forums directory search about DD
or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Horn_Of_Plenty 2 hrs
BearCountryGG 5 hrs
PlayingQuietly 10 hrs
Donkey 13 hrs
Jacky82020 15 hrs
Brett 3 days
InnerPeace 3 days
happy-1 4 days
little_one 8 days
Maria7 8 days
legcramps 19 days
Supercheese 9/08
omysexydollgood 8/02
mulli 7/21
Coffee&Calories 5/03
StarStickers 4/25
grannyannie 3/09
thinkpositive 2/28
Cassie2020 2/11
Adam 1/23
blueocean 12/20
Corazon 10/06
trishpiglet3 9/29
Duaa123. 9/28
tgshare 9/05

Recent Forum Topics
Certificate Expiration - DD webmaster :) - 7:51A 7-Oct

Measurements and weights - 7:50A 7-Oct

New spammer - 4:36A 21-Jul

Virtual Challenges - 6:56A 11-Jul

Spam removed - 9:07P 23-Mar

Spam removed - 9:07P 23-Mar

view Donkey bio page
Donkey - Saturday Jul 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Happy Saturday!!!  So glad to be home!!!

Well, I finally reached my goal - YES!!!!!  But the battle is not yet done.  There is a family birthday next week.  The plan was to have ice creams of various favorite flavors, but Husband is supposed to be avoiding all dairy for 2 weeks until he sees the GI doctor again.  It might be better to have tiny cupcakes (with lots of frosting!) and just 1 flavor of ice cream.  I mean, the last thing we probably need in this house is 3 gallons of ice cream in the house.  OR, Husband could buy a small thing of sherbert or gelato for himself.  I have to discuss this with him.

And as I've mentioned here, my plan is to continue to track on the Lose It app for another full month before easing up.  But maybe I'm just the type of person that needs to monitor portions all the time.  That could be it too.  This might be my new reality.

What I MUST remember is this:  Do NOT regain this weight.  Do NOT do this to yourself again.  This number feels great, clothes fit great, appearance looks great... ha ha, at least as well as to be expected, let's say.  I definitely have a lot of loose skin from having 2 big babbies, and there does remain skin/fat ("flab") on the thighs, where I tend to hold most of my fat, that could shrink by continued reduction in calories.  It's not atrophy but a similar word that Google can't find for me at this moment.

Rather that a "BEFORE" and "AFTER", what I'm seeing ahead of me, through the end of August, is a prolonged transition.  I may go a little lower or higher than where I'm at right at this moment, but ultimately 135 is the Tipping Point.

I did find some literature that the dietician and GI doctor gave to Husband at his appointments.  The dietician gave him the diet - a list of what to eat, what to avoid.  The GI doctor gave him more symptomatic stuff, like "What Causes Gas?" and "Having a Healthy Gut".  I have to applaud my Husband though.  He does seem to be trying, at least to obey doctor's orders until his next follow-up. 

And he went to the gym yesterday afternoon on his own, without too many problems this morning.  My Husband's auto-immune disease causes him a lot of back and joint pain, so "working out" doesn't always work out well for him.  It can cause him soreness that lasts for days.

Yesterday, the Boss had an unexpected doctor's appointment early Friday afternoon.  I was told not to expect him back.  Turns out, he was supposed to have a 6-month follow-up appointment with his cardiologist (he had a heart attack 2 years ago), but thought he didn't need one as long as he was taking his pills.

Well, his prescription ran out and the doctor wouldn't renew it because it was time for another appointment.  Boss went to Walgreens to try to convince the pharmacist to refill the prescription but the pharmacist was like, No can do.  Can you believe the denial that my Boss is living in?

My Boss doesn't like his cardiologist because he feels that the doctor is being too negative.  Um... you had a heart attack.  You don't exercise, you haven't lost weight (you look like you've might have gained a bit in the gut, actually, because your pants keep falling down), you think you're eating healthy but you eat out 1-2 times every day and your choices aren't really all that great, you haven't stopped drinking alcohol...  I could go on, but my point is that the cardiologist has good reason not to be all "warm and fuzzy, everything's OK" like his primary care physician is.  I guess my Boss should be lucky that I'm not his doctor, LOL.

For someone who always likes to be "doing something", he sure does hate to exercise.  Frankly, I hope the doctor gives it to him straight.

So I'm glad he took the rest of the afternoon off.  But at around 2pm, it just got to be insanely busy.  Fortunately, it wasn't anything to do with the Boss - mostly New Guy and Associate Attorney.  AA had like 10 files on his desk - for DAYS _ that he just didn't do anything about, because he was busy at closings, having lunches, coming in late, leaving early to go to the post office, leaving to pick up Nice Lady's grandson, going for a walk while making phone calls....  So I told him, don't give me all of this stuff at 4:45p to send out (to myself:  because you've been slacking off all week). I want to start my weekend as much as you do.  He was actually quite understanding when I put it that way.

I expect to have a stack of letters, to send out, waiting for me on Monday morning...

I'm taking this week to think about goals for August.  Righ tnow, though, I'm enjoying my weekend.  Very hot and humid here.  Husband caved and turned on the AC yesterday around 4pm.  I'm glad that he did.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/24/2021:
CONGRATS on meeting your goal! It will most likely require constant monitoring. Mine has been creeping up lately. We must remain Forever Vigilant. Sad!

Great your husband is trying, that’s half the battle.

Your boss sounds like a jerk! Pharmacists do not renew prescriptions. The physicians do

I had to see my PCP yesterday. Hate it! He will not renew my meds unless I see him 2X a year. Calls me “a cardiac patient” because I have to use meds to control a cardiac arrhythmia. Makes me feel like he’s fixing to put me on the transplant list. LOL

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! Yes, you are correct. Fat cells, once formed, never go away, they just get larger or smaller. The potential to regain the weight remains higher than if I had never gained weight in the first place. So, I agree with you - I will be required to constantly monitor my weight. I think, for some reason, I was in denial about my situation. Now that you've said it, I see that it is true. There's a little more leeway with fruits and vegetables, but other macros will need to be watched carefully.

Yes, my Boss is oblivious to a lot of that which surrounds him. He is very privileged and just has NO idea of what others go through. He's never had a weight problem before. He's always been able to do whatever he wanted to do, with no limits. Now that he has limits, he just can't see them.

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
Twice a year to see the doctor! I can see why that might feel inconvenient. This reminds me that I still have yet to make an annual appointment for well-being. Ha ha, I guess now that I've lost the weight, I can go see her.

The last time I saw my PCP, I had gained 10 pounds and she said, "Why do you think this happened?" (I know I've shared this with you before.) Ha ha ha - I know COVID kind of stopped regular appointments, but I didn't want to go back to see her until my weight was lower.

bearcountrygg on 07/24/2021:
BIGGGGG CONGRATS......The long awaited.....Moment has arrived!!!! You must be so happy!!! Yup about the skin!! But it will lesson since you are still young! I think the word you might be looking for is autophagy......??? I'm also glad to hear that hubby is following their diet...there are some good non dairy frozen desserts out there. It's been raining here...more like a downpour...for the last 12 hours!!! It must have missed you!

Donkey on 07/24/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! I was/am very happy and relieved. It's so frustrating and puzzling to do what's right, only to see the scale not reflect the effort and sacrifice. I am getting to the point where the skin will not be as flexible. I think there's still time, since I am not in menopause, but the improvement will be less and slower than if I were in my 20s or 30s. (I'm 50.)

I am glad that my husband is trying. With my own weight-loss THIS time, I've learned (FINALLY!) that really most of it is what you put or don't put in your mouth. Yes, exercise is great, but it's mostly diet. And since he cannot do a lot of exercising or exercises because of his condition, going on a gut-friendly diet is even more important.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/24/2021:
super congrats on reaching goal! i will say, you did a great job maintaining within 10lbs of your goal! it's not like you regained all the weight. so your learning and experimenting and all this time that you had fluctuated but not much; was not in vain. every year we are maintaining or within reason accountable; we learn and i feel you will do better and better as more time goes by. at least, that is what happened with me (though i cannot really KNOW for sure my future or what time will bring in 10 yrs or so when i'm your age!). i can only hope that experience will pay off helpfully to me (and you!); as we continue our journeys.

i am glad you didn't stay late at work on Friday with everyone leaving early and you getting your work done on time. that worked out well; and to rather catch up on Monday which makes much better sense with the letters/folders.

yep, your boss is in total denial of his situation. i can't comment further as both you and i know and see it's pretty clear.

in terms of the family bday and ice cream; i will say that i agree in terms of getting ONE ice cream gallon and not 3 types. the more choices of desserts, the more limits / choices you will have to make and the HARDER it becomes. it's easier when there's less. (that's how i do it!) but if hubby cannot have the ice cream, why not do a sorbet. or an ice cream that is milk free or made with coconut instead.

oh right; and in terms of meeting your goal; and just meeting it; i'd enjoy the ice cream for sure arounding bday time yes!; but also know you have just gotten to goal and if you can 1lb or two; just to get back into it and know you'll prob want to continue to maybe experiment later.

i'm sure you could lose more; though, if you are at a happy place, it's good to spend time here too and not push yourself too hard since it took you effort to get here - although i'd say you got it done quickly swiftly but in good pace...you stuck to your gut this time and didn't get sidetracked. so you have what it takes! i'm so glad the app helped you so well!

Donkey on 07/25/2021:
THANK YOU!!!! Actually, I hadn't considered that I didn't regain ALL of the weight back - just those 10 COVID pounds - so, I'm really glad and grateful that you pointed this out.

I've been "maintaining" longer than I think!

I thought about whether I dropped these 10 pounds too quickly. It took me about 2 months, and I don't think that's too fast. The loss averages to a little more than a pound a week - although my body doesn't lose weight as evenly as that.

My goal for this decade (my 50's) is to stay injury free (hips, back, knee, etc.) and prepare my body as best as possible for the decade after this. Also, I will most likely go through menopause, and I know that is a complete game-changer. So I will need to prepare and weather that.

You are right about too many desserts. I had not considered getting a dairy-free alternative. I will discuss this with Husband.

And yes, I need to let my body be where it wants to be, in a healthy range. (Frankly, I felt, physically & mentally, that 145 was uncomfortable, and too close to being "unhealthy".) That is why I want to keep tracking for another full month, before re-evaluating.

Donkey - Friday Jul 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 5 of 5:  TGIF!!!

I realize that this whole week, I've woken up early, ahead of my alarm.  I'm getting up anywhere between 4:21am and 4:42am. I think it's because of the reduced calories, although sometimes it's having to go to the bathroom... might also be the humdity and warmer temperatures that make sleeping a less ideal.

Anyway, I appreciate having the extra time in the morning!

My legs are a little stiff from yesterday's weights.  Last night I did only 1 leg exercise, because it's one that I *HATE* doing it (lunges with 10lb dumbbells).  I do this because I know it challenges my leg muscles, unlike anything else I do or have at home.

Food was fine.  The hardest part is getting through the mornings at work; I don't seem to have this problem on weekends, when I'm home.  The broth helps, but I'd much rather eat, LOL.The Lose It app keeps moving my goal date ahead, but little does it know that I'm actually going to achieve my goal with tomorrow's weigh-in <<< trying to think positive here.  Like Bear has mentioned, I kind of think the app is leading me along, so that I keep using it (even though it's free).

Another thing that I have found to be VERY helpful is in the afternoon, I have a large iced coffee, with a little cream.  I find this to be very satisfying to any hunger or stress-related cravings.  This has helped a LOT.

I am starting to feel and see physical improvements though, and that's the great part.  The bad part is that this is hard.  THIS IS HARD.  Last night, it occurred to me that this is like Chinese water torture.  The deprivation is slight, just so that I notice it as uncomfortable..  The exersion is felt, and also noticed - but not to the point of incapacity or totally stopping.

That darn scale better cooperate tomorrow!!!

Yesterday was the 2nd and last day of Queen Bee.  I am on totaly heightened alert when she's in the office.  And I was very aware that she talked pretty much non-stop until around noon, when she started texting friends.  Thank goodness New Girl came in at 1pm and she left --- while I was on my lunchtime walk, which helped cut down my time with QB even more.

Nice Lady has finally figured out that the future of the firm is with New Guy.  All of our marketing is now being focused on growing New Guy's business, a big switch from all of the money we poured into Associate Attorney that never really panned out.

Anyway, what this tells me is that my role in this firm will be diminishing, as New Guy grows and the Boss cuts back.  So I do need to really prepare myself for this inevitability.  I just never seem to either have the time to think it through or the courage to make a change.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/23/2021:
Having something good to drink does help with cravings. I have found the same thing. But I'm drinking caffeine-free diet coke over ice. This helps me a lot.

Donkey - Thursday Jul 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 4 of 5:  Light at the End of the Tunnel

I had made comments about Husband's appointment with the dietician and GI doctor last night (on yesterday's entry), saying how positive it was.  After I logged off for the evening, my Husband came up to the main level to get himself a snack of tortilla chips and salsa.  Then he went back downstairs and was crunching so LOUDLY that it drove me upstais very quickly.  This whole thing with a nighttime snack just drives me nuts.  Oh well... He's going to do it whether or not I'm aware of it. He tries to get his snack when he thinks I've already gone upstairs to bed.

And thinking about it more, I'm not so sure it WAS a positive appointment - or appointmentS - yesterday.  I mean, the dietician sounds like such a cool person - the person whose lifestyle I'd like to live.  Very much into yoga, meditation, the whole mind-gut connection.  He told Husband that he recently lost a significant amount of weight making these changes to his life.  Very inspiring to hear, I'm sure, for his patients.

But the dietician isn't a doctor, and Husband has way more issues than just fatty liver disease.  So he gave Husband the "fatty liver disease" diet -  not a menu plan, but just what to eat, what to limit, and what to avoid. I didn't see any literature.  I thought there was some, left on the kitchen island, but when I woke up this morning, it was gone, and it's not in the recycling bag, so I'm not sure what he did with it.  Maybe it was nothing.  Anyway, the dietician was realistic (which I appreciate) and told Husband that this is the plan, but to follow what his doctors tell him to do, and if it's different than the plan, that's fine.

The appointment with the GI doctor was not as inspiring.  She was a very overweight woman, who wants to get to the bottom of Husband's gut and bathroom problems (IBS, IBD, whatever).  He is to avoid dairy for 2 weeks and then have a follow-up appointment with her in 2 weeks.  He's already cut back on gluten, he's going to try to cut down on red meat, and he's definitely cutting out all dairy for 2 weeks.

Yesterday, I did well with calories.  In fact, I felt they were a little too low, so I had some frozen banana slices after my evening bike ride.  I didn't want to wake up hungry.  Turns out, I woke up 2-3 times.  The 1st time it was just waking up but it was 2:15am.  The 2nd time I had to go to the bathroom.  Third time it was still early (before 5am) but decided to get up since it was late enough.

Yesterday was just cardio.  Didn't go to the gym during the week, again.  I thought about it, yes ma'am and sir I sure did... Didn't happen.

Work yesterday was not too bad, with Queen Bee, actually.  Of course, she talked the WHOLE time she was there -- honest to God -- either to co-workers, the Boss, the phones (which I ended up answering, most of the time!), or her own personal cell phone (!) - friends calling her all the time.  It was such a relief to me when she left at 2pm.  And I had contracts that she could open, but I just wanted her GONE.  I was on pins and needles the whole time she was there --- and so relieved, like air out of a balloon, when she left.

She's coming in this morning to help, and then that's it.  New Girl comes in this afternoon and all day Friday.

I REALLY want to reach my goal this weekend weigh-in.  

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/22/2021:
Oh boy...I hoped that hubby would have been given a list of acceptable foods..... I get that he is sneaking foods when he thinks you don't know....D and I have both done that....and it is proof that we are not innocent...and that we know better.....cases of we know what to do but darn it...we are just going to have a big old food fit and let out our anger about having to be restricting certain things. I notice that D has gotten a lot more careful about his carbs.....he doesn't want his sugar to go any higher....so he has finally internalized what he needs to do. My guess is your hubby will at some point most likely do the same....but he doesn't want it bad enough yet. Your work place sounds like misery....like you...I hear everything.....i wonder if it's a Mom thing! I wonder if we can ever get past it.......you know...how we slept with an ear to a potential child out of bed? How we were well aware of it being too quiet ( usually meant trouble).....or more than 1 kid giggling together....( usually meant they were into something they weren't allowed to be into. It's a hard thing to stop doing...I still tell D his phone is ringing, His battery charger light is on Green, might as well be telling him not to forget his lunch or homework........That is why i believe that women are usually the ones in the front office.....they see and do all......and it is a hard thing to turn off.

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
I wrote you back yesterday, will come back here later to read today!

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
Thanks! :-)

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
well, one evening snack and the rest of the day sorta on track will not hurt hubby...unless he snacks relentlessly all day. i'd say the tortilla snack, assuming it's not five bowls of it...is OK...

well, that is sorta counterproductive that the dr is overweight. i do find it frustrating to patients, yes, because they aren't taking better care of themselves; and they as doctors should be able to (my view).

LOL, QB is such a...QUEEN BEE!

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
Logically, I agree with you about the evening snacking. I just don't see it as a healthy habit. This time it was a cereal bowl of chips, but in the past, it was a cereal bowl full of ice cream. The habit is there. And it drives me nuts, because I love nighttime snacking --- Oh to watch tv and snack at night...

It was so painful with Queen Bee yesterday (Thursday). I'll write about it more today (Friday), but at least she's gone until the next time we need her.

Donkey on 07/23/2021:
"need" her... LOL!

Donkey - Wednesday Jul 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 3 of 5:  Going to Get Through This 

MORNING EDIT:  I forgot to mention that I signed up for the continuing education webinar for mortgage originator, so I'll be at home August 10th to attend the webinar.  I'll be using my tablet (fingers crossed!) so that I can move around during the day and not be chained to my desk.  YAY!!!

Did well with calories/macros, steps, and weights.  I had a good weight training session last night, even though the morning was anemic.  I used dumbbells, and did 2 exercises for back, and one for chest.  That balances out the triceps/biceps I did in the morning.

I had only 1 chocolate after dinner, and that was fine.  I seem to have adapted to eating less calories -- not sure if this is a good thing or not.  I'm not feeling desperately hungry any more.  I'm not sure if that means I'm used to it, or I'm not tracking correctly - I weigh just about everything.  Hmm... it might be when I have a better balance of macros (carbs, fats, protein) that keeps the hunger away.  The only time I feel a little wanting is in the morning at work.  I'm sticking to the spicy chicken broth, and for maintenance, I will probably switch to frozen fruit or a protein shake (?) instead...

I listened to my morning vespers alarm, but disregarded the afternoon one.  There was some drama brewing, and I just wanted to get what *I* had to get done, finished up so that I could leave work on time.

I seem to be getting through this difficult week.  Being short-staffed is difficult but not impossible. Queen Bee did NOT come in yesterday - no big surprise there, but unfortunately, New Girl did not come in either.  So I was pretty much on my own, now that Nice Lady is not really working for us any more -- EXCEPT that I see her doing little things for our firm that she really shouldn't be doing, and that's annoying.  Well, like I said to Male Co-Worker, if she wants to do things without getting paid, that's on her and fine by me.  (It SHOULD be fine by me, but I find it annoying -- I need to let this go, and I will.)

So New Guy had 3 contracts to open and instead of giving them to me, he asked Male Co-Worker to open them.  I'm not sure why he did that.  This was at 3pm and New Guy wanted them opened TODAY.  After he asked me, I told Male Co-Worker that he's breaking protocol by opening up contracts, but there was no way that I could open all 3 of them TODAY - with notice at 3pm.  So he said, OK, then I'll open them.  Do you know how to open contracts?  No, but I'll figure it out.  OK, well this is how mistakes happen.  Good luck putting the deadlines on the calendar.  And I didn't get any of the information for our stats list, so New Guy won't get credit for these contracts, but oh well... letting it go....  And somehow, he seemed to open up all 3 contracts -- at least I didn't see any evidence that would suggest otherwise, on his desk after he left at 5pm.  Good for him!  (And maybe I'm doing something wrong by taking so long to open contracts... Hmm...)

I left at 5:30p but only because the Boss gave me 2 letters to send out at 4:45p, and then there were a couple of emails to process for the attorneys, and I had to set up a Zoom meeting on the laptop, because the Boss is hopeless at setting up anything like that.  (Nice Lady took the liberty of writing down the meeting ID and passcode on a sticky and leaving it on the laptop for the attorney.  I'm sure that was "very nice" of her to do that, but that's not really her place.  Besides, my Boss needs a LOT more help to set up the Zoom than just that.  I don't even think he knows how to log in...)

Anyway, focusing on TODAY, so Queen Bee is coming in today - so she says - so we'll see how it goes.  I finished up all of the contracts I had to open up, so I don't need her help there.  It will be nice for her to answer the phone and check Mistakes Girl's emails.  


Husband has his appointment with the dietician and GI doctor this morning.  I am interested to hear what he learns.  

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/21/2021:
Hope all goes well with your work day today. Hope all is well with your Hubby. Take care.

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
Actually, it wasn't too bad at work, and my Husband had a great appointment with the dietician and an interesting appointment with the GI doctor.

happy-1 on 07/21/2021:
Saw this article and thought of you… sleep deprivation causes overeating, overeating causes sleep deprivation… https://www.sleepfoundation.org/physical-health/sleep-and-overeating

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
Thank you for sending me this article! Some of it I did not realize or make the connection until I read it. A few things I did know - like how overeating some foods can rev up your body heat, making sleep more difficult (yep, been there many a time, done that many a time - it's not good).

The correlation between overeating and the effect on our brain function, thought processes -- this was really enlightening.


bearcountrygg on 07/21/2021:
Cutting back on the number of chocolates sound s like a win!! And a day at home for the webinar sounds like a very good idea. Hope hubbys appt goes well today and that they give him some very specific rules to follow and that he tolerates that well.

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
I appreciate the chocolate that I get, because it's less - AND the box of chocolates will last me longer. I don't regret those 2 days of having 2 chocolates, but I've learned to be very satisfied with just the one. It's a higher quality chocolate, which makes it easier.

I'll write more about the dietician, but I really wish I had been there. He sounds like he is so cool, with the whole mind-gut connection. The GI doctor had more rules, too.

Jacky82020 on 07/21/2021:
Oh, meant to ask how the visit with the dietitian went.

I can’t keep Kisses in the house! Not that much self control. Too many good flavors!

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
I'll write more about the dietician tomorrow, but it was very helpful for my husband that it was an in-shape middle-aged (50) man, rather than an overweight woman. I think it helped him relate more.

I'm not so sure about the Hershey's... You give me such inspiration to endure the restriction of calories, since you do it yourself with success. You take in a lot less than I do, and seem to manage it. When I find myself having a weak moment, I think, "Now what would Jacky do..."

Jacky82020 on 07/22/2021:
Awe…. You’re much too kind, my friend.

Donkey on 07/23/2021:

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
congrats on taking the step to sign up for the mortgage continuing ed next month. very nice. that's great you can do it on your tablet and can even go on bike during it...which you may want to do!

i have also adapted to slightly less calories. it is normal, i think.

when you see elderly people, some are rather thin and do not each too much and live long...they just eat for life; not to indulge. they are past the indulgent days.

i think the broth idea is quite good especially if you can make it low sodium. you can add herbs too. I would do this, seems a good satisfying trick.

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
will respond later to your second half the entry. but i will say that when people are away, the office will be quieter with less distractions...which is a very good thing.

around here, when people are out, most others at work try to leave at very reasonable times. (they try not to work too much (OT) when others are away...)

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
yeah, try to ignore Old Lady. there's nothing you can learn from her. she'll retire soon enough.

horn_of_plenty on 07/22/2021:
let us know how hubby's appt went and how the day went with Queen Bee.

Donkey - Tuesday Jul 20, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 2 of 5:  Going with the Flow

I didn't do exactly what I set out to do yesterday.  It was supposed to be my rest day, but I did have a short, light bike ride in the evening.  When I got home, dinner wasn't ready, so I started moving plants outside.  It's supposed to get really hot today, and no rain in sight for the rest of the week, so I deferred bringing some of them down.  

I did OK with 2 chocolates last night, but tonight I will try to limit it to 1.  I will be very disappointed if I don't make goal this weekend, so I need to really keep my sights set on that.  

I did not feel inspired to do upper body weight training this morning, so I only did 1 exercise each for biceps and triceps.  (3 sets of 15 reps)  I used one of my new 25-lb plates to do the tricep exercise, and whoa, I felt that!  That was GOOD!  Hopefully tonight, I will have the energy and inspiration to do more training.

Haven't mentioned it in a while but I'm keeping up with my push-ups challenge.

I had more success with my vespers alarms at work yesterday.  In the morning, I stepped into a private room and did push-ups and some deep breathing.  In the afternoon, I went back to the private room and did some deep breathing and prayers.  Also meditated on 2 mantras:  "I know my own sanity" and "One pebble at a time..."

Yesterday at work was OK.  I think there's something cooking with Nice Lady's situation.  When I got to the office, Associate Attorney and the Boss were sitting at Male Co-Worker's desk talking about procedures (basically, who does what).  When I went up to Male Co-Worker afterwards, to let him know he was right that there would be more Nice Lady drama, even though she seemed to be taking the changes well 2 weeks ago, it seemed as though he wanted to say more to me, but he didn't.  OK... then there was a closed door meeting with AA and the Boss in his office later that morning. So something's up...

Fortunately, we weren't too busy with new contracts and daily tasks, so I managed to leave relatively on time.  The New Girl still needs some work on how to open up contracts, but she seems to do a good job with what she has down.  She just needs to do more of them.  She's also very good with answering the phones.  I'm hoping today is more of the same.  If it is, I should be OK.  I know that I don't have a lot of tasks to do today, so that's good.

Found out, though, yesterday afternoon, that Queen Bee won't be coming in today to help.  Sheesh!  We ask her to help for a week, she gives us 2 days, and then the one day, she schedules a doctor's appointment.  UGH - WHY BOTHER????  Just say you can't come in.  The Boss' solution was to ask New Girl if she could come in today, and she said she will if

  1. she doesn't feel bad from her second COVID shot, and
  2. she can get time off from her 2nd job.

OK, whatever...  That's no disrespect towards her -- that's directed at my Boss, for not really having a plan for time off and just grasping at straws.  But I think he *finally* gets that Queen Bee is NOT the solution to people taking time off.


Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/20/2021:
Is Queen Bee the 72 yr old one? Or another?

Nice you can get on a little exercise at work. And the mantras.

Donkey on 07/20/2021:
Queen Bee is another one. She used to work at the firm, but now works remotely so that she can collect unemployment while working for cash for the boss on short sales (pre-foreclosure sales). She is a torment.

She's a couple of years younger than me, always talking loudly, not saying nice things, making fun of people's dress, make-up, hair, accents, whatever. She was QUITE overweight and always making a BIG DEAL about the new diet she was on, and all the success she was having with it --- until she fell off the wagon and gained the weight back.

When she started working from home, she finally lost some weight, but the last time I saw her in person, she looked like she may have gained some of it back.

The day she was let go, myself, Nice Lady (72 yrs old), and Associate Attorney all went out to lunch to celebrate. Queen Bee called AA an ass in front of our office staff and a realtor --- it was so degrading and humiliating to him. I actually felt bad for AA...

Donkey on 07/20/2021:
Queen Bee is another one. She used to work at the firm, but now works remotely so that she can collect unemployment while working for cash for the boss on short sales (pre-foreclosure sales). She is a torment.

She's a couple of years younger than me, always talking loudly, not saying nice things, making fun of people's dress, make-up, hair, accents, whatever. She was QUITE overweight and always making a BIG DEAL about the new diet she was on, and all the success she was having with it --- until she fell off the wagon and gained the weight back.

When she started working from home, she finally lost some weight, but the last time I saw her in person, she looked like she may have gained some of it back.

The day she was let go, myself, Nice Lady (72 yrs old), and Associate Attorney all went out to lunch to celebrate. Queen Bee called AA an ass in front of our office staff and a realtor --- it was so degrading and humiliating to him. I actually felt bad for AA...

Horn_of_plenty on 07/20/2021:
today i was eating a small piece of ice cream cake. i really enjoyed those dark crunchy pieces that are always in the middle of a carvel cake...

so, my goal was to not really eat the icing as it's still pure sugar; and fake stuff. i started to eat it while talking, not paying attention. eating for the sake of eating....i caught myself and threw the rest away; happily.

so with your chocolates, be intentional. enjoy it. savor it. don't waste them by not really tasting them. that should help you stick with one?

nice job on doing what works for you at work. i couldn't do it = no privacy at all (except in the bathroom). ha! you do what works for you...

whenever folks are talking about responsibilities like that, it could def mean someone's job is on the line. (prob not yours!)

New girl sounds good and maybe some of your job as "receptionist" can be moved to her, you know? then you could do more of your "work, work." why not see if some of the little things you do that slow you down can be transfered to new - and if she's unsure of how to answer certain questions, she can ask you for the best way about it, since you are very experienced with answering tough questions in tough situations (although i know you may not give "answers" you still have to "asnwer back."

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
This is the approach I am taking with my chocolates, and I think by having 2, I don't appreciate either of them as much as if I have only 1. I was successful with this last night.

It would be much better at work for me if I had a private space. Both myself and Mistakes Girls have our desks in front of doors to the office area, but my door is first, so most people check in with me.

KathyBlue on 07/21/2021:
Those conditions sound valid, they say the second shot is way worse than the first one. I love the namings of the people haha... keep up the good work. xoxo

Donkey on 07/21/2021:
I did not want her to feel obligated to come if it wasn't ideal for her. She tries hard to conform to what we want of her. I can definitely see her being an asset to our firm in the long-run, especially if New Guy ends up being the lead attorney (or the most busiest), since he speaks Spanish, and has a LOT of contacts in the Spanish communities.

Donkey - Monday Jul 19, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Day 1 of 5:  Going to get through this.

Tonight is my rest night, so no evening bike ride.  I learned that lesson the hard way 2 weeks ago.  Instead, after dinner, I will spend time taking my plants from the yoga room upstairs down and out to the deck, so that they get a few weeks of summer weather.  I need to clean out that room, so moving the plants is the first step in the process.  Otherwise, I would keep the plants where they are.  They seem happy enough.  It will take several trips up and down stairs, and it needs to get done.  Then bedtime as early as possible - DEFINITELY; NOT NEGOTIABLE.

I've decided to look into barbell exercises, to see how I can best utilize the investment made in my new weight plates.  This first, rather than trying to purchase heavier dumbbells.

In the evenings, I usually have 2 dark chocolate Hershey kisses.  I've decided to have my gourmet chocolates instead.  Last night I had 2 chocolates... I'm wondering if I could limit myself to only 1, since they are quite decadent, even for a small little thing.  However, if it has to be 2, then that's fine too.

The Boss was unable to get a reservation in Wisconsin for a "long weekend", so unfortunately, he'll be in the office all week. 

Did I mention at 5:04pm on Friday, one of our agents sent me a contract?  So there's already 1 of them waiting for me.  And the weather was beautiful this weekend - perfect for looking at houses.  Ugh...  Well, best not to focus on what might be, and just get to the office and face it head on, with a *cheerful disposition* because that's what the Boss wants. 

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/19/2021:
Barbells & dumbbells are good! I sometimes use dumbbells while I ride the bike & it’s hard for me: reading, riding & dumbbelling. Keep slowing down. Difficult to maintain a good pace.

I could never in a hundred million years limit myself to one or two kisses unless there were only one or two in the house.

Donkey on 07/20/2021:
I used to be a binge eater, so one of my goals is to be able to eat in moderation. With the exception of the occasional food fit, I've overcome that really bad habit. I think that's why the "food fits" feel so disappointing - because it's a throw-back to those turbulent days.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/19/2021:
your plants will hopefully get good sun - they may need more water in the heat right?

you can maybe use the barbell as a large dumbbell, to exercise both arms at once - but first see what online says...

2 of the decadents are def more moderate than a lg dessert or cake, yes! :)

think of it as a challenge, this cheerful disposition :) basically though, i've also heard advice to be genuinely yourself ;)

Donkey on 07/20/2021:
Getting more water is one of the reasons for the move. In the Plant Room (Yoga Room), I sometimes forget to water them often. Now that they are on the deck, they will be added to the daily watering rotation.

That's a good idea about challenging myself to be cheerful; I hadn't thought of it that way.

I'll write more in relation to your comments in today's entry.

Jacky82020 on 07/20/2021:
I kept all the houseplants inside this year except the amaryllises. And an ornamental pepper. I bought 3 last year, beautiful things. Two croaked and the one has a few tiny white peppers that should turn red. Doubt this plant will be as loaded with bright red peppers as when I bought it. Plan to get another, think Lowe’s has them late summer.

Donkey - Sunday Jul 18, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Good morning!  It does not feel like a Sunday.  My family came back this morning, from their visit in Vegas, so the morning routine is all messed up.  Also, in order to have time to spend with Daughter this afternoon, I am going to the gym in the morning - as soon as I'm done writing here, I think.  So my morning bike ride was very short.  That's OK.  Right now, Husband and Daughter are sleeping, as they didn't get much sleep on the red-eye flight home.  Time-wise, this works out perfectly, but it will feel weird to go to the gym in the morning.

AFTERNOON EDIT:  I got to the gym around 8:15am, and there were quite a few people (women) also arriving.  When I left at around 10am, there were a lot more people there.  I'm glad this happened because it seems that IF I need to go in the weekend mornings, the time to go is ideally 7am or earlier.

No gross people (other than the usual) this time.  Thank goodness!

Yesterday's trip to the gym was disgusting.  The guy on the machine in front of me was GROSS.  He was coughing and blowing his nose into a hand towel, then using that same towel to wipe off his bald head, and THEN putting that towel into his gym shorts, as a holding place.  Eeeew!!!!  And not just once, but multiple times!!!  YUCK!!!!   Then some other guy comes over and hops onto the eliptical machine right next to mine -- all those other machines available, and you've got to exercise right next to me.  Ugh...  I wanted to just finish up what I had to do and get out of there, ASAP -- which I did.

As a treat to myself, I touched up my gray areas in my hair last night.  If I can be honest here, I did this partly so that I don't look so old when Queen Bee comes to the office next week.  She's an obnoxious person who points out things like gray hair and stuff - no filter between brain and mouth whatsoever.  So this is hopefully one less thing for her to pick on, although I can already hear her saying, "Is your hair darker?"

I did well with eating, although it was very tempting just to have a big dessert or something indulgent.  I've had several thoughts of doing this, but I am determined to meet my goal - this month, if my body will cooperate.  It doesn't help though that Husband brought back a HUGE box of gourmet chocolates from the chocolate factory they visited in Vegas. (Ethel M. chocolates are something special!) 

I received an offer from the Continuing Ed company with "early bird" specials on their webinar, now.  So I can sign up for $64 "self-study" that I would do gradually or $98 for an all day webinar.  Now that I have a tablet, I might do the all-day webinar, since I wouldn't be tied down to my desk.  I could sit outside, I could ride my bike, I could do weights, I could go up to the bedroom, etc.  That might be worth it.  I'm going to think about it a little more, but I think that's worth taking a day off.  They do offer ONE Saturday webinar, but hey, my weekends are for ME.

If I did the webinar, it would be done all at once.  I don't know if I want to study over the weekends for the next 3-4 months.

I did not sleep well last night. I haven't checked last night's FitBit stats, but I did look at last weeks, and I was quite short on sleep for 3 days in a row.  That would explain why I feel so tired.  I got up early today so that I could be ready when the family came home, so I didn't get to sleep in.  I've been dreading going to sleep.  It's like I'll find anything to do so that I don't have to turn off the light and try to go to sleep.  And it's not like I've had problems falling asleep, really.  That happens without too many problems.  So I'm not sure why I'm dreading going to sleep.

Lack of sleep can lead to weight gain.  Maybe that's why I didn't lose any weight this past week...  Hmm...

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/18/2021:
Horrors! Those gym pigs are gross! I came to hate the gym I joined out west for similar reasons. Not to mention some of the men farted freely while grunting & sweating like pigs. I vowed I would buy home gym equipment when I sold my first novel. And I did! Sold a harlequin romance novel & got a 6K advance & bought the Paramount Multi-station machine. We still have it, a good 25 years later. Requires much space, but we had that too.

I’ve touched up grey for ages, but it started as brightening my dishwater blonde hair that was platinum when I was a kid. Took years to notice there was silver mixed with the gold. LOL. However, the L’Oreal medium blonde gives a highlight look which is good. I hear tell ppl pay the big bucks for those streaks & I can get them from a single Walmart box. You have to make sure the box is sealed. Ppl open them & steal stuff.

What kind of class are you interested and in? Can you use the tablet on your bike? Mine kept falling off, so the husband fabricated one. Ain’t the prettiest thing, but it works.

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
If we should happen to go into lockdown again, or if for some reason the gym is not available to me, I have sufficient to work out at home now. MAYBE get the heavier dumbbells (on my "to do" list), but I'm complete now as it is.

My hair dye box from 6 weeks ago was $10 an the touch-up tube was also $10 (a smaller tube but comes with a brush applicator, which I did not use).

The class is continuing education for my loan originator license. I use it very sparsely - I can't really go into specifics, but the lawfirm is my real, main job. However, it was such a challenge and chore to get the license (through the state) that if I can, it's something I want to keep current.

Jacky82020 on 07/18/2021:
Gotcha. Hated the continuing Ed classes required to maintain my California teaching license. Think it was every 5 years. Boring! Simple! Probably basket weaving classes would have worked.

Donkey on 07/19/2021:
LOL! I'm pretty sure I'm going to take an all-day webinar, maybe in August --- I need time away from the office sooner, rather than later.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2021:
I'm glad you didn't encounter any more gross people at the gym today. that is pretty gross, considering Covid is still around we don't want people hacking and blowing noses and cleaning faces and throwing that same towel in every direction. ugh!

well, i gotta say, you will also benefit from looking nice with your darkened roots. I also do feel better when i do mine, too, even though i am not very gray, yet!

you know, why don't you enjoy those chocolates. as long as they are small, they can be added into your intake. i'm jealous of your chocolates!

i think it'd be smart to get the course done at once, yes.

i can tell you, i've never dreaded going to sleep...i dread waking up! haha...

Donkey on 07/19/2021:
I will write more about my response to what you've written here, but this resistance to trying to fall asleep is so odd... I mean, what is THAT about????

Horn_of_plenty on 07/18/2021:
the dark brown color i have been using from Amazon is under $5 if you are interested.

Donkey on 07/19/2021:
I am VERY interested. Let me know somehow.

Donkey - Saturday Jul 17, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Well.....  I weighed in twice (starting with my right foot, LOL) and the scale said 135.5.  Then I thought, let's try it with the left foot -- FOOLISH.  The scale went back up to 136.  OK, so I went back to weighing in on the right foot -- so that I could see "135.5" again.  Unfortunately, my scale refused to budge and spit out "136" again.  Twice.  So no loss this week.  I was envisioning "134.5" so hard in my mind, but alas, it didn't happen.  I'm OK with 136.

I did give serious consideration to going to the gym last night - to meet my goal of going to the gym during the week, at least 1x.  It didn't happen.  HUGE drama at work that kept me there until after 6pm.  You bet I'll be putting in for overtime.  Then, Husband and Daughter called, at separate times, that kept me on the phone until almost 9pm, so it was just a no-go.  Like I said, this is a great goal, but I don't think it's going to happen this month, because this coming up week is going to be crazy at work, with Mistakes Girl on vacation.

I did well with food and rode my bike. No weights (intentional, per my weight training schedule).  Today is gym with upper body weights.  I'm trying to go when the TV programs will be most optimal, especially for the cardio session, but that would mean going to the gym earlier than usual, and that usually means when it's busier.  I'll work it out.

I also have to return library books and the usual laundry.  I plan to do a little research into the long weekend my husband and I are planning for the end of September.  There are hiking trails and I want to read up on those to see if that's something that we can do together.

My husband's meeting with the dietician has been scheduled for this Wednesday, so I will not be able to go.  I REALLY wanted to go with him to the apponitment, but I've let it go and determined that it just wasn't meant to be.  So perhaps it's for the best.

Wednesday just so happens to be the ONE day where I'm the only assistant in the office, since Nice Lady isn't helping out any more.  MG's on vacation, Queen Bee can only "help" on Tuesday and Thursday, and New Girl doesn't work on Wednesdays.  I did bring this to my Boss' attention.  He wants a happy face on everything, so he said we'll just get through it.  While I appreciate his positive attitude, this.... well, this just SUCKS.  It won't help to complain or be negative about it.  There comes a point where complaining backfires -- just look what happened to Nice Lady.  She got cut off!  So all I can do is get through it as best as I can.  I know that my co-workers have been in similar situations before, too, so it's just what happens at this office.

I realized this morning - and I want to chew on this some more - that I haven't been able to articulate to myself why I want to quit this job, which is why I haven't quit.  Well, today, I was able to do that.  I mean, I'm realistic, no job is perfect, but now I know why THIS job just isn't working for me any more.  I want to let this marinate more before I say more about it, but knowing why is a huge first step in this direction.

Feel free to skip this, since it has nothing to do with diet and weight-loss, but just another page in the drama I call Work...

So as you know, Nice Lady is no longer working for our firm, but working soley for Associate Attorney.  (They been together for almost 20 years!)  This week, she's been leaving at 3pm, so I asked her Friday morning if this was going to be her new regular schedule or if it's more of "To Be Determined".  It's more TBD, because right now, she's not real busy, so she stretches out her time as long as possible, but leaves at 3pm because she has nothing to do and is just wasting time.  We talked a little bit more about this change in her life, and what she could be doing with her free time.  Apparently, COVID fear is holding her back from pursuing volunteering.  She's a widow, with an autistic grandson that she takes care of, so she feels that her options are very limited.  I think her fear is holding her back, but it's whatever.  Obviously, she's having a hard time coming to terms that this is the beginning of her retirement.

This is all of her own making though.  She was complaining (repeatedly) about what the Boss was giving her to work on, that she's 72 and can't retire, etc., so now she's out, and now she's really regretting it, because she's afraid of what lies ahead for her.

Well, yesterday afternoon, I'm working at my desk, trying to get through what I need to do, so that I can leave on time, and I think I hear her crying on her cell phone.  Turns out, I was right:  She called Associate Attorney, crying that she's been fired, there's not enough work for her to do, she doesn't know what she'll do, she's been working since she was 16 and now she's 72, with nothing, because all she's ever worked for was small lawfirms with no retirement, no insurance, no nothing.  TRUE.  100% TRUE.  There is a payoff for working for a small firm, and that's one of the negatives.  And it's not like she didn't realize this or see this coming, but now that it's here, she's in a panic.

So at around 4:30p, Associate Atttorney asks me if he and I can discuss the "(Nice Lady) Situation".  I say OK, but first write the letters I need you to write, so that I can finish my work, and then we'll talk.  We start talking at around 4:50p, so obviously, I'll be staying  late.  He rehashes what I wrote above, I have a couple of suggestions as to how he can give her more work.  It's not like there isn't stuff that she COULD be doing.  She just doesn't want to work on the "special projects" that he would really appreciate her doing -- WELL THEN MAKE HER DO IT.  Just tell her it has to get done.  Well, she doesn't want to do that.  She wants to do bankruptcy and real estate, and Associate Attorney doesn't have enough of that on his own, to keep her busy.

I think he was just venting.  I said I would think things through, but if he wanted me to be supportive of any proposed changes, to let me know first, because I tend to shoot things down if it's sprung on me.  I also reminded him that any change has to go through the Boss.  I would just be willing to express my support, if I think it's a workable solution.

I realized on the drive home why some of what we discussed isn't really productive to a cohesive lawfirm. I don't know that we should make changes to accommodate 1 employee who, quite frankly, was never supposed to be a member of our lawfirm in the first place.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/17/2021:
Go with that first number on the scale....Just saying!!! I'm wondering what nice lady was thinking all of those years while getting no retirement packages....she could have started her own....very poor planning on her part...looks like she will have to learn to live on social security....I think when your husband sees the nutritionist....hopefully she will give him some paperwork covering what he needs to eat....

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
Very poor planning - I'm not sure what she was thinking. She's not a wealthy woman, and gets food stamps and such, SSD for her grandson... I see this as more of an emotional struggle at the moment. I get it.

And it's not like she's totally at home. She'll still come into the office to do some work. There is SOME work for her to do.

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
She also has a lot of health issues, probably from years of self-neglect, that limit what she can do, too. Knee problems, lower spine, etc.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/17/2021:
well, weight maintenance is awesome too. it's a reminder of what needs to be done to maintain and that you need to unfortunately sometimes do more than you think, to lose. but also, maybe you had an indulgence here or there this week? pie?

if you don't make your gym goal, it's OK. sometimes our goals don't match reality...(i think that's what's occurring exactly with my accounting course!) i keep overshooting what i want to get done and it's holding me back as i then undershoot in reality. taking this course reminds me a lot of dieting. whenever i'd really try to cut calories is when i'd binge. like setting myself up for failure with too lofty to be an attainable goal.

i think that's very smart to go to gym or ride the bike during the best optimal programming on tv. i'd certainly do that, too. i try to plan for optimal efficiency also. that's why i took advantage of being in the city to obviously stay there - for nature and exercise. that's it. if you already have to go out of your way, it's best to fit things in as smoothly as possible (like why people join gyms closest to home or on their commute home)...and why people work out at home. convenience is key.

for those hiking trails, if your hubby can't do it all, perhaps there's benches to sit on so he can relax while you continue on? i don't think he'll be at your capacity...and i don't think you should have to do things only at his...this is my point of view only.

i know what you mean about it sucking you are the only assistant. i haven't really been in your shoes, but i've witnessed OTHER people i work with have to do more at times. all i can say is it's good to be the one being relied on because that is JOB SECURITY. and also that you can only go at your pace. try to think "let him fire me if he thinks my work isn't good enough..." and just do what you can...and be satisfied with it. you are human.

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
I didn't have any indulgences this past week, BUT last weekend, I went over my calories by about 100 on both Saturday and Sunday. Personally, I think this is just how my body works. Sometimes, it will hold for a week or 2, before it drops again. Or maybe this is where I'm meant to be. I'm not sure yet.

Thank you for the comforting words about my gym goal. I too tend to overshoot, sometimes. Like I said, it's a good goal. I'm not giving up.

I found a shorter, easier trail that he might feel up to doing. Or we just do what he can do on the harder trail. If he can find a place to sit, that would be very helpful for me. His problem is mobility; my problem is bathroom breaks. Oh getting old is grand...

Oh I'm going to remember what you said about job security!! Now that's the right way to think -- definitely "glass half-full" and positive. This will really help me keep a happier face on the day(s) :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 07/17/2021:
I didn't realize that Nice Lady is gone, now i do! Oh my! well, she wasn't bound to last much longer anyways..as we discussed. due to her age (lol) here i go discriminating lol.

oh, so she complained so much and was fired!? but at 72, cannot she have all the Social Security? does she not get any money from her late husband? money to take care of the autistic grandson.

be careful how bad you feel for her. i think she's more IN SHOCK than anything else. YES, that's my feeling.

and 72, not everyone like Nice Lady is going to want to "change tasks." or learn new things at work...that's the truth. it's even hard for me to learn new things at work. so imagine either of us being 72 and someone asking us to do new things...she's done i guess.

i guess he vented to you but that's it. bc you know it's not up to you.

perhaps the boss really wanted to fire her. perhaps she was already spoken to by the boss. perhaps that was why she was trying so hard for like a week...she was bound to be fired anyways?

you mean Nice Lady was never meant to be working at the law firm? not sure who you are talking about in your last paragraph.

i'm telling you, don't feel too bad for her. she's at a VERY diff stage in her life than you. You are like 20yrs apart...you have to think about you.

she prob would have been gone sooner or later - like around the same time anyways - she can always work in a diff environment, prob for even less money...but she can "still work," but it would take some getting used to as 20years in ONE place is a long time!

and look at it like this, she was YOUR age when she started there. not sure what she did before working at your firm, but she had to learn it. it shows that you can also move on if you have to; at any age....

change is hard. i wouldn't take her situation as yours though. but i also wouldn't complain. just be ready to take on other work.

the boss may have expected you to even pick up for her / also the reason he hired the new assistant to replace nice lady also. he will prob not want to hire any more assistants now.

you will prob need to spend some time working more with the new assistant. if she's smart, she'll prob catch on well in 2-3 months like i did at the other job....?

it could actually be for the best later; with you, the male assistant, and the new lady.

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
Just to be clear, Nice Lady will still be able to come to the office, she just won't be working for the firm (overall), only files that are Associate Attorney's only. I know, it's very confusing. My Boss has a really weird employment agreement with AA - it's not your standard employment contract. He's part of the firm, but still has his own business, too.

So it's not like she'll be stuck at home with nothing, ever -- at least not right now.

Nice Lady was never meant to be an employee of the firm. She worked with AA when he was in a struggling private practice. Tried to make it as a defense attorney, did some divorces, struggled a lot...

Boss hired him about 7 years ago, with the idea that AA would eventually be able to buy the firm from him. It was just supposed to be AA, because our firm already has a support staff, right? Turns out Associate Attorney brings along Nice Lady and a Spanish interpreter (who was this creepy man), neither of which we needed. Eventually the interpreter was let go, but Associate Attorney can't function without Nice Lady. He needs her for input, guidance, confidence.... Ridiculous.

So there's always been some underlying resentment with Nice Lady being at the firm.

Craziness of the Boss' own making...

Donkey - Friday Jul 16, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

I woke myself up early today and got out of bed around 4:30am, so that I would have enough time to do things for me:  bike ride, spend time with Baby Kitty (who is very happy on my lap right now, as I type here), push-ups, write here on DD...   I'm pretty sure my sleep score won't be the best - didn't get enough sleep, although did turn off the lights just before 10pm.  But I like having the extra time in the morning.

The challenge is that I am hungry, but I'm trying to hold off on breakfast until my usual time.  I have decided that once I reach goal and switch to maintenance, I think I will add a protein shake to my 2nd breakfast at work, instead of having Jacky's bouillon broth.   If I should reach my goal weight THIS weekend, I plan to continue to track using the Lose It app at least through the end of July.  I may continue to use the app into August (and beyond?) but will change the goals parameters.

I added 5lb plates to my barbell last night and did squats and lunge squats.  Whoa that extra weight made a difference!  My lower back is protesting a little bit this morning, but maybe it's just muscle soreness from the lifting, rather than an injury/strain.  No matter, because today is cardio only.

Yesterday at work was much better.  It helped that my Boss was gone at closings for the most part.  I was impressed that when he returned, he jumped right into doing work, and I know he was tired.  I wasn't even pressing him to do anything, as I feel that he does better work in the morning, when he has more energy. On the downsize, I stayed a little late to finish sending out letters he wrote, but I was actually OK with that.  I have no pressure from home to leave early.  One thing I really admire about Mistakes Girl is that she leaves promptly at 5pm pretty much 99.9% of the time - no matter what.

I seemed to be able to handle work stress better yesterday - even though I was confronted with unhappy people who were unhappy because of inconsistencies with my Boss.  There have been more frequent instances of my Boss having conversations with someone, and when I ask what was the outcome of the conversation (for my file notes, so that I'm in the loop), he says one thing --- but then we get a communication from the other person (client, agent, attorney), and it's completely different than what my Boss says was discussed!!!  For a while, I was thinking that the other people were mistaken, misunderstood, lying --- but now I'm wondering if it's my Boss that is having the "complication".  Hmmm....  This seems to be happening more and more often lately, which is why I'm wondering now.  Maybe I'm just looking for things to fit my analysis of his cognitive decline.

I set my 2 alarms for work --- they were really helpful, BUT I did not take the timeout that I had intended.  For the morning alarm, I took a minute and just said a prayer of gratitude at my desk -- took my hands off the keyboard, pushed my chair back a little, deep breathing, closed my eyes, relaxed, gave thanks.  For the second alarm, I turned it off and just never got around to doing anything for timeout.  However, I have these set as regular alarms so I will try again today.  I kind of look at this as vespers -- the religious calls to prayer by nuns, monks, etc., and therefore, should not dismiss the alarms so quickly but revere (or respect) them more.

I think one of the things I feel is most frustrating is that nobody at work is agreeing with me that the Boss is having these problems.  I seem to be the only person to realize this?  Or maybe I'm the only person talking about it.  I need to shut up.  And I need to continue to practice patience.  This is an opportunity for me to learn a valuable lesson.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/16/2021:
I suspect that boss and the others are all coming away from the discussion believing that their side won.....more than likely NO ONE was really listening in that meeting at all.....seems to be life now...we are all in a funk. Yup...best not talk about boss at work....office politics can come back to bite. It is I'm sure very hard to know what to add to the files under those circumstances though. The dreaded miss communication happened at the closing of our last house......and our realtor lied to us about a private road maintenance costs we had paid that covered 3 years into the future after we sold that we were supposed to have returned to us at closing...didn't happen...caused some hard feelings and dirty looks....and we will never recommend him to anyone in the future....but we were free of that house and after some grumbling on the way out...we got over it..and actually I had forgotten it until right now. The Doctor i worked for was also dealing with some dementia around the time I left there....it was becoming obvious to all of the employees...we all highly respected him....and his son took over the practice....and now 20 years later....he is in a group home.....life does go on....

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
I realize that the "miscommunications" are and need to be the Boss' responsibility to "clean up". I need to remember this, for sure, especially on an emotional level. It's just hard to be between 2 people (one of them being my Boss) and having to hear 2 incongruent versions of what happened. Seriously, like I said, it feels like living in a Bizzaro Universe.

I did a little online research, which was helpful for me, to put things into perspective. Some of this is more likely just "old-age" related, more than dementia or Alzheimer's. You know, though, it seems as though everything started after his heart attack 2 years ago...

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
Reading this article (the link you sent) has me thinking about using melatonin as a long-term supplement rather than a temporary one. The article suggests that some use melatonin to get over jet lag or other temporary disturbances, to help reset a healthy sleep pattern.... I'm not so sure about a long-term solution. I'll have to read more about it.

Donkey on 07/18/2021:
Sorry - that comment should have gone to Happy.

happy-1 on 07/16/2021:
Hugs. Good job!

I am a little concerned about your lights out at 10 pm and up at 4:30 am pattern... You are stressed at work and having anxiety, symptoms of not enough REM. You won't catch that with Fitbit.

I posted a neuroscience of sleep article to one of your past logs. Here it is again. https://poweronpoweroff.com/blogs/longform/the-neurochemistry-of-sleep

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
I hadn't realized that I was slipping into an unhealthy patter. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

Thank you for reposting the link to my diary. I've bookmarked it because I think it would be helpful to revisit it from time to time, as a refresher... maybe to help keep me on task for sleep goals. I also want to read the parts about the chemistry of waking up, etc., which I think will be insightful and helpful.


happy-1 on 07/16/2021:
To pull off a 4:30 AM wakeup time, you would need to be in bed by 8 and asleep by 8:30 to get through enough REM and feel good consistently.

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
Hmm... I have my FitBit sleep goal set for 7 hours. I notice that I tend to get higher scores in the 90 percentile when I get closer to 8 hours of sleep.... although when I get that extra sleep, I don't always "feel best". I *feel* better when I get close (but over) to the 7 hour mark. I can still function pretty well with 6 hours of sleep...

This week, I had a day or 2 of less than 6 hours of sleep...

Not feeling "best" with 8 hours of sleep may be my body reconciling and adjusting to getting PROPER sleep. Hmm...

Horn_of_plenty on 07/16/2021:
yes, i'd say to keep using the lose it app...or whatever it's called lol, i am not scrolling up!...

yes, keep using the app because it worked for you. and whenever you start to gain above 5 lbs, i'd go back to the app. or even at 3-4 lb gain, go back to the app. i think this has been a good app for your goals!

nice job increasing the weight of the barbell for squats. i use a weighted barbell. one is 30# and and the other is almost 35#. i only use the heavier. but the lighter one is there and i'm keeping it (for the time being) as they are both great tools.

i also admire people who can always just leave on time. i sometimes dilly-dally my leaving or get ready at the time to leave. i'm not as "prompt" on leaving either. i gotta tell you, even though it's "admirable," it isn't anything to show off about (the leaving on time no matter what.) however, it's a good goal for most of the time, i'd say.

you are better off just not talking about the boss to coworkers if they haven't agreed. let them notice. you may notice it more - you've been there a long time. i don't htink mistakes girl has been there long. and new guy hasn't. and then the older assistant guy has his own issues. you know what you know; and i don't doubt anything you say.

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
My plan is that once I reach goal, I will switch the app for a maintenance goal. Then, if my weight starts going up, I will switch the goal back to losing again.

I just remembered that I said I was going to keep this current goal for a complete month after I reached 135. (I confess I had forgotten that.) I still want to do that, so that there's not an immediate "before" and "after" but rather maintainable habits.

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
This reply also applies to what you said below, regarding the Boss. You're 100% correct, and I have to have confidence in knowing what I know, and believing what I'm hearing and seeing. I should not question my sense of reality (sanity). My sanity is my own.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/16/2021:
oh, i like that where you set your alarms at work to do some meditation / prayer.

ha, i told you Nice Lady wouldn't last long being "extra helpful." that's hard to keep up. she wasn't bound to do it for long.! glad i called that one! she's also old, how much more can she go...

the only fix with your boss is to not let anything get to you. you know, even if the firm closed or failed, ultimately it's totally on HIM.

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
The alarms will work for me -- it will just take some deliberate and intentional action (reaction) on my part. If nothing else, they are a reminder to be patient. Rather than taking a 5 minute break, I'm getting more like a 1-minute meditation with deep breathing break. Need to work on expanding that. I think I'm worth 5 minutes.

Donkey on 07/17/2021:
Ha ha - you and Male Co-Worker BOTH. Male Co-Worker was surprised that Nice Lady was taking all of this in stride. He said, "There will be more drama about this, you just wait and see" -- and sure enough, there was more drama (which I haven't written about since it happened after I wrote this entry on Friday).

Horn_of_plenty on 07/17/2021:
trust me, the one thing nobody especially myself would question is what you see and notice in your boss. you are good. xo

Donkey - Thursday Jul 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Running so short on time this morning... *sigh*  Not a good start.  I set myself up for failure.  I woke up early yesterday to see off my family.  Ok that's fine, but then I did NOT go to bed early but stayed up until nearly 10pm.  Storms woke me up at 2:11am - which is the "danger time" for me. If I wake up around 2am, I have the HARDEST time getting back to sleep.  And sure enough, I could not fall back asleep until after 3am.  UGH!!!!!!

Woke up late this morning.  My Baby Kitty is mad at me because we did not have our usual cuddle times this morning, when we usually do - when I'm running early or on time.  I hope she can forgive me.  Maybe I'll try to make time for lap time tonight.  She's a tortie cat, so she doesn't need a lot of cuddle time but she does demand a minimum.

Got in my bike ride and leg weights at home this morning.  I still need to do push-ups.  I have my alarm set on my phone at work, once in the morning and once in the afternoon, and if I don't have time to do push-ups at home this morning, I hope the alarms will remind me to do them at work.  I'll write more about these alarms below...

I did not make it to the gym last night.  I will be the first one to say, Inner Peace is 100% correct:  excuses, excuses, excuses.  YES.  My intention was to go to sleep early, and as I mentioned above, that didn't happen.  D&MN.

Right now, I have more immediate hurdles to tackle that require my time and energy and rest.  I will keep trying for this goal, BUT I must address these other concerns FIRST and FOREMOST.  (See next section below...)

The frustrations I'm feeling at work are really getting to the point of jeopardizing my employment, I feel.  I *MUST* try to salvage what I can before I damange any more relationships.  Nice Lady is no longer helping out our firm.  She only works on Associate Attorney's bankruptcies now.  So next week, when Mistakes Girl is gone, she will not help:  no answering phones, no closing out files, no after-closing troubleshooting.  NOTHING.   I don't blame her - the Boss isn't paying her any more, because he hired the part-time New Girl.  If she's not getting paid, then she shouldn't work.  I agree.  It's just really hard on the rest of us, myself included.

We still don't know if/when Queen Bee will be coming in next week to "help".   

My resentment at my Boss has grown exponentially, and this must stop, for my own sake.  Plus, while I don't owe him anything, on a basic human being level, I do owe him respect and assistance.

So last night, I made myself 2 alarms, one during the 10 o'clock hour and one during the 3 o'clock hour -- these will be reminders to stop, step away from my desk, and reconnect with my emotions.  I will go into a private office, sit, breathe, recenter myself, for 5 minutes.

I vented to my husband last night, on the phone, and he said that when he gets back, we'll sit down and try to work this out.  Aww, he's such a man, wanting to "fix" things :-)  What a good husband he is...  I don't think there's a way to "fix" the situation -- I can only control myself and fix what is within my power to do so.

I'm running on minimal sleep, but let's hope today is more successful.  Patience, patience, patience....

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/15/2021:
Oh boy do I hear you!!!! I also am one who wants to help...wants to give respect even when others don't respect me.....always puts others first....eats the burnt piece of toast so others can have the perfect ones...tries to catch others before they fall.....always putting us last. I know I need to stop it. I know we teach others how to treat us. I know well how to be walked on....and yet....i try to keep others from being walked on!!!! I know you and I will never be the ones to walk on others....we don't have it in us. We just are not users and no matter how hard we try...I doubt very seriously that we could ever get there....but we can start putting ourselves first...everyone else is...and they get mad at us when we don't put them first. They say in a plane when it's time to put on the oxygen mask...put yours on first before your child's because your child would be in bigger trouble if you couldn't breathe at all. I think maybe we just might need to let others fall down....and give them a chance to learn the hard way....remember...they always kill the messenger. Hopefully we can learn to be more selfish.....and find our own happiness because it appears that it is what everyone else in the world is doing. I'm going to work hard to be more selfish....

Donkey on 07/16/2021:
Thank you -- You get where I'm coming from!! Seriously, I feel like I'm in some kind of Bizzaro Universe, but you get it. You know what I'm saying.

And you're right - I need to put the oxygen mask on myself FIRST, before I can do anything else.


happy-1 on 07/15/2021:
Sounds like you need a different job…

Donkey on 07/16/2021:
I know... I know... I'm not sure why I feel so tied to this job. I need to do some soul searching. I've gotten some really good advice and insight and honesty here.

happy-1 on 07/15/2021:
And ((((((hugs))))))))

Donkey on 07/16/2021:
Thank you SO much - this means a lot to me.

happy-1 on 07/16/2021:
I think you are still there for the same reason I am stuck here… You are short on quality sleep, which affects cognitive processes and energy levels, relationships, emotions, etc.

[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 Next Page ]