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Donkey - Friday Oct 02, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

 I'm running out of time to write this morning.  DRAT.

Thank goodness today is Friday. And the Boss turns 70 on Sunday,  so we're having a lunch party for him today.  Means I don't have to fix a lunch. But also means the menu will be most unfriendly:  tacos, tamales, rice.  I'm bringing fruit. 

I rode my bike (the one I don't like) last night for a little bit,  did some light weights,  and then went for a walk in search of Halloween decorations in the neighborhood,  with no success. 

Yesterday,  New Guy brought in the most beautiful box of donuts to work.  I kept catching myself trying to work out ways to eat one. Then I remembered,  "hard work and dedication" so I decided to take one of the donuts that I really wanted,  too freeze at home. And when I reach my goal weight,  then I can eat it if I still want it. 

Husband is leaning towards NOT going to Chair Yoga tonight because it's outdoors and it's cold outside. I told him, I'm up for whatever he wants to do. 

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 10/02/2020:
Good idea with the doughnut!

innerpeace on 10/02/2020:
I have noticed a lot of Halloween decorations too. I see a lot of blow ups and they are cute if you like that sort of thing. When that donut thaws won't it be soggy/mushy...eww! When you make goal weight, go out and buy a fresh one and enjoy the hell out of it! Have a great weekend!

Donkey on 10/03/2020:
Just between you and me, I don't even care about the donut. I just want to scrape all the icing off the top, and that should survive any kind of freezing and thawing.

grannyannie on 10/02/2020:
Doughnuts are so hard to resist. When I worked in an office in TN sometimes one of the staff would bring in a box of warm Krispy Kremes and when we ate them our eyes would roll back in our heads with pleasure!

horn_of_plenty on 10/02/2020:
Well, that’s the best idea I ever heard with regards to the donut ! Good idea seems when you really limit the sweets, you do very very well. May as well stick to your goals and reach them!

Nice job exercising and getting these activities in after resting last night :)

KathyBlue on 10/03/2020:
Hard work and dedication! YESSS!!! Nice job on the exercising. Cold outside is not an excuse, exercise means body will warm up in a short time and that cold feeling will be anyways gone! Remember - it's always difficult to START something, but it gets easier when you're on the way. Then it becomes a habit and a need! Have a nice weekend :)

Donkey - Thursday Oct 01, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

I sleep with a box fan on during the night, for white noise.  At 4am, the fan started making a flapping sound.  I think the fan was blowing on the curtain - too cold to blow on us directly - and that what was making the noise.  So I finally got up at 4:30a to move the fan, and decided I would just start my day then.

Since it was still too dark outside when I finished my morning bike ride, I decided to log in here on my laptop.  I will go outside to water plants and fill up the bird baths after I'm done writing here.

I'm not sure what to do with my extra time this morning.  How nice to have this!

This week has been a long week.  Even my co-workers are feeling it.  We were all hoping yesterday was Thursday.  Alas, no, only Wednesday.  But today is Thursday, which means that the weekend will soon be here.

Veterans Chair Yoga is this Friday, but if it's held outdoors, Husband is saying he doesn't want to go.  I'm trying to encourage him to go, letting him know that I'm up for it if he is.  So we'll see.  I do not anticipate having any other plans for the weekend.

FOLLOW UP:  If you noticed my response to Horn on yesterday's entry, my car repairs are much more than what my husband thought they would be.  I'm not too surprised.  The car was running very rough - felt like the wheels could pop off at any minute.  And the brakes would squeak.  Plus the oil change and tire lights were on... so yeah.  The car needs work.

I had a FB friend ask if it was possible to lose 80 pounds in 9 months (without having a baby).  She received a couple of replies that said that it can be done, but requires dedication and hard work.  So, I've been catching myself a few times, since this post, reminding myself that this takes dedication and hard work. It's helped me resist a few snacks that I was craving. So that is my focus this month:  dedication to doing the hard work.

I've come to realize that I don't really like exercising on the newer bike that we have (that we bought for Husband and he hasn't used ONCE).  So I'm taking a break.  Last night, I hopped on my older bike, which has less effective resistance, just to loosen up my legs and hips, and that was better.  No weights.  I did take a walk last night around the block, to look at Halloween decorations. Outside of our cul de sac, nobody else seems to have much up yet.  I have another route planned for the next evening walk, when that happens.

I'm having problems taking first steps:

  • Want to sign up for Zoom yoga again, with my old instructor.  I should be able to do that now, with work slowing down a little bit.  Just gotta sign up and pay.  Having problems doing this - procrastination.
  • Want to go to the gym at night during the week.  It doesn't even have to be every night - just 1-2 extra nights in addition to the weekend.  Having problems doing this, because it means leaving the house in the dark.

I know that getting started is the hardest part.  It seems to be unusually difficult for me this time around.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 10/01/2020:
I’ve tried all kinds of white noises, not to mention surf & rain sounds etc. Nothing much worked for me. The noise was from railroad tracks a mile away. This year they completed an overhead train track, eliminating those whistles. My god! They drove me nuts.

Seems it would be possible but difficult to lose 10 pds a month. But all depends on how heavy a person is to begin with. Always thought I’d get gastric bypass etc if I were really fat, but never got that bad.

grannyannie on 10/01/2020:
Car repairs are such a pain!

It's nice to get up really early and have a quiet morning to yourself.

80 lbs in 9 months is pushing it I think. I think 2 lbs a week is the maximum one should lose.

Husband said my gym membership fee was taken out today but I thought they wouldn't do it until December. Anyway I'm not going back until either Covid is gone or there is a safe effective vaccine. I emailed them to cancel my membership.

legcramps on 10/01/2020:
The hardest parts are the beginning, and then being consistent. You can do it; keep those mantras going!

bearcountrygg on 10/01/2020:
I don't like to go anywhere at night in the dark either...mornings are ok with me....somehow they feel safer...but night...no.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/01/2020:
sorry about the car repairs! ugh! my care is just a bit higher in mileage and it's given me a lot of luck in the 11 years i have had it :) a 2009 ponitac vibe. it's gotten oil changes and new tires and it seems to hold up so well, knock wood...

i have also changed an air filter at least once. be careful what they suck you into changing...

just want to congratulate you on your hard work (at work) and doing it consistently. a consistent paycheck is a good thing...a VERY good thing.

lastly, i really like your main goal of "doing the hard work" and dedication for this month in terms of diet and health.

it's easy to forget how hard we worked when we initially lost the weight. i think for you, that you love your desserts, to def not "do away" with them...

i have a friend, my french friend that i went to visit...

she loves desserts and although she isn't as stressed as you bc she isn't working, so there's other factors involved that i cannot compare at all as you lead very different lives (she single, you married..), but, she eats her fair share of desserts but only has ONE bigger meal a day. it works for her.

she has a disability so there's that. and the extra weight, if she had any, would be another disadvantage for her. so, she begins her day with just fruit and tea, then snacks if she's out working, then lunch, then a bigger meal at home...and that's about it. and if she isn't in the mood for the bigger meal at home, she'll just have cake and tea! lol. she's really good with her weight and when she does eat a meal, she eats really well (even more than i might!).

anyways, what am i trying to say? !

well, for one, my French friend may look like it's just easy for her to control her weight, but actually, she works hard at it too. she enjoys her baked goods, but, that's the treat...and it's not an all-day treatfest.

anyways, it's interesting to see her in action. I couldn't ever follow her diet plan, that's for sure.

so keep doing what works for you...

and sweets can def be a part of it.

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 30, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

No exercise of any kind last night. Had extra dessert too.  I was so tired.  The break did me well. I know I could have done WITHOUT  the extra sugar calories.  Oh well,  keep trying. 

Not much time to write this morning,  as I have to drop off my car   at the shop before work. 

Last day of September.  Wish it was Friday.  Even Thursday would give me hope.  Alas,  it's only Wednesday.  Just have to get through this. 

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/30/2020:
Sometimes you just need a treat and a lazy day or night. Hope the rest of the week goes by quickly for you.

Donkey on 10/01/2020:
I agree with you on the lazy night. I'm making some changes this month, in that regard.

I'll write about the rest of the week in today's entry :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 09/30/2020:
hope everything goes well with your car and work today :) it's HUMP day! so by the end of today, you are already halfway thru the week :)

rest is important - i think more than exercise actually. because rest allows you to do more the next day, heal, recover.

Donkey on 10/01/2020:
Oh my the car is gonna be expensive! I kept telling my husband that it's not running right. The oil change light was on, the tire light was on, and it's time for the 100,000 mile maintenance, even though I'm only at 94,000-ish.

I think I get the car back today, and then it goes back in soon for new brakes - a good thing for winter.

legcramps on 09/30/2020:
That's right, there are going to be weeks where we struggle and weeks that seem like they go by so smoothly...that will always be...you are doing great getting through this one, so just keep on going Donkey. And remember to keep resting. That's what you need right now.

Donkey on 10/01/2020:
This is true. AND I don't rest enough and I don't stretch enough (now that yoga is on hold). Looking to make some changes this new month.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/30/2020:
plus, your last few months on your weight chart are looking GREAT! downward progression since May!

Donkey on 10/01/2020:
Thank you for noticing! I hadn't, but I see that you're right. I shouldn't discount my efforts, even if they haven't been 100% lately.

Donkey - Tuesday Sep 29, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

 No weights since last Thursday,  but then I realized that I usually take the last week off the month off,  to prepare for the next month's goals.  Ok,  that excuse works, as long as I realize it's just an excuse. 

Male Co-Worker returned to work,  after a week off,  and I feel like the balance has been restored. As I explained to him, not so much the work, but more so the sanity. 

He was very busy. It sucks to have to come back to crazy busy. He said he was surprised that we're still so busy.  Yeah, welcome to my life!  I am starting to see a slight slowdown. I stayed late to catch up,  but spent so much time correcting Mistakes Girl that I didn't make much progress. 

I don't have much to add or mention. I'm feeling incredibly burned out.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/29/2020:
Sorry for the work stress. Are you still thinking about finding a new job?

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
The only new job I'm considering would be at Walmart. Otherwise, I might as well stay where I'm at.

bearcountrygg on 09/29/2020:
Glad that the coworker returned...hopefully it will get better.

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
At least he understands a lot of my frustrations. So that helps. I'm always very careful to qualify what I'm venting to him about.

legcramps on 09/29/2020:
Hopefully now that your co-worker has returned, things won't be so busy for you. I understand the burn-out. Try to get some rest.

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
I rested from any workouts last night and I felt really good, physically, this morning. I might be burning out.

That is to say, I may need more rest.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/29/2020:
keep your head up. i'm so proud of you.

If so burned out, perhaps you can take a couple days off soon ? next month?

you have been going on with work for awhile :)

sometimes downtime is good to rest (you say you took some time of weights)...i am freaked to go back to work full-time! the days of late wakeups and great sleep are over! not sure when going back to work or where, just thought i'd mention that!

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
I need to take some time off but can't do that until we're less busy. This is why I resent my job so much.

innerpeace on 09/30/2020:
Can mistakes girl not learn? Or does she just not care? I think I would get irritated with her real fast. Your patience is admirable.

Donkey - Monday Sep 28, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

 The pumpkin cookies are gone,  and I'm ok with that. 

Looking back in my diary, this last 10 pounds was gained because I was eating too many cookies.  Struepwaffles, too be specific. So this stops now. 

I did not do weights.  I started feeling a lot of joint pain,  and then lower back pain during dinner.  I attribute this to hormones, and not my workout at the gym.  It was a completely different feeling than overexertion. Also,  TOM is due in about 10 days,  so that's about right. I took Aleve, but then had to take Tylenol,  and then had to take 2 more Tylenol. Then I went to bed. 

Now that I have found Endeavor,  I also found Grandchester and Inspector Lewis to watch -- all these Masterpiece Theater shows. And THEN I found out that Great British Baking Show has released season 8.  

So now that I'm determined to go to the gym at night more often,  I have all this TV to watch at home.  Oh the irony!

I'm just praying that work is less busy for me this week. 

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/28/2020:
Be careful with joint pain! Good to avoid aggravating them.

I love British cop and other programmes. If you have it, watch Happy Valley - a cop series from a few years ago. Also Inspector George Gently and Foyle's War.

bearcountrygg on 09/28/2020:
I think seeing how high those things are calorie wise...has been an eye opener for me...yesterday i also had dessert..and the numbers were a bit of a shock after I had eaten it......it's funny how that stuff is so enticing...yet so diet busting and I can see why I originally gained. I'm still drawn to it in the store...that is where ordering grocery pickup at Walmart is better for me...I have a lot more control at the computer than I do when i come eye to eye with that stuff.....I will never avoid it totally...but will limit it coming into the house.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/28/2020:
been there with TOM pain!

those TV shows are great to bike to / exercise along with.

i used to love to go to the gym but 2yrs ago when i started to workout at home, i was able to watch more TV which was nice

Donkey - Sunday Sep 27, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

Lest you think I was too political in my last post, let me return us to the surreal life of Diet Donkey and the business of dieting at hand:

Yesterday, I had two of those pumpkin cream-stuffed cookies from Walmart, one after lunch and one after dinner.  Today, I had one after I went to the gym and had a kick-butt workout. There are TWO cookies left.

I did all of my laundry yesterday, only to find this morning that someone decided to use it as a bathroom.  I believe this happened overnight, since now our bedroom is closed during the day because Baby Kitty was wetting the comforter.  I do not think it is Baby Kitty wetting my clean laundry, because she cannot jump well.  I think it's my Handsome Boy, who is upset that Old Kitty won't let him sleep on the bed during the night. -- Talk about politics! (cat politics are OK)

So not only did I decide to wash my once-cleaned laundry, but also the 2 weighted blankets we have for winter and other blankets that have been wet upon (looks at Baby Kitty).

Went to the gym and had a really good cardio workout on the elliptical.  I keep thinking, "Oh boy, am I going to be SORE tomorrow!" but then I wake up feeling my usual aches, nothing that can't be worked out slowly as I usually warm up for the day.  So that's good.  (I guess?)  I would like to do some arm weights tonight, while watching Endeavor, but I think I will need to convince myself to do this. 

Every night this past week, before going upstairs to bed, I have been taking a very short walk out to the edge of our cul de sac and then back.  I saw Saturn and Jupiter and Mars this weekend.  I probably won't see anything but the moon tonight, if that, because it's cloudy here.  The temperatures have lowered themselves to the low 70's, but it's so humid here that it feels a lot warmer.  It is also rather windy.

I'm hoping that Daughter will put up our Halloween lights during her days off this week.  That's another reason why I walk to the end of the cul de sac, is to admire my neighbors' lights, and to look down the block, each direction, to see if other people have put up theirs.  The house at the opening of the cul de sac (so straight ahead of me if I were exiting) has a *magnificent* display in their front yard.  I would also like to give her $20 and buy as many pumpkins as she can with that.

I am going to take a shower, now that I am back from the gym, have a cup of decaf, and sit outside and do some contemplation.  I am inspired by Bear's doing this Friday (or perhaps Thursday) evening.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/27/2020:
Your evening walk sounds so nice......Contemplation can be a step towards meditation...and peacefulness. So Zen!!!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I hadn't considered that. But the contemplation didn't happen for me yesterday. Kept thinking of things too do.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
I wrote you back for yesterday too...on your entry...

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
ha! what!? omg. so sorry this cat decided to go to the bathroom on your freshly washed clothes! oh no!

a weights session during a tv show always passes by so quickly! <3

i didn't know you lived on a "dead end!" well, i grew up on one also! and my parents moved to their second house (the sold the original home i grew up in), and it's on a cul-de-sac too! it's always so nice and quiet...

...but their block is FULL of kids lol....they're always playing outside :) it's ALWAYS been a "kiddie" block perhaps bc it's so close , right across the street practically, from the elementary school!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
Yes, that happens on my block quite often.

Donkey - Sunday Sep 27, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

This is one of those weekends where everything is going like it SHOULD, but it's feeling really off.

For example, it was a relaxing day yesterday, but I felt anxious for most of it.  I went to the gym and it wasn't too crowded, but the cleaning crew was vacuuming for half of it, and I didn't care for the music that was playing overhead.  It was a tough workout on the elliptical.

On the bright side, I found a new show to watch in the evenings, the British mystery, Endeavor.  7 seasons in Amazon Prime.  So that will keep me entertained for the next few weeks, if I ride my bike at home in the evenings.  What I would REALLY like to do, though, is to get back into the habit of going to the gym at night during the week.  Not every night, just 1-2 days.  I need work to slow down a little bit more before I can do that.

And I am starting to see a slight slow-down at work.  I'm at the point where I'm just really busy, but able to keep up, if I work hard.  I realize I *say* that, but the reality is that I stayed late almost every night this past week.

Also, I ordered a new pair of running shoes.  New shoes always cheers me up.

I want to thank you for your comments on yesterday's entry.  I did respond :-)  Kind of relating to ordering new shoes, I realize that if I did become a shopper, that it would be hard on my feet.  I'd have to be very careful to wear the right shoe so that my plantar fasciitis doesn't flare up - and even the right shoe doesn't guarantee that I won't have problems.  Then, I started thinking, maybe the job would be too hard on my hips and back.

Still you can't tell me that sitting at a desk, staring into a computer screen is healthy too.

The deciding factor might actually be what the Supreme Court decides to do about Obamacare.  If I lose insurance, then I might not have any other choice.  You know, I realize that I'm better off than a lot of folks, and I can't believe that I'm even writing that I'm worried about losing insurance.  The President keeps saying that he'll announce his own health plan "in about 2 weeks" - not a "vision", like he ended up releasing.  I'm still waiting for THAT plan, and worrying.  A LOT.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/27/2020:
I'll have to check out Endeavor.

I had plantar fasciitis 3 times but haven't had it for 4 years. Prevention. Never barefoot. Always good support.

bearcountrygg on 09/27/2020:
I will check out Endeavor too......It's good to mull things over and consider the options......

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
yeah, the assisted pullup machine i really liked. and she's doing GREAT if she's really down to only #30 of resistance! go her! I think when i used it, I was probably using more? i can't remember at all. it's been several years...

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
What kind of running shoes did you order?

I just learned what it's like not to work for a big union where it's easier to get health coverage bc it has so many participants!

the firm i'd work for wouldn't provide insurance either. the owner pays $41,000 for health insurance for his family (i think wife, baby, himself?) that's nuts!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I ordered a newer brand called Hoka One One. "One" is pronounced oh-ney. They are supposed to have superior cushioning, and of they do, then I will order a pair for Daughter, for her work.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
seems that most small companies would struggle to pay for health insurance for their workers.

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I guess that's why there aren't more men working in law firms as support staff.

Donkey - Saturday Sep 26, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

One thing I REALLY dislike is when I wake up hungry, go weigh myself, and see that I've gained weight.  Being hungry and seeing a higher number on the scale - not a good combo.  Kind of a crummy way to start the day, too.

I'll be honest with you all here, but I've been avoiding my daughter for the past week.  Being so busy at work makes this very easy and convenient to do.  The crux of what happened this week is that she decided to take her life in a different direction.  Not so much in a direction that I disapprove of, but rather, that I had such high hopes for her.  Oh well, like my husband said - and he's right - who knows, this decision could have avoided a huge disaster in the future.  My sadness was also disappointment.  

Oh well, moving on, she may have an opportunity to make MORE than I do in the near future!  We will know by the end of October where she stands, and then from there, she can make preparations for whatever next step she decides to make in her life.  However, if she is not going to leave Walmart, then I am not sure that I want to be working at Walmart, too.  Too close for comfort, so to speak, so I may wait a little longer to make any decision for myself.

It is supposed to be a warm day here, but it is cloudy (that's fine) and very windy.  Here in Illinois, the wind can make it feel so much cooler than it actually is.  I am SO itching to go hiking, but I do not want to go alone, and my husband cannot do this.  And we had a loud discussion about how he didn't take care of his laundry, left in the washing machine all day yesterday and overnight.  So I asked him (loudly) to take care of his laundry, not really being considerate of how hard it is for him to take clothes out of the washing machine because of his back.  He had to use his cane to fish things out.  Ugh!  So now I feel awful, but I will apologize to him, and I will try to remember this for the future.

I've started laundry, taken care of my birdfeeders and birdbath, I'm going to bring in some of my potted plants today, and put them in the yoga room that will someday happen. 

I did weights on Thursday night.  I'm quite proud of myself for doing that.  I think in October, I'm going to have a weight training goal, rather than push-ups or sit-ups.  I would like to ask my daughter how to use some of the machines at the gym.  Right now I use my free weights, barbell, and bench at home.  I'm try to see some definition in my arms, but it's hard to work on shoulders because of the pain.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/26/2020:
Do you have one of those grabbers....with the long handle...that let you "GRAB" things off shelves...or even out of the washer......we already broke 2 of them and now have 1 and a spare..I use it so much....That would help your husband reach other things too. I know what you mean about working in the same place as your daughter....best to wait on your switch until you know what she is choosing to do. Parenting is really tough sometimes....((HUGS))

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
He does have one, but it's in the garage. We're getting to the point where we'll need one for each level of the house and the garage.

I'll write a little more about my own job thoughts, but you're right. Right now, the thing to do is to wait. I have other concerns relating to this as well, which I'll talk about.

grannyannie on 09/26/2020:
Sorry you are going through such a stressful time with your daughter and husband.

We can't make choices for our kids. Tried to encourage mine but they had to make up their own minds.

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
I know, and I've always, ALWAYS tried to respect the line between suggestion and decision. Logically, I respect that Daughter made the right choice for her. Emotionally, I grieve the loss of "what might have been" for her.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/26/2020:
i'm sorry that there's something going on between you and daughter...but i hope it works out for her and you...

it was a warm day here too. stayed inside for most of it though.

maybe you can go walking with daughter in the future

yes, if you go to the gym, it's easier to add a machine or two into your mix...and those machines can be shoulder-dedicated. great idea...

...once i left the gym, and did my own workouts, there are some exercises that i do not do anymore...and if i ended up ever having the opportunity to go to a gym again, I would definitely add those machines right back into the mix.

one machine i loved is the assisted pull up machine, where you put your knees on it and you pull up. have you seen it? great machine for back/shoulders.

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
The older I get, the more I realize that everything happens for a reason. Like Husband mentioned gently, perhaps Daughter dodged a bullet in her future, because who really knows what would have happened...

It's so funny that you mention the assisted pull-up machine. My daughter has been using that, and is down to only 30 pounds of assistance in her pull-up.

So when I said to myself that I'm going to ask Daughter to show me how to use the machines, I also said, "Everything but that assisted pull-up thing. I don't need that." HA HA HA HA --- and of course, that probably means that I need THAT machine more than any of the others.

Donkey - Thursday Sep 24, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

 It's amazing how quickly one's life can change in a few hours. I'm still processing what happened last night at our informal  family meeting (husband, daughter), and I feel bewildered,  anxious, somewhat lost, and just sad. 

Everyone is ok,  not getting divorced,  etc., but now the urgency for me to make a decision about my job is not immediate. I'm wondering if I should stick it out until after I get my Christmas bonus, now...

I had not planned to go to the gym last night,  based on what would happen today,  and now that's all changed,  so I could have gone.  I didn't have it in me to do weights last night,  and this was BEFORE the family meeting.  I will see what I can do today & tonight. 

Just need to step back,  keep quiet,  do my job, be nice. 

I'm very sad. 

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 09/24/2020:
I totally agree, going through some stuff as well. Sad is a good word! Prayers for strength.

bearcountrygg on 09/24/2020:
(((HUGS)))....sometimes you just have to do what you have to do...and waiting and reassessing as time goes on....don't do anything you think you might regret....one day at a time.

grannyannie on 09/24/2020:
Sorry. Big hugs. Hope you can come to a decision that makes you and everyone happy.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2020:
yea - i am so surprised at the lower salaries offered to paralegals. I think that in NYC, the average salary is 60k! that's good...but when i look online, everything is MUCH MUCH lower...like below $50k and sometimes as low as $35k...i feel like the economy is going to change and so will salaries going forward (like companies will purposely keep them slightly lower).

i wish i could give you more suggestions, but you are keeping it private. I am guessing that daughter doesn't have her job? and your hubby obviously isn't working...i see that they rely on you a lot right now.

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 23, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Yesterday... all my troubles seemed so far away...

Tuesday: got up on time,  did bike ride,  did weights! (Back & shoulders), left for work early... So I'm not sure why it wasn't a better day. 

I did not make it to the gym. Daughter went out with friends, and I just didn't have it in me to go alone.  I could have.  I thought about it.  Just couldn't do it. Rode my bike at home instead. 

Part of the problem was that I was frustrated that I had to work late, so our take-out dinner got cold, and even though I left at 6p, I was receiving frantic emails and calls over some dumb deal that should not happen.  (These people should not be buying a house. )  I even had the agent email me for my cell number.  NO. 

And I stayed late because I promised a client I would call her before I left with an update,  and I had nothing new to tell her,  but she's freaking out as well!

So when I got home,  my husband was mad and said I need to quit. And he was 100% serious. Long story short,  I realize that if I'm truly going to change jobs to become a Shopper at Walmart,  I need to do that soon. 

It might actually be a good idea,  if the courts annihilate  Obamacare ,  because if they do, I won't  have health insurance.  I have been talking about how unhealthy this job is... I really do need to think about  this NOW. 

Finally, just to give you an idea of the comparison  between attorneys, the New Guy brought a Versa desk,  that allows you to stand while you work at your desk. How cool is that?!  We've been trying to get the boss to get us these and he walks in this Guy, with his own!

Then we have Associate Attorney ,  who not only could not go to the courthouse by himself (took Nice Lady with him), but then proceeded to leave his wallet on the top of his car when he stopped for gas,  forgot it was there,  took off, and now has no wallet!  So on a day that I need him for his deals, he's out of the office trying to get a new Driver's license ,  etc.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/23/2020:
Sounds like your job is far too stressful and affecting your life badly. Maybe husband is right.

This SCOTUS stuff is a nightmare! I wish I could bring my entire family over here!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I'm not sure what's stopping me.

bearcountrygg on 09/23/2020:
The stress you describe is what business OWNERS have...not their employees....are you getting paid enough to make it worth it all? Actually being a Walmart Shopper sounds like fun!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I make an hourly wage. I get a small contribution from my boss to help towards the Obamacare monthly premium (whatever it is that i have to pay for every month). Usually a small bonus at Christmas, 40 hours of vacation.

I'm quite fortunate that I get any help for the insurance. I worked here for several years with no insurance.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I have to check to see how much vacation time I have left. I didn't have time to do that today.

Also, we bought tickets to see my mom at Thanksgiving. Probably would have to give those up unless I started later.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/23/2020:
well, with your experience, I presume you could get another paralegal job in real estate as you are working now...if i know your job right?

So you pay for your own health insurance? you don't get it thru work?

I do think you would be valued at another firm. Why not do some applications a couple days a week online thru LinkedIn and see where it gets you?

There's tons of positions and you have the experience that all these firms claim to want!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
Most small firms do not offer insurance or retirement plan. I worked for a corporate law firm before, in Chicago, when I was younger. Never again.

I feel that I get paid more than most paralegals. Most start at $12 an hour. I do get overtime. If I started at another firm, I feel I'd have to take a step back in the little that I do have here.

innerpeace on 09/23/2020:
I like the idea of being a Walmart shopper - or even Instacart - they have different stores to go to. I hope you have a better day.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I hadn't considered Instacart!

legcramps on 09/23/2020:
It sounds like you need to seriously sit down and evaluate. I like HoP's idea of checking out a couple of job sites, just to get a feeling for what's out there. It's a good first step, and you don't lose anything by looking!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
True, this is a good idea that you and Horn have suggested. I think it'd be a struggle to find something good in my location area though.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
The "big" money is in Chicago, and that's a 1.5 hour train ride for me.

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