forums directory search about DD
or Join for Free!
Recent Diary Entries
Horn_Of_Plenty 3 hrs
Donkey 15 hrs
BearCountryGG 15 hrs
grannyannie 18 hrs
legcramps 2 days
KathyBlue 3 days
InnerPeace 4 days
happy-1 7 days
Maria7 12 days
thinkpositive 16 days
Sunny2020 5/19
vettie 4/30
abdab74 4/19
Duaa123. 3/08
jazzstorie 2/24
tgshare 2/13
Southernboy 2/09
MaKI 2/06
questforthebest 11/14
OArecovery 11/12
graindart 11/01
trishpiglet3 7/28
BookLover 4/27
greengirl 4/12
CICO 4/05

Recent Forum Topics
Diet Pills - 7:33P 12-Jun

Cannot edit entries :( - 1:16P 27-May

 Hi Webmaster! We have a new spamme - 9:40A 26-May

spam - 6:14P 27-Apr

Mr. Lonely here. - 3:40P 5-Feb

Slim Fast - 5:54P 22-Jan

view Donkey bio page
Donkey - Saturday Mar 21, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

I'm not sure what my current weight is.  I haven't weighed in 2 days because the last day I weighed in, Thursday, my weight had dropped to 130.5, and if I start seeing numbers in the 120s, I start getting a little wonky with obsessive-compulsive ways.

I think it's moot because yesterday I was very tired and feeling very sad.  So I had problems stopping myself from picking at food, mostly nuts and that dish of brownies in the kitchen.  I decided to allow myself increased calories yesterday (2500) in order to refuel from a busy and stressful week.  And I was able to stay in control that way. 

(If that number seems high, understand that I usually eat around 2100 calories a day.)

I'm not going to talk about what I accomplished this week or what I failed to have the guts to do (I chickened out on some phone calls I had to make this week).  I'm going to use this weekend to relax mentally and kind of just reload, psychologically, spiritually and physically.

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/21/2009:
I will be praying for you. As for the dish of brownies in the kitchen....sounds like you did real well.

I have a friend who loves to fix brownies when she has company over and when I go to her home, I usually have at least one or two of the brownies, they are soooo good!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2009:
2100 calories is probably great for you with all the exercise you do. i wish i was a man and could eat 3,000 cal a day if i were really fit! ooooh. how good would that be! lol. i hope in this coming week you will accomplish some of the things you've been wanting to do.

as for me, to clarify: no matter what i WILL BE in school 5 days a week during the summer. however, it is ONLY supposed to be clinical which means showing up to the hospital and getting better and taking Xrays and, believe me, there are like 70 different procedures we need to learn. so it's great experience for two months to only worry about that. HOWEVER, the teachers are thinking of only doing it for one month (which includes our one week vacation time which means even less experience!!!) and then the next month starting up with school instead of waiting till september. if we start up school early, i'll be having tests again which means that my time outside of schoool will be more limited for exercise and i will have to spend it differently in order to study. it means that i will also have less experience taking Xrays, which is exactly what i'm going to school for. the teachers say we'd get out at least a month early if we start going to school earlier but i'm not a fan. i'd rather have both summer months now without tests. in september we'd have school 2 days a week and clinical experiences on the other 3 days. i'd rather stick with that come september and not have to think about any tests till then!

lol, i hope that clarifies. so....i'll be busy no matter what in the summer. it's just a question of what i'll be doing OUTSIDE of school. if we have tests, it won't be a very enjoyable summer at all!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2009:
and yes, you are right. whenever there is uncertainty i tend to binge in order to comfort myself or in order to take myself out of reality. to zone out from it all. it's a completely obsurd way of dealing with it. hopefully, if we stick to how our school program is SUPPOSED to have went, we'd have class 2 days a week next year so that means less tests/less studying. the teachers may want to change things, keep classes 3 days a week. once again, i'm not a fan. the less stress the better! ugh. a lot of my program is up in the air right now. much uncertainty indeed.

grumpy on 03/23/2009:
HOP, do you wish you were Michael Phelps to eat 8k calories a day? Hehe.

Donkey, good for you to increase your calories that day you felt the need to and I am glad you eat 2100 a day because you are very very active.

Hang in there, youre doing great. xo

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 18, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

I can see that I am definitely maintaining now.  My weight training is going very well.  I'm starting to see some very visible results. 

I've started running outside again, 2-3 times a week.  (This week will be the first time I've run for 3x if the weather holds out.) 

I'm making amazing progress in my therapy, and I haven't even begun any of the actual theraputic exercises (e.g. relaxation techniques, visualization, tapping, hypnosis). 

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/18/2009:
Good on the running!!!

thinnside40 on 03/19/2009:
Happy for you in acheiving goals you have wanted to accomplish for a time.....

Happy Thursday wishes!

Donkey - Saturday Mar 14, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

I can only hope that my 2lb gain is due to either PMS/TOM or perhaps from too many carbs (or not enough water) from yesterday.  Ugh....  I really need to put away my scale.


Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grumpy on 03/14/2009:
Hey girl, all is good and you? When I say good, i mean average. hahaha. Dont worry about the two pounds you've been on this journey long enough to know when the two pounds is because you went off track or just a normal variation from a day to another. relax, do your best and weight in or not, but when you do, that those things into consideration. I miss you girls, but even when not as active I am still around. I am getting back into DD and my exercising too, which is good news. xoxoxox

thinnside40 on 03/14/2009:
Set "A" day each week to weigh maybe..... Make it 1 week and the next will come easier to wait.... or start off with baby steps and go ecery 3rd day or something like that..... YOU CAN!!!!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/14/2009:
yeah, i think my weight is around 135 now. the reason i don't know an exact weight is because i've been eating so much "bulk" lately so i'm constantly bloated/full when i weigh. even in the morning from the night before. so i *hope* that 135 is right and it's not more. the scale said around 138...but like i said, my stomach was pretty extended so...i hope it's 135. lol. after 135, i'd be considered overweight for my height! how scary is that!?

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/14/2009:
thanks for the advice you gave me the other day concerning school and dealing with certain types of personalities. i know i will have to try MUCH harder to not let people get to me so easily. :)

Maria7 on 03/14/2009:
Lots of carbs will do it, that's for sure!!! Even low-cal ones!!!

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 11, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

OK, so here I am at a little lower.  I woke up very hungry this morning.  I hope it won't be a Hungry Day. 

I've started running again.  I run slower now, so I can go longer.  2-3 times a week.  I had forgotten how much I missed running.

I spoke to my Husband about going back to school for some training.  I am thinking about becoming a paralegal.  Or perhaps a medical transcriptionist.  At least I was able to start talking about my future plans.

I had my 2nd therapy session yesterday.  I went in (yesterday) having doubts about this guy and if I would be able to work with him, but afterwards, I came out feeling confident that he will be able to help me.

I've started eating nuts again -- cautiously.  They are such a trigger food for me.  But I found that I was not getting in enough fat in my day.  Ha ha, forget Cardio Queen.  I am the Queen of Nonfat Diets.  I'm such a product of the 1980s when that was touted as the solution.  It's not, because diets like that leave you feeling unsatisfied, even after a huge meal.  I could eat all the sweet potatoes I wanted and still not feel "satisfied". 

So I've added the nuts.  And I find myself missing peanut butter too, but I'm not ready to bring that back into the house yet. 

I do think that low GI or low carb is the way to go.  Get rid of all the "white" and processed food in your diet. 

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 03/11/2009:
I had looked into court reporting a few years back--here's a link to schools with "approved programs" from them. (Many court reporting schools also have paralegal programs.) Good luck!


Here's the page with the schools:


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/11/2009:
yeah, STAY AWAY from the pb. it's just BAD. and for nuts, make sure you CHEW them good or i don't think the body will absorb all the nutrients they have to offer. i am a horrible chewer, but it will do your body good. i am trying to get back to chewing my food better, lol.

you are right about me. i'm worn out. need a break. but we don't get one until the end of April. There are few days I can take off in between bc i'd be missing important experience stuff that i won't get any other time...and i kinda refuse to take off and miss actual classes. i've only taken off on clinical days so far when i am usually in an area where less goes on so i miss less but never miss class. blah blah....

right now i'm just working to get through Friday...

i so miss working out all week. I haven't since Sunday but i know it's what's best for me...even though researchers and doctors probably disagree.

good for you....deciding to go back to school. smart decision in these economic times....please update on how everything is going! :)

thank you for your advice and feedback. i've always been my heaviest during periods of life that were totally new situations and periods of transition. not all periods of transition though....when i graduated college i was in good shape as well as my years of teaching music. but after that changed, and i was hired to teach reading last year and i started to look into this field my weight skyrocketed. it's harder than i thought it would be to go back to how i was. i was much busier when teaching music and finishing my degree. but for some reason, my body was able to do it all even though at times i thought i couldn't. now, i don't think i could ever do all of that at one time...but also some weekends i wish i had a small part time job to take up too much time that i have...who knows... but, then i'm thankful for the time and am glad i don't have a job! i know you probably can relate....

thanks for letting me babble.

you are good to me!

Donkey - Thursday Mar 05, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.5

I made a comment on the forum started by MomOfSome1UKnew.  I stand by what I have said.  That's all I'll say about that.

My weight is not accurate in the tracker.  Hit the apple pie pretty hard last night.  I dont' even LIKE apple pie all that much.  Hormones and fatigue and anxiety got the better of me, I'm afraid.

However, I had a GREAT workout today, with all those extra calories in me.  Also, the weather -- THANKS omahagrl! -- was so beautiful here today that I went running outdoors for the first time since the last week in November 2008!  I really had a great time, just took it nice and slow and leisurelly.

I can tell though, that ONCE AGAIN, I am heading down an unhealthy path of overtraining.  So I need to make some adjustments to my exercise routine.  I'm going to ease up on the resistance level that I do the elliptical.  I'm also going to cut back some more, if I am going to run outdoors.  I'm not sure how or where to make the adjustment, but it has to be done.

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/05/2009:
yes, today was much nicer over here too! so glad you got a chance to be outside. i hope the sun had a good affect on your mood!!!

why do you have to be heading down the path of unhealthy eating!? i think you should cut back on the exercise if you have some fatigue. i know i go to food when i'm exhausted.

you are doing great!

nenak on 03/06/2009:
sounds good to me

biscottibody59 on 03/07/2009:
I want to personally thank you for your fine observation re: the 13 y/o--the mother, etc--I left a thoughtful comment to him/her/it the day before and promptly deleted it after your comment in the forum. Most of us don't have time to support the GOOD DIARISTS here sometimes much less someone who is playing games. (I've seen this "sock puppet" thing done on a newsgroup maliciously and the newsgroup was never the same.)

Have a good Saturday there!

Donkey - Monday Mar 02, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

So now my weight tracker reflects a maintenance range.

I am saddened that some of my supportive DD's are not going to post any more.  I understand.  I tend to agree as well.   But I will miss your comments and support.  Please know that I have learned a lot from you(s), and I am forever grateful for your honesty and input.

My hope is that you will change your mind and come back.  But if that doesn't happen -- and I understand -- then my next greatest hope is that you will come back to read entries and I will make you proud with my progress and somehow inspire you in your goals as well.

****EDIT:  I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to WI3 before she left.  I give you a cyber hug and wish you well on your journey. I am so sorry to hear of the recent losses you have suffered, as well as the health complications that have arisen on your horizon.  Please know that I will think of you often.  Kind of hard not to, when I visit this site.  I hope ....  well, please know that even if you are not posting on your own diary that your comments are always (ALWAYS) welcomed here.


Today was the first day of changing up my weight training schedule.  Still a little too cold for my liking to be running outside.  I also cut my cardio in half.  I'm interested to see where this month's experiment takes me :-)

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 03/02/2009:
Hope your new plans all work out!

Nope. I'm not going anywhere--and if humanly possible, I'll be here for awhile--I'll always let you or anyone else know if I leave on purpose:-)

Have a good evening!

legcramps on 03/03/2009:
Way too cold up here, too. Winter. Argh.

iWant2BSkinny on 03/03/2009:
Hope this all goes well!!! Have a GREAT day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/03/2009:
i will miss the fellow DDers too. it's such a great site, so much support. i always hate for DDers to leave. there are a few i still miss very much for years past. :(

have a great evening...i'm very proud of you!

Donkey - Saturday Feb 28, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 132.5

I thought I would have one more entry before this fabulous month is over.

and it was a fabulous month.  I had only 1 out-and-out binge, which was in response to a specific, stressful event.  I have identified that I have "fear of the unknown" or as my new therapist says, "Fear of Fear" and I will be working on specific action-oriented techniques that I can do to help me keep that under control, so that i don't let it control me! (and my eating!)

I'm working on some new goals for March and beyond.  I want to list them here, as a "working list".  That is to say, I'm not going to work on all of them for March, but it will be helpful to put it out there.  Kind of like, thinking aloud.

So in no particular order:

  • Give up the skinny dream & stay within 130-135 - no more weight loss.
  • Focus on definining my ab muscles.
  • Change upper/lower body weight training rotation.
  • Start running outdoors again.
  • Decreasing my daily cardio from 60 minutes to 30 minutes (mainly in regards to the elliptical).
  • Find a direction or something I want to take on in life. (I think like Horn of Plenty, I need to go back to school.)

Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 02/28/2009:
Great Goals to strive to accomplish..... Rootin' ya on!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/01/2009:
i am totally with you this march. :)

even on going back to school! there are a lot of good fields you can go into, particularly in health care, that are open to you. :) what do you plan to go back for??

i can't wait to exercise outdoors. i did yesterday but it was sorta chilly. still good to be out with nature though.

grumpy on 03/01/2009:
So happy to read your entry and see your attitude. I am always thinking and cheering for you. xoxo

WI3 on 03/01/2009:
Donkey, you get nothing but love from my corner girl. You have been through some stuff, heavy stuff, and you are a fighter. And my biggest wish for you is that one day you will be able to exhale and enjoy everything you have fought so hard to attain in your lifetime, including your beautiful family. Right now I am having trouble seeing the forest for the trees, and yet my kids keep growing, they keep changing, nothing stays the same and it is like life is passing me by while I am trying to get a grip on the past. Little by little I am letting go of the past even though it has been my security blanket because time sort of stopped in my head during those times. But life was supposed to be lived otherwise I would be dead already. So I am going to go live that life and take that big leap of faith and hope that when I put my foot down in 'now' and 'future' that the sidewalk will be there waiting. Good luck to you, don't be overexercising and hurting yourself anymore! *wink* **hug**

thinnside40 on 03/01/2009:
Love You....Keep yer chin up & stay strong... Your going to make it.....{{{Hugs for a lifetime

omahagrl on 03/02/2009:
Hey did you get that snow I sent you :-) I love your entry especially the no more weight loss...Ahhh one day I will say that!

Donkey - Friday Feb 27, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

The weight's back up into maintenance range, and that's good.   I'm much happier and healthier here.

I plan on starting up running again in March, once the weather gets nice.  We had a nice day yesterday but it rained.  Today it's not raining but it's very cold and slick (icy) outside.  Great.  Well, I know that Spring will be here soon.

I don't plan on doing long runs this summer.  Just nice short 2-3 mile stints to keep my foot in the game.  My arch (injured foot) is kind of hurting today though.  So I don't know....

I'm still a work in progress...

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Maria* on 02/27/2009:
Thank you for telling me. I had no idea what she meant.

I'm glad you're doing good and feeling good with where you are in your goalweight. I remember what that feels like....I'm working to getting there AGAIN and hope that I stay there this time!!!

Big smile to you!!!

legcramps on 02/27/2009:
Glad you're feeling good, and hope you're spring comes soon so you can get out there and enjoy the fresh air! Have a good weekend!

thinnside40 on 02/27/2009:
WE are ALL a work in progress my dear.... Taking 1 day @ a time is all we can do... Have a great weekend!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/28/2009:
i don't think there's anyone who isn't a work in progress. that's the nature of the beast. we all try hard to improve ourselves no matter how glorious other people think we might be on the outside. i like your plans for summer. exercise doesn't have to be torturous to have it's benefits. :)

haha_love2laugh on 02/28/2009:
Glad your up to the weight you want to be!! keeping it there is the hard part.

omahagrl on 02/28/2009:
Hope you don't see the snow!

Donkey - Wednesday Feb 25, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 128.0

I know that today's weigh-in is a fluke because I did not eat so much for dinner last night.  So that's the secret for a successful weigh-in, I guess.  Not really, and if today hadn't been Ash Wednesday, I probably would have eaten more today.


Progress as of today: 16 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Maria* on 02/26/2009:
Good morning to you!

omahagrl on 02/26/2009:
Bad news...snow will be in Omaha on Friday night...We missed the one hitting to the north today but we hopefully this weekend will be the last snow fall!

legcramps on 02/26/2009:
Stay strong and make the decisions you need to make to ensure a healthier you.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/26/2009:
i presume you were busy today, running all around. so i presume you got ashes?? so many people get them...like half the population around this neck of the woods. nice weigh in! i mentioned the guy today in my entry. he totally doesn't seem to mind anything i do...meaning i take it that he doesn't think i'm annoying or that he doesn't want me to text or even call him. so i don't know his deal though. once he said something to the effect that he's in fl and i'm in NY. and also something like he was flattered...but nothing ever else. that those things he said were over a year ago. i don't get him. but i think he only sees me as a friend. i wish he would just come out and say it.

loveray on 02/27/2009:
i hope you are doing well. have a great weekend!! xoxo

Donkey - Tuesday Feb 24, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

This morning (Tuesday), I weighed in a pound heavier - 132.5 - and I'm not sweating it (duh!). 

But I didn't do too well today.  So I expect that my weight will be accurately reflected by the weight tracker tomorrow.

I met with my new therapist today.  He's very results oriented, which is good. 

He's very focused on giving his clients the tools that are needed to cope with emotions.  He's not so much interested in WHY the emotions are there.  He's very focused on identifying patterns of behaviors (for example, if I were someone who continually chose abusive men for partners) and then using those tools to break those patterns.

This is just what I need for where I'm at, because in the past 2 months, I have been able to identify the motivation behind some of these patterns.  But I need more than to say, "Oh this is why I do that".  I need something that will help me say, "Uh oh, I'm headed in that direction, let's make a better choice."

However, I'm not sure he can help me with all of my issues.  I have a particular issue that I need to forgive myself for, but it is just so inherently evil to me that I don't see how I can.  That is to say, I would find this so awful in someone else; and now that it's me, I have to deal with that awfulness myself.

(Just so you are not worried, it's not a criminal felony action.  It's more of a point of view / perspective issue.)

So I thought everything was going well, and then my husband and I had a HUGE ARGUMENT in the afternoon, and I didn't want to eat after that, so my calories were way low today.  Again, it was another pattern repeating itself.  It caught me at a vulnerable moment and my husband totally mishandled it.  My husband never understands me. 

And talk about patterns repeating themselves, restricting calories like that only serves to set me up for a binge.  So I must get back on track tomorrow, or as soon as possible.  Prolonged calorie deprivation will backfire on me.

I'm starting to wonder if my husband is healthy for me.  Sometimes I think that he feeds into my dysfunctional patterns.  I wonder if he's a pattern I need to break.

(Relax, not literally "break" his physical or even his spiritual self; I meant, maybe I would be healthier if we weren't together.  I think that's something I want to address during my time with this therapist.)

Needless to say, now I can't sleep, which is why I'm here at DD right now.  I sure do hope Wednesday is a better day....

Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

loveray on 02/25/2009:
props to you for being willing to take on therapy and to try to break those unhealthy patterns- i hope that things with your husband got a bit better! have a great day. xoxo

starfish on 02/25/2009:
Sending you big hugs this morning.

thinnside40 on 02/25/2009:
Hope your Wednesday HAS been better for you :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/25/2009:
i see there is some stress in this entry although i just skimmed it...will check up on you either tomorrow or fri...

[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 Next Page ]