Back from visiting family from Vegas.... My weigh-in this week is a disaster. Up 4 pounds.
My brother's family eats NO vegetables. It's ALL carbs. Might be lucky to find some protein in there. Oh. My. Goodness. I love them to pieces, but if I had to live with them, I'd be huge. And what just KILLS me is that all of them are very thin and tiny. I just don't get it. I had dinner with just my folks a couple of times, which was easier, because Mom fixed some frozen vegetables for me, but she cooks with no salt. Yuck. And while I did try to remain active, it was obvious to me that I did not reach my normal levels of achievement.
I'm glad I left my Fitbit at home. Maybe it would have been helpful to see the lack of steps I was taking, to get my butt up and moving.... but my fear was that it would be frustratring for me to see goals unmet.
It was nice to see everyone though. And my poor step-father... as good as he looked, and as well as he did, he is at the end of his life. When we said our good-byes on Thursday, it was kind of crazy because it was Thanksgiving and my brother's 5 kids were there making a bunch of noise. So I felt kind of bad that I didn't say good-bye like I wanted to, but looking back, I think my good-bye on Wednesday, when it was just him and my mom and myself, was a better good-bye.
So now I am back home, returning to the stress that is my life. Some but not much was cleaned or cleared. My husband has hip surgery this week and, surprise, we need to find him a walker that has wheels. I'm going over to Goodwill to see if there is anything cheap. Otherwise, I'll be ordering one online for $30, which isn't too bad. I've seen many on Facebook Marketplace going for $75, $80 --- what the heck? It does not help that we only have my salary coming in now, and this month, we have to pay our own insurance premium. All I see is money going out and not much coming in. And so much needs to be done to the house... And I'm getting little to no help on that from anyone.
I'm just done.
PS The cat is still not using her litter box. And now she's spitting up all over the place.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Gained another half pound!!! I've gained 3.5 pounds this month!!! What the heck???
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
I wrote you on your entry yesterday, too.
Do not focus only on the weight, you have been doing well.
While in Vegas, make sure to take care of yourself. Perhaps someone out there will want to walk with you, maybe.
Make sure to sleep well there.
And of course spend time with your father-in-law :)
Take care and wishing you a safe trip and return back :)
You will be missed here, also.
Thank you for your kind words of support. That's a REALLY good idea about writing a list of positive things as well. :-)
Feeling some anxiety before weigh-in day. I hold no high hopes at a favorable weigh in this week.
The cat is still struggling with using her box, even though tonight will be 72 hours of taking an antibiotic. I went to the store to buy the training "pee pads" that they use for puppies. These things are WONDERFUL for my kitty's problem. They are so absorbant of wetness and odor. If this is our future, I can live with this. My boss generously donated all of his used newspapers for this cause, once I mentioned to him that we were having a problem. He likes cats too.
With everything going on, I thought that this cat thing would surely push me over the edge of sanity. No, I wouldn't go insane, but just that kind of sadness where you start crying at odd times because it all gets too overwhelming. I thought about making a list of all of the things that are totally stressing me out -- just for myself. I wouldn't publish it anywhere, but keep it folded up in a pocket or a drawer. I wouldn't use it to beat myself up with either, but rather, as a way to physically "put aside" my worries.
Up this weekend:
Saturday: weigh in, legal clinic in the morning, grocery shopping in the afternoon, laundry in the evening, packing.
Sunday: morning exercise, finish packing, leave for the airport at around 1:30p to fly out to Vegas for the week. I've decided to give myself permission to leave the Fitbit at home. I would not be going if my step-father wasn't coming to his end. He's home now with hospice care. I'm hoping he can hold on until my son and I get there. (Husband and daughter staying behind.) What an odd holiday this will be. Oh well, at least it will be warmer in Vegas than it is in Chicago... And I will have the chance to rest and catch up with family.
I'll be gone Sunday through Friday. Back just in time for another weigh-in on Saturday!! 
If you make the list of things that stress you, can you also make a list of things you are doing well at? Remember that you get one life, and not to live this one in struggle only. It's not healthy, you know this!
Yes, while you are in Vegas, please do not overdo. Try to get outside and take a little time for you, even though you are visiting father in law, you can go out and get some exercise, PLEASE. Try to rest and sleep good hours there, please take care of yourself.
I look forward to your return!
And remember the good work you do, at work!
The cat has a UTI... $305 to treat, and they want her to come back in to retest her urine in 10 days. My husband, who is a "half full" kind of guy says, "Well, at least it's something treatable." I guess... Medicine squirted down the throat 2x a day.
Cats have sharp teeth in back. Did you know that?
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
I'll settle with a guinea pig down the road, they like to cuddle and that's what i like too!
Anyways, i do hope your kitty gets well soon.
Thought I'd follow up with my own little update:
Kitty is still not using her box, so she has a vet appointment tomorrow afternoon, to rule out a UTI. This is money I don't have to spend freely on a cat, until we figure out what's going on with my husband's pension/disability stuff. This Friday is the last of his paychecks from work, I'm sure. Then we will start dipping into savings. Dave Ramsey advised well on this one; we are prepared.
Also, spoke to my boss about our psychotic client. He said I should have called 911.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am taking my husband to Milwaukee for his VA medical evaluation. He said he is nervous. I'm nervous for him.
I am eating more this week, so I have no high hopes for Saturday's weigh-in. (Yes, I'm saying this on Monday.) This really bothers me, but I'm going to give it up to God and trust the biological process. Like Horn, I'm at the point where I need to find another focus.
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
Today is cold, cloudy, and wet. May see some snow today...
I will be cleaning litter boxes and setting them up again, so that "somebody" doesn't feel the need to protest by refusing to use any of the 4 boxes available to her. Needless to say, having one of the cats turn psychotic on me this past week has NOT done me ANY favors with respect to my stress levels.
My husband has some medical evaluation appointment in Milwaukee on Tuesday for the VA. I would like NOT to take him, as this is the last week at work before I'm out for a week, and there is a LOT of work to keep up with. On the other hand, if I don't take him, then my son will have to, and I hate to place that burden on my son. Yes, son has the whole day off, but he had stuff planned. And this appointment will take the whole day.
My husband's illness is so selfish and demanding of EVERYONE in the family.
I've come to some kind of reconciliation on the 3.5 pound weight gain this week. Not happy about it, but maybe this is what I was meant to go into the Thanksgiving holiday with. My week with my brother/family will be a rest week; as of right now, I am planning to leave my Fitbit at home. Any thoughts on that?
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
stay positive and keep doing what you can do. worry less about what you cannot.
happy to not have to run again, for as long as i don't want to - taking a major break....sometimes that's what a body needs.
have a good week, you can do it, Donkey. I think it's wonderful how well you do - providing for yourself, your family, your husband. You are remarkable.
I responded to comments on my last entry, although, with this week's weigh-in, I'm not sure that matters any more...
I knew that this would be a heavier weigh-in this week -- could feel it physically. I was able to maintain my level of physical activity, for the most part, and kept to the low-carb plan, too. I know some of this is hormones (gotta love PMS -- so painful), too, although I'm not letting that be an excuse. I will continue to do what I'm doing, and let my body settle where it may, within reason.
Work has just gotten completely insane. After last week of being abused (or feeling that way, at least) by lenders and clients, this week was just complete Twilight Zone, ending with a shouting match between myself and a client who came in just to argue with me. I told her, "You have the advice from YOUR ATTORNEY (not me) and the title company; I will not argue with you on this topic any more." The associate attorney was in a consultation downstairs and he came up because he was worried that he would have to physically intervene. OMG can you believe this???
Of course, my boss managed to skip out at 4pm so he didn't have to put up with any of this ****. I'm seriously thinking about becoming "conceal and carry". This is just getting way too dangerous.
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
Seriously though, my family is telling me to bring this up to my boss.
try not to let anyone rustle your feathers. if someone screams / shouts, try not to also do it....
xoxo
I feel a lot better about my journey today. I read an article about a research study done with contestants from The Biggest Loser. They found that for weight-loss, diet (calorie intake) was the biggest factor determining success. For maintenance, though, the contestants that managed to increase their activity level considerable and consistently had the best results in keeping the weight off.
I came to a point yesterday where I realized that I'm going to need help in getting the house Fixed and clean enough to list.
So today, instead of being the only one here killing herself to work on the house, I am taking time out for myself. Got 2 new library books and checked out a movie to watch this afternoon.
And so help me, this week had better be nicer to me. Taking Thursday off so that I can drive my husband to a bunch of medical appointments.
Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!
Listen, I was always horrible at maintaining also. I have lost weight 2-3 times in my life (i say 2-3 because it was 2, but then i additionally lost the last 10 which took me over a year that second time, and it took like a whole year to lose the last 10, so i can really consider that last loss a third loss even though it wasn't because i gained again.!).
In my life, just like you, i have had ups and downs in weight loss. and it SUCKS. but it was my choice. I chose to indulge and not take on maintenance.
maintenance is DIFFERENT.
The scale isn't going to keep saying "congratualations, you are losing!" NO. it's going to say if you are up or down a lb or 1/2 pound each time you step on it. You have to take that info, think about what choices you are making, think about how to make this maintenance easier.
You have to eat in a way (and YES, eating is the biggest part of maintenance ALONG WITH KEEPING STRENGTH SO YOU CAN BURN MANY CALORIES THE MORE MUSCLE YOU HAVE!)...but yes, your diet needs to work for you so you can maintain easily and also have treats here and there.
my trick to maintenance is veggies...of which i don't eat as many of as i used to. partially bc i have gotten better at maintenance and like the taste of including more carbs, but still only moderate amounts! and still not really the high carb noodles, pastas = no. or if i do, it's a small amount pasta, large amount veggies, moderate or small amount meat.
my trick is veggies, i eat more of that still (usually, sometimes not) than grains and meat. but i eat it all. i eat some fat, lots of peanut butter bc i don't always crave any other kind of breakfast. although i might switch to another nut butter bc i am finally getting bored LOL.
anyways, you have to now find the tricks. YES TRICKS. or if you don't like that word, 'tricks,' think of it as the formula or the solution. Maintenance is NEW and different from weight loss.
The scale will not reward you.
You have to learn how to feel that this maintenance you are doing is worth it. Because you love yourself.
You have to hold onto this pattern, the one of loss...turning to maintenance.
do not allow yourself to fall again, like we have (me too) in the past. do not make that same decision to spiral backwards.
You know how to spiral. and it doesn't make you feel good - the gaining again, the feelings of sadness.
J donk, you can do this. It's hard. It's a challenge. But all because this is a new step in your journey, you have to take a stand and be strong. approach it. take it. with maintenance, my last time i've been maintaining for 1.5 years now, i think. ever since my sister's wedding. yes.
anyways, with my last maintainance period, i did gain some pounds after her wedding (like 5 or less), and i realized that in order to keep in maintenance, i would really have to change my ways / keep my ways of what i was doing to keep the low weight.
it's a struggle, but NOT all the time. As you maintain, it'll get easier. you'll learn to give into some cravings, you'll be able to have the one cookie (i generally eat them by themselves between meals as a pre-exercise treat with 2 cups of sweetened water (with stevia) when i'm driving home from work lol, it works).
Maintenance is different. You do not gain tons of weight and have to lose it all.
You will learn to actually be able to go each week maintaining after a while. Your weight should start to be stable, bc you know how to eat to maintain. You know when you've indulged, and the scale will show it after a couple weeks you'll know, and that's when you have to dial it back or eat more vegetables the following week and less of all the other stuff.
maintenance will help you ... but you have to help yourself and notice what works and what doesn't. listen to your body. nothing is off limits.
After being in maintainence for this period, i am a lower weight and able to eat EVERYTHING in moderation.
my diet is more balanced now than it ever was before, even when i was heavier and bingeing on sweets.
Maintenance has helped me.
I know my clothes fit each morning. I don't ever think about feeling fat.
Maintenance is a good thing. you learn to feel your body at thsi weight. Soon, looking in the mirror, you won't judge yourself...you'll see it's you.
Maintenance is when you get used to yourself at this weight. It can take many months. It can take a year.
Don't give up on yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm reading one of the best books i've ever read, it's about just this...i'll give you the title if you are interested. It's about what we deal with...life's up and down spirals...and how to stop the periods of highs and lows....and make more success lasting and less of the falls.
but you are doing fine. always think the positive for yourself.
always know that your actions everyday are more important than a one time goal.
what you do everyday is what will help you maintain. you do it day by day. it's a process.
learn to enjoy this new process. the SMALL ups and downs...and you will therefore not have BIG ups and downs.
I'm very bad at maintaining... This is making me sad.
Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!
A new approach for this month (and perhaps for the winter months ahead) to help me deal with the winter weather and the darker days ahead:
Last night, at dinner, I refrained from having second helpings, unfortunately because my husband had stormed off rather than eat with us as a family. I had a taco (on a lo-carb tortilla) and then a tomato/cucumber side sald. Instead of eating more, to prolong the dinner hour, I drank more water. Then, after dinner, I suddenly felt very tired. Instead of pushing myself to go on an evening walk or fighting my fatigue with food, I decided to get ready for bed and relax before going to sleep. I usually read before bed, but decided to watch a documentary on public television instead. Then I went to sleep - EARLY.
It was still difficult to get my butt out of bed this morning, despite more sleep, but I think this is the way to go. Note: Sometimes, when I feel tired, I don't handle that feeling correctly and eat, instead of rest or drink water. I confuse both thirst and fatigue with hunger. So if I'm thirsty or tired, I'll eat instead of dealing with the actual issue correctly. Going to work this month on changing that.
So the plan:
The week I go to Nevada to visit my relatives for Thanksgiving is exempt because it's warmer and lighter out there. Plus I want to use every waking moment to visit with family!
Thoughts on this approach?
Progress as of today: 58 lbs lost so far, only -8 lbs to go!
Like you, I have gotten better, but, i also have the problem of when feeling tired thinking i am hungry and/or getting VERY snacky and craving carbs. I used to really limit my sleep and especially in college and stuff and in my 20's and i was always battling the carb addiction and stuff and i do believe it had to do with sleep. I'm always able to better deal with cravings and eat way normal portions when my sleep is good.
for the first time ever, my sleep is very decent this year. eating has been easiest this year.
when my sleep is really rotten, it's hard to do things, yes. and your mind will want more food oh yes.
so i like your approach for sleep. when it's cold and dark, we will want more sleep. Sleep is underrated and you may need MORE than you think. It's true to listen to your body when you are tired. Like you, same thing happened with me last night.
Yesterday when i woke up in the morning,i already knew i wasn't ready to go to the gym yet after after work for thursday bc i could tell my body wasn't rested enough and an early sleep would be better than a powerful workout. So just like you mention that you are giving yourself options to skip exercise if you really need sleep, i did the same.
tonight i'll push just so i get it done and can therefore go again sunday. but this week i skipped both jogs bc it was a very busy week and already included more walking and i didn't want to include everything which would just exhaust me.
you do have to make good choices as suitable for everything in your life that's going on. I support you.
Like i was saying, there are many studies that more than 8 hours is sometimes helpful. Not every night, but if you body is wanting sleep, sleep.
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Take a breather before you have to go back to work and carve some time in for relaxing during this weekend !
Welcome home you were missed here !
Aim to counteract your recent weight gains by doing what you did to loose. If I were in your boat, I'd make a goal to get back to whatever weight you were by January or February If needed :-)
Instead of looking at the negative, try to challengr yourself now to get back on track and be your best JDonkey!!!
bearcountrygg on 11/25/2017:
That is a lot of stress to carry around with you. To begin with I'm sure your step father got the message from you during your time with them and I;m sure he was happy that you came to visit. You have a rough week coming up too now so please just try to let things happen as they will until your husband is home....the house can wait. I'll be thinking of you as you go through the next few days...and hope that your husband heals well and quickly.......don't sweat the 4 pounds...I have a feeling that you will be working those off in the near future....Stay strong Donkey.
Thank you for helping me put things into perspective, priority-wise. I may need you to do this again for me in the future :-)
A lot of times, I lose my objectivity when overwhelmed (which seems to be happening a lot these days), which then leads to crabbiness. I did get some stuff done this weekend, in spite of it all...
Horn_of_plenty on 11/26/2017:
your fb photos look AMAZING, YOU in particular look beautiful! everything you have been doing - paid off exponentially bc you look terrific and beautiful! def never stop!
Thank you! Now that I'm back in familiar surroundings, I'm confident those 4 pounds will go away soon enough. And if not, hello 2018 goal, LOL...
Horn_of_plenty on 11/26/2017:
i agree with all BCGG said....especially STAY STRONG. you have to! there's really no other good option than that other than letting life take you down...and from experience, it's really not worth going that way.