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Donkey - Saturday Aug 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 131.0

Well, it's going to be a very trying day:

Weight gain this week, despite resisting ice cream (for the most part).  I woke up feeling very bloated in my stomach, and my fingers feel a  little swollen too.  So while this is discouraging to the spirit, I won't let this get me down.  It's most likely temporary, due to excessive heat, awesome workouts, and hormones.

I woke up this morning to a note from Daughter that the AC isn't working.  And we're having a high of 90 degrees today for like the million-th day.  I'm so sick of this hot weather.  Really just unbearable.  

My mother is coming into town tomorrow for a few days, and Husband did not do any cleaning yesterday as he had promised (when the AC was working).  So now he'll have to clean when it's wicked hot in the house.  Great.  This procrastination and "false promises" thing just drives me nuts with my Husband. I mean, I know it's just cleaning, but I really see this as a breach of trust.  So disappointed.  Well, I work hard during the week. I'm NOT cleaning this house on my time off.

We're back to wearing masks in public places, which includes the gym.  I'm actually OK with this, but man all this COVID news is just *depressing*.  I'm just DONE with this stupid virus and stupid people.  

I'm not really a cheerful person when it's too hot out.  Did I mention that?

AFTERNOON EDIT:  Thankfully, the HVAC guy was able to come out and replace a motor and refill the freon.  So the house is in the process of cooling off.  

I think this is just one of those days where we're getting on each other's nerves a little bit.  The heat and his pain (this is the weekend he takes a shot) are at the root of this.  Plus, I'm sure we're both anxious about Mom coming to visit.  And that should really be the least worry of all.  She's not coming to stress us all out -- she would hate to think that she has that effect on us.

Husband and Son are at the store, and I will be leaving for the gym soon.  I also stopped by the library to return 2 books that weren't a good fit for where I'm at, and to pick up 2 more.  I keep checking out books, hoping to find a solution to the stress that I've been experiencing, and they are all telling me the same thing:

  • Mindfulness
  • Meditation

Do think Someone is trying to tell me something?  I've always felt that God does speak to us, but we're not always listing.

Progress as of today: 55.5 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/28/2021:
Oh no...not a good time for the AC to conk out.....I agree...who wants to work all day and come home to housework? I think we will be living with covid 19 for years...we have been living with other forms of covid for a very long time....building up our immune systems with good food and vitamins and exercise is about the best we can do......The jabs are an added help.....but not the whole defense.......Way too much is a mind game....and we can keep playing that......working on cutting stress will help.......I know what you want with a clean and neat house for your Moms visit...I was the same way.....but you can only do what you can do....i get the frustration with your hubby too....I also get that way with mine.....when mine starts letting me down...i seem to start letting him down too...he usually gets the message...sometimes people just don't understand until they feel it when it happens to them.

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
Having the AC conk out was just kind of like my tipping point. Thankfully, it's fixed now, but that expense kind of hurt a little bit. However, I'm glad it worked out the way it did ONLY because we had a conversation with our HVAC guy (he's a good guy) about replacing the HVAC system soon, as we're coming up to the 20 year mark. So this will be a House Goal to add to the list.

My mom's visit has me TOTALLY on edge, and I *know* that she would not want to be the cause of any angst or family conflict. Realizing that has helped me relax a little bit. Husband is on edge too -- I think he might be in a lot of pain today.

innerpeace on 08/28/2021:
Not having AC is the WORST! OMG I hope you can get it repaired. I know all about husbands and cleaning...I'm complaining about that in my post. Also having a parent visit is right up there on my high stress level. My mother is so judgy...I have to clean and reclean EVERYTHING before she comes...and then she always finds something that I missed. I think the last time I forgot the inside of the microwave! Same about COVID - sick of it!

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
I am SO grateful that our guy could come out today to look at it AND fix it. Yes, we paid a surcharge because it's a Saturday, but oh well. On a 90 degree day, it's worth it.

I think that with my mom, it's me thinking she's judging me. I just know that she doesn't like the cat smell, and that's what I'm really worried about. I can't blame her for that, but I can just hear her telling my sister, "Oh their house stinks like cat pee." :-(

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
re your question of the radiology program and why i didn't pursue - we weren't really advised on where to apply to jobs or how. i graduated from the program a little confused on that end completely. the hospital did hire at least 2-3 of us; out of us 9 that completed the program. the others mostly, i think, did get jobs in xray but i don't keep in touch with any. the ex cop did not continue with xray as i didn't either. he does real estate now a little bit; i think. some of the people in the program may have settled for a job halfway in medical but not really xray, yet. i didn't put my all into the program and didn't spend much time looking for jobs. my dad actually got me an interview/ability to go and work with some people doing xray but they asked me how to xray a persons head and the positiions and i believe i got really confused. and that was it...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Ah OK, yes, I think I do remember you writing about the interview. Believe it or not, this happens. Folks finish up a program and realize, "this is not for me". I had a classmate in paralegal school, who became certified massage therapist, and then realized she didn't really like touching strangers. And Associate Attorney's son was in his last semester of computer science, when he realized he didn't want to do THAT kind of job for the rest of his life -- or any part of his life.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
with putting money into a roth; ira, or similar, it doesn't need to be ALL your money in one basket. maybe just put 1/4 of it somewhere. also, you can see if there's any short-term CD's that offer what i ended up doing: one year, .5%. if you have enough money, it will add up to at least a few hundred more dollars than you started with; at the end of the year. put in 100,000 and you'll have 500 more at the end of the year...and then you can take it all back after that..it's hardly anything; but if you have even more money, you could potentially make 1k doing nothing...or more.

GREAT job on the ice cream; plus you had some and got the initial enjoyment you get from it when you have a spoon of it. really, kudos!

good for you to talk to mortgage guy about posibilities. in general, maybe you can find a new positiion doing something like that in general...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Well, if I had $100,000 I don't think I'd be so worried, LOL. I know what you are saying, though.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
totally hard to change that bedtime routine / habit to wake up earlier. i have yet to make any changes that will really help me do so either...but it would def help me/you.

haha, i'm glad to hear you are off Monday. please enjoy it! and on Tuesday, just roll like it's Monday and do your work; make believe you didn't take Monday off....don't regret Monday off! :)

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Part of the problem with a sleep routine thing is that ultimately, it's not really up to us when the body decides to let go of this world and fall asleep. I can do everything in my power to prepare for sleep, but if my body isn't ready, it won't happen. I guess that's the part that's annoying to me.

Yes, I must remember to enjoy tomorrow. I actually left Mistakes Girl in a really good place for Monday, but Mondays are dependent on the crap that comes in from the weekend.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
i may expand on working with the boss to you tomorrow; it's really no biggie. i will do it here, actually. it was for a task he gave me that turned out to be slightly too difficult for me; of which he noticed. so, as i sat with him; he actually did the work which took from well before lunch until 3:30 that day; which is when i leave. as i watched him; he was talking out loud a lot on what he was doing; i asked a few questions; mostly related; but some just for small talk. he really seemed to prefer to do any small talk and not have me leading with it (i learned, ooops). overall it was ok with him. he demonstrated a STRONG work ethic and wasted NO TIME getting the work done. it was a lot, long emails; multiple higher-ups CC'd on the emails. i'm sorta glad i didn't have to do that particular task,but i will track his initial work emails to see what we actually receive from vendors now that he asked for it...this is why i was with him. i should have paid alittle closer attention tho; so i could maybe do it myself in the future. i do not think i could still do the task right later; i would need to work on it a few more times first. it involves reading something called specs (specifications) of items of paperwork needed on the job from vendors; but of course it's not spelled out and you must decipher everything from a long spec document of which things can be confusing and not all in the same spec chapter...it involves work and also experience of reading this specs. i have reviewed specs, but not a ton in the past. i am not used to everything asked for; for all the electrical pieces of equipment; which is why i couldn't have really done the assigment at all well or quickly; not knowing the specs of this job...

Donkey on 08/29/2021:
Does the Boss expect you to do these tasks yourself in the future? Or was he just showing you how it works?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/28/2021:
and boss realized this; which is why he did it....fine by me.

and i learned to let him lead when it comes to making jokes or anything job related.

Donkey - Friday Aug 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

GOOD MORNING!  Am I the first one up this morning?  (LOL)  Usually Bear beats me to the morning posting...  I woke up naturally at 4:19am, and I was debating whether to get up ALL the way, or if I should try to go back to bed - after using the bathroom - to try to get another hour or so of sleep.  I decided that it was easier to put forth a little more effort to waking up early than it would be to maybe get more sleep, and then wake up SO tired.  Or late, and then I wouldn't have as much quiet time to myself.

The only problem with getting up earlier is wanting calories earlier, whether that means an extra cup of coffee with creamer (of course), or a protein shake...  Whatever happened to embracing the hunger?

But this was a valuable lesson.  It helped me see that the reason for my latest struggle with the Ice Cream Force is due to fatigue more than anything else.  And that means, go to bed.  Do not go to the freezer.  Go to the bedroom.  Go to the shower and relax.  Getting up earlier means going to bed earlier, and I guess I hadn't quite made that connection.  Anyway, now that I know that the desire for ice cream is not really about hunger, it may be easier to resist.  Still, it would be helpful if someone else in the house would eat it up, so it's not even an option.

It looks to be a busy day at work, being the end of another very busy real estate month.  Everyone wants to close on their transactions on Friday as close to the end of the month as possible, so that they can miss a mortgage payment without having to pay much "interest only" to finish out the month.  Problem is, the lenders don't have the loans ready on time, and you can't close without money.  

I really have no business taking Monday off from work, but I'm going to, so that we can visit with my mom who is in town, to see our Son.  I missed the last visit with her out in Vegas, so she's kind of here to see me too, but mostly Son -- like 99.9% -- which is fine by me.

However, that means going out to dinner on Sunday and then having a brunch-lunch on Monday.  I was looking at the brunch menu to see if they had any breakfast dishes that involved ice cream...

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/27/2021:
Brunch ice cream....sounds good to me too!!!

Donkey on 08/28/2021:
LOL, right? I'm just SO NOT an egg person in the morning. Yet, an omelet is really the best way to go.

Donkey - Thursday Aug 26, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

If you commented on my entry yesterday (Wednesday 8/26), I did respond. I also asked some questions of some of you, if you are interested in responding, either here or in yesterday's entry.

Struggled a bit yesterday.in the evening.  I'm not sure why, because I had eaten more calories during the day.  I had an informal dinner (deli meat and lots of fruits & vegetables) but way sufficient calories.  Yet, I heard that ice cream calling my name in a BIG way.  Oh the Force is strong...

I fought the Force (the Ice Cream Force) by finishing the other half of the chocolate protein shake.  That helped me feel satiated, but I still wanted ice cream....  So I waited just a tiny bit until I felt confident enough in my willpower to know that I would only take a spoonful (not a soup spoon, but the smaller one you would use to stir your coffee) of the 2 flavors we have in the freezer out in the garage.  That's what I did, and then I was done.

Afterwards, the ice cream didn't feel so good in my tummy.  Bloat?  But it was what it was, and I got ready for bed with no other food issues.  I think I handled that well, actually.  I should probably feel very proud of myself, for practicing moderation.  I don't think I'm feeling an adequate amount of appreciation for the restraint that I showed myself that I am capable of.

Work was busy but fine until around 4:15pm when everything started imploding.  It was phone call after phone call, disaster after disaster.  WHAT??  At 4:15pm??? WTF!!!  So I stayed a little later at work, and I already *KNOW* that today will be very, very busy for me today.

Yesterday, I had a chat with the Mortgage Guy that works in our office.  Well, actually, he has an office, but he works mostly from home now, since COVID.  I work with him a little bit, with my loan originator license.  I don't talk about him very much, but I asked to have a little bit of his time the next time he stopped by the office, which was yesterday.  

I wanted to discuss with him my role/ability to continue with the mortgage company, if I were to leave the law firm.  He is the first person I've told, connected to the Boss/office, that I'm thinking of leaving.  Even Mortgage Guy says that he's seeing changes happening in the firm.  So I'm not imagining things.  Nice Lady isn't imagining things either.  Things are changing.  Anyway, it was very helpful, for me, to just put it out there, get some feedback, talking it through, etc.  IDK, it felt more real talking about it to someone, not only like a reality check, but also in knowing that this is a real possibility.  The end of the story is that as far as he's concerned, I would be able to continue my role in the mortgage company.  So that felt good, to know I had that support.

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/26/2021:
Isn't that the way it goes...the craving happens...gets put off for awhile.....then when you finally decide to go for it ( and in such a small amt)....then you don't feel good...it happens to me too.....( I expect it from dairy because of the lactose).....but what a bummer.......yet I know for myself...that old craving will crop up again another time...UGH......I notice that if I do stay away from sweets...they do upset my stomach when i do eat them......Good news about the mortgage company reassuring you.....that must make you feel better.

Donkey on 08/27/2021:
Actually, this is a GREAT reminder to myself that it's a good thing I didn't go off the deep end into ice cream, because if I had, I would have felt like total crap for the next day(s), like I did with the chocolate chip episode.

So THAT observation PLUS my recent discovery that this craving is strongly connected to fatigue is extremely helpful.

Talking with Mortgage Guy really did help console me, not only on my decisions to leave, and then also to delay leaving for a bit.

Maria7 on 08/26/2021:
I've been pretty much keeping up with your posts almost every day and I think you are doing remarkably well!

Donkey on 08/27/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! I really appreciate hearing that :-)

Donkey - Wednesday Aug 25, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

Lights out at around 9:40pm and woke up naturally on my own at around 4:30am.  LOVE IT.  Finally got out of bed around 4:42a.  Again, GREAT!

Because of the early start, I was able to go for a jog with walking afterwards, before breakfast and logging in here.  Note to self:  Not every day can be like this, but way to go to have a morning like this.

Had 2 really good weight training sessions yesterday, both morning and evening.  After the evening one, I had half of a pre-made protein drink, to replenish.  PLUS, I had been battling feelings of an impending food fit.  NOT GOOD.  The protein shake seemed to subdue those feelings, and I got ready for bed instead.  GOOD.

Daily calories were within range.  Macros were in really good proportions, maybe a little short on the protein.

Work seemed incredibly busy again.  In fact, I kind of tired out at around 3:30p. I'm not sure if this was from the work itself, stress, not enough protein, whatever, but I just felt that doing anything that required much thought would be very difficult and better suited for a new day.  I was able to keep working, but things that required actual thought I saved as drafts to review today.

I learned from Male Co-Worker that the Boss has been getting some "strong encouragement" from his daughter to pull back from work, maybe come in only 3 days a week.  Well, the Boss doesn't want to admit that he's at that point, so HIS idea is to come to work and do nothing but talking, going out to lunch, surfing the web.  Oh he writes letters and takes phone calls, but he really is at the point where he doesn't go to closings.  And if he does, he tries to take New Guy with him.  That's his way of cutting back. (insert critical eye roll here)

But Nice Lady has picked up on this - whatever these changes are.  She senses that "something's going on". So it's not just me who has these feelings.  And rather than just make these changes outright, the Boss is trying to put up a good front that everything is status quo, everything is fine.  This is where I kind of miss the structure of working for a real company, with corporate policy & procedure.

But I know that I will be OK.  Now that I've decided to stay a little bit longer:

  • I make a decent wage for the work I'm doing in this geographical area.
  • I do not get insurance, but I have a subsidy from the Boss that covers about half of my montly payment to Obamacare. (Thank you Obamacare or I'd have nothing.)
  • I do not have a 401K or any kind of retirement plan.  THIS is where the job falls short.  I could take a portion of my weekly check and put it into an investment account, but my Husband and I have differing opinions on how this should be executed.  So nothing gets done, other than to save the money.
  • The work is stressful, but I'm familiar with this stress and have adapted.
  • The co-workers are who they are, but these kinds of personalities are everywhere, no matter where I would work.
  • I plan to work until I'm 70.  I don't know if it will always be full-time - that depends more on health insurance - but I actually prefer part-time work.  Even 2 part-time jobs, for me, are better than 1 full-time job, psychologically. 

If you've read this much, thank you for hanging in there with me and for your patience.  

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/25/2021:
Don't you love it when getting up is easy???? Shifting a craving to something acceptable instead of going off the rails is just as nice...good going on that. It sounds like the job is meeting your needs right now and that is a very good reason to stay there. The bonus is that you know what is up there and any new job would take a new adjustment all over again.

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
Oh I do!!! I've struggled with depression for SO long in my life, where it's so hard to face another day of living. So I REALLY LOVE this waking up naturally, not having to fight anything, and actually being able to GET UP and GET started.

Thank you for your feedback and consolation (not sure if that's the right word). You get where I'm at right now, my hesitation -- I'll write a little bit more about this on Thursday's entry.

innerpeace on 08/25/2021:
I know our work situations are totally different, but this guy at work wants me to call this financial planner/retirement adviser and I told him I just can't. He asks why? I say because I don't want anyone telling me how much harder or longer I have to work to accomplish a goal that he is setting for me...I have just concluded I will have to work for a while longer and leave it at that. I will never ever be independently wealthy...and though not idea, I'm ok with it.

I'm glad you continue to find time to do your exercises and work out.

Jacky82020 on 08/25/2021:
I’d put the max I could afford into an IRA because it’s tax deferred. Not sure if one can get a 401K if the employer doesn’t participate in some way. My husband’s employer used to contribute significantly, but now they give next to nothing. We still contribute the max to defer taxes. At some age, I think 72, you can’t contribute and must take RMD. Required minimum distributions. Many variables & I haven’t looked into it for a while.

This 401/IRA $$ is what I trade with almost everyday. I have separate accounts that are brokerage only too. No point for me putting much cash in CDs or savings these days given the low interest rates. I do have one savings account paying 3.5%. Not a teaser rate. Most are.

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
I agree. The dispute comes with where to open the account. My husband has an Ameritrade account and thinks he can manage my account. I'd rather just go direct to like Fidelity or Vanguard and open an account. Your thoughts?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2021:
regarding your comment back to me below; YES; you can always change your mindset. when a class or company or group in general starts to think negatively, it can start to take over the environment and manifest a terrible environment for everyone. i highly suggest you do not let this happen or let it cause you to get depressed. i was in a situation like yours where the end was nearing and we felt we weren't getting the best education or chances; but the truth is we (the class of 9 students including myself) did it to ourselves. we had similar chances as anyone; but many of us were lazy and took a negative approach. some in the class were hired and got chances; but many of us didn't once this program and school closed; but we didn't need to think in such a negative way that it affected our mindset/mental states and lifestyles; not sure you know what i mean, but i'll never forget this time period in my life. (i was in a program that was ending it's education dept after we graduated; we all snowballed into negativity i will always remember back in my studies for radiologic technologist from 2008-2010)

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
Yes, I do remember now that you were the last graduating class from the radiology program. Is that why you did not pursue a career or job in that area?

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2021:
ok! now on your entry today! what a lovely morning. go you! on some days; where i reach to do more - like walking before work - i am automatically in a better mood; more stable mood; ready to tackle the day just as you are. it is good to challenge oneself a little bit!

there's a time when most people at work with desk jobs hit the "afternoon slump." try to take your mind off what you are doing for a few minutes; take your deep breaths or do your mantras to yourself. it's your body just signaling you to take a breather; and also i think has to do with digestion/energy levels...which can happen in the afternoon...i am sorta bad lol; but after lunch many times i make a black coffee (since it's free at work - to get me thru afternoon after my pretty large lunches). i'm not suggesting you do this; but i do it bc it's free and also a way to kill any more appetite after lunch. it can be done with a decaf too; but i guess i'm used to the caffeine now and also we don't have decaf at work (kcups)/

Now i'm up to reading your reasons for staying ahwile longer ;)....

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
Because it's so hot, I took my work walk (lunch) earlier, with the plan of doing the vespers/meditation at 3pm when the Boss would be out of his office. (I would meditate on the deck that is off of his office.) That never happened. Just got too busy.

There's just no time to do anything in the afternoon except push through. Even New Guy (the guy who was supposed to be cutting muscle and eating clean) tore into the pecan cinnamon rolls for extra energy/motivation. So sad :-(

In this respect, it really is a toxic job environment.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2021:
listen to jacky...something like a Roth IRA thru your bank...it will at least build up more than money in your savings...

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
Yep, it's just the logistics of it that is my/our conflict.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/25/2021:
in the future; you may be able to get a job that has health insurance. even Starbucks, i believe, offers it's workers health insurance; but i'm NOT suggesting you go there at all!

next; perhaps you can look into working for the city/state as a paralegal; see if there's any only sites where you can see if they post for jobs or tests for the jobs like i'm trying to do; whenever the opportunity arrises; for my local civil service opportunities in the courts of NYS. even working maybe 10 yrs, there's a small pension; as well as HEALTH INSURANCE.

plus, with your background; any test that provides credits for work experience you'd get them all.

Like you; i plan to work until my later years (or until i am capable of still doing the job). you never know how people age; thankfully you are in good health. i hope to manage as well as you do <3 . this is why i realize it's so important i stay physically active. believe it or not; the long walks sometimes take a LOT out of me after. but that's even more the reason to keep doing them.

i do not plan to retire young; either. but i do hope for changes in career ahead.

like you; we BOTH have more years ahead of us. and we both need to be positive about them :) very good list of reasons to stay.

Donkey on 08/26/2021:
For reasons I can't go into here, I cannot explore paralegal jobs through the county. Cities here hire law firms for their issues; they don't have their own corporate counsel. So it would be like working for another law firm.

You and I are on the same page as far as staying physically fit and active because we will need to have good health in order to work longer.

Thank you for your happy thoughts on my list of reasons to stay at the job - at least for a little bit longer :-)

Jacky82020 on 08/26/2021:
I have 3 TD Ameritrade accounts. I want to buy and sell what I want when I want. I switched my teacher’s 401K from Vanguard to TD because they had limited pre and post market sessions. Market open 9:30 to 4, but most brokerages firms allow trading from 7 am until 8 pm. This shouldn’t affect anyone not seriously into trading.

Don’t know nothing about Fidelity. Have Merrill Lynch also which is ok. Husband’s new 401 is with JPM. Hate them! Can’t do much trading there. They want you to buy their funds which is ok for most.

Donkey - Tuesday Aug 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

Thank you for all your comments about my job situation. I will respond to comments tonight. I can tell you that I'm not really in a position to retire, financially, and I kind of have to work full-time regardless of what or where, in order to afford the insurance premiums.  

Last night was the last yoga session before I take a break.  Next Monday, my mom is in town, and the Monday after that is Labor Day.  I had a good but brief discussion with the instructor though.  I mentioned wanting to take instruction 2x a week in September, because my stress levels at work are just insane.  (It's not just me; my co-workers are also really feeling it.)  It's starting to manifest itself in my neck and shoulders.  IDK, just having the time set aside intentionally to stop, pause, stretch, and breathe....  Some ladies go to a spa or get their nails done.  I'm kind of looking at it like this; it's an indulgence, but almost to the point of being a necessity.

At work, the morning was SO bad that it literally just stopped affecting me.  I don't know how else to explain it, except that I felt like I was in a bubble, watching this stuff happen. I remained calm inside, and just let everything bounce off of me.  I wish it would have felt that way throughout the entire day, but in the afternoon, it seemed as though the stress affected me more.  The bubble had popped.

Things at work would be a whole lot better overall - for everyone -  if things would just slow down a little bit.  


Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/24/2021:
If getting your nails done or having a spa day helps then that may just be your answer. Maybe you need to feel rewarded for going to work....there is nothing wrong with that especially if you feel like there is no reward in the pay because it goes to bills etc.......Maybe just take time for you....and let others fend for themselves more.

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
Just to be clear, my treat would be the extra yoga session. I'm not comfortable going to a spa... although getting a massage doesn't have to cost a lot. Hmm...

horn_of_plenty on 08/24/2021:
you cannot change the pace of work, it's slightly out of your hands; but you can change how you react. nice job on "being in the bubble" for at least part of the day; i'd say work on this....

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
No bubble today but that doesn't mean I can't bring it back. I'm going to work on this!

Donkey - Monday Aug 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

It was lights out at 9:30pm, but again, I started to relax, and then was awakened into a more alert stage of rest by my brain.  Like it's fighting off falling to sleep, almost?  But then finally did drift off to sleep.  Woke up naturally on my own at 4:47am -- THIS is exactly what I like.  I have plenty of time this morning.  Kind of ironic because the Boss isn't coming into the office this morning, so there's not as much urgency to arrive on time. (That's really poor work ethic to say, but that's kind of how it is.)

There was no cookout last night - Son & Friends were still full from what they ate during their trip to Chicago - so I think that might be pushed to tonight?  Hard to say because I have yoga tonight here at home, so those boys need to either be quiet or out.  I'll be relieved when everyone goes home tomorrow.  (Son will be here until Labor Day, but he's driivng the one friend home.)  Not that I'm unkind but my house is my refuge.  If it helps explain things better, I get nervous about my mom coming into my house too. 

So for today, my focus will be on just doing my job, taking one email at a time.  I sure hope there aren't a lot of contracts from the weekend.  I know that's not the right way to think about a business, but we could use a break.  But I'm not going to dwell on emotions.  I still do the morning vespers break, although I've been doing it differently and not as well. I really liked going into that private office to meditate, but I was getting looks from Mistake's Girl, like "What are you doing in that office?"  I should just explain it to her, but I was trying to find alternatives. I misse only 1 day of a morning meditation last week -- that's not too bad.

It seems strange not to have any weight training to do today.  Does that mean I missing it?  I'm looking for a new weights schedule.  

I wrote a little bit about this in my comments to Horn in my entry yesterday.  Since I have time, though, I'll put it down here.  I spoke with Husband yesterday, to see if it was really worth changing jobs at this point.  Although it is a stressful job, made more stressful by recent changes, it's not as difficult (physically, mentally, emotionally) as other jobs I've had in the past.  It makes decent money, and so why would I leave a job where I get paid to do less?  And it seems less and less, as the Boss pulls back.  It's a job that plenty of paralegals would love to have - those that don't need benefits...  IDK, maybe it would be worth staying here a little longer.  

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2021:
At what age would you like to retire ....how close to that are you.....do you have benefits where you work like a pension or medical or a matching 401K? Are you happy where you are living? Your kids are now grown so you don't need to worry about schools anymore, is your house and neighborhood one that you see yourself living in during retirement? Would you be more comfortable physically, financially and emotionally if you downsized and lowered costs in order to be happier? Do you enjoy working or do you do it for financial reasons..( I know more money is nice but is it necessary?).....Houses are selling at ridiculous prices right now but then again it would also mean paying a ridiculous price for the new one........social security retirement age looks like it may be raised from 62 to something higher.....and of course prices are going higher and higher on everything right now BUT.....Peace and happiness in the time we have left in this world also means something......and going everyday to a place that causes a lot of tension takes away from life and damages health.....a little stress is good....a lot of stress....damages the rest of the time......I'm not asking that you actually tell us here your answers....but to think about them.......I get the feeling that you really aren't thrilled with your neighbors....( and of course that can happen anywhere and will).....but a move could make you feel more like being yourself with a new start......The kids are adults now and Like you say....having others in your house isn't all that comfortable for you.....so you can have something to say about that......adult children can take away from the life you and you husband deserve to have together.....we never know how long we will have together and these days there are new scares......sometimes adult kids need to come back to the nest briefly...1 of ours did a couple of times briefly ..the last time with a couple of toddlers in tow.....until they could get into their next house.....sometimes adult kids need a little help financially....done that too.......but we found helping them a little to get their lives together was a lot easier than having them in our house.........( I never say never)....but I would prefer that it not happen again...and I don't want to live in their house either......Sometimes adult kids get too comfy at"home"...when home is really their parents house......and they take things for granted and treat it like they own it......I know your son is just coming home on leave and will be going back to the base soon so for him....he does need a temporary place and wants to visit.....but it's still your house......Ours were both out by the time they turned 21...it gave them both a chance to get established at jobs...they both had girlfriends that they did eventually marry...and both moved into apartments first.....both were doing apprenticeships and made their own money and were well able to support themselves and their wives also worked.....I should add that D has a MUCH younger brother who literally lived in his parents house until he was in his mid thirties......his parents Never had that time alone after the kids grew up.....he was still living with them when she passed away...and continued living with his Dad for many more years...until he did get married.....but I think my Mother in law may have lived longer if she had not allowed that 36 year old son to continue to live there and stress her out....he was on one hand acting like an entitled bratty teenager and then wanting his own "space" in the home they were paying for.....and had no plan to contribute $ to them for their housing him........The funny thing is now that he has adult children...they are not moving out of his house...LOL...we all laugh about that...and the youngest one who is now 20...still calls his dad.... Daddy and demands that "Daddy" bring him things to eat and drink because he is too busy playing video games.....LOL...I'm not wanting you to tell us the answers to these questions but that you think about them...as parents...we sometimes need to push the little birds out of the nest and let them learn to make their own adult lives...and then Mom and Dad can continue their lives together alone where it all began in the first place. Parenting is hard.....and protecting your own time together is just as important as parenting......and it's a kindness to adult kids to encourage them to go out and make their own lives......because mom and dads house can get way to comfortable at some point. I look at adult kids getting out of the house in the same way that I looked at potty training......there is a perfect time to potty train...if you don't do it then.....if you miss that window of opportunity...then you could still have a 3 year old or older wearing diapers ( but today....it would be pull ups.)....the supreme way to make a untrained kid feel like they are wearing pants...but they really aren't.... Just a few things to think about and I'm sure you have thought about all of them......but sometimes parents just have to regain their independence too.....and live the remainder of their lives alone together before it's too late.

bearcountrygg on 08/23/2021:
^^^^^^^^ SORRY I WROTE A BOOK HERE^^^^^^^^

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
No worries - great questions!

Jacky82020 on 08/23/2021:
Lots of things to ponder, Donkey. Take your time.

No biggie re skipping a weight training day. Your weight is great! Your charts are awesome!

innerpeace on 08/23/2021:
Wow awesome questions...really making me think about it all too! Can't deal with work stress though...just too much! I'm excited for you that you like weight training.

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
I learned some things today (Tuesday) from Male Co-Worker that indicates that there is discussion about change but no indication that change will happen any time soon, with the exception of Mistakes Girl.

horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2021:
I think doing vespers at your desk is best unless you can do them in the bathroom or just ignore anyone who gives you looks ??

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
It's really much better if I step away from my desk. I've gone outside, downstairs, into Associate Attorney's office (when it's empty)... Downstairs is normally an acceptable alternative since it's the break room, but it's also the conference room, so if it's occupied then gotta go elsewhere.

horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2021:
If you are ok with the pay and the work, it makes sense to stay but if you also feel you could work 10 more years it’s worth looking maybe for your “final job” plus you could move to save money ?

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
It's just that I've reached the limit with this job... I guess when I'm ready to stretch myself, I'll move on.

horn_of_plenty on 08/23/2021:
For me, it’s never been simple to get a new job

Donkey on 08/24/2021:
There's that. It's always an adjustment. I'm afraid of regrets. No, I think now is not the time to change.

Donkey - Sunday Aug 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

Slept in a little bit.  "Running late" this morning but since it's my *day off*, I have no timetable to stick to.  I have a bit of a headache, my throat feels a little irritated, despite going to bed on time (9:30p) and sleeping in, I feel a little fatigued.   

I was going to go for a walk last night but instead went upstairs and started my bedtime routine.  Son and his friends came home from the movie to eat pizza, and I felt it best if I just stayed in my room to relax.  I think they will be over tonight for a cookout dinner, and that's fine.  The weather should allow for us to open the windows today, but it's going to get hot again this coming up week.  Ugh.... 

I had a brief but important conversation with my Husband last night about quitting my job, if I were to do that. IDK, kind of hard to leave a "career", but I guess at the end of the day, it's just a job.  

Maybe going to the gym early today; it's leg day (yay!).  

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
I'll write you back on all the days i missed, sorry, here. I know what you mean on mindless eating after work. it's always been like that for me also; that after work and first coming home can be one of the easiest times for me to give into emotional eating. lately i have enough low calorie food in the house to not have too much of an issue with this; and also i usually save enough calories for dinner; so it works out...or i make it work out!

at the wedding, i saw two former coworkers that i hadn't seen in around 6 years from my former company. they are now married and i think of guayanese or similiar decent. i always forget. but the wife, she has since stopped working because they have now had 3 kids; all under 6. and he has moved onto a bigger, better position as a CFO somewhere else! so he can more easily support them as she stays at home. looking at her; you'd think she never had kids she always has cared about her figure and looked both radiant and strong. he was slimmer than i remember ever; but has a great posture and you could see it's because he watches himself...so i asked him how he continues to look so good - he had the perfect answer: "it's NOT genetics; i work at it; calories that go in need to be burned off...and he loves weights the most; followed by some cardio." goes to show, not everyone that looks "great" has that naturally. and most do not. he reminded me that it takes effort to look a certain way. after all, he has achieved CFO status at a company; i am sure it is his drive that brings him all of this success - and his stick to it method. it was a good reminder of how hard people work for things. beyond that; he had a ethnic name that he changed to an american/english name to "help him advance" or be seen a certain way in the working/business world. this guy def cares about his image...and he's done a ton of work to make it so. thought you'd find this story interesting.

Donkey on 08/22/2021:
Wow, yes, I DO appreciate that story. I don't think I'd ever want to be (or be with) a person who was so concerned about "image" - just not my comfort level, BUT I think he's very right about ... well, about everything he said. Image can be very important to those who want to be successful like that.

But I think more importantly, from your story, is that it is HARD to have that physique, and THAT I appreciate. I've been following a couple of women prepping for some kind of bodybuilding/bikini events, and what they are going through is ridiculously hard. Don't get me wrong -- they look great, but I hear how they've trained and manipulated diet and water... Not really sustainable.

Yet, the image is fabulous.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
(the reason former coworkers were at the funeral is the coworker also worked for around 20 years at my former company as most of my coworkers - at least half in the trailer of around 12 of us; originally worked at my former company.)

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
A little reunion of sorts. I get it. That must have been nice to see folks from way back.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
like you, it's unrealistic for me also to get as much sleep as i really want during the week. that is why i enjoy sleeping in so much on the weekend. however; even if you cannot get the sleep you really want; getting close to the best amount is good; too; and better than getting far less than that...i would say do not feel compelled like you ought to be getting a certain amount of sleep if it's not going to happen / out of your control. also; instead of exercise every night; perhaps there's a night you can come home during week; eat more lighter things that fill you up still the same but simpler? or the same stuff, idk; and just go to bed without exercise; but maybe with just reading/tv. like an early night during the week; to give you some bounce back....sometimes this works for me.

Donkey on 08/22/2021:
I got almost 9 hours of sleep last night and I feel like I've been dragging all day. I'm looking forward to going to bed early tonight.

I would rather try to be consistent in the sleep I get, rather than to catch up on the weekends. (I don't think that's what you were suggesting.) I guess the body decides what it needs.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
sorry nobody attended with hubby to his dr; but; you did think son was going. i'm sure he's also catching up on some sleep (your son).

try to go to bed on the earlier side; especially if you feel tired...but i think that if you plan for more exercise/things to do after work on one weeknight; to have an understanding with yourself that the next day you should get to bed early. that's what i try to do; weights nights are typically later to bed; and cardio nights are typically earlier - because cardio generally doesn't take me near as long to do as weights.

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
I think that's kind of how it went last week. And it's a good approach. However, my goal will be to get to bed early, even if it means not going to sleep right away. It's relaxing, if nothing else.

bearcountrygg on 08/22/2021:
Wait until you are really really old.....you will fall asleep even before you know you are tired...LOL.....maybe that is why old people shouldn't work..>LOL...but you still have a long time before that happens...

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
LOL, I'll keep that in mind.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
having a new coworker is always an adjustment. i would try, in your situation, to try to just do the work and think less about your comfort? try not to get too wound up on how you used to feel at work and comparing it. it's also like a relatinoship...everything is always more exciting in the beginning; then later on at work; you have to "work" to make it like it was at the beginning...

weight loss surgery could be a good option for your husband; IF he will stick to the smaller portions; not snack all day long; and make sure to take vitamins to get his nutrients. if you think he could do those things; it may help him...but he must be sure to get his nutrition...as he will be eating much less....

It's good you changed your satisfaction level to a higher satisfaction after you weighed in on Saturday morning. keep working at your weightloss/maintenance goals as it's NEVER easy like my first comment here; above. almost everyone who looks a certain way other than just skinny is working at it. You are in a great place with your weight! keep it; so your clothes will continue to be comfortable. you can do it. the more experience you have with it; the "easier" it becomes to learn what your body needs. the reason i can do what i do; is more i live alone and have total say always in what i'm eating...but when veggies are present at your dinners at home (and when i go to see my folks), it becomes much easier to satisfy yourself and stay at good calories; even during holidays it can be much easier when some tasty veggies are there.

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
Yes you are correct about work. Just try to get the job done. Don't focus on the emotions so much. Things won't go back to the way they were. And there's no need to continue to be emotionally attached to the job. That is to say, it's OK not to be involved. Just do the work.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
i totally agree with Bear that not everything will be cyclical and follow the same pattern as the younger you in the past and that this weightloss experience and maintenance has the inclination to be better and held for the long-term. so far; for me, my maintenance has been the longer it ever has been. and it took the longest ever to get there. i learned a lot more tricks and tips than i knew the first time around.

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
It just never seemed in me that each maintenance is different. That's why I wanted to continue to track macros, to make sure my habits are REALLY engrained this time around.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
yes, at the end of the day a job is a job. look into your options. your happiness is important. but every job; even an easier walmart job, may have a difficult boss or coworkers. a friend of mine, her mom, works in another larger store though not as big as walmart. it is called Home Goods. I am not sure if you have that chain by you. There's many on Long Island. it's all types of home decor; like paintings and mirrors; rugs; bedding; furniture..all kinds of gifts and knick-knacks to give someone or just by for yourself. she has had bad bosses; who are quite young and skip over giving her a raise or better position over someone else; she has had crappy coworkers too. after all; there's not always a lot of care in doing a great job when people are working near minimum wage.

i'm just saying, every job will have it's downside. one thing i can say to you is to try your best to not work the OT if you can...though i do understand your workload does build up.

I don't know, perhaps you can find a better job - what about looking into working in the Chicago courts. / your county court system as a paralegal or similar. maybe you can hold a job there 10+ years, leave with a small pension for life? that is still my plan here; once they start to post for those popular roles with many hirees. you could also move to a different location, if cheaper?, and apply for that kind of role, at nearby courts, whenever it comes up; and just work a different job that is more attainable until then?

I'm sure my paragraph above is easier SAID than actually done. after all, your job is paying your bills. but your happiness is very important. just know that all jobs have an unhappinss factor. i guess mine would be the commute.

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
For reasons I can't go into here, a county job is not an option for me. Also, anything outside of my county would be a commute, and I don't want that any more.

You are SO right about every job having its problems. I had another talk with Husband about it yesterday. I know that in the legal field and overall, this is not a bad job AT ALL. There are people who would love to have it.

horn_of_plenty on 08/22/2021:
I completely agree with bear about the mental efffort or maintenance- there is no constant loss on the scale and it’s more effort than even weight loss to learn to be happy with less, weighing less, and learning to make it work - I feel like it may get easier for your as you children get older, too

Donkey on 08/23/2021:
I think if I enjoyed shopping for clothes,I could use that as a way to continually "reward" myself for maintaining. "Oh this fits!" and "Isn't this cute?" sort of thing...

I feel that somehow my goals in the future will be more workout related... Or maybe more internal, transcendental... That's one reason why I'm having a hard time coming up with new goals for myself

Donkey - Saturday Aug 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.0

HAPPY SATURDAY!!!!  Oh but does it feel GOOD to be home :-)

Remembered to weigh in.  I'll be completely honest with you.  I was hoping for a much lower number (127-ish) even with the chocolate chip disaster of last Saturday.  So I was a little "disappointed" with what I saw this morning (lost 1/2 a pound).  Then I got straight with myself, realizing that I'm 6 pounds UNDER goal.  AND I lost a little bit too.  So what am I complaining about?  Why would I be unhappy with this weigh-in?  That kind of shook me to my senses.  I'm in a good place right now, and I need to recognize it and ENJOY it.

Eating was OK yesterday.  Husband grilled out for dinner, and the pieces of meat (pork chops and chicken breasts) were HUGE.  I had chicken, and even though it was a lot, I managed to stay within calorie range and my macros were great (LOL - always the struggle to get enough protein).  

Work was not too bad except for the brief 30-40 minutes of getting screamed at by people (a client and a closer, for separate files) for something that Male Co-Worker did or didn't do.  This delayed me from getting the 4 things done that I was spinning up in the air at the time.  

Most of the day, the attorneys were gone -- Boss took another day off, and just popped in to pick up a file, so it was quieter.  Not so much useless small-talk chatter, so we could get our work done.  Poor Mistakes Girl has been very busy this week.... But you know, I just didn't have it in me to help her out.  Nothing personal against her specifically, but just an indication of my lack of motivation and lack of enthusiasm for the workplace (not just the work).

  • Oh well, she is headed off to Michigan again this weekend for another camping trip.  This time, she and her husband are taking the motorcycle (not the camper) and going "tent camping".  More power to her.  Not for me. I need running water and a hot shower.

The Boss will be taking Monday morning off too.  What a relief --- now I won't have to hear about everyone's weekend, or be scrutinized about what I did on my weekend.  I usually keep my answers very opaque and vague, mostly because I don't do much of anything different from weekend to weekend.  Chores, gym, relax.  That's about it.

Well, I'm about to start my day.  My son has 2 friends, from high school, coming into town to visit over the weekend.  This should be interesting.  It's a change, but this Donkey can handle it.

AFTERNOON EDIT:  I really enjoyed my time at the gym today.  The cardio area was practically empty, and the weight machine area was not too bad.  I kind of ran out of steam a little bit on the upper body weights, which was a little concerning, but did complete everything I set out to do.  I even sat in the steam room for a little bit - ahhh....

Something that Bear said in her comment below got me to thinking that THIS maintenance will be DIFFERENT from previous maintenances (which eventually failed) because I am in a different "person" - mentally, physically (older), emotionally - from  who I was in previous journies.  

So this time around WILL be a different experience.  I hadn't thought about it this way before...

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/21/2021:
Never be disappointed about any weight loss....it really comes off slow at the lower weights and like you said...you are already below goal anyway. It can be hard to acclimate to the point where it's okay to stop losing...after so much focus on losing.

Donkey on 08/21/2021:
I really appreciate everything you wrote here. YES!! -- And I needed to hear exactly this. Dieting and maintenance is a real mental effort.

Donkey - Friday Aug 20, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.5

I got to bed late, because Daughter came home late last night and wanted to talk.  I told her if she had come home 10 minutes later, I would have already been upstairs getting ready for bed.  So didn't turn off the light until shortly after 10pm.  Ironically, enough, I woke up ahead of my alarm naturally, with more energy than I usually feel.  Maybe it has something to do with it being Friday, although that didn't even occur to me this morning.

So... not sure how to work with this, but it seems as though I do not need 8 hours of sleep every night, perhaps?  But not every night can be a 10pm bedtime.  How can I tell which night I need more sleep and which night I need less? 

 The Boss took yesterday off.   I'm glad that he did.  I was crazy busy, but not because he wasn't there.  It's been a brutal week.  Everyone is feeling it.  

I noticed that in the past couple of days, I've been more vocal  than what is good for me.  Just need to shut up, keep the small talk to a minimum.  However, it IS clear to me that I am not very comfortable with my work situation any more - or at least not as comfortable as I used to be.  I'm sure it's because of all the changes to the work environment, but is this just me having problems adjusting? Or is it the changes themselves? 

I'm confused about my Husband's scan results. I really wish I had gone with him, but with COVID, who even knows if I would have been allowed in the room, right?  Last night, he told me his score was one thing, but looking at the paperwork, it looks as though it's actually a different (worse) score.  I would talk to him about it, but he's still sleeping.  

But regardless, the recommendation is modified diet and lose weight.  Husband was doing well with that, but ever since he traveled out to Montana to bring home Son, and now that Son is home, it seems as though all of that has gone out the window, and he's back to his old eating habits.  I'm just so done with his futile, short-lived attempts to lose weight.  

The doctor has recommended weight-loss surgery, specifically the gastric sleave.  Honestly, I don't think that there is any other way he can lose weight, sad to say.

I'm still processing all of this, logically, emotionally.... I guess like I mentioned above, I just need to shut up and work this out in my head and heart.

Progress as of today: 57 lbs lost so far, only -5.5 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 08/20/2021:
Oh dear! Poor husband. I am in his boat - futile, short-lived attempts! This sums up the last 20 years of my life. I'm still trying to find that motivation to stay on a diet. Any outside influence, no matter, how small, is an excuse to NOT remain on the healthy path. I know how to do it, he probably does too...it's just actually doing it and succeeding at doing it that is so darn hard. I just keep trying every day!

I hope you can process the information and come up with a happy conclusion.

Have a great day in the office...and enjoy the weekend! IP

Donkey on 08/21/2021:
I dunno -- it's just very frustrating all the way around. I'm all for the weight loss surgery for him, but I think he will have a hard time with it, both physically (because of his autoimmune issues) AND mentally. And once he has the surgery - if he goes that route - there is NO going back.

I feel that I left my desk in a good state for Monday. It will all depend on what the **** happens over the weekend.

bearcountrygg on 08/21/2021:
Has your hubby watched MY 600 POUND LIFE???? Maybe that would scare him straight. That is pretty drastic.....it works but life will never be quite the same again...probably better to take the matter into his own hands and deal with it that way.

Donkey - Thursday Aug 19, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 129.5

I did not get to sleep as early as I would have liked, because Husband came up to go to bed early, just as I was getting ready to turn off the light.  After I finally DID turn off the light, I heard a phone or tablet buzz, so I checked my phone, thinking MAYBE it was Daughter, but it wasn't my phone that went off.  Then I had to resettle down to sleep.

I woke up at 2:34am - full of energy - having to use the bathroom.  Came back to bed, and DID fall back asleep, BUT I woke up this morning feeling exhausted. 

The night that I got almost 8 hours of sleep was the best so far this week.  This isn't really realistic in my life.  I mean, when I leave work at almost 6pm, don't finish dinner until after 7pm, I would need to start getting ready for bed almost immediately.  Forget riding my bike, or anything extra for myself.  I'd have to start up with night chores and then getting ready for bed.

There is a pattern at work, where my mornings start out OK, and then around 2:30pm everything starts heading south, only to end up in chaod and holding me at work later than 5pm.  This is unlike what's happening to Male Co-Worker, who has had bad days this week 100%, from the time the first phone call through 5pm.  I think he's been staying until 6pm.  IDK I leave before him.  Not a good balance.

I received an email from a personal trainer at the gym that I have 1 free PT session for my birthday.  I think I'm going to do this!  Even if I end up signing up for a few more sessions after that (I'm sure it's not cheap), it'd be interesting to learn new machines and new exercises.  Also, it would be kind of a "try out" for my Husband, to see if maybe if this is something that might help him.

Speaking of which... my Husband left the house very early today to get to the VA hospital for a scan of his liver, to determine the extent of his fatty liver disease.  I haven't talked about this to anyone, but I've been kind of holding my breath to see if this is really bad, like he was told after his CT scan a couple of months ago or if it's not as bad as we have been lead to believe.  I believe that he will have his results right away?  It's in the doctor's office, like having an ultrasound if you are pregnant.  You have the ultrasound, and then the doctor comes in and talks to you about what was found???  Or it might be like any other scan where you have to wait a week or so for the doctor's office to call you back with the results.

We thought Son was going to go with him, so I didn't make plans to attend, but Son slept in too late, so Husband went alone.  I think this is something I probably should have gone with him for. 

Well, like I said, it might not be anything, right?

And THIS after he bought 3 packages of bacon at the store on Tuesday, because "it's hard to find."  Um...  that is like #1 on the list of foods not to eat if you have fatty liver disease!!!! 

Progress as of today: 57 lbs lost so far, only -5.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 08/19/2021:
That is 1 thing about sleep...if you have had enough you can't seem to just will it to happen and on the other hand...if you can't stay awake....you will drop off at the least expected time.....( hopefully it isn't while driving).....What I do when i can't fall asleep...weird little game I play....silently in my head...I start with the letter A...and list all of my family and as far back in my ancestry as I can...all of the people who's first name starts with A...then move on to B...do the same...and whatever it was that was keeping me awake seems to disappear when I change to this letter/name association....I m almost always asleep by the time I get to C or D if not before...on the other hand...If I get all of the way through the alphabet...then I'm just plain not tired...time to get up and scrub a floor...because that was my old stand by......I used to tell myself ( love self talk)...that I can either lay in bed awake...or get up and scrub the kitchen floor.....and I NEVER DID SCRUB THAT FLOOR AT NIGHT....somehow....the thought of that put me to sleep......little tricks of mine that have taken me a lot of years to make useful regarding sleep.

bearcountrygg on 08/19/2021:
Regarding Hubby's fatty liver.......getting away from fatty foods will switch it back to normal quite quickly....it should be do-able. D has also been diagnosed with that and yet he eats sausage, eggs and butter for breakfast every day......( he chooses to focus on avoiding sugar more).....BUT....I am the one that buys the groceries and i keep bringing them home for him....I'm very guilty of getting him anything he asks for from the store .....1. I want him to be happy, 2. I don't want to listen to him complaining...LOL...... Food is such a problem in so many ways!!!! Sometimes I just refuse to deal with what is supposed to be the healthiest and buy what looks good......but isn't so healthy......besides...look at all of the recalls on fresh produce.....they keep finding salmonella or something else as bad in it......I guess at our house...we figure that If some food is going to kill us then let it be something we at least enjoyed while we were eating.......

Donkey on 08/20/2021:
There are people in a keto FB group I used to follow that had/have fatty liver disease, and keto (which is high fat) helped them reduce their fatty liver disease -- at least according to blood work, I think? I found that to be interesting.

My husband has gut issues though, too, so I don't think keto would work well for him. Hard to say... it's seems like it's one thing after another with him. :-(

Jacky82020 on 08/19/2021:
We get scans etc posted quickly online at MyChart or Quest for the labs. The labs go to MyChart at the same time. They often post the same day. As for ultrasounds, X-rays, CTs, those are read by a radiologist at the imaging center & quickly available at MyChart as well. At one time, they were allowing one’s personal physician 48 hours to review results before posting, but not lately. By the time the PCP or specialist calls we already know.

Donkey on 08/20/2021:
Nice Lady got her scan results within 24 hours on the MyChart (or whatever it's called for her doctor's health system)! However, Husband had a consult with the doctor at this appointment, so he didn't have to wait at all for results and the recommendation.

I'll write more about it today (Friday), I think, although I'm still trying to process all of it.

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