So yesterday, I came to a couple of revelations:
Sat down with Male Coworker yesterday and brought him up to speed on what he missed while he was away. I know he's two- faced but as he is someone who has a closer relationship with the boss (and his family), he needs to know where we're at. He does understand my frustration and I understand where he's coming from on his assessment, as well.
So what does this mean for me? I can either start looking for another job, or I can ride this job out in comfort until we crash and burn. I'm actually thinking about riding this out.
Tonight is Cat Yoga!! I think after this month, I will take a break from participating, since it is $15 a class. I'm really liking forward to getting there early this time, and hanging out with some kitties.
Unbearable heat wave starting today.
Eating could be better. Oh well, somethings never change...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Had to turn on the AC last night. Just too humid and warm in the house. Thursday through Sunday are supposed to be the most oppressive heat.
The boss comes into the office for an hour or so every day. Made a few phone calls. Gave some direction. We had a closing yesterday that I needed a substitute attorney from another law firm to cover. Needless to say, without an attorney in the office to review the file ahead of time, there were a couple of important errors or omissions - on my part - so the closing had some difficulties. I know I look bad. Oh well... no one else cares.
Male Co-Worker comes back today. Associate Attorney comes back tomorrow. While he was away, his wife drained their bank account. (She's a spender.) I feel like that kind of epitomizes Associate Attorney: not focused / things go bad.
I had initially wanted to write about exercise, relaxing, self-care (inspired by Horn's recent Amazon purchases), but instead, ended up talking about my toxic work environment.
Perhaps this is the lesson to be learned from Associate Attorney...
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
i will comment more later :)
that sucks big time with male coworker's wife! he shouldn't be giving her access if she has no limits! yes, i'm sure his work life is similar to home life. usually that's how it is with personal habits they kind of roll from home to job,etc.
you can still add on into your entry when you have the time to write about other things.
even though i should be saving, the prices were good for those items on Amazon :) and i will use them. LOL, especially the shower head! duh!
I have not mentioned this specifically here, but I have added morning walks to my routine. I get up earlier -- haven't been hitting the 7 hours of sleep, unfortunately -- in order to spend some time outside. Not only do I walk, but I also water my potted flowers and milkweed garden in the front of the house. Even though I spend the majority of my time inside a windowless office, I will not let that stop me from grabbing outdoors time when I can.
We've been having some litter box problems with the New Kitty. She and Old Kitty have been fighting this past week. Friday was the worst, while I was at work, but this weekend, when I've been home, things seem to have calmed down. Still, I think New Kitty should go to the vet to make sure that these problems are behavioral and not a UTI or GI problem.
I was doing OK today until Nice Lady texted me asking if I have a checklist for the attorney to go over at closing for purchases (the files I work on). We have a retired judge handling our closings while Associate is out of the office and Boss is MIA, and I guess she thinks a checklist would be a helpful tool. I was enjoying my weekend, but her text now has me anxious and worried that this guy doesn't know what he's doing. Maybe she's telling me to make up a checklist. Maybe she's telling me that my files are hard to follow. Oh how I hate that she did that today.
I really want to change my life. I can't ever seem to get it together enough to do it. Life keeps getting in the way.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
i'm so glad to hear you are walking and taking in some sunlight in the AM!
being she's a new kitty, i'd have to guess it's behavioral...i hope! keep on eye on it...
regarding your bold sentences at the bottom - YOU ARE CHANGING YOUR LIFE. each day the things you do are changing your life for the better or worse but it invariable usually doesn't stay the same (your life, i mean!) You DO a lot of it right and together. don't put yourself down for no reason - you are awesome!!!! you motivvate me so much! Don't make a self-fulfilling profecy for yourself that you aren't doing life well...you ARE in charge, and you DO make good choices. you have it together :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Enjoying my day off! It is very, very warm but I am delaying turning on the AC. I'm in an office - with no windows - for most of the week. I want to enjoy the fresh air, even if it's hot and humid, and the sunshine, and the breeze, and the birds, butterflies, and bees outside in my milkweed garden.
Against his doctor's advice, my boss came into the office for about an hour on Friday. He looked good, but he is having a hard time just relaxing. I realized that I have this similar problem. I feel like I need to be doing something all the time. I think that's why things like yoga and meditation are difficult for me to embrace.
HOW SAD IS THIS? LET ME TELL YOU: VERY SAD!
So this next week, I have no supervising attorney at all, unless the boss comes in to work, which he should not do. It will be interesting to see how I handle this challenge. I will not compromise myself to act as an attorney. Things will just have to wait until there is an attorney around, I guess -- which is Thursday.
I signed up for another session of Cat Yoga on Thursday! I am looking forward to that! And next Saturday, I will be at legal clinic. It's been such a long time since I've been there, it will be nice to connect with these folks again.
I am looking forward to doing a few errands with my husband and just doing what I like to do. The daughter is sleeping over at her friend's house tonight, so it's just the 2 of us for dinner. That means lots of onions and peppers and vegetables that she doesn't like!
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
next, i want to comment on what you write about something you wrote perhaps you deleted it?...about how when you watched TV your Aunt i think told you that watching TV was lazy? or she explained you must do something with it? well, i have this to say - Adults are NOT perfect humans. That was her opinion she was throwing at you. and her's alone. however, as a youngster / child that you were, it is easy to hear her opinion as "FACT" or as the only right way to see something or in fact the ONLY way to see it.
It is not true, in my opinion - bc it's only an opinion in either case - that watching tv without doing anything else is lazy.
but what i also would like to touch on is that certain people/phrases/experiences we grow up with do in fact affect us EVEN AFTER we grow up and become adults ourselves. meaning, we still sometimes blame our current situation on our past. someone else i know who had a very sarcastic mother would not realize as a child she was being sarcastic and still to this day he tells me things she said to him that he took as literal instead of as a sarcastic joke. Like, she'd say "Go Run in the Street"...she didn't mean go get hurt or hit by a car - but that's what he thought his mom meant bc she grouped it along with "Get out of here....go out and run in the street"...
as an adult, he should know better, right!? but for some reason, what we hear as kids could sometimes stick the wrong way with us, even when we are older.
i think it's similar with the TV / Lazy talk from your ....aunt?
I must say though - your biking mornings in front of the TV are awesome!
and obviously there was some good to your aunt's saying these things...she wanted you to be active / not lazy. she made it a point to instill that in you. even if it is OK to sometimes watch tv without doing anything else. i see it both ways. she def worked to instill this in you :)
I know people like BCGG says that are seriosuly productive all the time and they get anxious when they are NOT working...i'm not that way...
there are all kids of people. the best is to do what's best for you!
I once shared a memory with Grandmother, and she did remember the experience, but she said, "I don't remember that I yelled at you about it." Wow.
My daughter has told me stories of when I yelled at her, and I have no recollection. I told her I was very sorry.
So... Monday night, the boss had a heart attack. Work is complete chaos, not so much because the boss is out of the office, but more so because, in addition to the boss being out indefinitely, Male Coworker has been on vacation Wednesday thorough next Tuesday ... AND Associate Attorney is on vacation next week, Monday through Wednesday.
My boss just can't say NO to people. So this is what happens as a result.
To "help" out today, Queen Bee is coming in today to answer phones. That's all she can do, since her computer is at home, because she works from home. Dreading her obnoxiousness today.
Needless to say, this week has been very stressful and completely demoralizing.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
I'm very sorry to hear about your boss...i hope he's ok. i wonder if it'll affect when he retires..
take a breather...and you cannot be expected to do ALL their work when they are away. you just do you, but the situation sounds very tough!
Still struggling with anxiety. My heart really goes out to those who suffer from panic attacks and such, because this is a most uncomfortable feeling. It seems to have eased up a little this afternoon. This morning and last night were uncomfortable. Last night, took CBD oil, melatonin, AND sleepytime tea to try to unwind. This morning, I was at Walmart to buy a new bird feeder because the squirrels pretty much ruined the last one I had (and repaired twice), and my husband starts texting me all this meat to buy. Um, it wasn't really THAT kind of a shopping trip.
Came home and made a BIG batch of brussels sprouts with bacon. I've been having an aversion to bacon the past 3 weeks or so. I think the real issue is that it hasn't been cooked enough for me to tolerate it. I like it almost burnt. I seemed to tolerate it OK with this recipe, but only because I cooked it quite thoroughly.
Had a nice telephone call from our son.
Did not go for a walk today - at least not yet. Maybe later, but then.. maybe not. Did my morning bike ride, but after that, I think a day of rest would be good.
Yesterday, much to my dismay, I found out that our new kitty has been using the futon comforter as her litter box. Earlier this week, my husband told me that there had been a big cat fight at the litter boxes, where our Old Kitty went to battle with our New Kitty. So now we think that New Kitty is afraid to use the boxes downstairs in the basement. The futon is in an upstairs guest room where we kept her when we first got her (with a litter box at that time). Last week (?), she was accidently locked in there, when the wind closed the door. We think she was trapped for a day.... maybe just overnight?
Needless to say, I've been trying very hard to get the poop and urine smell out of the room and bedding. Some of it can't go through the washing machine. SO -- the reason I went to Walmart was to get a pet stain/odor treatment spray. I also realized that the floor needed to be picked up and mopped up. It will take a week - maybe 2 - to complete the cleaning, because I have to allow the enzyme solution to work and dry out before I can tell if it's worked. Thankfully, the weather has turned mild and delightful, so the windows in that room can stay open, and the door is shut from ANYBODY going in there. Just a lot of extra work and stress that I hadn't counted on.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Why did you choose a bacon recipe if you aren't enjoying? Or did your taste for it come back a bit? You probably could have made the brussels without bacon? just asking ;)
How's your son doing?
Ahhh new kitty is really putting you to work!
I love cats, but the smell of their urine is just awful, I hope the enzyme solution works. My DH will not let me have a cat - well he would, but then said if I got a cat he would move out, right now we are still on good terms, but that one time he messes up, I just may have a new room mate. For real though, the last cats I had shredded my door frames and I swore I never would get another, but I miss having the snuggles. Have a great day.
Weighed in today... I had my scale in the bathroom closet, with several rolls of toilet paper on top of it, maybe 4? Anyway, I had a hard time getting a consistent number on the scale -- stepped on it 4 or 5 times, before I finally got a reading consistent 2x in a row, at 136. I had one at 135, a few in the middle, and one at 138. So, I'm still maintaining, pretty much.
In spite of leaving work early, it was a difficult day for me, mentally. I went to work, dreading it, because Nice Lady is going through something right now and has to talk and talk and talk about it all day long. It's really hard to listen to her for too long -- I think she's going about this the wrong way and completely making additional drama in her life because of it. If I had my own private office space, it would be easier for me, but I'm kind of the Front Desk person -- which makes no sense because I'm one of the busiest people there. So I'm always in the middle of pretty much every conversation.
So going into work yesterday, I knew the drama would be there right away. And it was. I came home and husband had his own drama storm, which I listened too, but then he kind of went off on in his own world, rather than us doing stuff together. OK, that's fine, I guess, but kind of disappointing.
All this toxicity did not put me in the right frame of mind for Chair Yoga, so I just went through the motions again. Not really feeling any relaxation from that at all. Part of the problem is that the chairs are too tall for my short legs, so I can't do the leg positions properly which throws everything else off. My husband really liked it though, and that's the important thing.
The restaurant afterwards was OK too. Met up with daughter, which was nice for a change. Had a good salad - ate half of it. I caved in, though and had a slice of sugar-free chocolate cream pie. I wasn't going to, but the husband said he was ordering pie, and I caved. It was good, but afterwards, I felt a little too full. Went for a walk with daughter after we got home, since it was still light enough outside. Just a 25 minute walk around the neighborhood.
We're supposed to get some relief from the hot and humid conditions we've been having all week. My goal is to turn off the AC sometime today and start saving up money on the electric bill. (yikes)
I have no tasks or errands - other than my laundry and cleaning up a little bit - this weekend at all. I don't do well with unstructured time.
Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
That is so strange they put you in front. You must also be so NICE to everyone i bet!
I hope you are able to turn off the air, you know i'd do the same in your case if A/C was a separate bill and not just a standard payment in my rent. it's nice to have the windows open and fresh air coming thru, especially at night!
So you have to modify the chair positions at chair yoga...sorry! but, despite that, i urge you to try to push any emotions or thoughts out more, try to get into this chair yoga, to block out everynoe in that room besides the teacher....do it for YOU. do it to feel more relaxed. i'm not positive the environment will lead to this, but, you can try. just my take on it, from an outsider, that you can try to "be in the moment, erase any thoughts prior in the day," during yoga. which can be a nice thing. and unfortunately, if all the chairs are the same, you'll have to modify somewhat - i know the feeling of being short! ;)
Nice to hear it was a good family dinner with your daughter too. She sounds like a WONDERFUL daughter. :) for real. :) :) :)
and the walk sounds the BEST. 25 min is a nice walk. it's better than just sitting around like i am, these few days.
but honestly, for once (well actually a few times) in my life, i am enjoying being sedentary bc being injured isn't something i want for an extensive period and i know rest and sleep and relaxation are what i need in order to PROGRESS. so a few short days, even a couple weeks, of doing less will eventually have me doing more when i feel better. sorry, this last paragraph is me only...
when i read Legs' entries, i'm so motivated - yours too! - you both do more cardio than me. I have goals to do more, but, also, it's important to have balance. Lately i look more at balance.
With your issues with coworkers at work and their issues lol, try not to personalize it, like try not to take their emotions in as your emotions. You are definitely an "empath." like a person that is highly affected by others' feelings and emotions. It's good for others but can be frustrating at times to you! when you listen to their problems, you can learn from them - be thankful you aren't in their place in these instances. You have your own struggles and you aren't responsible to heal the world. Let their struggles be a reminder to you - to take care of yourself. I'm actually NOT KIDDING.
So the epiphany is that I DO need to take better care of myself! Whatever happens around me, I need to find a better way to preserve myself foremost. In yoga, we inhale the good and exhale the bad. Kind of like that -- the good experiences flow in and through, the bad is to be blown away.
Not a stretch to go from Donkey to Ducky. ;-)
Not a good day. Very anxious. Feeling very uncomfortable here.
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
is it hormonal? or just stress of going to work after the 4th? It can be very difficult to go into work when you know most people are off...
I hope you feel better :)
Happy 4th of July - happy Thursday! Thursday is my favorite day of the week.
Being a holiday here, I have today off . Tomorrow, I plan to leave work early -- hopefully 1pm, but by 4pm at the latest. My boss even said to me that I am to leave early on Friday (meaning, take a break). Chair yoga tomorrow night and then meeting our daughter for dinner at the local family diner for dinner (unless she changes her mind). I'm already planning on having one of their beautiful salads.
So I've noticed some progress in my upper arms, but not seeing any muscle cuts (lean-ness). Nobody else has said anything though, so either it's me being delusional (in a hopeful way) or it's just not noticeable by others. That's OK, I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing.
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
I hope you are able to leave work more around 1pm so you can go home, either do errands or RELAX or even walk, before the chair yoga.
I am also a fan of the diner salads! usually they are so nice and big, when diners do them right!
Not everyone, especially coworkers, are going to comment on any definition of your arms at least not right away unless you have that kind of bond with them i would think? also, you will notice the progress way ahead of everyone else...
you know how a lot of people start a diet or exercise plan and quit because the results "don't come fast enough!?" Well, i'm glad you aren't taking that escape route!!! because everything you do, these workouts and healthy eating, it HELPS and WORKS!
Today is day 3 of staying away from artificial sweeteners. Yesterday afternoon was HARD. Started CRAVING something sweet at around 2:30 p.m. Ended up having flavored coffee with cream, no sweet. That was enough to get me through the end of the work day. I fell a little short of my water goal but that's ok.
I was able to connect with Yoga Mat Lady and now I am the proud owner of a nice thick yoga mat for $8! I hope to do some stretching on it this morning and a yoga DVD session tonight. Plus, I bet it would be nice for the daily pushups and sit ups I do.
Speaking of which, I took a rest day on those last night. My knee has been sore and overall, I'm feeling more tired, too. Haven't been getting enough sleep, but this is also monthly hormones.
And speaking of taking a break, I haven't returned to weights yet! I'm going on 1.5 weeks with no weights.. This is how easy it is for me to fall out of regular weight training. It's just not my thing.
Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
also, nice job on resting up. it seems i'm going to have to rest a LOT in order to feel better with my left leg and ankle...like, i probably cannot do the ladder for two weeks. even my squats i can tell it's best just to lay off everything. i will just do upper body tonight. it's so hard to just rest, i know, but i also know what happens if you keep pushing - and that is WORSE!
also, with the weights, you'll have to stick to your schedule. it is you. if you want it, you have to schedule it ;)
with the knee, see if there's any stretches online, but it's smart you are resting it.
like you i've been much more tired and not sleeping right - and it is best to be able to rest. that's my plan for the long weekend.
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Sometimes, the only thing one can do is either find another job and hope it is an improvement or stay where you're at, doing your best, which you do. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Have a happy day.
Yes, what you said about the grass NOT being greener -- that is exactly why I think I stay instead of looking for something else. EXACTLY, 100%.
What you said PLUS... I have certain things that affect my employability. Finding another job might not be so easy.
innerpeace on 07/18/2019:
sounds like a drama filled job. Good luck with your decision.
Too much drama - it's like, it shouldn't be this hard.
I have to learn to let it roll off me. Like Bear said, Be a duck.
Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/18/2019:
You are a good worker, that's def the case and we all know it.
knowing that, i think you and everyone knows the coming truth - your company might disolve. right?
perhaps, just perhaps, you should actually look for another job so that you are not left with no job...is there any chance that someone else can buy the company from your boss?
it could get better, if your boss feels better and keeps the place running...but, as you have said, it seems unlikely and he was looking towards retirement right?
I'm truly sorry that this is a such a difficult time for you. But know that you do good work and are a wonderful person. you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. this is not your doing! :)
Perhaps I will start looking casually -- that's a good idea. No harm in looking, right?
I actually do not know if someone else would want to buy out the practice. That is, I think if Associate Attorney can't buy it, we'll just close it out. I would actually prefer THAT than to have Associate Attorney try to take over and watch him fail miserably.