I survived the drive! It's a particularly aggressive commute to this VA hospital. Well, any drive towards Chicago involves more traffic, complicated mergers, crazy drivers, etc. I'm more of an open highway person. Very nervous driver...
My husband saw the wrong doctor because they had entered his auto-immune disease obviously into the computer system as a degenerative disc disease. So he saw an ortho doctor rather than a rheumatologist. He may or may not need another appointment because of this mistake.
I got home, dropped off husband, picked up daughter to take her to HER doctor's appointment. (She didn't want to go alone.)
After all these doctors, I was exhausted, so I opted to stay home and not check in at work. I'm still tired this morning, and I know today will be busy. My coworker covering my desk said she left 29 emails unread. So I'll have about 50 emails this morning, plus a very long list of time sensitive tasks to do today.
No rest on Saturday, since there's legal clinic.
And just battling my body with the inconveniences of TOM. Why must my cycle always kick in, irregularly, at the most stressful times in my life?
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
So I put a sign on the freezer door at work addressed to whomever threw out my food to please replace the veggie burgers and stick of butter. That won't happen, but it made me feel better. We think it was the boss' son-in-law who threw out my food, thinking it belonged to the office manager for the business downstairs, because he's really mad at her right now, and this is his revenge. She and I eat similar foods and share(d) the same space in the freezer... I don't like the son-in-law either because he accused me of stealing gift cards a year ago and never apologized for that. I'd call him a weasel but that would be insulting to weasels.
Taking husband to the VA hospital for another evaluation today. He says they are very mean there. Sad. Very nervous about the difficult drive to the facility.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Is it a difficult drive because of the distance/logistics? I hope it goes well and they are not mean today!
the facility is far? is that why the drive is difficult?
THEY THREW OUT MY FOOD AT WORK.
I keep an emergency veggie burger in the freezer, I had a baggie of frozen watermelon, and a half a stick of butter. All gone.
Turns out my Sunday anxiety was probably hormone related, after all...
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
i guess you'll have to re-stock :)
keep on J-donk and be happy...notice the nature and trees and animals out and about as it's still summer :) i was thinking about it this morning :) to enjoy my surroundings while it lasts!
Work was again insanely busy... Queen Bee decided to take an extra day off - no surprise there. Male co-worker returns tomorrow. Having everyone actually working should help. Imagine that.
I'm sorry my comments on entries was pretty anemic. I'm keeping up and cheering you all on... but don't have much left in my brain to contribute significantly.
Forgot to weigh train last night. Thought about it several times, but never did it. So I'm doing it this morning.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
You sound much more optimistic :) keep on!!!!!
Your comments are just fine, don't apologize for being you :) i know what you mean about having nothing left in your brain to spare on DD ;)
lol...summer vacations in the workplace...yup!
Be true to thine self... I ended up having a little cry session. I explained to my husband that I was feeling anxious, so that helped him know how to react to me better. I also explained that I'm trying to downsize and keep things to a minimum. I pointed out that we have a desk that is not being used that he could use - he should at least try it before we buy anything. He agreed that he should use what we have. Awww what a guy!
In return, later on, I agreed to go out to dinner for a sandwich, although I ordered a salad. I may have had too much spinach dip while waiting, but oh well. And I would have been perfectly happy having leftovers at home, but I sensed that he needed some "relief" as well. I only ate half of my salad so now I have a nice lunch for today.
I was then able to have a lovely time at the library - checked out the Four Agreements - and picked up vitamin D for the husband on my way home.
Also managed to make my fitbit happy by scoring at least 250 steps each hour for 12 hours.
So all in all a pretty good weekend. Gonna focus on taking this week in stride. If I have to step away and relax, I'm going to do it. 5 minutes of relaxing might make those remaining 55 minutes more productive!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
That's one big reason why I was ok with eating out Sunday. Cheaper than therapy, right?
I feel like you have the week ahead locked in, girl. You've so got this.
All of this in spite of work, worry, stress... I got this.
I follow(ed) Dave Ramsey who often speaks about the biblical aspect of personal finance. His plan helped me get us out of debt and prepared for this uncertainty. But I've been stuck since last November, unable to move forward.
Working on getting unstuck. And then I'll be able to help my family move forward.
As wonderful as yesterday was, today, I am feeling overwhelmingly anxious, and I'm not sure why -- almost to the point of tears. Normally, I would equate this to hormones, but it's the wrong time of the month for feeling like this, if it's just hormones. I sure as heck hope it's not because of Thursday's doctor's appointment because that is a LONG ways off to be feeling like THIS every day until then. Yikes...
I know that my anxiety is stemming from an uncertain future, finances hinging on that uncertain future, and trying to downsize while husband keeps wanting to buy more "stuff". He and I are definitely on separate pages when it comes to material possessions. *sigh*
Fortunately for me, I left one of my favorite activities for today: going to the library. I did not get to that yesterday; I also should stop off at the drugstore to pick up some vitamin D for my husband... Again, spending money when I shouldn't, even though he needs the vitamin D. Everything else on my "to do" list, I did.
Normally, I would eat away my anxiety. Unfortunately, the weather here today is too hot and too humid and too buggy to walk away the anxiety. I can take a short walk while I'm at the library - there's a park there that has a nice path. The library is next to a subdivision that has a nicer walking path that I could do as well.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Maybe divert him to crafts/projects to get ready for the zombie apocalypse/natural disasters? It's the male version of Martha Stewart. At least these things have some resale value and can be purchased second hand. Or good to comb garage sales/goodwill for. Sell on ebay as a kit.
https://www.backdoorsurvival.com/33-awesome-projects-for-preppers/
you are the working one, he will have to listen to you more now...this is my opinion and i stand by it 100%!
I FEEL GOOD TODAY!!!
I'm so happy not to be at work today! Oh my word, I was SO busy again yesterday. I started getting a little short, so I caught myself. My boss tried his best to bring my anxiety levels down, but taking time out to relax just puts me further behind. Still, I really appreciated his efforts, and I think they worked. It was like 4:30p and I had 19 emails! If I leave those over the weekend, I'd come in to almost 40 on Monday. And Monday is going to be busy enough as it is!
So I busted my butt and stayed until a little after 6pm and got it done! I left with 3 emails, two of which are photos & repairs for the same transaction for a deal that's probably going to fall apart anyway, so definitely not time sensitive. Whew!
I'm so glad that the "all you can eat" fish fry was scratched off the list; husband decided to grill out instead, which was much more menu friendly for me, and much less stressful time-wise. As it was, I came home to hungry, crabby people. And I was a tired, crabby person. But once we all relaxed and started eating, it was much better.
Honestly, though, I had nothing left in myself to give to my family. Fortunately for me, husband was a good sport about it. I am letting him know how much happier I am today, now that I can be home with my family and not burdened by the woes of work.
And there will be other Fridays that aren't so busy or stressful when we can enjoy Fish Fry, all-you-can-eat or otherwise :-D
I have lots of little chores to do this weekend that make me happy to either do or have completed: drugstore, library, spray the cranberry tree for aphids, laundry, light weeding... I'm hoping to get in a walk outside, too!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I used to feel the need to have EVERYTHING done by the end of the day...but...try to remember you could leave the emails unopened...
Your husband is good to listen to your needs...if you are the one working, he will need to continue to be very understanding of your needs as the breadwinner.
Wow, yesterday was insanely busy at work, and even after I left work, I remembered 2 things I forgot to do.
Phones would not stop ringing. I had to ask my boss to handle some, because I just couldn't catch up. As it was, I left 12 unanswered emails... which means that today will be busy too. *sigh*
Even though I stayed an hour late, this throwing off my whole evening routine, I did what I had to do.
Queen Bee is out of the office today, in a trip to Vegas with her girlfriends, so the office will be nice and quiet, even if it is busy.
Husband wants to go to all-you-eat fish fry tonight. HELLO????
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
can you have seltzer / tea after while still there? ????
just ideas...
good luck :)
what's the name of the fish fry restaurant? we don't have those..
Fishfry Fridays must be a midwestern thing? Most of the restaurants here have them. The particular restaurant we wanted to try was Bulldog Ale House. They have a website if you want to check it out!
ok, i take an anxiety drug. called lexapro. a prescription that's prob medium strength not too low or too high.
he was pushing me to try an ADHD drug. I have never been diagnosed and i might have it a hair but i'm not generally a very figidity person. he was going to give me adderal or however you spell it. i thought about it - and at the same session he was going to let me try it, i said to cancel the order. then i went to the pharmacy to pick up my regular lexapro for anxiety and i was asked to show my license and noticed two medications and i asked why and i was told that the adderal (i didn't even know it was adderal until i went to pick it up, i wasn't sure what i was being prescribed bc he was using the generic name for adderal in the session)...so i was told i must show my ID License bc only the person being prescribed usually picks it up / they keep track of who's picking it up bc it's HIGHLY addictive and a very regulated drug - probably not good for me to be on it...i considered not getting it - and decided in the end to GIVE IT RIGHT BACK and not pay for the extra medication - adderol. I realize dr told me in the session he was cancelling, then it shows up still...well, makes me not trust him fully. but i'll still go to him as i've been taking the same stuff for awhile, don't want anything new, and know to taper slowly if i ever want to. i don't need someone great for my purposes now - luckily i had a great dr to start, 2 years ago.
you see, bc the dr is so convenient and the fact it's easy to get to after work with only leaving a half hour early, and he's finally letting me come every 3 months instead of 2...because of this, it's a no-brainer to keep this dr. as i need him for refills basically and to taper perhaps. i needed a dr easy to go to and not to miss a lot of work hours. the other one would not be possible with my location now for work in the city....it would make me want to take days off on appointment days, and that's not how i want to spend my days off :) so that's why i'm sticking with a crappy dr.
On the other hand, convenience is everything, so I get that too. You know your body best; the doctor is there for advice and guidance.
Yesterday was a good day. Work was busy but not too busy. And I'm happy that today is Thursday, my favorite day of the week.
Today will be hot and humid, but the weekend forecast looks like it will be good. I wish the bugs weren't so bad this year so that I could do more nature walking.
I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was told by my boss and coworkers that I've lost too much weight. That is bothering me, obviously, as it took me a day to talk about this.
Ok I'll get this all out here: so I had that dream Tuesday night and then last night at dinner, just husband and myself, her tells me that I'm "doing" too much, meaning I'm exercising too much. This from a man that has at least 30 pounds to lose.
Well what am I supposed to do??? I exercise in the morning to get my day started right. I relax at night on the bike and watching tv, because just sitting and watching tv drives me nuts.
I brushed off his comments but he really has me honked off. What is it with people thinking they have the right to say **** like this?!?
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
Our weekend forecast is hot, hot, hot. I think I will probably be hiding inside for most of it.
Maybe hubby actually means it, could it be that it is coming from a good place? My grandma always used to worry and talk about about how much I was doing; she couldn't comprehend ever doing that much exercise HERSELF, so it was difficult for her to understand that it was ok for ME to do it, that my body was capable of taking it. Hubby needs to understand that your body is capable, and that exercise makes you happy, and he should be supportive of whatever it is that will help you become the best version of yourself!
i don't take it as too much.
your dream shows OTHERS' comments affecting you. HOWEVER, it's YOUR life. and this book i just read, the Four Agreements is totally about not allowing the DREAM of others and the Society Dream to change YOUR DREAM.
in the end, you have to do what makes you happy, not what makes your husband and coworkers happiest. your husband is not as healthy as you, i don't think you need to take his advice unless you actually agree in your heart. but if you don't agree, keep your routine.
I get flak for not wanting to go to anything that makes me go to bed late, choose ahead of time to eat the wrong foods (I have a hard time staying on track as it is), camping, picking activities that are active and walking around over going ut to eat.
You are so right that my husband could do more for his own health. His enthusiasm comes and goes :/ It's been the source of quite a few loud conversations in our household :(
Came in to work to 45 emails. By the time I sent through the junk, I was down to 29, many from Friday and over the weekend! SSI while not a lot, it was busy enough trying to catch up while addressing new emails as they came in. It's like fighting a tide...
I will check out the 4 Agreements book. And also try the weight loss meditation.
Going over Monday, to avoid similar disappointment and frustration next Thursday: the main obstacle seemed to be no relief from the stress. The doctor's evaluation was over, but no results for 2 weeks+. AND knowing that there is another MORE stressful evaluation coming up next ask, which, again, we won't have results from, for several weeks.
Must keep in mind that very soon, these strange-doctor appointments will all be over.
Add to that uncooperative weather... when Happy says it's too hot to think, I know what she's talking about! It was no fun coming home to humid, caged up in an air conditioned house...
So anyway moving forward today, here and now, going to focus on positive feelings and what I can do now, today.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
you cannot change the wait time about the evaluation / dr apts. do not spend too much of your energy draining yourself from other activities in life over these appointments now.
i drained my energy on TUESDAY when i skipped the gym after spending extra time on phone and at home before gym, not having enough time to do anything else that night...because i was taking care of insurance stuff...actually worked out well though. but in general, if it's something that has to be, try to go with it ....but i do understand your frustrations. good you are taking off time for the appointment, can give you time to walk / do your own things as well: I am taking off one last day on August 24 and it's to ensure i can exercise and have one last shortened summer week. it's before a wedding the next day also, that i was feeling would be the end all of the weekend...what i'm saying is i planned some extra me-time in so that i don't regret not taking it when i could have! and in this nice weather i hope!
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Stress can cause irregularity, as you may probably already know!
glad all the appts are finally over..nice of you to go with your daughter, i always had prefered personally to go alone...but she's still a teen, so it can make sense she'd want you there still!
remember to breathe today and realize that work will still be waiting for you Monday - anything you don't finish today!
I have to grab these Mom moments while I still can. She ditched me afterwards to meet up with friends at Panera, lol...
BearCountryGG on 08/17/2018:
Yes...work will always be waiting for you......pick out the most time sensitive ones...deal with them and then handle the others as you can. Having any hot flashes yet????????
Not yet but changes are happening. I shouldn't complain, it could be worse!
BearCountryGG on 08/17/2018:
I know you are hoping for a veterans disability...have you looked into social security disability too? ( for Mr Donkey)
Yes, he's started the SSD process. It's a long process. I'm fortunate to have 2 acquaintances who have gone through that process for their family members, so I'm mentally prepared as to what to expect. Again, keeping expectations low.
Maria7 on 08/17/2018:
Hope you get some rest this weekend. :-)
AMEN! In fact, I'm thinking of scheduling deliberate down time, i.e. nap, reading, maybe knitting!