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Donkey - Tuesday Jan 15, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Today was so mind-numbing -- the weather, the job, my mood, my physical self (still feels like I'm fighting something, may be hormonally linked) -- even my clothese were grey today.

But I did manage to do some things for myself that were good.  I did the mouthwash thing again after lunch.  Also practiced portion control with the ranch salad dressing for my afternoon vegetables snack.  I don't measure, but it was just a little bit over 1 TBSP.  

One thing that I'm especially proud of happened Monday night.  After I rode my bike, I took off my FitBit.  Got distracted... then did a bunch of walking around the house to clean up before bed. Upstairs, downstairs, upstairs, downstairs, back and forth.  Then when I was upstairs for good, I realized that none of those steps counted because I had left the FitBit in the basement.  UGH!!!  I had a moment where I was quite distraught and discouraged -- mostly discouraged -- but then I realized that the important thing is that I was doing the walking, not whether or not FitBit was counting those steps or not.  So I calmed myself down and took pride in knowing that exercise still counts, even if it's not being counted (by the FitBit).  

I'm hoping to get to bed early tonight.  Not sure if it's the feeling blah, feeling tired, tired of feeling blah, or the blahness of feeling tired.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

graindart on 01/15/2019:
But you made your weight goal, so everything is supposed to be perfect and easy now.

Obviously just kidding. But that's what we're lead to believe, right? Deep down we know it's not true, but we still hope that it will magically make everything better......

Good job on getting the exercise in and not obsessing about getting FitBit "credit" for doing it.

Donkey on 01/16/2019:
LOL - I have to say, of the most unmotivated days in the World of Maintenance, today was the unmotivated-est. Suffering from a serious case of the Blahs. It WILL pass, but it's so boring.


horn_of_plenty on 01/16/2019:
Yes !!!!! The important thing Is you did the walking and even if you don't have the measurement by a piece of electronic equipment - you know you did it.

Keep on stay positive it's the winter season :-)

Donkey on 01/16/2019:
Trying to -- trying hard. I'll write about this in my entry.



Donkey - Monday Jan 14, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Rather frustrated with myself this morning.  After having "nothing to do" yesterday, of course I thought of a million things I should have done and, thus, really wanted to get them done TODAY -- the only problem being that I had to work today. 

I managed to get most done, in spite of it being a workday.  Right now, I am waiting for my baked eggplant to finish in the oven.  Then I will go downstairs to ride the bike to decompress.

It was *wonderful* going to bed early last night. I  would have gone to *sleep* earlier but stayed up 20 minutes extra trying to get my dumb FitBit to sync with my phone in order to update my stats.  I still got over 8 hours of sleep -- despite the fact that someone had a loud late night snack and then the smoke detector batteries downstairs decided now would be a good time to expire.  

I think I did well food-wise as well.  Had lunch late, so I didn't have to deal with that 1p-2:30p uncertain time, because I was finishing up lunch at around 2:15p.  One thing that I'm going to try next time is swishing my mouth out with minty mouthwash.  I did that one day, and I had no problems.  Killed my craving for munchies for about an hour, maybe even a little longer.  I was also proud of myself today for limiting the amount of ranch salad dressing I used for my raw vegetable snack.  Sometimes I use too much of that.  I'd like to stop doing that.

Hoping for an early bedtime tonight as well!

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/14/2019:
AHHhh I must make more eggplant this year yes yes yes !!!!

Smoke detectors have the most annoying chirps ;)

Can you pour out a certain amount of dressing to use and put the bottle away so you don't overindulge ???

You sound good, stay focused and healthy !!

Donkey on 01/15/2019:
I always put away the bottle, but it doesn't help if I pour too much or if I go back for 2nds. Portion control is definitely needed here.


OhioRaven on 01/15/2019:
I gave up on my fitbit. A sore developed on my wrist. I dont know it it was the rubber strap or what...

Donkey on 01/15/2019:
FitBit was a birthday gift from my daughter, so that's not an option for me at this time.



Donkey - Sunday Jan 13, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Not feeling very motivated to do anything today.  Since yesterday, I've been out to shovel 3 times, 2x yesterday and then 1 more time this morning to get rid of what fell overnight.  News says just barely under 2 inches, but from I had to shovel each time, I'm sure we got closer to 3 inches.

I'm feeling those Sunday symptoms again where it's hard to enjoy the day in anticipation of Monday.  However, yesterday, I did some research online and found a whole bunch of YouTube videos for things like Chair Yoga, Sit and Be Fit, etc., that I could do at work.  I hate that I have the front desk, and not a more private office area like EVERYONE ELSE in the office has.  Most folks coming in think I'm the receiptionist, when really, I handle a high load of files.  So I could not do Sit and Be Fit if anyone comes in, or if my boss is around.  However, I am glad that I found these tools to use, perhaps occasionally if nothing else -- that is, if I can *remember* to use these and not fall into the trap of trying to work harder to get ahead and then totally stress out.


EVENING EDIT:  So I did a couple of things to help my anxiety.  I had a high fat/protein snack and I took a nap.  Both of those things helped.  I'm rather proud of myself for the nap.  You see, the new kitty is still rather skittish around me.  (She adores the kids and my husband.)  But she cuddled up next to me and had a nap of her own.  My Fitbit signaled to me that it was time to get up and get in some steps for the hour - 250 steps an hour, for 12 hours, are the parameters I have set up for minimal activity - but I opted to let the hour pass, so that I could continue to sit with Miss Kitty instead.

I am pretty much ready for bed at 6:45p.  I plan to read and go to sleep early.  Maybe I'm coming down with something... 

 

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/14/2019:
Naps are great sometimes !!!!!


graindart on 01/14/2019:
Our winter has been weird this year. Got much colder than normal in November, but was a very mild December / January so far. Only used the snow shovel a few times to just clear an inch or two at a time. Haven't even touched the snowblower for the year yet. It's getting my hopes up for a mild February. Typically we get a week or two run in February where the highs are all below zero (without any "windchill" magic calculations). Would love to skip that this year. Less snow so far also has me looking forward to possibly getting an earlier start to dirt-biking this year.



Donkey - Saturday Jan 12, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Just a quick check-in this morning, because I want to do my shopping early on before it gets busy - and frankly, before it starts to snow.  On my there or back, I plan to stop off at the library.

Weigh-in today was perplexing.  My regular 0.5 scale weighed me in at the same number as last week.  I consider this a victory, even if the numbers didn't go down.  Feeling good, good energy levels, bloating & hormones kept in check.

My fancy Ironman scale (which weighs on the 0.2 - and which usually weighs me 1.6 heavier) weighed me in at 127.6.  So the fancy scale dropped but the regular scale has me maintaining.  That's an even bigger victory (in my mind) because if things follow as they have in the past, my 0.5 scale should have me dropping next week too.

What was even nicer was to see that the muscle number went up a  little bit.  So did bone density.  As a woman in early middle-age (OK, middle middle-age - almost 50), this is what I want to be seeing now.


EVENING EDIT:  One thing that shifting towards a keto plan is that it has me cooking and baking more -- especially on the weekends.  I think my husband was happy that I made dinner, and he got a break today, and that actually kind of made me feel good.

Made meatloaf, low-carb biscuits, bosco breadsticks (for anyone not watching their carbs and if the biscuits don't turn out), green beans, and green salad.

In preparing this meal, I kind of have the feeling like we're celebrating -- OK, I'm celebrating everyone being home for dinner.  My daughter, when she was in high school, told me that most of her friends do not eat dinner with their families.  Either parent or parents aren't home, or they'd rather eat up in their rooms alone - probably watching TV or something on the computer.  Kind of sad...

But what has me startled is that this relates to the discussion of using food as a reward.  Not necessarily a reward, but in a celebration.  Thanksgiving?  We're cooking!  Birthday?  Big cake!  Anniversary?  Fancy dinner!  Heck, when the kids would accomplish something at school or got hired at a job or something special, what would we do?  Go out to eat!

So I can completely understand the temptation to celebrate weight-loss with food.  After all, there is much to celebrate, right?  I get it.

This ties in, somehow, with my journey into maintenance.  I'm still using food to celebrate holidays, traditions, accomplishments.  Life is to be celebrated!   

(Not sure where I'm going with this and my keto biscuits are done, so I must leave the contemplation for later, LOL.)

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/12/2019:
Congratulations! You are doing FANTASTIC!

Donkey on 01/12/2019:
Thank you!! :)


horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2019:
Food is used to celebrate and I don't see anything wrong with that !

Also your meal sounds so good. So cool to use low carb rolls!

Nice job on the scale - - glad you are maintaining !


graindart on 01/13/2019:
Breakfast is usually an everyone-for-themselves affair here. Lunch is usually similar, especially with me not eating much of a lunch. But dinner is a family sit-down affair 99% of the time. Eating meals in bedrooms isn't allowed and eating dinner in front of the TV usually only happens a couple times per year.

Glad to see the scale is cooperating even with your new plan of attack.

Donkey on 01/13/2019:
Eating in front of the TV for dinner is usually limited to major sporting events - especially if a Chicago team is involved. Even if a member is not particularly interested in that sport, he or she still eats with the family and then is excused to do his/her own thing.



Donkey - Friday Jan 11, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Had a good day yesterday (thank you, Maria!), I think.  Tried the flannel pajamas last night -- ohhh they felt so good getting into after my shower last night --- but sadly, when I woke up in the middle of the night, when my husband came to bed and triggered a bit of chaos (not all his doing), I was overheated.  So used the bathroom, and then changed into summer jammies. 

I am feeling a bit driftless today, uncertain, but will do my best to stick to my Plan of Attack.  Tomorrow's weigh-in does have me a little concerned, but I have to remember that my focus has shifted from numbers to performance & appearance.  However, if my numbers have crawled back into the 130s, I can't say what my reaction will be. But for now, I'm keeping a positive attitude.


EVENING EDIT:  I am very tired this evening, so I  will get logging off soon to get ready for bed, but I did want to log in first just to stay accountable.  Plus, this way, I put this week behind me and can focus on the weekend and things in my Real Life, and not write about work.

I think I did well eating-wise today, as long as vegetables are OK to eat.  I ate a LOT of vegetables today.  If self-control was a focus point today, then I failed miserably, because I kid you not, I ate a TON of vegetables, mostly raw, but had quite a bit of cooked kale.  

No weight training today.  Why?  Because tomorrow is weigh-in day.  Is that a stupid reason?  (((Then we'll say that's Crazy Donkey talking.)))  That was the first reason that popped into my mind, but then I rationalized it by saying I could do a better circuit Saturday, because I wouldn't' be rushed to get ready for work.  (((This is Mature Donkey talking now.)))

But right now, my goal is to get sufficient sleep.  I have gotten at least 7 full hours of sleep every night this week.  A much needed improvement, I think.  Tonight's fatigue is due mostly to hormones, I think.  I seem to follow a predictable pattern 2x a month.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/11/2019:
Can't beat a positive attitude. That goes for ALL of us! I keep the Serenity Prayer in mind and that helps me maintain a positive attitude.

Donkey on 01/11/2019:
One prayer that I feel the need to start praying more often is the Fatima prayer. I'm not sure that's very positive, but still appropriate to ask for mercy and forgiveness.


horn_of_plenty on 01/11/2019:
What about some Chair yoga moves at work ??

Donkey on 01/11/2019:
Um... DUH!!! Why didn't I think of that???


horn_of_plenty on 01/11/2019:
Truth is you are being moderate in your eating so it would be strange for the scale to jump much again ?

Donkey on 01/11/2019:
I think I'm not used to feeling so satiated with the higher fat and protein contents, so my concern could all be in my head. You are right about that.


horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2019:
You never count calories right?! I think take Jo Sie's advice - lower the level of fat a hair Bc it's still high calorie Bc it's fat and not veggies - some fat is very healthy though and satisfying so you do need it - but if you feel overly full just decrease the fat a little is say bit keep with your veggies :-)


horn_of_plenty on 01/12/2019:
Yeah - totally show a move a day of chair yoga to your coworkers:-)



Donkey - Thursday Jan 10, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

I did better today, I think.... Well, at least I arrived at work on time, so I can say I accomplished at least one thing today.  (Insert eye roll here)

I managed a 15.75 hour fast overmight.  That was good.

I think the slight heaviness I was feeling in my legs in the morning yesterday (Wednesday) was hormone-related.  I didn't feel it this morning.  Today's morning workout still wasn't the AMAZING workout I had on Monday, but I kept a good, higher, steady pace throughout.

Having the protein/fat for 2nd breakfast was much better.  I was ready for my walk at lunchtime.  Unfortunately, it's so dang cold here --- and I know that this isn't really "that bad" as my co-workers were saying, but darn it, I was COLD!  So it was another shortened walk.  And by the time I got back to the office, I was wanting to remove my scarf, as I had sufficiently warmed up.  However, my legs were frozen, even with wearing a long, thermal Lands End coat.

I made a concerted effort after lunch to enjoy a cup of coffee to stop from eating anything else.  (I was craving a sweet.)  That worked, but I did start my afternoon snack of raw vegetables with ranch dressing promptly at 3pm.  But I controlled my consumption by saying, When the salad dressing is gone, I'm done.  And I was done, except for a few more baby carrots.  There was no going back downstairs for 2nd helpings on ranch dressing.  THIS IS THE HARDEST PART OF MY DAY, EATING-WISE, it seems.

On my way home, I noticed that I was sufficiently hungry for dinner.  Caught myself a couple of times eating too fast, I think, so I tried to slow it down a little. 

I have to do lower body toning tonight, since I did not doing it in the morning.  I looked into doing a "Yoga Stretch a Day" online while I was at work, during one of my mini-breaks.  Standing poses maybe, but anything on the floor would be very awkward.  I was grateful though that I found a corner where I could stretch out my upper back.  I have this problem where I get so absorbed in my work that I start slouching over in my chair.  (Some of this is stress related, too.)  Male Co-Worker has this problem too and gets physical therapy for his upper body because it hurts so much.  Anyway, I stand facing a corner.  I put one hand flat on one wall, and the other hand on the other wall.  Then I lean into the corner with my head so that my entire body is at an incline like this: 

Kind of like doing a push-up, while standing up, facing a corner, with the walls supporting my weight as I lean in.  Every time I needed to walk around to get FitBit steps, I went downstairs and did like 5 of those stretches.

So we'll see what the scale says on Saturday.  My clothes still fit.  I haven't really noticed anything else changing, other than having more energy and not feeling worn out.  Oh, and tonight, I'm going to try wearing my flannel jammies and hope I don't get too hot overnight.  I hope it works, because I love wearing them.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/10/2019:
Wow that's practically a 16hr fast !!!! lol what happened in the last 15 min ?! Jk lol...

You may want to use foot warmers or maybe is there a heat fan or heat warmer you can use at work for after your walk ??

Donkey on 01/11/2019:
LOL - what happened to the last 15 minutes of my fast was people startin' to ask me stuff at work.


horn_of_plenty on 01/10/2019:
The walks and stretching at work sound awesome !!!

Donkey on 01/11/2019:
There was some expressed interest in starting an informal yoga group at work. Unfortunately, the space that would have been used has now been consumed by the physical therapy office downstairs.


Maria7 on 01/11/2019:
Glad you are doing so well. Hoping you are having a good day today, too. I enjoy wearing cotton, too.



Donkey - Wednesday Jan 09, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

So as AMAZING as yesterday was, today was not nearly as good.  Even Donkey can have a not-the-best-day-ever kind of day.

I'm trying to look back to see where things went wrong so that I can do better:

  • I was late to work and therefore, arrived already stressed out because I was late.  Why was I late?  I could blame it on doing an upper body weight-training circuit thing, which I did, but the real reason I was running late was because I spent a much needed 15+ minutes organizing the cupboard that holds all of the food storage containers while I was trying to find a lid that fit a container I was using for my lunch.  So mission somewhat accomplished but to what end?  UGH.
  • I was also late because I had to return home because I forgot my protein bar for breakfast.  Up until that point, I might have made it to work just slightly late.  
  • I think the weight training took a little more out of me than I had thought.  I didn't feel drained but going into work, I didn't have nearly the energy I had on Tuesday.
  • Instead of having protein and fat for my 2nd breakfast, I had a graprefruit.  This is because Associate Attorney had a client in the conference room where the refrigerator is kept.  Tried to do the right thing, ended up screwing myself up with that.  
  • Because I didn't have a heavier 2nd breakfast, I had to eat a little something before I went for my lunchtime walk.  Had avocado and some stuffed olives.
  • Walking was brutal because of the cold temperatures and wind here in Chicagoland.  Cut my walk shorter than usual, but that's OK because the energy level just wasn't there.

ASSESSMENT:  I am feeling fatigue in my legs -- strangely not my arms, since today was upper body day with the weights.  Hmmm.... I'm not eating any more, so that I can shoot for a 16 hour fast overnight.  I hope that the heaviness will go away so that I exercise well tomorrow.  Yeah, I just didn't have the amount of energy that I had on Tuesday.

Things that went well today:

  • Wearing summer sleepwear to bed last night worked very well.  I did not wake up being too hot at all overnight, as I was very snug in my bed with my weighted blanket.  It was hard to get out of bed this morning, though...  Brr!  I miss my soft winter flannels though.  *sigh*
  • Got in my upper body weight training in the morning - yay!  
  • I focused on that 1:30p-3pm time frame where I tend to have troubles.  I had a flavored coffee (triple chocolate flavored, no calories until I put creamer in there) to help get through that time slot.  It worked.  Another idea I had was having a sugar-free Lifesaver mint, but I only have one left at work, and I'm saving that for emergencies.  The coffee worked, so I'll use that as long as it continues to work.  I'll try to pick up more mints this weekend.
  • I'm not sure if this is a success or a fail:  I combined plain yogurt with ranch salad dressing for my 3pm vegetable snack.  This combo made more than I thought it would, so it looked like I had a HUGE thing of dip.  I wasn't especially hungry, but that didn't stop me from finishing up the dip and eating a bunch of raw vegetables.  Afterwards, I did not feel over-stuffed and while I was hungry for dinner, I was not starving.
  • Added extra vegetables to my dinner plate.
  • Stopped eating at 6:45p

ASSESSMENT:  I made the best of a rough start and got quite a bit accomplished outside of work.  Organizing, weight training, cleaning, etc.  I got a little stressed out at work, but I think for the most part kept things positive.  Not every day can be an A+ day.  Today was more like a B and that's OK too.


One thing that bothers me is this:  With my boss away from work, I feel like all of the knives are coming out between all of my co-workers.  I don't think any of it is directed at me, but wow, people are going at it like you wouldn't BELIEVE.  This is stressful, depressing, and TOXIC.  

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/10/2019:
Hoping you are having a better day today.



Donkey - Tuesday Jan 08, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Oh my goodness, today was just AMAZING -- after today, I am confident that I am on the right path for myself.  I haven't felt this good and healthy and motivated in a long, long time.  I will write my observations and impressions here.

I did wake up a little bit during the middle of the night, but I was not overheated, so I turned over and went back to sleep.  I could take steps to lighten up my sleepwear more, which I might try tonight.

I got good sleep (not great, but good and enough of it) last night. The energy I had this morning for my workout was amazing.  I don't know what other word to use it.  Gone is the feeling where my legs feel like lead.  Gone is the struggle to keep a brisk pace - not a problem, even surpassed myself a couple of times.  Had sufficient energy to do my lower body routine before I left for work.

I was at work, and was able to keep up my morning fast for about 14 hours.  Ideally, I would like to do 16 hours between my last bite in the evening and my first bite in the morning.  Now that I am aware and keeping track, my personal best (for 2 days) was 15.5 - and that was hard, because I was at work.  (I'm guessing with the relaxed atmospher of home, I could do the 16 hour goals; I will be trying this weekend for sure.)  I will probably get 14 hours tomorrow.

Today I was motivated and focused. I felt *special* because I'm on my Plan of Attack (what I'm calling my new plan for January, etc.).  I felt glad to be working a plan/program and not just aimlessly wandering in maintenance.  I had a focus today, which was portion control.  I had planned my meals and snacks, keeping in mind that just because it's keto doesn't mean I can eat the whole thing.  THIS worked very well for me, although once again, I did better in the morning than I did in the early afternoon.  I see now that the 1:30p - 3pm time is hard for me.  Just coming off of lunch, back to work, but still want to eat and too soon to snack at 3pm.  So this area needs to be attacked... er, needs some work.

The energy I had all day was wonderful!  I didn't feel that constant craving to eat.  I felt well-fueled, efficient and satisfied (for the most part).  I was taking my lunchtime walk (which I try to do before I eat), and I challenged myself to take the rare, longer route before the weather turns colder tonight.  This longer walk usually takes me 45 minutes to an hour.  It's a real struggle.  I was back at my desk in 40 minutes and still felt good, i.e. not starving.  As I was walking, I was like, "This is how I want to feel every day. Where has this feeling been all my life?"  Balanced, well-fueled, active & feeling energized, not exhausted, not drained, not starving.

I truly believe, now, looking back, that I went through some kind of mini-keto flu last weekend when I wasn't feeling 100%.  Not professing to be in a metabolic state of "ketosis" -- although maybe I should go buy some pee strips to see -- but the higher fats, high protein, limiting carbs seems to be working really well for me.  Not that I haven't had to make adjustments, of course.  Again, while I was walking, it dawned on me like, "Even if this means weighing 2-3 pounds heavier, feeling like this and being able to crank out workouts and such is WORTH IT!"

I can only hope that the scale will stay within an acceptable range to Crazy Donkey, because Mature Donkey is so excited about this!!!

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2019:
You are definitely turning over a new leaf lately! If you feel this good, def it sounds like the right path for you to continue on for the rest of this month. I also like the high fat options of keto. And i loe the fathead rolls you made. It's fun to be able to eat "carbs" but for there to be extra protein and filling things in it, to make the food more satisfying. also what i like about keto desserts. it's like they aren't just sugar and fat, but fat and protein or just fat...and it keeps the spikes away. i'm sure not having oatmeal in the morning and eating something with more fat/protein is definitely more filling for the morning hours for you at work. i notice the difference for myself, too.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/09/2019:
fasting will def help save cals...and then if you can break the fast with something very filling...well that'll do the trick!



Donkey - Monday Jan 07, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

So after wandering aimlessly for 7 days, I have a new plan for maintenance for myself.  My goal is to stick with this plan through January.  If I see the progress I want, I will give it another month (February).  If I do not see progress, or things start going in the other direction -- meaning gaining too much weight that isn't muscle -- then I must try something different.

I've been doing more of the keto eating, but haven't quite figured it out yet.  My co-worker, the Million Mistakes Girl, said to me on Friday, "Well, you don't want to lose more weight, do you?"  and I made up a mature, sane answer, and said, "No, but I'm hoping that keto will help me with a leaner appearance."  She seemed satisfied with that.  At the time, I didn't really mean it, but there was the answer right in front of me the whole time.

I am hoping that a shift in menu, to higher fats, will go hand in hand with the weight training, to help me get a leaner look, rather than a "puffy carb" appearance.  I have to be careful with portions, still, and that's the part I didn't really realize.  One of the problems with eating foods higher in fat is that after I stop eating, the "full" feeling turns into a "really full" feeling about 20 minutes later, as my body works to break down the fats.  

Both Saturday and Sunday nights, I've woken up around midnight, just feeling like I'm on fire.  It's not hot flashes, but rather my metabolism kicking it up, trying to burn up what I ate.  I know this because this would always happen after an evening binge.  So I've adjusted the covers on the bed, so as not to have that many layers.  I think I will change my sleepwear outfit as well, in anticipation of getting MUCH warner later on.  And I will work harder on portion control. 

Today, I did better the first half of the day than I did in the afternoon.  Too many pepperoni and cheese with the raw vegetables, I feel.  That may be because the fats make me feel like I've eaten too much -- but who knows, maybe I really did eat too much!

I haven't made up my mind yet about weigh-ins.  On the one hand, this is an experiment, so I have to give it time.  On the other hand, I can't have the numbers go TOO high or it's back to losing weight again.  But I am prepared for some of the mind-games weighing will do, during this experiment.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

graindart on 01/07/2019:
Sounds like the plan periods that I like to employ when setting goals. Usually I can commit to just about anything for 1 month at a time. And in my mind, if I don't see any positive results after a month I want to make changes at that time.

Glad your wandering has resulted in a plan of attack.

Donkey on 01/08/2019:
It's ironic that you use "plan of attack" because that is EXACTLY the mind-set I had when I wrote this.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/07/2019:
that's very interesting about waking up "on fire" and i DO KNOW exactly what you mean. when i used to binge very badly, i would also wake up sometimes in a deep sweat, soaking my tshirt and i'd have to change...so i know what you mean.

yeah, at first at least, this is what fats do to me, too. they are good at making you feel satisfied...

i can't wait to hear more.

The good thing about this entry is that you are open to the variables and possibilities. you are open to change, for now, or to at least see what certain choices will produce...good!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/07/2019:
BTW, i LOVED your "mature" answer to the Million Mistakes Girl. Best answer, Donkey!!!

Donkey on 01/08/2019:
Thank you! And if I may say, what I'm most proud about is that, eventually, I came around to really mean what I said. I had an amazing day today -- I truly feel like I'm on the right path.



Donkey - Sunday Jan 06, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.0

Having gained weight this past week has given me cause to think about my next steps in this journey.  Nothing like gaining a few pounds to draw one's attention!  It actually brought me back to the idea that this is the year of "remodeling" myself, inside and out.  I had kind of let this idea fade to the back of my mind, unfortunately.  I must remember to keep this in the forefront.

I've decided that, even if the weight gain is related to weight training (((which is really more like toning -- I don't want to give the impression that I'm trying to bulk up, at least not right now I'm not))) that this is something I want to continue to do.  Training for significantly larger muscles (especially in the upper body) could be something to aspire to in the future, but not where I want to go right now.  So I'm sticking with the weight traning.  Need to tone up and try to tighten up as much loose skin as possible.

Pursuing a keto lifestyle doesn't mean that I can eat as much as I want.  Some folks can and still lose weight or maintain.  I will be using keto items to help satiate, that is to say, to help me feel fuller, faster and longer.  I still need to be focused on fruits and vegetables as much as possible.

I've been quite pleased with the extra sleep I got Friday night and Saturday night... now just to do this every night.  Last week, I hadn't reached even my minimum goal of 7 hours for most of the nights.  I need to really try harder to get that 7 hour mark, especially in the winter, with colds, flu, and sinus infections coming at me from every direction.

Still would like to incorporate yoga/stretching into my life on more than just a monthly basis with Chair Yoga.  This would also help with my "less negative, more relaxed, more positive" outlook.  I've made a switch from where I just complain to where I complain but then attack the problem.  I would like to graduate to just attacking the problem with no or little complaining.

To recap where I'm at:

  • Continue weight-training, screw the numbers on the scale.
  • Continue a moderate keto plan, but eat more vegetables and fruit, whether they are deemed "keto" or not, e.g. grapefruit, eggplant, carrot sticks, etc.
  • Make a concerted effort to get enough sleep every night.
  • Make a conerted effort to stretch out, relax, and decompress more often, on a regular basis.
  • Continue to declutter, even on the smallest level.  Contribute to my designated "to be donated" pile every week (food pantry, clothing drive, library, Goodwill, etc.)
  • Clean something out of the ordinary every week; continue to clean 15 minutes a day, even if it's the routine kitchen clean-up during the workweek.

AFTERNOON EDIT:  Well, if anyone thought it would be easy on maintenance, I can tell you that by way things are going today, it is not.  I've been struggling with the Christmas can of salted nuts (mostly almonds & pecans) that my mom gave our family as a gift.  

Part of the problem is constipation, and in order to get things moving along, my body seems to think that eating more is a good idea.  I've taken some oil to help things along once they get moving, but OOF! so uncomfortable --- on many levels.

Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/06/2019:
Even if you gain muscle weight, you will become a smaller size, so congrats on your decision to be as healthy as you can be continuing your workouts.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/06/2019:
def in support of continuing with the weight training as you know by now that you will not "bulk up" as a woman, weight training, in your 40's without some serious supps and juicing lol like the men do!

...be right back gotta get the laundry...


Horn_of_plenty on 01/06/2019:
ty for urging me not to waste delicious food. i have veggies in the slow cooker which i can keep on overnight if i have to since i put it on sorta late so they may not be ready by the time i go to bed! and i cooked up 4 turkey burgers, which i had bought last weekend and were still fresh to make and i'm just so glad i didn't get lazy and throw the meat out! thanks. i will NOT be wasting food at all now :) everything like fresh cranberries are in the freezer along with even some of the baked desserts i made last week. when i come back i'll have some things ready to eat :) thanks :)


Horn_of_plenty on 01/07/2019:
yeah - some folks who do keto, particularly men or big folks, can lose weight eating most of what they want but people like you and me still will gain weight if we consume more calorie in than out.

also, a lot of keto stuff will not have lots of fiber or be bulky so it's important to get the veggies particularly in! :)


Horn_of_plenty on 01/07/2019:
see what i mean, with the constipation...maybe also google what works to get things moving with constipation / on keto...


OhioRaven on 01/07/2019:
Sounds like you are in "Beast Mode" with your training. Keep it up. I would say screw the numbers too. Health is wealth.

Donkey on 01/07/2019:
Thank you - I hadn't thought of it as "Beast Mode". I would say that's more reflective of where my motivation is, rather than the amount of weight I lift.

Incorporating this into a new plan/experiment for myself


graindart on 01/07/2019:
Sounds like we're kind of in a similar place. Just trying to figure out a direction that appeals to us and is also something we're willing to actually stick to. My mind has been all over the place this past week. I keep thinking I've figured out a direction I'd like to pursue. And just as quickly, I decide to scrap that idea by sabotaging it. I don't think my sabotage is intentional, but rather just that the plan of attack really wan't enough of a draw to keep me on the straight and narrow.

Hoping we both find a plan worth working towards......sooner, rather than later.

Donkey on 01/07/2019:
Yes, I formulated a new plan for myself, which I'm going to try for January and possibly February, and then re-evaluate.

I had the pieces of the plan all along, I just couldn't figure out how they fit.


graindart on 01/07/2019:
And I wanted to comment on something you'd mentioned in some prior reply.....about "shame".

Concerning food, I feel shame every time I screw up. Logically I know I shouldn't, but I do. I know that I'm not created to be a 100% perfect person, but I still feel the shame when I stumble. Foodwise, I had a major screwup yesterday and I'm ashamed of it. I contemplated not weighing myself this morning. I also considered not posting here today because of it. I don't like showing my failures, but know that pretending they didn't happen doesn't work either (and commonly leads to my feeling additional guilt for hiding it). So I weighed myself this morning and posted this morning too. I'm still ashamed of my eating last night and embarrassed by the scale showing 9 lbs heavier than just a few days ago, but at least I don't have to add guilt for trying to hide it this time.

Donkey on 01/07/2019:
I've worked very hard not to feel shame when I binge -- and I think as a result, I don't do it much any more. I used to feel just awful and would be very depressed about failing at eating.

Now, I try to evaluate what emotion I'm trying to feed with food. I look at my bingeing self as a child, and I try to help that child. I wouldn't crash down on a child who was hurting and struggling, so why would I do that to myself? (my own inner child, if you will)

What bothers me, personally in myself, is when I try to hide it, I think because it's a step away from self-acceptance (see my reference to inner child, above).



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