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Donkey - Saturday May 11, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Gained a pound, but still within the maintenance "back and forth".  Next weekend, I won't be weighing in because we'll be in Texas to see my son graduate.  I am giving serious contemplation and prayer as to whether to resume weekly weigh-ins when I get back.  This might be the time to break away from this.

I belong to a Facebook group for older folks into bodybuilding & fitness.  A woman a little older than I posted a similar struggle with the scale, and this really spoke to me. She had lost 35 pounds and now is working on building muscle.  But the conflict between the muscle gains and the numbers on the scale was discouraging her.  I could have written that post! 

I pretty much struggle between wanting to lose another 20 pounds, trying to be happy with where I'm at & comfortable in my own skin, and then wanting to eat everything in the house. (Warning to all jars of nut butters in my house - you're on my list!)  Add to that the fantasy of wanting a lean body, with defined muscles.  It's crazy!


Miscellaneous thoughts:

  • Spending time with my husband today, running casual errands.  One of them is Mother's Day related, which has me worried, LOL, but that's OK.
  • Starting to pack for our trip.  We leave Wednesday and return late Sunday.  I have taken Monday off from work to recoop, but if I can, I'll try to go into the office in the afternoon to get the files straightened up, before I'm back 100% on Tuesday.  Why do I do this to myself?  Well, we'll see how it goes. 
  • Really need to relax and rest this weekend.  
  • Debating as to whether or not I should try to use the gym at the hotel in Texas.  Might be a good time to try out different equipment for inspiration.
  • Learned valuable lessons about myself at work on Friday, from Thursday's bad day:
  1.      I tend to get too focused on one goal, without seeing alternatives. 
  2.      I get upset and carry the weight of that "upset" with me for way too long. 
  3.      Having a hard time of "letting go", especially with negative feelings.

 

 

 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/11/2019:
Letting go of negative feelings is quite common I think....but unfortunately in the end we are only making ourselves suffer. I try to remember that at that time I did what I thought was right...it may have turned out to be not really the best thing...but I thought it was then. Probably the only good thing that can come out of that kind of upset is that we most likely won't repeat it....and so it is time to let go, lesson learned...there is nothing to be gained by continually reliving it.....if it is something about someone else then we are only hurting ourselves and that other person really has no clue and is possibly even unaware how much we suffer over it....in that case we need to stop the suffering and try to learn something from it.....people make bad decisions, they make mistakes,...they are learning opportunities....let it go.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
I'm going to remind you that you've come very far this time. There are always negative thoughts and temptations not to care about yourself. but you DO know how to care about yourself, you want to, and you've done so much trials and work to get yourself to this point. Praise yourself for that!

Also,you have to consider what is actually possible and what is a dream. ME TOO. you must remind yourself, that to get to where you are now,you did things, made choices, and stayed consistent.

there's someone i follow also on facebook, in the group Fit and Single called Chelsea ...i forget her last name right now. she's tad younger than me,maybe like 5-6 years younger right around 30yrs old. she boasts that she doesn't need much sleep that as a teacher, she works out both before and after school and she enters bikini figure competitions. she looks great. but i know that I AM NOT HER - and i could never live that kind of structured routine without rest even - she says she doesn't think sleep is so necessary to need like 8 hours a night, no way she says. i wonder if she'll last.

Your three points above about work are spot on. if you look at most of the successful workers /leaders, they DO NOT let things bother them forever - it's a waste of your energies to keep yourself feeling negative.

everyone DOES make mistakes. the point is not to repeat an already made mistake and to learn from it as much as possible for the next time....

my sister is very different from me. it's almost comical how much so.

she does what she wants, when she wants - even more than i do. yesterday for mother's day she went for a walk- bc it's healthy to do for the baby in the stroller ;) ....

i had luckily already ran a 5k earlier, so i helped me mom in the kitchen for our early mother's day...as my sister went out with the baby and her husband...nobody tells my sister that she can't. and now she uses the baby excuse for everything ;)

my point? do for yourself. stay positive. that's what a lot of other people are doing...and yes, let me take my own advice. try to see the things, as you stated, from another lens....



Donkey - Thursday May 09, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Not a good day... that seems to be a common theme here for today,  May 9th.

I could tell pretty much early on that today would be challenging.   A very hungry day for pretty much most of the day.  In fact,  I have forced myself to stay in my room for the rest of the night,  otherwise I would eat everything in sight downstairs. And I've done enough damage today and tonight.

Very tired,  doing push-ups,  going to bed. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/09/2019:
Tough day here too....tomorrow is another day!

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Amen to that - you'd think that would get me into bed and asleep sooner than it actually does.


Maria7 on 05/10/2019:
Just know...you are not alone.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Thank you! (((hugs)))


legcramps on 05/10/2019:
Please don't beat yourself up! I hope you get some well-deserved rest, my friend.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
I learned a really good lesson from this bad day. So maybe it was worth it. I do know I've got to get some rest, though.


horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2019:
you aren't alone. just remember your hard work, don't give up and start the crazy bingeing again and gain like 10lbs. it's not worth having to regain it again! you have lost it for a LONG Time and it's NOT worth it to regain.

i will remind you of what i do when i'm always hungry....eat really big servings of cooked veggies along iwth my meal, stuffing myself when i am in that horrible, hungry mindset.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
That is a helpful tip with the vegetables! You're right, this is not a total set-back, no binge-eating or secret eating, so in that way, this was not a FAIL. Just difficult, but that's life.



Donkey - Wednesday May 08, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Last night,  I had keto lemon cake for dessert,  kind of to finish it up,  but also because it's delicious.  I ate what was probably 2 servings,  or possibly 3 small servings,  and now I am experiencing bloating and inflammation.  So I think I'm done with keto desserts for a while.  I have 2 more slices of keto bread loaf (not sweet) that I want to finish up,  and then I'm done with that for a while.  I will have these slices for breakfast today and tomorrow. 

Title company party tonight.  I can do this.   Looking forward to grabbing my husband with me,  to show him this part of work.  Male Coworker is being dragged to this,  so I'm sure he'll eat beforehand (because he's doing keto) and come late.  I, on the other hand,  am going to try to make good choices and eat there. 

The eating part of this journey never seems to get easier. ..


EVENING EDIT:  I ate well at the party, kept it pretty much keto. Had fun with my husband.  Left after about an hour.  Sometimes these things are conducive to networking, but this wasn't one of them, which is A-OK with me.

Came home, rode my bike, chilled out with Facebook, gonna do my push-ups and get ready for bed.

Thinking about adding squats and planks to the rotation, but not sure if it should be a rotation or an all-in-one daily thing.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2019:
i MUST do more cooking on weekend. i DON'T even have to shop - got a lot last weekend that is still fresh for the cooking! :) thanks for a reminder to cook a little bit, even if it's Friday night!

enjoy bringing your hubby to the dinner. i'm glad you are going and can bring your man! there should be enough food choices, i agree, to not have to eat before or after or come late. better to stick with it, as you are.

the eating part of the journey may not get easier, but instead of thinking that way, it's your journey. there will always be eating choices, challenges and changes. you can accept them - they will always be there is exactly right. try to keep that in mind, that you'll be making food choices always.

i have stopped planks to save time, but, they are considered extremely valuable and work many body parts, similar to pushups.

squats are just great. i do THREE varieties of squats in my workouts. i have gotten better. they help a TON with butt muscles, at least for me. they don't seem to help with "leaning out," but more with giving a sexy shape.


legcramps on 05/09/2019:
Glad you had fun at the party!

I love squats!



Donkey - Tuesday May 07, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Survived the stress!   So glad.  Now we can focus on 2 things:  selling  my daughter's used car and traveling to Texas to see our son graduate from boot camp. 

Work was not so busy.  Quite surprising after a weekend of beautiful weekend. Perhaps the contracts will come in today.   Title company party on Wednesday night.  Asked if I could bring my husband ---sure ! So that takes care of dinner for Wednesday.  Hope there's low carb options...

Got a nice walk for lunch,  but rainy weather all this week might make this more difficult as we move forward. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
lately there have been shows on tv and broadcasts that are saying that the CBD drops may indeed be more psychological than offer actual help. i didn't want to tell you this, and i did buy them to try starting tonight, but i had to pass on this info.

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I agree, but the thing that makes me think that they work is that I never notice anything until I realize I've skipped. I ask, Why am I so edgy? And it's only then that I remember the drops. Meh who knows?


horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
that is soooooooo sooooo awesome! i'm so happy for you and your son!!!!!! amazing!

i think there IS alwqays low carb options, even taking meat out of a sandwich, etc. you can always have tea back at home later with fruit or a decaf coffee when home if you want it ;) enjoy not prepping a meal!

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I can do this!



Donkey - Sunday May 05, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Managed stress well yesterday.  Got a lot done as far as decluttering, for the cleaning lady on Monday.  I hope to get more clearing done today, so that I don't have to do anything last minute on Monday, as Monday morning will be rushed and stressful as well.  I just can't win this stress battle....

Have to get through lunch with my mother in law, her brother, his wife (who is very judgmental, but talks a lot so at least I won't have to do much of that), my husband, and my daughter.  Food and cake.... *sigh*  I'm not sure you have any idea how hard this is.

Then decluttering, cleaning... I hope to get a walk in today, maybe with my daughter - that would be so nice. 

Monday morning, at 8am, I have an appointment in another town, about 30 minutes away, to discuss health insurance options.  After getting flooded with that information, I have to rush home and finish getting ready for work, rush to work, dive into a cesspool of stress over there.... but hopefully come home to a cleaner house. 

Well, my mother in law just decided to make this all more stressful by asking us to stop at Walmart before we pick her up to get her a dozen cookies for a meeting she has tomorrow.  Great. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
One question first: how do i know which CBD oil to buy????i really want to get in on this, as it's sold to relieve things that i am in need of paying attention to (stress, anxiety, inflammation)...which one do you use and how do you know it is "genuine" and works?

Donkey on 05/07/2019:
You want to be sure you get a type that is safe to eat. There are many CBD products that are topical only -- and they work too, but you can't eat them.

Here, many vape shops sell CBD drops, which is the way I probably should have gone. Instead, I did a Google, gave my husband a list of 4, and he ordered. This was originally supposed to be for his pain, but he didn't stick with it.

I have a lower concentration, 300mg I think, and use 5 out of the 8 drops per recommended serving. It might be psychological, but I swear that I can really tell when I don't take the drops.

PS also helpful to take a night for sleeping.


BearCountryGG on 05/05/2019:
Are your shoulders up around your ears???? That is major stress......!


BearCountryGG on 05/05/2019:
If the things are not life threatening to anyone then maybe they don't deserve to cause that much stress.

Donkey on 05/07/2019:
THAT is solid advice. Thank you!


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
I agree with BCGG's second comment very much ;)


Horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
yesterday i didn't go out for lunch. i don't regret it, but, it's at least a half mile of walking not done and not healthy. today i'll make up and go out!



Donkey - Saturday May 04, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Glad to see the scale move down, even if I'm in maintenance mode.

Wow, yesterday the anxiety was just incredible as I was walking into the office. I realized what it was:  I forgot to take the CBD drops that I usually take to start my day.  Maybe it's psychological, but I find that on days that I take the drops, I walk into the office fine.  When I forget, I walk into the office feeling edgy.  So in spite of feeling edgy in the morning, I think I got through it pretty good.  Male Co-Worker and I have been discussing the stressful workload, as I mentioned earlier this week.  Even though he's doing the keto diet and trying to lose weight, his big struggle is with his high blood pressure - we're in a world dominated by numbers, aren't we? So that's what he's been focusing on trying to control this week.  He says he just has to walk away, let it go, take one step at a time.  So I've been trying to apply that mindset to my own work as well:  one file at a time, one phone call at a time...  

Too much of my life is being consumed with stress.  

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/04/2019:
WEll...you can only do one file at a time so that is a great way to look at it. Unfortunately stress doesn't help...yet we all still do it.......life is so fast paced now....I listened to a guy the other day that said while we have automatic washers and dryers now...we work more at laundry and it doesn't make sense...but...in the day of wringer washers....we wore clothes more times before putting them in the wash...so the automation just made us more work.....we are doing it to ourselves...and it is sad.....just remember to breathe..and think about how little importance it will all be a year from now....


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
everyone does know that taking breaks is good for you at the office ;) otherwise, things just start to get muddy in your brain !..


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
lol i wish weight did this "what goes up must come down" ...why can't weight be like gravity right!?

i'm also waiting for my weight to come down. i gained around 3lb over the winter.

i could be so wrong,but at a first glance i am thinking keto and blood pressure may be a hard thing to mix because i'm thinking that the meats and everything can contribute to high blood pressure, but someone would have to actually google this to see if my hypothesis is true..



Donkey - Friday May 03, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Aside from the stress at work,  keeping me inactive,  keeping ne at work waaaaay too long every day,  I've been doing much better with food these past 2 or 3 days.  I seem to have a handle on the evening anxiety... or at least I've been strong enough to avert disaster as a result of feeling anxious. 

Still keeping up with the push-ups, bike riding too...  lunch time walking has disappeared,  due to rainy weather and too much work to do!  This is bad!  This is wrong!  I deserve a lunch break!  But if I take one,  I come back to a windfall of emails and phone messages!  

Tonight is chair yoga and date night.  I'd like to relax this weekend but it will be very stressful with picking up the house for the cleaning lady on Monday  and then lunch with in-laws at a restaurant with birthday cake...  very stressful. 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/03/2019:
I vote that you do take that lunch break...then you will be ready to get back to work when it's over....breaks are needed.


BearCountryGG on 05/03/2019:
I remember when i was working in a drug store once that I didn't want to take my breaks...and another employee told me that I needed to take my break because I was messing it up for other employees...so I started taking them....it made sense.

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
Really GOOD point -- I MUST remember this!


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2019:
i will comment more, but, it's up to YOU to choose your limits and nobody is going to do it for you - make sure to take your breaks. i am sure the others are doing so! take care of yourself and set limits.

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
YES -- and the ironic thing is that taking breaks makes me work better, because I can clear my mind and refocus when I come back.


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2019:
you can relieve some of the work stress by taking your breaks. perhaps if you respond to some emails the next morning it will be ok?

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
The emails would just keep surmounting... It's a never-ending battle.

I'm dreading the mess I'll come back to after we return from Texas (for my son's graduation from boot camp!).



Donkey - Thursday May 02, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Oh my... so busy, so tired -- it's starting to affect my brain.  I forgot to wear my Fitbit to bed, after charging it, so I missed tracking my sleep.  Then, this morning, I was 16 minutes into my workout before I realized I hadn't set up the Fitbit to track my steps.  So I've lost 16 minutes worth of steps. 

Yesterday,  I was so busy I missed 5 hours of getting in a minimum of 250 steps per hour.   What does that mean?  That means I was glued to my chair,  working on emails and correspondences.  NOT GOOD. 

And all of this meant that we didn't eat dinner until almost 7p.  Way, far away from an ideal work-life balance.

Today should be better for work.  The boss is out of the office all day.

Still doing push-ups.   No weights though... no time!

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 05/02/2019:
Hope you have been having a good day.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2019:
sorry you feel so busy at the moment! luckily, it is FRIDAY!

remember that it's how you move, your real actions that are affecting your fitness rather than forgetting to wear a fitbit or setting it up to track your steps. But go you! because you DID do the steps and workout! don't be hard on yourself, we all forget things here and there! look at all those people who could care less about wearing a fitbit or tracking, let alone even exercising! you are doing these things, so be so let a brain fart go!

at work i see that getting up from your desk is important, so, perhaps you can also set a timer on your phone or something each hour to go off or whenver you want to get up, set the timer....that IS important, yes.

good job on your pushups. it's ok to skip out on weights here and there, as long as most weeks are routine.

i am headed back to working out soon, starting back up tomorrow at the gym.

keep on, look at the positives that you've done well. it's ok to critique but look how successful you are as well!

Donkey on 05/03/2019:
Ok, I'll try to balance my entries with the positives as well :)



Donkey - Tuesday Apr 30, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Work was insanely busy yesterday.  I've slipped into a pattern of working until 6p.  Not good.

Last night, I was so happy to have completed my push-ups challenge,  until this morning, when I realized that April has one more day... Okay, I can do this.

Today is my follow-up ultrasound, so I'm drinking water like crazy to go in with a full bladder.  All of these medical tests involve some degree of painful prep.

Food continues to be a struggle and an issue.  This is why I'm not losing. This is why I'm gaining weight.  I just can't seem to find a keto balance.  This sounds like a project for the month of May!

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

legcramps on 04/30/2019:
Nice work on the pushups challenge! Yes, you CAN do this. It sounds like you've seen some positive change with this challenge - will you do another one like it for May?

Donkey on 05/02/2019:
Yes! My plan is to continue with the push-ups!


horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2019:
I recommend you try to do something so you are more satisfied with meals and snacks. One recommendation is to have a tea in the afternoon at work (herbal) with fruit as a filling snack. I think you need more volume. When I eat high volume meals I still get hungry later but I get satisfied easier at the next meal if the previous one I had was high volume - like a big lunch and moderate dinner. Have more liquids . Herbal teas. Fruit. Bring veggies to have in addition again to your lunches. When I feel myself struggling I try to go back to basics with food.

Donkey on 05/02/2019:
Keto doesn't allow fruit except 1/2 cup of berries, only occasionally.... this is a problem, I know. I'm trying to figure out what's right for me.



Donkey - Saturday Apr 27, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

My weight keeps going up.  Here's a switch:  my plain scale has me gaining a pound, but my fancy hi-tech scale has me losing a little bit.  I could think of several reasons for the gain, but I'm not sure it matters.  I'm rather surprised to see the increase, though, because yesterday, I could not eat my lunch.  I was almost sick to my stomach after 2 bites - to the point of deciding whether to run to the bathroom, or just sit and focus on keeping the food down.  I ended up having a protein bar later on.

When Mr. Donkey and I went out to eat last Saturday, the ladies sitting in the booth behind me were talking about how one of them had lost a lot of weight.  I couldn't hear a lot of what they were saying, but it sounded to me like she took low-carb approach.  Anyway, the lady said that she only weighs herself on the first Monday of every month, to make sure she's doing OK.  I thought that was a really good idea.  

Although we are expecting 6-8 inches of snow (15-21 cm) tonight, the weather was warm enough earlier in the week that I pulled out some of my summer bottoms.  I have to confess that initially, I was a bit disappointed that they didn't fit loosely.  That is to say, the pants and capris fit perfectly.  So this means that I did not lose any weight over the winter.  But it also means that I did not gain any weight either.  I should overcome my negative self and consider this a victory.

Still hanging in there with my push-up challenge. I have to say, it's paying off.  I can see visible improvements in my upper arms.  The other night, I caught a glimpse of my upper back, and that's coming along nicely too.

Regarding tonight's snow:  It's being forecasted that this will be the thick, heavy "heart attack" snow, so I fully intend to keep up with shoveling as much as possible.  This means great exercise ahead!  Of course, if it decides to just rain instead, that would be A-OK with me (but I'm pretty sure that we're too far north in the system for that to happen).

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2019:
Yeah seems spring hasn’t come officially to New York either !!! And also hasn’t arrived fully in Paris ! It’s been so chilly and earlier in the week it rained for a couple days. Mostly though the rain has stayed at bay but it’s so windy and chilly!

Like you my weight has gone up a hair and I’m also wanting to lose a little by summer just for my clothes to fit a little better...maintenance is all about knowing when to dial it back a notch - that’s how I approach it.



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