Now I know what I weigh....
Needless to say, I am conflicted. It is very unusual to see ACTUAL changes in one's body for the better and yet have some stupid scale tell you something negative. However, logically, I was prepared for this. I told you when I started my new weight training program that I anticipated gaining around 5lb.
I have a scale that tells me my body fat %. My % is around 21 (would like it to be lower so that my muscles are more defined). BUT the more important figure is my muscle weight, which supposively -- according to this scale -- says is 99lb. So 99lb of me is muscle.
So I have concluded logically (of course) that the only way for me to really lose any more weight is to have my liver and possibly a lung surgically removed. Perhaps my uterus too. I figure that should take around 15lb off of the scale.
Yep.
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
I have no idea what I weigh. Last Sunday, I had a binge, and then I struggled again on Wednesday. I think Wednesday was worse, but I can't remember. All I can remember thinking was "If this binge had a title, it would be "Pop Tart Party"." Each Pop Tart has 200 calories EACH. And I can tell you, I had more than one.
But that was last Sunday, and this is THIS Sunday.
My weight training program is going well. Cutting down my excessive cardio to 1 hour is also a good thing too. But it seems now that I have replaced the excessive cardio with more weight training, and now --- if I do everything I WANT to do at the gym --- I am there for 3 hours. If I don't allow myself to do all the weight training, then I can cut it down to 2.5 hours. Which is still too much time, in my opinion, but nobody seems to mind, so, so what?
And then I do another 15-30 minutes of training at home in the evenings.
You would think I would be chiseled or buff, but unfortunately, I am not. I have so much leftover fat and skin from my pregnancies and prior abuses in weight. It's like I have this thick layer of blubber covering up all the muscle.
I've tried going low carb to bring out the muscle definition, but all that has lent me is an offensive smell of ammonia when I workout (because my body is burning protein for energy, not carbs or fat). This is not right.
I was so angry and disgusted with my therapist on Friday that I've decided that I will probably not do much more work with him. We've been working on the issue of "Forgiveness". He seems to think that crimes committed against children are indeed forgiveable. I told him he was a sick, sick man.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Sorry to hear of your difficulties with the therapist... Forgiveness is a HUGE word!... God will take care of those that have been the offender... They will have to deal with Him ultimately either way...
Have a good evening.... Take Care!
Thanks for the comments on my cats, they are indeed a lot of fun!
Wishing you a great week!
Finished Week 1 of my new program. :-)
My upper body feels slightly sore, and only temporary. So I know that some progress is being made. I'm also *itching* to make the transition from weight machines to more free weight exercises. I'm wondering if this is reflective of my internal struggle as well. Of not wanting to stay restricted into other people's ideas of what should be, but rather doing my own thing. Hmm, that's something to think about, eh?
Another lesson learned: Just because you use lighter weights on lower body exercises, if you go SLOW enough, you will start to shake and ache just as much as if you were using much heavier weights. Again, to me -- a sign of progress.
OK, and last... Should I tell you?... OK, I will because I'm *so* excited!:
12 days without bingeing!!!!
WOO-HOO!!!!!
I know I'm not out of the woods yet. I did have 3 days where I went above my calorie level by about 300 calories. But that's not the same thing. If I'm wrong about that, please let me know.
And the compulsion to weigh-in this morning was VERY STRONG. I'm glad I didn't. Just.... too risky at this point. My weigh-in days are Wednesdays -- LEAVE IT.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I think your right about the "winter blues".....I do seem to feel this way in the winter.....particularly after Christmas.
(Ignore that "Current Weight" number. It will be back up to 135 tomorrow if I weigh in. My calories were a little on the low side the past 2 days but I am within range today, so I assume my weight will increase as well.)
OK, DDer's here's a question for you:
What is a "butter face"? For example, people commenting on pictures of celebrities and they say "she's a total butter face".
What?
My new weight training program is going very well. I cut down on the cardio, going slower and harder, and doing intervals (either low/high intervals or low/medium/high intervals, which I call "steps").
Then I started lifting heavier on the upper body to build up and lighter on the lower body to "lean out". I want to go out in a sleaveless shirt and hear gasps or see eyes pop. ;-)
EDIT: I can't remember if I mentioned this in my last entry. I want to be completely honest with you all. I plan to gain 5 pounds with my new weight training program. (It's my own program of my own design, not something from an infomercial or a book.)
Which will put me up to 140.
I don't know why I'm doing this. Honestly, I have no idea where the motivation to do this is coming from. Logically (or illogically perhaps), I would tell you to your face 100% truthfully that I want to be thinner & lighter. Yet I feel driven to do this. Not in a pathological sense, but ... well, it's just weird. I don't know why I'm doing this.
I just do it.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Good luck with it!
Ps - A butter face means that "everything looks good...'but-her-face' "...I've heard of it before. In my opinion it's completely rude and whoever thought of it is messed up in the head, but that's just me.
Have a great night! =D
but this isn't my stress. my stress is school with studying not enough for the things that are MOST important...not that i'm doing badly because the tests have been put off till next week....but just hoping that things go right. but really a couple students in my class are pissing me off completely.
so i've made no sense just now.
i've GOT to get out of this stressed state of mind and body. i know yoga won't be possible tomorrow as i'll be on my feet all day. hopefully i don't pass out due to all the swelling/food in my body and trying to be physically agile. i know i'll be fine but it'll be tough tomorrow. lots of sweating for sure due to the excess food and calories in my system.
thanks for supporting me.
see what happens with the muscle. perhaps we build a little muscle and then it's easier to lose the weight?
Have a great evening!
Amazing.
I have been at 135.0 for the past 3 days without much trying. That is to say, if I don't binge, and I don't restrict, and I just stay within calorie range and exercise like I do, I stay at 135.
If I could do this at 130, I'd be more pleased.
I started my new exercise program today. I am very excited about it!!! I have learned that I NEED to do some cardio every day or my back starts to tighten up and it hurts. So the weekends are for light, fun cardio, 1 hour.
I'm going back to weight training on Monday, focusing on heavy weights on my upper body to build it up, get definition and increase strength. Lower body will be lighter weights (more reps, performed slowly), to decrease the "bulk" of my legs.
I've changed ellipticals at the gym, and I prefer to do a slower, harder workout on the machines that have the moving handlebars. So I will do that M-F.
I'm decreasing my cardio, if I can. I think an hour a day is enough. Of course, I think I can do this because the weather is so crappy outside. Once it warms up and the snow and ice melt away, and I can start running outside again.... Well, look out, here we go again.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
as for me, thankfully, i have done everything in my power to NOT fail. this includes taking an extra yoga class so as to prevent too much time on my hands and binge! of course, i also did another class because it is a challenge and, if done right, it is really, really good for my body.
luckily, i don't believe a need cardio everyday. well, i believe i do actually, but because of time and commitment, i don't do it very much. only when i have some extra time. if i weren't studying or in school, i would definitely fullfill the recommeneded at least 30 minutes of cardio a day.
i'm impressed to read how much cardio you do. just make sure you stretch and that your being careful with your body. if you go to a gym, and they offer free classes, see if there's a yoga class. it may help you to take it once a week or so. especially to relax your joints and muscles from the cardio you do!
Yesterday, I had a very bad Fat Day. Some days, I am able to contain my disdain for my body, but yesterday, I was so frustrated that I am stuck inside this large body that I couldn't keep quiet about it any more.
My husband thinks I'm nuts.
I stopped weight training for the week. For my new routine, I am going to focus on defining the muscles in my upper body: a strong back, defined shoulders, firm triceps and biceps, maintain the chest to counterbalance the back. Less emphasis on the lower body: light weights, many SLOW reps.
I will see if I can mold my body more so to the proportions I would like, mainly a smaller "donkey", if you know what I mean....
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!
I just started this 12 week program.. I'm really trying to do some body sculpting too.. I do weight training.. and I go through off seasons and on seasons.. this winter
I went way off!.. now I'm trying to get back in it!.. trying to get to 16 percent body fat in 12 weeks..
What does your program look like.. looks like you have had a lot of success so far
like me with yoga. i'm spending my time doing that, not cardio. and it's what i like and actually helping me enough to stick with it.
so for you, concentrating on upper body, is a great idea. therefore you can put that emphasis on it and get results.
I think the most wonderful thing is to see that definition in the upper body. I cannot wait to be back there again! You will do fine!
Down a pound but I had to fight my scale for that. It just AMAZES me that it is SO EASY to put ON the weight but takes FOREVER to get it off.
I have decided that this year, my focus is going to be on my eating issues. I guess this would make me the anti-Jolt (hi Jolt!) because I'm working on the opposite issues as she. Last year, I got a real handle on the fitness: running, weight training, changing my physique while she worked on the food issues. Now we'll switch places, I guess.
I have to do this because it seems that whenever life throws me a curveball -- and I feel like I've been thrown so many curveballs in 2008 that it's like a game of dodgeball, except that I'm like 1 against 1,000,000 -- whenever life throws me a punch in the gut, I start to have food issues again, either too much or too little. So this is something that I really NEED to learn how to get a handle on. I'm not saying "cured" or "overcome", but I need to learn to cope. Basically, that's what it comes down to.
(Note to self: Don't play Dodgeball with God; you know who will win.)
You know, this just occured to me too, but I have issues with exercising too much. I ...um... don't know what to do or how to deal with that. How do you know when it becomes a problem? Hmm....
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!
I was sorry to read about your December. My sympathy on the loss of your grandfather.
I don't know how to tell when too much exercise becomes a problem. Except maybe if you are working out and then start beating yourself up because an hour a day isn't enough, or whatever time you spend on exercise doesn't seem good enough. I do remember having a worry for you two years ago when you were really really pushing yourself. Not because of the exercise but because you hated yourself and came down really hard on yourself when you could only exercise for half an hour on some days. But then I don't know.
I did not do well yesterday at all.
I can't think of anything else to say, except that I do want to thank everyone who wrote yesterday for their support. I have to say, I am grateful for the support and encouragement that you all offer here. Thank you so much...
Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
As for legal problems. No matter what side you're on it's taxing on your psyche. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't feel a certain way; they're your feelings, you're the one going through it!
BTW, are you still working out, running, shoveling snow, etc?
Hang in there--hope you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon! Though it may seem so, these things CAN'T go on forever!
As for the weight, you had lost way past your goal there for awhile, perhaps you can see that it's not as bad as some of us are doing:-)
I also want to let you know that when i read "donkey was here" i smiled!
sorry to hear that life is not how you ever would have planned it to be right now. i really do wish you didn't have to go through a lot of those issues. It's amazing how much we can intertwine weight and eating in the process. As far as we're concerned, I try to love other things in life more than food. yoga is what i try to put more time into, taking my mind off food. how are you doing with your pushups? i've slacked off slightly, but still do them on and off. they were one of the best suggestions you gave me. lol, nah, you gave much better suggestions than that to me. but i'll never forget who motivated me to do them! :)
Wow, I gained almost 10lb since the last time I posted. And believe it or not, my weight was as high as 140.0 at one point in December.
December was a horrible month. I don't know if I should even rehash what happened. My grandfather died. My legal problems got worse. My depression reached rock bottom.
Thing is, the legal problems, the weight and the depression aren't going away just because it's a new year. So .... I'm obviously carrying issues from 2008 into 2009. Not exactly the "Fresh Start" I was hoping for or needing, but we don't always get what we need or want in life.
I do hope though to post more regularly here. I want to shed this extra weight. I hate it. It's very uncomfortable to be carrying around such heavy burdens.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
What ever your struggles may be, just know that things will get better and you are worth it and therefore you deserve to be healthy and happy. I'll be thinking of you and I really hope this year things get better for you!
How does a person forgive herself? Especially when the transgression is something that is totally incompatable with how she identifies herself with?
Ideas? Insight?
Progress as of today: 16.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Blessings to you & yours this season!
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aww it looks like you are doing a great job, and muscle really does weigh a lot more than fat...sux though sometimes! i hope you have a peaceful day. xoxo
thinnside40 on 01/28/2009:
Sounds like you have all the #"s figured out to a "T"...... I say hang onto what ya got and live happy healthy!
Thank You for your "sympathy".. I feel like it would of felt better to be dismembered than to look in my dad's eyes as I asked....
Have a great day!
mama_nurse on 01/28/2009:
You are doing awesome, :) have a good day
panda22 on 01/28/2009:
LOL @ getting your body parts removed to lose weight! Omg I was rolling when I read that! lol. Anyway, thank you for the comment! It's not too late! =D have a great night!
WI3 on 01/28/2009:
LOL I had my uterus taken out and lost nada! I know you don't advocate anything unhealthy, I was just worried 'bout you =)
Have a great Thursday!
Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/29/2009:
so congrats! congrats on all of your progress....especially the muscle part! wow. nice job. keep it up. :) more commenting to come...
oh, and muscle is VERY important. you probably look better now than before the shift to weight training!