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Donkey - Saturday Jul 30, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 175.0

My efforts paid off this week, with another 1.5 pounds gone.  I am enjoying my exercise time more and more. I'm trying to incorporate more weight resistance or weight training, but that is not happening as much right now.  I am anticipating that once the cold winter months set in, that I will pick that up more. And I'm OK with that.  Right now I just want to focus on the momentum I have with consistent exercising.

So I am another year older and very grateful for what I have and for what I have been able to accomplish.  It's very hard to pick yourself up from the very rock bottom but with this birthday, I can look back and finally acknowledge to myself that, yes, I pretty much have done that.  That's not to say that I have completely eliminated surprise bursts of angst and pain from prior transgressions and failures.  But that those memories hit me like a brick when they come up shows that, for the most part, I've been able to let go, put them behind me, and move forward.

Hey, I just noticed that I have only 20 lbs more to go.  And only 10 more pounds until I can fit into the new (used) professional wardrobe.  (New to me, but used by a relative who lost weight a couple of years ago.)

I would also like to lose enough weight to be able to wear my wedding and engagement rings again.  It's been too long since I've been able to wear those.

Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

puddles on 07/30/2016:
Congratulation. Keep up the good work. Nice to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Duaa123. on 07/30/2016:
You are nearly at the end of journey in losing weight. Just focus on positive things u mentioned. I hope one day u tell us yhat u can wear ur ring again

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2016:
Hola J. you are on a role. You've picked yourself up and done right by yourself. Keep it up. Don't look back.

And, most importantly, realize one thing: you can do whatever it is you set your heart out to do. Just make the right choices, most of the time, and you will achieve your goals.

If i can do it, anyone can.

Diamond50 on 08/09/2016:
It sounds like you are seeing awesome results from all of your hard work. That's got to be a GREAT feeling! I can feel your excitement about fitting into your new wardrobe! Just think how you'll feel when you are zipping it up! Keep going!

Donkey - Saturday Jul 23, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 176.5

Back at the 10lb mark for lost pounds...  All that hard work and sacrifice this week - I was hoping to see more than just 0.5lbs lost. *sigh*  Roll with it.

I am about 10 more pounds away from a fabulous professional wardrobe.  I was speaking to a friend last weekend who asked me, "Is that not enough incentive to lose weight?"  You would think so, right?

I'm still enjoying the exercise.  Doing mostlly all the right things.  I guess it will just take a while...

Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!

puddles on 07/23/2016:
0.5 is better then it going up. Some weeks are slower then others. Keep it up you are doing good.

thinkpositive on 07/23/2016:
I understand when you put in a lot of effort & get a small loss. But keep going, it all adds up.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/24/2016:
the slower the better...slower the lose, longer it stays off :-)...I know from experience!

Donkey - Sunday Jul 17, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 177.0

I did better this week.  Felt more positive, made better food choices, STARTED EXERCISING!!!

I ride the exercise bike for 15 minutes in the morning.  It's not much as far as exercise or calories, but it really gets the day off to a good start, getting those endorphines going.  Makes for a much better day.  Then I've started walking at night.  Once I've got these down as serious habits, I'm goint to add weight training.

This has resulted in a 5lb loss this week, although I attribute most of that to water and monthly bloat (sorry).  I don't mean to make readers uncomfortable, so I'll try to keep this delicate, but it truly is a monthly battle:  bloat/cravings/depression.  I've dealt with this most of my life, so I believe that this is just the body I've been dealt. Not an excuse, but it's another obstacle to deal with.

My focus this week is to keep the momentum going, moving forward.  Peace be with you as well.


Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!

puddles on 07/17/2016:
Good luck at keeping your momentum up for next week. Have a great day and congrats on the 5 lb.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/17/2016:
nicely done J! Once again...the weight loss is due to your own actions. Enjoy the fruit of your labor!

OhioRaven on 07/18/2016:
congratulations on the loss and exercise.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/18/2016:
i applaud you on working on the positive mindset.

I have something to share about a best friend of mine, that i sometimes wonder how much longer i can really consider her a best friend?

she is from the lands of the negative mindset i think!

Donkey on 07/19/2016:
Yes, I think you can keep her as a best friend - at least for now - as long as you set boundaries for yourself. One of my best internet friends is a hopeless complainer, doesn't like my suggestions for improvement but would rather complain. Still, she's a good person at heart, has stuck through me during my really lowest... Plus, I want to see how her story plays out. :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/21/2016:
how her story plays out...you mean me or someone else? haha...the hopeless complainer is that me? :-)

no offense ever taken on your comments.

wishing you a happy, positive day. stay focused on yourself and what you are doing right (and you do!)...

I replied to all your comments.

Donkey on 07/22/2016:
I meant someone else :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/21/2016:
oh and the boundary thing = excellent.

boundaries are what are helping me in reaching my goals, yes. Being able to say NO has proved to be an extremely helpful thing for me for almost the past year (since last September 2015 I've been working on the "no" and i know that i may be saying it more at times to family this year...just about boundaries / saying no to activities if i need the time alone or at home...). it's ok. doing what i have to do!

Donkey - Sunday Jul 10, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 182.0

Weigh in this week was not good.  Up 4 pounds...  I was so down on myself yesterday that I could not bring myself to write a weekly diary entry, so I waited a day thinking the "blues" would pass, and I think they have, but right now I'm very distracted with anxiety about money matters.  Had an expensive car problem this week and I'm waiting for all the funds to transfer and pay-off so that I know my accounts are reconciled.  Until then (which will be Monday), I feel paralyzed and anxious about where we're at with our money.

Despite the additional stress and uncertainty, I feel that I was able to keep a positive attitude at work.  Friday was crazy, so I texted my husband and asked him out on a date, even though we had just had one last weekend.  (You see, we had a good coupon that is going to expire, and this weekend was better for that than this weekend.  And I really wanted to just go out and relax with my husband.)  That was very enjoyable, but I'm also afraid that the extra food was the cause of the weight gain this week.  Meh - gotta live a little.

Still feeling like I'm in limbo though.  Need a little push forward and momentum to keep it up.  Still feeling stalled and stuck.

Progress as of today: 4.5 lbs lost so far, only 27 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 07/11/2016:
For me, I have to change thinks up to get out of a stalled situation. Hard when you have problems to contend with. Hope things work out.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/12/2016:
Hi Donkey. I am sorry to hear about the car and money demands. But i am glad that at work you are working on feeling good and its paying off as i have read good things here in this entry regarding your work so be proud of yourself. And also it sounds so nice what you are doing with your hubby. You can choose veggies when you go out? or get protein atop lots of veggies if possible?

I think that more of the issue in the first half your entry is about anxiety / depression. I think you might be making the situations worse in your head by constantly thinking the worst? I have also dealt with some anxiety (more than depression i think)...and i know I am a person that struggles to always be positive. Some people have hard lives (harder than both of us), and are always happy. Not sure how they do it (and i still think some of it is because of ignorance?)...but i have a feeling you you will definitely get thru your situation...and you do know you will too...just try to look at it as "life" and a negative situation that will pass. I also get anxious when in the moment of it.

I also spent a lot of $$ past couple weeks, so i also have to work on my cash flow...hope to be back on track by August...

Donkey - Monday Jul 04, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 178.5

No weigh-in this week... 

After I wrote my last entry, it dawned on me how STUCK I've been.  I didn't even realize it until I read what I wrote, and I'm like, "I keep writing the same thing over and over again!" 

So this past week, I've been working on changing my attitude and it has paid off for me and hopefully for those I work and interact with.  I come home at the end of the day and I'm happy to be with my family, having dinner with the kids and sometimes my husband (if he isn't sleeping).  I go to work and approach each day as a fresh opportunity, grateful that I have a job.  I've started setting limits at work too, more selective on which phone calls I take and drawing a line at when I stop answering emails so that I can get out at a decent hour.

I've been without goals for myself for quite some time. I think that would help to have some goals.  I'm not sure where to start.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 23.5 lbs to go!

puddles on 07/04/2016:
Sounds like a great plan to keep yourself on the positive side and having a attitude of being grateful not only for the big things but also all the little things that sometimes we take for granted. Enjoy your day. Good Luck on setting goals for yourself.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/04/2016:
This entry is outstanding J. You are focused on the right thing. You are aiming for moderation. Your approach is centered and strong. I like this entry and I support you 100%.

Donkey - Saturday Jun 25, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 178.5

It has not been a good 2 weeks diet-wise.

I actually caught myself "anxiety eating" -- a small step away from a binge -- TWICE.  That was 2 weeks ago, so I decided to cut myself some slack and not weigh in last week.  This week, I did better with the mindful eating but made poor choices.  And gained another pound.

Not this week but last week, I forced my boss' hand and asked him to fire my assistant.  The whole situation was so toxic, personality wise and she made a LOT of mistakes on every file that she touched that it was getting to the point where I didn't want her touching ANY of my files in fear that they would be riddled with typos, mixed up data and wrong deadline dates.

So she had to go, but I still felt really bad that the whole situation didn't work out. And now we're out extra help because the boss is thinking that in another 2 months, we won't be as busy, and he doesn't want to have to let another person go.

Things have got to change.  I'm not sure how to go about it, but I know that the change begins with me.

I'm so busy at work that I'm not available to work on other types of files that I would like to work on to learn new skills.  I know this will change when the real estate season moderates in the fall, but in the meantime, I'm feeling frustrated and jealous of my co-workers.

I'm jealous that my other co-workers get to take vacations during the summer, but I cannot because of my workload and my money situation.  Even a day off would set me back over 100 emails.

On the happy side, I've had a couple of really nice dinners with my family this week.  Also, my daughter is helping me out (somewhat) at work with opening files, so at least I can keep my head above water with the workload.

Need to find a balance or a happy place during the day where I can find some relief/joy.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 23.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/26/2016:
okay...honestly, if a day off is going to be a nice thing and you will enjoy it: TAKE A DAY OFF. If EVERYONE is taking days in summer, there's no reason that you can't. Forget about the emails & your work situation, and enjoy a day if you have a vacation day to use!

I have been at my company now for 5 1/2 years. I can't believe it most of the time. It's a very long time for ME to work at one job. Like you, I've moved around a LOT...anyways, what i see is that people who never take days off are the sickest and have the most general problems. Take a day J, you'll enjoy it. But you cannot regret it! Life is not all work, you need to enjoy life outside of work also on your time off...so (now i'm thinking about my own day that i WILL ENJOY after writing this message to you!!)...so go and enjoy the time you aren't working Donkey! or what's the point of all this hard work! it's not supposed to only give stress. so take a breather & a day off...

Finding a balance means not only focusing on work but also your life outside of it :-)

By the way, I also struggle with balance. So i understand.

Donkey - Sunday Jun 05, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 177.5

I wanted to reflect on the eating part of my journey.  Part of my "diet" approach is to cut down on white carbs.  I'm not counting anything, but just try to make better choices, focusing more on fruits, vegetables, and protein (nuts, beans, meat).  Carbs like sweet potato are OK.  Rice and unprocessed white potato with skin are OK in modified amounts.

So I was doing pretty good, but then last weekend my son graduated from high school, so I went off of the low-carb for Saturday celebration cake, Saturday dinner, and most of Sunday.

On Monday, I was back on plan, because as Horn of Plenty says, it's the getting back on track that's the most important.  OMGosh, at work -- at my very stressful job -- by 4:30pm, I was ready to tear people's heads off.  In fact, before low carb, when I'm at work, a lot of times at around 3:30pm I would kill for a potato chip.  when I got home, it was all I could do to stop myself from going to the freezer and taking out the leftover grad cake and eating the whole thing.  But I didn't!

On Tuesday, I felt much better, but then it hit me that Monday was about carb withdrawl. So I learned something about myself.  When I turn back to the carbs, I have to really get back on track ASAP and it will be hard, but worth the effort.  "To eat in a way that honors myself."



Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 22.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
You know, i'm gonna comment now because after reading this entry, i must add my "two cents."

I used to be more extreme low carb. And it actually was more difficult than eating more carbs and staying on track...what i'm saying is, carbs are good. I do not recommend staying low carb unless it's really balanced with the high fat and everything...

when i eat carbs, i have sometimes noticed a very dramatic shift to a more positive mood. I don't eat a ton of carbs, but i usually do include them in my meals more often. Though in small amounts still.

like, at lunch, my carbs might be a small 100-120 cal bag of popcorn. or on other days, i may eat a butter small bag of popcorn 200 cals. i do eat normal amounts of carbs like that at times. That's just the carb part of my lunch. there's also the protein and veggies...

but like i was saying, if you are really run-down or miserable, adding in some carbs (the whole grains are a great idea as well as sweet potatoes) may help lighten your mood and help you feel better. it's proven somewhat...

MyGiftedLife on 06/05/2016:
I can so relate to the stress at work job -- my time is 3pm-ish EVERY day... I try to pack tons of good snacks, but when I'm not able, it's extremely difficult to stay the course.. CONGRATULATIONS for doing it on Monday!!! WOW!! That's great.. And, I do agree with Horn of Plenty... I too try to stay away from a lot of carbs, but when I do have some, I notice my mood is better too, and it helps me stay course.. I have to remember that..

So proud we're all working towards these goals which will make us feel so much better.. Have a great night!!

Donkey - Sunday Jun 05, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 177.5

Not happy with this week's weigh-in --- up 2.5 pounds, but I'm hoping that's due to water weight, considering extenuating circumstances of what was on my plate the night before weigh-in.

So, to help me over the busy summer months, the boss suggested that my daughter pick up some hours at the firm, because our new hire is making so many mistakes.  During her training, my daughter texted my husband (Dad) that if she had my job, she would shoot herself because it's that bad.  "All she does is sit in front of her computer and scream." --- Yep, I probably do, between computer problems with Outlook continually locking up and clients who decide to change their mind but don't tell me, it gets pretty darn frustrating.

Still, it was quite refreshing and yet alarming to see someone else's perspective.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 22.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
Gonna comment here first, because it's darn later than i thought lol. but that's not a bad thing at all!

I want to say that your daughter is young. Please do NOT go by what she observes at work. Most people do not LOVE their jobs. But you do need to work to make money and live the other portions of your life that are outside of work...

You seemed to be doing much better with your work, and you've been positive. That's why i struggle to understand why this entry had to be this way? Be confident! You can do this & are doing this.

Maybe the only thing is to try to be more positive at work? Set a good example for your daughter?

Hey, i'm not there, so i know my advice may not be applicable, just trying to help :)

Donkey - Monday May 30, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 175.0

No weigh-in this week, although this is probably the time that I need it most!  With my son's graduation from high school, visiting relatives, and being away from home, my low-carb & vegetable options have been limited.  Plus, I was at the point where I needed to just relax and enjoy.

I'm grateful for this long holiday.  I'm tempted to go into the office a little bit today, but not really.  I need a holiday.  I wish I could do this every month -- take an extra day off for a long weekend, but if I did, I would come back to over 100 emails.  So that's a no-win.

We did hire someone who I thought could eventually cover for me in my absence, but she is really not capable of doing anything other than data entry.

It just occurred to me that I might feel a little Zen if I took walks in the morning.  It's hard to get up early though when you're exhausted and dreading the work day ahead.

At any rate, I'm going to enjoy today, that's for sure!


Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/31/2016:
Hey Donkey...!

You sound happy in this entry. Happy and more carefree. keep going this way, you are doing really well right now.

Congrats to your son on his graduation - that's a HUGE accomplishment and you must be so proud of him.

well, i'll say if you can get enough sleep, try for a few little walks in mornings. maybe try it 1x in the week only...then move on to 2x. The walk may only be 10-15 minutes at first. It's a big change to not walking in mornings.

Donkey - Saturday May 21, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 175.0

Just checking in to mark the 10lb loss milestone of my year of self-improvement.  I'm about 10lbs away from a fabulous, professional waredrobe (handed down from someone else who lost weight).

Still struggling to find a work-life balance, but not going to give up.

Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 05/21/2016:
Well done!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2016:
Congrats to you!

work/life balance will always be a struggle, but it's up to you to either let it bring you down....or for you to overcome it and continue to strive for it. it's always a challenge between work & personal freedom which i guess work makes impossible? but it's worth it to rise to that challenge...!

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