Good morning! Knowing that I have tomorrow off has made this morning feel a little surreal. Just enjoying the morning.
I started tracking my food using the Lose It app -- thank you, Inner Peace! From yesterday alone, I can see 2 things:
But I'm not making any radical changes until I have a week worth of stats, at least.
It suddenly dawned on me yesterday that there was a time in my past when I would have been very happy to have the body that I have now. My 186 pound self would be very happy with my 145-pound self of today. And, without sounding vain, I realize that there are other women who would like to have my body as well. Women with physical pain, skin issues, etc. I have a pretty much well-functioning body, healthy, muscular, etc.
The flaws that I see in myself would be forgiveable to (some) others. Is my body "perfect"? Not by any stretch - I have cellulite, thick legs, the "mother's apron", strech marks. I've lived a life.
What I'm try to say is that it's time to appreciate what I have and not focus on what I'm not - and what I will never be. Changing my focus from negative to positive.
I had a wonderfully productive day yesterday. I did some yardwork, fixed & filled my fallen bird feeders, laundry, and went to bed at around 9:15p. I made significant progress with the puzzle. I went to the gym by myself and did upper body weights. I tweaked my lower back a little bit, by using poor form on one of the weight machines. Ouch! Still feeling a little bit of it today, so I will take care. I enjoyed a nice session in the steam room, showered, and came home to enjoy a nice dinner with my husband and a relaxing evening.
I did not read, nor did I spend enough time with my cats, but I've already started to work on these 2 items today. I'm going to give myself a "foot mask", to help soften up my feet, this morning, at which time I will read and relax. The mask itself takes an hour and I need to soak my feet first. This was a gift to me for Mother's Day, and I'm looking forward to doing this for myself. It forces me to take an hour of my day to just stop moving and sit.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
So.. I remembered to weigh in, and my weight changed not one bit. As I mentioned yesterday, my clothes do not fit any better or differently (still a little on the snug side). My wedding ring still feels just a tad snug - can't wear it if there's any water retention.
I realized from comments that I just don't want my diet goal badly enough to make the changes that I need to make. I am much better at making changes that require an action; I am not so good with making changes that require refraining or abstaining. So it's easier for me to add cardio or weights, but much more difficult to refrain from eating. This would explain why intermedite fasting never worked for me.
I'm going to look into the "Lose It" app this weekend to track what I eat. During the work week, I usually pack everything I'm going to eat for the day, except for dinner. My breakfasts are all the same - peanut butter in a low-carb wrap. So tracking 80% of my daily eating should be relatively easy. Dinner is always the wild card, depending on what kind of day I've had at work.
How nice it was to wake up this morning and realize that I didn't HAVE TO get up, and just loll around in bed, drifting in and out of dreams for about an hour. It is a clear sunny day, but rather on the cooler side. I don't think temperatures will get out of the 60's today.
My list of usual things to do this weekend is pretty much the same. I'm happy to say that I've already found 3 or 4 puzzle pieces that fit. Slowly chipping away at that. I definitely want to spend more time relaxing though, whether it's with my cats on the couch, or reading a book, or both.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
i know you mentined you don't eat enough protein, but, for meat eaters like us (and by that i mean poultry too), we get in a LOT more protein in our diets than many vegetarians.
just saying, some days i do crave a bit more protein, but i do not eat too large serving sizes of it at meals, anymore - unless it's something new and different and i might indulge. or if i'm ravenous.
i'd say make sure to have more cooked veggies at your dinner. i know that a woman at the supermarket said to me that she likes the frozen veggies already chopped and she turns them into stir fries with little effort. I should do this...i'm saying maybe add cooked veggies to dinner?
let us know what the lose it app has on it, how it helps you. i always like to learn about different products.
that's nice indeed we have the extra day this weekend, yes, it feels beyond wonderful!
we have a second day of rain, tomorrow we'll have your weather, thankfully, which will make it easier IF i decide to run to the supermarket. we'll see.
I had a very bad dream and woke up early. Decided to actually get out of bed, in fear of falling back asleep into the bad dream. I *did* dream about my step-father, but it wasn't a good dream; I burned down the garage of my childhood home (accidently!) and caught the house behind us on fire too - oh my!!! But I have to say, my step-father looked very good - very trim and with completely white hair! Oh what might have been, if the cancer had not taken his life.
So I have plenty of time this morning, which is kind of nice. Just goes to show how much time there is available to me if I don't lie around in bed or get side-tracked with a kitty on the lap.
AND I just realized that all 3 attorneys will be at closings this morning at 9am, so I don't have to rush into work. Should I go back downstairs and do some leg weights?
Had a little wine last night. Took 2nd helpings of pulled pork that my husband made. Buckled under pressure when the Boss offered to buy Chinese for lunch -- asked for a hot and sour soup. I had that in addition to the lunch I already brought. New Guy has gone out to lunch with the Boss - one way or another - this week. I can't keep asking him if he's still eating clean, so maybe I'll just check in with him weekly (LOL -- I'll be the Lunch Police).
Because I'm so ahead of schedule, I'm trying to wait to eat anything. As I've mentioned here, I'm thinking about having a protein shake at home and then oatmeal at work around 10am... However, I am still in love with my peanut butter wrap (2 TBSP of natural peanut butter on a low carb wrap = 190 cals + 30 cals = 220 cals). The other way would be 170+150=320 calories. Drinking my calories makes me a little nervous too. Well, when I'm ready to make this change, I will.
This weekend, one ot the things I want to do is to research apps that will track not only calories but also macros (protein, fats, carbs). I've heard that managing the macros is where it's at.
What I really want is just more definition in my arms, and maybe my legs. I feel like I have a good foundation, but I have a layer of fluff that doesn't let that muscle definition show through.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I will never forget this, I felt bad for my friend and realized then that that old saying of...if you want it bad enough, you will make the time...if not than you will make the excuse. I am full of excuses these days!
I use the lose it app...well when I use it, it has an option to track macros or calories you can toggle back and forth..
I hope you have a great day! We are being rained out here in NEO.
The CSM is correct. That's why I stay late at work most of the time. Hmm... I guess you're right: I just don't want it enough. I don't want my goal weight enough. Hmm...
your mind had been on your father. it's only a dream all those bad thoughts, do not worry <3.
oh, i did my leg exercises yesterday, outside standing in the shade, on my lunch break! thank gosh i did it then, bc all exercise since then has been a wash! lol
pulled pork is delicious...i may eat that more now...i am not religious and i noticed pulled pork is sold now in supermarkets in the refrigerated section. i can bring it to work for the week. good protein, etc. (or i can make it myself in the slow cooker....)
i don't like drinking too many calories either...never fills me.
when i restart work at the other site, i may need to amp up the protein in my breakfasts...but i may be nervous, and lose my appetite just a little bit like i did when this job started - not sure...
but my breakfasts have become very carby and i love them...but i become hungry and low blood sugar under 2 hours later, so i snack on pb...and it's fine...but i'm not sure i'll be able to heat up waffles lol at the new job...i have to see...
Your new job will be a fresh start. You know names and so I would presume that they know your name, but you have a whole new opportunity to make a first impression. :-)
So yesterday, I tried not to eat as much at work. I cut out my morning snack entirely. By 10:30am I started to develop a headache that never really went away. It felt like sinuses, so I took a sinus pill and a Tylenol. Didn't help. Later, at around 3pm, I took 2 more Tylenol. Didn't help. Ate too much dinner.
I'm going to try again not to eat as much at work. What I'd like to try is having a protein shake here at home, and then 1/2 cup of oatmeal at work around 10am, and see how that holds me. It was REALLY hard not to eat through the stress of the morning yesterday. That's eating for the wrong reasons, though.
Thought maybe having the wine at dinner was causing problems, so no wine last night.
This weekend is the last weekend of May, so I will step on the scale to weigh-in, to see how my "great May project" went --- which it went nowhere. My clothes don't fit any better. My rings don't fit any better. And my eating hasn't gotten any better.
One thing that HAS gone pretty good is that I've been able to leave work at a decent time each day. Last night was the exception, where I was out the door at 5:33pm (which is still pretty good for me). I wanted to talk to the boss about a problem that came up at the very end - and I didn't want to have to think about it at home. Turns out, it's not a problem at all -- UGH!!! But that's OK. Still had a nice dinner with my family and a good bike ride, no wine, bed at 9:30p.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
what i do is the breakfast only at work - even at new job, i will eat when i'm at my desk and not at home. new job will start a 7am, and over a 1.5hour commute...not sure exactly until i do it. 1 bus, 3 trains...i may drive, not sure...have to look into it more. the commuting was good exercise, so i may leave it or drive only sometimes...
i like your goals and how you met some if not all of them this month. it's ok not to reach every goal for afterall, we are a work in progress....
we can only learn from these experiences.
Took care of renewing my passport yesterday. It's a long story, but I thought someone had stolen my passport. So I over-panicked and reported it as stolen. Found it later on in the day. So I finally went to the post office to see about getting a new passport. I was very stressed out, but my husband was there to help me, too. It kind of scared me because I realize that I depend on him to get me through a lot of these real life grown-up situations. I don't like being THAT dependent on someone. I don't think it's a question of laziness, but just an inability to cope.
I was able to get in a really good upper body weight workout last night, to compensate for my shortened session in the morning (due to lack of time). Oh it was hard to push myself to do that last exercise, but I did want to do something that focused on biceps so I did it.
But you can't out-exercise a bad diet. It always comes down to that, for me, at least. I eat too much at work.
This week at work seems to be flying fast, and that's a good thing.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
There are some inexpensive wines that are actually quite enjoyable! :-)
also, it's OK to rely on someone for "life situations." that's what relationships are about. i'd say enjoy it - take his support. life is not meant to be lived alone and without support.
one day, i hope to have someone's support (and by that, someone besides my parents or friends!)
That is to say, I know that I CAN eat too much at work, e.g. having a huge bowl of chips every afternoon, or eating an entire cup of peanuts (oof!).
Often, though, I feel like I'm eating at work for the wrong reasons, which makes me think I eat too much.
Eating only what I bring with me to work has cut down a bit on eating "too much" but I honestly don't know.
I seriously need to track my food.
And thank you for your reassurance. I don't feel like much of a grown up sometimes.
Either this site is running very slow or there's problems with my internet this morning. Running very late...
Quite sore from yoga last night. Wow, I really felt it last night. If you don't use it, you lose it -- that's the lesson I learned! Ladies and gents, I encourage everyone to start stretching. Stretch daily. It's amazing how tight my muscles got from just 2 weeks off of yoga.
Did 2 upper back weight exercises today. Cut my morning bike ride short by 10 minutes --- and still running far behind.
Lights out at 9:20pm last night. Slept well. Did OK with eating - kept picking up extra noodles from the spaghetti dinner, even though I was "done" eating. Had a glass of Asti last night. It was quite sweet. Figured it would help me sleep. Not sure about that...
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
How’s work going. Still thinking about Walmart?
i was running late too, i had 10 min to get dressed, so i had to skip my legs. may do them tonight ...
yes, i remember skipping some yoga and then having trouble when i went back. like riding a back, your muscles are sore after not riding for awhile and then hopping back on.
is the brand Asti? never heard of it.
i bought a VERY cheap Blueberry wine last night but didn't try it yet, maybe tonight. it was $6.99. considering how much i spend on kombucha, i'm not very picky with my wine. there's a cheap liquor store near my boss stop, it's oppostite low income housing, so there's deals to be head there!
I'm not too picky about wine either. :-)
I feel like this weekend was too short. I could use an extra day. Well, this coming up weekend, with the Memorial Day weekend, I will get that long weekend. If I recall the work calendar correctly, today will be a busy day, but most of the time-sensitive tasks are not mine? At least I hope I'm remembering that correctly.
I have yoga tonight. I wanted to reach out to the teacher on Tuesday or Wednesday, to decide if we should resume this week or just start up again in June. Well, last week was awful, and the days just got away from me. I went with my gut decision and said, Sure let's have yoga. So I will NEED to go home AT 5pm tonight, so that I can have a light dinner before class (at home, Zoom). We're switching to a Yin format, which is poses held for minutes on end. That's good -- I need a good stretch and relax. No bike ride tonight, no weights. Just chores afterwards and then bed.
I went to bed at 9:28pm last night. It's better when I turn out the lights closer to 9pm, but I wasn't ready to end the day, I guess. I woke up naturally right before my alarm clock went off. It was hard to get out of bed.
I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon. I was one of 3 people wearing a mask, and the one lady took hers off once she got to the weights area. (Some - but not all - staff were still wearing masks. no more temperature checks at the front desk, either.) I will continue to wear my mask for another 1.5 weeks, until I have the "full immunity" 2 weeks after the 2nd shot. But I confess that my comfort level at the gym has shifted. Is it a COVID thing or is it just my discomfort with change (any change)?
Yesterday, I was talking to my daughter about having difficulties with changes (any changes), and she said, "You're thinking like an old person." Oh dear, I think she's right. But I don't think that it's because I'm getting hold that I have this reluctance towards change. I think most of it stems from trauma suffered during my childhood and such, where changes were usually life-altering and unpleasant to readjust. Repeatedly having to get used to a "new normal" time after time.
I have faith in the vaccine, so I should be OK. It's just hard as an introvert to see the world re-opening.
Other trophies and small victories from the weekend:
yoga tonight sounds fabulous! when i did bikram, it was minute-long poses and i liked it, helped with balance and flexibility and strength. i like it more than fast moves in yoga.
my comfort level with covid is more too. i take it off when walking around the city, only put it on in the supermarket or around a bigger crowd or the subway of course i do wear it...but i am relaxing my ways too.
nice job on your other weekend accomplishments <3 i like to list them too, and it feels good to get them done.
Good morning! It feels good to say "good morning" - it's like saying it makes it so. I'm feeling a little more edgy-er than I would like to feel. Anxious? Upset? Not sure... I was SO proud of myself on Friday evening, leaving work, saying to myself, "I MADE IT THROUGH A HELLISH WEEK AND SURVIVED!" That seems so long ago...
The hike was very good yesterday. If you read my comment to Jacky on yesterday's post, that will tell most of it. It was a little too much for my husband. Too hot, too steep in some places. He was feeling sore in the afternoon and woke up in pain this morning. He lives his life in pain, because of his disability, and there are other factors that would contribute to this extra pain - medicine day, rain, etc. Still, I am glad that he went, and I'm glad that I went.
I had a nice workout at the gym. I was 1 of a handfull of people - other than staff - wearing a mask. That's OK I don't care. Let them think I'm not vaccinated and I'm actually following the CDC rules. I was amazed at how many people there are already fully vaccinated --- insert huge eye roll here. Of course they aren't. All they hear is "no more mask" and throw abandon to the wind. I plan to go today as well, to do lower body weights.
I've upped my water intake to about a gallon a day. I usually go over that, but not always. I haven't felt or seen any difference in my weight or body, other than having to go to the bathroom more often.
Odds and Ends:
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Wow! Snow there in September? We’ve had snow late October, and late May, but not sept.
Anyway, September is out, and honestly, I don't think I can make it this August. And with the eviction moratorium ending June 30th -- work is going to be very unpredictable for the next few months.
luckily, we walked slow and stopped a few times yesterday. rather, i walked slow. parents went up ahead. what can i do, i wasn't comfortable with their pace and they didn't care to walk slow with me.
my left calf was getting stiff walking due to being constantly a little tight, but luckily i'm ok today because i'm mostly on the couch and it's a good rest before tomorrow back to work.
so i can see that your hubby would have a hard time. it looks like his legs may cause him some problems near the calf/foot. i certainly hope he feels better. will he take pain meds or anything?
i guess you are smart to wear the mask at the gym, it certainly is confusing bc the non-vacciners, not all but many, want to just take their masks off too - and they do some of them - like you said. my teacher friend thinks it's great her friends are vaccinated and thinks oh well she can take her mask off too around me, etc.
sometimes when i drink too much water, it has a bad effect where i want more food or salt...do you ever get that?
I recently bought some CBD gummies, which taste awful but apparently help with relaxing -- too relaxing for work, but good if one wants to take a nap to "reset" the pain.
I'll write more about this in today's entry but I'm rethinking the gym again...
Good morning! Today is the morning that should have been yesterday, lol. It's Saturday and I'm so happy it's the weekend.
I am getting ready to participate in a hike with the disabled veterans' group this morning. We'll leave around 8:15am. Like Horn, I have no expectations other than to be walking/moving and outdoors. I'm not expecting a "workout" or any major challenges. I plan to stay by the Husband, and go at his pace. If he feels that it's too much, then we can go home. Fine by me.
I've recovered from the 2nd Moderna shot, and I have to say, I have no regrets. I would completely do it again. Need a booster? Sign me up. In 2 weeks, I will have "full immunity" but I still plan to wear my mask in certain indoor situations (and maybe certain outdoor situations, although I'm not one for big social gatherings) and social distance.
New Guy made an announcement at work yesterday that "clean eating" starts for him today. I've also been inspired by this fitness guy on a FB fitness page, who said that for the next 6 weeks, he's going to focus on optimal nutrition. Not dieting, not restricting, not bulking up, but rather creating a slight calorie deficit (to lean out) and choosing the most optimal nutritious food. He'll be showing his progress on the FB page.
These 2 "announcements" made me realize that I haven't really been committed to my May goal of focusing on the eating part of this journey. I might as well be weighing in every week! The idea was to focus on food/diet, and not weigh in until the end of the month, to see if there has been any movement on the scale. Well, I can pretty much say that I probably WON'T see much change in the scale because my eating hasn't changed all that much.
But I AM inspired by both of these guys - probably by New Guy the most because that's "in real life".
I don't think I'll have time for the museum tour this week --- Field Museum of Natural History, focusing on the dinosaur exhibits. I also want to go to the gym this afternoon. Son will be calling today. Work on the puzzle - my goal is 5 more pieces this weekend. Neverending laundry. And I would like to read some of the 2 library books I have checked out.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Looks like we’ll need boosters once a year, like the flu. Never get the flu shot, only twice in decades, but will get the covid poke.
Weird seeing all the unmasked ppl today at Lowe’s and Walmart. I’m wearing mine for untold ages.
When I returned to Husband at the base of the hill, I told him, Good thing you didn't try it. It gets quite challenging where I stopped for the photo.
I too plan to wear my mask indoors for quite some time. People can look at me like I'm batsh*t crazy. That's fine with me.
gotta say, i prefer lately more carbs and always less protein. well not lately, like, for two years now and more.
i was also extremely tired friday before Jury Duty. I got out of bed as late as possible and left my apt so late that i got to JD actually late, almost 10 min late (it wasn't a big deal). but well, that's a first for me. i was extra late due to an entrance of a park i had to walk thru being closed and having to walk more, but, i was really late just because for some reason i didn't care.
like you, if we need a booster, i'll do it. it's worth it.
it'll be interesting to hear about new guy and his focus on eating...feel free to share.
i have 3 library books checked out, LOL, lets hope i can finish one also! ebooks...
I will definitely update on New Guy - or maybe even my FB guy. the FB guy is already in really good shape. New Guy started here in shape, but I can see that he's already starting to turn soft in the gut. That's from eating out with the Boss all the time.
Running very late this morning so I am writing this on my phone, during my bike ride. I just couldn't get out of bed this morning. This needs to be a Saturday but unfortunately, it's not. And I have one more day off this hell to endure until I can rest and relax.
I have had milder reaction symptoms to the 2nd Moderna shot, which is great. Mostly fatigue. I was in bed by 7:40p - no evening bike ride, no weights, and my evening chores kicked my butt. It was a little after 8p when my phone and my Fitbit were practically charged - I couldn't wait for 100% - and I went to bed. I know I got a lot of sleep but I also know I switched sleeping positions a lot, too. Left side, back, right side, repeat.
Woke up and felt like I could sleep a few more hours. I did get up eventually but moving very slow.
I ate too many carbs at dinner. I was doing fine, with grilled chicken on salad, and then reached for 3 pieces of cornbread, partly out of comfort (bad), partly out of fatigue (bad), and partly out of the need to get rid of it (also bad, very bad).
That dinner was the epitome of my struggles with food.
WHY CAN'T I GET MYSELF TOGETHER ON THIS ONE PART OF MY LIFE???
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Think fatigue is most common vaccine reaction. Me and the husband had it. He cut short his weight session, something he never does. But all better now.
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I also wrote you back for Yesterday. it is so nice to be home again tomorrow!
like i was saying in my previous comment in your other journal entry, i do not think having enormous amounts of protein is necessary. (my non-medical opinion). although, i am sure almonds once in awhile could do me better than my afternoon chocolates! ha!
the good thing about protein with fat, like the almonds, is it might stay with you longer, but, also a snack, FOR ME, is helpful if it raises my blood sugar a little, i seem to feel better. hence my chocolate eating lately.
yeah, there are a lot of women your age that would be happy with your body. you are more active i'd say that a good majority.
by reading about your productivity yesterday, you inspire me to do either lower body or upper today :) i feel very down/unmotivated this weekend like i just want a rest. so i'm sorta doing that...but i'll do a short leg routine tonight since it is a rather short one :) you are my inspiration here.
your day sounds nice. i have gotten some things with my course out of the way, and also i learned (as it wasn't clear), the actual syllabus as well as WHICH CHAPTERS of the textbook are included in the coure and which are not! i think it's done to confuse people on purpose as some will read the whole textbook and therefore pay more money to spend more time taking the course (we pay a monthly fee, not a one-time course fee). (it's going OK so far!)
I'm looking for a 40/30/30 ratio of protein/carbs/fat to build muscle. To lean out, I should decrease the carbs and increase the protein. Right now, I'm getting about 15% protein, which in my opinion is way too low. Maybe that's why my hair is thinning out too.
Maria7 on 05/30/2021:
Ya know? When we were quite heavier than current, how HAPPY we would have been to be the sizes we are now! I am actually at my first goal I had set when I was at 205. But, are we appreciative and happy for our hard-earned work to get to where we currently are? No, we are not. We feel like failures in our weight journey simply because we are not a lower size we fancy ourselves wanting to be (which actually might not be best for us). So, I am happy to read what you reminded us all of...take the time to 'smell the roses' along the way, so to speak, be thankful for where we are TODAY. Hugs!
Horn_of_plenty on 05/30/2021:
I love what Maria said!
I do too :-)
Horn_of_plenty on 05/31/2021:
donkey to answer a question you asked me, CUNY doesn't have shorter programs (certificate programs) for Master Public Administration, but SUNY does.
I'll prob start with something shorter at SUNY and finish up at CUNY. but i should stop thinking about it a little bit; until i'm done with accounting that i'm taking now; and finish the business law class with the Center for Legal Studies.
After these two courses, i'll think about what exactly I want to do..it's good i just looked into it; after you asked me :)
Horn_of_plenty on 05/31/2021:
donkey to answer a question you asked me, CUNY doesn't have shorter programs (certificate programs) for Master Public Administration, but SUNY does.
I'll prob start with something shorter at SUNY and finish up at CUNY. but i should stop thinking about it a little bit; until i'm done with accounting that i'm taking now; and finish the business law class with the Center for Legal Studies.
After these two courses, i'll think about what exactly I want to do..it's good i just looked into it; after you asked me :)