In my quest for peace & reconciliation with the whole body/weight thing, it occurred to me this morning: what is weight exactly?
So I weighed in higher this week. Is that accurate? For example, when I came back from Thanksgiving with my family, I had gained 6 pounds. At next week's weigh-in, I had lost the 6 pounds. Is that possible that I lost that much substance (mass)?
If I drink 64 ounces of water and weigh myself, and the number is higher, have I really gained that weight? or is it just a temporary flux?
I'm not sure where I'm going with this right now... Maybe I need to weigh less often? (Might be easier said than done, LOL...)
Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -7.5 lbs to go!
Gained a pound but still under 130 and way below goal so I'm fine with it.
I came to the realization yesterday that, even though I did meet my weight loss goal (and surpassed it a little), that the REAL problem is that I'm just not happy with my actual body. Unfortunately, that's NOT something that can change. I know weight training can change some proportions, but not in the way I want to look.
So here I am again, at 47, still struggling with being comfortable in my own skin.
In addition, I was watching some "Christmas in Switzerland" TV special this morning, and it made me realize that the way I eat -- lots of vegetables, minimal sugar, cutting carbs -- that really cuts into being able to relax and celebrate with food. And while vegetables are great and probably the way we should all eat more of, is that a realistic way to eat on a long-term basis?
I've lost the same 50 pounds at least 3 times, this is either the 3rd or 4th time. This time, I wanted it to be something that was sustainable and maintainable, realistic not sadistic, and for the most part, I've done that - although I admit that sometimes I feel like a slave to my Fitbit -- but here I am again.
Someone knock some sense into me - please!
Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -7.5 lbs to go!
Can't really read or study for it -- weight loss is all action in order to see results. And my body just wasn't made for that, it seems. (Ask my feet, knees, hips, and back...)
Coming here to unload... I swear I thought I was gonna lose it today -- just at the end of my rope. Too busy and too tired and too stressed.
Truth be told, what caused me the most strife was the ice cream dessert I had last night. Paid for all that sugar big time today.... Tried to do better today, will do even BETTER tomorrow.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
Sounds like your boss likes you – to be able to tell (him?) about your garage cleanup endeavor! It looked good in your fb pics, like a new garage! I bet you wish you had it this way from the start! Clutter is hard to get rid of, I bet you thought you wanted those things from the garage that you didn’t get rid of till now!?
When you feel like you felt in the first paragraph, you must try to find some time to relax for yourself. Easier said than done, maybe, but it’s important for your health mentally and physically. I was feeling that way last week when all of a sudden I was working OT everyday again.
Yes, sometimes when I eat high calories or fat or sugar, the body continues to crave it into the next day…And its usually better to gradually get back to where you were before the sugar, which it sounds like you are doing. Don’t regret it too much – I see you are getting back. KEEP ON!
Quite pleased with today's weigh-in. After a couple of crazy weeks, things are becoming "regular" and returning to normal (sort of). My activity level dropped off a bit, but food intake was less due to the craziness and stress.
My husband's rehab at home is going to be more difficult than I had thought. He's not the best patient, and I have my own health problems lately. The nurse and the PT came to our house today, and I would agree with them that my husband is doing remarkably well.
This weekend is the last weekend of pleasant weather for our area, so I'm going to get out there and do some stuff in the garage in hopes that we can park all the cars in the garage this year.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
I am so happy to hear that everyone will be parking their cars inside and out of the path of mother nature! That's cool - i am so thankful for my own garage for those snowy days it's one less thing for you to have to deal with.
It was a really nice weekend, indeed.
Not a weigh-in day, but I thought I'd check in as I wait for the minutes to tick by before leaving for the hospital. Husband is having double hip surgery today. TODAY. TODAY!!!
I didn't think I was very anxious about this until it hit me Sunday night. Then I realized, yes, I am kind of worried about this. I have no reason to think anything will go wrong, of course. Excellent surgeon. Hopefully the hospital will deliver good care -- I've heard things over the years, but perhaps things have changed. There are other hospitals I prefer, but the surgeon prefers this hospital. I hope he can come home tomorrow.
I feel that I am back on track, eating and exercising. I try really hard to take an evening walk around the neighborhood after dinner (around 30 minutes). I find it helpful for digestion, especially when one has overindulged with second helpings of chili (ooops).
Trying to keep everything together as I get over these hurdles one step at a time...
UPDATE: Mr. Donkey had a successful surgery, and I will visit him this evening. I'm anxious to see him but did not want to see him come out of anethesia, so I came home to get things in order at home (for the kids) and then I will go back to visit for a couple of hours tonight. I'm very grateful and relieved.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Good luck to your hubby....best wishes to you both.
You sound good!
(I commented on comments in yesterday's entry. Thank you!)
My husband made a very helpful observation this morning. When I mentioned the 4-pound gain, he said, "If you had been able to workout like you do, you wouldn't have had a problem." I thought about that, and he's right!
It's hard to step out of my comfort zone, but had I made it a point to be more active (e.g. walk around the block every hour or so) or use the elliptical crosstrainer, if I had stayed in a hotel, I'm *SURE* that things would have been different.
That got me thinking about things I could have done differently. I could have asked my mom to get me raw vegetables ahead of time. OR I could have gotten my own raw vegetables when she and I went to the grocery store on Tuesday, even.
So I'm more in control of my destiny than I am admitting to myself.
Side notes: I'm afraid kitty isn't long for the world. She is having problems with eating & drinking now. So we are all doing our best to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Also, while I was in Vegas, found out that my husband needs a walker with front wheels (ONLY) for after surgery. Oh my... I'm so grateful that I found a nice lady on Facebook that was giving one away -- for FREE. What a relief!
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Do not regret or wish you had done anything different, because, you are back here now. Now is time to make all the opportunistic and positive choices that you can or want to.
Also, you've learned from this Vegas vacation - and perhaps on next vacation you'll plan to have more veggies somehow - like by shopping one time when you go there.
Either way, that vacation has passed, and once again I mean it when i say you looked beautiful with glowing skin in your pictures. Just Beautiful. So, focus on the "NOW" and your goals now, and let the vacation rest :)
Back from visiting family from Vegas.... My weigh-in this week is a disaster. Up 4 pounds.
My brother's family eats NO vegetables. It's ALL carbs. Might be lucky to find some protein in there. Oh. My. Goodness. I love them to pieces, but if I had to live with them, I'd be huge. And what just KILLS me is that all of them are very thin and tiny. I just don't get it. I had dinner with just my folks a couple of times, which was easier, because Mom fixed some frozen vegetables for me, but she cooks with no salt. Yuck. And while I did try to remain active, it was obvious to me that I did not reach my normal levels of achievement.
I'm glad I left my Fitbit at home. Maybe it would have been helpful to see the lack of steps I was taking, to get my butt up and moving.... but my fear was that it would be frustratring for me to see goals unmet.
It was nice to see everyone though. And my poor step-father... as good as he looked, and as well as he did, he is at the end of his life. When we said our good-byes on Thursday, it was kind of crazy because it was Thanksgiving and my brother's 5 kids were there making a bunch of noise. So I felt kind of bad that I didn't say good-bye like I wanted to, but looking back, I think my good-bye on Wednesday, when it was just him and my mom and myself, was a better good-bye.
So now I am back home, returning to the stress that is my life. Some but not much was cleaned or cleared. My husband has hip surgery this week and, surprise, we need to find him a walker that has wheels. I'm going over to Goodwill to see if there is anything cheap. Otherwise, I'll be ordering one online for $30, which isn't too bad. I've seen many on Facebook Marketplace going for $75, $80 --- what the heck? It does not help that we only have my salary coming in now, and this month, we have to pay our own insurance premium. All I see is money going out and not much coming in. And so much needs to be done to the house... And I'm getting little to no help on that from anyone.
I'm just done.
PS The cat is still not using her litter box. And now she's spitting up all over the place.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Welcome home you were missed here !
Aim to counteract your recent weight gains by doing what you did to loose. If I were in your boat, I'd make a goal to get back to whatever weight you were by January or February If needed :-)
Instead of looking at the negative, try to challengr yourself now to get back on track and be your best JDonkey!!!
A lot of times, I lose my objectivity when overwhelmed (which seems to be happening a lot these days), which then leads to crabbiness. I did get some stuff done this weekend, in spite of it all...
Gained another half pound!!! I've gained 3.5 pounds this month!!! What the heck???
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
I wrote you on your entry yesterday, too.
Do not focus only on the weight, you have been doing well.
While in Vegas, make sure to take care of yourself. Perhaps someone out there will want to walk with you, maybe.
Make sure to sleep well there.
And of course spend time with your father-in-law :)
Take care and wishing you a safe trip and return back :)
You will be missed here, also.
Thank you for your kind words of support. That's a REALLY good idea about writing a list of positive things as well. :-)
Feeling some anxiety before weigh-in day. I hold no high hopes at a favorable weigh in this week.
The cat is still struggling with using her box, even though tonight will be 72 hours of taking an antibiotic. I went to the store to buy the training "pee pads" that they use for puppies. These things are WONDERFUL for my kitty's problem. They are so absorbant of wetness and odor. If this is our future, I can live with this. My boss generously donated all of his used newspapers for this cause, once I mentioned to him that we were having a problem. He likes cats too.
With everything going on, I thought that this cat thing would surely push me over the edge of sanity. No, I wouldn't go insane, but just that kind of sadness where you start crying at odd times because it all gets too overwhelming. I thought about making a list of all of the things that are totally stressing me out -- just for myself. I wouldn't publish it anywhere, but keep it folded up in a pocket or a drawer. I wouldn't use it to beat myself up with either, but rather, as a way to physically "put aside" my worries.
Up this weekend:
Saturday: weigh in, legal clinic in the morning, grocery shopping in the afternoon, laundry in the evening, packing.
Sunday: morning exercise, finish packing, leave for the airport at around 1:30p to fly out to Vegas for the week. I've decided to give myself permission to leave the Fitbit at home. I would not be going if my step-father wasn't coming to his end. He's home now with hospice care. I'm hoping he can hold on until my son and I get there. (Husband and daughter staying behind.) What an odd holiday this will be. Oh well, at least it will be warmer in Vegas than it is in Chicago... And I will have the chance to rest and catch up with family.
I'll be gone Sunday through Friday. Back just in time for another weigh-in on Saturday!! 
If you make the list of things that stress you, can you also make a list of things you are doing well at? Remember that you get one life, and not to live this one in struggle only. It's not healthy, you know this!
Yes, while you are in Vegas, please do not overdo. Try to get outside and take a little time for you, even though you are visiting father in law, you can go out and get some exercise, PLEASE. Try to rest and sleep good hours there, please take care of yourself.
I look forward to your return!
And remember the good work you do, at work!
The cat has a UTI... $305 to treat, and they want her to come back in to retest her urine in 10 days. My husband, who is a "half full" kind of guy says, "Well, at least it's something treatable." I guess... Medicine squirted down the throat 2x a day.
Cats have sharp teeth in back. Did you know that?
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
I'll settle with a guinea pig down the road, they like to cuddle and that's what i like too!
Anyways, i do hope your kitty gets well soon.
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Supposedly the best time to weigh in is when you first get up in the morning ( after using the bathroom).....after that we start holding water, eating breakfast, getting dressed etc.......weigh in undressed or wearing the same thing each time.....I know with me...anything can almost become an obsession...at least temporarily..a lot of people weigh in once a week..
horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
at the restaurant on Saturday night i ordered this drink from the menu:
Bright & Balmy ourtakeonadark&stormy •mezcal• aperol• grapefruit•gingerbeer
It was one of their mixed cocktails. It wasn't sweet, not too sweet, thankfully. But it wasn't tasty really. however, not being sweet is a good thing...i didn't drink it up fast ;)
but it wasn't too good....prob better off ordering beer...lower cal also probably than these mixed drinks...?
horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
will write more for you later :) in regards to your entries i have yet to comment on (this one and the previous entry!)
horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
There's tons of weight fluctuation based on the volume of the food you eat. When i stuff myself with vegetables one night, i'll weigh much more in the morning compared to if i ate something small like a dunkin donuts egg sandwich for dinner without much vegetables or volume. When i used to eat a protein bar for dinner, or recently those protein cookies, there's no volume and i'd weigh low the next morning.
weigh less if you think it's not worth it to weigh frequently due to fluctuations. i weigh no more than 1x a week (usually). now that i wrote it, i'll probably weigh myself everyday this week! lol. i will also comment on the below entry of yours later :)
horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
i think you are thinking too much about food / weight...based on your last entry.
you look GREAT. i hope you don't want to now give up and gain the weight back.
you can still relax and celebrate with food...i do too!
but i'm tell you - all the veggies and the changes you made in your life look good on you. i don't see a reason to quit.
you can enjoy and relax on christmas, it's one day, but then you have to work on going back :)
the more weight training i do, the more i can also eat.
horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2017:
LASTLY, never get too much into your head...where you forget to be happy about things...and forget to be thankful for the good.
STAY HAPPY.
This is a reminder to myself as well :)
horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2017:
There is nothing good happening if we are to turn ourselves into "victims"....so, i'm working and being happy for now on....no matter what.
i've begun to realize that if i'm giving lots of commitments for my industry like a union meeting tonight, that i can also plan for myself commitments that i want (like signing up for the auxiliary police) on Thursday night...i am not giving up on my own happiness...i will continue to make my own unique life as long as i possibly can!
so don't forget yourself in all the mishmash...always remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT.
do not give up and stop maintaining your weight...keep on...do not dial back to what you were before, KEEP ON.
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!
Maria7 on 12/13/2017:
Hope you are having a good day.