Not a weigh-in day, but I thought I'd check in as I wait for the minutes to tick by before leaving for the hospital. Husband is having double hip surgery today. TODAY. TODAY!!!
I didn't think I was very anxious about this until it hit me Sunday night. Then I realized, yes, I am kind of worried about this. I have no reason to think anything will go wrong, of course. Excellent surgeon. Hopefully the hospital will deliver good care -- I've heard things over the years, but perhaps things have changed. There are other hospitals I prefer, but the surgeon prefers this hospital. I hope he can come home tomorrow.
I feel that I am back on track, eating and exercising. I try really hard to take an evening walk around the neighborhood after dinner (around 30 minutes). I find it helpful for digestion, especially when one has overindulged with second helpings of chili (ooops).
Trying to keep everything together as I get over these hurdles one step at a time...
UPDATE: Mr. Donkey had a successful surgery, and I will visit him this evening. I'm anxious to see him but did not want to see him come out of anethesia, so I came home to get things in order at home (for the kids) and then I will go back to visit for a couple of hours tonight. I'm very grateful and relieved.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
(I commented on comments in yesterday's entry. Thank you!)
My husband made a very helpful observation this morning. When I mentioned the 4-pound gain, he said, "If you had been able to workout like you do, you wouldn't have had a problem." I thought about that, and he's right!
It's hard to step out of my comfort zone, but had I made it a point to be more active (e.g. walk around the block every hour or so) or use the elliptical crosstrainer, if I had stayed in a hotel, I'm *SURE* that things would have been different.
That got me thinking about things I could have done differently. I could have asked my mom to get me raw vegetables ahead of time. OR I could have gotten my own raw vegetables when she and I went to the grocery store on Tuesday, even.
So I'm more in control of my destiny than I am admitting to myself.
Side notes: I'm afraid kitty isn't long for the world. She is having problems with eating & drinking now. So we are all doing our best to make sure she is as comfortable as possible. Also, while I was in Vegas, found out that my husband needs a walker with front wheels (ONLY) for after surgery. Oh my... I'm so grateful that I found a nice lady on Facebook that was giving one away -- for FREE. What a relief!
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Do not regret or wish you had done anything different, because, you are back here now. Now is time to make all the opportunistic and positive choices that you can or want to.
Also, you've learned from this Vegas vacation - and perhaps on next vacation you'll plan to have more veggies somehow - like by shopping one time when you go there.
Either way, that vacation has passed, and once again I mean it when i say you looked beautiful with glowing skin in your pictures. Just Beautiful. So, focus on the "NOW" and your goals now, and let the vacation rest :)
Back from visiting family from Vegas.... My weigh-in this week is a disaster. Up 4 pounds.
My brother's family eats NO vegetables. It's ALL carbs. Might be lucky to find some protein in there. Oh. My. Goodness. I love them to pieces, but if I had to live with them, I'd be huge. And what just KILLS me is that all of them are very thin and tiny. I just don't get it. I had dinner with just my folks a couple of times, which was easier, because Mom fixed some frozen vegetables for me, but she cooks with no salt. Yuck. And while I did try to remain active, it was obvious to me that I did not reach my normal levels of achievement.
I'm glad I left my Fitbit at home. Maybe it would have been helpful to see the lack of steps I was taking, to get my butt up and moving.... but my fear was that it would be frustratring for me to see goals unmet.
It was nice to see everyone though. And my poor step-father... as good as he looked, and as well as he did, he is at the end of his life. When we said our good-byes on Thursday, it was kind of crazy because it was Thanksgiving and my brother's 5 kids were there making a bunch of noise. So I felt kind of bad that I didn't say good-bye like I wanted to, but looking back, I think my good-bye on Wednesday, when it was just him and my mom and myself, was a better good-bye.
So now I am back home, returning to the stress that is my life. Some but not much was cleaned or cleared. My husband has hip surgery this week and, surprise, we need to find him a walker that has wheels. I'm going over to Goodwill to see if there is anything cheap. Otherwise, I'll be ordering one online for $30, which isn't too bad. I've seen many on Facebook Marketplace going for $75, $80 --- what the heck? It does not help that we only have my salary coming in now, and this month, we have to pay our own insurance premium. All I see is money going out and not much coming in. And so much needs to be done to the house... And I'm getting little to no help on that from anyone.
I'm just done.
PS The cat is still not using her litter box. And now she's spitting up all over the place.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Welcome home you were missed here !
Aim to counteract your recent weight gains by doing what you did to loose. If I were in your boat, I'd make a goal to get back to whatever weight you were by January or February If needed :-)
Instead of looking at the negative, try to challengr yourself now to get back on track and be your best JDonkey!!!
A lot of times, I lose my objectivity when overwhelmed (which seems to be happening a lot these days), which then leads to crabbiness. I did get some stuff done this weekend, in spite of it all...
Gained another half pound!!! I've gained 3.5 pounds this month!!! What the heck???
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
I wrote you on your entry yesterday, too.
Do not focus only on the weight, you have been doing well.
While in Vegas, make sure to take care of yourself. Perhaps someone out there will want to walk with you, maybe.
Make sure to sleep well there.
And of course spend time with your father-in-law :)
Take care and wishing you a safe trip and return back :)
You will be missed here, also.
Thank you for your kind words of support. That's a REALLY good idea about writing a list of positive things as well. :-)
Feeling some anxiety before weigh-in day. I hold no high hopes at a favorable weigh in this week.
The cat is still struggling with using her box, even though tonight will be 72 hours of taking an antibiotic. I went to the store to buy the training "pee pads" that they use for puppies. These things are WONDERFUL for my kitty's problem. They are so absorbant of wetness and odor. If this is our future, I can live with this. My boss generously donated all of his used newspapers for this cause, once I mentioned to him that we were having a problem. He likes cats too.
With everything going on, I thought that this cat thing would surely push me over the edge of sanity. No, I wouldn't go insane, but just that kind of sadness where you start crying at odd times because it all gets too overwhelming. I thought about making a list of all of the things that are totally stressing me out -- just for myself. I wouldn't publish it anywhere, but keep it folded up in a pocket or a drawer. I wouldn't use it to beat myself up with either, but rather, as a way to physically "put aside" my worries.
Up this weekend:
Saturday: weigh in, legal clinic in the morning, grocery shopping in the afternoon, laundry in the evening, packing.
Sunday: morning exercise, finish packing, leave for the airport at around 1:30p to fly out to Vegas for the week. I've decided to give myself permission to leave the Fitbit at home. I would not be going if my step-father wasn't coming to his end. He's home now with hospice care. I'm hoping he can hold on until my son and I get there. (Husband and daughter staying behind.) What an odd holiday this will be. Oh well, at least it will be warmer in Vegas than it is in Chicago... And I will have the chance to rest and catch up with family.
I'll be gone Sunday through Friday. Back just in time for another weigh-in on Saturday!! 
If you make the list of things that stress you, can you also make a list of things you are doing well at? Remember that you get one life, and not to live this one in struggle only. It's not healthy, you know this!
Yes, while you are in Vegas, please do not overdo. Try to get outside and take a little time for you, even though you are visiting father in law, you can go out and get some exercise, PLEASE. Try to rest and sleep good hours there, please take care of yourself.
I look forward to your return!
And remember the good work you do, at work!
The cat has a UTI... $305 to treat, and they want her to come back in to retest her urine in 10 days. My husband, who is a "half full" kind of guy says, "Well, at least it's something treatable." I guess... Medicine squirted down the throat 2x a day.
Cats have sharp teeth in back. Did you know that?
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
I'll settle with a guinea pig down the road, they like to cuddle and that's what i like too!
Anyways, i do hope your kitty gets well soon.
Thought I'd follow up with my own little update:
Kitty is still not using her box, so she has a vet appointment tomorrow afternoon, to rule out a UTI. This is money I don't have to spend freely on a cat, until we figure out what's going on with my husband's pension/disability stuff. This Friday is the last of his paychecks from work, I'm sure. Then we will start dipping into savings. Dave Ramsey advised well on this one; we are prepared.
Also, spoke to my boss about our psychotic client. He said I should have called 911.
Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am taking my husband to Milwaukee for his VA medical evaluation. He said he is nervous. I'm nervous for him.
I am eating more this week, so I have no high hopes for Saturday's weigh-in. (Yes, I'm saying this on Monday.) This really bothers me, but I'm going to give it up to God and trust the biological process. Like Horn, I'm at the point where I need to find another focus.
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
Today is cold, cloudy, and wet. May see some snow today...
I will be cleaning litter boxes and setting them up again, so that "somebody" doesn't feel the need to protest by refusing to use any of the 4 boxes available to her. Needless to say, having one of the cats turn psychotic on me this past week has NOT done me ANY favors with respect to my stress levels.
My husband has some medical evaluation appointment in Milwaukee on Tuesday for the VA. I would like NOT to take him, as this is the last week at work before I'm out for a week, and there is a LOT of work to keep up with. On the other hand, if I don't take him, then my son will have to, and I hate to place that burden on my son. Yes, son has the whole day off, but he had stuff planned. And this appointment will take the whole day.
My husband's illness is so selfish and demanding of EVERYONE in the family.
I've come to some kind of reconciliation on the 3.5 pound weight gain this week. Not happy about it, but maybe this is what I was meant to go into the Thanksgiving holiday with. My week with my brother/family will be a rest week; as of right now, I am planning to leave my Fitbit at home. Any thoughts on that?
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
stay positive and keep doing what you can do. worry less about what you cannot.
happy to not have to run again, for as long as i don't want to - taking a major break....sometimes that's what a body needs.
have a good week, you can do it, Donkey. I think it's wonderful how well you do - providing for yourself, your family, your husband. You are remarkable.
I responded to comments on my last entry, although, with this week's weigh-in, I'm not sure that matters any more...
I knew that this would be a heavier weigh-in this week -- could feel it physically. I was able to maintain my level of physical activity, for the most part, and kept to the low-carb plan, too. I know some of this is hormones (gotta love PMS -- so painful), too, although I'm not letting that be an excuse. I will continue to do what I'm doing, and let my body settle where it may, within reason.
Work has just gotten completely insane. After last week of being abused (or feeling that way, at least) by lenders and clients, this week was just complete Twilight Zone, ending with a shouting match between myself and a client who came in just to argue with me. I told her, "You have the advice from YOUR ATTORNEY (not me) and the title company; I will not argue with you on this topic any more." The associate attorney was in a consultation downstairs and he came up because he was worried that he would have to physically intervene. OMG can you believe this???
Of course, my boss managed to skip out at 4pm so he didn't have to put up with any of this ****. I'm seriously thinking about becoming "conceal and carry". This is just getting way too dangerous.
Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!
Seriously though, my family is telling me to bring this up to my boss.
try not to let anyone rustle your feathers. if someone screams / shouts, try not to also do it....
xoxo
I feel a lot better about my journey today. I read an article about a research study done with contestants from The Biggest Loser. They found that for weight-loss, diet (calorie intake) was the biggest factor determining success. For maintenance, though, the contestants that managed to increase their activity level considerable and consistently had the best results in keeping the weight off.
I came to a point yesterday where I realized that I'm going to need help in getting the house Fixed and clean enough to list.
So today, instead of being the only one here killing herself to work on the house, I am taking time out for myself. Got 2 new library books and checked out a movie to watch this afternoon.
And so help me, this week had better be nicer to me. Taking Thursday off so that I can drive my husband to a bunch of medical appointments.
Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!
Listen, I was always horrible at maintaining also. I have lost weight 2-3 times in my life (i say 2-3 because it was 2, but then i additionally lost the last 10 which took me over a year that second time, and it took like a whole year to lose the last 10, so i can really consider that last loss a third loss even though it wasn't because i gained again.!).
In my life, just like you, i have had ups and downs in weight loss. and it SUCKS. but it was my choice. I chose to indulge and not take on maintenance.
maintenance is DIFFERENT.
The scale isn't going to keep saying "congratualations, you are losing!" NO. it's going to say if you are up or down a lb or 1/2 pound each time you step on it. You have to take that info, think about what choices you are making, think about how to make this maintenance easier.
You have to eat in a way (and YES, eating is the biggest part of maintenance ALONG WITH KEEPING STRENGTH SO YOU CAN BURN MANY CALORIES THE MORE MUSCLE YOU HAVE!)...but yes, your diet needs to work for you so you can maintain easily and also have treats here and there.
my trick to maintenance is veggies...of which i don't eat as many of as i used to. partially bc i have gotten better at maintenance and like the taste of including more carbs, but still only moderate amounts! and still not really the high carb noodles, pastas = no. or if i do, it's a small amount pasta, large amount veggies, moderate or small amount meat.
my trick is veggies, i eat more of that still (usually, sometimes not) than grains and meat. but i eat it all. i eat some fat, lots of peanut butter bc i don't always crave any other kind of breakfast. although i might switch to another nut butter bc i am finally getting bored LOL.
anyways, you have to now find the tricks. YES TRICKS. or if you don't like that word, 'tricks,' think of it as the formula or the solution. Maintenance is NEW and different from weight loss.
The scale will not reward you.
You have to learn how to feel that this maintenance you are doing is worth it. Because you love yourself.
You have to hold onto this pattern, the one of loss...turning to maintenance.
do not allow yourself to fall again, like we have (me too) in the past. do not make that same decision to spiral backwards.
You know how to spiral. and it doesn't make you feel good - the gaining again, the feelings of sadness.
J donk, you can do this. It's hard. It's a challenge. But all because this is a new step in your journey, you have to take a stand and be strong. approach it. take it. with maintenance, my last time i've been maintaining for 1.5 years now, i think. ever since my sister's wedding. yes.
anyways, with my last maintainance period, i did gain some pounds after her wedding (like 5 or less), and i realized that in order to keep in maintenance, i would really have to change my ways / keep my ways of what i was doing to keep the low weight.
it's a struggle, but NOT all the time. As you maintain, it'll get easier. you'll learn to give into some cravings, you'll be able to have the one cookie (i generally eat them by themselves between meals as a pre-exercise treat with 2 cups of sweetened water (with stevia) when i'm driving home from work lol, it works).
Maintenance is different. You do not gain tons of weight and have to lose it all.
You will learn to actually be able to go each week maintaining after a while. Your weight should start to be stable, bc you know how to eat to maintain. You know when you've indulged, and the scale will show it after a couple weeks you'll know, and that's when you have to dial it back or eat more vegetables the following week and less of all the other stuff.
maintenance will help you ... but you have to help yourself and notice what works and what doesn't. listen to your body. nothing is off limits.
After being in maintainence for this period, i am a lower weight and able to eat EVERYTHING in moderation.
my diet is more balanced now than it ever was before, even when i was heavier and bingeing on sweets.
Maintenance has helped me.
I know my clothes fit each morning. I don't ever think about feeling fat.
Maintenance is a good thing. you learn to feel your body at thsi weight. Soon, looking in the mirror, you won't judge yourself...you'll see it's you.
Maintenance is when you get used to yourself at this weight. It can take many months. It can take a year.
Don't give up on yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm reading one of the best books i've ever read, it's about just this...i'll give you the title if you are interested. It's about what we deal with...life's up and down spirals...and how to stop the periods of highs and lows....and make more success lasting and less of the falls.
but you are doing fine. always think the positive for yourself.
always know that your actions everyday are more important than a one time goal.
what you do everyday is what will help you maintain. you do it day by day. it's a process.
learn to enjoy this new process. the SMALL ups and downs...and you will therefore not have BIG ups and downs.
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Wow, prayers for a successful surgery for your DH. Double replacement - sounds daunting. My DH had a single knee replacement and was immobile for about a week. Good luck.
Thank you! I confess that I am worried that rehabilitation might take longer than usual, because of his compounding back & neck issues. I'm taking it one day at a time :-)
horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
It sounds he is good hands. He will overcome the surgery. It's a common surgery, so remind yourself and hubby that the prognosis is good as long as he continues to follow doctors follow-up procedures / physical therapy.
Good luck to your hubby....best wishes to you both.
You sound good!
He had some complications, so everything has taken a little longer than expected. But he made it and that's the important thing. I fear we have a long road ahead of us though, but maybe not.
Horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
I am glad to hear that he is alright after surgery...remember to take one day at a time.
Horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
oh, and i'm proud of you for being by his side and helping your hubby today and everyday!