Yesterday afternoon, for my 3pm snack, I ate an entire package of pepperoni. Yep. No shame. Not a binge. Just putting that out there to stay accountable.
So I am enjoying a "relaxing" morning before my doctor's appointment. I was anxious about this appointment yesterday. Today, though, I feel strangely calm. One thing that helped was that my daughter - who sees the same doctor - said that if they do bloodwork, they take it right there. For some strange reason, that helped. It is completely illogical that I am this stressed about the appointment. I don't dread a weigh-in (I'll keep my eyes shut), I am in pretty good health, this is a wellness exam, I know this doctor (from my daughter's appointments). It should be fine.
Then I'll come home, have lunch, change clothes for work and go to work -- because, as I commented on legcramp's diary -- I am a slave to emails.
I'm a little nervous about the impending snow storm we'll be getting here. Depending on which source I check in with, the snow should start anywhere from 3pm to 6pm, with definite snow by 8pm. I just wish my car handled the snow better. If I had 4-wheel drive, like a Jeep, I would be unstoppable, LOL.
Back to yesterday and eating observations, it was an odd or off day. I was definitely hungrier in the morning. This has been a struggle with me all week, actually, at work. I try hard to keep my overnight fast until 9:30am but that has not been easy to do this week. In fact, I'm having a protein bar right now and it's only 8:30a...
One thing positive to note though was that yesterday morning, I had very good weight training workout. I scheduled myself to go into work at 9:30a, which allowed me the time to do weights. I did upper and lower body, and the upper body session was very good -- I could really feel that I was challenging my muscles. However, I am not in the least bit sore this morning. Not sure if that's a good thing or not, LOL...
Revisiting the pepperoni: my meals and snacks for the workweek have NOT been on target - they seem skewed and off-balanced. The pepperoni incident is probably just this imbalance catching up with me. It was just such an odd occurance. I don't ever eat like that at work.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I do NOT know where the love has gone, but it is not here. Feeling so unmotivated, so unspecial. I had that "special" feeling last week where I felt good about working a plan. Today would have been the opposite of that feeling, although, do not get me wrong: I still work the plan, I still exercise, but I'm just not feeling it. That's OK, because I'll just fake it until I make it. It could be seasonal, hormonal...
Actually, I tell you what a HUGE part of what's got me down is -- once again, no surprise here -- work. So my boss is out of the office this month, and I feel like morale is just at an all-time low. I was speaking to Male Co-Worker about this while everyone was out at lunch. I was mostly listening, but turns out Male Co-Worker is feeling this too, and he has relayed this to the boss. (HIm and the boss go way back, so Male Co-Worker can say things like that to the boss. If I say it, I'm just being negative and not a team player.) I'm at the point where if I thought my boss wasn't coming back, I'd start making other plans for myself. In past years, he's come back, and everything is happy again - at least for a while. The sad thing is that this year, I don't think the boss' return is going to make things better around the office. CHAOS.
Or maybe it's the impending doctor's appointment I have Friday morning that I'm dreading. Just going in for vitals and to request blood work. Seems like a waste of time, but I have to have this "wellness" appointment to establish this doctor as my primary care doctor, so that when something DOES go wrong, like my back or cancer, I will have a doctor who can refer me to a specialist. MADNESS.
Or maybe I'm somehow stressing out about the potentially big snow Friday into Saturday. Had plans on Friday night with my church ladies -- not sure that's going to happen. Have legal clinic on Saturday morning -- that will be really hard to miss, so I won't miss it but then that means death-defying driving to the clinic location. If you drive in snowy or icy weather, do NOT get a Prius. That's all I'm saying. INSANITY.
Going to get ready for bed. At least, hopefully that will be one thing that goes right for me. SMART.
EDIT: Oh and while I'm at it, would it be too much to ask to lose 0.5 pounds this week, so that I'm at an even 60 pounds gone? Is that too much to ask???
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I've been struggling with motivation / direction for the past couple weeks myself.
Sounds like you have a few Appts and events in the future which is on your mind - one day at a time - try to prep some healthy food for storm !
You got this !!
Today was so mind-numbing -- the weather, the job, my mood, my physical self (still feels like I'm fighting something, may be hormonally linked) -- even my clothese were grey today.
But I did manage to do some things for myself that were good. I did the mouthwash thing again after lunch. Also practiced portion control with the ranch salad dressing for my afternoon vegetables snack. I don't measure, but it was just a little bit over 1 TBSP.
One thing that I'm especially proud of happened Monday night. After I rode my bike, I took off my FitBit. Got distracted... then did a bunch of walking around the house to clean up before bed. Upstairs, downstairs, upstairs, downstairs, back and forth. Then when I was upstairs for good, I realized that none of those steps counted because I had left the FitBit in the basement. UGH!!! I had a moment where I was quite distraught and discouraged -- mostly discouraged -- but then I realized that the important thing is that I was doing the walking, not whether or not FitBit was counting those steps or not. So I calmed myself down and took pride in knowing that exercise still counts, even if it's not being counted (by the FitBit).
I'm hoping to get to bed early tonight. Not sure if it's the feeling blah, feeling tired, tired of feeling blah, or the blahness of feeling tired.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Obviously just kidding. But that's what we're lead to believe, right? Deep down we know it's not true, but we still hope that it will magically make everything better......
Good job on getting the exercise in and not obsessing about getting FitBit "credit" for doing it.
Keep on stay positive it's the winter season :-)
Rather frustrated with myself this morning. After having "nothing to do" yesterday, of course I thought of a million things I should have done and, thus, really wanted to get them done TODAY -- the only problem being that I had to work today.
I managed to get most done, in spite of it being a workday. Right now, I am waiting for my baked eggplant to finish in the oven. Then I will go downstairs to ride the bike to decompress.
It was *wonderful* going to bed early last night. I would have gone to *sleep* earlier but stayed up 20 minutes extra trying to get my dumb FitBit to sync with my phone in order to update my stats. I still got over 8 hours of sleep -- despite the fact that someone had a loud late night snack and then the smoke detector batteries downstairs decided now would be a good time to expire.
I think I did well food-wise as well. Had lunch late, so I didn't have to deal with that 1p-2:30p uncertain time, because I was finishing up lunch at around 2:15p. One thing that I'm going to try next time is swishing my mouth out with minty mouthwash. I did that one day, and I had no problems. Killed my craving for munchies for about an hour, maybe even a little longer. I was also proud of myself today for limiting the amount of ranch salad dressing I used for my raw vegetable snack. Sometimes I use too much of that. I'd like to stop doing that.
Hoping for an early bedtime tonight as well!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Smoke detectors have the most annoying chirps ;)
Can you pour out a certain amount of dressing to use and put the bottle away so you don't overindulge ???
You sound good, stay focused and healthy !!
Not feeling very motivated to do anything today. Since yesterday, I've been out to shovel 3 times, 2x yesterday and then 1 more time this morning to get rid of what fell overnight. News says just barely under 2 inches, but from I had to shovel each time, I'm sure we got closer to 3 inches.
I'm feeling those Sunday symptoms again where it's hard to enjoy the day in anticipation of Monday. However, yesterday, I did some research online and found a whole bunch of YouTube videos for things like Chair Yoga, Sit and Be Fit, etc., that I could do at work. I hate that I have the front desk, and not a more private office area like EVERYONE ELSE in the office has. Most folks coming in think I'm the receiptionist, when really, I handle a high load of files. So I could not do Sit and Be Fit if anyone comes in, or if my boss is around. However, I am glad that I found these tools to use, perhaps occasionally if nothing else -- that is, if I can *remember* to use these and not fall into the trap of trying to work harder to get ahead and then totally stress out.
EVENING EDIT: So I did a couple of things to help my anxiety. I had a high fat/protein snack and I took a nap. Both of those things helped. I'm rather proud of myself for the nap. You see, the new kitty is still rather skittish around me. (She adores the kids and my husband.) But she cuddled up next to me and had a nap of her own. My Fitbit signaled to me that it was time to get up and get in some steps for the hour - 250 steps an hour, for 12 hours, are the parameters I have set up for minimal activity - but I opted to let the hour pass, so that I could continue to sit with Miss Kitty instead.
I am pretty much ready for bed at 6:45p. I plan to read and go to sleep early. Maybe I'm coming down with something...
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Just a quick check-in this morning, because I want to do my shopping early on before it gets busy - and frankly, before it starts to snow. On my there or back, I plan to stop off at the library.
Weigh-in today was perplexing. My regular 0.5 scale weighed me in at the same number as last week. I consider this a victory, even if the numbers didn't go down. Feeling good, good energy levels, bloating & hormones kept in check.
My fancy Ironman scale (which weighs on the 0.2 - and which usually weighs me 1.6 heavier) weighed me in at 127.6. So the fancy scale dropped but the regular scale has me maintaining. That's an even bigger victory (in my mind) because if things follow as they have in the past, my 0.5 scale should have me dropping next week too.
What was even nicer was to see that the muscle number went up a little bit. So did bone density. As a woman in early middle-age (OK, middle middle-age - almost 50), this is what I want to be seeing now.
EVENING EDIT: One thing that shifting towards a keto plan is that it has me cooking and baking more -- especially on the weekends. I think my husband was happy that I made dinner, and he got a break today, and that actually kind of made me feel good.
Made meatloaf, low-carb biscuits, bosco breadsticks (for anyone not watching their carbs and if the biscuits don't turn out), green beans, and green salad.
In preparing this meal, I kind of have the feeling like we're celebrating -- OK, I'm celebrating everyone being home for dinner. My daughter, when she was in high school, told me that most of her friends do not eat dinner with their families. Either parent or parents aren't home, or they'd rather eat up in their rooms alone - probably watching TV or something on the computer. Kind of sad...
But what has me startled is that this relates to the discussion of using food as a reward. Not necessarily a reward, but in a celebration. Thanksgiving? We're cooking! Birthday? Big cake! Anniversary? Fancy dinner! Heck, when the kids would accomplish something at school or got hired at a job or something special, what would we do? Go out to eat!
So I can completely understand the temptation to celebrate weight-loss with food. After all, there is much to celebrate, right? I get it.
This ties in, somehow, with my journey into maintenance. I'm still using food to celebrate holidays, traditions, accomplishments. Life is to be celebrated!
(Not sure where I'm going with this and my keto biscuits are done, so I must leave the contemplation for later, LOL.)
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Also your meal sounds so good. So cool to use low carb rolls!
Nice job on the scale - - glad you are maintaining !
Glad to see the scale is cooperating even with your new plan of attack.
Had a good day yesterday (thank you, Maria!), I think. Tried the flannel pajamas last night -- ohhh they felt so good getting into after my shower last night --- but sadly, when I woke up in the middle of the night, when my husband came to bed and triggered a bit of chaos (not all his doing), I was overheated. So used the bathroom, and then changed into summer jammies.
I am feeling a bit driftless today, uncertain, but will do my best to stick to my Plan of Attack. Tomorrow's weigh-in does have me a little concerned, but I have to remember that my focus has shifted from numbers to performance & appearance. However, if my numbers have crawled back into the 130s, I can't say what my reaction will be. But for now, I'm keeping a positive attitude.
EVENING EDIT: I am very tired this evening, so I will get logging off soon to get ready for bed, but I did want to log in first just to stay accountable. Plus, this way, I put this week behind me and can focus on the weekend and things in my Real Life, and not write about work.
I think I did well eating-wise today, as long as vegetables are OK to eat. I ate a LOT of vegetables today. If self-control was a focus point today, then I failed miserably, because I kid you not, I ate a TON of vegetables, mostly raw, but had quite a bit of cooked kale.
No weight training today. Why? Because tomorrow is weigh-in day. Is that a stupid reason? (((Then we'll say that's Crazy Donkey talking.))) That was the first reason that popped into my mind, but then I rationalized it by saying I could do a better circuit Saturday, because I wouldn't' be rushed to get ready for work. (((This is Mature Donkey talking now.)))
But right now, my goal is to get sufficient sleep. I have gotten at least 7 full hours of sleep every night this week. A much needed improvement, I think. Tonight's fatigue is due mostly to hormones, I think. I seem to follow a predictable pattern 2x a month.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I did better today, I think.... Well, at least I arrived at work on time, so I can say I accomplished at least one thing today. (Insert eye roll here)
I managed a 15.75 hour fast overmight. That was good.
I think the slight heaviness I was feeling in my legs in the morning yesterday (Wednesday) was hormone-related. I didn't feel it this morning. Today's morning workout still wasn't the AMAZING workout I had on Monday, but I kept a good, higher, steady pace throughout.
Having the protein/fat for 2nd breakfast was much better. I was ready for my walk at lunchtime. Unfortunately, it's so dang cold here --- and I know that this isn't really "that bad" as my co-workers were saying, but darn it, I was COLD! So it was another shortened walk. And by the time I got back to the office, I was wanting to remove my scarf, as I had sufficiently warmed up. However, my legs were frozen, even with wearing a long, thermal Lands End coat.
I made a concerted effort after lunch to enjoy a cup of coffee to stop from eating anything else. (I was craving a sweet.) That worked, but I did start my afternoon snack of raw vegetables with ranch dressing promptly at 3pm. But I controlled my consumption by saying, When the salad dressing is gone, I'm done. And I was done, except for a few more baby carrots. There was no going back downstairs for 2nd helpings on ranch dressing. THIS IS THE HARDEST PART OF MY DAY, EATING-WISE, it seems.
On my way home, I noticed that I was sufficiently hungry for dinner. Caught myself a couple of times eating too fast, I think, so I tried to slow it down a little.
I have to do lower body toning tonight, since I did not doing it in the morning. I looked into doing a "Yoga Stretch a Day" online while I was at work, during one of my mini-breaks. Standing poses maybe, but anything on the floor would be very awkward. I was grateful though that I found a corner where I could stretch out my upper back. I have this problem where I get so absorbed in my work that I start slouching over in my chair. (Some of this is stress related, too.) Male Co-Worker has this problem too and gets physical therapy for his upper body because it hurts so much. Anyway, I stand facing a corner. I put one hand flat on one wall, and the other hand on the other wall. Then I lean into the corner with my head so that my entire body is at an incline like this:
Kind of like doing a push-up, while standing up, facing a corner, with the walls supporting my weight as I lean in. Every time I needed to walk around to get FitBit steps, I went downstairs and did like 5 of those stretches.
So we'll see what the scale says on Saturday. My clothes still fit. I haven't really noticed anything else changing, other than having more energy and not feeling worn out. Oh, and tonight, I'm going to try wearing my flannel jammies and hope I don't get too hot overnight. I hope it works, because I love wearing them.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
You may want to use foot warmers or maybe is there a heat fan or heat warmer you can use at work for after your walk ??
So as AMAZING as yesterday was, today was not nearly as good. Even Donkey can have a not-the-best-day-ever kind of day.
I'm trying to look back to see where things went wrong so that I can do better:
ASSESSMENT: I am feeling fatigue in my legs -- strangely not my arms, since today was upper body day with the weights. Hmmm.... I'm not eating any more, so that I can shoot for a 16 hour fast overnight. I hope that the heaviness will go away so that I exercise well tomorrow. Yeah, I just didn't have the amount of energy that I had on Tuesday.
Things that went well today:
ASSESSMENT: I made the best of a rough start and got quite a bit accomplished outside of work. Organizing, weight training, cleaning, etc. I got a little stressed out at work, but I think for the most part kept things positive. Not every day can be an A+ day. Today was more like a B and that's OK too.
One thing that bothers me is this: With my boss away from work, I feel like all of the knives are coming out between all of my co-workers. I don't think any of it is directed at me, but wow, people are going at it like you wouldn't BELIEVE. This is stressful, depressing, and TOXIC.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Oh my goodness, today was just AMAZING -- after today, I am confident that I am on the right path for myself. I haven't felt this good and healthy and motivated in a long, long time. I will write my observations and impressions here.
I did wake up a little bit during the middle of the night, but I was not overheated, so I turned over and went back to sleep. I could take steps to lighten up my sleepwear more, which I might try tonight.
I got good sleep (not great, but good and enough of it) last night. The energy I had this morning for my workout was amazing. I don't know what other word to use it. Gone is the feeling where my legs feel like lead. Gone is the struggle to keep a brisk pace - not a problem, even surpassed myself a couple of times. Had sufficient energy to do my lower body routine before I left for work.
I was at work, and was able to keep up my morning fast for about 14 hours. Ideally, I would like to do 16 hours between my last bite in the evening and my first bite in the morning. Now that I am aware and keeping track, my personal best (for 2 days) was 15.5 - and that was hard, because I was at work. (I'm guessing with the relaxed atmospher of home, I could do the 16 hour goals; I will be trying this weekend for sure.) I will probably get 14 hours tomorrow.
Today I was motivated and focused. I felt *special* because I'm on my Plan of Attack (what I'm calling my new plan for January, etc.). I felt glad to be working a plan/program and not just aimlessly wandering in maintenance. I had a focus today, which was portion control. I had planned my meals and snacks, keeping in mind that just because it's keto doesn't mean I can eat the whole thing. THIS worked very well for me, although once again, I did better in the morning than I did in the early afternoon. I see now that the 1:30p - 3pm time is hard for me. Just coming off of lunch, back to work, but still want to eat and too soon to snack at 3pm. So this area needs to be attacked... er, needs some work.
The energy I had all day was wonderful! I didn't feel that constant craving to eat. I felt well-fueled, efficient and satisfied (for the most part). I was taking my lunchtime walk (which I try to do before I eat), and I challenged myself to take the rare, longer route before the weather turns colder tonight. This longer walk usually takes me 45 minutes to an hour. It's a real struggle. I was back at my desk in 40 minutes and still felt good, i.e. not starving. As I was walking, I was like, "This is how I want to feel every day. Where has this feeling been all my life?" Balanced, well-fueled, active & feeling energized, not exhausted, not drained, not starving.
I truly believe, now, looking back, that I went through some kind of mini-keto flu last weekend when I wasn't feeling 100%. Not professing to be in a metabolic state of "ketosis" -- although maybe I should go buy some pee strips to see -- but the higher fats, high protein, limiting carbs seems to be working really well for me. Not that I haven't had to make adjustments, of course. Again, while I was walking, it dawned on me like, "Even if this means weighing 2-3 pounds heavier, feeling like this and being able to crank out workouts and such is WORTH IT!"
I can only hope that the scale will stay within an acceptable range to Crazy Donkey, because Mature Donkey is so excited about this!!!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
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Can I ask what weights you are using during your workout and how many reps and sets you are doing?
Yes, I will post this independently, for your comments. It's really not much that I do -- and I'm sure I do it all wrong too.
graindart on 01/18/2019:
Love pepperoni slices fried (or on top of pizza of course).
We got our snow yesterday and this morning, but was only a few inches total. Tomorrow's supposed to be right back to 50 for a high, so just a little blip in this otherwise very mild Winter here. Wife has an all-wheel-drive, similar to Bear's and it's great in the snow. But with so little snow this year, hasn't really mattered.....
I dislike any dentist / doctor appointments and tend to get nervous about them a few days in advance. There's rarely a rational reason for my nervousness, but it just happens. As soon as the appointment's over, I'm instantly back to normal.
I'm the same way about appointments! Not sure why either because my teeth are really good and I'm in pretty good health.
Growing up, though, my experiences with the doctor were less than pleasant.
horn_of_plenty on 01/23/2019:
I hope your doctor's appt went ok...i will read the next entries or finish reading this one to find out....!
Yes, those jeeps are def way better than cars at handling the snow. my car also doesn't handle the snow well at all and it's a rather major inconvenience to have to drive in it!
i do think the pepperoni indulgence may have been to calm you emotionally about the dr appt.
try to see...have you had less meat lately? that is weird, honestly in my opinion, to want so much pepperoni. ...have you had enough fat? or salt? is there something you were missing for a couple days?