Day 50: The family reunion is over, thankfully. No, I did not have a good time, but what is passed is past and I won't rehash it here. I'm sure that I didn't behave well, offended many and made several members upset. When I'm totally stressed out, I tend to retreat into myself, so I am not the most outgoing person under these circumstances. An alcoholic drink might have helped me tremendously but Husband had to work late at the last minute so I was on my own with this one (and the kiddies), so I thought it best not to drink, since alcohol goes straight to my head and I had to drive home myself. I'm sure my mother is upset with me. But on to more important matters here....
In 50 days' time, I managed to stop bingeing (for the most part) and lost 4 lbs. This might have been more, except that I stopped exercising since Friday, to rest and renew myself.
I have the trip to the UK to do next, so I think what my next short-term goal will be is to change up my exercise routine until we leave on July 4th. I plan to cut down my crosstrainer time to 30 minutes a day, incorporate more weight training and then some other kind of cardio to round out the hour.
I plan to change my routine again once I return from vacation.
Progress as of today: 7.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
Day 49: 2 hours before he's due to come home, Husband calls me up and says he has to work overtime today so he won't be going to my Family party tonight. Great. I *really* need his support right now and he leaves me to do it alone. Not enough words to express how much I dread this now. I didn't think it could get worse, but I was wrong.
Took a look at the menu online. Everything is a la carte and hugely expensive. My kids don't like to eat like that. Neither do I. Perhaps I can order a side dish of broccoli for myself. These stupid people, I hate them...
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
TWO WORDS: Oreos and beer.
This is not good. I need a new approach. So I took today off from the gym, but it will take more than just this weekend to figure out where I'm going with this journey.
I think I'm subconsciously anxious about tomorrow's Dysfunctional Family Reunion. And I'm also nervous about my upcoming trip to the UK. I think we are spending a couple of days in London and then about a week up in Scotland but I'm not sure where. Glasgow maybe? I wanted to go to Hawaii but Husband decided that this would be like our "once in a lifetime" things do. Whatever. No offense, but going to Hawaii has been a desire of mine for a long time, but Husband lived on Hawaii for 4 years so he has no desire to go back there. So I'm basically going along for the ride.
Now back to my Oreos and beer....
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day Whatever: (I don't care any more to count) I have nothing positive to say so this will be short. The weight tracker accurately reflects my weight now. Essentially maintaining...
Oh, I do have something positive to day: Today is the LAST day of girls' softball for the summer season, and I will never have to coach with these stupid men ever AGAIN.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day 44: I was so depressed I had to have a cup of coffee after dinner. Sometimes coffee helps pick up my mood. So does writing here. Hopefully, when I am done with my cup of java and my entry for today, i will be feeling better.
I am so discouraged. I've had to work hard at my body image issues and food issues and exercise issues. And for the most part, I've pulled myself out of the downward spiral that thoughts like that lead to. But every once in a while, it really hits me HARD that no matter HOW HARD I try at this losing weight, that I will never be the tiny, slender, lithe person I want to be. I want to have a totally different bone and muscle structure from the neck down. My shoulders are too wide, my hips are too wide, my legs are too thick, my arms are thick too. My thighs are full, from the knee up. I have 2 fat deposits on my upper hip. This is genetic, because my daughter was born with fat on her hips too.
Oh how I wish I could have slender, lean legs, with space in between them when I have my feet together. Even at my lowest adult weight of 113, my thighs were full and they touched. Hate, hate, hate it!!!!
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
i am so surprised that nobody on the site told me NOT to take it....or that i'm not overweight...so i shouldn't take the Alli. i guess we are all adults and make choices. so far, i've had no negative side effects because i'm serisouly making sure that i don't go over the fat grams at each meal. of course, the meal must have fat or the pill doesn't work. i think i've had a bit more gas than usual...haha, but that's it. they say the body gets used to it after a couple weeks.
oh, and yes, if i take the pill, which you do before starting to eat, i know i CANNOT binge! so, it will definitely help with that. (except if i'm snacking, then i'll have to take some individual control when alli is not involved!).
goodnight, feel better, you'll get through it! afterall, you've been doing well...just minor recent setbacks. put those things aside!
Hope you have a good one! (Coffee is a great pick-me-up--hope it worked!)
Day 43: I took a look at my food log for this past week. I see that I generally average 50g of fiber a day. It is rare for me to be under 50g. I do reach 70g on occassion, but then, those are the days when I eat more. So there's a trade-off there.
On my average 50g fiber day, I usually start off my day with high fiber cereal (All-Bran or Fiber One), one cup, with a cup of soy milk. Right there is 20-28g of fiber, in my breakfast alone.
For lunch I will have a vegetable wrap made with a high fiber tortilla from La Tortilla Factory. Those average 12-14g of fiber. My wraps usually have eggplant (more fiber) and or lots of lettuce. If I have eggplant in the wrap, then I will have a salad and a piece of fruit on the side.
My snacks consist of fruit (now that it is very hot here) or cold leftover vegetables from the night before. If I'm lucky enough to have a Fiber One Oats & Chocolate bar in the house, I will have that. I usually have a cup of coffee in the afternoon too, to help pick me up.
For dinner, I will have a serving of protein (meat, unfortunately) and then 2 side dishes of vegetables, or a vegetable and a salad, or a vegetable and a fruit.
Sometimes for my evening snack, I will have a serving of high fiber cereal with some yogurt. Or just dry. Sometimes I also splurge on some sherbert, which is not low calorie and very dangerous to overindulge.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
i love high fiber breads/tortillas. Have you ever had the brand Morton's? they cell these rolls that are made of whole wheat and potato. only 80 calories, 4 grams fiber. its a good deal for a roll. they taste great and are chewy...and a bit more satisfying than bread.
Day 42: Ugh, up one pound. I'm not sure why. I've been eating less and thought I was active enough, even though 2 of my workouts were shortened because I didn't get up early enough to make it to the gym. I guess not. Well, it's very hot and humid here so perhaps I'm retaining water.
Today was the girls' softball All-Star game. It was enjoyable. It was the first time that I didn't feel totally railroaded by my fellow male coaches. Maybe it was because it didn't count. Or maybe it was because we were so bad. (We seemed to get all the weaker players from the other teams. My daughter's team was awesome, thankfully.)
My Husband was so nice today. Even though he is very tired, he came home after work and took my bike to the bike shop to get the chain fixed. So now I can take evening bike rides with my daughter. (I would take them with my son or husband, but my son doesn't know how to ride a bike and Husband doesn't exercise.)
Next Saturday at this time, I will be driving to my dysfunctional family reunion dinner thing. At least it is at a seafood restaurant so hopefully we can dine healthy. For tonight, I made a huge green salad, sauted zucchini and summer squash w/garlic (and olive oil), and then we will just have leftover pork chops and chicken breasts. Nice and light for such a hot day. Fresh fruit for dessert.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
I LOVE the zucchini/squash addition to a meal..so tasty!
Day 40: Today was pretty good exercise-wise. I had 50 minutes on the elliptical. I tried something different. I usually go slow with a high resistance. Today I went faster and a slightly lower resistance. I think it was harder than going slow!
Then I came home and ran for 20 minutes with dd (she rode her bike). I just returned home from coaching girls' softball. We lost, but I'm almost happy about it. I am so disgusted with the male coaches on our team. They go around like they are so great, so when the girls fall flat, I'll be darned if I'll be the one to pick the team up. They're so great, let THEM do it. Well, I apologize to you for my poor "team spirit" but I am *tired* of being the token woman, the potted plant of the coaches. I swear, a mushroom could do what they give me to do.
So all I have to get through is the stupid All-Star game on Saturday morning (thank GOD it's early so we can get it done and over with), and then the last game on Wednesday. Then I can purge myself of this "bad karma".
I hope to have an official weigh-in very soon.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day 39: My unofficial weigh in is 137.5. I'll be contrite and chalk it up to TOM. I don't think that's what's really behind it, but I'm so down today, I need the excuse because otherwise I will feel so horrible about myself and my lack of whatever it is that I need to reach my goal.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day 38: Today we are going to the pool! Finally got our pool passes. Then we had a nice lunch at Culver's with the kids, as they had coupons for free kids' meals. I opted for a turkey sandwich and did not eat my fries, except for maybe 4 of them. I finished the very last of my son's vanilla custard cone.
I did not wake up early today so I only did an hour on the elliptical. I really want to start running again. I need to figure out a time to do that where it's not so beastly hot outside AND not stuffed from the previous meal. AND that I can do with the kids occupied. I realized this morning that I am *wasting* these beautiful summer mornings where I could running outside or at least at the gym so that I could run afterwards when I got home.
I'm wasting my time! And last night I realized that I'm wasting your time as well, readers and friends. For some reason, I just cannot get myself to stay focused on my goals. I'm sorry, I apologize for that.
UPDATE: I found out on www.calorieking.com that my supposive "healthy" choice of turkey sandwich at Culver's had 480+ calories in it. Heck I could have had a hamburger for that amount of calories! I really should have planned ahead and searched for healthy choices. Even though it's hot outside, I should have gotten soup. But I wanted to order something that my son would eat should he be unsatisfied with his kids' meal portion. Can't make everyone happy, so Donkey loses in the end.
Better choices next time... It really does pay to plan ahead at these things. Damn...
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
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you've done really well since you began here! keep up the fantastic work! i like your goals as it is always important to mix up exercise routines so the body doesn't get used to them! i think more weight training is a great idea. it really helps with the burning of calories for awhile after its done!
Justine6Robert3 on 06/25/2007:
Hi Donkey, thank-you so much for your comments on my diary! I'm really sorry that you get so stressed out over these family get together's. It's unfortunate that your hubby was unable to be there to help you through it! I also have a rather "dysfunctional" family, especially on my Dad's side. I'm not sure if your family is super critical of you, it seems that might be part of what makes you dread seeing them. I have a few of those in my family also, never anything nice or positive to say!!
Great job loosing 4 lbs and keeping yourself from binging!! I agree with HOP, its a great idea to always switch up your exercise routine to keep your body guessing. Looks like you've been sticking to going to the gym even though it sounds as if your husband hasn't been joining you (as you suspected would happen!!) My hubby has yet to use the weight bench that I bought for him that is finally up. He say's he's waiting for the eliptical trainer to arrive but I'm afraid he's just procrastinating!
I was reading back through your diaries and comments and I think "My June Wedding" had some very valid points!! You do have so much going for you and you have made such huge changes in your lifestyle that should make you feel very proud!! I also think you have a great sense of humour, it even manages to come through in writting on here so I can only imagine how quirky and fun you would be in person! Keep your chin up and keep pushing forward, look at how far you've come!!!
halley on 06/25/2007:
You've come a long way - I'm sure you are a ton healthier than you were before - and much better able to handle the stress!