I felt that yesterday was a good day. I spent a lot of time doing laundry and cleaning, but I also was able to get outside, on a mild sunny day, and do some yardwork. I was cutting down spent lillies on the west side of the house. Today, I will cut down the lillies on the right side of the house. I also worked on the birdfeeders and bird bath, and some of my smaller, potted plants. I really find a lot of satisfaction in working in the yard. My back won't allow me to do the hard work: mowing, raking, etc., but I do love working with plants.
I went to the service for my friend's father. This was the first time that I have been in an inside church with strangers. I sat in a section completely by myself. I was nervous when the guitar player, who was also the sound guy, walked past me a few times, even though he was masked and probably 6 feet away. The service was illuminating and yet sobering at the same time. He was so handsome in his youth. They had a slide show that was chronological, so you could see how he was as a boy, a young man, a middle aged man, an older man, and then at the end, a very old man. He had dementia, so the last 5 years of his life, was not truly reflective of who he truly was, previously.
As I am 50, I am becoming even more aware of the limitations of time. And as my boss is going to be 70 this year, Nice Lady is 72-73, Male Co-Worker is 67-ish, at the age he can take retirement, the conversation about getting old has been dominent in the office more and more.
With the busyness at work, too, I've noticed that I spend WAY more time sitting, trying to get work done at my computer. I have my Fitbit set to remind me on an hourly basis to get at least 250 steps an hour. That isn't really a lot for me to accomplish, but I've been so busy that I can't even do that little bit FOR MYSELF lately. It made me see that my job is really not a very healthy job to have. The wage is good, but I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the stress and toll on my mind and body. To be honest with myself, the major reason I am staying with where I'm at is because of the money.
I did make it to the gym last night - it was almost empty. I hope to go this afternoon, and then I would do weights tonight at home. I have the gardening to do, and the laundry. It should be a pretty relaxing day, just what I need and want.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
Happy - are you OK after last night's earthquake?
I slept in a bit this morning, forgetting that Daughter had to get up early. I heard her get up and I scrambled to get up so that I'd have a few minutes to say hello to her, good luck, you can do it. Got halfway dressed and realized that I forgot to weigh in. I debated with myself for about 10 seconds, and then got undressed to weigh in. As long as the numbers keep going down, I'm happy with that.
Could I live at this weight? What is so freaking important (to me) about being in the 130's?
A couple things I wanted to catch up on from the week that I forgot to mention:
So, on top of the stress of life and the world, my daughter drops a bombshell on me - in the 3 minutes we've had together all this week, this morning - that her job is being eliminated, as a result of restructuring, and she will need to make some decisions for herself. Oh my word! As if there isn't already enough to worry about!
I thought I'd have this weekend to just lay back and chill, but then I remembered that there is a recycling drop-off this morning - my dear husband took care of this, but I did take time to bring stuff out for him to take. AND there is a memorial service today at 2pm for a friend's father. I didn't know him, but I know her, and when he passed away just before the COVID shutdown, I had always intended to attend his memorial service.
Not a big deal, except that 2pm is usually when I go to the gym, so now the gym time has to be readjusted.
Oh let me throw in 2 extra large loads of laundry to do while I'm at it. Thanks, Baby Kitty.
So not exactly the carefree, stress-free, relaxing day I had hoped for. Kind of like what Happy had touched on earlier this week - it's not these huge events that affect me, but rather these tiny little dramas that leave me feeling completely frazzled.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
Walmart is restructuring all of its workforce into different categories. My daughter is afraid that they will ask her to move to night shift, and if she says no, then she will become an associate, which would make getting 40 hours a week very difficult.
I know that there is no such thing as truly 100% stress-free. I need to be more self-aware on how I choose to react to things. For example, I was freaking out about the "obligation" to go to the memorial service, but in the end, I'm so glad I went. It was very nice, and I'm truly thankful that I didn't miss it. So why was I so anxious about going? Or anxious about feeling obligated to go?
It's like that whole drama was an internal thing. I think I can work harder to reduce that kind of self-imposed stress.
but reading everything else...seems a lot of things were thrown at you this weekend, but, you are doing great!!!
also, keep working at your goals, they will come true for you as you keep working at them.
The better test will be this week, when he has to start actually working.
Yesterday was a much better day. Thank goodness. I seriously need a good weekend.
The New Attorney starts today, and I must remember to stay focused at my job, on my tasks, and not get caught up in any drama that may pop up.
Will I get to the point where I can return to my yoga practice? That seems so long ago.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
Very quick, as I seem to have run out of time, even though I got up early. There is always something that has to get done, and it gets done before I log on here, apparently.
Yesterday was a very bad day at work. It seems as though yesterday was the day for unhappy clients and agents. I'm trying to shake off the negative feeling, and just want to look forward to doing the best I can to be positive. This can be really, really hard for me to do.
Also, still no relief from the workload, and today and tomorrow promise to be VERY busy.
This job just sucks all the life out of living.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
I was reading today about applying and being a paralegal. and one thing i read was that you have to be able to "advocate" for yourself and not be "weak!" something like that..i reworded it a little using the word "weak."
anyways, my point is that this just goes to show that you are very talented and a hard working person! Like we didn't know that already!?
seems that you chose the right profession...because you do handle it quite well. hold your head high.
So, it's Tuesday evening, and I'm on the laptop (not my phone) as I wait to see if Daughter wants to go to the gym tonight or not. Either way is fine by me. If she does, great - I'll do the elliptical. If she doesn't, great - I'll do a short bike ride and then legs & biceps at home.
I'm trying to figure out why I was able to leave at a decent hour today, even though I was still really busy. I realize that it's because today was not a day with a bunch of deadlines. On Deadline Days, that's when I become really crunched for time, and when a lot of files have their deadlines all on the same day, then it's insane. Also, when I'm not feeling good, the job becomes so much harder for me. It's hard for me to disguise my discomfort.
I've been having a few sips (OK, gulps) of protein shakes after I workout, and I think that's been helping a lot with food fits, recovery, and muscle fatigue. A shake is 160 calories, and I usually have about 1/3 of a shake, after each workout. That's not too bad with calories. I'm going to keep trying that.
OK... let's see what the Daughter has decided to do tonight.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
My dad likes the shakes and has a little also before his workouts ;)
It took a lot of convincing to get out of bed this morning. I finally told myself that my bike ride will be fun. It did get me up.
I did make it to the gym yesterday, but it was not a comfortable experience, and I could not wait to leave.
I did well with eating. Did weights last night - chest and triceps. So if I'm up to it, I can do back and biceps, or legs and shoulders tonight. I do want to be more consistent with weight training. THAT would have been a good September goal to have.
Lately, there's not enough energy left for me, at the end of the workday, for ME. I feel slightly robbed of my weekend, being handicapped by TOM on Saturday. I think that's the real issue.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
i know what you mean totally, once again!
also, i hope the week improves as you go forward.
i like how you went about getting yourself out of bed! Tomorrow, i also have a goal to be active in the morning, before starting my reading which will prob take all day!
I remembered to weigh-in this morning, and I am quite pleased to see the numbers going in the right direction. Look at how close I am to getting back into the 130's. I MUST remember this struggle, so that once I am IN the 130's, that I do everything in my power to STAY in the 130's. I MUST REMEMBER THIS.
One thing that I've been improving on is drinking water. I confess that about 2-3 weeks ago, I was at the point that I could not drink any water unless it was artificially flavored with those flavor packets with sweeteners. It was to the point that it was excessive. I do not like the way our tap water here tastes. They've increased the chlorine levels and it's yucky. So I pulled out an old water bottle that has a Brita filter attached to it. I'm also brewing herbal teas, and then diluting and chilling them into 32 oz cups. I also use frozen fruit to chill the tap water. The juice from the fruit makes the water drinkable, without adding anything artificial.
This has worked well for me, and I have done well. I am drinking just short of a gallon of water a day.
Finally after a week of grey and rain, the sun is out! Oh what a difference this is making on my mood. I feel much more positive and productive today. Even if I don't have that much to do - which I don't, really. I may not even get the curtains resolved, but that's OK. TOM is still being a nuisance; I'll make do.
I did not make it to the gym yesterday. Son called in the afternoon, so my window of time to go to the gym and make it back in time for daughter's dinner evaporated. That's quite OK, because it was really nice to speak with my son. He will not be able to come out for a visit over (American) Thanksgiving nor Christmas. This will be the first time that we haven't had him around for the holiday. Last year, he was able to come home for Christmas.
After dinner, I thought about going to the gym at night, but I was stil not feeling well from TOM, so I decided to go for a walk instead. Oh my goodness! It was a good thing I did not go to the gym, because this walk - a route that I take quite often with no difficulty - nearly kicked my butt. I gave thought, TWICE, to calling my husband to have him come pick me up in the car. The level of fatigue was encumbering. I felt like my thighs were full of cement.
I made it home, and decided to get ready for bed, even though it was only 7:30p. Just because I say that, though, doesn't mean that I'm going to sleep right then and there. I have my evening routine of showering, charing my Fitbit (which means I can't go to sleep until it's fully charged), charging my phone, clearning cat boxes to avoid any overnight protests, etc. Then I decided, since I was feeling poorly, that I would give myself a little more TLC, with a good exfoliating scrub in the shower, and then moisturizing afterwards. It was closer to 9:30p by the time I turned off the light and fell asleep.
I slept in until 6:30a, and now I feel much better, although TOM is still being a nuisance.
I hope to go to the gym today. I would like to do weights today, as I did not do them yesterday. I don't have much else planned for the day, other than to fold and put away laundry. I'm completely OK with that.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
i have felt that kinda way on walks too. lately, i have even turned around once! but it was after a bike ride so the walk was...optional!?
yeah, sometimes you just gotta rest. One thing i have done lots on this "big break" from work is sleep much more....somehow i got a stye in my eye though! arg! i always manage these...speaking of your teas, i should make one and use the tea bag on my eye!
anyways you sound good...rest as you need to. then do the workouts!
For being a day off, it has already been a difficult morning. TOM is especially painful this month, but today should be the worst day. The wordt part is that this hampers my ability to accomplish what I want to get done today. Also, there was a problem with one of the litter boxes, and now my husband wants to get rid of all of the cats. I know he's just upset,and some of that is from his OWN pain that he has for his disease. He is out of the house now, running an errand, and as soon as I am done here, I will get to cleaning the floors.
Also, long story short, I bought new curtains for 2 rooms - dining room and daughter's bedroom - and I am looking forward to getting those up today!
Because of the morning pain, and because I thought I was in a time crunch to go with husband this morning on his errand, I forgot to weigh in. i was fully dressed by the time I remembered that today was weigh-in day. So I will try to weigh in tomorrow, but if it doesn't happen, then so be it.
It is another rainy day, with moderate temperatures. I know that the rain makes husband's pain all that much worse. He's had a very bad week with physical pain. He's actually been handling it quite well. You might not realize it, if he didn't mention it.
I was able to catch up at work on Friday - completely! I can tell by the calendar that I will still be extremely busy next week, as the number of tasks I have to do for pretty much each day does not even fit on the calendar. As long as the number of tasks remains high, I will be busy. If we get less contracts over the weekend, that will help. A LOT.
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LATE MORNING EDIT: It seems as though I purchased only 1 panel of curtains for the dining room, so that project will have to wait, and that's really bothering me. So I may go bac to the store this evening to purchase another panel. This should not be bothering me like it is, so I either need to let it go, or go back to the store to get a 2nd panel.
I still have yet to do Daughter's curtains.
In the meantime, I compressed the remaining boxes for recycling (yay!) and I will complete putting away the window fans for the year, since I think cooler temperatures are here to stay.
These 2 projects are major, so I should not be so upset that I am unable to complete the dining room curtain project.
I hope to make it to the gym today.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
maybe show us the new curtains? I am always interested in seeing how people choose to decorate their homes!
it must be so frustrating for hubby to have pain. and i can TOTALLY relate to your pain bc i get the type that wakes me up at night during that time of the month (not every month, but sometimes!)
well...the good thing about being busy at work is it does make the day go by fast but it can be a struggle to always be "on" and not have a slow day, i know!
sometimes i like a "distraction" project or those projects that are more fun or just rarely ever happen...like when i sold the bike this week for my cousin - i liked doing it because it's something i don't usually do!...but i should have just been doing my other work! LOL
I *knew* that if I could just get past the mental discomfort of having this unresolved, that it would work itself out for a reason. And it did. It was just very hard to put this aside in my own brain.
The boss is back at work today, and he has a TON of work to do. If he thought he was going to get away and come back to all of his work being taken care of, then he is sorely mistaken. There is just too much. Associate Attorney just couldn't keep up. (Of course, some of that has to do with poor time management skills. )
Doing well with water. Did well with food yesterday. Just not enough time.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
And then...a trainer or weight watcher leader, I can't remember which, was always saying you make time for what you want to do.
Time is like money...the more you have the more you spend.
I don't know what I'm talking about...have a nice weekend.
I often wish that I did not need so much sleep (7 hours is great, can function with 6). I could get so much done, if I didn't waste it sleeping.
I am definitely appreciating the value of time. It *IS* a LOT like money. I am exchanging my time for money (i.e. paycheck).
People can have a lot of money, but if they are on their deathbed, they can't buy more time here on this earth.
He was also in a very good mood, so he didn't mind having stuff to do, I think. He completely understood that we were THAT busy while he was away.
That was the best part - that I got to leave on time on a Friday !!!!
Before anything else, I want to thank Happy for her suggestion on what to do with Baby Kitty. I'm looking into options.
Once again, I was extraordinarily busy at work, but for the moments that I wasn't lost in the busyness, I was feeling pretty positive and up. Not sure how or why or where this came from.
I'm going to have to let go of the abs challenge, and while I'm still trying to hang on to the 22 push-ups, that too is a struggle.
I guess I've just gotten to the point that I'm giving all that I can to anyone or anything, and I don't care about falling short at this time. There's just no more in me to give more.
So until work stops consuming so much of my life, this is how it will be. And I've accepted that.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
So to be clear, yes this is the cat who has issues using the box.
Back in the 90's when I worked at a university in the US the gym was in the building next door. As staff I had my own permanent locker there. So I never had an excuse not to go to the gym before going home (which was less than 1 mile away).
I feel that if I didn't need so much sleep, I could go at night, but then I wouldn't get into bed until nearly 11p, which makes getting up at 5:30a impossible.
I probably don't appreciate that feeling enough.
also, i tend to feel my best in September also: after the summer, still prettty warm...like a continuation of the summer :) but more comfortable.
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I'm kind of surprised at the ages of your co workers...I figured they were younger. Hope you can get to the gym today!
grannyannie on 09/20/2020:
Very busy! My hubby is the gardener in our house. I only take photos! I really miss going to the gym but I just don't feel safe although cases are minimal here. You're still young - my surviving son will be 50 in June.
Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2020:
Happy Monday Donkey!
So nice to hear you have been outside, doing yardwork! I'm sure daughter could possibly help you with the things that can hurt you! ???
makes sense that the conversation on aging dominates at your workplace. they are all "pretty old" in terms of working and their age. For a boss to be 70, i can understand. but it's surprising more about Nice lady and Male Co-worker. people def work longer these days. My dad will retire next month, when he turns 68. In terms of this age spectrum, yourself at 20 years younger seems "pretty young!" and still far from retirement, although i'm sure you don't want to think of it like that! that also wakes up my own realization, that myself, only 12 years younger than you, has even a longer time of working in the world which i can almost consider as "just starting" in a career path now that i view it as such. with you, it could easily be 10-20 years more working...and that means with me it could be 25-30 more years at it, i'd say. in many ways, we both have time, i guess! ok, enough about age (because it's just a number as Ruth Bader Ginsberg showed us!)
Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2020:
I didn't want to have an accident where my message got deleted, so here i start on my next part...
in terms of the wage being good: this is very important. in terms of sitting so long: if the work is keeping your MIND / BRAIN busy, this is also a GOOD FACTOR to consider.
I would say that you work a desk job and most jobs you get will be this way.
I will also say that with the ages of the coworkers, there's going to be much change soon. Like, will your boss SELL his company to a younger owner? Or will your boss just close shop?
Seems you have some time before those questionable things happen...perhaps 3-5 years and then you will still be not much older than you are now.
I'd say keep the paycheck but apply for other jobs. Seems you may have to leave this job in the far future if the firm closes? (but i may be so wrong and it may be sold...or continue...) and some bosses work till they are in their 80's as owners (true for the new owner of my old company that i worked for 9 years just previously).
so in terms of you wanting a change, look for opportunities is my suggestion - like Legcramps does - while actively doing the best you can do at jobs.
i notice that most paralegal jobs require experience. so it seems you have GREAT experience that would very much help you as a good candidate for your next job if you do not continue with this one thru the rest of your career...
my opinions only.
legcramps on 09/21/2020:
So glad to hear that you got some outside time on the weekend! And I hear you about your job and staying for the money, I’m paid quite well for my position as well. It’s hard to look into the unknown and roll the dice on whether it would be better for you or not. But sometimes, we need to close our eyes and just take the risk. We all want to live our best lives, and sometimes it is a great struggle and takes a lot of risky decisions to get there.