Do you think I'm freaking out????? THIS is what eating frozen watermelon at 9p will do to your numbers on the scale. UGH!!!!
Woke up feeling VERY puffy today. Just call me the Puff Donkey (or P-Donkey, I suppose, eh?).
I hope to update this entry later on today with something more substantial to say.
Progress as of today: 25.5 lbs lost so far, only -11.5 lbs to go!
Several things to talk about:
1. I started seeing a therapist 2 weeks ago and he knows about these issues I have with food and weight. I try not to give them too much of the therapy sessions because that's not what's REALLY bothering me. The food and the weight -- that's just noise to protect me from facing my real problems.
2. It's not about the numbers. Ha ha - sometimes I forget this, as you saw in yesterday's post. I hit a really low point yesterday, and that's when the numbers (calories, weight, exercise, etc.) kind of take over my brain. Total defense mechanism, but I can't go there. Or if I do, I have to make sure I don't stay there too long or turning around will be harder and harder.
3. Being thin doesn't count if you're not healthy & happy. This kind of repeats #2 listed above, but more compactly and precisely. I should have a bumper sticker that says that.
As you can see, my numbers (ha ha) are up today, but that is probably because of the ice cream that I had last night. I seem to be making Friday nights sort of a Treat Night, where I have an indulgence or 2. I had 1/2 cups (give or take) of 3 or 4 of the flavors of ice cream that we have here in the house. I'm not replacing them once they are finished. Time to get that **** out of the house.
OK -- this post has already started to become WAY too involved in food and numbers and weight. So I'm ending it here. It stops now.
Progress as of today: 27 lbs lost so far, only -13 lbs to go!
Exactly. And some of us use food to protect us from our problems and go the OTHER way, which is gaining weight. You did work very hard to lose the weight and you did it during some very, very stressful times, and you were successful. So it is only natural that you would return to what you did that you feel very good about, and have that control, even when you know it might be a bit too much. Your weight and what you put in your mouth, or don't put in your mouth, are things that nobody can control or take away from you. My sister does the same thing but does it with eating too much food and not exercising. To her, being obese is what SHE wants...so because she is obese, she is therefore in control of her life. Even though she isn't happy and knows it isn't good for her.
Hang in there Donkey, you will eventually break through your real reasons and regain more control of parts of your life that you feel you can't right now. For whatever reason.
I am really very happy to see someone addressing the OTHER side of weight obsession, and so openly. In reality, overeating/underexercising and overeating/overexercising, are in a parallel universe. I am glad you are seeing the therapist..maybe it won't be so scary getting to the other side. Take care =)
anyways, back to you. what you wrote up there, the points you listed, are good. it shows you are striving to focus on your internal health. keep it up!
I cannot possibly describe how strong the desire is to see a lower number on the scale. Throw me a bone: 115, 114.5.... 113 would be such a pretty number.
I'm tired of seeing 116. Blah.
Progress as of today: 28 lbs lost so far, only -14 lbs to go!
Now that you have done so well, why not just maintain where you are and move on to thinking about other things...other things to DISTRACT your mind with instead of the scale? My Hubby threw out my scale last month cause he was concerned about me and while I am not saying for you to do likewise, I AM saying that you really need to think this through...and take good care of yourself in the meanwhile. ~Love, Maria
Oh wait,116 lbs? Girl you are slim!
:D
It's going to be OK... It's going to be OK... It's going to be OK... It's going to be OK... It's going to be OK...
One of those days...
Progress as of today: 28 lbs lost so far, only -14 lbs to go!
I seem to have stabilized at around 116. Lately, I have been feeling very large. I swear, last night, I thought that certain body parts had gotten noticeably larger within the last week or so. I don't think so.
I need to learn how to deal with anxious feelings. My husband is such a calm and cool guy on the outside in most situations. Me, on the other hand, I seem to wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm so transparent.
This here nerdy Donkey needs to work on being one cool racehorse. Or at least coming across like one.
Progress as of today: 28 lbs lost so far, only -14 lbs to go!
As for your comment to me yesterday, we may very well be sharing the same man, because mine is really cute too. he's just not really 'mine', dang it!!!!!
YOU ARE NOT BIG...you are small. You are very small. You are so small that you were worried about your small self. The anxious feeling is probably just making you feel bigger, freaking you out and all that stuff.
I do, however, understand that people with distorted body image or distorted eating, also have that feeling. And that sometimes when your life seems totally out of control, if the only thing you feel good at controlling is your weight, sometimes it becomes an obsession because it feels good to master the weight loss. And it can happen to anyone. I think we all have obsessions, and some of them can be weight control.
You are not big. You may have parts of yourself that you don't like, we all do. Right now the part I don't like is my whole body.
Hang in there Donkey...and don't pretend anything. =)
OK, yesterday was 114.0 and today was 116.5. And before that it was 115.5. So I took the average and it seems as though I've settled at around 115, which I can live with.
My one scale (yes, I have 2 scales and I weigh-in on both) measures water weight, and it is elevated this morning, so I'm sure I'm holding in quite a bit. It's rather humid today, and tomorrow it promises to be very hot and muggy, which I detest.
Progress as of today: 27.5 lbs lost so far, only -13.5 lbs to go!
i will make sure to keep eating often. i always do but lately it's gotten to be too much so. i need to keep some kind of schedule bc at work i just take coffee whenever i feel like it and i'm going overboard. getting bloated all the time and just consuming too much volume. i think. tomorrow's going to be difficult at work. perhaps i'll pick up one of those starbucks drinks on the way there! :)
OK, the only reason why I'm reporting this today is because it's the first of the month, and I thought it would be a good idea to have a reference point for how I do in August.
I would say that I'm starting to get concerned. I'm trying to work it out in my thoughts, to gather inner strength and a clear perspective. Definitely time to phase in a healthy maintenance program. Definitely....
Progress as of today: 28.5 lbs lost so far, only -14.5 lbs to go!
It's funny how talking to someone objective can make a person feel so much better. However, now I feel less than ever like eating. Bleah...
I'll have another cup of coffee instead. It will be OK.
Progress as of today: 27 lbs lost so far, only -13 lbs to go!
just remember you cannot starve. i miss reading your menus.
Pay no attention to that number in the weight column. Monday it was 117.5. Tuesday it was 121.5. Today it is 116.0. I have 2 scales that are 1lb off, and both scales correspond to the influx in weight. So that leads me to conclude that the number on the scale is nothing but donkey-doo.
My phone call was returned yesterday and it was not good news, but it was not unexpected. I can't make my problems go away by ignoring them, so I will have to fight them until I have no further recourse. I was able to convey that I have done considerable effort on my part, but I still have some nagging issues. I don't know if I should bring them up. Husband says I should not, but if you have questions, shouldn't you ask?
I am talking to someone about my anxiety tomorrow. So far, I have been able to get SOME sleep (as opposed to little to no sleep), but only out of sheer exhaustion. But 4-5 hours is better than 3 hours or 2-hour chunks throughout the night. I hope that this person will be able to help me get a grip on my nerves.
Progress as of today: 28 lbs lost so far, only -14 lbs to go!
Im glad you were able to get some sleep. A little is better than none. Good luck with your anxiety discussion. I hope you find some answers and relief soon.
I'm not sure what your struggles are, but wow, I read your entries and in spite of your humor (that Donkey humor that is so cool!) it feels like there are some very heavy things going on. I am so happy for you that you are going to speak to someone and get some assistance. You are a strong person and have been through a great deal, the move, trying to sell the house, all that frustration, the job, kids being sick, everything. But even the strongest of us need a haven and I am very glad to read you are going to create one for yourself. I wish you all the best!
i'm glad you are doing something proactive for yourself! :)
Just checking to let you know that I'm still hanging on to that knot at the end of my rope :-) It'll be all right. (Although - I'm expecting a phone call that will tell me if it will *really* be all right or if I have to hang onto that knot a little longer.)
My husband mentioned yesterday that maybe I'm getting a little too thin. Hmm. I don't think so. My weight is still healthy. I eat a lot. I exercise. I think it's jut because my body fat % is 15, so I do admit I look lean. Ahh you gotta love summertime. I love being outside and active, eating plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables. OF COURSE I'm going to be leaner. DUH! Now check back with me after Thanksgiving, when the Christmas cookies start to come out ;-) Trust me, it'll be a different story.
Progress as of today: 26.5 lbs lost so far, only -12.5 lbs to go!
Hang in there! Oh and yeah, for real about Thanksgiving and Christmas LOL!
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The one nice thing about watermelon (well for me anyway) is that it does help with constipation lol. Hang in there Miss P-Donkey! Water retention is inevitable at some point. It really does piss me off, though LOL
beth201P on 08/10/2008:
I know what you mean, however it is mother nature for me. lol During this time of the month I wish I was fixed. lol Have a good Sunday. (hug)
Horn_Of_Plenty on 08/10/2008:
HAHAHA!!! p-donk! that's just one of the most awesome things i've read in your diary lately!!! :)
well, watermelon is filled with healthy water and some sugar! so, it's normal for the water to bloat you a bit if you eat a lot of it late. but, it's totally healthy so stop it!!! don't go totally by the scale. i think you are a bit addicted to the scale, actually. i remember when i get addicted to weight and start weighing myself every day, that's not good. now, i can tell if i'm up or down just by how i feel. i do like to weigh myself when i know i am down, but i am not at all addicted to the scale. if you weigh yourself once per day, that's good but i'd recommend you take an average of your weights for the week to see if you are really up/down. so, average 7 days and see where you are week to week. that's what i'd do.
i am STILL doing pushups and i love them so! thank you thank you thank you! I like how they make my shoulders look BROADER. it makes me look more athletic. yay! :)
Jen40 on 08/11/2008:
What's this about push ups? I'm liking the sound of that! :O)