OK, so here I am at a little lower. I woke up very hungry this morning. I hope it won't be a Hungry Day.
I've started running again. I run slower now, so I can go longer. 2-3 times a week. I had forgotten how much I missed running.
I spoke to my Husband about going back to school for some training. I am thinking about becoming a paralegal. Or perhaps a medical transcriptionist. At least I was able to start talking about my future plans.
I had my 2nd therapy session yesterday. I went in (yesterday) having doubts about this guy and if I would be able to work with him, but afterwards, I came out feeling confident that he will be able to help me.
I've started eating nuts again -- cautiously. They are such a trigger food for me. But I found that I was not getting in enough fat in my day. Ha ha, forget Cardio Queen. I am the Queen of Nonfat Diets. I'm such a product of the 1980s when that was touted as the solution. It's not, because diets like that leave you feeling unsatisfied, even after a huge meal. I could eat all the sweet potatoes I wanted and still not feel "satisfied".
So I've added the nuts. And I find myself missing peanut butter too, but I'm not ready to bring that back into the house yet.
I do think that low GI or low carb is the way to go. Get rid of all the "white" and processed food in your diet.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I made a comment on the forum started by MomOfSome1UKnew. I stand by what I have said. That's all I'll say about that.
My weight is not accurate in the tracker. Hit the apple pie pretty hard last night. I dont' even LIKE apple pie all that much. Hormones and fatigue and anxiety got the better of me, I'm afraid.
However, I had a GREAT workout today, with all those extra calories in me. Also, the weather -- THANKS omahagrl! -- was so beautiful here today that I went running outdoors for the first time since the last week in November 2008! I really had a great time, just took it nice and slow and leisurelly.
I can tell though, that ONCE AGAIN, I am heading down an unhealthy path of overtraining. So I need to make some adjustments to my exercise routine. I'm going to ease up on the resistance level that I do the elliptical. I'm also going to cut back some more, if I am going to run outdoors. I'm not sure how or where to make the adjustment, but it has to be done.
Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
why do you have to be heading down the path of unhealthy eating!? i think you should cut back on the exercise if you have some fatigue. i know i go to food when i'm exhausted.
you are doing great!
Have a good Saturday there!
So now my weight tracker reflects a maintenance range.
I am saddened that some of my supportive DD's are not going to post any more. I understand. I tend to agree as well. But I will miss your comments and support. Please know that I have learned a lot from you(s), and I am forever grateful for your honesty and input.
My hope is that you will change your mind and come back. But if that doesn't happen -- and I understand -- then my next greatest hope is that you will come back to read entries and I will make you proud with my progress and somehow inspire you in your goals as well.
****EDIT: I didn't get a chance to say good-bye to WI3 before she left. I give you a cyber hug and wish you well on your journey. I am so sorry to hear of the recent losses you have suffered, as well as the health complications that have arisen on your horizon. Please know that I will think of you often. Kind of hard not to, when I visit this site. I hope .... well, please know that even if you are not posting on your own diary that your comments are always (ALWAYS) welcomed here.
Today was the first day of changing up my weight training schedule. Still a little too cold for my liking to be running outside. I also cut my cardio in half. I'm interested to see where this month's experiment takes me :-)
Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
Nope. I'm not going anywhere--and if humanly possible, I'll be here for awhile--I'll always let you or anyone else know if I leave on purpose:-)
Have a good evening!
have a great evening...i'm very proud of you!
I thought I would have one more entry before this fabulous month is over.
and it was a fabulous month. I had only 1 out-and-out binge, which was in response to a specific, stressful event. I have identified that I have "fear of the unknown" or as my new therapist says, "Fear of Fear" and I will be working on specific action-oriented techniques that I can do to help me keep that under control, so that i don't let it control me! (and my eating!)
I'm working on some new goals for March and beyond. I want to list them here, as a "working list". That is to say, I'm not going to work on all of them for March, but it will be helpful to put it out there. Kind of like, thinking aloud.
So in no particular order:
even on going back to school! there are a lot of good fields you can go into, particularly in health care, that are open to you. :) what do you plan to go back for??
i can't wait to exercise outdoors. i did yesterday but it was sorta chilly. still good to be out with nature though.
The weight's back up into maintenance range, and that's good. I'm much happier and healthier here.
I plan on starting up running again in March, once the weather gets nice. We had a nice day yesterday but it rained. Today it's not raining but it's very cold and slick (icy) outside. Great. Well, I know that Spring will be here soon.
I don't plan on doing long runs this summer. Just nice short 2-3 mile stints to keep my foot in the game. My arch (injured foot) is kind of hurting today though. So I don't know....
I'm still a work in progress...
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
I'm glad you're doing good and feeling good with where you are in your goalweight. I remember what that feels like....I'm working to getting there AGAIN and hope that I stay there this time!!!
Big smile to you!!!
I know that today's weigh-in is a fluke because I did not eat so much for dinner last night. So that's the secret for a successful weigh-in, I guess. Not really, and if today hadn't been Ash Wednesday, I probably would have eaten more today.
Progress as of today: 16 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
This morning (Tuesday), I weighed in a pound heavier - 132.5 - and I'm not sweating it (duh!).
But I didn't do too well today. So I expect that my weight will be accurately reflected by the weight tracker tomorrow.
I met with my new therapist today. He's very results oriented, which is good.
He's very focused on giving his clients the tools that are needed to cope with emotions. He's not so much interested in WHY the emotions are there. He's very focused on identifying patterns of behaviors (for example, if I were someone who continually chose abusive men for partners) and then using those tools to break those patterns.
This is just what I need for where I'm at, because in the past 2 months, I have been able to identify the motivation behind some of these patterns. But I need more than to say, "Oh this is why I do that". I need something that will help me say, "Uh oh, I'm headed in that direction, let's make a better choice."
However, I'm not sure he can help me with all of my issues. I have a particular issue that I need to forgive myself for, but it is just so inherently evil to me that I don't see how I can. That is to say, I would find this so awful in someone else; and now that it's me, I have to deal with that awfulness myself.
(Just so you are not worried, it's not a criminal felony action. It's more of a point of view / perspective issue.)
So I thought everything was going well, and then my husband and I had a HUGE ARGUMENT in the afternoon, and I didn't want to eat after that, so my calories were way low today. Again, it was another pattern repeating itself. It caught me at a vulnerable moment and my husband totally mishandled it. My husband never understands me.
And talk about patterns repeating themselves, restricting calories like that only serves to set me up for a binge. So I must get back on track tomorrow, or as soon as possible. Prolonged calorie deprivation will backfire on me.
I'm starting to wonder if my husband is healthy for me. Sometimes I think that he feeds into my dysfunctional patterns. I wonder if he's a pattern I need to break.
(Relax, not literally "break" his physical or even his spiritual self; I meant, maybe I would be healthier if we weren't together. I think that's something I want to address during my time with this therapist.)
Needless to say, now I can't sleep, which is why I'm here at DD right now. I sure do hope Wednesday is a better day....
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
Weighed in today after a couple of days (?) of not weighing in. I thought it would be prudent because TOM is starting and I wanted to have an accurate number to program into the cardio machines at the gym, for my weight, for an accurate "calories burned" read-out.
The irony is that those cardio machines are way off on how many calories you burn. The bike doesn't even ask me for my weight, so I assume that the "calories burned" are for the average 150lb person. And the elliptical totally overestimates the read-out.
But I seem to be staying within maintenance range reasonably well. I have been binge-free all week. And I was free last week with the exception of an emotional eating day I had that was directly related to a specific, stressful event (an appointment). So while eating wasn't the BEST way to deal with the need for comfort, I think it was understandable and even within normal parameters of total calories for the day (around 3500 in total that day, I think? that would make the binge around 2000 calories).
Another positive thing about last week's binge -- and I just realized this -- was that I binged in anticipation of the event, NOT in reaction to the meeting. So once I tackled the task, I was able to resume normalcy. It was the anxiety of the unknown that frightened me.
I have to think that there is a better way to deal with this "anticipation anxiety" than eating. I just have to know what it is, learn how to do it, and then do it. So there is HOPE.
I have HOPE!!!!!
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
have a good day!
I feel like I'm falling apart today. I am not falling apart. I will NOT fall apart. But I FEEL like I'm falling apart.
Where's a flying bullet when you need it?...
Progress as of today: 10.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
Don't fall apart sister! Close your eyes, smell the bread and have a virtual Jimmy Johns with me.....mmmmmmm Mayo
((((HUGS)))))
I've had to weigh myself EVERY DAY, doctors orders, and I HATE HATE HATE it. So, if I didn't have to,I would LOVE to not step on the scale except once per week.
Hang in there me dear....hang in there!
Whatever you are going thru, I hope you get thru it. Hang in there!
I really need to stop weighing myself every day. I know this is where I'm supposed to be at, but the number is so disappointing because it doesn't tell the whole story. My arms are quite defined now and my legs are way less flabby and hard to the touch. (Yes, I guess I feel up my own legs, but I'm not a perv, I promise you!)
I do not have much new to report. I'm just trying to get through the remainder of the weekend. Blasted holiday tomorrow in the U.S. (stupid Presidents' Day -- no mail, no school, no nothing), so I'm going to have the kids make ice cream. They've made it before (a Christmas gift, thanks to Husband's obnoxious aunt and filthy rich husband), and it hasn't been a binge trigger.
But now I'm not so sure. I'm feeling so depressed tonight. I was feeling stronger and happier yesterday. Today has been a steady and rapidly increasing decline in mood. I'm glad that there will be a new episode of Desperate Housewives to escape into.
Since the kids are home from school tomorrow, I will be going to the gym early. My knee and foot are feeling considerably better. They still hurt, though; I'm still taking medication; I still have to wear my gym shoes all the time. But yesterday was the first time that I actually noticed feeling better.
For Valentine's Day, I insisted that my family go to our favorite family restaurant. I got a "French Dip" sandwich, which is very salty, but the scale was down this morning, so I am glad for that. This eating more approach really seems to be working better for me.
I'm crawling out of the hole, slowly. It's scary how easy it is to fall back into step with old demons. I'd still do just about anything to be down to 116 like I was over the summer. I looked GOOD. I felt light.
Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!
good job sticking to your plan and NOT getting nutty about the weight end of it. you're doing good, put the scale in a closet or something!
To your comment, I guess my point was that I never weighed myself when I was 13. I could have weighed 110 or even 105--it wasn't an issue. I first remember weighing MYSELF when I was a Sr in HS.
Part of my point (I guess) was that I "just don't get it."
Actually, I don't long to be a 13y/o again, nor to weigh 120--not a realistic weight for me:-) It was an observation prompted by haha_love2laugh, who is 13.
Have a good one!
Have a good day with your kids......Take a deep breath and think about one positive thing today that may bring a smile to your face.....
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I had looked into court reporting a few years back--here's a link to schools with "approved programs" from them. (Many court reporting schools also have paralegal programs.) Good luck!
http://www.ncraonline.org/
Here's the page with the schools:
http://ncraonline.org/Careers/Schools/Certified/
Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/11/2009:
yeah, STAY AWAY from the pb. it's just BAD. and for nuts, make sure you CHEW them good or i don't think the body will absorb all the nutrients they have to offer. i am a horrible chewer, but it will do your body good. i am trying to get back to chewing my food better, lol.
you are right about me. i'm worn out. need a break. but we don't get one until the end of April. There are few days I can take off in between bc i'd be missing important experience stuff that i won't get any other time...and i kinda refuse to take off and miss actual classes. i've only taken off on clinical days so far when i am usually in an area where less goes on so i miss less but never miss class. blah blah....
right now i'm just working to get through Friday...
i so miss working out all week. I haven't since Sunday but i know it's what's best for me...even though researchers and doctors probably disagree.
good for you....deciding to go back to school. smart decision in these economic times....please update on how everything is going! :)
thank you for your advice and feedback. i've always been my heaviest during periods of life that were totally new situations and periods of transition. not all periods of transition though....when i graduated college i was in good shape as well as my years of teaching music. but after that changed, and i was hired to teach reading last year and i started to look into this field my weight skyrocketed. it's harder than i thought it would be to go back to how i was. i was much busier when teaching music and finishing my degree. but for some reason, my body was able to do it all even though at times i thought i couldn't. now, i don't think i could ever do all of that at one time...but also some weekends i wish i had a small part time job to take up too much time that i have...who knows... but, then i'm thankful for the time and am glad i don't have a job! i know you probably can relate....
thanks for letting me babble.
you are good to me!