A "successful" weigh-in today, but that's what being sick with a loss of appetite gets me. I'm thinking rather than stirring up drama (with myself) with weigh-ins, what I need are self-affirmations that this is all just part of a healthy maintenance program. Plus or minus a few pounds, depending on what life brings. As this progresses, then I can start weening myself off of the scale, because I know that my body will take care of the numbers, as long as I take care of my body.
Needless to say, though, this journey has had a lot of ups and downs, not only on the scale, but also emotionally.
It's deceivingly beautiful here today. Beautiful blue sky and bright sun... but still very chilly outside. So for the most part, I plan to stay indoors, except I'm tickled pink that a library book I've been waiting for has come in. Perfect timing since I just returned what I had checked out yesterday, and was wondering what to do next.
So I have an errand to run, which is great. As you know, I need tasks to do to keep myself active. So why can I do this with an activity like going to the library, but when it comes to things that would help us move, e.g. organize my closet, I just can't get myself to do these sorts of chores?
Breakfast: 2 coffee w/creamer, 2 slices of diet bread toast w/Nutella.
2nd Breakfast: 1/2 cup whole milk vanilla Greek yogurt. Yes, I am a hobbit.
Lunch: Salad w/ranch dressing, more delicious leftover oregano chicken. Cantalope melon -- I'd say 1.5 cups at the most.
2nd Snack: raw vegetables with 2TBSP dressing of some sort. And then add a small piece of raw cacao to that.
Dinner: homemade nachos (tortilla chips, seasoned ground beef, black beans, corn, Salsa, cheddar cheese) , 1 large apple.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I forgot to weigh in today. I woke up and felt well enough to exercise on my stationary bike (light setting, just to get muscles moving), so my "auto-pilot" kicked in, got dressed, got my water & coffee and went downstairs. Hopped on the bike and realized - OOPS! Oh well, that's OK. I think it might be better for me not to weigh in for a while... of course, I won't take my own advice. I'll try to remember tomorrow.
So I woke up with more energy, less achy, and my sense of taste seems to be coming back, which is great, because I've missed wanting vegetables. After my session with the bike, though, I feel a little tired, so I'm going to rest a little bit before I start my errands for the day.
Still not biting my nails. Looking to go to Goodwill and look for a pair of pajama bottoms to match the new, free T-shirt I got for that stupid work party I went to a few weeks ago. Also might look into getting some slacks that actually fit me, if I can find a size that fits. I'm a shortie at 5'3" (more like 5'2") but "Petite" sizes are cut not only shorter but smaller. Well, that satisfies the short part but I'm still a larger frame. So I'm a size larger in "petitie", which doesn't feel good seeing on a size tag. Mind games!
I realize that with my entries this past week, I need to work on self-acceptance. How does one do this? How does one find his/her center, focus, Zen?
EVENING EDIT: Did not do any clothes shopping, not enough energy. Not sure how I feel about tracking food. Downloaded 2 apps, one for guided meditation and one for yoga, but I just remembered I can find really good yoga on YouTube...
Food:
B 2 slices of diet toast w/Nutella, 1 cup of coffee with half and half
L: 1 cup "oregano chicken", large sweet potato w butter (2 tbsp?) & paprika.S: 1/2 cup whole milk Greek Greek (vanilla ), 2 cups coffee w half and half, approx. 20 as almonds.
D: pot roast (~3 oz.), boiled potatoes ~1/2 cup, some cooked carrots and onions, 2 servings of green salad w Italian dressing
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!
When I got my Fitbit, I wanted one with a HR monitor for accurate calorie output, but I'm not sure that I really use it like I thought I would... Does that make sense?
So expensive!!!! https://www.rei.com/product/863020/cycleops-fluid2-bike-trainer
I noticed with you, always, that you certainly DO set high expectations for yourself which motivates all of us here! for sure.
but if you can at least stick to ONE just one of your expectations, you should definitely be happy with yourself. keep setting all expectations, and i guess realize that it's a give and take - time and energy-wise - and choose what you are ok with skipping or missing to do something else. or shorten some of the length of other things. i also want to sometimes do more than i have time for...
i'm glad you are using your bike.
that's what i should have done, instead of buying two pairs.
good news tho is that i know own black pants, to wear to a funeral, i hope they fit...otherwise, i'll have to wear my leggings. i also have a nice blazer that i'm glad i kept. :) the suit jacket. comes in handy to have at least a couple things that fit right for the occasion you have to wear them. but truthfully, you don't need more than 1 or 2 - that FIT - not too big or small...i'm now talking to myself!
I would like to thank Happy-1 on the suggestion of changing my DD name to Cougar Booty Babe. LOL!!
Still very tired, but no fever and now just mostly coughing and tired. I can live with that. I'm going to bed after I write this and rest until I fall asleep.
Ate more today than I did yesterday: slice of bread w/Nutella, protein shake, scrambled eggs & 1 baked potato, then sweet potato & oregano chicken for dinner, with fresh fruit. My sense of taste is starting to come back too.
Tomorrow's weigh-in won't be reflective of my normal weight, but sticking to my routine. I've kept up with the push-ups. Wore my rings to work today, but only worked 9a-3p instead of until 5p. I wanted to leave at lunchtime to go home and rest, but the workload just wouldn't allow it.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!
Turns out I'm sick... Very difficulty night from the minute I turned off the light, but woke up with a fever and aching muscles.
Had to go to work because there were deadlines that had to be met or extended. Plus we have a client who is closing tomorrow, so I had to get her file all set for the attorney.
Got to work and found out my boss has the flu, so I pretty much know how I got sick. Praying this isn't flu because I do not have insurance at the minute.
So today was a wash, but last night, I realized that if I want to be the person I strive to be, I'm going to have to be tougher than this. Real change takes hard work and self- discipline.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!
i hope you feel much better soon though. I had no idea you didn't have health insurance. That is something i am very lucky to have, being in the union here in NYC, most if not all unions (teachers/professors,my electrical union, other trade unions, college teaching unions, healthcare workers unions) generally provide health insurance. i am so sorry! keep on and stay tough. i know outside the NYC area and other big cities, health insurance is a beast in its own outside the unions.
As it turned out, my boss offered to cover me for medical only if I would agree to sign up for only myself and if I would sign up for the HMO. It kicks in on April 1st.
I think I am getting sick. I am hoping this right now is as bad as I get. I could live with that. This started with a dry cough and then evolved into some sneezing, and now I have a headache and fatigue. The cough has not left. Fortunately, it's only occassional, but I can feel it in my chest and throat, which is how I know it's something, rather than nothing.
Didn't notice until now that I have some muscle soreness in my arms from last night's weights. It was a short workout, did what I wanted to do. I don't know about doing push-ups tonight... I'll try.
Speaking of push-ups, today was a re-test day for my son and he still did not pass. He has to have perfect form or they do not count, and some of them get a little sloppy at the end of a minute. *sigh* He told my husband that he is working out with a few friends now that are in his same exact position and he has access to weights. So he has another week to train. Having him pass will be such a relief...
In spite of this stress, I have not chewed on my fingernails (yet). I wore rings today too, but I took them off before typing this up. I might give it another try, but you know... I think I'm just not a ring person. Also, I don't think I'm a fancy fingernail person either. This conflict -- between who I want to be versus what I really am -- mirrors how I am about my weight. Oh how I wish I had thin legs. Instead I have these thick legs.... Took a look last night... I don't know if surgery (lipo) would work, even. They are shaped a certain way that I don't like. What I really wish is that this didn't bother me and dominate my thoughts & life so much.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!
As for your legs, i wish i also had the "skinny legs." I think i probably would have them if i was in shape in my lower body.
The reason you think about your legs and weight etc is it's a habit that you comfortably go back to thinking about to take your mind off something else. OR, at least this is MY case.
Everyone has things they want to change, but you will have to accept yourself for what you are as long as you are proactive and try your best to make yourself your best...
Weighed in this First Day of Spring at 133.0...
OMG work was so busy today. It was like I left for 4 days and the real estate market exploded. My co-worker did a really nice job of maintaining my files while I was gone. I'd like to get her a gift. I was thinking a gas card, maybe? Money is very tight for her, so I want to get her something that would help her out too. Any ideas?
My plan for spring is to start strength training again. Starting slow, with 2 sets of 3 exercises: shoulders, triceps, biceps. Ugh, but I like to train my chest and back too.... But then my sessions will take too long. And push-ups, if I can remember to do them.
Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -3.5 lbs to go!
If she drinks coffee and buys it outside, Dunkin Donuts card? Remember something - she was just doing her job...it's not mandatory to compensate her further...you can bring in a coffee for her, also. You can buy her lunch :)
Good plans for Spring - weight training really shapes up a body nicely! starting with a few exercises is enough - you dont have to bog yourself down with too many exercises... My plans are cardio :)
Today i a snow day...even my gym closed...but going into work to prob come home early!
Donkey is home! We had originally planned to come home very early Monday morning (today), but since graduation plans had changed, we left on Sunday. Originally, we were going to have Saturday to hang around town & hotel with our son, and then hang around base on Sunday. Well, Saturday was changed to hanging around base, and nobody seemed to want to sightsee in Texas without our son on Sunday, so we just came home early. As it turned out, it was a full day traveling, and we were all very glad to be home.
Having arrived home on Sunday, I really debated about going into work today. My husband said, Don't tell anyone at work, if you decide to go in, so that you keep your options open as long as possible. Although I know I will probably regret the workload I'll be returning to on Tuesday, I decided to take today off: to get errands done, to get back into the swing of things in my routine, to spend time with my daughter and husband, and to regroup my emotions.... I really miss my son. And yet, this is an AMAZING opportunity for him - I am so proud of him for the way this experience has caused him to mature and come into his own. That's why I really hope he passes this push-up test, so that he can continue to grow and learn. I feel he can really thrive in the military, rather than float and flounder here without any direction.
I did not weigh in this morning - because why would I weigh in on a Monday?, but I tried on my wedding ring last night, which was very comfortable feeling, so I'm happy with that. I think I did very well on activity, very good with water intake, and good to so-so with food intake. Managed to stay "regular" during the trip - this is a HUGE issue with me when traveling. It was a good idea to take Fiber One bars and buy a bag of raw carrot sticks for munching. I probably could have made better use of eating raw vegetables, but my husband seemed OBSESSED with food during this vacation. Every thought was, when is our next meal? And he cannot walk much, so that definitely limited the amount of activity any of us could do. Still, I tried to move around as much as I could.
So today is laundry, activity, grocery shopping. Tomorrow will be work.
Speaking of work, I'm having a serious identity crisis here with work. More and more, this year especially, I'm feeling like, Why do I spend so much time with people that aren't nice to me, that I don't particularly like, doing stressful work for people who don't appreciate it? Work used to be my driving force, something I really looked forward to every day. Now I'm feeling like I'd much rather have time to spend with my family. My son has left... Soon my daughter will leave... My mom, brother et al., are in Vegas.... Why am I spending important time doing something else instead of being with the people who matter to me the most? (I mean, I know why -- because I need the money!)
Anyway, now I'm back. When my son does manage to graduate, I won't be attending the ceremony, since I already took time from work (there it is again - WORK), but my brother will probably go if he can, my mom will go if she's available, probably my daughter, if he graduates during spring break, and maybe my husband, but only if daughter goes because he cannot travel alone any more.
So now entering into a new season, my focus will be to find my Zen, to become stronger, both spiritually and physically. Spring will be a renewal of my life.
EVENING EDIT: I'm so glad I did not go to work today. I really needed the extra day to center myself emotionally. I think if I had tried to go to work, I would not have done a very good job. I was able to get all my tasks done and enjoyed a beautiful, but chilly, walk outside this afternoon.
The more I think about Spring coming tomorrow, the more eager I get to make significant changes in myself. When I was in Texas, I didn't see much big hair, but every lady there seemed to have her nails done and a *bling* *bling* on her finger. That's what I want for myself: lovely fingernails and a wedding ring (not much bling) that fits. Instead of the nailbiting, thick-fingered mess that I am, in reality...
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
I'm 5'10 with size 13-14 feet and hands that can palm a basketball. Aka man hands. I feel you.
One thing you said that's rather eye-opening was the word "fidget". Maybe that's what I need is a new "fidget" to replace nailbiting.
i wish your son luck as he continues...if he hasn't failed out now, he should continue and get stronger and he'll eventually pass the pushups...that's great! i'm glad he's persevering. remind him of this. not everyone may go straight thru but he will get stronger and will get easier and better at it. everything in life takes work!
have a good day and keep on going :) the nicer weather, aside from a potential snow day tomorrow, will be helping us both. i look forward to longer days now and continuing my cardio training outdoors. I'm beginning to think i should just run around the community during the week...which is what i'll do....and reserve parks for days off & weekends. i need to simplify my training and make it as easy as possible so it gets done more often.
I'm too chicken to get nail tips or acrylics: they have a lot of bad chemicals and can really damage one's nail bed. I don't need that.
So... my son did not pass the push-up portion of his test, which means he will not be graduating this weekend.
The good news is that we will be able to see him and visit him on base. And that is the important thing.
The bad news is that we won't get to see any of the graduating ceremonies and presentations, with him, and we can't take him off base to hang out with him or do tourist things with him.
And he still has to try to pass the test!
All of this we found out just as our plane was landing. Needless to say, this news brought us all way down in spirit and mood.
Caught myself making some not so good food choices, so tried to do better immediately. Water intake ok so far. Activity level ok - got up early to use the hotel gym.
So I'm waiting to hear from our son when we can meet up with him at the base, which will probably be this afternoon. In the meantime, my mom will be flying in...
Such big plans for the weekend and now they are for naught.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
i always find that doing lots of little sets of pushups with very little rest periods in betweeen helps me do more pushups.
what is the pushup requirement, by the way??? just curious...although i know you will not want to talk about it.
i can't believe you paid for a flight and did all that only to hear that kind of news. that is just wrong.
I responded to comments on last night's entry. Thank you for your helpful input!
Now I remember what my snarky co-worker said to me yesterday: he said I was walking so fast that I need to start running during my lunch hour. What? He obviously has issues.
So I weighed in this morning... I can really feel the few extra pounds: I feel bloated. So I will do my best to get through this trip as healthy as I can, and then buckle down when I get back. Like Horn, I've noticed that workouts seem to be more laborious, more of a struggle to get through. Not going as fast, not pushing as hard as I have in the past. So maybe this change of routine will be just what I need to get back on track when I return.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
yes, if he's commenting like crazy...he has issues (too!)
I'm getting rather nervous... I'm starting to think that I should probably weigh-in before we leave for Texas, so that I know exactly how much I gain while I'm gone. Maybe I will do that, but on the other hand, I'm afraid it will be self-defeating. If I've gained, there's nothing I can do about it now. We'll see how I feel in the morning. I do plan to stick to my routine of waking up, riding the bike, get dressed. The only difference is that I will have breakfast at home and then we leave for the airport instead of leaving for work alone.
So my co-worker was making snide remarks to me again about my lunch. Again I was eating leftovers, so I had a lot of leftover vegetables and a hot dog from a couple of nights ago. I forget what the comment was, but I was like, "Who said I would be taking questions and comments from the audience today?" Sheesh. I think Horn is correct in that there is some jealousy there... or maybe it's just office politics, since he hasn't been returning my "good morning" to me lately. Whatever - I do not have time for this pettiness any more.
My plan for vacation: make use of the fitness room, make use of the pool, walk as much as I can, take stairs, take my 24 ounce Blender Bottle for water and drink keep drinking. Order as many vegetables as I can at meals. If there is a Walmart nearby, stop in for baby carrots and apples. I'm also taking healthy snacks, sugar free gum, and sugar free candy, for the airport, to help.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
how long will you be in Texas?
you can even make a plan to be healthy overall there....
i've noticed that when coworkers / bosses don't say good morning, it's a "power thing" that they are choosing to think they have over you. i've been in the situation. right - it's politics as you say. it's petty. it's rude. it is not necessary for a boss to act that way to keep his power. it's wrong in my opinion...but many feel it is their right to do..don't worry about it.
people such as me and you that think about weight and food etc., we will always feel weird or feel something when people comment...if they comment they are just thinking about it too...so it should make you almost feel better to see you aren't the only one concerned about these issues....and to NOT take it personally....keep on your plan this time. just as i am...somehow, we have both decided it's not worth another struggle and battle of actually gaining the weight along with a loss of self confidence any more times. (i have lost weight 2x in my life and don't wish to ever have to do it all over again!). same for you...keep on....you've learned from the past people make comments and life is not everything you choose...just keep on.
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Sorry to hear you've not been well. I like the idea of weaning yourself off the scale... I think, as a society, we focus a lot on the numbers and not sufficiently on how we're feeling. I hope to do the same in the long run. Every best wish to you.
Going out to the library is possibly easier to do because it's a change of scenery. The same walls and setting can make it harder to do tasks... e.g is I think why people sometimes struggle when they're working from home. When I want to get stuff done at home, I like to put music on, and the music reminds me that I am doing a specific task. Music without lyrics is what I find most helpful, otherwise I'm pausing to listen to the words. I don't know if that's something that could work for you. Also setting a schedule and having a time-frame to complete the task?
bearcountrygg on 03/25/2018:
I agree completely with Trish......music or what I do sometimes is set a timer for 15 minutes.....and get busy....I usually do not want to stop when the timer goes off. Also I too get away from the scales for long periods of time...your clothes...and how you feel...will say a lot...we know...
happy-1 on 03/25/2018:
I like weighing myself daily and then seeing the trendline in an excel sheet. It goes up and down consistently over the course of a week so it actually keeps me more on track.
graindart on 03/26/2018:
Like everyone, the scale and I have a love/hate relationship. I'd definitely prefer not seeing it every morning, but it's a tool that keeps me accountable for now. Without seeing it daily, it's just way too easy for me to slowly drift off plan. By the time I realize that my clothes aren't fitting correctly, it's too late for me.
Horn_of_plenty on 03/26/2018:
your dinner and all meals sound EXCELLENT!
i think you are doing great. Maintenance is a beast of itself yes. I'm dealing with it too...but it's better than having a big weightloss to have to deal with, surely. It's better waking up and being around the weight you'd like to be.
i also struggle with home tasks. I'm worse than you...i hire a cleaning service every month or 2. (once a month or once every couple months) just to make sure that everything is cleaned up here every so often...i debate getting rid of the service and doing it myself but it seems so daunting that i keep making appts with them....although i'd be fitter and get exercise cleaning, for some reason, i keep putting it off and leaving it to a service whom i pay $100 plus a $30 tip every 4-8 weeks....
Horn_of_plenty on 03/26/2018:
Maintenance is hard but not as hard as feeling totally uncomfortable in your heavier self, in my opinion! when i say "your" i do not meet you - i mean anyone in maintenance vs their former heavier self!
keep on. now you know how to keep on with healthier eating and also you know how to include exercise in your routine. this is most what you need...
happy-1 on 03/26/2018:
Thought of you today and your fun with coworkers... I called a trade school and some Indian guy started right off with calling me "my dear". I asked him if there was someone else there I could talk to because I did not think we were communicating well. He said he was the only admissions counselor there so I said well let's try it again, but please understand that as I call these trade schools there are some interesting and unscrupulous characters out there and when you call women "my dear" in this culture it is demeaning and like you are talking down to us. I am most certainly not your dear we do not have that relationship.