My father in law passed away this morning...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Up a little bit more, but still right where I want to be for maintaining. Sometimes I think the difference is in whether I weigh in before a "bathroom moment" or after. So I'm trying not to sweat that the number keeps creeping up... The Logical Self versus the Emotional Self...
I did not write yesterday because soon after weighing in and then exercising, I left for my folks' house to pick up my free treadmill. What is usually a 3.5 drive -- just long enough to set my back a-hurtin' -- turned out to be a 5 hour drive with construction and holiday traffic. Lord, my back was on fire last night when we got home. After driving, and then heavy lifting (of which I did not even do that much) and then driving home (which only took 3.5 hours), yikes...
This morning, my back was still hurting. Very hard to get out of bed, but I did. I feel better now that I've ridden the exercise bike, but I still have to be careful. For this reason, I am not going to do any weight training today, although I would very much like to do so. I have the motivation, opportunity, and time. But alas, I don't want to do ANYTHING that would further aggrevate my back. I know better.
So both my father-in-law and my step-father are reaching the end, it would seem. Having dealt with my inlaws all week and then visiting my folks yesterday, it's interesting to see how both men have or have not come to terms with accepting the inevitable. And then the moms -- the incredible difference between my mother-in-law and my own mom -- one in denial and somewhat selfish, the other having accepted and resigned to what will happen. Both men are 75, but cancer is a total game-changer, I tell ya... :-(
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
I LOVE to weigh in AFTER a “BM” haha….you know it, we all feel better after one of those! LOL now I’m making myself laugh at my desk a bit!!
Not only does the drive hurt your back, it could be the “stress” of driving. There’s a book about decreasing or healing back pain I think by John Sarno and a lot of the pain we experience is our emotions actually causing physical pain. Or stresses causing physical pain. I know this is true as I’ve seen someone I know at work, working too much (not my work, it was my physical therapist who was working too much) and was so stressed out that he had such a BAD PAIN in his back he felt he could not do any more work and actually had to go home. I felt so bad. He was so stressed, he let it ride straight thru him and over him and totally consumed him in pain. He’s better now, but he ended up taking a full week off work after that moment. You can ALWAYS stop to rest and stretch on a long ride, Donkey. You do not have to drive it straight! Btw!
Lately, when I have pain, especially if I feel it in my ankles / legs, I STRETCH…you MUST stretch ! it’ll help! It’s no good to sit in the same spot and no movement for hours. even at work I try to “stand up” every half hour or hour. You have to remember….even when driving…don’t stress yourself more than you have to. Go to a rest stop / gas station and stretch.
75 is sorta young, not really so old, I’m sorry these men are struggling with negative affects of cancer – it’s so sad that it affects so many, especially in the years that they should be happy – like the golden years after retirement.
Felt the need to confess a bad eating day yesterday...
I've noticed that in the afternoons, I crave sugar. So I've been munching on raw vegetables or fruit and/or almonds, but that craving still lingers.
Last night, I tried to stave off the craving with a low carb dessert, but finally just caved in and had 3 large marshmallows, toasted over my stove. That certainly did satisfy my sugar craving! And I had a lot of energy after that, so I did a fully upper body AND lower body weight training workout last night. Might as well take advantage of the energy!
This morning, though, I woke up feeling a bit "hung over" and I'm sure it's because of the sugar.
So my question is this: Should I use an artificial sweetener in my afternoon coffee and/or in my low carb desserts to calm down the cravings? My sweetener of choice is saccharine. (Can't stand stevia - too bitter & Splenda is definitely out as it just charges up any cravings and usually results in a binge.) Or is it better to stick it out and stay pure?
Thoughts?
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
Bad eating days happen and a way to get thru this upsetting time when we tend to dwell on how “bad” we are and how we can’t do anything right and how we are “failures” (all which is NOT so!!!) – well the way to get over this is to realize that we ALL slip up and that you are no different than anyone else in this matter. The only difference is how you RECOVER from a slip – and that’s by trying to get back to your good patterns as soon as possible after a slip !
If you are craving sugar, you may be thirsy. You can drink flavored seltzer which is no calories or chemicals. I flavor mine with stevia for extra sweetness. I use stevia drops. You can have a piece of fruit or your veggies with the seltzer to fill your stomach. Sweetened seltzer with liquid stevia is BEST….ohhh yes! marshmallows would go GREAT with your seltzer (with stevia!). Before gym, I ALWAYS have a sweet treat and no cal drink. And I even do this on non-gym days after work….i love a sweet treat in the afternoon. Oh…speaking of treats….i have been laying low on caffeine and my skin has cleared up….now I’m drinking caffeine today and I am stopping….less caffeine has done wonders on my skin (chin and mouth area)….the biggest culprit was probably energy drinks….i am laying off them but like I said I just used some caffeine drops – should probably throw away but I’m sleepy lol….but being sleepy is I think worth it if I am going to have nice skin!?
Why would you be hungover due to THREE marshmallows! Sugar is OK Donkey…it’s how we get our energy….the main way…! The easiest form of energy is sugar…? So how are you hungover from a SMALL amount of it?
Ok, disregard my suggestions for stevia….i’m now reading you DON’T LIKE IT! LOL…..!
It’s better not to use something artificial and have real sugar in small amounts, but, everything in moderation is my tip….but that’s how I roll. You have to decide for you what is best….but what everyone is always suggesting is “Everything in Moderation.”
I'm back in the Bizarro world again...
Both yesterday and today I have felt that I'm eating too much. Breakfast is OK, dinner I probably would do better to eat less, but I'm not satisfied with my lunch or snacks so there you have it.
Work has slowed down -- this is even worse than winter, it seems, and for real estate, that's BAD. I've moved on from the postage stamp drama. Horn - thank you, your insight was very helpfu. Then I read a tweet from some guy who CNN misreported a story on. His message? Something like "Class act, apology accepted, we all make mistakes, moving on." WOW - if nothing else, THAT is the frame of mind I want to be in.
My chin seems to be breaking out again, although hormone fluctuations have ended and it doesn't feel broken out - just looks kind of like my skin is thinking about it.
Father in law is considering hospice care. I don't have the whole story, but it's just sad.
Wish I could wake up at 5am and walk before I start my regular exercise routine at 6:30a. I just can't seem to get my butt out of bed before 6am.
If I just sit tight, the earth will spin around again and hopefully I'll be restored back to the natural universe again...
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
however, i do believe that you are in control of what changes and when....and the morning stuff - you don't have to force things you don't really want. :)
and SLEEP is majorly important - make sure you are getting around the recommended amount.
ever since i started sleeping better, i haven't needed as much caffeine.
Up 2 pounds, but again, I feel that this is about where I should be. I also feel that the 2 pounds is temporary. My weight seems to be influenced very much by hormone levels throughout the month, which is why I feel that it's very important not to be fixated on a particular number (gain or loss) but rather, thinking of my weight in terms of a comfortable range, and then measuring my overall well-being: emotional, performance, spirutal, etc.
What this means is that a lower weight does me no good if I'm depressed, weak, tired, crabby. A higher weight number does me no good if it affects my walking, fatigue, cheerfulness. And so on...
So things have returned to a "new normal" from my episode into the Bizarro Universe. My skin has cleared up. My weight is up to a more realistic number for me. But work holds no joy for me. I'm so upset at my boss' son-in-law for chastizing me for spending a stamp on a work-related endeavor. I don't think I can reconcile myself around this. He ignores me now. I stare right at him. It's ridiculous. I want an apology and I know I will never get one. He should really be ashamed of himself, but he's too much of a pompous a**. My co-workers support me, and my boss has no problem with the stamp, but just wishes I would go back to being a happy worker. Because that's how he rolls: ignore it and it will go away. Hard to ignore it when it's a daily reminder.
Anyway -- no more energy wasted on that loser or this issue.
We had bad storms here over the week and lost a few large limbs to the willow trees we have in back. So just after I got my entire backyard cleaned up, now I have to clean it up again! Husband cannot help me because of his arthritis. My 19 yr old son is minimally helpful on days that he works, and has no initiative without supervision. So it will be me and probably my daughter cutting up branches and bundling them up.
I was going to resolve the yardwork matter in a different way, but I'm so angry with our curbside pick-up service, that I *WILL* go out there and cut/bundle so that they have a HUGE workload to pick up on garbage day. That will teach them to pass up my house as they have previously (once last year and then once this year, when they deamed a branch "too long" to take). So now I will get my revenge and give them lots to do. Thank goodness we are getting a new garbage service in July.
I waste an awful lot of my personal energy on feelings of anger and revenge.
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
I think I am also up a little bit. I feel it so much just around my waist that I have gained at least 1 pound. It’s so weird. I have been eating so much more for at least a couple months now – but I guess the increase (just a slight increase!) in cardio is helping to burn calories! It’s amazing that the little cardio I have added seems to be paying off…
I’ll agree with you – and say it’s the same with me – that my weight is DEFINITELY majorly influenced by hormone levels throughout each month as well. Lately, just like you, I’m thinking of my weight and whole persona on that spiritual / emotional level also. This weekend, for instance, I actually skipped the gym so I could feel more rested on Saturday and then my social life forced a skip on Sunday…(I came home late from family & gym would have closed…and it seems we just can’t be EVERYWHERE at the same time!)….life balance proves harder the bigger the family & commitments! And I have the SMALLEST family!
AGREE….a slightly higher weight is VERY FINE…if your mood is up and you are feeling good. I remember being on a very low carb diet for a short time, the time right before the last major cruise / vacation I went on with my family – I was at my lowest weight in my adult life – right around 110…and I felt SO LOW ENERGY and COLD all the time. When we went kayaking, I couldn’t hold up with my mom….it was a terrible experience, no energy at all. I can’t do that whole really low carb thing…like you were talking about mood….carbs also boost serotonin….and I realize part of my depression was due to not eating enough carbs….just relating to your entry through my own experiences….
Forget about that male coworker – he’s teasing you about the stamp bc he sees it BOTHERS you. Pay him no mind. Just do your thing. Ignore him back. Work is usually not fun – that’s why it’s called work – that’s why it’s important you keep on with your “life balancing” efforts bc it’s the outside of work experiences and family and friends that you NEED…we aren’t always (most of the time we are NOT) close friends with coworkers. So you must find the time for enjoyment and happiness in your life, as you DO!, because you cannot count on work to give it to you.
Your 19 year old should really be helping you….if he lives with you….he should be doing his share especially if it’s only you two women cleaning up no good! Tell him he needs to help! That you need his strong body and not just you two ladies to do hall the heavy lifting. Tell him his help is appreciated…that’s all….he shouldn’t be boarding “free of charge” without lending even a finger of help!
Take it easy and stop putting yourself down. You have a big heart and you do NOT need to waste so much energy thinking of this BS. I have learned to stop the BS a ibt….finally my work drama is OVER after THREE LONG MONTHS. Just don’t talk at work much, lay low, don’t tell anyone your business. Try to talk to family and friends, not coworkers that you are NOT close with and do not ever socialize with outside of work….
Have you ever had a day where you wonder, "What has happened to the universe? Did I shift to a different time continuum? Did a cosmic event just happen that I am no longer living in the life I was living but now live in this bizarro alternative reality?"
Because that's what I feel like has happenened to my life in the past week...
Started with that unexplained skin break-out and 3 pound weight gain. Then, in an instant, my father-in-law's health took a turn downward. Then a huge drama at work -- all over me spending a postage stamp of 47 cents to mail out a thank you card! Now today's weigh-in, and a legal clinic -- where I volunteer once a month -- that would just not end...
So now in my new bizarro universe:
I'm just waiting until the natural, correct timeline of events is re-established, so that I can go back to living in the regular universe and not bizarro-land. Now I know what Tasha Yar must have felt like...
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
i am glad your skin has cleared up and the weight gone back down - probably due to stress?
also, i am so sorry about your father in law...i wish him recovery.
also, stay positive :)
(No weigh-in until Saturday -- this is just thinking...)
A word to my 2 skiiny neighbor ladies: Thin doesn't count if you smoke. Sorry.
Also, came to the realization that I need to be true to myself, and some of the things I had hoped would come to fruition aren't going to happen, because that's not who I am.
On the postive side, last night, after my lower body workout, I was stretching my legs and I'm *almost* satisfied with the back of my knees. My thighs/knees have always been where I put on the weight -- I've never had that gap between my thighs that they talk about. the back of my knees have a dimple where the fat accumulates by the ligament behind the knee cap. Well, that dimple is almost gone. I want the back of my knees to be smooth and flat.
I'm crazy, right?
Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!
as for the morning routine, i'm not a morning exercise person either and perfer to also sip something, usually kombucha or ACV in seltzer,and also relax to start the day. Don't punish yourself by forcing a morning walk if you enjoy an evening walk instead...that's fine...and that's good you are being true to yourself...
rest days are important. i have a friend who's EXTREMELY fit both strong and cardio-wise she can run...and she can swim! 2 things i do lack...she says she has two rest days a week...i'm trying this...i think i'll try to plan at least 1 rest day after my running days as the running days make me sore and weights do NOT.....
i also cannot become a vegetarian...i wake up in the middle of the night hungry and whenever i don't have meet for ahwhile (few days) i start to crave it if i'm only eating soy or beans...just decide what works for you - you do not have to do what is undesireable for you! plenty of things work for plenty of people and yes choose the one that is good for you...
yes, breakouts in those spots are hormonal. are you eating different things?
I also have fat around the knee caps as my legs are not very strong...but because i've been training them a little bit, i'm also satisfied with them as i'm doing as much as i can right now :)
I like how you are working at being truthful with yourself...it's also a way of achieving goals rather than always having only stretch goals and getting injured bc always the goals are too big.
stretch goals (huge goals) are good but to a point bc we also need to produce short term and smaller goals that can be definitely achieved.
Oh where to start even....
So I gained 3 pounds. What can I say... I had hoped that eating a lot of fruit yesterday wouldn't backfire on me today but sadly, it has. It's a darn stinkin' shame when you can't even eat FRUIT without having to worry about gaining weight.
Then, I find out from a lady co-worker that a guy co-worker told her to make me start eating more donuts because I'm too skinny and losing weight too quickly. Tell that to the 3 pounds I just gained!!! I can't tell if this is genuine concern or jealous backstabbing. (This male co-worker and I talk about our workouts a lot, so that he commented isn't all that inappropriate.) And he says this to my lady co-worker on Friday after he had the NERVE to chastise me for eating bread (Subway sandwich) on Thursday!!!! That's what makes me think that his "concern" is rooted in ulterior motives.
Anyway, I'll just keep on smiling and eating my vegetables...
The good news is that I went walking/jogging again Friday morning and this time, I had no residual hip pain. So lesson learned: I cannot combine my running days (as minimal as that might be) with lower body weight training days.
It's going to be blazing hot here this weekend, so I had my daughter by a $10 inflatable pool to put in the backyard to sit in. If she sits cross-legged, we can both fit in the pool, but only one of us can be underwater at a time. It's a very small pool, but that's OK with me. Small pool = small maintenance, if you know what I mean.
Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!
Don't let it get you down. Just keep going back to your routine. Your good habits.
Yes, I'd say that coworkers are not generally going to wish you well on he weight loss....and they will offer those types of sly comments and remarks. I know this is sorta negative for me to say, but it's how i feel after dealing with biatches and nasty bosses as of late. There are people that choose to be evil over good and i now sorta know why. Sorta only bc to me there's no good reason in general. They think they are more deserving than we think we are. They think they are ENTITLED more than we are. ugh.
Yeah, coworkers aren't always professional. There's a coworker, male, at my job, just around my age, that full out took advantage of me. I now do not have lunch with him. I cannot give him anymore of my time. It makes me sick that after always lending him an ear, giving him advice (he's been with us around 1 year now as i've been with the company 6.5) and after he learned all he felt he needed to know - he backstabbed me. no need to discuss it here as it's all stupid stuff and i can't bother spelling it out on your page. But his mindset again is entitlement and that he didn't care if it hurt me to get what he felt he deserved. that's wrong. even if he thought it wasn't fair to him that maybe i had something better....he doesn't know my past....all the extra hours i worked. and he messed it up now for me (i now have longer hours, longer lunch, and my boss had asked me again if i was speaking badly about the dept because this coworker ratted on me after i was so honest and told him what the boss said about him he told the boss i told him! - stupid man !!!)). after i had only ever helped him.
Don't trust colleagues who you do not hang out with on the regular outside of work. Just don't trust them if they aren't actual friends / family.
I'm having a similar strategizing need with my training with weights / jogging. It seems i have to scale down weights which makes me sad but i can't seem to fit in both when i'm training both hard....so....yeah. balance. I have a slight tear in my shoulder but i'm letting it rest and taking a break from gym all week!
Good idea to sit in the pool, you can always buy a second one, you know! So each of you could have your own!
Not very optimistic right now...
I've been struggling with a sinus infection for about a week, which is far too long. That's the bad news. The good news is that it didn't settle in my chest, so no coughing.
My June goals have not gone anywhere. I haven't changed my step goal yet. Keep forgetting to do push-ups. I've only been successful in walking in the morning once. That was this Wednesday. Did a walk-jog and today (the next day) my hips have been hurting/sore all day. I'm wondering if maybe jogging isn't in the cards for me any more. I know that this doesn't mean that I still can't walk in these beautiful spring-summer mornings. With being sick and now being sore, it's been really hard to get up and going early.
Eating has been pretty good but not very disciplined -- translation: I've been eating sufficient but more calories --- so I am worried about this week's weigh-in, as I may be above goal again. *sigh*
So on top of sick and sore, add sorching temperatures this weekend -- not good when I have a ton of yardwork to do.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Oh, now I see why. Ok, I’d be cranky and upset if I were sick a week too. YES. Please try to get more rest so your body can heal. Lay off the exercise till you are better aside from gentle exercise that doesn’t put too much stress on your body. Listen to your body’s desire for rest.
Lol, it’s funny how you write “walk-jog” – did you get that from me??? Hehe. Stupid boss that I do like (I have two bosses) couldn’t realize that a walk-jog means both walking and jogging! He’s like, “what’s that!? – speedwalking?”…I’m like…”I jog and when I can’t jog I walk!” dumb….he doesn’t realize I’m not in shape to “just jog” yet!
Jogging is painful and not great for your body. Better off with walking. Only reason I’m jogging is: NYPD. I’ll quit jogging as soon as I don’t need to do it anymore. I don’t love it.
Lately I eat more, too. I even feel fat. But the scale tells otherwise – I’m beginning to wonder!
Anyways, feel better. Count on your veggies when you need to eat a lot…and have smaller servings of the other stuff after you’ve binged already on the veggies :-P
I DID IT -- GOAL HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED!!! I reached the 50-pound weight loss mark, and I feel that I'm right where I should be for a lifetime.
So now I am entering the maintenance phase, and this will be exciting! I am planning on continuing the good habits I've established: exercising, drinking water, no soda pop (except on special occassions), raw vegetables for stress eating (3pm snack), and limiting white carbs except on my "relax" day. This works for me: these habits I established during the weight loss have become part of my lifestyle that I want to continue doing.
I've been battling a sinus infection this week, but it has not decreased my eating or activity. Well, I take that back, I did scale back on the weight training on Thursday and Friday due to fatigue. I am taking the weekend off from weight training to REST and then resume my schedule on Monday.
I do not think that the sinus infection contributed to my weight loss. At least I hope not. When I lose weight from being sick, I usually gain it right back :-(
The visit with Mom & (step) Dad went well. I was able to say no to some stuff, but was able to get a couple of old photo albums and all of my high school yearbooks. The best news is that I'm getting Mom's treadmill for free! I just have to take the mini-van up to her house to pick it up. A free treadmill in great condition - WOW! This will help me maintain during the winter months for sure.
June Goals:
And depending on how June goes, I am going to start thinking about stepping away from the scale more. Maybe only 2x a month...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Nice to read an entry early from you this AM! (reading it this AM!)
You must be DARN proud of yourself lady. Like, the only way to achieve your “magical weight loss” (and it’s fully NOT magic like everyone thinks it is!) is CONSISTENCY! J – your weight loss is a MAJOR TESTAMENT to your decision to stick with it. That’s the only way. You’ve stuck with it a long time. Never give up – your story proves that the long-term effort – and the accumulation of all the things you’ve done – better diet, cardio and even you added weight training – these actions (and even working less / help at the office / less OT) has gradually all helped.
God bless you - don’t stop. Always strive to be your best self and in all aspects of your life, not only your weight! Be proud, lady!
I’ve learned that fatigue really means rest. Do NOT feel bad if you need to occasionally rest. It’ll prevent injury / sickness. Have trust in listening to yourself – I commend you for resting as it’s something I struggle with greatly.
Yeah – def rest when with infections / sickness. I have a stye – but continued working out this time – but yeah…it’s always a choice…
Keep up the great work! I think you’re smart to step away from scale as it’s your actions that determine weight loss, not the scale doing any work.
I recently feel a gain in like a pound due to eating excess, I’ll have to scale back for a few weeks & not overeat after that. It’s been like a month of very high cals each week. LOL. we’re always having to change things – life’s variables.
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Hi J,
I’m so sorry to hear of your FIL’s passing. At least he is not uncomfortable anymore. I am sure he is in a better place from the restrictions and confinement of cancer. I hope his wife gets thru it as does her son (your husband) and you and your family…you will. Stay strong and keep the faith on your own life. Keep a positive spirit regarding yourself and your progress – and nobody does live forever – but I’m so sorry he had to die due to cancer, not natural cause.
Stay healthy yourself and maintain your spirit.
I also commented on your entry below.
Thank you - this has been difficult.
jabockov on 07/03/2017:
Deepest sympathy.
Thank you very much - I appreciate your kind words.
jayhawkjen on 07/04/2017:
I'm sorry to hear about your FIL.
Thank you - it has been difficult (((hugs)))