I didn't want to leave my diary on a low note, so I thought I would post today, since I am feeling much more optimistic and hopeful. And I am grateful because I truly believed that I was headed towards a very, very deep depression (again).
I think this shows that I've become more resillient. I have my husband's support to thank for that, this time around.
My gym is starting up a cardio challenge after Easter, and I have signed up. So as far as this weight loss journey is concerned, I will be focusing 90% of my efforts on cardio -- hey, first prize is a free gym membership!
This is exactly what I needed, because nothing gives me a can-do feeling more than cardio (although lately, weight training has been stepping up to the plate). After the gym challenge is over, I plan to return to weight training. In fact, I may pare down my cardio WAY DOWN and really pump up the weight training.
But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it! Here's to a great weekend!
Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!
I'm just checking in for the first of the month. My weight was actually 137.5 on April 1st, due to some bingeing and then some popcorn eating too. (Too many carbs.)
But I'm back in maintenance range now.
I"m also checking in because I'm going through a very rough time right now. I"ve had a change in plans and it sort of set me back quite a bit. So ... I'm not sure what comes next, and I think until I figure out what DOES come next or whatever, that I'm going to keep quiet. I can't think clearly when I'm depressed like this.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!
Not sure what my current weight is. It's probably around 135.0. I had a large "meal" or "snack" late Thursday night that consisted of 2 cups of yogurt, 1 cup of Fiber One cereal, and some dried cranberries with about an ounce each of almonds and walnuts. I'm guessing around 700-800 calories. It was not an eating frenzy, nor is that really enough calories to call a binge, for me. It was like a whole other large meal. Afterwards, I was full but not stuffed.
Maybe I'm making excuses for myself. I dunno. I had someone call me out on excuses the other day, so now I'm going around thinking, "Does this sound like an excuse? Am I making another excuse again?" Who knows....
I had my front tooth repaired on Tuesday and tonight (Friday night), the porceline filling fell out. So now I have to go back and have fixed again. I hope they are open on Saturdays. Even if I can't get in on Saturday, I would have peace of mind knowning WHEN my tooth will get fixed. Having said that, now for sure they will be closed tomorrow. That's just how things work for me.
I am thinking about making more adjustments to my eating and exercising. I am thinking about cutting down more on my cardio to 30 minutes a day on the elliptical, and then running 3x a week. And then 1 hour of the bike ONLY on the weekends, just to warm up my muscles so that I don't have sciatica for the remainder of the day.
I am thinking about not tracking calories any more, and seeing where that takes me. I know I can pretty much not track breakfast because I have the same thing every day. I don't know though if I can let go of the rest. And that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have to measure, because I still would need to keep portion contol in check. It's just that I wouldn't be keeping a running tally of my calories.
Maybe after this next week. This coming up week will be INCREDIBLY stressful. Just awful. Friday afternoon, though, it will all be over and I can put it behind me.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
I chipped my front tooth today on a fork. I didn't even really realize it until I felt something hard in my salad that didn't belong there.
This is the second time I have lost part of a tooth while eating. I am beginning to wonder if my dental enamel has been severely compromised by my past dieting and malnutrition.
For anyone who thinks that sacrificing adequate nutrition - including calcium - for thinness is OK to do, learn from me and my mistakes.
Now I have to go to the dentist; I don't have the money to do that right now. This stinks.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
you know how some people envy really thin people for being able to eat a lot of whatever they wan't?? It could just be bc they don't deprive themselves. you know, they eat a healthy 2000 cal and they burn it up. bc 2,000 is good for most active people. who knows, maybe they can even eat more. (i'm referring to women not men.).So who knows, maybe eating on the high end isn't such a bad thing...as long as I'm active. that's why i'm worrying less about the calorie end of it. being in shape, like you say, is 100% more important at this moment.
I'm not sure what my current weight is. I haven't weighed in 2 days because the last day I weighed in, Thursday, my weight had dropped to 130.5, and if I start seeing numbers in the 120s, I start getting a little wonky with obsessive-compulsive ways.
I think it's moot because yesterday I was very tired and feeling very sad. So I had problems stopping myself from picking at food, mostly nuts and that dish of brownies in the kitchen. I decided to allow myself increased calories yesterday (2500) in order to refuel from a busy and stressful week. And I was able to stay in control that way.
(If that number seems high, understand that I usually eat around 2100 calories a day.)
I'm not going to talk about what I accomplished this week or what I failed to have the guts to do (I chickened out on some phone calls I had to make this week). I'm going to use this weekend to relax mentally and kind of just reload, psychologically, spiritually and physically.
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
I have a friend who loves to fix brownies when she has company over and when I go to her home, I usually have at least one or two of the brownies, they are soooo good!
as for me, to clarify: no matter what i WILL BE in school 5 days a week during the summer. however, it is ONLY supposed to be clinical which means showing up to the hospital and getting better and taking Xrays and, believe me, there are like 70 different procedures we need to learn. so it's great experience for two months to only worry about that. HOWEVER, the teachers are thinking of only doing it for one month (which includes our one week vacation time which means even less experience!!!) and then the next month starting up with school instead of waiting till september. if we start up school early, i'll be having tests again which means that my time outside of schoool will be more limited for exercise and i will have to spend it differently in order to study. it means that i will also have less experience taking Xrays, which is exactly what i'm going to school for. the teachers say we'd get out at least a month early if we start going to school earlier but i'm not a fan. i'd rather have both summer months now without tests. in september we'd have school 2 days a week and clinical experiences on the other 3 days. i'd rather stick with that come september and not have to think about any tests till then!
lol, i hope that clarifies. so....i'll be busy no matter what in the summer. it's just a question of what i'll be doing OUTSIDE of school. if we have tests, it won't be a very enjoyable summer at all!
Donkey, good for you to increase your calories that day you felt the need to and I am glad you eat 2100 a day because you are very very active.
Hang in there, youre doing great. xo
I can see that I am definitely maintaining now. My weight training is going very well. I'm starting to see some very visible results.
I've started running outside again, 2-3 times a week. (This week will be the first time I've run for 3x if the weather holds out.)
I'm making amazing progress in my therapy, and I haven't even begun any of the actual theraputic exercises (e.g. relaxation techniques, visualization, tapping, hypnosis).
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
Happy Thursday wishes!
I can only hope that my 2lb gain is due to either PMS/TOM or perhaps from too many carbs (or not enough water) from yesterday. Ugh.... I really need to put away my scale.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
OK, so here I am at a little lower. I woke up very hungry this morning. I hope it won't be a Hungry Day.
I've started running again. I run slower now, so I can go longer. 2-3 times a week. I had forgotten how much I missed running.
I spoke to my Husband about going back to school for some training. I am thinking about becoming a paralegal. Or perhaps a medical transcriptionist. At least I was able to start talking about my future plans.
I had my 2nd therapy session yesterday. I went in (yesterday) having doubts about this guy and if I would be able to work with him, but afterwards, I came out feeling confident that he will be able to help me.
I've started eating nuts again -- cautiously. They are such a trigger food for me. But I found that I was not getting in enough fat in my day. Ha ha, forget Cardio Queen. I am the Queen of Nonfat Diets. I'm such a product of the 1980s when that was touted as the solution. It's not, because diets like that leave you feeling unsatisfied, even after a huge meal. I could eat all the sweet potatoes I wanted and still not feel "satisfied".
So I've added the nuts. And I find myself missing peanut butter too, but I'm not ready to bring that back into the house yet.
I do think that low GI or low carb is the way to go. Get rid of all the "white" and processed food in your diet.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
http://www.ncraonline.org/
Here's the page with the schools:
http://ncraonline.org/Careers/Schools/Certified/
you are right about me. i'm worn out. need a break. but we don't get one until the end of April. There are few days I can take off in between bc i'd be missing important experience stuff that i won't get any other time...and i kinda refuse to take off and miss actual classes. i've only taken off on clinical days so far when i am usually in an area where less goes on so i miss less but never miss class. blah blah....
right now i'm just working to get through Friday...
i so miss working out all week. I haven't since Sunday but i know it's what's best for me...even though researchers and doctors probably disagree.
good for you....deciding to go back to school. smart decision in these economic times....please update on how everything is going! :)
thank you for your advice and feedback. i've always been my heaviest during periods of life that were totally new situations and periods of transition. not all periods of transition though....when i graduated college i was in good shape as well as my years of teaching music. but after that changed, and i was hired to teach reading last year and i started to look into this field my weight skyrocketed. it's harder than i thought it would be to go back to how i was. i was much busier when teaching music and finishing my degree. but for some reason, my body was able to do it all even though at times i thought i couldn't. now, i don't think i could ever do all of that at one time...but also some weekends i wish i had a small part time job to take up too much time that i have...who knows... but, then i'm thankful for the time and am glad i don't have a job! i know you probably can relate....
thanks for letting me babble.
you are good to me!
I made a comment on the forum started by MomOfSome1UKnew. I stand by what I have said. That's all I'll say about that.
My weight is not accurate in the tracker. Hit the apple pie pretty hard last night. I dont' even LIKE apple pie all that much. Hormones and fatigue and anxiety got the better of me, I'm afraid.
However, I had a GREAT workout today, with all those extra calories in me. Also, the weather -- THANKS omahagrl! -- was so beautiful here today that I went running outdoors for the first time since the last week in November 2008! I really had a great time, just took it nice and slow and leisurelly.
I can tell though, that ONCE AGAIN, I am heading down an unhealthy path of overtraining. So I need to make some adjustments to my exercise routine. I'm going to ease up on the resistance level that I do the elliptical. I'm also going to cut back some more, if I am going to run outdoors. I'm not sure how or where to make the adjustment, but it has to be done.
Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
why do you have to be heading down the path of unhealthy eating!? i think you should cut back on the exercise if you have some fatigue. i know i go to food when i'm exhausted.
you are doing great!
Have a good Saturday there!
So now my weight tracker reflects a maintenance range.
I am saddened that some of my supportive DD's are not going to post any more. I understand. I tend to agree as well. But I will miss your comments and support. Please know that I have learned a lot from you(s), and I am forever grateful for your honesty and input.
My hope is that you will change your mind and come back. But if that doesn't happen -- and I understand -- then my next greatest hope is that you will come back to read entries and I will make you proud with my progress and somehow inspire you in your goals as well.
****EDIT: I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to WI3 before she left. I give you a cyber hug and wish you well on your journey. I am so sorry to hear of the recent losses you have suffered, as well as the health complications that have arisen on your horizon. Please know that I will think of you often. Kind of hard not to, when I visit this site. I hope .... well, please know that even if you are not posting on your own diary that your comments are always (ALWAYS) welcomed here.
Today was the first day of changing up my weight training schedule. Still a little too cold for my liking to be running outside. I also cut my cardio in half. I'm interested to see where this month's experiment takes me :-)
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
Nope. I'm not going anywhere--and if humanly possible, I'll be here for awhile--I'll always let you or anyone else know if I leave on purpose:-)
Have a good evening!
have a great evening...i'm very proud of you!
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Crossing bridges before we reach them doesn't do us any good, cause they aren't there yet.... Taking 1 day & step @ a time is wisest and set aside the "what if's" of tomorrow......
Best & happy thoughts sent your direction Donkey.... I truely mean that, as I hate to see anyone suffer or have difficulties when they are trying so hard to be on top of their game....
Good Day!
loveray on 04/06/2009:
awesome! you totally turned around your attitude. you are welcome for dinner any time!! xo
WI_HashiHypo on 04/06/2009:
How nice to have a challenge that you enjoy! I hope you win!! That would be really cool =)
I had popcorn the other day, but it was dry air popped stuff, I put some spray butter on it, at least the salt stuck to it LOL.
I hope your plans are a little clearer now and you are feeling stronger. I know it goes back and forth.
I hope you had a fantastic day today.
legcramps on 04/07/2009:
Have a good week!
starfish on 04/07/2009:
HI there :-) Good luck on your challenge! I'm glad you are pulling out of depression. I have been in a similar spot lately.
MoodyMe on 04/07/2009:
DONNNNNNNNKEY!!!! HIHI U!!!
I am glad that you have pulled yourself up outta your funk~I HATE funks..really, I know how you feel..and I HATE knowing Im in a funk and wanting to climb out of it..Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I succumb..I'm glad you Succeeded!!!! Yay!!!!
And good luck on the Easter challenge at the gym!! I love that idea~and I bet you will kick some major ass!!! Keep us posted!! HUGZZZ!!!!