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Donkey - Tuesday Sep 29, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

 No weights since last Thursday,  but then I realized that I usually take the last week off the month off,  to prepare for the next month's goals.  Ok,  that excuse works, as long as I realize it's just an excuse. 

Male Co-Worker returned to work,  after a week off,  and I feel like the balance has been restored. As I explained to him, not so much the work, but more so the sanity. 

He was very busy. It sucks to have to come back to crazy busy. He said he was surprised that we're still so busy.  Yeah, welcome to my life!  I am starting to see a slight slowdown. I stayed late to catch up,  but spent so much time correcting Mistakes Girl that I didn't make much progress. 

I don't have much to add or mention. I'm feeling incredibly burned out.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/29/2020:
Sorry for the work stress. Are you still thinking about finding a new job?

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
The only new job I'm considering would be at Walmart. Otherwise, I might as well stay where I'm at.

bearcountrygg on 09/29/2020:
Glad that the coworker returned...hopefully it will get better.

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
At least he understands a lot of my frustrations. So that helps. I'm always very careful to qualify what I'm venting to him about.

legcramps on 09/29/2020:
Hopefully now that your co-worker has returned, things won't be so busy for you. I understand the burn-out. Try to get some rest.

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
I rested from any workouts last night and I felt really good, physically, this morning. I might be burning out.

That is to say, I may need more rest.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/29/2020:
keep your head up. i'm so proud of you.

If so burned out, perhaps you can take a couple days off soon ? next month?

you have been going on with work for awhile :)

sometimes downtime is good to rest (you say you took some time of weights)...i am freaked to go back to work full-time! the days of late wakeups and great sleep are over! not sure when going back to work or where, just thought i'd mention that!

Donkey on 09/30/2020:
I need to take some time off but can't do that until we're less busy. This is why I resent my job so much.

innerpeace on 09/30/2020:
Can mistakes girl not learn? Or does she just not care? I think I would get irritated with her real fast. Your patience is admirable.

Donkey - Monday Sep 28, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

 The pumpkin cookies are gone,  and I'm ok with that. 

Looking back in my diary, this last 10 pounds was gained because I was eating too many cookies.  Struepwaffles, too be specific. So this stops now. 

I did not do weights.  I started feeling a lot of joint pain,  and then lower back pain during dinner.  I attribute this to hormones, and not my workout at the gym.  It was a completely different feeling than overexertion. Also,  TOM is due in about 10 days,  so that's about right. I took Aleve, but then had to take Tylenol,  and then had to take 2 more Tylenol. Then I went to bed. 

Now that I have found Endeavor,  I also found Grandchester and Inspector Lewis to watch -- all these Masterpiece Theater shows. And THEN I found out that Great British Baking Show has released season 8.  

So now that I'm determined to go to the gym at night more often,  I have all this TV to watch at home.  Oh the irony!

I'm just praying that work is less busy for me this week. 

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/28/2020:
Be careful with joint pain! Good to avoid aggravating them.

I love British cop and other programmes. If you have it, watch Happy Valley - a cop series from a few years ago. Also Inspector George Gently and Foyle's War.

bearcountrygg on 09/28/2020:
I think seeing how high those things are calorie wise...has been an eye opener for me...yesterday i also had dessert..and the numbers were a bit of a shock after I had eaten it......it's funny how that stuff is so enticing...yet so diet busting and I can see why I originally gained. I'm still drawn to it in the store...that is where ordering grocery pickup at Walmart is better for me...I have a lot more control at the computer than I do when i come eye to eye with that stuff.....I will never avoid it totally...but will limit it coming into the house.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/28/2020:
been there with TOM pain!

those TV shows are great to bike to / exercise along with.

i used to love to go to the gym but 2yrs ago when i started to workout at home, i was able to watch more TV which was nice

Donkey - Sunday Sep 27, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

Lest you think I was too political in my last post, let me return us to the surreal life of Diet Donkey and the business of dieting at hand:

Yesterday, I had two of those pumpkin cream-stuffed cookies from Walmart, one after lunch and one after dinner.  Today, I had one after I went to the gym and had a kick-butt workout. There are TWO cookies left.

I did all of my laundry yesterday, only to find this morning that someone decided to use it as a bathroom.  I believe this happened overnight, since now our bedroom is closed during the day because Baby Kitty was wetting the comforter.  I do not think it is Baby Kitty wetting my clean laundry, because she cannot jump well.  I think it's my Handsome Boy, who is upset that Old Kitty won't let him sleep on the bed during the night. -- Talk about politics! (cat politics are OK)

So not only did I decide to wash my once-cleaned laundry, but also the 2 weighted blankets we have for winter and other blankets that have been wet upon (looks at Baby Kitty).

Went to the gym and had a really good cardio workout on the elliptical.  I keep thinking, "Oh boy, am I going to be SORE tomorrow!" but then I wake up feeling my usual aches, nothing that can't be worked out slowly as I usually warm up for the day.  So that's good.  (I guess?)  I would like to do some arm weights tonight, while watching Endeavor, but I think I will need to convince myself to do this. 

Every night this past week, before going upstairs to bed, I have been taking a very short walk out to the edge of our cul de sac and then back.  I saw Saturn and Jupiter and Mars this weekend.  I probably won't see anything but the moon tonight, if that, because it's cloudy here.  The temperatures have lowered themselves to the low 70's, but it's so humid here that it feels a lot warmer.  It is also rather windy.

I'm hoping that Daughter will put up our Halloween lights during her days off this week.  That's another reason why I walk to the end of the cul de sac, is to admire my neighbors' lights, and to look down the block, each direction, to see if other people have put up theirs.  The house at the opening of the cul de sac (so straight ahead of me if I were exiting) has a *magnificent* display in their front yard.  I would also like to give her $20 and buy as many pumpkins as she can with that.

I am going to take a shower, now that I am back from the gym, have a cup of decaf, and sit outside and do some contemplation.  I am inspired by Bear's doing this Friday (or perhaps Thursday) evening.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/27/2020:
Your evening walk sounds so nice......Contemplation can be a step towards meditation...and peacefulness. So Zen!!!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I hadn't considered that. But the contemplation didn't happen for me yesterday. Kept thinking of things too do.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
I wrote you back for yesterday too...on your entry...

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
ha! what!? omg. so sorry this cat decided to go to the bathroom on your freshly washed clothes! oh no!

a weights session during a tv show always passes by so quickly! <3

i didn't know you lived on a "dead end!" well, i grew up on one also! and my parents moved to their second house (the sold the original home i grew up in), and it's on a cul-de-sac too! it's always so nice and quiet...

...but their block is FULL of kids lol....they're always playing outside :) it's ALWAYS been a "kiddie" block perhaps bc it's so close , right across the street practically, from the elementary school!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
Yes, that happens on my block quite often.

Donkey - Sunday Sep 27, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

This is one of those weekends where everything is going like it SHOULD, but it's feeling really off.

For example, it was a relaxing day yesterday, but I felt anxious for most of it.  I went to the gym and it wasn't too crowded, but the cleaning crew was vacuuming for half of it, and I didn't care for the music that was playing overhead.  It was a tough workout on the elliptical.

On the bright side, I found a new show to watch in the evenings, the British mystery, Endeavor.  7 seasons in Amazon Prime.  So that will keep me entertained for the next few weeks, if I ride my bike at home in the evenings.  What I would REALLY like to do, though, is to get back into the habit of going to the gym at night during the week.  Not every night, just 1-2 days.  I need work to slow down a little bit more before I can do that.

And I am starting to see a slight slow-down at work.  I'm at the point where I'm just really busy, but able to keep up, if I work hard.  I realize I *say* that, but the reality is that I stayed late almost every night this past week.

Also, I ordered a new pair of running shoes.  New shoes always cheers me up.

I want to thank you for your comments on yesterday's entry.  I did respond :-)  Kind of relating to ordering new shoes, I realize that if I did become a shopper, that it would be hard on my feet.  I'd have to be very careful to wear the right shoe so that my plantar fasciitis doesn't flare up - and even the right shoe doesn't guarantee that I won't have problems.  Then, I started thinking, maybe the job would be too hard on my hips and back.

Still you can't tell me that sitting at a desk, staring into a computer screen is healthy too.

The deciding factor might actually be what the Supreme Court decides to do about Obamacare.  If I lose insurance, then I might not have any other choice.  You know, I realize that I'm better off than a lot of folks, and I can't believe that I'm even writing that I'm worried about losing insurance.  The President keeps saying that he'll announce his own health plan "in about 2 weeks" - not a "vision", like he ended up releasing.  I'm still waiting for THAT plan, and worrying.  A LOT.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/27/2020:
I'll have to check out Endeavor.

I had plantar fasciitis 3 times but haven't had it for 4 years. Prevention. Never barefoot. Always good support.

bearcountrygg on 09/27/2020:
I will check out Endeavor too......It's good to mull things over and consider the options......

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
yeah, the assisted pullup machine i really liked. and she's doing GREAT if she's really down to only #30 of resistance! go her! I think when i used it, I was probably using more? i can't remember at all. it's been several years...

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
What kind of running shoes did you order?

I just learned what it's like not to work for a big union where it's easier to get health coverage bc it has so many participants!

the firm i'd work for wouldn't provide insurance either. the owner pays $41,000 for health insurance for his family (i think wife, baby, himself?) that's nuts!

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I ordered a newer brand called Hoka One One. "One" is pronounced oh-ney. They are supposed to have superior cushioning, and of they do, then I will order a pair for Daughter, for her work.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/27/2020:
seems that most small companies would struggle to pay for health insurance for their workers.

Donkey on 09/28/2020:
I guess that's why there aren't more men working in law firms as support staff.

Donkey - Saturday Sep 26, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 142.0

One thing I REALLY dislike is when I wake up hungry, go weigh myself, and see that I've gained weight.  Being hungry and seeing a higher number on the scale - not a good combo.  Kind of a crummy way to start the day, too.

I'll be honest with you all here, but I've been avoiding my daughter for the past week.  Being so busy at work makes this very easy and convenient to do.  The crux of what happened this week is that she decided to take her life in a different direction.  Not so much in a direction that I disapprove of, but rather, that I had such high hopes for her.  Oh well, like my husband said - and he's right - who knows, this decision could have avoided a huge disaster in the future.  My sadness was also disappointment.  

Oh well, moving on, she may have an opportunity to make MORE than I do in the near future!  We will know by the end of October where she stands, and then from there, she can make preparations for whatever next step she decides to make in her life.  However, if she is not going to leave Walmart, then I am not sure that I want to be working at Walmart, too.  Too close for comfort, so to speak, so I may wait a little longer to make any decision for myself.

It is supposed to be a warm day here, but it is cloudy (that's fine) and very windy.  Here in Illinois, the wind can make it feel so much cooler than it actually is.  I am SO itching to go hiking, but I do not want to go alone, and my husband cannot do this.  And we had a loud discussion about how he didn't take care of his laundry, left in the washing machine all day yesterday and overnight.  So I asked him (loudly) to take care of his laundry, not really being considerate of how hard it is for him to take clothes out of the washing machine because of his back.  He had to use his cane to fish things out.  Ugh!  So now I feel awful, but I will apologize to him, and I will try to remember this for the future.

I've started laundry, taken care of my birdfeeders and birdbath, I'm going to bring in some of my potted plants today, and put them in the yoga room that will someday happen. 

I did weights on Thursday night.  I'm quite proud of myself for doing that.  I think in October, I'm going to have a weight training goal, rather than push-ups or sit-ups.  I would like to ask my daughter how to use some of the machines at the gym.  Right now I use my free weights, barbell, and bench at home.  I'm try to see some definition in my arms, but it's hard to work on shoulders because of the pain.

Progress as of today: 44.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/26/2020:
Do you have one of those grabbers....with the long handle...that let you "GRAB" things off shelves...or even out of the washer......we already broke 2 of them and now have 1 and a spare..I use it so much....That would help your husband reach other things too. I know what you mean about working in the same place as your daughter....best to wait on your switch until you know what she is choosing to do. Parenting is really tough sometimes....((HUGS))

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
He does have one, but it's in the garage. We're getting to the point where we'll need one for each level of the house and the garage.

I'll write a little more about my own job thoughts, but you're right. Right now, the thing to do is to wait. I have other concerns relating to this as well, which I'll talk about.

grannyannie on 09/26/2020:
Sorry you are going through such a stressful time with your daughter and husband.

We can't make choices for our kids. Tried to encourage mine but they had to make up their own minds.

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
I know, and I've always, ALWAYS tried to respect the line between suggestion and decision. Logically, I respect that Daughter made the right choice for her. Emotionally, I grieve the loss of "what might have been" for her.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/26/2020:
i'm sorry that there's something going on between you and daughter...but i hope it works out for her and you...

it was a warm day here too. stayed inside for most of it though.

maybe you can go walking with daughter in the future

yes, if you go to the gym, it's easier to add a machine or two into your mix...and those machines can be shoulder-dedicated. great idea...

...once i left the gym, and did my own workouts, there are some exercises that i do not do anymore...and if i ended up ever having the opportunity to go to a gym again, I would definitely add those machines right back into the mix.

one machine i loved is the assisted pull up machine, where you put your knees on it and you pull up. have you seen it? great machine for back/shoulders.

Donkey on 09/27/2020:
The older I get, the more I realize that everything happens for a reason. Like Husband mentioned gently, perhaps Daughter dodged a bullet in her future, because who really knows what would have happened...

It's so funny that you mention the assisted pull-up machine. My daughter has been using that, and is down to only 30 pounds of assistance in her pull-up.

So when I said to myself that I'm going to ask Daughter to show me how to use the machines, I also said, "Everything but that assisted pull-up thing. I don't need that." HA HA HA HA --- and of course, that probably means that I need THAT machine more than any of the others.

Donkey - Thursday Sep 24, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

 It's amazing how quickly one's life can change in a few hours. I'm still processing what happened last night at our informal  family meeting (husband, daughter), and I feel bewildered,  anxious, somewhat lost, and just sad. 

Everyone is ok,  not getting divorced,  etc., but now the urgency for me to make a decision about my job is not immediate. I'm wondering if I should stick it out until after I get my Christmas bonus, now...

I had not planned to go to the gym last night,  based on what would happen today,  and now that's all changed,  so I could have gone.  I didn't have it in me to do weights last night,  and this was BEFORE the family meeting.  I will see what I can do today & tonight. 

Just need to step back,  keep quiet,  do my job, be nice. 

I'm very sad. 

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 09/24/2020:
I totally agree, going through some stuff as well. Sad is a good word! Prayers for strength.

bearcountrygg on 09/24/2020:
(((HUGS)))....sometimes you just have to do what you have to do...and waiting and reassessing as time goes on....don't do anything you think you might regret....one day at a time.

grannyannie on 09/24/2020:
Sorry. Big hugs. Hope you can come to a decision that makes you and everyone happy.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2020:
yea - i am so surprised at the lower salaries offered to paralegals. I think that in NYC, the average salary is 60k! that's good...but when i look online, everything is MUCH MUCH lower...like below $50k and sometimes as low as $35k...i feel like the economy is going to change and so will salaries going forward (like companies will purposely keep them slightly lower).

i wish i could give you more suggestions, but you are keeping it private. I am guessing that daughter doesn't have her job? and your hubby obviously isn't working...i see that they rely on you a lot right now.

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 23, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Yesterday... all my troubles seemed so far away...

Tuesday: got up on time,  did bike ride,  did weights! (Back & shoulders), left for work early... So I'm not sure why it wasn't a better day. 

I did not make it to the gym. Daughter went out with friends, and I just didn't have it in me to go alone.  I could have.  I thought about it.  Just couldn't do it. Rode my bike at home instead. 

Part of the problem was that I was frustrated that I had to work late, so our take-out dinner got cold, and even though I left at 6p, I was receiving frantic emails and calls over some dumb deal that should not happen.  (These people should not be buying a house. )  I even had the agent email me for my cell number.  NO. 

And I stayed late because I promised a client I would call her before I left with an update,  and I had nothing new to tell her,  but she's freaking out as well!

So when I got home,  my husband was mad and said I need to quit. And he was 100% serious. Long story short,  I realize that if I'm truly going to change jobs to become a Shopper at Walmart,  I need to do that soon. 

It might actually be a good idea,  if the courts annihilate  Obamacare ,  because if they do, I won't  have health insurance.  I have been talking about how unhealthy this job is... I really do need to think about  this NOW. 

Finally, just to give you an idea of the comparison  between attorneys, the New Guy brought a Versa desk,  that allows you to stand while you work at your desk. How cool is that?!  We've been trying to get the boss to get us these and he walks in this Guy, with his own!

Then we have Associate Attorney ,  who not only could not go to the courthouse by himself (took Nice Lady with him), but then proceeded to leave his wallet on the top of his car when he stopped for gas,  forgot it was there,  took off, and now has no wallet!  So on a day that I need him for his deals, he's out of the office trying to get a new Driver's license ,  etc.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/23/2020:
Sounds like your job is far too stressful and affecting your life badly. Maybe husband is right.

This SCOTUS stuff is a nightmare! I wish I could bring my entire family over here!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I'm not sure what's stopping me.

bearcountrygg on 09/23/2020:
The stress you describe is what business OWNERS have...not their employees....are you getting paid enough to make it worth it all? Actually being a Walmart Shopper sounds like fun!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I make an hourly wage. I get a small contribution from my boss to help towards the Obamacare monthly premium (whatever it is that i have to pay for every month). Usually a small bonus at Christmas, 40 hours of vacation.

I'm quite fortunate that I get any help for the insurance. I worked here for several years with no insurance.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I have to check to see how much vacation time I have left. I didn't have time to do that today.

Also, we bought tickets to see my mom at Thanksgiving. Probably would have to give those up unless I started later.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/23/2020:
well, with your experience, I presume you could get another paralegal job in real estate as you are working now...if i know your job right?

So you pay for your own health insurance? you don't get it thru work?

I do think you would be valued at another firm. Why not do some applications a couple days a week online thru LinkedIn and see where it gets you?

There's tons of positions and you have the experience that all these firms claim to want!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
Most small firms do not offer insurance or retirement plan. I worked for a corporate law firm before, in Chicago, when I was younger. Never again.

I feel that I get paid more than most paralegals. Most start at $12 an hour. I do get overtime. If I started at another firm, I feel I'd have to take a step back in the little that I do have here.

innerpeace on 09/23/2020:
I like the idea of being a Walmart shopper - or even Instacart - they have different stores to go to. I hope you have a better day.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
I hadn't considered Instacart!

legcramps on 09/23/2020:
It sounds like you need to seriously sit down and evaluate. I like HoP's idea of checking out a couple of job sites, just to get a feeling for what's out there. It's a good first step, and you don't lose anything by looking!

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
True, this is a good idea that you and Horn have suggested. I think it'd be a struggle to find something good in my location area though.

Donkey on 09/23/2020:
The "big" money is in Chicago, and that's a 1.5 hour train ride for me.

Donkey - Monday Sep 21, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Oh my...  Everything about today was topsy-turvy.  I did not go to the gym on Sunday, and I was so tired that I was in bed with lights out around 9pm.  At 1:06am - yes in the morning - my boy cat decides that this would be a good time to sing.  He was meowing and caroling for a good hour.  After that, I had difficulty getting back to sleep, but I did, because apparently, I slept through my alarm and scrambled to get up after 6:30am - exhausted, of course. 

I did manage to ride my bike this morning, but I was running late to work.  Got into a loud discussion with my husband right before I left - gosh, I hate that.  But all of that soon dissipated as I started drowning in the emails and tasks, for the day. 

I worked late - big surprise - and barely missed seeing my daughter.  Our cars passed in the street to our house.  I had a lovely dinner with my husband, did some chores, rode my bike, and then logged on here to write.  Even though I'm very tired, I'm trying to stay up a little longer, so that my sleep is solid and lengthy.  Of course, some of that may depend on if we have another Cat Operetta here tonight.

 I didn't go to the gym on Sunday so I did longer bike ride, and then I did a good weight training session.  So I didn't do weights tonight.  I also didn't go to the gym, either, which I could have, but again, fighting fatigue.  Maybe Daughter and I will be able to go tomorrow night.  That would be so nice.  

I had a slight battle with these frosting-filled pumpkin spice cookies.  They are SO delicious!  I had one Sunday, and then I had one today after dinner.  I wanted to keep on eating more sweet treats, but I stopped after 1 cookie.  The package doesn't have the calories, because it's from the Walmart bakery.  

I did buy a box of those 90 calorie Kind bars.  Kind of a sweet treat after the evening bike ride.  That was supposed to take the place of the pumpkin cookies, and it will, starting tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/22/2020:
Hope the cat decides nighttime is not a good time to sing! Yea, having a fight before work puts a damper on the whole day.

Those cookies sound yummy. I'd binge on them if they were in my house!

Donkey on 09/22/2020:
I did much better with sleep last night! And no cat singing.

The cookies definitely have to go. I've been thinking about freezing them, to keep them out of sight. If I see Daughter today, I will let her know how yummy they are! (And also try to find out if she intends to finish them or not.)

Horn_of_plenty on 09/22/2020:
LOL cat operas!? i wonder how that sounds? i have to google the sound of a cat singing/meowing for a long period of time!

good idea with the small bars. I find these types of small treats help me so much! you get the taste. you can have it with seltzer or tea or coffee. it's just a simple, sweet, small snack that puts your mind at ease. Give you some carbs after a workout. this is what i rely on sometimes to "feel satisfied."

also good job stopping and enjoying one cookie. that's great !!!!! :)

it's all about quantity in terms of losing weight.

I have been sporatically skipping days of cardio lately. or doing less of it some days. I don't think it's a big deal to skip a gym day here and there as long as your workouts are really good when you do go.

bearcountrygg on 09/22/2020:
LOVE Kind bars......and at least there is some nutrition in them.....and THANK YOU for mentioning my numbers...YOU WERE absolutely correct......I made a math mistake and didn't notice it....and I am so glad you mentioned that....I do not want to eat more cals than allowed.....and it's corrected now in time to deal with it.....Thanks again!

legcramps on 09/22/2020:
Oh gosh, those cats would have woken me for sure, and I likely would have stayed up! Hope you are able to make it to the gym tonight with your daughter!

legcramps on 09/22/2020:
Sorry, I meant *that cat* not those cats...

innerpeace on 09/22/2020:
Your cat operetta sounds like when my dogs start barking in the middle of the night! Like you I'm glad it's not nightly!

Hope work isn't too hectic today.

Donkey - Sunday Sep 20, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

I felt that yesterday was a good day.  I spent a lot of time doing laundry and cleaning, but I also was able to get outside, on a mild sunny day, and do some yardwork.  I was cutting down spent lillies on the west side of the house.  Today, I will cut down the lillies on the right side of the house.  I also worked on the birdfeeders and bird bath, and some of my smaller, potted plants.  I really find a lot of satisfaction in working in the yard.  My back won't allow me to do the hard work:  mowing, raking, etc., but I do love working with plants.

I went to the service for my friend's father.  This was the first time that I have been in an inside church with strangers.  I sat in a section completely by myself.  I was nervous when the guitar player, who was also the sound guy, walked past me a few times, even though he was masked and probably 6 feet away.  The service was illuminating and yet sobering at the same time.  He was so handsome in his youth.  They had a slide show that was chronological, so you could see how he was as a boy, a young man, a middle aged man, an older man, and then at the end, a very old man.  He had dementia, so the last 5 years of his life, was not truly reflective of who he truly was, previously. 

As I am 50, I am becoming even more aware of the limitations of time.  And as my boss is going to be 70 this year, Nice Lady is 72-73, Male Co-Worker is 67-ish, at the age he can take retirement, the conversation about getting old has been dominent in the office more and more.

With the busyness at work, too, I've noticed that I spend WAY more time sitting, trying to get work done at my computer.  I have my Fitbit set to remind me on an hourly basis to get at least 250 steps an hour.  That isn't really a lot for me to accomplish, but I've been so busy that I can't even do that little bit FOR MYSELF lately.  It made me see that my job is really not a very healthy job to have.  The wage is good, but I'm starting to wonder if it's worth the stress and toll on my mind and body.  To be honest with myself, the major reason I am staying with where I'm at is because of the money. 

 I did make it to the gym last night - it was almost empty.  I hope to go this afternoon, and then I would do weights tonight at home.  I have the gardening to do, and the laundry.  It should be a pretty relaxing day, just what I need and want.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/20/2020:
I'm kind of surprised at the ages of your co workers...I figured they were younger. Hope you can get to the gym today!

grannyannie on 09/20/2020:
Very busy! My hubby is the gardener in our house. I only take photos! I really miss going to the gym but I just don't feel safe although cases are minimal here. You're still young - my surviving son will be 50 in June.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2020:
Happy Monday Donkey!

So nice to hear you have been outside, doing yardwork! I'm sure daughter could possibly help you with the things that can hurt you! ???

makes sense that the conversation on aging dominates at your workplace. they are all "pretty old" in terms of working and their age. For a boss to be 70, i can understand. but it's surprising more about Nice lady and Male Co-worker. people def work longer these days. My dad will retire next month, when he turns 68. In terms of this age spectrum, yourself at 20 years younger seems "pretty young!" and still far from retirement, although i'm sure you don't want to think of it like that! that also wakes up my own realization, that myself, only 12 years younger than you, has even a longer time of working in the world which i can almost consider as "just starting" in a career path now that i view it as such. with you, it could easily be 10-20 years more working...and that means with me it could be 25-30 more years at it, i'd say. in many ways, we both have time, i guess! ok, enough about age (because it's just a number as Ruth Bader Ginsberg showed us!)

Horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2020:
I didn't want to have an accident where my message got deleted, so here i start on my next part...

in terms of the wage being good: this is very important. in terms of sitting so long: if the work is keeping your MIND / BRAIN busy, this is also a GOOD FACTOR to consider.

I would say that you work a desk job and most jobs you get will be this way.

I will also say that with the ages of the coworkers, there's going to be much change soon. Like, will your boss SELL his company to a younger owner? Or will your boss just close shop?

Seems you have some time before those questionable things happen...perhaps 3-5 years and then you will still be not much older than you are now.

I'd say keep the paycheck but apply for other jobs. Seems you may have to leave this job in the far future if the firm closes? (but i may be so wrong and it may be sold...or continue...) and some bosses work till they are in their 80's as owners (true for the new owner of my old company that i worked for 9 years just previously).

so in terms of you wanting a change, look for opportunities is my suggestion - like Legcramps does - while actively doing the best you can do at jobs.

i notice that most paralegal jobs require experience. so it seems you have GREAT experience that would very much help you as a good candidate for your next job if you do not continue with this one thru the rest of your career...

my opinions only.

legcramps on 09/21/2020:
So glad to hear that you got some outside time on the weekend! And I hear you about your job and staying for the money, I’m paid quite well for my position as well. It’s hard to look into the unknown and roll the dice on whether it would be better for you or not. But sometimes, we need to close our eyes and just take the risk. We all want to live our best lives, and sometimes it is a great struggle and takes a lot of risky decisions to get there.

Donkey - Saturday Sep 19, 2020
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

 Happy - are you OK after last night's earthquake?

I slept in a bit this morning, forgetting that Daughter had to get up early.  I heard her get up and I scrambled to get up so that I'd have a few minutes to say hello to her, good luck, you can do it.  Got halfway dressed and realized that I forgot to weigh in.  I debated with myself for about 10 seconds, and then got undressed to weigh in.  As long as the numbers keep going down, I'm happy with that.  

Could I live at this weight?  What is so freaking important (to me) about being in the 130's?  

A couple things I wanted to catch up on from the week that I forgot to mention:

  • I took Maria's advice to heart and on Thursday, did a little weight training for myself.  She mentioned doing something for myself, to help me through this stressful, busy time at work, and that's what I did.  I'm so glad that I did.  I'm not sure that's what Maria had in mind, and neither did I, but after I was finished, I was really glad that I did something for ME.
  • After my longer bike ride last night, I had a couple of sips/gulps from a protein shake, and then decided I was going to finish the whole thing.  I worked out a little longer & harder, I was tired, and I didn't want to replenish myself from anything in the pantry - as I could feel that might not be the safest option.  WOW, that protein shake not only satisfied me, but really made me feel full.  The next time I feel like having a food fit, I'm going to have a shake or 2.  They fill me up, and for not a lot of calories, relatively speaking!

So, on top of the stress of life and the world, my daughter drops a bombshell on me - in the 3 minutes we've had together all this week, this morning - that her job is being eliminated, as a result of restructuring, and she will need to make some decisions for herself.  Oh my word!  As if there isn't already enough to worry about!  

I thought I'd have this weekend to just lay back and chill, but then I remembered that there is a recycling drop-off this morning - my dear husband took care of this, but I did take time to bring stuff out for him to take.  AND there is a memorial service today at 2pm for a friend's father.  I didn't know him, but I know her, and when he passed away just before the COVID shutdown, I had always intended to attend his memorial service.

Not a big deal, except that 2pm is usually when I go to the gym, so now the gym time has to be readjusted. 

Oh let me throw in 2 extra large loads of laundry to do while I'm at it.  Thanks, Baby Kitty.

So not exactly the carefree, stress-free, relaxing day I had hoped for.  Kind of like what Happy had touched on earlier this week - it's not these huge events that affect me, but rather these tiny little dramas that leave me feeling completely frazzled.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 09/19/2020:
That was a roller coaster of a saturday morning...oh my gosh!! Hopefully your daughter will get a new job that she enjoys even more. That was the way with my monday through friday job too......the weekends are jam packed with stuff.....and it can get frustrating. Glad you got some weight training in though!

Donkey on 09/20/2020:
I tend not to like busy weekends. I like being busy and having stuff to do, but I don't like feeling the pressure of HAVING to do things. Does that make sense?

Walmart is restructuring all of its workforce into different categories. My daughter is afraid that they will ask her to move to night shift, and if she says no, then she will become an associate, which would make getting 40 hours a week very difficult.

grannyannie on 09/19/2020:
Yikes. What a morning! You need a very relaxing day with zero stress!

Donkey on 09/20/2020:
I'm hoping that it will be today :-)

I know that there is no such thing as truly 100% stress-free. I need to be more self-aware on how I choose to react to things. For example, I was freaking out about the "obligation" to go to the memorial service, but in the end, I'm so glad I went. It was very nice, and I'm truly thankful that I didn't miss it. So why was I so anxious about going? Or anxious about feeling obligated to go?

It's like that whole drama was an internal thing. I think I can work harder to reduce that kind of self-imposed stress.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2020:
i'm so sorry to hear the news about your daughter's job.

but reading everything else...seems a lot of things were thrown at you this weekend, but, you are doing great!!!

also, keep working at your goals, they will come true for you as you keep working at them.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2020:
how is it going with new attorney so far?

Donkey on 09/20/2020:
He was out shadowing at closings for most of the day, so I only saw him a little bit. I had forgotten how young he was. (He worked at the firm for one summer right before he started law school, so we know each other a little bit.)

The better test will be this week, when he has to start actually working.

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