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Donkey - Monday May 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I feel like this weekend was too short.   I could use an extra day.  Well, this coming up weekend, with the Memorial Day weekend, I will get that long weekend.  If I recall the work calendar correctly, today will be a busy day, but most of the time-sensitive tasks are not mine?  At least I hope I'm remembering that correctly.

I have yoga tonight.  I wanted to reach out to the teacher on Tuesday or Wednesday, to decide if we should resume this week or just start up again in June.  Well, last week was awful, and the days just got away from me.  I went with my gut decision and said, Sure let's have yoga.  So I will NEED to go home AT 5pm tonight, so that I can have a light dinner before class (at home, Zoom).  We're switching to a Yin format, which is poses held for minutes on end.  That's good -- I need a good stretch and relax.  No bike ride tonight, no weights.  Just chores afterwards and then bed.

I went to bed at 9:28pm last night.  It's better when I turn out the lights closer to 9pm, but I wasn't ready to end the day, I guess.  I woke up naturally right before my alarm clock went off.  It was hard to get out of bed.

I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon.  I was one of 3 people wearing a mask, and the one lady took hers off once she got to the weights area.  (Some - but not all - staff were still wearing masks.  no more temperature checks at the front desk, either.)  I will continue to wear my mask for another 1.5 weeks, until I have the "full immunity" 2 weeks after the 2nd shot.  But I confess that my comfort level at the gym has shifted.  Is it a COVID thing or is it just my discomfort with change (any change)?

Yesterday, I was talking to my daughter about having difficulties with changes (any changes), and she said, "You're thinking like an old person."  Oh dear, I think she's right.  But I don't think that it's because I'm getting hold that I have this reluctance towards change.  I think most of it stems from trauma suffered during my childhood and such, where changes were usually life-altering and unpleasant to readjust.  Repeatedly having to get used to a "new normal" time after time.

I have faith in the vaccine, so I should be OK.  It's just hard as an introvert to see the world re-opening.

Other trophies and small victories from the weekend:

  • Repotted my plants.  Not as relaxing as I had hoped, but still - got it done.
  • Completed almost 10 pieces of the cat puzzle, surpassing my goal of 5. 
  • Read my one book last night.  One book is a memoir of loneliness, and it's just too painful (and close to home) for me to read right now.  So the other book - which I'm glad I grabbed off the shelf impuslively, is about a woman, disconnected from the modern world (COVID, politics, etc.) and her journey to reconnect to the world.  I believe she does this through a series of long walking journies around the world, but I'm not sure yet because I haven't gotten that far, LOL.  I think I might be able to learn from this woman. 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 05/24/2021:
I have tried to be extrovert - but I do not have the gift for the gab. I thought once I did, but after a traumatic experience I don't even try anymore. I get it. I was talking to a Major one morning before PT (Physical Training- I was still in the military) and he asked, Hi Sergeant how was your weekend (this was the Tuesday after Memorial Day) I said, great and went on to list all the activities my little family did from cash wash fundraiser, picnic, zoo and the parade on Monday...a great weekend I went on to say....His reply was...I didn't really care, I was just asking to be polite. This has scarred me my whole life. Every time I talk to someone i notice if they are paying attention or looking off wishing I would shut up or stop talking, So I am aware of people's cues and/or attention span. It's uncomfortable to me...people. Anyway, you didn't ask for all of this, but I get it!


horn_of_plenty on 05/25/2021:
jacky had a point saying maybe you can go visit your son earlier instead of later?

yoga tonight sounds fabulous! when i did bikram, it was minute-long poses and i liked it, helped with balance and flexibility and strength. i like it more than fast moves in yoga.

my comfort level with covid is more too. i take it off when walking around the city, only put it on in the supermarket or around a bigger crowd or the subway of course i do wear it...but i am relaxing my ways too.

nice job on your other weekend accomplishments <3 i like to list them too, and it feels good to get them done.



Donkey - Sunday May 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Good morning!  It feels good to say "good morning" - it's like saying it makes it so.  I'm feeling a little more edgy-er than I would like to feel.  Anxious?  Upset?  Not sure...  I was SO proud of myself on Friday evening, leaving work, saying to myself, "I MADE IT THROUGH A HELLISH WEEK AND SURVIVED!"  That seems so long ago...

The hike was very good yesterday.  If you read my comment to Jacky on yesterday's post, that will tell most of it.  It was a little too much for my husband.  Too hot, too steep in some places.  He was feeling sore in the afternoon and woke up in pain this morning.  He lives his life in pain, because of his disability, and there are other factors that would contribute to this extra pain - medicine day, rain, etc.  Still, I am glad that he went, and I'm glad that I went.

I had a nice workout at the gym.  I was 1 of a handfull of people - other than staff - wearing a mask.  That's OK I don't care.  Let them think I'm not vaccinated and I'm actually following the CDC rules.  I was amazed at how many people there are already fully vaccinated --- insert huge eye roll here.  Of course they aren't.  All they hear is "no more mask" and throw abandon to the wind.  I plan to go today as well, to do lower body weights.

I've upped my water intake to about a gallon a day.  I usually go over that, but not always.  I haven't felt or seen any difference in my weight or body, other than having to go to the bathroom more often.


 

Odds and Ends:

  • I managed to fit 3 puzzle pieces yesterday so I'm already near my goal of "at least 5".  Slow and steady wins the race.  Kind of like weight-training.
  • I'm feeling pressured by various members of my family about vacation plans.  I don't think people really KNOW how busy I am at work.  I could take a week off to go to Montana in August, but I feel like that would put such a burden on my co-workers to cover my desk.  My son feels that September would be too late, because there's a risk of snow - I don't doubt that.
  • I have laundry to take care of, and I'd like to repot one or 2 of my plants today.  Repotting is very relaxing for me.  
  • Did not read yesterday, but I will try to do so today.

 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/23/2021:
You are one busy beaver. Busy is good. In that kind of humidity, I’d stay behind like your husband did.

Wow! Snow there in September? We’ve had snow late October, and late May, but not sept.

Donkey on 05/24/2021:
Apparently, Montana weather can be very unpredictable.

Anyway, September is out, and honestly, I don't think I can make it this August. And with the eviction moratorium ending June 30th -- work is going to be very unpredictable for the next few months.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/23/2021:
yeah, i could see any hike hard for your hubby bc to be honest, i struggle lately with my ankle/left leg.

luckily, we walked slow and stopped a few times yesterday. rather, i walked slow. parents went up ahead. what can i do, i wasn't comfortable with their pace and they didn't care to walk slow with me.

my left calf was getting stiff walking due to being constantly a little tight, but luckily i'm ok today because i'm mostly on the couch and it's a good rest before tomorrow back to work.

so i can see that your hubby would have a hard time. it looks like his legs may cause him some problems near the calf/foot. i certainly hope he feels better. will he take pain meds or anything?

i guess you are smart to wear the mask at the gym, it certainly is confusing bc the non-vacciners, not all but many, want to just take their masks off too - and they do some of them - like you said. my teacher friend thinks it's great her friends are vaccinated and thinks oh well she can take her mask off too around me, etc.

sometimes when i drink too much water, it has a bad effect where i want more food or salt...do you ever get that?

Donkey on 05/24/2021:
I don't know if I asked my husband if he took pain pills. He has the OTC stuff and then when life gets really bad, he has prescription pain medicine, but he avoids taking that if he possibly can. It's been a while since he's had to dip into that.

I recently bought some CBD gummies, which taste awful but apparently help with relaxing -- too relaxing for work, but good if one wants to take a nap to "reset" the pain.

I'll write more about this in today's entry but I'm rethinking the gym again...


Jacky82020 on 05/24/2021:
Donkey, what about sooner, June or July?



Donkey - Saturday May 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Good morning!  Today is the morning that should have been yesterday, lol.  It's Saturday and I'm so happy it's the weekend.

I am getting ready to participate in a hike with the disabled veterans' group this morning.  We'll leave around 8:15am.  Like Horn, I have no expectations other than to be walking/moving and outdoors.  I'm not expecting a "workout" or any major challenges.  I plan to stay by the Husband, and go at his pace.  If he feels that it's too much, then we can go home.  Fine by me.

I've recovered from the 2nd Moderna shot, and I have to say, I have no regrets.  I would completely do it again.  Need a booster?  Sign me up.  In 2 weeks, I will have "full immunity" but I still plan to wear my mask in certain indoor situations (and maybe certain outdoor situations, although I'm not one for big social gatherings) and social distance.   


New Guy made an announcement at work yesterday that "clean eating" starts for him today.  I've also been inspired by this fitness guy on a FB fitness page, who said that for the next 6 weeks, he's going to focus on optimal nutrition.  Not dieting, not restricting, not bulking up, but rather creating a slight calorie deficit (to lean out) and choosing the most optimal nutritious food.  He'll be showing his progress on the FB page.

These 2 "announcements" made me realize that I haven't really been committed to my May goal of focusing on the eating part of this journey.  I might as well be weighing in every week!  The idea was to focus on food/diet, and not weigh in until the end of the month, to see if there has been any movement on the scale.  Well, I can pretty much say that I probably WON'T see much change in the scale because my eating hasn't changed all that much.

But I AM inspired by both of these guys - probably by New Guy the most because that's "in real life".  


I don't think I'll have time for the museum tour this week --- Field Museum of Natural History, focusing on the dinosaur exhibits.  I also want to go to the gym this afternoon.  Son will be calling today.  Work on the puzzle - my goal is 5 more pieces this weekend.  Neverending laundry.  And I would like to read some of the 2 library books I have checked out.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/22/2021:
Hey, that hike sounds great! Hope your weather is as nice as mine, upper 70’s, but low humidity and very pleasant.

Looks like we’ll need boosters once a year, like the flu. Never get the flu shot, only twice in decades, but will get the covid poke.

Weird seeing all the unmasked ppl today at Lowe’s and Walmart. I’m wearing mine for untold ages.

Donkey on 05/23/2021:
It was in the low 80's by the time we finished and very humid. The loop was a mile, maybe 1.5 miles. It was very taxing for my husband. We had to stop several times to rest. At one point, the group went on a very steep hill that overlooks everything. I REALLY wanted to do it - didn't say this to him - and Husband said, "oh what the heck, let's try it." I talked him out of that. I'm really glad that I did. I ran up about half way and asked him to take a photo of me. If the group hadn't been hanging around the apex, I would have gone all the way up.

When I returned to Husband at the base of the hill, I told him, Good thing you didn't try it. It gets quite challenging where I stopped for the photo.

I too plan to wear my mask indoors for quite some time. People can look at me like I'm batsh*t crazy. That's fine with me.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2021:
sorry the second shot had you feeling tired, that's a reason in itself why you might eat too many carbs.

gotta say, i prefer lately more carbs and always less protein. well not lately, like, for two years now and more.

i was also extremely tired friday before Jury Duty. I got out of bed as late as possible and left my apt so late that i got to JD actually late, almost 10 min late (it wasn't a big deal). but well, that's a first for me. i was extra late due to an entrance of a park i had to walk thru being closed and having to walk more, but, i was really late just because for some reason i didn't care.

like you, if we need a booster, i'll do it. it's worth it.

it'll be interesting to hear about new guy and his focus on eating...feel free to share.

i have 3 library books checked out, LOL, lets hope i can finish one also! ebooks...

Donkey on 05/23/2021:
Stress, fatigue, shot -- all definitely explanations for the higher carbs. I'm OK with it -- well, not really, it is what it is. A big sweet potato probably would have been a better choice.

I will definitely update on New Guy - or maybe even my FB guy. the FB guy is already in really good shape. New Guy started here in shape, but I can see that he's already starting to turn soft in the gut. That's from eating out with the Boss all the time.


Jacky82020 on 05/23/2021:
Wow! You done good on that hike!



Donkey - Friday May 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

 Running very late this morning so I am writing this on my phone,  during my bike ride. I just couldn't get out of bed this morning.  This needs to be a Saturday but unfortunately,  it's not. And I have one more day off this hell to endure until I can rest and relax. 

I have had milder reaction symptoms to the 2nd Moderna shot,  which is great. Mostly fatigue. I was in bed by 7:40p - no evening bike ride,  no weights,  and my evening chores kicked my butt. It was a little after 8p when my phone and my Fitbit were practically charged - I couldn't wait for 100% - and I went to bed.  I know I got a lot of sleep but I also know I switched sleeping positions a lot,  too.  Left side,  back,  right side,  repeat. 

Woke up and felt like I could sleep a few more hours. I did get up eventually but moving very slow. 

I ate too many carbs at dinner.  I was doing fine,  with grilled chicken on salad,  and then reached for 3 pieces of cornbread,  partly out of comfort (bad), partly out of fatigue (bad), and partly out of the need to get rid of it (also bad,  very bad).  

That dinner was the epitome of my struggles with food.  

WHY CAN'T I GET MYSELF TOGETHER ON THIS ONE PART OF MY LIFE???

 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/21/2021:
I’ve been eating too many carbs as well! Inexcusable since I just got a zillion protein drinks on close out.

Think fatigue is most common vaccine reaction. Me and the husband had it. He cut short his weight session, something he never does. But all better now.

Donkey on 05/22/2021:
I felt back to myself yesterday afternoon. I should be able to fully enjoy the weekend.


innerpeace on 05/21/2021:
FOOD IS THE DEVIL! Today will be a better day. Have a great weekend!

Donkey on 05/22/2021:
Sometimes I think it really is. It's like all thought processes of higher reasoning stop when there's cake or chocolate in the room.



Donkey - Thursday May 20, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I did not like skipping my lunch hour so that I could leave at 4pm for my 2nd COVID vaccine shot - definitely not ideal; I need that break.  Hopefully there isn't too much of a mess from missing an hour of work.  You'd be surprised how quickly things can just explode in the real estate world.

My arm felt sore on the drive home, but then that went away.  However, I woke up to a sore arm this morning.  At least I was able to sleep well.  I think it was lights out around 9:15pm.  Maybe a little later because Daughter had just come home and wanted to visit a little bit, which was nice.  I woke up before my alarm but stayed in bed, dozing in and out.  I can't say I feel well-rested, but I notice I'm not dead-tired either, so this is good. This bedtime goal seems to be working for me.

I'm hoping today is the last heavy day for TOM, so that I can have my energy levels back up.  Sorry to rant about this, but it's so draining, even with the iron pills.

No new drama at work, but just more of the same.  The next 2 days are insanely busy with time-sensitive tasks.  Male Co-Worker got bit in the butt again, trying to take a short cut, based on the direction from the Boss -- even though the title company had EXPLICIT directions on how to prepare the deed.  Boss said certain wording wasn't needed, and Male Co-Worker trusted his opinion/memory.... Guess what happened at the closing?  The wording was wrong, so Male Co-Worker had to do a new deed.  There ya go - that's where we're at.  So Male Co-Worker is somewhat in denial too. 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2021:
regarding below, your boss wouldn't be the first person to die at the job....ugh, crazy to say, but happens ALL THE TIME (strokes, heart attacks, all that.)

glad you are not insanely tired, maybe later you will feel it. keep us updated on your progress after the 2nd shot.

yeah, it is not ideal to have to rush, i do not like it either - and not have a lunch break, etc.

i KNOW you will be able to catch up with the work. it's an hour missed, hardly like a day's off or vacation! (i'm emphasizing not to regret missing an hour work).

sorry your TOM is bothering you. I'm glad i mentioned it here in my entry because i looked back and for some reason i realize i was "off" totally in my thoughts of when i should get it...for some reason, this month is HORRIBLE with leg thigh cramps mid-month...going on already a week. ah well...usually it's just before TOM, but this time, it's half a month before...i'm thinking it can even be an effect of the 2nd shot dose...

yeah....always add the wording in right!? always have proof. ha! sorry the deed thing didn't work out with the short cut...and example of a short cut being more like a LONG cut. hopefully it's a lesson learned...but since your boss is "ancient," he apparently doesn't use his "lessons learned" for any progress.


Jacky82020 on 05/20/2021:
Hey, no drama sounds like a big improvement! Yay!



Donkey - Wednesday May 19, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Oh my....   

Struggled with carbs at dinner last night.  Daughter brought home some pastries to try.  Then I had a few small cubes of cornbread.

It's a good thing that I'm incorporating weight training in the mornings because I'm finding that I can't always get it done in the evenings.  Last night, as I was getting ready for my evening bike ride, I realized that this data tracker thing I wear was missing.  I clip it on my pocket with a strong magnetic clip.  This is like the 3rd time I've lost it, because the magnet is so strong that sometimes it sticks to other metal objects I may encounter (chair, car, filing cabinet, etc.). 

  • I promised St. Anthony that if he helped me find the tracker this time, I would change the way I wear it, so I have the option of a lanyard around the neck or a wristband on the wrist that doesn't have my Fitbit on it.

I knew this would bother me if I couldn't find it.  It wasn't in the house.  It wasn't in the car.  I remember fiddling with it in the afternoon at work, when I was in the Boss' office talking about deeds.  So, in order to sleep better last night - I drove back to work (which broke my heart to do) to look for the tracker.  Fortunately, I found it quite quickly, but I couldn't help myself but to check my emails while I was there.  I have yet another new contract waiting for me this morning... *SIGH* 

But I was so happy that I found the tracker that I had a hard time falling asleep, when I finally got back home.  My routine was delayed, so I turned off the light at 9:24pm, and tossed and turned for a while.  TOM and cramps didn't help with that at all, even though I took pain meds before lying down.   

Woke up to more cramps and a heavy day.  Great.  Then I realized that today is my 2nd COVID shot   So as if TOM isn't hard enough to get through, physically, I may also have to manage any side effects from the shot (e.g. more fatigue).  However, because I had side effects after my 1st shot, I'm thinking (hoping) that the 2nd shot won't be so bad for me.


It was a relief to have Mistakes Girl back, but she was so busy catching up with New Guy's files that she did not have much time to devote to opening up new contracts or title work.  New Guy comes back today.  Ridiculous. Hopefully he can take care of his own damn files now.  I kept wanting to help her out and open up contracts, but I just never got to it.  Between phone calls, emails, new contracts coming in (that I prep in hopes of reducing mistakes), correcting Queen Bee's mistakes.....  I just never got to it.

Male Co-Worker was boasting in the morning that his files had slowed down a bit, so he had time to relax (and talk with the Boss, which has become one of his job responsibilities, apparently -- waste time talking to the Boss).  In the afternoon, though, he was threatening to retire, last day being Friday -- all in jest, but that's how it goes.  It's not really "slow" -- just the calm before the storm... or better yet, the eye of the hurricane. 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/19/2021:
Glad you found the tracker. I wear mine in an ankle pouch.

The job sounds so stressful,

Dang! And the second vaccine on top of everything else, you poor kid.

Donkey on 05/20/2021:
At the end of the workweek, I can look back and breathe with relief that I made through a really tough week. No shot side-effects so far other than a sore arm. Kind of like last time...


horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2021:
i could totally see you with the mascara at least and neutral face...not the eyeliner too...not everyday, that is too heavy a look.

will write much more later.


horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2021:
oh, i remember that my new coworkers also pray to St Anthony when they want to find things!!! why again is it to St Anthony???

also, like you, i'm only NOW (this year!) finding that i really prefer weights in the AM. Now that my upper body routine is short, doing it in AM is possible...and that's why it prob took me to now to realize i need to do it in the AMs as it's become an annoying hassle after work with this new job. It could also be that my commute is it's longest ever (not much longer than the other job in the city i had for almost 2.5 years before covid), but i guess every minute matters. Also, i like to walk on my commute home & the walking made me too tired to also do weights after that! so, the AM weights routine seems just "right." I guess that's how you feel too.

yesterday, there was a zoom meeting that i normally do not like to attend for a club in the union. however, it was easy to attend (i took the video portion off and cuddled with my guinea pig for the length of the meeting - like an hour) and wasn't angry for once to have to attend - bc my workout was done in the AM.

seems doing the workouts in the AM makes for a much more relaxing / enjoyable evening. food for thought.

like, if i even were to be in a relationship, evenings would be open and not be spent lifting weights - that's a good thing...

lol, i cannot believe you went back to work AND CHECKED YOUR EMAILS! lady!? but i'm glad you got the step tracker.

some women say they might have had heavier periods around the time of the shot. well, i can say my thigh cramps are bad this time around during PMS. hopefully i get it tonight or it's going to conflict with next week's GYN! those GYN appts are hard to sometimes plan in advance.

male coworker is OLD. i have a feeling he will retire soon. though, in my business (electrical union), members usually know they will retire - and put in for it over a year before. therefore, it's pretty planned, everyone is aware ahead of time...

Donkey on 05/20/2021:
Alls I know is that St. Anthony is the patron saint of lost things. At this very moment, I don't remember the story of how he became the saint of these things, but there you go. St. Anthony is one of my favorite saints. He's helped me find quite a few things that were truly lost.

I just couldn't resist checking my emails..... It's just like that...

I think once the Boss goes, Male Co-Worker will retire, presuming Nice Guy is up and running. The thing is, I don't think the Boss will ever leave. He'll die at his desk, or something...



Donkey - Tuesday May 18, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

In sync with Legcramps, I didn't think it could get worse than last Friday, but I think yesterday was the ver worst I've had in a long time that didn't involve a client blow-up.  Queen Bee constantly interrupting me.  Nice Lady into EVERYTHING, getting completely on my nerves.  The Boss said to me that he honestly had no idea how bad of a day I was having.  Well, sure you don't because you've been out at ONE closing for over 3 hours!  The man cares more about lunch than his practice!  Finding mistakes in both attorneys, and then I started making mistakes -- which was my cue to wrap it up and go home (on time).  I couldn't believe it was 4:21pm when I looked at the clock.  

Mistakes Girl comes back today and New Guy comes back tomorrow, and then hopefully we can start getting back to somewhat of a routine.  My biggest fear right now is that Mistakes Girl is going to realize that she came back to work too soon, OR that this isn't really what she wants to be spending her time with, and end up leaving us anyway.

It was lights out last night at 9:08pm.    I did not get a chance to read, because by the time everything was done, I had 8 minutes left.  So I scrolled through my Twitter feed and called it a night.  It was not as good of a sleep as Sunday night.  I woke up when Husband came to bed and realized I had cramps.  The cramps would have woken me up eventually anyway, so it's just as well.  Took some pain meds and went back to bed, but felt like I was having problems falling back asleep again.  Part of that was that Daughter had just come  home from work and was making little noises in the kitchen.  (My house echos something awful.)  However, I do remember dreaming, and then being glad that I dreamed, because that meant I had fallen asleep (finally).  I woke up right before my alarm went off, but lazed about for another 10 minutes.

Cut my cardio short by 10 minutes and did chest and tricep weights.  I can feel it in my chest/arms while I type here :-)  I hope to do more chest/tricepts tonight. However I realize that this may interfere with my "9pm Bedtime" goal --- which I think is more important right now, at least as long as work continues to be as stressful as it has been.  Weights, bedtime, bike ride -- none of that will work if I have to stay late at work tonight, so I'm going to be pretty firm about not staying late today.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/18/2021:
You’re very dedicated on your workouts!

That job sounds so stressful. Walmart? But would you take a big pay cut? Sometimes peace of mind is better than $$$$. All depends.

Donkey on 05/19/2021:
It would be $3/hr cut in pay to start, but with Walmart, is get raises, and insurance would be cheaper. So I would kind of break even.

Having written this just now, and thinking about previous conversations here, I realize that it's no longer a question of IF but rather just WHEN.


horn_of_plenty on 05/18/2021:
i also do not wear eye makeup for same reasons - sensitive eyes prone to styes and senstiive skin...write more later.

Donkey on 05/19/2021:
I'd love to be that person who wears black eyeliner and mascara in an otherwise neutral face, but sadly, it's not meant to be.


bearcountrygg on 05/18/2021:
That sure sound stressful!

Donkey on 05/19/2021:
As I mentioned to Mistakes Girl yesterday, the firm is a great place to come to forget your own problems, because you quickly get swallowed into the drama of the files (not to mending fellow coworkers).


Jacky82020 on 05/19/2021:
Sounds like a plan, Donkey! I’d give Walmart a go myself.


horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2021:
i could totally see you with the mascara at least and neutral face...



Donkey - Monday May 17, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Good Monday morning!  I just had a most fantastic realization:  LAST DAY WITH QUEEN BEE FOR A WHILE!!!  LOL, well, we have to find our joys where we can, right?

I went to the gym with my husband yesterday and had a great workout!  My husband and I really just do our own things, since we're at completely different levels of functioning and fitness.  But how nice it was to have someone there, to check in on, who checked in on me...  Because I had more time, and wasn't trying to avoid anyone there this time, I was able to get in a complete upper body workout. 

Inspired by Happy, I've set myself a goal of lights out by 9pm every night this week.  Last night, it was lights out at 9:13p, as I got caught up on my phone.  I watch make-up videos to help me relax, zone out...  but I can waste so much time just doing this.  So I forced myself to turn off the phone, turn out the light.  It took me a little while to fall asleep, but not too long.  I woke up feeling so refreshed this morning.

So I'm going to keep trying to meet this goal.  I'm going to need this if work continues to be as stressful as it has been.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/17/2021:
Great way to wake up...Happy to hear that you and hubby got to go to the gym together.

Donkey on 05/18/2021:
It WAS nice :-) This Saturday, we're going on a hike together, weather permitting, with the Disabled Veterans group.


innerpeace on 05/17/2021:
I too...shall try this early bedtime!

Donkey on 05/18/2021:
I hope you find it beneficial. Last night was night #2 for me and it's been a total game-changer.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2021:
glad to hear you will work without QB distraction or derailments for awhile! :)

cool! i had no idea you watch those makeup tutorials! you must know a lot of secrets! ever try them out on yourself!? i'd love to see you show up to work with fancier eyes, etc...but not overboard, of course!

speaking of lights out, i snacked and was going to study, but the truth is i need that 9pm lights out too...so, goondight!

Donkey on 05/18/2021:
I don't wear much eye make-up because my eyes are overly sensitive to most all products, and I wear contacts. So rubbing eyes with make-up on doesn't really work.

I much prefer face powder and lipstick, but haven't worn these for months because of the face mask. I'm ok with that.

Right now, my main focus for me is skin care. But it's still fun to watch people transform themselves.



Donkey - Sunday May 16, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Good Sunday morning!  It's already starting off to be kind of an "odd feeling" day but I'm going to get the most out of today and relax & enjoy as much as I can.  I was feeling little twangs of anxiety and dread about having to go back to work tomorrow.  Ugh...

I "slept in" again through 6:15am but stayed in bed for about 1.25 hours more, stretching, relaxing dosing on and off, planning the day.  I've got a good start to the day, with riding my bike, cleaning cat boxes, making a batch of gluten-free brownies for the family, flling my birdbaths - it's DRY here! - and  about to start load #2 of kitty laundry.  

I did not pick up my library book yesterday, so I will do that on my way to or back from the gym today.  I also have my laundry to fold & put away.  My plan is to work on laundry after I log off from here, hit the library and gym in the early afternoon, after daughter leaves for work.  Come home and relax.  Sit with my cats, start the new book, perhaps nap.  Defintely recharging this afternoon.

Daughter and I went to the farmstand yesterday, and I picked up some CBD oil to see if it can help with anxiety at work and/or perhaps as a sleep aid at night.  Took some this morning, to see how it affects me.

Long story short, I pushed myself to go to the gym last night.  I'm glad that I did, but it turned out not to be a good outing.  First, I guess I had eaten more at dinner than I thought, because I felt dinner sitting too heavily during weights.  (Funny it didn't feel heavy during the cardio beforehand.)  Then, as I was approaching the weight machines area, I saw the handyman that works for my Boss.  REALLY????  Ugh... I'm sure he saw me, even though I was wearing a mask and looking away from him, except for the short glances to figure out where he was.  Just as I was leaving the gym, he's walking towards the locker rooms, so I just looked down as I was walking by, keeping to myself.  (I do this sometimes, anyway,  when I just want to be alone in my thoughts.)  UGH....

But now back to today - I'm looking forward to just doing my own thing, and I won't think back and I won't look too far forward.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 05/16/2021:
Good you got some extra rest this morning. I did too.

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
Oh yes, it was wonderful!


Jacky82020 on 05/16/2021:
I have a friend in California who is crazy about CBD products and all kinds of edibles. She spends hundreds getting them delivered to her house. Way too rich for my blood!

What’s so bad about seeing the handyman at the gym? Bet he probably didn’t notice anyways.

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
I've tried CBD oil before, for anxiety, and I think it helped a bit. When I ran out, I didn't buy more because it is expensive, and I wasn't too sure about the legit potency of the product. I'm kind of at the point of desperation but don't want a prescription.

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
The handyman is kind of an odd fellow, in that quiet, serial-killer sort of way...


bearcountrygg on 05/16/2021:
You are getting a lot done....That must make t=you feel good.

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
It does! I didn't write about this, but I've made some amazing progress with my cat-in-the-library puzzle too! You may recall that all the pieces that are left are black, and I got like 10 pieces today, and like 5 yesterday! I figure I have about 75 pieces left.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2021:
i also enjoyed being home most of this weekend! what a joy!

i would take male-coworker's thoughts with a grain of salt. he is much older than you. he can retire. you cannot. i think if anyone were to remain at your company until the end, it would be you.

i see no issue with you going home for lunch - maybe just do it SOME days and not all. try to strive for a balance.

i also have enjoyed sleeping in this weekend, nothing early to wake up for. kinda liked it that way for this weekend.

didn't you used to take CBD oil also?

lol, so you didn't want to see the handyman. well, looks like you avoided contact :) haha. all good, donks.

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
I don't anticipate being at the end of the firm unless the end comes soon. This is the longest job I've ever stayed at. This is my 9th year here.

Right, I would not go home every day, just 1-2. This week, I plan to go shopping at least 1 day, maybe 2, if it rains.

It was a good weekend.


horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2021:
9 years is GREAT! kudos to you. myself, i'd recommend to stay as long as possible and to work on your life balance as well as possible. it's better than walmart salary, right?!, so stick around...but maybe keep your eyes open or begin applying elsewhere in a year or so?

Donkey on 05/17/2021:
Walmart has potential for raises. I probably won't get another raise at this job. Plus, Walmart has insurance and 401k - my current job has neither.


horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2021:
you have a lot of experience and that should totally help you in getting another job. you def have the benefit of experience and many places will not hire a new paralegal with none...so you do have that. (but i know job hunting is so tough, oh i know!) just saying you have the experience factor working in your favor completely..and you are also not "old." 50's i think people look at you and say you are experienced & that age i find to look seasoned in a good way.



Donkey - Saturday May 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I replied to comments on yesterday's entries - thank you!


Good morning!  Oh how nice it is to be at HOME!!!!  I'm loggin in late today, because I've already been very productive here at home:

  • Slept in a little later - ahhhh, so nice!
  • Longer morning bike ride on my indoor recumbent -- broke it up in 4 sessions. Also very nice!
  • Filled my birdfeeders
  • Cleaned cat boxes
  • Mopped main floor & basement floor
  • Had breakfast

I'll get started on my laundry soon.  I'm not sure if I will sign up for today's virtual museum tour.  It's the Art Institute of Chicago - which I think I'd really enjoy - but I also want to visit a farmstand in a nearby town AND I want to go to the gym.  The farmstand is open only 11a-4p. However, I might be able to get Husband to come with me to the farmstand, and it would be nice to spend some time with him.

I also have to stop by the library sometime this weekend to pick up a book I requested through the inter-library loan network.  If I don't pick it up in time, they send the book back and charge me a small fee.  If weather permits, I may work on picking up fallen branches in the backyard, cutting them up, for pick-up on Tuesday, for the lawn waste pick-up.


I know it may seem counter-productive to talk about work on my day off, BUT a couple of things that happened that I want to write about, because it's really about the work-life balance and emotional processing.

  • Rather than taking my lunch-time walk yesterday, I drove away to get gas for my car.  I mostly did this, because we were expecting 2 people to come in to have documents notarized, and frankly, I just didn't want that extra work.  I had 2 choices:  stay and do the extra work, or leave to take my lunch break.  So I left.
  • After getting gas at my preferred gas station, I decided to stop at home; Husband was having a cat problem, and I didn't want that to wait until I got home.  I think I'm going to start going home for lunch more often.  Unfortunately, it uses more gas in my tank to do this, but I think it might be worth it for my sanity.  When I get home, I get my full hour of time off. Also, with the exercise that I already do, I'm not sure I need another walk every day -- that is to say, maybe "active rest" would do me better.

 

  • Male Co-Worker told me yesterday that he was taking a lunch with his wife.  I told him, "How nice, why don't you make it a long one?" since the Boss was out.  He said he might.  Then he confessed to me that it was the first time EVER at this job (and he's worked at the firm for 17 years) that he didn't want to come to work.  The feeling really startled him, because when he feels this, it usually signals the end  of that job for him - either that day, or a near inevitability.  WOW.  WOW.  At least I know that I'm not the only one thinking and feeling the way I have been recently.

 

  • Secretly, I've told myself that I'm just waiting for Mistakes Girl to come back so that I can quit.  This thought has popped up a few times this week.  It would never play out like that, of course, but the feeling is there, REALLY there.

Anyway, I know this: 

  • I'm not alone -- it's not just me that is seeing these things at work and feeling objectionable about it.
  • The work-life balance is essential, and what has worked before is not working now.  

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2021:
You had a great start to your day! It's too bad that your work place is deteriorating so quickly......The boss surely can make or break a company. If there isn't a good flow between employees is also makes it harder....I have to wonder how long they will be open......

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
I think the remainder of this year AND the month of January 2022 will determine a lot. I say January, because that's when the Boss and his wife go down to Florida for the whole month. (They've done this for YEARS, except this year, because of COVID.) This time, he is taking the longest time off at 6-weeks.



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