I'm here today because I'm very upset and there's no one I can talk to about my feelings.
I don't want to get into specifics but just sometimes, it's very hard to live with oneself and the unchangeable circumstances. Some things cannot be changed. Yet I cannot live with this. Nor can I accept it.
Thank you for listening.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
Here I am, craving salt....
Last night -- OMGosh I wanted to eat so badly. I think a lot of it was genuine hunger because I would have been satisfied with carrot sticks. But I knew, too, that some of it was fatigue and stress. I managed to resist, but it was very difficult.
This was after returning from our old house, which we have been trying to sell for over a year. And for 5 years, off and on, before we finally just said, "Forget it, let's move and hope it sells." It never did sell.
Anyway, dh and I went up there and I mowed the whole lawn. At 7pm, the bank therometer - as you drive into town - said 92F (33C). At 7pm. And I'm out there mowing a big butt yard. It took me at least an hour. And when I went to bed last night, I could feel the ache in my legs.
It took me so long to mow the lawn that my daughter called us up on the way home, worried that something happened or we went someplace else. My husband said, "Well, sweetie, it's a big yard."
That was the only cardio I got in yesterday, because it was so freakin' hot. And it's just as well because for dinner, we had pizza. And I had too much of it. I realized that if one is having salt cravings, pizza is probably not the best thing to have for dinner.
Still, I think between the hunger and the cravings and the lawn mowing, I broke even.
I just need the d*mn house to sell.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
your advice is good, actually...it is not really the time for me to lose weight by focussing my energies on it. i have too much time at home, no schedule. definitely not the best circumstances for someone like me to do so. i am usually best when i have lots of free time, but not if it also involves pressures like job hunting. i'm so glad the test is done, and i will SLOWLY incorporate better eating into my diet, but i really shouldn't be putting all types of restrictions or plans for weightloss as my first choice endeavor right now. :-)
So, cheers to moderation?...
Greetings,
I don't have much to say, but of course, I will log in and record this week's weigh-in. I must say that I am pleasantly surprised with the 1 pound loss this week.
It has been incredibly hot and humid again, and between compromising my walking workouts and huge salt cravings (not to mention TOM coming around the weekend more or less -- see my comment to SkinnyGrlWithin about hormone issues), I was NOT expecting anything good.
However, I took a look back at my exercise log and found that I did quite a bit more exercise than I had thought.
AND
Last night, the urge to snack late at night was SO STRONG. It was very very very very difficult to resist. Especially when Donkey's 10-yr old fit, trim, athletic daughter comes in and says with a big smile, "I'm ready for some birthday cake, Mommy." Yeah, me too sweetie. Let me get my bathing suit on so I can dive into that cake....
Instead, I gently reminded her that we did not need cake or dessert every night and that we would have cake tomorrow night (which is now tonight). I did NOT tell her it was because it was my "Stay Sane Day", when I tend to eat a little more or indulge a little more, to help stave off binge urges.
So putting off my indulges paid off for me this week. With TOM coming along, it will be imperative to keep all chips out of the house over the weekend: tortilla chips, potato chips, Donkey chips (which happen to be ON SALE this week!!!!)....
My efforts and patience will be rewarded. Amen.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
As for the law job search... you don't find out until at the very earliest Nov. which definitely is annoying. I am applying for attorney positions, and places with hire you as like a legal secretary or an assistant to an attorney with the understanding in your contract that once you get your results that you pass you will be moved up as an attorney. As for the places that I have been looking... hotjobs.com indeed.com, capitalareahelpwanted.com, craigslist.com ...and then I'vebeen googling "attorney jobs in albany ny" and checking out all the sites that come up with that.
Having a hard time staying focused. Did not drink 8 glasses of water on Saturday, but still managed to walk every damn day...
Yesterday, I spent most of my morning up at our old house, the one we are trying to sell but may end up renting if nobody buys it before winter sets in.
I found out that the toilet in the kids' bathroom has a crack at the base, and was leaking water. So I mopped it up and turned off the water to that toilet. I didn't flush it again (to empty out the basin), but hopefully it will be OK. I am headed up there later this week to mow, and if dh comes with me he can take a look at it.
Trying not to let the stress get the better of me. THREE nights in a row, now, I have heard the emotional eating urge beckoning me. And all three times, I have been able to resist.
It's that after-dinner snacking urge that I'm fighting. It's when I do the most damage. It's very hard to resist. And of those 3 nights, there were at least 1 where I just wanted to drown myself in buttercream frosting.
Still, even with resisting this temptation, I am worried that I will not lose this week. I just have not been putting forth 100% effort. My own fault.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
I now have a tangible goal: to fit back into my navy blue wedding hostess dress.
It's plain and dark, with short sleaves. It's very soft. I don't know how many more pounds I will have to lose in order for it to start fitting properly. I like it because while it has a certain sillouette to it, it can be worn well at numerous weights/sizes. The tag says "10" but I think that's being generous. Maybe once I hit the 140's, I'll be able to fit into it reasonably well, once again.
Today I went for a walk and ran out of steam half way through. The only thing I can think of was not enough carbs yesterday. It was warmer than I had thought it was going to get. These cooler nights can be deceptive, once the sun comes out and starts to shine brightly.
I hostessed a wedding this afternoon, so now I must resist the temptation to reward myself with a piece of cake tonight.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
Have a good one there! (BTW, I appreciated your comment to HoP about recovery. Keep putting one foot in front of the other!)
Just checking in with my weekly weigh-in today...
I might have had better numbers had my dinner not been so salty last night. The weather is very humid and somewhat hot -- although hard to tell because the humidity makes everything seem tropical. So I have been craving salt like crazy. Not so much the ice cream, in fact.
Today I took an awesome bike ride to church for noon services. I plan to walk this evening, as well. Dh and I are having an early dinner tonight, with the kids out of town with Grandma (my mom) this week.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
I realized after I had my breakfast that I should have weighed in this morning for an August 1st weight.
My goals for August are:
1. Lose 4 lbs.
2. Walk every day -- 20 minute minimum (what it takes to walk around my subdivision)
3. Drink 8 glasses of water every day.
I also want to start doing some kind of weight training or resistance training, but I haven't formulated a plan about that yet, so it probably won't happen this month.
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!
Just logging in my weigh-in for the day.
I broke my walking streak yesterday. It got too outside before I could get in a walk and then I had a sinus headache in the evening. It was terribly humid outside yesterday.
So hopefully I will start a new streak today. This morning was my last morning of ESL classes (where I volunteer), for the summer term, so I was unable to walk this morning. I will take a short walk around the neighborhood this evening, weather permitting. I usually take it easy on weigh-in day.
I'm so sick of summer though. I welcome some cooler temperatures. Not cold, just a wee bit cooler with not so much humidity....
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!
Hope it cooled off enough for you to get out for a nice walk this evening!!
Still walking, still drinking water, still watching portion sizes, for the most part.
Lately, I eat and it sits heavy in my stomach. I was thinking about this during my walk this morning. While it is "full" almost to the uncomfortable, in some ways, it is comforting too. This is very odd. I know that when I say "full", it is not because I have eaten too much, because LOGICALLY, I know the content of what I have eaten.
Then there are --- or rather, now I can say "were" --- times when I felt that no matter WHAT I ate, I could not get to that point of feeling full.
I think this goes hand-in-hand with my recent bouts of feeling (not) fat. This is quite different for me to be experiencing, after years and years of a dysfunctional relationship with my physical self.
Since I am currently unemployed, one of my biggest passions is ESL literacy advocation. I love to help beginning students in ESL classes. Not so much the advanced classes, where they are more comfortable with English -- or at least not so afraid to try -- but the very beginners who seem to be floating adrift in a world of English.
THESE are the people I want to help.
Anyway, I was helping in this one class for nearly a year, when this other lady started helping out too. I could not help these feelings of competation with her, even though, LOGICALLY, I knew that there was no reason to feel this way.
She is retired. Her husband is passed. Her children are grown with children of their own. She lives in an apartment. So she has quite a bit less than I do, at this present time. And yet, she has more freedom, in some ways. So of course, she is going to be able to volunteer more because she has more free time. I have my children, my house, my husband --- all of these things to tend to. I think I was feeling resentful, yet, again, LOGICALLY, knew that this was irrational.
And she would say to me how happy she was with her life, how "full" she felt. Between her ESL work and her work with the homeless and the health clinic (for those disenfranchised), she was content.
So I'm wondering if my feelings of "full" and "not fat" are somehow a sign that I am headed in the right direction. I think I am. Yesterday, during my walk, I told myself that I am not doing this to achieve some vanity goal of thinness or numbers on the scale or cardio minutes. No, this time, I'm doing this because it's what I need to do to become a better person.
But thank God for that Logical Self, because she's the one that keeps me in check!
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
everything you are feeling sounds wonderful. Our bodies do tell us and give us signs when we are treating our minds/bodies well! Apparantly, when we take our time, take small steps, and try "a little less," it works out to our benefit a little more!
Between the months of feb-april, maybe even January, I was headed in a very positive direction. I was losing weight, almost 10 pounds. It is when we try to take the little steps that everything works in our favor. The moment we get greedy, want to much too fast, that's when the ball stops!
So keep on keeping on! :-)
Trying to stay current and accountable here on DD...
I don't feel as fat as I am. I feel as I felt when I was in the mid to low 140's, but I know that I am in the mid to upper 150's. This is what I weighed when I was in high school -- and felt fat. This is what I weighed after Baby #1 (after all the hormones settled) -- and felt fat.
Not only FELT fat, but WAS fat.
But now, even though the numbers are the same as they were back then, I do not FEEL this heavy. I know I am because I'm in a size 14 (sometimes, 16). So I am not as I was when I was in the 140's (size 10-12) or 130's (size 8-10).
Last week, I did the minimum 20 minute walk around the neighborhood most of the days. This week, I have been trying to extend myself and do a little more. Yesterday, I mowed a big yard in really hot weather. Then I came home and went for my 20 minute walk.
This morning, I went for a longer walk, and I plan to get in another short walk tonight.
It is my hope that a couple of days of double workouts will help bring better results on the scale this week.
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
You're really doing well getting to your goalweight.
Very interesting entry. Also, I shop at the thrift stores, too. :-)
Happy Sunday!
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The Serenity Prayer God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
hollybelle on 08/14/2010:
I really love the second verse of that prayer in particular. God Bless you!
tangalyn on 08/14/2010:
hmmm i bet whatever is wrong, id understand... if u wanna talk at all, let me know, i hope u feel better.. *big hugs*
Moody3 on 08/14/2010:
Sorry you are struggling Donkey~I will keep you in my prayers~God bless
Maria7 on 08/14/2010:
You don't have to say what it is that is bothering you right now. We are here and WE CARE about you. I really LOVE the serenity prayer Hollybelle listed above...how many times have I recited it over and over and over...it comes down to casting your cares on the Lord because He cares for you. I think that we each have things we are dealing with on a daily basis...elsewise, why are we even here??? It's not about the food, really. It's about haven gained weight as we used food to try to console ourselves. ....I just now prayed for you.
moogy on 08/14/2010:
Patience is a hard lesson to learn, it sometimes takes years. Some situations are not under our control have to be lived with but sometimes things change either through our own actions or others. I hope thinks work out in your favour.
V on 08/14/2010:
I hope that your spirits will be lifted soon :) Take care of yourself!
V on 08/14/2010:
I am curious as to how far from the city you live??? If possible I would love for you to come to my party Tuesday 17th all the info is on my post :)