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Donkey - Tuesday Dec 25, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

Merry Christmas to all!  Even if you don't celebrate Christmas, ANYONE can have Santa in their heart:  kindness, mercy, sharing, giving, welcoming, forgiveness.  And it's not just limited to Christmastime, but all year around.  

Waiting for my grown-up kids to wake up, LOL, for presents.  So in the meantime, husband and I are doing some food prep for our Christmas dinner of Italian beef sandwiches, fruit salad, hummus with raw vegetables, deviled eggs, perhaps a green salad, and Patti LaBelle's sweet potato pie with whipped cream for dessert.

Fortunately (?), I didn't have many problems with all the sugar from yesterday's late lunch surprise.  I learned that when the unexpected comes up, I really need a go-to plan.  I did not have dinner yesterday, because I was still full.  I felt munchy around 8p when we settled down for games, and could have had raw vegetables with dip, but opted to continue to fast from 4:38p until about 9am this morning when I had 5% fat Fage Greek yogurt.  

Looking forward to just chilling out with the family today, but I hope to log in again at least once more.  Thinking of you all, wishing you peace and glad tidings!

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2018:
Yes, I totally had Santa in my heart today <3 It was a nice day and like you know i even saw my dad :)

OMG love those 5% fat yogurts. also the 2% i like because they are bigger, lol. but they are good to hit the spot.

i think your plan to fast was good as if you were hungry, maybe veggies wouldn't be good? Veggies never fill me, no matter how many...does this ever happen for you?

Enjoy your family. By me it was so restful my dad and i were just relaxing after lunch and the walk. so nice.

graindart on 12/25/2018:
Our day was a wide mixture of things. Calm early morning with wife and daughters. Stressful couple hours with extended family that likes to yell a lot. Mostly enjoyable family lunch. Pretty low-key afternoon & evening with wife, daughters, and their grandparents.

Keep reading about people eating the Fage yogurt. Have a couple other yogurt brands I eat on occasion, but still haven't tried Fage yet. Probably will pick up some to try when we get back home.

Donkey - Monday Dec 24, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

The keto gods must be watching over me...  I suggested that since we're all together this afternoon and evening, that we go out for a late lunch at a loca pizzeria.  The last time I went there, I saw someone getting a deep dish pizza (not Chicago style with all of that tomato stuff on top, but just covered in cheese) and I've been wanting one so badly -- even though there's no low-carbing my way around that crust.  So everyone thought that was a great idea.  Turns out the restaurant, family owned, is closed for Christmas Eve.  It's like a blessing from Above.  

So we're meeting up at another restaurant that also makes great pizza, but has a very varied menu.  I will get something that is more aligned with my plan.  I hope that I can get the family settled down tonight for a couple of games of Yahtzee or Uno.  

It seems to be rather cruel of my boss to have us go to work for 3 hours.  Not so much that we have to work, but that we have to get up early to do so.  I was up early anyway to workout and watch news, but had I not had to work, I might have slept in a half an hour or maybe an hour.

My charmed life book spoke about discretion last night, running along the lines of SHUT UP.  In a nicer way, to be more selective of who we speak to.  This is a chapter I think I need to re-read often.  It hadn't occurred to me, but that might apply to social media too.

EVENING EDIT:  So I didn't do so well at the restaurant.  I did very well until dessert.  My daughter ordered a chocolate brownie with a scoop of vanilla frosting and was too full to finish it.  She ate about half, so I finished the other half.  It might have been more than half actually, that I ate. 

I didn't even need it, as I was full from the big salad I had chosen.  But I won't lie: the dessert was SO good, especially since I haven't had sugar like that in so long.  BUT one of the side effects of laying off the sugar is that when you do have a lot of sugar, like I did, it can upset your tummy.  I took 2 Tums when I got home, and then I proceed to remain active, to help with the digestion.  I may or may not have bathroom issues later on.

My plan is to get right back on track with my plan, whether that be a snack tonight of raw vegetables or tomorrow morning for breakfast.

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/24/2018:
The restaurant situation worked out well. Bummer about work......Boss must have his reasons. I've been thinking about getting the games out around here too.......D said he would like to play a few of the old ones......good way to decide which ones to donate!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2018:
oh yeah - one of the hardest things about a workday is waking up for it!!!! yes, indeed. Waking up later is much less stressful, but you did it and it's done. Your boss obviously didn't have the early wake-up on his mind - most i don't think would be thinking that way for others?

hey donkey what's the name of the book and author? it sounds good. i may have to read it after the two i have in my possession now. and yeah, i will get it out of the library next if you can tell me what you are reading...i can use all the "selective speaking" help i can get :) it's def not more forte.

you know, you may have a sugar intolerance then ? or perhaps it's just because you didn't have it in awhile. at least it was GOOD. and at least you had a salad beforehand. those are the plusses :)

Horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2018:
Merry Christmas to you, hubby and your family!

graindart on 12/25/2018:
I've been saved by that type of situation several times. Sometimes I've decided to indulge in a dessert only to have them tell me they're out of it. Other times we've been going somewhere out to eat and decide to switch places because the line just looks too long. Not the ideal way to stay on-plan, but I'll take the win however I can.....

Donkey - Sunday Dec 23, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

Late morning entry for me because I was busy wrapping gifts.  I've wrapped up with wrapping - ha ha, get it? - and the husband and son are shopping for our Christmas meal right now.

I was reading the keto cookbook that I checked out of the library last night, only to find out that I'm not really doing keto because I eat sweet potatoes and eggplant.  I also enjoy having beans once in a while (and would probably eat more, except that I know they're high in carbs).  So then it goes on to explain that my approach is more "paleo" diet --- except that I eat dairy, which is not part of that diet!  I still think it's better to have a sweet potato with a little butter and salt than it is to have a bag of potato chips.  I'd rather have eggplant than a dish of pasta.  Bananas are better than candy. 

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/23/2018:
That's funny how you are not a diet, but mixture of diets! but i think that's AWESOME and similar to how i eat. I take the best from all the dieting guides out there to make one that i like! :)

sweet potatoes, even better than bananas, are so healthy. i wouldn't exclude them from your diet as the health in a sweet potato (NOT YAM as those are more sugary) is so healthy it'd be sad for you to stop. better for me during exercise would be a sweet potato, but i'm not there yet...

eggplant tho is nice and low calorie. and so tasty with a little olive oil, salt and pepper and grilled or baked i guess is the preferred way right?

Wait, why is eggplant bad! it's very low cal, just the oil adds up but so healthy! i love eggplant!

and yeah, bananas are high cal too, but, their nutrients are better than a serving of the real gummy bears (not yours) any day.

it's up to use to believe the hype or know that we are ok and are choices are ok for us!

you are doing wonderfully. go by what you believe sometimes you'll realize you have more gut feelings and knowledge about what's right than the author of a book or article on the internet.

Donkey on 12/23/2018:
Apparently, eggplant has a lot of carbs? which makes it bad? I looked it up, and a cup has 4.8 carbs, half of which are fiber. Um, that's NOT too much carbs.

I always brush olive oil (not bad) and sprinkle with parmesan cheese, salt & pepper, oregano. Nice side dish and fills me up.

BearCountryGG on 12/23/2018:
Rather your diet has benn mixed or not...it definately worked...and it gave you a wider range of foods which results in a wider range of nutrients.......I'm all for variety.

Donkey on 12/23/2018:
I think that's why it works for me. Those words you said, "No bad foods, just bad portions" is really staying with me!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/25/2018:
I wanted to comment last night, but my server was having issues all night and this site as well as others like Groupon weren't working! :(...so here i am now !

Donkey - Saturday Dec 22, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

So here's a twist:  Today, my usual scale, which usually weighs me lower (weighs on the 0.5 lb) weighed me higher than the Ironman scale (weighs on the 0.2), which is usually reads 1 to 1.6 higher.  I don't think that's ever happened before!  And I weighed in on both scales twice -- just to be sure that they weren't lying to me, of course.  The Ironman scale weighed me in at 124.4.  I'll take it!

Here's a fantastic gift from the boss:  he's letting us go at 12p NOON on Monday, instead of 3:00p as previously notified.  I know that this isn't really him being generous out of the blue, as the Christmas service (an "entertainment show" really) he is attending at the mega church Willowbrook is having their first service at 3pm.  IDK a church where you have to have a ticket to watch the service, doesn't really make it in my book.  But whatever.  He goes to church no other time during the year. (eye roll)

So today is my present to myself, by going to the library (LOL - you know me).  I have a book on hold for easy keto recipes.  I also plan to make gummies and chocolate keto ice cream today.  There is a recipe for dark chocolate mug cake -- cake you make in a mug - that I want to maybe have tonight.

Finally, wanted to let you know that our new kitty is coming out of her shy, skittish shell very well.  She's still skittish, but she does ask for pets, loves to play, will sit on your lap if she wants to, and joins any one or all of us at any given time.  She also let me trim her nails very nicely, even though I know she doesn't like it.  I don't like doing it either, but I told her what a good girl she was afterwards and gave her lots of praise and pets.  



Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/22/2018:
Good job maintaining another week in a row.

Donkey on 12/23/2018:
Thank you -- I almost didn't notice :) Seriously, every week I can stay +/- 1 pound of this weight is good.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/23/2018:
Darn those crazy scales :) i admit, living with my parents several years ago, there was a choice of scales :)

I'm SO HAPPY you are getting out early for MONDAY! :) well deserved, lady!

haha, well, i guess it's not really a service as you said. it must be a "money making" type thing to have this entertainment and people pay to go! it must be good / entertaining.

the cake in the mug sounds good because it's a single portion, nice.

i see nothing wrong with sometimes have a keto dessert for breakfast or dinner. tell us the ingredients for your chocolate ice cream. that's cool!!

what book?

ohhh, your kitty sounds so playful and cutie!!!

question, if i got a kitty, in the future, would she destroy my "fake leather couch"? do i have to "kitty-fy" my apt?

Donkey - Friday Dec 21, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I was so disrepected yesterday at work, but I didn't let it get to me, other than a little venting to my family at home and now here.  Goes back to "Do your job and SHUT UP."  But I did learn something:  Queen Bee is apparently quite upset that I took the bag of beef jerky that came in one of the gifts from a title company.  I didn't just take it; my boss GAVE it to me.  But that wouldn't make any difference in her reaction.  I found this to be quite amusing.  

My "Charmed Life" book once again had a timely chapter about talking less and listening more.  I find that a lot of people around me talk just to be talking. My husband does this, my Nice Lady co-worker does this, Queen Bee does this.  My boss continually repeats the same stories over and over.

Found 2 keto recipes for ice cream and mug cake this morning that I want to try.  Male Co-Worker is doing keto and yesterday was the first day I could really tell that he has lost weight.  I caught my reflection in the window (at work) and noticed that my Christmas-y outfit wasn't very flattering.  I'm not sure if it was the outfit or just the red Crocs that ruined the silhouette.  Darn my bad feet.  I admit that some of the pants in my rotation need to be taken out.  Yesterday's pants weren't one of those pairs, though.  However, my point is that I think that Male Co-Worker's outfit is what really showed off his weight loss.  My clothes could do the same, but they don't.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/21/2018:
Oh, wow. Queen Bee really is a queen isn't she. I know what you mean about people talking just to hear themselves talk. I can get that way sometimes, but for the most part I do a lot more listening than talking, and I definitely notice when people would rather hear the sound of their own voice than actually have a meaningful conversation.

Donkey on 12/22/2018:
She actually, literally slapped my hand away :(

horn_of_plenty on 12/21/2018:
Before i read your entry...isn't so funny how just "Do your job and SHUT UP" seems to be the cure-all at the office!? right!? There's a new guy (moved from other location into my NYC location) and he seriously says almost NOTHING. he really knows how to lay low. It seems it's also his personality. so, yeah. Suits him perfectly in the office he's in now, my old room, where talking is HUGE. he just stays out of conversation completely which is easy since the 2 women there can just talk to each other and he's input isn't necessary...

WOWWWWWW....so Queen B thinks she's gonna go all KETO and that you took "her" beef jerky huh!!!!!!!! hilarious. she needs to let this go that he gave it to you! I'm glad it didn't get you down as it's pretty hysterical.

Yep, if you just talk you will eventually forget there's anything new to learn from anyone. talking in general can get old in the office especially. yes yes yes!

the keto recipes both for ice cream and the mug cake sound AWESOME!

red crocs! how fun! that's so cool you have red crocs and wore them!

yeah, dress to flatter Jdonk! come on!

Donkey on 12/22/2018:
Your new co-worker is my hero.

graindart on 12/21/2018:
Went shopping with the wife about a week ago. I don't enjoy shopping, but wanted to get out of the house and spend time with her. Caught my reflection in a tall full-body mirror and wasn't happy with what I saw at all. It wasn't my body / face / etc that was the problem, it was my clothing. I've hung on to some of my old clothes that I didn't want to spend money on replacing. Namely jackets and a few other things. Medium is now my current size in most things, so anything X-Large tends to make me look like I'm sickly or something. While I look bad in the way too large coats, I'm also too cheap to go spend a few hundred $ to replace them right now. Made a mental note to replace my jackets at the end of winter when everything goes on sale. So at least next year I should be looking normal with my winter clothing.

Donkey on 12/22/2018:
The last time I bought new pants, I went to Goodwill and found very nice slacks (for work) for like $5 a pair. Since then, though, I've lost about another 5-6 pounds, so they do not fit as well as they might. Also, the Crocs totally ruin the effect. But they are so foot-friendly. I do not have a solution for that yet.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/22/2018:
re the question you asked about why is one person being treated so well in the office:

She's a really, really nice woman. She pretty much has the lowest job on the totem pole in the office as the one "secretary." She is a hard worker and her personality is the best there is as she's pretty much a happy person with quite a bit of responsibility. She's just turned 46 with a teenager and a 20 year old. One in HS and one in college, boys. She's divorced and her "happily ever after" dream of marriage and maybe not having to work so hard changed even before she got divorced. he has a good job as a sanitation worker which pays around 100K believe it or not! However, the ex, the sanitation worker, is into drugs - pot - and blows away his money even actually borrowing from her sons!!!! one of them works and the father asked for money, the son told her! the father doesn't act like a father but as a friend and isn't so helpful to her.

anyways, like many, this lady, my coworker, obviously didn't expect her life to turn this way. Some of her choices didn't end up in the way she'd expected....


however, she's well-liked and i think she might make less $ than me but i don't really know at all. how that works in our office. i really have no idea who makes what. it's a bigger office, around 25 of us working at the address where i am. and i really do not know. i can tell you my salary is also probably in the bottom third. I say this because besides for this secretary, the only other people which will make "lower salaries" are the CAD workers which work under the engineers to produce drawings. and i know for a fact my salary is similiar to theirs because my old friend Ricky (who i don't talk to anymore) had a salary very in line with mine.

Therefore, this secretary probably does have a salary sorta close to mine. it could be more, actually, or the same or slightly under. but i'm in the bottom also in our office in terms of salaries, now that i gave it some thought.

Everyone else in my office is an engineer or project manager. they make more.

So, to recap, i'd say 40% make around my salary and 60% make a bit higher or much higher.

OK...this is getting long.

So this woman. She's well liked by this man who actually has a title i haven't mentioned. he's special because he used to be an electrician before getting injured badly. he chose to come back to work YEARS ago (15?) instead of staying out on permanent disability and has tons of knowledge. he likes to work and be around people and he has a lot of information to share. he's married with twins and another daughter all in their late 20's . he's a happy man and enjoys life and he also gets along really well with...THE SECRETARY....

Horn_of_plenty on 12/22/2018:
So, she's (secertary) is nice and he (the "Coordinator/Manager" used to be field electrician) is nice. They have known each other a long time by both working at this company awhile (she's been here i think one year longer than me) and he's been here like 20 years.

Ok back to the point.

He is very generous to her. I think he feels bad for her and her story of divorce and how her ex even ruined any savings she could have had. she (supposedly) has no savings.

all is not bad though for her. she lives with her mom, father died, in a nice community in queens that i had the opportunity to drive thru and see.

her father passed away early in his retirement, unfortunately.

her parents had a house upstate, that she's now responsible to sell. Supposedly she has the share the profits with her other two siblings which makes no sense since SHE is the caretaker and closest now with her mom.

but like i said, all is not bad, she will inherit some of the price of what the house sells for. It is in the middle of nowhere tho, so it's not a market price similar to those here in queens or suburbs. it will not guarantee as high a price as she would have liked, but, once she rids herself of the house, she can have some savings. she wanted to have it sold, but is having trouble finding a buyer now as it's not seasonal anymore for homebuyers until the Spring. i guess she's in your boat with that, Jdonk.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/22/2018:
Supposedly, the main office (back in Queens where i used to work) does a Christmas collection for the secretaries (admins)). And Dennis wanted to "take care of her" this year like that.

It was his doing. He thought of Administrative Asst Day and he called it that, but i told him it was in the Spring. he wanted me to do the collecting part, so i did and he wrote the email for people to see me if they wanted to give for "administrative professional's Christmas Day!" i thought that was cute way of saying it.

She's the only secretary and around 20 people contributed varying amounts. the total came to $300.

In the scheme of things, if you REALLY think about it, $300 helps with a bill or one thing. or you an save it. but it doesn't change your life. So, i thought it was a nice gesture and i'm happy for her.

it was ALSO her birthday on THURSDAY.

usually for bdays, we don't go all out in the office.

we get cake or go to lunch. there's no "gift."

i don't know why they wanted to get her this workout bag.

i considered it over the top, outside of the $300, outside of any other little gifts people give.

i'm glad i wasn't asked to be a part.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/22/2018:
she gave me a scarf that i really like. (the secretary) and i looked the price up because i didn't get her anything else besides contributing to the $300. it was 15 from LOFT outlet, originally $30 i think. it's NICE.

also someone else, my neighbor grrr, got me something. also a scarf (color is very boring beige and really not nice) and gloves to match. It's on the NY&Co site as being (both items sold as a set) being $3.99. I'm not kidding. the scarf and gloves together are $3.99. I think originally $10. You'd obviously think more, but, i wasn't expecting something from my neighbor and now i have to repay obviously $10 or more.

i'll buy them both drinks next week for the secretary and the week after for the other one (my neighbor), since my neighbor is off next week.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/22/2018:
lol, i think i overwhelmed you.

i don't like gift giving. i'd rather save my $.

Donkey - Thursday Dec 20, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I did get a nice, long walk yesterday for lunch - about 45 minutes - but then by the end of the work day, I was really dragging.   I thought it might just be not enough calories, or hormones, but my feet hurt too, which is usually a sign that I've exerted a lot of activity.  So maybe long walks at lunch aren't conducive to a good afternoon at work.  Hmmm...

What I really love is that you could say I'm at "goal", and yet here I am, still trying to figure things out (walking, steps, keto, calories, stress management), experimenting (amino acids, collagen, etc.), and deciding what works and what doesn't.  

I've been reading a book that I bought at the library about a year ago (!) about living a charmed life.  Short chapters, an easy read.  It just so happens that last night's chapter was about taking time out for yourself and how important that is to do, to make yourself a priority -- and it doesn't have to be a huge chunk of time. I think they were talking about 5 minutes to be effective.  Wow, did that ever speak to me!  Especially in light of the desired coffee break I wanted yesterday and then my long walk today.  Maybe my breaks don't have to be consumed with walking or eating, but just really doing nothing.

I went to bed very early last night, around 8:30p was lights out.  I was glad to get the extra sleeping time.  I will check my fitbit later on today to see how much time I slept.  Once again, I've been falling under the 7 hour mark, which is not good and is probably contributing to this feeling of fatigue.

EDIT FOR HORN:  I was thinking more of prioritizing with respect to goals, not necessarily stronger workouts, as I feel like I'm more about pulling back, rather than ramping up.  That is to say, incorporating stretching or yoga, taking those real breaks, walking to destress, getting enough sleep (HUGE), staying positive & cheerful (you don't seem to have this problem, LOL), etc.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/20/2018:
I keep crossing the line between...Do it perfectly...balance everything out....and what the heck...i could get hit by a bus ( or more likely a tractor around here). So....I just smile....LOL

horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
Sometimes you gotta just take 5min of the workday and relax. It will help you.

I also cannot do, yet, superlong walks and feel recharged. For my 3mi walks home, i'm good up to 2mi and the third mile i'm still getting used to! Then again, sometimes my backpack is quite heavy or has some stuff in it so it's an extra weight on walk. But i do what i can and wear the backpack so it's least offensive on the walk and on my posture.

Remember, when adding in cardio, each week the rule is to only add like 10%. so, if you were walking 30 min, 10% = 3 more minutes. so, i'm sure in the future you could do a longer walk, but little by little. or maybe after your walk is a good time to re-energize with a coffee and small keto thing or carb.

this book sounds good. lately my books are on autobiographies and biographies of people who struggled in life lately it's due to prejudice but they come out on top despite the odds. the books i'm reading i'm doing so to keep reminding myself and learning how different life used to be for people and how much easier it is for me. it also is teaching me what traits are necessary for perseverance and dedication and reaching a new goal. What's required for change in your life despite the fact that it seems that everything is pushing you to remain the same or when i forget what it's like to lift myself up and realize that life is everchanging and it's in my own powers to make changes and not remain COMPLACENT. ________________________

wow an edit just for me!!!! yay!!!!... lol, you know in the past i have been SUPER NEGATIVE in regards to life situation and work. :) I have learned positivity a LOT from past and current coworkers. i see people who could complain and be negative and they don't. they live life on the bright side. lately i know that basically where i'm at in life now is of my own doing (and not doing). so, i know that if i want to change i have to make changes to get there. if that's making sense to you.

I'll say more on the sleep thing since you mentioned it as a goal. I agree 100% that it is bigger than big. It is huge. I see what top athletic people (but in normal jobs like ours) look like and see the difference between them and people who don't prioritize working out or don't work out at all. There is a BIG difference.

That difference that i see between the exercisers at a high level and the rest of the crowd is that i see that on continual lack of sleep i don't believe you can reach higher athletic levels without the risks of injury, exhaustion or sickness.

the reason i feel this way is due to my personal experiences and my perceptions. I had a boss, who is still a boss but back in Queens, NY in my old office not in Manhattan. He was super athletic. He had more flexible hours. He was a boss that's why. If he was out late, chances were he would be in late the next morning. If he was in early in the morning, chances were he'd leave early in the afternoon. He prioritized his sleep pretty well BECAUSE HE COULD. and also because he wanted to. He's 36 now. He got married, had two kids and did a ton in the 7 years i worked in the same area as him. He had energy.

But the reason he could look one way and feel decent is because he was able to prioritize better than most. And had a flex schedule.

However, that's NOT to say we can't. We just have to be smarter. And that's where i am at.

That's why i don't go out to the gym anymore. It's too time consuming, too tiring after a full commute.

I sound like i am complaining.

ok back to you. I do stretch. and so should you. the stretching and yoga is beyond important. I have to stretch. Sometimes in the morniing waiting fort he bus, i have no cares what other people think. I'll stretch my back and arms as i stand on line. i sometimes get up and stretch at work in my room or quickly in the bathroom.

Stretching is best AFTER you exercise when your body is warm and muscles have been in use and not cold and rigid.

Back to being cheerful. The reason i am "cheerful" and I admit a bit "complacent" with where i am at right now is because things are very good now. I have been moved to a room (and i'm alone today yay bc coworker is out with her daughter having a big deal with a cracked tooth at dentist). But even when i'm not alone, i'm here doing work with just one person.

It's actually hard to get into trouble at this point AS LONG AS I BASICALLY KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! :)

but i'm still working with FAR BETTER STAFF here at this office since last year. and my boss is OUTSTANDING. she's creative, just a year older than myself but intellectually i admit she's a superhuman type and can manage many different projects at one time as well as thoughts and conflicts. she's special. i got lucky.

lately the thoughts of being fired have gone. I have vacations in the near future. I'm getting some credit back on the problem i had with paying for the transit service i didn't use. I won $283 at a union meeting.

not to boast!

things in my life have improved from 2-3 years ago when i felt litterally dragged into hell with how things were going at work and with the coworkers back in queens and nasty queens women who thought it was fun to run other women over out of evil and spite. Literally.

but through my commuting and being among a different crowd here at work as well as on the bus and in the subways, i see life differently. and i see how lucky i am. with the union meetings, i no longer dread going. i realize it's one event every other month that i should want to go (lol, especially after winning $283 earlier this month). but also, it's good to challenge myself to do more than the minimum. to go there in hopes to take back with me the "one sentence of value" that someone spoke during that hour meeting.

and with exercise, not that IN GENERAL i work far less overtime and have better balance than i did a few years ago at this company, i GENERALLY (outside of this month) feel good on the weekends and can do the exercise better. and also i have learned to be more open to working out ANOTHER NIGHT and not the same night as a union meeting. i've learned to better balance with time and learned to switch things around and be more creative with plans. and also, a little bit, i've learned to say no and to realize when something or someone is "just not worth it."

I have a lot of learning to do and i'm sure even in ten years, when i'm 47, i'll be learning.

and in terms of your goals and mine, this is the year - THE FIRST YEAR - where a goal of mine in terms of FOOD is not only calories anymore. now i have JUST STARTED to think of nutrition.

because nutrition affects your mood and your energy and your body's overall condition.

it's important to see the big picture.

all your goals, they do tie into each other. they are influence each other.....

horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
oh...about you being at goal...

The word "complacent" comes to my mind again.

You aren't being complacent, no! But in order to be always changing and making yourself a better you, you may reach a weight goal, yes. But new goals must come into play or it sure does get boring. This is the good part for you. You've reached a good weight for yourself. Now, your goals can start to get more interesting. You have moved beyond needing to reach a minimal goal. Your ability to improve on yourself and your goals has reached a new level. and no, it doesn't all need to change at once. little by little. it's a good feeling when you do NOT always have to start back at beginner square one.

<3 <3 <3

horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
and of course, always, most who reach a desired weight will definitely need to keep it moderate, but it's no longer as aggravating or frustrating to do as you learn more and more in the process!

graindart on 12/20/2018:
I tend to get so focused on a major goal that when I final get there, it's almost a let-down because I just realize that the thing I've been working so hard towards didn't magically transform my entire life. Logically I knew all along that it wouldn't change my entire life, but I still dreamed it would. At that point, the achieving of the goal did change that thing for the better, but often times exposed other things that I would like changed. So that means setting another major goal. But I'm already so burnt out from working so hard and long to achieve the previous goal, that the last thing I want to do is fully commit to a new one. Which leaves me asking myself "when do I get to just relax and live a carefree awesome life like all of the TV commercials tell me I can?".

Anyways, Merry Christmas. Try to relax and enjoy Christmas-time with friends / family and I'll try to do the same.

Donkey - Wednesday Dec 19, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I'm having too much fun here on DD to go to work today...  If only that would work :)

Having a lower energy day today, so I will be focused on trying to get to bed earlier tonight.  I'm feeling muscle fatigue in my legs.. this is hormonal-related, but it's still my body telling me to rest, so I do plan to do that. It will be a nice day here in Chicagoland, though, so I do plan to take a longer walk at lunchtime again.  Hopefully, though, there won't be any negativity today, motivating me to walk more. 

My boss takes the month of January off to go down to Florida.  I plan to use his hiatus to take longer walks during January, too.  Of course, the weather has to cooperate.  I also renewed my supply of amino acid supplements to take after exercising, which is supposed to help with muscle recovery.  I'm actually just hoping it contributes to a leaner appearance -- oh Vanity, you always win in the end.   

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/19/2018:
Well, if it helps you drink more water, than those aminos are a win-win!

legcramps on 12/19/2018:
P.S. glutamine also helps with muscle recovery!

Donkey on 12/20/2018:
Thank you! Will do some research and keep this in mind. I started taking the amino acid supplements as a substitute for some stupid Advocare product that costs over $40. I can get 2 jars, more quantity in each jar, for just under $40.

BearCountryGG on 12/19/2018:
When the boss is away....the mice will play....for real>>>>LOL....Sounds like January will be extra stress free.

Donkey on 12/20/2018:
I hope so, although there may be additional work & stress because I will have more to do. The boss said that I should not be afraid to ask the associate to do as much work as possible. I would agree except that the level of confidence is not quite the same, and he's out of the office a lot, supposively in court, but sometimes he goes to the gym, to the bank, to lunch with his mom, home, etc.

horn_of_plenty on 12/19/2018:
yes, my body is in total low energy mode. Def need more sleep. I may just skip my workout Thursday, YES!, and do it Friday as i'm feeling quite beat. I think i'm going to need to sleep well a couple days in order to up my energy :)

Enjoy your longer walk. We enjoyed going into Sephora where i've gotten 6 free perfume samples over the past two days :)

Yes, i think the aminos are good supplements. I have them in my caffeine free drinks that i use before and during workouts.

have a good day, sleep extra. :) i think this time of year you need to.

Donkey - Tuesday Dec 18, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I wanted to log in this morning to recap yesterday.  I went into work with such a different attitude of serenity and patience, and yesterday, this served me well.

So I went into today feeling the same way, and until noon, it served me well.  Then I had a very ugly encounter with a title company representative, who had gone off on our buyer-client (yelling, aggressive, swearing), who called me all distressed. So I called the title company to find out what the problem was, and I got the same treatment!  Turns out they completely dropped the ball and then got mad because we (the buyer and myself) asked them to do what I had asked them to do last week!  WTH????

I immediately went for a long walk for my lunch hour, after letting my boss know what happened -- he won't do anything about it.  The walk helped a lot.  AND I found out that the secret to getting a higher daily step count is --- can you believe it? --- to talk longer walks at lunch time.  I get a whole hour, I can use the whole hour to do what I want.  Folks that stay at the office and eat in - either in the conference room or at their desk - usually only take 40 minutes. 

But it was really hard to recover from this episode...  I did not take out my frustrations by eating. In the past, I could have gotten a big bowl of potato chips and stuffed down my emotions with chips.  What I really wanted to do, after my walk, was to have a cup of coffee and just sit, but instead, I finished my lunch salad at my desk.  I didn't really get the chance to just sit and relax.

Male Co-Worker is doing a strict keto diet and having really good results with it.  He brought me several different flavored "fat bombs" to try:  chocolate, blueberry, and cinnamon.  During the course of the day, I had 1 chocolate and 1 blueberry.  I am saving the cinnamon one for tomorrow's 2nd breakfast.  In turn, I brought him a piece of the keto gingerbread cake I had made a few weeks ago and had to freeze because nobody here would eat it --- and I couldn't very well eat the whole thing by myself.  (I mean, of course I COULD, but that would not be helpful...)  I brought him only 1 piece because gingerbread isn't for everyone, and he uses monkfruit as his sugar substitute, while I use Swerve.  He said he loved my cake, so I will bring him a few more pieces and the recipe.  (I asked him to be honest, and if he didn't like it, that would be fine because I would be happy to finish what I gave him.)

You can be assured that I will be making my own fat bombs in the future!

EVENING EDIT:  I've been fighting the urge to eat something more, after dinner.  However, I'm trying to resist, because I don't think it's hunger.  Stress from work?  Hormones?  Fatigue/tired?  Anyway, I thought I'd log in to stay accountable.

PS  Remember that copy machine guy incident I was upset about on Friday?  Turns out that it was the Girl Who Makes a Million Mistakes made a mistake, and forgot to mention that she had gone ahead and said that someone could stop by on Friday.  When this was relayed to me on Monday by our regular copy guy, I said, "Well, that part about letting me know, never happened, and I think that caused a LOT of problems."  Everyone in the room agreed.

So it was a simple misunderstanding, that I mishandled, and learned a valuable lesson.  It's really too bad though that Million Mistakes Girl couldn't own up to this.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/18/2018:
It sounds like you handled everything really well!!!! I've heard of fat bombs....they sound good!

graindart on 12/18/2018:
Made chocolate fat bombs nightly when I was on low-carb for a month this Spring. Mine were basic with coconut oil, stevia, and cocoa powder. Then I'd refrigerate until it hardened. Tasted pretty good, low-carb, but high calorie.

graindart on 12/18/2018:
After dinner is always the time that I have such a struggle. I can go most of the day without eating much of anything. But as soon as I start to eat dinner, I don't want to stop. I've purposely been keeping the kitchen / pantry pretty sparse, with not much in the way of temptations. But it doesn't matter. I'm still tempted to eat non-stop on the same mostly boring foods I ate for dinner.

Donkey on 12/19/2018:
HUGE habit to break. Especially if I stay up late and watch TV. I've completely changed my evening routine now, which has helped. It's boring, but that is what has made the difference.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/18/2018:
sounds like a nasty title representative! hey, nothing you can do but realize that they probably reacted that way KNOWING it was their fault! maybe it's one of those people that never accepts they are in the wrong & the just get angry at the other party involved! at least it sounds sorta like that.

yup, same here regarding lunch. in general, i'm over-taking the time. i'm lucky, nobody is watching at all. it's pretty lenient and lately i make sure to go out. it's very healthy to go out, move around, before coming back to work for the next half the day! i feel better, for sure, after being outside. it's so healthy, not a joke! you know i'm in the city, so the variety of stores to go in and where to walk is pretty endless..i usually take 30min up to an hour sometimes. we are only given a half hour, but, like i said nobody is watching or saying a thing!

listen, have the coffee...is someone not allowing you to? i don't think people would even notice, no!? you have to do what's best for you, within reason, to feel good at work to do your best work and feel decent doing it, right? i'm just saying, do what makes you happy - people don't notice as much as you think.

oh nice! he made fat bombs! that is awesome. definitely somethings that i enjoy. so what else is in the fat bomb? cream cheese?

i also like fat bombs because they are small usually and just skip the sugar but have the nice sweet taste anyways with fat. satisfying snack or such!

so did you let the girl that makes a million mistakes know to speak to you, next time!??? i hope she knows...or she'll make a million AND ONE mistakes! hahaha

i'm glad you found out what happened. i'm glad everyone agreed. see? sometimes the truth comes out!

enjoy your night.

Donkey on 12/19/2018:
I really should have had the coffee. I wanted to have a fresh cup of coffee & a fat bomb and sit in the small conference room, just looking out the window for about 5 minutes. What stopped me? The fact that I had 1/2 cup of old coffee still in my cup from the morning... When will I learn to make myself a priority?

Donkey - Monday Dec 17, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

Woke up unsure if it was Sunday or Monday... thinking it was Sunday, and then realizing it was Monday.  This is usually not a good sign.  Then, my bathroom issues choose this morning to reconcile themselves, which means that for about 10-15 minutes, my cardio was interrupted by frequent trips to the bathroom.  Not so great.

I am hoping that this week is a bit quieter at work.  One thing that has become abundantly clear to me is my unhappiness in relation to my job.  I want to think this through though.  Is it my unhappiness AT work?  Or my unhappiness WITH the work itself?   While I could have said this a few years ago,  that the opposite was true,  work is not going to be the source of  happiness and fulfillment.  I suppose it seldom is, although, like I said, a few years ago, it was quite fulfilling and satisfying to work where I do and what I do.

I've been toying with the idea of going more keto in 2019, but last night, I realized that in the past, when I've reached my goal and try to take eating to a higher level, usually vegetarian, but this year keto, it backfires on me and I regain all the weight I've lost.  Wtih this realization, that this has happened repeatedly, I'm not sure I want to "devote" myself to eating one particular way.

But still having fun putting together goals, aspirations, and mantras for 2019!

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/17/2018:
I guess that is why they call artists..."starving artists"......they are doing what they love but they can't live on it..........one thing about working.....you can do it and make a little money or you can do it and make enough money or you can do it and make a lot of money...it's all work......I don't know if you get handed a pay check...or if you have automatic deposit....but i used to LOVE that paper pay check.....it was palpable...it was proof...that my work actually payed off........the thing about auto deposit..is that you almost don't feel the same gratification........The only way I ever knew rather I LOVED my job or not...was when I actually forgot it was payday......the jobs I didn't love....were finally enjoyable when the checks were handed out.

graindart on 12/17/2018:
Work for me is just a means to pay for what I want for my family and myself. I've never had a job I liked. I've almost always had jobs that have paid well, but have always wished to be somewhere else.

I've been in the current profession for 17 years and have pretty much despised it since year 3. I'd love to find an alternative, but this one pays well and also affords me a completely flexible schedule. The flexible schedule has allowed me to show up to pretty much everything that my kids have been involved with at school or outside of school. And I'm very thankful for that. It's also paid all the bills and even allowed us to be debt-free finally this past year (paid off mortgage last year after 15 years).

So I don't like my job......but since I have to have a job, it's the one that gives me the most benefit for the least time required. Of course if I ever figure out something else with better reward to time ratio, I'll change in a heartbeat.

I've basically given up on the notion that I can ever have a job I enjoy. To me, that would be called a hobby..... And hobbies have never made me a penny.

horn_of_plenty on 12/17/2018:
it's true, people like me and you are def better off keeping our mouths shut MOST of the time. MOST. not all, but most. I have learned this a THOUSAND times. we just do NOT have that "gift of the gab" and high ability to be so social and everyone to like every comment we make...we are NOT outgoing folks. and there's nothing wrong with that!!!!!!

meaning, i'm just saying, we are better off and more content just to come in and do our work...of course we DO have to talk and get along with our coworkers...and we do!...but, when needing to make a point or argument, BOTH of us need to realize that it's best we shut up even if we think we are right...especially me, regarding that.

but also one piece of advice i want you to remember is a job is a job...of course we want to love it...and we need to try to enjoy many aspects of our work, but we will NEVER like EVERYONE we work with, so, better off trying to stay at one place working as long as possible bc if it's a problem with certain people, there will be annoying people wherever you go. My mom is now having issues. she's REALLY NOT social. so...yeah. and she's an administrator in charge of people...yeah, strange.

LOL at least your bathroom issues are resolved before the day starts :)

so exactly - regarding work: this is why you also have to make sure you are prioritizing your time OUTSIDE work. you have to do fulfilling things to look forward outside of work...to keep living life.

i like keto for desserts and a lot of meals i make are more low carb...but i end of eating carbs with my meals anyways. like a side i usually love carbs. it's never the main part of a meal, when most usually it's not. however, just remember one thing, that dieticians have shown us for a long time that carbs are necessary. we know there's good things to gain by them. i do not eat low carb, just moderate, def not high carb. but do what makes your mind and body feel good.

we both know that anything not in moderation is prob not healthiest.

still, i do love my keto desserts and crockpot cabbage dishes!

Donkey - Saturday Dec 15, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I'm leaving for a meeting at the volunteer legal clinic I serve, soon, but was so happy with today's weigh-in that I wanted to share the good news with you!

I didn't follow my plan as much as I should have, but I feel like I learned a lot how to handle these sorts of situations, especially when comparing the Thursday party with the Friday party.

I will post reflections and more after I return home!

EVENING EDIT:  I think I have learned more yesterday and today than I have all year.

More notes about the office party:  I was not as diligent about water intake as I should have been.  Unfortunately, I finished my water bottle (24 ounces = 710 mL) on my drive to the restaurant, so when I got there, I ordered a seltzer water (carbonated water)with a slice of lime.  That was wonderful!  But I should have asked for a refill and I didn't.  I also didn't drink as much water as I had originally intended. If I had my water bottle full of water PLUS the seltzer (12-14 ounces = 400 mL) then I would have been able to drink water like I had wanted to.

So I got to the party, and the 2 male attorneys and the Nice Lady were there.  Nice Lady is attached to the Associate attorney; she's one of those gals who seems to prefer to hang around men than women, I think.  So they had ordered appetizers:  fried cheese curds, fried onion rings, and chicken & cheese quesadillas.  I was so tempted to take one of the quesadillas, scrape everything off of the tortilla and just eat the filling, but that seems kind of rude & obnoxious.  So I had 3 curds (chunks, really), and I think I ended up having 4 onion rings.  I ordered a chef's salad, which was a basic iceburg lettuce salad with a TON of deli meat - the perfect low-carb, keto thing to order.

It was after the salad that I realized that my problem with the pizza party the day before is that I didn't eat enough.  That triggered the "munchy" feeling all afternoon.  I needed to have added more protein to the salad itself.

So lessons learned:

  • Bring plenty of water, don't be afraid to ask for water, have enough water!
  • Make your meal substantial enough so that it fills you.

The Thing I Learned Today

So one thing that I didn't mention about Friday that really bothered me last night and still bothers me today is that I totally went off on the copy machine guy that dropped in by surprise on Friday, right before we were closing the office for the party.  I didn't order his service; our real Guy is coming Monday morning to replace parts because this BRAND NEW MACHINE can no longer print jobs from our computers.  I have a feeling that the Girl Who Makes a Million Mistakes ordered this without clarifying with anyone, because that's kind of how she is.

So this guy shows up, I'm like, We didn't order this, we don't want this, you need to leave soon.  He's like, It's a service call, I'm just here to get your copy machine up to where you can make copies and scan.  I think all he did was turn on the machine and then he left.

But it really bothered me that I went off on him like that.  I mean, So what?  What do I care?  Just do my damn work and go to the party.  It's not like I'm the office manager or anything.  Why did I have to be like that?  Why do I always have to be like that?  Testy, impatient, cross?

When I was at the legal clinic meeting today, I was observing other people and what they had to say, and how they acted.  And it just hit me like a thunderbolt:  I AM *REALLY* UNHAPPY.  And this is of my own chosing!  If given a choice, I choose to see the glass half-empty.  I'm quick to point out negatives before positives.  I'm a "Let's get this done" rather than "Let's enjoy this".

The speaker this morning was talking about how each day, he starts his day with Psalms 118:24:  "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice..."  You know what Psalms I wake up to every morning?  Psalms 56:1:  "Be merciful to me, O God, because man would swallow me up; fighting all day he oppresses me."  Yep, every freaking day feels like a battlefield, and I'm sick and tired of fighting this war!

I'm sorry if you've gotten this far, as this really has nothing to do with dieting.  But THIS is part of what I'm going to work on in 2019.  Remember, it's my Year of the Remodel, both outside AND inside.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/15/2018:
I hate you......and your stupid scale...... :)

But seriously, congratulations on your continued maintenance. Glad your scale is cooperating. Happy to see people that can navigate the regular world and still be mostly in control of their food.

Donkey on 12/15/2018:
Thank you. I have to say, I didn't weigh myself twice, which I usually do (to make sure it's not lying, of course).

I did get a chuckle at your comment ;)

BearCountryGG on 12/15/2018:
Congrats on the drop....and dealing with the holiday festivities well.......when you say you didn't follow your plan as much as you should have....I consider that a shake up......doing something different tricks your body into changing it's tactics....funny how it seems...like our head and our bodies are 2 very different entities......that's why I say I find it easy to trick myself...LOL........the head thinks up new tricks...and the body justs reacts to them....

Donkey on 12/15/2018:
Thank you! It will make more sense when I write about it, but I also had a few bites of non-keto appetizers. That's not what I meant about going "off plan" but that's a good example of doing just that! And surviving it!

BearCountryGG on 12/16/2018:
Love the happiness is a choice option.......

Donkey on 12/16/2018:

graindart on 12/16/2018:
Commenting about some of your later added entry.

Was riding around with the wife last night running errands. One of the topics I brought up was "Why do I let things bother me that have nothing to do with me? Why do I care what other people are doing when it doesn't affect me?".

One of our stops was Walmart, where my oldest nephew works as a cart wrangler. He's 20 and has been working this same entry-level position for the past year or so. I've mentioned to him a couple times that he should cross-train into new positions and work his way up to better positions and higher pay. Something with a possible future. From my perspective he has no drive, still lives at home, doesn't have a full drivers license (learners), relies on mommy to shuttle him back and forth to work, and just watches tv or plays video games in his off time. What he does or doesn't do really doesn't affect me at all. So why does it bother me? Why do I care that he isn't motivated? Currently I choose to dwell on negative thoughts that I don't have control over and that don't affect me. That's just plain dumb on my part......and needs to change.

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
Thank you - this was so helpful to me (more than you know). I'm not alone in this.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/16/2018:
i didn't have access to a computer last night so i waited till i was back in my apt today to write some comments towards this entry bc you def left me with some thoughts i wanted to add!...

firstly, you give more than you give yourself credit for! your volunteering and also the church group you take part in...as well as helping your hubby and kids..those are all ways you give that not everyone in this world does. I hope you smile when you think of all you do for those in need as well as those you love. STAY POSITIVE!

Regarding the office party and things you'd want to do slightly different, like more water, MORE POWER TO YOU! Yes, Jdonk! you are the boss of you and you get to decide and ask for what you want! yes, do not feel ashamed or nervous to speak up for what you want in these situations :) i'm totally with you on ordering another glass of seltzer, etc. :)

will write more after i post this in fear of losing a comment...

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
What's done is done. All I can do is learn from it, which I have, and try to become a better person.

I may be too hard on myself - in fact, I'm sure I am, as many folks would just say WTF and move on.

But I think you and I have learned this year that, at work, we just need to SHUT UP. I really would like to make that my focus at work in 2019: more listening, less talking.

Horn_of_plenty on 12/16/2018:
well, that is weird she ordered a diff mach service guy. i guess you were caught at an inconvenient time hence what happened between you and him...you can forget it now though as it's really not a big deal. However, to prevent it from happening again, you (or whoever is in charge of ordering the printer repair people / copier machine service tech) may need to communicate with the person who most prob ordered the wrong person...to prevent it happening again :)

You are more than capable of turning the cup around, per se and seeing it as half full :) At other times in my life, i have def ONLY been the "poor me" thinker at all times. so i understand. but of course thru more reading as now i'm reading daily on my commute which adds to like 40 min of reading time both ways per day....so, yeah, like 1.5 hours of available time to read everyday!...well, back to my point: now that i'm reading, soul searching,learning and changing, i cannot help but see through myself and more how people grow and change in the world. and my point is this: THE CHOICES WE MAKE ARE WHAT MANIFEST WHO WE BECOME IN THE END.

what i'm saying is, you ARE in control of your destiny. you ARE in control of your happiness too. keep your head up. take time to do for yourself.

also, i'd like to mention that i was not in a good state of mind when i was eating too low carbs...i'm not saying low carb, i'm saying "too" low carb. i need the seratonin and other stuff that carbs provide to keep my mind at ease. you may need this too if you are feeling so down? i could be wrong. i'm just saying.

i love keto stuff too though. and a lot of what i make and bake will continue to be more of that realm.

Just if you are feeling down, i urge you to do things in your life that will bring you up. maybe you need a change...then again, you said that's what you want to do in 2019! so, like i said earlier, that is MORE POWER TO YOU.

i am totally in your boat with all you are looking to change and adapt in 2019...i have similar goals. and they are wonderful goals to have. keep your head up. and try to be thankful for what you have...see it the other way of how you are doing a lot better than those less fortunate. i'm easily reminded of this everyday, usually on my commute is the biggest and most apparent reminder..

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
THANK YOU for reminding me that sometimes being too low on the carbs can really affect how we react. I will really try hard to remember this.

I'm gonna start a list of daily reminders to focus on in 2019, like a mantra.

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