I have no idea what I weigh today....
Today was another anxiety-filled day. I have been eating more than usual but no bingeing. For example, my breakfast was my usual oatmeal and coffee, but then I also had a yogurt and a cup of fruit.
Now I am hungry/binge-y but I had a cup of fruit and a chunk of broccoli to hold me until dinner. So it's been good, healthy food. Just too much of it.
I was wondering this afternoon "Why am I so hungry?" I think it's because I lifted (weight trained) heavy today. I upped my weights on just about every exercise. And even though that doesn't burn a lot of calories, I think it must do something to my appetite. I'm going to be OK though. It'll just be one of those Hungry Days that I have from time to time.
I don't know if I mentioned this here or not, but I did find a new therapist. I start with him in a week and a half. And this time I will talk about my eating issues, in addition to my post-traumatic stress, depression and anxiety, because I want to deal with all of this. No sense in treating one thing, if the other things aren't getting addressed.
A special note to borntocry: I miss you! I'm so glad you dropped by. I hope you are doing ok with the new job (which is old by now) and your husband and your family. Take care and know that I think of you often!
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!
I had the best binge yesterday. I knew it was coming. I had better (but not perfect) food prepared for it. It went so well, I was almost happy about it, except that it was indeed a binge.
(((If reading about foods binged on is a TRIGGER for you, stop reading now and just know that Donkey is OK.)))
I had an appointment in the afternoon that I was dreading. After lunch is when the binge started. I had made some crustless pumpkin pie sh** that isn't so damaging if made with Splenda, but when I make it with Splenda, it has a funny aftertaste --- which I now believe is actually due to the quality of the pumpkin pie spice I'm using and NOT the Splenda.
So I had made it with sugar, which of course adds the calories on like you wouldn't believe. So I finished the pie, which was like 6 pieces. Then I had a cup of chocolate chips. I had a block of mozzarella cheese too, which was probably around 4-6 oz.
I ate this in the course of an hour (or less).
Afterwards, I was full, but not sick. I didn't even have a sugar buzz. I was not physically uncomfortable either. I went to the appointment and came home and had a light supper (salad, and then pudding later on for dessert).
When I got dressed for bed, I was looking at my body and I was actually PLEASED. I didn't feel or look bloated at all. I felt that I looked muscular. Weight trainers load up on carbs right before a competition to fill out the body to make the muscle definition show better. I wonder if that's what happened here.
I had problems sleeping but not due to the binge. I weighed in this morning and lost weight from the morning before.
So what I learned from this is:
1. I need to eat a larger lunch and make my dinners lighter.
2. If I anticipate a binge, it would be wise to have something "prepared" that has some nutritional value and or compensation for calories (i.e. a lower calorie alternative).
It was a very strange day indeed.
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!
Have a terrific Wednesday & Thanks for being here!
i agree...that when a person is in the mood to eat GOOD food...bingy food...to plan it out somewhat.
i hope that you are good today! :)
It's better than eating huge amounts every single day, which is what I've been doing for the past year or so...
I hate it..
the Cubs logo would be great!.. a picture of his dog is just too much
My weight is UP!!!! 135.0!!!! This is just driving me nuts. I'm tired of being in the 130s. I'm tired of having a big butt. I'm tired of having thick thighs. I hate this.
But on the happy side, I felt well enough to do the elliptical today. I tried both the Precor and the Life Fitness (with the moving handlebars), and in spite of loving the LF model better -- it's just more fun -- I will be doing the Precor, because of the position of my foot on the pedal. My foot does not lift nor flex on the Precor (it's more straight across), whereas, on the other ellipticals, I lift my heels up, which flexes my arch, which is where my foot is sore.
I think I'm going to change up my cardio routine. I actually appreciate riding the recumbent bike now. So I think I will do 30 min on the bike and 30 on the elliptical. A nice mix and keeps me limited to an hour of cardio.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
So, I have been outside raking leaves, weeds, cutting back peonies & roses, sweeping the front porch trying to get in the "right" frame of mind & NOT back to "who cares?"..... I have 10 months to reach this goal and by grab I'm going to keep telling myself yes/no at the RIGHT times.....
Good day..... I'll trade ya butt & thighs :O)
Memo to Donkey:
STOP WEIGHING YOURSELF EVERY DAY.
IT WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
SINCERELY YOURS,
DONKEY
Thanks, thinnside40, for suggesting I get Husband to put away the scale. I had forgotten about Maria having to go weigh herself at the supermarket. Ha ha, that brought a huge smile to my face. I could totally see myself doing something like that. :-)
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
i am glad to see you on here. :)
Here we go again... Up, down, up, down. I shouldn't weigh myself every day. I don't know why this started up again.
This isn't a REAL loss. Just one of those odd fluctuations, I'm sure of it.
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Have a good evening.....
OK, well, at least I was at 134.0 again this morning. But why am I weighing myself every morning?? No weigh-in tomorrow.
Maybe it's the change in the exercise routine that has me paranoid. Must learn to *breathe deep* and *let go*... No weigh-in tomorrow.
I had not planned on writing tonight but I am feeling depressed. I am going to start seeing a new therapist. The old therapist and I had a conflict of morals. I was going to see him again, but Husband said, "No way, he's a JERK!" and put his foot down. And I don't object, because I know he's right and he's only looking out for me, even though it saddens me that I failed myself with yet another therapist. Am I really that unrepairable?
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Hang in there with the therapist situation(s).... Sometimes I think those type of things area bout like buying a "sued car"... Have to go through some lemons to reach a dependable...... Feel your self-worth my firend, cause you are worth the effort you put into bettering your physical & mental health, but within reason of course (hint hint)...
Not to sound corny or anything Donk, but everyone (or most I should say) here @ DD has a piece of my heart and I say "I love you" just as you are.... I'm far from perfect and have a long ways to go, but I think it is important for us to spread what love or positive vibes each other's way in each of our struggles, no matter what that may be.....
Have a good evening and I'm thankful for you hubby stepping foot down to protect you!
OK, bear with me. Donkey is having a VERY BAD DAY.
First -- WTF with the weight? Up, down, up, down, up, down. I'm so sick of it. Just read 120 and be done with it.
Second -- I went to the doctor. I told both the nurse and the doctor that I was a compulsive exerciser. They didn't seem too concerned about that. So I guess it must be OK.
I injured the bottom of my foot which has compromised my gait, which in turn injured my knee. The good news is that the doctor could feel no structural damage to the knee. No misalignment either. The BAD news is that I can't use the elliptical for at least a week. Maybe longer. I can use the bike, which not only puts my butt to sleep but doesn't do anything for me. He said it would help me from "losing your edge". So at least he empathizes.
I'm to wear running shoes at all times, from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed. No barefoot, no flats, no slippers, no heals. He gave me some honkin' horse pills that don't DO anything. If I feel better after my prescription is out, then I'm set. If I don't, then we're talking either cortizone shots in the foot (OUCH!) or a referral to the orthopedic doctor.
Needless to say, Donkey is very displeased with ALL OF THIS. If you're going to give me a pain pill, make sure it DOES something. I don't think it's too much to ask to be able to exercise. I'm p*ssed but I'll get over it.
I just wanted to get this off my chest before I try to stuff it down with food.
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Thanks for stopping by & for the "cheer"... Appreciated very much!
As always, make sure your running shoes are fresh--pain somewhere is usually my first clue that I need new ones.
Well, since I'm logged on, I thought I'd report a weigh-in. I don't know why I weighed in this morning. The weight is heading on down slowly, once again.
I hate this. It goes slowly down, I binge, it goes way up. Repeat.
No --- wait! Don't repeat!
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon to see if my compulsive overexercising has caused any long-term damage or if the doctor can help me with my knee foot hip back whatever problem.
Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!
I ended the month as I started the month, with binge-eating. I'm not proud of this, but I'm committed to keeping it real. No denial. Just what it is.
In spite of the misleading number on the scale this morning and the bad 1st and 31st, it was not a bad month. Oh, it was painful enough, but I made a lot of progress on the inside: realizations, subconscious motivations, etc.
I'm looking forward to this month. 4 weeks even, starts on a Sunday, ends on a Saturday. Lent begins. Maybe some of the snow will start melting away.
My biggest regret is that I doubt I will be able to resume outdoor running, due to my knee and foot problems. I see a doctor THIS WEEK for sure.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Good Evening!
Well, well, look at me. Have I ended the month pretty much where I started, weight-wise? If so, WOW.
I can't believe I didn't weigh myself this morning to do so. Actually, I'm planning on doing so tomorrow (weighing in) and doing measurements too, I guess. ??? I hate measuring. My butt sags so much that my hip measurement is not truly indicative of how big my rear end is. Plus, it's so self-defeating to see my chest measurement decreasing and my hip and waist measurement stagnating. Oh well, at least they aren't increasing....
I'm having some serious problems with my knee and foot, connected with my hip and back (disc) problems. I plan on seeing a doctor this week. This is what overexercising has done for me. I'm hoping it's something that can be healed quickly, but I already know what will be prescribed: NO EXERCISE.
And THEN what will I do???
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
I wonder if your symptoms are similar to this: http://www.aafp.org/afp/20050415/1545.html
It is fantastic that 99% of your body is muscle, and the definition will come with proper training. Don't kill yourself trying to get to the end, otherwise you will create a new end. Wish I could be there in person to support you. As I cannot, I'll just wish you all the best from where I sit! Stay strong, Donkey!
Thank you for your kind words in comment.... I honestly DO NOT know where my weight would be, over this last year but up up up up up had I not came to DD when I did... I can't leave that behind.. It has been the greates thing for me in the last 30+ years of up/down/up/down/up/down...Not moving "down" none too quick as of late, but workin' on that to :O)
Have a great Sunday!
as for you, why not just exercise less?? rather, if you feel pain, STOP. meaning, if you are on the treadmill and you start to feel some pain, lay off or stop so it doesn't get worse. i know it must be easier said than done but exercise should not hurt.
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Good luck with your new therapist, I think you're right about addressing all your issues~no sense in leaving something out that is causing strife in your life~
Wishing you a great night!
Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/13/2009:
it's good to start with a new therapist. perhaps also another issue with the old one is that you got used to each other. or, she/he simply had no other advice to give you/ran out of helpful advice.
...one day i'll have to try this whole therapy thing out!
thinnside40 on 02/13/2009:
Happy Happy Happy Dance.... I am so glad you found someone new to try.... Plus going to talk about ALL issues you deal with.... I bet you will understand yourself and how to deal with all issues in the right way this time... I just feel it for you......
Good Evenin!