I did not post yesterday, but it was a very good day. I started out feeling stressed, knowing which files I'd have to deal with, and no boss, and stuck with Associate Attorney who just can't get things done quick enough.
I was dwelling on the stressful and contentious Friday I had, but I quickly turned my mood around by saying to myself, "Today is my chance to do better." And I think I did just that. Tried to focus on making my dialogues productive and moving forward, rather than argumentative.
One of the helpful tools I've learned so far from Zen Teen is to set a daily intension for myself, and then a mantra. My intention was the "today is my chance to do better" and my mantra was "life is a sacred adventure." I repeated the mantra to myself several times throughout the day, and it really helped keep me grounded, but looking forward.
My boss did not go on his road trip after all. At the very last minute, his wife had a meltdown, and they didn't go. I know he had such high hopes for this motor scooter for his wife, but she wasn't having any of it. It's difficult when someone doesn't want to help themselves.
But for myself, I can only observe this from where I'm standing. My main energy has to be focused on my husband's health, my family, and my own well-being too.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
I didn't return to DD after my errand. After many days (weeks) of contemplation, I decided to reach out to someone locally who was selling 2 framed photographs that I could hang on the blank wall I face every day at work. They fit perfectly with the other decor that is in the room in which I work. I've been looking for something that would change, for the better, the environment in my workplace, and I think/hope that this will help. The seller wanted to meet up right away, and because it's hard to meet up during the week, so did I, so I had to leave right then and there. My husband came with me, for safety reasons.
It was my full intention to come back to DD and post some more, but my husband brought up a conversation, regarding his illness, that kind of threw me for a loop. I hadn't expected it, nor did I realize that he was at that point where we need to look into options that indicate that ... well, that he's not doing so well. I know that he is sore almost every day, all the time, but it's not always at the forefront of my attention. And I was aware that as the disease progresses, that more options would need to be brought in, but it's just quite startling when you realize, Now is the time. You always think it's far off in the future, and then it's here.
I still need time to process our conversation.
Afterwards, we went to the library. Husband wanted a book, and it was my intention to just return the 2 books I had, but of course, I walked out with 4 more books. I still have one book at home to finish. Two of the new books I checked out are about reducing stress. The one I started is very helpful, called "Zen Teen" -- yes, it's written for teenagers! But I like it because it's very easy to read, with definitive steps and exercises, to help oneself reset and refocus.
The other stress book I haven't started, but it is written for adults, but it is not a long book, and one of the things that I like about it is that it has a plan for a 100-day reset. I've been toying, in my thoughts, about doing a 100-day challenge of some sort, as we approach the 100-day countdown tot the end of the year. (As I calculate prorations at work, I'm keenly aware of how many days are left in the year on nearly a daily basis.) So, I am excited for he potential guidance this book may have to offer me as well.
With this reset, I also want to incorporate a contemplation of diet and exercise. Going into the fall and winter months, I know myself and I know that having a plan is necessary for self-care, and will help me greatly with nurturing myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
it's good you did the errand yesterday and not during the week after work. weekends to me are also for changes in plans and doing out of the ordinary errands.
that's interesting to know that sometimes you are keenly aware of the # of days of a year that are left. i'd like that info too, it's good for us planners lol.
lastly, i also would have taken out teen zen if it spiked my interest and yes sometimes those books can be just as enjoyable to read as the "adult" ones..
Glad to have finished up a very unpleasant week.
So what was supposed to be a nice 5-day mini-vacation for my boss is ending up being a quick "there and back" ride to Detroit. If he's lucky, he'll convice his wife to visit the Henry Ford Museaum. Frankly I can't see her doing that, but oh well. He'll probably be back at work on Wednesday, so just a short break.
Even Male Co-Worker came to the same conclusion that his wife doesn't want to go.
In my exhaustion, frustration, and every other negative feeling you can think of, I kind of sank into peanut butter oblivian last night. We celebrated my daughter's completion of her management class, we had macarons (cookies) and dark chocolate cake with raspberry filling. And that was very good and a very nice way to end the week.
But then, after my evening bike ride, I was still carrying around the negative feelings from work, and the only thing that would help was peanut butter. I'm not sure how much of it I ate, several spoonfuls. And then I had a piece of dark chocolate. I wasn't stuffed, but just satisfied, and then I went upstairs to get ready for bed.
So not the best.
I feel like if I could just stop myself from getting dragged in, getting dragged down, and taking this work stuff so seriously (or personally), that I could turn this around. I don't know how to do this without drinking or smoking. The walks at lunch help but the effect, sadly, doesn't last long.
I will post more later. I have to run a quick errand.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
perhaps instead of the several spoonfuls of pb, to plan to have just a little or plan to have a spoonful each night.
have you ever seen the mini rice cakes that are square and like 20 calories per slice? you could put it on that.
i'd like to say my whipped pb spreads easily and i am able to eat it moderately since i usually eat it quite often, during or after exercise.
perhaps plan to eat after your exercise, so it's "allowed" and you don't have to feel guilty doing it....
sorry to hear about your boss/his wife. he will figure it out sooner or later.
you were doing really well with work for a couple weeks, but then this week bc of the boss' plans, it seems you were caught up in them with your thoughts due to the unexpected changes.
The mental reset at work never happened.
I walked up to our building, only to see the boss's car in the parking lot. Get inside, boss is there, power is out. Long story short, boss stayed the whole day, power didn't come back on until 2p.
The boss's trip is delayed because his wife had a hearing aid appointment. Not sure what's going on, but the time and day of this appointment kept changing. I don't know if she couldn't get it straight or if my boss was confused.
There is a possibility that he could come into the office this morning. When my boss said that to me last night, I finally realized that his wife doesn't want to go on this trip.
They are driving up to Detroit to try out this specialty motor scooter for her, so that they can go on trips. Her health is too poor for her to have knee surgery, and she's not doing anything to improve her situation. So my boss thinks that this scooter will be the answer.
I'm not so sure about that.
Kind of broke down yesterday and gave in to my munchies with 3 handfuls of nuts.
Stayed up too late, very tired today.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
sorry that yesterday was an off day. and about your slight indulgence. just remember today is a new day...and that means a new start even if you don't believe it, it's true ;)
Cooler, cloudy, early storms passed through...
I hope to meet up with my daughter for lunch today. Her lunch starts at 10:30a, which is a little early for me, so I'm hoping we can meet up at 11am. I have a little shopping to do.
Going to try really hard to turn the corner with my mood today, with the boss being out of the office until next Wednesday. Even though I'm still at the office working, I hope to use these 4 days as a "re-set" for myself. Unfortunately, I did not come up with a plan or concrete steps to achieve this. However, I do know that my first step will be to take one email at a time. I deal with the file that is in front of me.
The complications come when telephone calls interrupt me. I've learned to wait to pick up the holding call, so that I can finish what I was doing, and then grab the file and look at my notes. This is an improvement but not perfect.
I hope to update this evening.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
with coming up with my current fitness plan, my friend Christine helped me put the plan on paper, actually. she helped me a good deal with writing it out. i think i had a "brain fart" doing it myself as it doesn't include the weights which was such a habit, i had to make sure to change things up and she helped me.
Having second thoughts about leaving work early to go to Chair Yoga. My boss is not leaving for his road trip until tomorrow, and I kind of feel like I should be there for his last day.
Husband said he'd go to Chair Yoga without me, which is good.
It's a good thing I went to Chair Yoga ... for my own sanity. For some reason, I am having an especially difficult time, recently, accepting the dysfunctional work environment. To be fair, it's always been there, but it is bothering me more than usual. Chair Yoga was a nice break, but when I returned to the office, the stress was soon upon me.
I actually think that I'll be less stressed with my boss gone than with him around, even if it means that there won't be an attorney around to make decisions. I mean, Associate Attorney is there, but to ask him is more work than it's worth.
Next month, my husband and I will go to Chair Yoga separately so that it's more like a long lunch hour for me, rather than time off. That is a workable solution.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
If we go separately, then it satisfies both together and independence.
So you'll have to forgive me, but today was just one of those days where "WTF" seemed to be an appropriate response to just about everything.
Breakfast went fine. They changed their coffee so now it tastes good and normal. I had a Santa Fe omlette that I seriously fell in love with. I cut it in half and cheese just OOZED out of it. Yum. I also felt that I was able to carry on a significant part of the conversation, although afterwards, I realized just how much of that was untrue - mostly my professional opinion of Associate Attorney.
So I get back to the office and Nice Lady is there. She is wearing athletic compression stockings - think like baseball players wear - and gym shoes. She is completely upright, walking back and forth, quickly -- I was flabbergasted. Literally, like WTF. In fact, that's exactly the first thing I said to Mistakes Girl when I got back. I'm like, What the h*** happened to all that crippling back pain, where she needed crutches and a walker? Where she was taken to the ER in a stretcher on Friday? Where she couldn't come into the office on Monday because of the pain?
I feel like I've been lied to, actually. I don't know if this was her Drama Queen thing again in a major way, or if she's doing this for the pain meds, or what.
She says she's still going to the orthopedic doctor on Thursday, to let the doctor know she's having an MRI scheduled on Friday. Secretly, I'm thinking to myself, PLEASE keep your appointment, PLEASE go to the doctor - because at least that way, she'll be out of the office.
Oh and at the end of the day? Associate Attorney called her 5 times, to talk about his day, what's going on tonight, what's going on tomorrow... WTF.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
However, I do see what you are saying, and know that there is some truth to that. After all, the important thing is that she's feeling better.
But next time, I won't let myself get so emotionally invested in her problems.
I was not going to log in thinking it was so late. Looked at the clock, 8:09pm -- that's hardly too late. So I decided to take a few minutes and comment and write.
I did very well today. My eating was definitely on the lighter side.
Tomorrow morning, I am meeting up with Associate Attorney and 2 real estate agents (a tag-team) that we've worked with to connect and chat. I do not want to do this on many levels:
I'm busy at work. A delay in the morning can throw off a whole day.
I'm not really into the big breakfast thing.
Last time I was at this restaurant, the coffee was kind of funky tasting. They use chickory (?) so it has a very strange, strong taste to it.
But there is no getting out of this. The agents want to meet me, and this is a good marketing thing for Associate. I do want to see him succeed, but I just wish he would step up and take more initiative.
Nice Lady has hurt her back. The CAT scan shows that she has a fracture in her spine. She was supposed to get MRI's done today, but long story short, that didn't happen as scheduled, so she will have to try again, probably next week.
Rememer she is a little bit of a drama queen, so yes, she might make a miraculous recovery, but seeing as she is 72 or 73, I am wondering if this is a result of osteoporosis.
The good in all of this is that the next time I go to the doctor, in February, I am going to request a bone density scan for myself.
(The bad in all of this is that we're all kind of speculating about when she'll come back, if she'll come back, and if she doesn't come back, what will happen to Associate Attorney, because he relies on her far too much.)
Logging off for now. Getting enough sleep is a priorty for me -- especially since I MUST get up promptly tomorrow, so that I have enough time to do my daily routine before leaving for this breakfast thing. I think I'm going to get a Mediterranian omlet, and bring half of it back to the office.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Good plan for breakfast, you can even ask the waiter to wrap up half the omelette while the others are eating if it's tempting you. also, decaf coffee / water is a good help...if you need to keep your hands/mouth busy.
wow, never had a coffee like you describe, i don't think?
i get what you are saying about nice lady. update us on what happens...and yes, keep taking care of yourself. i feel that you must have some strength in that donkey body of yours, as you are a bit active and not sedentary.
glad to hear you are focused on the sleep thing too. it's something i've been doing much better too - and getting thru the past couple weeks has been a lot easier for me, too. :)
I hope your breakfast goes alright...
Kind of a wet, grey day here, and it kind of matches my mopey mood, but I'm not going to let the weather stop me today... I just have to get started, LOL...
I am going to a specialty grocery store with my daughter and then drop off cans at the animal shelter (part of their fund raising). They are at opposite ends of town, so it will be some nice mother-daughter time, which is so limited these days. I'm trying to avoid a Walmart trip today, if I can.
I have finished 2 of the 3 books I checked out from the library on aging. The first one, Going Gray, was about someone my age. The second one, Being Mortal, was about maintaining the dignity of one's life at the end: assisted living, nursing homes, difficult conversations, palliative care, hospice, quality of life versus quantity of life (with respect to medical care).
I'm about to start the 3rd book, which is written by a woman in her 70's. I'm looking forward to it.
My husband surprised me today by saying that he's willing and wanting to check out the Chair Yoga classes at the new yoga studio in town. It would be $10 for an hour class, no long term commitment. Wow! The classes are Tuesday and Thursday mornings, each taught by a different instructor. So I encouraged him to try both, when he's up to it, and if he likes it, to consider keeping up with it.
I wish I could go with him...
This week is Library Chair Yoga, on Wednesday, and I'm already looking forward to my half-day off. My boss is going on a road trip Wednesday, returning next Tuesday. That will be a nice break for all of us as well, although... this will mean we will have to rely on Associate Attorney. Oh well....
Again, I am struggling with trying to find something in my life that brings me joy. Maybe this is because the Great British Baking Show has started a new season on Netflix. I feel like I"m just trying to push through the weekdays to get to the end of the day, to the end of the week, to have time for myself. I end up resenting things that come up on weekends because it takes away from the precious Me Time that I have.
When I found out that Legal Clinic was canceled this month, I was so happy. That is not a good sign. I was just dreading it this month, because it takes up half of my Saturday. And also because this month, I'd be doing more work that I usually do, because we would be down a volunteer. Turns out, we're down too many volunteers, so they just canceled the clinic. Normally, I do love going to clinic. So I'm not sure what's going on there...
I know that whatever it is that I'm looking for, to bring me joy in my days, it won't be work. Since we're not going to be moving any time soon - made that decision a couple of weeks ago - I've decided to stay put at my job for now, even though this may be a mistake in the long run - as I have a decent salary and insurance assistance. So now that things will remain status quo for a while, I have the time to think about what I want to do with the remainder of my time.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
i'm so glad your hubby wants to go to chair yoga instead of sitting at home. i hope he sticks with it. how will he get there?
maybe think of the weekend activities you don't enjoy that much as being things you appreciate being able to do and glad you don't have to be stuck at home? (i am in the process of changing up my own practices/mindset for the week/weekend...)
a decision is a decision and if you want to stay at your job, i can DEFINITELY understand why. i would almost always opt to stay in a job that looked like i could have it for longer and no chance of being let go (my current job there's unknowns about where i'll go when this project ends...the unknowns are too stressful for me)... anyways, with a career like yours, i would think you could find a job again if you moved doing the same thing?
how is your son doing now? are you still in touch with him?
My husband can still drive, so that is how he will get to yoga, but quite honestly, since he can't turn his head, it's not as safe for him to drive any more. Short, familiar runs he can do alone. Anything longer, like driving towards Chicago, he usually wants someone to go with him, to check the blind spots for lane changes.
Real estate in the Chicago area is about to change dramatically in the next 3-5 years. We are one of the last areas that uses attorneys for real estate transactions. Most everyone else uses real estate agents.
If we moved to Las Vegas, I would have to find a completely new line of work. That could be real estate related, but it might just be a transfer of office skills. I could work for an attorney, but there aren't too many other areas of law I would want to work in.
One of the areas I would be interested in would be bankruptcy, but Nice Lady -- who isn't really even an employee of my boss, she came with Associate Attorney when we hired him -- kind of took that over as hers, and hers alone.
We hear from our son every week when he calls, and sometimes more often through text. He says that if he can get through September, he is confident he'll be able to finish his job training. It's been kind of a roller coaster for him.
yeah 5k's are good to get moving, and i am recovering faster after them.
you are right that this is a short term plan, i can try much harder here...or rather plan smarter.
Off to the Legal Clinic Volunteer Appreciation Breakfast.... Truth be told, just between us, I'd rather not go, for many reasons. Hopefully, those reasons won't matter once we get there.
AFTERNOON EDIT: The breakfast was fine and I'm glad I went. In past years, it's been much more, with more turnout. This event was a little anemic, but it was nice to meet up with the other ladies I work with, especially since there won't be a legal clinic this month.
Came home and went for a nice walk, after sitting for almost 2 hours, and then sitting again on the drive home. Not feeling particularly inspired today.
Yesterday, work was one crisis after another. It was very draining. I met the husband and daughter at the diner for dinner, which was nice, but I was so empty that I wasn't really all that excited about it.
So that I want to just relax, read, nap, today is OK.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
good choice to be active once getting home after sitting. it's what i would also have tried to do...
are you doing what you want to do today (sunday)?
i'm making lots of changes like you, working on a new schedule to reach my goals. weights are out for the time being. i may even move them to my garage for storage.
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Great attitude! Glad you had such a good day.
BearCountryGG on 09/17/2019:
I love that mantra.....!!!
Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/18/2019:
i have to say, your positive attitude is a breath of fresh air for me at least over here! thank you for staying positive and realizing what's important to you..