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Donkey - Saturday May 25, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

I'm in a "can-do" mood today.  I'm so grateful for a day off that I want to get ME stuff done.  I'm so happy that we're not doing anything special for the holiday weekend, so I plan to do things that I like to do.  So I'm sure you can guess that this means a trip to the library -- to return a book.  I've still got 2 books to read here at home.  And then shopping - probably at Target - to get things that I need that only I can shop for myself OR that I can only find at Target (e.g. Fage full fat yogurt).

I did not weigh myself today, and this is the first step in stepping away from the numbers on the scale and moving towards overall well-being and muscle building.  My plan is to weigh in on Saturday, June 1st, and then that will probably be all for the month of June.  I probably should have weighed in to see if I did much damage from our trip to Texas, but I had a hard week of hormones, which has left my GI system out of whack, too.  Nah, I'm just going to be me this week - getting back on track after hormones, bathroom, etc. - and then check in with the scale. 

My bloodwork came back and I am no longer anemic.  Vitamin D levels are up too.  I just want to say that I'm so glad that I was able to address these 2 issues with OTC vitamins (at prescribed levels) rather than having to go on some kind of prescription. 

I had hoped to get a walk in today, but the weather turned quickly from sunny and pleasant, to cool (cold-ish) and rainy.  Well, I might brave it later on anyway.  Walking outside is so theraputic and relaxing for me.  I love it.

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/25/2019:
Good ide staying away from the scale.....works for me....sometimes you just have to wing it...and enjoy yourself....it all comes together in the end! We got the rain too, everywhere I was today.

Donkey on 05/26/2019:
The rain cleared up in the afternoon and turned out to be almost "too hot".

Horn_of_plenty on 05/27/2019:
Yes! Target does have wonderful selections. I enjoy that Fage too of course!

Yes! Just be you is perfect !!!!!!! The more you do that, the better and more confident you will feel.

That is amazing regarding your bloodwork!!!!!!!!!! What were the levels you needed to take. I may take note of this, for my own well being.

I also agree that walking outside is theraputic. I have this semi-close friend, she says she'd rather walk on a treadmill inside. :(

Donkey - Thursday May 23, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Yesterday was rough.  Just way too much work.  Brought it home (emotionally) with me,  which did not do anyone any favors.  I MUST set limits at work.  

Felt much better after lifting weights last night,  though.   Wow,  what a feeling to channel all that bad into something positive! 

I can definitely see changes in my arms...  and I think I'm starting to see slight changes in my legs.  Maybe.   My perception of my legs is messed up (body dysmorphia).

However, when I visited with family last week - people who haven't seen me in a long time - nobody noticed my gains. Wah wah...

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/23/2019:
As Elsa would say..."let it go"....it won't be important later. Have you tried meditation? It is so relaxing and encourages breathing to relax.......Love that you can see changes in your arms...you have been working so hard for that.......make "you" happy.....because seriously...that is what everyone else is doing...if you don't take care of you...no one else will.

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2019:
I think we notice changes before the outside world does :)

I'm glad you were able to feel better after doing weights, that always happens to me too! it gives me energy as i go!

Try to remind yourself that work comes with some of these burdens...but that's what makes it work. try to push some of the frustrations aside like you said, especially repetitive ones that you cannot control.

legcramps on 05/24/2019:
Have a great weekend!

Donkey - Tuesday May 21, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

I will write things here that I either did not write about yesterday and then about my day today.


I took all of Monday off.  I had it in my mind that I would try to go in later in the afternoon, not to "work" but just to get the files organized.  Well, I was so tired, I just couldn't do it.  Looking back today, I'm glad I didn't!  It was bad enough having to come back to 3 days' of work (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday), but I didn't need all of that Monday drama from the weekend, either.  I made the right decision and have  NO regrets.

We got a call from my son last night.  He said that now that he's settled in his dorm and met his new boss, things aren't seeming so bad.  I was very glad to hear that his supervising sergeant is young and  laughs a lot.  That is good.  Someone with a positive, upbeat attitude is exactly what my son needs to be around.  I hope that this man turns out to be a good mentor for my son.

After I spoke with my son, I felt much more energized.  Some of my fatigue may have been mental stress.

Did weights yesterday, did I mention that?  Feeling a nice, slight ache today.  If I didn't work or if I worked part-time, I would definitely do more weights for sure.  


Work was just crazy, and it did not help me at all to be so tired.  Sometimes the anemia hits me hard.  PLUS, mentally, I knew that I didn't want to be going back to work.  I'm just done thinking and worrying about other people's problems.  But realizing this, I gave myself a pep-talk as I was walking into the building.  And after a while, it felt good to be back.  Folks seemed happy that I was back.  It was nice.  Nice Lady, who worked on my files, did a pretty good job, if I do say so.

Didn't get much of a break, but did get in a short walk for lunch (at 2pm - much later than I would have liked).  Male Co-Worker and I were talking about this today, because his doctor is concerned that he's sitting too much, too.  I said that once the weather gets nicer, you'll want to go outside for a walk.  That can't come soon enough for me.

No weights today, but will do push-ups.


I have fasting blood work to do at 9am so I will be in late at work.  This is follow-up blood work to see if the iron pills are helping the anemia.  So black coffee (yuck) and plain water (yuck) in the morning. I hope I can remember to do this!  I find myself forgetting that this is to be done tomorrow.  

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/22/2019:
I'm glad to hear that your son is happier now.....that means so much. Work sounds like they were more than ready to have to come back...good news there too. Anemia is tough...and the iron pills can be an issue too..my Mom took them....the first ones didn't work but the second ones did.....there was also an option to get iv's twice a year that she never did have to do......I'm kind of surprised that you are iron deficient on a low carb diet......I was back years ago in my skinny days.....I know that beef is one of the best cures for that.....

Horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2019:
I think it's alright you took Monday off too. Sometimes you gotta have a little downtime especially after a trip. I understand your need / desire to be home.

I think a lot of your fatigue is the mental worry for your son! Continue to be his cheerleader. That's something my parents did NOT do.

So nice that Nice Lady had things intact for your return xo.

Let us know how Wednesday went. Keep on, rest if you have to this week!

Maria7 on 05/23/2019:
Hoping all is well with you. Happy that your Son is adjusting to his new career. I know you are relieved, too. Good that you took off a day to rest. We all need to do that sometimes and it helps us stay energized. Hope you have a good day.

horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2019:
I agree with Maria. in order to stay energized, we have to rest.

Donkey - Monday May 20, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Home.  Exhausted.  Worried - got a text from our son who arrived at tech school saying it's hell on earth.  Did I mention exhausted?

Did fairly well with food, except for Saturday night when we went to the celebration dinner at a real Tex-Mex restaurant.  Got back on track the next day.  Working on launddry -- I feel like burning all of my clothes.  Airports are so dirty. 

I think I missed 2 days of push-ups.  Remembered, and then forgot to do them.  I want to dedicate myself to more muscle building.

Glad to be home with my cats :) 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
It's always nice to get back home. We always were glad to get back home so we could relax...LOL

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
It's like I need a vacation from the vacation - although this wasn't much of a vacation.

I feel like this gets harder and harder.

horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
Welcome Home!!!! I know your so. Can do this !!!!! Keep cheering him on !!!welcome home !!!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
Remember, your son isn't alone in this...lots of young men have gotten thru. try to keep him positive :) let him know he did the first step, to keep on!

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
If i could give the best advice i can think of, he's not alone - remind him he's in this group, to stay part of the group. that it will continue and he will improve. to work hard and not give up. he has a whole career ahead of him if he sticks with it. tell him from other people's angles, not needing to always job hunt, stay with this career.

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
I will tell him this. I have more to write about this too, in my own entry, which will touch on much of what you have commented here.

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
recommendation to you is to try to "start fresh" after 3 days...you know it's a lot of emails, take it as "part of the job requirements"...try not to stress about the inevitable. just say to yourself, this is what it comes with taking a day off. smile about your son, don't forget to take moments to breathe at work despite the emails.

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
That's kind of how I went into it today. I'm all caught up but we're just so BUSY right now.

horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
try not to get yourself too upset over things you can't stop from happening - emails...and still take your breaks.

Donkey - Wednesday May 15, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Doing a re-group, getting back to what worked before. 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2019:
OK! That sounds very good to me!

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2019:
wishing you a WONDERFUL trip ;) and congrats again to your son! please let him know he should be very proud. he got himself to this point. by working on it and not giving up! what a wonderful success for you, him and your family! so happy for you all!

Maria7 on 05/15/2019:
I've been meaning to reread some of my very old diet diaries (that I wrote in composition books) from a long time ago and see if I can at least feel slimmer from not being at my highest I was back then (205).

BearCountryGG on 05/15/2019:
Safe travels!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2019:
Stopping by to say hi, sending you sunshine :-)

Donkey - Sunday May 12, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Yesterday was definitely a "relax" day as far as food goes.  Must have eaten too much because I woke up in the middle of the night with my metabolism revved up.  Not a hot flash, but literally feeling the heat from my body trying to burn up the extra calories.  Can of whipped cream was my downfall last night.

So today is Mother's Day -- happy Mother's Day to all the moms, whether you have kids or fur-babies, I hope you have a wonderful day.  

All I do is try to do better today, which won't be easy.  I'm being faced with sugar, carbs, and missed expectations of my husband.  Took an extra dose of CBD oil to keep  me calm, so that I can be positive.  But to be honest with you, not feeling very positive or happy today.

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
Happy Mothers day! Carbs are happiness food.....

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
That's a good point. I was very depressed yesterday.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
Thank you!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
i can relate to your hot feeling as i used to sweat all night due to overeating. that has pretty much ended due to my changes in habits.

Friday night i actually was sweating again, bc i did overeat slightly. i did wake up a little bit moist with sweat.

are you not feeling positive due to eating extra last night? try to make it a new day. you have SO MUCH to be thankful for!

PS - i forgot to mention i hadn't realized your trip is coming so soon! SO EXCITING for your son's graduation. remember, set a good example for him - and something MY OWN PARENTS didn't ever do, remind him to keep trying, to not give up, and he'll have a long career in this field. that's a good opportunity indeed. it will NOT be all easy. then everyone would have taken that path.

some things in life harden us, we learn from them, to do better and be better. same with the diet and exercise. maybe now i'll get off the couch and do my own upper body and abs...i just motivated myself with this last paragraph.

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
To my knowledge, it wasn't the eating on Saturday that had me so down on Sunday... I think it was more of an overall discouragement.

Funny you mention about setting a good example if not giving up, because yesterday, I seriously felt like giving up.

I guess I feel a little better today, not sure.

Maria7 on 05/13/2019:
Hoping you are having a good day.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
It is very hard to change your viewing lens into automatically thinking the world is all roses, indeed. I am not trying to be rude!! i'm just reminding you AND I...i see it more clearly now. some people so happy in the same situations where others would be miserable. just for a different lens.

for this year, i have my own goal to try NOT to worry about where i'll be working or if i lose a job...i simply am going to let those thoughts go..so i can concentrate on training / cardio.

i'm going to not leave work late...i'm going to have to say no to more people / events / in order to get what i want.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
ah my point....your happiness is what you want it to be. don't get sucked into the negative storm.

my recommendation, solely for you, is more sleep if you feel upset. i seriously think that not sleeping enough will do this to you. i could be wrong, but that's what happens to me, solely the reason, aside from any usually WORK stressors.

i usually let things go easier, fights with people or family or bad situations of work, if i'm overall feeling good.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
if you are starting to feel very down, stop doing the keto as much, is my advice. and include small amounts of carbs at every meal.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
i got so many emails that you commented on my diary, but didn't see any comments from you!? you and others!? i didn't see any comments today, but got tons of notifications that you and others commented on my diary?!

Donkey - Saturday May 11, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Gained a pound, but still within the maintenance "back and forth".  Next weekend, I won't be weighing in because we'll be in Texas to see my son graduate.  I am giving serious contemplation and prayer as to whether to resume weekly weigh-ins when I get back.  This might be the time to break away from this.

I belong to a Facebook group for older folks into bodybuilding & fitness.  A woman a little older than I posted a similar struggle with the scale, and this really spoke to me. She had lost 35 pounds and now is working on building muscle.  But the conflict between the muscle gains and the numbers on the scale was discouraging her.  I could have written that post! 

I pretty much struggle between wanting to lose another 20 pounds, trying to be happy with where I'm at & comfortable in my own skin, and then wanting to eat everything in the house. (Warning to all jars of nut butters in my house - you're on my list!)  Add to that the fantasy of wanting a lean body, with defined muscles.  It's crazy!

Miscellaneous thoughts:

  • Spending time with my husband today, running casual errands.  One of them is Mother's Day related, which has me worried, LOL, but that's OK.
  • Starting to pack for our trip.  We leave Wednesday and return late Sunday.  I have taken Monday off from work to recoop, but if I can, I'll try to go into the office in the afternoon to get the files straightened up, before I'm back 100% on Tuesday.  Why do I do this to myself?  Well, we'll see how it goes. 
  • Really need to relax and rest this weekend.  
  • Debating as to whether or not I should try to use the gym at the hotel in Texas.  Might be a good time to try out different equipment for inspiration.
  • Learned valuable lessons about myself at work on Friday, from Thursday's bad day:
  1.      I tend to get too focused on one goal, without seeing alternatives. 
  2.      I get upset and carry the weight of that "upset" with me for way too long. 
  3.      Having a hard time of "letting go", especially with negative feelings.




Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/11/2019:
Letting go of negative feelings is quite common I think....but unfortunately in the end we are only making ourselves suffer. I try to remember that at that time I did what I thought was right...it may have turned out to be not really the best thing...but I thought it was then. Probably the only good thing that can come out of that kind of upset is that we most likely won't repeat it....and so it is time to let go, lesson learned...there is nothing to be gained by continually reliving it.....if it is something about someone else then we are only hurting ourselves and that other person really has no clue and is possibly even unaware how much we suffer over it....in that case we need to stop the suffering and try to learn something from it.....people make bad decisions, they make mistakes,...they are learning opportunities....let it go.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
I'm going to remind you that you've come very far this time. There are always negative thoughts and temptations not to care about yourself. but you DO know how to care about yourself, you want to, and you've done so much trials and work to get yourself to this point. Praise yourself for that!

Also,you have to consider what is actually possible and what is a dream. ME TOO. you must remind yourself, that to get to where you are now,you did things, made choices, and stayed consistent.

there's someone i follow also on facebook, in the group Fit and Single called Chelsea ...i forget her last name right now. she's tad younger than me,maybe like 5-6 years younger right around 30yrs old. she boasts that she doesn't need much sleep that as a teacher, she works out both before and after school and she enters bikini figure competitions. she looks great. but i know that I AM NOT HER - and i could never live that kind of structured routine without rest even - she says she doesn't think sleep is so necessary to need like 8 hours a night, no way she says. i wonder if she'll last.

Your three points above about work are spot on. if you look at most of the successful workers /leaders, they DO NOT let things bother them forever - it's a waste of your energies to keep yourself feeling negative.

everyone DOES make mistakes. the point is not to repeat an already made mistake and to learn from it as much as possible for the next time....

my sister is very different from me. it's almost comical how much so.

she does what she wants, when she wants - even more than i do. yesterday for mother's day she went for a walk- bc it's healthy to do for the baby in the stroller ;) ....

i had luckily already ran a 5k earlier, so i helped me mom in the kitchen for our early mother's day...as my sister went out with the baby and her husband...nobody tells my sister that she can't. and now she uses the baby excuse for everything ;)

my point? do for yourself. stay positive. that's what a lot of other people are doing...and yes, let me take my own advice. try to see the things, as you stated, from another lens....

Donkey - Thursday May 09, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Not a good day... that seems to be a common theme here for today,  May 9th.

I could tell pretty much early on that today would be challenging.   A very hungry day for pretty much most of the day.  In fact,  I have forced myself to stay in my room for the rest of the night,  otherwise I would eat everything in sight downstairs. And I've done enough damage today and tonight.

Very tired,  doing push-ups,  going to bed. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/09/2019:
Tough day here too....tomorrow is another day!

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Amen to that - you'd think that would get me into bed and asleep sooner than it actually does.

Maria7 on 05/10/2019:
Just know...you are not alone.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Thank you! (((hugs)))

legcramps on 05/10/2019:
Please don't beat yourself up! I hope you get some well-deserved rest, my friend.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
I learned a really good lesson from this bad day. So maybe it was worth it. I do know I've got to get some rest, though.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2019:
you aren't alone. just remember your hard work, don't give up and start the crazy bingeing again and gain like 10lbs. it's not worth having to regain it again! you have lost it for a LONG Time and it's NOT worth it to regain.

i will remind you of what i do when i'm always hungry....eat really big servings of cooked veggies along iwth my meal, stuffing myself when i am in that horrible, hungry mindset.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
That is a helpful tip with the vegetables! You're right, this is not a total set-back, no binge-eating or secret eating, so in that way, this was not a FAIL. Just difficult, but that's life.

Donkey - Wednesday May 08, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Last night,  I had keto lemon cake for dessert,  kind of to finish it up,  but also because it's delicious.  I ate what was probably 2 servings,  or possibly 3 small servings,  and now I am experiencing bloating and inflammation.  So I think I'm done with keto desserts for a while.  I have 2 more slices of keto bread loaf (not sweet) that I want to finish up,  and then I'm done with that for a while.  I will have these slices for breakfast today and tomorrow. 

Title company party tonight.  I can do this.   Looking forward to grabbing my husband with me,  to show him this part of work.  Male Coworker is being dragged to this,  so I'm sure he'll eat beforehand (because he's doing keto) and come late.  I, on the other hand,  am going to try to make good choices and eat there. 

The eating part of this journey never seems to get easier. ..

EVENING EDIT:  I ate well at the party, kept it pretty much keto. Had fun with my husband.  Left after about an hour.  Sometimes these things are conducive to networking, but this wasn't one of them, which is A-OK with me.

Came home, rode my bike, chilled out with Facebook, gonna do my push-ups and get ready for bed.

Thinking about adding squats and planks to the rotation, but not sure if it should be a rotation or an all-in-one daily thing.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2019:
i MUST do more cooking on weekend. i DON'T even have to shop - got a lot last weekend that is still fresh for the cooking! :) thanks for a reminder to cook a little bit, even if it's Friday night!

enjoy bringing your hubby to the dinner. i'm glad you are going and can bring your man! there should be enough food choices, i agree, to not have to eat before or after or come late. better to stick with it, as you are.

the eating part of the journey may not get easier, but instead of thinking that way, it's your journey. there will always be eating choices, challenges and changes. you can accept them - they will always be there is exactly right. try to keep that in mind, that you'll be making food choices always.

i have stopped planks to save time, but, they are considered extremely valuable and work many body parts, similar to pushups.

squats are just great. i do THREE varieties of squats in my workouts. i have gotten better. they help a TON with butt muscles, at least for me. they don't seem to help with "leaning out," but more with giving a sexy shape.

legcramps on 05/09/2019:
Glad you had fun at the party!

I love squats!

Donkey - Tuesday May 07, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Survived the stress!   So glad.  Now we can focus on 2 things:  selling  my daughter's used car and traveling to Texas to see our son graduate from boot camp. 

Work was not so busy.  Quite surprising after a weekend of beautiful weekend. Perhaps the contracts will come in today.   Title company party on Wednesday night.  Asked if I could bring my husband ---sure ! So that takes care of dinner for Wednesday.  Hope there's low carb options...

Got a nice walk for lunch,  but rainy weather all this week might make this more difficult as we move forward. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
lately there have been shows on tv and broadcasts that are saying that the CBD drops may indeed be more psychological than offer actual help. i didn't want to tell you this, and i did buy them to try starting tonight, but i had to pass on this info.

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I agree, but the thing that makes me think that they work is that I never notice anything until I realize I've skipped. I ask, Why am I so edgy? And it's only then that I remember the drops. Meh who knows?

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
that is soooooooo sooooo awesome! i'm so happy for you and your son!!!!!! amazing!

i think there IS alwqays low carb options, even taking meat out of a sandwich, etc. you can always have tea back at home later with fruit or a decaf coffee when home if you want it ;) enjoy not prepping a meal!

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I can do this!

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