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Donkey - Wednesday Dec 05, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

The next 3 days are the best work days ever because Queen Bee will be out of the office!


I had a revelation yesterday, and wanted to post about it, but thought I'd let it sit in overnight and instead started working on my Ugly Christmas Sweater for the work party next Friday.

Maybe it was the pair of pants that I was wearing, or maybe it's actually true, but it really dawned on me - like Heavenly angels or a light bulb or something - that this is it. I'm there.  I've arrived.  Have you ever told yourself:

  • When I'm thin, I'll...
  • When I lose the weight I will...
  • I can't (whatever) now but once I lose the weight I can....

Well, I'm at that point where now is the time to move forward with things I've put off because I thought I was too fat.  For example, I would tell myself that once I lost weight, I would dress nicer for work.  Now I can do that.  I haven't been, because I'm stuck in the "Before".

Perhaps you do not think this way, or perhaps it was evident to you that I'm in the "After", but I hadn't really realized or *felt* this until yesterday.  I've always been focused on my flaws, but I coached myself last night and said (to myself), "You know, you can't have gone through 48 years without some battle scars to show for it."

I've said here before that there is no "Before and After" because Every.Day.Is.A.Battle. And I have also said that there is no Day One to start over; every day is Day One to do better, NOW is the time to do something about yourself, not Day One.  I still believe that this is true, but I also realize that in all the times that I've lost this same weight over and over - and this time has been no exception - that I never get to that point of celebrating the accomplishment and fulfilling those empty promises to myself that, "Once I've lost weight, I can..."

Maybe today is the Day One for THAT, ha ha!

 

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/05/2018:
I don't have anything that I've really put off until reaching goal. I don't have any big "reward" planned or anything that I was looking forward to doing once meeting goal.

Maybe I'll be more inclined to take the girls swimming more often when most of the chub is gone. Although the source of my being self-conscious might transfer from being too fat to being too pasty white to take off my shirt now......

There's always something to make you feel self-conscious and stop you from doing something...... Now I'm off to find a fake tanning salon (just kidding).


BearCountryGG on 12/05/2018:
Celebrating YOU!!!!! I love that!!!


horn_of_plenty on 12/05/2018:
yes, for many years i felt that i couldn't do things till i'm a certain weight and look a certain way...now?...now i'm in the moment too! i no longer need to wait till i look a certain way...i'm there.

like you, it took me awhile to even get comfortable changing my attire and dressing for my "new body." and my body is still changing.

my parents never EVER set a precedent of commitment of exercise - well, my dad does actually...but they never explained to me the importance and my mom is old school thinking that lifting weights produces a manly body. it was totally me,myself and i that had an urge to exercise and thought it'd do me good...and the progress and changes are just amazing. so, keep on!

i agree, there's no "before and after...the after is continuous, not a one-time thing. the after is maintenance...


happy-1 on 12/05/2018:
I can't wait to see Graindart post bodybuilding photos spray tanned muppet orange.

Good on you for owning your success!!! Time to celebrate!

Donkey on 12/07/2018:
Ha Ha Ha!!!



Donkey - Monday Dec 03, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

Today ended up being a much better day than how it started.  Boy, I was in a fog this morning, just could not focus... kind of still feeling this cloud of sadness from the weekend.  Got to work and my computer passwords needed to be reset.  One of them worked, but the other didn't, so I had to call our IT department to override the administrative lock on my computer and reset my password.  Then it took my computer forever to start up the programs.  And while this is going on, my boss is talking to me about a file and the phone keeps ringing.  And all I wanted to do was get to the coffee machine as soon as possible!

I have decided to help with healing here at home, that now is the time to add a new cat to our house.  I took all the steps except bringing the cat carrier in my car.  It so happens that the animal control adoption offices are right across the street from where I work.  They have reduced adoption fees for cats because of all the stray cats coming in from the cold.  I have all month, so I'm not rushing this, but taking steps to do this.  I think it will help lift all of our spirits.

Queen Bee is off of the eggs and string cheese diet.  She had a Burger King Whopper for lunch  (at her desk) and the whole office smelled like really strong onions.  Just what we want for clients coming to the office to meet with the attorneys.

I had a nice long walk at lunch, at a brisk pace (for most of it - I got tired towards the end and dragged a little bit).  But lunch sat in my stomach like a rock, and I'm not sure since I had a salad with a few strips of baked chicken and green beans with butter.  It was so uncomfortable that I didn't have an afternoon snack, because I was afraid that eating more would just make it worse or make me get sick.  The feeling lasted until I came home for dinner and I ate through it.  At the end of dinner, though, that uncomfortable feeling was gone, and I just felt full.  I'm going to have some herbal tea as I get ready for bed, and I hope to sleep better than I did last night -- and for longer!


Kind of along the same lines as Bear, in thinking about goals for 2019, that 2018 was the year that nothing went according to plan.  There's a lesson in there, somewhere, probably, and if I meditated, perhaps I could gleam some wisdom from that.  But the Donkey in me just wants to say:  STUFF IT, 2018.

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2018:
lol, you just reminded me that my password is expiring also...grrrr, have to set it this week also!

right!? today i thought to BUY coffee on the way to work for a larger amount...not smart...i ran out of time so i didn't ...luckily. not smart to waste $ on outside coffee...it does taste really good tho!

yay...a new baby kitty!!!! :)

burger king is a strong odorous smell lol....lol, how could anyone last on that horrible string cheese and eggs diet anyways! she's gross!

maybe it was a bit of food sickness from something not good?

i'm not even up to goals for 2019, maybe mine are to keep on, keep reading and expanding my mind on my commute, eat salmon, be healthier, keep working on cardio to make it better.


BearCountryGG on 12/04/2018:
Well one thing is for sure...2018 is almost behinbd us....and we can make 2019 anything we want it to be........And if plan A doesn't fit into the plan...then move along to plan B....be like a tree.....and bend......because if trees didn't bend...they would break. Was that romaine lettuce?


BearCountryGG on 12/04/2018:
AWWWW...I would love to get another cat......we do have one ( not ours)...that makes his rounds here 2 times a day....walks down the driveway...goes out back and makes the dogs bark....and then walks back out of the driveway again...he looks like a tough guy....( we once had a cat that was half house cat and half bobcat).....he didn't purr....he sounded like a motorboat...called him BigDaddy....we had one with all four feet doubled...his feet were enourmous...called him Uncle Grandpa...LOL...Then there was Shadow and jasmine...jasmine lived well into her 20's...If I was younger...I think I would get another cat.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2018:
the post of mine with that quote, i took it off bc nobody liked it....grrr....ah well.

i think i'm going to pull back on my facebook fitness posts because it's over the top even for the few friends that i post it to.

i have to remember to exercise for me, not for the world...and thankfully i am finally self motivated so...yeah...i guess i should know better at 36.

sad not to have the outlet as much as i'd like to though!



Donkey - Sunday Dec 02, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

Not much motivation over here today...  Struggling to get out of the downness that my son's recent troubles.  However, I did want to thank Bear for being so supportive.  This too shall pass... 

I've started to think ahead to the eating situations I have coming up this week.

Friday, I am planning and hoping to attend chair yoga with my husband, at which point, we usually use eating dinner out afterwards as an incentive.  However, last month we did not go because that weekend was his "Medicine Day" (the day he takes his bi-weekly dosage for his disease) and he just wasn't up to it.  In typing this out, I realize that this weekend, once again is his Medicine Day, and he may not be up for chair yoga....  Well, if we don't do chair yoga, then dinner will definitely be at home - no great loss without some small gain!

There is an unexpected party next Saturday, held by some Veterans' group that my husband had joined this year.  He hasn't been too involved with them i 2018, but hopefully we can do more stuff with them in 2019.  (See, there's something to look forward to!)  Anyway, their Christmas brunch is Saturday, catered by IHOP (International House of Pancakes).  Whoa, that is SO not me.  I've never been a big breakfast person, but eggs and sausage and/or bacon will fit the low-carb requirement.  Well, heck, there will be coffee, so I should be OK to go.  (Another thing to look forward to:  FREE COFFEE.)

What I'm really dreading is the office party the week after.  Queen Bee is running that whole show:  White Elephant Christmas gift exchange, Ugly Christmas Sweater, etc.  Male co-worker made the snide remark that he thinks she's planning to drink a LOT of liquor at this.  So not me.. Oh well, I'll deal with it later.  


I've spent most of the day doing nothing.  I think that's OK.


One thing I wanted to mention was that I finally did pack up the remaining gingerbread cake and put it in the freezer.  It's been calling my name ... Friday night and tonight.. but that's only because I got into the HABIT of having a dessert.  Staying strong with sticking to a decaf coffee only.

 

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 12/02/2018:
Doing nothing is OK......because you needed that!!! heck YA...That's okay! Thank you for the shout out...parenting can really be tough sometimes...... Maybe NOT DREAD the office party....at least you don't have to host it.......!!!!! Isn't Queen Bee the one on the egg and cheese diet?????? Watch her eat...LOL

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
Believe it or not - and I'm sure you can believe it - I sit as far away as possible from Queen Bee every year that I've worked with her.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/02/2018:
I left 3 comments, 2 on yesterday's entry and one on the entry before that. :-)

I will be back to commenting here soon :) Enjoy your eve, J-Donk!

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
Thank you! I've gone back and responded to your very helpful comments :)


graindart on 12/02/2018:
Mmmmmmm.....eggs, string cheese, and all the liquor you can drink. Sounds like a party you need to have your camera phone ready for!

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, right?


Horn_of_plenty on 12/02/2018:
regarding your son, he's a "newbie" to the working world. and a young adult. he will fare better as life goes on...i am in no doubt that he has learned from this experience. please don't be too down...i think he will find a job soon...it's retail season.

your son must learn some things himeslf. so, please understand that you can sympathize but like others have said, this too shall pass.

I also have some "eating events" at work and life this month. i've already also started thinking about them! for instance, i'm hoping to have "free red wine" at our office party on Thursday night. it'll be interesting just getting there with public transportation with everyone from the office, it's around half hour from my job location.

but there will be at the IHOP breakfast hopefully fruit? and the free coffee = excellent. so you can sip that to keep your mouth and hands busy.

and nothing wrong with a slice or two of bacon and some bites of eggs. a bite of a waffle or pancake, sure. just keep it maintenance size and with your coffee of course! tasty! (throw out any food you have left over if you feel full!)

my coworkers / workers at the company i don't directly work with also some of them drink too much. that's not my plan either at the work party.

no need to be "that drunk office worker." let her be a big clown, you don't gotta do it.

same for my work party.

it's from 5-9pm thursday night for me and as of late i'm pretty sure i'll just stay till dinner has been eaten...or leave as soon as the coffee is served / dessert...def not gonna be the last to leave, more like one of the first.

i'll show up & show out ASAP! :)

keep a smile, you got this DONKEY :)xoxoxo

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
You are right, my son has to make his own mistakes. He should make them now, and learn from them. You are exactly right. Thank you.



Donkey - Saturday Dec 01, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 124.5

Now that the holidays and the hormones are over, the weight has settled back down.  This is in part to a very light dinner yesterday, for 3 reasons:

  • I had a late lunch that was sitting heavy in my tummy, so I wasn't all that hungry;
  • My son came home early from work to tell us that he had been fired from his job.
  • Our son's cell phone wasn't working, so there was the immediate stress of having to get that issue resolved.

I'm still quite upset about my son, but it is what it is.  He made a comment that was inappropriate - said he felt like punching a wall - and one of his co-workers, who he thought was a "friend" reported him.  I guess there were other people there who felt uncomfortable around him, so they let him go.  I actually think that the store was right to do that.  My son has always been a square peg,  having a diagnosis at one point of Aspbergers.  He has had this problem of making off the cuff comments (to him) that are taken offensively or seriously (understandably so), which lead to problems.  We've told him over and over, keep your mouth shut, don't say anything that isn't kind or positive.  Most of the time it works, but when he forgets or doesn't follow this, it's usually very bad.  This is not the first time he's run into problems with saying things and suffering the consequences for that.

No sense in dwelling on this; what's done is done.  So I must internalize any feelings I have about this -- I guess "eat my feelings" would be the way to put it.  It's hard to see your children struggle.  That's all.


Anyway, it's the beginning of a new month.  I was/am planning to kind of coast through this month, as there are quite a few eating occassions with the holidays and wedding anniversary.  Wouldn't it be great to try something different, though, and come through at the end of the month and say, "Hey, I did this!"

 

Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost so far, only -12 lbs to go!

graindart on 12/01/2018:
Last December started off great for me. I was at the end of a 100 lb loss streak where I only screwed up one day in about 7 or 8 months. On Christmas Day I decided that I was going off plan, but would be right back on plan the next day. Didn't happen. Turned into a binge-fest for 7 days straight in which I gained 16 lbs. So last December was 24 days of positive, followed by 7 days of crazy overeating. I'm so close to goal this year, I need to make this the first December in memory where I actually end with a lower weight than I started.....

Wish I was at maintenance like you and HOP already, but it's coming soon as long as I don't have any major screw-ups......

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
That's right- you WILL get there by your own efforts, if you keep working the plan.

I'm getting to the point where the smarter choices are coming more naturally. There is no more "on plan" and "off plan" for me any more. Wow, I really just realized that!


Horn_of_plenty on 12/02/2018:
Hello J-donk! I also commented below. Same for me, there's no "off-plan and on-plan" for me either. I really am trying to do it day by day, like you, trying to make everyday successful alone and by itself.

I used to have days and months where i'd do countdowns similar to Graindart. I'd go for several weeks and then just go totally off plan and the more tho that i watched and saw what worked, the better i got. but as i got better and ate to feel better and not just skip out on carbs or any one source of nutrition, i no longer needed to binge bc i was getting what my body needed...better than before.

i totally get you with the hormones. I had one of my worst weeks in months last week. Hormones had me crying and so sad. Glad it's over.

I would like to suggest sprinkling saffron on your food...you only need a pinch (20-30 strands of it) to make a difference. it's been proven that having that amount 1-2x per day is similar effect to prozac. i can attest i am feeling better (mood-wise, not energy wise as i'm just tired from doing a lot of work still and realizing it's gonna stay that way) after using it semi-frequently all week. but my mood, it's lifted.

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
I promise you I will look into saffron.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/02/2018:
I am sorry to hear about your son. But, remember this and remember to tell him this: you grow from experiences. this may be a negative experience of being fired, but it will prove to make him a better worker come his next job. He now has experienced what works and what doesn't in the workplace. he is still growing and maturing. he's still young and has a lot of life experience ahead of him. remind him that there are lots of jobs right now to be had. it would prob be easy for him to get another job in retail now, during holiday season.

try to bring him up...he will not be without a job for long, i don't think.

tell him to learn from it, and just keep thinking forward.

is he still exercising at the gym?

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
Funny you should mention the gym. He had stopped going for a week... maybe 2?... because they had him scheduled to work long shifts every day of the week. I started telling him that he needs to keep sight of his REAL goal and start going back to the gym.

He'll be going tomorrow, doing a M/W/F schedule.



Donkey - Friday Nov 30, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

I promised myself again this morning to take some time for myself and log on to DD from my computer.  I did not allow myself to sleep in too much so that I could assess the weather, as my (older lady) co-worker kept talking about how we're supposed to get ice rain last night.  This is the one who is afraid she's going to lose her job if we stop doing bankruptcy cases.  She was in quite a chatty mood yesterday, which, if I had been busier, would have definitely gotten on my nerves more so.  But I had time  yesterday, so not so bad.  She was kind enough of to bring in a small Christmas tree to put by the enterance to our suite, so now I have a nice, lit Christmas tree to look at from my desk :)

In addition to Older Lady Co-Worker chatting away, Queen Bee starts bossing me around yesterday morning.  Just sat there at my desk, doing a silent burn.  When I spoke to my boss about it, he said that we all have to try to make everyone happy because it's the holiday season.


I just realized that we have a closing at our office this morning, and so that I means I need to get to work early to help set up anyone who needs setting up.  DARN!


But before I go, I do want to say -- maybe it's too soon to talk about this -- that in looking in the mirror this morning, I *think* I've lost enough weight to be content -- with the exception of my fat knees and inner thighs, but only plastic surgery will help with that.  So now I need to be thinking about truly getting into a maintenance mode. 

  • Do I start adding more carbs?  For the most part, I really do enjoy eating a low-carb lifestyle.  Lord help me if broccoli ever gets recalled...
  • What about exercise?  What happens with that in maintenance?

We hear so much about losing weight, but not so much about how to keep it off and assume a maintenance lifestyle.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/30/2018:
In so many ways...maintenance is harder than losing...I guess that is why this isn't our first rodeo.....I still believe in the way my long time friend stays at her perfect weight.....she has a perfect wt...she gets on the scale every morning and if she is over, she diets that day...if she is on or below...she she eats what she wants....she has done this her entire adult life and it has served her well....the only problem I think I see now is that.....I think she is actually too thin now...I have known her since we were 10....and she is highly disciplined as was her parents and sisters.....so it does come naturally to her.....When I reach a wt that fits the charts for my height...I will do what she has always done.......I so wish I had not only listened when she explained her way of staying at a preferred wt but at the time....I was at my perfect wt and having no problems staying there so I didn't need to do what she was doing......I should have put her plan in use when I started gaining.


legcramps on 11/30/2018:
I don't have much advice about nutrition, other than I would just make sure i'm getting the nutrition that my body needs for fuel, and balancing that out with days where you don't set standards or limits on what you take in. Life is about balance, so maintenance (in my mind) should be about whatever percentage of healthy vs happy/content you're looking for!

With regards to the exercise, if you're enjoying the workouts you're getting in now, why change them? The only thing I would change? Remember to challenge yourself often - rather than setting goals with regards to weight, try setting workout-related goals instead. Get that high-intensity bike ride in one morning; try adding some heavy weights to a strength workout one day; switch out one movement pattern for another one and see what kinds of changes that brings. If you want to lean up - work on lunges, squats, rows, push workouts and pull workouts, adding weight or resistance as you go.

Donkey on 12/01/2018:
Good points! I'm thinking of maybe signing up for a class, either yoga, or maybe kickboxing?, to challenge myself. I might not get past the "thinking about it" phase though... It's hard for me to sign up for stuff like that.


graindart on 11/30/2018:
I'm going to do the plan that Bear mentioned already above. In time, I hope to extend the length of time between weighing myself (daily to weekly / monthly). But I know myself and how quickly I can go back to my old habits. If I don't have a plan in place for maintenance, I'll just gain the weight back and have to "diet" again. So I'll take the lesser of two evils and just continue weighing myself daily once I get to maintenance......

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
I think that's why I keep weighing myself every week. I'm afraid of slipping back.


Horn_of_plenty on 12/02/2018:
It's sooo thoughtful and nice when people on their own start decorating and bringing in like you said the lit Christmas tree so you can enjoy it. In the room i was in, a coworker hung cute little decor from the ceiling and it lightens the mood in the whole room and for everyone that enters!

Well, to talk about Maintenance. Well, basically you are in it now!

You have lost the weight very slowly and in a healthy manner. Keep doing what you are doing...with exercise and eating.

Know that you can indulge, but to do it with moderation. realize that if you indulge at holidays it's ok as long as you will promise yourself to be healthy and continue to do what you are doing now in the New Year!

Basically, in maintenance, it's what you are doing now and if you do indulge, realizing it's not an indulgence over weeks, but one-time small occasions for it.

also, though, indulgences will change as you will start to , as you already do! , want to eat in this moderate and maintenance way. so at holidays, have those extra veggies, prepare extra veggies dishes, order when you go out sides of veggies...

you will no longer feel you are in maintenance once your lifestyle becomes fully yours, as it basically is now in your case.

it's about realizing you can have whatever you want, but it's a balancing act in terms of portion sizes and how to eat to feel satisfied, not starving all the time or low energy always.

for me, maintenance this year will include reaching for foods that will help to increase my energy: more berries, more greens, more salmon, and more herbs and seasonings.

Donkey on 12/02/2018:
Yes, you are right. And I have participated in some indulgences, just not on a regular basis, which is how I think is the way I want maintenance to be for me.

I like the idea of preparing extra vegetable dishes. I think I may start doing some research into that. That is a good idea!

What I really love is what you said: You will no longer feel you are in maintenance once your lifestyle becomes fully yours. I LOVE THIS. This goes along with what legcramps said to me the other day about maintaining exercise (paraphrase): If you like what you're doing, why change it?



Donkey - Thursday Nov 29, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Logging in from my phone, which I  dislike doing, while I  exercise, because I  won't have any time to log in from the computer because I  have to shovel.  Had I  known it  would show,  I would have woken up earlier. 

Went to bed early last night and finally got good sleep. 

Nobody is eating the keto gingerbread cake I made,  and I've gotten  into the habit of having a piece every night this week.  So I think it's time to wrap up the rest and freeze it.

Yesterday,  Queen Bee announced that she doesn't eat carbs, that she's living on eggs and string cheese .  Ha ha ha!

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/29/2018:
The eggs and string cheese thing will be over quickly....LOL.......And there is something to be said for dessert that fits your plan and that no one else will eat........you don't have to make it again as soon.....


graindart on 11/29/2018:
Making desserts ends up biting me in the butt at times. I make what I'd like to eat and expect to have one piece, thinking that the wife / kids will eat the rest pretty quickly. What ends up happening is that we all have a piece and then they just aren't interested. And I sit there nibbling away at it because I don't want to waste it. The obvious solution is to only make enough so each of us get a single serving, but I don't seem to remember that when I'm making it......


horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2018:
yuck eggs and cheese? that's it!? no fiber? no veggies and fruit? no whole grains? or healthy fish fat? BAD DIET.

your cake sounds wonderful :) enjoy it!

I prefer DD on the desktop too, not the phone!


BearCountryGG on 11/29/2018:
Computer for me too...phone is kind of finicky.....and I' 'm afraid I'm missing something.....too much FOMO ( fear of missing out). LOL



Donkey - Wednesday Nov 28, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

I've been so tired lately.  Monday, shoveling the wet, heavy snow really wiped me out for the rest of the day.  I woke up at 4am so that I'd have enough time to get everything done, and I did, but by 10am at work, I was really wiped out.  I told myself I would sleep really well that night, but I didn't.   Last night was the first night, from how I feel this morning, that I think I got enough QUALITY sleep.  

Work is rather busy for being December with a foot of snow on the ground...  Even my boss mentioned it to me.  I said that I'm OK with the workload though.  I didn't tell him that I feel like I've been fighting off something - sinus infection? - the past few days.  I still get the strong sense that something is up at work, changes are coming or something like that.  I'm completely out of the loop.  I could ask my Male Co-Worker, but I'm not going to.  I made the mistake yesterday of chiming into someone else's conversation, and realized it immediately.  Kept my mouth shut after that.  I MUST NOT DO THAT AT WORK.  It just really stokes the fires for dumping on Donkey at work.  

I haven't made any real changes to what I'm eating or what I'm doing.  My wedding ring is no longer loose on my finger, so I think I'm going to stop using that as a way to monitor myself.  It's just disappointing.  About once a week, I look at the back of my legs - around the knee area, which is so ugly on me because I'm knock-kneed - and today I realized that depending on which leg I rest my leg on, or if I turn my foot out slightly (which is unfortunately, my normal step), then my legs look almost straight up and down, rather than having this bulging knee that moves up to a fat inner thigh, rather than tapering in for a more slender looking thigh.  Seriously, my legs look like this:  VV.  I'd rather they look like this: ||

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/28/2018:
I'm glad I sit away from the operations floor, just for this reason. I would end up saying something that would upset those tender souls who work here.

Aren't we our own worst critic when it comes to our body? I hope you get better sleep.

Donkey on 11/29/2018:
...upset the tender souls who work here." Ha ha ha ha! Isn't that the truth?


horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2018:
like you, i'm once again shutting up at work also. it sucks, but, ever since my other project manager mentioned me getting fired before other female coworker, i can't seem to have any energy to say much more.

like you, i've been a hair too busy and not getting enough sleep. emotionally i'm beat...actually it's all emotoinal that has been very DOWN!

listen, you are putting yourself SO DOWN! there's no reason for it.

it's the Winter Blues, i think :(

i feel you, i've cried two days in a row, at work! not in front of everyone.

keep your head up.


BearCountryGG on 11/29/2018:
The wedding ring test seems to be more about water retention than anything....Mine can be loose one minute and an hour later be snug. One thing I have learned about my legs...is that somewhere along the line I started turning my left foot out a little...and later realized it was because I sit on that foot...over time...the left hip started to be painful.......and still is a problem today....I still too often automatically sit on that leg...I still automatically turn that foot out...and the hip still hurts...but when I force that foot back into place where it should be...the hip pain goes away...I did it to myself with the sitting on that leg problem.........unfortunately it is such a feflex thing...that i don't even realize I'm doing these things...until they are already done.......years and years of bad habits....do come to bite us later...UGH!



Donkey - Sunday Nov 25, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

So I did a bad thing...  I know I'm supposed to be downsizing and getting ready to move in a couple of years...  But I just couldn't resist getting more Christmas lights.  Now both front and backyard have beautiful LED multi-colored lights!  I was on the fence about this yesterday, about to take what I had put up in the back down, when my daughter mentioned that in all the 11 years we've lived here, we've never decorated the back for Christmas.  So now all of the patio railing has lights, not just the one section I did.  And when you look out our supper table, you can see some of them now, which will be really nice in the winter.  

I also had enough lights to light our front porch railing as well.  So now the deck in back has lights, the porch has lights, and our little mis-shapened evergreen-y tree in front has lights.  I also have a string of lights bordering the ceiling in the kitchen, to keep on at night as a nightlight for anyone who has to work late or come down for a midnight snack.

Just as I finished putting up all of these outdoor lights, it started to rain, but it was like a freezing rain or something because it was very loud.  Now it's doing something else.  I can't tell if it's snowing or like ice-raining.  I'm going to call it snow because that sounds better to me. 

We're supposed to get anywhere from 6-12 inches, so the rest of my day will probably be spent inside.  I bought myself an early Christmas gift at the resale store on Friday.  (Again, very bad of me.) I bought  a small, heart-shaped silicon baking tray so now I can make sugar free gummies for myself.  I love gummies!  I also have all of the ingredients to make my low-carb, Paleo gingerbread cake.  I'll probably do a little walking on the old treadmill and then ride the bike later on as well.


EVENING EDIT:  Went out to shovel less than an inch but because it is such a heavy, wet snow, it was really hard shoveling.  Looks like most of the snow is coming tonight (starting about a half an hour ago), so I'll have my work cut out for me tomorrow morning.

Made sugar free gummies, but I'm not happy with the recipe.  Once they stay room temperature, they become essentially Jello.  I didn't use enough gelatin for my recipe modification.  Next batch should be better.  They're good out of the fridge.

Also baked keto gingerbread cake which I plan on having a small piece of after dinner, which I think is the last of the leftovers.  

Then more shoveling...

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/25/2018:
Your house sounds so FESTIVE! I love to sit at the table and see outside lights....Looks like a lot of us are into doing some kitchen prepping lately....this weather makes it easier to get into cooking/baking I think!!! Looks like you guys are seriously getting ready for Christmas!


Maria7 on 11/25/2018:
Our chicken house in the back yard has multi-colored lights across the top in the front...but our house has none, ha. Bet your lights are so beautiful! Smile!


Horn_of_plenty on 11/25/2018:
wow you got a ton done! I'm sure the lights look wonderful on your house! How nice that'll be to always be coming home to! How inviting. I think it's worth it.!!!! You can always give the lights to one of your kids when / if they need them or want them! (down the road!)

sorry about this snow! our NYC weather was sun and decently warmer! sorry i cannot send it to you!

so keep these sf gummies in the fridge, no? will they be good in fridge? oh, i just continued to read, you said they are! :)

how did you like this gingerbread cake? that's a nice flavor for a cake!



Donkey - Saturday Nov 24, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Let me say that I'm completely shocked at my weigh-in this morning:  no loss but NO GAIN. I thought for sure with the dinner I had yesterday (more about that to come), no evening bike ride session, and hormone/TOM issues that I'd be up a few more pounds.  Right before I weighed in, I put on my wedding ring to see if my hands were swollen (with excess salt from dinner, plus monthly bloat) and they weren't.  The Ironman scale (the better scale) showed me up about 0.5 pound, but muscle/water/bone stats were also up a little bit, so nothing I'm worried about.

I had a lot of fun with my husband last night, but my dinner was OOF!  I ordered a "bang bang shrimp" salad -- and it was one of those salads that ends up being like one of the highest calories on the menu, I think...  Or at least that's how it felt.  It wouldn't have surprised me.  I also overdid it with the tortilla chips and hummus & guacamole we ordered for an appetizer.  Not a binge by any means, but this all sat very heavy in my stomach all night.

We went shopping afterwards, to visit the kids.  First we went to Target (son's job), didn't see him there, but I bought hooks for hanging Christmas lights and LED lights to hang in and out of the house.  Sadly, I've been looking for LED lights at second-hand stores and haven't been able to find any.  So I bit the bullet.  I like having lights up all year round.  I have some on an upper bannister that act like a night-light throughout the year.  I'd like to have the same thing in the kitchen, and in the backyard.  It cheers me up to see the little lights in the dark. 

Then we went to Walmart, and did run into my daughter.  I had some food items to pick up for my stash at work.  It was good to walk around too, but I was like, "I gotta get home and get some Tums."  But when we got home, my husband had a huge slice of apple pie!  Oh my goodness.... I don't even know what to say.  (shaking my head sadly...)


We are expecting 5-7 inches of snow tomorrow, into Monday morning.  Kind of excited about it, but also dreading the shoveling.  Right now, because of the hormones, my back is in a very precarious position.  I don't know if the kids will be around to help shovel.  Husband cannot, of course.


On my list of things to do today:  laundry (already started, run errands (pick up protein bars, visit Goodwill to see what they have), find old Christmas lights I have packed away somewhere to hang, start hanging lights :)

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/24/2018:
The tummy knew it was different food...but really...other than the tummy troubles...it sounds like you had a good time...and it's nice to know that sometimes....we just need to kick up our heels a little.......Hope you feel better quickly. The lights sound fun...I like that year around idea!



Donkey - Friday Nov 23, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

I did NOT want to go to work this morning.  I slept through both of my alarms and then slept in for another 45 minutes.  Got out of bed and my legs felt so fatigued (this is hormones, not actual fatigue).  I *almost* talked myself out of riding my exercise bike this morning, but I'm glad I got up and did it, because it's just so much better when I do it.  

I left work at 1pm, as I ran out of stuff to do.  The boss had said he was going to come in, but he never did.  Because he did not come in, I ran out of work to do.  Things at work might be changing and if they do, it will affect one of my co-workers (one of the nicer ones, unfortunately) in that she may lose her job.  Because she is so stressed out about it, she is in the bathroom all the time.  She also keeps talking to me about it, which I appreciate that she feels that she can talk to me about her worries.  But on the other hand, the whole subject is worrisome and depressing to me.  She is me in about 20 years is how I look at it.  We'll have to see, I guess, what the boss wants to do.  He might very well decide not to make any changes.

It's too bad that this isn't happening to Male Co-Worker or Queen Bee.  However, if Male Co-Worker does follow through with his intention to retire in 2019, it will definitely change things, and I cannot say for the better at this time.

On the bright side, I have figured out what I want to do for my next step, because I have a strong feeling that my position will be changing within the next couple of years as well.  The bright spot is that this will work whether we stay here or move out to live closer to my family or some place else.


Today is Friday, so I am wearing my tighter pants in anticipation of weighing in tomorrow.  The tighter pants are a constant reminder to me today not to overdo it, for weigh-in tomorrow.  However, Mr. Donkey wants to go out to dinner tonight, and I kind of do too.  So weigh-in will be dangerous tomorrow, due to a number of factors:  Thanksgiving dinner, Friday night date, hormones, 

I'm a little envious of the few of you that have spoken about reaching benchmarks in 2019 and 2020.  I do not have any of those for myself.  I still do fully intend to have the "Year of Remodeling" but have no benchmark to measure myself with.  I do not measure inches, and I'm not sure for what I want to do, that would be helpful to me at all.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/23/2018:
Well....do do have plenty of time to make a resolution......I think it's great that you have lost and kept it off.......you are in the position that I hope to be in over the next few months to a year......sounds like a great place to be...to me.

Donkey on 11/24/2018:
Yes, I agree, thank you! I just need to figure out a way to make my 2019 goal definitive. Measureable? Not sure what I'm looking for, I just know that I'm looking for it! (LOL) ;)


Horn_of_plenty on 11/24/2018:
but aren't you glad that you do not have to lose the weight again and be totally uncomfortable in your clothes again!? ohhh, i am so so glad that i am at a comfortable weight for myself. i still need to watch not to overeat constantly, but it feels so good to make better choices and feel better! i am NOT jealous of those that still are learning the process. me and you, we have learned a lot more in this journey.

also the one at work talking to you, try not to let her drain you regarding the fact she may lose her job. remember that this is her scenario and you cannot control that. keep on with you, put yourself first, and remind yourself it's ok to smile and realize you are in a good position now, bc you do the work and can be counted on! this is an amazing thing!

Donkey on 11/24/2018:
Yes, I *am* glad :) :D And most glad that I've accomplished this in a healthy way. Maybe I'll write more about this thought in my own entry...

My husband had a similar perspective regarding my co-worker's predicament. There are a lot of people out there that need prayers.



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