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Donkey - Thursday Dec 20, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I did get a nice, long walk yesterday for lunch - about 45 minutes - but then by the end of the work day, I was really dragging.   I thought it might just be not enough calories, or hormones, but my feet hurt too, which is usually a sign that I've exerted a lot of activity.  So maybe long walks at lunch aren't conducive to a good afternoon at work.  Hmmm...

What I really love is that you could say I'm at "goal", and yet here I am, still trying to figure things out (walking, steps, keto, calories, stress management), experimenting (amino acids, collagen, etc.), and deciding what works and what doesn't.  

I've been reading a book that I bought at the library about a year ago (!) about living a charmed life.  Short chapters, an easy read.  It just so happens that last night's chapter was about taking time out for yourself and how important that is to do, to make yourself a priority -- and it doesn't have to be a huge chunk of time. I think they were talking about 5 minutes to be effective.  Wow, did that ever speak to me!  Especially in light of the desired coffee break I wanted yesterday and then my long walk today.  Maybe my breaks don't have to be consumed with walking or eating, but just really doing nothing.

I went to bed very early last night, around 8:30p was lights out.  I was glad to get the extra sleeping time.  I will check my fitbit later on today to see how much time I slept.  Once again, I've been falling under the 7 hour mark, which is not good and is probably contributing to this feeling of fatigue.


EDIT FOR HORN:  I was thinking more of prioritizing with respect to goals, not necessarily stronger workouts, as I feel like I'm more about pulling back, rather than ramping up.  That is to say, incorporating stretching or yoga, taking those real breaks, walking to destress, getting enough sleep (HUGE), staying positive & cheerful (you don't seem to have this problem, LOL), etc.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/20/2018:
I keep crossing the line between...Do it perfectly...balance everything out....and what the heck...i could get hit by a bus ( or more likely a tractor around here). So....I just smile....LOL


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
Sometimes you gotta just take 5min of the workday and relax. It will help you.

I also cannot do, yet, superlong walks and feel recharged. For my 3mi walks home, i'm good up to 2mi and the third mile i'm still getting used to! Then again, sometimes my backpack is quite heavy or has some stuff in it so it's an extra weight on walk. But i do what i can and wear the backpack so it's least offensive on the walk and on my posture.

Remember, when adding in cardio, each week the rule is to only add like 10%. so, if you were walking 30 min, 10% = 3 more minutes. so, i'm sure in the future you could do a longer walk, but little by little. or maybe after your walk is a good time to re-energize with a coffee and small keto thing or carb.

this book sounds good. lately my books are on autobiographies and biographies of people who struggled in life lately it's due to prejudice but they come out on top despite the odds. the books i'm reading i'm doing so to keep reminding myself and learning how different life used to be for people and how much easier it is for me. it also is teaching me what traits are necessary for perseverance and dedication and reaching a new goal. What's required for change in your life despite the fact that it seems that everything is pushing you to remain the same or when i forget what it's like to lift myself up and realize that life is everchanging and it's in my own powers to make changes and not remain COMPLACENT. ________________________

wow an edit just for me!!!! yay!!!!... lol, you know in the past i have been SUPER NEGATIVE in regards to life situation and work. :) I have learned positivity a LOT from past and current coworkers. i see people who could complain and be negative and they don't. they live life on the bright side. lately i know that basically where i'm at in life now is of my own doing (and not doing). so, i know that if i want to change i have to make changes to get there. if that's making sense to you.

I'll say more on the sleep thing since you mentioned it as a goal. I agree 100% that it is bigger than big. It is huge. I see what top athletic people (but in normal jobs like ours) look like and see the difference between them and people who don't prioritize working out or don't work out at all. There is a BIG difference.

That difference that i see between the exercisers at a high level and the rest of the crowd is that i see that on continual lack of sleep i don't believe you can reach higher athletic levels without the risks of injury, exhaustion or sickness.

the reason i feel this way is due to my personal experiences and my perceptions. I had a boss, who is still a boss but back in Queens, NY in my old office not in Manhattan. He was super athletic. He had more flexible hours. He was a boss that's why. If he was out late, chances were he would be in late the next morning. If he was in early in the morning, chances were he'd leave early in the afternoon. He prioritized his sleep pretty well BECAUSE HE COULD. and also because he wanted to. He's 36 now. He got married, had two kids and did a ton in the 7 years i worked in the same area as him. He had energy.

But the reason he could look one way and feel decent is because he was able to prioritize better than most. And had a flex schedule.

However, that's NOT to say we can't. We just have to be smarter. And that's where i am at.

That's why i don't go out to the gym anymore. It's too time consuming, too tiring after a full commute.

I sound like i am complaining.

ok back to you. I do stretch. and so should you. the stretching and yoga is beyond important. I have to stretch. Sometimes in the morniing waiting fort he bus, i have no cares what other people think. I'll stretch my back and arms as i stand on line. i sometimes get up and stretch at work in my room or quickly in the bathroom.

Stretching is best AFTER you exercise when your body is warm and muscles have been in use and not cold and rigid.

Back to being cheerful. The reason i am "cheerful" and I admit a bit "complacent" with where i am at right now is because things are very good now. I have been moved to a room (and i'm alone today yay bc coworker is out with her daughter having a big deal with a cracked tooth at dentist). But even when i'm not alone, i'm here doing work with just one person.

It's actually hard to get into trouble at this point AS LONG AS I BASICALLY KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT! :)

but i'm still working with FAR BETTER STAFF here at this office since last year. and my boss is OUTSTANDING. she's creative, just a year older than myself but intellectually i admit she's a superhuman type and can manage many different projects at one time as well as thoughts and conflicts. she's special. i got lucky.

lately the thoughts of being fired have gone. I have vacations in the near future. I'm getting some credit back on the problem i had with paying for the transit service i didn't use. I won $283 at a union meeting.

not to boast!

things in my life have improved from 2-3 years ago when i felt litterally dragged into hell with how things were going at work and with the coworkers back in queens and nasty queens women who thought it was fun to run other women over out of evil and spite. Literally.

but through my commuting and being among a different crowd here at work as well as on the bus and in the subways, i see life differently. and i see how lucky i am. with the union meetings, i no longer dread going. i realize it's one event every other month that i should want to go (lol, especially after winning $283 earlier this month). but also, it's good to challenge myself to do more than the minimum. to go there in hopes to take back with me the "one sentence of value" that someone spoke during that hour meeting.

and with exercise, not that IN GENERAL i work far less overtime and have better balance than i did a few years ago at this company, i GENERALLY (outside of this month) feel good on the weekends and can do the exercise better. and also i have learned to be more open to working out ANOTHER NIGHT and not the same night as a union meeting. i've learned to better balance with time and learned to switch things around and be more creative with plans. and also, a little bit, i've learned to say no and to realize when something or someone is "just not worth it."

I have a lot of learning to do and i'm sure even in ten years, when i'm 47, i'll be learning.

and in terms of your goals and mine, this is the year - THE FIRST YEAR - where a goal of mine in terms of FOOD is not only calories anymore. now i have JUST STARTED to think of nutrition.

because nutrition affects your mood and your energy and your body's overall condition.

it's important to see the big picture.

all your goals, they do tie into each other. they are influence each other.....


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
oh...about you being at goal...

The word "complacent" comes to my mind again.

You aren't being complacent, no! But in order to be always changing and making yourself a better you, you may reach a weight goal, yes. But new goals must come into play or it sure does get boring. This is the good part for you. You've reached a good weight for yourself. Now, your goals can start to get more interesting. You have moved beyond needing to reach a minimal goal. Your ability to improve on yourself and your goals has reached a new level. and no, it doesn't all need to change at once. little by little. it's a good feeling when you do NOT always have to start back at beginner square one.

<3 <3 <3


horn_of_plenty on 12/20/2018:
and of course, always, most who reach a desired weight will definitely need to keep it moderate, but it's no longer as aggravating or frustrating to do as you learn more and more in the process!


graindart on 12/20/2018:
I tend to get so focused on a major goal that when I final get there, it's almost a let-down because I just realize that the thing I've been working so hard towards didn't magically transform my entire life. Logically I knew all along that it wouldn't change my entire life, but I still dreamed it would. At that point, the achieving of the goal did change that thing for the better, but often times exposed other things that I would like changed. So that means setting another major goal. But I'm already so burnt out from working so hard and long to achieve the previous goal, that the last thing I want to do is fully commit to a new one. Which leaves me asking myself "when do I get to just relax and live a carefree awesome life like all of the TV commercials tell me I can?".

Anyways, Merry Christmas. Try to relax and enjoy Christmas-time with friends / family and I'll try to do the same.



Donkey - Wednesday Dec 19, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I'm having too much fun here on DD to go to work today...  If only that would work :)

Having a lower energy day today, so I will be focused on trying to get to bed earlier tonight.  I'm feeling muscle fatigue in my legs.. this is hormonal-related, but it's still my body telling me to rest, so I do plan to do that. It will be a nice day here in Chicagoland, though, so I do plan to take a longer walk at lunchtime again.  Hopefully, though, there won't be any negativity today, motivating me to walk more. 

My boss takes the month of January off to go down to Florida.  I plan to use his hiatus to take longer walks during January, too.  Of course, the weather has to cooperate.  I also renewed my supply of amino acid supplements to take after exercising, which is supposed to help with muscle recovery.  I'm actually just hoping it contributes to a leaner appearance -- oh Vanity, you always win in the end.   

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

legcramps on 12/19/2018:
Well, if it helps you drink more water, than those aminos are a win-win!


legcramps on 12/19/2018:
P.S. glutamine also helps with muscle recovery!

Donkey on 12/20/2018:
Thank you! Will do some research and keep this in mind. I started taking the amino acid supplements as a substitute for some stupid Advocare product that costs over $40. I can get 2 jars, more quantity in each jar, for just under $40.


BearCountryGG on 12/19/2018:
When the boss is away....the mice will play....for real>>>>LOL....Sounds like January will be extra stress free.

Donkey on 12/20/2018:
I hope so, although there may be additional work & stress because I will have more to do. The boss said that I should not be afraid to ask the associate to do as much work as possible. I would agree except that the level of confidence is not quite the same, and he's out of the office a lot, supposively in court, but sometimes he goes to the gym, to the bank, to lunch with his mom, home, etc.


horn_of_plenty on 12/19/2018:
yes, my body is in total low energy mode. Def need more sleep. I may just skip my workout Thursday, YES!, and do it Friday as i'm feeling quite beat. I think i'm going to need to sleep well a couple days in order to up my energy :)

Enjoy your longer walk. We enjoyed going into Sephora where i've gotten 6 free perfume samples over the past two days :)

Yes, i think the aminos are good supplements. I have them in my caffeine free drinks that i use before and during workouts.

have a good day, sleep extra. :) i think this time of year you need to.



Donkey - Tuesday Dec 18, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I wanted to log in this morning to recap yesterday.  I went into work with such a different attitude of serenity and patience, and yesterday, this served me well.

So I went into today feeling the same way, and until noon, it served me well.  Then I had a very ugly encounter with a title company representative, who had gone off on our buyer-client (yelling, aggressive, swearing), who called me all distressed. So I called the title company to find out what the problem was, and I got the same treatment!  Turns out they completely dropped the ball and then got mad because we (the buyer and myself) asked them to do what I had asked them to do last week!  WTH????

I immediately went for a long walk for my lunch hour, after letting my boss know what happened -- he won't do anything about it.  The walk helped a lot.  AND I found out that the secret to getting a higher daily step count is --- can you believe it? --- to talk longer walks at lunch time.  I get a whole hour, I can use the whole hour to do what I want.  Folks that stay at the office and eat in - either in the conference room or at their desk - usually only take 40 minutes. 

But it was really hard to recover from this episode...  I did not take out my frustrations by eating. In the past, I could have gotten a big bowl of potato chips and stuffed down my emotions with chips.  What I really wanted to do, after my walk, was to have a cup of coffee and just sit, but instead, I finished my lunch salad at my desk.  I didn't really get the chance to just sit and relax.

Male Co-Worker is doing a strict keto diet and having really good results with it.  He brought me several different flavored "fat bombs" to try:  chocolate, blueberry, and cinnamon.  During the course of the day, I had 1 chocolate and 1 blueberry.  I am saving the cinnamon one for tomorrow's 2nd breakfast.  In turn, I brought him a piece of the keto gingerbread cake I had made a few weeks ago and had to freeze because nobody here would eat it --- and I couldn't very well eat the whole thing by myself.  (I mean, of course I COULD, but that would not be helpful...)  I brought him only 1 piece because gingerbread isn't for everyone, and he uses monkfruit as his sugar substitute, while I use Swerve.  He said he loved my cake, so I will bring him a few more pieces and the recipe.  (I asked him to be honest, and if he didn't like it, that would be fine because I would be happy to finish what I gave him.)

You can be assured that I will be making my own fat bombs in the future!


EVENING EDIT:  I've been fighting the urge to eat something more, after dinner.  However, I'm trying to resist, because I don't think it's hunger.  Stress from work?  Hormones?  Fatigue/tired?  Anyway, I thought I'd log in to stay accountable.

PS  Remember that copy machine guy incident I was upset about on Friday?  Turns out that it was the Girl Who Makes a Million Mistakes made a mistake, and forgot to mention that she had gone ahead and said that someone could stop by on Friday.  When this was relayed to me on Monday by our regular copy guy, I said, "Well, that part about letting me know, never happened, and I think that caused a LOT of problems."  Everyone in the room agreed.

So it was a simple misunderstanding, that I mishandled, and learned a valuable lesson.  It's really too bad though that Million Mistakes Girl couldn't own up to this.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/18/2018:
It sounds like you handled everything really well!!!! I've heard of fat bombs....they sound good!


graindart on 12/18/2018:
Made chocolate fat bombs nightly when I was on low-carb for a month this Spring. Mine were basic with coconut oil, stevia, and cocoa powder. Then I'd refrigerate until it hardened. Tasted pretty good, low-carb, but high calorie.


graindart on 12/18/2018:
After dinner is always the time that I have such a struggle. I can go most of the day without eating much of anything. But as soon as I start to eat dinner, I don't want to stop. I've purposely been keeping the kitchen / pantry pretty sparse, with not much in the way of temptations. But it doesn't matter. I'm still tempted to eat non-stop on the same mostly boring foods I ate for dinner.

Donkey on 12/19/2018:
HUGE habit to break. Especially if I stay up late and watch TV. I've completely changed my evening routine now, which has helped. It's boring, but that is what has made the difference.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/18/2018:
sounds like a nasty title representative! hey, nothing you can do but realize that they probably reacted that way KNOWING it was their fault! maybe it's one of those people that never accepts they are in the wrong & the just get angry at the other party involved! at least it sounds sorta like that.

yup, same here regarding lunch. in general, i'm over-taking the time. i'm lucky, nobody is watching at all. it's pretty lenient and lately i make sure to go out. it's very healthy to go out, move around, before coming back to work for the next half the day! i feel better, for sure, after being outside. it's so healthy, not a joke! you know i'm in the city, so the variety of stores to go in and where to walk is pretty endless..i usually take 30min up to an hour sometimes. we are only given a half hour, but, like i said nobody is watching or saying a thing!

listen, have the coffee...is someone not allowing you to? i don't think people would even notice, no!? you have to do what's best for you, within reason, to feel good at work to do your best work and feel decent doing it, right? i'm just saying, do what makes you happy - people don't notice as much as you think.

oh nice! he made fat bombs! that is awesome. definitely somethings that i enjoy. so what else is in the fat bomb? cream cheese?

i also like fat bombs because they are small usually and just skip the sugar but have the nice sweet taste anyways with fat. satisfying snack or such!

so did you let the girl that makes a million mistakes know to speak to you, next time!??? i hope she knows...or she'll make a million AND ONE mistakes! hahaha

i'm glad you found out what happened. i'm glad everyone agreed. see? sometimes the truth comes out!

enjoy your night.

Donkey on 12/19/2018:
I really should have had the coffee. I wanted to have a fresh cup of coffee & a fat bomb and sit in the small conference room, just looking out the window for about 5 minutes. What stopped me? The fact that I had 1/2 cup of old coffee still in my cup from the morning... When will I learn to make myself a priority?



Donkey - Monday Dec 17, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

Woke up unsure if it was Sunday or Monday... thinking it was Sunday, and then realizing it was Monday.  This is usually not a good sign.  Then, my bathroom issues choose this morning to reconcile themselves, which means that for about 10-15 minutes, my cardio was interrupted by frequent trips to the bathroom.  Not so great.

I am hoping that this week is a bit quieter at work.  One thing that has become abundantly clear to me is my unhappiness in relation to my job.  I want to think this through though.  Is it my unhappiness AT work?  Or my unhappiness WITH the work itself?   While I could have said this a few years ago,  that the opposite was true,  work is not going to be the source of  happiness and fulfillment.  I suppose it seldom is, although, like I said, a few years ago, it was quite fulfilling and satisfying to work where I do and what I do.

I've been toying with the idea of going more keto in 2019, but last night, I realized that in the past, when I've reached my goal and try to take eating to a higher level, usually vegetarian, but this year keto, it backfires on me and I regain all the weight I've lost.  Wtih this realization, that this has happened repeatedly, I'm not sure I want to "devote" myself to eating one particular way.

But still having fun putting together goals, aspirations, and mantras for 2019!

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/17/2018:
I guess that is why they call artists..."starving artists"......they are doing what they love but they can't live on it..........one thing about working.....you can do it and make a little money or you can do it and make enough money or you can do it and make a lot of money...it's all work......I don't know if you get handed a pay check...or if you have automatic deposit....but i used to LOVE that paper pay check.....it was palpable...it was proof...that my work actually payed off........the thing about auto deposit..is that you almost don't feel the same gratification........The only way I ever knew rather I LOVED my job or not...was when I actually forgot it was payday......the jobs I didn't love....were finally enjoyable when the checks were handed out.


graindart on 12/17/2018:
Work for me is just a means to pay for what I want for my family and myself. I've never had a job I liked. I've almost always had jobs that have paid well, but have always wished to be somewhere else.

I've been in the current profession for 17 years and have pretty much despised it since year 3. I'd love to find an alternative, but this one pays well and also affords me a completely flexible schedule. The flexible schedule has allowed me to show up to pretty much everything that my kids have been involved with at school or outside of school. And I'm very thankful for that. It's also paid all the bills and even allowed us to be debt-free finally this past year (paid off mortgage last year after 15 years).

So I don't like my job......but since I have to have a job, it's the one that gives me the most benefit for the least time required. Of course if I ever figure out something else with better reward to time ratio, I'll change in a heartbeat.

I've basically given up on the notion that I can ever have a job I enjoy. To me, that would be called a hobby..... And hobbies have never made me a penny.


horn_of_plenty on 12/17/2018:
it's true, people like me and you are def better off keeping our mouths shut MOST of the time. MOST. not all, but most. I have learned this a THOUSAND times. we just do NOT have that "gift of the gab" and high ability to be so social and everyone to like every comment we make...we are NOT outgoing folks. and there's nothing wrong with that!!!!!!

meaning, i'm just saying, we are better off and more content just to come in and do our work...of course we DO have to talk and get along with our coworkers...and we do!...but, when needing to make a point or argument, BOTH of us need to realize that it's best we shut up even if we think we are right...especially me, regarding that.

but also one piece of advice i want you to remember is a job is a job...of course we want to love it...and we need to try to enjoy many aspects of our work, but we will NEVER like EVERYONE we work with, so, better off trying to stay at one place working as long as possible bc if it's a problem with certain people, there will be annoying people wherever you go. My mom is now having issues. she's REALLY NOT social. so...yeah. and she's an administrator in charge of people...yeah, strange.

LOL at least your bathroom issues are resolved before the day starts :)

so exactly - regarding work: this is why you also have to make sure you are prioritizing your time OUTSIDE work. you have to do fulfilling things to look forward outside of work...to keep living life.

i like keto for desserts and a lot of meals i make are more low carb...but i end of eating carbs with my meals anyways. like a side i usually love carbs. it's never the main part of a meal, when most usually it's not. however, just remember one thing, that dieticians have shown us for a long time that carbs are necessary. we know there's good things to gain by them. i do not eat low carb, just moderate, def not high carb. but do what makes your mind and body feel good.

we both know that anything not in moderation is prob not healthiest.

still, i do love my keto desserts and crockpot cabbage dishes!



Donkey - Saturday Dec 15, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

I'm leaving for a meeting at the volunteer legal clinic I serve, soon, but was so happy with today's weigh-in that I wanted to share the good news with you!

I didn't follow my plan as much as I should have, but I feel like I learned a lot how to handle these sorts of situations, especially when comparing the Thursday party with the Friday party.

I will post reflections and more after I return home!


EVENING EDIT:  I think I have learned more yesterday and today than I have all year.

More notes about the office party:  I was not as diligent about water intake as I should have been.  Unfortunately, I finished my water bottle (24 ounces = 710 mL) on my drive to the restaurant, so when I got there, I ordered a seltzer water (carbonated water)with a slice of lime.  That was wonderful!  But I should have asked for a refill and I didn't.  I also didn't drink as much water as I had originally intended. If I had my water bottle full of water PLUS the seltzer (12-14 ounces = 400 mL) then I would have been able to drink water like I had wanted to.

So I got to the party, and the 2 male attorneys and the Nice Lady were there.  Nice Lady is attached to the Associate attorney; she's one of those gals who seems to prefer to hang around men than women, I think.  So they had ordered appetizers:  fried cheese curds, fried onion rings, and chicken & cheese quesadillas.  I was so tempted to take one of the quesadillas, scrape everything off of the tortilla and just eat the filling, but that seems kind of rude & obnoxious.  So I had 3 curds (chunks, really), and I think I ended up having 4 onion rings.  I ordered a chef's salad, which was a basic iceburg lettuce salad with a TON of deli meat - the perfect low-carb, keto thing to order.

It was after the salad that I realized that my problem with the pizza party the day before is that I didn't eat enough.  That triggered the "munchy" feeling all afternoon.  I needed to have added more protein to the salad itself.

So lessons learned:

  • Bring plenty of water, don't be afraid to ask for water, have enough water!
  • Make your meal substantial enough so that it fills you.

The Thing I Learned Today

So one thing that I didn't mention about Friday that really bothered me last night and still bothers me today is that I totally went off on the copy machine guy that dropped in by surprise on Friday, right before we were closing the office for the party.  I didn't order his service; our real Guy is coming Monday morning to replace parts because this BRAND NEW MACHINE can no longer print jobs from our computers.  I have a feeling that the Girl Who Makes a Million Mistakes ordered this without clarifying with anyone, because that's kind of how she is.

So this guy shows up, I'm like, We didn't order this, we don't want this, you need to leave soon.  He's like, It's a service call, I'm just here to get your copy machine up to where you can make copies and scan.  I think all he did was turn on the machine and then he left.

But it really bothered me that I went off on him like that.  I mean, So what?  What do I care?  Just do my damn work and go to the party.  It's not like I'm the office manager or anything.  Why did I have to be like that?  Why do I always have to be like that?  Testy, impatient, cross?

When I was at the legal clinic meeting today, I was observing other people and what they had to say, and how they acted.  And it just hit me like a thunderbolt:  I AM *REALLY* UNHAPPY.  And this is of my own chosing!  If given a choice, I choose to see the glass half-empty.  I'm quick to point out negatives before positives.  I'm a "Let's get this done" rather than "Let's enjoy this".

The speaker this morning was talking about how each day, he starts his day with Psalms 118:24:  "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice..."  You know what Psalms I wake up to every morning?  Psalms 56:1:  "Be merciful to me, O God, because man would swallow me up; fighting all day he oppresses me."  Yep, every freaking day feels like a battlefield, and I'm sick and tired of fighting this war!

I'm sorry if you've gotten this far, as this really has nothing to do with dieting.  But THIS is part of what I'm going to work on in 2019.  Remember, it's my Year of the Remodel, both outside AND inside.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/15/2018:
I hate you......and your stupid scale...... :)

But seriously, congratulations on your continued maintenance. Glad your scale is cooperating. Happy to see people that can navigate the regular world and still be mostly in control of their food.

Donkey on 12/15/2018:
Thank you. I have to say, I didn't weigh myself twice, which I usually do (to make sure it's not lying, of course).

I did get a chuckle at your comment ;)


BearCountryGG on 12/15/2018:
Congrats on the drop....and dealing with the holiday festivities well.......when you say you didn't follow your plan as much as you should have....I consider that a shake up......doing something different tricks your body into changing it's tactics....funny how it seems...like our head and our bodies are 2 very different entities......that's why I say I find it easy to trick myself...LOL........the head thinks up new tricks...and the body justs reacts to them....

Donkey on 12/15/2018:
Thank you! It will make more sense when I write about it, but I also had a few bites of non-keto appetizers. That's not what I meant about going "off plan" but that's a good example of doing just that! And surviving it!


BearCountryGG on 12/16/2018:
Love the happiness is a choice option.......

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
LOVE THIS!!!!!


graindart on 12/16/2018:
Commenting about some of your later added entry.

Was riding around with the wife last night running errands. One of the topics I brought up was "Why do I let things bother me that have nothing to do with me? Why do I care what other people are doing when it doesn't affect me?".

One of our stops was Walmart, where my oldest nephew works as a cart wrangler. He's 20 and has been working this same entry-level position for the past year or so. I've mentioned to him a couple times that he should cross-train into new positions and work his way up to better positions and higher pay. Something with a possible future. From my perspective he has no drive, still lives at home, doesn't have a full drivers license (learners), relies on mommy to shuttle him back and forth to work, and just watches tv or plays video games in his off time. What he does or doesn't do really doesn't affect me at all. So why does it bother me? Why do I care that he isn't motivated? Currently I choose to dwell on negative thoughts that I don't have control over and that don't affect me. That's just plain dumb on my part......and needs to change.

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
Thank you - this was so helpful to me (more than you know). I'm not alone in this.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/16/2018:
i didn't have access to a computer last night so i waited till i was back in my apt today to write some comments towards this entry bc you def left me with some thoughts i wanted to add!...

firstly, you give more than you give yourself credit for! your volunteering and also the church group you take part in...as well as helping your hubby and kids..those are all ways you give that not everyone in this world does. I hope you smile when you think of all you do for those in need as well as those you love. STAY POSITIVE!

Regarding the office party and things you'd want to do slightly different, like more water, MORE POWER TO YOU! Yes, Jdonk! you are the boss of you and you get to decide and ask for what you want! yes, do not feel ashamed or nervous to speak up for what you want in these situations :) i'm totally with you on ordering another glass of seltzer, etc. :)

will write more after i post this in fear of losing a comment...

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
What's done is done. All I can do is learn from it, which I have, and try to become a better person.

I may be too hard on myself - in fact, I'm sure I am, as many folks would just say WTF and move on.

But I think you and I have learned this year that, at work, we just need to SHUT UP. I really would like to make that my focus at work in 2019: more listening, less talking.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/16/2018:
well, that is weird she ordered a diff mach service guy. i guess you were caught at an inconvenient time hence what happened between you and him...you can forget it now though as it's really not a big deal. However, to prevent it from happening again, you (or whoever is in charge of ordering the printer repair people / copier machine service tech) may need to communicate with the person who most prob ordered the wrong person...to prevent it happening again :)

You are more than capable of turning the cup around, per se and seeing it as half full :) At other times in my life, i have def ONLY been the "poor me" thinker at all times. so i understand. but of course thru more reading as now i'm reading daily on my commute which adds to like 40 min of reading time both ways per day....so, yeah, like 1.5 hours of available time to read everyday!...well, back to my point: now that i'm reading, soul searching,learning and changing, i cannot help but see through myself and more how people grow and change in the world. and my point is this: THE CHOICES WE MAKE ARE WHAT MANIFEST WHO WE BECOME IN THE END.

what i'm saying is, you ARE in control of your destiny. you ARE in control of your happiness too. keep your head up. take time to do for yourself.

also, i'd like to mention that i was not in a good state of mind when i was eating too low carbs...i'm not saying low carb, i'm saying "too" low carb. i need the seratonin and other stuff that carbs provide to keep my mind at ease. you may need this too if you are feeling so down? i could be wrong. i'm just saying.

i love keto stuff too though. and a lot of what i make and bake will continue to be more of that realm.

Just if you are feeling down, i urge you to do things in your life that will bring you up. maybe you need a change...then again, you said that's what you want to do in 2019! so, like i said earlier, that is MORE POWER TO YOU.

i am totally in your boat with all you are looking to change and adapt in 2019...i have similar goals. and they are wonderful goals to have. keep your head up. and try to be thankful for what you have...see it the other way of how you are doing a lot better than those less fortunate. i'm easily reminded of this everyday, usually on my commute is the biggest and most apparent reminder..

Donkey on 12/16/2018:
THANK YOU for reminding me that sometimes being too low on the carbs can really affect how we react. I will really try hard to remember this.

I'm gonna start a list of daily reminders to focus on in 2019, like a mantra.



Donkey - Friday Dec 14, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

Today is the eat-out Office Lunch Party, planned and hosted by Queen Bee.  Lunch is at a bar restaurant Moose lodge, so I just need to focus on drinking lots of water throughout the meal, focus on vegetables and protein, and watch portion sizes.  

I am wearing my Ugly Christmas Sweater which I made myself.  It's basically a red sweater that I own, and then I just stuck Christmas bows all over it.  I have a headband that I stuck Christmas bows on too.  The sweater is uncomfortable with the bows on it. I KNOW that I MUST relax about the sweater or it will cause me much more anxiety than is warranted or required.  My husband reminded me, It doesn't really matter - it's an Ugly Christmas Sweater.


I did a lot of thinking about the party yesterday and what I would have done differently.  I am better prepared today:

  • Bringing my usual protein bar for breakfast, followed up by either grapefruit or raw vegetables (depending on if I want sweet or not-sweet) at around 10am.  THIS IS KEY.  Yesterday's 3-egg breakfast with banana chaser did not satisfy nor hold me very well.
  • Bringing my own water bottle, plus I will be focusing on drinking water during the party as well.
  • Going to focus on moderating my reactional emotions and feelings of fullness, even if it means that I'm not 100% into the party.  This also means I'm not going to worry about this darn sweater too!
  • I'm wondering NOW if my "munchies" after the card signing was because I was feeling deprived or left out  Honestly, I did not want the pizza - it did not smell right and the crust was just way too ... much. However, considering this, I may make a different lunch choice today when I order.

I just realized that I probably should have been walking on the treadmill instead of writing here on DD, since I won't get my lunchtime walk.  Hmm...  Maybe I can walk around the block quickly at around 10:30am, just to move around and clear my head a bit.

I am hoping to maybe do a little Christmas shopping on my way back to the office after the party.  IDK funds are kind of tight this week because of the 2nd mortgage payment.  Gosh, if it weren't for that 2nd mortgage in my life, things would be so much better.  Hate that thing...

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/14/2018:
Good introspective......there are always things to learn about ourselves.......It's a good thing......have fun at the party...and relax and enjoy the meal....whichever way you decide to handle it. And also from experience....2nd mortgages and or Home Equity lines of credit...are NOT a good thing...been there...done that...the burden just gets bigger...even if at the moment it seemed like a good thing...we dwefinately would have done that diferently ourselves.....I sympathize with you there.


BearCountryGG on 12/14/2018:
Basically the way we ended up getting out from under that was selling the houe ( it was too big for us anyway then)......It actually ended up costing US $10,000 to finalize the deal....( yup....but we had lived there for 32 years...so that is worth something)....We also had a second small place ( where we are now...which we added on to so it is about half the size of the one we sold) so we didn't have to go out and actually buy another house to replace the one we sold....but in the past home sales...we had always made a profit and had money to go on to the next one.....That sale where it cost us because of the HLC....would have been a bad deal if we had needed to purchase another......We thought we were so smart with the HLC because we coiuld declare it on income tax.....but bottom line...I would never do that again.


legcramps on 12/14/2018:
Today will be better! At least you get to choose what you have today for lunch; that will be a huge difference from yesterday's pizza. It's hard to relax when we're feeling anxious about something - just take it bit by bit! Good luck! Have fun!


horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2018:
Hi J-Donk! Happy Fri-YAY!

Your lunch plan sounds perfectly doable. I hope there’s at least Salad on the menu! I wonder if they have any veggie sides. It can be difficult at restaurants that generally do NOT have healthy choices…which exist which makes me laugh because even McDonalds offers a decent salad and a diet coke along with small fries! !!

Yeah, soon enough you can go home and take the uncomfortable sweater off. I had a very uncomfortable sweater on the other day and wore a tank top underneath….the type with a built in bra spaghetti strap tank…made it much more comfortable and not itchy on my skin!

Yep, regarding your first thought on yesterday’s party of being extra prepared, this is my only way…I also still snack lately on days with parties or when we are presented with bagels for breakfast once in awhile…I am used to the healthy snacking lifestyle and it’s hard to deviate when faced with higher cal breakfasts or trying to not snack and waiting longer between meals…

Yep, drinking water helps keep your mouth and stomach busy at least…

It’s not worth the deprivation or starting to get that feeling…you can always have tastes of things if they are what you really want…llike, if you want carbs…eat a slice of bread on the table….try to have moderation at these events if you feel deprived….nice job so far!



Donkey - Thursday Dec 13, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

One down, one to go...

I survived the in-office Christmas party, but it threw off my whole day food & exercise-wise.  I'm going to go to bed very soon because if I stay down here on the main level, I will start diving into the bags of nuts and blocks of cheese.

I wasn't taking ANY chances with today and:

  • Brought my own salad
  • Brought leftover peas
  • Brought leftover brussel sprouts
  • Brought raw radishes to eat with the salad or separately
  • Made sure my provolone cheese stash was properly fortified.

It was unfortunate that the pizza was from Pizza Hut.  It did not smell the same as pizzaria pizza.  It was very distinctive.  So I decided to have the toppings off of 1 slice (triangle, pie-sliced shape, not small square) that had vegetables on it - even if had meat, which it had pepperoni.  It was very difficult to get the cheese to separate from the crust, which I thought was rather odd.  I discarded the crust which was HUGE.  Then I had the radishes and the salad.  I was still hungry so I had a slice or 2 of cheese.  That worked.

After the cards were signed and put together in the envelopes, etc., I stayed behind to warm up my brussel sprouts with 1 TBSP of butter, salt, and Mrs. Dash.  Ate that at my desk at wround 2:30p.  Then I started getting very "munchy" like I was hungry but could not feel satisfied.  I had another slice of cheese, some pepperoni slices (about 70 calories worth), and 2 beef jerky sticks (130 calories).  I tried having coffee, which can sometimes take the edge off of "munchy" -- did not help.  I was FULL but I was not SATISFIED.

Came home late after getting gas for the car.  Unfortunately, husband made soup and salad for dinner.  It was chicken & vegetable in broth (so not a cream-based soup).  It was delicious, but after the wacky lunch I had, I really just wanted something substantial.  So I had a bowl of soup, a plateful of salad with creamy Caesar dressing, and then a cup of decaf.  

After my evening bike-ride - a necessity, since I didn't get my lunchtime walk - I just had about 10 almonds (70 calories), but like I said, I feel like I could scarf down both what's left of the almonds AND the entire bag of walnuts.  


An interesting side-note:  everyone that had the pizza crust was in the bathroom after we came up.  Everyone.  Later, I heard Queen Bee complaining about whatever was in the pizza was making her tummy not happy. (words to that effect)  She had like 3 or 4 slices, but she made a comment about my crust, and the last piece she had, she didn't eat the crust.  

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 12/14/2018:
My office Christmas Party also had me going "off plan" for sure. don't fret. it's better than just a binge only for emotional reasons :) so be glad to stay on track emotionally...that's what i keep telling myself all month right now, with my higher cals. That i'm doing the best i can in the moment.

yeah, i totally get you on the pizza hut pizza! gotta say, i'm glad you brought your goodies so you could remain pretty responsible. I'd have been in the SAME BOAT as you regarding that kinda lunch...and would DEF be craving veggies and something more filling.

The whole emotions of the day i am quite SURE led to your munchy feelings. ??? i get that way when things are a bit up in the air at work or busier than usual...or with more socializing.

At least you got a LOT of tasty veggies in....and your hubby had something for you...i totally get the feeling of wanting something else to just finally satisfy you....surprisingly the thing that pretty much always does the trick for me when i've been running around and come home late is carbs..either a banana or granola bar and a tastty light drink of some sort....helps me go to bed.

i know the feeling of being unsatisfied all day...now it's a blip in your past and you can continue on as a typical J-Donk...

well, Pizza Hut is not known for healthy and i believe the pizza is def quite oily? What does she expect after 4 slices haha.

Donkey on 12/14/2018:
Rather than a salad, I should have brought more raw vegetables to eat.

I had 3 eggs for breakfast, instead of my usual protein bar, and then a large banana that had to get eaten. If I had to do it over again, I would have had the protein bar and then a grapefruit.

It definitely could have been subliminal emotions that caused me to react in the afternoon. I really hadn't considered that. I'm going to be very aware of that today.


BearCountryGG on 12/14/2018:
Maybe the toppings didn't affect you because you only had a small amt....and the others ate enough to bother them...I'm surprised that the crust could be the issue food poisoning wise...but you never know.......at least you avoided all of that...and that is a good thing. And by the way...thank you for the heads up about my breakfast ( thursday)....it really made me think and I'm doing a lot of blood testing today to figure it all out...Thanks again!!!

Donkey on 12/14/2018:
You are welcome :) In looking back to yesterday, I probably should have had a 2nd slice of pizza toppings, but I felt bad that the amount of crust I was throwing away was huge. Not so much that I was throwing it away, but that it was HUGE and quite noticeable.

There are a LOT of things I would have done differently yesterday.



Donkey - Wednesday Dec 12, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

A couple of things I didn't mention yesterday:

  • Finally bought me some grapefruit!  Oh how delicious! 
  • Monday night, it was lights out before 9pm and what wonderful sleep I got.  Last night (so Tuesday night), I tried the same routine, but didn't turn out the lights until 9:20p, and my sleep was not as good. 

Today is the last day of normalcy at work before 2 days of eating challenges.  I can do this.  

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/12/2018:
Yes...you can do this!!! I can't have grapefruit in the house....D is on a triglyceride med..( cholesterol meds are the same)...and it negates the pill.....so he isn't allowed and he craves grapefruit...I do keep a stash of the Dole little grapefruit cups...and he found them one day....and it was actually pitiful....He looked like a kid who had just had his candy taken away.......( they aren't as healthy...but still good)...although when they are gone..i probably won't buy them again because of him.


graindart on 12/12/2018:
Just picked up a big bag of them last night myself, now that they're back in season. Really got hooked on them this Spring and missed eating them over summer due to being mostly out of season. Could still buy them at certain stores, but they didn't taste very good.


legcramps on 12/12/2018:
I'm not a fan of grapefruit, but I am a big fan of getting lots of sleep! I wish I could get to bed that early. Maybe tonight.


horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2018:
Sleeping has been weird for me too...at least it doesn't have to be so perfect every night...as long as over half are there...i'm not obsessing over it...just happy when i get it. last night mine was interrupted too..i know the reason - my mind was still active when i was going to sleep due to the social event and louder type of night that it was.

:) you can do this...oh and good job on grapefruit. i like to have it at home, when i can enjoy eating a bigger, delicious fruit and take my time with it!



Donkey - Tuesday Dec 11, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

Not as much time to post today.  Last night, we (myself, Mr. Donkey, son) went to a burger place for a fundraiser for one of the animal shelters.  It wasn't a party, just 20% of our order goes to the shelter.  That was so nice and what a change of pace!  However, I was faced with many non-keto choices.  So instead, I happened to find calorie approximations on their menu (a delightful surprise and SO helpful!), and then I just adjusted my portions to meet a reasonable calorie level.  That is what I have done in the past, so that when I'm faced with these non-conforming situations, I can still participate and enjoy and not overindulge. 

I'm glad I limited my portions because had I not, dinner would have felt like a lead brick rather than just being pleasantly satisfied.

Also, reminder and lesson to myself after yesterday morning's back pain:  I will never again overtly criticize my fat knees or thick thighs or German milkmaid calves.  As long as they work and I can move and remain active, then my body is GREAT.  

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/11/2018:
I keep seeing hamburgers advertised everywhere lately and now you're talking about them too. I must be craving a nice big loaded cheeseburger.

Good job adapting your order when the situation didn't fit perfectly into your plan.

Donkey on 12/12/2018:
I ended up getting an Italian beef sandwich.


legcramps on 12/11/2018:
LOL, I totally agree with your reminder; I feel much the same way lately!


BearCountryGG on 12/11/2018:
Good way to figure out what fits into your needs.......I also really dislike that oveerfull bloated feeling.....it really isn't worth it......and so true...if your legs work then they are doing their job perfectly!!!!!


horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2018:
yes, pain is no good for anything....and it's so much better to just be outta pain in the real spectrum of things you'd want...wishing you a continued smooth recovery...

also, nice job last night. did you hear about the fundraiser dinner thru the shelter? that's awesome they do that.

last year i went to a fundraiser dinner where some of the restaurant proceeds also go to in this case something with the union i'm involved in...the restaurant was horrible in terms of healthy choices. i forget right now but everything on the menu had calories listed, the problem was that the choices were downright not even there..i'll try to think of the restaurant. it's a chain and old-school type of place. i'm sure you have this particular place by you...maybe i'll remember the name tonight!



Donkey - Monday Dec 10, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

I was determined to be ready to leave for work so that I could watch a TV show at 8am for as long as possible before having to leave, but then I thought that I'd much rather log on to DD and chat with you all.  I made the right choice!

I woke up this morning, not doing so well, though.  First I noticed that I was sneezing more than just an irritated sneeze.  These were deep, tingly sneezes that you feel dissapating through your body when you're done.  Then my nose kept running.  And coughed up a small glob of congestion (albeit clear, not infected) from the throat/sinuses.  So I am swabbing zinc up my nose all day today. Cannot get sick.

But even worse, my back started acting up -- for no reason that I can discern!  At first I thought it was just a morning ache/twinge.  But then it kind of kept happening, like it was saying "I'm thinking about popping out of alignment - nope.  Oh maybe this time I'll pop out - nope."  In the spirit of turning my back's NOPE into my HOPE, I am wearing my truss/girdle/brace thingy today.  Oh it is so uncomfortable - bulky - but it really does help keep my frame stabilized.  My back acts like a brat, and if I cater to it early on, almost all of the time, I can prevent it from getting worse.  So that is what I am doing.

If I had a job where I could just call in sick, I would take today - or at least this morning - off, so that I could alternate lying flat and walking nice & easy, and work those hot and cold compresses.

Queen Bee will be out of the office today and tomorrow, delivering our firm's Christmas gifts.  So that will be a blessing to me today.  Gotta find these little blessings where we can.

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/10/2018:
Hope you feel better....and yes...go in when Queen Bee isn't there....That is a break in itself. I think we will all feel better when the holidays are over...this is such a stressful time of year.


horn_of_plenty on 12/10/2018:
lol DD instead of tv! wow, priorities!

oh no..at least you are trying to treat the stiffles you have...yes to zinc and extra vitamin C and also rest.

good job also trying to help your back out. my administrator, a guy that comes in here now and then, also was talking of his back that went out last week thursday...he said "it put in a bad mood!" ..makes sense! he seems to be better now!

interetsing she gets to deliver the gifts...would you want to do that!? lol


graindart on 12/10/2018:
Being proactive with your back is smart. I usually wait until I hurt mine before slowing down for a few days.



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