Ugh. I think that's the best word to describe yesterday. I ate so much Irish soda bread yesterday that I truly felt sick to my stomach. But did that stop me from eating more? Nooo. I have to wonder how badly I really want this weight loss. Maybe I WANT to be a fat person, I don't know.
I did eat a few of the kids' chocolates, but there are still plenty left. And they are for the kids.
I hope to start making the gym part of my routine starting tomorrow (Monday). That's the plan, anyway. I anticipate tomorrow's weigh-in being higher than EVER.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!
I have been a Busy Donkey these past couple of days -- today included! When my Husband has his days off, it throws my routine into a scramble. Yesterday, we spent all morning and most of the afternoon trying to make purchasing decisions for materials to repair our old house (that we need to sell). Then we came home and as soon as both kids were home, I rushed off to martial arts with them. They are enjoying it so far. I'm glad that they are getting exercise in. My son (who is so thin) hates to exercise, but my daughter (6) has all of a sudden started EATING a LOT. Not that it's bad, because she's in for a growth spurt I believe. But I was a chubby child and suffered horribly for it. And I just want to make sure that intake/output are balanced for my daughter. I'm also hoping that martial arts will give her the self-confidence that I never had (and still lack). As long as they enjoy it... Once it's not fun any more, then we'll move on, if we get to that point.
Today I am helping out in my daughter's classroom for 1.5 hours. Then I have to go grocery shopping for fresh fruit, milk and some kind of St Patrick's Day treat(s) for the kids. My son made some kind of Leprechaun trap so I think it would be fun to surprise him tomorrow morning with some goodies in his contraption. I'm hoping to find chocolate coins, but I think they will have to settle for a box of Lucky Charms cereal. Wah wah...
But at least I know I won't be tempted by the Lucky Charms. Those chocolates might not last too long around me (unfortunately). It was hard enough not to have a big ol' slice of the berry pie my Husband made last night. I managed to keep the calories to around 1100 (too low, but did not exercise). I'm ashamed to admit that in the past, I have often binged on the kids' treats. How bad is that? :(
Please be patient with me working into a routine to working out at the gym. I know by Monday I will be there exercising. I"m looking forward to my weigh-in on Monday morning. Gosh I hope I can stay on track over the weekend. Weekends are SO hard for me....
AFTERNOON UPDATE: I have come back from my errands. My daughter was crying when I left the school. That was hard. She misses me. She wanted me to take the bus with her this morning, but I told her I'd be there at 10a.
I bought treats for the Leprechaun Trap. A bag full of golden chocolate eggs, a box of Lucky Charms, and a box of chocolate glazed doughnut holes with green sprinkles on them. I will tell you now, I could easily eat all of those treats up. Yes, even the box of Lucky Charms. Maybe not the whole box, but I can eat cereal like people eat popcorn.
You know what though? It's time for me to be the adult here. The treats are for the KIDS, and not for me. I would be horrified if they ate everything all at once, so why should it be ok for me to do that very same thing? It's not.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!
With the growth spurt and just getting more active, she should do fine!
I just think that the new price structure is outrageous.
I to want my daughter to have great self esteem. I don't really know why I grew up feeling so insecure and still now as an adult I have terribly low self confidence. Mine wasn't due to weight, maybe it was because I was so painfully shy and timid, who knows!! All I know is I want my kids to have loads of confidence. For some reason it seems like girls often suffer more with the low self esteem. So far my daughter seems to have more than enough confidence, I just hope that doesn't change once she hits her teens!!
Good luck staying away from all of those treats! My hubby bought my daughter chocolate icecream as a treat. I don't usually have trouble resisting icecream but he bought Haagen-dazs and it smells sooo good! I hope they eat it before I loose my will power!! It has 280 calories in 1 half of a cup, brutal!!
that's a really cute idea to suprise your son with treats in the thing he made. I used to love it when my mom did stuff like that. Like she would put a note in my lunch that just said 'have a great day, i love you'. Moms are so creative. :-)
Oh, and I could easily eat a whole box of cereal. I've done it before, and it's easier than you might think. So watch out for that!
I think it's a great idea to encourage your daughter to take martial arts and other sports. I agree, it's a good way to help make sure she stays in shape as she gets older, without putting the focus on her weight (heaven knows girls don't need any encouragement to do THAT!). And you're right, it will also be good for her self-esteem, which is just as important, if not more. I was always thin as a child, but I might as well have been overweight because I was always so self-conscious and embarrassed about my physical appearance. Honestly, since I started running, the biggest change in me has been mental, not physical. Although I did lose a few pounds, I never really achieved the really slim profile which I wanted (I guess I have those J-Lo genes!). But I appreciate my body for what I know it can do, if that makes any sense. I guess I know I'm fit and in good shape, and that's more important to me now than just looking really skinny.
Well, last night, after I added my Update, I had another slip-up. Bad Donkey! Afterwards, I tried to express to my Husband how disgusted I was with myself but he did not understand. Men just have a different way of seeing things, I guess. I know he tried to help me feel better.
So --- today, we went and joined a gym. I confess that I just could NOT pick up the phone and call to ask questions, so I had my Husband do it. He's better on the phone with people anyway, and he loves to be my hero. After getting rates from both the Fancy Gym and the Basic Gym, I decided that we should sign up with the Basic Gym. Price-wise, I just could not justify the high enrollment fee for us at the Fancy Gym ($380! with monthly dues at $120). Basic Gym was $60 enrollment fee and $32 a month for both of us to join. We both agree that this will be satisfactory for now (until we get our home gym set up). And for me, it's not that much $$ lost if Husband decides he doesn't want to exercise after all.
The Fancy Gym would have been nice because there's stuff to do for the kids and because they are open 24/7 and there's a swimming pool (exercise classes cost extra). But honestly, I like the gym to be just for me. It's my "Me Time", even if I have to get up at the butt-crack of dawn to go without kids in tow.
We will be going shopping for supplies for repairs on the old house. I am anxious to get it up for sale ASAP. Not that it will sell in the depressed real estate market, but just to have it done and "open for business", so to speak. It will be a great deal of stress off my mind, that's for sure.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!
I think you made the right choice of gym. This way you won't be nagging the kids and husband to use the gym. And I know what you mean about enjoying your time to yourself. People are always trying to hook me up with other runners, but I kind of like this time alone. And I'm not quite fit enough to carry on a conversation while running. And of course there's also that shyness...
That's nice that your hubby likes to be your "hero". My husband is also that way, he loves to fix all of my little problems when he can. He is actually rather nurturing for a man especially since he is a real "mans man". He only shows his big teddy bear side to the kids and myself though (and his and my Mom to some extent also). He has a very protective nature to him when it comes to females, I like that about him, reminds me of my own Dad. He also likes to take care of my Mom since my Dad passed away, my Mom adores him. They often butt heads because they are both so outspoken but they have alot of respect and love for one another. My Mom takes alot of comfort in him because he reminds her so much of my Dad, even in his less enduring traits, ha,ha!!
Thank-you for the nice comments you left me on my diary, I really appreciate all of your positive feedback and encouragment!!
I also know how you feel with the "me time" at the gym. I love to go to the gym and have that couple of hours to myself. Even though I am physically exerting myself, its so relaxing in a way to just listen to tunes and work out and not have to worry about taking care of my childrens needs. Don't get me wrong I love being with my kids but we all need a break for our own sanity, alone time is so important!!
Enjoy your new gym!
Believe me, I thought of quite a few retorts I could have made ("and your breath stinks of those cigarillos you smoke!") but I just wasn't expecting this sudden insult and was too shocked to respond with anything right away!
I did not want to log in until I finished my exercising! I did my weight training at home and then went for a 45 minute brisk walk outside. It is beautiful but windy, and the wind gives the air a slight chill. Snow forecasted for Friday, by the way.
Someone want to tell me how a bowl of chili can have nearly 500 calories? I had a bowl of chili and a cup of honeydew melon for lunch and that, along with my All Bran cereal in the morning, put me at nearly 1000 calories already. BAH! Oh well, I ate the chili and THEN went for the walk.
My Husband and I had a talk about gyms yesterday. He said that we should join a gym with just the basics for now and then once we sell our old house (the one we moved from), then we can look into purchasing some equipment for home usage. OK, I can sorta go along with that. Even if I have a home gym, I can still sign up for exercise classes through our parks system. So that made me feel a little better about the gym issue.
EVENING UPDATE: Today's calorie count: 1675. It's probably either a little higher or a lot lower, depending on you count that bowl of chili I had for lunch. I had a pretty good day today, though. Tomorrow should be "interesting": Cooler weather, it's my running day, and my Husband has the day off. I am hoping that we can go gym shopping tomorrow, but he has things to finish up at the old house in the morning. Then after the kids get home, he's taking them to check out a martial arts class.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!
Snow on Friday?! I wanna cry!
WEIGH IN: 138.5
*sigh* I'm back up to my starting weight. With 2 slip-ups this week, what else could I expect? Well, I have decided to stick to my calorie levels this week and see what my weigh in is next week. Hopefully this will be enough incentive to get me to call up some gyms to get prices. I realized yesterday that I do not want to be dealing with these last 10-15lb when I am in my 40s. I want to lose this weight this year, maintain and move on. Is that possible? Or will I be a 60 yr old still complaining that I've binged again? Will I ever learn and evolve?
EVENING UPDATE: Went for an awesome run today! No stopping, this time (no cell phone calls, LOL.) It's hard to get me started but once I get going on a run, it feels OK. I also found a way to extend my run for when it comes time to add mileage (if I want; good for walks, too). Calories for today, according to calorie counter, is 1333. I've discovered that it really helps keep the daily calorie level down if I eat more vegetables at lunch and dinner. Imagine that!
I'm sure you will "evolve", you just had a bad couple of days!! The fact that your so loyal to making your entries here tells me that you really want to make the changes and succeed at loosing that weight!
Have a great day and enjoy that nice weather that's coming your way!!
borntocry on 03/12/2007:
You will learn and evolve. You know, three years ago, when I decided I wanted to get in shape, I had the same thought: I didn't want to wait until I was older, because it'll only get harder, right? And in these last three years, my weight's been going up and down the whole time. But I feel like it's slightly more in control as time goes by. The first time I got down to my current weight, I gained it all back within the next few months. The second time, I only gained some of it back. This time, hopefully even less. I still have binges but they're never as bad as they used to be. I used to eat so much I couldn't even stand afterwards! Now I rarely get to the point where I feel sick from overeating. You know, we do learn from our mistakes, though maybe not as quickly as we would like.
WorkingIt2 on 03/12/2007:
I feel the SAME way about carrying around the weight I have into my 40's. I hope you have a much better week, this week! Have a great day =)
greengirl on 03/12/2007:
Keep up the good work like you know how and none of you girls will ever be fat, fair and forty!!! I was exactly that and now , here I am in my fifties, when it is much harder to lose each pound. Do it now ladies, and you will not have to regret wasting the best years of your life hiding under a layer of fat!!!!!
GirlieGirl6486 on 03/12/2007:
Nice job on the run! My friend Billy is going to be my running buddy for warm days outside, so that will help. He already mapped out a route and checked the mileage! I need to add more veggies and stuff too...I think laziness has something to do with me not adding more veggies. They take so much darn preparation! LOL.
WorkingIt2 on 03/12/2007:
Yay congrats on the run!
Justine6Robert3 on 03/12/2007:
Great job on the run and eating more veggies!! I also need to eat more veggies but I'm so picky, its going to take me a while to find things I can eat and get used to sucking it up and just eating them even if I really don't enjoy them!!
borntocry on 03/13/2007:
Hey Donkey! Thanks for your comment. I must say, that's pretty optimistic of you to think that my eating will "moderate itself" now that I'm not training for a race. I fear it will be quite the opposite!
It was not a good day yesterday. We did end up going to the library but I did not check out a yoga DVD. I did not manage to get in a walk yesterday. We had a conflict with a girl in the neighborhood, and I'm not sure if it was her or if it was me or my daughter or what. But needless to say it bothered me all afternoon.
My husband announced that he had to go to bed early last night, because he has a 12-hour shift today. I know that on nights that he goes to bed early, I do not deal with this well. And last night was no exception. I had a binge of sorts, only to be stopped when my daughter walked in on me eating butter cookies in front of the TV. I felt so bad, because the cookies are for the kids. But I was relieved that her entrance into the room stopped me from eating.
My Husband thinks that we will sign up for one of the smaller (and less expensive) gyms for now. I admit I felt disappointed, but I cannot stick up for myself and say, "No I want to go to the fancy gym" because I am not bringing in any money into the family and I can hardly justify the cost to myself much less to him. It's not that I wanted to go to the mega gym per se; it's that I don't like being told it's out of my reach. How immature is THAT??? DUH!
Tomorrow afternoon, I *WILL* be making phone calls around to local gyms to get prices.
I have no exercise ambitions for today as I am stuck with both kids at home all day. My son prefers to do activities on his own (like his mom) and my daughter is too little to go the distance that I require. Too bad, too, because it's going to be a beautiful day. High of 65 on Tuesday? Highs of 30 by Saturday. I hate this.
UPDATE: Just took my measurements. UGH, what a BIG BUTT I have!!! 40 inches???
EVENING UPDATE: Today's total calories ended up being around 1100. Huh??? That doesn't seem right, but that's what the calorie counter says. And I measured, too. Hmm... But it ended up being a nice day after all. I spent about 2 hours outside with the kids. It was so nice to have warm, sunny weather. I still needed a jacket and gloves, but it was nice.
I do hesitate to weigh in tomorrow. My jeans are starting to feel oh so tight. I've got my list of phone numbers and questions to ask when I call up gyms tomorrow!
Thanks for your comments and for wishing me luck before my race! And also for the warning not to pig out on those macadamia nuts... you were right about that... I found out the hard way!
borntocry on 03/11/2007:
Hi Donkey! I was kind of leaning towards the more basic gym anyway. It'll be summer soon, and you and the kids will probably want to do more outdoor activities anyway. If you really get a lot of use out of the gym you can always sign up for the more expensive one next year, or in six months or something. I'm sure your husband will support you if he sees you're really going to benefit from it.
borntocry on 03/11/2007:
I just read your comment... thank you for saying that!
biscottibody59 on 03/11/2007:
My 2cents: Isn't the job (uncompensated) as "housewife" and major caregiver to your children and all the stuff you've been doing to put your old house on the market worth something? Especially if you're eventually going to go to work at some point. Imagine what you'd have to pay someone else to do all that.
borntocry on 03/11/2007:
P.S. 39 inches here!
biscottibody59 on 03/11/2007:
In addition: You may still lose the argument or the desire to choose the more expensive, fancier gym. But your time and effort is certainly worth alot!
Ooo, are my legs ever SORE today! This is a great thing. it's been a LONG time since I've felt that ache in any of my muscles.
My goal is to get a walk in today. I'm going to try to keep running to every other day, I think, until I build up some endurance.
I neglected to report yesterday's calories, which I believe came in at around 1570, give or take 10 calories. I also did fantastic with my water intake, with 12 cups (nearly 3L for you metric folks).
New situations are difficult for me, but I hope to try to get over to the public library and get library cards for me and the kids. Husband is at work today. Maybe we could go when he gets home from work. But I would like to try to see if they have a yoga DVD to try out. Normally, I hate exercising to videos, but yoga sounds like it would feel very good right about now.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
I was a very bad Donkey yesterday. Total calories consumed: 3108. Yes, and most of them were consumed between the hour of 2p-3p. I was feeling tired and ugly and frustrated that I am useless. I could have gone for a walk. I could have taken a nap. Instead I decided I would try to see what it was like to be a fat housewife and eat with abandon, which I could do since nobody else was home.
So I was out of sorts for the rest of the day. I told myself last night, as I was driving my son to Chess Club (which is actually next week; I had the wrong date in my calendar) that I MUST remember what this feels like so that the next time I feel like going on a sugar binge, I will not do it. I felt just horrible.
This morning I was determined to start anew. Only to find that my husband did not buy me a box of my cereal (the almighty important All Bran) when he stopped at the store last night. Oh well, a constipated wife is an unhappy wife, I told him. So I substituted Total Raisin Bran, which isn't the best choice (diet or otherwise - YUCK!), but it will do, since I already had a half cup of the All Bran and my soy milk in the bowl.
A beautiful day today, with 50 degree weather. AND everyone but Weather Channel is predicting 60 degree temps by next week.
Let's see if I actually DO anything exercise related today.
UPDATE: I DID IT!!!! I actually got my butt out the front door and went for a jog! I ran for 40 minutes, and I felt wonderful. Afterwards I did toning exercises with my dumbbells. I could feel that wonderful ache in my quads that told me that I pushed my body physically today. But I don't want my legs to be so sore that I can't walk tomorrow! So I did a lot of stretching, and then I also went for a 30 minute walk later on in the afternoon, before the kids got home from school. I wanted to explore the walking trail in the other direction.
Let me tell you, running on the ground is sooooo much different than running on a treadmill. Now I know why Born To Cry runs as often as she does. It's a wonderful feeling! And thank you, Biscotti for letting me know that you run outside too! I hope that this is the beginning of a wonderful thing for me!!
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Great job Donkey!
Thanks for the birthday wishes! It was my husband who gave me the DVD, actually, not my brother (he's in England). I've already seen the movie - I also liked it but found it very depressing.
Today it is nice and sunny outside. Once again, I overheard the weatherman saying 60 degree weather by next week, only to find out that Weather.com says one day of 50 degree (MAYBE) and then the rest of the days are in the low 40s until we plunge back down into the 30s. Well, if they think that means I'm going to get my winter coat out again, they are WRONG. I am hoping for better temperatures than they are forecasting.
I am trying desperately to motivate myself to go running outdoors. I just can't seem to do it.
I have also re-evaluated going gym shopping. I think I would like to do that. I am not sure when I will do so. That might be a good thing to think about while I'm outside running, don't you think? Hmm... Well, we shall see.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Ok, a new day, a new opportunity to make a difference.
Well, yes, there's snow on the driveway and it HAS to get shoveled because I am expecting a delivery of furniture today. I look out my window and see that the snow is still coming down and it is blowing around too. Great.
Not only do I have to shovel here, but I have to go up to the other house and shovel there. And my good shovel is at the other house to boot. I plan to take my daily shower at the old house, after I get done scrubbing the tub and walls again. So 2 shovelings and one or 2 heavy cleanings. At least I'm getting in my exercise today! YAY!
I did not do well with eating yesterday, but I am hoping to improve upon that today. And I am sure I will, as yesterday was more of an exception than the rule.
I must get my day started, so that Husband will get his started as well. He and I have already spent too much time on the computer this morning!
EVENING UPDATE: Total calories: 1692, as best as I could say, with the majority of them being eaten at dinner.
I have high hopes for tomorrow though. I went to the old house and brought back 2 sets of dumbbells and adjustable 10lb ankle weights. I will now be able to do some weight training at home.
Also, I finally put away my long puffy "marshmallow man" winter coat, the one I use for extreme cold and/or snow. I'm sure we'll have more snow, but if we do, oh well too bad, I will be out there shoveling it in my light coat, because I'm officially declaring winter to be over.
I took delight in seeing the walking path cleared -- yet again. And I plan to be using that tomorrow in some capacity, either walking or jogging or both. I've decided that it's high time I got off the hamster wheel (treadmill) and became a real runner by taking it outside.
(Not that treadmill runners aren't real runners, but I have to say something to myself to motivate me to get my butt out there, as I do not belong to a gym, yet. Believe me, if I had a gym membership or a treadmill at home, I would be using it like crazy.)
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
I have mentioned this to Kirt in the past but I guess he wasn't really hearing me because the chips just kept coming in the house all week. I think after I told him I was putting them all in the trunk and he would have to go and get them when he wanted them he finally listened!! So thank-you Donkey for that idea!!! He agreed that we would just buy them for our family night and not during the week, YAY!!! Now I just have to listen to the kids complain a little but they will get used to it and in the long run and maybe they will thank me.
It seems like a never ending task for you getting the old and the new house clean!! Your going to be so sick of housework after all of this!! I hope you see an end to all of the snow soon, I'm also very tired of the cold!! I'm not much of a Canadian am I, ha,ha!! Actually, alot of us (especially the girls) prefer spring, summer and fall. Anything but winter cold!!!
I'm glad your in better spirits today. You will definetly be getting your exercise in today with all of that shovelling and cleaning!!
Have a good day, good luck!
Thanks also for your advice about the doctor. My doctor does have a tendency towards nonchalance, it's true. But I've had these "reproductive issues" all my life and am not really in a hurry to get dozens of scans and ultrasounds and blood tests at the moment. After dealing with this UC bombshell last year I've had enough of doctors and hospitals for quite some time. It's just too depressing - I can't deal with it. This is one of the rare times in my life that I've felt really good about myself and I don't want to blow it!
Our weather is generally mild enough winterwise that I was able to get out whenever I wanted to jog. I didn't do much of it this winter. Summerwise I have to get used to the heat, which hasn't been a problem. In fact I'd rather run in the evening in the middle of summer when it's 90ish than in the bitter cold.
I think I'd rather have a really high-quality elliptical later on than anything else. Unless I lived where I had the potential for extreme winter, I don't think I'd use a treadmill at home. Having said all that I haven't been on a treadmill in more than 10 years, so the new ones could "wow" me--you never know!
I checked Fitday and for my weight shoveling snow burns 5 cal/min--so in addition to the housework you're probably getting in more activity than you think.
Also, I like the "new day, new opportunity to make a difference." You really have to have that attitude to get to where you want to be!
Have a good one!
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I'm sure the gym will inspire you again. As for yesterday, it was St Pat's Day so it was a one off with the soda bread (wasn;t it???). Start afresh with a new weight and new aims. You will be ok :)
WorkingIt2 on 03/18/2007:
So happy for you that you will be going to the gym! YAY! I know what you mean about looking at your daughter and not wanting her to suffer through the same 'fatness' that you suffered through. I tell my daughter all the time that I was whip-cord thin until I turned 15 and it wasn't until I moved out of my parent's house at the age of 18 that I started to slim down (didn't have as much food to eat and had to walk everywhere because I didn't have a car lol) and then I piled it back on with each baby. She is really doing great, looking at calories and paying attention to exercise. I think it is great that we are setting healthy examples for them to follow. I can remember my mom exercising once while I was growing up. And she is paying a heavy price on her health now, which makes me sad.
New starts are a great place to begin....I wish you the best!
Justine6Robert3 on 03/18/2007:
I think when you get back into the routine of going to the gym your eating habits will improve. I always eat better when I exercise because I feel like if I eat all kinds of bad food then there was no point in all of that exercise. Then on days that I don't exercise (when my calories should be lower!) I almost always struggle more to eat well and keep my calories low.
I also had a bad day yesturday. I went to a b-day party where there was NO option of healthy food, urgh!! The party was from 12:00-3:00 and I was starving. I find it very frustrating when people have nothing healthy for me to eat. They had sandwiches that were all on white bread & white pasta salades!! I have eaten white bread or white pasta since I started this and I was really annoyed that I had no choice, I either had to eat some or starve!! I didn't eat alot, 3 quarters of a sandwich, a scoop or so of salade and some cucumbers. (oh they had a tiny veggie tray and water, at least that was healthy!!) Anyway, once I got home I was just out of control hungry and I ate to much and very badly the rest of the day. I decided I wasn't even going to try to total my calories and I would just move on today and start fresh.
I hope you have a better day today and enjoy your first trip to the gym!! I really think getting back to a gym is going to get you back to a positive place!! Hang in there Donkey, I know you can get back on track!