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Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jun 29, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Turns out that the PT I have known for over one year, and texting on and off about a year...supposedly has a girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!! So all the flirting I do with him...all my texting...my Christmas card...all of this...and he never told me!?  A 20-yr old young guy who works there as an assistant told me today. Seems that the 20yr old boy is more mature than my 43 year old physical therapist. So, no more texting the therapist, obviously (I was also texting bc I don't always see him - it was supposed to be over for me - but then I reinjured myself so had to go back to PT).

So I won't text him anymore, for sure.  Additionally, I will keep going there and not get too upset over it - because I have more important matters which is regaining strength and ability in my ankle. and making it thru and getting into the NYPD. that's it. that's what's important. This crap and behavior of my PT - just reminds me what's important - NYPD & my own goals for my own life!

I didn't see my regular PT tonight bc he left early. I saw the other guy. 

and my PT never admitted to me or told me anything about a gf.


I am having trouble containing my emotions, relaxing, and dealing with life. What is my problem!?

I need to seriously stop this craziness.  And just deal with what I've got now.  Nothing's gonna change. I need to almost settle and just be content with life as it is. So be it that I have tendinitis in my ankle and can't walk. Guess it just doesn't matter anymore...I need to move on...having trouble doing it though.

Just feeling bad.  Depressed again. Maybe it's bc all my teacher friends have off starting today for the rest of the summer (and the fact that I used to be a teacher and these times of year will always be BITTERsweet to me.  mostly bitter I guess. It's not the way to think...I gotta calm down.

Calories so far are 750, good (before lunch).

On the weekend, I got pretty off-track.  I am going to fix it - by probably eating less on Friday or something (I have off). On the weekend, this weekend, I was invited to a party for July 4th but I am debating NOT going and instead just going to the beach with my best friend....to be more alone and not around all that crappy food and noise. I just want to escape, be alone, be by myself. I don't feel right.

My skin is sorta inflamed, digestion is not great (constipated) and I just feel very torn. LIke there's no more time left to do what I like.. and also the fact that my ankle isn't great and I can't even do cardio.  I am NOT living my life...and it's bugging me today especially. had enough...I'm just angry even at myself. for once working all that OT....and all I have to show for it is tendinitis in my ankle, stress, sickness (injuries that are not fully healed....) god please help me help myself.

I refuse to live my life this way.  I am not in control and it's very disheartening.  I am upset with myself and my situation. and finding it hard to feel better & regain any control for the long-term.  it seems every time I finally get there, I get reinjured or something else comes up.

600 cal for lunch, all healthy. 1450 cal...(coffee also and a cracker)

300 sandwich...1750

bigger snack than expected after PT: 2 high fat protein bars (all natural) and tofu: around 550.

total: 2300. it's ok, at least i'm fully satisfied.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 06/29/2015:
Life is ups and downs. It always helps to see the glass half full. Your being too hard on yourself. Have a good day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/29/2015:
thank you for the kind advice :) I have a tendency to bring myself down...never for any good reason. and then I spiral (usually gain weight or something...) i'll have to work harder this time - and realize - that I need to work harder this time...to bring myself out of this funk and to rise up above this job and this part of my life...to get myself to the NYPD academy. it's gonna take a long time - and I need to remember that. that this is a long process, not a week or a few months. I can do this.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jun 28, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Trying to feel better from yesterday's binge eating.  Realizing I don't wanna fast today..

11:30am veggies, bar 300, English muffin with peanut butter 300. 600. wishing for a week off.  displeased at myself for binging yesterday. another bar 300. total 900. high fat bar 200. 1100.

2:30pm during gym: small banana

4pm after gym: frozen yogurt

1420 cal before dinner.

6pm dinner was all natural healthy food...veggies, potato, chicken...but big portions.

I may have even eaten around 2200 today. but thankfully ending in a more healthy way and no more sugar at dinner, good..

planning on going to bed early tonight.

tomorrow I have PT and must put everything away in this apt because I am having a housekeeper come for a monthly cleaning (like to have my apt cleaned 1x per month professionally - costs $100, I give a $30 tip). yes, it's not necessary and sorta outta my budget, but it's worth it because I know i'll be living here for years and years to come. so anything I can do to maintain this place is worth it to me.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

ohioraven on 06/28/2015:
Please don't be too hard on yourself. We all come up short now and then. Just look at my post from yesterday. Take care, UP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/28/2015:
Thanks OR! you are so right.

hollybelle on 06/28/2015:
I used to try to cut way back to make up for a bingey day but found it very hard to...Sometimes I just chalk it up and move on. You are always so on top of your stuff! I had to laugh at your comment yesterday about washing and ironing shirts for work! Sometimes my whole reason for wardrobe choice is - OK, what don't I have to iron - knits and other carefree fabric. Once in awhile I'll iron some stuff up ahead of time and it's like I have a whole new wardrobe! :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/28/2015:
I may be washing clothing...but NO ironing...if it needs ironing, I eventually bring it to the cleaners! hahaha!

Umpqua on 06/29/2015:
You haven't had a binge in a long while and the weekend one doesn't sound too bad. You recovered yesterday and that's what's important. I hope it's a good week for you!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jun 27, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

9:45am Breakfast: oatbbran and coconut Greek yogurt 300. Chocolate covered natural protein bar (also high sugar 300. English muffin with peanut butter 300. 900.

1pm snacking: popcorn 50, chips 150, 2 large apricots 100: 300

1200, good.

apricot, veggies, some tofu & more veggies: around 150

1350, good. feeling tired though. don't really wanna drive out to Long Island tonight...lol...but it should be fun once I am there!

1750 cals of crap bc they eat horribly and I got tempted to do the same...2 hot dogs in buns, hamburger with bun, veggie burger but no bun on this one, some cooked veggies.

550 cal back at home at 2am...protein bar and chips.

3650 cals, not good.

tonight i'm driving out on the island to see a friend's father play with his band at a bar.  It's a change of pace & I am happy to spend time with these particular friends because they are the MOST easygoing people I know & it's lots of laughs when I see them :)  I think they will bbq some food at their house out on Long Island when i get there around 5.  I will bring some nice cut up veggies and baby carrots.

Because those are my plans, i'm getting laundry done today  so tomorrow I only have to do a minimal food shopping (bought some things yesterday after work) and go to the gym.  I hope to sleep in tomorrow. I slept in a bit today, also. 

Woke up at 4am with a cramp in my thigh so I took a sleeping pill, magnesium, and drank some coconut water. I was able to go back to sleep around 5 until 10 or so. It's my fault, I had coffee, diet dr pepper, and green tea yesterday - I must have been dehydrated, for sure.  I could tell as my pee was darker (sorry tmi). So this morning I had another glass of my coconut water that I usually have in the fridge but don't use that much...and am drinking a bit more water.

I'm even washing some really wrinkled shirts that I haven't worn in a year - so I can wear them this week to work. lol. that's also a change of pace. They are nicer tops - so it'll be good to wear them instead of my typical lackluster office tops! yay for that. being home in my apartment today and the availability of the laundry machines made that possible.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

puddles on 06/27/2015:
Have a great weekend.

ohioraven on 06/27/2015:
Your Pee color isn't the worse I've ever read on here. Have a good day, HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Jun 26, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Prob around 2200, good.

walked a little at lunch, but ankle is still not good enough. So now a little pain because of it.

I probably walked around only 1/2 mile, too.

But, staying positive and focused. It's getting better.  The weather was so perfect, hard to sit inside all day.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 06/26/2015:
Injuries! Ugh! I so want to be more active, but back injury still bothering me. SO SO SO much better, though! One day at at time!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/27/2015:
Injuries are the worst, for sure! Especially as we get older & healing takes a little longer.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Jun 25, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

total cal: around 1750 or so. great!

exercise: hardcore weights.

good day :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 06/26/2015:
Nice work HOP, you're crushing it!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/26/2015:
Thanks, it was a good day yesterday!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Jun 24, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

1450 cal till end of workday. bit higher than normal. hungrier than normal.

but all is good :)

going to PT tonight. I have the biggest crush on my PT :)

around 2300 today. higher cal day. indulged in thai basil sauce veggies, lots of white rice, and some tofu for dinner, late, after PT, around 8pm.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 06/24/2015:
Well done! Cute PT, eh? ;)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/24/2015:
yes, very :) and so intelligent too!

puddles on 06/24/2015:
A crush on your Pt cute. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/24/2015:
Thank you Puddie :) you too!

Mistyrose on 06/25/2015:
So you you had a enjoyable evening, I hope

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/25/2015:
yep...but got emotional, I think, hence the too big meal late at night instead of a small snack.

Umpqua on 06/25/2015:
I'm sure that makes physical therapy much more fun :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/25/2015:
for sure :) you should see how good he is at getting me to laugh! :) it's almost criminal, the things we talk about & the laughter that takes place.

ohioraven on 06/25/2015:
Tell the PT I said to go easy on you. Have a good day HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/25/2015:
Very cute ;)

hollybelle on 06/25/2015:
It must be something about PTs - I work at a medical clinic now - very big one - Our PTs ( at least the ones I have met are cute and full of personality! Glad you enjoy working with yours - must make it easier to show up and do the work!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/26/2015:
Yeah, you are right. In general, they have outgoing, upbeat, friendly demeanors!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Jun 23, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

2am snacking: tums, few chips, some popcorn - around 60 cal. Maybe tad higher. 

Around 2000 cal. Full weights.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 06/23/2015:
Hey, I hope the week is going well for you. And your PT sounds awesome - keep at it and I'm sure you will begin to feel the results!

ohioraven on 06/24/2015:
Have a good day HP.

grannyannie on 06/24/2015:
Have a good week.

Maria7 on 06/24/2015:
Hoping you are having a good day. :-D

Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Jun 22, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

1850 cal.

exercise: PT. was fun, I really like my physical therapist (in terms of his skills and personality). he's single. 43 or so - around 10-11 years older than me but he looks young and acts young. I have a bit of a crush on him...but have known him for actually around a year and a half. Even when I took a break from him (I only came back bc I have tendinitis in my ankle...) but...even when I took a break from him, we stayed in touch.  I am pretty open with him. he is very easy to talk to.  and definitely I have told him personal things, that usually I only tell my friends. I do consider him at least a friend. more than an acquaintance. I probably sound so dramatic sometimes with my stories to you all...but...this really is my life.

I actually grew up in the same town as where my PT grew up.  So we have some things in common regarding upbringing and activities we both did in that town.  Otherwise, he's a nice guy.  I wouldn't say we are a perfect match, no.  But, I would say that I like him for all the good qualities I see in him.  He gives excellent patient care and always makes everyone feel at home that goes to his office.  He is also very, very experienced as a physical therapist and goes above and beyond that of others I have gone to in the past, a long time ago.  I guess part of the reason I like him is for his success, but in general I like his personality, I like the way he jokes, I like his playful side that he does have around everyone (all the patients)....it's very "adult humor" and just not typical boring PT.  anyways, i'm lucky for this because it's a huge change from my day at work, sitting at my desk, alone at my computer, not talking. I realized this tonight - that I can have a good time there (not that I always want to be in PT!), but I can have a good time - since I have to be there anyways.  And even though i'm on the younger side...and many clients are older, I can still talk a little and be social. it's better that way. :) 

Tonight was nice. And I got there earlier after work because I left at 5pm and didn't work overtime. Tomorrow i'm supposed to go to a union meeting after work. It will be skipped by me.  Why? Because I go to most of them.  And enough is enough.  I told my boss previously that Tuesdays and Thursdays I am going to PT (I really go Mon / Wed) so that I can go to the gym early (bc the gym is usually longer than the time I spend at PT). Therefore, i'm getting out of work at 4:30...and i'd be at the union at 5...too early for a 6pm meeting. So, I will go to the gym. Sometimes, you need to put yourself first. And until I am more relaxed and my health is better - aka my ankle is healed - it's time for me to care about my own well-being...and not the well-being of everyone else that I may see at a meeting. This week is busy and it's about me.  I have a dr apt on Thursday after work before I go to the gym to get new orthotics since I haven't gotten them in over a year (they are covered completely by insurance and so is the doctor visit - free of charge).  So, with PT tonight, gym tomorrow, PT Wednesday, and doctor / gym Thursday, i'm booked and I would say it's ok to miss this meeting.  Trust me, so many people skip.  And my health is my priority. and my sleep...I don't need a late, stressful night tomorrow, especially when I am able to leave work early for the gym.

I don't feel bad, at all, like I am breaking any rules or taking an easy way out.  It riles me up just thinking about all the OT I used to give - 11, 12, and 13-hour days at my job. NO breaks except for lunch which used to be a half hour during those long shifts and later turned into an hour lunch but that's it, no other breaks. Now it's both 30 min and hour, depending what time I leave.  It beat me down...all those hours, i'm not physically capable of it and now i'm getting over the consequences and regaining my health.  That's my priority - not attending another meeting or sitting at my desk extra when it's not necessary.  This year or however more i'm at this company, needs to include self care so that I can heal.  Then, I can be happy at my sister's wedding when I walk in heels...maybe...


so even if I wasn't entering the nypd, my health should have been my priority all along.

and if anyone questions me or thinks that I am joking, I will tell them flat out, try dealing with the pain I was in for so long. and putting your life on hold because of it. still not able to walk at the beach yet.  or go on long walks or do activities that involve lots of cardio (walking!).  so for anyone that gives me any sh*t about my choices right now, I will NOT stand for it.  I mean people at work and my own parents. Anyone that thinks i'm taking it easy can go to H*LL.  and that is because they do not experience TWO YEARS of terrible shin splints / leg tendinitis.  or the mental strength it took to overcome it finally this winter.  They didn't experience then, after healing, another similar injury all because I was so out of shape. And now i'm in PT during the summer when most people want to be outside walking around and exercising to be nice and toned at the beach. doing cardio!  now my life is on hold again, not theirs. So for ANYONE who thinks it's all a big joke, who doesn't understand my choices, understand why I want control of my life, for anyone at work who doesn't know how I used to work those horribly long hours, I will say it to their face.  I will not stand for anyone getting in my way or thinking that I have an easy way out.  Because I also had my own health struggles that they probably don't know about. And they don't need to know...but they do need to stay out of my way.

I am serious. I am adamant that I heal and get out of this industry. Nothing is going to stop me. It's my life. It's what I want. And i'm going to reach my dream of the NYPD. Nobody is going to prevent me.

With my job, and the hours it used to be, it was holding me back. And now my health is ultra important and I do NOT need to work anymore long hours. Not when everyone else gets away with murder.

More importantly, it's my life and I will NOT be used and have my health affected. NO MORE.

I will start speaking up for myself at work if I need to...or I will ask to be transferred out if I have to...I will make sure my health is back. and nothing, like I said nothing, is going to prevent me from reaching that goal.  It's not only my life that's at stake, but my career, along with financial independence.  Right now, i'm just cutting out. Hardly any savings. Nothing extra. If I were to get that NYPD spot, it would only be for the better. On all levels.

So if you think I sound all emotional and desperate, it's because I am about this.  This is right at my heart.  Very important to me.  I want this goal for myself.  Both my health (first) and the NYPD. I cannot have one without the other. And it's very upsetting that I got into this state and now I am working to get out of it. 

And extra hours at work - just doesn't cut it.  or help me. at all.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Mistyrose on 06/22/2015:
Work can be so demanding and will take advantage of a good employee. I like that you choose to put your health first. You have some great goals and you sound so positive about them. What I see is your enthusiasm and I'm excited for you.

biscottibody59 on 06/22/2015:
Just wanted to make sure you saw my comment about the website unlearnyourpain.com below in a previous entry of yours.

I read only one of the Sarno books--it had quite a few "case study" scenarios. I kept renewing it from the library and came close to dropping it in the bathtub a few times--haha!

I hope you have a good week, despite your predicament.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Jun 21, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Chips and kombucha 350....

Beans 100, salad 50, 1/2 bagel 200, cream cheese 50, fish 250? 650 father's day lunch.


fruit - 200

frozen yogurt 400?

1600 or so......

and chips 100.

1700, good.

exercise: weights

So, about yesterday's massage, not gonna say too much.  Just will say I have been using this massage therapist for around 8 years.  He is my favorite, always.  Anyways, he knows I now need to drive much farther to see him.  He gave me his card...saying that he could come to me.  I have known him a long time, and this is what I will do next time. Yes, I am damn lucky and yes I am not worried in the least about him coming over to my place to give me a massage.  And, he said it would be the same rate. Good deal.  To repeat, I have nothing to worry about and am lucky for this opportunity. :)  He actually lives much closer to me than he does to his workplace, anyways.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Mistyrose on 06/22/2015:
I use to have a wonderful massage therapist. I would go to his house, unfortunately he moved.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/22/2015:
good to know others would take him up on it, too :)

ohioraven on 06/22/2015:
I got a massage once. She was a wonderful.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/22/2015:
:-D Happy for you Ohio...I like your entries and also your comments!

grannyannie on 06/22/2015:
It can be hard to find a good masseuse but when you do, keep them!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/22/2015:
For sure! Really, I have only found about 3 folks that do a good job. One left the place so I couldn't ever have him again...and the other works exactly the same hours as my work hours! haha. so, no go! I am left with really just my one and favorite!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Jun 20, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

exercise: none.

gave blood at doctor in late morning. got a nice massage in afternoon.

Frozen yogurt with toppings 400?

iced coffee 50

veggies 50 :)

chips 200

avocado on a bun 300


peppers 50


will have a protein bar later.


Total 1250 cals. No exercise.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

GottaDoIt on 06/20/2015:
Jealous of massage!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/21/2015:
yeah...they can be quite nice. I used to get them like once a month but not for awhile now....for the past couple years only a few times a year...I am lucky, I know :)

hollybelle on 06/21/2015:
Hi HOP! Reminds me I need to schedule a massage-SOON!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/21/2015:
Yay, I hope you do!

grannyannie on 06/21/2015:
Love massages!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/21/2015:
me too...when you find a good person...they are so nice!

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