(Ignore that "Current Weight" number. It will be back up to 135 tomorrow if I weigh in. My calories were a little on the low side the past 2 days but I am within range today, so I assume my weight will increase as well.)
OK, DDer's here's a question for you:
What is a "butter face"? For example, people commenting on pictures of celebrities and they say "she's a total butter face".
What?
My new weight training program is going very well. I cut down on the cardio, going slower and harder, and doing intervals (either low/high intervals or low/medium/high intervals, which I call "steps").
Then I started lifting heavier on the upper body to build up and lighter on the lower body to "lean out". I want to go out in a sleaveless shirt and hear gasps or see eyes pop. ;-)
EDIT: I can't remember if I mentioned this in my last entry. I want to be completely honest with you all. I plan to gain 5 pounds with my new weight training program. (It's my own program of my own design, not something from an infomercial or a book.)
Which will put me up to 140.
I don't know why I'm doing this. Honestly, I have no idea where the motivation to do this is coming from. Logically (or illogically perhaps), I would tell you to your face 100% truthfully that I want to be thinner & lighter. Yet I feel driven to do this. Not in a pathological sense, but ... well, it's just weird. I don't know why I'm doing this.
I just do it.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Amazing.
I have been at 135.0 for the past 3 days without much trying. That is to say, if I don't binge, and I don't restrict, and I just stay within calorie range and exercise like I do, I stay at 135.
If I could do this at 130, I'd be more pleased.
I started my new exercise program today. I am very excited about it!!! I have learned that I NEED to do some cardio every day or my back starts to tighten up and it hurts. So the weekends are for light, fun cardio, 1 hour.
I'm going back to weight training on Monday, focusing on heavy weights on my upper body to build it up, get definition and increase strength. Lower body will be lighter weights (more reps, performed slowly), to decrease the "bulk" of my legs.
I've changed ellipticals at the gym, and I prefer to do a slower, harder workout on the machines that have the moving handlebars. So I will do that M-F.
I'm decreasing my cardio, if I can. I think an hour a day is enough. Of course, I think I can do this because the weather is so crappy outside. Once it warms up and the snow and ice melt away, and I can start running outside again.... Well, look out, here we go again.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
as for me, thankfully, i have done everything in my power to NOT fail. this includes taking an extra yoga class so as to prevent too much time on my hands and binge! of course, i also did another class because it is a challenge and, if done right, it is really, really good for my body.
luckily, i don't believe a need cardio everyday. well, i believe i do actually, but because of time and commitment, i don't do it very much. only when i have some extra time. if i weren't studying or in school, i would definitely fullfill the recommeneded at least 30 minutes of cardio a day.
i'm impressed to read how much cardio you do. just make sure you stretch and that your being careful with your body. if you go to a gym, and they offer free classes, see if there's a yoga class. it may help you to take it once a week or so. especially to relax your joints and muscles from the cardio you do!
Yesterday, I had a very bad Fat Day. Some days, I am able to contain my disdain for my body, but yesterday, I was so frustrated that I am stuck inside this large body that I couldn't keep quiet about it any more.
My husband thinks I'm nuts.
I stopped weight training for the week. For my new routine, I am going to focus on defining the muscles in my upper body: a strong back, defined shoulders, firm triceps and biceps, maintain the chest to counterbalance the back. Less emphasis on the lower body: light weights, many SLOW reps.
I will see if I can mold my body more so to the proportions I would like, mainly a smaller "donkey", if you know what I mean....
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!
I just started this 12 week program.. I'm really trying to do some body sculpting too.. I do weight training.. and I go through off seasons and on seasons.. this winter
I went way off!.. now I'm trying to get back in it!.. trying to get to 16 percent body fat in 12 weeks..
What does your program look like.. looks like you have had a lot of success so far
like me with yoga. i'm spending my time doing that, not cardio. and it's what i like and actually helping me enough to stick with it.
so for you, concentrating on upper body, is a great idea. therefore you can put that emphasis on it and get results.
I think the most wonderful thing is to see that definition in the upper body. I cannot wait to be back there again! You will do fine!
Down a pound but I had to fight my scale for that. It just AMAZES me that it is SO EASY to put ON the weight but takes FOREVER to get it off.
I have decided that this year, my focus is going to be on my eating issues. I guess this would make me the anti-Jolt (hi Jolt!) because I'm working on the opposite issues as she. Last year, I got a real handle on the fitness: running, weight training, changing my physique while she worked on the food issues. Now we'll switch places, I guess.
I have to do this because it seems that whenever life throws me a curveball -- and I feel like I've been thrown so many curveballs in 2008 that it's like a game of dodgeball, except that I'm like 1 against 1,000,000 -- whenever life throws me a punch in the gut, I start to have food issues again, either too much or too little. So this is something that I really NEED to learn how to get a handle on. I'm not saying "cured" or "overcome", but I need to learn to cope. Basically, that's what it comes down to.
(Note to self: Don't play Dodgeball with God; you know who will win.)
You know, this just occured to me too, but I have issues with exercising too much. I ...um... don't know what to do or how to deal with that. How do you know when it becomes a problem? Hmm....
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!
I was sorry to read about your December. My sympathy on the loss of your grandfather.
I don't know how to tell when too much exercise becomes a problem. Except maybe if you are working out and then start beating yourself up because an hour a day isn't enough, or whatever time you spend on exercise doesn't seem good enough. I do remember having a worry for you two years ago when you were really really pushing yourself. Not because of the exercise but because you hated yourself and came down really hard on yourself when you could only exercise for half an hour on some days. But then I don't know.
I did not do well yesterday at all.
I can't think of anything else to say, except that I do want to thank everyone who wrote yesterday for their support. I have to say, I am grateful for the support and encouragement that you all offer here. Thank you so much...
Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
As for legal problems. No matter what side you're on it's taxing on your psyche. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't feel a certain way; they're your feelings, you're the one going through it!
BTW, are you still working out, running, shoveling snow, etc?
Hang in there--hope you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon! Though it may seem so, these things CAN'T go on forever!
As for the weight, you had lost way past your goal there for awhile, perhaps you can see that it's not as bad as some of us are doing:-)
I also want to let you know that when i read "donkey was here" i smiled!
sorry to hear that life is not how you ever would have planned it to be right now. i really do wish you didn't have to go through a lot of those issues. It's amazing how much we can intertwine weight and eating in the process. As far as we're concerned, I try to love other things in life more than food. yoga is what i try to put more time into, taking my mind off food. how are you doing with your pushups? i've slacked off slightly, but still do them on and off. they were one of the best suggestions you gave me. lol, nah, you gave much better suggestions than that to me. but i'll never forget who motivated me to do them! :)
Wow, I gained almost 10lb since the last time I posted. And believe it or not, my weight was as high as 140.0 at one point in December.
December was a horrible month. I don't know if I should even rehash what happened. My grandfather died. My legal problems got worse. My depression reached rock bottom.
Thing is, the legal problems, the weight and the depression aren't going away just because it's a new year. So .... I'm obviously carrying issues from 2008 into 2009. Not exactly the "Fresh Start" I was hoping for or needing, but we don't always get what we need or want in life.
I do hope though to post more regularly here. I want to shed this extra weight. I hate it. It's very uncomfortable to be carrying around such heavy burdens.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
What ever your struggles may be, just know that things will get better and you are worth it and therefore you deserve to be healthy and happy. I'll be thinking of you and I really hope this year things get better for you!
How does a person forgive herself? Especially when the transgression is something that is totally incompatable with how she identifies herself with?
Ideas? Insight?
Progress as of today: 16.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Blessings to you & yours this season!
This weigh-in is from a couple of days ago. I may or may not have lost more since. I don't know. I'm having a hard time eating enough again, but some days, I do eat enough to compensate (i.e. I eat a lot more, but no bingeing -- and that's GOOD.)
The only thing time I am happy is when I'm exercising. It is my only joy in life right now.
Progress as of today: 16.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Do not be fooled by my "Current Weight". My weigh-in days are on Tuesdays.... but I took a sneak-peek this morning to see how much damage I had done -- with holiday and emotional eating and then TOM on top of everything! >:-(
And my weight was 132.5. So essentially, I am maintaining around my "goal weight" of 130.
HOWEVER, yesterday, I had proof how FAT I have gotten.
I am a Wedding Hostess at my church. Basically, I'm a wedding coordinator on behalf of the church, to make sure protocol is followed and to answer any questions and to keep the program flowing. I have a dress that I wear for this function. It has been loose in the previous 2 weddings I hosted, but yesterday it was tight around the hips and gut (stomach). Certainly not around the bust area, though, unfortunately.
I have no one to blame for this but myself. But I was very disappointed, to say the least. I loved being thinner. Still, I think that 130 is a healthy weight for myself and my sanity.
I am sadly resolved to living in a larger body than I would like. Oh well, at least it's functional. I shouldn't complain. It's just hard to give up a dream and be resigned to reality.
Progress as of today: 15 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
as for me, i am in the front lines doing battles with food every minute of every day right now. my once healthy eating has transformed itself over the past 1.5 years into a battleground of gluttony. i have gained about 25 lbs in that time frame. my ankles hurt. and i'm a youthful 26. i need to change my ways. and peanut butter is DEF a trigger for me no doubt! if i were living on my own, i KNOW i'd be at least 25 pounds smaller. there is sooo much temptation here. i may just find myself hanging out at the library for now on. ugh!
Funny thing about that: my good friend today told me i look great and asked me if i lose more weight. No, if anything, i gained a few pounds, but I told her I am really happy, and that's why she thought that. I stick with happy before thinner. :) xo
(That was my weight on Tuesday, but I've had a couple of binges since then and now Thanksgiving -- I'm sure next week's weigh-in won't be so pleasant.)
I just wanted to take this time to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving if you are in American and celebrate it. I wanted to tell you all how thankful I am for the support that I have found here. I cannot possibly thank you enough for your comments and insights and suggestions. Thank you and God bless.
Progress as of today: 15 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
and HAPPY THANKSGIVING :)
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Hey there! Was browsing diaries and thought I'd stop and leave a comment. Sounds like you're doing a great job with everything, and your new goal to weight train and gain 5 pounds isn't crazy. I feel like it will give you more energy and be better in the long run because it'll make you stronger as well.
Good luck with it!
Ps - A butter face means that "everything looks good...'but-her-face' "...I've heard of it before. In my opinion it's completely rude and whoever thought of it is messed up in the head, but that's just me.
Have a great night! =D
Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2009:
i am beyond stressed right now. lots of tests but i'm trying to balance going to yoga EVERYDAY with school. it's a bit of a rush to sometimes get there and always a rush to get home...i live really close though, like 5 min or so away. however, i get home around 7:30 which leaves time for a shower, late dinner....and then i'm constantly studying too little and going to bed too late.
but this isn't my stress. my stress is school with studying not enough for the things that are MOST important...not that i'm doing badly because the tests have been put off till next week....but just hoping that things go right. but really a couple students in my class are pissing me off completely.
so i've made no sense just now.
i've GOT to get out of this stressed state of mind and body. i know yoga won't be possible tomorrow as i'll be on my feet all day. hopefully i don't pass out due to all the swelling/food in my body and trying to be physically agile. i know i'll be fine but it'll be tough tomorrow. lots of sweating for sure due to the excess food and calories in my system.
thanks for supporting me.
see what happens with the muscle. perhaps we build a little muscle and then it's easier to lose the weight?
WI3 on 01/14/2009:
If you are planning on gaining because of building muscle, I don't see where that is a problem because we need to build muscle while we are younger, which also helps our bones. I looked at Oprah who says she is 200lbs and she doesn't look like the SAME 200lbs she used to look like...her body is in better shape this time. Interesting.
Have a great evening!
omahagrl on 01/15/2009:
Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Love you Girl!!!! Now you're on the clock!!!! In 9 minutes something will make you happy. ;-) But you have to tell 9 sisters you love them, including me. Go!!!!
greengirl on 01/15/2009:
Hey Donkey, I used to know a girl who was quite well muscled and looked really good, and I couldnt believe it when she told me how much she weighed. Definately weighed more than you would have guessed, so I think if you put weight on building a little muscle instead of fat, you could still end up looking slimmer and in better shape. Good luck with your efforts girl :)
Maria* on 01/15/2009:
I love you!