forums directory search about DD
or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Horn_Of_Plenty 10 hrs
BearCountryGG 14 hrs
InnerPeace 15 hrs
Donkey 21 hrs
Maria7 1 days
Jacky82020 2 days
SomeFineDay 3 days
happy-1 7 days
DDwebmaster 10 days
legcramps 11 days
Coffee&Calories 4/25
KathyBlue 3/25
Becca27 1/26
little_one 1/02
Supercheese 9/08
mulli 7/21
StarStickers 4/25
thinkpositive 2/28
Cassie2020 2/11
Adam 1/23
Corazon 10/06
trishpiglet3 9/29
Duaa123. 9/28
renorebul12 8/14
Mayelle17 8/02

Recent Forum Topics
DD maintenance - 12:45P 10-Aug

Measurements and weights - 11:14A 28-Oct

Certificate Expiration - DD webmaster :) - 7:51A 7-Oct

New spammer - 4:36A 21-Jul

Virtual Challenges - 6:56A 11-Jul

Spam removed - 9:07P 23-Mar

view Donkey bio page
Donkey - Monday Oct 18, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

I read this today:  "I will not let age change the way I live.  I will change the way I age."  I don't agree with the first part, on several levels.  Sometimes we can't help it.  With age comes experience and those experiences DO change us.  However, I embrace the second part of that.  I am working to change the way I age.  I'm hoping that by building extra muscle mass that will help me age better.  Also, I am keenly aware that I need to work more on balance issues.  Ever since I changed the focus of my yoga practice - from Flow to Yin, from balance to relaxation - I've lost a few of the gains I was making with balance. 

Still a little cramping today, but I think the worst of it is over, and I should be able to cope at work today.  Speaking of coping though, ya know... I didn't have a great weekend.  I would give it a C- if I were to grade it, and I am NOT looking forward to all the "how was your weekend?" and "how'd the weekend treat you?" and "did you do anything interesting over the weekend?" sort of chit-chat.  It just occurred to me that I would like to say, "I spent most of the weekend trying to figure out why I can't quit this job" and see what happens.  THAT would shut everyone up really quick, I bet.

Husband and I had fun planning out what to do during my long weekend in November (reminder: taking November 11th & 12th).  It won't be an out-of-town thing this time, but rather just a mini "staycation".  I picked out a trail to hike, if the weather cooperates, and if we feel so inclined to go.  I hope to go to the gym during the day, both days.  Husband and I may go to the range to pratice shooting.  And a nice dinner on Saturday night, I think, but that's fluid.

It's nice to have something to look forward to. 

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Brett on 10/18/2021:
Enjoy your vacation!

Donkey on 10/19/2021:
I'm starting to really look forward to it!

bearcountrygg on 10/18/2021:
The funny thing about aging...is that the brain still thinks like a young person but with more understanding of things....but the body can't carry out the things the mind wants to do......When I was young I wondered why old people didn't pick up their feet when they walked.....I'm finding out....THEY CAN'T....The mind goes on and the body quits and it is quite sobering. The big benefit to aging though is that things just all make a lot more sense....they are easier to understand, and then unfortunately the mind starts heading in the same way as the body......( as D says....he has to forget something in order to learn something new).......Enjoy being young while you have it because it really does not last.....

Donkey on 10/19/2021:
I *SO* appreciate your insights, as a woman who is older than I am. THIS is why I'm so glad that you still post on DD.

I am already starting to see some changes: eyesight, coordination, balance. I anticipate that menopause will be a challenge, as everything related to my uterus seems to be a challenge, but so be it.

I've been reading about how older folks are being dismissed by younger doctors - dismissed as in being not being listened to or correctly treated. Maybe "correct" isn't the right word, but maybe "completely" is a better word for it. I'm lucky right now because my doctor is around my age, so I think she understands most of the time...

Horn_of_plenty on 10/18/2021:
lol. that's why work is work and most aren't really your "friends." thank you for reminding me to keep some things to myself and be careful what i say to coworkers...yeah. i have been talking too much i think. saying too many of my personal thoughts. anyways, i'm glad you wrote about that!

ohhh very nice with the range. do you both own a gun? i think you may have mentioned you did?

i think what they mean by the first part of the phrase, but i am not sure, is that people are living longer and there's ways to increase our productivity so we can be quite agile even when we are seniors? however, i do agree there's some things we cannot help...but then again, there's a lot we can !

Donkey on 10/19/2021:
And I'm glad that you responded with this VERY helpful reminder. Shut up and work, right?

We do own a firearm now. My intent with this investment is that Husband and I would have something to do together, and it is also something that he can do alone. It is also something that can be done in the winter, which can be very difficult and demoralizing to get through in Illinois.

I too think that there is a lot that we can do for ourselves with respect to the aging process. I want to be one of those Q-tipped grannies you see on YouTube, weight lifting or doing incredible yoga moves.... Probably won't see me running a marathon, but who knows. If I'm the only one in my age group, then I win! (LOL...)

legcramps on 10/18/2021:
November sounds like a month to look forward to :)

Donkey on 10/19/2021:
It IS - and not just because of the vacation or the American Thanksgiving holiday. I'm already starting to think about goals for November.

PlayingQuietly on 10/18/2021:
staycation sounds wonderful

Donkey on 10/19/2021:
It just feels more appropriate this time. We've already done our annual B&B, and this will keep the costs down to just stay at home.

Donkey - Sunday Oct 17, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

The morning has been a little slower and later than I had thought it might be, so I am not pushing to get to the gym early this morning.  Also, cramps are still tormenting me a bit, so I will be doing a lighter upper body weight circuit at the gym, after doing a 20 minute cardio on the elliptical.  That's fine.  

I completed most of my weekend chores yesterday, including putting away the window fans, which was the most labor intensive task to do.  So I am anticipating that today WILL be more open and free for relaxing.  I am not feeling the fatigue that I felt yesterday.  (I believe that this is caused by TOM, even though I am taking the iron supplements.)

I had a really nice and helpful chat with Son yesterday.  He thinks that I should think outside of the box more, for my next career move.  He had some insights that I had not considered.  When I told him that the thing that is holding me back from leaving my job right now, is that I have just endured a very busy real estate season (it's not done yet) and I don't want to jump into a very busy retail season.  He pointed out that all jobs are busy - that's why there are jobs.  This made me think that maybe what's REALLY bothering me is that I'm feelinb overall *burnt out* rather than frustated with the paralegal job specifically.  

I'm glad that I have my interest in physical fitness to help keep me grounded.  I think if I did not have this, I would be feeling much more negatively about my situation.  

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/17/2021:
It sounds like your son is thriving......good for him!!! He had some very good info!!

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Military life suits him (except for being far away), but he is influenced by fellow recruits who perhaps regret their decision to enlist. My husband gave him a pep talk last night about how it's OK to like your job. (oh the irony ha ha ha ha)

But we are proud of him. I AM glad that he has found something that he likes to do.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2021:
re your yesterday's entry comment you said back to me - beware of using a lot of baby powder down there - it's been linked to cancer i believe. but i can see you using some in other places, maybe not as bad an idea. just look that up and beware. lots of workers used to use it when working outdoors all summer.

it's good you are keen do to cardio today, it always pushes TOM along in the right direction for me - and clears me out lol somewhat. best to do it today before monday right!?

i would say your son has some good insights. i can only say try to take some rest days and do not feel bad. i'd have to agree with your son, to urge you to take care of yourself. i also think that you may not have too difficult a time getting another para job for more money. i am thinking, if you do choose to leave, to maybe plan to take some time off before job hunting, like up to 2 weeks, and then delve into job hunting for ...2 months? hopefully you'd find a job in that time?

then again, i can be so wrong. i was out of work for 9 months and longer if i didn't have any connections. i had connections for the job i have now.

honestly, i wouldn't just jump into another job without some time off, if i were you, but perhaps reconsider what's going on with your job now? perhaps you can ask for a raise???? i'm not kidding....maybe say with all the change, increased workload now due to some more economic recovery and covid recovery, working with new employees hired just this year...

if the boss needs you, perhaps ask for a raise during the new challenges. idk. perhaps you need something to push you to feel better. and also that will help you later when you aren't working for him.

now, i could be so wrong.

also, you knows, maybe that younger attorney will take over like you said? otherwise, i'm guessing boss' business will close?

honestly, if you cannot deal with all this, i would leave. just get some good references (people willing to vouch for you) - like the older lady / nice lady and also the younger lady. perhaps the new attorney will too...

but easier may be the raise.

i have no exact advice based on my opinions above.

or you could go job hunting and get an offer...

a new job will be stressful in other ways - getting to know people and the operations of the place.

you have a good amount of working years, productive ones, left. you have agood head on your shoulders and physically are doing well. you could last 10 years easily more. that's a lot of years of salary...

maybe private message me why you don't think you could work in some places due to your past? i am not sure you are being reasonable to yourself...

just put yourself on the front burner now. you aren't sure of what's going on for the next year at this job, but you have 10 more good working years.

perhaps try to see what you can do, even to get a job somewhere else for 1-2 years and if it doesn't work out, you can try again.

perhaps you know this job is ending...(i do not know...i am not htere and don't know boss' real intentions), but perhaps you can take care of yourself better by getting a diff job i don't know.

but, i'll say this also, this job will pay u up until this job ends, then you can also take a break once this job ends, and find your next job.

waiting it out is not a bad idea; as you have been doing. it is a steady paycheck. i can only suggest a raise to some degree. it doesn't seem to be easy for your boss to hire good workers and you are one. i don't think he could fire you too easily without a replacement...

so the good thing about you staying, is a steady paycheck for now...but either way, you're going to have possible time without pay as you look for your next job....unless you stay on with new guy - but new guy may not live up to boss' expectations, then you'll be on your own again....

lots of think about it.

please let me know if what i write gives you anxiety.

my teacher friend, C, wouldn't appreciate this type of message bc it would make her very anxious due to many variables and no direct answers. lucky for her, as a teacher in New York State, her job is for her entire career, due to tenure.

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Oh my goodness, I should be more clear: the baby powder is for armpits and chest, not underwear. And it's the cornstarch kind, not talc. I believe it was the talc that was cancer-causing. And I also forgot to mention that I have a travel size stick of anti-perspirant in my desk.

Yes, I have at least 15 years to go to work, maybe 20. And this job, as I know it now, will not be here for that duration. Now I'm thinking I should stick around until December for the end-of-the-year bonus.

I will PM you and you can decide for yourself if my limitations are real or in my head.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2021:
ALSO, nice job maintaining. maintaining i'm sure will be easiest during your current job, but you have learned so much, i'm sure you will not have much issue with it for life.

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Thank you! Ohhhh, I don't know, I appreciate your confidence in me, but I think it's something that I'm going to have to be constantly vigilant about for a LONG time.

You know though, maybe not. After all, I don't really track calories or macros. I just try to make sound nutritional choices 90% of the time. So maybe I'm doing better than I give myself credit for.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2021:
basically, you have maintained around 1/3 of the year already. (4 months by your chart.)

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
I hadn't thought about it that way. Let's see how the holidays go. December is like a total month of indulgence, just by the nature of all the parties. Oof!

Donkey - Saturday Oct 16, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.0

Good morning!!!!  A slight loss on the scale today, and I'll take that!  

Although I did upper body weights  yesterday morning, I did not do them last night. I was very tired.  So after my evening bikeride, I just relaxed.  By the time I turned off the light, I thought I was feeling some cramps, and sure enough, this morning, I woke up to mild cramps.  Great -- well, best get Cramp Day out of the way, and at least I don't have to be suffering at work with these pains.

Eating went well last night, so I'm kind of disappointed that the scale wasn't a little more friendly, but I need to move beyond that.  I jogged at lunchtime for about 20-25 minutes, so that I could complete my route quicker than if I just walked.  This was to save time.  Gosh, work is rushed, lunch is rushed.  Hate it - but it was satisfying to jog.

Today I meet up with the personal trainer for a lower body tutorial.  Looking forward to some new ideas, I guess. I had plans for myself for Sunday, but with TOM here, now I'm not so sure.  We'll have to see how today goes.

It would be nice to have a slower, quieter, relaxing day - to recover from the really busy work week - but alas, with the cooler weather, I will need to work on cleaning and storing away the window fans that we used over the summer.  They are heavy and cumbersome, but this would be a good weekend to get them done... well, I'll at least get started on the project.

I won't be too hard on myself for whatever doesn't get done this weekend.  

EARLY EVENING EDIT:  The personal trainer was a no-show.  I'm not sure what happened, because he seems to utilize the gym's app, and I cannot get my login in to match with my password -- even after resetting, and uninstalling-reinstalling the app -- all several times, much to my frustration.

Yes, I was disappointed, and I felt a little bad, but I'm not sure why I would feel bad. I did what I was supposed to do (other than to login with the app).  So I did a very brief leg workout and came home, since I wasn't really at 100% anyway.

The cramps are still around, so I'm OK with this being an easier physical day...

Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/16/2021:
You’re making terrific progress! Congrats! Sorry about the cramps. We shall have overcome

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Thank you for your support! Oh Lordy, cramps are staying longer than I had hoped. Although.... Bear has a good point below, about hot flashes... Hmm..

bearcountrygg on 10/16/2021:
The cramps......I do not miss those days.....One of these days that will just stop....and I'm sure that won't be a moment too soon for you....but then you get to have hot flashes...which are a issue of their own....

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Oh no doubt that menopause will bring its own set of problems for ME. I know that there are women who don't have a lot of issues with TOM or the Change, but I'm sure I won't be as blessed as them.

Jacky82020 on 10/16/2021:
Wow, people are such flakes these days. That sucks!

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
Yeah, it does. I felt embarrassed - again, I'm not sure why - but he's the one that really lost out, because I had considered hiring him as a trainer for a little bit.

I'm not sure if I should wait for tech support to figure out the app, to see if he sent me anything to reschedule, or if I should email him... or maybe I should just let it go, i.e. not meant to be.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2021:
Re Thursday, it is your CHOICE to stay at work. it doesn't mean you are lazy. it's what you decided. but you can change your situation if you want. however, whatever decision you make is NOT because you are lazy. don't start feeling down about yourself when the state of your work / workplace is not a reflection of anything about you! glad you had great exercise Thursday. it was a bad week for me with exercise. some was not totally my fault (i was kept 15 min late at work, then walked, then so late to get home i skipped...) i do not like staying at work late when i don't know i will...will have to either make sure it doesn't continously happen or ask for OT...not sure yet, have to see how it plays out.

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
I know I was really hard on myself on Thursday. I just get so frustrated with me, sometimes.

One thing I gotta say about Mistakes Girl, although it happens on occasion that she stays late, 99% of the time, she is outta there at 5pm. SHE has the RIGHT idea.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2021:
Re Friday, and the anxiety and rushing feeling of having to get work done, i CAN relate. i think that any work at all other than, say, walmart and other low-end, min wage jobs, are the ones that are usually the ones where you'll never feel the stress. also, your work is particularly one filled with deadlines. other paralegal jobs are not as much or have more planning over how many clients you'll see compared to your walkins and unknowns. so i feel you.

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
I suppose that all jobs have this component of deadlines. I had a helpful chat with Son yesterday, when he pointed this out.

I think I'm more burnt out than anything.

horn_of_plenty on 10/16/2021:
I also usually prefer cramps not at work …. They are usually more mild if I have any at all when I’m home bc I don’t have to sit at a desk all day and can move around as I please !

I wish I could job / walk fast at lunch but I’d come back sweaty (but also don’t take a outside break for my lunch) …do you get sweaty ?

You know the scale depends on way more than one day, but excellent job on your eating last night :)

Sorry your trainer was a no show - at least you did something at the gym and now you can relax. I love to relax too especially after busy weeks

Donkey on 10/17/2021:
I do get a little sweaty sometimes, especially when I jog or when the weather is warmer.

I keep a small bottle of baby powder in the bathroom, and I have 2 body sprays in my drawer. They are not perfumes, but sprays that have a lighter scent and evaporate quickly.

When Male Co-Worker was walking, he'd come back smelling kind of stanky. Not like man-stink but just the smell of outdoors. I try hard to avoid that.

I love how you say "...and now you can relax." I needed to hear that. It helped me feel more at ease for having a lighter workout. I am planning to have a similar upper body "lighter workout" when I go to the gym today.

PlayingQuietly on 10/16/2021:
every pound counts, you're moving in the right direction

Donkey - Friday Oct 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

I don't even know where to start.  I guess I'll start with the positive.  Yoga last night was so amazingly helpful!  I had an ache in my neck, and the stretches and poses we did helped reset everything.  All previous tightness and pressure were gone.  The instructor showed me some new moves, but at the end, she pointed out that I already have a number of poses that I am familiar with that I could do (could have done) on my own.

This was very --- I don't even know how to describe it, but knowing that I had the tools to help myself on my own before class was startling? Illuminating?  Inspiring?  All of the above?  The teacher telling the student that she knows enough to guide herself through the journey.  I never thought about being my own yogi, but apparently, she thinks I can do it! :-)

The negative part was the frantic rush at work in the last 20 minutes to get everything done, so that I could leave on time, to be ready for yoga at 7pm.  I started to prioritize tasks, clearly setting 3 aside for today:  one letter to go out, and 2 files to update in my notes or database.  The rest, I managed to do and only stayed 10 minutes late.  But it's times like this where I really resent my job, infringing on my own time and my own personal well-being.  I realize that, logically, I'm probably being unreasonable with my job, but hey, it's how I feel.

Eating was OK yesterday.  I started feeling those 3:30pm anxiety jitters at work, where I just wanted to eat and eat, in reaction to stress.  However, I ate only what I brought to work (relying heavily on baby carrots), and then just told myself that I have to deal with the feelings for the rest of the time at work.  Kind of like "put on your big girl pants" or "tough luck, buttercup".  

I woke up early, on my own at 3:55am, so I stayed in bed until 4:30am, and then got up slowly.  Since I had extra time, I did upper body weights.  This works out well, because tomorrow, Saturday, at the gym, I will be working with the personal trainer again, this time on lower body, which will leave Sunday open for adventure. 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/15/2021:
Awesome you yoga journey progresses so well!

How about some nuts at work? Very filling!

Donkey on 10/16/2021:
The anxiety eating at work needs to be something very low calorie so that I can eat a lot of it. Sounds like binge-eating, but it's not. I could easily eat 600+ calories in nuts at work (done it before) and still want to eat to self-soothe my anxiety.

Carrot sticks, celery, that usually fits the ticket. I also have a small amount of protein (usually cottage cheese, but can also be Greek yogurt) to help satisfy the palate.

This afternoon eating can be a real problem if I let it get the best of me.

Maria7 on 10/15/2021:
Wow, you are doing real well with your yoga and other workouts! Yes, it is SO EASY to overeat due to stress!!! We must NOT GIVE IN....at least, try not to!!! Smiles! Have a blessed day.

Donkey on 10/16/2021:
Honestly, that's the approach I MUST take when it comes to stress-eating at work. The self-talk (self-coaching) helps a lot, if I can DO it, without surrendering or panicking.

bearcountrygg on 10/15/2021:
From what I can tell for myself....the best hedge against stress is preplanning. It does take some looking ahead......at what can most likely be assumed.....like...If I suspected that I would have a heavy work load day....then I went in with a plan to tackle it in the least stressful way....done in the order of importance.....and got to work on that... If I got overwhelmed...and needed a short break from that...I did something mindless that took no more than 5 minutes but tried to make it be something that helped clear my desk off......that lowered my stress...then got back to work on the important things again....until once again....I know all jobs are different and this probably doesn't work for all desk jobs.....but it kept me from losing my cool a lot of days......since yours is law and mine was medical reports....there is a timely nature to them....and I did get a sense of pressure at times....so that 5 minute desk pick up/clean up...let me breathe for 5 minutes and get ready to buckle down again.....I used to go refill my water to get out of my chair for a few minutes......or I would empty the wastebasket in the copy room...just to move a little......it got rid of a little tension for me.

Donkey on 10/16/2021:
I agree with you, that pre-planning is definitely key! Except... like yesterday, time just flew by, and it was 3pm when I realized, Wow, I hadn't even looked at my daily tasks. Usually I start tackling tasks (that haven't solved themselves through the daily emails) around noon. So that was not pleasant. Reached for baby carrot sticks, but had only about 5 of them before I realized that I didn't want them. Focused on the work, instead.

A lot of my job is time-sensitive - a LOT of deadlines that often can't be met or extended until later in the day. It just so happens that later in the day is when a lot of attorneys get back to the office and start churning out letters and emails. And then you always have your big dummies that panic and call at 4:57pm.

Normally, I'm OK with staying a little late to wrap things up. It's when I have another appointment in the evening (chair yoga, zoom yoga, dinner reservation, etc.) that I start to feel resentful.

PlayingQuietly on 10/15/2021:
I'm glad you got over the reaction to stress without blowing up your diet efforts. Hip Hip Hurray!!! I also overcame the urge to decompress with food yesterday. I didn't blow my diet. I'm sure you felt good this morning knowing you did well yesterday~ my todays are always brighter when my yesterdays are done well.

Donkey on 10/16/2021:
"My todays are always brighter when my yesterdays are done well" --- I LOVE THIS. I am going to incorporate this into my self-coaching toolbox.

We can do this together! :-)

Jacky82020 on 10/16/2021:
Good work choices! The nuts are close to 200 cal for 1/4 cup., I am carefully measuring them out & not eating from the container,

Donkey - Thursday Oct 14, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

It was a difficult day yesterday.  Not only was the re-heated coffee too strong - it tasted awful - it was DECAF!!!  (Mr. Donkey made a tactical error in brewing the last pot.)  So I was starting a caffeine headache by the time I got to work.  I didn't really WANT any more coffee, but forced myself to drink 2 more cups of regular coffee, and by noon, the headache was averted.  But I don't like drinking that much coffee.

So I was rather uncomfortable and grumpy yesterday morning.  I'm glad my Boss was out of the office for the morning, buying his wife a new Lexus, when she really shouldn't be driving any more.  

I got in 5 new contracts yesterday - a Wednesday in October, who would have thought? - so I told Boss I didn't want to hear anything more about "things slowing down" for the Fall.  Donkeysh*t.  Because New Gal wasn't there, I had to open these contracts myself, and therefore, I was VERY busy.  I didn't get my morning meditation, I didn't get my lunchtime walk.  I'm putting that missed lunchhour as overtime.  Mistakes Girl had a dentist appointment that she "forgot" to put on the calendar, so she left at 4pm.  So I couldn't even take my lunch at 4pm and leave early.  I was really resentful, but now looking back, I'm OK with the overtime.  

Last night, my Husband said that I should put my resume online and see what job offers come to me, because of the current job market.  He's like, You could really have your pick of ANY job out there.  Well, not really --- there are extenuating circumstances that would block me out of a lot of jobs.  I won't go into that here.  So then I started feeling very bad about myself and my job situation and my inertia.  My stupid lazy, non-moving, inert, immobile butt-self.

And to top that off, Daughter went to the wake for a co-worker who had recently died.  The co-worker was a young man of 19.  I'm not sure if it was a drug overdose or suicide.  But this just hit me so hard.  I just could NOT imagine the pain of losing a child.  Daughter left the prayer card and pamphlet from the wake on the kitchen counter this morning.  Oh how sad... Just so sad.

Not sure how I came to it, but I finished the jar of chunky peanut butter.  It was about 1/3 cup?  Maybe 1/2?  So about the calories of a decadent dessert.  I didn't feel stuffed or bad or anxious.  I was satisfied when I was done.

Stayed up a little past 10:15pm finishing up a book about sobriety.  Slept well.  Woke up naturally at 4am, laid there thinking about getting up, and before I knew it, my alarm for 5am was going off, so then I got up.

Needless to say, I had LOTS of energy for my bike-ride today.  It was a GREAT ride.  And no fatigue in my legs at all.  

Tonight is Zoom yoga.  

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

PlayingQuietly on 10/14/2021:
by 9a this morning the deck carpentry is done~ the crew gone & the boss ready for his check.... he almost forgot to have old wood hauled off and is sending a guy out in next couple of days (maybe today?) to get it out of here. I'm sure it (trash haul) will be taken care of because I am set up for a second job come spring with the deck contractor for something else

hey! have fun in Zoom yoga tonight :)

Donkey on 10/15/2021:
Zoom yoga was SOOOO relaxing last night! I asked to focus on neck and shoulders -- definitely stretched out any remaining aches from Saturday's personal training session. Ahhh....

bearcountrygg on 10/14/2021:
I get it...peanut butter cures everything....Sad about the teens death.....I cannot even imagine how the family must feel. There sure are a lot of people "escaping" your office.....It must be so hard to run or work in a business when people just disappear all of the time......

Donkey on 10/14/2021:
When I left this afternoon at 5pm, the Boss was in his office reading the newspaper. Who does that? GO HOME.

innerpeace on 10/14/2021:
That is sad about your daughter's coworker. I got a call from the school that they had an assistant foot ball coach die in an accidental fire and they wanted parents to know that grief counselors would be available if students needed it. The girl didn't know the football coach but said he was young...like 24 or 25 and she said the football team was having a hard time with it...I can only imagine.

I have never received a 'bite' per se on Linked In for my resume - but DH has received lots, I guess it just depends on your career field...assistants come and go and are a dime a dozen.

I hope you don't lose your meditation space. Have a great day!

Donkey on 10/14/2021:
You are SO correct: administrative staff are a dime a dozen, even in this job market.

I'm so sick of sitting behind a desk. Wouldn't it be fun to get my 10,000+ steps at work, instead? I think so.

Jacky82020 on 10/15/2021:
Wow, the coffee headaches are the worst! Poor kid.

Shame about the boy, likely an OD when a young person not under medical supervision for a serious condition passes.

Donkey on 10/15/2021:
I'm hearing it was an accidental death -- something laced with fentanyl.

Donkey - Wednesday Oct 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

Had no internet earlier this morning, so it's thrown off the start of my day, but it's back on, which is not only good but also a relief.  Now I can type on my laptop, rather than trying to log in on DD through my phone (which I hate doing).

Yesterday I had bouts of being very busy, and then bouts of having nothing to do.  Mostly just waiting for Associate Attorney to type out 2 letters that I've been waitng for since Friday.  He just could not sit himself down to write them.  He thought of every diversion to do first, including checking with New Guy to see what certain swear words meant in Spanish -- I kid you not.  He missed meeting with clients because he was out to breakfast with a realtor and that meeting ran over. 

I woke up in the middle of the night when the loss of internet turned off my streaming sleep sound.  I'm feeling kind of tired today - definitely not my best.  I suspect it's hormone related.  Great.  But see, this is one thing that I really like about the job I have now:  I can slack off and it won't affect much of anything.  Nobody will say anything.

Eating yesterday was pretty good.  In the afternoon, at work, I started getting the food-fit feeling -- all related to eating peanuts at work.  So I had approximately 150 calories in nuts and didn't have my hard boiled eggs, which are waiting for me today.   

My Boss left in the early afternoon, to run a "few errands", and never came back.  Male Co-Worker comes back tomorrow (Thursday).  I think that I will be losing my meditation area at work, if New Guy moves into that office space.  So I'll have to find another space.  I did manage to meditate yesterday, and it really helped.


Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/13/2021:
Reminds me of a foster child that knew all the swear words in spanish and I had no idea what she was saying.....until she confessed..........

PlayingQuietly on 10/13/2021:
hehe that's pretty funny (diversions including new guy for swear words)

Horn_of_plenty on 10/13/2021:
OMG. she smokes that much!? so sad.

i do like to log in here in mornings too ;)

lol, i have never heard you write about slacking off bc you always say you are busy.

sometimes i get into a food fit feeling at work but it can hardly get bad bc there's limited snacks...and i also try to bring some healthy foods (especially at lunch), so i can get some health in (which is usually more satisfying too).

today i was super hungry in the AM...i guess a pop tart and banana doesn't last with me LOL. duh!

Donkey - Tuesday Oct 12, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

I just had to put this out there:  The Boss' wife went for her procedure on Friday --- and the doctor gave her the WRONG procedure!!!  Can you BELIEVE that?  A patient, whose husband is a lawyer and whose daughter is a physical therapist (with a PhD.) and personal friend of the doctor who owns the practice, and she gets the WRONG procedure.

She was supposed to have a substance injected into her knee, that acts like a cushion between the joints in the knee.  Instead, she got an ordinary cortizone shot.  Light years between the 2.  Why did the doctor think that there was an aneshesiologist there for a simple cortizon injection?  Wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels.

So now they have to wait until the cortizon runs its course before the correct procedure can be rescheduled and completed. 

That was the biggest drama.  We sort of had our "office meeting" but then realized that we need to have it with Male Co-Worker because it involves him too.  I don't even know what to say.  I'm done with trying to fix our law firm.  

It was so nice to catch up with my legal clinic friends on Zoom last night.  It turns out that we're all kind of dealing with the same thing:  changes, afraid to make changes, wanting to make changes, too burnt out to make changes that we want... It's funny because the three of us are in separate decades, one starting her 60's, I'm in the early stages of my 50's, and the third in her 40's (towards the end).  Nobody thought my Walmart idea was ridiculous.  Nobody scoffed at my thoughts of exploring yoga teacher training or training to be a meditation guide, either.

My morning weights were too short.  I used 1-2 exercises that I learned with the trainer. I also took his advice to try slowing down the movements, to get more of an effect.  Finally, he recommended lighter weights with more reps, but I'm kind of at the point of maxing out my dumbbells, so I just took it slower and did an extra set, with 15 reps (for the most part).  I wish I could have done more, but I just ran out of time.  

Eating was a little shaky last night.  I had a protein shake, and a smal scoop of chunky peanut butter (1 teaspoon) and was able to stop it with that.  In the afternoon, at work, I got really anxious, feeling that "food fit" feeling.  It was 4pm and all I wanted to do was to stuff my face with peanuts.  So I went downstairs into our lunchroom (where all the snacks are kept) and just walked around the large conference table, repeatedly, breathing deeply, until I felt strong enough to go back upstairs and finish out the day.

So I'm working on catching these emotional times and trying to mitigate and dissipate the physical feelings until I am re-centered and stronger.  THAT is the project.

And frankly, if I can put this out there also, I really need to do a morning meditation at work.  I have been skipping this last week, maybe the week before, and starting this week too, and it's not to my benefit.  So that will be another project to start and build up.  I NEED TO DO THIS FOR MYSELF.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 10/12/2021:
OMG. the wrong procedure. i see an upcoming suit. may as well be compensated. that is negligence! oh wow!!!!..

nice you had time to catch up with them. i think people try to be supportive and will not be calling you out on your choices, no matter what...even if the choices are ones they may not choose for themselves.

i am very glad you had a good chat with those ladies. nice in general to have some communication / socialization !

i hope you get morning meditation in today.

also, i may be writing tips soon in my entry about ways i lower calories when very hungry or when eating meals at home, especially after work meals / later meals / or meals like yesterday after a trip when i need to study after ...but want to eat and relax first...lol..you know it involves veggies.

PlayingQuietly on 10/12/2021:
DddaaanNnnGgg!!! that's scary, especially with the anesthetist there~ like a neon sign~

bearcountrygg on 10/12/2021:
Well now that is scary!!! When my Dad was having surgery a nurse came in and handed him an ink pen and told him to write his initials on his left thigh so that they operated on the left side.......I left the room to give him a moment and when I went back in his room...he had written on the left side of his hospital gown.....LOL....so I had to leave the room again while he wrote on this left thigh....things can go wrong so easily.

Maria7 on 10/13/2021:
I used to do meditation/relaxation exercises. I found them to be very beneficial at that time. Hope you are having a blessed day.

Donkey - Monday Oct 11, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

My arms are a little sore this morning, but nothing in my legs.  I have not been able to feel any sort of post-exercise muscle ache in my legs for quite some time. (This is not the same thing as the achy throb that I feel in my knee, which is from either arthritis or a Baker's Cyst.)   

No yoga tonight.  Instead I am having a Zoom chat with the 2 ladies I volunteer with at the Legal Clinic.  This is yet another month that we are not having the clinic, and I kind of want to know why, since the last time we chatted, we canceled September, but said we'd meet in October.  Except that we haven't.  Also, I just want to see how the other ladies are doing in their lives.  I will use the time that would have gone towards yoga, to do evening chores and get ready for bed, so that after our Zoom, I can get to bed reasonably on time.

I am not quite sure of what to expect at work today.  We should be slowing down, but the weekend was very nice weather, so it may be another busy day/week.  Gosh I hope not. The Boss' wife had a medical procedure on Friday, to help with her knee pain (injecting a substance into her knee joint to add cushioning, so that it's not bone-on-bone pain), so I'm eager to hear how she did with that, especially if something like that might be in my eventual future (see right knee comment above).

I'm really hoping for a day of no drama.  I just want to float above it all.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

KathyBlue on 10/11/2021:
I don't feel that brutal soreness ever since I take creatine monohydrate after my workouts. I put a dose in my coffee or yogurt or something (as it's a tasteless powder) and I feel it genuinely helps big time. I hope you get a better, more calm week ahead, girl! :) Cheers!

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
I truly am hoping for a calmer week ahead. I must remember and focus on this. Once Male Co-Worker comes back, the drama will increase a little bit more on this, but then things will settle down again until the end of next week, when he goes on another vacation.

I've heard about creatine. I haven't made up my mind to start that up.

bearcountrygg on 10/11/2021:
Sounds like a pretty good day...and ending with a zoom call to chat...nice. My sister in law had those shots anf has been getting them for several years......D went straight to a knee surgery to just observe...and a year later ended up with the replacement ....3 and a half years ago and for the last couple of years he rarely thinks about it.....sister in law seems satisfied with the shots for now.

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
I'll write more about this later, but the Boss' wife ended up NOT getting the shot that she was supposed to get. There was a LOT of drama at my Boss' house on Friday, and maybe into Saturday.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/11/2021:
also there is knee replacements, i wonder if that is something the boss' wife considered but since she has extensive health issues, must have decided to forego it.

glad you aren't too sore.

this week, our weather will improve day by day until 79F on Friday, cannot wait!

i know you don't, but i personally am loving the warmer weather coming! :)

let us know how today goes! :)

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
The boss' wife cannot have a much-needed knee replacement, because she smokes over 2 packs of cigarettes a day and doesn't have the respiratory strength to undergo the anesthesia.

I would give today a C+. The Zoom meeting was the best part of it, I think.

PlayingQuietly on 10/11/2021:
wishing you a drama-less monday

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Overall, the drama level was not too bad. I was a little crabby, but a lot of that was caused by the discomfort in my arms and neck. Once that went away in the afternoon, it got much better.

Donkey - Sunday Oct 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5


Dear new DD members,

In the past, I have written about several adventures that Donkey has tried, only to quickly realize that she was WAY over her head, and yet stuck in a situation to be endured.  Donkey Disaster #1 involved a "free" yoga class that she "paid" for dearly with her dignity.  I have completely blocked Donkey Disaster #2 from my memory, although I know that it does exist.  I am not about to look for this tale in my archives, but you are more than welcome to, if you like.  (Let me know the date of the entry, if you find it, LOL.)

And now our story begins...

Because Saturday's gym workout was out of the routine, I decided that this would be a good opportunity to take the "Strength" class at the gym, that I have written about previously.  (I was thinking that taking a class would be a good way to make friends at the gym.  Ha ha ha ha...)

The instructor, Rebecca, was very approachable, friendly, and enthusiastic.  Since I hadn't taken any classes before, I wasn't sure how it worked, and she was happy to help me out.  I noticed that after she helped me, a few minutes later, another newbie walked in asking the same thing. So that was nice to know that I wasn't the only newbie.

There were a few ladies who had obviously taken the class before, because they started readjusting the workout stations that each one of us was assigned to.  I had no idea what to do, so I didn't do anything.

The class starts and Rebecca starts cranking up this aerobics instrumental music (sort of electronic, sort of disco, you know what I'm talking about) really loud, to get us all pumped up.  She has a headpiece microphone and she's like, "Are you ready to workout?" and starts into an aerobics warm-up, which I really do not like.  This is supposed to be strength training only, and I've already done my warm-up on the elliptical.  Is it too late to leave the class without being noticed?  No can do.  Better to just bite the bridle and make the best of it.

I equate this realization to that of when you have stepped in doo-doo, say to yourself "uh-oh", and realize there is nowhere to go, without making a complete mess everywhere.  I would also equate this to when you're in a social situation and take a bite of something that is completely unpalatable to you. 

So little Donkey here, not to be discouraged, does her best, but quickly realizes that she is not a class person.  Donkey doesn't do Zumba, aerobics, step class, etc.  It's hard enough to step into a yoga class.  Just not her thing, not who she is.  No way, no how.

The class was a moving rotation of lower/upper/core.  We'd do squats, then bicep curls, then sit ups.  Then another 3 exercises, and so on - for an entire hour.  Donkey wondered why the clock was moving so slow, when she was moving so fast to keep up.

Also, let me just put this out there:  Because we were in an enclosed studio, I wore my mask the whole time.  I was the only one to do this.  NOT EASY, but I want to show everyone at the gym that it IS possible to wear your mask and workout.  People probably think I'm a freak, and that's OK.  Little do they know that I'm really a Donkey (insert lightening and thunder here).

If I thought I could feel yesterday's session with the personal trainer, believe me - I was REALLY feeling yesterday's workout during the class. 

At one point, the yoga instructor from the class in the next door studio, came in and asked Rebecca to turn down the music.  After that, it wasn't *quite* as motivating to move, but I could still hear the music and the instructor.  Hopefully it helped the other class too.  It's hard to relax into Yin with a boom-boom-BOOM pulse going on next door.

I was able to last through the entire class, although towards the end, I was grabbing lighter weights.  It helped that the lady in front of me was about 20 years younger and knew what she was doing (and much stronger than I, as she was going for the heavier weights and more challenging modifications).  The lady on my left faced backwards the whole time, watching the instructor from the mirrors on the back wall; the lady to the right of me was a little older than I am, and did many more (easy) modifications.  Also I was *quite* impressed that there were 2 MEN in the class, older, but nevertheless, they were there, and I give them credit for that.

We were all so wiped out after the class, that nobody was talkin' to nobody.  Oh my word...  I think I'd have to take that class 100 times before I get to know any of the "regulars".  Even "Rebecca" was a substitute, and she teaches other classes that I have no interest in taking in the foreseeable future.  I suppose I *could* try the class again with the regular instructor, Sherri V., but I don't think so.

But now, dear DD readers, you can see for yourself why Donkey doesn't make many changes to her routine.  How does she keep getting herself into Donkey Disaster situations like this?


Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/10/2021:
The first thing that comes to mind for me is not that you were in over your head but that the others had taken that class before and knew what to expect.....probably many times before and they were once new to it like you were.....If you choose to go to that class again you will find it easier the next time most likely...Personally I'm impressed...you made it through the entire class...like you said...you considered making an escape...but you didn't......now making friends may be difficult as like you say...exhaustion was taking over after class.......but you did it.....and you can choose to go back and do it again and not be shocked at what it was about......reminds me of when I signed up for 2 college level computer classed...had never touched or owned a computer and had no idea where to even find the on button.....one class I dropped immediately because we were told we were all going to make oral reports on the parts of a computer the following week and I'd never even seen one in person before.... left that class and went straight to the office to drop that one......I did take the other class and only for the help of a stranger sitting next to me did I even pass that one with a D.......eventually we got a computer...after the class...LOL.....I guess my big question is...are you going to go back to that class again now that you know the difficulty level....you would surely raise you strength in that class.

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Interesting comments. My first reaction was to say, No way I'm going back. But after re-reading and reconsidering, I am going to leave this door open. I will not be a regular at this class, at least for any time soon, BUT the next time I feel like I want a change, a challenge, to be around people, I *will* do this class again for those reasons.

I also know now, FOR SURE, that I would not sign up for a Zumba class, or anything like that. However, if they were offered on the weekends, (which currently, they are not), I might take other strength training classes. Unfortunately, the ones I'm interested in are only offered during the week, during the day. This Strength class is the only one that is offered during the weekend.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your comments and advice regarding the right and in general. i appreciate them and the time you took to offer them to me by writing it all out, thank you.

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Oh you are very welcome :-) I like "chatting" with you on this forum.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
I wrote you back on your entry for 10/9 yesterday and will write more again soon :)

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Answered :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
I also wrote you back on your entry prior to this one here..

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Commented as well - thank you!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
Re the mask, i would have worn it also. here in queens, we all wear our masks - food stores and everywhere indoors. it is ASSUMED to wear your mask. sorry that in your area of your hometown, it is not the majority's idea to wear a mask at the gym! i have to tell you, i was in another town on Long Island a couple weeks ago, in the nighttime, stopped at a supermarket - many not wearing masks. it def depends on the town/politics of the town, etc. it's unfortunate some people do not care about others enough to wear a mask.

idk, i don't call this at all a Disaster, Donk! i have taken a few weird classes out of my league too, but this strength class actually sounds quite intriguing. it's out of your comfort zone but seems to be a good class. so it was really different from what you are used to, but you made it thru! i can't say it was a disaster but a super success for you trying and staying. i think if you really hated it, you wouldn't have stayed? i wouldn't have stayed. it sounds ok. good mix of clients in there! nice job trying it. :) i know it can be really hard to try these things.

i once took a kickboxing class a few times, totally not my level or good with kicking a bag hard with my legs. totally not right for me. did it 2 times out of the 4pack? coudln't even finish!

i also did that weird tai chi in college...that class i couldn't figure out the moves or any of it for the life of me!

but you tried this; and now you can make a better judgement about it.

also, i have done a step or aerobics class, in college, i was nervous and felt out of place too...those are also hard-core classes in terms of cardio!

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
I live in a county of nutters, thinking they know more than doctors. I could go on, but I won't.

You're right - it's not a disaster if I tried it AND lasted through it. In that respect, this was actually a Donkey Success, even if it wasn't my cup of tea (as Maria put it).

Maria7 on 10/10/2021:
From a little different perspective, I am inclined to say that maybe this just isn't your 'cup of tea', so to speak. What works for one person doesn't always work for everyone. I think you do fantastic with your yoga and maybe you are more comfortable with that? I'd stick with what I felt comfortable with, myself, but like most are saying, if you go back and try the class again, it might be a little easier, since you would at least, know what to expect.

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
Yes, putting it that way is more of a "half full glass" approach. And actually, that describes what happened much better than the way I portrayed it. Fitness classes just really aren't my cup of tea.

Still, I think it was definitely an experience that I'm glad I tried. Otherwise, I would never know. AND I may just go back to it again, here and there, just to mix things up, or if I need a change. It also might be helpful if I am feeling isolated or lonely. Even if I speak to no one, and no one speaks to me, sometimes I just need to be in a group of people.

Donkey - Sunday Oct 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

 I met with the personal trainer yesterday.  It went well.  Rather than having 1 long free session, he advised that we split it up into 2 sessions, with yesterday being upper body and next week being lower body.  I see what he's doing there, getting potential clients to think, "Gee I like meeting with this guy on a regular basis" -- and you know what?  Yeah, I would like meeting with this guy on a regular basis, for new ideas, critique on form, and answers to questions.  So I was OK with that.

We worked upper body.  I explained that I do most of my working out at home, so he focused on showing me upper body exercises at the gym on a machine, and then the "at-home" adaptation.  I appreciate that approach, and I figured out all on my own, why it's much nicer to have the expensive cable machines at the gym, rather than resistance bands at home.  It's not good or bad to use the bands at home -- it's just a different feeling and approach.  That's good knowledge to have, because having access to a gym isn't always an option.

After our session, I didn't do any more, but went and sat in the steam room, before cleaning up.  I am feeling the workout in my triceps today.  My right shoulder is a little sore, but I think that's because I came home and scrubbed & steamed 2 big rugs in my house (with a hand-held nozzle).  Can't wait to see what the lower-body workout is like next week.

However, one thing did occur to me last night.  I was reflecting on my session and felt very comforted by the guidance.  Then I realized, though, that I am comforted by external validation that "everything is going to be all right".  Part of my problem with making changes is the self-doubt that I have that *I* will be OK, I will be able to handle the change, I will be able to make the changes I need and come out OK.  And meeting with the trainer kind of woke me up to realizing that here I am again, seeking validation from an outside source, and not from within myself.

No one can fix me.  Only I can fix me.  I am the only one who will take care of me, to make sure I am OK.  It has to come from me.

I plan to write more here, about my day today, later this morning or possibly early afternoon.  PLEASE SEE NEXT ENTRY.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/10/2021:
One thing about making a change is that if it turns out that we don't like the change...we can change it again and again until it does work for us. I also agonize over past mistakes......I wish I could turn that off......... so far like you..I still don't know how to fix myself.....but I keep hoping....I think my lack of self confidence is probably typical for many people.....and I do find people that are confident probably have more issues in their past than we have,......we tend to remember our mistakes......and while that will likely help stop us from making many of them again.....it does show that we learned from them.....but what would really work good for people like us is to also remember the good we have done......and I suspect that the good you have done far outweighs the mistakes.....we beat ourselves up for mess ups and don't take pride in our accomplishments...we brush those aside and go back to what we don't like about ourselves.......You are a great wife, mother, employee and friend and sometimes you just need to be reminded of that.....and remember that we all have a past...good and not so good.....that's human nature.......sometimes it just works to fake it till we make it......put on a smile and get at it......

Donkey on 10/10/2021:
See, this is the wise words I'd miss if you left DD forever.

You're absolutely right. I think you nailed it on the head about the lack of confidence.

Each mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow.

bearcountrygg on 10/10/2021:
It is nice to hear that you enjoyed your workout.....and since you are now feeling it.....it did work!!

Donkey on 10/10/2021:
Yes, I would agree - and I can't wait for the lower body workout, since I'm stronger in my legs.

Maria7 on 10/10/2021:
Sounds like you had a really good work out!

Donkey on 10/10/2021:
I enjoyed learning some new moves. However, I'm waiting on getting resistance bands for home. That might be a Santa thing, if you know what I mean.

PlayingQuietly on 10/10/2021:
I often silently say "thanks" as a form of validating/affirmation when I do well at something: exercise session, make a meal, make progress on a video game on my game console, finish a novel, crochet/knit an hour, tick off another box on my to-do-list, etc. Especially since I don't have much in person contact while pandemic is going on. (And honestly I don't know what it will take for me to be in public gatherings/shops ~ because so many aren't adequately vaccinated and frankly it scares me) Anyway the point is I'm finding ways to validate I'm okay too from the inside instead of from others.

Donkey on 10/10/2021:
Ooo, that's a good idea to try! I will try doing this! (The hard part, for me, will be remembering to do it.)

Horn_of_plenty on 10/10/2021:
I gotta say, nothing about you "needs fixing!" You are special as you are. of course we can gain knowledge and experience as well as better ways to act, react or adapt...but you are just right as you are this moment.

Donkey on 10/11/2021:
I just gotta believe this from the inside. It was shocking to me, how comforting I found the external validation to be, even if I'm not entirely 100% convinced the session was what I was needing or looking for either.

[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 Next Page ]