Day 99: I am open to change.
This is what I repeated to myself on Saturday during the impromptu, "pop-up" yoga class. It helped!
It was startling to me to see that after a week of no yoga, that I felt a little decrease in balance & stability in holding certain poses. Just an interesting observation and motivation for practicing more often.
As I left my goals list at work, I didn't work on it much. I plan to do that today. For my yoga goals, there are a few poses that I would like to improve on. (My initial thought was to "master" these poses, but then realized that's not really the point of a practice. ) So, I have a short list of poses to hold for a minute. It will be fun to challenge myself in this way.
Some of my goals are habits to establish (e.g. using my waterpik daily) and others have a more progressive intention, e.g. weight-training.
So the list is rather long, and I'm wondering if I should pare it down, thanks to insights from Bear and Happy.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Day 97: Be the change you want to see.
I really wanted to write yesterday, but I refuse to log in at work, because my login gets stored, and I just didn't have the patience to try to write on my phone....
I had an epiphany yesterday (Friday) morning while exercising on my bike:
If I want to SEE changes, I'm going to have to MAKE changes.
How about that? It is such a obvious "duh" thing to say, but it truly felt like a light bulb turned on in my brain. 
As you know, I'm very connected with routine, with numbers, with habits. But if I want to see changes - physically, performance-wise, emotionally, spiritually - I'm going to have to change things up. This means stepping outside of my comfort zone to establish new habits. What I'm doing now is fine, but it's time to change.
I'm still working on New Year's goals & resolutions. I started writing down notes in the planner I use at work, that I mentioned a couple of days ago. Not all of my aspirations are diet and exercise, but when it came to establishing some yoga goals for myself, I completely drew a blank. THAT kind of startled me.
I have a "pop-up" yoga class at the studio this morning at 10am. This is "slow yoga" which has a nice combination of standing and floor poses at a slower pace, which is kind of where I'm at right now. I started missing yoga on Thursday, and yesterday, I was like, "I really NEED yoga soon."
It is rainy and gray here today. Tonight my husband and I are going out for our anniversary - 24 years. Then he has something planned for afterwards, which I'm not sure what that is. Hmm... I'd like to go look at snowblowers, but I'm guessing his is a lot more exciting.
Queen Bee stopped in the office yesterday to pick up her bonus check. She wished me a happy New Year - which I thought was really actually kind of nice of her to do. She continues to lose weight and looks good. I secretly admit to you all that I was a little jealous, actually, but not in a negative way -- that is to say, I'm using her progress to help motivate myself to making more positive changes.
Associate Attorney and Nice Lady will be off on Monday. Tuesday is a shortened day for New Years Eve. Then, my boss leaves for Florida until February 12th.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
I give some more thought to developing the new habits.
I feel like you are over stressing on the New Year's resolutions. Honestly, I think you work really hard and are too hard on yourself. What if your resolution was just to give yourself a hug every time you fall off track and have more fun?
I'm a big advocate for starting NOW. Don't wait for a Monday, don't wait for January 1st - start today, start now!
What I'm saying is that some of these little habit goals I have for myself could probably start today. It would shorten my list and maybe be kinder too.
So instead of Snow Blowers, you went to see a show,right!? Wonderful.
You sound good and involved in lots of wonderful activities lately and it's wonderful to hear.
Day 95: coasting along until it's done.
Christmas was nice! The kids slept in until around 11a. Opening gifts took about an hour or so. We each take turns opening a gift. Then we all kind of did our own thing. I watched tv with my daughter a little.
I recieved some nice gifts, some related to yoga or relaxing.
Dinner was delicious. I had a serving of lasagna and lots of vegetables. The fruitcake is gone so I enjoyed both apple and pumpkin pies. Later, as we played cards for a couple of hours, we snacked on cookies and crackers. It was a very nice, warm cozy day.
The only downside is coming to work today. I would have liked another day off. And this morning was too busy, I feel. However, life goes on. Daughter is working, so son and husband are out taking care of errands for our son, e.g. renewing driver's license.
I can tell that I'm missing yoga.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
that's nice your hubby is going with your son to renew his license and everything.
i was thinking how Catholics/Christians must be so busy this time of year - these couple days - and how my office worker also probably hasn't been to the gym (well i know it!) because she's been with family and prepping for Christmas / cooking these few days. I am sure that's how it was for you, too. Did you make the pies or buy them? Playing cards is nice, i have to do that and play scrabble with my parents on NYE coming up!
Day 94: Peace on earth and goodwill towards all... Mantra: Peace be with you.
Spendind some time with my mother in law last night was nice. The food was a little off, for some reason, but it was a good time. She is spending Christmas Day with her other son and his kids.
My kids are still sleeping, LOL, but husband has cinnamon rolls in the oven. It would figure that the one day he prepares something sweet for breakfast, all I really want are eggs. I'm quite the oddball in that I do not care for eggs all that much at any time. This makes me trully an outsider, as everyone at work seems to be eating eggs for breakfast lately.
The eating frenzy is coming to an end soon. We have the following dinners left:
Like Bear, I am formulating some goals for 2020. I will post those on January 1st, since it makes it easier to refer back to them at the end of the year. What MIGHT be helpful is if I also refer to these goals more often, like perhaps at the beginning of each month, as a gentle reminder.
For now, though, I am enjoying the day off. Nice and quiet.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Like Bear, you also sound wonderful and i smiled reading your post!
thank you for spreading Peace and for speaking about it today.
You know, i had no idea that you didn't like eggs! though, you don't seem like an outsider to me, although i totally understand your point of view :)
gentle reminders are nice...i sometimes use that exact wording when emailing vendors if they haven't gotten back to me in awhile. do you use the words "gentle reminder" ever in your emails?
enjoy your night and i'd like to know how your Christmas Day was :)
Day 92? 93?
Not much to say. I've been eating way too much fruit cake. It's almost gone, so once it's gone, then I'm done. Left work at 11:30am today. We're taking my mother in law out for dinner tonight, and then a small gift exchange at her studio apartment in assisted living.
We played a 2.5 hour Scrabble game last night. My fellow family members are not really word people. My grandmother was a hawk at Scrabble, so I learned from one of the best.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Also, since we live parallel lives, i could have left work as early as 11:30am too! but i left around 12:30 because i wasn't rushing.
what happened was, in our queens office the fire alarm went off, and they said just go home! - instead of having everyone leave the building and have to come back in....so, when that word traveled that the main office went home at 11-11:30am, well, everyone in my office decided it was time to go home too, LOL.
i stayed and ate lunch with my coworker...she was so very spirited and into doing work today! i couldn't believe her energy! and then i left her, but she was busy still talking to people on our floor from the other company who works with us but didn't go home yet. she prob left at least 30min after me....lately, she is full of energy, but always i guess, she inspires me as my boss and her capabilities but sometimes i feel in awe/wishing to be 10% even more like her!
I would love to be THAT person that has energy and enthusiasm like that, but I've always been a quieter soul, more introverted. Still, it's nice to have energized people around for inspiration.
Day 91:
Yesterday was a good reset day. Although I had rice at dinner (Chinese), I felt that I did pretty well on food choices and quantities. It feels good to eat right.
Thanks to Bear, I've been thinking about goals for 2020. I confess that I hadn't even really thought about it - that is to say, it didn't register that this was a new year coming up so why not work on new goals? That's how "out of it" I am right now - just coasting along in neutral, not really aware of what's going on around me, but just going through the motions. Not good.
I went back in entries, to see what my goals were for 2019:
LOL - lots of options!
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Also, the planner I use at work for calculating pro-rations throughout the year has a "Goals" section for each week. (Every time I turn a page, it's a new week.) I just noticed this a couple of weeks ago. Why haven't I been using this before? I pick up that planner almost every day - definitely every day when we're busier - so seeing my goals written out would be a reminder and a motivator.
Of course, you would utilize your planner differently, but I think that planners are excellent tools to help us use our time efficiently.
I tried a recipe similar to yours with the cooked cranberries - and i added a tiny bit of gelatin...then i needed more sweetener!...and it sorta burned my stomach....but i think in the end it will taste good tonight with whipped cream.
Day 89: today I will honor my body and treat myself with kindness.
This conflict with my mother is still eating away at me (literally). Did pretty well with eating at work, but came home and threw myself - once again - into food, after yoga class.
It hurts to be forgotten. It hurts to be ignored. This is a repeat of what it was like growing up. My brother had friends and everyone liked him. I was the fat older sister who stayed home, alone, to take care of the house. Fat and ugly, with glasses, short, big legs. I know that if I could just be thin and athletic, like my brother, people would love me too.
Delusional, with faulty logic, but there you go and here I am.
Second day in a row of waking up with a sour stomach and a tongue that feels like it's been burned. Why am I so mean to myself?
Tried Yin yoga with the teacher that teaches hard yoga, since the hard yoga class is later, and I wanted to get home to watch the debate.
It was a very nice, relaxing session, but... afterwards I was kind of missing the hard yoga experience. I don't mean to sound difficult, but that's exactly what I am right now. It's a learning experience, seeing what works and what doesn't, but I just realized that the hard yoga class is changing to something else in January, so there is no decision to be made.
Today is the office Christmas party. Queen Bee will be there. I plan to sit back and enjoy.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
BCGG is right...and you aren't the same way now. you've changed yourself, your body..
I project what I think I look like and instruct other people how to treat me.
You say short, thick, legs... Isn't that the stuff of homeboy cartoon porn?
Day 88:
So the texting tiff with my mom: she texted my brother and me an old photo that the woman who took care of us on Sundays and Thursdays. This woman wrote a note to my mom to share with photo with my brother, no mention of me whatsoever. I said that my feelings were hurt by that. My brother agreed. Rather than validate my feelings or say something supportive like "I'm sorry you feel that way, I don't think it was intentional", she said that I need to get over it. She went on to make more excuses for this woman than to perhaps be a little supportive to her own daughter. . WTF.
There was a little more to the texting, that ended up sounding like I was mad at my brother, and then I said, I'm done with this conversation.
I've been stewing over this for the past 2 day . I've been eating my emotions too. (Ugh, this morning, I'm really regretting what I ate.) Self-abuse. But also a very good reminder to me that our relationship is not yet at the point where we can move out to Vegas to be near her.
It also brought to my attention how all the pain of my childhood is still unresolved.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
anyways, i wouldn't get any more worked up about this...seems the women who gave your mom the picture didn't mention you but that's something you cannot control at all. one of those things out of your hands. i guess your mom just didn't realize you were so upset or why.
either way, i hope this passes soon. and like i was saying, sometimes you cannot make others feel your pain or feel what you are feeling or expect them to act as you would :/
Day 88:
Last night's last Stress Reduction yoga session was slow yoga, where we assumed mostly standing positions and held them for about 45 seconds. I loved this, as it's standing, but slow enough to give me time to make adjustments and then breathe and enjoy the pose. The fast yoga is too fast for me.
Two things:
Last night was the teacher's last night. Becky will no longer teach adults, nor during the week. She will continue teaching the kids' classes on Sunday, but her schedule was getting too hectic to continue teaching during the week. This is sad because I really like her teaching style. She has a very soothing voice.
Secondly, on Thursday, rather than subject myself to fast yoga and all the anxiety that goes along with that, I will go to Jean's Yin yoga class at 6p, instead of vinyasa at 7p.
Got into a group texting argument with my mother and brother last night. My brother thought that my upset was directed at him but actually I'm upset with my mom. Would it be too much that she acknowledge my hurt, rather than make excuses for someone else's behavior?
Anyway, just another reminder to me that I need boundaries and distance between myself and toxic people in my life.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
The CALM app is very good. it was on sale for $41 the other day, usually it's like $60 for the year. it's more than meditation - it has multiple features and seems easy to use. there's even bedtime stories! and new things are added daily to the app. so far i've used it twice, but 1 time was on train and i wasn't truly focused but it still had some variable relaxation help if i would have been able to focus on it but it was a new train route so i couldn't focus on the app..app was still nice though in terms of the voice narrating and the words and meaning. i'm sure it will be very easy for me to use it on weekends.
Day 87: Peace be with you.
The restorative-yin yoga class I went to last night was wonderful. It seemed to have worked out the back issues I've been having since last Tuesday. I don't often like to use props to assist in the poses (for any class), but last night, I embraced the props (mentally embraced, meaning, I was open to accepting of using props), and wow!
Tonight is the last Stress Reduction yoga class. It's supposed to be a more active practice tonight, more flow and movement. I'm looking forward to it. Becky isn't the best teacher, but I just love the way she teaches. I wonder what she'll teach next!
I'm looking forward to continuing my yoga journey into 2020. I've already signed up for the free classes through the library. I'm reevaluating if I want to pursue the faster, more athletic vinyasa yoga (Thursday nights), or maybe I just want to stay with a slower yin practice. What do I want of my practice?
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
After being off yoga a few days, it sounds like you are back in the groove. You have so many lovely yoga options, I love it!!!
I'm seeking out meditation now. I have an app, paid $40 for it since it was recommended to me by my therapist. I figure i'll try to use it before bed and some nights / weekends at home. it's called CALM.
BTW if you get sudden urges to go down to Florida, that's more of our psychic connection!...
Vinyasa challenges me, but it scares me too, and it usually requires me to psyche myself up to go. I just don't move that fast (yet) and I'm not that flexible (yet) to do a lot of the moves properly. In the other hand, there's no improvement without effort. Can't get better if I don't do the work.
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Yes, we'd all like to hear your entire list of goals.
You motivate me with your progress and goals...i haven't come up with anything yet!
bearcountrygg on 12/30/2019:
My list is super long too. I'm wondering where to pare it...or even if I should. I'm also giving some thought to possibly adding some as I go along......but only if it is too much all at once....my memory says add them slowly...my excitement says...do it all now...LOL