I woke up this morning feeling very bloated. My weight jumped from 144.5 yesterday to 147.0 today. WTF...
I had my doctor's appointment today, which was rescheduled from Thursday. It was very quick, and not painful at all, just a bit uncomfortable. Although the doctor said that everything "looked good", she still took cells for a biopsy, which I believe is the prudent thing to do.
I had asked her if she might NOT have to have a biopsy, and she said, Yes, you might now. But then she went ahead and did so anyway. That's OK.
So now I wait for lab results. But I am not worried at all. The doctor said that my body may have fought off the virus on its own. (insert muscle flex here)
Progress as of today: 33 lbs lost so far, only 17 lbs to go!
I dropped in to leave comments and I figured I should probably write an entry too.
I have decided to make it my goal to get out of the 140s this month.
Tomorrow I go to the doctor's to have some "abnormal cells" removed.
Progress as of today: 33.5 lbs lost so far, only 16.5 lbs to go!
who knew!?
so, i have the psychologist in 2 weeks...
I'm not sure what to write at this time, but I wanted to start the month off with a weigh-in that was accurate. Sort of like Catepillar's "Day One" philosophy.
I am in a lot of pain. My back (disc) continues to twinge and shoot pain whenever I move in the slightest incorrect manner -- very unforgiving.
And I continue to struggle against the depression and anxiety that I have addressed in my previous entry(-ies).
So this has started me thinking of what it is like to live with chronic pain. I know that there are many people who do so. I know that there are many people who push through their pain and strive to accomplish interesting or great things.
Progress as of today: 32.5 lbs lost so far, only 17.5 lbs to go!
it is horrible to live in chronic pain and i think you have a choice over that.
you need to do something NOW before you continue to eat in an uncontrolled fashion. i don't want you to end up how i was last spring. (and i'm doing my best, sort of, not to get there again.)
Well, I got my donkey out the door and to the gym to walk on the treadmill.... I'm happy to report that I am not getting sick either. It seems as though each of us here has had a day where s/he felt like s/he was coming down with something but then it passed. This is good.
Had a very bad day yesterday. The neighbor's next door had a birthday party for their granddaughter who turned 1. My b*tchy neighbor -- the one who hasn't spoken to me since my accident -- was there and the lady who used to own our house was there as well.
Although my husband was there, I just couldn't handle it any more and came home and spent the rest of the afternoon crying. It's very difficult to be around people who think that you are a danger to children. (I have a conviction of endangering the life of a child as well as a DCFS record now because of my accident. While most people wouldn't know this, certain people do thanks to the local and Chicago media.)
I felt very bad also because I didn't want my neighbors (grandparents) to think that we weren't there because we didn't want to be or because we didn't care about their granddaughter. Because that's not true at all, but I'm afraid that is what they will think.
I wish we could move, but we can't. I hate living here. I'm afraid to step outside of my home many days in fear of my 2 neighbor ladies ("Staci" listed above and "Miss Dee" who came later to the party after I was gone). Moving really wouldn't solve anything though.
And I couldn't face the lady who used to own this house, knowing that she knows what happened. I don't know.... I guess seeing her also brought thoughts of how hopeful I was when I moved here to this town and to this house. And then I went and ruined everything with my stupid driving while yelling at the kids I was driving. Oh my....
I wish I could put this behind me, but it never really goes away. Even on those few days that I do seem to live in a certain "denial" -- just focusing on the here and now -- it's still all there.
Anyway, I'm sorry to go on about this. I know this has nothing to do with weight loss other than the fact that I use too much sugar and too much alcohol to try to help myself feel better. Nothing helps, really, but somehow I keep trying to feel better, which is why I keep gaining weight.
Progress as of today: 35.5 lbs lost so far, only 14.5 lbs to go!
i am so sorry that all of this BS has come up again in such way to get you down. but, i have to question you not being able to face the lady that used to own your house - why do you say this?? accidents do happen, you know. it is your house now. and i really don't think you need to worry about how she percieves you. :)
Well, we're heading into another weekend....
Slowly, very slowly, once again, taking off the binge weight.
I feel like I might be getting sick. Just a tinge of a sore throat.
I'm sorry, I don't have anything new or positive to mention. My life has been put in the status quo for now, although things may change very soon.
Next week (this coming up week) I get scoped. So the week after that, I should have results. I do not foresee this going beyond the biopsy but one never knows.
I also received a letter from my defense attorney saying that he is preparing to take me to court to collect his fee. I no longer have any contact with anything having to do with my case, so if my husband cannot work out a deal (as my husband handles all the money), then I will need to prepare to claim bankruptcy, in order to handle all the debt we are under as a result of my husband's mismanagement of money and my criminal case circumstances.
Perhaps, though, we won't need to go that route. On either issue.
So until something happens, my life has maintained a status quo of laundry and attending Masses. And sleeping a lot.
Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!
lately i feel like i can NEVER sleep enough!? i am usually not getting 8 hours though...
I have no recommendation as yet, but based on the article link I left in comments to HoP, it sounds like something that hasn't been studied much. I guess it didn't kill anyone at first ingestion, so they assumed it was okay.
I have been randomly re-reading my McDougall book too and there are some old studies that question the benefit of fiber that has been altered very much--as in pulverized apples (apple sauce). I didn't get that out of it when I first read it. Kinda interesting.
We and the food companies are so fixated upon "fiber" these days that alot gets lost in the shuffle I suspect.
Hang in there with it all--at least you're venting about it--gotta be a good sign!
One thing I've noticed is that even though I am bingeing, I am able to maintain my weight at this higher number. Isn't that interesting? I can maintain at 144, +/- 2lb, at this level of eating and exercising. (More eating, less exercising.)
I'm still really struggling. In fact, yesterday, I got to the point where food didn't even taste good any more. Everything was "yeeck."
Progress as of today: 36 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!
I'm not saying that you will be that way... Just pick yourself up & dust off the "don't cares" while eating beyond the point of where food even tastes good.... Better days ahead of less striggle and more self-worth my firend...We are all so worth taking care of "us"...........
:-)
I am not doing well at all.
Progress as of today: 34 lbs lost so far, only 16 lbs to go!
Hang in there--don't ever tell yourself you're not worth the trouble. Keep your chin up Donkey!
No weigh-in today. I hadn't planned on blogging but I had to congratulate **starfish** on her latest weight loss accomplishment! :-)
I've been very busy because my children's school starts this week (tomorrow). Today we go/went to both kids' schools to get them set up. I am so worried about my son, but also very hopeful. I hope he has a good time in Middle School. I see so much potential there. I hope it is not ruined by nasty kids and bullies.
So in the middle of all this last minute shopping, I get this call from a number that has been trying to reach me all of last week. I never seem to get to the phone in time to answer it and whoever calls won't leave a voice mail.
I"m in the middle of the boys' section of Kohl's (an American department store) when I get a call from the number and it turns out it's from my doctor's office that I went to at the end of July.
Apparently, there are some abnormal cells. So the doctor needs to look at my cervix through a microscope and perhaps take a biopsy. The nurse on the phone said that it is not something that needs to be done within the next 24 hours -- good thing because it took you over a week to finally reach me on the phone -- but that it is something that "needs to be done".
Well, the doctor is all booked up next week, so I get the scope done 2 weeks from today. Glad it's not urgent........
I must admit that while I was somewhat taken aback, I was not totally surprised that my tests came back with some problems. I had had a problem, which is why I went to the doctor in the first place, but by the time I had the appointment, the problem reconciled itself. And I've had another TOM since the appointment as well. So I do not expect this go to any further than this.
Actually, it can't because my husband told me that we cannot afford for me to get cancer.
Progress as of today: 38.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
i hope you are doing better, too. catch up with us.
I had not planned on blogging tonight. In fact, I blog on another site, but truth be told, I feel most comfortable talking here amongst friends.
Weigh-in is tomorrow, and I am almost sure to see a number around 144. You know, maybe I won't weigh in. I've had about a week -- yes, ONE WEEK -- of binge eating, and I know that if I weigh in, it will be there, on the scale.
Not that I'm not accountable or responsible. I'm not saying that at all. It's just .... I don't think weighing in would serve its purpose if I did so now. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but I know that's what I mean.
I found a reason to live today. My children have been away all week with my mother and my sister, so I had decided I would clean their rooms out while they were gone.
Unfortunately, due to TOM (cramps) and a bout of strong depression, I did not get started until the day before they are to return home. I spent most of the afternoon cleaning out their rooms. And now I see that if nothing else, I need to live so that I can keep my son's room clean. This was my epiphany for the day.
Until I started on my daughter's room, and I realized that she is just as bad as he is when it comes to throwing things away. It's just that she keeps the mess better organized. But it's still a mess, and that is what I am here for, because I know if I were to .... leave.... that my husband would never EVER clean their rooms out and they would have to live with messy, messy rooms I guess until they left the house for college or Husband sold the house. (Candy wrappers, empty cans/bottles, dust bunny colonies, beads, papers, etc.)
So that is my mission in life, for now. I managed to get things cleared out, but now I have to get things sorted and put back. I also have the shelving unit in the living room that holds the children's art supplies and games to organize as well.
It's so comforting to have a purpose to one's life.
This of course, all happened after an *~*AMAZING*~* workout at the gym. I have decided to focus on cardio until I can get my weight back down SOLIDLY into the 130's.
Progress as of today: 38.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
so i have a good question, you may not like it, but you must have muscular legs, right? since you do so much cardio. like, they might be the slim muscular or a more heavy muscular but they are not flabby, right? so when you gain weight, do you gain it all over or just in one place? i'm wondering just bc when i gained, it was all over.
but, unfortunately, my legs are not in shape so much and i think it is seen more, the weight, in my thighs. which sucks to the high heavens! lol. and, my goal, is that they will at least look more muscular as i attempt to lose some of the fat, hopefully it'll go down aound my knees.
so my other question is, if your legs were flabby when you were heavier, did they get more muscular with all the cardio you do? lol, i was thinking about this while doing 6 miles today....i'm a dork, i know. hope you don't mind answering. and if you do, thats ok with me too.
Again my weight was at 144.5 this morning. Argh, I just keep gaining and losing the same "binge weight" over and over. This madness must stop.
I went to the gym today and walked on the treadmill with a steep incline. I wanted to do more, but I felt guilty for being at the gym for so long. My mission this weekend is to get the kids' rooms in order, so today I am doing bedding laundry. And possibly cleaning up the floors, so that I can go through the piles of crap that I swept up from the floors and put away or pitch.
I wanted to go for a bike ride to the library, but it has become awfully humid. And it is very sunny outside too. Still, I might go. I'm dressed for it.
i have gained so much weight that my rings are tight on my fingers. I do not normally wear any rings, so this was a rude awakening for me. So now I am wearing my rings as a reminder to me that I can't be eating like I've been eating without feeling some immediate discomfort.
Progress as of today: 38.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
Good Weekend!
i am in full agreement that this art project shouldn't be a big deal and i shouldn't stress about it. if i hadn't cared so much that the teacher is already pissed at me i wouldn't have made it this big of a deal. when i was little, we had to do paper mache projects and make different things out of this wet newspaper mix, let them dry, and paint them. i didn't know what to make, kept taking more and more paper mache. in the end, i had a 6 foot alligator. in art, there is nothing "small" about it to me. haha. so here i am, making this mammo suite diagram. haha.
I am so sorry you lost your cat :(. It is such a difficult thing to lose a pet because they are part of your world. I know my cat is a very good companion and as sweet as can be. I would be crushed right now if I would have had to put her down. There would be a hole in my heart.
I hope you have a great day and that the water retention eases and those rings start feeling a little better!
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wow, your body fought it off on it's own - that would be great. i feel like i don't hear anything like that often around the hospital, but i hope it is true in your particular case donkey!
sorry about your weight dilemna. please have a good weekend. did your kids start school or do they start after labor day next week? whatever the case, i hope the new school year brings you some happiness and peace.