I am sorry I have not been on here this recently. School has started for me this week and it has been extremely stressful.
On the plus side (if you can call it that), all that stress has made me sick to my stomach. My stomach produces too much acid when I get really anxious, and all that acid makes me feel very nauseous. So I have not been stress eating, at least.
In addition to all of this stress, my children are starting school tomorrow (Wednesday). This is always stressful, especially for my son, I think, but maybe for my daughter too. I think this year may be the hardest yet for my daughter. I have heard that the 5th grade (10 yr old) is BIG on the **drama** for girls. Her class seems to be ripe for the picking for dramatic candidates.
Tomorrow is weigh-in day, so I promise to log in with that, at least. That's the good thing about having a dedicated weigh-in day --- keeps me honest!
Anyway, I have been trying to drop in and read people's diaries but I don't always have time to log in and reply. Having been a SAHM for many years and not out and about with a lot of people, it's been really really REALLY hard to get back into a thinking mode, a social mode, a deadline mode -- everything.
I hope to buy some anti-acids tonight.
Progress as of today: 14 lbs lost so far, only 19 lbs to go!
Not much to say, just putting in my weigh-in for this week. And still taking it one day at a time.
School starts next week for myself and the kids (I start before they do, LOL), so the remainder of this week will probably be focused around getting everyone set up.
Progress as of today: 14 lbs lost so far, only 19 lbs to go!
I want to thank those who read my last diary entry -- and especially those who responded. Thank you hollybelle for the serenity prayer.
What I should have done is cut and pasted Horn of Plenty's diary entry right here, because that is exactly how I feel, except that I know that I have real constraints that hold me back. So in some respects -- well, many actually -- the comparison is unfair.
I guess the point that was missed is that from time to time, I simply CANNOT ACCEPT unchangeable things in my life. I can't. It's beyond me. I'm not capable of it. This non-acceptance is always there. Even when it seems as though I'm making progress or being a "happy person" --- no, this is always there. It doesn't go away.
So, dear people, I ask you, humbly, to forgive me when these feelings errupt, as they do often. It's very hard being in the same body with someone you detest.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
I think we BOTH do a great job looking at the misfortunes, the bad parts of our lives. We both need to open our eyes and focus on what's good. For me, getting a job would solve almost ALL of my problems. This is the one area that could fix MOST everything for the most part right now.
My whole feelings of worthlessness are from a lack of job. Of course, I need to work on other things, but if i had a job I could soon move out and become the independent person i want to be. funny how this one thing could change my life.
we do have different lives, but it's understandable that we could both be feeling the same way.
I think about death and dying OFTEN. I don't give too much thought to "how i would kill myself" because I really am TOO afraid right now. Also, I wouldn't want people going through all my belongings...sounds kinda dumb but that's just how i feel. I wouldn't want this computer even looked through.
I wouldn't even want a funeral aside from my immediate family. there's something wrong with all of this, i know.
hopefully i can get a job and move on out of this mess.
I'm here today because I'm very upset and there's no one I can talk to about my feelings.
I don't want to get into specifics but just sometimes, it's very hard to live with oneself and the unchangeable circumstances. Some things cannot be changed. Yet I cannot live with this. Nor can I accept it.
Thank you for listening.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths.
Proverbs 3, 5-6
Here I am, craving salt....
Last night -- OMGosh I wanted to eat so badly. I think a lot of it was genuine hunger because I would have been satisfied with carrot sticks. But I knew, too, that some of it was fatigue and stress. I managed to resist, but it was very difficult.
This was after returning from our old house, which we have been trying to sell for over a year. And for 5 years, off and on, before we finally just said, "Forget it, let's move and hope it sells." It never did sell.
Anyway, dh and I went up there and I mowed the whole lawn. At 7pm, the bank therometer - as you drive into town - said 92F (33C). At 7pm. And I'm out there mowing a big butt yard. It took me at least an hour. And when I went to bed last night, I could feel the ache in my legs.
It took me so long to mow the lawn that my daughter called us up on the way home, worried that something happened or we went someplace else. My husband said, "Well, sweetie, it's a big yard."
That was the only cardio I got in yesterday, because it was so freakin' hot. And it's just as well because for dinner, we had pizza. And I had too much of it. I realized that if one is having salt cravings, pizza is probably not the best thing to have for dinner.
Still, I think between the hunger and the cravings and the lawn mowing, I broke even.
I just need the d*mn house to sell.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
your advice is good, actually...it is not really the time for me to lose weight by focussing my energies on it. i have too much time at home, no schedule. definitely not the best circumstances for someone like me to do so. i am usually best when i have lots of free time, but not if it also involves pressures like job hunting. i'm so glad the test is done, and i will SLOWLY incorporate better eating into my diet, but i really shouldn't be putting all types of restrictions or plans for weightloss as my first choice endeavor right now. :-)
So, cheers to moderation?...
Greetings,
I don't have much to say, but of course, I will log in and record this week's weigh-in. I must say that I am pleasantly surprised with the 1 pound loss this week.
It has been incredibly hot and humid again, and between compromising my walking workouts and huge salt cravings (not to mention TOM coming around the weekend more or less -- see my comment to SkinnyGrlWithin about hormone issues), I was NOT expecting anything good.
However, I took a look back at my exercise log and found that I did quite a bit more exercise than I had thought.
AND
Last night, the urge to snack late at night was SO STRONG. It was very very very very difficult to resist. Especially when Donkey's 10-yr old fit, trim, athletic daughter comes in and says with a big smile, "I'm ready for some birthday cake, Mommy." Yeah, me too sweetie. Let me get my bathing suit on so I can dive into that cake....
Instead, I gently reminded her that we did not need cake or dessert every night and that we would have cake tomorrow night (which is now tonight). I did NOT tell her it was because it was my "Stay Sane Day", when I tend to eat a little more or indulge a little more, to help stave off binge urges.
So putting off my indulges paid off for me this week. With TOM coming along, it will be imperative to keep all chips out of the house over the weekend: tortilla chips, potato chips, Donkey chips (which happen to be ON SALE this week!!!!)....
My efforts and patience will be rewarded. Amen.
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 20.5 lbs to go!
As for the law job search... you don't find out until at the very earliest Nov. which definitely is annoying. I am applying for attorney positions, and places with hire you as like a legal secretary or an assistant to an attorney with the understanding in your contract that once you get your results that you pass you will be moved up as an attorney. As for the places that I have been looking... hotjobs.com indeed.com, capitalareahelpwanted.com, craigslist.com ...and then I'vebeen googling "attorney jobs in albany ny" and checking out all the sites that come up with that.
Having a hard time staying focused. Did not drink 8 glasses of water on Saturday, but still managed to walk every damn day...
Yesterday, I spent most of my morning up at our old house, the one we are trying to sell but may end up renting if nobody buys it before winter sets in.
I found out that the toilet in the kids' bathroom has a crack at the base, and was leaking water. So I mopped it up and turned off the water to that toilet. I didn't flush it again (to empty out the basin), but hopefully it will be OK. I am headed up there later this week to mow, and if dh comes with me he can take a look at it.
Trying not to let the stress get the better of me. THREE nights in a row, now, I have heard the emotional eating urge beckoning me. And all three times, I have been able to resist.
It's that after-dinner snacking urge that I'm fighting. It's when I do the most damage. It's very hard to resist. And of those 3 nights, there were at least 1 where I just wanted to drown myself in buttercream frosting.
Still, even with resisting this temptation, I am worried that I will not lose this week. I just have not been putting forth 100% effort. My own fault.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
I now have a tangible goal: to fit back into my navy blue wedding hostess dress.
It's plain and dark, with short sleaves. It's very soft. I don't know how many more pounds I will have to lose in order for it to start fitting properly. I like it because while it has a certain sillouette to it, it can be worn well at numerous weights/sizes. The tag says "10" but I think that's being generous. Maybe once I hit the 140's, I'll be able to fit into it reasonably well, once again.
Today I went for a walk and ran out of steam half way through. The only thing I can think of was not enough carbs yesterday. It was warmer than I had thought it was going to get. These cooler nights can be deceptive, once the sun comes out and starts to shine brightly.
I hostessed a wedding this afternoon, so now I must resist the temptation to reward myself with a piece of cake tonight.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
Have a good one there! (BTW, I appreciated your comment to HoP about recovery. Keep putting one foot in front of the other!)
Just checking in with my weekly weigh-in today...
I might have had better numbers had my dinner not been so salty last night. The weather is very humid and somewhat hot -- although hard to tell because the humidity makes everything seem tropical. So I have been craving salt like crazy. Not so much the ice cream, in fact.
Today I took an awesome bike ride to church for noon services. I plan to walk this evening, as well. Dh and I are having an early dinner tonight, with the kids out of town with Grandma (my mom) this week.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 21.5 lbs to go!
I realized after I had my breakfast that I should have weighed in this morning for an August 1st weight.
My goals for August are:
1. Lose 4 lbs.
2. Walk every day -- 20 minute minimum (what it takes to walk around my subdivision)
3. Drink 8 glasses of water every day.
I also want to start doing some kind of weight training or resistance training, but I haven't formulated a plan about that yet, so it probably won't happen this month.
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 22 lbs to go!
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So much pressure is placed on our school children these days, it's a shame. There is always a silver lining isn't there - you feel sick but you haven't been eating. Good luck with your weigh in day tomorrow, I am wishing you luck.
Sofia on 08/24/2010:
5th grade is certainly when hormones start acting up. Hope you feel better soon, and good luck tomorrow!
just42day on 08/24/2010:
Hope your stomach has settled a bit. Sounds like a very active household you have there. I hope all goes well for the kids' return to school, too! :)
V on 08/24/2010:
OmG I hate that bubbly feeling in your tummy :( Along with the anti acid maybe some warm diet ginger ale might settle it. Have a great day at school tomorrow
thinnside40 on 08/25/2010:
Ugh~ I have a 5th grader daughter too... They are moving them to Middle School this year in our district.... Oh for joy...NOT!!!!!!
KathyBlue on 08/25/2010:
that stomach problem is really bad. I have already been in the same shoes but now it's being OK, since dieting...