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Donkey - Thursday Jul 25, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

 I made a couple of comments to previous entries,  but then I realized that your comments triggered some learning points for me that I think deserve a separate entry so that I can refer back to what I've learned. 

Work was so calm yesterday with Nice Lady and The Boss out all day.  I realize that when the work drama increases,  I lose my focus. I lose focus on the job I'm doing,  on my health (mental and physical), family,  everything).

Bear is 100% spot on with her analysis of the "thunder thighs" incident in 7th grade.  While Jim Z.'s comment was devastating,  if I had no connection to him,  he would have ignored me.  Indifference is the opposite of love. 

So it's time to let this go.   Confession:  at times,  I have considered getting surgery to slim out my thighs.   I usually talk myself out of this saying such things are vanity and that self- acceptance is the real answer.  Yet,  this is psychological "weight" I've been carrying around with me... and probably will until I die. 

Part of me rejects any cosmetic surgery on my legs because other than their shape,  they are quite good:  functional,  no veins,  strong,  even skin tone...  Some cellulite but I don't care about that. 

I have been blessed but cannot seem to receive my blessing,  no matter how hard I try. 

Thanks to a comment from Horn about drinking water to combat the urge to stress eat,  I have quickly formulated a plan,  with specific steps,  so that I know exactly what to do in a moment of weakness,  should that happen. 

I got this. 

I appreciate Innerpeace's comments ( and Bear's, too) about work drama.  First,  I know I'm not alone.  Secondly,  I'm willing to bet that my work drama is not nearly as bad as what other work environments offer.  In fact,  I just now rememberedas couple of jobs that were worse.  

So you know what?  I'll take what this job offers - good and bad - and make the best of it.


Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/25/2019:
Work drama I believe causes everyone to lose focus........sounds like having a coping plan will help....THUMBS UP TO THAT!! That 12 year old boy just liked you.....but as typical of young boys...they show their admiration for girls with teasing.....you are perfect just the way you are, besides...surgery will leave physical scars...and I suspect that old bad memory possibly made you notice or dwell on something you may never have even thought about. People just don't realize how much damage can be caused by a few words......and that boy was just looking for you to notice him.....but he hurt you in the process... he was just a kid that was trying to get attention from a young girl he liked. I'm glad that you see that now...just try to let it go...and laugh about his awkward way of getting your attention....it really wasn't ment to hurt you...it was about getting you to notice him.....

Donkey on 07/26/2019:
That very last sentence: yes. And here we are 36 years later and I still remember him. I should do a Facebook search and see if he's gained any weight.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2019:
Bear had good insight regarding that boy when you were younger.

Your legs sound strong and beautiful. I have a coworker who has very strong and thick legs. (same coworker that forgives people so easily and never lets an argument linger ever). she just naturally has a TON of muscle, from growing up doing lots of yardwork also, but her legs are THICK. but, the thickness is muscle not really fat. so her legs look NICE when she shows them off. Her calves are thick but they match with the rest of her legs, so men like it because it's proportional.

legs. your legs sound good. after all the work you do to train them, you may as well show them off...even with any imperfections.

i have been reaching for my water a LOT lately also at work.

i thought it's matter of fact what you wrote at the end. sounds like a fine plan. you've been around to know that all workplaces have their drama.

Donkey on 07/26/2019:
My daughter says that thick legs are in style now, lol.

I've been trying to build up (a little) my upper half to get things proportional. I can't get my shoulder muscles to *pop* out, for a nice muscle cut. But I'll keep trying.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/26/2019:
thicker legs (muscular legs, athletic legs, being fit) is def in style over tooo skinny.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/26/2019:
weightlifting will def keep your proportions in check. i have changed my own proportions over time as you know.

Donkey - Wednesday Jul 24, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

 So I made another huge mistake at work...  missed a deadline.  The boss had already gone home (early), so I talked to Male Co-Worker, who confirmed my instinct of what to do next. 

Finally told Nice Lady - after a week of her talking about her problem - that telling off a certain someone would only be a waste of her time and energy and would not bring a reconciliation to her problem, as "someone" and problem are 2 separate, unrelated things.  

(Mistakes Girl later told me that she was cheering me in from my desk.)  

I think Nice Lady got my message,  but then she started crying at her desk to Associate Attorney (with whom she's been with for over 10 years).  

You know,  I'm just DONE with all this drama!!!  It's getting in the way of being able to work correctly!!!  I think that's why I'm making more of these mistakes now.  

And the boss is out all day because his wife is having a heart procedure this afternoon,  too.

I'm so frustrated --- all I want to do is eat.  A lot. Of something. 

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 07/24/2019:
Drama at work - reading it I love your names for every one - I do that at work too - it entertains me. Living it - Oh my, I can definitely understand the frustration and being ill at ease. I bet that makes for a very long day. I hope you have or can find time to relax....and not eat all the food.

Donkey on 07/24/2019:
Today was much better, low on the drama

BearCountryGG on 07/24/2019:
I commented on your post from yesterday about the rude boy.....but on with todays post......probably time for a nose to the grindstone time at work....and they can take their drama to their mama.......that type of atmosphere at work causes everyone stress...and may have contributed to the bosses and his wifes tension, hense heart problems........sounds like yoiu work with a big bunch of whiners....who bring their home problems to work with them...somewhere along the way that office must have encouraged that........sounds to me like they all just need therapists to talk to ( and mama).....and they need to just go to work and work......maybe if you just keep working when they want to whine to you will give them the message that you don't have time for their problems.....I had a similar problem at my last office job....a nineteen year old whiner went to our boss with a complaint about me expecting too much from her......they were in an office talking...and called me in....when my boss told me that teenager said I was expecting too much of her...I tolsd them both that we get paid to wor...and we leave our personal problems at the door when we come into this office......my boss agereed...and teenager said i didn't understand her homelife....I repeated what I had said earlier...the boss once again nodded in agreement.....and we all left.....the truth of the matter is that employees get paid to work...not whine.....Ifeel for you having to deal with that .....it's tough to listen too......I just got so that i stopped listening and kept working...they soon found that I was not a good person to whine too.....it's hard...but it can be done.

Donkey on 07/24/2019:
Thank you! I'm still letting your suggestion sink in, because I think you're 100% right.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/24/2019:
I totally agree with BCGG ! and InnerP!

try to let the drama bounce off you. do not let that drama into your personal work space (your desk). these folks you work with DO sound DRAMATIC. with the crying and everything else. plus the fact they've worked together 10 years...

you just do your stuff. you can maybe put reminders in your email or phone for deadlines. you be you. stay strong.

also, if you are getting hungry...try to drink more during the day and i also suggest more volume in your lunch. make sure to bring snacks - 14-16 almonds is 100 cals...an apple with tea...take your breaks...

Donkey on 07/25/2019:
It's not hunger; it's stress eating cravings. Although... you do have a good point because I have been drinking less water lately. I didn't make the connection until you pointed that out. Now I have a plan on what to do that won't cost me calories. Thanks!!!

Donkey - Tuesday Jul 23, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Thought I'd log in this morning, even if it means I'll be late for work, because it doesn't matter if I'm on time or not. 

My boss has decided not to go to a cardiac rehab facility but rather to get his cardiac rehab services at the physical therapy office his daughter owns/runs, which is on the first floor of our building.  I was just gobsmacked by this.  Apparently, his primary care physician said he could do this.  Boss doesn't like his cardiologist because he's a real downer, a gloom and doom doctor.  Um.... 

I realized that I think I am starting to see some abs definition but unfortunately, I have too much flabby skin covering the muscle definition.   Battle scars from the life I've lived.  Same with my inner thighs and fat that surrounds my knees.  Funny how one "thunder thighs" comment from Jim Z. in 7th grade can stick around 37 years later...

I'd better get ready to go to my mediocre job and do a mediocre effort (ha ha) for another mediocre day...  I crack myself up.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/23/2019:
Remembering what the boy said gave me the chills reading it here! omg the chills!

remember, when you are in 7th grade, what people says seems even more hurtful. or at least that's what i feel about it. remember that you are not a child now and your body is not going to look like a teen. maybe you matured early then, and had a more mature body than most 7th graders. but i am SURE your body has changed a great deal since 7th grade and you may remember the comment, but know that you have changed yourself and you work hard EVERYDAY to keep those changes and improve. :-D

LOL to MEDIOCRE. you can still be awesome. perfect though (esp at work) - not necessary!

Donkey on 07/25/2019:
Good point! I weigh now what I weighed in 7th grade!!

I have more to say so I'll just write it in a new entry.

BearCountryGG on 07/23/2019:
You know the ironic thing about that boys comment was probably that he actually liked you.....if you didn't matter to him,,,,he wouldn't even have noticed. I think people often think that the opposite of love is hate....but it isn't...the opposite of love is indifference........I think his way of talking to you was a typical ( unfortunately)...way of awkward teenage boys...and that is to tease the girls they like...to get their attention.....I think you did matter to him...

Donkey - Sunday Jul 21, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Oh what a beautiful morning, now that the awful heat and humidity is gone.  This is perfect weather.  I could have gone for a walk this morning, but I decided to just enjoy the morning and drink coffee.  I can go for a walk later on, and the weather will still be lovely.  I also do plan to rest a bit, as there are 2 British detective shows on PBS this afternoon, that I'd like to catch.

One of the shows is "Death in Paradise" - because who doesn't like a good, witty mystery, right?  But I watch this because it got me to thinking how to live in paradise with the hot and humid weather.  It helps if you're surrounded by a lovely Carribbean Sea.  (Stuck in the middle of Illinois in summer isn't quite the same thing...)

The other one is Agatha Raisin, about a big-time advertising exec who worked really hard in her youth and did smart financial planning, so that she could retire while she was still young enough to enjoy life living in a small, quaint English village.  (OK, try to overlook that there's a murder in the village every week...)  I wish I could retire, and I suppose I could become a housewife again, but something in my gut tells me that this would not be a good idea.

Today, my fingers are swollen, and my rings are tight.  Last night, we had take-out (I had a gyros pita - didn't eat the pita) to celebrate my daughter's promotion.  However, it didn't really feel like a celebration... kind of disappointing.  And dinner had too much salt, although it was very good, and I still have quite a bit of it left over.  That dinner didn't stop me from eating a whole pint of Halo ice cream.  I knew this was an indulgence, though, and today I am back on track.

This morning, when I woke up, I had to remind myself of what day it was.  While I love volunteering at the legal clinic, it feels like my weekend is shortened.  It was too bad to realize that I have only this one last day before the work week starts up again.  



Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2019:
I enjoyed reading your synopsis of the two shows. they sound good. if i had a choice, i think i'd like the second show best.

we had the heat wave all weekend. i chose to actually stay inside yesterday since i had a bunch of cooking and home activities to do :) was wonderful.

I used to eat the whole pint too of the halo ice cream. this year, i haven't been on that same kick. I think i've overdone it in the past. Then, i started being able to eat a half pint to 3/4 pint and be satisfied. your stomach likes the size of two cups which is the halo size. it's not so bad, actually, to eat the whole thing. i just wouldn't do it all the time lol....but the calories only still equal one serving of ice cream :) which flavor did you have??

it's good you volunteered, and yes, it def shortens the weekend. but you did a great thing :)

Donkey - Saturday Jul 20, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Yesterday was a good day - except that our sales rep from the title company came and brought lots of fruit and this delicious-looking cheese and cherry coffee cake.  So I ate way too much fruit, but oh well.  Can you get fat from eating too much honeydew melon?  I don't think so.

This morning, I had legal clinic.  I haven't volunteered at the clinic since March, so it was very nice to catch up with everyone.  2 of the clients didn't show up, and one of the ladies - I think she was a little lonely - wanted to go out to lunch, if the other lady and I were free --- and we were!  It was so nice!

Unfortunately, I wasn't hungry, because I had breakfast while at clinic, so I had a salad.  And of course, I ate the whole thing.  It was "Asparagus Chicken Cobb Salad".  In additon to asparagus and chicken, there was feta cheese (or maybe it was bleu cheese?) and walnuts.  So good that I didn't even need dressing.

 It was cool and lovely this morning.  What I should have done is gone for a walk, and then do my morning bike routine when I got home from clinic (and lunch).  I'm such a creature of habit though that I did my bike (w/coffee & news) and now I won't get in a walk because one of 2 things will happen:  1)  it will remain blazin' HOT, or 2)  really bad storms will come in. Oh well, that's OK.  Today will be my "rest" day, and tomorrow I can do outdoors stuff when the weather cools off.  (I don't do a very good job of "resting"...)

So I discussed my job drama at lunch with my friends, and had a couple of epiphanies.  I know what I have to do, I just have to DO IT.  And what I have to do doesn't involve leaving this job - at least for now - but rather, getting myself into a "good place" mentally, emotionally, spiritually so that if the time comes, when the time comes, I will be ready to move on to my next step.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/20/2019:
GOOD FOR YOU on eating more fruit :) glad that the fruit was an option!

your salad sounds very nice and healthy :) good choice. i'm glad you were able to spend time with good people and friends.

i also have some trouble with getting things done on a rest day...but i'm getting better ;) some days in the past, rest means seriously just EAT and EAT and rest. ...i know you are a bit different than me in terms of rest days though! lol not sure of the point of this paragraph of mine...

i understand what you wrote in terms of your job. i have another suggestion too. try to continue to go with the flow and do NOT overwork yourself at work. if you have to get a new job, i wish for you not to leave this one overworked...that's just my two cents. :)

Donkey on 07/21/2019:
Oh yes, if this past week showed me anything, it's that I definitely need to set boundaries for myself and not work so hard to make something work that is - and has been - intrinsically broken for quite some time.

My problem is that I can't always see this -- that I need to step back or step away or go home -- until it's too late. I get so caught up in all of IT that I lose sight of what I need to do for myself.

I would ask that you keep reminding me of this - in your comments - when you see me writing about this.

It's a shame that this is a weight-site and I keep talking about work.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/21/2019:
it's a weight site, but a "life site" and a place to get advice on everything in life, in my opinion. you know i also (and all of us!) come here to get input on so many things in life. weight and food and diet, they can relate to other parts of our life as you and i have both experienced and know well.

I'm glad to assist you and offer my own advice, whether it's good or not or you take it or not ;)...because that's what this site is about (at least for me!)

try your best to change your pattern a little bit of getting very wrapped up...maybe try taking some slow deep breaths? just know that you can just do your best, but the whole company and success of it will not be DIRECTLY ONLY tied toc your success or lack of - but to everyone's role in the company...and most importantly your boss' decisions. you do your part, but, the success of the company is NOT ONLY tied to what you do. and this is a GOOD THING. I'm glad you understand what i was trying to portray about getting caught up.

it's good you can come here for advice or input on things that are important to you now aside from diet.

the ricky thing doesn't upset me that much as i'm used to his outbursts and i'm not shocked by them. i keep my limits.

Donkey - Thursday Jul 18, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

So yesterday,  I came to a couple of  revelations:

  1. Associate Attorney will never be able to buy the firm from my boss. With a wife that spends recklessly,  he'll never have the money to take over,  unless an act of God intervenes.
  2. The firm I work for is not a good law firm.  We're cheap,  but we produce an inferior service.  As someone who takes pride in her work,  this realization sucks. 

Sat down with Male Coworker yesterday and brought him up to speed on what he missed while he was away.  I know he's two- faced but as he is someone who has a closer relationship with the boss (and his family), he needs to know where we're at. He does understand my frustration and I understand where he's coming from on his assessment, as well. 

So what does this mean for me?  I can either start looking for another job,  or I can ride this job out in comfort until we crash and burn. I'm actually thinking about riding this out. 

Tonight is Cat Yoga!!  I think after this month,  I will take a break from participating,  since it is $15 a class.  I'm really liking forward to getting there early this time,  and hanging out with some kitties. 

Unbearable heat wave starting today.

Eating could be better.  Oh well,  somethings never change...

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/18/2019:
Sometimes, the only thing one can do is either find another job and hope it is an improvement or stay where you're at, doing your best, which you do. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Have a happy day.

Donkey on 07/20/2019:
Yes, what you said about the grass NOT being greener -- that is exactly why I think I stay instead of looking for something else. EXACTLY, 100%.

Donkey on 07/20/2019:
What you said PLUS... I have certain things that affect my employability. Finding another job might not be so easy.

innerpeace on 07/18/2019:
sounds like a drama filled job. Good luck with your decision.

Donkey on 07/20/2019:
Too much drama - it's like, it shouldn't be this hard.

I have to learn to let it roll off me. Like Bear said, Be a duck.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/18/2019:
You are a good worker, that's def the case and we all know it.

knowing that, i think you and everyone knows the coming truth - your company might disolve. right?

perhaps, just perhaps, you should actually look for another job so that you are not left with no job...is there any chance that someone else can buy the company from your boss?

it could get better, if your boss feels better and keeps the place running...but, as you have said, it seems unlikely and he was looking towards retirement right?

I'm truly sorry that this is a such a difficult time for you. But know that you do good work and are a wonderful person. you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. this is not your doing! :)

Donkey on 07/20/2019:
Perhaps I will start looking casually -- that's a good idea. No harm in looking, right?

I actually do not know if someone else would want to buy out the practice. That is, I think if Associate Attorney can't buy it, we'll just close it out. I would actually prefer THAT than to have Associate Attorney try to take over and watch him fail miserably.

Donkey - Wednesday Jul 17, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Had to turn on the AC last night.  Just too humid and warm in the house.  Thursday through Sunday are supposed to be the most oppressive heat. 

The boss comes into the office for an hour or so every day.  Made a few phone calls.  Gave some direction.  We had a closing yesterday that I needed a substitute attorney from another law firm to cover.  Needless to say,  without an attorney in the office to review the file ahead of time,  there were a couple of important errors or omissions - on my part  - so the closing had some difficulties.  I know I look bad.  Oh well...  no one else cares. 

Male Co-Worker comes back today.  Associate Attorney comes back tomorrow.  While he was away, his wife drained their bank account.  (She's a spender.)  I feel like that kind of epitomizes Associate Attorney:  not focused / things go bad. 


I had initially wanted to write about exercise,  relaxing,  self-care (inspired by Horn's recent Amazon purchases), but instead,  ended up talking about my toxic work environment. 


Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned from Associate  Attorney...

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/17/2019:
i'd like to know what happened regarding the text from nice coworker....

i will comment more later :)

Donkey on 07/18/2019:
I did nothing. She made up a checklist and showed it to my boss. Whatever...

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/17/2019:
Yeah, it's ok with the mistakes, i mean you could learn from them for the futurue, but, it's hard when everyone is out of the office except you. i'm sure you'll be forgiven.

that sucks big time with male coworker's wife! he shouldn't be giving her access if she has no limits! yes, i'm sure his work life is similar to home life. usually that's how it is with personal habits they kind of roll from home to job,etc.

you can still add on into your entry when you have the time to write about other things.

even though i should be saving, the prices were good for those items on Amazon :) and i will use them. LOL, especially the shower head! duh!

Donkey on 07/18/2019:
I should clarify: it was the Associate Attorney's wife that drained their checking account, not Male Co-Worker.

Donkey - Sunday Jul 14, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

I have not mentioned this specifically here, but I have added morning walks to my routine.  I get up earlier -- haven't been hitting the 7 hours of sleep, unfortunately -- in order to spend some time outside.  Not only do I walk, but I also water my potted flowers and milkweed garden in the front of the house.  Even though I spend the majority of my time inside a windowless office, I will not let that stop me from grabbing outdoors time when I can.

 We've been having some litter box problems with the New Kitty.  She and Old Kitty have been fighting this past week.  Friday was the worst, while I was at work, but this weekend, when I've been home, things seem to have calmed down.  Still, I think New Kitty should go to the vet to make sure that these problems are behavioral and not a UTI or GI problem.

I was doing OK today until Nice Lady texted me asking if I have a checklist for the attorney to go over at closing for purchases (the files I work on).  We have a retired judge handling our closings while Associate is out of the office and Boss is MIA, and I guess she thinks a checklist would be a helpful tool.  I was enjoying my weekend, but her text now has me anxious and worried that this guy doesn't know what he's doing.  Maybe she's telling me to make up a checklist.  Maybe she's telling me that my files are hard to follow.  Oh how I hate that she did that today.

I really want to change my life.  I can't ever seem to get it together enough to do it. Life keeps getting in the way.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/14/2019:
Can you text her back asking for more specifics? If she was asking if a list was available....then a yes or no may be all she needed? YEAH for you getting outside early...it truly is the most wonderful time of day!!! So peaceful!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/14/2019:
about the checklist, i totally agree with BCGG. maybe there's a closeout procedure file you have?

i'm so glad to hear you are walking and taking in some sunlight in the AM!

being she's a new kitty, i'd have to guess it's behavioral...i hope! keep on eye on it...

regarding your bold sentences at the bottom - YOU ARE CHANGING YOUR LIFE. each day the things you do are changing your life for the better or worse but it invariable usually doesn't stay the same (your life, i mean!) You DO a lot of it right and together. don't put yourself down for no reason - you are awesome!!!! you motivvate me so much! Don't make a self-fulfilling profecy for yourself that you aren't doing life well...you ARE in charge, and you DO make good choices. you have it together :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

innerpeace on 07/15/2019:
Nice lady texted you on the weekend? OMG that is the worst. Work is work time....off is off time! There is a point in the road I pass on the way home, once I pass that point I don't think about work anymore. If someone calls me or texts me for help, I claim comp time because it's work and couldn't wait until I came back into the office.

Donkey - Saturday Jul 13, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Enjoying my day off!  It is very, very warm but I am delaying turning on the AC.  I'm in an office - with no windows - for most of the week.  I want to enjoy the fresh air, even if it's hot and humid, and the sunshine, and the breeze, and the birds, butterflies, and bees outside in my milkweed garden.

Against his doctor's advice, my boss came into the office for about an hour on Friday.  He looked good, but he is having a hard time just relaxing.  I realized that I have this similar problem.  I feel like I need to be doing something all the time.   I think that's why things like yoga and meditation are difficult for me to embrace.


So this next week, I have no supervising attorney at all, unless the boss comes in to work, which he should not do.  It will be interesting to see how I handle this challenge.  I will not compromise myself to act as an attorney.  Things will just have to wait until there is an attorney around, I guess -- which is Thursday. 

I signed up for another session of Cat Yoga on Thursday!  I am looking forward to that!  And next Saturday, I will be at legal clinic. It's been such a long time since I've been there, it will be nice to connect with these folks again.

I am looking forward to doing a few errands with my husband and just doing what I like to do.  The daughter is sleeping over at her friend's house tonight, so it's just the 2 of us for dinner.  That means lots of onions and peppers and vegetables that she doesn't like!


Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/13/2019:
Yes, it is sad when we allow ourselves to get so caught up in constantly working at something that we never allow ourselves the freedom to just relax and enjoy life. We are not made to be constantly working and not taking care of ourselves. There has to be a BALANCE. If we tip the scales too far one way, we will not be happy. Life is about relaxing as well as working. A balance. That way we can be at our best and be happy, too. Smile! Have a nice day!

Donkey on 07/14/2019:
I definitely need a balance. Sometimes, I can tell that I'm closer to being balanced, and I am more content.

BearCountryGG on 07/13/2019:
What Maria said.....^......So true.......I think if I had to stay busy or productive all of the time It would make me anxious....I know people that live on a super tight schedule by choice and every so often they just seem to have a breakdown of sorts.....they take break...and get right back at it again.....it seems to be a cycle for them...they do get a lot done....but then they just toally get drained.......I wish I had more of that kind of energy though...

Donkey on 07/14/2019:
There are people who THRIVE on a tight schedule. I don't think it's a healthy way to live. But I know exactly what you are saying: it would be nice to have that amount of energy and drive.

Maria7 on 07/13/2019:
Yes, as BCGG said...they do get a lot done...but at 'what price' for their sacrifice? If they push themselves past their human limits, how happy will they be with their 'accomplishments'?

Donkey on 07/14/2019:
Exactly! I interviewed for an attorney who was quite driven. Had a massive heart attack at 40. He's lucky to be alive. Now he channels his energies into long distance outdoor bike rides. He rides with a group, but sometimes alone.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/14/2019:
i agree with you-Maria-BCGG that it is sad when we refuse to allow ourselves to relax and enjoy the life that we work so hard for!

next, i want to comment on what you write about something you wrote perhaps you deleted it?...about how when you watched TV your Aunt i think told you that watching TV was lazy? or she explained you must do something with it? well, i have this to say - Adults are NOT perfect humans. That was her opinion she was throwing at you. and her's alone. however, as a youngster / child that you were, it is easy to hear her opinion as "FACT" or as the only right way to see something or in fact the ONLY way to see it.

It is not true, in my opinion - bc it's only an opinion in either case - that watching tv without doing anything else is lazy.

but what i also would like to touch on is that certain people/phrases/experiences we grow up with do in fact affect us EVEN AFTER we grow up and become adults ourselves. meaning, we still sometimes blame our current situation on our past. someone else i know who had a very sarcastic mother would not realize as a child she was being sarcastic and still to this day he tells me things she said to him that he took as literal instead of as a sarcastic joke. Like, she'd say "Go Run in the Street"...she didn't mean go get hurt or hit by a car - but that's what he thought his mom meant bc she grouped it along with "Get out of here....go out and run in the street"...

as an adult, he should know better, right!? but for some reason, what we hear as kids could sometimes stick the wrong way with us, even when we are older.

i think it's similar with the TV / Lazy talk from your ....aunt?

I must say though - your biking mornings in front of the TV are awesome!

and obviously there was some good to your aunt's saying these things...she wanted you to be active / not lazy. she made it a point to instill that in you. even if it is OK to sometimes watch tv without doing anything else. i see it both ways. she def worked to instill this in you :)

I know people like BCGG says that are seriosuly productive all the time and they get anxious when they are NOT working...i'm not that way...

there are all kids of people. the best is to do what's best for you!

Donkey on 07/14/2019:
The TV story was my Grandmother - who was a mean, spiteful, toxic person. When I grew up and expanded my horizons, I learned that a LOT of people my age LOVE to watch TV -- LOTS of it.

I once shared a memory with Grandmother, and she did remember the experience, but she said, "I don't remember that I yelled at you about it." Wow.

My daughter has told me stories of when I yelled at her, and I have no recollection. I told her I was very sorry.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/14/2019:
oh and with the yoga...now that you realize the reason you find it hard to meditate, if it's your desire to be able to meditate and get into the practice more...keep on and you will get better. have faith that you can and will get better with practice.

Donkey - Friday Jul 12, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 136.0

 So... Monday night,  the boss had a heart attack.  Work is complete chaos, not so much because the boss is out of the office,  but more so because,  in addition to the boss being out indefinitely,  Male Coworker has been on vacation Wednesday thorough next Tuesday ... AND Associate Attorney is on vacation next week,  Monday through Wednesday. 

My boss just can't say NO to people.  So this is what happens as a result. 

To "help" out today,  Queen Bee is coming in today to answer phones.  That's all she can do,  since her computer is at home,  because she works from home. Dreading her obnoxiousness today. 

Needless to say,  this week has been very stressful and completely demoralizing.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 07/12/2019:
Oh my.......so sorry about your boss and now your having to deal with so much at work.....sorry you have to deal with the "BEE".

Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/12/2019:
ugh the buzzing bee will be around in all her glory...she'll be SO HAPPY to be social...ugh!

I'm very sorry to hear about your boss...i hope he's ok. i wonder if it'll affect when he retires..

take a breather...and you cannot be expected to do ALL their work when they are away. you just do you, but the situation sounds very tough!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/13/2019:
I hope you get a breather this weekend and can relax some of this week off your shoulders :)

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