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Donkey - Tuesday Jun 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.5

Good morning!  I was able to resist diving into a jar of peanut butter last night.  I think some of this craving was caused by hormones.  Had some uterus discomfort yesterday.  Ahh, those hormones...

Woke up hungry.  My hunger did not wake me up, but once I was awake, I was hungry.  Rode my bike and did upper body weights first (with coffee)... Then a peanut butter wrap.  Thawed frozen fruit for morning snack. Off to a good start.  Husband says he plans to gril some meat tonight.

This morning was triceps and shoulders.  Tonight will be biceps, and maybe more shoulders.  I can use only lighter weights with the shoulder exercises, due to either arthritis or something that starts to hurt if I go heavier.   

Yesterday was a "calm" day at work.  I took my husband's advice, that if I ever catch up and have nothing to do, take that opportunity to step away from my desk - go for a short walk, even if it's down to the breakroom.  Go outside & sit or walk.  I had only 1 opportunity to do this, but I did it.  I will continue to do this, if I can remember to do it.

Mistakes Girl told me that she thought I should continue to do yoga, even if I don't "feel" like it because she knows how beneficial it is for me.  I really like this much slower paced Yin yoga, with a focus on functional strength. 

Progress as of today: 47 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/22/2021:
Good resist of the peanut butter.....hormones are a bummer...women go through so much with them...men would never understand. Good exercise and then the peanut butter this morning...GOOD JOB!!! I'm sure you were happy to have a calm day at work.....you need days like that... I agree with mistakes girl...your love of yoga means you need to do it...what eve the type.


Jacky82020 on 06/22/2021:
I was just thinking about PB! Saw recipe in Washington Post for some noodles topped with PB sauce. Notice they don’t state calories anymore in a lot of recipes, but this has to be high. PB and oil! Plus some spices that would have been ok

I woke up at 3, couldn’t get back to sleep & ate two 70 cal little bags of frozen M&Ms. Dang, they were so good! And right now I’m peddling as fast as my little legs will go.


horn_of_plenty on 06/23/2021:
hormones do drive me nutty some days. i'm glad it's not everyday for me !

last night at 9pm when i got home, i actually didn't have an appetite at all. but i prepared something to drink and some chocolates to eat...and those spiked my hunger. but after having them, and then a few sips of wine, i told myself it would be quite "dumb" to have a lot of food since i was just going to go to bed. luckily, i refrained from anything else and went to bed after that. i needed to settle down after the long day when i got home; couldn't just jump into bed. i think it's good i had the small snack as i did sleep thru the night afterwards...

This morning i was also a little hungier than usual but told myself to just get in the shower and leave when i could; so that i could get some walking in before work and it wouldn't be a total wash...i refrained from eating still, until i was at work, knowing i could enjoy breakfast once i was here as i am not rushed first thing or in general at this job right now...

your husband's advice is good, but i'm not sure i agree to use "free time" to get up and leave my desk. instead, i'd use it to research something or look online at somethign.

however, it is good i guess to stand up and walk, if you really do not do that all day....i'm not sure my feelings on any of this..

i wouldn't listen to mistakes girl. only you can judge what you want to do. i DOUBT mistakes girl would do things she doens't enjoy just bc they are good for her....yoga's an extra, not manatory, if oyu need time away you can take it (my opinion).



Donkey - Monday Jun 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.5

Good morning...  Well, it's a Monday. 

The weather has cooled down, after getting some awesome rain yesterday and last night, so I think we can turn off the AC and open up the windows.  Fresh air!

Had a good workout yesterday at the gym.  Found out that the upper body weight class I was looking to take is no longer offered on Thursday evenings.  I'm not sure if this is a summer change, or if it's permanent.  Still, I'm making progress on my own, and right now, I'm too busy/stressed with work, so I will look again in September, presuming that the market will slow dow a little. I would like to use more of my gym membership other than just on weekends.

I was within calories, and the macro percentages weren't bad.  Success.  But today is a new day.  I'm trying to hold off on eating until I get to work...

 In looking back, I'm glad that there was no legal clinic this month.  They are going to try to hold a clinic in July. (We'll see if that happens...)  I hope that I do not feel that clinic is an infringement on my free time.  

Well, we shall see what adventures await me at work this week...


EVENING EDIT:  I don't like the way eating went today, so tomorrow, I'm going to back to eating a little something at home, and then having a snack at around 10:30am at work.

Breakfast works out better if I have either 2 eggs or a peanut butter wrap at home, with fruit (for carbs) at work in the morning.  My afternoon snack needs to be something protein-packed like cottage cheese or plain Greek yogurt.  

Very grateful that Husband grilled chicken for dinner.  It fit in well, with tracking, to bring up the protein percentage of my daily calories.

Still.... I REALLY struggled tonight with wanting to eat everything in the house.  Gotta dig REALLY deep and stay true to my goal.

Progress as of today: 47 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/21/2021:
What is a legal clinic? Do you offer free advice?

Donkey on 06/21/2021:
It's a free service legal clinic, for low-income folks. It's through a Christian network of churches, but I don't belong to the church that hosts the clinic that I attend.

I found out recently that New Guy works at the legal clinic (in the same network) at HIS church. Small world!

Before COVID, we met once a month. With COVID, all of that stopped, and I found out that I'm actually OK with not volunteering. I don't give advice since I'm not an attorney, but I do set up and administrative stuff.

Donkey on 06/21/2021:
I've been volunteering at this clinic for over 10 years. I consider the other administrative ladies to be good friends. But like I said, I've been thinking that maybe it's time to move on, and find another civic opportunity to volunteer at, that would bring me more joy.


bearcountrygg on 06/21/2021:
That's a bummer about the weight class just when you were thinking of taking it. Good job with the cals and macros.....!

Donkey on 06/21/2021:
I'm hoping in the Fall, that it will come back. IDK, the REAL hurdle is going to the gym, at night, during the week. That's the real challenge.

If I didn't need sleep like I do, it would be great to go at 8pm.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/21/2021:
yes, it is certainly a MONDAY. lol, i did get a wakeup call from a nice older male coworker wonderfing where i am at!!!! at 7:30am! haha. (but i know he was given HOMEWORK,to give me work!)...so i gotta be happy i'm invovled in his workload enough to warrant a call even if it woke me up...i got just about enoough sleep anyways haha ;)

living in this apt, with blinds, i almost never need the AC. only when it's really hot out, like 85, do i need to think about putting on the AC because as long as most of my blinds are drawn, the sun has almost no effect. OH, if i'm exercising, i may use the AC during that time, yes. In an apt with few rooms, it's so different than paying for AC for a whole house. my AC is also included,so no effect, but i try not to use it. don't need to to sleep yet. prob will hardly need it all summer to sleep! bc bedroom is on the other cooler side of my apt. less sun in afternoon.

yeah, it can be hard with work and other engagements to make too many changes or plans for fitness outings or classes, etc. i got you there. but i know you enjoy your classes, so when time is there for you, see hwat you can do..

nice plan to hold off eating until you get to work. do not feel bad about eating at your desk, i'm sure others do it, too.

you can do it :)

hope to hear more from you soon.

seems i have a union meeting to attend, they just started those again, in August i believe? it's during the week, after work...i'll see how i have to mesh it into my schedule...similar to your legal clinic but yours is a full day obligation.

Donkey on 06/21/2021:
Oh my goodness, I cannot imagine having to fit in a union meeting on top of everything else you do. I guess it just requires good planning ahead, right?

My legal clinic is usually half a day (not a full day, thank goodness). So then I leave feeling like I only got 1.5 days for the weekend, even though what I do at the clinic is different and not nearly as intense as what I do at work.

Today's eating did not go as well as I had hoped, which is why I logged in this evening. Started with replying to comments first.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/21/2021:
I actually just learned i have a union meeting in person (prob masks required bc the union is very sensitive to people not getting sick even though NYS restrictions are over)!

anyways, back to you...

nice job sticking to your guns and having a better dinner so it fits into your day. ugh, that's what i had to do too. but honestly, it feels good when we do make it work and the day is not a total waste / loss. it's efforts until the next day, which is a fresh start again. that's the better thing about not having too many tallies and going each day by itself fresh.

if you remember, i used to do tallies, to see how long i could last at things: keto, low cal, exercise, etc. and the tallies couldn't go on forever. and many times, at leats at the beginning, i'd really go off the deep end after the tallies would end. i do better day to day..."one day at a time."

soo, overall, nice job today!

Donkey on 06/22/2021:
Thank you! I originally thought that we would be getting take-out sandwiches from the deli, so I was prepared for my approach to dinner. But the grilled chicken with salad was a much better option.

Yes, I do remember your tallies! And I admire tallies, but I don't seem to do well with them myself, for some reason. I too am finding the "one day at a time" concept to be more workable for me, at least for where I'm at right now.

I suppose that could change, right? Tallies have their time and place, and can be very helpful tools, too.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/21/2021:
i mean union meeting in person TOMORROW after work. good thing i set out to drive; and just that i had today off!

Donkey on 06/22/2021:
AGREE, AGREE, AGREE!!!



Donkey - Sunday Jun 20, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.5

Good morning!  I woke up this morning and could not remember if it was a weekend or a work morning, LOL.  I honestly thought it was a workday at first thought.

I did not plant sunflowers yesterday, so I may do it this morning.  Rain is expected this afternoon, so if I am going to do it, it needs to be in the morning, while I have the motivation and energy to do so.  I've got 2 loads of laundry drying outside, and I am baking gluten free blueberry muffins for Husband.  I *NEVER* turn on the oven while the AC is on, but since today is Father's Day, and we're not doing anything else "special", muffins it is.  He loves them, and it will be a nice treat for him.  And the temperatures right now are low enough outside that the AC unit isn't turning on (much).  The Daughter has to work today, so nothing else planned for Father's Day... *sigh*

Yesterday, my "goal date" changed to July 26th - LOL!  I'm not going to give up trying to figure it out, but I just had to laugh when Lose It told me that.  My fat % intake was a little lower (40%) yesterday, so maybe that's it.  That's probably it.

Yesterday, I had a good workout at the gym, working on chest and back.  20 minutes on the elliptical helped work out the soreness in my quads from Thursday. 

I'm thinking of skipping yoga tomorrow night, but I need to check with my daughter regarding her schedule before I reach out to the teacher to cancel.

My husband takes his medicine today, for his AS (arthritis), and it usually knocks him out for a nap in the afternoon.  So I'm planning on having a wonderful, nice quiet day, with a trip to the gym.

 

Progress as of today: 47 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/20/2021:
Happy fathers day to your Hubby!...It's a quiet one here today too. I'm baking cookies for the same reason you are baking muffins...LOL...they need to feel a little special today! I'm sure you were happy when you figured out that it wasn't Monday!

Donkey on 06/21/2021:
Oh yes, I was happy and relieved that it was Sunday. I'm learning to love Sundays, rather than to have it filled with anxieties of Monday.



Donkey - Saturday Jun 19, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.5

 Good morning!  Oh how nice it is to be home -- I love being home.

Glad to see the scale crawling towards goal.  I know that I will have to crawl and fight for every loss moving forward, until I reach goal.  I'll tell you a secret:  I think I'd be perfectly content being at 137.0.


The Lose It app keeps pushing my "reach goal" date out.  Every day I log in seems to add another day to goal.  Now it's August 6th.  Why is this happening to me?  I'm within calorie range.  So all I can think of is that it's because I'm not reaching the macros percentages correctly.  Is that it?  Well, I'm not going to focus too much on that, but it's kind of frustrating and puzzling.  

I really think that it's the heavy whipping cream that is skewing the macros (too much fat), but it holds my appetite in check.  I might try doing a day where I open a protein shake single-serve carton (thank you, Jacky), and use that throughout the day as my coffee creamer, to see if that works.  I know that would be hard and not as satisfying.  I think it's worth trying.  So I'm saving that in my back pocket.  I think that will be good to try if my weight-loss stalls.

Also, Horn had a good observation that, in the morning on a work day, eating at home still means that I'd have to eat at work (in the morning). I realized yesterday that I work best, at work, if I have carbs at around 10:30am -- usually it's fruit -- regardless of what I have to eat at home (around 7:30a).  At home, I can just hang in there and have lunch at around 11:30a or noon.  

My legs are still sore from Thursday's leg workout.  If doing lunges at home, with no weights other than body weight, has caused this soreness, what the heck have the weight machines at the gym been doing for the past few months???  Going up and down stairs is the most painful, but it's better than it was yesterday.  Sunday is leg weights at the gym, so let's see how that goes.  


I'm going to plant sunflower seeds today.  I got these small pots for free (like you would see at a garden center or nursery) and Husband was kind enough to purchase garden and potting soil.  It's a little late in the season to plant, but I know that my bird and squirrel friends love to eat the seeds once the flowers have bloomed. It's worth a try, to me, to plant more. The challenge is that I'm not using very good seeds, but it's the endeavor that counts, for me.  It's good therapy.

Progress as of today: 47 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/19/2021:
I'm also enjoying planting things this year and I feel the same...it's just fun to do...if it doesn't work out then I still enjoyed it...just watching things grow is therapeutic.......


Horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2021:
wow look how well you are doing! you have lost almost 5 pounds total since last month. whatever you on doing, it's working for you really, really well!

No matter what the Lose It App is doing, pushing your weight out, you have lost an incredible amount as of late, like i said above. seems the app is good for you.

with the heavy whipping cream, it might be skewing your goal. why don't you have some of your coffees with it and the others with milk? or do heavy whipping cream on some days only?

and yes, the eating in the morning before work has always been wasted calories for me...although sometimes it is hard to change that since our bodies get used to eating at homme...even now that i know the drive better, i've started to be able to just eat at work, since the drive in the morning is only just over a half hour - if i leave early enough...(public trans is 1.5 hours, but, i can wait it out (eating) since it is so early in the AM).

i am a bit roughened up too today since yesterday's commute. will take off from exercises....usually i do not like this, but this year i have felt the need (since returning to work) for more rest days than usual.

sunflowers are pretty...fingers crossed they will bloom!


Horn_of_plenty on 06/20/2021:
Happy Father's Day to your Hubs.



Donkey - Friday Jun 18, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Went to bed last night too late.  Slept well, except for being woken up by loud thunder at around 3:45a (?).  Thank goodness for the rain. 

Forced myself out of bed on time at 5:15am and had lots of time this morning.  I haven't eaten yet, because I'm not sure what I want, and I'm not even sure I'm hungry quite yet.  I hate eating breakfast at work, but it may need to work that way today. 

My app pushed out my "goal date" now to August 5th.  I wonder if this is because I'm still getting too much fat in my diet.  I'm too low in fat for keto, but too high for becoming lean.  Still, this tool has been incredibly helpful (keeping me away from the food fits) and insightful

Nice Lady is starting to notice the Boss' forgetfulness and mistakes now too, and says she's concerned.  The gal that the Boss wants to hire for part-time help isn't calling us back.  I suggested to him that if she does not connect with him today, that he needs to move on to another candidate.  

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/18/2021:
It sounds like your boss is either dealing with age related forgetfulness or he is just uninterested in the business now....either way.....his actions/inactions will hurt the morale there and turn clients away........

Donkey on 06/19/2021:
It sometimes comes across as being disinterested, but I think it's really more of an age-related forgetfulness. It seems that it has come on so recently and more noticeable that it concerns me greatly. :-(


Jacky82020 on 06/18/2021:
Never can eat when I get up. Used to take protein bars to work and eat around 10AM or so.

Donkey on 06/19/2021:
When I first reached my goal weight (135) at this job, I would do the same thing. However, this time, I'm finding this to be difficult to do, for various reasons: physical hunger, work stress.

I always have to have my coffee in the morning, like almost first thing.


bearcountrygg on 06/18/2021:
I hardly ever eat when i get up either...usually at least 2 hours and sometimes as many as 4.

Donkey on 06/19/2021:
I have coffee (with 2 teaspoons of heavy whipping cream) first thing in the morning, and while I ride my bike (and a.m. weights). After my bike ride (70-80 minutes), I usually feel hungry.

Delaying eating, for me, for 4 hours is difficult. 2 hours is doable.... as long as there's coffee ;-)


Jacky82020 on 06/18/2021:
But I do like coffee early with a dash of chocolate protein drink. And sometimes sugar free caramel syrup.

Donkey on 06/19/2021:
It would do me good to switch from the heavy whipping cream to protein shake (for coffee creamer). I know this, but doing this is a completely different matter. Damn that keto for getting me hooked on heavy whipping cream.


horn_of_plenty on 06/18/2021:
i prefer to eat at work because eating at home means i'll just have to eat at work, too, because my appetite is high in mornings compared to after lunch, when i do better. i am less hungry in the afternoon hours, prob bc of more volume in my lunches, definitely, in comparison to breakfast...

i would hope the boss or you or someone could post the job on linked in...you'll get tons of candidates...it would be easy to find someone...but someone will have to do the work of posting the job...or, i am sure it would also be easy to see "who knows someone that needs a job." i wonder how your boss even found this candidate? hmmmm...should be an easy position to fill as people need jobs out there...the job market is flooded with applicants...

i'd definitely keep on with calories rather than keto or not-keto, but that is my preference and may not be a helpful comment to you...it's my opinion that calories are king.

Donkey on 06/19/2021:
I will write more on what you touched on in my own entry today (Saturday), but I love what you wrote: "Eating at home means I'll just have to eat at work, too" <<< YES

I'm not focusing on keto or non-keto - really trying to get a nice balance of nutrients and variety of foods. I just happened to notice that the percentages seem to be leaning more towards keto. I cannot do keto -- I love fruit WAY too much.


Jacky82020 on 06/19/2021:
Donkey, not that many calories in a few squirts of canned whipped cream



Donkey - Thursday Jun 17, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Whoa, I did not do many leg weights this morning, but I am really feeling it.  Makes me wonder what I'll feel like after sitting at a desk all day *sigh*. 

Staying on track with macros and calories.  Oh my but yesterday was tough.  Husband made himself a dish of ice cream.  I have frozen banana slices that I could have eaten but I was done logging food for the day and didn't have much wiggle room left. 

Thing is, with the Lose It app, last week I was told that I could reach my goal weight by July 29th.  Then, as the week progressed, it kept moving to later:  July 29th, July 31... last night it was August 3rd.  Now how discouraging is that?  Especially since I've been slightly under calories for all but 1 day (where I went 28 calories above, about 2 weeks ago) and hit the macros pretty well.  Anyway, I'm looking at the Big Picture and telling myself that if I stay on track, dedicated and disciplined, I should be able to reach my goal by the end of July --- just in time for birthday cake!!!!

Thank goodness it's Thursday.  All day yesterday, it kept feeling like a Thursday, only to be hit with the reality that it wasn't. 

One thing I realized about work and the hiring of a new person:  I was getting discouraged because the Boss wants to hire someone young, doesn't want any one who is "old" (30's) and has habits and ideas that might challenge the way we do things.  Well, guess what?  I don't want to work for someone who is old, who makes such glaring and embarrassing mistakes.  I was venting to Male Co-Worker last night (dangerous to do, I know, because he's a back-stabber), and he said it's the "New Normal".  Yes, it makes more work for us, to backtrack and correct the Boss' mistakes, but that's where we are right now.   

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/17/2021:
Your app sound interesting......like my shapa......it just keeps encouraging.....( I'm still green)...looks like we maintain just fine...LOL

Donkey on 06/18/2021:
LOL! Now my "meet my goal" date has been pushed out to August 5th. But my body is stubborn, and it's gonna do what it wants to do.


Jacky82020 on 06/17/2021:
Your boss sounds like a jerk!

Donkey on 06/18/2021:
Thank you. I appreciate the reality check. Because even though he comes across as a "nice guy" and kind-hearted, on a fundamental boss level, yes, he's kind of a jerk. It's hard to be a boss, especially when one has no human resources skills whatsoever.


horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
TOTALLY get you on not wanting that longer commute. sometimes less pay is worth it. though i'm not sure you are being compensated fairly based on what you've told me previously.

in terms of your morning legs workout, i always find morning workouts more challenging. maybe your legs just feel like that bc you aren't used to morning leg workouts?

nice job with yesterday and not doing the temptation. i also still have days like this...especially during the week where i'm up many hours...where i have to resort to eating something that will fall into calories left or just not eat again before bed because calories are up...i think this happened on the weekend for me, last weekend. i feel you. happens to me as well.

may write more later on other parts of your entry...

Donkey on 06/18/2021:
Thank you - resisting the temptations is HARD for me.


horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
I feel that 30's is better than 20's...because a 30's person has work experience.

however, i do feel that it doesn't matter the age, as long as the person has the right mentality for the job. you are right, age shouldn't matter, it's the aptitude.

Donkey on 06/18/2021:
100% -- I realized just now that my boss is operating on an outdated mode of thinking and personal biases.



Donkey - Wednesday Jun 16, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

I am in a very odd spot right now.  Trying to get things sorted out.  

Tracking macros and calories is going well, I think, but I'm wondering if the slight decrease in calories is contributing to my moods.

Also, I've stopped taking melatonin to help me fall asleep.  Ran out and haven't bought more.  So my sleep IS different.  Ironically, Fitbit says that my sleep scores are GREAT.  It's not feeling GREAT though.  Let's see how the rest of the week goes.  I might buckle and buy some over the weekend, if I feel it would help.

I had awesome arms weight training, both morning and evening. 

So why don't I feel better?  Why don't I feel anything?  I feel numb and tired.


Did I mention that we're hiring someone at work, part-time, to help with "clerical" duties.  I was told this person would not be involved with files, but what we really need help with is opening new files.  That is SO time consuming. 

I have a lot of mixed feelings about a new person coming in.  Not the actual person, but what I'm observing:  Boss wants to hire someone young that will take the crap that he dishes out without pushing back.  So this makes me wonder if I'm too old to be working for him any more.  Because I do push back.  Male Co-Worker pushes back too.  Mistakes Girl is starting to push back, but only because she has reached her limit. 

I got a raise yesterday - a dollar an hour more - and felt no joy about it.  I think I got the raise because I was talking about going over to Wal-Mart to work, LOL.  

IDK like I said, I'm trying to sort things out.  I think Bear hit it on the head about needing to take a break.  At work, Mistakes Girl said that I probably need a break (when I told her I was struggling with anxiety -- didn't mention anything about depression).  

Do I need a dieting and exercising break???

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/16/2021:
A few days to unwind sound like a good idea...not sure how that could or would happen but you may just need a break.

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
You're right, not sure how that would happen. In July, Mistakes Girl is taking a week off, and that's gonna be rough - really rough, especially with the burn-out that I'm already feeling.


bearcountrygg on 06/16/2021:
Dieting and exercising schedules are a lot in themselves...along with a job and other responsibility's take a toll on the body.....I've done it...( it was years ago)and I have to say...it was a huge stress...and probably unnecessary......but something I felt compelled to do......filling every day to the brim is really hard to maintain long term. And I know that I imposed that on myself.....I will say that I was too busy...but not too happy.....I was crazy enough to have 2 teenagers, 4 foster kids between infancy and 4...and I actually started a childrens clothing business at the same time...took photos, had catalogs printed....ordered shipments...and was hauling all the little ones around with me to okay things......i look back on that now and feel like i was trying to prove a point...I wanted to do everything and was going to prove that I could...I wanted to have it all ( not money...but something else)...I had to prove to myself I could...well okay....I proved it.....but it didn't make me happy.....so there really wasn't a point to it....other than exhaustion....

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
Now that's a good point - If you're not happy, what's the point of the effort?

Hmm... Well, for now, at least, I'm hoping that I would be able to maintain at around 135. That is to say, once I reach 135 (goal), I could increase my intake a little bit to maintain, and operate at more optimal nutritional levels.


horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
regarding the first part of your entry, it sounds like you are impatient/wanting more of "instant results"...it takes time...it sounds like you are antsy and want something quicker. regarding melatonin, if it helps you, buy it...i wouldn't even question something that helps.

i'm glad someone new is coming. honestly, i think their progress is much affected by the training they receive at the beginning...i hope you will teach them. i would teach slowly and in detail. make sure they take notes on a notepad.

congrats on your raise. i think you may be underpaid. i see your work as much more valuable where you are than at walmart. maybe look for a better opportunity in the field you are in. when you have experience, you can get a lot of money as a paralegal...unless your area in chicago is cheaper living and low salaries, though, i would doubt that as you live right by Chicago which is a busy city and i'd think competitive salaries...????

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
I could make more money if I worked closer to the city. The thing is, I do not want the commute. I'm not doing that again.

Am I impatient? It would not be honest to say that I'm not; it's my personality. And who wouldn't want "instant results" (lol)? I'm at the point where the water weight is gone, and now I've got to dig deep to stay on track, if I want to reach this goal.



Donkey - Tuesday Jun 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

It felt last night that the anxiety dissolved into depression last night, and this morning, I feel more myself.  I don't see any correlation between any of these emotions to events or specific triggers.  I'm not sure it matters, other than to feel positive in the moment.

I boiled eggs this morning, so my morning will be protein-packed.  I had a great bike ride and did arm weights this morning.  I'm hoping to do more arms (biceps, triceps, and shoulders) this evening.  

Yoga last night was good.  I'm glad that she didn't do the same routine as last week.  She said she would, and then went off track.  I think that's one of the problems with the Zoom classes is that she's repetative with the poses that she does, but there are also positives to working with her.   I may take a short break after my 10-punch ticket is up.  OR the problem may be that I just need a change in teachers, not necessarily to stop yoga altogether.

I went into the session feeling depressed and came out of it feeling more positive and relaxed.  It's cheaper than therapy.

(I will respond to comments on yesterday's entry tomorrow, as I am short on time this morning already... Yikes!)

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/15/2021:
I sometimes get depressed for no apparent reason. Think it’s biochemical.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
YES - I must always keep this in mind, that it may be hormonal or biochemical. I wonder if, with the decrease in calories (from tracking), if that's contributing to my mood too. YES.


bearcountrygg on 06/15/2021:
Agreed...sometimes a mood comes over me out of the blue too....and then disappears just as fast...no idea why.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I think Jacky had a good point about some of it being physical in nature - hormones, maybe decrease in calories, carbs? I thought of you last night, how you've said carbs are happy food and you like to be happy. Very true, but for where I'm at right now, I opted to go to bed instead. I'd like to reach my goal weight first.

However, a prolonged depression is not worth it, so I will keep an eye on this, and continue to monitor my mood.


horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
I'm glad you are beginning to feel back to yourself. also, i LOVE hearing you are prepared with eggs. regarding eggs,sometimes you'll just need a break anyways.!!!

breaks are good with routines. like taking a break after your classes are up.

like bear said the other day, the break gives you just enough time to miss it and come back to it!

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
YES, I think you're right -- Bear's comment was like mind-changing -- distance makes the heart grow fonder.

In fact, Mistakes Girl pointed out that it's been a while since I've had real time off, and that might be what I need. Time off from work, time off from yoga --- just time off.


horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
yes, exercise is good for the soul.

today with the public trans, the busses and trains espcially are PACKED in the AM you wouldn't believe it. it's a time construction workers on packing the trains and also in general people are just not all sleeping even normal hours it seems here in NYC...so my point - i felt tired from the commute but also invigorated from the walk from the train to work (gotta figure it out better as it's not a straight line - the last part!)...but it was good to move around, is my point. way better than getting out of a car just to sit at work. it was worth it....now i just need to get used to getting up...

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Wow, packed??? Who would have thought? But it makes sense, I suppose. There are a lot of people out there who start their days very early.


horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
i get in depressive moods, but mostly from less self-care and sleep.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Yes, very true -- I think both of these could be affecting my mood, especially the sleep part. I'll write more about this.


horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
yes, i'm still thinking of the Master's but it's on the backburner. i have to speak on the phone to someone or apply - never applied to the two offerings...to see if i need any pre-reqs.

i am not focused on it now, but i want to do it or at least do the smaller 3-course certificate. only applied to the other MBA-type cert program - didn't yet apply to any MPA...but it's a lot of money and i have enough to think about...i will work on it when i'm off a day or something...not priority.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
OK - was just checking in with that. It's a huge investment in time and money, so it's good to be thinking of all options.


horn_of_plenty on 06/16/2021:
sometimes here i feel like i'm having a private conversation with you...like my journal entries are specific for your info HAHA

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Me too! :-)



Donkey - Monday Jun 14, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Just trying to brace myself for a new work week.  It seems as though some of the staff may have seen "In the Heights" movie over the weekend (not together), so I am already preparing myself for the chatter over that.  I never realized how irritating I find small talk.  However, I'm grateful that I work in a law firm with an inviting atmosphere I guess, rather than one that is cold and quiet.

I did not prepare hard boiled eggs this morning for breakfast, so it will be a struggle to get enough protein in today.  Failure to plan is planning to fail, that's for sure. 

Yoga tonight -- I keep forgetting this.  Last night I had the sudden thought that I think I'm done with yoga.  WHAT????  Now, if you know me, you know that it usually takes at least 6 months from when I have a thought to actually following through with such thoughts.  Had COVID not hit, I probably would have quit legal clinic a long time ago.  Logically speaking, I believe that I should KEEP the yoga - it is beneficial to me, because it takes me places I don't normally go (stretching, relaxing, meditating, etc.).  Maybe what I'm trying to say is that I'm longing to be back in a studio.  I wish the studio near me hadn't closed down.

Speaking of which, last month I was told that we'd be starting up legal clinic again this month, but I just logged into the calendar, and it says we're still closed, no appointments available.  Oh well, fine by me!


Well, I'd better get ready for work and do just the best that I can do.  I can feel, with the anxiety, that it will be harder to achieve a positive attitude.  I use my cynicism as a defence mechanism.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/14/2021:
In agreement...I find idle chatter irritating...but 1 good thing....if you haven't seen it...it will be a good reason to stay out of the conversation ...which might just be nice. Was that your subconscious speaking about the yoga???? I love it when the mind goes into free form mode and reveals things......I agree...you probably miss the studio atmosphere.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Yes, I think it was my subconscious speaking about yoga, but I think it was an impulsive thought, too.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
the type of tracking you do is almost like accounting / statistics (well, it is!). very nice. was that something the boss had asked you to do in the past or you chose to? also, that's a great "monthly" preoccupation and repetitive task which sounds right up my alley! ha!

well, in terms of walk-ins to your work, thankfully you got your shot. at least you have some kind of defense to the virus. thankfully.

it is true that plannign helps. even though i like to plan, i do not always follow-thru with everything and there's a TON more people much more type A than me....who have crazy diets / crazy workouts / don't sleep as much. oh! anyways, i find myself in the boat with you on failing to plan is planning to fail in terms of my commuting and actually doing any cardio at all. working on a better plan :)

well, are there any other nearby studios for yoga?

you can do this, don't talk yourself up for a failure "negative" day because that's what you think it will be.

i wish you could work with my peoples. they are OK. but i have some other things to share with you in a private place.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
The lady who had my job before me tracked statistics, so I just kept it up. I honestly don't know how long he's been keeping track of stats or the history of it.

There are other studios around me, but most of them have odd methods of payment/class participation. There are 2 near work, and 1 relatively close to home (near my old gym, many years ago). This is what my short-search has brought up. There may be more farther away.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
let me wait till i'm ready for that last part, you don't need to remind me. just need to wind down when i'm ready to write it; if it's still on my mind.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I've been really struggling with my thoughts about the people I work with -- not so much the individual people or personalities, but rather, working with old people, working with new people, being open to new ideas, seeing things that "aren't working" and yet feeling powerless to change that.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
not sure if you knew this: in accounting / business, there's a regular closing of temporary accounts. they get dialed back to "$0" in all the temp files and anything that was in them goes into permanent files. therefore, some of things accountants (or similar occupations) are a regular, and many times monthly, repetitiion of ending of the accounting cycle, tallying thins, balancing files, CLOSING, and then starting fresh every accounting period (many times monthly). so, what you are doing, has some similiarties to accounting, surely, and i'd bet statistics. i didn't take that, so it's a good presumption! ha! it is, afterall, stats you are doing. ha.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I would agree with that assessment. I realize that there are limits to the stats I keep, the way I do them. That is to say, I could go deeper into the stats keeping, subcategories and such, but then the process would become much more work. I'm not sure the Boss wants that extra data for his purposes.



Donkey - Sunday Jun 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

 Remembered to weigh in this morning, but forgot to set up the coffee pot and run the dishwasher last night.  So after going to the bathroom, I came downstairs, started the coffee, ran the dishwasher, and then went upstairs to weigh in, get dressed, etc.  The next week will be harder, now that the weight loss is slowing down, and as I get closer to goal.  I remain firm in my dedication, but I can see how discouraging it might become if the numbers don't keep going down.  


The gym was pleasant yesterday, but they have taken away all of the COVID precautions except for leaving the extra cleaning stations around.  I thought hard about whether or not I was going to wear a mask.  In the parking lot, I decided that I do believe in the efficacy of the vaccine, and so I did not wear a mask.  I did take care to social distance and wipe down EVERYTHING I would touch (before and after usage).  There was only 1 person wearing a mask, and that was the front desk person as I was leaving the gym (after the shift change).  So we'll see...  I am mentally prepared to resume more COVID precautions going into the winter months, but maybe we won't need them.

At work, our COVID precautions have been removed, and we are now accepting walk-ins again.  I'm not thrilled about it - I hate walk-ins - but I was already mentally prepared for this change.  The locked front door was never meant to be a permanent thing, and I always knew that.  The Boss started to console me about the change, but I told him that, ironically enough, I was anticipating this change several days before it happened, so I was OK with it.  


Husband came home last night, and I'm glad he made it back.  I'm also very glad I did not go.  It was very hot downstate - about 10 degrees hotter than it is up here, and that's really bad - and there was family drama, bad storms on the way home (which would have been very hard on my PTSD).  Yep dodged a bullet there.  I was very relieved that Husband was able to make the trip alone, although he did run into a little minor difficulties due to his disabilities. 

He told me last night that he doesn't do so well without me (physically speaking), and this morning, I told him that I don't do so well without him (emotionally).  I discovered that when he's not around, I really like to just do things alone, but the problem with that is that it gets lonely. Also, last night and then again this morning, I started experiencing some anxiety that has been very difficult to manage.  

I think last night, it was kind of a release of what I had been holding in, and the anxiety just started to pour out.  I couldn't fall asleep, I just felt it bubble up and overflow.  I started tearing (not sobbing, not really crying, but just tearing).  It's been a while since I've had such a strong anxiety experience.  I hope that this feeling dissapates soon. It's not feeling nearly as strong as it was last night.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/13/2021:
I know exactly what you mean.......There are times when i need the alone time and then after that for awhile...i start hoping he gets home soon and relieved when he arrives......I just had this same conversation with a friend the other day........and I'm reminded of a favorite saying..."How can I miss you if you don't go away!!!!" There is so much truth in that......I guess it is a good thing that we have times apart for a bit...it does make us appreciate each other more.

Donkey on 06/14/2021:
Very true - I hadn't considered it from this perspective.



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