Happy Father's Day to the dads out there...
Husband and I made tentative plans but if he's not up to them, then I'll just go to the gym.
I tweaked my back yesterday, chopping up large branches with the axe. And I knew that it was not a good idea when I was doing it, because I could feel my back/hips complaining. Sure enough, it's very "tweaky" this morning, so I need to be careful with what I do today. No side-to-side activities, nothing high impact, lots of stretching. Walking would probably be a good idea since it's a front-to-back activity and helps with hips.
I may need to do a walk/hike with or without Husband. Ouch!
I think I managed to get most of the spider mites off of the banana plant, but just in case, I sprayed her with diluted soapy water (Dawn soap), and I will rinse her off outside, before returning her to the isolation of the master bathroom. My Husband, bless him, said to keep things in perspective, and if the plant has to go, then she has to go. This is true. She is quite a vanity project anyway. Obviously, banana plants don't grow in Illinois, naturally, so it's kind of twisted to try to have one as a houseplant. I won't get any bananas, but they have beautiful foliage. However, keeping things in perspective, there are other plants that also offer beautiful huge green leaves, and composting is part of the cycle of life.
I struggled yesterday with diet. So first of all, I did not drink nearly enough water. *sigh* I don't know why it's so hard for me this year, this summer to drink enough water. Secondly, after dinner, there was some peanut butter involved. That's mostly because we didn't have any ice cream in the house, and I didn't want to drive out with Husband to get some.
So, if you're reading this diary for diet & exercise inspiration right now, this is not the place to find it. I am struggling in these areas right now. And that's OK because that's where I'm at, and life is like that.
Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I thought I had a good weigh-in (maintenance) until I logged in and saw it was actually a 2-pound gain. I know I'm holding onto some water weight, due to too much salt yesterday. Like Happy wrote earlier in the week, I'm starting to lose motivation.
In fact, I'm really struggling to find motivation about anything - even going to the gym! - these days. It seems as though after the memorial service at church, the grief is settling into its next phase.
AFTERNOON EDIT: I ended up having a fairly productive day, so far, and it's not even over, although I will probably relax tonight.
Local Grief Group was OK./ We decided not to drive to the town that the meeting was held, so everyone attended via Zoom. There 6 of us in total, with 4 being 2 couples (husband/wife). I did more talking at this meeting. The meeting lasted about an hour.
My laundry and the cat laundry are drying outside. I'm sure everything is dry now, so I'll bring it in after I'm done here.
I went to the gym and did my usual elliptical PLUS 15 minutes on the treadmill, because I was determined to meet my step-goal at the gym. I did not make 10,000 steps for the first time yesterday.
I sadly discovered that my treasured banana plant has spider mites. I should isolate it from the other plants, but I have no other rooms that are away from plants and away from cats. So I physically removed the spider mite webs (found 2 of them) and sprayed the plant and the plant next to it with treatment. Then, I moved the banana plant away from the other plants but they're still in the same room. I think I will try to find a spot to move it to, where the cats can't get to it.
I suspect that there may be more webs in the new leaf that has not yet opened up. Oh it would be crushing to me if I had to compost this plant. Mistakes Girl gave it to me, and I really treasure it.
One thing I've been meaning to mention is that I discovered that the yoga studio I had been considering trying, to attend live classes again, is closing at the end of this month. So I may have to limit my practice to just at home OR try the gym again.
I do think that I would benefit greatly with more yoga in my life.
Finally, I realized that my Husband is having a hard time with this weekend, being Father's Day. He tells me he's "all over the place" which is EXACTLY how I felt on Mother's Day weekend. We have something in mind for tomorrow, but I completely understand that it might not happen... and that's fine too.
Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
You mean it isn't Saturday today? I guess that's what happens when you take Thursday off... I'm so glad that I took the whole day off. I arrived at my 1st appointment early, so they were able to get me in early, meaning I was finished early - like by noon. So I could have definitely gone to work. I'm REALLY glad I didn't.
I have my appointment with the surgeon on Thursday this coming up week. Thank goodness I don't have to wait in suspense for too long. I *will* have to go to work after that appointment - BUT Husband is coming to that appointment, so at least I get to go home first. I may not "rush" to get to work so much, that day.
So we'll see what chaos awaits me today. I know there are a lot of tasks to do anyway, PLUS picking up the things that Mistakes Girl did not do yesterday (which is OK, I understand), and then things that came/come in as part of the normal flow. See, I would stay late at work to make sure I ended on a good note. Mistakes Girl leaves when it's 5pm. SHE has the right way of doing things, though.
The weather looks like it will be very nice this weekend. I feel like I should try to get in a hike of some sort, either with or without Husband, but I have no real plans. I feel very unmotivated to do anything. There is the Local Grief Group, which is actually over an hour's drive away, that I thought about attending in person, but both Husband and I are not too hot on driving all that way. IDK I'll see how I feel after today. I can attend the group on Zoom. But it's supposed to be a nice day, and there is a beautiful park on the way back where we could walk. So there is an incentive to attend the Grief Group in person, but .... I'm not sure the memorial park is enough of an inticement to spend the time and money driving.
Again, I feel very unmotivated to do anything. It's Father's Day this weekend, and I'm just so sad about everything...
However, I am proud that I managed to pick up the 10lb dumbbells yesterday and do some upper body weights. I've lost some gains, or maybe I'm just tired. I did decently on water, and ate too much at dinner, LOL.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
In the past, I've used the chopped up wood for the firepit we have in the backyard. I haven't used that in in years, since before Son went into the service. It's all overgrown now. So yard waste pick-up it will be, I guess.
So... what to say.... Yesterday's bombshell: Replacement Guy does not know what "alphabetical order" means. Yep, folks, that's where we are at.
I need to get ready to go over to the hospital for today's scans. Most of them are in the morning, but I have one in the early afternoon, after drinking some radioactive in the morning, I guess. However, this morning, while riding my bike, it was the first time I had an inkling to maybe do some upper body weights this afternoon or evening, when I'm home for good.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
Sending good vibrations on those scans. Matt had some, all negative. The specialist said they would be, said the PCP was a dunce for referring him. But once referred, He had to run the gamut. I wanted to tell the PCP that sooooo badly when he lowered his mask & yelled at me, but refrained. There was a $250 copay on each scan & the associated tests.
However, how the endo doctor explained it to me, she approaches diagnosis and treatment in steps. So first comes the symptoms. The urine test was to confirm the blood test results. The scans are to confirm the symptoms & results of the blood & urine tests. No surgery until they get the scans and make a determination that way.
he doesn't know alphabetical order!? what! that just isn't possible, is it!?
Mistakes Girl called me this afternoon because they couldn't find a file that the Boss took - to work on it - and his client came in to meet about the file. My Boss is getting so bad with his awareness issues. And I know he's preoccupied with his own impending surgery. The guy has more money than the Pope -- retire already!
I'm holding on until July 4th... can't come soon enough.
Well, so much for work goals. I ended up staying until 6:30p. That's a whole hour more than what I had intended to do, but I am in a good place with emails & tasks, so that I can handle more phone calls today. Also, I have cleared out most of my tasks for tomorrow, when I will be off for the medical scans. Husband asked if I will go to work after I'm done with the scans, probably around 3pm. I have already decided that I will not. Even if I'm finished earlier, this will be the last opportunity to take time off with decent coverage at my desk, so I will take advantage of that.
Boss will be out of the office for most of the day, if not all of it. I hope he takes the whole day off. He could use it. He is going downtown to see a cardiac surgeon for an ablasion. He keeps calling it a "second opinion" but it's really a pre-surgical consultation, since the procedure has already been scheduled for the end of the month. He says he just wants to be "sure" that he needs the surgery. Umm...
I did manage to meet my step goal yesterday. I lost track of keep track of my water intake. I think I did well with eating. At least I was able to resist the trail mix at work. The container is now on Replacement Guy's desk. Good, stay there. When it's really hot out, it's much easier for me to limit my eating, as long as it's not ice cream.
I went to Walmart yesterday at lunch, to walk in the air conditioning. I was able to leave without buying a plant, although today is very hot too, and I'm thinking of going back to pick up the last sago palm they have for sale. Daughter tells me that all of the gardening stuff will go on clearance on July 4th, to make room for the Fall and winter merchandise. I think if I wait, the sago palm will be gone, but that's OK. Then it wasn't meant to be, and I know there will be other discounted plants to buy, too.
I repotted 2 of my more treasured plants, and neither one of them had a root cage. So I will not repot any more plants until it's time to do so. It's stressful on plants to be repotted. Last thing I need in my life are stressed out plants. I'm stressed enough as it is. I am looking forward to a calmer evening tonight.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
Sounds like staying late at work & not planning to return after the scams is a great idea.
They are always after me to do a cardiac ablation, but I just say no. I prefer to control it with meds. Can’t stand the thought of those guys snaking wires into my heart to burn off nerves that MAY be causing the SVT. YUK! Scary!
So the ablation is the next step, and then after that, maybe implanting a defibrillator.
I think he's very nervous about having this done.
lately i also have goals to leave on time as lately i feel that sense of being tired and just knowing that to get through a week decently, sleep and a lot of it is what helps me!
hopefully the next grief meeting will be better than yesterday's. i know you thought the others were impactful.
What's cool about going to the grief groups is to see, in myself, how my grief has evolved. It was almost shocking to me, on an emotional level, to see one new lady, who had lost her son 2 months ago. It was like being forced to look back. She did not say much either.
There was another new lady who had also lost her son recently, but she was older, and she did a lot of talking. She mentioned some books that she found helpful, and I'm like, "I'm not even there yet." Reading is very difficult to do when I am depressed.
that's smart you walked in walmart.
i also mostly stay away from nuts as it's hard to limit it and the volume is small...someone gave me a few peanuts yesterday, just two enclosed whole peanut shelled packs...with 4 nuts total if that makes sense. i enjoyed those !
So my main goal today is to NOT eat the Monster trail mix at work. That is my #1 goal today.
It is very hot and humid here today, so I'm not sure what my lunchtime walk will look like. I did not walk this morning either, as I had some chores to take care of. So meeting the 10K step-goal might be challenging.
My #2 goal is to leave at a decent time today. I know I've been gone for 2 days, so who knows what disasters await me at work. Ugh, I hate that "catching up" feeling... My goal is out the door at 5:30pm tops.
Zoom Grief Group last night was only OK. So this is a military-oriented group for parents who have lost their children to suicide. I was quiet for most of the meeting. Part of it was that the group was kind of larger, with just under 20. There was one woman there who just lost her son 2 months ago. I tried to remember where I was at the 2 month mark, which would have been at the beginning of May.
Most of the people who talked, though, are years into their grieving. And most of what they had to say was how helpful the organization that supports these groups, has been. Well, I don't need to know that. It is wonderful. It's nice to have a hotline. It's nice to have a peer mentor, I guess. It's wonderful to have these support groups. But I don't need to hear that at a support group meeting. IDK, I guess if I want it to be the kind of meeting that I need, then I need to speak up more. It just felt so foreign to me to hear from people who are light years ahead in the grieving process.
I came to a disappointing discover yesterday that means that I should really check all of the plants I've repotted to make sure that they do not have a "root cage" around their roots. I lost a plant yesterday because the roots were bound in fabric. I hope to have time tonight to work on 2 of the plants tonight.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
You have the heat...we have 53 degrees here right now.....the heat looks like it will miss us...but summer is only a dream here right now.....i had to shut the window this morning because it was getting too cold in here.
It might be a very good thing to speak up in the group....They will only know what you share with them and they may just be a help.....as well as you may be a help to others. It's hard to be new to a group.....but worthwhile to become an active part in....you only can disclose what you feel comfortable with.
That was surprising about the plants...I never knew they did that.
That's a good idea about speaking up in the group, a little bit, to help "establish" myself. I will try to do that at next month's meeting. I will try to say something beyond just the introduction.
I was so surprised to learn about root cages too. Now I know better.
Not sure what ia root cage means. The roots are often tightly bound when I repot. I take a knife and slash them and loosen them with my fingers.
A root cage can be a small plastic cage or a piece of fabric that surrounds the roots. Nurseries do this to make repotting easier, but as the roots grow, they are bound by this "cage" and are eventually strangled and the plant dies.
Don't bother doing a Google search, though. I did that, and I ended up with a bunch of links to the Magic card game.
I'm sure you've seen root cages with trees that are sold at a nursery. The roots are gathered up and contained in burlap sacks, that should be removed, once it is planted into the ground. That's a root cage.
I am so glad that I took today off. I will have Thursday off too, for medical scans/tests.
The church service was beautiful, and the church folks did a wonderful job. It was a wonderful way to honor him, but I feel sadder now than I did before.
I think the family visit went alright on the outside, but it was a clear reminder of why it's a good thing that we live far apart and don't see each other too often.
It's very difficult to listen to - repeatedly - BY MANY - how well someone's children are doing academically and socially and activities and blah blah blah, when you have lost your own child, who struggled - REALLY STRUGGLED - in all of those areas, and ultimately took his own life.
I plan to do things that Donkey likes to do and not much else. I have Zoom Grief Support Group tonight. I might head over to Walmart and rescue a poor little jade plant that has been discounted and damaged. I think with a little pruning and repotting, there might be some potential to thrive.
Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
I am glad to hear that the service was nice and you felt your son was honored. How lovely. Your pain and grief in losing him will always be there in some way, but it is good to know that you felt it was a beautiful service for him.
IDK I'm a little confused on the healing part, which I will write about today.
they don't know better when they do this. they say things taht make them comfortable and happy. they forget what you are going thru. they don't realize how it can be hurtful. i don't blame them, but i see how it can hurt so much. people are sometimes not as understanding as they should be. they just don't think.
try to use your days well and let them feel a bit like a vacation for you; time away from work, to just not lead the same routine you'd have if you were working.
i have some days off coming too. i'm looking forward. i will try to be more active; but also cooking and prep...maybe i'll get into a new book soon; once i finish this one ;) maybe i'll learn about what macroeconomics is about; rather than study the course, same with microeconomics. something to learn about for a SHORT period of time on a day off.
Yes, my days off are little oasises in the desert known as Work, LOL.... I can't believe that my older co-workers wouldn't relish retirement.
Skeptical of this weigh-in but I'll take it, I guess. I'm not focusing on anything else today except our time at church, honoring our Son's life and celebrating being together. 
Re your entry yesterday, i do agree that you have the exercise pretty down pat. you do it regularly. i also agree it's the food side of things that you need to adjust in order to meet your goals. I know you can do it, when you are ready to. I think it being basically summertime, you will have a little simpler time at it with the warm weather making it easier to be active and outdoors as well as in a better mood and energized compared to wintertime.
i have been skeptical of my weigh-ins too! last week i was PMSing and my weight was up high, now a little down but also due to less eating in the afternoon/evening....so i am a little skeptical to of the scale haha.
I had trouble getting out of bed this morning to start the day. I'm so glad I took today and Monday off. I just needed it. And I worked until 6pm last night trying to get as much as possible taken care of before I left, so that Mistakes Girl hopefully wouldn't have to deal with a lot.
My family is in town, and we met up with my Mom this morning for breakfast and then a visit. Husband and I are going to the bank and Walmart this afternoon, and then Church Grief Group tonight, I think. I would like to complete the series, but Husband seemed to be on the fence. He had mentioned signing up for the next series (a repeat), which totally surprised me! I said that we might want to wait until the Fall - to take a break and to have something to help us towards the autumn (when things die) and holidays. So I said, let's think about this, and then the next session is offered, we can see where we're at.
Anyway, I've come to realize that my main problem with my weight is the eating. It's not the exercising at all. So as soon as I am in the right spot mentally, I do plan to scale back and change up my exercising, and really focus more on intentional eating (and healthy eating). There's no reason for 2nd and 3rd helpings of trail mix at work.
I may or may not have time to log in my weight tomorrow morning, before needing to get ready for the church service. I'm guessing that I will have a hard time getting out of bed tomorrow too....
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Oh work stories were abundant yesterday. We are surely spiraling into chaos. New Gal decided that the task list that Male Co-Worker has used for 17 years needed to be reorganized and redone. So she took it upon herself to do this in our computer system yesterday. So naturally, Male Co-Worker was freaking out. He asked her to change it back, and instead, she deleted the entire list. So everything needed to be re-entered into the database. I think that is probably the best example of what it's like to work with New Gal. She just makes all of these changes to everyone's routine, because she thinks it's best.
The other significant news is that once Mistakes Girl leaves, Queen Bee is coming back. I'm not sure if this is forever or what -- maybe the Boss doesn't know either. I'm not sure what Queen Bee will be doing to help, because she doesn't speak Spanish, and that's where the help will be needed. (Mistakes Girl speaks Spanish.) That's not good. At all.
Even though I didn't get in a morning walk on the treadmill, I did manage to get in enough steps, and even got more than I thought I would.
Also, I was very successful in finishing up the "to do" list I had for myself for yesterday. There are still more "to do's" but I got done what needed to get done last night. This is hard to do during the work week. I was so tired. My body battery was down to 10/100, and I felt that I slept well.
I woke up naturally today at around 4am, but decided that I was not ready to face the day. So I stayed in bed until 5:30am. Not the best behavior for getting stuff done, but oh well... There is some value to resting.
I'm so glad I made the decision for myself NOT to go to work at all tomorrow. And very grateful that Mistakes Girl is willing to cover my desk.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
How long have you worked there?
at first, i said i wouldn't take it....but then i thought and thought about how i really want a day off; don't care to collect the money for it; and that's a way to have a day off - soon - without deducting from the number of days i have for the year, lol.
so, i requested it off...lol.
not my holiday, but i'll be off, unless i change my mind, on Monday, June 20th, the day that would be the holiday for June 19...maybe it's wrong to take the day, not sure.
anyways, enjoy your day off tomorrow and make it a good one.
i agree with Legs.
i also need some time off, hence, taking off june 20th as a "free day," not part of my count for days i take off...
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Happy fatheres day to your hubby......I can see it may be a difficult day. Hope your hip feels better......and that a walk helps out. The banana plants that are for sale here are likely a hybrid......but I see you used Dawn ....I was going to suggest dish soap to was the plant down. It is no wonder why we gravitate to comfort foods.......we don't even need to think about them...they just show up without a need for explanation.......we all do it......don't worry about that.
horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2022:
Re your Friday entry - most of my coworkers also have fine time Managment and leave on time. One leaves on time but comes extremely early like to the tune of 5:30a and works long hours although he likes to leave by 3p latest it’s a very long day for him - he is a great project manager and always on the ball. He has a long drive and by coming early he skips out on all traffic in AM. I wouldn’t want his schedule as it’s not enough sleep for my liking
I hear you on not rushing to work after appointments
Some coworkers of mine that never work late - and mostly I don’t either now - are the admin assistants.
Being you assist so many and have a special skill set I can see why sometimes you need to work late
I’m behind on your dr appointments and what the surgery is for but will prob figure it out as I read your 2 later entries
horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2022:
My weekend here re your Friday entry still is also pretty restful and now at beach I’m with my parents and finding the time to catch up on here ….I ended up mostly staying home as I welcome the feeling and not rushing
horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2022:
Nice to hear you getting back into weights and also keeping with your cardio. I wish your husband strength this Father’s Day and hope he feels better in the future it takes time
horn_of_plenty on 06/19/2022:
Although you are knocking yourself on diet in this last entry, you had some great days previously. Keep on !!! I’m still not sure on your surgery
happy-1 on 06/19/2022:
Hugs. Starting a new pacing for fatigue challenge cycle. Rewriting it completely. https://www.vimify.com/yn0ae