/2021:
You never sounded arrogant or conceited. Until I became old.......I assumed that old people just gave up....I wondered why they didn't pick up their feet etc......and then it happened and we realized that joints don't move the same, getting off the floor is now something we have to preplan for......D just called me a few minutes ago to come outside and help him collapse the 22 foot ladder and help him carry it to the barn...( I didn't even know he was on the ladder)......a year ago he wouldn't have needed help....The reality is a bit of a shock.....and we thought we would be different....but we aren't.....a neighbor in her 70's just passed away last week....a friends fiancee age 56 is in the ICU on oxygen and on friday they lowered his oxygen from high to moderate and he wrote how happy that made him on facebook......BUT...a few hours later he took a turn for the worse and was put on a ventilator....and she is home recovering herself and can't go see him. If there is something that any of us can do to get healthier then we should do it ....

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
I'm quite relieved. I'm just trying to figure life out and prepare myself as best that I can for the adventures that lie ahead, for me.

It IS startling when you realize that things have changed. I'm already getting surprised like that in significant ways: reading glasses, loss of coordination -- well, look at the recent revelation about no longer able to jump without pain and consequences.

I'm so sorry to hear about your neighbors. It really highlights how quickly things can change for any one of us. This example has reminded me to have a grateful heart, always.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2021:
i thought the same thing this AM. i loved the light shining in thru my window onto my bed as i got up! so nice! lol, i was telling my parents today that chicago has been warmer than NY! we'll see what happens this Winter!

as you know, not everyone makes the best choices and this happens in every field, every office. know that if you were to work somehwere else, you'd say it all over again. i honestly think that this part of what you are saying about your office is kind of a distraction to what is really the focus - your destination / steps to next job. and you do NOT have to have it all figured out per a schedule. keep being kind to yourself.

yeah, husband has a good point about your weights at the gym and the time, but, i think you have your good weights routines and cardio (in my honest opinion) may be THE most important exercise. if your body can do it, i wouldn't eliminate it all ffrom the gym, maybe a little bit, but i'd say every bit helps...like even 20 min is a whole mile or so.

it's great that you are reading. i haven't been reading much if at all...without the public trans. I may start to push myself to really take public, in order to read. OR, i can push myself to do it at home, in the evening, by changing my habits to me more constructive..... ;)

try not to beat yourself up. be kind to yourself....! you are very worthy.

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
I am hoping for a cold, snowy winter. Oh yes, it's a bother but it's what we need for this area. I am struggling a lot with climate change. If I wanted warm, I would live in Florida.

I appreciate your input on the cardio/weights. I like my routine now. I am mulling Husband's comment though, if I wanted to try (again) going to the gym during the week. If I just went in, warmed up for 5 minutes on the rowing machine, and then hit the weight machines or cables. I would still get my morning bike ride at home, PLUS my lunchtime walk.

That might work. Hmm...

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
WHOA - what you said about my co-worker musings... WOW... SPOT ON!!!! I hadn't realized that I was making a distraction for myself, but you are SO RIGHT.

That (distraction) is not what I want. That is not what I need. I do not need this negativity in my life -- so why am I creating more of it by my constant criticism? I guess I'll say that in a way, it's storytelling -- maybe showing myself "This what NOT to do" or "I don't want my old age to be like theirs"!

And that's OK, I guess, but brings nothing constructive or productive to my own journey, my own struggles and triumphs. Wow, I am SO GLAD that you pointed this out. GAME CHANGER!!!!

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
In order to get through the book I'm currently reading, I have had to change my weeknight routine significantly. I am not able to focus on this change, sometimes, if my brain is exhausted (from work).

The change, though, is very positive. It keeps me from wasting too much time watching reruns on TV or flipping through social media on my phone -- both non-productive wastes of time that keep me up too late.

So by reading, I turn off the lights earlier and get more sleep. Plus, reading is a much better "exercise" for the brain than watching TV.

Donkey - Saturday Nov 06, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Something went wrong with my plan last night, because I woke up in the middle of the night sweating.  Not a hot flash, but rather from eating too much and my body turned up the metabolism to burn up what I had eaten.  We had this very sweet pulled pork, with slaw that my Husband made.  Oh the slaw was soooo good, that I had a large 2nd helping.  I also had a small 2nd helping of pork.  I guess both of those were a mistake, although I didn't feel overfull or stuffed. I felt like it was a good dinner.

I had my usual cup of decaf and a frozen cookie.  I probably didn't need the cookie, especially before weigh-in the next morning.  So I don't think that the cookies should be a nightly thing.  I will resume having a small piece of dark chocolate most nights, and then save cookies for 1-2 times a week, and not the night before weigh-in.

Woke up to lower back pain.  I do not think this was the result of Chair Yoga last night, but that this is hormonally related, since TOM is soon.  Oh hormones:  you are a blessing and a curse.  So I must take care with my back today, because when the hormones are swirling and swelling up my body, it's very easy to injury the hips/back.

Barely made it to bed before 10p (November goal) because everything in my evening routine was delayed due to Chair Yoga.  Perhaps I *did* overeat and not realize it because dinner was so late (for me).  Hmm... Aside from the slaw, I think everything else was in moderation.  Oh well, moving forward.

I had a conversation with Male Co-Worker and the Boss Friday morning.  What a couple of bitter old men. 

  • The Boss is terrified of retirement. He just can't imagine what he would do with himself.  He can't fathom volunteering because why would anyone work for free?  Wow, sounds like he sold his soul to the almighty dollar.  I think he pictures retirement being sitting at home, in front of the TV, letting your brain turn to mush. And when I tried to tell him that my own mother is enjoying her retirement life, he kept shooting me down as to why that wouldn't work.  Well, it works for HER and she's fulfilled - don't tell me it doesn't work, because it does for her. 
  • Male Co-Worker says that he won't ever have the retirement he wants because his wife has so many emotional issues that she can't really step outside of her limited comfort zone.  She is 70 years old and unemployed -- not retired, unemployed.  She recently got hired by a fabulous company and is chomping at the bit to get started, and the company is moving at a much slower pace in getting her on board.  Perhaps once his wife is back to work, Male Co-Worker could consider retiring, because he's have time to do his own thing, with his wife at work.
  • And what kind of lady at age 70 needs to work in order to feel a purpose and fulfillment?  She spends her unemployment sitting on her butt, watching TV, and gaining weight.

It's just so sad to see these old people stuck in their thinking.  And not so much that they are "stuck" but that they are stuck AND UNHAPPY.   

Well, time to get my day started. I definitely need to read this weekend.  During the week, this week, the week before -- I've just been so empty and DONE at the end of the day that I don't have it in my to pick up my library book to read.  I have one more week to finish it.  It's a good read, and not a difficult read.  I just have very little brain power at the end of the day.

I'm so glad that we get to turn back the clocks tonight.  And I've already started to look ahead to my mini Staycation next week.  There is a barbell class that I want to take at the gym on Thursday morning. It's offered only during the day during the week, so I'm going to try it out.  Hopefully by then, my back will have settled down, so I will wait to make my reservation until I'm sure I feel 100% about bending and lifting.  I could also take daytime yoga classes at the gym.  I might try that too!


Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/06/2021:
Thanks for reminding me of the time change! Need to make sure all the DVRs are set up for my recordings.

Many older ppl work far past typical retirement ages because they enjoy the continued challenges. Recent story in NYT on people over 90 working. They had careers, not jobs to pay the bills: physicians, lawyers, research biologists, professors etc. I think that’s cool! Also much press on people over 65 working, some out of necessity & some because it beats daytime TV. Seems like people with big hobbies like traveling do well with early retirements.

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
The Boss just can't really keep up at work, and he seems so unhappy. Hey, maybe I'm projecting. I didn't consider that!

There has got to be more choices to retirement besides TV and no retirement. That, or there truly is no hope.

bearcountrygg on 11/06/2021:
No way do I want to go back to work...I LOVED working....but it has it's place...LOL

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Yeah, I think on an emotional level, he's just not there yet. I guess it was just so sad to hear him be so negative about it.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i had a little sweaty sleep this afternoon after a slight binge. i know what you are talking about, used to have a lot of those.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I guess I was just surprised, because I didn't think this was a binge. It didn't feel like one at all. I guess maybe cole slaw is difficult to digest?

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i also learned a couple back/stretch exercises at both yoga/therapy periods in my life. i do recommend you do that reset of the hips incorparated into your routine either instead or in conjunction with your other moves.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I think I need to do this. I have one stretch move that is particularly helpful with resetting the hips. I haven't done it in a while. I think I will do it today (Sunday), because my back reminded me that it's still not quite happy with me yet.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i'm so happy to hear you will be off next week thurs and fri! That's a true short week; i am off Thursday also! And i KNOW you will notice and feel much better than usual at the end of the week to come! a nice time to rest up and do other plans instead of a typical work week.

I also try to bring enough veggies for my lunches at work to be satisfied. it's usually my healthiest meal of the day, lunch, in terms of a mix of protein/veggies/carbs. And a good lunch makes me able to avoid snacking in the afternoon at work in most cases. I love that period of giving my body a break from ingesting things (besides usually tea/coffee/water in the afternoon) and i feel good about having food again once i get home from work.

by keeping with your eating/exercise, your later years will be better for YOU. look at those healthy older folks; and then look at the unhealthy ones. you don't want those struggles..by working at the polls, i SAW myself having more trouble than some of the older women working the scanners (they were in their lower 50's - 3 of them that did well). and i know it's totally due to lifestyle. aside from taking a break today, i am still eager to keep moving despite a desk job too. running i shouldn't look to do, but i should continue to add in periods on my feet and walking more....perhaps by adding more public transportation days little by little.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
YES - you get where I'm coming from. And I will write more about this in today's entry. But I see older people who struggle, and I want to be as pro-active as possible. And pro-active NOW.

When I look at my Boss, I see someone who never had a weight problem and completely took his health for granted. Old age hit him like a brick after his heart attack, but instead of DOING something about it, he's just fallen back like he's given up.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
my executive (highest) boss in the trailer said something interesting to someone yesterday. they were talking about her daughter and she was saying her daughter goes out, does errands, comes home and complains she "is tired" and she was saying she just doesn't get it and how she's not that way...and the boss said, "yes, It's a real feeling," because she's not used to that kind of hustle. when you don't have to push at life or move around much, you aren't used to it when you have to...and you cannot do those things with ease as if you always did them. for me, it's that way with public trans. i have a hard time with it, because i am not used to it at all. i drive a car on weekends and for errands. i don't have to rely on it. going up and down those steps much...only when i do it for work. and therefore, since i don't stand or do what some people do all the time, it gets me more tired than it would if i used it more.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Now that's a good point that your boss makes. I've experienced this fatigue when starting up exercise. First, it was cardio. Then it was weight-training. There's some fatigue at first, but once I made a habit of it, these activities don't tire me out as much. And I seem to recover quicker too.

For yourself, one of the benefits of taking public transportation is that all of your cardio is accomplished. Kind of like a 2-for-1 deal: get to work AND exercise out of the way. That way, you would only need to do weights in your free time.

Would this mean cardio - oh I mean public transportation ;-) - 2-3 times a week? LOL... I understand it's not as easy as it looks on paper. There's a lot of effort in the execution, e.g. getting up way early. It's just fun to talk about options and alternatives, I think :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
regarding keeping your mouth shut, as you say, a few entries ago also (Thursday entry) - i gotta agree that talking less prevents many issues. I can remember a VERY recent case of this with myself. I do talk a bit at work due to it being extremely tolerated and the culture in the trailer. my coworkers like my manner and that's why i do it.

however, the young 24 yr old girl (with the 3 hour commute that prob includes at least 30 min fast walking each way if not more), asked me how it was working on election day. I told her it was physically challenging. she understand my answer. she has had surgeries due to a car accident and bad back due to all that. she's a former gymnast and pursued it a little even after recovering from car accident in part of high school years. she doesn't know / hasn't experienced my particular struggles with pain in my legs/ankles that you are aware of and possibly others here. she doesn't understand what it's like not to be able to walk as fast as her (or want to!) or to be out of shape cardio wise compared to her level. she told me i cannot actually believe that working at the scanners could be called difficult! she meant it. she said, "look at these electricians working outside all day and heavy lifting, and you think standing at a scanner is hard?" and after a bit of back and forth with her, the general foreman who i don't work with too much but he is in the trailer and she does a lot of work for him - he said, "that's it, enough, stop discussing it!" to both of us. so, yeah. she's 24 and not about to understand how something was for me that she cannot relate to herself. she compares the job and the person doing it to having the same fitness and routine as someone who does the job daily. but when you don't, like i was saying earlier, it can be more of a challenge.. i could have stopped explaining myself earlier to her...

and get this, she went on a very quick vacation to florida (orlando) last week only Wed-Weekend and was back Monday at the office. Fast Vacation, she said it was a little cold (low 70's-which is normal for Orlando, i think, this time of year!)...but i guess she didn't realize when booking? anyways, she did a lot, i'm sure it was a struggle, she starting to get a cold early this week...and didn't do anything about it. she never sleeps enough as she can't even if she tried due to her early wake-up for her 3hour commute and to be at work around 6:30-7am (so she can get outta there at 2:30-3pm or so). anyways, she also has asthma so when she gets any cold, it can turn to bronchitis she was telling us. she avoided taking any days off after her trip, pushed herselp, didn't take care of the cold/cough as it got worse...and on friday a coworker and her left during the morning to drive her to an urgent care...where of course she was diagnosed with bronchitis (which definitely is a challenge when having!) so what i'm saying is, it's like she recieved what she was due...she told me she couldn't believe what i did was such a challenge, but then she didn't take care of herself and met her own challenge. she tends to let things go to far before taking care of herself - and she's had quite a few health annoyances this year bc of it...anyways, we learn from this as we get older; and she hasn't learned that one - to take care of herself a little better to avoid bigger health issues.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I commented more on this below, so please take a look, but let me just add that I see a lot of similar behavior in Mistakes Girl and her Husband. She started with us when she was 26; now she is 28. They are very much into spontaneous road trips, that are go-go-GO from the minute they leave. I would need a vacation just to recover from the vacation!

Maybe it's because I'm older, or because I have a Husband who moves slower, but these jam-packed vacations are NOT a vacation for me. I don't mind sight-seeing, but vacations for me are about relaxing, and not so much having fun-fun-FUN.

Actually I don't think it's because I'm older. I think that's just who I am.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i was going to write about her, above paragraph, and that incident in my own diary, but sharing it with you and whoever reads this is enough. i'm glad i took that second day off after election day; even if others cannot understand. it was the right thing for me.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
See below :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i was going to write about her, above paragraph, and that incident in my own diary, but sharing it with you and whoever reads this is enough. i'm glad i took that second day off after election day; even if others cannot understand. it was the right thing for me.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Oh definitely -- Some of that might be that lady/girl's personality, but a LOT of it is just her inexperience and age. She is unable to relate to you because she has not experienced this herself. It WILL catch up with her. Trust me on this. Especially since she is taking advantage of her youth (not a lot of sleep, not a lot of rest). I predict a rude awaking for her, one day, but by then you will be out of her life.

So you'll need to be content with knowing that she'll learn this lesson one day.

Also, in conversations like that, I usually give it 2 tries and then I quit, because you just can't change narrow-minded people. This is applicable to political conversations too.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
title comp cookies sound great. i would have taken some too, for sure. nice to get free goodies!

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Definitely! But it's definitely a test of moderation.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
leaving comments for your friday entry below at friday entry rather than here....see your below entry.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Oh, that's fine- I try to respond to all comments, so as long as you comment anywhere that I can see it, I'll most likely respond :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
now for your entry today: yum to extra slaw. i'm sure the calories don't matter very much on that; as slaw itself without the sauce has like no calories! so add in some sauce calories, at least there's no base calories in the slaw itself....

i've had a meal today of slight overeating. habits are hard to keep when you are tempted! BUT, we must push to stay on good streak for life.

perhaps your boss fears retirement bc his wife is a MESS. it would mean his being around her, MORE. that sounds like a demotivator to retire, for him, indeed...if she were healthy, they could have enjoyed walks and a typical retirement...instead, he doesn't have her to enjoy typical activities with like most retired couples...oh, hence a similar comment from Male Coworker in the next paragraph. ...and then i am SURE you can relate to those things; and also be somewhat glad you are working; maybe you wouldn't want to be home all day (at this point in your life) either with your hubby, though he is younger than those two so perhaps it would be nice to be together during this time with hubby...so perhaps me writing that isn't right.! (the part about you, not the others).

there are two ways people are motivated in their life and thinking. it could be a positive set of ideas and personal beliefs or negative ideas that cause them to act. seems they are motivated by the latter, which means LOTS more negtaive thinking and motivators. i am trying to turn that around with myself too...because thinking in a negative manner will hurt a person in the end as well as usually deteriorate their relationships with people (friends, cowokers, family). a more positive outlook helps people in all aspects of their life, including their health...

the barbell class may include an exercise for your hamstrings/back...the deadlift...

i should start with deadlifts at home...i think that's what they are called; as i DO have my weighted barbell!! hmmm, thanks for mentioning the barbell, i never thought to do deadlifts...i may revamp my exercises a little or on and off...would be good for me to add in antoher back/hamsstring exercise too.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I am *sure* that a lot of the Boss' outlook is because of his wife. I guess they've been fighting a lot lately. He just doesn't know how to handle her correctly, so he denies and avoids, which just makes her even madder. My Husband says that Boss is an enabler. 100% agree.

I think his plan all along was that he would get to this point and they would do a lot of traveling. That's not going to happen. And he had no real Plan B for himself.

I'll write more about what you've mentioned here and above in today's entry. I think we're on a similar wave lately :-)

Donkey - Friday Nov 05, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

I have been doing very well with my bedtime goal -- lights out before 10pm.  Because of this, I've been getting a lot more sleep, and sleep scores in the 90's.  This morning, though, I woke up on my own at 4:20am, because Alexa had stopped playing the white noise we use at night. (I sleep better, and it helps Husband drown out the sound of his CPAP machine.)  We must have lost the internet connection.  I was awake so I just got up, and restarted the white noise for Husband. 

Today is his VA Move class (weight-loss support group), so I think I hear him waking up now.  I'm not able to attend the 8:30am class with him, because we're too busy at work for me to come in late, but I am doing the "homework" assignments with him, at least so far.  Today is class #2, so I'm not sure how the "homework" thing will continue, but my goal is to try to work the program with him.

Yesterday at work was hard.  HARD.  I was doing so well until the end, when Male Co-Worker corrected me, and rightly so.  (I guess I was excited/exhausted and speaking too loud.  OK, whatever...)  Some things are hard to hear, especially when you know in your heart that they are true.  At least I think they are true, or that he's right.  On the other hand, maybe he's just trying to get rid of me...

The gist of it was that he said, Why would you want to work here forever?  (Like he's done, I might point out.)  He said that after the Boss goes/retires/dies, everything will fall apart, and the firm will no longer exist as a cohesive group.   All of this was basically prompted by New Guy, who has a very different approach in things, and this was a HUGE wake-up call for me, and I completely 100% am sure now that I do not want to work for him in any capacity in the future.  

Also a wake-up call this week (sort of, because I already knew this and mentioned it yesterday) is that Associate Attorney is too mediocre to consider working for in the future, if the firm were to split/dissolve.  I mean, I might be able to tolerate him in a part-time capacity, doing menial tasks (for just some extra cash), but I would never want to be his Number One paralegal.

So these are some decisions I've made:

  • Staying with the firm until the Boss hands out the Christmas bonuses.
  • Goal is to leave the firm in February, after he returns from his January trip to Florida.
  • I will use January to fill out applications.
  • If it turns out that I don't have any job offers, then I will re-evaluate my timeline and perhaps broaden my job search parameters.
  • If I don't have a job to land in February, I will also leave the option open to consider resigning to take a much needed break.  I hesitate to take a break, though, because it's harder to get a job when one doesn't have a job.

I feel pretty good about these decisions, but I welcome any constructive feedback and input, because I realize that there may be some aspects that I haven't thought through.  The only thing I can see changing my timeline is if the Boss decides to make a drastic decision (intentional or inadvertently) with the future of the firm. 

Allow me to write though that it was quite amusing to watch Queen Bee yesterday.  She's not a morning person, so she didn't get to the office until 10am.  And when she got there, she was non-stop talking.  It was funny to watch her waste so much of Male Co-Worker's time.  And I watched her trying to find a file for about 20 minutes, when I knew I had the file, but she just wouldn't ask me.  About 20-25 minutes later, she finally comes up to me and asks if I have the file.  Yep, sure do.  Ha ha ha ha!

I'm waiting to see if Husband wants to do Chair Yoga tonight with the disabled veterans group.  He's in a lot of pain today.  Perhaps the Move class today will inspire him to go.  If we go, we will most likely get take-out for dinner.  I told Husband that having take-out before weigh-in day is difficult.  But I guess I'll deal with it.  Donkey can deal with anything on a short term basis.  Yes, I'll be just fine today, whatever happens. 

Just keep my mouth shut. <<<Ha ha, that is applicable for work and dieting!

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/05/2021:
Your plans sound really solid to me....I think you have also found some peace lately...possibly because you were working though what to do. D and I have to tell each other to lower our voices too.....and I know when I get loud....1 of 2 things trigger it...either I am excited to tell him something...or I think that I'm not being heard. I think it's great that you are encouraging and helping hubby with his program....I'm sure that means a lot to him. And yup........Love your reminders to keep the mouth shut.....I need to work on that myself........and to once again quote..or misquote...LOL...Dr Phil...We were given 1 mouth and 2 ears so that we can listen twice as much as we talk.......and it makes sense!! Anyway....I LOVE your plans!!!

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
It's not so easy to keep one's mouth shut. Fatigue, frustration, emotions, hormones -- all of those are not conducive to keeping one's mouth shut.

THANK YOU, though for reviewing my plans and your feedback :-)

Jacky82020 on 11/05/2021:
Fantastic plans, but keep in mind few things are etched in stone. Things can change. Would you resign without another position lined up?

Sorry your husband isn’t feeling well. Can you two fo the same Chair Yoga exercises from home?

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Oh! I am *completely* aware that the work thing is NOT etched in stone. There are a number of uncontrollable factors that could pop up that would change everything: the Boss has another heart attack and retires, something happens world-wide that causes markets to dive (or soar - doesn't have to be a negative thing)...

One thing I've made up my mind about though is that if Mistakes Girl takes a sudden leave of absence for maternity leave, that will probably not change my mind in my timeline -- much.

For Husband, I think it really needs to be an in-class experience. For me, it needs to be a live experience, although it can be streaming/Zoom - not sure if that counts as virtual or not.

bearcountrygg on 11/05/2021:
Wanted to let you know...that Muscle Milk is 3 points....someone had entered it into the WW app wrong,,,,,I used the create feature today to ck on it and it is 3

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
I'm SO glad that you followed up with me on this!!!! Seriously, I think I would have a different approach if I though they were 1 point each. On a desperate night, I might reach for that 2nd shake, thinking, Oh just 2 points, when really, I'd be consuming 6 points. Big difference, right? Right :-)

Brett on 11/05/2021:
You are very well organized and able to plan ahead. Awesome!

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Thank you! I'm a person who doesn't like surprises. I like to have plans, but I try to remain flexible with the plans - otherwise, they might be too constrictive and harmful. Not sure if that makes sense. But it helps me to have some structure.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i also have been sleeping more lately and it DOES help me want to get out of bed in the mornings. the power of sleep is amazing!

I like your goals for a new job / closing of this current job. I once asked someone at my current job, the older woman than me (44) why she left her job to come here when jobs at the union are difficult to have right now as admin assistants...i did it because i also felt of her as competition to me. still feel that way, a little bit, though it doesn't seem to be the case and there does seem to be good room for all three of us ladies in the trailer (with enough work.).

so, reason that your coworker asked you if you intend to stay is bc he may intend to stay and sees you as competition (this is based on my own experience i just told you about).

if you want to keep the money flowing longer, try to stay at this job longer past februrary. like we were saying, at some point or another you may not have a choice rather than to leave the firm. so your end date is still flexible.

i do like that you are trying to help yourself in advance of the final end date that may be your end at the firm...and you never know, perhaps new guy would like you working for him? but i know you don't want to work for him.

i was listening to the news today, many jobs are available but many online and by robot/screening of just terms on a resume can overlook many candidates just due to missing terms/wording in a resume: the lack of human eyes on resumes.

anyways, you have great experience. if you are without a job between jobs and during applications, the reason of dissolution of a firm causing your loss of a job is a pretty solid reason to be out of work!

Donkey - Thursday Nov 04, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Today should be interesting.  I must remember to bring lots of snacky vegetables and fruit to work, because Mistakes Girl is off today and tomorrow, and Queen Bee is coming in today to "help".  So if nothing else, I know it will be a louder day because Queenie likes to talk a lot, and loudly.  Ugh...  Queen Bee will be "helping" today and Monday. 

Oh well, at least I know I'll be off next Thursday and Friday, so I just have to hold on and get through it.  Must remember to keep my mouth shut.  My co-workers don't want my help and suggestions, so I must hold off on making such contributions, unless I am specifically asked for them.

And one positive out of all of this is that seeing Queen Bee makes me want to be all the more successful with eating & exercise.  I know that's something she's struggled with, failing repeatedly (after making a HUGE, obnoxious deal over starting a new diet program).  Normally, I would empathize and not be mean about it, but she is so toxic & nasty that I find it hard to be sympathetic.  The most I can feel is indifferent.

Eating was interesting yesterday.  So I did not make consolation cupcakes last night, because at work, we got this HUGE cookie basket from a title company, from Cheryl's Cookies, and I took one of each kind of cookie to bring home.  I kept the "grown-up flavors" for myself -- the cookies are in the freezer in the garage --  and gave the fun ones to Daughter.  The cookies are wrapped and will freeze quite well.  They are about 160-200 calories, which is just a little more than what the cupcakes would have been. 

So instead of baking, I did more leg weights last night, to complete what I wanted to accomplish on Leg Day.  And felt NO ache in my legs this morning, even though I had increased the weights significantly.  I'm not sure what it's going to take to see any progress in my legs.

Also, knowing that I could have a cookie helped me delay the gratification, and worked it into a dessert, rather than a snack. <<<I really want a good weigh-in for my December Doctor's appointment, LOL!

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/04/2021:
Yay, cookies! Yep, they freeze very well. Most things do except some fruits & vegetables. Bought some fresh spinach, hoping it would prevent the goldfish from eating aquarium plants. They wouldn’t touch it. Froze & came out looking kind cooked spinach! Heated in microwave & tasted fine.

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
Putting sweets in the freezer has been a really helpful tool for me, especially since I'm very much into textures, so foods frozen or semi-frozen might have a little crunch to it (because it's frozen). I think the coldness numbs the tongue, so that calms down the taste buds too.

bearcountrygg on 11/04/2021:
Good control of the sweets.......Putting them in their place was something that was so hard for me when I was losing.......but some self talk now and giving myself some rules around them is working well....YOU used great control!!!!!

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
Thank you! Now I am debating with myself, though, if I really need a cookie every night, because I had one last night too. I have to say that they do seem to be very satisfying, and so far, no food fits.

Jacky82020 on 11/04/2021:
It’s not easy. But sweetened cereal & the caramel & apple cinnamon rice crisps are a big help for me.

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
This might be the way to go, after the cookies are gone.

Donkey - Wednesday Nov 03, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

The website was down for about an hour this morning - thank you, DD Webmaster for resetting whatever needed to be reset.  However, that left me with about 20 minutes to comment and post a new entry.

I'm so disgusted with work. I'm just done.  I won't go into it here, except to say that I'm extremely PROUD of myself that when I discussed this with my Husband, I was very calm and unemotional about expressing my frustration, so I didn't convey the negative energy, but just talked about my frustration.  Needless to say, the Boss is doing everything to set up the New Guy for a successful practice, while actually neglecting his own.  A lot.  I don't really want to work for the New Guy, so there I have it. Right there in front of me.

Eating went faily well.  I did do some upper body weights last night - using my new dumbbell handles - and had 1/2 a protein shake, and then a teaspoon of peanut butter, afterwards, to just satiate my hunger and satisfy my craving, but not go off the deep end.  I was in a good place mentally, where I felt that I could have a bite and be done with it.  I have a plan to make gluten free cupcakes tonight, after dinner, for my evening sweet, so I know calories, etc.  I foresee this going well.  And I think it will be a nice surprise for Daughter, who will have a busy, difficult day at work today.

Yes, I got my upper body weights in last night.  I think I ended up doing push-ups twice, once in the morning and once in the evening because I couldn't remember for sure (LOL), but I did not do jumping jacks.  I'm going to have to scratch that goal.  My back was just complaining too much.

Did lower body weights this morning, and I plan to do 1-3 more exercises tonight, depending on how I feel.

So my plan is to go into work today, focused on just doing MY work, keeping my mouth shut, and listening to Christmas music to keep me happy.  

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/03/2021:
Do you think the boss will retire soon & new guy will manage the business?

Congrats on sticking to your exercise regimen. Way better than I could ever do consistently. Which is sad because no excuses. We have an absolutely incredible home gym. Every weight machine you can think of & all kinds of cardio. And here I sit on my butt for hours peddling a recumbent bike & slowly at that.

Donkey on 11/04/2021:
Hard to say about the Boss' plans. He goes to Florida for the month of January. He has done this for the past 20+ years, because "January is a slow month" and we all know that "things are slowing down" -- except that they aren't, and I predict that New Guy will remain busy for quite some time.

So January is a test, I'm sure. We all used to joke that he would end up being like a Weekend at Bernie's, where he dies at his desk, and we all just keep on working. But yesterday, I overheard that he's warming up to the idea of spending more time in Florida. So we'll see.

But I had clear evidence yesterday that after 8+ years with Associate Attorney, he is still pretty much at square one when dealing with real estate problems that are really routine.

bearcountrygg on 11/03/2021:
Self awareness.....It is so enlightening!!! I think that is exactly the right way to go into work today....the cupcakes sound delish....staying calm when everything around us is in turmoil is a blessing.

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
There was a change in plans so no cupcakes tonight.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/03/2021:
thank you for your advice you wrote me in your comments back on your entry the other day, it is all helpful!

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
I hope so! :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/03/2021:
Nice job yesterday on staying with your goals and not indulging in more eats after yoga. i assume yoga is semi-relaxing (is it?) and then that would mean that perhaps you aren't in a foodie type of mood after yoga? when i am relaxed i usualy do not feel the need to indulge in the evening.

i don't think that it's calling defeat if you have to rethink a goal that you implement and realize that it's not a good one...we have to listen to our bodies especially as we get older; and doing jumping everyday of a month after one day trial would be a mistake if it bothers your back.

you are better off doing a back strengthening exercise?

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
Thank you! The type of yoga I do (Yin) is very relaxing. I get into positions and just hold the stretch for minutes on end. During the stretch, I make subtle adjustments to my position, which make can make a huge difference.

I would be much better off doing a back strengthening or back stretching exercise. There are exercises that I learned from physical therapy that aren't exactly yoga, but very helpful in "resetting" my hips, to help my back.

Maria7 on 11/03/2021:
Christmas music is very relaxing.

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
It IS! I listen through YouTube. They have playlists and I guess something like "radio" stations that play all sorts of Christmas music: classical, instrumental, jazzy, contemporary. I like traditional and instrumental, although the jazzy instrumental is nice, too.

Oh it just puts me in a much better mood :-)

happy-1 on 11/04/2021:
I love that you grind out nutrition and workouts no matter what.

Donkey on 11/04/2021:
Thank you! I think this is where my OCD tendencies work to my advantage. I'm a person that likes routines and checking off the boxes on a list.

On the other hand, there's a less productive side to that, mostly relating to anxiety.

Donkey - Tuesday Nov 02, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Rather than doing upper body weights this morning, I opted to take care of some chores this morning, for peace of mind, and so I wouldn't be so rushed in getting ready for work.  I hope I feel motivated enough this evening to do the upper body weights that I want to.  I realize that doing weights in the evening is not the best set-up before going to bed, but I don't want to skip out, and I want to use my new dumbbell handles!

It was very helpful to have my weight goal (for December's dr's appointment) in mind, as it kept me from eating after yoga.  I had 4 sugar-free gummies and a sugar-free mint. I repeated to myself, "Remember your goal, remember your goal" and that helped.

No reading last night, and turned off the light at around 9:45pm. 

The main reason I chose to add a jumping jacks challenge to my goals this month is because I realized I don't jump any more.  This past weekend, I tried jumping - like doing a full body jump as high as I could - and I couldn't do it!  And it was hard even trying to do it!

Well, I realize this morning that there's probably a good reason why I don't jump any more.  My lower back is complaining.  I don't think it was from last night's yoga.  I did my jumping jacks last night (30 and then 20 after a brief pause), but not in a good way:  no shoes, on a hard tile floor.  I did my push-ups this morning, but I won't do jumping jacks until tonight, if I do them at all.  I will wear very good gym shoes and jump on the wooden floor, rather than something completely solid.  

I'm not sure I should even test fate, but I kind of want to know.  IDK, it's so demoralizing to call defeat to a challenge so early on.  On the other hand, if I hurt my back, then I'm completely useless. Yeah, I don't know.... Actually, I do know.  I should listen to my back.  Let's see if it is still complaining tonight, and then I will decide.

It's going to be another extremely busy week at work.  10 new contracts.  That's typically what we get in June at the top of the season, not the 1st of November.

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/02/2021:
Jumping jacks are hard! Used to jump rope, but gave it up too.

bearcountrygg on 11/02/2021:
Jumping gets harder and harder as the years go by......That is why I love my rebounder...from what I hear it is really good for your insides to use a rebounder...and it is so easy....I feel like I have had a workout when I get off it...of course your workouts are a lot more strenuous than mine.....When you mention jumping jacks it took me back to gym class and reminded me that I did those back before we got any exercise equipment....I agree...the wood floor and shoes would work better for those.....Jumping rope is good too.

Jacky82020 on 11/02/2021:
Donk, have you tried Quaker Rice crisps in the single serving bags? Average 100 cal each. 30 in a box from Amazon. Sweet & Savory flavors. yum. Possibly a good work snack?

PlayingQuietly on 11/02/2021:
jumping jacks are exhausting! jump rope is out of my league yet, oh brother I'm out of shape

Jacky82020 on 11/02/2021:
Donk, posted a snack pic for you

happy-1 on 11/02/2021:
I love how you just keep going relentlessly day in day out. Like a freaking train.

Donkey - Monday Nov 01, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Happy November - New month, new goals!   

Despite very much needing a reset with the work-life balance and self- care (e.g. meditation at work), my goals this morning are more functional.  Part of this is because it's a short month, so the exercise goals come into play in months that have 30 days or less.

November Goals:

  • Sit-Ups – 3 sets of 20 a day
  • Jumping Jacks – 50 a day
  • Lights out before 10pm during the week
I confess to you that I would like to get to a "best" weight for my doctor's appointment in December.  I haven't listed this as a goal, but hoping to use this impending appointment as motivation to stay on track.  I mustn't fall to the "oh that's weeks away, surely I can indulge tonight" sort of thinking.  I know myself, and I know this is what I would tell myself.  NO, NO, NO!
My doctor's appointment is on December 13th.  Let's see what I can do in 6 weeks.

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/01/2021:
Rooting for you to get this goal met...I'm sure you can do it!!!! Plus you will be wearing clothes so it is important to factor that in......It's a good goal Donk!!! The exercise goals look good too......they only take a few minutes....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!

Donkey on 11/02/2021:
My appointment is in the afternoon, too, so I will have eaten breakfast, a snack at the least, a couple of cups of coffee, and a lot of water before the appointment. Wellness appointments are in the afternoon. *sigh*

So it won't be an adequate weight, but that's OK. It just needs to be as fabulous as possible, since my last appointment.

Jacky82020 on 11/01/2021:
LOL! always see the twice a year PCP appointments as a weight goal too! I refuse to step on the scale when I know I won’t like the results. This throws the little nurse aids who are used to people blindly following orders. The docs never mind. Obviously I’m not suddenly inflating like a balloon,

Donkey on 11/02/2021:
You don't know my doctor. If I refused to weigh in, this would start a conversation, "Why do you think you're resisting a weigh-in?" Remember this is the doctor that asked, when having gained 10 pounds, "Why do you think this is so?" Oh no, I'm not even going to send out invitations on this one.

She and her staff are all slender, with the one nurse being absolutely tiny (but tall). Not that any of them wouldn't be sympathetic -- except Letty who I don't like -- but I'm not having that conversation.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/01/2021:
i thought of you today, on my way home and while walking, before going home.

i was feeling all sorts of emotions today. some because of certain things i did friday at work which some would call a very old-school approach wtih my boss (making him lunch bc he said yes after i asked him) and in front of another high power administrator. friday was fine but after seeing my parents and talking to my mom specifically how i shouldn't ask for the type of raise i originally wanted, she made it clear, very clear, to me that if i were to leave the company, i wouldn't be replaced. you heard that right. and it is true. i know it too. it's not like my mom told me, but she sorta cemented it into my head on saturday and for some reason i had a hard time with work today for other reasons too which i can't mention right here right now....nothing necessarily bad, my coworkers are very, very kind to me.

i really love your daily goals in terms of lights out and fitness. one suggestion, if the jumping starts to bother you, cut it down. (jumping jacks).

i agree that you can make progress for the dr appt. do not force it! even a pound is huge progress. you do what you can, but live your life for these 6 weeks and don't lose focus on the goal to live a good life.

back to me for a moment, i started to feel a little angry at work. thinking how my salary is the lowest in the trailer, lower than both other admin assistants. how i was angry i was in the position; and sorta realized that anger was making me want to work tomorrow at the polls. as like a demonstration, saying "i don't make what i want to make, so i'm going to take the day off to make more than i'd make here!" as like proof that i am not satisfied with my current position / place in life.

but then i realized, just like the preachers on saturday/sunday morning tv, like that guy Olsen - he said it THIS WEEKEND...you can progress in two ways - in releasing the negative and forigiving; or holding onto those negative emotinos and using those to propel you. both might work for a job or some area of life; but overall, letting go of the negative will prob help you more in relatinships and overall. he gave an example of two boxers (male fighters, not the dogs!) and how both were great wtih their carreers, but one had lots of relationship troubles and wasn't a happy person; commpared with the other who lived a life free of holding grudges.

i realized today, i'm still holding a LOT of grudges over both my past and my present and i need to work on it.

Donkey on 11/02/2021:
First your comments to me: Thank you for your really wise comments and observations, especially about living my life in these next 6 weeks, and also about the jumping jacks challenge. I may have to eliminate the jacks goal, and I'll write more about that today. Hopefully you will have time to read entries today, even though I realize you may be unable to make comments or write your own entry.

Now about you: (((hugs))) I think it's invaluable to recognize in yourself that you're going through a vulnerable time. So please be careful with comments & actions you make at work. I find it helpful to my co-workers if I let them know I'm having a bad/sad/mad day. It helps them understand where I'm coming from a little bit better, I think. But from my own experience, it's just better to say nothing at all and keep to oneself, if at all possible.

One thing that helped me immensely is to recognize that I have to be at work anyway, so I might as well be in a positive mindset. When I remember to do so, I repeat to myself "best day ever" which seems to help remind myself to make the best of the day, regardless of the environment.

On days that it's particularly difficult, I try to look my best. At least if I can look good, it might help me feel good. And it kind of brings up other people's moods too, creating a more positive vibe in the office.

That is one reason why I've tried REALLY HARD not to vent to Male Co-Worker because it brings a negative vibe to the atmosphere. A bad mood can permeate a room like a poop on the floor. You're not carrying it around with you any more, so you might feel better, but it's out there and stinking up the place.

Anyway, I hope that whatever you're working on internally, that you can either resolve it or at least set it aside for a while, so that it doesn't weigh so heavily on your inner spirit, or psyche, if you prefer.

PlayingQuietly on 11/02/2021:
6 weeks ~ not too far into the future, and not too soon.... good choice

Donkey on 11/02/2021:
Thank you!!! Of course, there's Thanksgiving (and leftovers) to deal with, but I think I can stay steady the course. It really, really helps to have a goal with an end-date to help me from straying into the pantry or refrigerator.

6 weeks is long enough to see results. I might not see anything tangible with say, 3 weeks. Since I'm at goal already, now the numbers move downward very slowly. (But they can move upward quite quickly, darn it!)

Jacky82020 on 11/02/2021:
Everyone in the PCP’s office is overweight, including the little bubble butt himself.

Donkey - Sunday Oct 31, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Slept in and got 9.5 hours of bedtime -- I haven't done that in AGES.  And this was all sleep, not reading time, not TV time, not s*x, just sleep.

I am logging in late because Husband and I went to pick up dumbbell handles that I scored on FB Marketplace.  So now I can use my plate weight on these dumbbell rods, for higher weights, for those exercises where I'm ready to use higher weight.  The rods/handles weigh 10 pounds in themselves, and they are about 20 inches long, so not ideal for ALL dumbbell exercises but an *excellent* addition to my home gym.

I'm waiting for Daughter to leave for work, and then I will head out to the gym.  We are not giving out candy this year, so I kind of just want to get home and hunker down for the rest of the day.

I didn't do so well with eating last night. Oh the same old, same old (ice cream, peanut butter).  I am hoping that a new month, with new goals will motivate me to get back on track. 


I chose to keep my goals private at the beginning of the month, feeling that I would make more progress that way.  That might sound strange to you, to take away all but personal accountability.  So here's the list and what I managed to do:

  • Continue with more protein (for breakfast) - DONE (for breakfast 100%, and snacks, mostly yes)
  • Make dentist appointment - DONE
  • Make doctor appointment - DONE
  • Make personal trainer appointment - DONE
  • Attend 1 yoga class at the gym - DONE
  • Attend 1 Strength class at the gym - DONE
  • Write 1 gratitude in journal a day - Nope

Now how sad is it that I couldn't find the time or energy to write down a short sentence of what I'm grateful for, at night?  Sometimes, I'd think to myself the gratitude and promise myself I'd write about it the next day.  This happened 95% of the time, but I think 2 weeks ago (?), there were like 3 days in a row where I didn't write anything down.  Just nothing left to give at the end of the day.

That's kind of like the meditating-at-work goal that I had that failed in September.  Do you see a pattern?  I do.  It's like when I get to work, I sacrifice EVERYTHING for that stupid job.  I guess the positive thing to put it is that I'm an extremely focused worker.  But if I were my own therapist, I would definitely say that my personal,mental boundaries are not respected, and that I need to take that "focus" ability and work on my priorities.

Things to do today:

  • Gym - leg day
  • Prepare fallen branches for yard waste pick-up
  • Make list of November goals
  • Read

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/31/2021:
Score on the FB handles!

Nice job of accomplishing goals.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
Oh yes, the dumbbell handles retail at $135 each and I got both for $30 :-)

bearcountrygg on 10/31/2021:
I think you hit on something Donk....and it is common I think for many people....and that is to treat yourself as well as you treat others..........give yourself as much respect as you give your job......You wouldn't leave work with just 1 sentence left to write.......you would do it and then leave...you deserve to complete your own day as much as you complete your job each day....I'm also guilty of the same thing.....drop everything for someone else.....but not for myself.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
Wow, YES, I think you're right about this! It's the same old pattern, just playing out on a different set. Put in these terms, I think I can clearly see that I need to be firm(er) with myself on these boundaries.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/31/2021:
For the gratitude writing, perhaps do it on a post it. buy post-its, or any notepad, where you put the date on top of the page or on the next line availabe, and write a one sentence gratitude. i think the reason you didn't do it, is you didn't remind yourself or really plan to do it at a certain point in the day.

some people plan each hour of their days. ...perhaps it needs more planning for the things you didn't do...you can also do it here, to write it at the top or bottom of every day's entry.

nice job getting so many different self care goals in october done. that's a lot of planning that did get done.

speaking of new additions/weights rehab of your home gym, there's an exercise i had stopped doing for at least 2 years (i think?). at the gym, i always did it - either on the assisted pull up machine where you help yourself up by standing or putting your knees on the pad and pulling up...if you are familiar? or, i'd just sit on a bench, facing the mirror, and do the exercise seating with overhead lifting of 10-20 pounds (i forgot). it worked and helped me on my back / bra area back...

well, the other day, i was feeling that area and noticed i do not have much in terms of muscle left there. and i miss it. i tried to do those exercise with the weights i think i used to use....and couldn't!

so, instead of using dumbells, i do the exercise just holding some plates. like you, i'm just using most of what i have to make it work. def no need to buy anything as i have the plates sitting here and they seem to work just fine.....

so, to relate to you, i'm adding in one more exercise to my upper body since i do not have that many exercises and feel the need to improve upon myself a little bit...and possibly with no classes or things to that nature, i think i can fit in one more exercise to my upper body routine with not too many issues :)

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
Oh the post-its idea is a GREAT idea! Oh wow, I wish I had thought of that earlier in the month, LOL...

I completely understand your feeling of not wanting to purchase any more gym equipment. That's kind of one thing that rubbed me the wrong way with the personal trainer. He started talking about resistance bands, none of which I own. And I'm pretty sure that I don't want to buy them.

I mean, it was interesting what he taught me - I never would have thought of doing this on my own, but it's just not something that I would do on my own. He equated the exercises to cable machines at the gym, also something that I probably will not use.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/31/2021:
i can only suggest not to buy ice cream/pb right now. to use something else for fats. perhaps peanuts in lieu of pb. and greek yogurt instead of ice cream....perhaps you need to knock it out of your system for awhile to forget the flavor for awhile which will diminsih cravings...just a suggestion.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
I have the luxury of having a freezer in the garage, so that's where the ice cream has gone. It should have always been out there in the first place. Right?

And I'm out of Greek yogurt, which kind of runs along the lines of not being prepared.

Otherwise, yes, I think I'm at the point - or very close to it - where I need these foods to just not be around me, although today I'm doing much better.

Donkey - Saturday Oct 30, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

 Good morning!  Got a late start this morning.  I'm not sure how I feel about "sleeping in".  Got out of bed just before 6:30am.  I took a shorter morning bike ride, because I got hungry for breakfast. Also, cardio becomes a little harder when the TV show I'm watching is the wrong choice.

My weight was a little up this morning.  This week has been an all-around struggle for me.  Frankly, next week is going to be even harder, because Mistakes Girl is taking time off on Thursday and Friday, and she is BUSY.

Yesterday (Friday), Male Co-Worker just up and left at around 4pm.  I said to Mistakes Girl, "Isn't he busy?" and she replied that he's just given up.  There's just too much to do, and he had a church thing to go to, so he just up and left.  I guess he let his "conscience be his guide" and that's what it told him to do.  Why can't mine tell me to do things like that?

Reading my library book has taken a back seat this past week, after Monday (maybe Tuesday).  I was just so brain dead by the end of the day that all I could do was zone out to Star Trek reruns or Facebook, before turning off the light.  So I would like to read this weekend, because I only have a 3-week checkout on this library book.  (No renewals - it's a hot new pick.)

The work-life balance is completely off the rails.  


Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/30/2021:
Having something to watch or listen too does make it all go by a lot quicker.... Lets see...there is too much work so he went home early????? Apparently his conscience told him he was too good to stay and take care of his responsibilities...I think that place would make me want to tear my hair out.....I feel bad that you have to work under those conditions....(( HUGS )). I hope you have a relaxing weekend....time to unwind.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
Apparently, Perry Mason is not a good show to exercise to. That's a better show to relax with at night, which I did just that last night :-)

There is no other office that I've ever worked at that is like this one. It's maddening at times. I think the only thing that saves me is that my work is completely separate from pretty much everyone else's except for opening up contracts, and downloading titles (for properties). And these are tasks that I could do, if I needed to. It would just make me a lot busier.

Brett on 10/30/2021:
I love Star Trek. Fantastic how Shatner went up on that space ship. I didn’t know he was 90.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
It was kind of shocking to me to hear that Shatner was 90. I compare him with my Boss, who is 71, and it's like the Boss is a lot older. I know that's not really a fair comparison, though.

TOS, TNG, Voyager (after Seven joined), Picard (season 1 only), Oh yes... Hmm... I might look into watching Star Trek Voyager to watch while I exercise. That could work.

horn_of_plenty on 10/30/2021:
Lately I try to not skimp on sleep every night of the work week and the past two weekends I find myself getting up a bit earlier on the weekend, before 8am! So either you have a lot on your mind you want to do or your are sleeping better during the week ?

Your conscience is your guide just like the Male coworker who up and left. I find that most people aren’t like you. And yes I’m comparing them to you. Especially a position like yours. I think many people do not have the patience, diligence, or ethic and related characteristics to be as accountable as you are. I try to be accountable like you, but I do not think I have your work ethic to work as efficiently at all like you do - but then again my workload is doubtfully as large as yours.. so back to you - but I will say i do work to mostly stick to my work schedule, not be late most mornings, not leave early, and I do take all my vacation time . I have two female coworkers who are also purely admin assistants like me except they haven’t been in the industry near as long so I get a full week - 5 days - more vacation than them. And I’ll take it, thank you. I do wish you got more vaca as I do believe time off can make a person work better - at least in my industry …

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
I have not been sleeping better during the week, that for sure I know. I haven't been as disciplined about turning off the light at an appropriate time. I WILL WORK ON THIS, because I need to do this for myself.

It really burns me when I feel like I'm working to the max, and then I see people like Male Co-Worker leaving early or working on brochures for his church. It kind of honks me off that Mistakes Girl takes this time off, but after the past 2 months - and knowing that we could lose her to pregnancy at any given moment - I no longer begrudge her the time off. She completely deserves it.

horn_of_plenty on 10/30/2021:
At my first job in this industry, during holiday time and before holiday weekends, people would def “use their consciences” to run out of work early - doubtful that they all even asked for permission from their bosses. Many bosses wouldn’t be in the office too late on those days anyways, so they’d follow the lead and run out. I never did and i always wondered how they could.. similar to yoi.

I don’t suggest following that type of lead but I do suggest you be deliberate and do what you have to and I guess realize that your boss is not going to “help you” feel good about taking time - or an hour- off.

You could always make up the time you take if you want to do it that way ? Like to stay late a couple days for 30 min or just do the hour the next week - if you miss the $ in your paycheck .

For me, the two women I work with - for various reasons - rather than take off a full day, will either leave early some days or come late.

But to me, especially since I have 5 extra vaca days than them, and due to my past work ethic and possibly my crap salary now, and no crazy excuses like children etc to care for at home in my case, I try to be at work as much as I possibly can so that when I am off, I am off….and when I’m working, I’m working a full day.

I’m your case, with limited vacation time, I can see how coming an hour late could work…and that you could possibly make up the tine if you wanted to. If not, ok too.

For me, with my own schedule, I try to just do the schedule given to me and try to remain as hassle and issue free with my boss as I can - to prove I am conscientious and reliable because those are things I can help- compared to my knowledge and skill which “is what it is” right now.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
I usually stay until 5pm unless it's a special day, e.g. Christmas Eve, and it's gotten quiet, and there's nothing more for me to do. And I always check in with the Boss before I do leave. I may have only done this a handful of times, in the 10 years I've worked for him, unless he's dismissed us all early (e.g. Christmas Eve).

I cannot be like my co-workers who can just leave. Mistakes Girl -- it's 5pm and she's out the door, no matter what. I don't know how she does that.

horn_of_plenty on 10/30/2021:
What I mean is, following a schedule (but also using my vacation days) is the easy part in comparison to gaining more knowledge / skills in this industry. I feel it’s the least I can do to show I can be relied on to follow thru. But now I’m just writing about myself.

Back to writing in general, an hour late to work is not a big deal for people who are conscientious and work hard and also work OT occasionally.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
I usually end up staying an hour late during the week anyway, so it would be easy for me to make up that time - at least right now. And if not, then I would just deduct it from my timecard.

The problem was that there was already someone out in the morning (Male Co-Worker) and it was a busy closing day, so any emergencies that happened overnight would not be addressed until I came in.

I guess it worked out for the best, but geez... Ya know what I mean? It just suuuuuucks.

KathyBlue on 10/31/2021:
Work is hard, for both of us, I see. Well, for me it will be a hell until 15th November. After that, hopefully it will be calmer until next year. Can't wait when everyone is taking those two weeks off around Christmas... Including MEEEEE! Yay... Also, I'm working although it's 3-days weekend but I really want to do something "proactively", "in my free time" (eff it), because otherwise my life will continue a living hell because of all the incompetent people.

KathyBlue on 10/31/2021:
btw, I also have "Mistakes Guy", but he calls it "overlooked". Then there's one who would need to be told EXACTLY what to do, like, step by step, painfully detailed, and if something in the way doesn't go as predicted, he just stops and comes back to me instead of using that brain of his. It's like babysitting full grown adults. Then I keep running late for my own tasks because I'm covering up for the incompetent. And yes, management knows, but won't do sh... about it. One day something really bad will happen and you would think they would learn the lesson and say "oh sorry, you told us and we didn't listen" but no.... they will come to me yes but it will be like "why didn't you do something to prevent this ..???" ... because it comes to me, always, in a bad way... ok stopped ranting, back to the code.

Donkey on 10/31/2021:
Yep, same here. And yep, it came back to bite me in the butt. Thankfully the mistake, the "overlook" was able to be fixed at closing, but it could have easily delayed our closing by a week. And it was my fault because I tried to do extra work, to help out Mistakes Girl, and I overlooked something. Male Co-Worker missed it too, because he overlooked the same issue, but in a different location in the file.

So that's kind of the end of me doing anything extra to "help out". That will teach me.

Donkey - Friday Oct 29, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

I realize now why Thursday Wednesday was such a disaster.  I did not plan adequately.  I need to bring enough healthy food with me to work, so that when I get to that stressed out, tired out feeling, that I reach for things like an apple or carrot sticks, and NOT jelly beans & other crap that is at work.  So while it's not really dealing with the root cause of the issue -- respecting my own personal boundaries with myself -- if I have healthy tools available, e,g, carrot sticks, yogurt -- then the damage will be minimalized.

I'm pretty proud of myself for figuring this out, actually, if that's allowed.  So I know what the real, larger problem is, but I also know what I need to do right now to cope constructively.

I realized this because I ate all of the food that I had with me at work, so I was satisfied, and was able to stop myself from going back to the jelly beans.  I count this as a win.

Also, I just could not get myself to do any upper body weight training last night.  That's OK!  I didn't push through it at all, and instead, headed up to bed early, and managed to turn off the light at 9:30pm.

Today will be really interesting.  We have an overwhelming number of closings today, and Male Co-Worker will be out this morning, getting cortizone shots in his hip(s).  Husband says that if he's getting shots, he'll be out for the whole day, but Male Co-Worker seems to think he'll be in at 11am. 

This was the day that I wanted to go in an hour late, so that I could sit in on Husband's "VA Move" weight-loss support program group, but being short-staffed and on a busy closing day, probably not a good idea.  I asked the Boss if he thought I could come in a little late, and he says, "I'll let your conscience be your guide."  WTF.... So begrudgingly, I plan to be at work on time, but it kills me that the Boss might think that work has that kind of power over me.  What a jerk.

This morning, I did half of my lower body weights, but at lower weights with more reps, more sets.  Wow, that was more challenging that I thought it would be.  I think I might have a couple of weeks where I do lighter weights, more reps/sets -- at least at home.

This weekend, I'm going to reflect on my October goals - I kept these quiet this time, and I'm ready to share now.  And then I'll be focusing forward on November goals. 

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/29/2021:
Seriously? I’ll let your conscience be your guide. That’s almost laughable. What a jerk!

Here you thought of popcorn as a work snack? I always air pop mine. Unless it’s changed even the lowest calorie microwave ones have too much salt & calories for me. Think air popped is like 40 calories per cup. I like mine very lightly salted with fake sugar. Sure there are all kinds of flavorings you could try,

Donkey on 10/30/2021:
That's just how bad of an HR manager my Boss is.

I always - ALWAYS - burn microwave popcorn at work. Then it stinks up the whole building and I have to live with that for the rest of the day.

Also, I think it was in one of my keto groups, someone said that Corn is what they feed to pigs to fatten them up. That stopped the popcorn for me pretty much right then and there.

PlayingQuietly on 10/29/2021:
definitely got yourself a win figuring out constructive coping skills

bearcountrygg on 10/29/2021:
WOW...you should let your conscience be YOUR guide...while he doesn't appear to have a conscience...... According to Dr. Phil...we teach people how to treat us.......if we are dependable they depend on us.......If we get our work done then they see that and depend on us to do OUR job.......IF we go out of our way to not only do our work but also pick up the slack for everyone else that can't seem to settle down and do their work...then we taught everyone that we can JUST DO IT ALL!!!!! They can do what they want because we will just make it all magically get done ........(ours and theirs)......and when the one doing it all backs off and puts their foot down...They are the problem.........I swear this is the cause of employee burn out...there will always be those that do the bare minimum...and there will always be the ones that take the whole thing on their own back and get it done...... But at what cost to their own sanity.......if you left that place it would probably fall apart and the business would quickly close......In my world being married to a former business owner.......the owner should be the hardest worker in the business.....unless they totally turn the running of the business over to a specified well compensated employee ....when you find someone to take over that responsibility without compensation or acknolagement.....

Donkey on 10/30/2021:
Spot on - even with the Dr. Phil input.

I ended up going into work on time, but not by my choice. My Husband ended up attending the VA Move meeting on his computer, which doesn't have speakers - headset only. So I just peaked in after the meeting had started and I had left, to see what the format looked like.

At dinner, Husband said he really liked the meeting and will continue to participate. I'm wondering if it's actually BETTER without me there.

bearcountrygg on 10/29/2021:
That is a bonus to the owner who knows fully well that you will do what is needed to keep his business running........so he knows you have a conscience....and taunts you with that. I don't even know the guy and I seriously dislike him.

Donkey on 10/30/2021:
Yes, I did feel like I was being taunted -- that's exactly why what he said bothered me so much.

I couldn't figure out why what he said was bugging me so much, and you nailed it.

I think he was taking advantage of who he knows me to be.

horn_of_plenty on 10/29/2021:
If a boss said to me to let my conscience decide, I am not sure I could take that kind of statement seriously bc like bear said, it’s def a strange thing for a boss to say. I’ve never had a boss say anything more than usually yes to me to come in late as we usually are asking as a prerequisite or protocol as we cannot just do whatever we want as we aren’t our own bosses. Perhaps if your boss ever said that again, tell him you need to be present with your husband bc of his health condition and a dr situation- wouldn’t the boss understand as his own wife has major issues ?

I just think the boss’s comment was odd, but not really rude. It’s a comment from someone who’s used to being in his place but not the place of his employees.

I’m glad you have considered ways to prevent overeating at work. I totally agree with the further solutions you feel will help and I think so too…if you make things convenient, that’s almost the whole battle !

Donkey on 10/30/2021:
I did end up arriving at work on time, but I let him know that this wasn't MY choice, but rather, that someone else made that decision for me.

I doubt he even remembered his conversation from Thursday. By Monday, he won't remember any of this.

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