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Donkey - Saturday May 13, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 141.0

Today's weigh-in is exactly why I think I will stop tracking my weight on a weekly basis after May.  Or maybe it's all the more reason to weigh in on a weekly basis???

Anyway, it's just a number, but I wouldn't be honest with you if I didn't tell you that I'm disappointed to be out of the 130s.  I could tell though that this week's numbers weren't going to be great.  It's like I can feel the bloat.  IDK , just not feeling like I"m at a "fighting" weight.

Also, my May goals are not working out at all.  So I'm scratching off May as a month of maintaining  my routine -- except that I AM still trying to use heavier weights.  But even that I've pulled back on a little to protect my back.

This week I've been dealling with aging parents.  Both my step-father and my father-in-law are facing probably the end of their lives within a year or so.  My folks are planning to move to a retirement community near my brother and my inlaws are moving back up here to an assisted living facility. 

Work is still busy and stressful, but manageable.  It helps to see that my co-workers are now getting busy too.  It's demoralizing to be overwhelmingly busy with co-workers leaving at 4pm or spending time on Facebook at work.  Now, I am no longer overwhelmingly busy and my co-workers seem to be a bit busy.

No call-back from the job that I applied for, but that was to be expected.

Have not made up my mind yet about what to do for Mother's Day.  It will involve going out to dinner but not sure what or where.  Just not motivated.

I seem to not be motivated on several levels here...

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/13/2017:
GIRL! Look at your progress chart. It looks so good! You lost weight all year. You are at just around your lowest that you've been in awhile. Do not let yourself down now!

If you got out of the 130's and you want to be back in them, you will have to slightly decrease or eat a bit less than you did this past week, that's all. Remember that to weigh less, you have to eat less calories, slightly.

But remember that you weren't ever lifting weights for a long time - so even if you lift lighter weights, you are still working out. If you slow down your reps doing them slowly on purpose for resistance, that's another way that I sometimes lift, especially when i'm tired or other reasons....but you can use lighter weights but lift up and down slowly for more resistance and difficulty without straining yourself.

exercise shouldn't hurt and you are just starting with weights. Do not give up on yourself.

You have done remarkably well always.

I have a similar problem with one coworker specifically. boss actually tells her to keep on eye on me (especially this past week that he was away!) talk about emotional abuse. i catch her looking at me constantly. like i'm doing something wrong! People say hi to me...and she turns as if it's a crime to say hello to people at work! I thought she was sorta nice around a year ago when she was hired, but now i see her true DISGUSTING colors of hate as she is a member of this big clique of girls at work, many friends since HIGH SCHOOL. And practically none have a degree above HIGH SCHOOL. i'm not saying that that is bad - but they are. they are hateful and disgusting girls. white trash. she she does little work, so it's worse, because she is bored and looking for trouble / entertainment. so there i am!

anyways, stay positive. Motivation is nothing. If you want to do things, you can do them. Stay positive. Don't let your weight climb back up now. Now you have to shift to either maintenance mode for awhile or keep dieting less. Maybe work to maintain like 138-140.

Don't give up on yourself. Also, aging parents - i am sorry about it. I know, based on my father, how difficult it can be as he visits his 95 yr old mother. It is so sad to watch them need more and more help in this world where everyone lives longer and longer. I am sorry it's a stress i know!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2017:
I hope you had a great Mother's Day, J-Donk <3

Donkey - Wednesday May 10, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 138.0

Midweek update:  I'm not sure what to do about my goals.  I did a week of heavier weights and then I started having back spasm this past Sunday.  I went to a physical therapist on Monday who helped "reset" my pelvic bones and back muscles.

I thought it might have been some of the core exercises that were the source of the spasms...  I'm just very leery of stressing out my back again.

So I'm not sure where to go from here.

Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 05/10/2017:
In answer to your question, yes, we do eat dinner, just earlier... We are not counting calories but I am noticing that they are less without our nitetime munching. No, we don't go to bed earlier...we just allow ourselves to drink anything (we don't drink alcohol) we want which is usually coffee, water, sweet tea, gingerale, or diet cokes, that we want after 5pm.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2017:
Try to not go hard. Def use lighter (rather than heavier that cause pain or potential for injury) weights. do sets that are of up to 12 reps (or go higher on the weight if you pass 12 reps). don't lift weights if you can't do 8reps.

try to stretch your back i know some stretches if you need.

take it easy. KEEP YOUR ROUTINE. only stop something if you feel pain. never work through pain, that philosophy is hurtful and old school - trust me, i know from experience. your body will have pain and if it does it means to listen.

stretch. you must stretch always. that can aid in preventing injuries.

STAY POSITIVE. You are now in the 130's. HAVE CONFIDENCE. STICK WITH YOUR NEW HABITS. Stay focused. Don't go back to your old ways. You can do this. Don't let a sore back bring you back to square one. Listen to me - this entry sounded a bit like your past - you can do this.

You ARE in fact sure where to go - you want to go FORWARD. not backward. this is from my heart, as always. Because i have these types of experiences too in my past.

You can do this. Stay the course, stay on track.

Where to go from here is your last sentence - GO FORWARD. STAY POSITIVE - that's where you go! and stay focused on doing what you can as long as your back doesn't get aggrivated. it's not all or nothing, do what you can right now.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2017:
books i'm reading and articles are national best sellers. i'm reading the tops. I love these books :-D

happy-1 on 05/14/2017:
sounds like a good time for a swim!

Donkey - Saturday May 06, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 138.0

A good weigh-in today, although I recognize that 0.5 lbs is basically maintaining.  I'm 1.5 pounds away from my goal, which again, is still basically maintaining.  I **LOVE** being in the 130s though.  Physically, it just feels right.

Started lifting with higher weights on the upper body to get more definition, and also to challenge myself.  I have a couple of people encouraging me to start working on my core muscles.  I hate working the core because it's hard on my lower back (I have a herniated disc that flares up if I'm not careful), but this is EXACTLY why I NEED to strengthen this area.

I did not walk after dinner outside as much I normally would.  For one, the weather was not very good.  For another, in order to devote more time to weight training, during the week I weight training at night.  Finally, my one free night, I did not train because I applied for another job online - LOL, even though I said this wasn't on my radar for now.  The job posted online and so I applied.  I have no hope of getting an interview, but I felt like if I didn't apply, this time, for this job, there would be regrets.  I mean to say, I had to try, at the very least. 

My helper at work has been very helpful.  After ironing out some differences, initially, I realize that I can lear a lot from this lady, who was kind enough to come out of retirement to help me.  She was so much help that I actually didn't need her for 1.5 days.  I anticipate that as we continue through the May, and the weather warms up, we'll get busier and I *will* need her every day.  This week was the "quiet before the storm" so to speak.  Anyway, having her perspective on things has caused me to re-evaluate some procedures, re-evaluate some approaches (to cut down on drama, etc.) - a lot.  So I am really grateful for this opportunity.

Even though a whole week has past, I have been thinking about May goals for myself and started some of them, so here they are:

  • Train with heavier weights - upper body only (started)
  • Train core muscles (starts today)
  • Meet goal weight (this is the last month for this; after May, I switch to a maintenance mindset, at whatever weight that might be at the end of the month)
  • Resume taking lunchtime walks at work to decompress

Personal goals:

  • Eliminate 2 boxes of papers to be shredded (anticipated to happen May 20th or sooner)
  • Read at least one poem a night - Emily Dickinson's are short, so this is very doable (starts tonight)
  • Leave work no later than 6pm (ongoing)

Time to get my day started...

Progress as of today: 48.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 05/06/2017:
To clarify my weight training goal: I'm still training the lower body, but because my legs are thick and I have hips that creak and a knee that is sensitive, these exercises will be with much lighter weights.

jabockov on 05/06/2017:
I am so excited for you to be so close to your goal and so committed to a healthy life style! YOU ROCK!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2017:
Good idea regarding your comment on your diary...about clarifying your weight training. i think you are smart in this area and smart in using the lighter weights as not to pose an injury risk. good idea yes....

(also i wrote you back on my entry and i realize maybe i wrote too much there, perhaps a bit too much for the internet, it's quite private, but just thank you for your support, thank you!)

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2017:
I also hate working core as mine is quite weak but i always do it and finally i see more results now in the past few months than ever before. the work you do will always add up. the work is always better than nothing..

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2017:
i am glad it went well with the helper you have. keep it professional of course and just always nice and civil (yup, the things i have trouble doing)....

i am doing the opposite of you with weight training. i realize i need to do less weight training so i can do more cardio. I might even only weight train 2x per week for the next month....i'm trying to find the time to fit in cardio, bc it's a new thing now in my schedule. ... i'm learning that time is important and that perhaps the weight training, which i LOVE, is taking up too much time unfortunately.

anyways, i guess it's a give and take for you too...try to find the balance of both.

Horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2017:
i deleted my entry from yesterday, i thought i was writing to personal stuff for the web.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/10/2017:
I am reading something motivational today, thought i'd send you one sentence: "But small hiccups don’t make you a failure, they make you human. The most successful people in the world slip up on their habits too. What separates them isn’t their ability to avoid mistakes, it’s their ability to get back on track quickly."

Donkey - Saturday Apr 29, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 138.5

April Goals Re-Cap:  I did it!! 

  • I have established a weight training routine that I stuck with through April, and I can't wait to see how the heavier upper body weights will affect me in May.
  • I got those numbers on the scale into the 130's -- even if it's a fluke, but I worked REALLY hard this week, resisting all sorts of temptations and sticking to my plan, to reach this goal.  Having someone drop off peanut butter brownies and an apple pie to die for at work on Friday did not help.
  • Walking at night:  this happened occassionally, but weather was not always permitting.  Also, sometime I opted to do my weight training at night.  As the weather transitions, I anticipate that I will be outside more.

I also had personal goals, but most of those didn't happen:

  • Talking to my husband about our next step financially -- didn't happen.  Too stressful, and with work getting more stressful, I didn't want home and work to be a battleground
  • Work no later than 6pm - for most of the month, I was able to stick with this, but last week there were a couple/few days where I left at 6:30p.  PLUS this weekend, I'm going in to catch up on contracts and setting up the new lady for Monday morning. I would call this a semi-success but there is no way this would hold for May if I didn't have help coming in.
  • Never touched a single bookshelf in the spare bedroom to clear out - so this didn't happen either.


So this weekend, I will be thinking of goals for May.  A couple of things I'm playing around with:  incorporating some jogging, cleaner eating...

Work was very difficult for me this week.  So busy, but at least I know it's not just our firm.  Everyone in real estate is crazy busy these days.  My boss helped me "see the light" and I will have a helper come in starting May 1st to help me at least through sometime in August.  I told him that this is a personal challenge to me, but I am going into this with a "flexible and open heart" -- two things that are not exactly easy for me.  My helper will help me with time-consuming tasks so that I can focus on customer service and moving files (transactions) forward.  I hope it works out.  The last person they brought in to help me/us was a total disaster.

You might wonder why so much of my diary is about work.  Work is a huge stressor for me, and when I'm stressed I eat.  Also, I sit at a desk pretty much all day, which is also not a healthy thing.  Finally, back to the stress part, stress is not good for me mentally.  Wow, I just realized that this job is very unhealthy for me!  Yikes!



Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/29/2017:
Most people's jobs do provide a source of stress but we also make money to live off of. And having a job is a wonderful thing, J-Donkey...

I will relate, this morning i woke immediately thinking of work and my boss. that really made me realize that i've been through a lot lately at work....and that the stress is adding up. and that i must relax and realize that i must work hard to leave work at work...because i do not have extra energy stored to deal with work conflicts 24/7.

I really like how you had April goals and met them. You have a great approach. I do similar things also...

Continue to be thoughtful about your life and take action where you want to take it. Continue to keep goals for weight training / exercise and remember to make them feasible / attainable goals that make sense. If the scale is not a good motivator, continue to find motivators that'll hold for life.

I understand why you didn't speak with your husband about finances - probably a good idea. Life is meant to enjoy and putting some talks on the backburner is ok as long as you are being proactive and doing the right things.

keep up the good work, be proud of yourself, and i wish you a good learning week with this new helper.

Donkey - Wednesday Apr 26, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 140.5

Not a weigh-in day, but just announcing that today is my last day with the weight training routine I've been doing:  light weights, 3 sets of 15 reps.

Due to our houseguest returning for prom weekend, I'm taking a week off (only missing 1 session each of upper and body, actually) and then switching to heavier weights for the upper body, probably will start with 2 sets of 5 reps each.

Legs will remain with lighter weights / more reps as my legs are quite thick and I would like to thin them out, but still want definition.

Weigh in on Saturday!

Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/27/2017:
I think you have an excellent plan overall with houseguest and weight training.

I have learned, in approx 10 yrs on and off of weight training that as long as you stick to ANY routine, you will reap the rewards. So, if you have a routine of your choice, and you do it and do not give up on your method of your choice, you will be rewarded.

Meaning - i support your plan and know you will see your efforts are rewarded in the changes of your body.

Donkey - Saturday Apr 22, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 140.5

Lost the 2 pounds I picked up last week - hooray!  But as I mentioned in my diary, I think this is another sign of maintenance, rather than true weight loss.

Yes, I have been weight training faithfully.  I had to make a slight adjustment to my routine schedule, to accommodate a birthday, and it worked splendedly.


I was reading a conversation in a group that I belong to in the Fitbit community regarding weight training.  For upper body, I may increase my dumbbell weight significantly and reduce to 3 sets of 5 reps, rather than 3 sets of 10-15 reps.  That is what was recommended to build rather than tone, and I was so inspired by the "selfies" that people in that group post showing wonderful muscle definition.  And a lot of them women!

I **WILL**  start this new approach in May.  Our Colorado houseguest from last month is returning, so my routine will be disrupted at the end of the month.  That is OK.  I will use his visit to rest, before I start this new approach of the heavier weights, less repetitions for a May goal.  Then I will re-evaluate at the end of May and see which direct I want to go.


I am working with my boss to re-allocate some of my responsibilities so that as we get busier, I can keep my sanity.  I passed up an opportunity to apply for a new job with a new employer (better benefits, but way lower pay, but better for long-term employment potential) this week.  I hope I don't regret passing this up.  The changes I'm proposing will hopefully make this a more enjoyable summer, even if it costs me overtime hours.

The argument I'm going to make to my boss is this:  I'd rather give 100% to fewer clients than 50% to more.  I feel bad that I get impatient with clients or that I can't take phone calls because I'm so far behind in emails.  I would like to be able to get things out in a timely manner and maybe even work on more document preparation, too, but I can't because I'm only one person handling all these files.  I'd like to allocate a portion of my workload beyond a certain quota to one of my co-workers, if she's willling.  So that's what I'm going in with, for the month of May. 


One last note for today (I think):  Can I just say how difficult it has been for me with 2 kids having birthdays within a week of one another???  Having the dinner of their choice and then cake and then cake leftovers was EXTREMELY difficult.  I don't know how I got through it.  Honestly, there were a few nights this week, where I wanted to finish off the day with a slice of ice cream cake and had to try SO HARD to resist -- which I did, successfully. 

Today is my "relax" day as far as eating, so I can have a slice of ice cream cake tonight, if I want.  The remainder of cakes and desserts in my house are -- *finally* -- GONE!!!

Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 04/23/2017:
I am proud of you for getting thru. In regards to only 5 repsyes that will cause a more bulky or hypertrophic look but the leaner look is usually more reps. Either way, lifting weights will Have a good effect.

If you Google and compare bodies of power lifters (they do low reps) VS bodybuilders with lean physics (high reps) you'll see what I am talking about.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/24/2017:
keep up the good work - i'm sometimes worse at writing here on weekends than during week since i'm used to logging in most days at work & commenting (but this may end bc i have to be extra careful.)

Donkey - Wednesday Apr 19, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.5

Not sure where to start, but I've been chewing on something for the week, so I'm putting it out there now.

I realized after I posted my discouragement about weigh-in that I've basically been maintaining at around 141lbs.  A little up, a little down, but more or less aroundd 141lbs or 141.5.

I came to this conclusion:  maybe this is it.  Maybe this is a good weight for my body to maintain and be healthy without going insane about numbers, counting, workouts, etc.  I feel pretty good, folks say I look healthy, this is realtively easy for me to keep the habits I have established.

So if this is the case, then I need new goals and/or new motivations.  I know that weight training --- or rather the RESULTS from weight training --- is one of the things that I want to keep working on.  I'd also love to start jogging again, even if it's short, light runs.

I've decided that for now, to stay at my job, because the money is quite decent and things will probably be changing for my family soon, with my husband's disability, moving, etc.  So  new job is not on my goals list any more for now, because there are too many variables.  I still look, casually, but not intently.  Right now, I have to focus on other things.

Also, I've set up some work goals for myself, the biggest one is not to work past 6pm any more.  After 6pm, I start making mistakes.  And some days, I go into work saying, "Today I'm going to leave at 5:30p".  For example, yesterday, I knew I would be leaving work to meet up at a restaurant at 5:30p.  So today, i went in KNOWING that I would be working until 6pm.  Tomorrow, I am planning to leave at 5:30p.  This really helps my mindset, and I think it helps with stress levels overall.

Anyway, I'm not abandoning my April goals -- I would still LOVE to get into the 130s if I can.  I might even hold this goal over through the month of May, but I'm also looking at other things that I want to accomplish as far as health and balance.

PS  Horn:  I promise that I *will* read that book on habits!

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2017:
This entry was an amazing read. It sounds extremely clear-headed - it's logical & even efficient. You sound like a manager here - someone who is in total control and optimistic of the future. Someone who is able to CHOOSE what variables they want to play with (focus on) and which to move to the back burner (like getting a new job).

YES! This is good thinking J-Donk! This entry sounds like the James Clear, who I signed up for his free motivational emails like 2 years ago....he's also on fb, but i don't really read his posts there - i love his emails and you'd love them too).

Anyways, this entry sounds like a boss wrote it. You are a boss of you. You determine a lot of the direction your life goes. You plan what you are focusing on. You sound good, J. Very good.

Maintaining your weight and sticking to current habits is good! I also have been at a maintenance weight for one year now (since sister's wedding). Sometimes my weight goes up couple pounds or down a pound but it's relatively staying here. Like you - it's become sorta an mostly easy weight to maintain with no additional stress and the more exercise i do add in, the easier it becomes to keep this weight. but i don't push it. little by little with adding cardio.

You've written quite a lot of things you want to add - both weight training and running. If you seriously don't like weight training, your sessions can be minimal. You don't need to spend hours. Just 20min or half hour 2 days a week to start is minimal and doable. And with running, i suggest it only if you would enjoy it. You are just getting back into walking, so don't push or injure yourself. But of course you inspire me and of course i hope you do what makes you happy.

The leaving work on time thing is important. Most managers at my job do it. We are no different. I am no different from you. I now leave on time and my goal is to get there on time or a tad early so that I can leave on time. No more added time in my hours for my company as it's only added stress.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/20/2017:
Book is relatively long, i'm halfway thru. I love it but sometimes don't find the time in the day to get into it besides on weekends...if you need the author / title let me know! It's quite an easy read in terms of the author's language.

puddles on 04/20/2017:
I think you have a great plan.

Donkey - Saturday Apr 15, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.5

Up 2 pounds - I'm so discouraged.  I woke up feeling bloated. 

Nevertheless, I got up, rode the stationary bike, and did my upper body weight routine.  Brought my 8lb dumbbells down to the basement to exercise this morning, rather than putting it off until tonight.  Just wanted to get it out of the way.  Now my arms are a little sore, and I have a full day of yardwork ahead of me (bagging twigs and leaves).

Even my husband could tell I was discouraged.  I guess I sighed loudly before starting, and he asked what was wrong.  I explained to him how I gained 2lbs, feeling discouraged, etc.  He tried to be encouraging so he gets Donkey Points for that, but still...

Maybe I'm just tired?  Maybe something is bothering me that I'm not aware of?  It's beautiful weather here in Chicagoland, hope the day gets better...

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 04/16/2017:
Don't be discouraged. You'll get it back off.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/17/2017:
Donkey J! It happens. ....

First, it's a busy holiday weekend for you i am SURE and just your daughter's bday...you are a little busy.

I am still reading this habits book which is most interesting.......

You def have your patterns and habits and I....we are VERY habit-based (me and you)...i know it!

I relate to this book like CRAZY and you would too if you read it....

You have had a lot going on - so you have been using all your energies on that stuff...and then you get to yourself.....and you have little energy left!

just rest up, conserve your energies MORE FOR YOURSELF>...rest up and get back to your routine.

yes - i do think you are tired. I noticed thru facebook reading my "memories" that i am usually tired this time of year, weirdly enough!, or at least at this particular job where March is always long with little vacation time, etc. and i do not want to use any vacation time now either...it's a tiring time of year also with allergies for me.

but back to you....i am now reading a part of the book about when we use a lot of our willpower up....like you are similarly using your energies for your daughter's bday, holiday of Easter, and stuff like that....your willpower is now lowered....for you and for your exercise plans....your willpower is low bc you were using it on other things...like not having the cake and stuff or what was it? donuts? at the office. You MUST find ways to conserve your will power so that when you finally get to YOU - you at the end of the day after work or on the weekend and you are finally able to make positive choices for YOU - you have to have some willpower left to make the GREAT choices for YOU.

and you must STOP thinking that the scale is your ruler! The scale is not the ruler of you. YOU are!!!! The choices you make will determine your weight. The scale doesn't determine your weight.

The willpower you have will help you make the good choices. but you cannot deplete your willpower so much that your are not equipped with the strength to follow thru into making these good choices.

I am learning this. This is what i'm reading! This book is a HOT book! Quite excellent. Because it's bringing into play so many things that i don't necessarily or never necessarily thought about so acutely to realize that there are reasons why some people fail or some people cannot maintain....and others do....

there are ways to actually change our habits and also our ability to stay on track. both me and you.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/17/2017:
annie said it with only one sentence, her comment above me, and it's so true.

for instance Donkey, when i do so much on weekends and go out and "party" it's a killer to still have the willpower to go to gym during that weekend like on Sunday after a party night or to eat well the next morning...

so sometiems what is best is not to party so much....because then i have a hard time into the next full workweek, etc.

ok, that's not a great example.

there were better examples in the book.

but for instance, you were using your willpower not to eat her cake and not to eat the donuts...and then your willpower has been used...but you still need to KEEP using it somehow and get your body exercising, weight training, or walking, or eating wwell at home.

It is up to you, J, to continue this will-power...and to also find ways of CONSERVING your will-power (try to get less stressed at work....try to be less stressed about the condition of your hubby if it's something that cannot be controlled by you?)....you have to use your will-power LESS in areas of your life where you already have habits...and use it MORE right now to create the healthy habits that you want like weights.

weights are not a habit of yours yet...you must use your willpower to create new habits. you must push yourself out of comfort for this.

conserve your energies and think about how you look forward to this chapter of weight training as you know even from me that the results DO kick in but not right away. you have to do it for the long run to see changes. After 6months, huge changes as well as one year. but you have to stick with it. you cannot get discouraged.

stop with the scale if you must...it's doing you a disservice. go by how your clothes fit!

you KNOW how to eat healthy.

the scale is playing a game with you.

i read your entries, i see how you feel.

the scale is determining your mood. do not let this be so.

and try to keep a focused momentum throughout the day that in the back of your head you are excited to do the weights because you know the results that will come...more toning, less fat as muscle will take up less room.

Donkey. you can do this.

stop telling yourself you cannot. xoxoxoxo

i'm also working at changing my life...as you read and can see on fb. it's not a joke. :-D it's hard work. I'm still struggling to realize i will soon be running (JOGGING).

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/17/2017:
i'm now, at 3pm...couple hours after writing to you above, reading your earlier below entry. I guess i was SPOT on with what i was trying to say about managing and SAVING your will-power.

You AND ME...we are now learning to move beyond using up our will-power. we must actually start to not become fully depleted / exhausted (trust me i do it too....i felt horrible this weekend and was in the WORST of moods ever and really couldn't do much...but that is like i said something i must learn to deal with better!!)...so we must somehow get better at the life balance....so we don't get to the point of wanting to give up as easily...

we must hold back and not give in...so that our will-power is not getting used up when we need it most!

even working more hours at work past me time to leave....that uses up will-power ...like on Friday when i worked a full day when most went home early or didn't come in...i was too exhausted and my legs too sore....and it wasn't only willpower, but if i weren't sore...i still don't know if i'd have the willpower to push myself to walk at the park because i'd used to up on everything else last week.

part of the reason i felt so bad this weekend as i write this and think more about it - it was def an emotional exhasution and it caused me physical pain too.

will-power is the only factor that is missing at times....and when we are exhausted it becomes THAT MUCH HARDER to make good decisions - getting more sleep, eating better, lol less caffeine on my end!...these things can help us manage our will-power and not deplete it all at once.

as a teacher, i was constantly depleting my will-power and energy in general bc teachers have a lot of time off....so i'd just plan according to the breaks and not care if i was exhausted before a vacation...

but now with my current situation, there's no breaks...not many days off....very similar to yours i know....so we must just learn to not deplete ourselves fully...to not always be exhausted come the weekend....to learn to keep our minds and bodies always with an extra store of WILLPOWER / energy. it's hard - but the challenge in the end is good when you realize you did it...it'll always be a challenge - a LIFE CHALLENGE. it never goes away, but gets easier as more things become HABITS. the more you repeat things, the more habitual they will become.

keep repeating your intentions, they become habits, they start to become lasting.

habits need LESS WILLPOWER because they are ingrained already in your daily / weekly actions and you don't need to think about doing them as much because you are used to always doing them.

so the more good habits you create like eating right things, weights - you will need less willpower as you create new structure.

Donkey - Friday Apr 14, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 140.5

It's the night before weigh-in and just as I was getting ready to go out for an evening walk, it started raining.  So I will stay in tonight, but I'm feeling a little anxious about tomorrow's weigh-in...  Also, I have conflicting emotions going on right now, because I'm feeling full from dinner and yet anxious about not being able to walk it off, and yet grateful (somewhat) for the rest night --- although to be honest, I'd rather be walking.

Oh my was it a struggle this week to watch my carb intake.  My daughter's 17th birthday was on Tuesday, so dinner was take-out, which I was fine with - cut my gyros in half and had carrot sticks along with it.  But then we had cake and ice cream.  I probably should have chosen ice cream, but I LOVE CAKE, so I had cake, and while I ate the whole piece, it wasn't all that great tasting --- it was a beautiful looking cake though.  Is that silly?  To want to eat more of something just because it looks so nice, even if it's not the best you've had?

So the cake was a disappointment -- probably because the chocolate icing was not as sweet as you find in the supermarket made cakes.  (This cake was made in a bakery, and I think the icing was their homemade recipe.  It was different, lighter, not as chocolatey.)

Afterwards I felt very bloated but I stuck to my routine and worked out on weights that night.  Upper body, I think?  Yes.

The next morning though, oh my I was so tired... and I felt almost hungover!  I think it was from having all that sugar that my body isn't used to.  So although the cake wasn't that great, and I felt awful afterwards, I've been fighting with myself every night this week not to pick off one of the frosting roses or have a slice.  I proposed to my daughter that perhaps we freeze the rest of her cake but it's a very small cake and she said she wanted to work on it some more over the weekend, so there it sits, and here I am writing about it.

So this morning I was doing really well, and then the title company rep. came into the office with 4 huge bowls of fresh cut fruit and these *BEAUTIFUL* doughnuts!  ACK!!!  I just can't win -- I'm surrounded by beautiful cakes!  I had 2 servings of fruit, one in the morning, and then one after lunch, as a dessert.  If I still want a doughtnut after weighing in tomorrow, I can have one.

Weight training update:

So I stuck with my planned schedule for weight training: Upper body Saturday and Tuesday, Lower body Sunday and Wednesday.  Evening walks on Monday, Thursday and Friday -- except that tonight it's raining :-( -- per Horn of Plenty's advice this week to schedule an alternative activity on my "off" days (nights).

I used my 8lb dumbbells and just worked through any joint pain. It didn't seem so noticable this time, and I know that the heavier weight will bring the results I want. 

I want results, and I don't mind working for the results, but I get so annoyed at feeling obligated to stick to the routine.  Does this make sense?  I'm a hard worker, and I know that my effort will pay off, and I'm fine with that.  But I think it was last night, I just felt like, "OMG am I going to have to do legs on Thursdays for the rest of my life???"  That's TOTALLY what it felt like.

Funny that I feel that way about weight training, but I have never said that about brushing my teeth or even flossing, which I have established as a daily habit for over a year now, and feel really good about that. 

But anyway, I'm not sure how to reconcile myself to weight training.  Maybe it won't ever happen.  Maybe I just need to give it more time.

I might go back to doing weights in the morning, since I'm soon running out of TV shows at night that hold my motivation while weight training.  Also, I would like to start doing some work on my core muscles, but having hardwood floors throughout my house, it's kind of hard to do any floor work.  ONCE AGAIN, another accommodation I have to make in order to get the job done.  My g*d, I'm so sick of this -- why does it have to be so DIFFICULT???


Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 04/16/2017:
If your joints hurt when lifting weights then the weight it too heavy for you. If I feel any pain at all in my elbows when I try to use a heavier weight, I stop and go back to lower weight. My dumbbells are all in kg which makes it difficult since when you go up to the next heavier it's 2.2 lbs heavier, not just 1 lb. I use 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 kg dumbbells.

grannyannie on 04/16/2017:
You can work through mild muscle pain, but not joints.

Donkey - Saturday Apr 08, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 140.5

Quite happy with today's weigh-in, especially since I went out to dinner with my Church Ladies last night.  I was a bit afraid that the fish fry I had would cause water retention -- just by the nature of restaurant food having more salt in it.  But my weekly efforts paid off.

I am very close now to accomplishing one of the goals I had set for myself in April!  (The one about getting into the 130s - would love to see a new set of numbers!)  And I have only 4 pounds remaining until I reach my ultimate goal of 50lbs gone.

The weather is warming up in the Chicago area so I hope to get some yardwork done this weekend.  If the warm weather remains fairly consistent, then I will concentrate on getting in an evening walk ... let's say at least 4 days a week this week?  Weather has to be permitting though.

I had a huge revelation this past week in my response to Happy-1's diary entry about establishing habits.  I realize that one of the reasons why it's so hard for me to keep up a consistent weight-training routine is because it's not something I do every day.  And to really be effective, it (a habit) needs to be a daily thing, for me.  Now I just realized though that this might be part of the "black or white" thinking, i.e. "all or nothing".  I could use this opportunity to teach myself to be flexible.

So I'm thinking that my weight training routine could be something like this:  Off, upper body, lower body, off, off, upper body, lower body.  Repeat. Having 2 days off in a row, though, is dangerous -- it's a slippery slope to doing nothing from there.  It's not like I spend hours weight training.  Why is it so hard for me to do this?

Also, I would appreciate some input:  I use 5lb dumbbells on my lower body exercises and my thighs/butt are on fire the next 2 days.  I use 8lb dumbbells on my upper body, and I feel nothing.  But I can't really go higher (right now) because lifting a heavier weight causes pain in my joints.  Ideas?  Suggestions?


Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 04/08/2017:
You're doing great! My regular routine is MWF cardio and upper body muscle work. Tu, Th, Sat lower body muscle work and cardio.

Donkey on 04/08/2017:
Very helpful - thank you! And thank you for the encouragement too! :-)

grannyannie on 04/09/2017:
I've always read that small muscles should only be worked every other day but large muscles can be done every day. Small muscles would include abs and arms.

Horn_of_plenty on 04/09/2017:
...the ideas i gave you in your previous entry are things i am also learning at this moment - due to reading a really good book on habits that was a suggested read to me by a higher-up administrator in my company. I have begun a friendship with the older man (married) and he has influenced me positively in my life. I am thankful for him, his kindness & his generosity. I am even getting emotional now as I realize how this man has had a very positive impact on my life. So thankful. He has 2 beautiful daughters, one being exactly my age with the same birthday also! He is just a few years younger than my own father...and i sometimes speak to him about things i can't even share with my own parents...because when i share with him, i don't have to worry about fights that would occur between family...if you understand ? he's another role model figure for me, besides me own family. An upper person at my company, that i can trust when i need someone to speak to. Lucky person I am...

I will write more later....

But please remember - in a good way as you do - that my comments to you are always truthful and from my heart....and things that i am learning also...because i believe in you...and i am thankful for a friendship with you here. I do believe change is possible. And i do believe that even friendships here on the web are meaningful and helpful to have in my life...and hopefully yours too. :-) Letting you know i'm here to always help, never hurt, and always to advise based on my experiences. <3

Donkey on 04/14/2017:
Oh I always know that your comments come from a good place, with only good intentions and constructive advice. I know I can count on you to be objective and point out pros and cons!

Horn_of_plenty on 04/09/2017:
As for weight training, you can do the lower body exercises without weight if it's causing you so much soreness the next few days. I STILL do squats with no weight added except for my own body weight. If it's NEW lower body exercises, think of it that way - use your own body weight to start.

if joints hurt when increasing any further weight for upper, do the exercises very SLOW with same weights and don't go up...if you go slow and resist on both the contraction and expansion (release?) of the weight, it works better and you don't need to go up in weight - i'm saying to do VERY slow curls and this can be like adding weight....it's harder. but no additional weight is added.

routines do not have to be daily - you can have a weekly routine. that's how most weight training goes! I go 3 days a week, with usually set days but have learned to be much more flexible in order to make sure it gets done but going on days i usually don't go when i have other involvements...

but to start - i like your approach....on the other days - you can plan to do crocheting? i think you said you knit? maybe i'm mistaken? but you can find something ELSE to do OR do the weights in place of WALKING!

that's what i'd do, actually....walk like 3 days, and instead of walking, do weights. see how it works...you may end of liking it - especially if it affects your weight positively! and it might! so, don't change your routine....

you can walk some days after dinner. on the other days, do the weights...this is my suggestion. then, you have your routine SET!

Donkey on 04/14/2017:
That's an excellent idea to have another activity scheduled on my weight training "off" days, so that it still feels like a routine. EXCELLENT!!! I tried to apply that this week some success. I will write about that in tonight's entry.

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