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Donkey - Saturday Jul 31, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

GOOD MORNING!!!!  It sure does feel good to not be at work.  I'm so glad to be at home.

I want to be completely honest with you.  I'm currently struggling to keep myself out of sliding further into a depression.  Thursday's work drama really threw me down a well of despair, and I'm working to crawl my way out.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to shake off the residual feelings of sadness and regret.  Part of it is that I'm still trying to figure out where I go from here, and this is happening (a good step in the right direction).  I also know that I won't feel 100% until after TOM is over (so there is an end in sight, not hopeless; another good step).  Finally, until I can get some decent sleep, things may be a little rough,.

I've had 2 epiphanies that I think are game-changers in trying to feel better:

  1. New Girl is another Queen Bee.  (She even kind of looks like Queen Bee.  If QB was Mexican, she'd be New Girl.)
  2. What happened is a BLESSING.  This may very well be the kick in the butt that I needed to get me moving in a better direction for myself, overall, to help me improve myself and my circumstances.  

So I will be spending today focusing on formulating my August goals.  I'm looking forward to my son coming home in August for an extended visit.  I'll see my mom at the end of the month, too.  I'll be working on transitioning from weight loss to maintenance. I don't have any athletic goals, but I want to continue to grow in my weight training.

July Goals - RECAP:

  • 3 sets of 15 daily push-ups (modified or "girl" style because of my lower back) - DONE, every day except July 9th, when I just forgot.  I consider this a victory.
  • Make it to the gym during the work week at 1x per week - 1 out of 4, with disaterous results for my sleep schedule.  
  • Stick to using the Lose It app to reach weight goal THIS MONTH, even if it pushes out my goal date. - DONE, so now I can use Lose It for August (tracking for a full month, after goal) to solidify established habits.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
Regarding your thoughtful July Goals Recap: great recap lady! and great goals for August to continue with the App that helped you progress so well. i'm glad you are sticking with it; because that app was really a huge element (also your own motivation!) and your achievements and weightloss. way to go. you've been successful; despite the emotional rollercoaster late this week (which will pass, too).

I'm glad to be home today, too.

I'm glad you noticed that about New Girl. she seems to have a strong personality and she may have noticed that you are a type which she can speak to with some force and not worry about backlash. i don't know.

but please, do not start to overthink your actions at work to the point of extra stress. part of being new is learning to work with the existing staff. i just cannot believe that she is so perfect and you are so lacking. think about it.

we can always improve; perhaps it's true you can sound stressed or a certain way on the phone that she says; or in person to her; but honestly, you are also a good worker. just don't go doubting yourself and your abilities after this huge negative statement she made to your face. this woman has some guts. for instance, like i was saying sorta before; i doubt you'd just come out and say to her something of that nature. the way you did react was pretty darn nice and open-minded based on what you wrote in your entry previous.

i suggest you focus on always being your best self, but not second guessing yourself either. this woman is new and has to prove herself yet.

just stay professional with her...and do your work. it'll be good if your work doesn't overlap and she's doing things she does; and your work is things you do..

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
Yes, ALL of this --- thank you SO much. I am letting this go, but I won't forget this. Now that I know what she is, I will be wiser moving forward.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
yes, packing food for the beach is always best bc it tends to be healthier. the other beach we've gone to most other years has limited food options anyways - msotly ice cream. this year though, the beach we went to yesterday has tons of food...but if you want to eat light, the best option is to pack your own. most beaches we go to - do not have much in terms of healthy choices. it's similiar to buying takeout at work; you can buy it, but the portions will be bigger and maybe more expensive. plus you may not want to finish it all; and that's kinda gross to bring home food you bought at the beach....and then placing it with whatever is still cold and bringing it home...

but really, most beaches we went to do not have many options. this one did. we may not go back, it has awesome popcorn shrimp i could have gotten and eaten with my cherry tomatoes. i am not sad i didn't have it, though.

no biggie :)

this is the one that loves thai food and the one restaurant only. i did suggest we may eat at the beach for dinner; but, she wasn't going with my suggestion lol. she wanted to order her usual spring rolls and chicken fried rice.

also, once we were almost at jones beach, i had asked if her free pass included another beach a little farther away (but happens to be exactly the way we were driving, just 17 miles away once she looked without any traffic bc we'd passed all of the traffic)...she was ready to fight me that i couldn't drive more and i'd "promised her" we were going to the one beach and that she should have lied to me and want to the beach alone if i were going to change the plans at the last minute...

i ended up of course driving to where we had plans and not further. there are some things she did that annoyed the heck out of me yesterday. this woman def has even less patience than ever (something that comes iwth lifestyle and age....).

i was driving about 5 minutes from my apt home with our food after the beach and she's in the car...there's a city bus that has it's blinker on to get back into the lane after picking passengers up and i slow down saying i'll let the bus in....she answers "why do you have to stop for this bus....i'm hungry and want to eat...." i was like, this isn't even slowing us down by a whole minute...

she wasn't down for much walking; could hardly deal with any push to do anything.

she also told me she'd like to go to the far beach, fire island, that includes a ferry...i def do not see that happening as she hardly lasted yesterday and that was leaving late for the beach and just staying 3 hours; less than we usually do (which worked great, actually!) :)

i'm just saying, she doesn't know this about herself; but she isn't getting any easier to hang out with.

she doesn't realize how much i like change and new experiences. i had been to this beach many times; she had never. she loved the part of the beach i took her to - she had only been to a part of this beach with no restaurants or ammenities. the only reason we even went to the new part is because i knew where the parking was.

it's hard to be with someone who isn't open to much new in life...

i know i'm negative.

i also know i'm allowed to have my limits, which is why i KNOW i'm not driving out to go to ferries and to an old spot that for me has nothing new or interesting to offer this year. she has to realize that it cannot be all the same for me; just as for her it cannot be all new...

missing having friends nearby that are up to more exciting things; so will just do also what makes me happy as I have been this summer. :)

all is good, just ranting on your page. and knowing i will have to make choices for me; and not be roped into her negativity of thinking i'm trying to change pllans on her when it's more i'm into new experiences. she won't be able to rope me into doing whatever she wants; when it's a long ass trip and she cannot even survive a short one. she forgets so easy what it's like to work all summer...and why i'm not into waking up so early on a saturday after a long week of work. and while she wont' experience it; i won't have to do anything i really do not want to do. i don't owe her that type of favor if it gives me stress.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I don't think you're being negative. It sounds to me like you're assessing the outing and your friendship. We've discussed C before, and it sounds to me like she is (getting) set in her negative ways -- as you say, due to lifestyle and age.

What you wrote: It's hard to be with someone who isn't open to much new in life... <<<that really has me thinking, because I completely agree with you, and I also feel like I could go down that path. I'm that sort of person who gets stuck in her habits, and I'm also a person who tends to see the negative before the positive.

I think she's a good lesson to us all, on how not to get stuck in a negative life to live.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
the reason she's not in my phtoos is that she refused. i said she could just stick her head in; in back so her face is just in. she wouldn't have it. the amount of restrictions and requirements with her can be rather difficult. we may go fruit picking tho i doubt it; she says to me, "we can take photos doing that....".


i'm sorry i ranted up your page; but, it's funny how i can only take her in smaller doses and year after year...that's how it will be.

she will retire as soon as she is able, i do not doubt, as she said it to me. her lifestyle is so far from mine, at times she doesn't realize it...she will not force me to jump through her hoops and restrictions.

like you've said, this is why i have other friends.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I am so glad that you did post this on my page :-) I enjoy reading about your outings, for one thing, and I also enjoy reading your insights and perspectives.

It will be interesting to see how she does with retirement. One thing I didn't mention above, but that I do recognize (and so do you) is that she has her limits, and they are very... limited. And like you wrote, you have your limits too (boundaries) and won't allow yourself to go through hoops to accommodate hers. That's a very helpful perspective, for yourself. You could really twist yourself up trying to fit your life into hers, to maintain a friendship.

Jacky82020 on 07/31/2021:
Try not to stress out too much re work. I know easier said than done. Dwell on the positive. You’ve met your weight goal which required great self discipline. TOM will go away & soon you’ll have family to visit with.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
1000% correct - thank you for saying this. PLEASE keep saying this. Remind me of this, repeatedly, if you have to.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
JACKY, above, is right :)

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
Yes :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2021:
you mentioned you see yourself going down a path of limits/routine but you are far from a restricted person. you enjoy trying new things; setting out new goals. this is very important. you enjoy personal growth and achievements. you plan for them. this sets you far apart from a very restricted person, trust me <3..

i was thinking you may be able to relate to me also because your hubby is compromised with what he can do; which can be a challenge when you want to do more. i guess at times he will need to be patient or sit and relax while you continue on walks anywhere you may go on vacation, etc.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I liked that line you wrote so much, that I asked Husband if he thought if I was the type of person who doesn't like to try new things. He said that I do, but I don't like surprises and I like to think things through. (I guess that means I'm careful, LOL.)

I was *very* aware that what you wrote could apply more to him - not so much that he doesn't *want* to try new things, but that he *can't*. I realize that we are running out of time to do things together. He thinks maybe 3 or 4 more years of useful mobility until he becomes significantly LESS mobile. Not a happy thought.

However, I know that he is 100% supportive of things that I want to try or goals that I might have for myself. That is to say, as long as the goal or thing is within reason and in my best interest (e.g. not illegal, overly dangerous, etc.).

In this respect, I think we are very well suited for each other.

Donkey - Friday Jul 30, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Yesterday was an awful day... It shouldn't have been.  I left a little early, after the office area got too hot to work in, and I left my workload in a good place, pretty much caught up.  But I had a confrontation with a co-worker (more detail below) and that started cascading on my emotions.  Add TOM hormones and coming home knowing that we'd have a surprise guest at dinner -- I HATE SURPRISES -- just put me into a tailspin.

However, being an emotional mess is good for weight-loss.  I didn't eat much dinner - burger and some slices of grilled eggplant -- and not much cake and ice cream >>> not NEARLY the amount I have been fantasizing about.  The cake was not really cake!  It was mostly "chocolate truffle" filling -- kind of looked like cheesecake, but it was not cheesecake.  Bleah... and I think because it was so chocolatey, the mint ice cream didn't taste right with it.  I also didn't feel comfortable topping off the ice cream with chocolate chips, because we had company.  So not nearly the damage done that I had initially anticipated.

Also being an emotional mess, though, I did not do any more lower body weights at home in the evening.  I excused myself early from the company, went downstairs to the basement, and  hopped on my bike and kind of disappeared into my mind, while "watching" something on TV. 

UGH, then a deluge of happy birthday phone calls....  And you'll understand why I felt this way about hearing from family, but why on earth does everyone have to talk so much?  Talk talk talk talk talk.... All the time.  At work, at home...  About nothing, just blah blah blah...

So New Girl came up to me yesterday and said that she doesn't like my tone of voice and that we're going to have problems working together.  I have struggled with modulating my tone of voice many, MANY times in my adult life, in many jobs, many relationships.  I just have that salty, sarcastic way of speaking, I guess.  That is one main reason why I started pulling back from talking to people on the phone.  I don't do well talking on the phone, I don't hear well on the phone, I don't like talking on the phone...  And at work, most of the time, it's not me that the people calling need to talk to.  Most of the time, they need to talk to either one of the attorneys or Male Co-Worker.  NOT ME.

I invited New Girl to sit down and talk about this (ha ha).  I explained that most of the calls aren't really for me, people just don't know who else to ask for.  I also explained that my tone of voice has been an issue for a very long time, and I try to work on it, but it gets really exasperating when people call and ask for me, even when I specifically say, "Email me or call to speak to the attorney".  I told her that I really liked her (not any more!) and I thought she was doing a good job.  I said I would try to work on the tone of voice, but that it really has nothing to do with her individually or specifically.  It's just how I am.  I think things were OK after that, but wow, what a kick in the head.  

So here I am 51 years old, still working on the same issues over and over and over....

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/30/2021:
Here I am 71 and still working on the same issues over and over TOO!!!! It's a thing!! I agree...we are what we are....and I was quite taken aback when I heard myself talking to D one day...he accidentally recorded it because he was adjusting his phone and I truly hated the way I sounded when I was talking to him........Can you ask hubby to some times randomly record you when you are talking? I don't think we really know how we sound to others......I'm sure new girl will have and may already have some things about her that will irritate you too.......she might just have to put on her big girl pants and grow up some herself. But I know I sound more harsh when i'm stressed...I think that is normal...some people can modulate that better than others.....talking with her was a very good idea...it let her know that you heard her and will work on it.....one thing i do know..( and learned later in life)...is that almost everything will mean nothing a year from now.....and the small things that irritate me are so unimportant.....and I should just let them slide by......and not react. One think I learned...is that if I'm smiling ( usually a fake smile)...when I answer the phone...then I sound happier....and it's just better.......maybe you could fake smile at her when you are forced to speak with her......

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Oh, I **know** that I can have a harsh tone of voice. I've done something similar to what D did with recording you, and I've heard it. I am not saying that New Girl is wrong. (I know you know that.)

I think a LOT of it is a focus problem. I get so bombarded with calls and emails and office chatter that I develop like a "tunnel vision" to just get through everything as fast as I can, and I get very stressed, very impatient.

Then I don't focus on customer service, tone of voice, etc. This is also how mistakes happen, and I told New Girl this. I cannot continue to be interrupted by calls because then I get nothing done and that which gets done has mistakes. I will say that she did appear to be understanding and sympathetic about that.

bearcountrygg on 07/30/2021:
Was it your birthday yesterday???? If so...Happy Belated Birthday Donk!

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Um, maybe... LOL. Thank you - I don't like making a big deal out of things like that, although I do appreciate the cake.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
Sounds like yesterday was a rather ultra busy and uncomfortable day...still reading...

awww, Happy Bday to you :) why didn't you write it was your bday full out! haha. that's really nice they called you; i see that the long calls can be difficult on a work night; after a long day. i can relate.


Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Thank you :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
you have been at this company a long time. New girl has NOT.

at the company i am at, new people have to seriously WATCH THEMSELVES. look at what happened to me - with the most evil payroll lady. her tone of voice is a disgrace. she is so rude. and she gets away with it.

new girl has pushed you and punched you in the face with her comment. i feel it was extremely harsh to say to you.

i would take her comment with a huge grain of salt. i'm surprised she would outwardly say she's going to have a difficult time working with you.

you aren't the new girl, she is.

work to maintain your confidence.

if she ever says something like that again, tell her if it's not work related; you'd prefer not to discuss bc your idea of work is to work to get along; not tell people you don't think you can work with them!?

idk, but ignore that.

she's new and that's the right way to talk to someone. i don't agree with how she dealt with it. and if she was being totally honest and not sarcastic or joking; how can you tell someone you dont think you can work with them bc of their tone of voice? i feel she didn't use the right approach with you.

don't take it to heart. keep being you. you've lasted a long time...do not apologize to HER. she needs to find her place at work and work with people. her comment isn't kind to you. think how she'd react if someone said that to her.

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
You have some very valid points. I don't disagree with what you said, except that getting along and tone of voice is work-related -- at least I feel that it is. Hmm...

I *DO* hear what you're saying, and you can bet that I'll be doing a lot of thinking this weekend.

Donkey - Thursday Jul 29, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Another anemic night's sleep...  However, I looked at the sleep data from my FitBit and I'm hopeful that I'm resetting my good-sleep pattern.

  • I normally start relaxing (nodding off, brain feels like it's "floating" in a relaxing way) before I even turn off the light.  That has not happened this week.
  • When I do turn off the light, I was relaxing and "floating" right away.  That is not happening. 
  • Last night, I floated for about an hour, and then got up to use the bathroom, wash my face, and turn up the fans.  THEN, I went back to bed and fell asleep almost immediately --- FitBIt reflects that I went from awake to light sleep almost immediately, and then right into a prolonged deep sleep before going into REM.  That is a typical sleep cycle for me.  Unfortunately, this was at around 10:30pm, which is kind of late for me.  But this is promising, and it gives me hope.
  • TOM is here, and so is the hip/knee/foot pain that goes along with it.  I am not going to panic about my sleep until AFTER TOM leaves.  Nothing can be normal while it's here.  That's just a given across the board:  emotionally, physically, mentally.  I hate what TOM does to my body.
  • Oh one problem I had last night is that my stomach felt so bloated and heavy, felt very gassy inside. I had a heavier than usual dinner, because my day meals were lighter --- oh, no meat!  I had no meat during the day, so my carb  macros percentage was  higher.  Hmmm... 
  • The past few days, I've showered early -- maybe too early.  I'm going to go back to showering as part of my nighttime routine, to see if that helps.

Maybe I am stressed about the cake and ice cream tonight, but I realized yesterday that I don't need to be stressed out about this at all.  I was worried, because frankly, I feel like eating the whole cake.  BUT yesterday, I told myself that there is no need to worry, because I don't need to go off the deep end.  I can enjoy the birthday treats 100% in moderation, and not ruin all the hard work that has taken me to this point.  You'd think I'd never lost weight before, but I don't know WHY I didn't see this until yesterday.  DUH!!!!

The temperatures are supposed to start dropping. Today will be warm, and then we'll have low 70's for a stretch.  This is good because the AC at work is broken.  There are 4 AC units, and the AC that cools off my area, the Boss' office, and Associate Attorney & Nice Lady's office (they share) - doesn't work!!!

I should have gone home early, but instead, I stuck with it. The agony and discomfort of falling behind must be avoided <<<at least that is what drives me.  By the end of the day my area was so stuffy.  I drank so much water that it was uncomfortable on the drive home.  

Did some basic lower body weights this morning.  Tonight, I will either repeat what I did this morning or maybe 1 exercise tonight.  I'm not very motivated at the moment.  

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/29/2021:
Yep, you can do the goodies in moderation. I am getting desperate for my small bags of M&Ms & will likely add to the pickup list.

That damn Fitbit always said I was in a light sleep when I was watching TV & talking to Matt. LOL don’t know if newer or other trackers are better now.

That new one, the Sensor, or whatever that Fitbit is now trying to sell me does all kinds of sleep analysis. Can’t say if it’d be better than the faulty device. Even does a modified ECG. It would probably say I flatlined and send me off to the ER.

bearcountrygg on 07/29/2021:
We are in a cool period here and it's so nice......I'm sure you will have it better at the office without AC......Hopefully they get that fixed soon.

horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
sorry i've fallen behind, will comment either all tonight or tomorrow morning when i'm relaxed and can catch up properly. sometimes it becomes too much daily...easier to log my food and see comments on mine...but of course i intend always to catch up on yours...sorry i have fallen behind...

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Nobody can say you lack grit for sure.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
i will catch up with your former entries. but i will begin with this one.

i also have TOM and it's been not bad emotionally, but this time it came with the thigh pain that causes me to wake up at night and need to take some OCD's. ...it's ok, it passes. i'm sorry yours has been a pain emotionally. in a way, mine has "reawakened my emotions / feminism" this week. very different thing than what you are talking about.

this was a very bloating TOM for me also. a LOT of gas tonight; grateful i'm off tomorrow morning..let my body relax a bit.

by the end of your entry here, you seem like you do feel overwhelmed a little and rushed. remember to breathe. you can do this. you are very, very capable, J.

cake...is it your bday and I do not know!?

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
Ok, regarding entry below, the gym by me that i used to go to - was always busy in the evenings too, but i do not remember it being that busy in the evening hours as yours.

i think that TOM really got to you; making it all harder especially waking up after the gym.

I would say every so often it can be nice to go to the gym during the week, but, that is why i don't go. it's just too much for me time-wise. i think you are in the majority of adults with full time jobs on that; not to feel bad. on days where you leave work early or have off, you can always schedule the gym in if you have the opportunity. i know you don't have a ton of days off...but you could plan on the gym possibly the day you have your continued ed...if you want and feel up to it. i miss gym days, it was easier for me to train better, harder, more efficiently.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
sorry it's been so hot by you. we haven't had a very hot July, overall. just a few hot days; most are actually slightly under avg.

Hopefully someone at your work notices new guy needs an assistant. maybe he can speak up for himself - though i doubt he's ready to do that..this is regarding Tuesday's entry.

Donkey - Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Well, I do not think that going to the gym on weeknights is going to work.  Channeling my inner "Inner Peace",  I went last night with Husband, thinking that the gym would be emptier, arriving at around 8:30p.  Oh my goodness, it was BUSY!  Not the "after work" busy, but the weight machine area was busy!  My Husband said he had to wait twice to use machines.  The cardio area wasn't too bad, but I wasn't alone by any means.

I did have the opportunity to try the 20lb dumbbell, and I am ready for this, but only on 1 exercise, so I will not think about buying 1-2 of the 20 lb dumbbells any time in the foreseeable future.  If I want to do that one exercise w the heavier weight, I can do it at the gym.  Everything else, I have more than sufficient at home.  So I'm glad that I tried this.  I consider the trip to the gym a success.

It is a success, too, in that I realize that I can't do this on a regular basis.  We didn't get out of there until 10pm.   Husband takes a lot longer to clean up than I do; he moves slower, in general anyway.  I had completed most evening tasks before going to the gym, and set up the remaining tasks, except for cleaning out the litter boxes.  I should have done that before, but instead, I decided to rest while charging up my FitBit for the day.  I think I made the right trade, but it did delay getting to bed.

When I finally did turn out the light at 10:38pm, I could not fall asleep.  I must have though because I woke up at 3:04am to the storms.  I did not feel rested, and I felt it was too early to get up to get started.  Could not fall back asleep, listened to the storms roll through...  I know I checked my watch after 4am, but I must have fallen asleep (somehow -- it didn't feel like it) because I woke up 3 minutes before the alarm went off at 5:15am.  Ohhhhh it was hard to get up.

I hope that I can re-establish the sleep pattern that I had - it was working well for me.  I'm thinking that I will be able to go to bed early tonight, with the fatigue I'm feeling this morning, TOM due tomorrow (always get really tired a day or 2 before), and a busy day at work.

 So I had a nice impromptu chat with Mistakes Girl yesterday, where I learned a lot.

  • I learned that New Girl *REALLY* wants to work full-time at our firm.
  • New Girl acts like she works for New Guy, calls him "Boss".  (This annoys Mistakes Girl to no end, she said.)  So I can see that she is vying to become the New Guy's full-time assistant.  That's how I hear that.
  • I've told Mistakes Girl that I'm seeing my position being reduced, gradually, and she doesn't disagree.  As the Boss does less and less, I will have less and less to do.   Right now, he's very busy -- that is to say, that he has a lot of contracts, but he won't work much on them.  He writes letters and takes phone calls, but he doesn't go to closings hardly ever at all.  And he has started to hand off certain tasks to New Guy, so that he can learn.
  • Mistakes Girl and her husband will be trying for another baby by the end of the year.  She was advised by her doctor to wait at least 6 months, which will be November/December.  And because she is now a very high-risk, we both figure that as soon as she knows she is pregnant, she will be on bed rest very early on.

I'm on the Titanic, and I can't get myself to get on a lifeboat for some reason.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/28/2021:
I think Walmart has good barbells.

The gym visit sounded trying. But great your hubby made the effort. Did he see the dietitian yet?

My sleep patterns have always sucked. Up multiple times, lately I’ve taken to whipping out my iPad and reading from 1-3AM or so.

Does reducing your position mean cutting hours or performing different tasks?

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
Yes, Husband saw the dietician and GI. He has a follow-up with the GI next week. I give him a lot of credit: he is making changes.

Your comment/question about reducing my position was game-changing. I mean, talk about turning on a lightbulb or opening a window. What difference does it make if I do less? As long as I continue to get paid, does it matter? Getting the same pay to do less -- why am I even questioning that?

bearcountrygg on 07/28/2021:
Change is hard...leaving a job you have devoted yourself to for a long time isn't easy...I suspect that as The owner does less and less...and other attorneys do more..the entire vibe there will change...that could go either way...it may be a lot nicer...or it may see totally foreign and would be easy to walk from.

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
That is a VERY good point - I think I already sense a change in the vibes. Actually, I think we're all picking up on that lately.

I want to ask Male Co-Worker so badly what it will take for him to retire. He and the Boss go back to the 1980's, in one way or another. I think they both keep working only because the other one is still working.

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Hugs. I know that Titanic feeling. That was me back in 2017. Let’s work on your sleep data, see if there is anything there.

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
I'll write about what I've noticed about my sleep data lately. Last night was a little better, maybe, but not good-feeling sleep, and a bit frustrating.

I feel like I just need to sit and figure out this work thing, but I can't seem to get to that point. When I have the free time, who the hell wants to think about work?

Donkey - Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Happy Tuesday!  The heat here is becoming unbearable.  I feel wiped out from it, just from the small bit that I'm exposed to.  I do not want to think of what I would do if I didn't have AC.  I can completely understand the need for public cooling centers.

Had my morning bike ride and did 3 upper body weight exercises for chest and back, with the idea that more will be done tonight.  I have the opportunity to go to the gym tonight with my Husband.  He is going today, but is willing to wait until tonight to go with me, after dinner.  However, with work being so busy..... I do not know if I will have the motivation to go tonight.  I may have a better idea when I start my emails and see how many tasks I have for today.  This will be the ideal night to go.... Oh I don't know...

I was disappointed that work was so busy yesterday.  I could not get my work done because so many contracts kept coming in.  I thought I had finished with the batch that came in over the weekend, and then I'd get another, and another, and then another -- oh my...

Associate Attorney and Nice Lady are off, together, today.  I expect a pile of letters waiting for me this morning, from AA.  All of his adult children are in town (hence, the day off) all last week and part of this week, and so he just hasn't been workiing like he should.  He goes out for long lunches, leaves early, etc.

And even though he complains that he has SO MUCH work to do -- which he DOES! -- Male Co-Worker is taking Friday and Monday off to visit his adult daughter in her new apartment.  WTH???

And Male Co-Worker wants Nice Lady to keep doing the work that was taken away from her.  He's "too busy" to deal with what she was doing.  Well, I've been dealing with after closing issues on purchases; he can take care of after closing issues on sales.

The REAL problem is that New Guy is so busy that he really needs a (Spanish-speaking) assistant that works only on his files.  But Male Co-Worker hasn't realized that yet.  I realized it early on.

I'm finding it very difficult to maintain the work-life balance right now.  Friday AND yesterday, I ignored my 10am and 3pm "lauds & vespers" alarms to step away and relax for 5 minutes.  Too busy.  I will try very hard to abide by the calls to prayer/meditation today.  I learned some good stretches last night at yoga, that I could also do.

Well, I want to get to work early today, so that I'm not so frazzled by 10am.  Let's hope for the best day, today.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/27/2021:
Oh you do need some of our rain...it cools things down so nicely...although by late afternoon it gets quite hot.....hope you have a good day.......sounds like a lot of people plan on being away a lot......at least it will be quiet around there.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
That's true about it being quieter... good point!

Last night - or early this morning, I should say - we got some good rain, and I think we'll have storms later this afternoon too, which will cool off temperatures, God willing...

Jacky82020 on 07/27/2021:
I forgot where you live. Is it the Chicago area? We once considered moving there when Matt was offered a job. It was March & freezing cold when we visited.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
Yes, I live in the suburbs of Chicago. :-)

Maria7 on 07/27/2021:
I hope your work day gets better today. Sounds like they heavily rely on you but you are only one person and can only do so much. Take time for yourself. Relax.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
They did used to heavily rely on me, and now I see that being taken away bit by bit. In a way, I think that's a good thing, but on a emotional level, it has me concerned.

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Hugs. You will rise and conquer.

Donkey - Monday Jul 26, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

It's a Monday.... Woke up to find out that the internet was down.  All of that is my Husband's "baby", so I waited until he woke up and came down into the basement to investigate.  He reset the modem and we're back up and running. 

I'm glad that tonight is a rest night, with yoga only.  I was not 100% sure about going to the gym yesterday afternoon -- I think the heat and humidity were getting to me, even though we have the air conditing on.  Maybe it was the stuff I did outdoors earlier in the morning?  Was it the morning walk that did me in?  It was only 25 minutes.  

Anyway, took a brief nap, woke up, decided to go to the gym so that Husband could go too.  I cut the time on the elliptical by 5 minutes (so 15 minutes plus cool-down).  Did legs, stretched, showered, came home.  I had a protein shake when I got home, and then dinner about an hour after that, but I was feeling quite depleted.  I started getting aches in my legs, especially my left one, and then I got chills.  I put on a fleece jacket and had a cup of decaf coffee with dinner.

After dinner, I was definitely warmed up, but my legs were still achy.  I went to bed  "early" but didn't turn off the light until just before 9pm, because I was waiting for everything to charge. Still, I was able to lie in bed and relax.  I woke up feeling much better.  In fact, woke up at 4:17am, but stayed in bed resting until almost 5am.

Mistakes Girl is back today - thank goodness!  She has a calming affect on everyone, and I could use that at work, righ tnow.

And it will be interesting to see if my Boss will be making any changes since his follow-up with the cardiologist on Friday.  I won't ask him about it, and I don't expect to have him volunteer any information (of course).  I'm just curious to see what - if anything - changes.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/26/2021:
Hope all goes well with you at work today!

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
Oh... my.... gosh.... It was SO busy :-( So much for thinking things were slowing down.

bearcountrygg on 07/26/2021:
Sounds like a pretty good start to the day...especially when the internet booted up......We aren't getting your humidity and heat....

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
It gets SO oppressive in the afternoon. It's actually better at noon than it is at around 3pm. Today will be awful - I'm going to try to take my walk before noon.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2021:
i'm glad your internet issue was an easy solution! :)

i am so glad you were feeling better come the morning. we had storms last night and they were loud so i woke up a few times. i will be a happier sleeper tonight.

that's nice you were able to relax in bed today and not rush.

i know what you mean about how different people's personalities at work are a good thing...i enjoy most of everyone's personalities at my job, too. so thankful for that!!

keep us updated on hubby's appointment. happy Monday and good start to your work week! it sure sounds like that, Donkey :)

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
Sometimes, we listen to thunderstorm sounds on Alexa while we sleep. Husband uses that more than I do. I did not sleep well last night; I think I will set the sounds for tonight.

Donkey - Sunday Jul 25, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Good Sunday morning!!!  Really glad to be at home today...  It is already hot, sunny, and humid.  The air is turning oppressive quite rapidly.  As a change of pace, I took a walk this morning, around my neighborhood, after my (shortened) bike ride.  It was pleasant enough at 7am, but I wouldn't want to out there for too long now, at 9am.  

I went to the gym yesterday and had a good experience; it was upper body weights.  Today is lower body weights, and my husband said he would come with me.  We'll see... it's OK if he changes his mind.  We do not exercise together  I talked to him about trying to go to the gym during the week, at night.  It wasn't the type of talk of coming to a resolution or plan, but rather, just thinking aloud to see if he was interested or his input.  His first comment was, "Isn't that going to interfere with your sleep schedule?"   Aww, this is why I love this guy so much  

And *just* as I was thinking about going to the gym during the week at night, I found a "new" TV show to watch while riding my bike.  Downton Abbey is on Netflix, and I never watched it when it originally aired on PBS.  And I just KNOW it's the type of show that I will love.  In fact, one of the ladies I volunteer with at Legal Clinic is completely enthralled by the show and even hosted an outing of friends to go see the movie together, with a British tea at her house afterwards.  Cute idea!  I miss my friends at the Legal Clinic, BUT I do NOT want to start going to legal clinic again.  I'm so burnt out, and at the risk of sounding like an "old person", I don't want to learn an overwhelming new computer system, when what we had worked for our clinic, just fine.

So I'm holding off asking the ladies if they want to do a Zoom chat, but I do miss them.

Husband booked our "long weekend" for near the end of September.  I'm SO looking forward to this -- I NEED this time off.  It will help me keep calm, knowing that now, there is officially a light at the end of the tunnel.  Hopefully we can do some mild hiking together, and then some nice dining.  I will have had the extra month of Lose It tracking under my belt by then, so no interference there.  I have that "day away" for continuing education in early August.  Our Son comes home for his leave towards the end of August.  I would like to take shortened days if at all possible, to spend time with him.  My mom is coming out to Illinois to see him, and I would like to be able to spend time with them both, and/or just her, too.  I think half-days would work for that.  

I have the reading "material" for the continuing ed. class, but have not been inclined to read it.  It's printouts of the Power Point presentation, plus the "final exam" which isn't really graded, since it's written.  I believe there are short quizzes after each module that need 70% to pass, and then attendance check-ins, so that you can't just turn on your computer and leave, and still get credit, LOL.  I do need to look the stuff over though -- I think it will help me a lot, to read in advance, so that I know what will be covered.  Then I can pay more attention to the lecture itself.

That's not really a day off though, is it?  9am to 6pm -- a very long day.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/25/2021:
You sound so much more relaxed.....i think meeting you wt goal has taken a load off of your shoulders.....now that you know you can do it. I'm so happy to hear that your soem will be coming home for leave......You trip sounds like a well deserved break too......

Donkey on 07/26/2021:
The difference, emotionally, in the mornings, between work days and days off, is amazing, although I don't think I'm the only one who experiences this. As far as jobs go, there are worse jobs than mine, so on one level, I'm very grateful for what I have. It just gets a little frustrating... which is why I need that break. And it's difficult to watch others taking breaks and not me.

Jacky82020 on 07/25/2021:
Never tried Down Abby. It’s had rave reviews for ages, finally tried Handmaids Tale & hated it!

Your hubby sounds like a sweetheart! So’s mine.

Donkey on 07/26/2021:
I haven't watched or read Handmaids Tale... IDK I think it would be too emotionally charging, frustrating... I am glad, though, that others have read it and watched it.

Downton Abbey has 48 minute episodes. I also want to watch The Office, from beginning to end, and I'm hearing that Schitt's Creek is good. See, I don't think I'd run out of things to do if I were retired.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/25/2021:
great job getting out early this AM for a walk. i actually found myself up early but i stayed in bed for that very early part up until 8am. it's def nice to have that extra time on weekend mornings if you do have a lot to get done or want to do.

well, hubby does have the right idea about the sleep schedule. some people really care about that; and some do not. for instance, some of the people i work with do not seem to be as affected by a lack of sleep as I. or maybe i baby myself. idk. but there's a few men that come in very early, two come around 6am..to leave at 2:30pm. that's too disruptive to my sleep schedule to even consider it. one does it to beat traffic and he's quite far - so i can understand why he does it though. the other one; just likes to come early and leave at the early hour. ;)

truth is, you do not HAVE to do the legal clinic right away again...hard to imagine right!? i was going to clean this hermit crab cage (watching it for a coworker and noticed there's mold by the food/where it was wet from some water). my friend said to me on Friday when i told her i was watching the hermit crabs; "you don't have to do anything you don't want to do..."

those half days would be good for you; to enjoy your family; for sure! how exciting that everyone will be able to catch up and reunite!

i am sure it would be towards your advantage to read the handout / powerpoint material ahead of time; possibly while on your bike; possibly at work...to get familiarized and i would guess that doing just that should be enough.

yes, we'll have powerpoint presentations at my event too...but; there is also groupwork (yes, really!) and participation. nobody can do other things at the same time.

anyways, i hope that on the day you have at home; it can be a more relaxed day. i wonder what time it begins and if you could have a little more "relax time" in the AM before it begins. and you won't have to commute...

Donkey on 07/26/2021:
I think you could work 6am to 2:30p if you re-trained your sleep schedule. It just takes some adjusting. Saying that, though, I was never able to successfully adapt to a night-shift schedule. So maybe it's just not possible to you, as an individual, to shift your sleeping schedule, and that's perfectly understandable. There's a reason why humans, instinctively, aren't nocturnal beings.

You're right about legal clinic. I will keep this in mind, especially since one of the ladies isn't going to get vaccinated. She's the clinic leader, so it's up to her to get us back up and running.

Maria7 on 07/26/2021:
Congratulations on reaching your goalweight!

Donkey on 07/26/2021:
THANK YOU!!! Now, I just need to stay here...

Jacky82020 on 07/26/2021:
Hey! How did you get a heart emoji? I get the yellow screen. Trying again now. Yep, got the screen & deleted the heart.

Donkey - Saturday Jul 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Happy Saturday!!!  So glad to be home!!!

Well, I finally reached my goal - YES!!!!!  But the battle is not yet done.  There is a family birthday next week.  The plan was to have ice creams of various favorite flavors, but Husband is supposed to be avoiding all dairy for 2 weeks until he sees the GI doctor again.  It might be better to have tiny cupcakes (with lots of frosting!) and just 1 flavor of ice cream.  I mean, the last thing we probably need in this house is 3 gallons of ice cream in the house.  OR, Husband could buy a small thing of sherbert or gelato for himself.  I have to discuss this with him.

And as I've mentioned here, my plan is to continue to track on the Lose It app for another full month before easing up.  But maybe I'm just the type of person that needs to monitor portions all the time.  That could be it too.  This might be my new reality.

What I MUST remember is this:  Do NOT regain this weight.  Do NOT do this to yourself again.  This number feels great, clothes fit great, appearance looks great... ha ha, at least as well as to be expected, let's say.  I definitely have a lot of loose skin from having 2 big babbies, and there does remain skin/fat ("flab") on the thighs, where I tend to hold most of my fat, that could shrink by continued reduction in calories.  It's not atrophy but a similar word that Google can't find for me at this moment.

Rather that a "BEFORE" and "AFTER", what I'm seeing ahead of me, through the end of August, is a prolonged transition.  I may go a little lower or higher than where I'm at right at this moment, but ultimately 135 is the Tipping Point.

I did find some literature that the dietician and GI doctor gave to Husband at his appointments.  The dietician gave him the diet - a list of what to eat, what to avoid.  The GI doctor gave him more symptomatic stuff, like "What Causes Gas?" and "Having a Healthy Gut".  I have to applaud my Husband though.  He does seem to be trying, at least to obey doctor's orders until his next follow-up. 

And he went to the gym yesterday afternoon on his own, without too many problems this morning.  My Husband's auto-immune disease causes him a lot of back and joint pain, so "working out" doesn't always work out well for him.  It can cause him soreness that lasts for days.

Yesterday, the Boss had an unexpected doctor's appointment early Friday afternoon.  I was told not to expect him back.  Turns out, he was supposed to have a 6-month follow-up appointment with his cardiologist (he had a heart attack 2 years ago), but thought he didn't need one as long as he was taking his pills.

Well, his prescription ran out and the doctor wouldn't renew it because it was time for another appointment.  Boss went to Walgreens to try to convince the pharmacist to refill the prescription but the pharmacist was like, No can do.  Can you believe the denial that my Boss is living in?

My Boss doesn't like his cardiologist because he feels that the doctor is being too negative.  Um... you had a heart attack.  You don't exercise, you haven't lost weight (you look like you've might have gained a bit in the gut, actually, because your pants keep falling down), you think you're eating healthy but you eat out 1-2 times every day and your choices aren't really all that great, you haven't stopped drinking alcohol...  I could go on, but my point is that the cardiologist has good reason not to be all "warm and fuzzy, everything's OK" like his primary care physician is.  I guess my Boss should be lucky that I'm not his doctor, LOL.

For someone who always likes to be "doing something", he sure does hate to exercise.  Frankly, I hope the doctor gives it to him straight.

So I'm glad he took the rest of the afternoon off.  But at around 2pm, it just got to be insanely busy.  Fortunately, it wasn't anything to do with the Boss - mostly New Guy and Associate Attorney.  AA had like 10 files on his desk - for DAYS _ that he just didn't do anything about, because he was busy at closings, having lunches, coming in late, leaving early to go to the post office, leaving to pick up Nice Lady's grandson, going for a walk while making phone calls....  So I told him, don't give me all of this stuff at 4:45p to send out (to myself:  because you've been slacking off all week). I want to start my weekend as much as you do.  He was actually quite understanding when I put it that way.

I expect to have a stack of letters, to send out, waiting for me on Monday morning...

I'm taking this week to think about goals for August.  Righ tnow, though, I'm enjoying my weekend.  Very hot and humid here.  Husband caved and turned on the AC yesterday around 4pm.  I'm glad that he did.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/24/2021:
CONGRATS on meeting your goal! It will most likely require constant monitoring. Mine has been creeping up lately. We must remain Forever Vigilant. Sad!

Great your husband is trying, that’s half the battle.

Your boss sounds like a jerk! Pharmacists do not renew prescriptions. The physicians do

I had to see my PCP yesterday. Hate it! He will not renew my meds unless I see him 2X a year. Calls me “a cardiac patient” because I have to use meds to control a cardiac arrhythmia. Makes me feel like he’s fixing to put me on the transplant list. LOL

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! Yes, you are correct. Fat cells, once formed, never go away, they just get larger or smaller. The potential to regain the weight remains higher than if I had never gained weight in the first place. So, I agree with you - I will be required to constantly monitor my weight. I think, for some reason, I was in denial about my situation. Now that you've said it, I see that it is true. There's a little more leeway with fruits and vegetables, but other macros will need to be watched carefully.

Yes, my Boss is oblivious to a lot of that which surrounds him. He is very privileged and just has NO idea of what others go through. He's never had a weight problem before. He's always been able to do whatever he wanted to do, with no limits. Now that he has limits, he just can't see them.

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
Twice a year to see the doctor! I can see why that might feel inconvenient. This reminds me that I still have yet to make an annual appointment for well-being. Ha ha, I guess now that I've lost the weight, I can go see her.

The last time I saw my PCP, I had gained 10 pounds and she said, "Why do you think this happened?" (I know I've shared this with you before.) Ha ha ha - I know COVID kind of stopped regular appointments, but I didn't want to go back to see her until my weight was lower.

bearcountrygg on 07/24/2021:
BIGGGGG CONGRATS......The long awaited.....Moment has arrived!!!! You must be so happy!!! Yup about the skin!! But it will lesson since you are still young! I think the word you might be looking for is autophagy......??? I'm also glad to hear that hubby is following their diet...there are some good non dairy frozen desserts out there. It's been raining here...more like a downpour...for the last 12 hours!!! It must have missed you!

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! I was/am very happy and relieved. It's so frustrating and puzzling to do what's right, only to see the scale not reflect the effort and sacrifice. I am getting to the point where the skin will not be as flexible. I think there's still time, since I am not in menopause, but the improvement will be less and slower than if I were in my 20s or 30s. (I'm 50.)

I am glad that my husband is trying. With my own weight-loss THIS time, I've learned (FINALLY!) that really most of it is what you put or don't put in your mouth. Yes, exercise is great, but it's mostly diet. And since he cannot do a lot of exercising or exercises because of his condition, going on a gut-friendly diet is even more important.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/24/2021:
super congrats on reaching goal! i will say, you did a great job maintaining within 10lbs of your goal! it's not like you regained all the weight. so your learning and experimenting and all this time that you had fluctuated but not much; was not in vain. every year we are maintaining or within reason accountable; we learn and i feel you will do better and better as more time goes by. at least, that is what happened with me (though i cannot really KNOW for sure my future or what time will bring in 10 yrs or so when i'm your age!). i can only hope that experience will pay off helpfully to me (and you!); as we continue our journeys.

i am glad you didn't stay late at work on Friday with everyone leaving early and you getting your work done on time. that worked out well; and to rather catch up on Monday which makes much better sense with the letters/folders.

yep, your boss is in total denial of his situation. i can't comment further as both you and i know and see it's pretty clear.

in terms of the family bday and ice cream; i will say that i agree in terms of getting ONE ice cream gallon and not 3 types. the more choices of desserts, the more limits / choices you will have to make and the HARDER it becomes. it's easier when there's less. (that's how i do it!) but if hubby cannot have the ice cream, why not do a sorbet. or an ice cream that is milk free or made with coconut instead.

oh right; and in terms of meeting your goal; and just meeting it; i'd enjoy the ice cream for sure arounding bday time yes!; but also know you have just gotten to goal and if you can 1lb or two; just to get back into it and know you'll prob want to continue to maybe experiment later.

i'm sure you could lose more; though, if you are at a happy place, it's good to spend time here too and not push yourself too hard since it took you effort to get here - although i'd say you got it done quickly swiftly but in good pace...you stuck to your gut this time and didn't get sidetracked. so you have what it takes! i'm so glad the app helped you so well!

Donkey on 07/25/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! Actually, I hadn't considered that I didn't regain ALL of the weight back - just those 10 COVID pounds - so, I'm really glad and grateful that you pointed this out.

I've been "maintaining" longer than I think!

I thought about whether I dropped these 10 pounds too quickly. It took me about 2 months, and I don't think that's too fast. The loss averages to a little more than a pound a week - although my body doesn't lose weight as evenly as that.

My goal for this decade (my 50's) is to stay injury free (hips, back, knee, etc.) and prepare my body as best as possible for the decade after this. Also, I will most likely go through menopause, and I know that is a complete game-changer. So I will need to prepare and weather that.

You are right about too many desserts. I had not considered getting a dairy-free alternative. I will discuss this with Husband.

And yes, I need to let my body be where it wants to be, in a healthy range. (Frankly, I felt, physically & mentally, that 145 was uncomfortable, and too close to being "unhealthy".) That is why I want to keep tracking for another full month, before re-evaluating.

Donkey - Friday Jul 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 5 of 5:  TGIF!!!

I realize that this whole week, I've woken up early, ahead of my alarm.  I'm getting up anywhere between 4:21am and 4:42am. I think it's because of the reduced calories, although sometimes it's having to go to the bathroom... might also be the humdity and warmer temperatures that make sleeping a less ideal.

Anyway, I appreciate having the extra time in the morning!

My legs are a little stiff from yesterday's weights.  Last night I did only 1 leg exercise, because it's one that I *HATE* doing it (lunges with 10lb dumbbells).  I do this because I know it challenges my leg muscles, unlike anything else I do or have at home.

Food was fine.  The hardest part is getting through the mornings at work; I don't seem to have this problem on weekends, when I'm home.  The broth helps, but I'd much rather eat, LOL.The Lose It app keeps moving my goal date ahead, but little does it know that I'm actually going to achieve my goal with tomorrow's weigh-in <<< trying to think positive here.  Like Bear has mentioned, I kind of think the app is leading me along, so that I keep using it (even though it's free).

Another thing that I have found to be VERY helpful is in the afternoon, I have a large iced coffee, with a little cream.  I find this to be very satisfying to any hunger or stress-related cravings.  This has helped a LOT.

I am starting to feel and see physical improvements though, and that's the great part.  The bad part is that this is hard.  THIS IS HARD.  Last night, it occurred to me that this is like Chinese water torture.  The deprivation is slight, just so that I notice it as uncomfortable..  The exersion is felt, and also noticed - but not to the point of incapacity or totally stopping.

That darn scale better cooperate tomorrow!!!

Yesterday was the 2nd and last day of Queen Bee.  I am on totaly heightened alert when she's in the office.  And I was very aware that she talked pretty much non-stop until around noon, when she started texting friends.  Thank goodness New Girl came in at 1pm and she left --- while I was on my lunchtime walk, which helped cut down my time with QB even more.

Nice Lady has finally figured out that the future of the firm is with New Guy.  All of our marketing is now being focused on growing New Guy's business, a big switch from all of the money we poured into Associate Attorney that never really panned out.

Anyway, what this tells me is that my role in this firm will be diminishing, as New Guy grows and the Boss cuts back.  So I do need to really prepare myself for this inevitability.  I just never seem to either have the time to think it through or the courage to make a change.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/23/2021:
Having something good to drink does help with cravings. I have found the same thing. But I'm drinking caffeine-free diet coke over ice. This helps me a lot.

Donkey - Thursday Jul 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 4 of 5:  Light at the End of the Tunnel

I had made comments about Husband's appointment with the dietician and GI doctor last night (on yesterday's entry), saying how positive it was.  After I logged off for the evening, my Husband came up to the main level to get himself a snack of tortilla chips and salsa.  Then he went back downstairs and was crunching so LOUDLY that it drove me upstais very quickly.  This whole thing with a nighttime snack just drives me nuts.  Oh well... He's going to do it whether or not I'm aware of it. He tries to get his snack when he thinks I've already gone upstairs to bed.

And thinking about it more, I'm not so sure it WAS a positive appointment - or appointmentS - yesterday.  I mean, the dietician sounds like such a cool person - the person whose lifestyle I'd like to live.  Very much into yoga, meditation, the whole mind-gut connection.  He told Husband that he recently lost a significant amount of weight making these changes to his life.  Very inspiring to hear, I'm sure, for his patients.

But the dietician isn't a doctor, and Husband has way more issues than just fatty liver disease.  So he gave Husband the "fatty liver disease" diet -  not a menu plan, but just what to eat, what to limit, and what to avoid. I didn't see any literature.  I thought there was some, left on the kitchen island, but when I woke up this morning, it was gone, and it's not in the recycling bag, so I'm not sure what he did with it.  Maybe it was nothing.  Anyway, the dietician was realistic (which I appreciate) and told Husband that this is the plan, but to follow what his doctors tell him to do, and if it's different than the plan, that's fine.

The appointment with the GI doctor was not as inspiring.  She was a very overweight woman, who wants to get to the bottom of Husband's gut and bathroom problems (IBS, IBD, whatever).  He is to avoid dairy for 2 weeks and then have a follow-up appointment with her in 2 weeks.  He's already cut back on gluten, he's going to try to cut down on red meat, and he's definitely cutting out all dairy for 2 weeks.

Yesterday, I did well with calories.  In fact, I felt they were a little too low, so I had some frozen banana slices after my evening bike ride.  I didn't want to wake up hungry.  Turns out, I woke up 2-3 times.  The 1st time it was just waking up but it was 2:15am.  The 2nd time I had to go to the bathroom.  Third time it was still early (before 5am) but decided to get up since it was late enough.

Yesterday was just cardio.  Didn't go to the gym during the week, again.  I thought about it, yes ma'am and sir I sure did... Didn't happen.

Work yesterday was not too bad, with Queen Bee, actually.  Of course, she talked the WHOLE time she was there -- honest to God -- either to co-workers, the Boss, the phones (which I ended up answering, most of the time!), or her own personal cell phone (!) - friends calling her all the time.  It was such a relief to me when she left at 2pm.  And I had contracts that she could open, but I just wanted her GONE.  I was on pins and needles the whole time she was there --- and so relieved, like air out of a balloon, when she left.

She's coming in this morning to help, and then that's it.  New Girl comes in this afternoon and all day Friday.

I REALLY want to reach my goal this weekend weigh-in.  

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/22/2021:
Oh boy...I hoped that hubby would have been given a list of acceptable foods..... I get that he is sneaking foods when he thinks you don't know....D and I have both done that....and it is proof that we are not innocent...and that we know better.....cases of we know what to do but darn it...we are just going to have a big old food fit and let out our anger about having to be restricting certain things. I notice that D has gotten a lot more careful about his carbs.....he doesn't want his sugar to go any higher....so he has finally internalized what he needs to do. My guess is your hubby will at some point most likely do the same....but he doesn't want it bad enough yet. Your work place sounds like misery....like you...I hear everything.....i wonder if it's a Mom thing! I wonder if we can ever get past it.......you know...how we slept with an ear to a potential child out of bed? How we were well aware of it being too quiet ( usually meant trouble).....or more than 1 kid giggling together....( usually meant they were into something they weren't allowed to be into. It's a hard thing to stop doing...I still tell D his phone is ringing, His battery charger light is on Green, might as well be telling him not to forget his lunch or homework........That is why i believe that women are usually the ones in the front office.....they see and do all......and it is a hard thing to turn off.

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
I wrote you back yesterday, will come back here later to read today!

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
Thanks! :-)

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
well, one evening snack and the rest of the day sorta on track will not hurt hubby...unless he snacks relentlessly all day. i'd say the tortilla snack, assuming it's not five bowls of it...is OK...

well, that is sorta counterproductive that the dr is overweight. i do find it frustrating to patients, yes, because they aren't taking better care of themselves; and they as doctors should be able to (my view).

LOL, QB is such a...QUEEN BEE!

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
Logically, I agree with you about the evening snacking. I just don't see it as a healthy habit. This time it was a cereal bowl of chips, but in the past, it was a cereal bowl full of ice cream. The habit is there. And it drives me nuts, because I love nighttime snacking --- Oh to watch tv and snack at night...

It was so painful with Queen Bee yesterday (Thursday). I'll write about it more today (Friday), but at least she's gone until the next time we need her.

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
"need" her... LOL!

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