Day 3 of 5: Going to Get Through This
MORNING EDIT: I forgot to mention that I signed up for the continuing education webinar for mortgage originator, so I'll be at home August 10th to attend the webinar. I'll be using my tablet (fingers crossed!) so that I can move around during the day and not be chained to my desk. YAY!!!
Did well with calories/macros, steps, and weights. I had a good weight training session last night, even though the morning was anemic. I used dumbbells, and did 2 exercises for back, and one for chest. That balances out the triceps/biceps I did in the morning.
I had only 1 chocolate after dinner, and that was fine. I seem to have adapted to eating less calories -- not sure if this is a good thing or not. I'm not feeling desperately hungry any more. I'm not sure if that means I'm used to it, or I'm not tracking correctly - I weigh just about everything. Hmm... it might be when I have a better balance of macros (carbs, fats, protein) that keeps the hunger away. The only time I feel a little wanting is in the morning at work. I'm sticking to the spicy chicken broth, and for maintenance, I will probably switch to frozen fruit or a protein shake (?) instead...
I listened to my morning vespers alarm, but disregarded the afternoon one. There was some drama brewing, and I just wanted to get what *I* had to get done, finished up so that I could leave work on time.
I seem to be getting through this difficult week. Being short-staffed is difficult but not impossible. Queen Bee did NOT come in yesterday - no big surprise there, but unfortunately, New Girl did not come in either. So I was pretty much on my own, now that Nice Lady is not really working for us any more -- EXCEPT that I see her doing little things for our firm that she really shouldn't be doing, and that's annoying. Well, like I said to Male Co-Worker, if she wants to do things without getting paid, that's on her and fine by me. (It SHOULD be fine by me, but I find it annoying -- I need to let this go, and I will.)
So New Guy had 3 contracts to open and instead of giving them to me, he asked Male Co-Worker to open them. I'm not sure why he did that. This was at 3pm and New Guy wanted them opened TODAY. After he asked me, I told Male Co-Worker that he's breaking protocol by opening up contracts, but there was no way that I could open all 3 of them TODAY - with notice at 3pm. So he said, OK, then I'll open them. Do you know how to open contracts? No, but I'll figure it out. OK, well this is how mistakes happen. Good luck putting the deadlines on the calendar. And I didn't get any of the information for our stats list, so New Guy won't get credit for these contracts, but oh well... letting it go.... And somehow, he seemed to open up all 3 contracts -- at least I didn't see any evidence that would suggest otherwise, on his desk after he left at 5pm. Good for him! (And maybe I'm doing something wrong by taking so long to open contracts... Hmm...)
I left at 5:30p but only because the Boss gave me 2 letters to send out at 4:45p, and then there were a couple of emails to process for the attorneys, and I had to set up a Zoom meeting on the laptop, because the Boss is hopeless at setting up anything like that. (Nice Lady took the liberty of writing down the meeting ID and passcode on a sticky and leaving it on the laptop for the attorney. I'm sure that was "very nice" of her to do that, but that's not really her place. Besides, my Boss needs a LOT more help to set up the Zoom than just that. I don't even think he knows how to log in...)
Anyway, focusing on TODAY, so Queen Bee is coming in today - so she says - so we'll see how it goes. I finished up all of the contracts I had to open up, so I don't need her help there. It will be nice for her to answer the phone and check Mistakes Girl's emails.
Husband has his appointment with the dietician and GI doctor this morning. I am interested to hear what he learns.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Day 2 of 5: Going with the Flow
I didn't do exactly what I set out to do yesterday. It was supposed to be my rest day, but I did have a short, light bike ride in the evening. When I got home, dinner wasn't ready, so I started moving plants outside. It's supposed to get really hot today, and no rain in sight for the rest of the week, so I deferred bringing some of them down.
I did OK with 2 chocolates last night, but tonight I will try to limit it to 1. I will be very disappointed if I don't make goal this weekend, so I need to really keep my sights set on that.
I did not feel inspired to do upper body weight training this morning, so I only did 1 exercise each for biceps and triceps. (3 sets of 15 reps) I used one of my new 25-lb plates to do the tricep exercise, and whoa, I felt that! That was GOOD! Hopefully tonight, I will have the energy and inspiration to do more training.
Haven't mentioned it in a while but I'm keeping up with my push-ups challenge.
I had more success with my vespers alarms at work yesterday. In the morning, I stepped into a private room and did push-ups and some deep breathing. In the afternoon, I went back to the private room and did some deep breathing and prayers. Also meditated on 2 mantras: "I know my own sanity" and "One pebble at a time..."
Yesterday at work was OK. I think there's something cooking with Nice Lady's situation. When I got to the office, Associate Attorney and the Boss were sitting at Male Co-Worker's desk talking about procedures (basically, who does what). When I went up to Male Co-Worker afterwards, to let him know he was right that there would be more Nice Lady drama, even though she seemed to be taking the changes well 2 weeks ago, it seemed as though he wanted to say more to me, but he didn't. OK... then there was a closed door meeting with AA and the Boss in his office later that morning. So something's up...
Fortunately, we weren't too busy with new contracts and daily tasks, so I managed to leave relatively on time. The New Girl still needs some work on how to open up contracts, but she seems to do a good job with what she has down. She just needs to do more of them. She's also very good with answering the phones. I'm hoping today is more of the same. If it is, I should be OK. I know that I don't have a lot of tasks to do today, so that's good.
Found out, though, yesterday afternoon, that Queen Bee won't be coming in today to help. Sheesh! We ask her to help for a week, she gives us 2 days, and then the one day, she schedules a doctor's appointment. UGH - WHY BOTHER???? Just say you can't come in. The Boss' solution was to ask New Girl if she could come in today, and she said she will if
OK, whatever... That's no disrespect towards her -- that's directed at my Boss, for not really having a plan for time off and just grasping at straws. But I think he *finally* gets that Queen Bee is NOT the solution to people taking time off.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Nice you can get on a little exercise at work. And the mantras.
She's a couple of years younger than me, always talking loudly, not saying nice things, making fun of people's dress, make-up, hair, accents, whatever. She was QUITE overweight and always making a BIG DEAL about the new diet she was on, and all the success she was having with it --- until she fell off the wagon and gained the weight back.
When she started working from home, she finally lost some weight, but the last time I saw her in person, she looked like she may have gained some of it back.
The day she was let go, myself, Nice Lady (72 yrs old), and Associate Attorney all went out to lunch to celebrate. Queen Bee called AA an ass in front of our office staff and a realtor --- it was so degrading and humiliating to him. I actually felt bad for AA...
She's a couple of years younger than me, always talking loudly, not saying nice things, making fun of people's dress, make-up, hair, accents, whatever. She was QUITE overweight and always making a BIG DEAL about the new diet she was on, and all the success she was having with it --- until she fell off the wagon and gained the weight back.
When she started working from home, she finally lost some weight, but the last time I saw her in person, she looked like she may have gained some of it back.
The day she was let go, myself, Nice Lady (72 yrs old), and Associate Attorney all went out to lunch to celebrate. Queen Bee called AA an ass in front of our office staff and a realtor --- it was so degrading and humiliating to him. I actually felt bad for AA...
so, my goal was to not really eat the icing as it's still pure sugar; and fake stuff. i started to eat it while talking, not paying attention. eating for the sake of eating....i caught myself and threw the rest away; happily.
so with your chocolates, be intentional. enjoy it. savor it. don't waste them by not really tasting them. that should help you stick with one?
nice job on doing what works for you at work. i couldn't do it = no privacy at all (except in the bathroom). ha! you do what works for you...
whenever folks are talking about responsibilities like that, it could def mean someone's job is on the line. (prob not yours!)
New girl sounds good and maybe some of your job as "receptionist" can be moved to her, you know? then you could do more of your "work, work." why not see if some of the little things you do that slow you down can be transfered to new - and if she's unsure of how to answer certain questions, she can ask you for the best way about it, since you are very experienced with answering tough questions in tough situations (although i know you may not give "answers" you still have to "asnwer back."
It would be much better at work for me if I had a private space. Both myself and Mistakes Girls have our desks in front of doors to the office area, but my door is first, so most people check in with me.
Day 1 of 5: Going to get through this.
Tonight is my rest night, so no evening bike ride. I learned that lesson the hard way 2 weeks ago. Instead, after dinner, I will spend time taking my plants from the yoga room upstairs down and out to the deck, so that they get a few weeks of summer weather. I need to clean out that room, so moving the plants is the first step in the process. Otherwise, I would keep the plants where they are. They seem happy enough. It will take several trips up and down stairs, and it needs to get done. Then bedtime as early as possible - DEFINITELY; NOT NEGOTIABLE.
I've decided to look into barbell exercises, to see how I can best utilize the investment made in my new weight plates. This first, rather than trying to purchase heavier dumbbells.
In the evenings, I usually have 2 dark chocolate Hershey kisses. I've decided to have my gourmet chocolates instead. Last night I had 2 chocolates... I'm wondering if I could limit myself to only 1, since they are quite decadent, even for a small little thing. However, if it has to be 2, then that's fine too.
The Boss was unable to get a reservation in Wisconsin for a "long weekend", so unfortunately, he'll be in the office all week.
Did I mention at 5:04pm on Friday, one of our agents sent me a contract? So there's already 1 of them waiting for me. And the weather was beautiful this weekend - perfect for looking at houses. Ugh... Well, best not to focus on what might be, and just get to the office and face it head on, with a *cheerful disposition* because that's what the Boss wants.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I could never in a hundred million years limit myself to one or two kisses unless there were only one or two in the house.
you can maybe use the barbell as a large dumbbell, to exercise both arms at once - but first see what online says...
2 of the decadents are def more moderate than a lg dessert or cake, yes! :)
think of it as a challenge, this cheerful disposition :) basically though, i've also heard advice to be genuinely yourself ;)
That's a good idea about challenging myself to be cheerful; I hadn't thought of it that way.
I'll write more in relation to your comments in today's entry.
Good morning! It does not feel like a Sunday. My family came back this morning, from their visit in Vegas, so the morning routine is all messed up. Also, in order to have time to spend with Daughter this afternoon, I am going to the gym in the morning - as soon as I'm done writing here, I think. So my morning bike ride was very short. That's OK. Right now, Husband and Daughter are sleeping, as they didn't get much sleep on the red-eye flight home. Time-wise, this works out perfectly, but it will feel weird to go to the gym in the morning.
AFTERNOON EDIT: I got to the gym around 8:15am, and there were quite a few people (women) also arriving. When I left at around 10am, there were a lot more people there. I'm glad this happened because it seems that IF I need to go in the weekend mornings, the time to go is ideally 7am or earlier.
No gross people (other than the usual) this time. Thank goodness!
Yesterday's trip to the gym was disgusting. The guy on the machine in front of me was GROSS. He was coughing and blowing his nose into a hand towel, then using that same towel to wipe off his bald head, and THEN putting that towel into his gym shorts, as a holding place. Eeeew!!!! And not just once, but multiple times!!! YUCK!!!! Then some other guy comes over and hops onto the eliptical machine right next to mine -- all those other machines available, and you've got to exercise right next to me. Ugh... I wanted to just finish up what I had to do and get out of there, ASAP -- which I did.
As a treat to myself, I touched up my gray areas in my hair last night. If I can be honest here, I did this partly so that I don't look so old when Queen Bee comes to the office next week. She's an obnoxious person who points out things like gray hair and stuff - no filter between brain and mouth whatsoever. So this is hopefully one less thing for her to pick on, although I can already hear her saying, "Is your hair darker?"
I did well with eating, although it was very tempting just to have a big dessert or something indulgent. I've had several thoughts of doing this, but I am determined to meet my goal - this month, if my body will cooperate. It doesn't help though that Husband brought back a HUGE box of gourmet chocolates from the chocolate factory they visited in Vegas. (Ethel M. chocolates are something special!)
I received an offer from the Continuing Ed company with "early bird" specials on their webinar, now. So I can sign up for $64 "self-study" that I would do gradually or $98 for an all day webinar. Now that I have a tablet, I might do the all-day webinar, since I wouldn't be tied down to my desk. I could sit outside, I could ride my bike, I could do weights, I could go up to the bedroom, etc. That might be worth it. I'm going to think about it a little more, but I think that's worth taking a day off. They do offer ONE Saturday webinar, but hey, my weekends are for ME.
If I did the webinar, it would be done all at once. I don't know if I want to study over the weekends for the next 3-4 months.
I did not sleep well last night. I haven't checked last night's FitBit stats, but I did look at last weeks, and I was quite short on sleep for 3 days in a row. That would explain why I feel so tired. I got up early today so that I could be ready when the family came home, so I didn't get to sleep in. I've been dreading going to sleep. It's like I'll find anything to do so that I don't have to turn off the light and try to go to sleep. And it's not like I've had problems falling asleep, really. That happens without too many problems. So I'm not sure why I'm dreading going to sleep.
Lack of sleep can lead to weight gain. Maybe that's why I didn't lose any weight this past week... Hmm...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I’ve touched up grey for ages, but it started as brightening my dishwater blonde hair that was platinum when I was a kid. Took years to notice there was silver mixed with the gold. LOL. However, the L’Oreal medium blonde gives a highlight look which is good. I hear tell ppl pay the big bucks for those streaks & I can get them from a single Walmart box. You have to make sure the box is sealed. Ppl open them & steal stuff.
What kind of class are you interested and in? Can you use the tablet on your bike? Mine kept falling off, so the husband fabricated one. Ain’t the prettiest thing, but it works.
My hair dye box from 6 weeks ago was $10 an the touch-up tube was also $10 (a smaller tube but comes with a brush applicator, which I did not use).
The class is continuing education for my loan originator license. I use it very sparsely - I can't really go into specifics, but the lawfirm is my real, main job. However, it was such a challenge and chore to get the license (through the state) that if I can, it's something I want to keep current.
well, i gotta say, you will also benefit from looking nice with your darkened roots. I also do feel better when i do mine, too, even though i am not very gray, yet!
you know, why don't you enjoy those chocolates. as long as they are small, they can be added into your intake. i'm jealous of your chocolates!
i think it'd be smart to get the course done at once, yes.
i can tell you, i've never dreaded going to sleep...i dread waking up! haha...
Well..... I weighed in twice (starting with my right foot, LOL) and the scale said 135.5. Then I thought, let's try it with the left foot -- FOOLISH. The scale went back up to 136. OK, so I went back to weighing in on the right foot -- so that I could see "135.5" again. Unfortunately, my scale refused to budge and spit out "136" again. Twice. So no loss this week. I was envisioning "134.5" so hard in my mind, but alas, it didn't happen. I'm OK with 136.
I did give serious consideration to going to the gym last night - to meet my goal of going to the gym during the week, at least 1x. It didn't happen. HUGE drama at work that kept me there until after 6pm. You bet I'll be putting in for overtime. Then, Husband and Daughter called, at separate times, that kept me on the phone until almost 9pm, so it was just a no-go. Like I said, this is a great goal, but I don't think it's going to happen this month, because this coming up week is going to be crazy at work, with Mistakes Girl on vacation.
I did well with food and rode my bike. No weights (intentional, per my weight training schedule). Today is gym with upper body weights. I'm trying to go when the TV programs will be most optimal, especially for the cardio session, but that would mean going to the gym earlier than usual, and that usually means when it's busier. I'll work it out.
I also have to return library books and the usual laundry. I plan to do a little research into the long weekend my husband and I are planning for the end of September. There are hiking trails and I want to read up on those to see if that's something that we can do together.
My husband's meeting with the dietician has been scheduled for this Wednesday, so I will not be able to go. I REALLY wanted to go with him to the apponitment, but I've let it go and determined that it just wasn't meant to be. So perhaps it's for the best.
Wednesday just so happens to be the ONE day where I'm the only assistant in the office, since Nice Lady isn't helping out any more. MG's on vacation, Queen Bee can only "help" on Tuesday and Thursday, and New Girl doesn't work on Wednesdays. I did bring this to my Boss' attention. He wants a happy face on everything, so he said we'll just get through it. While I appreciate his positive attitude, this.... well, this just SUCKS. It won't help to complain or be negative about it. There comes a point where complaining backfires -- just look what happened to Nice Lady. She got cut off! So all I can do is get through it as best as I can. I know that my co-workers have been in similar situations before, too, so it's just what happens at this office.
I realized this morning - and I want to chew on this some more - that I haven't been able to articulate to myself why I want to quit this job, which is why I haven't quit. Well, today, I was able to do that. I mean, I'm realistic, no job is perfect, but now I know why THIS job just isn't working for me any more. I want to let this marinate more before I say more about it, but knowing why is a huge first step in this direction.
Feel free to skip this, since it has nothing to do with diet and weight-loss, but just another page in the drama I call Work...
So as you know, Nice Lady is no longer working for our firm, but working soley for Associate Attorney. (They been together for almost 20 years!) This week, she's been leaving at 3pm, so I asked her Friday morning if this was going to be her new regular schedule or if it's more of "To Be Determined". It's more TBD, because right now, she's not real busy, so she stretches out her time as long as possible, but leaves at 3pm because she has nothing to do and is just wasting time. We talked a little bit more about this change in her life, and what she could be doing with her free time. Apparently, COVID fear is holding her back from pursuing volunteering. She's a widow, with an autistic grandson that she takes care of, so she feels that her options are very limited. I think her fear is holding her back, but it's whatever. Obviously, she's having a hard time coming to terms that this is the beginning of her retirement.
This is all of her own making though. She was complaining (repeatedly) about what the Boss was giving her to work on, that she's 72 and can't retire, etc., so now she's out, and now she's really regretting it, because she's afraid of what lies ahead for her.
Well, yesterday afternoon, I'm working at my desk, trying to get through what I need to do, so that I can leave on time, and I think I hear her crying on her cell phone. Turns out, I was right: She called Associate Attorney, crying that she's been fired, there's not enough work for her to do, she doesn't know what she'll do, she's been working since she was 16 and now she's 72, with nothing, because all she's ever worked for was small lawfirms with no retirement, no insurance, no nothing. TRUE. 100% TRUE. There is a payoff for working for a small firm, and that's one of the negatives. And it's not like she didn't realize this or see this coming, but now that it's here, she's in a panic.
So at around 4:30p, Associate Atttorney asks me if he and I can discuss the "(Nice Lady) Situation". I say OK, but first write the letters I need you to write, so that I can finish my work, and then we'll talk. We start talking at around 4:50p, so obviously, I'll be staying late. He rehashes what I wrote above, I have a couple of suggestions as to how he can give her more work. It's not like there isn't stuff that she COULD be doing. She just doesn't want to work on the "special projects" that he would really appreciate her doing -- WELL THEN MAKE HER DO IT. Just tell her it has to get done. Well, she doesn't want to do that. She wants to do bankruptcy and real estate, and Associate Attorney doesn't have enough of that on his own, to keep her busy.
I think he was just venting. I said I would think things through, but if he wanted me to be supportive of any proposed changes, to let me know first, because I tend to shoot things down if it's sprung on me. I also reminded him that any change has to go through the Boss. I would just be willing to express my support, if I think it's a workable solution.
I realized on the drive home why some of what we discussed isn't really productive to a cohesive lawfirm. I don't know that we should make changes to accommodate 1 employee who, quite frankly, was never supposed to be a member of our lawfirm in the first place.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
And it's not like she's totally at home. She'll still come into the office to do some work. There is SOME work for her to do.
if you don't make your gym goal, it's OK. sometimes our goals don't match reality...(i think that's what's occurring exactly with my accounting course!) i keep overshooting what i want to get done and it's holding me back as i then undershoot in reality. taking this course reminds me a lot of dieting. whenever i'd really try to cut calories is when i'd binge. like setting myself up for failure with too lofty to be an attainable goal.
i think that's very smart to go to gym or ride the bike during the best optimal programming on tv. i'd certainly do that, too. i try to plan for optimal efficiency also. that's why i took advantage of being in the city to obviously stay there - for nature and exercise. that's it. if you already have to go out of your way, it's best to fit things in as smoothly as possible (like why people join gyms closest to home or on their commute home)...and why people work out at home. convenience is key.
for those hiking trails, if your hubby can't do it all, perhaps there's benches to sit on so he can relax while you continue on? i don't think he'll be at your capacity...and i don't think you should have to do things only at his...this is my point of view only.
i know what you mean about it sucking you are the only assistant. i haven't really been in your shoes, but i've witnessed OTHER people i work with have to do more at times. all i can say is it's good to be the one being relied on because that is JOB SECURITY. and also that you can only go at your pace. try to think "let him fire me if he thinks my work isn't good enough..." and just do what you can...and be satisfied with it. you are human.
Thank you for the comforting words about my gym goal. I too tend to overshoot, sometimes. Like I said, it's a good goal. I'm not giving up.
I found a shorter, easier trail that he might feel up to doing. Or we just do what he can do on the harder trail. If he can find a place to sit, that would be very helpful for me. His problem is mobility; my problem is bathroom breaks. Oh getting old is grand...
Oh I'm going to remember what you said about job security!! Now that's the right way to think -- definitely "glass half-full" and positive. This will really help me keep a happier face on the day(s) :-)
oh, so she complained so much and was fired!? but at 72, cannot she have all the Social Security? does she not get any money from her late husband? money to take care of the autistic grandson.
be careful how bad you feel for her. i think she's more IN SHOCK than anything else. YES, that's my feeling.
and 72, not everyone like Nice Lady is going to want to "change tasks." or learn new things at work...that's the truth. it's even hard for me to learn new things at work. so imagine either of us being 72 and someone asking us to do new things...she's done i guess.
i guess he vented to you but that's it. bc you know it's not up to you.
perhaps the boss really wanted to fire her. perhaps she was already spoken to by the boss. perhaps that was why she was trying so hard for like a week...she was bound to be fired anyways?
you mean Nice Lady was never meant to be working at the law firm? not sure who you are talking about in your last paragraph.
i'm telling you, don't feel too bad for her. she's at a VERY diff stage in her life than you. You are like 20yrs apart...you have to think about you.
she prob would have been gone sooner or later - like around the same time anyways - she can always work in a diff environment, prob for even less money...but she can "still work," but it would take some getting used to as 20years in ONE place is a long time!
and look at it like this, she was YOUR age when she started there. not sure what she did before working at your firm, but she had to learn it. it shows that you can also move on if you have to; at any age....
change is hard. i wouldn't take her situation as yours though. but i also wouldn't complain. just be ready to take on other work.
the boss may have expected you to even pick up for her / also the reason he hired the new assistant to replace nice lady also. he will prob not want to hire any more assistants now.
you will prob need to spend some time working more with the new assistant. if she's smart, she'll prob catch on well in 2-3 months like i did at the other job....?
it could actually be for the best later; with you, the male assistant, and the new lady.
So it's not like she'll be stuck at home with nothing, ever -- at least not right now.
Nice Lady was never meant to be an employee of the firm. She worked with AA when he was in a struggling private practice. Tried to make it as a defense attorney, did some divorces, struggled a lot...
Boss hired him about 7 years ago, with the idea that AA would eventually be able to buy the firm from him. It was just supposed to be AA, because our firm already has a support staff, right? Turns out Associate Attorney brings along Nice Lady and a Spanish interpreter (who was this creepy man), neither of which we needed. Eventually the interpreter was let go, but Associate Attorney can't function without Nice Lady. He needs her for input, guidance, confidence.... Ridiculous.
So there's always been some underlying resentment with Nice Lady being at the firm.
Craziness of the Boss' own making...
I woke myself up early today and got out of bed around 4:30am, so that I would have enough time to do things for me: bike ride, spend time with Baby Kitty (who is very happy on my lap right now, as I type here), push-ups, write here on DD... I'm pretty sure my sleep score won't be the best - didn't get enough sleep, although did turn off the lights just before 10pm. But I like having the extra time in the morning.
The challenge is that I am hungry, but I'm trying to hold off on breakfast until my usual time. I have decided that once I reach goal and switch to maintenance, I think I will add a protein shake to my 2nd breakfast at work, instead of having Jacky's bouillon broth. If I should reach my goal weight THIS weekend, I plan to continue to track using the Lose It app at least through the end of July. I may continue to use the app into August (and beyond?) but will change the goals parameters.
I added 5lb plates to my barbell last night and did squats and lunge squats. Whoa that extra weight made a difference! My lower back is protesting a little bit this morning, but maybe it's just muscle soreness from the lifting, rather than an injury/strain. No matter, because today is cardio only.
Yesterday at work was much better. It helped that my Boss was gone at closings for the most part. I was impressed that when he returned, he jumped right into doing work, and I know he was tired. I wasn't even pressing him to do anything, as I feel that he does better work in the morning, when he has more energy. On the downsize, I stayed a little late to finish sending out letters he wrote, but I was actually OK with that. I have no pressure from home to leave early. One thing I really admire about Mistakes Girl is that she leaves promptly at 5pm pretty much 99.9% of the time - no matter what.
I seemed to be able to handle work stress better yesterday - even though I was confronted with unhappy people who were unhappy because of inconsistencies with my Boss. There have been more frequent instances of my Boss having conversations with someone, and when I ask what was the outcome of the conversation (for my file notes, so that I'm in the loop), he says one thing --- but then we get a communication from the other person (client, agent, attorney), and it's completely different than what my Boss says was discussed!!! For a while, I was thinking that the other people were mistaken, misunderstood, lying --- but now I'm wondering if it's my Boss that is having the "complication". Hmmm.... This seems to be happening more and more often lately, which is why I'm wondering now. Maybe I'm just looking for things to fit my analysis of his cognitive decline.
I set my 2 alarms for work --- they were really helpful, BUT I did not take the timeout that I had intended. For the morning alarm, I took a minute and just said a prayer of gratitude at my desk -- took my hands off the keyboard, pushed my chair back a little, deep breathing, closed my eyes, relaxed, gave thanks. For the second alarm, I turned it off and just never got around to doing anything for timeout. However, I have these set as regular alarms so I will try again today. I kind of look at this as vespers -- the religious calls to prayer by nuns, monks, etc., and therefore, should not dismiss the alarms so quickly but revere (or respect) them more.
I think one of the things I feel is most frustrating is that nobody at work is agreeing with me that the Boss is having these problems. I seem to be the only person to realize this? Or maybe I'm the only person talking about it. I need to shut up. And I need to continue to practice patience. This is an opportunity for me to learn a valuable lesson.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I did a little online research, which was helpful for me, to put things into perspective. Some of this is more likely just "old-age" related, more than dementia or Alzheimer's. You know, though, it seems as though everything started after his heart attack 2 years ago...
I am a little concerned about your lights out at 10 pm and up at 4:30 am pattern... You are stressed at work and having anxiety, symptoms of not enough REM. You won't catch that with Fitbit.
I posted a neuroscience of sleep article to one of your past logs. Here it is again. https://poweronpoweroff.com/blogs/longform/the-neurochemistry-of-sleep
Thank you for reposting the link to my diary. I've bookmarked it because I think it would be helpful to revisit it from time to time, as a refresher... maybe to help keep me on task for sleep goals. I also want to read the parts about the chemistry of waking up, etc., which I think will be insightful and helpful.
THANK YOU!!!
This week, I had a day or 2 of less than 6 hours of sleep...
Not feeling "best" with 8 hours of sleep may be my body reconciling and adjusting to getting PROPER sleep. Hmm...
yes, keep using the app because it worked for you. and whenever you start to gain above 5 lbs, i'd go back to the app. or even at 3-4 lb gain, go back to the app. i think this has been a good app for your goals!
nice job increasing the weight of the barbell for squats. i use a weighted barbell. one is 30# and and the other is almost 35#. i only use the heavier. but the lighter one is there and i'm keeping it (for the time being) as they are both great tools.
i also admire people who can always just leave on time. i sometimes dilly-dally my leaving or get ready at the time to leave. i'm not as "prompt" on leaving either. i gotta tell you, even though it's "admirable," it isn't anything to show off about (the leaving on time no matter what.) however, it's a good goal for most of the time, i'd say.
you are better off just not talking about the boss to coworkers if they haven't agreed. let them notice. you may notice it more - you've been there a long time. i don't htink mistakes girl has been there long. and new guy hasn't. and then the older assistant guy has his own issues. you know what you know; and i don't doubt anything you say.
I just remembered that I said I was going to keep this current goal for a complete month after I reached 135. (I confess I had forgotten that.) I still want to do that, so that there's not an immediate "before" and "after" but rather maintainable habits.
ha, i told you Nice Lady wouldn't last long being "extra helpful." that's hard to keep up. she wasn't bound to do it for long.! glad i called that one! she's also old, how much more can she go...
the only fix with your boss is to not let anything get to you. you know, even if the firm closed or failed, ultimately it's totally on HIM.
Running so short on time this morning... *sigh* Not a good start. I set myself up for failure. I woke up early yesterday to see off my family. Ok that's fine, but then I did NOT go to bed early but stayed up until nearly 10pm. Storms woke me up at 2:11am - which is the "danger time" for me. If I wake up around 2am, I have the HARDEST time getting back to sleep. And sure enough, I could not fall back asleep until after 3am. UGH!!!!!!
Woke up late this morning. My Baby Kitty is mad at me because we did not have our usual cuddle times this morning, when we usually do - when I'm running early or on time. I hope she can forgive me. Maybe I'll try to make time for lap time tonight. She's a tortie cat, so she doesn't need a lot of cuddle time but she does demand a minimum.
Got in my bike ride and leg weights at home this morning. I still need to do push-ups. I have my alarm set on my phone at work, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and if I don't have time to do push-ups at home this morning, I hope the alarms will remind me to do them at work. I'll write more about these alarms below...
I did not make it to the gym last night. I will be the first one to say, Inner Peace is 100% correct: excuses, excuses, excuses. YES. My intention was to go to sleep early, and as I mentioned above, that didn't happen. D&MN.
Right now, I have more immediate hurdles to tackle that require my time and energy and rest. I will keep trying for this goal, BUT I must address these other concerns FIRST and FOREMOST. (See next section below...)
The frustrations I'm feeling at work are really getting to the point of jeopardizing my employment, I feel. I *MUST* try to salvage what I can before I damange any more relationships. Nice Lady is no longer helping out our firm. She only works on Associate Attorney's bankruptcies now. So next week, when Mistakes Girl is gone, she will not help: no answering phones, no closing out files, no after-closing troubleshooting. NOTHING. I don't blame her - the Boss isn't paying her any more, because he hired the part-time New Girl. If she's not getting paid, then she shouldn't work. I agree. It's just really hard on the rest of us, myself included.
We still don't know if/when Queen Bee will be coming in next week to "help".
My resentment at my Boss has grown exponentially, and this must stop, for my own sake. Plus, while I don't owe him anything, on a basic human being level, I do owe him respect and assistance.
So last night, I made myself 2 alarms, one during the 10 o'clock hour and one during the 3 o'clock hour -- these will be reminders to stop, step away from my desk, and reconnect with my emotions. I will go into a private office, sit, breathe, recenter myself, for 5 minutes.
I vented to my husband last night, on the phone, and he said that when he gets back, we'll sit down and try to work this out. Aww, he's such a man, wanting to "fix" things :-) What a good husband he is... I don't think there's a way to "fix" the situation -- I can only control myself and fix what is within my power to do so.
I'm running on minimal sleep, but let's hope today is more successful. Patience, patience, patience....
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
And you're right - I need to put the oxygen mask on myself FIRST, before I can do anything else.
THANK YOU!
I have time to write today, because I was up at 4:05am to see off Husband and Daughter on their trip to Vegas for a short visit with my family. The trip is mainly for my daughter, who has not been out to see her grandma in over 4 years. I am a firm believer that one should not travel alone, so I sent Husband with her. It will do him good to get out of the house, too.
But ohhhhh it was painful when that alarm clock went off at 4:00am. If I wanted to do that on a regular basis, it would require some training and practice -- and determination -- to do so. And I went to bed at a reasonable time - 9:40pm. I would definitely have to go to bed earlier to wake up earlier. This was a good lesson, in case I ever decide to be one of those "up at 3am" people to go to the gym. And yes, I can see why Horn chooses to sleep in rather than take public transportation.
Did my push-ups for the day - it helps to do them in the morning, so that I don't forget. Today is cardio only day, and a good night to try to go to the gym, if I am to meet my goal of going to the gym 1x (minimum) during the week. As I was getting ready for bed last night, though, it occurred to me that this month, July, might not be the best month to have this goal. I'm not sure I want to go out tonight, with no one home, in case something happens. That's kind of fatalistic thinking, I know, and no way to live. On the other hand, there is some degree of practicality to my thinking. We'll see -- most will depend on how tired I am tonight, due to work and early wake-up.
My Boss is thinking of taking a long weekend, being off next Monday and Tuesday. I hope he does this; I have encouraged him to do so. Mistakes Girl will also be out of the office, so with him gone, it will make it much easier for me to do my work and Mistakes Girl's work - although Queen Bee is coming, in and SHE'S supposed to open up contracts.
He is doing exactly what I plan on doing in September. It is hard (HARD) to watch other people taking days off... I *know* that I need to take time off. Mistakes Girl has told me I need to do it -- it's that obvious to her. So when I take time off, it will be all the more sweeter. :-)
I am begging myself to just stay calm and focused on taking care of me, rather than getting all distracted with the chaos around me. So maybe this time alone will help me do that.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I used to really really miss Matt when he traveled occasionally for work. Hasn’t lately. Fortunately there’s a few guys there who love traveling. Both married. They go to Korea & Japan etc & leave the wives home. Never miss an opportunity to travel, that pair. LOL
I use the weight machines at the gym on Saturdays and Sundays.
Great question, though! If I try out the heavier dumbbells at the gym, would that mean even more reason to go during the week? Or would I squeeze that in on the weekends? Gonna think on that!
I had a very eerie feeling yesterday, as I left an empty house to go to work. I told myself that I am a competent adult, and I instantly felt better about leaving. I guess I believed it, lol.
Please save this pep talk for a future entry. I will try again.
also, way to go on your graph like jacky said.
lastly, regarding waking up early and then needing to go to bed earlier to sleep enough, the young 23yo girl at work says to me i have no excuse not to go to the gym lol...bc she does and she's the one with the 3hr commute using public trans. she lives in southern jersey on the jersey shore and bc of water and the area where she lives, it takes a long time to get to work. she doesn't drive to work bc it would be an additional 1200 a month!
anyways, she was saying how she gets home around 7:30, goes to gym, leaves gym at like 9pm, goes to supermarket, cooks dinner then...
...and how she gets like 4 hours sleep.!
in my head, and out loud, i said to her, that's not for me! haha.
she may be fully skimping on sleep now at 23...but let her try this for years...and see how she feels at almost 39 doing this routine! it gets old! lol.
...she'll end up getting married, having babies...i def don't see her doing this commute for her whole young adult life. no way!
anyways, what i'm trying to say is the sleep isn't really something to be skimped on to the point where you cannot live your best life. for instance, i'd binge and have more breakouts and just feel unwell if i skimped that much on sleep now. those days are done.
Oh my goodness!!! After yesterday's "rest day", I can tell you all how important rest is for a body, especially as we get older. I did do my morning bike ride - to loosen up my hips and back - and I did do my push-ups, but after that, it was minimal steps. I did not take a lunchtime walk, but dropped off cans at the cat shelter, and then went shopping for some sugar-free candies at a special store. I park FAR away and walk up to the store, but that was the extent of the lunchtime walking.
When I did yoga at night, I realized just how much I missed stretching out and relaxing. It's an hour of de-stressing that I really need in my life. I won't have class next week, because of the time crunch (Mistakes Girl will be on vacation, and I'm already planning on staying later most days).
I did notice, during yoga, that I'm starting to see and FEEL results from the hard work I've been putting in. I felt like I had a little more "room" to move, and some of the static moves I was able to hold with not too much effort, so that I could focus on form and not just holding myself up.
Needless to say, I feel GREAT this morning. I had a nice bike ride, shorter so that I could get in my awesome upper body weight training session! I did extra this morning because I had time and energy, and I realized I might not feel this great after a full day at work. (Ha ha ha ha!) I will be doing my push-ups after I log off from here.
I found myself becoming very frustrated with my Boss and his cognitive decline yesterday. That is not who I am. You see, I am 2 people:
The positive #1 tends to get stomped on by the negative #2 -- she's a force to be reconded with. I just get so consumed and overwhelmed by work that I lose sight of what's REALLY important. HELP!!! What do I do???
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Sounds like you had a very productive day. Sure many more to come!
I see you lost 50 pds. How long did that take?
the only way i am able to keep the chest flies doing at least 1 or 2 sets of 35# is almost always 3x per week exercise, with a couple 2x per week mixed in. the minute i lower that 2-3x a week intensity or take time off, i'm back to 30# and always have to work my way back up. and of course, besides all this, i have stood by my pushups..
I just got some plate weights for my barbell, so dumbbells will have to wait.
so this woman is pretty logical, nice, sweet and we catch up time to time.
i asked her what she thought about me taking time with all these new people and coming across as always taking time off. she totally just said that if i have time, to use it. to do my work and that life's too short to care about what they think and that i should do what i need to do...like i said, she's 45 and has worked a psoition like mine but even earlier hours and all through the pandemic and i am sure she's a great worker, for at least 20 years. but she said, if i have the time available, i should just use it.
Male Co-Worker gets 5 weeks' vacation/sick time off , which he negotiated instead of getting raises, so he has a lot more time than I get. I'm not sure how Mistakes Girl is managing this time off... Everyone starts off with 2 weeks' time off in their bank. She's been off way more than that.
i had to ask the project executive which is the highest level boss in the trailer (and a nice man who is extremely up front and easy going with def giving the benefit of the doubt and trying to make sure everyone gets along, he's fair, humble...a good boss to have as of now)...so i told him i was going to send her my timesheet today since i will not be in tomororw and a joke was made that i was taking time...maybe it was me who said it...and how he's known me a short while but i'm already taking time...
fair and square he said to me, if you want to take time off, you take time off and do not worry. basically, he made it clear that i can take the time i need to now. i'm new and my workload really isn't huge right now. i'm flexible in what i do and my every task isn't laid out yet. i sometimes assist others, etc.
but the main point he made clear is that he doesn't really mind what i do as long as i am clear about the time i'm taking (and probably do not take time last minute but do it in a formal manner with a week or two heads up before a couple days off - is my guess) - and to not lose my professionalism in how i do things...
And he's right - if you have the time to take off, it's your privilege to use it as you see fit. My boss seems to not realize this sometimes. Not with me, because I never take a lot of time off, but with others.
However, there's an engineeer and his assistant and both of them have already taken at least 3 days off each recently. also, in the time i've been in the trailer i think just about everyone has taken at least 1 day off in the past 1.5months.
it's a tough industry and many of us have long commutes and most of them have families. some have younger kids...
but for you, remember to be true to your own self. September is a nice time for a few days off. I will prob take your suggestion and do it in September too.
I am lucky in that i have a total of 15 vacation days and 5 sick days. I will not be trying to save them...first I will take care of my health and use them when I see fit. If I have leftover that i can be paid for, ok, but if i don't I will not be upset about it. (this company pays for all unused days annualy but it's not always worth it to save time off).
I get 2 weeks' off (80 hours), and this year, 1 week of that was used for COVID quarantine, when my daughter had it. Ours is just time off, regardless of if you are sick or vacationing. On the other hand, I think I'm the highest paid assistant on the team.
Wednesday, the owners (they own like 49%) who bought my company (3 from Israel, one lives here), they are part of a larger company that my company is owned by, are coming tomorrow. being that my workload is iffy and the more people in the office, the louder, I am sad to miss seeing these men - but happy not to add to the chaos of the day (seriously).
Thursday, the owners (51%) of only my company, who inherited it from their father in the electrical industry and my company is still family-owned by them but they have sold around half to the Israeli larger company as i do not think the current NY owners have any family that can take it over after they get older (i don't think their kids will ever work in the electrical industry like they did after they inherited the company from their father)...
anyways. THURSDAY: the owners who i used to work next door to and for like 3 weeks during office renovation i had to work in the same office as ... and one of the two brothers who gave me a hard time (after knowing my dad and everything he still felt the need or desire to somehow treat me like a child and without any understanding), will be coming to the trailer. I will miss this visit. and for that, i know, i am thankful and i know it's a good thing.
So, i gotta say, these three days workout out GREAT.
At my work, the project executive and 2 other men in particular have to deal with a woman (well all us women), who are honestly (all of us including myself) not as smart as they are.
they have to remain PATIENT. even when the youngest of us says things that they just want to probably tell her off about.
the two men in particular that i'm thinking of, have this ability to be very calm and explain things without any effort to anyone no matter their abilitiy and i'm so lucky in this way...that i'm working with pretty patient people.
What you need to do in my opinion is NOT EMPATHIZE with the boss. rather: yes, be kind. yes, be a listener. yes, do your work. yes, be patient.
but no, do not talk unnecessarily long with him or give advice or anything. do not feel bad he is a certain way or lacking.
only do your work and you may have to look beyond this job for a new job. i don't know.??
your boss deserves no empathy from you.
he has money. he has what he needs.
you take care of you. try more to play that proffessional role and "play the game" of leaving the empathy and those emotions more at the door.
you can talk here and to your hubby abuot these things.
and it's good you notice his decline as it's good to be observant wherever you are....
but you cannot let it influence your behavior or work as much as you want it to.
not sure if you can gather anything from this advice, but that's what i could think of now.
just to take care of you. there are other jobs. you can prob make more money just about ANYWHERE. perhaps really try to take a chance and work somewhere else close to home when the opportunity arises, IF it arises. obviously i haven't checked the job market for real estate paralegals in chicago suburbs.
i'm trying to say, don't lose your own focus over focusing on the boss.
I need to take care of me. Everything else is kind of out of my control. I MUST remember this, for my own sanity.
at my current workplace, if you reallly don't want to be interrupted, many have doors. they close the door. i can't do that. and i was give these lower cubicle walls while everyone else has walls almost as tall as the ceiling. hmmm. would be nice if you had those around your desk!!
Yesterday was a good day, but here are a few learning points:
I am telling myself NOW that I do not want to have to lose this weight AGAIN. As I get older, doing this again will be harder to do. I will never be a waife that I've tried to be in the past. I've been given THIS body, and it's up to me to take care of it while I'm here on earth.
EVENING EDIT: Went over calories again today. I was doing OK until Husband decided to put bacon in everything we had for dinner. Well... truth be told, I was hungry after the gym. If I didn't want to go over calories, I should have cut back on my portions. No worries - I will be back on track tomorrow with work.
My step-count isn't as high as Saturday's, but I am physically tired. I had a fun time at the gym though. I'm starting to see some progress. I'm glad tomorrow is a rest day and yoga. Last Monday, I did not really get my rest day, since yoga was canceled for the holiday weekend.
I am a licensed mortgage originator (loan officer), although I don't use it. However, every year, we have to have 8 hours of continuing education. I can save $$ by signing up for the "self study" course now. The last time I did the "self-study" version, it took me 16 hours to complete an 8-hour course. (Had to repeat several sections and took a longer time with the quizzes and such.)
I guess maybe Horn's studies are rubbing off on me, because I'm actually considering doing this. I would do an hour each Saturday and Sunday until I've finished. I really don't like the idea of taking ANY time off of my weekends to do anything relating to work, but it would be much cheaper.
I can do it this way or wait to pay a little more and sign up for the live webinar - which is 9 hours (because we get an hour for lunch), but then I'd have to take the day off of work, because it's during the week.
No matter which way I decide, it's all very dry material. I guess I have to get through it, one way or the other - it just depends on how much I want to pay for it and how much time I want to devote to it. Another classic example of how "time is money".
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
You’re really doing terrific! Yay, Donkey!
honestly, i see getting it all done in one shot as better, but, you do not have a lot of vacation time if i remember. also, it would give you some "organized" time on the weekend which could easily help you with your weightloss / maintenance goals - and you'd still be home so you can eat/ snack what you want anytime.
When I’m at my computer I’ll answer the other questions it really is not much more to say bit I feel it’s a lot of words to type idk why . I’m lazy lately with it
I do have only one dumbbell that is #40. I use it only one at a time per arm so that’s the reason I only have one. I use it solely for bicep curls and I stand at a posture that helps me curl. As well, I would have better range if I used a lower weight. Sometimes when I get weak, I do less curls bc I can’t get up to my usual reps and th. I take a lower weight dumbbell and follow up with more curls. This is always how I increase strength when I start to lose some - by doing some extra curls following the higher weight with lower and like also having an extra set.
For overhead chest press on my back on the bench, I like to use #35 dumbbells - I have a pair. I usually cannot do all three sets eith 12 reps and I sometimes need to do a set at #30 which I also have a pair. I also have around a 20-25 pair that is adjustable to any weight and it’s somewhere between the 20-25 and not exact bc like I said it’s adjustable but I always forget what it is. I use that when I’m getting weak especially abs after a heavy set that maybe I can only do 6 reps, I’ll quickly switch to it until fatigue and it helps me build myself up both in biceps and overhead press.
I only have one #40 Bc I haven’t felt like buying another as I continuously lose strength in the overhead press and continuously fall between either doing well with the #35 set or backing off and needing the #30 abs extra reps to get myself Back up to #35. I was thinking. To order one #45 for biceps again but I haven’t done it yet. I like the weights that are plastic coated abd non adjustable …the are also easier to hold. I should indulge for my bday in a #45 - for fun for biceps . Still prob not getting another #40 for a pair unless I stay much stronger on the shoulder press on my back …. I think I’ll answer your other questions re vacation tomorrow as I think I’m going to bed- I will answer when I have time off - I’m a bit tired out - nothing about you at all.
So hopefully I remember what you have this time, so that I don't ask you again.
But 35# I'm really impressed. In fact, the heaviest I have is 15#. I should try the 20# at the gym, first, to see if I'm ready to purchase the next level.
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Hope all goes well with your work day today. Hope all is well with your Hubby. Take care.
Actually, it wasn't too bad at work, and my Husband had a great appointment with the dietician and an interesting appointment with the GI doctor.
happy-1 on 07/21/2021:
Saw this article and thought of you… sleep deprivation causes overeating, overeating causes sleep deprivation… https://www.sleepfoundation.org/physical-health/sleep-and-overeating
Thank you for sending me this article! Some of it I did not realize or make the connection until I read it. A few things I did know - like how overeating some foods can rev up your body heat, making sleep more difficult (yep, been there many a time, done that many a time - it's not good).
The correlation between overeating and the effect on our brain function, thought processes -- this was really enlightening.
THANK YOU!!
bearcountrygg on 07/21/2021:
Cutting back on the number of chocolates sound s like a win!! And a day at home for the webinar sounds like a very good idea. Hope hubbys appt goes well today and that they give him some very specific rules to follow and that he tolerates that well.
I appreciate the chocolate that I get, because it's less - AND the box of chocolates will last me longer. I don't regret those 2 days of having 2 chocolates, but I've learned to be very satisfied with just the one. It's a higher quality chocolate, which makes it easier.
I'll write more about the dietician, but I really wish I had been there. He sounds like he is so cool, with the whole mind-gut connection. The GI doctor had more rules, too.
Jacky82020 on 07/21/2021:
Oh, meant to ask how the visit with the dietitian went.
I can’t keep Kisses in the house! Not that much self control. Too many good flavors!
I'll write more about the dietician tomorrow, but it was very helpful for my husband that it was an in-shape middle-aged (50) man, rather than an overweight woman. I think it helped him relate more.
I'm not so sure about the Hershey's... You give me such inspiration to endure the restriction of calories, since you do it yourself with success. You take in a lot less than I do, and seem to manage it. When I find myself having a weak moment, I think, "Now what would Jacky do..."
Jacky82020 on 07/22/2021:
Awe…. You’re much too kind, my friend.
:-)
horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
congrats on taking the step to sign up for the mortgage continuing ed next month. very nice. that's great you can do it on your tablet and can even go on bike during it...which you may want to do!
i have also adapted to slightly less calories. it is normal, i think.
when you see elderly people, some are rather thin and do not each too much and live long...they just eat for life; not to indulge. they are past the indulgent days.
i think the broth idea is quite good especially if you can make it low sodium. you can add herbs too. I would do this, seems a good satisfying trick.
horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
will respond later to your second half the entry. but i will say that when people are away, the office will be quieter with less distractions...which is a very good thing.
around here, when people are out, most others at work try to leave at very reasonable times. (they try not to work too much (OT) when others are away...)
horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
yeah, try to ignore Old Lady. there's nothing you can learn from her. she'll retire soon enough.
horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
let us know how hubby's appt went and how the day went with Queen Bee.