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Donkey - Saturday Nov 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Good morning!  A slow start this morning. I slept in until almost 6:30am, even though I went to bed around 9:30pm.  I felt that I just needed it.

I was pleased & relieved to see that the number on the scale was heading back down.  I needed a sign that I hadn't let things get out of control.  As I mentioned to Coffee, I'm really looking for a weight range of 127-133.  Oh my, seeing that written down, really looking at it, seems a bit daunting.  That is losing 3-6 pounds.  Not easy to do as we head into the holidays and the darker, colder months.  It definitely has its challenges, but like Horn, I love a challenge, and I think I'm up for it. 

I have 2 loads of laundry in process.  I am planning to go to the gym today.  If I read today & tonight, I should be able to finish my 1st library book tomorrow.  I would really like to do this.  I should shampoo a few of the stairs in the house soon.  It's a bit taxing on the shoulders, but it's actually a relaxing, satisfying thing to do.  Something about watching the dirty water being sucked out of the carpet has a meditative feeling to it, lol.

Other than that, not too much planned for today.  I need to get my day started.  


I didn't mention this earlier but I have been struggling with sadness and anxiety today.  A LOT. 

This morning, it was anxiety starting to creep up, which I am sure that was related to knowing that my time off is coming to an end.  I started feeling paralyzed and couldn't get my day started because doing so would bring Monday all the more closer.  (A warped perception because Monday will be here, when it's here, whether I started my day or not!)

Went to the gym, and that helped a lot with dissapating the anxiety.  I haven't mentioned it here, but it continues to bother me about that whole personal trainer fiasco.  Wow, I never would have signed up for a "free session" if I knew how it was going to turn out as it did, and linger on and on and on....

It really bothers me to see him - I'm not sure why exactly, I mean, I did what I was supposed to do - and the problem is that he's at the gym pretty much all morning and early afternoon on Saturdays.  Bleah. 

So yes, he was there this afternoon, and he was training this woman who I have seen him train with before (before I trained with him).  Initially, a while back, when I saw these 2, I thought, "Wow, that trainer is tough; he's really working that lady hard!  I want that."  But today, when I saw them, I thought, "Wow, she looks so miserable working out.  At least I'm smiling, even if it's behind this mask."  LOL!

I don't feel so bothered any more.  And I don't feel so anxious any more either.  But I do feel waves of sadness.  Maybe it's delayed hormones from TOM?  Usually that happens right before TOM starts, not as it comes to an end.  I'll ride it out because if it IS hormones, it will pass.  And if it ISN'T hormones, it will still pass.  

I'm looking forward to cleaning the stairs - with a feeling of accomplishment - and then relaxing with reading my book, maybe watching a little fun TV.  

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/13/2021:
I also think a weight range makes a lot of sense... and today is laundry day here too.

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
I think a 6 pound range - with 3 pounds either direction - is OK. Not too narrow, but also not too generous. At my height, there is a significant difference between 145 and 135. I know this because my pants tell me so. (oof!)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2021:
I also think of my weight as having a range. i do not weigh often; just when i feel it's either lower or higher. I do not have much reason to think it is lately, as my calories/diet hasn't changed much overall. i thnk i also don't weigh much bc i'm deep into maintenance...you are doing great, and i'm SO GLAD there's no talk of you giving up. no reason to, you can do this and you DO a great job with challenges. like when you lose all the weight in like 2 months...just recently i'm talking about. you've got this. you are a very strong person (character!), trust me - i know!

it's ok to feel the sadness and anxiety re going back to work. i CAN relate. when i was teaching, my FIRST year, after Christmas break, a week off teaching (for the first time), i couldn't do anything that Sunday at the end of the week off before giong back to work Monday. i couldn't think at all or do any work. I remember i think i had planned to, but couldn't..same kinda scenario as yours. i know what it's like good and well. try to breathe thru this - you said it best - no matter what, however you use today, you will be at work Monday. That kina of thinking that you implemented by writing that is something that helps me LOTS now.

Also, it could be your body just wanting to relax rather than do nothing due to anxiety. that is what i did yesterday, it actually stretched my day, by relaxing and then finally wanting to be productive cooking. like you say, it's a delicate balance..

of course it would bother you to see the trainer (you were supposed to have one more session with him?) if that's the case, don't feel bad about speaking up and planning it - unless you want to just let it go?

also, people like me and you don't really need trainers at the gym (in my opinion) if we are looking to maintain muscle/build but just for ourselves...if we know the basics, that's enough. we can do research and look up on youtube and online new videos and info on new exercises to expand our repertoire. i had around a year of personal training when i began (i think i was 23yo, working as a teacher in my first big paying gig and it gave me a great understanding of the basics. very helpful. if oyu do not have the basics, you could always do a couple months with a trainer...maybe this one is the wrong one. however, it's up to you. once you have the basics, that'll all you need...and then you can go to the gym and do your exercises when YOU want to and not work into a trainer's schedule. i'm glad you are smiling underneath your mask while working out!

it's def an accomplishment to clean the stairs. i'm sure they stay that way for awhile, but then again you have cats....so who knows! :)

i'll be doing my workouts this AM, before the day starts with family and errands!

Donkey on 11/14/2021:
I really want to do more with the weight training. I'm not sure how to formulate that into a goal, other than to continue to do it regularly.

I want to do more with yoga, but I don't. I would much rather practice it at a studio dedicated to yoga, rather than the gym, but that costs money and takes time.

To see the results I want, though, I probably need to focus mostly on nutrition, more than anything else. This is boring, though. LOL. It's boring because it's inaction and not action.

Donkey on 11/14/2021:
Saturday afternoon I got myself into a better mindset about going back to work, and I feel that I am ready to do so tomorrow.

The personal trainer thing feels uncomfortable because it feels unfinished. It IS finished though. I know I would not want to work with him, and like you mentioned above, at this time, I don't really NEED TO work with him or any other trainer, at this time.

Once I figure out what I want to do next, THEN I will be able to make a better decision for myself. Thank you for saying what you said about this. It has helped me reset my perspective properly.

Donkey - Friday Nov 12, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Not much soreness - at all - this morning, from yesterday's barbell class.  Enjoyed yoga immensely last night.  The teacher asked me what I wanted to work on, and I said neck and shoulders, and she counter-offered with 2 new hip exercises she wanted to show me.  So I said, Sure! (because I can always use a good stretch in my hips), and so the session turned out to be more of a full-body stretch, which was really what I needed, after all!

I confess that last night, after dinner, I had a title company cookie.  Those things have to go.  The 2 or 3 that are left are not the better flavors.  Plus, tomorrow is weigh-in, so I think I can hold off eating one today/tonight.  After I finished the cookie, I immediately thought I had "blown it", but then I realized, it was just one cookie, and I didn't have to "blow it" by finishing up the cookies or eating anything else.   So I was done eating for the day, satisfied, and still on track (for the most part).  200 additional calories is a lot better than 600-800 additional calories.

After the gym yesterday morning, the rest of the day was kind of relaxing and quiet. Read my book, took a short nap, watched CSI with my Husband (now "our show"), rode my bike a little, had yoga.

In about 15 mintues I will be sitting in on the VA Move class today, with Husband.  This will probably be the only class I can attend with him, as an observer.  We're learning about tracking food today.  He has stalled on his weight loss for about a week, maybe 2.  This is because he's been eating more.  The reasons why he's been eating more are varied and complicated.  I get it.  It's hard.  All of it is hard.  Some days we win, some days we lose.  And some days, it's a draw.

I do hope to get to the gym today, but we also want to go to the range to shoot.  (This is going to be our "date" thing to do.)  I also hope to read more of my (1st) library book.  Oh, and I have a new episode of Great British Baking Show to watch on TV tonight.  Yay! (lol)

I don't know what the Boss is talking about.  I could get used to this retirement thing.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/12/2021:
Often I like that bit of soreness from working out. But getting too much in my upper back from changing water in the big tank.

Sounds like a terrific yoga class! Yay!

Don’t frets over one lousy cookie! I’ve been downing a big slice of chocolate mousse cake almost every night. Take Alli to block some of the fat. Too bad it’s only 25%!

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
These cookies are fancy. They are 170-200 calories each! I just don't want you to think I was overreacting. These cookies, eaten in bulk, can do a lot of damage!

On the other hand, because they are "gourmet" (eye-roll), one would be enough to be satisfying for a sweet-tooth. I'm very glad I was able to stop and catch myself.

coffee&calories on 11/12/2021:
I totally get the cookie thing! That is so me. You did the right thing. Great job!

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
Thank you! I'm glad I was able to catch myself, and see the situation clearly.

horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2021:
re below therapist, not all are created equal. i have gotten REALLY lucky ...got a few good ones recnetly. just had to leave them bc they moved on....

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
Oh that's for sure. Sometimes, I just wasn't in the right place for the therapy that was being offered, too, so there's that.

I never found the medications to be helpful, for me, other than the anti-anxiety drugs knocking me out. I'm not sure that's really a solution though.

The rest of them -- not really very helpful at all.

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
Oh that's for sure. Sometimes, I just wasn't in the right place for the therapy that was being offered, too, so there's that.

I never found the medications to be helpful, for me, other than the anti-anxiety drugs knocking me out. I'm not sure that's really a solution though.

The rest of them -- not really very helpful at all.

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
Sorry -- can't remove the double-post :-(

bearcountrygg on 11/12/2021:
The new ww program is now giving Muscle milk 2 pts and the diet Muscle milk 1.......so forget what I said about 3...LOL

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
I noticed this in your entry! I was wondering what had changed, LOL. Thank you for following up with me. You have probably figured out that I do rely on these protein shakes more than just the once in a while thing to drink.

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2021:
Thank you for lending a helpful ear ;)

I’m glad you didn’t type a new entry today so now I can get caught up on your Friday one :)

Yoga sounds to be amazing ! I have this new monthly nurse therapist that I speak to on the phone 1-2x month. She’s been bc the other is on maternity leave and will prob stay with a reduced schedule. She recommend I do yoga - haha. I told her I’m good for now as I already have a routine that I like but that I have thought about yoga in the future as my body changes and heavy weights may be less suitable for me then :) after the first phone call, she seems to be a decent nurse / therapist. Due to my former situation, I have an opportunity eith my insurance to continue with this healthcare option as long as I need, for free, no copay. So I just continue as I live alone and do not chat too much so I figure an extra, non friend or family ear is good to have ;)

EXCELLENT job keeping it to one cookie ! Yes !!!! This is how to change a habit ! By changing your thinking. This is truly one of the hardest things I had to do with my own eating and habits. It helps to eat slowly, have liquids available after eating, and I sometimes (actually many times) hold my guinea pigs and cuddle which prevents me from getting up as fast for more….

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
I would encourage you, that if you have the time, to try very short yoga sessions on YouTube. The stretch can help you in an athletic way. I'm talking 10 minutes max. My one regret is that I didn't start yoga sooner, especially when I was struggling more in life.

Anyway, consider remaining open to the idea, if for no other reason than a really nice, structured stretch after working out.

**It's also a great stretch after sitting at a desk all day. 10 minutes is all it would take.

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2021:
Like you, I find it fairly easy to get used to the retirement life and filling my days with other tasks beyond work. My owner of company doesn’t seem to understand either how I could take days off to “do nothing” as that’s what he I do. He has forgotten or never has experienced long commutes, such an early schedule, feeling rushed, not being able to poop on workdays !, and the things I deal with - also the need to look for another line of work that is more beneficial in my perspective, the need to partake in some courses outside of work to benefit me, the need to attend meetings outside of work….the list goes on. All I know is there are bosses that try to understand and those that could never even have the capacity to! I think I know where ours stand. They will not understand. You and the others were right telling me not to say anything bc as adults, silence is golden and a lot can be said by remaining composed and silent. Especially if I am finally able to walk away from this job in the future (I’m thinking 2-4 years, but seriously hoping 3 years…thru go fast….) but back to you, and relating, our time is valuable and it’s ok to use it as you prefer to. Nobody else has to support you but you…

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
I LOVE this! Nobody else has to support me but me. And you're 100% right: I won't be able to change some people's minds about retirement or taking time off. Just not gonna happen.

It hit me this morning, as now I'm no longer "on vacation" and am in the "regular weekend", that right about now, my Boss would be recharged & ready to go back to the office on Monday. Not me! I'm feeling a twinge of anxiety about having to go back to face the workload. Yes, I feel relaxed and recharged, but I'm not actually wanting to go back to the job. I'm not even really missing my co-workers much.

It has always amazed me how people just accept the longer commutes. When the kids were little, I was friends with a woman whose husband had a 2-hour commute one-way to work every day. EVERY DAY. Dude, move closer to work! Why would you want to do that? Your commute is a part-time 20-hour 2nd job in itself!

Donkey on 11/13/2021:
Yeah, gotta keep the mouth shut at work. I wish I could do that more. I've gotten better at it, but I have a ways to go.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2021:
I'm so glad my commute is much shorter in the mornings. I feel for those people that are traveling 2 hours in the morning. without any traffic at all, mine could be 30min. usually, it's 45 which is still considered very good!!!

i also never understand people that have those 2hr each way drives without much traffic, on the off hours, ugh!

Donkey - Thursday Nov 11, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Happy Veterans Day - THANK YOU all those who have served.  My grandpa was in WW II (Navy, Pacific action), My step-father was in the Marines, pre-Vietnam War before it became an official action.  My Husband was a Marine (Beruit).  My Brother was Air Force (not sure but he spent a lot of time in Saudi Arabia).  Someday, my Son will be a Veteran (Air Force).

Thank you for serving our country!  (And a big thank you to Candian and British veterans as well!)

I have today off from work - yay! - and I debated whether or not I would go to the barbell class at the gym.  TOM is here, so I've been feeling some fatigue from that, but I knew that if I didn't seize this opportunity to take the class, I would regret it.  I woke up early, on my own, felt OK, so I decided to reserve a spot and attend the class.

It was kind of neat going to the gym during the week in the morning - definitely not my usual routine!  I *AM* really glad that I took the class.  I was able to keep up for the most part, except when we put the barbell aside and worked on core muscles.  Twisting sit-ups just aren't my thing. I would take the class again, if it were offered at a time that I could attend.  

One thing I learned is that if you find a certain exercise has become easy, if you do that same exercise much slower, it becomes more difficult.  Oh yes... I'll let you know if my arms confirm this tomorrow!

So... Coffee had touched on this, and I would like to write about it for my own journey, as I am in a similar spot.  I thought I was doing a good job with estimating portions and "healthy choices", but I realized that this is not happening.  I am eating too much for what I want to accomplish, which is to be at a "fighting weight" for my doctor's appointment on 12/13.  Overall, I'd like to at least be a little under goal (135) to have some breathing room.  And neither of those things will happen if I stay this course.

I'm not sure what I want to do that will work for me at this time.  Do I want to start tracking again?  Not really.  Can I just practice restraint?  Maybe.  <<<The correct answer is a confident "of course I can!" but right now, I'm not feeling very confident.  That's probably because my leg muscles are feeling a little shaky from the barbell class this morning, LOL!

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/11/2021:
How nice that you were able to attend a class that you usually wouldn't have.... You have already done a good job of losing......can you think of a time when it came off the easiest?

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
I think all of my weight loss has involved some degree of discomfort and hunger. However, I think the easiest was when I was in my 20's, and I just followed common sense and added walking to my days. I went from 164 to 141 in about 7 months.

Of course, everything is easy when you're in your 20's...

The other easier time was when I lost weight the first time at my current job. I was walking at lunch and then come home and take walks in the evening (in the summertime). My Daughter would walk with me, sometimes, so it must have been 5-7 years ago. Again, I was younger, in my 40's.

I wonder if things get harder with each new decade, LOL. Actually, what made that time "easier" was that that my Daughter was helping me too. It really does help to have a partner or a buddy.

horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2021:
I prefer an entry with my laptop too over my phone ! Lol for the DD world, we prefer old school logins for good reason! I read your comment back to me. Sorry I say I’ll message you and then don’t - if I do this, consider the matter is over or I am no longer confused lol about whatever it was I meant to ask you for your opinion on lol ! Sorry to be confusing you and sorta teasing that I was going to possibly do something and then didn’t. I’m ok for now…..

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
No worries - just know that I have a listening ear and a sympathetic shoulder :-)

Glad you're in a good place with whatever you were working on :-)

horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2021:
Lol every month it’s like it’s TOM for the first time. Such an inconvenience!!! I also reset after TOM begins - always thankful When it finally appears and when it’s done !

Sorry to hear about male coworkers issues. I’m sure a therapist would be good for him

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
He HAS a therapist, but I don't think she's helping him. Or rather, I don't think HE is utilizing his appointments to their full potential.

horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2021:
It’s quite nice to hear how so many men in your family have served our country- especially your son!!!

That is so true that doing slow sets is way harder and challenging and a good way to increase strength further !

Well you can try to keep your selective restraint and resort back to the app here and there when you want to pay which should really motivate abs also help you reach your goal if you need it…

Continue to use that app if you need it bc it will help reinforce the good habits you used for weightloss. Later things will get easier -

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
You are right: I need to go back to the app or some kind of tracker.

Donkey - Wednesday Nov 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

I was not able to log in yesterday morning, during my designated DD time (lol), because of internet outages.  It's very difficult for me to log in on my phone.  I did not have time to write last night.  It's hard to come back to my computer in the evenings after being at a computer all day at work.  I do not log in on my work computer.  

Monday was a good day.  Yesterday was OK.  Today will be great, because not only is it my "Friday" (since I'm taking the rest of the week off), but New Gal won't be there either, and I'm always a little more on edge when she's around. 

Last night, I had a title company cookie.  IDK, I felt like dinner didn't have enough carbs, and I was kind of needing some consolation.  Monday, I had gone back to a piece of dark chocolate, and that's what I'll do today as well. 

TOM is finally here, so now my body can re-set itself.  Swelling, inflammation, my back, my moods, my weight -- everything can go back to the way it should be, once I get over the initial cramps.

Yesterday, Male Co-Worker was at a breaking point.  He is realizing that he just can't do his job any more, but he feels that he cannot retire.  There's always a financial need to work, but he also fears that he wouldn't know what to do with his time if he didn't come to work.  He's very creative, and I am 100% confident that he would find things to do that would feed his soul, but he can't see beyond what's in front of him now.  Very sad.

Today was lower body weights.  I plan to do more of them tonight! :-)

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/10/2021:
I hate using the phone anymore than I have to! Too tiny! Basically used to let Walmart know I’m out back waiting for pickup.

Terrific you have a LONG weekend!

How old is that coworker? Why can’t he do the job? I always found real estate contacts to be boilerplate, but have only seen ones for residential real estate.

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
Male Co-worker is 68 years old. Just can't keep up with the pace, for the most part, I guess. Also, the job involve a lot of multi-tasking, and I think it's getting more difficult for him to keep things straight. In his defense though, we are MUCH busier than usual, so there's a lot more to do and a lot more to keep straight!

Also, and bear with me because I may repeat this in future writings, but because of the amount of mistakes being made by New Gal and Mistakes Girl, *everything* takes a LOT longer, because every file has to be checked and re-checked.

bearcountrygg on 11/10/2021:
I'm as always glad to see that you are eating some carbs....My old mantra = carbs are happiness foods!!! You aren't eating too many....but just enough!!!! Yeah Donkey!!!

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
I think it's a better balance overall, but mostly, it's the satiation feeling that is the real bonus. It's odd to know that I am full, but not have the sensation of it. It's happened quite a few times to know that it is for real.

Jacky82020 on 11/10/2021:
Donk, you are inspiring me to give yoga another go. You are the most inspirational Donkey I ever knew. So steadfast in your exercise & diet regimens. Other donkeys are asses compared to our DD Donkey!

Donkey on 11/11/2021:
I hope so! In fact, I have been feeling pulled to go back and do YouTube yoga, even though it isn't "live". Since you and I do a lot of cardio, I feel it's important to stretch a lot too.

Jacky82020 on 11/11/2021:
Exactly! The stretches!

Donkey - Monday Nov 08, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

All in all, I would say it was a lovely weekend, with much needed recovery time from the toxicity of work, to clear my mind and spirit.

With the time change, I changed the 2 clocks that needed it, but forgot to change the clock on the coffee maker!  This was actually a positive thing, because I heard the timer beep at 4:10am, meaning that the pot had brewed, and that got me out of bed much earlier.  I brewed a peppermint mocha pot of coffee and was very eager to try it out.  Oh it's quite delightful!

I woke up to a text message from my yoga teacher, asking if we could move yoga to Thursday night this week.  I'm quite OK with not having yoga tonight, because Mistakes Girl is still out of the office, and I figured that I might have to stay late today.  However, I'm not sure I want yoga on Thursday night, so there may not be yoga this week.

My back is still bothering me.  Once TOM comes, it's sure to improve (I hope).  Yoga sometimes helps with that, but sometimes, like last week, it makes no difference.  Oh I must be careful with my back!  Nothing ages me faster than back pain, and that's the truth.

Queen Bee is coming to work today, to help with phones and monitoring emails.  I just have to put up with her for this last day, if she shows up, and then I'll be done with her for a while.  Must remember:

  • Keep my mouth shut
  • Do my own work
  • Mind my own business

Eating last night went so well!  I had a smaller piece of chcolate with my decaf, and then I was satisfied, not tempted to eat anything else.  You know why I think this was so?  Because I had more carbs at dinner.  I had a small portion of rice, a half a cup of chick peas, and some slices of seasoned sweet potatoes.  I think this made a big difference. I wonder if my night cravings are caused by a dip in blood sugar or something like that, due to the lack of starchy carbs.  Hmm...

Finally, I had not realized this, but thanks to Horn - and perhaps others have been trying to say this to me too and I just didn't hear them -  I see now that I've allowed myself to become distracted by surrounding negativity, allowing myself to be drawn in by that, rather than holding my head up high and focusing on looking forward in my own journey.   

I want to remember and embrace this teaching moment. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/08/2021:
How was that coffee? Must have been marvelous awaking fo the aroma!

Hey, girl! Thanks for the marital advice! Matt’s been irritating me lately.

Donkey on 11/10/2021:
It was pretty good. I have a gingerbread flavor I want to brew next, but haven't done so yet. Need a few days of regular brew in between, to make the flavored coffees (offered seasonally) last longer.

bearcountrygg on 11/08/2021:
Winning attitude...today should be a great one!!! I agree carbs are happiness foods and keep the gut happy........

Donkey on 11/10/2021:
Monday was a good day. Tuesday was a B, maybe B-.

Something with carbohydrates and satiation... That's why I can't have just salad for dinner, or I get shaky and binge-y feeling. I feel "hungry" even though I know that I am full.

bearcountrygg on 11/08/2021:
They call them carboHYDRATE.....for a reason...I just became aware of this a few days ago and thought it was interesting.

Brett on 11/08/2021:
What HOP said, girl.

Donkey on 11/10/2021:
Completely. I have been reminding myself not to be distracted, several times.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2021:
i thought you wrote an entry today but i guess i am wrong...thought i saw something for Tuesday earlier...but prob not.

Remember i'm not in your position and not you, i am only giving opinions that i THINK are helpful and i'm glad if you find them so. :) xoxo My friend, C, always is focusing on everything else, actually, and constantly distracted by those things, but in a different way completely than you. she is NOT affected by other's sadness or stuff like that. not empathetic like you. it's not the same, but i realize she tells me a lot in detail about her work, but that is a bigger part of her life than yours as she's single like me...anyways, back to you bc i'm rambling big time.

the peppermint mocha sounds AMAZING! what brand is it?

yeah, if you do not want yoga, do what you want - not the teacher, it's your valuable time. totally with you there.

i may need to send you a message somewhere else regarding something about me that i have a question on, but will wait till i'm relaxed and not about to work out..

what you mention about the carbs is why i now have a good percentage of my calories from them. they seem to work for me...

Donkey on 11/10/2021:
Yesterday (Tuesday), I was able to comment on Coffee's entry before I lost internet connection and couldn't do more on DD.

I see your opinions as objective observations and not judgments. I also know that you know that not every suggestion will work for every person. Still, it's good to talk things through, which is what I do here, to help me clear out my headspace and get my thoughts organized. And to help me keep an open mind, as I tend to have tunnel-vision with my thinking.

I should have messaged you about my internet outage. Feel free to message me.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2021:
i don't know if Bear is agreeing with you and I about the satisfaction and hormone effect of carbs, but i think she is?

Donkey on 11/10/2021:
I think she is too ;-)

Extremely low carb / keto isn't for everyone. And yet for others, it works really well. Go figure that one out.

Donkey - Sunday Nov 07, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Good morning!  Oh how nice it was to wake up to light in the sky.  I went to bed at 9:47pm and got out of bed at around 6am, although my FitBit says that I got up at 4:51am - no, that's not true.  We're having a couple of warmer days in the low 60's today and tomorrow, with sun, before the cooler temps come back. (Please come back!)  I'm hoping this means that the gym will be emptier with people outside more.

I want to thank you for comments about aging and ability. I realize that the best thing I can do for myself now is to be pro-active in keeping healthy and mobile.  Not only do I need to WORK AT keeping an optimal weight, but I also need to keep working on:  maintaining strength & muscle mass, balance, and flexibility.

I got my renewal booklet in the mail for my health insurance, with the new prices, and WOW, all I can say is that the lesson learned there is: 

  • DO NOT HAVE A BABY - no worries there;

It will be very expensive out-of-pocket.  Even something like type-2 diabetes would cost me about $3300 a year out of pocket to deal with.  Yowza!

As I get older, and I see & feel the signs of aging, I am torn between acceptance and fighting it every step of the way.  I'm not talking about dying my hair or wrinkle treatments (beyond a good moisturizer & sunscreen).  I mean, healthy eating, yoga, weights, etc., that I talk about here.

<deleted text>

I had written some harsh words about my co-workers who do not take care of their health, but decided to delete what I had written.  Let's just say that it's frustrating to be with people who could be doing more to increase the quality of their lives, and yet choose not to.  I will allow myself to say that it is especially disconcerning to me to see my Boss, who had a heart attack, but has not done nearly enough to rehabilitate from that.  It's very sad.

On the other hand, I'm so happy that my mom works very hard to stay healthy.  I wouldn't say that she's fighting old age, but she is doing a lot of pro-active measures (diet, exercise, mental exercises, etc.) to stay active and healthy.  Way to go , Mom!

This morning, I attempted to try some barbell movements using a broom, just to learn the movement, without any taxing weight to lift.  Well, first, let me say that my back was none too happy about this. (Ha ha)  Also, I now understand why weightlifters drop a heavy barbell with weights, after lifting it.  So I do want to take the class on my stay-cation, so that I can learn proper technique.  I hope that my back will allow me to participate.  

I did upper body weights at the gym.  I am learning that I can lift/pull/push heavier than I usually think I can.  My Husband had an interesting comment to me.  I can do cardio at any time, so more of my gym time should be focused on weights.  I do 25 minutes of cardio (includes a cool-down) before I work on weights, just to get moving.  Maybe that's too much?  IDK, I love using the cardio macihes at the gym, but Husband has a GOOD point, especially with my limited time.  Hmm... I might consider this as a December goal.  

I made really good progress on my library book.  I plan to read more today.  I must, because the other book I have on interlibrary loan has come in, and that's a huge book too.  So I'm delaying picking book #2 up, so that I can make as much progress on book #1 first, LOL.  

Eating was OK yesterday, although I had a little extra peanut butter last night. This needs to stop.  I will not be at my "fighting weight" for my doctor's appointment, if I keep this up.  Also, my lax eating is taking away from what I want to achieve.  So this stops now, and now starts a better eating.  Title company cookies will need to remain in the freezer for now.  No more peanut butter at night -- go brush my teeth instead.  (This is not deprivation, as I am still planning to have a small piece of dark chocolate with my evening decaf.)

OK, I guess I've chatted enough here for now.  I am grateful for my DD friends :-)

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/07/2021:
Americans are digging their graves with their forks. Most age related issues can be mitigated by activity & proper diet & not getting fat. You won’t have these problems, Donk. You’re doing a terrific job!

Years ago I stumbled across a bodybuilding book for women over 50, many featured were much older. Of course it was all the same free weight moves anyone would do, guess seeing the terrific shape these women were in would be more motivating than looking at Mr. Universe. Anyways, barely 30, I vowed I couldn’t prevent getting old, but I would never get fat & old. Therein lies heart, liver, lung disease & numerous obesity linked cancers.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Thank you for your vote of confidence. I know that there will be some inevitable limitations, but this little burro is going to give it everything she's got to keep on moving. I'm very inspired by women (and some men, too, yes) who are my age and older (older more so), who maintain active, healthy, & happy lives. I just wish I had more of them around me in my real life.

bearcountrygg on 11/07/2021:
Pro active is a good mindset to keep....with a little reality mixed in too.......I have to say here that when I was 48 I had a hysterectomy...it was necessary.....hemorraghing isn't compatible with life so...I had no choice...I had a complete hysterectomy so at 48 I quit making estrogen.....I'm not totally sure if that was the right thing to do...ovaries are there for a reason but it's done and I believe other autoimmune issues started at that point as well as weight gain and some other things that seemed to start around that time....Staying as active as you can is important.....aging will happen and you can adjust accordingly. Brushing teeth as a great way to stop eating too. It sounds like your Mom is setting a very good example.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
You make an excellent point, and I am aware that sometimes we can't help what happens to us. I have no idea what menopause will bring, so that may really (REALLY) change things for me. No choice there. And when I've hurt my back, everything else gets thrown down the toilet too (due to pain). Thank goodness I've been able to recover, but suppose not - then what?

I hope I didn't sound too arrogant or conceited. I guess it's like that meme/quote that I see on FB a lot: Everyone is fighting a battle inside, so be kind.

bearcountrygg on 11/07/2021:
You never sounded arrogant or conceited. Until I became old.......I assumed that old people just gave up....I wondered why they didn't pick up their feet etc......and then it happened and we realized that joints don't move the same, getting off the floor is now something we have to preplan for......D just called me a few minutes ago to come outside and help him collapse the 22 foot ladder and help him carry it to the barn...( I didn't even know he was on the ladder)......a year ago he wouldn't have needed help....The reality is a bit of a shock.....and we thought we would be different....but we aren't.....a neighbor in her 70's just passed away last week....a friends fiancee age 56 is in the ICU on oxygen and on friday they lowered his oxygen from high to moderate and he wrote how happy that made him on facebook......BUT...a few hours later he took a turn for the worse and was put on a ventilator....and she is home recovering herself and can't go see him. If there is something that any of us can do to get healthier then we should do it ....

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
I'm quite relieved. I'm just trying to figure life out and prepare myself as best that I can for the adventures that lie ahead, for me.

It IS startling when you realize that things have changed. I'm already getting surprised like that in significant ways: reading glasses, loss of coordination -- well, look at the recent revelation about no longer able to jump without pain and consequences.

I'm so sorry to hear about your neighbors. It really highlights how quickly things can change for any one of us. This example has reminded me to have a grateful heart, always.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2021:
i thought the same thing this AM. i loved the light shining in thru my window onto my bed as i got up! so nice! lol, i was telling my parents today that chicago has been warmer than NY! we'll see what happens this Winter!

as you know, not everyone makes the best choices and this happens in every field, every office. know that if you were to work somehwere else, you'd say it all over again. i honestly think that this part of what you are saying about your office is kind of a distraction to what is really the focus - your destination / steps to next job. and you do NOT have to have it all figured out per a schedule. keep being kind to yourself.

yeah, husband has a good point about your weights at the gym and the time, but, i think you have your good weights routines and cardio (in my honest opinion) may be THE most important exercise. if your body can do it, i wouldn't eliminate it all ffrom the gym, maybe a little bit, but i'd say every bit helps...like even 20 min is a whole mile or so.

it's great that you are reading. i haven't been reading much if at all...without the public trans. I may start to push myself to really take public, in order to read. OR, i can push myself to do it at home, in the evening, by changing my habits to me more constructive..... ;)

try not to beat yourself up. be kind to yourself....! you are very worthy.

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
I am hoping for a cold, snowy winter. Oh yes, it's a bother but it's what we need for this area. I am struggling a lot with climate change. If I wanted warm, I would live in Florida.

I appreciate your input on the cardio/weights. I like my routine now. I am mulling Husband's comment though, if I wanted to try (again) going to the gym during the week. If I just went in, warmed up for 5 minutes on the rowing machine, and then hit the weight machines or cables. I would still get my morning bike ride at home, PLUS my lunchtime walk.

That might work. Hmm...

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
WHOA - what you said about my co-worker musings... WOW... SPOT ON!!!! I hadn't realized that I was making a distraction for myself, but you are SO RIGHT.

That (distraction) is not what I want. That is not what I need. I do not need this negativity in my life -- so why am I creating more of it by my constant criticism? I guess I'll say that in a way, it's storytelling -- maybe showing myself "This what NOT to do" or "I don't want my old age to be like theirs"!

And that's OK, I guess, but brings nothing constructive or productive to my own journey, my own struggles and triumphs. Wow, I am SO GLAD that you pointed this out. GAME CHANGER!!!!

Donkey on 11/08/2021:
In order to get through the book I'm currently reading, I have had to change my weeknight routine significantly. I am not able to focus on this change, sometimes, if my brain is exhausted (from work).

The change, though, is very positive. It keeps me from wasting too much time watching reruns on TV or flipping through social media on my phone -- both non-productive wastes of time that keep me up too late.

So by reading, I turn off the lights earlier and get more sleep. Plus, reading is a much better "exercise" for the brain than watching TV.

Donkey - Saturday Nov 06, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Something went wrong with my plan last night, because I woke up in the middle of the night sweating.  Not a hot flash, but rather from eating too much and my body turned up the metabolism to burn up what I had eaten.  We had this very sweet pulled pork, with slaw that my Husband made.  Oh the slaw was soooo good, that I had a large 2nd helping.  I also had a small 2nd helping of pork.  I guess both of those were a mistake, although I didn't feel overfull or stuffed. I felt like it was a good dinner.

I had my usual cup of decaf and a frozen cookie.  I probably didn't need the cookie, especially before weigh-in the next morning.  So I don't think that the cookies should be a nightly thing.  I will resume having a small piece of dark chocolate most nights, and then save cookies for 1-2 times a week, and not the night before weigh-in.

Woke up to lower back pain.  I do not think this was the result of Chair Yoga last night, but that this is hormonally related, since TOM is soon.  Oh hormones:  you are a blessing and a curse.  So I must take care with my back today, because when the hormones are swirling and swelling up my body, it's very easy to injury the hips/back.

Barely made it to bed before 10p (November goal) because everything in my evening routine was delayed due to Chair Yoga.  Perhaps I *did* overeat and not realize it because dinner was so late (for me).  Hmm... Aside from the slaw, I think everything else was in moderation.  Oh well, moving forward.

I had a conversation with Male Co-Worker and the Boss Friday morning.  What a couple of bitter old men. 

  • The Boss is terrified of retirement. He just can't imagine what he would do with himself.  He can't fathom volunteering because why would anyone work for free?  Wow, sounds like he sold his soul to the almighty dollar.  I think he pictures retirement being sitting at home, in front of the TV, letting your brain turn to mush. And when I tried to tell him that my own mother is enjoying her retirement life, he kept shooting me down as to why that wouldn't work.  Well, it works for HER and she's fulfilled - don't tell me it doesn't work, because it does for her. 
  • Male Co-Worker says that he won't ever have the retirement he wants because his wife has so many emotional issues that she can't really step outside of her limited comfort zone.  She is 70 years old and unemployed -- not retired, unemployed.  She recently got hired by a fabulous company and is chomping at the bit to get started, and the company is moving at a much slower pace in getting her on board.  Perhaps once his wife is back to work, Male Co-Worker could consider retiring, because he's have time to do his own thing, with his wife at work.
  • And what kind of lady at age 70 needs to work in order to feel a purpose and fulfillment?  She spends her unemployment sitting on her butt, watching TV, and gaining weight.

It's just so sad to see these old people stuck in their thinking.  And not so much that they are "stuck" but that they are stuck AND UNHAPPY.   

Well, time to get my day started. I definitely need to read this weekend.  During the week, this week, the week before -- I've just been so empty and DONE at the end of the day that I don't have it in my to pick up my library book to read.  I have one more week to finish it.  It's a good read, and not a difficult read.  I just have very little brain power at the end of the day.

I'm so glad that we get to turn back the clocks tonight.  And I've already started to look ahead to my mini Staycation next week.  There is a barbell class that I want to take at the gym on Thursday morning. It's offered only during the day during the week, so I'm going to try it out.  Hopefully by then, my back will have settled down, so I will wait to make my reservation until I'm sure I feel 100% about bending and lifting.  I could also take daytime yoga classes at the gym.  I might try that too!


Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/06/2021:
Thanks for reminding me of the time change! Need to make sure all the DVRs are set up for my recordings.

Many older ppl work far past typical retirement ages because they enjoy the continued challenges. Recent story in NYT on people over 90 working. They had careers, not jobs to pay the bills: physicians, lawyers, research biologists, professors etc. I think that’s cool! Also much press on people over 65 working, some out of necessity & some because it beats daytime TV. Seems like people with big hobbies like traveling do well with early retirements.

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
The Boss just can't really keep up at work, and he seems so unhappy. Hey, maybe I'm projecting. I didn't consider that!

There has got to be more choices to retirement besides TV and no retirement. That, or there truly is no hope.

bearcountrygg on 11/06/2021:
No way do I want to go back to work...I LOVED working....but it has it's place...LOL

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Yeah, I think on an emotional level, he's just not there yet. I guess it was just so sad to hear him be so negative about it.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i had a little sweaty sleep this afternoon after a slight binge. i know what you are talking about, used to have a lot of those.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I guess I was just surprised, because I didn't think this was a binge. It didn't feel like one at all. I guess maybe cole slaw is difficult to digest?

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i also learned a couple back/stretch exercises at both yoga/therapy periods in my life. i do recommend you do that reset of the hips incorparated into your routine either instead or in conjunction with your other moves.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I think I need to do this. I have one stretch move that is particularly helpful with resetting the hips. I haven't done it in a while. I think I will do it today (Sunday), because my back reminded me that it's still not quite happy with me yet.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i'm so happy to hear you will be off next week thurs and fri! That's a true short week; i am off Thursday also! And i KNOW you will notice and feel much better than usual at the end of the week to come! a nice time to rest up and do other plans instead of a typical work week.

I also try to bring enough veggies for my lunches at work to be satisfied. it's usually my healthiest meal of the day, lunch, in terms of a mix of protein/veggies/carbs. And a good lunch makes me able to avoid snacking in the afternoon at work in most cases. I love that period of giving my body a break from ingesting things (besides usually tea/coffee/water in the afternoon) and i feel good about having food again once i get home from work.

by keeping with your eating/exercise, your later years will be better for YOU. look at those healthy older folks; and then look at the unhealthy ones. you don't want those struggles..by working at the polls, i SAW myself having more trouble than some of the older women working the scanners (they were in their lower 50's - 3 of them that did well). and i know it's totally due to lifestyle. aside from taking a break today, i am still eager to keep moving despite a desk job too. running i shouldn't look to do, but i should continue to add in periods on my feet and walking more....perhaps by adding more public transportation days little by little.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
YES - you get where I'm coming from. And I will write more about this in today's entry. But I see older people who struggle, and I want to be as pro-active as possible. And pro-active NOW.

When I look at my Boss, I see someone who never had a weight problem and completely took his health for granted. Old age hit him like a brick after his heart attack, but instead of DOING something about it, he's just fallen back like he's given up.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
my executive (highest) boss in the trailer said something interesting to someone yesterday. they were talking about her daughter and she was saying her daughter goes out, does errands, comes home and complains she "is tired" and she was saying she just doesn't get it and how she's not that way...and the boss said, "yes, It's a real feeling," because she's not used to that kind of hustle. when you don't have to push at life or move around much, you aren't used to it when you have to...and you cannot do those things with ease as if you always did them. for me, it's that way with public trans. i have a hard time with it, because i am not used to it at all. i drive a car on weekends and for errands. i don't have to rely on it. going up and down those steps much...only when i do it for work. and therefore, since i don't stand or do what some people do all the time, it gets me more tired than it would if i used it more.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Now that's a good point that your boss makes. I've experienced this fatigue when starting up exercise. First, it was cardio. Then it was weight-training. There's some fatigue at first, but once I made a habit of it, these activities don't tire me out as much. And I seem to recover quicker too.

For yourself, one of the benefits of taking public transportation is that all of your cardio is accomplished. Kind of like a 2-for-1 deal: get to work AND exercise out of the way. That way, you would only need to do weights in your free time.

Would this mean cardio - oh I mean public transportation ;-) - 2-3 times a week? LOL... I understand it's not as easy as it looks on paper. There's a lot of effort in the execution, e.g. getting up way early. It's just fun to talk about options and alternatives, I think :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
regarding keeping your mouth shut, as you say, a few entries ago also (Thursday entry) - i gotta agree that talking less prevents many issues. I can remember a VERY recent case of this with myself. I do talk a bit at work due to it being extremely tolerated and the culture in the trailer. my coworkers like my manner and that's why i do it.

however, the young 24 yr old girl (with the 3 hour commute that prob includes at least 30 min fast walking each way if not more), asked me how it was working on election day. I told her it was physically challenging. she understand my answer. she has had surgeries due to a car accident and bad back due to all that. she's a former gymnast and pursued it a little even after recovering from car accident in part of high school years. she doesn't know / hasn't experienced my particular struggles with pain in my legs/ankles that you are aware of and possibly others here. she doesn't understand what it's like not to be able to walk as fast as her (or want to!) or to be out of shape cardio wise compared to her level. she told me i cannot actually believe that working at the scanners could be called difficult! she meant it. she said, "look at these electricians working outside all day and heavy lifting, and you think standing at a scanner is hard?" and after a bit of back and forth with her, the general foreman who i don't work with too much but he is in the trailer and she does a lot of work for him - he said, "that's it, enough, stop discussing it!" to both of us. so, yeah. she's 24 and not about to understand how something was for me that she cannot relate to herself. she compares the job and the person doing it to having the same fitness and routine as someone who does the job daily. but when you don't, like i was saying earlier, it can be more of a challenge.. i could have stopped explaining myself earlier to her...

and get this, she went on a very quick vacation to florida (orlando) last week only Wed-Weekend and was back Monday at the office. Fast Vacation, she said it was a little cold (low 70's-which is normal for Orlando, i think, this time of year!)...but i guess she didn't realize when booking? anyways, she did a lot, i'm sure it was a struggle, she starting to get a cold early this week...and didn't do anything about it. she never sleeps enough as she can't even if she tried due to her early wake-up for her 3hour commute and to be at work around 6:30-7am (so she can get outta there at 2:30-3pm or so). anyways, she also has asthma so when she gets any cold, it can turn to bronchitis she was telling us. she avoided taking any days off after her trip, pushed herselp, didn't take care of the cold/cough as it got worse...and on friday a coworker and her left during the morning to drive her to an urgent care...where of course she was diagnosed with bronchitis (which definitely is a challenge when having!) so what i'm saying is, it's like she recieved what she was due...she told me she couldn't believe what i did was such a challenge, but then she didn't take care of herself and met her own challenge. she tends to let things go to far before taking care of herself - and she's had quite a few health annoyances this year bc of it...anyways, we learn from this as we get older; and she hasn't learned that one - to take care of herself a little better to avoid bigger health issues.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I commented more on this below, so please take a look, but let me just add that I see a lot of similar behavior in Mistakes Girl and her Husband. She started with us when she was 26; now she is 28. They are very much into spontaneous road trips, that are go-go-GO from the minute they leave. I would need a vacation just to recover from the vacation!

Maybe it's because I'm older, or because I have a Husband who moves slower, but these jam-packed vacations are NOT a vacation for me. I don't mind sight-seeing, but vacations for me are about relaxing, and not so much having fun-fun-FUN.

Actually I don't think it's because I'm older. I think that's just who I am.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i was going to write about her, above paragraph, and that incident in my own diary, but sharing it with you and whoever reads this is enough. i'm glad i took that second day off after election day; even if others cannot understand. it was the right thing for me.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
See below :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i was going to write about her, above paragraph, and that incident in my own diary, but sharing it with you and whoever reads this is enough. i'm glad i took that second day off after election day; even if others cannot understand. it was the right thing for me.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Oh definitely -- Some of that might be that lady/girl's personality, but a LOT of it is just her inexperience and age. She is unable to relate to you because she has not experienced this herself. It WILL catch up with her. Trust me on this. Especially since she is taking advantage of her youth (not a lot of sleep, not a lot of rest). I predict a rude awaking for her, one day, but by then you will be out of her life.

So you'll need to be content with knowing that she'll learn this lesson one day.

Also, in conversations like that, I usually give it 2 tries and then I quit, because you just can't change narrow-minded people. This is applicable to political conversations too.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
title comp cookies sound great. i would have taken some too, for sure. nice to get free goodies!

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Definitely! But it's definitely a test of moderation.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
leaving comments for your friday entry below at friday entry rather than here....see your below entry.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
Oh, that's fine- I try to respond to all comments, so as long as you comment anywhere that I can see it, I'll most likely respond :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
now for your entry today: yum to extra slaw. i'm sure the calories don't matter very much on that; as slaw itself without the sauce has like no calories! so add in some sauce calories, at least there's no base calories in the slaw itself....

i've had a meal today of slight overeating. habits are hard to keep when you are tempted! BUT, we must push to stay on good streak for life.

perhaps your boss fears retirement bc his wife is a MESS. it would mean his being around her, MORE. that sounds like a demotivator to retire, for him, indeed...if she were healthy, they could have enjoyed walks and a typical retirement...instead, he doesn't have her to enjoy typical activities with like most retired couples...oh, hence a similar comment from Male Coworker in the next paragraph. ...and then i am SURE you can relate to those things; and also be somewhat glad you are working; maybe you wouldn't want to be home all day (at this point in your life) either with your hubby, though he is younger than those two so perhaps it would be nice to be together during this time with hubby...so perhaps me writing that isn't right.! (the part about you, not the others).

there are two ways people are motivated in their life and thinking. it could be a positive set of ideas and personal beliefs or negative ideas that cause them to act. seems they are motivated by the latter, which means LOTS more negtaive thinking and motivators. i am trying to turn that around with myself too...because thinking in a negative manner will hurt a person in the end as well as usually deteriorate their relationships with people (friends, cowokers, family). a more positive outlook helps people in all aspects of their life, including their health...

the barbell class may include an exercise for your hamstrings/back...the deadlift...

i should start with deadlifts at home...i think that's what they are called; as i DO have my weighted barbell!! hmmm, thanks for mentioning the barbell, i never thought to do deadlifts...i may revamp my exercises a little or on and off...would be good for me to add in antoher back/hamsstring exercise too.

Donkey on 11/07/2021:
I am *sure* that a lot of the Boss' outlook is because of his wife. I guess they've been fighting a lot lately. He just doesn't know how to handle her correctly, so he denies and avoids, which just makes her even madder. My Husband says that Boss is an enabler. 100% agree.

I think his plan all along was that he would get to this point and they would do a lot of traveling. That's not going to happen. And he had no real Plan B for himself.

I'll write more about what you've mentioned here and above in today's entry. I think we're on a similar wave lately :-)

Donkey - Friday Nov 05, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

I have been doing very well with my bedtime goal -- lights out before 10pm.  Because of this, I've been getting a lot more sleep, and sleep scores in the 90's.  This morning, though, I woke up on my own at 4:20am, because Alexa had stopped playing the white noise we use at night. (I sleep better, and it helps Husband drown out the sound of his CPAP machine.)  We must have lost the internet connection.  I was awake so I just got up, and restarted the white noise for Husband. 

Today is his VA Move class (weight-loss support group), so I think I hear him waking up now.  I'm not able to attend the 8:30am class with him, because we're too busy at work for me to come in late, but I am doing the "homework" assignments with him, at least so far.  Today is class #2, so I'm not sure how the "homework" thing will continue, but my goal is to try to work the program with him.

Yesterday at work was hard.  HARD.  I was doing so well until the end, when Male Co-Worker corrected me, and rightly so.  (I guess I was excited/exhausted and speaking too loud.  OK, whatever...)  Some things are hard to hear, especially when you know in your heart that they are true.  At least I think they are true, or that he's right.  On the other hand, maybe he's just trying to get rid of me...

The gist of it was that he said, Why would you want to work here forever?  (Like he's done, I might point out.)  He said that after the Boss goes/retires/dies, everything will fall apart, and the firm will no longer exist as a cohesive group.   All of this was basically prompted by New Guy, who has a very different approach in things, and this was a HUGE wake-up call for me, and I completely 100% am sure now that I do not want to work for him in any capacity in the future.  

Also a wake-up call this week (sort of, because I already knew this and mentioned it yesterday) is that Associate Attorney is too mediocre to consider working for in the future, if the firm were to split/dissolve.  I mean, I might be able to tolerate him in a part-time capacity, doing menial tasks (for just some extra cash), but I would never want to be his Number One paralegal.

So these are some decisions I've made:

  • Staying with the firm until the Boss hands out the Christmas bonuses.
  • Goal is to leave the firm in February, after he returns from his January trip to Florida.
  • I will use January to fill out applications.
  • If it turns out that I don't have any job offers, then I will re-evaluate my timeline and perhaps broaden my job search parameters.
  • If I don't have a job to land in February, I will also leave the option open to consider resigning to take a much needed break.  I hesitate to take a break, though, because it's harder to get a job when one doesn't have a job.

I feel pretty good about these decisions, but I welcome any constructive feedback and input, because I realize that there may be some aspects that I haven't thought through.  The only thing I can see changing my timeline is if the Boss decides to make a drastic decision (intentional or inadvertently) with the future of the firm. 

Allow me to write though that it was quite amusing to watch Queen Bee yesterday.  She's not a morning person, so she didn't get to the office until 10am.  And when she got there, she was non-stop talking.  It was funny to watch her waste so much of Male Co-Worker's time.  And I watched her trying to find a file for about 20 minutes, when I knew I had the file, but she just wouldn't ask me.  About 20-25 minutes later, she finally comes up to me and asks if I have the file.  Yep, sure do.  Ha ha ha ha!

I'm waiting to see if Husband wants to do Chair Yoga tonight with the disabled veterans group.  He's in a lot of pain today.  Perhaps the Move class today will inspire him to go.  If we go, we will most likely get take-out for dinner.  I told Husband that having take-out before weigh-in day is difficult.  But I guess I'll deal with it.  Donkey can deal with anything on a short term basis.  Yes, I'll be just fine today, whatever happens. 

Just keep my mouth shut. <<<Ha ha, that is applicable for work and dieting!

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/05/2021:
Your plans sound really solid to me....I think you have also found some peace lately...possibly because you were working though what to do. D and I have to tell each other to lower our voices too.....and I know when I get loud....1 of 2 things trigger it...either I am excited to tell him something...or I think that I'm not being heard. I think it's great that you are encouraging and helping hubby with his program....I'm sure that means a lot to him. And yup........Love your reminders to keep the mouth shut.....I need to work on that myself........and to once again quote..or misquote...LOL...Dr Phil...We were given 1 mouth and 2 ears so that we can listen twice as much as we talk.......and it makes sense!! Anyway....I LOVE your plans!!!

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
It's not so easy to keep one's mouth shut. Fatigue, frustration, emotions, hormones -- all of those are not conducive to keeping one's mouth shut.

THANK YOU, though for reviewing my plans and your feedback :-)

Jacky82020 on 11/05/2021:
Fantastic plans, but keep in mind few things are etched in stone. Things can change. Would you resign without another position lined up?

Sorry your husband isn’t feeling well. Can you two fo the same Chair Yoga exercises from home?

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Oh! I am *completely* aware that the work thing is NOT etched in stone. There are a number of uncontrollable factors that could pop up that would change everything: the Boss has another heart attack and retires, something happens world-wide that causes markets to dive (or soar - doesn't have to be a negative thing)...

One thing I've made up my mind about though is that if Mistakes Girl takes a sudden leave of absence for maternity leave, that will probably not change my mind in my timeline -- much.

For Husband, I think it really needs to be an in-class experience. For me, it needs to be a live experience, although it can be streaming/Zoom - not sure if that counts as virtual or not.

bearcountrygg on 11/05/2021:
Wanted to let you know...that Muscle Milk is 3 points....someone had entered it into the WW app wrong,,,,,I used the create feature today to ck on it and it is 3

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
I'm SO glad that you followed up with me on this!!!! Seriously, I think I would have a different approach if I though they were 1 point each. On a desperate night, I might reach for that 2nd shake, thinking, Oh just 2 points, when really, I'd be consuming 6 points. Big difference, right? Right :-)

Brett on 11/05/2021:
You are very well organized and able to plan ahead. Awesome!

Donkey on 11/06/2021:
Thank you! I'm a person who doesn't like surprises. I like to have plans, but I try to remain flexible with the plans - otherwise, they might be too constrictive and harmful. Not sure if that makes sense. But it helps me to have some structure.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2021:
i also have been sleeping more lately and it DOES help me want to get out of bed in the mornings. the power of sleep is amazing!

I like your goals for a new job / closing of this current job. I once asked someone at my current job, the older woman than me (44) why she left her job to come here when jobs at the union are difficult to have right now as admin assistants...i did it because i also felt of her as competition to me. still feel that way, a little bit, though it doesn't seem to be the case and there does seem to be good room for all three of us ladies in the trailer (with enough work.).

so, reason that your coworker asked you if you intend to stay is bc he may intend to stay and sees you as competition (this is based on my own experience i just told you about).

if you want to keep the money flowing longer, try to stay at this job longer past februrary. like we were saying, at some point or another you may not have a choice rather than to leave the firm. so your end date is still flexible.

i do like that you are trying to help yourself in advance of the final end date that may be your end at the firm...and you never know, perhaps new guy would like you working for him? but i know you don't want to work for him.

i was listening to the news today, many jobs are available but many online and by robot/screening of just terms on a resume can overlook many candidates just due to missing terms/wording in a resume: the lack of human eyes on resumes.

anyways, you have great experience. if you are without a job between jobs and during applications, the reason of dissolution of a firm causing your loss of a job is a pretty solid reason to be out of work!

Donkey - Thursday Nov 04, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

Today should be interesting.  I must remember to bring lots of snacky vegetables and fruit to work, because Mistakes Girl is off today and tomorrow, and Queen Bee is coming in today to "help".  So if nothing else, I know it will be a louder day because Queenie likes to talk a lot, and loudly.  Ugh...  Queen Bee will be "helping" today and Monday. 

Oh well, at least I know I'll be off next Thursday and Friday, so I just have to hold on and get through it.  Must remember to keep my mouth shut.  My co-workers don't want my help and suggestions, so I must hold off on making such contributions, unless I am specifically asked for them.

And one positive out of all of this is that seeing Queen Bee makes me want to be all the more successful with eating & exercise.  I know that's something she's struggled with, failing repeatedly (after making a HUGE, obnoxious deal over starting a new diet program).  Normally, I would empathize and not be mean about it, but she is so toxic & nasty that I find it hard to be sympathetic.  The most I can feel is indifferent.

Eating was interesting yesterday.  So I did not make consolation cupcakes last night, because at work, we got this HUGE cookie basket from a title company, from Cheryl's Cookies, and I took one of each kind of cookie to bring home.  I kept the "grown-up flavors" for myself -- the cookies are in the freezer in the garage --  and gave the fun ones to Daughter.  The cookies are wrapped and will freeze quite well.  They are about 160-200 calories, which is just a little more than what the cupcakes would have been. 

So instead of baking, I did more leg weights last night, to complete what I wanted to accomplish on Leg Day.  And felt NO ache in my legs this morning, even though I had increased the weights significantly.  I'm not sure what it's going to take to see any progress in my legs.

Also, knowing that I could have a cookie helped me delay the gratification, and worked it into a dessert, rather than a snack. <<<I really want a good weigh-in for my December Doctor's appointment, LOL!

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/04/2021:
Yay, cookies! Yep, they freeze very well. Most things do except some fruits & vegetables. Bought some fresh spinach, hoping it would prevent the goldfish from eating aquarium plants. They wouldn’t touch it. Froze & came out looking kind cooked spinach! Heated in microwave & tasted fine.

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
Putting sweets in the freezer has been a really helpful tool for me, especially since I'm very much into textures, so foods frozen or semi-frozen might have a little crunch to it (because it's frozen). I think the coldness numbs the tongue, so that calms down the taste buds too.

bearcountrygg on 11/04/2021:
Good control of the sweets.......Putting them in their place was something that was so hard for me when I was losing.......but some self talk now and giving myself some rules around them is working well....YOU used great control!!!!!

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
Thank you! Now I am debating with myself, though, if I really need a cookie every night, because I had one last night too. I have to say that they do seem to be very satisfying, and so far, no food fits.

Jacky82020 on 11/04/2021:
It’s not easy. But sweetened cereal & the caramel & apple cinnamon rice crisps are a big help for me.

Donkey on 11/05/2021:
This might be the way to go, after the cookies are gone.

Donkey - Wednesday Nov 03, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

The website was down for about an hour this morning - thank you, DD Webmaster for resetting whatever needed to be reset.  However, that left me with about 20 minutes to comment and post a new entry.

I'm so disgusted with work. I'm just done.  I won't go into it here, except to say that I'm extremely PROUD of myself that when I discussed this with my Husband, I was very calm and unemotional about expressing my frustration, so I didn't convey the negative energy, but just talked about my frustration.  Needless to say, the Boss is doing everything to set up the New Guy for a successful practice, while actually neglecting his own.  A lot.  I don't really want to work for the New Guy, so there I have it. Right there in front of me.

Eating went faily well.  I did do some upper body weights last night - using my new dumbbell handles - and had 1/2 a protein shake, and then a teaspoon of peanut butter, afterwards, to just satiate my hunger and satisfy my craving, but not go off the deep end.  I was in a good place mentally, where I felt that I could have a bite and be done with it.  I have a plan to make gluten free cupcakes tonight, after dinner, for my evening sweet, so I know calories, etc.  I foresee this going well.  And I think it will be a nice surprise for Daughter, who will have a busy, difficult day at work today.

Yes, I got my upper body weights in last night.  I think I ended up doing push-ups twice, once in the morning and once in the evening because I couldn't remember for sure (LOL), but I did not do jumping jacks.  I'm going to have to scratch that goal.  My back was just complaining too much.

Did lower body weights this morning, and I plan to do 1-3 more exercises tonight, depending on how I feel.

So my plan is to go into work today, focused on just doing MY work, keeping my mouth shut, and listening to Christmas music to keep me happy.  

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 11/03/2021:
Do you think the boss will retire soon & new guy will manage the business?

Congrats on sticking to your exercise regimen. Way better than I could ever do consistently. Which is sad because no excuses. We have an absolutely incredible home gym. Every weight machine you can think of & all kinds of cardio. And here I sit on my butt for hours peddling a recumbent bike & slowly at that.

Donkey on 11/04/2021:
Hard to say about the Boss' plans. He goes to Florida for the month of January. He has done this for the past 20+ years, because "January is a slow month" and we all know that "things are slowing down" -- except that they aren't, and I predict that New Guy will remain busy for quite some time.

So January is a test, I'm sure. We all used to joke that he would end up being like a Weekend at Bernie's, where he dies at his desk, and we all just keep on working. But yesterday, I overheard that he's warming up to the idea of spending more time in Florida. So we'll see.

But I had clear evidence yesterday that after 8+ years with Associate Attorney, he is still pretty much at square one when dealing with real estate problems that are really routine.

bearcountrygg on 11/03/2021:
Self awareness.....It is so enlightening!!! I think that is exactly the right way to go into work today....the cupcakes sound delish....staying calm when everything around us is in turmoil is a blessing.

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
There was a change in plans so no cupcakes tonight.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/03/2021:
thank you for your advice you wrote me in your comments back on your entry the other day, it is all helpful!

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
I hope so! :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/03/2021:
Nice job yesterday on staying with your goals and not indulging in more eats after yoga. i assume yoga is semi-relaxing (is it?) and then that would mean that perhaps you aren't in a foodie type of mood after yoga? when i am relaxed i usualy do not feel the need to indulge in the evening.

i don't think that it's calling defeat if you have to rethink a goal that you implement and realize that it's not a good one...we have to listen to our bodies especially as we get older; and doing jumping everyday of a month after one day trial would be a mistake if it bothers your back.

you are better off doing a back strengthening exercise?

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
Thank you! The type of yoga I do (Yin) is very relaxing. I get into positions and just hold the stretch for minutes on end. During the stretch, I make subtle adjustments to my position, which make can make a huge difference.

I would be much better off doing a back strengthening or back stretching exercise. There are exercises that I learned from physical therapy that aren't exactly yoga, but very helpful in "resetting" my hips, to help my back.

Maria7 on 11/03/2021:
Christmas music is very relaxing.

Donkey on 11/03/2021:
It IS! I listen through YouTube. They have playlists and I guess something like "radio" stations that play all sorts of Christmas music: classical, instrumental, jazzy, contemporary. I like traditional and instrumental, although the jazzy instrumental is nice, too.

Oh it just puts me in a much better mood :-)

happy-1 on 11/04/2021:
I love that you grind out nutrition and workouts no matter what.

Donkey on 11/04/2021:
Thank you! I think this is where my OCD tendencies work to my advantage. I'm a person that likes routines and checking off the boxes on a list.

On the other hand, there's a less productive side to that, mostly relating to anxiety.

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