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Donkey - Thursday Oct 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

Long story short:  SELF-SABOTAGE!!!!

THE GOOD:  We are all caught up at work, with opening up new files and pretty much with all of my files.

THE BAD:  Stress-eating at work and a little too much dessert (vanilla ice cream) last night.

THE UGLY:  Ate my weight in jelly beans at work and cut up the inside of my cheek in doing so.  Finished up the peanuts at work, so those are gone until the Boss buys more.

So once again, I'm asking:  Why do I do this to myself?  What can I do besides eat at work to combat the stress, fatigue, and mental exhaustion?  What I *should* do is take a break, but I can't do that because the work has to get done!  Clearly a breakdown of boundaries.  See, I can eat while I work, but I can't walk or stretch or deep-breathe (meditation) while I work.  Those are my go-to tools and I can't go to them!

There will always be food temptations at work.  Most of the time, I can pass on these.  There are times, though, when my resistance is just not strong enough.  I really don't want to describe this in terms of weakness, because I know I am a strong person.  This is more of a "glitch" in my programming.  Instead of reaching for candy, I need to (insert alternative behavior here). 

Maybe there is no other solution than to stop working and go outside to breathe/stretch/walk.  That is to say, the boundaries are there for a reason.  I'm just not respecting them.

I woke up early on my own, but unlike earlier this week, I chose to stay in bed until my 5am alarm went off.  I passed on doing any weight training this morning.  I might do some tonight, but I think that was part of my problem last night.  I was so tired, but I pushed through doing 2 more leg exercises (after my bike ride) -- I might have done better with a shorter, easier ride and then just gone up to bed.  I think I pushed myself to do it because of the jelly beans I ate at work.  But then THAT backfired on me because I had 2 custard cups of ice cream...  Ugh...  Self-sabotage is the only way to put it.

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/28/2021:
But your graphs look terrific! You are below goal, aren’t you? That’s HUGE. I don’t think there’s a glitch in your programming, because we all have the same one. No harm done unless one fails to reverse course & keeps gaining. Lighten up on yourself, Donk! You’re doing good!

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
Thank you --- please, keep reminding me of this, at least for a little longer. I know it must be tiresome, but I NEED this reminder. I'm having problems seeing the "bigger picture".


PlayingQuietly on 10/28/2021:
you got this, you'll overcome sabotaging.

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
I sure hope so. I realize now that overcoming this is also a stage in my weight-loss journey, even though I'm at goal. I'm digging deeper this time around, so that I don't have to go through this again, hopefully.


bearcountrygg on 10/28/2021:
If we only looked at carrots like we look at the goodies....UGH

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
Right??? I realize now that this was part of the problem with Thursday.

When I'm truly hungry, carrots are actually desireable.


Horn_of_plenty on 10/28/2021:
you also were working more this week, another reason / factor why you are tired. honestly, if you need to get up from your desk, bc you need a break, i'd say to do it. i see no difference between taking an eating break and taking a stretch break, honestly.

try not to start giving into the demons with life. i was feeling more sad this week too; and i'm not sure why.

maybe i've finally gotten a bit used to my "new" job.

it's hard to find motivation everyday and feel happy. but remember how far you've come...and keep looking to improve. there are setbacks, but perhaps you really enjoyed the ice cream and hopefully you are satisfied now.

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
I'm actually more upset about the jelly beans than the ice cream, even though the jelly beans probably did less damage.

Looking back, I'm glad this happened, because it shows me that I'm still vulnerable to work-related stress-eating. At the very least, I need to be better prepared. Better would be to learn to deal with this and overcome it.

I would encourage you to try not to feel too sad, either. Most inner-demons are just injured children trying to heal.

Also, the change in seasons is probably not helping too much, and then there's the never-ending battle with fatigue.


Horn_of_plenty on 10/28/2021:
look at what the others said, don't be too hard on yourself. life isn't for being a piece of perfection.

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
I'm realizing now that this struggle, now, is still part of the weight-loss journey. I guess it's part of maintenance, but I am digging deep - DEEP - this time, to get at the core of some of these counter-productive behaviors.


horn_of_plenty on 10/29/2021:
to answer your question to me, yes, definitely, a little movement in the morning feels good and tends to help my digestion/decrease bloating throughout the day.

Donkey on 10/29/2021:
Ohhhh, I hadn't considered the digestion aspect of a morning walk. YESSSSS --- I can completely understand that. (Maybe more than you think!) ;-)



Donkey - Wednesday Oct 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

We have so many new contracts to open that I stayed an hour late yesterday (Tuesday), and I'm trying hard to get to work early today, to open contracts.  It is probably that I will stay late tonight as well. I know that I will have 2 more contracts coming soon, by the end of the week -- probably today, actually.

So it's pretty much common knowledge at the office that Associate Attorney wasn't really exposed to COVID, but wants time off to spend with his adult son in town from California.  In the meantime, no attorney is working on his files, so they are piling up.  The Boss is refusing to get actively involved with AA's files.  He won't even call AA to discuss what he needs to do.  I offered to do it, because honesty, Mistakes Girl cannot take one more thing to do on her list.  She's obviously become the "go-to" person for EVERYTHING.

I was getting a little (OK, a lot) cross with my Boss yesterday, but then I realized that I needed to stop that, so I told him that I promised to turn my attitude around - and you know what?  I did!  It was easy, once I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness.  I have to be at this job, so I might as well be happy.  I think he was happy about that.  Sometimes I just let things and people get to me, to my own detriment. 

So once I realized it could be my "best day ever", things turned around for me.  And even though the coffee maker overflowed this morning and there were a ton of kitty messes to clean and I lost my monitoring device, it's still going to be the "best day ever".

Because I'm going in early, I had to cut my lower body workout in half.  I'll finish it up tonight.

Struggled hard with eating - twice - yesterday. Once at work, with peanuts -- just kept on walking out to get the mail, rather than making a detour into the snack closet.  And once last night, where I just made myself some sleepytime tea instead of reaching for the peanut butter.

Small victories.... Best day ever... 

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/27/2021:
Good job controlling the things you can control.....and thank your lucky stars that you don't own that business .....if the owner doesn't care then it's on him.......I'm liking the idea that you can change things around so easily!!!!


Jacky82020 on 10/27/2021:
Fantastic! You are in charge, girl!


innerpeace on 10/27/2021:
Yep cause your reaction is the only thing you control. Crazy busy at your work - you can only do so much in an 8 hour day.


PlayingQuietly on 10/27/2021:
small victories add up ~ way to go!


Horn_of_plenty on 10/27/2021:
i think that mistakes girl should ask permission to take a day(s) off...it's weird she says she's done asking permission. isn't that lacking professionalism?

also regarding yesterday, you say you want the old boss to learn something...hmmm...i am not sure he's capable...

that's spectacularly great to have a private yoga session. back many, many years ago, i took some swimming lessons in a very crowded, busy area. except nobody really knew about the lessons and many times it would be just two of us in the class! i loved it! it was GREAT.

like you, i'm focusing on sleep when i can this week...


Horn_of_plenty on 10/27/2021:
i really liked reading your entry today. it shows a LOT of success. kinda what i wrote to you in a comment back to you on my diary...about learning to adapt to certain challenges so that we can grow/get stronger with our emotions and choices.

i really like how you decided to have a good day with work. i have to tell you, that's the attitude of my two big bosses! they come in ready to work and work hard. they are tired sometimes, many times, but they have decided to try to make the days good and happy ones at work rather than be angry and difficult to work with. i got really lucky.

work is where you spend so much time; and this is why it's so important to try to change our moods around.

i also starting going down a strange mood today, because there were many conversations, louder, around me...but i had to work alone. in the past, i used to get very stressed out when this happens. because i was left to my own thoughts in the middle of what felt like a commotion that i was being left out of. however, this time at work, i did far better and didn't feel the craze i used to feel...and i reminded myself later that everything is ok....and i also think i was just very tired - and when tired, my mood falls.

so like you, i'm concentrating on staying happy/content.


Brett on 10/27/2021:
Attitude is everything. Keep going.



Donkey - Tuesday Oct 26, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

It's going to be another busting week at work.  12 contracts in one day, and that's not counting Associate Attorney.  (He didn't get any contracts yesterday.) I told my Boss that we're all feeling burnt out.  He didn't seem to care.  He was more curious to know why people are buying like crazy right now.  Why ask me?  How the heck do I know?  He talks just to talk, and I hate that. 

Wait until people start taking time off, like he told us to.  We're going to be stretched really thin.  Mistakes Girl said to Male Co-Worker, "I'm done asking for permission to take time off.  I just take it."

Associate Attorney called the office yesterday morning to say that his son from California was visiting and has tested positive for COVID, even though he's been vaccinated.  So Associate Attorney is out of the office for an undetermined amount of time.  How do we not know if he's coming in or not?  Boss seems to think that if he tests negative Monday and Wednesday, that AA will be back in the office by Thursday.  If he's not back for all of the closings we have on Friday, we are screwed.  So I hope he doesn't come back, because that seems to be the only way that the Boss really learns anything, is when it hurts.

Yoga was very nice last night.  Because it's just me and the teacher, I can let her know what body parts I want to work.  Once again, the neck and shoulders were so tight. I think it's from tensing up at my desk all day long, all week long.  

I struggled a little bit with eating last night.  That always seems to be the time that I struggle.  Tried to make my own protein shake and it wasn't very good.  Still, I drank it all.

Woke up early, on my own, so I had plenty of time for upper body weights this morning.  In fact, I got everything in that I wanted to do, and then some, so I do not have to do weights tonight. I think I will try to get to bed as early as possible.  

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

PlayingQuietly on 10/26/2021:
yoga sounds like a good idea for me to do today


Maria7 on 10/26/2021:
Wow, Y'all are VERY busy! Have a good day.

Donkey on 10/27/2021:
Tuesday was busier than Monday! And in October of all things! We are going to be busy through the end of the year.



Donkey - Monday Oct 25, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

I signed up for a Yin yoga class at the gym yesterday, to compare it with what I have on Monday nights here at home on Zoom. I'm glad I tried it.  It was in a very warm room, which I was not prepared for, but the room was very dim, and the instructor's platform stage thing had all these nice fake candles around it, so it was a very, very nice subdued atmosphere.  I would say the class was nearly half-full.  It was VERY relaxing, but I could hear and see that Strength class next door - the one I took a couple of weekends ago - and I dunno, part of me wished I was in the class instead.  

This class was very slow.  A LOT of time was spent in the meditation, rather than in the stretches, but it was nice to have different stretches to do, which has been my main complaint about the Zoom classes that I do.  Anyway, it was interesting and a good class.  I'm glad I tried it.  I might try it again, but there is another yoga class I'd like to try that meets on Sundays at 9:15am, to see what that class is like.  Then I would be able to make a better decision about whether or not to continue with the Zoom classes. 

I'll admit it that it was HARD to wear a mask throughout the whole class, especially since it was very warm in the room already.  From what I could see, I was the only one who wore a mask throughout the entire class.  The instructor took hers off once the class started, which is fine, since she's socially distanced.  I tried to segregate myself as best as I could. 

It was HARD to finish up my workout after the class.  I put my mat away in my locker and then went back upstairs to do lower body weights, when really, all I wanted to do was take a nap, LOL.  I did a shortened legs session, cranking up the amount of weight used on the machines.  I thought maybe THAT was my problem for not having achy legs the next day.  Sadly (?), it's not, but I did find out that I haven't been challenging myself hard enough on the leg weights.  I can certain handle the heavier weights. 

The remainder of the day was quieter, restful. It was a very good weekend.

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2021:
lol your comment back yesterday on your entry to "spoiled brat!" ....well, i am reviewing an email reminder that i sent to myself a few months ago about asking for a huge raise. before all the craziness here started and before the payroll issues with that person. ha! i am so not asking for a raise now. i def need to wait until i'm here a year...i may just ask after that for a small one..to at least break thru the next 10k bracket...i mean to get out of the 40's and push me up to the 50's....i mean a raise of like 5k...i need to see what that is in terms of the per dollar salary...which is a better way to ask than to ask "for thousands"..do you know what i mean? i should ask for the raise later on, as it will help me in my future...if i am denied, at least i tried. ..i'm sure i can get something...even if not as much as i want. will ask sometime in the new year.

also, with you, what about if you move, can you work for other states' legal systems? like in arizona or where your other family lives?

Donkey on 10/26/2021:
I'm not familiar with other states' laws. Most states don't use attorneys for real estate transactions. It's all on the agents, who aren't lawyers. So anything real estate related would be litigation (courts), which I am NOT doing again ever.


PlayingQuietly on 10/25/2021:
only -3 lbs to go You Can Do It !

Donkey on 10/26/2021:
Ha ha - I'd have to gain 3 pounds to reach my goal, right?


Jacky82020 on 10/25/2021:
Was the room supposed to be that warm? Isn’t there something called hot yoga?

It would be very difficult for me to wear a mask in a yoga class! I have an obnoxious N95 that’s very tight & uncomfortable. Only one that doesn’t dog my glasses at all.

Donkey on 10/26/2021:
The gym does offer "hot yoga" classes. This Yin class isn't advertised as "hot", but in the description, it does mention that the room is 75 degrees. I think it's a room that is kept warmer than the rest of the workout areas all the time.

I wear a mask all the time when I'm in the gym. Other people are gross. (I don't even want to describe what I saw one woman doing with one of the bolsters that is available for public use. Note to self: Bring your own bolster.) In most areas of the gym, the mask is fine to bearable. (I sometimes lift the mask to wipe my face area with a towel.)


PlayingQuietly on 10/26/2021:
eek! no don't gain! sorry LoL You Did It !!!!!!!!



Donkey - Sunday Oct 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

After I wrote in my diary yesterday, something happened/changed, and I got a burst of motivation and positivity --- If I could bottle this feeling, I'd be a wealthy woman.  Not only did I get a lot done, but I also felt pretty positive.

Silly as it sounds, I think what kind of perked me up was the realization that a library book I had had on hold FOREVER. finally came in for me. I think the next time I need a "pick me up" mood changer, I should just go to the library.  Having a new book to read seems to really cheer me up!

I got all the laundry done, trimmed all the cats' nails, put the deck table & umbrella into winter storage, fixed the string of Christmas lights in my kitchen so that alll lights are lit, filled up my birdfeeder and refilled the baths with fresh water, made gluten-free blueberry muffins - yes, it was a day full of accomplishments.

I went to the gym, kind of undecided as to what weights I would do.  I wear a mask the whole time I'm there, so I thought that if I should run into that personal trainer, chances are, I'd go unnoticed (except that I'm one of the only few who DOES wear a mask, so maybe I stick out a lot?).  Anyway, I started doing the upper body machines, when I heard his distinct voice.  He was working with 2 women.  I couldn't tell if they were mom-daughter or friends or sisters.  They seemed to be somewhat beginners.  I just focused on my own thing, and as they headed over to the trainer's desk area, I realized to myself, Ya know, I'm doing alright with what I'm doing.  I'm maintaining my weight, seeing gains in the upper body, and changes in the lower body.  Maybe I'll work with a trainer someday, or maybe I won't.  I'm pretty satisfied & challenged with what I'm doing right now.  I am also prepared, in the near future, should I ever get "bored" or "stuck" with training -- I have some options that I can go to, if I need a change of pace.  I'm not at the gym for anyone but myself.

Eating went well yesterday, I think.  I didn't have any strong cravings until the evening.  I managed to fend them off by going upstairs to bed, rather than upstairs to the kitchen.  Stayed up too late reading a new book.

Theoretically, I don't have much to do today.  I mean, there's always cleaning to do, right?  But I think I'm going to use today to continue to reset myself for the workweek ahead.  It's going to be a busy week for the firm, being the last week of the month - everyone wants to close on Friday, and then, when that can't happen, everyone gets mad.

I'm also working on formulating some goals for November. I'm kind of excited for the month ahead.  And we'll see if that "slow down" ever happens that the Boss keeps talking about.

Anyway, I have a couple of TV shows to indulge in, if I want.  I have a good, big book to read.  Football this afternoon if I so please.  I'm not really into football, but I like to spend time with Husband, unless he gets obnoxious about the game.  

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/24/2021:
I LOVE THE ATTITUDE!!!!!! Congrats on finding happiness!!!!!!!

Donkey on 10/25/2021:
Yes, it turned out to be a pretty good weekend after all :-D And I really need these to recharge myself.

I just wish I could find a way to keep this feeling of well-being preserved through the work week.


bearcountrygg on 10/24/2021:
I don't think it sounds silly at all...sometimes I just have to get out of my own head and get involved in something totally different.

Donkey on 10/25/2021:
A good book can certainly do that - I hadn't considered that aspect of "getting out of my own head", as a primary reason to read, but that's really the essence of it.


Horn_of_plenty on 10/24/2021:
well, if new girl is working now almost every day, like you said Friday, your duty to answer phones is basically over! :) less distraction by the phone on you!

with yesterday talking about a food slip up in the beginning of your entry, a little of a naughty food is a good thing because a little is way better than a lot. try to think of these foods as being allowed. you will start to be ok and more satisfied with less of them. it will become a new habit, for the most part. the habit will get stronger and stronger and you'll get better at it. of course, there could always be a relapse but it will be lesser as you will have learned to manage on less of those foods that you used to need large portions of....i like how you say you will do better, that's all we can aim to do!

do you have an amazon by you? that could be good, however, i think most of their jobs are VERY physical. a friend of mine did it for awhile, 4 hours, from 2am-6am, on her feet the whole time with lifting heavy boxes, she said it was hard. now, she's working at airport.

are you by an airport? there may be good jobs there for you too with decent pay as well as raises. those are pretty stable i think. you will need to prob be vaccinated and other people will prob be let go, or have been let go, that aren't.

totally understand where you're coming from in terms of scattered/unorganized. i have been that way a couple weeks. had to take a lot of downtime today. the course took me wayyyy longer than expected, still doing it, too. i chose to read the manual before tkaing the course, which goes thru the manual almost to the T. accidentally wasted my time going thru it on my own - should have just went to take the course. oopsie.

Donkey on 10/25/2021:
I think you have something there about the peanut butter. I've noticed that lately, you've been having a spoon here and there. "Everything in moderation" comes to mind.

We're getting an Amazon center. I dunno, I've heard nightmare stories about how physically hard it is to work there. I live too far to work at O'Hare airport. It would be a killer commute.

I think maybe I'm being a little too "spoiled brat" in my job search attitude right now.


Horn_of_plenty on 10/24/2021:
for your goals, and mine of maintenance as well, i do not think you need a trainer. only thing a trainer is good for is intro to weights or if you can afford it, a trainer to keep you motivated to show up to workout and challenge you harder than you would yourself. but i do not think that those are our goals.

do you ever watch those cops/firefighter/detective shows!? i'm in LOVE with them. they can be pretty violent though with death and shootings. it's crazy what is allowed on tv these days. but i love those shows. especially law and order which is all about sex crimes, only, i believe. it's so realistic, but many times also seems to be too far from reality. either way, those shows have me hooked.

Donkey on 10/25/2021:
I do love those crime shows, but I haven't gotten myself into the whole Chicago Fire/Police/Med series. I loved Law & Order, but I find that that show in particular (the original L&O) set up people's expectations of what court is too high. Court doesn't work like that. Court TV is a much better representation of how slow and boring most court procedures are.

I haven't gotten into the shows that are more military-ish, like FBI, SWAT, Seal Team - my husband watches those and thoroughly enjoys them.


PlayingQuietly on 10/25/2021:
good work on fending off late night eating



Donkey - Saturday Oct 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

 Not quite feeling the joy that usually comes with a weekend.  Well then, let's start with the positive!  Weight maintained this week, even though I slipped up a little bit last night with peanut butter.  What is WRONG with me that I can't hang in there for 10 more hours before a weigh-in???  I had already had a chocolate, and then the rest of a chocolate protein shake.  I don't know... but I am grateful that the scale didn't "punish" me for that.  I'm kind of at the point where I need all the encouragement I can get, so thank you scale, for the encouraging number.  I'll do my best to REMEMBER this and do better next Friday.

I think Friday was spent just getting through it.  At the end of the day, Male Co-Worker's wife called him up to say that she got a job offer, making $48K a year, which is more than what I make, and I'm sure it has benefits.  Why on earth is she applying for jobs at 70 years old????  I don't UNDERSTAND this.  

I thought I'd do a job search this weekend, and I kind of looked on Career Builder and Indeed.  Not very encouraging, but I'm not trying very hard to do a proper search. I'm getting a lot of manufacturing jobs (trying to think outside of the box, I haven't narrowed my parameters much). I had forgotten how hard the process is, especially when I'm already feeling burnt out from a crazy week.  Actually, though, it's good that I'm doing this, even haphazzardly, because at least I'm getting started, and with something life-changing like this, it's important to at least get started.  Anything to overcome the inertia and get the ball rolling...

I have my usual chores to do this weekend, but will also need to stop by the library to return a book or books.  Not sure if I'm going to finish the one book.  I'm not sure if I'll check out any other books, as I have a couple - a few - here at home that I can read.

Gym day -- kind of hesitant to go back there, should I run into the personal trainer that flaked out on me.  Why should I be intimidated by that, though?  I shouldn't.  I'll just go and do my thing and come home.  I'm not sure if it will be upper body day or legs.

I'm feeling quite scattered and unorganized and exhausted -- mostly on a mental/emotional level.  I can't seem to get my thoughts together or relax enough to enjoy my time off.  I feel like there's a lot of static going on in my brain right now.

 

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 10/23/2021:
Don't let yourself feel overwhelmed. Get outside and do something to relax, even if it is working outside. You are such a hard worker and very extra dedicated to your work. But try to put your mind on things unrelated to it and if nothing else, grab a mug of coffee and sit out on the porch (if it is warm enough up your way) and relax.

Donkey on 10/24/2021:
If the rain holds out today, I would like to sit outside on my deck with a nice hot cup of coffee for a bit. :-)


PlayingQuietly on 10/23/2021:
easy does it, breathe.


KathyBlue on 10/24/2021:
Hahaha, I understand your amazement over that job application at 70y old but I secretly admire the person as well. Hahaha... And hey, if she actually MANAGES to get the new job, then wow!! In my area (information technology), once we hit the 40, our value on the market drastically decreases. They enjoy the spirit and dedication of the youngsters, although I honestly find them deceitful most of the time. The lack of useful knowledge and missing tact / diplomacy skills coming from "juniors" nowadays is frightening.

Donkey on 10/24/2021:
It's the same in the paralegal field. Everyone wants young, to be able to mold into what their firm does.


KathyBlue on 10/24/2021:
I hear you on the feeling scattered and exhausted. Unorganized - I won't even say, it's my constant state. I always tell people "I live on the verge of organized and complete, utter chaos." . And this is quite true, as I was diagnosed with ADHD AND!!! OCD, apparently my brain is trying to overcompensate the ADHD with obsessive compulsive behaviors. This is why I feel so frustrated most of the time and beat myself up from the inside when I fail - which happens daily.. I downloaded a handful of apps last week, to see if I can get some help in organization, but the thought of sitting down and setting it/them up just makes me feel overwhelmed. Isn't this the same damm loop over and over again... :(



Donkey - Friday Oct 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

Soooo looking forward to the weekend.  It doesn't even feel like a Friday.  Yesterday, I looked at the clock and it was almost 3pm.  I feel like a zombie.

WORK:

  1. I'm still having technical problems at work, with scanning documents into my computer.  I'm hoping that this can get fixed today, afte 2 days of struggling through. 
  2. Male Co-Worker continues to miss emails that I forward to him, and then they come back to haunt ME.  I'm not sure if this is intentional or what.
  3. I passed on something to him, and then I realized I would have time to deal with it, so I took it back.  I didn't make a big deal about it, but I did let him know I was working on it.  I AM a team player.  And I see now that this is a task that is something I CAN do regularly as part of my duties, so I will do it.  Not happy about it, but fine I'll do it.  I just hate having to work on files once my part is done and the file has gone on to Male Co-Worker.  
  4. New Gal will be working every day except Wednesdays.  Ugh... but at least we'll have someone to answer the phones mostly, so that's one less thing the rest of us have to do.

Eating last night went well, sort of.  IDK, even though I had a little sweet after dinner, I wanted chocolate, so I had a few swallows of a chocolate protein shake.

Had a short bike ride last night and no weights.  This allowed me to go to bed earlier, so I woke up earlier, which I love to do.  I'm wondering if weight training after dinner or longer cardio sessions are interfering with my sleep.  Or maybe it was just a fluke that I slept well.  When I fell asleep, I was out. Husband didn't wake me up, Daughter didn't wake me up. Didn't hear anything or anyone. 

Managed to get in some upper body weights in this morning.  Now that I have yoga only 1x a week and also that I want to do more weight training, I see that I will have to adjust my weekly exercise agenda, which will be a nice change for November.  Otherwise, I end up doing too much cardio.

Well, better get my day started. I'm already about 10 minutes behind.....

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/22/2021:
I hope the work tech problem gets addressed today...that must be frustrating...I'm sure the weekend will be a nice break. Sound sleep is such a gift!!!

Donkey on 10/23/2021:
Absolutely NOTHING happened with the problem yesterday, but I know the ticket (work order) is still open, so it's whatever. I have found a way to work around the problem, so I am OK.

Donkey on 10/23/2021:
^Which I realize is kind of a selfish point of view, but I'm kind of in a "save yourself" mode at work, in which case, no, I am not a team player, or not as much as I could be.

It's just that I've been burned before and don't want to get there again.


PlayingQuietly on 10/22/2021:
I sure do like reading your workplace adventures, hang in there

Donkey on 10/23/2021:
Can't make this stuff up, right? A small part of me wonders if I'm sticking around just to see how the story ends.


Jacky82020 on 10/22/2021:
Those technical problems must be terribly frustrating. Sounds like something a real estate law office would fix yesterday!

Wish I could overcome chocolate cravings with a little protein drink! I’ve been pigging down keto bombs, just like candy bars . Probably partially why I wake up sick to my stomach lately. All that fat!

Donkey on 10/23/2021:
Welllll let's just say that the protein shake isn't always successful.


Jacky82020 on 10/23/2021:
LOL. Gotcha, Girlfriend



Donkey - Thursday Oct 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

 I don't know what I need to do to get that nice muscle ache in my legs the next day in my legs, after a weighted workout.  I feel the ache while I exercise, so I know I'm working the muscles.  The last reps of the last set are very difficult to complete.  And afterwards, I can feel the "whoa!"  But then I sleep and the next morning, I'm fine. I don't know if I'm making any real progress there.

But on the positive side, I think eating went well. No deep ends, no food fits.  Stayed up too late, and regretted that this morning, but here I am, and I'm not feeling tired or fatigued at all.  No weights tonight, I don't think.  And hopepfully an earlier lights-out tonight.

We had a long, non-productive work meeting yesterday.  My concerns were heard, but not solved.  The solution was to keep doing what I'm doing.  Solutions to other people's problems are to give it to Mistakes Girl, which she cannot handle any more work.  That, and proper, re-training of New Gal on Saturdays, if she's available.  That also falls to Mistakes Girl.  

And because the meeting took about an hour, I had to stay late an hour, waiting for Associate Attorney to finish typing up a letter that had to go out by 6pm yesterday.  (Another one of those time-sensitive contingency deadlines...)

Add to all of this that all of a sudden, I cannot scan documents to my email any more.  Neither can Nice Lady, but nobody else in the office has that problem.  The IT person I called couldn't help me at all yesterday, and so we're waiting for one of his more experienced co-workers to figure it out.  I was able to find a way around scanning, but Nice Lady has a pile of documents that she needs to scan.

What I want to do today is to put my best foot forward.  I want to feel good about me, no matter what my surrounding situations may be.  I would prefer to be quieter today, especially since New Gal is working today.  I'm probably at my best when I'm quieter anyways, LOL. 


MORNING EDIT (before leaving for work):  A couple of things I forgot to mention earlier.

I finally did manage to login to the gym app, and the personal trainer did not upload our workout nor did he message me about not being able to show up last Saturday.  So at least now I know in my heart that this path, i.e. working with him as a trainer, was not meant to be.  And I always feel better about myself when I resolve a technology issue, especially when it comes to phone apps, which I don't handle well.

Secondly, one of the main points the Boss made at yesterday's meeting is that he's ordering lawfirm shirts for us all (like from Land's End, with our company name over the heart/breast) and he needs our sizes.  I was like, What the ****?  Shirts???  That's your main concern for this meeting?  It's like the Boss lives in his own universe.  We already have shirts, and nobody wears them.  Just completely Outer Limits.

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/21/2021:
BOY...That associate attorney sounds like quite the piece of work!!! Is he stupid, a narcissist or does he just like to watch everyone else squirm??? In the best of times an office should move like a well oiled machine...that one sounds like it has a flat tire. I think my stomach would be in knots all of the time.

Donkey on 10/21/2021:
Yes, stomach in knots is the perfect description.

Also, I feel like it's more like a car on fire, rather than flat tire, but maybe I just want to see the files (OK, my files) burn, LOL.


horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2021:
Regarding yesterday only, i would not even try to respond to male coworker anymore if he brings it up. i have learned that when something is "not my job," as the general foreman in my trailer caught me saying just once...and he will not forget i said it because he feels saying it sounds very ill-sounding to others...so he reminded me not to say it (even if it's not my job, that is!)...my point to you: maybe say, i need to look into what you are talking about...to delay the matter....and then bring up who was working on it...and that they are out (but bring it up in a little while, not right away?)

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
I find myself not wanting to take on added responsibilities because I'm afraid that I'll always be stuck with them, and when things become busy, then it will be impossible to manage. Right now, I'm managing well, but I'm not doing extra things, unless they pop up unexpectedly.

I'm not sure I like that approach in myself, but I understand why I feel this way. I've had too many YEARS where I'm drowning in work and my co-workers are taking 2 hour lunches and leaving early.


horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2021:
regarding quitting over yesterday, try not to get your emotions involved in someone else's (male coworker's) lack of professionalism. you do not have to quit now...keep moving, donkey. get the bonus.

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
100% right, and I'm glad that I caught this reaction right away.


horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2021:
regarding today "legs" first part of your entry, i do not think you're always going to feel the burn, even if the exercises are being done bc the muscles are used to those moves but they will still grow from repetition of exercises, i would think. same with me and my exercises. i don't feel real burns, unless i actually do more reps / sets or make a change. usually, i'm not sore much / at all for arms or legs.

regarding lights out and your emotions lately, it could be that "fall" time of year...depression, needing more sleep. i have needed a lot more sleep lately.

i agree that being quieter is good. i wouldn't be making a ruckus (not that you are, just saying). really, i think the boss has to decide what he does with his business based on what is and is not successful now and in the near future..

LOL. shirts. maybe he wanted one for HIMSELF for some reason? anyways, i would wear it, if he orders them. you can wear long sleeves under it....easy dress for one day/week.

my boss ordered shirts from whatever was leftover at the main office...we only got 2 for the 3 of us girls. i didn't get one. i gave the other two girls them. if i did get one, i'd have worn it 1x/week.

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
The Boss already has a shirt with the company logo on it. He doesn't need a new one, unless he's gained so much weight that it no longer fits him. That might be it. He's not really taking care of himself like a heart attack person really ought to.

My legs have always been my stronger half, so maybe that's why I don't feel that ache. They adapt quickly?


PlayingQuietly on 10/21/2021:
(about the shirts/outer limits) lol

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
Right??? I swear it feels like Twilight Zone sometimes.


Maria7 on 10/21/2021:
The shirts sound very nice. Hope you are having a good day.

Donkey on 10/22/2021:
We already have shirts except New Guy and New Gal. I see this as money wasted, frankly. I'm not sure what the Boss is trying to accomplish with new shirts.



Donkey - Wednesday Oct 20, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

So yesterday was something else.  Not only was I not feeling good yesterday in the stomach, but Male Co-Worker proceeded to get into a HUGE fight with me yesterday, accusing me of not being a team player because I would not take care of something that: 

  • I knew nothing about
  • New Gal (who had the day off) was working on, and
  • Was related to Male Co-Worker's file that had closed a couple of weeks ago.

So this was totally "not my job" and not urgent.  Yet it's my fault.  He took care of it in 20 minutes.  It would have taken me an hour - at least - to figure out what it was all about.  Then he starts making all of these passive aggressive comments loud enough for me to hear, but too far away to defend myself unless I because aggressive.  Not going to take the bait, not going down that road.

I said to the Boss that we MUST have this meeting about the allocation of job responsibilities SOON.  He said, Make your notes and we'll talk about it at the meeting.  (Whenever THAT will be...)

It's not that I'm not a team player, but this issue had totally nothing to do with any of my files.  If it had been time-sensitive, or if it had been a purchase file (that is to say, one of my files), I WOULD have taken care of it.

Anyway, then the Boss starts trying to get me cheered up and diverted. I said, "I'm just going to do my work" and left it at that.  Husband told me to come home, but I didn't want to be immature about this.  Also, I did have work to do.

At 3:30pm, Male Co-Worker came over and quietly apologized.  I accepted his apology.  At 4:30pm, I said to the Boss, "I've had a bad day. I'm leaving early."  The Boss goes, "Oh it wasn't THAT bad" but I left.  Things had slowed down and I was just done with the day.  No more (cares) to give.  JUST DONE.

Now DD folks, if that isn't enough to get me to quit, then I will never leave.  But I don't want to quit under these unpleasant circumstances.  I also don't want my departure to be knee-jerk or an emotional reaction to an emotional event.  I also have to talk to Husband about leaving now, as it would mean that I'd forfeit my yearly bonus (usually $500).  

Let's see how today goes.

Because of all the fatty fast food from Monday, PLUS the stress from the blow-up at work, I did not eat much during the day.  Dinner went OK, too, because my stomach still felt like there was a huge bubble sitting inside it. Dinner sat well in my stomach, finished up my upper body weights, and got to bed early -- -turning off the lights just slightly after 9pm.

This morning, no stomach problems.  Had a good bike ride, and did pretty well on the leg weights.  I will do more leg weights this evening, probably with dumbbells.  Anyway, that's my plan.

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/20/2021:
What a day! Walking off like your husband suggested would be a bad move IMO. It’s not like the new guy slapped you or called you a name, besides it may have made you look weak & unable to cope with pressure. The jerk did apologize & the boss supports you. It’s never a good idea to make a big decision in the heat of the moment, although I know you’ve considered leaving this job for a while. I’d wait and see how it plays out & grab the well deserved bonus. Also, I wouldn’t leave one job without another lined up, unless you have some savings to spend down. Any chance the current job would give you a bad reference if you suddenly left?

How’s it going today?

Donkey on 10/21/2021:
I do not think my Boss would begrudge me a reference if I were to leave, but when I leave, I want to leave correctly. Even though he's a jerk, in a way, we do have a bond, and for myself, I want to leave this situation as best as I can.

Thank you for asking how today was going, yesterday. It's hard for me to log in after the morning, before work, but I did come back to your comment several times during the day, to do a self-check, to see how I was doing.

It was a busy, uninspiring day. I'll write more about it today (Thursday), but I feel like we're all just trying to get through the days.


PlayingQuietly on 10/20/2021:
work can be a social jungle... I'm sorry your co-worker stressed an already heavy workload


bearcountrygg on 10/20/2021:
It just sounds like a really bad vibe going on there....It must be hard to get in that door every morning.

Donkey on 10/21/2021:
SO HARD -- and I know it's not just me. Male Co-Worker has often talked about the feelings of dread and anxiety he has just thinking about walking through the door.


horn_of_plenty on 10/21/2021:
will read your entry later...


Jacky82020 on 10/21/2021:
Always best to leave on a high note unless it’s impossible.

Let us know how it goes.



Donkey - Tuesday Oct 19, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

Ohhh boyyyy.... What has Donkey done?  Well, here's a new truth in the life of Donkey:  One cannot eat gyros sandwiches any more.  My stomach just cannot handle them any more.  

Part of the problem is that I ate too much, but I think it's because I ate lighter during the day, and I also that I was really busy (again) at work.  I also reached for too many French fries and onion rings. 

I woke up in the middle of the night, on fire.  This used to happen to me quite often after a binge.  This is caused by my body trying to metabolize the extra calories.  I cooled off, and then was apparently able to put covers back on (later) and go back to sleep.  However, I woke up with a sour stomach, feeling heavy.  I also felt like I was "sweating out" the overload during my bike ride and weight training.  Just more sweaty, I guess.  Bleah.

Turns out, my Boy Cat can't really have gyros too.  I gave him a couple of pieces of meat, and he is not himself this morning.  So it's probably best if we just go back to regular eating.  I knew I was taking a risk when ordering a gyro, and now I'm suffering the consequences.

Yoga was good/OK.  We did a complete body session, starting with opening up the hips, traveling up to the shoulders, ending with poses that stretch out the body completely.

I also managed to meditate at work.  I think it helped to some degree.

Work was work.  Same old stuff.  Morale is low.  I realized yesterday that we have become a busy lawfirm.  This is because we have 3 attorneys.  We used to have 1 attorney and 6 support staff.  Now we have 3 attorneys and 4.5 support staff.   And we're not well-organized.  I used to work at a lawfirm that was like this, and I hated it.  Reasons why I hated it:

  • Hated working personal injury and worker's comp -- just not for me.
  • Hated the commute - 1.5 hours, one way.
  • Could never ever catch up on the work.  Neverending overload. I burnt out.

It was a little eye-opening, though, to see that this is what we have evolved to.

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/19/2021:
In my past life ( before retirement)...I had one of those jobs that never ends.....some days I was thankful to stay busy (the days goes by fast)...but other days it felt like I was never done.....and never would be.....I would leave my desk to go to the other end of the clinic and get back to my desk with a pile of 500 lab reports.....that had to be dealt with pronto because people were waiting for their results.....on those days I often felt helpless....but....go figure...I was always surprised to find my check in my time card slot......I have no idea why ( I worked out of desire to work...D supported us the household 100%)....so apparently I loved it enough to return day after day and get it done...I really did miss it when I retired and still have many friends that I worked with there.....and I really wouldn't mind doing that again if it was necessary for me to work......( I'm sure no one wants to hire an old lady but I would be willing)....LOL

Donkey on 10/20/2021:
I'm seeing, as we get older, that Male Co-Worker is no longer able to keep up. Mistakes Girl can get his files organized and caught up and still be able to do her own job.

I'm pretty sure I'm not at that point. I'm really feeling like it's time for a change. Just a total change. I'm not sure if that makes sense.


Maria7 on 10/19/2021:
I am happily retired. No more work-stress for me!

Donkey on 10/20/2021:
Right??? I hope to be able to retire some day. I was privileged to be able to stay home with my kids when they were little, though, and not everyone has that.

Even if you are retired, I hope that you are able to enjoy some of my work-writings as humorous or drama filled (cue soap opera music here). I always appreciate your insights as a third-party observer.


horn_of_plenty on 10/19/2021:
The gyro meat is highly seasoned right ? Maybe too much for the cat bc of all the seasonings ??

I see - so if you are evolving to that - is it more than real estate now ?

Donkey on 10/20/2021:
The meat IS highly seasoned but not hot-spicy. However, I think my problems were due to the high fat and grease. My husband also said that he did not enjoy his selection (burger) because it was greasy.

The busy-ness is still mainly real estate. We do a little estate planning and a little bankruptcy. Neither one is really a forte in our firm though.



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