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Donkey - Saturday Apr 20, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Gained a pound, but with the week I had - and the extra sugar - I completely understand why this happened.  And I'm OK with this.  Not that I like the higher number, but this is what happened, and now it's time to move forward.

Wow, I feel like I've been bombed with a LOT of helpful and inspirational ideas.  Everything that has happened lately seems to be a learning experience or a motivation to take the next step.  Talk about feeling reborn this Easter weekend!

The reason for the binge-eating on sugar at night seems to be caused by anxiety.  Last night, I realized what this was -- I've been feeling it every night this week! -- so I took some CBD drops to help relax me a little bit.  I take CBD drops in the morning, so that by the time I get to work, I'm more relaxed to deal with clients.  I think it helps.  I notice on days where I forget to take the drops, I'm a little edgier in voice and manner.  So I need to be mindful and take intentional steps to reduce anxiety after dinner:


I need to find the courage to step out of my comfort zone, my routine, and find something that brings me more fulfillment.  This may be a hit-or-miss endeavor.  In fact, I'm sure it will be.  I've  been talking about doing yoga for ages.  Maybe pilates or barre.  Maybe a community clean-up with the local environmental group, maybe start a flower pot garden?  SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.  Why is this so hard for me to take that first step?  There is nothing to be afraid of.  Wait, maybe I'm afraid of being disappointed?  Hmm...

I wanted to clarify that I am happier at work, now that Queen Bee is gone, but the job itself is evolving into something that is no longer a positive experience of helping people buy or sell, but really just wanting to be done with clients who have reveiled that they are really awful people in real life.  How you treat people who are being of service to you really says a lot about a person's character.  Anyway, my hope is that finding something ELSE in life that brings me joy will help balance out the good with the bad overall.

I'm starting to give a serious thought to hiring a personal trainer to help me with weight training.  I realize that I'm training rather blindly.  I would benefit from some guidance and exposure to new ideas in this department.

And so speaking of which, I realized this morning that I completely forgot to do push-ups last night.  I remembered at one point, while getting ready for bed, and then it never happened.  Oh well, a day of rest is probably a good thing.  So back at it today.  PLUS, it is my plan to do some weight training today.

Today's plans:

  • Library - to return and pick up
  • Laundry
  • Weight training
  • Shopping - need a few things that I hope will help me get back on track.
  • Maybe a nice dinner date with my husband

About Easter service:  I think I have my husband on board.  He understands now that this is not the church that he thought it was, so he is not so closed off to the idea.  Also, the promise of going out for brunch afterwards seems to have sealed the deal.  I have to talk to my daughter - when she wakes up - to finalize details.  I need to really lower my expectations of this being a "family thing", so that I am not disappointed, but knowing that we'll be together, doing something, has helped me change my mindset from "Male Co-Worker is draining my personal time" to "this could be an interesting adventure for us!"



Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 04/20/2019:
Any anxiety I've had of late was apparently from a new brand of coffee....I've cut down to 1 cup a day and make sure I take my vitamins daily and it went away completely. It was awful....and depressing...and I don't ever want to go back there again.

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
My evening anxiety isn't caused by coffee. In fact, if it weren't for the caffeine keeping me from sleeping, I think it would help moderate the anxiety. Caffeine does pick me up but then it helps stabilize anxiety.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/21/2019:
about the easter service you wrote about at the bottom - a new adventure is just the way i'd think of it for myself, too,if i were in your position. it's nice to go to different venues (even religious) and see the differences in structure and offerings at them. it's a small breakup of routine and you are still fulfilling your religious beliefs.

the pound you gained...don't worry, just keep acting accordingly, keep moving, keep being healthy. :) ...keep on!

i want to think you also for the motivation and passing on the knowledge that, like your son, i can accomplish this "lofty goal" if i could get some help in addition to my own motivation and self realization beliefs that will take me towards fulfilling this goal to run agility runs (which is soooo not my specialty! or passion!) to get me to my final goal. it's hard to break up the exercise now..and i am hoping that my new weights routine is not too much as i cannot have 6 days a week of hardcore training - i will not last physically.

I appreciate all the words of advice - please don't stop - please continue to share how you are changing and trying new things in addition to keeping some things the same (i feel if you are always changing, then there's no routine and you cannot progress thru practice)...

i will indeed probably stop running again as walking is nice in itself! i have a future goal, if the opportunity presents itself, to get a small dog. this would not happen anytime soon of course. but that's the type of exercise that i'm happy with. a little cardio moving and a weights routine is just fine by ME!

it makes sense that you'd binge on sugar (which initially relaxes you) bc of anxiety. one of the reasons i eat carbs and do not go low carb is that i am less anxious by eating more balanced - with supplies of feel good hormones that eating carbs gives you.

are the cbd drops worth it? i feel like i should get them as they also combat inflammation right? that's another reason, btw, that i eat avocado. they are wayyyy to beneficial to leave out of my diet. also those leg things that legcramps was talking about - King massagers - i have a feeling i may be purchasing them when i get back from this trip- hopefully i can be reimbursed, as well, thru my health account ;)...anything that can help us right inflammation is beneficial - as long as I USE THEM!

YES, it is hard to break out of one's comfort zone. I want to tell you, i have done if on multiple occasions and it DOES feel good to do things and try new things you didn't feel were possible. It is ALWAYS that same feeling and anxiety but it's necessary on each time you try something new. This is helpful for you to feel good about yourself, not be bored, continue at the SAME job, but have other things keeping you growing outside of work, too! it's like the man with two jobs (nuts!!! - but many of this military guys do the reserves - great benefits, great retirement!)

you will not be disappointed for trying something new. keep expectations LOW. it could be a bad teacher, then you try somewhere else. just TRY. see if there's a deal / trial session. try to keep the days around your trying this new thing in routine / not too stressful so you can go into this new class or activity feeling pretty good!

you have so many options, just choose one, plan that one.see how it goes. i am like you, i want to do everything. take out a calendar or google when community clean up is available and sign up for a day. realize it will be busy ;) so plan that week accordingly (at least this is what i'd be doing!). with the internet, it's so easy to research and find the activities / classes you want to be part of! research 1 or 2 and plan those, and then see how you like those!

if you are disappointed after trying something new, i suggest it is OK! not everything you try you will love - you just don't do it again and try something else. but the importatn thing for you i think is to try to things on your list. and get over that step!

that's a good approach,like i was saying, just like Legs does - she's involved on things on the outside she loves, it balances her work. and she's done that for many years....

you can hire a personal trainer at the gym that could teach you exercises mostly with free weights and a bench - then you coudl take that and do those exercises back at home...if you prefer exercising later at home. maybe just join the gym on a monthly basis till you learn what you'd like to laern on the weights.

Happy Easter!

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
I'm not sure that the CBD drops are worth the $. The higher the cost, the more concentrated they're supposed to be. The drops we have are not the lowest but not the highest by any means. I initially bought these for my husband's illness. He takes the drops only sometimes -- I'm not even sure he takes them any more. I, on the other hand, take them almost daily, in the mornings.

Tastes like olive oil :)

happy-1 on 04/21/2019:
What’s your goal for weight training? Would it make any sense to get a referral to PT for injuries first?

Donkey on 04/21/2019:
I'd like to bulk up my upper half (shoulders and arms) and tighten up my legs. That's all. The End.

Donkey - Friday Apr 19, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.5

I had another slip-up last night, and this one was probably worse than the birthday cake episode.  There is a situation that is completely out of my control, has nothing to do with me personally, except that it has me very upset.  So for some reason, I thought that eating a LOT of dried fruit (figs, papaya), almonds, and nuts, and dark chocolate, would help resolve this situation.  I can tell you that it did not except that my stomach was very unhappy with me this morning.

I did better today, and tonight, but still ate too much and had too much sugary creamer in my decaf tonight.  And after I'm done here,  I MUST go up to bed and make no trips to the kitchen.  That's how close to the edge of food I am at this time.   

I did not weight train after Sunday's session, but did manage to stick to my push-ups challenge.  My lunchtime walks were much shortened this week, because of the amount of work that I have to do.  Thursday and today weren't too bad, but Monday and Tuesday were definitely crazy.  It only takes one or 2 crazy transactions to swallow up all of my time, and then I get behind on all my other files.

I realized tonight, while riding my bike, that I am no longer happy at this job.  I'm not miserable -- yet -- as I have been at other law firms.  I do wish I could work part-time, but I need my health insurance.  I don't even know if I need my hourly wage, so much as I need the insurance coverage.

I'm feeling very pressured by Male Co-Worker to attend his church service this Easter.  I am Catholic, so going to an evangelical church service seems rather... well, it's rather like going to see a show or a performance, since there's no Eucharist.  Mistakes Girl and her husband are going to one of the services at his church.  I'm not sure why I feel so obligated to go to this, except that I have this really STRONG feeling that if I do NOT attend, that it will be a big mistakes in the office politics.

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2019:
one thing for now - you don't have to go to his church service. i think that her going is NOT going to leave her high up on the politics pole for long at all. that will be forgotten. i feel that on your own time, you do not have to say yes to everything if you don't want to do something. that's my true opinion on this topic.

why are you no longer happy at the job???? like, queen bee is gone?! isn't this a good thing? why don't you stay as long as you can?

if you went to real sugar, pehaps getting off keto will be good for you...somethign but not be balanced for you to slip up. ??? at my lunch at work, i avoid major slip ups by having more veggie servings than most people would so i can feel appropriately full / slightly overfull.

nice job sticking to the pushup challenge.

i was talking to somebody, a vendor selling us lightbulbs on the job, and we work with him very often. he spend 30 years in the NAVY doing that part time gig (weekends?) but he had a high position WHILE working his current job! he had TWO JOBS! finally retired from the navy, he still is working the lighting job as a vendor / vp of the company.

i'm trying to say this guy had two careers, one "part time" but since he had a higher position in the navy reserves, he had a phone and was constantly answering calls and doing both jobs each day, he said. and he told me briefly what the test was to get into the navy - SURPRISE, SURPRISE, it was the SAME as court officer: sit ups, pushups and running! that's it.

so it seems that to be a cop / nypd, they want to "see" your strength in muscle form whereas a lot of these other service psoitions are looking for cardio strength without loads of muscle. either way, he explained that cardio plus a bit of pushups / situps is enough.

andd he mentioned how his training now is also that way...he agreed time is of the essence and you have to choose what you are gonna train.

the last cool thing he showed me is a stretch to prevent shin splints and something i hadn't incorporated before - which i added to something i'll do 3x per week.

i guess i can always go back to weights fully, just gonna try my best and get a trainer in june hopefully.

ah, thanks for listening.

what i was getting at before i changed topic slightly is that situps and pushups are great body weight exercises and they work many muscles. they are very good for building strength.

Donkey on 04/20/2019:
Oh my gosh - your comments really spoke truth to me today. Got me thinking about a BUNCH of stuff. Thank you!!!

About the job: Right? I am MUCH happier with the working environment, although even yesterday, the boss showed that he's letting her get away with stuff, and she'll still be rewarded for her bad behavior in the end. However, it's the work itself that isn't bringing me joy. I used to feel very fulfilled when a deal closed; it was a good feeling to know that I helped people buy or sell, so that they could move forward with the next chapter in their lives. I'm not feeling that any more. Nowadays, I feel like the clients are done with me, and I'm done with them.

About the guy with 2 careers: YES! THIS! And if I recall correctly, this is something that we (here, all) touched on before, to find something outside of the "job" that brings me joy, whether it's a 2nd job or an activity (that might end up evolving into a career or hobby). I really need to push myself to explore this more and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Finally, about weights: Yes, you can always go back to weights. In fact, I would predict that after you have achieved your running goal, that you will return to your first love of lifting heavier weights. The running goal is just to pass a test. It's more of a practicality, but not a passion.

happy-1 on 04/20/2019:
Eh, I don’t mind going to someone else’s service to show support if they are singing or something. Nice to show support... It’s the follow on attempts at conversion that get to me.

Foodwise I was doing the same thing from stress... I had to purge everything in the house to get my dad under control and it had the side benefit of getting me under control. Also I bought a bunch of ghiradhelli 86% dark chocolate squares and they hit the “off” button on the snacking monster.

Donkey on 04/20/2019:
You totally get me. Unfortunately, it's the attempts at fellowship that really annoy me. I will reach out when I am comfortable. People reaching out to me unsolicited really bothers me. My husband and I were talking -- trying to get him on board with doing this as a "family thing" -- and he said the very same thing. So at least we're on the same page with that.

I have been doing the dark chocolate - I love 90%, but that is as high as I can go. I tried 92% and it was too bitter. But I love a fine, dark chocolate. This week, it didn't work, but I will be getting a couple of other "tools" this weekend, to help me.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2019:
i want to add a comment on food related to happy's...

i also find eating really, really dark chocolate (last i bought was 98%)...helps me to calm the snacking urge. a little goes a long way. that was my favorite.

now i have something less dark, little higher cals, but also helpful in the evening!

Donkey on 04/20/2019:
See my comment to Happy, above regarding the chocolate.

Also, I've been noticing this week, that after dinner, I'm feeling this awful anxiety. This is not usual. It's the anxiety that is triggering the excessive sugar eating.

Donkey - Tuesday Apr 16, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.5

So a couple of thoughts that need their own entry:

Tonight, I was not so strong about resisting the cake.  My daughter had a dish of leftover cake & ice cream that she could not finish on Sunday, so she stuck it in the freezer.  It's been there for a couple of days.  For some reason, not only was this dessert calling my name for what it is (cake & ice cream), but this bowl of leftovers triggered my OCD tendencies. It just BOTHERED me that here is this unfinished dish in the freezer!  Last night, I was able to resist, but tonight -- no such luck.  

This struggle -- despite the fact that I had a very filling, satisfying dinner (again, ate too much at dinner - another one of my struggles), was a losing battle tonight.  Actually, that's not 100% true.  I consciously decided that I wanted a carb re-set, and that finishing this dish would satisfy me in both capacities.  And it did, except that then... I had an extra piece of cake.

Even though I truly believe that keto has a LOT of benefits health-wise, I'm afraid that it's just not for me - at least not right now.

  •  For one thing, I cannot stand to be without my baby carrot sticks as a snack/vice/tool.  Carrots are a NO on keto because of the sugar.
  • Also, most fruit is a NO because of the sugars.  Frozen fruit is another tool that I use to avoid sugar episodes like tonight.
  • Finally, I think having my coffee with half & half creamer, rather than heavy whipping cream, works better for me, even with the extra carbs.
  • And I'm going back to having my evening decaf coffee with flavored creamers with sugar.
  • And for now, I'm not going to worry about artificial sweeteners or flavor packets in my water.

I have to do what works for me, and right now, for where I'm at, the last 2 months of keto haven't been working for me.

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2019:
100% with you and got you completely. i know you are you and i am me, but, i also couldn't get Keto to work for me. i didn't have energy and replaced carbs with caffeine. skin was horrid. then, after days low on carbs, i'd go overboard with them. that's why i also watch carbs, but eat them in moderation and why i don't do keto either. it doesn't work for me. also, i love veggies and fruit. a little sugar in a decaf coffee is good, sugar goes a long way, it also balances your sugar levels. do your thing. it's actually i think even cooler to do what you do, based on doing research. to involve many aspects of what you have learned, to make them part of your own diet. that's what i do.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2019:
also, the majority of athletes i'd presume would NOT do keto. i know there are a few that do, especially in weightloss community, but i don't think that's the popular approach for athletes. and there's a reason why!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2019:
additionally, keto to start you'll lose the water weight. afterwards, you'll be lean without the water weight i'd say. but, "lean look" is only accomplished by the growth of more lean muscle taking over the place where fat was. it's not like me and you are so lean we need keto bc we are heading into a physique body contest, you know? keto can be maybe short term, i'm not sure about sustainable for MOST people.

BearCountryGG on 04/17/2019:
I read back a few days ago and see that your son is in the service now.....I'm happy to see that it all worked out for him....maybe those extra months at home were a good thing. At that age a few months equals a lot of maturing.

horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2019:
i agree with BCGG.

horn_of_plenty on 04/19/2019:
Happy Easter to you! :)

Donkey - Tuesday Apr 16, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.5

I did ok until dinner,  where I feel that I ate too much.  Wanted to finish up some chicken that was almost at the end.   I hate wasting food,  but especially meat.  Morally,  that's just wrong in my book (for me).  I've struggled with dinner before,  and here I am again. 

It may not seem like it but I truly am struggling with food lately. 

Sunday was weights,  still doing my pushups.  Looked at my upper arms last night.  The pushups are paying off.  Very solid with some bulk.  Unfortunately,  no definition,  and that's what I really want. 

I'm wondering if I should be aiming for 8 hours of sleep,  rather than 7.

 EDIT:  wanted to add that the leftover birthday cake was really calling my name last night.   Really struggling...

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 04/16/2019:
I can't waste food either. I've actually gotten food poisoning before because I was too stubborn to throw out food!

8 hours of sleep or more is what I aspire to; i'm not getting it, but i'm trying my best! Good sleep leads to good recovery leads to killing your workouts.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now with food - are you craving things in particular? Is it because of the cake?

Donkey on 04/16/2019:
Your experience with food poisoning sounds exactly like something that *would* happen to me - except that it hasn't happened yet. I really push the limits, though.

I think the cake has brought the struggle to the forefront. I plan to write more about this, so I won't expand my thoughts here, but I did want to thank you for your comment/question, because it forced me to get real with myself.

horn_of_plenty on 04/16/2019:
Weekends off is nice, as long as you take care of yourself and don't go overboard getting into trouble. gives your son time to see around / keep training / make friends / see the area, i would guess!

Re Bulk vs. Tone: i had to do weight training for YEARS before there was ANY TONE. i looked sorta like a hulk until i lost a little bulk and this lasted for a LONG TIME. although change is gradual, it does happen. the only thing preventing it is giving up ;)

Donkey on 04/16/2019:
That's helpful to know. I thought that by going keto, cutting out more carbs than ever -- but still probably a little too high to be correctly keto -- I would lean out. That hasn't happened. In fact, my numbers on the scale are higher now than they were before Christmas.

Donkey - Sunday Apr 14, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.5

When I went downstairs for my morning bike ride, there were a few tiny snowflakes in the air.  When I came upstairs, there was snow coverage on the ground.  Now it's pretty much a white-out, and I may have to shovel, unless I decide to let Mother Nature take care of the snow removal later this week as the temperatures go back up.

Today we are celebrating my daughter's birthday, which was earlier this week, but she had to work, so we could not have a birthday dinner.  I had suggested hiking with her at a local forest preserve, but with the snow, she has opted to stay at home and just relax, which is 100% fine with me as well. 

She has requested egg salad and my pasta salad (with olive oil; not creamy) for dinner, as well as a yellow cake with chocolate frosting.  And with cake comes ice cream.  The egg salad is low carb, but not the pasta salad.  My recipe makes a huge batch, so I will make half a batch, for her and my husband to eat.  The chocolate cake is going to be a challenge.  No way around that, unless I do not participate at all.... She would understand, but that seems wrong to me.  So I will have a small slice, as it's not a very big cake anyway.  My husband bought 2 kinds of regular ice cream, and I bought a small pint of low carb, keto-friendly for myself (HoP:  Halo Birthday Cake flavor).

I did all of my tasks yesterday, including going out to shop with my husband TWICE, in anticipation of today's snow storm.  (So glad we did.)  I did not weight train, I'm sorry to say.  I could say that the logistics didn't work out to get this done, and that is true, BUT that is also an excuse. If it were REALLY important to me, I would have found a way to make it happen.  And I didn't.

I baked a decent keto-friendly bread loaf yesterday.  This is a perfect example of my dilema:

  • The loaf I made has 123 calories per slice but is made from scratch.  Higher in fat, too.
  • I could just buy diet bread, thinnly sliced, which has 35 calories per slice but has preservatives & artificial sugar, but has less fat.
  • And do I want to be eating bread in the first place?  Are these substitutes just re-enforcing bad eating patterns with "acceptable" alternatives?

Anyway, it's a decent loaf and pretty easy to make.  I'm not sure I'd have it regularly.  I made it so that I could have an egg salad sandwich for our birthday celebration and still be pretty "normal".  I might just have it in a lettuce wrap anyway.  Not sure.

Heard from our son yesterday, as we were driving home from the 1st store run.  He did 40 push-ups, 42 push-ups, and a 12-minute mile run.  (I think they have to run 1.5 or 2 miles.)  Turns out though that instead of expecting home at the end of September or early October, it's probably going to be more like early November.  

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/15/2019:
Happy Bday to your daughter! is she 19?

You are so thoughtful to bake her a cake! my mom wasn't that much of a baker to do this. she enjoys cooking though and has made me nice things also (all sorts of sauteed veggies and extra veggies at meals thinking of me!) your daughter will realize how much you thought of her and i'm sure it will be her happy as well as you happy ;)

Is this your first time trying a halo top? that's nice your hubby got it for you and it's true that it's a LOT lighter than regular ice cream! it's amazing how many calories you save eating it! have you noticed i don't eat it as much? i was so addicted a couple years back. eating it for dinner multiple nights a week! i didn't do my skin any justice to eat that like a meal LOL but it's a great snack! i was reading how you mentioned me at work and started chuckling. my coworker / supervisor wanted to know what's so funny but i couldn't bring her to tell how you "called me out in your diary telling me what ice cream flavor you are trying and how i loved it so much getting such details thrown my way that it made me laugh!" i didn't tell her!

i agree that in terms of logistics and weight training it's hard to tell when it's an excuse and it's seriously logistics. i skipped a session myself this weekend on purpose. i knew i wouldn't be in the mood to do weights after the morning heavy walk. i decided one workout would be enough. i'm glad i made the decision because i felt better than usual after lunch today at work :) it's my less is more approach as i don't want to go on vacation already beat up! LOL.

bread isn't bad for you in moderation! but you have to consider the calories and use the keto bread the same way you'd eat regular bread. ;) that's my opinion on things, anyways!

i think you said you agree somewhat, but i do find eating keto to be lots of dense food (even the salads are "heavy" and i find it easy to indulge) when eating keto.

but i do still like the taste of many things keto and like that it doesn't cause a sugar rush at work...it does kinda help me with hunger thru the mornings.

I'm so glad you heard from your son! why will he stay longer? I'm proud of him and hope you are too! :)remember to tell him that!

Donkey on 04/16/2019:
I find that most people are either bakers or cookers, but not both. I'm a baker, love to bake, but cook... not so much. Fortunately, I married someone who likes to cook.

Boot camp is structured completely different this time around. This really surprised me to learn. My son will be delayed because during his 2nd round if training, he gets weekends off, so those days don't count.

Yes, this was my first Halo experience. Folks on FB are dissing it because it still has sugar in it. :(

I'm still not convinced keto is for me. I love carrots too much to give up.

Donkey - Saturday Apr 13, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.5


So after all that modified diet, liquid diet day, and cleansing of the GI --- I ended up gaining half a pound.  That's just messed up, friends.  I don't even know what to say....

I'm doing a LOT of re-evaluating right now, as far as food goes.  Keto is not giving me the lean, "muscle cut" look that I wanted.  And I think that the mentality that working a keto diet means that I don't have to watch intake isn't working either.  That's one reason why I decided to step away from the fat-bombs (which are essentially, a ball of fat - coconut oil, peanut butter, etc. -  with flavoring & sweetener).  I love the low-carb substituition recipies - e.g. keto cake, keto dinner rolls, etc. -- but I've heard that those can stall out weight loss.  PLUS I'm not sure that's what I want to do.  The idea isn't to have a slice of keto cake for dessert every night and be OK with it because "it's keto".  No, the point is that a slice of cake should be a specially occassion.  Keto really is about protein and vegetables, with limits on fruits to limited quantities of berries.

Which brings me to another struggle I'm having with fruit consumption.  I'm not sure I want to be on a diet that doesn't include fruits like apples, grapefruit, grapes, peaches, plums, etc. 

And MOST importantly:  I'm supposed to be in maintenance but I'm still feeling a strong pull to be in the 120's, not because that's where I belong, but just to be losing weight.  There's another "messed up, friends".

 Keeping up with my push-ups challenge, and I'll be getting back into weights again today.  Kind of took the week off because of the medical procedures.  I'm OK with that.  Of course, I did stick with doing cardio except for the day of the procedure.  That was a complete rest day, with barely over 3000 steps.  (I usually get in over 20,000 steps a day.)

Today's Plans:

  • Be here when daughter wakes up before she goes to work.  I miss her.  Yesterday was her birthday, and we are celebrating tomorrow.  Have to get her a cake, and want to talk to her about that, and just catch up from the week.
  • Going grocery shopping with the husband.  Always a challenge, but fun, and I enjoy this challenge.  We are so different, and with his physical limitations, it makes shopping together all the more difficult.  It's always an adventure that usually ends up with one of us saying to the other, "Well, we didn't kill each other!"
  • Go to the drugstore to pick up husband's medications and eyedrops for me.  I have to see which vitamin/supplements I am running low on as well.
  • Laundry
  • Maybe a little keto baking ;)


Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/13/2019:
going along with my comments on your previous entry, i will restate that i feel whatever plan diet wise you follow, the end thoughts and decisions are yours. and in spring and summer, i agree it would be sad not to be able to eat fresh fruit everyday.

i'm glad your procedure is over! back to your typical day's structure!

your day sounds similar to mine today! so nice to go food shopping and stock up on everything good that store has to offer!...i went to a bigger store with a much larger food selection on purpose. this will be my last indulgent food shopping until after my trip!

Maria7 on 04/14/2019:
Hope you are having a good day.

Donkey on 04/14/2019:
It was a good day, but I ended up with very tired feet by the end - and I didn't even get to everything I wanted to do.

Donkey - Friday Apr 12, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.0

Yesterday was a much better day.  I felt much more myself,  my stomach feeling better,  and my taste coming back.  (The prep solution I had to drink before the procedure really messed with me.) I was feeling healthier and happier... not so sure how much of that had to do with my tummy and how much of that had to do with Queen Bee being gone. 


Associate Attorney was so happy she was gone,  he offered to take Nice Lady and me out to lunch!  We ended up not going,  but I completely understood his sentiment,  and appreciated that he wanted to include me.  That was nice to hear.


Returning back to normal,  I feel that I haven't been as mindful or intentional with eating as I want to be.   I feel like I eat too much and/or eat too many carbs.  Also,  I realize that I am not working a true keto plan, as I'm pretty sure I eat over 20g net carbs every day.  I'm on 4 keto groups on Facebook ,  mostly for the recipes,   but I'm thinking about dropping them,  because I'm not really true to the plan.


I've been struggling with trying to find the right sugar substitute for my coffee. Saccharine  (i.e. Sweet n Low) seems to be the only thing that works,  but that's so bad for me!  Don't like stevia (wish I did; can't handle the aftertaste), monkfruit is only ok - it's bearable,  can't do Swerve (erythritol), as the cooling aftertaste is awful. 

Also,  I use flavor packets in the water I drink.  They are sweetened with aspartame (Splenda)...  trying to get away from that,  but the alternatives aren't as good tasting.  When the weather gets warmer,  infused water might work - it probably will.   Right now,  trying to switch to a packet that combines cane sugar and stevia --- GOOD because it's more natural,  but BAD because it has sugar which is not keto!

Ideas?  Thoughts?  Insights?


Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!

legcramps on 04/12/2019:
I don't know what follow keto, what doesn't, etc. What about natural honey? Coconut oil? For your coffee.

The water, well, i'm not sure about that one. I use flavor shots in my water sometimes. I have tried lemon slices before, strawberries - but it's an annoying process to have to cut it all up every time I fill up a jug of water, etc.

Donkey on 04/13/2019:
No honey, as that's sugar. I think I'm just going to have to be disciplined about making the move to some kind of unsweetened water. Like I said, I know that once the weather turns warmer, this will be much easier to do.

I'm also giving some serious re-consideration to following a keto way of life. It's not giving me the "lean look" (shedding) or lower body fat that I had hoped.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/13/2019:
i think with keto or anything diet related, it has to be true to yourself more than true to any plan. it has to work for you, adapt to work for you.

i think in terms of the packets that have some real sugar that it's better because it's natural even if it's not pure keto.

i think it's better to find things that work for you, rather than for a diet.

i find a little real sugar during the day makes me feel good, in MODERATION, just like i feel a little carbs at lunch makes me feel good rather than no carbs. that's my biased opinion!

Donkey - Thursday Apr 11, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.0

Yesterday was rough!  I was not really feeling well; if I could have called in sick,  I would have.  But as it was,  I came back to 53 emails,  some from Monday night! And complete chaos.  It's like Nice Lady got caught up in 2 files and let the rest of them go.  Can't do that when we're this busy. 

And on top of that,  my stomach wasn't quite in the right place.  I'm still not sure I'm 100% yet.  Woke up so tired...  coffee tastes ok, but I'm not too crazy about the flavor packet I put in my water this morning.  I had hoped that I would be more discretionary with food (choices and quantity), but that didn't happen.  Just need to be more mindful,  but when I'm stressed out and my stomach is messed up,  it's hard to remain focused. 


So yesterday,  out of the blue,  it was announced that Queen Bee will be working from home.  This option is not available to any of the rest of us.   That means more phones and more marketing responsibilities for the rest of us. I was upset at first,  because that's totally unfair,  until I learned from Associare Attorney that she's no longer on the payroll!  She's more of a contract worker,  now,  working only on certain files in a commission.  Wow!

Regardless,  with her out if the office now,  I anticipate my stress levels will decrease significantly.   At least that's my hope. 


Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!

legcramps on 04/11/2019:
Well! There's some big news! I sure hope that helps your stress levels!

horn_of_plenty on 04/11/2019:
yeah!!!! i'm so glad she's outta the picture. i have a queen bee here, she's not like yours exactly.

my queen bee thinks she's the BEST in the world and wants everyone to watch her and be nice to her. except, she doesn't pay mind to anyone else!~

Horn_of_plenty on 04/11/2019:
maybe queen bee wasn't so loved afterall???

Donkey - Tuesday Apr 09, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.0

My scopes are done.  Doctor found nothing except a little inflamation in the stomach and small intestine that she biopsied.  I had a hard time with the prep solution that is supposed to clean out the GI tract.  Oh my that stuff tastes vile.  And I had to drink 8 oz (250mL) every 20 minutes.  So I did that 12 times-- and couldn't go to the bathroom!!!  Oh NO!  Not sure if that's psychological or biological, but I just could not go.  I thought the low fiber diet would help this cleansing process....  I'm not so sure it was worth it.  I called the on-call doctor who said to use an enema to get things started.  Well, by then I had already showered (per doctor's instructions) and had my pajamas on.  Just as I was getting ready to figure out how to use one, my body kicked in.  The bad part is that by then, it was 10:30p.  So I was up much too late, going to the bathroom.

I got up extra early and started the remaining prep solution at 4:40a, because I was afraid that I wouldn't be cleansed enough.  Fortunately, everything worked out, and now I have 2 enemas for future use.  I don't know how Princess Diana used to do enemas on a regular basis as part of her health routine.  No thank you.  

One thing I learned from this is that fasting is NOT for me.  No way.

Rest day today -- no workouts but will do my push-ups tonight.  Ate yogurt when I came home and will have a regular dinner.  I am so looking forward to getting back into my routine tomorrow!

PS  While I'm very glad that this went well and all... There is still no answer to  the cause of my anemia problem.  So that remains a mystery. 

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/09/2019:
well, i'm glad it all went well. i have seen the prep and enema stuff...i used to study that too if you remember (related to xray).

i'm glad it's over for now, so you can put that to bed....

i hope there's a bigger solution for your anemia, but it is quite common in women isn't it?

Maria7 on 04/11/2019:
Hoping you are having a good day.

Donkey - Sunday Apr 07, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 133.0

Today is my last day of solid food before the liquid diet starts tomorrow, so even though I'm not a big fan of eating what I'm eating on this low-fiber plan, I'm grateful that at least I can still eat.  My husband says I'm overreacting, but I've done this before and it is HARD.  I get very cold and shaky when I don't eat.  I also get very crabby, LOL.  I bought some flavored coffees for tomorrow, to help, since I cannot have any creamer or dairy product of ANY kind tomorrow.  My biggest fear is that I will forget and just slip into my normal routine and then - Ooops! 

To put a positive spin on this, I am going to try to perhaps use this experience to broaden my self-awareness and those of others who face starvation on a daily basis.  I'm not very good at expressing what I want to achieve in words, but I'd like to incorporate some kind of prayer and/or meditation with the hunger sensation... Kind of like giving it up to God.  However, being at work, I do not think the Monday Madness will allow me to explore myself much, as at work, everything is focused on clients and co-workers. *sigh*  Okay....

I thought more about chair yoga.  After Friday's drama, I was like, "I don't need this kind of negativity in my life" - but then, almost instantaeously, I realized that **I** was the one causing the negativity in my own life!  The instructor had said during our last session as she's taking us through de-stressing and re-focusing, "That argument you had earlier today?  You can choose to let that negativity go and leave it behind..."  WOW!  Once I made this connection (yesterday), I decided that I still have something to learn from yoga, so I'll go back next month. :)

I did weight training last night and then finished up with a few exercises I didn't do last night this morning.  I'm also sticking with my push-ups challenge.  Right now, I'm using lighter weights with more reps, with the honest intention of going back to using heavier weights again, soon.  

I went back and re-read that job listing that I had thought about applying for:  no health insurance.  So I do need to stay with where I'm at, for now, at least.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/08/2019:
Hi Jdonk! The good thing about your liquid only diet is that it's not forever! I wouldn't be too content either! i despise only liquids so much so that i don't even enjoy shakes / smoothies and hardly ever have them. I like to chew my foods also!

I'm also like you with the eating thing, getting cold and shaky when i don't. you'll be so happy when this process is over! i'm sending you positive thoughts!

that's thoughtful to incorporate a prayer for others and is such a GREAT idea to take your mind off your own discomfort!

Cheers to another month of yoga. I know it ends later and on a Friday night, try not to let any stress get between you and hubby when you are both tired after the yoga the next time! you've had a long day and week, i suggest not planning too much for after yoga. just to go home and relax for the remaining part of friday night, even go to bed if you want to...perhaps you both are just tired when it's over.

I'm glad that other job isn't even a possibility - it's great to see you keeping the job you have for a longer period of time. :-)

lastly, i have just upped some of my weights. it's about time. i had bought alternate 5lbs higher weights when i started this home workout, and it took me a whole year and a half to even touch the #35's. !!! I was always using #30s for my bicep curls and thought i'd never even take the labels off the #35s, but since i've been doing weights very regularly since my trip to Florida, i am once again improving. i use an interesting form, and some people would tease me that it's not considered a correct move, but i enjoy lifting biceps this way...i also use lighter weights, currently #15s but hoping to move up to #20s for another one of my exercises bc i easily get up to 12 reps, usually moving past that, so i can easily bump those up for the exercise i use them for. those weights are adjustable, so i actually have to take them apart and do the math to get to #20, and requires a hair of thought - that's why it's taking me SO LONG to do it LOL LOL LOL...i will fix them maybe tonight.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/08/2019:
changes for me and weightlifting take a VERY VERY long time to achieve. they only come after weeks of doing the process, without any setbacks or misses, so stay positive, the more you stick with it, the closer your body is to making changes.

Maria7 on 04/08/2019:
Hoping you are doing well.

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