Work was again insanely busy... Queen Bee decided to take an extra day off - no surprise there. Male co-worker returns tomorrow. Having everyone actually working should help. Imagine that.
I'm sorry my comments on entries was pretty anemic. I'm keeping up and cheering you all on... but don't have much left in my brain to contribute significantly.
Forgot to weigh train last night. Thought about it several times, but never did it. So I'm doing it this morning.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Be true to thine self... I ended up having a little cry session. I explained to my husband that I was feeling anxious, so that helped him know how to react to me better. I also explained that I'm trying to downsize and keep things to a minimum. I pointed out that we have a desk that is not being used that he could use - he should at least try it before we buy anything. He agreed that he should use what we have. Awww what a guy!
In return, later on, I agreed to go out to dinner for a sandwich, although I ordered a salad. I may have had too much spinach dip while waiting, but oh well. And I would have been perfectly happy having leftovers at home, but I sensed that he needed some "relief" as well. I only ate half of my salad so now I have a nice lunch for today.
I was then able to have a lovely time at the library - checked out the Four Agreements - and picked up vitamin D for the husband on my way home.
Also managed to make my fitbit happy by scoring at least 250 steps each hour for 12 hours.
So all in all a pretty good weekend. Gonna focus on taking this week in stride. If I have to step away and relax, I'm going to do it. 5 minutes of relaxing might make those remaining 55 minutes more productive!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
That's one big reason why I was ok with eating out Sunday. Cheaper than therapy, right?
I feel like you have the week ahead locked in, girl. You've so got this.
All of this in spite of work, worry, stress... I got this.
I follow(ed) Dave Ramsey who often speaks about the biblical aspect of personal finance. His plan helped me get us out of debt and prepared for this uncertainty. But I've been stuck since last November, unable to move forward.
Working on getting unstuck. And then I'll be able to help my family move forward.
As wonderful as yesterday was, today, I am feeling overwhelmingly anxious, and I'm not sure why -- almost to the point of tears. Normally, I would equate this to hormones, but it's the wrong time of the month for feeling like this, if it's just hormones. I sure as heck hope it's not because of Thursday's doctor's appointment because that is a LONG ways off to be feeling like THIS every day until then. Yikes...
I know that my anxiety is stemming from an uncertain future, finances hinging on that uncertain future, and trying to downsize while husband keeps wanting to buy more "stuff". He and I are definitely on separate pages when it comes to material possessions. *sigh*
Fortunately for me, I left one of my favorite activities for today: going to the library. I did not get to that yesterday; I also should stop off at the drugstore to pick up some vitamin D for my husband... Again, spending money when I shouldn't, even though he needs the vitamin D. Everything else on my "to do" list, I did.
Normally, I would eat away my anxiety. Unfortunately, the weather here today is too hot and too humid and too buggy to walk away the anxiety. I can take a short walk while I'm at the library - there's a park there that has a nice path. The library is next to a subdivision that has a nicer walking path that I could do as well.
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
Maybe divert him to crafts/projects to get ready for the zombie apocalypse/natural disasters? It's the male version of Martha Stewart. At least these things have some resale value and can be purchased second hand. Or good to comb garage sales/goodwill for. Sell on ebay as a kit.
https://www.backdoorsurvival.com/33-awesome-projects-for-preppers/
you are the working one, he will have to listen to you more now...this is my opinion and i stand by it 100%!
I FEEL GOOD TODAY!!!
I'm so happy not to be at work today! Oh my word, I was SO busy again yesterday. I started getting a little short, so I caught myself. My boss tried his best to bring my anxiety levels down, but taking time out to relax just puts me further behind. Still, I really appreciated his efforts, and I think they worked. It was like 4:30p and I had 19 emails! If I leave those over the weekend, I'd come in to almost 40 on Monday. And Monday is going to be busy enough as it is!
So I busted my butt and stayed until a little after 6pm and got it done! I left with 3 emails, two of which are photos & repairs for the same transaction for a deal that's probably going to fall apart anyway, so definitely not time sensitive. Whew!
I'm so glad that the "all you can eat" fish fry was scratched off the list; husband decided to grill out instead, which was much more menu friendly for me, and much less stressful time-wise. As it was, I came home to hungry, crabby people. And I was a tired, crabby person. But once we all relaxed and started eating, it was much better.
Honestly, though, I had nothing left in myself to give to my family. Fortunately for me, husband was a good sport about it. I am letting him know how much happier I am today, now that I can be home with my family and not burdened by the woes of work.
And there will be other Fridays that aren't so busy or stressful when we can enjoy Fish Fry, all-you-can-eat or otherwise :-D
I have lots of little chores to do this weekend that make me happy to either do or have completed: drugstore, library, spray the cranberry tree for aphids, laundry, light weeding... I'm hoping to get in a walk outside, too!
Progress as of today: 59.5 lbs lost so far, only -9.5 lbs to go!
I used to feel the need to have EVERYTHING done by the end of the day...but...try to remember you could leave the emails unopened...
Your husband is good to listen to your needs...if you are the one working, he will need to continue to be very understanding of your needs as the breadwinner.
Wow, yesterday was insanely busy at work, and even after I left work, I remembered 2 things I forgot to do.
Phones would not stop ringing. I had to ask my boss to handle some, because I just couldn't catch up. As it was, I left 12 unanswered emails... which means that today will be busy too. *sigh*
Even though I stayed an hour late, this throwing off my whole evening routine, I did what I had to do.
Queen Bee is out of the office today, in a trip to Vegas with her girlfriends, so the office will be nice and quiet, even if it is busy.
Husband wants to go to all-you-eat fish fry tonight. HELLO????
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
can you have seltzer / tea after while still there? ????
just ideas...
good luck :)
what's the name of the fish fry restaurant? we don't have those..
Fishfry Fridays must be a midwestern thing? Most of the restaurants here have them. The particular restaurant we wanted to try was Bulldog Ale House. They have a website if you want to check it out!
ok, i take an anxiety drug. called lexapro. a prescription that's prob medium strength not too low or too high.
he was pushing me to try an ADHD drug. I have never been diagnosed and i might have it a hair but i'm not generally a very figidity person. he was going to give me adderal or however you spell it. i thought about it - and at the same session he was going to let me try it, i said to cancel the order. then i went to the pharmacy to pick up my regular lexapro for anxiety and i was asked to show my license and noticed two medications and i asked why and i was told that the adderal (i didn't even know it was adderal until i went to pick it up, i wasn't sure what i was being prescribed bc he was using the generic name for adderal in the session)...so i was told i must show my ID License bc only the person being prescribed usually picks it up / they keep track of who's picking it up bc it's HIGHLY addictive and a very regulated drug - probably not good for me to be on it...i considered not getting it - and decided in the end to GIVE IT RIGHT BACK and not pay for the extra medication - adderol. I realize dr told me in the session he was cancelling, then it shows up still...well, makes me not trust him fully. but i'll still go to him as i've been taking the same stuff for awhile, don't want anything new, and know to taper slowly if i ever want to. i don't need someone great for my purposes now - luckily i had a great dr to start, 2 years ago.
you see, bc the dr is so convenient and the fact it's easy to get to after work with only leaving a half hour early, and he's finally letting me come every 3 months instead of 2...because of this, it's a no-brainer to keep this dr. as i need him for refills basically and to taper perhaps. i needed a dr easy to go to and not to miss a lot of work hours. the other one would not be possible with my location now for work in the city....it would make me want to take days off on appointment days, and that's not how i want to spend my days off :) so that's why i'm sticking with a crappy dr.
On the other hand, convenience is everything, so I get that too. You know your body best; the doctor is there for advice and guidance.
Yesterday was a good day. Work was busy but not too busy. And I'm happy that today is Thursday, my favorite day of the week.
Today will be hot and humid, but the weekend forecast looks like it will be good. I wish the bugs weren't so bad this year so that I could do more nature walking.
I had a dream 2 nights ago that I was told by my boss and coworkers that I've lost too much weight. That is bothering me, obviously, as it took me a day to talk about this.
Ok I'll get this all out here: so I had that dream Tuesday night and then last night at dinner, just husband and myself, her tells me that I'm "doing" too much, meaning I'm exercising too much. This from a man that has at least 30 pounds to lose.
Well what am I supposed to do??? I exercise in the morning to get my day started right. I relax at night on the bike and watching tv, because just sitting and watching tv drives me nuts.
I brushed off his comments but he really has me honked off. What is it with people thinking they have the right to say **** like this?!?
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
Our weekend forecast is hot, hot, hot. I think I will probably be hiding inside for most of it.
Maybe hubby actually means it, could it be that it is coming from a good place? My grandma always used to worry and talk about about how much I was doing; she couldn't comprehend ever doing that much exercise HERSELF, so it was difficult for her to understand that it was ok for ME to do it, that my body was capable of taking it. Hubby needs to understand that your body is capable, and that exercise makes you happy, and he should be supportive of whatever it is that will help you become the best version of yourself!
i don't take it as too much.
your dream shows OTHERS' comments affecting you. HOWEVER, it's YOUR life. and this book i just read, the Four Agreements is totally about not allowing the DREAM of others and the Society Dream to change YOUR DREAM.
in the end, you have to do what makes you happy, not what makes your husband and coworkers happiest. your husband is not as healthy as you, i don't think you need to take his advice unless you actually agree in your heart. but if you don't agree, keep your routine.
I get flak for not wanting to go to anything that makes me go to bed late, choose ahead of time to eat the wrong foods (I have a hard time staying on track as it is), camping, picking activities that are active and walking around over going ut to eat.
You are so right that my husband could do more for his own health. His enthusiasm comes and goes :/ It's been the source of quite a few loud conversations in our household :(
Came in to work to 45 emails. By the time I sent through the junk, I was down to 29, many from Friday and over the weekend! SSI while not a lot, it was busy enough trying to catch up while addressing new emails as they came in. It's like fighting a tide...
I will check out the 4 Agreements book. And also try the weight loss meditation.
Going over Monday, to avoid similar disappointment and frustration next Thursday: the main obstacle seemed to be no relief from the stress. The doctor's evaluation was over, but no results for 2 weeks+. AND knowing that there is another MORE stressful evaluation coming up next ask, which, again, we won't have results from, for several weeks.
Must keep in mind that very soon, these strange-doctor appointments will all be over.
Add to that uncooperative weather... when Happy says it's too hot to think, I know what she's talking about! It was no fun coming home to humid, caged up in an air conditioned house...
So anyway moving forward today, here and now, going to focus on positive feelings and what I can do now, today.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
you cannot change the wait time about the evaluation / dr apts. do not spend too much of your energy draining yourself from other activities in life over these appointments now.
i drained my energy on TUESDAY when i skipped the gym after spending extra time on phone and at home before gym, not having enough time to do anything else that night...because i was taking care of insurance stuff...actually worked out well though. but in general, if it's something that has to be, try to go with it ....but i do understand your frustrations. good you are taking off time for the appointment, can give you time to walk / do your own things as well: I am taking off one last day on August 24 and it's to ensure i can exercise and have one last shortened summer week. it's before a wedding the next day also, that i was feeling would be the end all of the weekend...what i'm saying is i planned some extra me-time in so that i don't regret not taking it when i could have! and in this nice weather i hope!
Heading back to work today... the coworker who was monitoring my emails checked in with me last night, letting me know that the boss sent out 2 letters, and that she left with about 30 emails for me to handle. I'm guessing I'll have about 48 emails this morning, adding the emails that come in overnight. Not great but could be worse. At least I know what I'm walking into, today.
Work does not bring me joy. It used to... On the other hand, I've had jobs that I was completely miserable with/at, and this is not one of them by any stretch.
I realized this morning that I forgot to make a doctor's appointment for myself yesterday afternoon. I have new insurance, so I'm starting over with a new doctor, and I'd rather not make that call at work. I WILL do this next Thursday after my husband's next doctor's appointment.
I'm going to plan better for next Thursday, so that I'm not as frustrated or disappointed with my day off.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
WORK will bring you joy if you want it to....you don't have to be perfect or set expectations that warrant a failure feeling....
any workplace will feel similar...it's YOU that has to adjust your frame of mindset...well...
here's the book:
The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
The book starts off quite annoyingly slow for the intro but the rest of the book rolls right thru. it's short read. good for my mindset, which is why i recommended it.
it basically says only you can decide if you want to go thru life feeling upset and not being proud of your choices and constantly judging yourself. or you can decide to change your outlook through working on 4 personal agreements. it's pretty logical and some of it i had to laugh at bc it was a bit too logical / childlike explanation but most of the book is a good reminder to not let life whack you but for you to be YOURSELF and not judge as much.
i like how you will plan Thursday to have a different experience. you can plan to go to a park in afternoon, or plan an actual activity. but if you want to relax, plan for it too.
sounds like you have good plans for everything that you want to do, and you are choosing when to make these things happen. that is good, that is you that is planning for your wants and not leaving them up to someone else lol...good.
No is good....haha, i was reading BCGG's comment :)
Just checking in briefly for the day.... Today is the 1st of 2 important doctor's appointments for my husband. This one is more important but easier to get to. Next Thursday is less important, but a very difficult drive in towards the city.
I hope to have a nice lunch with my husband afterwards, and then just chill out for the remainder of the day, enjoying the rest of my day off from work.
Got home around 1:30p but the whole ordeal had me exhausted. I'm not doing too well with unstructured time.
And my legs and butt hurt like heck from those lunges on Sunday...
also, cardio has been difficult for me, yes, as has been anything involving legs like squats. it takes me a LONG time to improve especially due to the previous injuries. so yes it's not always fun but it's worth it. just like your weights. but i do feel good knowing i am getting stronger / more fit to do better cardio bc i know it's overall good for my heart.
also, i know it's "time" endurance with cardio, but, i have a long term goal right now just to get better and better at a mile or tops 1.5 miles. but really the one mile seems a good goal to just keep improving my time, and keep it up thru the winter this time, instead of taking a break like last Winter from all cardio bc of too much change in schedules..this year i want to keep doing some cardio thru Winter...then i'll see improvement!
Besides, he was wiped out and felt like he had the flu. Very common in days he takes Humira.
and at home, i can't watch them. wow humira wipes him out like that?
So I wanted to expand for myself upon what a couple of members (Gains & Bear) have posted about that have me *really* thinking about where to go from here.
Gains had mentioned in a response to me (to paraphrase) that he's looking for a plan/goal that is enjoyable to work towards and fun. Bear has mentioned that she's at a point in her life where it's time to enjoy and reap the benefits of a life that she and her husband have worked hard for.
This is so spot on. I think this is what I was trying to say about searching for a new TV show to exercise with -- so that I reap the joy from exercising and watching TV in the same space of time.
Allow me to expand on painful exercise that I hate. If you've been reading my story, you know I do not like weight-training -- BUT I *LOVE* the results. Which is why I set up habits that are short (sessions of 5 minutes or less) and doable. Today I did lunges for the first time in a long time - 2 sets of 10. Afterwards I was like, "Great balls of rice, what have I done? My thighs are on fire." But I know that this means I will get results. I'll do this again later on this week. The action doesn't bring me joy but the ACCOMPLISHMENT does.
THIS is what I'm talking about.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
I read a story about when Jackie O. was dying, and her family surrounded her. She lamented about eating carrot sticks for lunch and how it obviously, in the end, didn't make much difference.
I've been thinner before and not nearly as happy/content, because my goals were misdirected. I feel great with the weight I've lost and lead an active lifestyle because of it. I was not happy being overweight: swollen, out of balance, hard to move, joint pain, clothes didn't fit well, etc.
Where I am at now, those have gone away, so now it's time to focus on maintaining what I have and improving on other aspects of well-being. (Stress, sleep, emotional/spiritual growth, etc.)
really it was well thought out and also something it touches on that i thought about was the "give and take" of life. To get some things, you have to give some things. And not always give things you enjoy.
For instance, the results of your weight routine....you enjoy the results so much that you are taking so you are ok with giving something that you don't particularly love (strength training.)
you know, some of the parts of my routine, i don't think of love. but i do love how i feel when i'm done and the results. the only reason i took on the routine i do right now is for the results and a back of mine goal to be court officer, perhaps. i'm doing my routine bc i want to get things. but it also gives me an endorphin high during it. so, yeah. i probably still GET much more than i give, in regards to weightlifting...and exercise...and that's a GREAT way to think of it! like there's so much good in it, it just makes it so worth it!
I hadn't considered that you might have similar feelings towards cardio. That's a harder goal to work on, because to build endurance, you must engage in the activity longer. Good music can help :-)
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What is the "modeling" your husband does?
You sound much more optimistic :) keep on!!!!!
Your comments are just fine, don't apologize for being you :) i know what you mean about having nothing left in your brain to spare on DD ;)
lol...summer vacations in the workplace...yup!
happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
hugs. even when they are short, they are there and keep me logging. and your approval and encouragement keep me on track.
happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
good job on the weight training.
happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
especially because you forgot/procrastinated about it and got on the horse this morning and embraced the suck.
happy-1 on 08/14/2018:
especially because you forgot/procrastinated about it and got on the horse this morning and embraced the suck.
legcramps on 08/14/2018:
Hope you're having a better week!
BearCountryGG on 08/14/2018:
Funny how having them all there is a pain....and having them all gone is a pain...lol