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Donkey - Sunday Sep 05, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

I still have a long way to go in this maintenance journey.  I was struggling last night, with emotions about Son leaving today, and I tried really hard.  I had a little chocolate - my supply is all but depleated.  Then I felt myself feeling so sad & anxious, so I stayed downstairs until I felt stronger.  I did get to that point. I felt that I was strong enough to resist eating more, and just go upstairs.  So I went up to the main level, where the kitchen is, and proceeded to eat my emotions.  It was not as ugly as it could have been or has been in the past.  I really only ate until I was satiated (full), but still too much sugar, too much fat.  Essentially, let's say Graham crackers - 4 sheets I believe - with Nutella knock-off and almond butter (2 TBSP? - it did not taste good after the chocolate).

When I woke up this morning, I did not feel hungover or bloated, which means either I didn't eat that much or my body is getting used to this. Now that Son is gone - with Husband - I want to use these next 2 days to reset my eating.  When Husband left to pick up Son, I did not do so well with the isolation (the Chocolate Chip fiasco that left me feeling so bloated for a week!), but I think this time, I'm welcoming it, perhaps because the anxiety about the visit(s) is gone.  Things are returning to "normal". 

Anyway, getting my eating back on track!

I had oatmeal again this morning, so I think I will run to Walmart to pick up some protein powder to add to this, rather than peanut butter.  Peanut butter really doesn't have all that much protein to it - not that I was adding peanut butter to the oatmeal (although that will be a good idea, when I feel the desire for it).  I feel a new morning eating plan coming together that works for me, until I'm ready for another change.

Change in itself is not necessarily a bad thing.  I just have troubles coping with changes, sometimes.

To Do:

  • Mop up the floors a little - DONE
  • Towels laundry - In the dryer
  • Marinate chicken - There's no chicken to make. No worries!
  • Make a big salad - DONE
  • Read - TONIGHT'S guilty pleasure :-)
  • Gym - leg day!!! - DONE & Fabulous!

Not sure if I will watch the fireworks tonight for our town festival. I don't have to go to the actual crowd, because I can see them from the little park that extends through our backyard.  My hesitation is that if people disregard our new fence and start cutting through the yard again, I would feel terribly invaded.  I think this afternoon, I will go out and lock the gates.  Then I won't have to worry about that when it gets dark. (I just have to remember to unlock them tomorrow morning.)

IDK - I also want to go to bed early - meaning before 10pm.  The last 2 nights, I've stayed up past 10pm - contrary to my September goal! - and I think that has contributed a LOT to the inner turmoil that I've been struggling with these past 2 days, dealing with Son's departure.

I know that if I were to experience a permanent loss - Mom, Husband, Son, Daughter - that I would totally eat away my feelings.  I don't know how else to cope with feelings of loss.  I think this may stem from the repeated abandonments by my biological father during my youth.  These departures would cause much sadness and loneliness and as a child, the only thing that I knew to do was to eat.  I don't remember really my mother ever being a comfort to me during these abandonments.  She's far too logical --- and to give her credit, perhaps she was too busy dealing with her own feelings of loss.  I just know that I don't deal well with separations.

EARLY EVENING EDIT:  Thank you to all who commented!  You have helped me through this small trama, and I am currently at ease with being by myself today/tonight. I am enjoying the time to myself. 

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/05/2021:
I responded to your post of yesterday a few minutes ago.....as well. We have all eaten our feelings...I can guarantee you that! Anorexics starve their feelings......food is so available and it doesn't reject or judge us. We are lucky to live in a place where food is readily available....we use it for the wrong reasons but processed food is meant/made to make us want it and then want even more....we are basically the victims of the food industry....no wonder we fall prey to it. That is the reason the diet industry thrives too. Change is hard for a lot of people.....you aren't alone there. I didn't know you went ahead and got the fence...good for you.....do people have to cross your yard to get to the park? Lucky you to be able to enjoy fireworks tonight...enjoy!! The fear of losing loved ones is tough......and it is a shock that lingers......I also run through my head about the what ifs regarding that....and hte what has been's Regarding you dad...I suspect that your Mom was in her own head about that and may have thought that talking to you about it may cause you more grief....as well as her own.......it is a different time...things were different back then.....parents had basically no guidance about raising children....no computers or even many books......we winged it...and we messed it up a lot.....we didn't know any better.....and we didn't meet all or maybe even close to that of our kids needs.....My generation was raised by people that had been through the depression and WWII...we were raised to be tough and resilient and to power through things while ignoring that they even existed.......From age 5 to 10...i walked to school alone...crossed a railroad switch yard ( literally stepping over the tracks...there were bums riding those trains).....along a busy highway and then through a thick wooded area to kindergarten to school and back home again...5 days a week and no one thought a thing about it.......your parents are of my generation.....That happened for 6 school years...and no one thought a thing about it.....A lot of women didn't even drive then...the women in my family didn't....While I'm sorry that you were hurt by your dad and with no comfort from your Mom....I suspect that she was raised in a similar way that I was.....and that was to often choose to ignore things that she didn't know how to deal with....hopefully she is learning better now....I am........I agree...she was being logical...I have spent a lot of time being logical too....I think we were raised to be logical at that time....we didn't show feeling well. I hope you can enjoy your quiet time over the next few hours and don't punish yourself over the snack last night...sounds like your body may have enjoyed it.... ;)

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
I think that it's probably safe to say that even people who had relatively well-adjusted childhoods can eat their emotions too. The book I'm reading about women quitting drinking was really raw -- the author really, really lived quite "adventurously", to be polite. Oh my....

You are 100% right about the differences in how generations have been taught to deal with problems in the past. Logical, stoically -- I guess they had to, because basic necessities were not taken for granted so much as they are now.

I'm sure that every time my father left us, it put my mother into a financially stressful situation. I do know that money was tight... very tight at times.

I do know this for 100% for sure: My mother did the very best that she could, and for that I love her immensely.

bearcountrygg on 09/05/2021:
Sorry...apparently i just wrote you a book!!!!

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
No worries - what you said really helped me think hard.

Maria7 on 09/05/2021:
Ditto to Bear's comment to you above. I grew up during same 'era'. People didn't talk about their feelings, nor ask others about theirs in my family. You just tried to ignore some things. It was the way it was. We did well, with the good Lord's help, to have food to eat after Daddy was killed in a car wreck when I was little. So, our minds were on having necessities, not talking about feelings. Take care.

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
I'm not sure what bothers me most, the "logical" approach or the "everything-is-fine" approach. I guess it's like this: Life is hard, so why not be happy or at least try. (One of those "fake it until you make it" deals -- which can be a VERY helpful tool to get through situations -- I'll definitely admit that.)

Like I mentioned to Bear above, I do know for 100% that my mom did the very best that she could do for us, especially as she had lost her own momma at age 6 and had an awful step-mother. And to that I give her a LOT of credit.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/05/2021:
sorry for your recent food struggles. i still struggle too. but you are doing better and so are you as you noticed your food fest wasn't as bad as it used to be. as you get better at maintenance, your food fits will not be as they were. you will lose the need to go that deep into them. i can tell you that from experience. as you break the habits, come up with better ways to feed both your emotions but also the food fit itself with better choices, the damage done will be less as well as less often. and that is how maintenance will become easier as the fits happen to a different and lesser degree.

you have the ability to deal with change better than you think. of course changes like loss have a great impact on you. but you have more living to do with those who love you now. i see you are missing your son already, or you wouldn't have written that. try to think of your son going back to his job training as a more uplifting thought in that he is doing what is working for him, growing up, maturing, and moving on with life. he still loves you dearly and came home to you. and now you can relax after your mom and him have gone.

you may be eating due to the emotions held in during all the visits with family this past week. i do that too. instead, let yourself relax. also, maybe buy more veggies/fruit or other low cal things to add into your days forward to help you out. also have some sweets or treats so you do not feel denied.

you can do this. you are just reaching into your old thinking ways that you can't, but you can.

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
Thank you for this encouragement!!!!! You are right, I *CAN* do this. I don't have to repeat old ways, reaching for old coping mechanisms that are really more neglect & abuse, rather than helpful & nurturing.

Also helpful to hear that each stumble is an opportunity to learn, change, and grow. The thing about my food fit last night was that I was able to recognize that I would have problems, and I really was mentally AT that place where I felt strong enough to handle it. Looking back, if there is a next time, I should sit with that "strong" feeling a little longer. I think I rushed myself and it backfired.

But those 2 things (identifying the problem & calming myself down - even if it didn't last) are HUGE victories. WOO HOO!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/05/2021:
I am so glad you are doing a bit better tonight! that's good to hear!!!! :)

also, love that you had an excellent leg workout. I may be actually skipping one of my weekly workouts again this week (just too much to handle for ME; with all the beach plans this weekend and the course. i cannot handle thinking about all of it). maybe this is why adults are out of shape! too many commitments, LOL! LOL!

and you can also have more of the lighter foods at hand...more fruit, etc. or veggies at meals, etc. to help you thru another phase of this feeling; if you feel you cannot just stop eating. but it gets so much easier. you get used to feeling content after meals when you truly are...that you've eaten enough and you are ok. you must be satisfied most things; then it will get easier.

and yes, you don't have to repeat the past. definitely not. it doesn't make sense to repeat something that didn't work out. and being that your son is older and daughter also; you may be at a better place to look after yourself this time around.

Donkey on 09/06/2021:
Yes, I feel that I'm in a much better place, all the way around - and I have my DD friends to thank for a LOT of that.

I came to some conclusions about my job situation too, that has confirmed to me that - for now - I will stay where I'm at. The stability of the job will allow me time and energy to work on some more things that I need to work on myself.

Don't be too hard on yourself about missing a leg session. Not that you shouldn't work your legs, especially in a preventative sense (with leg/ankle issues), but also that right now, perhaps rest and regeneration need a higher priority right now.

KathyBlue on 09/06/2021:
Quickly answering to the FB group question yes there is, a bit inactive but still there are many of us and they may not add content frequently but they are present. https://www.facebook.com/groups/169215043089012

Donkey on 09/06/2021:
Thank you for sharing - I couldn't access it. Maybe I need an invite to join? I seem to recall that there was a male member here named Bear, but it's not the current Bear that we have posting :-)

Donkey - Saturday Sep 04, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.5

 GOOD MORNING!!!!  Oh I love being home!!!!  Peace and quiet... enjoying the coolness of the weather.  It is gray right now, but that's OK.  I'd rather have it cool and gray than blazin' hot or freakin' freezing.  I'll take this!!!!

Since I stopped tracking macros with the Lose It app, I had been debating on whether or not to keep weighing in weekly, especially since eating has been kind of off this week, PLUS with TOM here, I've got extra bloating and GI problems (which I'm sure the "off eating" hasn't helped with).  However, last night I realized that if I don't face my issues, then I can't deal with my issues.  Hiding away from the scale - being in a state of denial - isn't going to help me achieve what I want to accomplish in the long run, which is to maintain weight and workout.  

And I'm glad that I weighed in.  Yes, I gained, but I'm not surprised, because I can feel it, and my eating this week has been off, and not spot on plan/program  Also, I'm OK with still being under "goal", BUT I started hearing the echos of previous entries and comments in my mind:  "never forget how hard it was to reach this weight"...  "never forget how good you felt at this point"... "never forget"....  And it seems that I was starting to forget!  

I had a flash feeling yesterday, triggered by a comment by Maria, who said that "maintenance is a horse of a different color".  TRUE.  IDK, in the past, I've felt like I was working on a "special project" when I was trying to lose weight & reach goal.  Once goal was hit, then that "special project" feeling went away.  Yesterday, though, I had that "special project" feeling again -- just for a minute or 2 but it was THERE -- that maintenance is special in its own way.  It's not as flashy or glamorous, because the numbers don't change.  The "payoff" or reward is different.  Ha ha, what kind of reward is it to find that you've kept the status quo?  Not much!  But that's what maintenance is.  A lifelong dedication. 

So I realize now, that I've got to dig deep within me to determine where I want to go with this.  I've got the boat, I'm on the waves, now where will this ship take me?  Where do I want to take this ship?

Today, I am returning the library book written by the cancer doctor (who died of brain cancer) and checking out 2 more books along similar lines.  One is the book that Jacky recommended "When Breath Becomes Air" written by a doctor who dies from lung cancer.  The other book is "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying".  I've become keenly aware of my own mortality, plus the mortality of those who are around me (my Boss, my mom, my MIL, other relatives, etc.).  I don't know that I can ever be prepared for loss - or losing my own life, for that matter - but I feel that these stories help me appreciate the time we all have left.

In addition, I'm still reading through 2 other books. One is about women weight training -- looking for good ideas, directions, etc., one is about sobriety from a woman's perspective (Quit Like A Woman -- not for the faint of heart.  A tough read.)

However, we have a parade coming through our neighborhood this morning, for our fall festival, so I won't be able to drive out of the subdivision until after the parade is over.  I could leave RIGHT NOW, but then I risk having problems returning home without running into parade people.  So I guess I'll just do laundry, read, and relax.

This is our Son's last full day with us.  He and Husband are leaving early tomorrow morning, around 7am.  *sigh*  

Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/04/2021:
Very true...maintenance isn't very exciting.....but it takes almost as much work as losing......probably why so many turn right back around and put it all back on plus a little more for good measure....( been there).....I swear...the body wants something different than the brain sometimes...it's a lot like self sabotage....very frustrating......I don't think I could read those books.....my cousins wife wrote a book about dying from breast cancer....and she mentioned my dad in it ( they were looking for his grave site at the cemetery and couldn't find it)and i read it because she is family.......it was a quick book....self published....and she stayed very upbeat in it and hopeful.....but the cancer did take her life later.....I think I could deal with that book because it was written by family and i knew her situation...but I think I would get depressed......I usually stick with non fiction and comedies for the most part......but losing loved ones is a fact of life and if it helps you prepare for that then it's a good thing for you.

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
You have a GREAT point - that I didn't even realize! Why am I reading such morbid books? I mean, I know why - I'm trying to figure out how to approach this next phase of my life, but GEEZ, do I need this kind of emotional upheaval right now? Wouldn't I be served better with a comedy or something that I can lose myself in?

Maria7 on 09/04/2021:
Several times I have been 'at goal'...only to throw it all away for comfort-eating due to stress. Regain and start all over again. I hope I do not do that now that I have lost weight to goal again (due to sickness of Covid 19). Currently, my appetite has not fully returned and thankfully, I can only tolerate wholesome foods, which does not include breads nor candy, etc. Still getting better but a long time of recovery from this...Hubby, too...but thankful we are getting better. Anyway, HOLD ON to your goal weight! Don't let it slip away by giving in to weight-adders! Take care. And don't forget that 'horse of a different color'!

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
You are so wise... I don't know how old you are, but I think whatever your mortal age, you wise beyond it.

You are so right that I need to hold onto my "horse" -- sadly, like you wrote, I succumbed to emotions last night, knowing my son would be leaving today. I will write more about this today. I do not have a way to reconcile grief and food.

KathyBlue on 09/04/2021:
Maintenance is still a mystery to me... I never got to that point, ever. I hope I will do it this time... sometime. I'm not rushing... I know it will be very stressful and yes, that "forgetting the journey, the path that brought me to that point" is worrying me big time. But... I strongly believe in the theory of Pareto. 80-20. If you do it 80% right, and let 20% for failure, you should still be on track. Like... weight doesn't grow back from one day to the other. It's not two or three birthday parties, one or two wedding parties and a few family dinners of special occasions like Christmas etc. that will bring all that weight back.. no... it's when we get off the wagon continuously, when that 20% turns slowly to 30, 40, 50, ... the night snacks, the poor, everyday food choices, the binging out of work frustrations / stress. Because that dam food is like a drug... a cheap, legal drug... achievable anytime, and it gives instant relief.. but with a big price... remember that. :)

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
Thank you -- the 80/20 approach is a healthy approach. I could go for that, although maybe a little higher (90/10) -- I'm not there yet. But you're right - it's the consecutive days of unhealthy eating/living that turn into weeks, that brings back the weight.

It's probably a good thing that I don't struggle with drug/alcohol issues, because you're right -- food is just too darn easy. I keep relearning this.

KathyBlue on 09/04/2021:
BTW I think Bear is a man :) At least I think he's the person we have in the Facebook DD group we created years back. :)

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
WAIT - WHAT????? There's a Facebook DD group????

Jacky82020 on 09/04/2021:
Yep, maintaining is almost as difficult as losing, if not equally difficult. Very likely TOM has your weight up a few. Always does for me.

I am rereading Fatal Vision by Joe McGinness. About Ivy League All American Marine MD convicted in a second trial of murdering his wife & 2 Little girls. Said some Manson type hippies broke into house & brutality killed everyone but him. Appears to have self-inflicted superficial wounds. Famous old case. Guy in prison now.

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
Oh I LOVE that book!!!! Completely guilty 110%. They keep trying to get him out of jail - let him rot.

I was thinking, upon Bear's comment, that I might try to find some easy fiction to get "lost in", but you've shown that it doesn't have to be fiction. I love true crime.

horn_of_plenty on 09/04/2021:
Per yesterday’s entry of yours: Like you I’ve been having a bad bloated and gassy stomach all week and nothing has improved. Maybe due to eating lots of frozen older food, but I’m not too sure.

What was your daughter anxious on Friday ?!

Have faith in yourself !!!! You can continue lower cals on abs off even I thought I couldn’t and now I am. Don’t think you can’t maintain you can ….

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
I'm going to see if Husband has any pro-biotic left, to take for a week, to see if that helps me "re-set" my stomach. Oof, I know it's the eating....

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
My daughter gets very overwhelmed in dark places, e.g. restaurants, with a lot of conversational noise (cacophony) around her. It also didn't help that this was a brewery, which she's not really fond of the bar scene.

horn_of_plenty on 09/04/2021:
The thing that’s great with maintenance is always being able to wake up and look pretty Good in out clothes. That’s my payoff. Being able to forget about worrying and being angry at myself bc of really bad overeating and waking up even way more bloated and upset and then restricting and just being powerless over my Weight - in maintenance this doesn’t happen at all to me.

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
(Will comment on this below, since it's on the same subject) :-)

horn_of_plenty on 09/04/2021:
But in order to reap that reward and feeling of maintenance you have to be at it all long time. Another benefit of maintenance is realizing and hedging a way to eat all the foods you love without penalty and learning to fit them into your lifestyle so you can be satisfied most of the time - I am - this is something I have mostly solved. Like everyone I’m hungry at mealtimes etc but I have found ways to be content with my lifestyle enough to make it work well for me ….maintenance should yield more freedom

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
Yes, you're right - I need more practice at maintenance. I find it easy to maintain at 145. Not so much at 135. It's even harder in the 120's.

horn_of_plenty on 09/04/2021:
I’m glad your son is doing well and heading back out as he should be :) have a nice time reading your news books and enjoying time at home.

I disagree that days off aren’t worth it as mistakes girl said. And she does take days off so I don’t feel that statement is valid as spoken by her. We’ll see all the clients keep coming to your firm - despite all the changes it sounds that business is good. !!! Now that is good….

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
Mistakes Girl was just throwing my own words back at me. It's actually kind of a bad thing that she says she sees what I'm saying now. It means she's changed a little. She's generally a very positive person.

In fact, I think *I* might be the one changing here, because I do think it's a really good benefit to be away from the office for a break. Thank goodness for regular weekends, too...

bearcountrygg on 09/05/2021:
WAIT WHAT?????? VOLUME 2....I'm a man and I belong to a DD facebook group that I've never heard of????? I've Been here since 2017 and I've never heard of it......and NOPE...I'm not a man......Must have me confused with someone else......But where is the FB group??? I might want to join!

bearcountrygg on 09/05/2021:
PS...Hubby will get a kick out of this!!!!

Donkey on 09/05/2021:
I'm sure he will! "Honey, you thought you knew me, but guess what!!!"

Donkey - Friday Sep 03, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Things are out of sorts.  My stomach does not feel right - bloated and sour.  Some of this may have been from the alcoholic drinks last night.  Both my daughter and I ordered "fruity beers" and she preferred mine, so we switched, which was fine by me because it was a smaller portion if nothing else.  I ate half my salad and then we left, because Daughter was starting to feel very anxious (tears in her eyes).  On the drive home, my stomach felt so FULL.  Just OOF!

Despite my goal to have more protein in the morning, I had oatmeal for breakfast.  I just went with what sounded good to me.  It could be the cooler temperatures in the mornings. I've had problems with eating more carbs during the colder months, and this may be the beginning of that.  I can't complain though, as oatmeal (made with almond milk) is still a good choice to make, especially after a morning bike ride with no weights.  I opened a new flavor of protein shake, to see if I liked the caramel flavor, so I'll finish that sometime today.

I do not know if I will weigh in this weekend or at all this month.  It's probably best not to let that go unmonitored for TOO long - BUT on the other hand, I'm pretty sure that I am gaining some weight.  I have not yet mastered maintenance.  Actually, I'm not sure I ever got to a true maintenance, because I could not sustain the lower calories indefinitely.

However, I am quite pleased with the progress I've been making with weights and interval training, though.  I can see visible results in my arms and feel results in my legs. (Levels that used to be very difficult are doable now.)  That type of progress may serve me better in the long-run, than just a lower number on the scale.

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/03/2021:
Most likely you didn't feel well because of the alcohol, and oatmeal is always a good choice.....there are so many things that would have been a poor choice.......About mastering maintenance....I don't think I will ever master it.....if it doesn't come naturally to me then it will always be a battle and then I will have to make a decision to allow myself to weigh what I can master.....I know at 104 for so many years was simple and I wasn't trying to stay there...I just did....but I was also always anemic....so it really was not healthy.....I took my numbers down today because I want to stop focusing on them.....what I eat, how I feel really is more important than an arbitrary number......being too thin is as bad in so many ways as being to heavy.......they both have their drawbacks.....health is really the issue...I'm sorry to hear about your daughters anxiety...hopefully she feels better now.....possibly alcohol induced...but sad to see all of the anxiety in general around the world and at home now......I know that feeling healthy is just more important to me right now....and if it means that I put on a little weight then I will figure that it was needed for health and happiness.....

Donkey on 09/04/2021:
Good points on maintenance!!!! I really appreciate any feedback - or commiseration (LOL) - I can get. This is really hard.

Maria7 on 09/03/2021:
Maintenance is a 'horse of a different color'. Smile. Hope you feel better. Take care.

Donkey on 09/04/2021:
YES!!! And I'm so glad that you made this comment. It made me realize (or maybe "feel" is the better word) that even maintenance can be a special thing. IDK when I was losing weight, I felt that the "diet" was a special thing. Maintenance was just like "ho hum" boring. But NO, it too is special and deserves the dedication that dieting does as well.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/03/2021:
i read your first line but not in a good mentality to write now...but i do hope you feel better soon. xoxo. take the long weekend to relax...will write more when i feel a little more alert.

Donkey on 09/04/2021:
No worries -- write when you can. Know that I *always* appreciate your feedback, but no pressure to do so. I totally get what you mean about not being the the right frame of mind to comment. That's OK!

KathyBlue on 09/04/2021:
Oatmeal is just fine for breakfast + protein. If you cook it with milk or some kind of nut drink (almond for example) then it's even better. Oat is considered to be a potential source of low cost protein with good nutritional value. Oat has a unique protein composition along with high protein content of 11–15 %. You can add some whey if you'd like, actually there are some products sold that combine oatmeal with whey protein. I normally add flaxseed to my breakfast oatmeal, or powdered peanut butter. I also left myself unmonitored for the months of August and September. I can't cope with everything... I was sure I was gaining weight, so I weighed in today morning, and I am stable. There's like a very small, 1 lb difference (and it's a loss, so it's in my favour) from the last weigh-in (dated mid-July), but I don't count that.. I just wanted to calm my self conscious down.

Donkey on 09/04/2021:
Yes, excellent suggestions on the oatmeal. I was actually thinking about the powdered peanut butter addition this morning. I don't have any whey powder right now. Ever since the flavor changed with the generic brand I was buying -- Aldi brand, for folks here in the US -- I stopped purchasing it. Both chocolate and vanilla -- just started tasting very bad.

I'll write more about this today, but I think I lost weight too quickly this time, and I'm looking to stabilize. Desperately.

Donkey - Thursday Sep 02, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Running into difficulties here.  TOM is throwing me for a real hard loop this month.  I really resent that every time TOM is here, it affects me like a "major medical event".  Just let me live my life, please!

So because of TOM, working out was really hard yesterday, but I *did* push through.  My first thought, though, was that adding the interval training might be too much for me!  I was thinking of maybe modifying that to every other day, but I was able to do it today (for 15 minutes) much easier.  Lower body weights was harder too, because TOM always brings this weird "fatigue" feeling in my legs.  But I pushed through it and got done what I set out to do.

My downfall was an indulgence last night with dessert.  During TOM, my resistance is much weaker.  I've been having this issue this week with BEING full, but not FEELING full in my brain. It's really hard to describe this feeling.  I think it's from a shortage of carbs.  Horn suggested that she tops off her meals with a carb to bring closure and delight.  This is a good idea.  Rather than chocolate, as I have been doing in the past, I have some Graham crackers that I might try. It's actually more calories, but it involves more chewing, and the spicy "fall" flavor is delightful.

I'm also having bathroom issues with TOM.  Have mercy on me!  How much can a body take???  So rather than opting for a protein breakfast, I had a bowl of Fiber One cereal with some almond milk.  I will take a protein shake for my morning snack, and probably yogurt or cottage cheese for my afternoon snack.  Then whether I have the last of the reuben sandwich or the last half of the 3-egg omlette for lunch, I will supplement that with lots of vegetables and some fruit.

Work was so stressful.  I think Male Co-Worker was not feeling well.  He was crabby and seemed to be physically uncomfortable.  I'm also feeling physically uncomfortable, but once this TOM is over, I'm going to seriously evaluate this burnt-out feeling I'm experiencing.  That is to say, perhaps I'm feeling burnt out because of TOM, bathroom problems, changes to workout, etc.  BUT this feels like a mental thing.  I just want to be sure that my evaluation and conclusion is not based on temporary circumstances. 

I would say that this is the 4th week in a row that has felt like "the longest week ever".  And this week was shorter for me!  

Things are just out of sorts right now, and that's good to say, because that means that it's only temporary.  We're going to a local brewery (?) tonight for dinner, because Son went there with some folks from high school, and wanted us to try it out too.  (UGH, more eating out, PLUS drinking, which I really don't do.  I don't like departing from my sobriety, but I do want to try this lemon shanty beer drink that Son is recommending.)  I believe the plan is to meet Daughter & Boyfriend at the pub for dinner.  So I ain't staying late at work today, for sure, God willing.

And I'm disappointed in myself for not taking more time off of work to be with Son.  He leaves on Sunday already... Wow, this time just flew by... and I spent most of it at work.  :-(

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/02/2021:
I’m still doing the Fiber One thing, but less so Effect is diminishing. Used to do 40 grams or fiber a day with nothing to show for it, LOL

bearcountrygg on 09/02/2021:
That stage of TOM is rough......then the hot flashes start and seem to go on forever.....I literally had no idea that would last about 10 years....D asked my dad how long they lasted and when he said 10 years we all laughed....but seriously...he was right on.

innerpeace on 09/02/2021:
No, no and no! I just don't think with all things going all I could add TOM to life as well...I had the uterine ablazion several years ago...GOD Send! Seems like your son's visit was fast, but I'm sure he enjoyed his stay and visited with his friends. At least that is how I looked at it when I would go home on leave. My thought at the time...is my parents will always be here, in the same place, I left them...which was true. Anytime I came home I was always welcome with open arms. I never had any restraints, my parents, let me come and go as I pleased. But I had my parent and family time...all I needed. I hope you have a nice, long weekend and are able to rest and relax.

Maria7 on 09/02/2021:
Hope that tomorrow is less stressful for you. Take care.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/02/2021:
TOM bothers me a lot too. Especially digestion and all that. it def messes me up and i do prefer to be near home or more relaxed those first couple days; most of the time anyways.

yes, try the "carb meal topping," it works strangely well for me. and it has for awhile.

regarding the "burned out feeling" being mental, it prob is a lot of the reason. i also am experiencing that this week; very bad feeling. i hate it when i'm really, really tired and seem to be dragging myself for no reason. so i'm working on it. it does feel better when i make little goals with things and make progress in general with anything which really helps me break thru the feeling of exhaustion. maybe you need a goal or something to excite you.

ah, donkey, it's ok. you made the choice to not take off work; perhaps you shouldn't be dissappointed. you don't have lots of time off. and he knows. and you are going to the restaurant he wants you go try too. you do a lot for him. and you are super efficient as a worker, too.

i wouldn't be upset at yourself for having to make a choice involving work and your son. i think you did a great mix of working out with both :)

and now that i think about it; it seems you are extra tired due to your son visiting and more events going on this week?!

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 01, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Making changes to see where they take me...


  1. More protein in the morning.  Changing my breakfast for this month.
  2. Change up weight-training schedule, to incorporate a 2nd Yin yoga class on Thursdays.  (Stretching yoga, not an active flow workout.)
  3. Meditate 5 minutes on work mornings. (This is a continuation of the vespers goal from last month.)
  4. Bedtime w/lights out before 10pm.
  5. Push-ups, 3 sets of 15-20 reps.
  6. Replacing 15 minutes of my morning bike ride (stead state, for the most part), with higher intensity intervals.  Not actually HIGH intensity, but higher for me.
  7. NOT tracking on Lose It app for the month.  Measuring, weighing, checking calorie counts is still OK.
  8. Write down 1 thing I am grateful for every day.

There are some things that are totally out of my comfort zone that I would LOVE to challenge myself to do, but frankly, right now, the stress of work is just all-consuming. 

It is AMAZING how a feeling of being well-balanced and at peace can dissintegrate so quickly the minute I step into the office.  NOT because of co-workers (for the most part).  

I came home, and I was STILL feeling VERY stressed about work.  So I'm sitting at the dinner table, trying to relax, trying to feel full/satiated, and I felt like this big ball of tangled yarn - or maybe a big ol' fire ball - just a mess with stress, tension, annoyed, etc. 

And I just could not feel full or satisfied.  Even though I was sick of eating from the 2 meals we ate out with Mom, I was very hungry (or munchie) at work.  Came home, still felt munchie after dinner.  Rode my bike, did some chest exercises, felt munchie.  Had 1/2 a protein shake and some frozen fruit... The thing is I WAS full, but it was not registering in my brain.  IDK.  Hopefully the increase in protein will help with this.

Not a bad day, but I sure as heck wouldn't want every day to feel like yesterday.

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/01/2021:
Looks like a really good list of things to follow this month......... The munchies hit here too...with both of us and we often both say that we aren't hungry...but we want to eat.......I figure it's goes right back to the days when we used food to cope...and so put on weight.....But we now know that food doesn't really solve our problem...but it does give us a new problem ( on the scales)....food is easy...it doesn't say NO.....it makes us feel good for a moment.....it's too easy....unfortunately.

Jacky82020 on 09/01/2021:
How do you increase your protein uptake? I like the generic brands of Premier Protein, 30 gms & 160 calories

Donkey on 09/01/2021:
I'm having cottage cheese and a protein shake (Wal Mart generic) in the morning. Not together, but with coffee in the morning. That's my plan for this month.

horn_of_plenty on 09/01/2021:
will be reading thru your entry later tonight :) i am excited as there's lots of positive thought going into it, i can see...!

Donkey on 09/01/2021:
I may be trying to do too much, but I'll write about this more in Thursday's entry.

horn_of_plenty on 09/01/2021:
sitting in the passenger seat i also feel very different (responding to your entry yesterday) than driving. of course it's a different feeling yeah!

wow, that is an AWESOME breakfast with lots of leftovers jdnonk! i would have ordered the same. nice.

i didn't even see InnerP's September Smack Down...i'm intrigued!

a good book for you for positive energy is the one i'm reading, it's an easy, cheesy read. but it's helpful.

Donkey on 09/01/2021:
I've totally got leftovers for lunch every day this week. Really helps cut down on time spent preparing my work foods for the day.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/01/2021:
i thought you were doing or going to do at least maintenance with the app? have you decided not to pay for the app? maybe you get the hang of the app and just want to save time by not going on it?

also, great idea on changing up intensity on a bike ride in the AM. i would say that's like a habit changer and can be so difficult; but you will def be rewarded if you can do it. you may find an increase in your appetite by increasing the intensity, but, since you are good with eating; i think you will get used to the higher intensity and then your appetite will regulate itself by getting used to a new routine and relaxing with it...

unlike how you are going to protein, you may think i'm kidding or not telling the truth; but i reach for carbs (after a meal like cookies - 2 not a sleeve or anything nuts), to finish the meal off and feel satisfied. i had a bigger problem tonight with feeling satisfied and indulged a bit after dinner in gummies, a package of 200cal, and then 2 milanos, 130 cals. it seems like a big indulgence but really just equals a small piece of cake. i don't really like to indulge this much either; but, when i know i've eaten pretty well at work i sometimes let it go a bit if i know calories work out. i may, down the road, get bored of all these extra snacky carbs with little nutrition, but for now i'm still riding it out. but i just find eating the carbs gives me the quick flavor and sugar rush feeling even in my mouht when i ingest them. i try to drink lots of things that are low cal after to continue to fill my stomach up...

your goals sound excellent and great for accountability...

if i had to really think about one goal, it would mainly prob be to work on bedtimes and try to take the train more. i may have no choice come september if the roads get really,really bad.

Donkey on 09/01/2021:
I used the app to maintain in August. Taking a break this month. Planning to start up again in October. I may delete the Lose It app altogether and restart (eth the same app) all over again.

That's very interesting what you say about topping off a meal with carbs to feel satisfied. I think you have an excellent point!

For breakfast, I'm able to be satisfied with the sweetness of the shake. For lunch, fruit usually finished off a meal, but lately it hasn't been enough. Dinner is a disaster. So I may look into finishing a meal with Graham crackers, to see if that works. Thank you!

Donkey - Tuesday Aug 31, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

I had a very nice visit with my mom yesterday.  I wish we could have spent more time, actually, but highway traffic kind of dictated our departure time, because rush hour makes this one highway really, really brutal.  In fact, we had a couple of really close calls - twice.  That did nothing for my PTSD, but I find that I do much better with that when I sit in the back seat.  Well, it makes it easier for me to shut my eyes, at least.  When I sit in the front seat, I feel like a helpless driver.  When I sit in the back seat, I feel like a passenger, giving it all up to God.

Opted for a vegetarian omlette (3-egg), which I ate half of, fresh fruit (ate all of), and pancakes as a side, which I ate one of (preplanned on this) with no butter but had syrup.  This held me until just before dinner, when I snacked on carrot sticks. Oh having fresh vegetables again -- YUMMMM.

I'm so grateful that I had this time with my mom, and so I am also very grateful that Mistakes Girl is skilled enough now to cover my desk reasonably well.  Of course, I'm kind of bracing for a hit when I go in, but once I find out where all my files landed at the end of yesterday, I'll be fine to pick up and move forward.  The key for me today is to take one email at a time, one phone call at a time, one task at a time.  I get tense when I feel overwhelmed and then I get crabby and negative.  

I don't want to be crabby and negative.  Having the day off allowed my "true mood" to come through, and I like that person a lot better than the cynical old grouch I become at work.

I'm looking forward to returning back to my regular eating, although I think we'll probably eat out 1-2 more times while Son is still here.  He leaves on Sunday.  *sigh*

I'm working on formulating goals for my "September Shake-Up" --- a variation of InnerPeace's "September Smack Down" idea.  I'm thinking food, diet, exercise changes -- just for a month -- to see where it takes me.  I looked back at Part 1 of "Chapter 51" of my life and I didn't really like how August read. (That's the 1st month of my 51st year here on this planet.)  So if I do not post those separately tonight, I will do so tomorrow morning.

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

Donkey - Monday Aug 30, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Good morning!  Oh it's a day off, but it doesn't feel very relaxing or relieving at all.  I'm not sure why I feel this tension. Our visit last night was very nice, and dinner was nice too.  This was the first restaurant (a favorite place to go) that I've been to, sit-down, since COVID.  Today the mask mandate starts so when we go out for breakfast/brunch, we'll be wearing masks.

I had ordered a reuben sandwich with fries and cole slaw.  It came with French onion soup -- without the melted cheese on top.  I ate my bowl of soup, and maybe half of the fries, and 1/4 of the sandwich, all of the slaw (1/3 cup?).  I walked out of the restaurant feeling almost uncomfortably full.  I can't imagine wht I would have felt like if I had eaten half of the sandwich or all of it!  I should have gotten a salad.

I woke up with a very sour stomach, and no Tums in the medicine cabinet, so I had some carbonated water to help, and it did, I think.  Yeah, something's not quite right because I don't even want a 2nd cup of coffee, which - on most days - I'm wanting and needing to have.

I anticipate having coffee at the diner when we meet Mom for breakfast/brunch.  And there is coffee available at her hotel too. 

I'm look at today as an exercise "rest" day (after my morning bike ride, of couse) and refuel day.  No yoga tonight. 

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

legcramps on 08/30/2021:
Take it easy today! Enjoy your time with Mom

bearcountrygg on 08/30/2021:
I agree with Legs...Just relax and enjoy the day.......that is one thing about weight watching...we just can't be comfy with the old amts of foods we used to eat. You had a reuben...I have been so craving a reuben.....

bearcountrygg on 08/30/2021:
The litter robot was a good investment for us....( I responded to you on my diary too)

Horn_of_plenty on 08/30/2021:
i get stressed before family days / eating days / special days out of my comfort zone so i feel you and know where you are coming from!

you did so well on your eating last night! rockstar, go you. the onion soup is pretty low cal and it sounds like the mix of all the things and volume had you full, but calorie-wise i am sure it's not that bad compared to not having soup or cole slaw. nice job, jdnok. you cannot always have salad. however, you can order salad also and take the rest home...but i gotta say, you did 100% good! don't knock yourself!

rest sounds good. and you have work tomorrow, so rest will do you good.

Donkey - Sunday Aug 29, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Good morning!  I woke up to my alarm at 5:30am, but had no problems getting out of bed and starting my day.  I stayed up later than I normally do, lights out at 10:03pm, which is why I "slept in".  I watched TV for an hour (this was a mistake on my part, but I just kind of wanted to soak in the TV for a bit, even though I could watch the episode on demand at any time).  Then I read part of 1 of the library books that was successful in holding my interest. (This book was from the 1st batch I checked out last weekend, not the ones from yesterday.)  It's about this brilliant cancer doctor who is dying from terminal brain cancer.  Very short chapters, speaking his own thoughts about his diagnosis, coping with it, and reconciling himself to the inevitable end even though he refuses to give up the good fight. 

Stories about aging & dying seem to be holding my interest lately.  I seem to be acutely aware that I am transitioning into another phase of aging, and maybe I'm just looking ahead?  I'm not sure.  Fascinating stories if nothing else, but I think there's more to it.

I ate well yesterday, with reaching the top of my allowed calorie intake range.  That's OK.  I fit the last of the Brown Cow ice cream into lunch (about 1/2 a cup).  I allowed myself 1 crab ragoon at dinner, which was definitely extra, but it was very delicious and satisfying. 

My husband and I were less crabby to each other when I came back from the gym. I think the "gym" kind of nags at me on weekends until it's accomplished.  I wasn't really ever aware of this, until now.  Also, Husband did tell me that he was in a lot of pain yesterday.    So all of that plus the AC and the impending Mom visit today kind of just made the perfect storm.  

Because Mom is coming this afternoon, I plan to go to the gym earlier today.  It's leg day - YAY!  I might miss seeing Daughter before she leaves for work, but I should have a little time to do last-minute cleaning.

I will have eating challenges, though, today and tomorrow, with eating out with Mom.  Thank goodness it's happening far away from the next Weigh Day, presuming I continue to weigh in on a weekly basis.  I was going to try to work on that as I enter maintenance, but I'm thinking that might be one of the last things that goes, if it ever does go away.

So this week will be a short work week for me, taking Monday off for Mom's visit, and next week will be a short work-week because of Labor Day -- this all makes work a little more stressful because there's still the same amount of work to be done in less time!  BUT...

I may have to take more time off this week, to take Baby Kitty to the vet.  IDK -- we talked about learning how to express a cat's bladder so that she has less accidents in the house.  That is something I would have to do in person at the vet's office.  (Maybe I could YouTube it?)

However, I discovered yesterday that Baby Kitty has an eye infection.  I was thinking pink eye, vet visit, but Husband pointed out right away that it's probably the fungus infection coming back.  That's how it started the first time, manifesting itself in her eye.  The first time, we thought it was a regular infection, but it didn't go away and it got worse, until it almost killed her, and left her very damaged (blind, nerve damage).

So... I guess this means an expensive blood test, and if her numbers are going back up, then we're going to have a hard conversation. 

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/29/2021:
I hope you have a nice visit with your Mom......eating out is a nice break....and makes you time with her easier. I hope things work out with your Baby kitty...and that it is some simple issue.

Donkey on 08/30/2021:
Yesterday was a nice visit. I'm not sure what all we'll have to talk about today, but it's nice to spend time with her.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/29/2021:
the book about the cancer doc sounds very emotional. i wonder if i could even make myself read something like that!? you must have a strong soul to read something like that....so it doesn't upset you too much...

also, your waking up early lately is making me a little envious bc you can get a lot done that way. i figure when i'm done sleeping in; if it ever gets old at all; i'll prob get into a phase where i'm a little more productive in the AM. but i'm not yet done with the sleeping in, i don't think? however, nice job to you getting up early; it does make you able to get more done.''

i totally know what you mean by having something nag at you until it's done. this happens a lot with my weights and days i assign to do them.

you can order whatever you like, you can also order extra veggies if they are available so you can feel fuller but not need to finish big portions of the more caloric stuff. however, you are on a roll, so if you want to indulge; you can; but you can also do so with eating a little less caloric by filling up on veggies. in the end, your mom is here a short while; so you may as well enjoy your time and meals. remember, nothing should be "off limits." everything can be fit in. (says jackie, the cookie-monster as of late!)

Donkey on 08/30/2021:
I thought I'd take the approach of "I'll just eat less" of whatever I order. I stuck to that, and good thing too, because I walked out of there feeling VERY full. I can't imagine what I would have felt like had I eaten everything on my plate.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/29/2021:
sorry about the baby kitty...best wishes for her.

also, a short work week also means more you-time. more time to live that other life outside the office. that life is important too. especially time with loved ones.

Donkey on 08/30/2021:
Well, that's true, more time for me. But makes the work time brutal to catch up.

Jacky82020 on 08/30/2021:
Is the book When Breathe Becomes Air? Read that! Good read. Have read many similar memoirs, but few as well written as that. Some godawful as a matter of fact. I only read nonfiction & there’s a lot of similar books out there. Some become very tedious, particularly about women overcoming breast cancer. Wonderful they did, but most books poorly written with little of interest, to me anyways because I’ve gone through so many.

Poor kitty! Never heard of expressing kitty bladder. Mine able to pee in litter box, but occasionally a poop misses the mark.

Donkey on 08/30/2021:
Oh I need to read that book! No, this is "Not the Last Goodbye", but it sounds like it's along the same lines. However, I'd be interested in the Breath book too, to compare and contrast.

innerpeace on 08/30/2021:
I enjoy visits from my mom for a minute, then she gets comfortable and tells me everything I'm doing wrong. I always think I will be prepared for it, but she always seems to notice my worst. Good luck eating out. I think that topic of growing old, getting older is something I try to avoid thinking about for now. Have a great day!

Jacky82020 on 08/30/2021:
I’ll have to look for the one you mention. Believe my guy was a MD in the SF Bay Area, which made the book more interesting for me, as I know the area well.

Jacky82020 on 08/30/2021:
I just checked the Brooklyn Library for that book. They only had the audio. Hate when that happens! I only do ebooks.

Donkey - Saturday Aug 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Well, it's going to be a very trying day:

Weight gain this week, despite resisting ice cream (for the most part).  I woke up feeling very bloated in my stomach, and my fingers feel a  little swollen too.  So while this is discouraging to the spirit, I won't let this get me down.  It's most likely temporary, due to excessive heat, awesome workouts, and hormones.

I woke up this morning to a note from Daughter that the AC isn't working.  And we're having a high of 90 degrees today for like the million-th day.  I'm so sick of this hot weather.  Really just unbearable.  

My mother is coming into town tomorrow for a few days, and Husband did not do any cleaning yesterday as he had promised (when the AC was working).  So now he'll have to clean when it's wicked hot in the house.  Great.  This procrastination and "false promises" thing just drives me nuts with my Husband. I mean, I know it's just cleaning, but I really see this as a breach of trust.  So disappointed.  Well, I work hard during the week. I'm NOT cleaning this house on my time off.

We're back to wearing masks in public places, which includes the gym.  I'm actually OK with this, but man all this COVID news is just *depressing*.  I'm just DONE with this stupid virus and stupid people.  

I'm not really a cheerful person when it's too hot out.  Did I mention that?

AFTERNOON EDIT:  Thankfully, the HVAC guy was able to come out and replace a motor and refill the freon.  So the house is in the process of cooling off.  

I think this is just one of those days where we're getting on each other's nerves a little bit.  The heat and his pain (this is the weekend he takes a shot) are at the root of this.  Plus, I'm sure we're both anxious about Mom coming to visit.  And that should really be the least worry of all.  She's not coming to stress us all out -- she would hate to think that she has that effect on us.

Husband and Son are at the store, and I will be leaving for the gym soon.  I also stopped by the library to return 2 books that weren't a good fit for where I'm at, and to pick up 2 more.  I keep checking out books, hoping to find a solution to the stress that I've been experiencing, and they are all telling me the same thing:

  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation

Do think Someone is trying to tell me something?  I've always felt that God does speak to us, but we're not always listing.

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/28/2021:
Oh no...not a good time for the AC to conk out.....I agree...who wants to work all day and come home to housework? I think we will be living with covid 19 for years...we have been living with other forms of covid for a very long time....building up our immune systems with good food and vitamins and exercise is about the best we can do......The jabs are an added help.....but not the whole defense.......Way too much is a mind game....and we can keep playing that......working on cutting stress will help.......I know what you want with a clean and neat house for your Moms visit...I was the same way.....but you can only do what you can do....i get the frustration with your hubby too....I also get that way with mine.....when mine starts letting me down...i seem to start letting him down too...he usually gets the message...sometimes people just don't understand until they feel it when it happens to them.

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
Having the AC conk out was just kind of like my tipping point. Thankfully, it's fixed now, but that expense kind of hurt a little bit. However, I'm glad it worked out the way it did ONLY because we had a conversation with our HVAC guy (he's a good guy) about replacing the HVAC system soon, as we're coming up to the 20 year mark. So this will be a House Goal to add to the list.

My mom's visit has me TOTALLY on edge, and I *know* that she would not want to be the cause of any angst or family conflict. Realizing that has helped me relax a little bit. Husband is on edge too -- I think he might be in a lot of pain today.

innerpeace on 08/28/2021:
Not having AC is the WORST! OMG I hope you can get it repaired. I know all about husbands and cleaning...I'm complaining about that in my post. Also having a parent visit is right up there on my high stress level. My mother is so judgy...I have to clean and reclean EVERYTHING before she comes...and then she always finds something that I missed. I think the last time I forgot the inside of the microwave! Same about COVID - sick of it!

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
I am SO grateful that our guy could come out today to look at it AND fix it. Yes, we paid a surcharge because it's a Saturday, but oh well. On a 90 degree day, it's worth it.

I think that with my mom, it's me thinking she's judging me. I just know that she doesn't like the cat smell, and that's what I'm really worried about. I can't blame her for that, but I can just hear her telling my sister, "Oh their house stinks like cat pee." :-(

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
re your question of the radiology program and why i didn't pursue - we weren't really advised on where to apply to jobs or how. i graduated from the program a little confused on that end completely. the hospital did hire at least 2-3 of us; out of us 9 that completed the program. the others mostly, i think, did get jobs in xray but i don't keep in touch with any. the ex cop did not continue with xray as i didn't either. he does real estate now a little bit; i think. some of the people in the program may have settled for a job halfway in medical but not really xray, yet. i didn't put my all into the program and didn't spend much time looking for jobs. my dad actually got me an interview/ability to go and work with some people doing xray but they asked me how to xray a persons head and the positiions and i believe i got really confused. and that was it...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Ah OK, yes, I think I do remember you writing about the interview. Believe it or not, this happens. Folks finish up a program and realize, "this is not for me". I had a classmate in paralegal school, who became certified massage therapist, and then realized she didn't really like touching strangers. And Associate Attorney's son was in his last semester of computer science, when he realized he didn't want to do THAT kind of job for the rest of his life -- or any part of his life.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
with putting money into a roth; ira, or similar, it doesn't need to be ALL your money in one basket. maybe just put 1/4 of it somewhere. also, you can see if there's any short-term CD's that offer what i ended up doing: one year, .5%. if you have enough money, it will add up to at least a few hundred more dollars than you started with; at the end of the year. put in 100,000 and you'll have 500 more at the end of the year...and then you can take it all back after that..it's hardly anything; but if you have even more money, you could potentially make 1k doing nothing...or more.

GREAT job on the ice cream; plus you had some and got the initial enjoyment you get from it when you have a spoon of it. really, kudos!

good for you to talk to mortgage guy about posibilities. in general, maybe you can find a new positiion doing something like that in general...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Well, if I had $100,000 I don't think I'd be so worried, LOL. I know what you are saying, though.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
totally hard to change that bedtime routine / habit to wake up earlier. i have yet to make any changes that will really help me do so either...but it would def help me/you.

haha, i'm glad to hear you are off Monday. please enjoy it! and on Tuesday, just roll like it's Monday and do your work; make believe you didn't take Monday off....don't regret Monday off! :)

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Part of the problem with a sleep routine thing is that ultimately, it's not really up to us when the body decides to let go of this world and fall asleep. I can do everything in my power to prepare for sleep, but if my body isn't ready, it won't happen. I guess that's the part that's annoying to me.

Yes, I must remember to enjoy tomorrow. I actually left Mistakes Girl in a really good place for Monday, but Mondays are dependent on the crap that comes in from the weekend.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
i may expand on working with the boss to you tomorrow; it's really no biggie. i will do it here, actually. it was for a task he gave me that turned out to be slightly too difficult for me; of which he noticed. so, as i sat with him; he actually did the work which took from well before lunch until 3:30 that day; which is when i leave. as i watched him; he was talking out loud a lot on what he was doing; i asked a few questions; mostly related; but some just for small talk. he really seemed to prefer to do any small talk and not have me leading with it (i learned, ooops). overall it was ok with him. he demonstrated a STRONG work ethic and wasted NO TIME getting the work done. it was a lot, long emails; multiple higher-ups CC'd on the emails. i'm sorta glad i didn't have to do that particular task,but i will track his initial work emails to see what we actually receive from vendors now that he asked for it...this is why i was with him. i should have paid alittle closer attention tho; so i could maybe do it myself in the future. i do not think i could still do the task right later; i would need to work on it a few more times first. it involves reading something called specs (specifications) of items of paperwork needed on the job from vendors; but of course it's not spelled out and you must decipher everything from a long spec document of which things can be confusing and not all in the same spec chapter...it involves work and also experience of reading this specs. i have reviewed specs, but not a ton in the past. i am not used to everything asked for; for all the electrical pieces of equipment; which is why i couldn't have really done the assigment at all well or quickly; not knowing the specs of this job...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Does the Boss expect you to do these tasks yourself in the future? Or was he just showing you how it works?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
and boss realized this; which is why he did it....fine by me.

and i learned to let him lead when it comes to making jokes or anything job related.

Donkey - Friday Aug 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

GOOD MORNING!  Am I the first one up this morning?  (LOL)  Usually Bear beats me to the morning posting...  I woke up naturally at 4:19am, and I was debating whether to get up ALL the way, or if I should try to go back to bed - after using the bathroom - to try to get another hour or so of sleep.  I decided that it was easier to put forth a little more effort to waking up early than it would be to maybe get more sleep, and then wake up SO tired.  Or late, and then I wouldn't have as much quiet time to myself.

The only problem with getting up earlier is wanting calories earlier, whether that means an extra cup of coffee with creamer (of course), or a protein shake...  Whatever happened to embracing the hunger?

But this was a valuable lesson.  It helped me see that the reason for my latest struggle with the Ice Cream Force is due to fatigue more than anything else.  And that means, go to bed.  Do not go to the freezer.  Go to the bedroom.  Go to the shower and relax.  Getting up earlier means going to bed earlier, and I guess I hadn't quite made that connection.  Anyway, now that I know that the desire for ice cream is not really about hunger, it may be easier to resist.  Still, it would be helpful if someone else in the house would eat it up, so it's not even an option.

It looks to be a busy day at work, being the end of another very busy real estate month.  Everyone wants to close on their transactions on Friday as close to the end of the month as possible, so that they can miss a mortgage payment without having to pay much "interest only" to finish out the month.  Problem is, the lenders don't have the loans ready on time, and you can't close without money.  

I really have no business taking Monday off from work, but I'm going to, so that we can visit with my mom who is in town, to see our Son.  I missed the last visit with her out in Vegas, so she's kind of here to see me too, but mostly Son -- like 99.9% -- which is fine by me.

However, that means going out to dinner on Sunday and then having a brunch-lunch on Monday.  I was looking at the brunch menu to see if they had any breakfast dishes that involved ice cream...

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/27/2021:
Brunch ice cream....sounds good to me too!!!

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
LOL, right? I'm just SO NOT an egg person in the morning. Yet, an omelet is really the best way to go.

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