Donkey is making a comeback! :-)
LOL, OK, it's been a tough year, which by the looks of the scale, you can probably see that. Most of the stress-eating has come from being in school. This is an excuse, because it didn't have to be that way, but that's how I chose to deal with the stress, and I'm owning that. There have been ups and downs this year besides, but the main constant seems to be a couple of really tough semesters and an internship that feels like I've been thrown into the deep end of the water.
I started trying to get back on track about 2 weeks ago, and it worked, but the the holidays came so I've indulged again. I came to the point where I realized there was gonna be stress all my life -- probably constant, since I've chosen a stressful career to jump into -- and that stress could not become a permanent reason for being overweight forever.
It's very uncomfortable for me, physically, to be this overweight. However, psychologically and emotionally, I like it. Maybe I even love it. Which is quite a switch for me, because I used to judge my self-worth on what I weighed. I'm thinking it's another step forward in the positive journey of self-acceptance.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!
I took a sneak peek at the scale this morning, and I can see that the holiday bloat (water weight) is gone. Now it's time to buckle down and get the actual WEIGHT off.
People.com (People magazine online) has an interview with Drew Carey about his weight loss journey. It's very short, but he spoke briefly about not obsessing about the number that he weighs but making permanent changes to his lifestyle. I know that he does a strict low-carb diet but he has diabetes so maybe he needs to do that. But what he said about not focusing on the numbers is exactly how I'm looking at my journey now too.
I want to thank everyone who stopped by to welcome me "home" after a long hiatus. I can't tell you how encouraging and inspiring it is to know that there are people here that care, who are willing to forgive (me) and accept me for who I am.
I recently came to the revelation that a LOT of my depression over the past couple of years, stemming from a legal incident involving a motor vehicle accident, is not because I think that I am a bad person who doesn't belong in society. No, most of the depression is a manifestation of my disappointment in my fellow neighbor and human being, in their quickness to judge and condemn, rather than to seek it within themselves to forgive. Now I know what Jesus meant by saying that it's easier to ask a dead man to walk than it is for people to forgive one another.
I see now (thanks to an episode of the Sopranos) that "good" and "bad" are really the same thing, and not polar opposites. That is to say, that we all have good and bad (yes) within us, and that we are not "good people" or "bad people" (contrary to what my neighbors think) but part of a flawed humanity.
What the heck does this have to do with losing weight? Well, a lot of it, for me, is about forgiving oneself. Not so much absolution but rather acceptance. So think about that when you "slip up" or binge. And another part that has to do with diet is that the concept of no "bad" or "good" foods, but rather, a tasty array of cuisine that exists in the world and that we have to learn to co-exist with and accept within ourselves.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 24 lbs to go!
I like how you compared good and bad between people and food. How imaginative! As soon as I read "tasty array of cuisine" I imagined a plate of the most colorful combinations of foods; made my lower lip tremble a bit, it did.
Have a great day today Donkey!
Somehow, I made it back here. Not quite at what I re-gained LAST winter, but certainly higher than where I was at the end of summer.
I'm not even sure what kind of plan I have as far as weight loss, but I do know that it has to come off, because where I am at right now is physically uncomfortable, especially in the hips area, where the excess flesh has compromised movement.
Not good.
But I do know that this year, I am going to work very hard on taking care of myself. Making better choices for myself. (I guess you could call that my plan.) More so in the eating and spiritual sense.
Since I canceled my gym membership (for financial reasons, mainly, but also because I no longer felt comfortable going to that particular establishment), my exercise has been nil. Nada. Nothing. I do know that once the weather turns nicer, I will have to work up the nerve to get myself out the front door and walk again. I enjoy walking but my neighbors are downright hostile. The ones at home during the day anyways.
I spend too much time on Facebook, playing those stupid games that give a person a false sense of accomplishment. Curtailing this had been one of my main desires for 2011 but so far it hasn't happened. At least not to the degree that I had hoped.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 24 lbs to go!
After gaining 2 lbs last Wednesday, which I knew were temporary, I am back down to 148, and now I am ready to continue the trend downward.
Last week's weigh-in (which I did not record here) was another speed bump in the road: Cheez-Its, not walking enough, not drinking enough water. Throw in some monthly water weight and there you have it.
I see now that it is nearly the middle of the month and I have not made any progress towards my October goal of 145. (I think in some places, I have it recorded as 144 or possibly even 143; this is unrealistic for me at this point, I can see.)
I cannot even begin to describe the level of stress I have been experiencing the first two weeks of this month. Most of this is in regards to the Old House that we have been trying to sell. (see previous entry)
We had a buyer, but they gave us a ridiculously low number. They came up and we had an agreement --- that left a bad taste in our mouths but you do what you have to do. Then we had the home inspection and the roof needs replacing.
Well, a new roof is thousands of dollars. We are already selling the house for more than $20k than we paid for it 10 years ago. So the buyers said that not only would the WALK AWAY from our deal, but that they would also start bidding on the house NEXT DOOR to our old house.
I told the husband, "Good, they should. It's a nicer house." And it is. But I didn't want them to walk away from our deal. So we took an even greater loss and gave them $3000 towards a new roof.
In the meantime, I had my court date. I did not bring papers I was supposed to bring (that I did not know I was supposed to bring). So I had a continuance, which was generous, but still just drove me down a downward spiral that I'm still trying to crawl out of. It did not help that I was served with papers a few days later on a related matter.
So that I gained only 2lb during PMS/TOM is actualy quite an accomplishment.
Progress as of today: 20 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!
stay well and keep at it!
I could not believe the scale this morning. I felt so bloated and gross. No apparent reason for that -- in fact, I was feeling "munchy" last night and resisted because I knew weigh-in was this morning. So I can't blame late-night eating for feeling full this morning!
My last court appearance is this Friday. Ugh, what a day. I have to go to court and then I have 2 weddings to hostess, and the first one is a HUGE Filipino wedding. (I hear the mom on that one is very high maintenance.)
Instead of dreading this upcoming unpleasantness, I am actually catching myself being THANKFUL that it approaches. I wake up and think, "Yes, I am one day closer" and I settle down for the evening and think, "Yes, I made it through the day."
Today is the day that we hear back from the lawyer to see if our house-selling contract has been agreed upon. We have not heard anything about the results of the home inspection, so they are not asking us to fix anything (or pay to fix anything) before closing. So if we are going to hear any demands, they need to come today. We should also learn very soon when our closing date is.
We had to borrow money from my FIL to make it this month though.
Progress as of today: 20 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!
Thank you to everyone who replied to my last entry. Not only did it feel really good to just summarize and unload the ordeal we've had with that house, but your encouragement and sympathy has given me new strength to continue forward.
I don't want to appear to be something I am not, so I do want you to know that these problems with the house -- and the subsequent fall-out with my personal life -- DID cause me to regain weight. Quite a bit of it in fact. But in retrospect, perhaps this was a "necessary evil" to help me learn how to separate "weight" from "life".
I no longer see my weight as a reflection of my day or my self-esteem or my self-worth. Now, it truly is "just a number". So why am I here? Because I do acknowledge that I'm still carying around extra weight. My body will figure out where it wants to be, so long as I keep up with healthy, moderate habits that I can sustain in my lifetime.
What does this have to do with anything? Well, I realized today that I have ONE WEEK to reach my weight loss goal for September. And I'm pretty sure I can do it. My goal - as I recall - was to get out of the 150's, and I am very close. It's just as well that I did not put forth 100% last week so that I could be even more motivated to push forward this week.
So here's hoping for a great week!
Progress as of today: 17.5 lbs lost so far, only 15.5 lbs to go!
Another half-pound gone, and I know that if I had put forth more effort and focused on my goal, it would have been more. This is good because I know I have the power to change my situation, at least in the diet world, LOL!
Stress, poor weather and busy-ness are the reasons for a less than stellar perforance. But this week is going to be different!
One thing that has changed is that I believe we have finally sold our Old House. This is the house that we lived in (and own) before we moved (and bought) the house we live in now. It has been a tremendous burden on our shoulders, to have this extra house.
I don't know, do you want to hear the gritty details? How we rented to someone we knew and she stiffed us 2+ months' rent and we had to take her to court to get her evicted? Or how we rented at a rock-bottom place to another lady we knew whose husband up and left her with 4 kids (one disabled with CP) after some 20 years of marriage? She got the rent at a horrendously cheap price, but she had the $$ up front. When she left, the house had definitely suffered some wear and tear. Four kids will do that, you know.
Do you want to hear how we tried to rent it out (after the 2nd lady moved out) but couldn't find anyone to rent it that would send back the application? How desperate people were to find decent housing that was also affordable?
Do you want to hear about the many many years and many many real estate agents we've had, trying to unload this house? Do you want to hear about how we sold it a couple of years back, before my life fell to ****, and the deal fell through? And that whole series of events led to what happened to me in my own life?
So you can see why I am not exactly jumping up for joy and celebrating -- although tequila sounds really good right about now. Maybe you can also understand why I am and will remain skeptical of this deal until we finally close.
But I have to say, it's a Godsend that we found a buyer when we did, because my family is on the Titanic of financial ships and things would be getting really really hard really really fast. (For example, we have $35 to live on until my husband gets paid next week and none of the bills, except for the mortgage have been paid.)
And we are all very ready to put this chapter of our lives (dh, me, the kids, heck probably even the cats) behind us.
Progress as of today: 17.5 lbs lost so far, only 15.5 lbs to go!
I will cross my fingers that everyone works out right with the prospective buyer. i cannot even imagine having to own TWO homes .... can't even imagine managing one.
After gaining a little weight -- and then getting back on track! -- I lost a little bit more (0.5) and weighed 151.0 this morning. Yay!
Life seems to be getting busier by the day. Not only is school (mine) kicking into high gear but the Wedding Hostess ministry that I help coordinate at my church is starting its new round of volunteers. 9 of them have email and 6 of them do not.
So I emailed the 9 with training dates and nobody has responded yet. I'm kind of wondering what's going on. I'll need to start making phone calls soon, for those who do not respond and for those who did not list an email.
But just about every Saturday in October, I'm busy with a wedding. It would be nice if I could fit into my Wedding Hostess dress by October.
Progress as of today: 17 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
Yep, I gained a pound, but I am not at all discouraged. In fact, I am almost glad that I gave myself a week to slack off a bit and indulge my hormones --- and stress eating tendancies too, I'm afraid :-( THAT I'm not too happy about but oh well.
My downfall this week was clearly the overindulgence of cheese baked crackers. Definitely comfort food, but not binge eating by any means. Just overdid it.
Plus it is TOM soon, so I can really feel the bloat. It may be more psychological than anything -- can you feel 2 lbs? -- but I am ready to make better choices for myself this week.
Progress as of today: 15 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!
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Thank you all for your well-wishes back! I've missed this site. I've missed caring about life. I'm hoping to utilize this site to chart my progress (?), hold myself accountable, and get the wonderful support I've found here in the past.
~WI~ on 12/28/2011:
Welcome back!!
Kati on 12/28/2011:
You're BACK!!!!!!!!!!! :o) i'm so happy you're back!!! :o) I am KathyBlue ya know :) and I am in the middle of a U-turn (hopefully) on the road of my weight-loss journey... yes, I'm struggling with binge-eating, compulsive eating after a difficult back surgery. I'm 22 pounds heavier as of July, maybe I can blame 4 pounds on the 12 screws and 2 titanium bars I have built-in in my body... well, I'm looking forward to read you on a daily basis! :)
Umpqua on 12/28/2011:
Welcome back and I look forward to seeing more entries!
Maria7 on 12/30/2011:
Glad you are back! Yayyyy! :-)