So as AMAZING as yesterday was, today was not nearly as good. Even Donkey can have a not-the-best-day-ever kind of day.
I'm trying to look back to see where things went wrong so that I can do better:
ASSESSMENT: I am feeling fatigue in my legs -- strangely not my arms, since today was upper body day with the weights. Hmmm.... I'm not eating any more, so that I can shoot for a 16 hour fast overnight. I hope that the heaviness will go away so that I exercise well tomorrow. Yeah, I just didn't have the amount of energy that I had on Tuesday.
Things that went well today:
ASSESSMENT: I made the best of a rough start and got quite a bit accomplished outside of work. Organizing, weight training, cleaning, etc. I got a little stressed out at work, but I think for the most part kept things positive. Not every day can be an A+ day. Today was more like a B and that's OK too.
One thing that bothers me is this: With my boss away from work, I feel like all of the knives are coming out between all of my co-workers. I don't think any of it is directed at me, but wow, people are going at it like you wouldn't BELIEVE. This is stressful, depressing, and TOXIC.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Oh my goodness, today was just AMAZING -- after today, I am confident that I am on the right path for myself. I haven't felt this good and healthy and motivated in a long, long time. I will write my observations and impressions here.
I did wake up a little bit during the middle of the night, but I was not overheated, so I turned over and went back to sleep. I could take steps to lighten up my sleepwear more, which I might try tonight.
I got good sleep (not great, but good and enough of it) last night. The energy I had this morning for my workout was amazing. I don't know what other word to use it. Gone is the feeling where my legs feel like lead. Gone is the struggle to keep a brisk pace - not a problem, even surpassed myself a couple of times. Had sufficient energy to do my lower body routine before I left for work.
I was at work, and was able to keep up my morning fast for about 14 hours. Ideally, I would like to do 16 hours between my last bite in the evening and my first bite in the morning. Now that I am aware and keeping track, my personal best (for 2 days) was 15.5 - and that was hard, because I was at work. (I'm guessing with the relaxed atmospher of home, I could do the 16 hour goals; I will be trying this weekend for sure.) I will probably get 14 hours tomorrow.
Today I was motivated and focused. I felt *special* because I'm on my Plan of Attack (what I'm calling my new plan for January, etc.). I felt glad to be working a plan/program and not just aimlessly wandering in maintenance. I had a focus today, which was portion control. I had planned my meals and snacks, keeping in mind that just because it's keto doesn't mean I can eat the whole thing. THIS worked very well for me, although once again, I did better in the morning than I did in the early afternoon. I see now that the 1:30p - 3pm time is hard for me. Just coming off of lunch, back to work, but still want to eat and too soon to snack at 3pm. So this area needs to be attacked... er, needs some work.
The energy I had all day was wonderful! I didn't feel that constant craving to eat. I felt well-fueled, efficient and satisfied (for the most part). I was taking my lunchtime walk (which I try to do before I eat), and I challenged myself to take the rare, longer route before the weather turns colder tonight. This longer walk usually takes me 45 minutes to an hour. It's a real struggle. I was back at my desk in 40 minutes and still felt good, i.e. not starving. As I was walking, I was like, "This is how I want to feel every day. Where has this feeling been all my life?" Balanced, well-fueled, active & feeling energized, not exhausted, not drained, not starving.
I truly believe, now, looking back, that I went through some kind of mini-keto flu last weekend when I wasn't feeling 100%. Not professing to be in a metabolic state of "ketosis" -- although maybe I should go buy some pee strips to see -- but the higher fats, high protein, limiting carbs seems to be working really well for me. Not that I haven't had to make adjustments, of course. Again, while I was walking, it dawned on me like, "Even if this means weighing 2-3 pounds heavier, feeling like this and being able to crank out workouts and such is WORTH IT!"
I can only hope that the scale will stay within an acceptable range to Crazy Donkey, because Mature Donkey is so excited about this!!!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
So after wandering aimlessly for 7 days, I have a new plan for maintenance for myself. My goal is to stick with this plan through January. If I see the progress I want, I will give it another month (February). If I do not see progress, or things start going in the other direction -- meaning gaining too much weight that isn't muscle -- then I must try something different.
I've been doing more of the keto eating, but haven't quite figured it out yet. My co-worker, the Million Mistakes Girl, said to me on Friday, "Well, you don't want to lose more weight, do you?" and I made up a mature, sane answer, and said, "No, but I'm hoping that keto will help me with a leaner appearance." She seemed satisfied with that. At the time, I didn't really mean it, but there was the answer right in front of me the whole time.
I am hoping that a shift in menu, to higher fats, will go hand in hand with the weight training, to help me get a leaner look, rather than a "puffy carb" appearance. I have to be careful with portions, still, and that's the part I didn't really realize. One of the problems with eating foods higher in fat is that after I stop eating, the "full" feeling turns into a "really full" feeling about 20 minutes later, as my body works to break down the fats.
Both Saturday and Sunday nights, I've woken up around midnight, just feeling like I'm on fire. It's not hot flashes, but rather my metabolism kicking it up, trying to burn up what I ate. I know this because this would always happen after an evening binge. So I've adjusted the covers on the bed, so as not to have that many layers. I think I will change my sleepwear outfit as well, in anticipation of getting MUCH warner later on. And I will work harder on portion control.
Today, I did better the first half of the day than I did in the afternoon. Too many pepperoni and cheese with the raw vegetables, I feel. That may be because the fats make me feel like I've eaten too much -- but who knows, maybe I really did eat too much!
I haven't made up my mind yet about weigh-ins. On the one hand, this is an experiment, so I have to give it time. On the other hand, I can't have the numbers go TOO high or it's back to losing weight again. But I am prepared for some of the mind-games weighing will do, during this experiment.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Glad your wandering has resulted in a plan of attack.
yeah, at first at least, this is what fats do to me, too. they are good at making you feel satisfied...
i can't wait to hear more.
The good thing about this entry is that you are open to the variables and possibilities. you are open to change, for now, or to at least see what certain choices will produce...good!
Having gained weight this past week has given me cause to think about my next steps in this journey. Nothing like gaining a few pounds to draw one's attention! It actually brought me back to the idea that this is the year of "remodeling" myself, inside and out. I had kind of let this idea fade to the back of my mind, unfortunately. I must remember to keep this in the forefront.
I've decided that, even if the weight gain is related to weight training (((which is really more like toning -- I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to bulk up, at least not right now I'm not))) that this is something I want to continue to do. Training for significantly larger muscles (especially in the upper body) could be something to aspire to in the future, but not where I want to go right now. So I'm sticking with the weight traning. Need to tone up and try to tighten up as much loose skin as possible.
Pursuing a keto lifestyle doesn't mean that I can eat as much as I want. Some folks can and still lose weight or maintain. I will be using keto items to help satiate, that is to say, to help me feel fuller, faster and longer. I still need to be focused on fruits and vegetables as much as possible.
I've been quite pleased with the extra sleep I got Friday night and Saturday night... now just to do this every night. Last week, I hadn't reached even my minimum goal of 7 hours for most of the nights. I need to really try harder to get that 7 hour mark, especially in the winter, with colds, flu, and sinus infections coming at me from every direction.
Still would like to incorporate yoga/stretching into my life on more than just a monthly basis with Chair Yoga. This would also help with my "less negative, more relaxed, more positive" outlook. I've made a switch from where I just complain to where I complain but then attack the problem. I would like to graduate to just attacking the problem with no or little complaining.
To recap where I'm at:
AFTERNOON EDIT: Well, if anyone thought it would be easy on maintenance, I can tell you that by way things are going today, it is not. I've been struggling with the Christmas can of salted nuts (mostly almonds & pecans) that my mom gave our family as a gift.
Part of the problem is constipation, and in order to get things moving along, my body seems to think that eating more is a good idea. I've taken some oil to help things along once they get moving, but OOF! so uncomfortable --- on many levels.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
...be right back gotta get the laundry...
also, a lot of keto stuff will not have lots of fiber or be bulky so it's important to get the veggies particularly in! :)
Incorporating this into a new plan/experiment for myself
Hoping we both find a plan worth working towards......sooner, rather than later.
I had the pieces of the plan all along, I just couldn't figure out how they fit.
Concerning food, I feel shame every time I screw up. Logically I know I shouldn't, but I do. I know that I'm not created to be a 100% perfect person, but I still feel the shame when I stumble. Foodwise, I had a major screwup yesterday and I'm ashamed of it. I contemplated not weighing myself this morning. I also considered not posting here today because of it. I don't like showing my failures, but know that pretending they didn't happen doesn't work either (and commonly leads to my feeling additional guilt for hiding it). So I weighed myself this morning and posted this morning too. I'm still ashamed of my eating last night and embarrassed by the scale showing 9 lbs heavier than just a few days ago, but at least I don't have to add guilt for trying to hide it this time.
Now, I try to evaluate what emotion I'm trying to feed with food. I look at my bingeing self as a child, and I try to help that child. I wouldn't crash down on a child who was hurting and struggling, so why would I do that to myself? (my own inner child, if you will)
What bothers me, personally in myself, is when I try to hide it, I think because it's a step away from self-acceptance (see my reference to inner child, above).
Today's weigh-in just goes to show that there is no "before" and "after". I remember a phrase from one of the Harrpy Potter books: CONSTANT VIGILANCE! I think that would apply to my situation.
In trying not to be discouraged, I am remembering some advice from fellow DD-er's: this is just a snapshot in time and not reflective of anything permanent or long-term. And that this is just one aspect of my life, that it doesn't have to reflect on the other parts of my life or my day... except with respect to anything that I eat.
This gain could be due to a number of factors: salt bloat, mild constipation, hormones, feeling like I'm fighting something all week (sinus infection? flu?), shortage of decent sleep, all of the above, some of the above, none of the above...
Not sure if it has to do with the shift to higher fats a la keto, but that's something I've considered. Also, even though I've done low-carb now for a while, I've considered the possibility that with the recent changes in diet, that yesterday's feeling might have been a slight case of the "keto flu".... maybe. Daughter is sick with a sinus infection, husband complained he didn't feel well this morning, Girl Who Makes A Million Mistakes has been sick (and at work) for the past 2 weeks...
One thing, I've been fairly consistent with some weight-training, and once again, I'm wondering if that has something to do with the higher number. It seems as though EVERY time I start working with weights, the numbers on the scale go up. Just an observation, because it's EVERY. TIME. And it's not even heavy weights. Just sayin'...
Chair Yoga went well last night. I hadn't realized how tense I was, physically speaking, until we were stretching out. Wow... and it wasn't even a really stressful day, although I did have several LONG telephone conversations with needy clients. Another thing I noticed is how limited my husband's mobility has become. It's just sad to see it, but he said he had a good time. We should continue to do this, as long as the husband is willing.
I ended up ordering a salad rather than the salad bar, afterwards. It's a nice little low-key date night.
Oh one thing that I wanted to mention --- I meant to add this to my goals for 2019 --- and this is on my plan for this weekend is to really catch up on my sleep. Once again, I have not slept enough this week, even with the weighted blanket. The one night I thought I had gotten enough sleep, the FitBit didn't register a sleeping pattern until just after midnight. I'm not sure if it was a malfunction of the FitBit or if something was going on where my body had physically not dropped into one of the various sleep stages... not sure. So last night, I went to bed at around 9:30p and slept in until 6:30a-ish, rather than getting up at my usual 5am or 5:30a. I MUST GET MORE SLEEP.
EVENING EDIT: I didn't talk about this, but I did some cleaning last weekend and prepped for some donating/decluttering this weekend. Haven't done much cleaning this weekend, except for laundry and the normal kitchen clean-up. Oh I did clear up the basement floor, so that counts, especially since that took some effort and I needed help from my son. I will be taking 2 batches of books to the library to donate. It's a small start, but it's a start.
I made low-carb "garlic knots" with fathead dough to go with the chicken soup (made with bone broth that my husband made earlier this week - delicious!). I ended up having to make the "knots" into "knobs" because the dough was unworkable once it cooled down (which I did because I read somewhere that the dough is easier to work with when it has set and chilled for a little bit).
I'm enjoying trying to make these new creations. I'm not normally one to cook or bake - the less I have to do with food, the better, is how I've always felt. But now, I'm enjoying the process, rather than trying to run away from it.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I was really of 2 minds about weighing in this morning -- ALMOST skipped it, because I think the first step to walking away from the scale numbers is to embrace the numbers whatever they may be.
Hate when I behave and eat as I'm supposed to and the scale just sticks its tongue out at me in return.
I also wanted to "agree" and was gonna point out that Josie doesn't agree with me on counting calories...she finds it annoying lol which makes sense...but, it's good to realize that keto or no keto, calories in versus calories out matter.
your weight can also be up if you had lots of filling veggies or salt or fibrous things? like eggplant?
so perhaps the chair yoga is good if it DID HELP you stretch out.
yes, sleep is a game-changer when you get it more often than less. it helps me and makes my workouts amazingly stronger. i also am in a MUCH happier mood when i sleep. Like, MUCH HAPPIER.
lately the only way i'm running around and getting things done is also with more sleep included to keep me going which has been sorta easy to catch up on sleep being that i live alone so when i'm home it's fully my choice what i'm up to...
like today, after getting hair done, it was around 1:30 and i was very tired from running around and eating after being pretty hungry...i took an hour nap (not even setting clock, just getting up whenever i woke up) and boy, did it help.
when you cut sleep during the week as much as me and you sometimes do, adding in extra sleep on the weekends becomes pretty simple because we can use it. and it doesn't even affect how i sleep on Sundays lately. i just need the sleep. keep on!
and i agree what she said about how the clothes fit versus the scale.
right now, actually, on my account of my own body, i'm about "firming up / strengthening up) and NOT about further fat loss. I'm at the end of that journey (though maintenance does require keeping attuned to what's going on so i don't gain duh it's always on the radar!).
but, i am trying to keep the muscle growth going. this is the only thing that helps clothes fit better and more flattering. that's it!
OMG your fathead dough and soup with bone broth sounds AMAZING. AMAZING!!!
like you, i'm at a point in dieting and maintenance where i enjoy new things. i run less. And more and more I can start to just estimate what i'm eating and where it falls into place. I can gauge calories on most things, but still have a little trouble with desserts and sweets in estimating of cals.
It's more fun for me, like you, to experiment and do new things. It keeps things interesting rather than dull in maintenance land.
Ironically enough, most of the books I'm donating are cookbooks -- very easy, practical recipes but it's stuff I just don't eat.
Logging in at work, on my phone, as I am really struggling today. I am SO hungry today, but I do not think it is true hunger. I do not know if I am getting sick, or if I am tired, or what is going on. I am not sure if I will be up to weighing in tomorrow...
Tonight is Chair Yoga with my husband, and then date night at the local mom & pop diner, which has a salad bar. That sounds just about right to me, but I might change my mind. Afterall that holiday eating, I am not that enthusiastic about eating out, but oh well...
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!
Wow, what an exciting day I had!
It started off before I even left the house for work, with an idea that I had for our Associate Attorney. I texted him the idea, so that if he wanted to follow through with my idea, he'd have time to think it over and plan it out. I admit that I was kind of excited about my idea. Then, at work, with the boss gone, I was busier at work, with emails and correspondences. Before I knew it, it was time to leave for the well & septic seminar. I met up with the attorney there, and he LOVED my idea! And like I had hoped, he thought about it and planned out what he was doing to do during the long drive from home to the courthouse, and then from the courthouse to the restaurant/seminar. He was really enthusiastic about my idea!
Anyway, back to diet-chat, much to my relief, we were able to order off of a limited menu with a choice of two: soup, salad, sandwich, pasta. Perfect! I chose something quite keto and delicious: roast beef sandwich (without the bread) with 2 types of cheese and a wedge salad with bacon and bleu cheese. So delicious and filling!
But the information in the seminar was so interesting! (LOL bear with me here.) I almost didn't want to eat, I was so enmeshed in the presentation about septic systems gone bad. Fascinating! And yes, the Power Point presentation had many, many pictures of malfunctioning septic tanks, septic fields, septic trenches, broken wells, contaminated wells, etc. My hunger for septic knowledge surpasses my hunger for food! [This probably makes me rather unique, I realize that.]
When I returned to work, I was quite busy, as the seminar/lunch kept me away from the emails for 3 hours. Much of the work to be done revolved around files that are getting ready to close next week. There is much to be done from the time the loan is ready until we close, so I was busy about that. But, the Associate Attorney thanked me again for my idea (in front of others) and followed through on it. I hope that my boss finds out about this when he returns. I actually have a LOT of ideas for our Associate Attorney, but I realize that I have to approach this in very small steps, because I don't want to step on other people's toes in the office.
So anyway, I'm at my desk and at around 4:30p, my husband texts me urgently that my son has been called by the Air Force recruiter to meet him at the recruiting office ASAP to take his push-up test right then and there. Oh. My. Goodness. My son's entire future to be decided in less than an hour. If he passes, then he will rejoin the military. If he fails, then I do not know what, because, frankly, Plan B was not very hopeful or fruitful. I didn't know what else to do, so I asked for prayers on Facebook. On my way home, I had this feeling that he had failed - hard to explain, just had a feeling. Could not fathom what on earth he would do if he failed this test, after all that training.
But this was for naught, because when I arrived at home, I found out that he had passed his push-up test and surprassed the required minimum, by doing 38 in a minute. This is not his personal best, which I believe is 45 push-ups in a minute, but all he had to do was do 33, and he did it. I was so relieved and thankful and happy. My son was upset that I posted on Facebook, although I kept it very vague. I told him that once folks knew that everything was OK, that I would delete the post. Actually, I'm not going to delete it but rather change the privacy setting so that only I can see it in my timeline.
Wow, what a day! Let's see if I can get to sleep after such a day!
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!
I'm just so proud of him. that he kept practicing and working on it! it's so amazing!!!
When you find out more, please share about your son! Your entire entry had me by the seat of my pants!
So about this entry! It was very engaging. i was actually reading it i think with my mouth open because there was so much suspense! for real!
i would like to know more about the idea you gave the associate attorney! and i'm glad you have a good relationship with him.
If i were in your boat at the lunch session presentation, i honestly would also have enjoyed it too. I'd be with you, the rare few who'd rather enjoy the presentation than miss it by stuffing my face to no return haha.
but for real, i love receiving new info also, like you, and learning more about things. and it seems the pictures and presentation was an overall higher quality so you got lucky and got a change of pace for the day.
i'm glad you got to go out and learn some new info and do something different because the more knowledge you have, the better off you are!
enjoy your night and super kudos congratulations to your SON! that is outstanding and i'm just so happy for your family!
Kind of a mish-mash day, but I'll try to keep things focused on diet, etc.
Today was my boss' last day for about a month, while he spends January in Florida. This is something that he does every year. In some ways, I couldn't wait for him to leave. I find myself growing so impatient with the office small-talk lately: what did you get for Christmas? what did you have for dinner? how was the evening last night? blah blah blah. On the other hand, I *feel* very unprepared for his absence this time. I know that I'm not: I've done this for at least 3 years, our associate attorney is here, I have knowledgeable co-workers with whom I can consult, and the workload is still relatively light. But his absence will mean more work and more responsibility for me, and the thought of that is stressing me out.
NOTE TO HORN: I can totally relate when you talk about your mind being on Florida. That has been my boss since Christmas.
Tomorrow, the Associate Attorney and I are attending a well & septic seminar luncheon. If you are questioning the compatability of discussing septic systems while eating lunch, you are not alone. The Nice Lady co-worker said, Gee, I hope they don't have a slide show with pictures of septic systems gone wrong. Yeah I hope not either - right? This will be very helpful knowledge to have, since we've had so many transactions that have had septic issues (some well issues too, but those are usually not as complicated as septic), so I have REALLY been wanting to attend something like this -- JUST NOT AT LUNCH.
Secondly, the luncheon is at an Italian restaurant that I am not a fan of. I am not a fan of the restaurant due to a previous experience with bad service there. Husband and I haven't been back since. PLUS, now that I'm embracing low-carb/keto life, eating a bunch of pasta really isn't helpful.
Thirdly, I'm going with the Associate Attorney, who I have mixed feelings about. As you know, from past entries, I have mixed feelings about ALL of my co-workers (except Queen Bee; her I pretty much do not like and know this for sure). I'm very particular about who I will eat with.... Well, I guess if he sat across from me at the Office Christmas Party, it won't be too bad going to this with him.
Side note: Hormone issues made for a painful day and possibly contributed to the unexplained back spasms I had this morning, until the OTC pain relievers kicked in. Ovulation is a *****. (Sorry, Maria, for the swears.)
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!
I think you are just anxious for your boss to leave, that's all. That's why it's bothering you a lot. I think. I think you just want it to happen already! :) Yep, the office small talk. It'll always be there, if you can use headphones a bit in january for parts of the day, it can help you concentrate and not listen to their small talk all day. if you hvae a music app on your phonoe, you can plug in the headphones (little ones i mean) so only you can hear the music and it can drown them out a bit. i now use headphones during parts of the "quiet" workdays especially when my one coworker is not in the shared office with me. it makes the day go better. music doesn't really kill my concentration, unless i'm doing something new or that requires a lot of thought. then, the music goes off for a bit.
Remember, there's always salad or veggies anywhere. you can request it. OR, just go with tea / coffee / seltzer. buy a seltzer if you want to bring with you. or bring your own stuff with you. never worry about people's judgements on what you eat or your lifestyle. you are ok. enjoy the luncheon. you don't have to have pasta. you can say you are "gluten free." haha. i hope there'll be an option. fill up on seltzer or diet coke or something, lady. just get thru :) maybe you can have a treat of your own when it's over before driving home, to enjoy with tea or seltzer - those awesome fat bombs.
It won't be bad going with him :)
Sorry about the annoying pain. It will pass :) I'm glad at least the OTC has helped!
It's thursday! one more week till another weekend :)
haha :) thank you for the special note about you relating to my mind on florida! :) now, it's OFF florida because it's coming so close but i am totally unable to think much about it or plans because of work...i guess i'm having the thoughts where it's coming so close but there's not much i can do leading up to it now...haha...and i'll figure it out there! but like your boss, my mind is on VACATION and how to stay healthy and try not to overdo until next Wednesday! omg, it's coming so soon!
(Note to Self: no New Year's Day weigh-in. Use this number from last weigh-in on 12/29.)
Had Chinese take-out with the family and then settled in to watch Twilight Zone for the rest of the evening. My daughter went to a party held by her best friend from high school, but came home at 12:30a due to not feeling well. The rest of us did our own thing, which is fine. Nice and quiet.
Despite managing to stay up until 11:04p, I woke up at 5am -- got out of bed at 5:20a -- to do my usual exercise routine. I realize - now - that I haven't really stated any goals for 2019, but these are a few things I would like to work on:
I'll be seeing a doctor on January 18th. I haven't been to the doctor since 2009? 2010? Time to get an assessment.
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!
Haven't decided on any new year goals, but #1 on your list would be good for me to adopt.
I hope your daughter is feeling better today. I like to leave New Years at midnight anyways. isn't that late enough! haha. maybe not when you're 19.
Oh wow, you've not been to the dr in even longer than me! Good for you to go and get that done! I'll be doing it right alongside you in February.
I like your goals they are all attainable and something to strive for. Most of it are goals that take time and have no "due date." i'm right alongside you again. just looking to expand my horizons and less limiting :)
I think that I have a small touch of a cold/sinius infection, which I am doing my best to avoid becomeing full-blown congestions.
I did go to the church-lady dinner, and I'm glad that I did, but while I had planned to leave at 6pm, I didn't get out of there until closer to 8:45p. It was 9p when I got home. It was a smaller group this time, and most of the "fun" gals didn't show up, but I appreciated the smallness of the group. It was 4 older, widowed women (except for 1 whose husband has Parkinsons), and then 3 of us "younger" (meaning 40-50) gals, of which I was the only married one; the other 2 are divorced. It was interesting to hear the older women talking because I figure that's me in about 15-20 years, presuming I stay in good health. Or if not me, then where my mom is at now. The anniversary of my step-father's passing is coming up in January....
Anyway, back to diet-chat, not very keto/low-carb friendly at all. Long story short, I ended up having a small green salad, and Italian sausage and meatballs (probably made with bread crumbs, so now low-carb). I passed on the mostaccioli. And I could not resist nibbling -- I swear, literal nibbles - on a few cookies. Why can't I just pass this stuff up????? SO FRUSTRATED -- to me, this tells me that I'm not really in maintenance, still needs work on that.
Which brings me to a realization I had this morning, when I read Gains entry (& Bear's comment) and Bear's entry. Gains mentioned today that he is tired; yesterday he wrote about incorporating (maybe) some kind of fitness goal once he reaches maintenance. Bear mentioned that she's looking forward to a time when she doesn't have to count points any more. THIS is what I'm struggling with, but just couldn't identify properly.
I'M AFRAID OF BEING IN MAINTENANCE. Is this why I lost more weight after my goal weight? Is that why I'm trying keto? Shouldn't maintenance be about being able to relax a little? It seems to me as though there should be some incorporation of beingn able to relax a little bit. For example, perhaps my dinner outing last night WAS a successful practice of wise choices and moderation. So why doesn't it FEEL like a success? Last night's dinner as a "maintenance success" just occured to me -- I was looking at it as a keto failure rather than a maintenance success - if it was that; it certainly didn't feel like a success....
I guess what it comes down to is that I'm not comfortable in this "After" life: loose clothing, new wasy of eating, consistent (compulsive?) on the exercising. Wow...
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!
So this time, I won't be relaxing at the beginning of maintenance. It will still be a struggle, just with a few more daily calories allowed. Also on the days where I'm still <170 lbs on my morning daily weigh-in, I won't be recording my food. Mentally I'll still be limiting myself, but it will be a little less formal. I'm fully expecting to hover around 169-172 for awhile, before hopefully settling into the high 160's. I'm expecting to fully struggle with maintenance for the first few months. As I get more used to it, I'm expecting to be able to start relaxing slowly. Maybe I'll be at a place by early Summer where maintenance is mostly just my new way of life? Or maybe I never get to that point and it's always a bit of a struggle? I don't know the answer at this point. When I weighed 283, I had various minor issues / troubles / insecurities / etc. Now that I weigh 100 lbs less I still have minor issues / troubles / insecurities / etc. The issues and other things are different based on the different weights, but neither were completely easy. So I guess if I'm going to have minor issues anyway, I'd rather be at this thinner healthier weight while dealing with them.
My wife and daughters don't worry a bit about their weight and are all thin / healthy. They don't have to work at it and it just happens. They can relax. I really want that to be me. But I don't think that's ever going to fully be a possibility. Seems like everyone has their own struggles and own strengths. I don't want food / weight to be my "forever" struggle, but am slowly coming to the possibility that it might be. On my vacation, spent quite a bit of time talking with an aunt, brother-in-law, and mother-in-law that have all been obese most of their lives. They are all nearing their own goal weights this year / early next year (again). Them and myself all discussed the same exact tendencies and issues with food / dieting / maintenance. On the other side of the spectrum is my father-in-law, sister-in-law, wife, kids, nephews. They all eat whatever they want, yet remain slim. Why did they hit the food / weight / metabolism lottery?????? Again I don't know. The only thing I do know is that at present and for the forseeable near future, I have to be vigilant concerning my food intake. Someday I hope that changes, but when I initially enter maintenance I'm sure it'll be anything but relaxing.
Sorry for the somewhat rambling lengthy reply. It's more for myself in just working out my own thoughts / plans / future.....
If you're like me, time will be a main factor in when you finally start to feel more relaxed.
Some days, it's OK: I like to try recipes, exercise, whatever. Other days, it's like, wish I were naturally thin.
sounds like you ate really well, donkey. being very moderate. if i were at the party, i'd eat very similarly if not the same as you! a few grains in your meatballs aren't going to throw you. i'd take a sweet cookie too. you're normal! taking a few is better than going home to eat the whole house!
I'm glad I went too. Being an introvert, sometimes I have to push myself to get out. I'm usually glad that I did (go out), just the act of stepping out is the hardest part.
I'd be totally bored if someone told me i have to only eat the same thing for breakfast, for example, for the rest of my life. Spice of life. It's good to change things up. Life is meant for experiences and even people like us who enjoy a routine and counting and all...we like a change or a break. as much as we like the scale, we hate the scale. as much as we like having a job, we like a vacation from that job. as much as we like exercise, we sometimes want a break from exercise...etc etc...
so, it's only (in my opinion) normal that you'd want to continue on the journey you are on the try new things.
but we all know, all of us right now on this site, that "diets don't work." it's the whole lifestyle change of learning how to incorporate everything we've learned along the way into our individual lifestyles to make it work for each of us. so that's what you are doing.
like i said to you the other day, carbs promote happiness. let me look it up exactly so i can be more accurate now..but there's a reason we eat them.
why i do keto desserts is because they "stick with me" longer at times...and the biggest reason besides some calories being knocked down is that they don't create the "sugar high and then sugar low" and then me feeling extra hungry. this is a main reason i like my low sugar "keto" baking. so i can eat the junk, but in my head i believe it's less junky. that's why i like keto.
however, the reason i'm not fully keto and wouldn't want to be, personally, is because i like carbs and they do make me feel good. they provide energy when i'm low or help pep me up for a workout.
i just like how keto, especially sweet things, is another alternative to help me stick better with calories and feeling decent and not "high and then low" after having a traditional dessert.
but that cheesecake isn't so filling...i will not make it again soon because it's not so satisfying. makes me want to eat more and more. grrr.
http://www.eatingwell.com/article/16138/6-reasons-you-should-be-eating-carbs/
https://www.mygenefood.com/carbs-addictive-make-us-happy-literally/
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Hoping you are having a better day today.