I'm back in the Bizarro world again...
Both yesterday and today I have felt that I'm eating too much. Breakfast is OK, dinner I probably would do better to eat less, but I'm not satisfied with my lunch or snacks so there you have it.
Work has slowed down -- this is even worse than winter, it seems, and for real estate, that's BAD. I've moved on from the postage stamp drama. Horn - thank you, your insight was very helpfu. Then I read a tweet from some guy who CNN misreported a story on. His message? Something like "Class act, apology accepted, we all make mistakes, moving on." WOW - if nothing else, THAT is the frame of mind I want to be in.
My chin seems to be breaking out again, although hormone fluctuations have ended and it doesn't feel broken out - just looks kind of like my skin is thinking about it.
Father in law is considering hospice care. I don't have the whole story, but it's just sad.
Wish I could wake up at 5am and walk before I start my regular exercise routine at 6:30a. I just can't seem to get my butt out of bed before 6am.
If I just sit tight, the earth will spin around again and hopefully I'll be restored back to the natural universe again...
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
Up 2 pounds, but again, I feel that this is about where I should be. I also feel that the 2 pounds is temporary. My weight seems to be influenced very much by hormone levels throughout the month, which is why I feel that it's very important not to be fixated on a particular number (gain or loss) but rather, thinking of my weight in terms of a comfortable range, and then measuring my overall well-being: emotional, performance, spirutal, etc.
What this means is that a lower weight does me no good if I'm depressed, weak, tired, crabby. A higher weight number does me no good if it affects my walking, fatigue, cheerfulness. And so on...
So things have returned to a "new normal" from my episode into the Bizarro Universe. My skin has cleared up. My weight is up to a more realistic number for me. But work holds no joy for me. I'm so upset at my boss' son-in-law for chastizing me for spending a stamp on a work-related endeavor. I don't think I can reconcile myself around this. He ignores me now. I stare right at him. It's ridiculous. I want an apology and I know I will never get one. He should really be ashamed of himself, but he's too much of a pompous a**. My co-workers support me, and my boss has no problem with the stamp, but just wishes I would go back to being a happy worker. Because that's how he rolls: ignore it and it will go away. Hard to ignore it when it's a daily reminder.
Anyway -- no more energy wasted on that loser or this issue.
We had bad storms here over the week and lost a few large limbs to the willow trees we have in back. So just after I got my entire backyard cleaned up, now I have to clean it up again! Husband cannot help me because of his arthritis. My 19 yr old son is minimally helpful on days that he works, and has no initiative without supervision. So it will be me and probably my daughter cutting up branches and bundling them up.
I was going to resolve the yardwork matter in a different way, but I'm so angry with our curbside pick-up service, that I *WILL* go out there and cut/bundle so that they have a HUGE workload to pick up on garbage day. That will teach them to pass up my house as they have previously (once last year and then once this year, when they deamed a branch "too long" to take). So now I will get my revenge and give them lots to do. Thank goodness we are getting a new garbage service in July.
I waste an awful lot of my personal energy on feelings of anger and revenge.
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
I think I am also up a little bit. I feel it so much just around my waist that I have gained at least 1 pound. It’s so weird. I have been eating so much more for at least a couple months now – but I guess the increase (just a slight increase!) in cardio is helping to burn calories! It’s amazing that the little cardio I have added seems to be paying off…
I’ll agree with you – and say it’s the same with me – that my weight is DEFINITELY majorly influenced by hormone levels throughout each month as well. Lately, just like you, I’m thinking of my weight and whole persona on that spiritual / emotional level also. This weekend, for instance, I actually skipped the gym so I could feel more rested on Saturday and then my social life forced a skip on Sunday…(I came home late from family & gym would have closed…and it seems we just can’t be EVERYWHERE at the same time!)….life balance proves harder the bigger the family & commitments! And I have the SMALLEST family!
AGREE….a slightly higher weight is VERY FINE…if your mood is up and you are feeling good. I remember being on a very low carb diet for a short time, the time right before the last major cruise / vacation I went on with my family – I was at my lowest weight in my adult life – right around 110…and I felt SO LOW ENERGY and COLD all the time. When we went kayaking, I couldn’t hold up with my mom….it was a terrible experience, no energy at all. I can’t do that whole really low carb thing…like you were talking about mood….carbs also boost serotonin….and I realize part of my depression was due to not eating enough carbs….just relating to your entry through my own experiences….
Forget about that male coworker – he’s teasing you about the stamp bc he sees it BOTHERS you. Pay him no mind. Just do your thing. Ignore him back. Work is usually not fun – that’s why it’s called work – that’s why it’s important you keep on with your “life balancing” efforts bc it’s the outside of work experiences and family and friends that you NEED…we aren’t always (most of the time we are NOT) close friends with coworkers. So you must find the time for enjoyment and happiness in your life, as you DO!, because you cannot count on work to give it to you.
Your 19 year old should really be helping you….if he lives with you….he should be doing his share especially if it’s only you two women cleaning up no good! Tell him he needs to help! That you need his strong body and not just you two ladies to do hall the heavy lifting. Tell him his help is appreciated…that’s all….he shouldn’t be boarding “free of charge” without lending even a finger of help!
Take it easy and stop putting yourself down. You have a big heart and you do NOT need to waste so much energy thinking of this BS. I have learned to stop the BS a ibt….finally my work drama is OVER after THREE LONG MONTHS. Just don’t talk at work much, lay low, don’t tell anyone your business. Try to talk to family and friends, not coworkers that you are NOT close with and do not ever socialize with outside of work….
Have you ever had a day where you wonder, "What has happened to the universe? Did I shift to a different time continuum? Did a cosmic event just happen that I am no longer living in the life I was living but now live in this bizarro alternative reality?"
Because that's what I feel like has happenened to my life in the past week...
Started with that unexplained skin break-out and 3 pound weight gain. Then, in an instant, my father-in-law's health took a turn downward. Then a huge drama at work -- all over me spending a postage stamp of 47 cents to mail out a thank you card! Now today's weigh-in, and a legal clinic -- where I volunteer once a month -- that would just not end...
So now in my new bizarro universe:
I'm just waiting until the natural, correct timeline of events is re-established, so that I can go back to living in the regular universe and not bizarro-land. Now I know what Tasha Yar must have felt like...
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
i am glad your skin has cleared up and the weight gone back down - probably due to stress?
also, i am so sorry about your father in law...i wish him recovery.
also, stay positive :)
(No weigh-in until Saturday -- this is just thinking...)
A word to my 2 skiiny neighbor ladies: Thin doesn't count if you smoke. Sorry.
Also, came to the realization that I need to be true to myself, and some of the things I had hoped would come to fruition aren't going to happen, because that's not who I am.
On the postive side, last night, after my lower body workout, I was stretching my legs and I'm *almost* satisfied with the back of my knees. My thighs/knees have always been where I put on the weight -- I've never had that gap between my thighs that they talk about. the back of my knees have a dimple where the fat accumulates by the ligament behind the knee cap. Well, that dimple is almost gone. I want the back of my knees to be smooth and flat.
I'm crazy, right?
Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!
as for the morning routine, i'm not a morning exercise person either and perfer to also sip something, usually kombucha or ACV in seltzer,and also relax to start the day. Don't punish yourself by forcing a morning walk if you enjoy an evening walk instead...that's fine...and that's good you are being true to yourself...
rest days are important. i have a friend who's EXTREMELY fit both strong and cardio-wise she can run...and she can swim! 2 things i do lack...she says she has two rest days a week...i'm trying this...i think i'll try to plan at least 1 rest day after my running days as the running days make me sore and weights do NOT.....
i also cannot become a vegetarian...i wake up in the middle of the night hungry and whenever i don't have meet for ahwhile (few days) i start to crave it if i'm only eating soy or beans...just decide what works for you - you do not have to do what is undesireable for you! plenty of things work for plenty of people and yes choose the one that is good for you...
yes, breakouts in those spots are hormonal. are you eating different things?
I also have fat around the knee caps as my legs are not very strong...but because i've been training them a little bit, i'm also satisfied with them as i'm doing as much as i can right now :)
I like how you are working at being truthful with yourself...it's also a way of achieving goals rather than always having only stretch goals and getting injured bc always the goals are too big.
stretch goals (huge goals) are good but to a point bc we also need to produce short term and smaller goals that can be definitely achieved.
Oh where to start even....
So I gained 3 pounds. What can I say... I had hoped that eating a lot of fruit yesterday wouldn't backfire on me today but sadly, it has. It's a darn stinkin' shame when you can't even eat FRUIT without having to worry about gaining weight.
Then, I find out from a lady co-worker that a guy co-worker told her to make me start eating more donuts because I'm too skinny and losing weight too quickly. Tell that to the 3 pounds I just gained!!! I can't tell if this is genuine concern or jealous backstabbing. (This male co-worker and I talk about our workouts a lot, so that he commented isn't all that inappropriate.) And he says this to my lady co-worker on Friday after he had the NERVE to chastise me for eating bread (Subway sandwich) on Thursday!!!! That's what makes me think that his "concern" is rooted in ulterior motives.
Anyway, I'll just keep on smiling and eating my vegetables...
The good news is that I went walking/jogging again Friday morning and this time, I had no residual hip pain. So lesson learned: I cannot combine my running days (as minimal as that might be) with lower body weight training days.
It's going to be blazing hot here this weekend, so I had my daughter by a $10 inflatable pool to put in the backyard to sit in. If she sits cross-legged, we can both fit in the pool, but only one of us can be underwater at a time. It's a very small pool, but that's OK with me. Small pool = small maintenance, if you know what I mean.
Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!
Don't let it get you down. Just keep going back to your routine. Your good habits.
Yes, I'd say that coworkers are not generally going to wish you well on he weight loss....and they will offer those types of sly comments and remarks. I know this is sorta negative for me to say, but it's how i feel after dealing with biatches and nasty bosses as of late. There are people that choose to be evil over good and i now sorta know why. Sorta only bc to me there's no good reason in general. They think they are more deserving than we think we are. They think they are ENTITLED more than we are. ugh.
Yeah, coworkers aren't always professional. There's a coworker, male, at my job, just around my age, that full out took advantage of me. I now do not have lunch with him. I cannot give him anymore of my time. It makes me sick that after always lending him an ear, giving him advice (he's been with us around 1 year now as i've been with the company 6.5) and after he learned all he felt he needed to know - he backstabbed me. no need to discuss it here as it's all stupid stuff and i can't bother spelling it out on your page. But his mindset again is entitlement and that he didn't care if it hurt me to get what he felt he deserved. that's wrong. even if he thought it wasn't fair to him that maybe i had something better....he doesn't know my past....all the extra hours i worked. and he messed it up now for me (i now have longer hours, longer lunch, and my boss had asked me again if i was speaking badly about the dept because this coworker ratted on me after i was so honest and told him what the boss said about him he told the boss i told him! - stupid man !!!)). after i had only ever helped him.
Don't trust colleagues who you do not hang out with on the regular outside of work. Just don't trust them if they aren't actual friends / family.
I'm having a similar strategizing need with my training with weights / jogging. It seems i have to scale down weights which makes me sad but i can't seem to fit in both when i'm training both hard....so....yeah. balance. I have a slight tear in my shoulder but i'm letting it rest and taking a break from gym all week!
Good idea to sit in the pool, you can always buy a second one, you know! So each of you could have your own!
Not very optimistic right now...
I've been struggling with a sinus infection for about a week, which is far too long. That's the bad news. The good news is that it didn't settle in my chest, so no coughing.
My June goals have not gone anywhere. I haven't changed my step goal yet. Keep forgetting to do push-ups. I've only been successful in walking in the morning once. That was this Wednesday. Did a walk-jog and today (the next day) my hips have been hurting/sore all day. I'm wondering if maybe jogging isn't in the cards for me any more. I know that this doesn't mean that I still can't walk in these beautiful spring-summer mornings. With being sick and now being sore, it's been really hard to get up and going early.
Eating has been pretty good but not very disciplined -- translation: I've been eating sufficient but more calories --- so I am worried about this week's weigh-in, as I may be above goal again. *sigh*
So on top of sick and sore, add sorching temperatures this weekend -- not good when I have a ton of yardwork to do.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Oh, now I see why. Ok, I’d be cranky and upset if I were sick a week too. YES. Please try to get more rest so your body can heal. Lay off the exercise till you are better aside from gentle exercise that doesn’t put too much stress on your body. Listen to your body’s desire for rest.
Lol, it’s funny how you write “walk-jog” – did you get that from me??? Hehe. Stupid boss that I do like (I have two bosses) couldn’t realize that a walk-jog means both walking and jogging! He’s like, “what’s that!? – speedwalking?”…I’m like…”I jog and when I can’t jog I walk!” dumb….he doesn’t realize I’m not in shape to “just jog” yet!
Jogging is painful and not great for your body. Better off with walking. Only reason I’m jogging is: NYPD. I’ll quit jogging as soon as I don’t need to do it anymore. I don’t love it.
Lately I eat more, too. I even feel fat. But the scale tells otherwise – I’m beginning to wonder!
Anyways, feel better. Count on your veggies when you need to eat a lot…and have smaller servings of the other stuff after you’ve binged already on the veggies :-P
I DID IT -- GOAL HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED!!! I reached the 50-pound weight loss mark, and I feel that I'm right where I should be for a lifetime.
So now I am entering the maintenance phase, and this will be exciting! I am planning on continuing the good habits I've established: exercising, drinking water, no soda pop (except on special occassions), raw vegetables for stress eating (3pm snack), and limiting white carbs except on my "relax" day. This works for me: these habits I established during the weight loss have become part of my lifestyle that I want to continue doing.
I've been battling a sinus infection this week, but it has not decreased my eating or activity. Well, I take that back, I did scale back on the weight training on Thursday and Friday due to fatigue. I am taking the weekend off from weight training to REST and then resume my schedule on Monday.
I do not think that the sinus infection contributed to my weight loss. At least I hope not. When I lose weight from being sick, I usually gain it right back :-(
The visit with Mom & (step) Dad went well. I was able to say no to some stuff, but was able to get a couple of old photo albums and all of my high school yearbooks. The best news is that I'm getting Mom's treadmill for free! I just have to take the mini-van up to her house to pick it up. A free treadmill in great condition - WOW! This will help me maintain during the winter months for sure.
June Goals:
And depending on how June goes, I am going to start thinking about stepping away from the scale more. Maybe only 2x a month...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Nice to read an entry early from you this AM! (reading it this AM!)
You must be DARN proud of yourself lady. Like, the only way to achieve your “magical weight loss” (and it’s fully NOT magic like everyone thinks it is!) is CONSISTENCY! J – your weight loss is a MAJOR TESTAMENT to your decision to stick with it. That’s the only way. You’ve stuck with it a long time. Never give up – your story proves that the long-term effort – and the accumulation of all the things you’ve done – better diet, cardio and even you added weight training – these actions (and even working less / help at the office / less OT) has gradually all helped.
God bless you - don’t stop. Always strive to be your best self and in all aspects of your life, not only your weight! Be proud, lady!
I’ve learned that fatigue really means rest. Do NOT feel bad if you need to occasionally rest. It’ll prevent injury / sickness. Have trust in listening to yourself – I commend you for resting as it’s something I struggle with greatly.
Yeah – def rest when with infections / sickness. I have a stye – but continued working out this time – but yeah…it’s always a choice…
Keep up the great work! I think you’re smart to step away from scale as it’s your actions that determine weight loss, not the scale doing any work.
I recently feel a gain in like a pound due to eating excess, I’ll have to scale back for a few weeks & not overeat after that. It’s been like a month of very high cals each week. LOL. we’re always having to change things – life’s variables.
Must get my day started. My daughter and I are driving up to my foks' place to pick up STUFF that is either mine or they are giving away, as my folks will be moving to Nevada in a month or 2 -- by the end of August.
Funny how I was doing OK this week, and then this morning and thought my legs looked so fat. Nothing like a visit with Mom to bring out the issues. And this is all me... she's not really that type of person to say "Oh you should really lose weight" or "you're not going to wear that" etc. She does enjoy talking about healthy habits but only if the conversation turns that way.
So I'm a bag of mixed emotions today. This will be a short trip, so that I have the Monday holiday to recoop and rest. Still, I'm looking forward to the road trip and time with my daughter.
Even though I am running late with what I must do before we hit the road, I had to post that I am 0.5 pounds away from my ultimate goal of 50lbs lost. Yay!!! I'm really surprised, but then again, I do acknowledge that I made sacrifices this week that would and did pay off.
This is the last weekend (Saturday / weigh-in day) before the new month, so I have June goals all lined up, and as I mentioned before, they are a continuation of this month's goals:
1. Continue weight training routine
2. Focus on flexible outlook on life
3. Start daily push-up routine - 3 sets of 10, which I do standing up, but with my hands on the bathroom counter, so that I'm at an incline.
4. Increase step goal to 11,000 steps -- SCARY!!!
Progress as of today: 49.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!
Glad you can recoop after, it's important.
Remember - sometimes less is more. Keep your goals doable & try not to overdo :-)
Keep up the great work...i'm so glad that you continue to focus on flexibility (so am i for sure & i admit having a long ways to go!) and i'm so glad you are continuing weigh training - I wish my mom would she needs it in her tiny upper body could use some muscle.
Logging in this morning to document that I'm back in the 130s...
Less than what I weighed when I got married, but my wedding ring still does not fit properly. Last time I gained, I could really feel it in my fingers, and now I'm left with excess skin on my fingers. Will not spend the money to get lipo on my fingers, so I need to consider the expence of getting my ring enlarged.
Continuing with my goals to have a flexible outlook in daily living -- I think this has helped a LOT with stress levels at work --- and will start increasing my Fitbit step goal either Sunday or Monday.
I am continuing with the weight training, trying to use the heavier weights when I can on the upper body, but recognizing my temporary limitations as well. It's a work in progress.
Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Congrats on your super-success of being in the 130’s. This time, keep your head up and stay here! You owe it to yourself to feel good and keep yourself where YOU WANT TO BE. Everything you want is in your control (being that it’s realistic of course! – like JayhawkJen was saying about realistic goals, I gotta agree with her and you!)..
Really, I didn’t know that fingers get the excess skin? Or maybe it’s just skin is less flexible / stretchy.? Yes, get the ring enlarged if you need to – and wear it proudly. You are a wonderful person and you weight what your goal was. Maintain this positivity! I love it!
I also agree with your flexible daily outlook – this is EXACTLY what I’m working on too with my own life. I am actually dialing back my jogging thru this holiday weekend in order to enjoy time out and not be exhausted and/or sore from trying to do everything. I’ve chosen socializing over jogging for this weekend! because life is not all structure – and a holiday is a holiday :-P
Recognize any pain. Don’t work thru any pain – stop or revise your activity. Speaking of which – last Friday I should have stopped at 1.5mi …but continued onto 2mi…not sure it was the smartest as I was very sore all weekend!
I should have blogged last night when I was in a better mood and more inspired. Now I am tired and grumpy from the day --- funny how one client can totally turn your day to crap. She's a bad client and I got exasperated with her, and she could tell and called me out on that. So I told her, "This is the third time you're changing mortgage companies and it seems as though I'm always finding this out after the fact and playing catch-up." Doesn't help that her new lender is a real ******* and very abrasive. I'm thinking maybe the client will fire us, which at this point, I'm OK with because that agent isn't sending us the number of files she used to.
OK, so my vent is over...
I realized yesterday or perhaps the day before that I actually DO have goals for May, and I like it so much that I'm going to extend my goal into June. So all is not lost!
One of my May goals is to be more flexible in my thinking, to let go of my rigid black-or-white thinking. So things like work, errands, family --- just going to TRY to be open and see more than one side to a situation. (My work example above is probably NOT a good example of trying to be flexible in my thinking...)
I'm also going to start increasing my steps goal on my Fitbit by 1000 every week. My daily goal now is 10,000, which I usually accomplish by 1pm. Next week, my step goal will be 11,000 per day, and so on. Just pushing myself a little more... I will carry this task/goal into June as well.
One thing I want to clarify is that just because I am trying to be more flexible doen't mean that I can give away to self-indulgence. For example, yesterday, I realized that I needed to go to the grocery store to stock up. Usually my grocery days are Saturday or Sunday. But I had a task to do, and so I did it - after I went for a walk after dinner...
After I came home and the kids put away the groceries, I thought, "Well, I can go to bed, but then I will miss my upper body weight training day." I know I'm supposed to be flexible in my routine, but not to the point of being undisciplined. That is to say, weights are a high(er) priority for me now, so I knew that to accomplish what I want to achieve, I do have to put in the work. So I worked out until about 10pm.
Which might explain a little of my crankiness right now. I'm tired!
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!
I LOVE how you’re “extending” your goals into June. I must be drinking the same drink as you because – my goals are also now longer than one month at a time. For instance – a long-time goal of mine is to start lifting 40lb dumbells at the gym. Right now I’m at 35lbs. There’s no time limit on this goal – I know that by continuing to lift 35’s that one day I’ll be ready (based on how many I can do with my left bicep bc it’s the weaker one) to one day lift 40’s.
I cannot put a time limit on this – as my upper body is already very strong and I do NOT want any injury. So I will keep doing my good work & KNOW that I’ll get there. I sometimes add in an extra set of reps…to get myself ready for one day doing 40’s. Time limits on goals, as I have been reading, are not the most important thing. Just like a certain body weight isn’t most important. It’s the process of doing to get there – doing our good actions of going to gym, lifting weights, eating well…which get us to an end goal…
Oh and my other long goal over many months is the goal of being able to run between 2-3 miles straight. Right now, I just practice at whatever is comfortable 1x per week I do my walk/jogs. Next month June AND July is the same: 2x/week walk/jogs. I’m keeping my practice scheduled each week, making sure I do it, and ONE DAY my goal will be met. I see it happening around September-October. However, I’ll modify as necessary. Like I was saying, it’s the process, not the end goal, which is most important. The end goal will happen….but not without the process.!!!!!!!!!
Yes, giving into ALL self-indulgence can’t work. It’s def a give & take…agree with you. And I do love your flexible goals as well as your upper body weights workout goal….you know how highly I regard a weights workout! It must be my relationship right now…me and the upper body weights at the gym ;-P
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....if you want to sleep more in the morning, do it. don't force your body to do things that it seriously doesn't want to do - i hate morning exercise.
Horn_of_plenty on 06/27/2017:
i'm glad my comments helped ;)
Horn_of_plenty on 06/27/2017:
also though, you cannot sit tight and wait for the universe to restore....but i like the thought....any changes you will have to do.
however, i do believe that you are in control of what changes and when....and the morning stuff - you don't have to force things you don't really want. :)
and SLEEP is majorly important - make sure you are getting around the recommended amount.
ever since i started sleeping better, i haven't needed as much caffeine.