sunday: breakfast cals/snack around 1210 not so hot.
calories for sunday: approx. 2250. most being on the not so healthy side. i am looking forward to a much better week compared to the sickening way i spent the past 4 days. cheers to that. i hope everyone has a good week!
_______________________________________
thursday cal: 2650
fri: 4,000
sat: 4,000
If only i stayed on track on fri/sat i would have really not messed up my weight loss progress. but now i am back a few steps in the game. how many? let's calculate. i haven't done ANY exercise on thurs,fri,sat. so, the necessary calories could have only been around 1700-1800. if I subtract 1800 from each of those days, i'm left with 5250 total EXTRA calories = 1.5 pounds of actual weight in 3 days. hahahahahaha. i sure know how to become a sumo wrestler. now, i am somewhat taking control even though it doesn't appear that way. I feel like i've been off from school a week and it's only been 3 days.
I do realize, still, that i have my whole life ahead of me. i can be the hottest woman out there if i only allow myself to be. this is so sad - to what i'm letting myself become.
i was doing good on the eating front until Thanksgiving. I was breaking through the cycle but my momentum suddenly STOPPED. i think having too much free time is not working. hmm, next time i can USE it wisely - go to yoga twice - instead of not at all. blech. i was glad to have a few days off but i think all the pent up emotions caused my eating to go haywire.
saturday morning:
pb on bread w. large banana 600....followed by eating leftover fast food from last night - YUCK! so nasty 700. pretty sad i did that. followed by slice of cake. 300
total so far for saturday: 1600. so it's my choice...i can go crazy, buy a pumpkin pie and eat the whole thing - which i really might do.
sorry to all of the DDers. i am just going through a REALLY BAD spell.
a lot of a whole sweet potato pie (there weren't any pumpkin ones left. i'll never buy sweet potato again. it wasn't as tasty but it seems i still did i good job polishing it off.)
whole pie 2000, stuffing 40, soup 80, lots of grapes 150
total: around 3900-4000 sheesh, man.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
friday night: huge fast food binge (mcdonalds/checkers).
i ran into an ex-supervisor today in the mall. i couldn't believe it. of all people, it had to be her. she was nice....but didn't hire me back which lead me to choose a different field and go back to school. it wasn't all her, but then i had trouble finding a job. she says to me "i'm glad you found something you want to do..." i didn't personally take that well (in my head) because i did enjoy the teaching. it was challenging but isn't everything? but i wish she wouldn't have put it that i didn't want to teach - because that is not it. I want to email her, to tell her that. bc it is seriously bugging me. bugging me like CRAZY. i'm so angry.
so today's a new day, right? of course.
breakfast: tofu/bran...and also 1/4 cup peanut butter. 600
snack?coffee, bar 200
lunch: chicken w. salad and salsa and big bread muffin thing 650??....AND a cake w. some bites of pumpkin pie.500 more...AND stuffing 600...two cookies...4 biscotti 560...pint ice cream920
late night: mcdonalds large fries, burger, chicken nuggets, checkers fries: total guess (i didn't eat it all) 2200
total on friday: 4,000
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
happy thanksgiving. my plan is to relax basically ALL day. :)
breakfast: tofu/bran and green drink...followed later by a kombucha: 340
snack: pumpkin pudding made with about 2 glasses of milk, some pumpkin, fat free butterscotch pudding mix, cinnamon. it was alright. 320
lunch: chicken, salad, salsa: 240
snack: 4 bran crackers 50
dinner: i gave in and had what i wanted. only went back for another portion of pumpkin pie-and i don't regret that! it was good. i love pumpkin pie. it's my favorite pie. i'm guessing in total dinner was around 1800.
total: 2650? not too shabby for thanksgiving day.
however, my goal is to LOSE weight. I almost gave into some peanut butter after dinner. glad i didn't.
I MUST succeed in this weightloss. It is my #1 goal right now. of course doing VERY well in school is too. but i NEED NEED NEED to lose weight. i just must.
so i've learned...and i know...keep the meals SMALL but satisfying. snacks. i will succeed i know i can. today's calories weren't even bad. all i have to do is keep chugging along and at some point the weight will be where i want it to be.
in fact, i'm going to weigh myself right now...scared...
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
total cal: around 2010
large healthy dinner. tons of veggies, chicken, pumpkin pudding dessert...600
exercise: YOGA. even though i feel out of shape and jiggly. lol. gotta just go through it.
today went well. I think i got a perfect score on both exams. :) I did well on week on exams actually! 4 tests in 3 days. thank god thats over. so far, we have 3 tests when we return from break, but there will DEFINITELY be more once we go over material on Monday. but for now, yay! break!
Breakfast: my usual for the time being. getting bored of it though. tofu and bran. 200. I woke up at FOUR AM today! yes, 4. And thankfully since i accidentally fell asleep studying!
snack: a bran cracker. 10
lunch: party. 3 chicken wings and a LARGE slice of mushroom pizza. all was GREAT. fullowed by several cups of diet pepsi. was filling. 1,000 hopefully not more!
snack: large apple, kombucha. 200
total so far 1410. good for a pizza party. there was lots more food - and desserts. but i said why ruin a good day.
dinner: chicken, salad, other veggies. :) i've been drinking too much kombucha. but maybe a bit more?
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
things are ok over here :)
don't really want to discuss what happened last night. but i do plan on telling you guys because i want your feedback....it's too much to write right now. i need to STUDY.
breakfast: tofu/bran. i like this! 200
snack: green drink yum. 80
lunch: eh. not much to choose from. vegetable rotini soup from subway which was very good and some chips. 250
snack: natural protein bar, another green drink. around 320
snack: orange pepper. 50.
dinner: large piece of grilled chicken cutlet, lettuce, lots of salsa :) around 400
ehh, had some dessert. pumpkin pudding i made using milk, sf pudding, and pumpkin. 280...and some kombuca. 60....340
total: 1640. it's still ok. a bit high for the kind of weight loss i want, but mostly healthy. so what the heck.
tomorrow i have a darn pizza party to go to. i have to eat it so i'll enjoy it! only once slice, of course. then i will visit the gym! :) i've put off yoga until after thanksgiving.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
http://www.bowlbys.com/greatest_bits.htm
1640 is great!.... Keep up the self-reinforcement attitude!
as far as sleep is concerned, i'm getting a lack of it. last night i went to bed around 4am because i was studying. and tonight i'm now taking a break before going back and studying. it's 12:20am. i feel like a freshman again. ugh...and it's worse this time around. exams upon exams, all memorizing. it's worth it though.
i would write what happened between myself and my sister now but i'll save that for tomorrow. boy does life never have a dull moment. and this time i can say i did nothing wrong. lol. and i'm not kidding. i admit it when i am wrong...i'll discuss this one tomorrow. but it sure is disgusting.
i have already had at least two cans of diet coke. i am going to end up totally exhausted come thanksgiving day. that is just like me. i always overstress myself right before a break bc i know i can relax during break. however, it would be nice to enter the break already somewhat relaxed. I know myself - i'll probably end up with so little energy on thursday and fri (i have off) that i'll not want to do anything. perhaps this can change??
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
breakfast: 200 tofu and bran
snack: apple 80
lunch: green drink, soy chips: 280
snack: large fresh pressed green drink from a health food store 180, nut/fruit bar170, 1/2 kombucha30. total: 380
total so far: 940 :)
dinner: will be 1/2 block tofu microwaved, large salad w. peppers. possibly a little more kombucha. 330 or so.
total: 1300 about. lots of diet coke - yuck. but i had to in order to stay awake.
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
Get some good quality sleep A.S.A.P., cause it will be what helps you the most to be the sharpest & healthiest you can be... Take Care!
here's to a new me. come spring i will weigh at least 115 lbs again. it is not hard to do. all i have to do is eat right EVERY day (almost) and exercise. EASY as cake. I will be proud of myself in the end. then, i just need to keep it off. not hard. very doable. it'll feel GREAT. this is for myself. to look hot. again - and for the rest of my life.
i was talking to my grandma today about weight and all the issues. she mentioned a good point - that i am an adult now and i know what to do to lose the weight. so basically, she's saying do what you have to. lol, i know that already, but she made it clear that in a way its like an obligation to myself if that makes any sense.
i have only really gained the weight in the past year and a half. no reason why it isn't a GREAT time to lose it. I will lose this weight and it is one of my top priorities. I was watching a video earlier that practically documents much of my initial weight loss because it was for a class and filmed over a period of 3 months. so every ten minutes a slightly thinner person appeared lol. it's hard to believe how much success i had. and i kept the weight off for approx. 4 years. this is sad, that i let it go. so sad. but you live and you learn, right?
i don't have a winter coat. and the ones in my house are actually too small. i'll have to go PUCHASE one tomorrow. with weight gain came buying new clothes. new clothes i'd rather not buy that i didn't even love wearing. i must lose this weight for me. i must.
i have a long ways to go. to get to even 130 lbs is just a bit under 10 lbs away. i do know that low carb, or extremely low carb, will NOT work for me. like i've said, not too much should be off limits. but the things i do choose should be usually healthy. this week i have a pizza party for thanksgiving. not really a weightloss food. i guess one slice should not kill me. i'll have that. and eat healthy for the remainder of the day.
i want to go back. be back in a thin body. i do not like what i've done to myself one bit.
i will go to the party because it is my duty to go. it really doesn't matter if i feel like it or not. not going just shows apathy or an attitude of indifference to those i work/go to school with. so, even if i feel like a disgusting fat pig, i'll be there. i plan to get a haircut and blow dry that day. nice hair should help.
as you can see, i don't think this is a breakdown, but i can't tell. what i do know is that this has gone tooooooo far. i know i can do this and i know i can even stay thin for the rest of my life. this has gone on WAY too long. way too long!
i need to make this promise with myself and actually keep it this time. i am so pretty and i have let it all slide right past me. i am soooo worth it. i want to strut and show off what i have. why, at 26, not be looking the best i can. what the hell is wrong with me!? am i seriously that mental that i let school and other things impede my progress? can't i not stand and look proud with who i am? what am i doing to myself? what did i do to myself? why?
sunday entry:
breakfast: 2eggs, a pepper, some yogurt, green drink 440
snack: pepper, tuna w. bbq sauce: 180
another snack: 1/4 cup peanut butter 400
total so far: 1020. hmmm. my goal is 2,000 today - meaning don't surpass 2,000.
snack: bran crackers: 90 and tea :) i survived grandma's :)
snack before dinner: plum 50
dinner: salad, tofu, orange pepper, kombucha: 310 :)
total: 1450 :) sooooooo happy.
___________________________________________
sat. night entry:
these are my calorie totals, each day of the week starting this past Monday:
m-4500
t- 7000
w-3200
th-4500
fri-4000
sat-2500
i hardly exercised, so i will figure 1800 per day was what i needed. excess calories are: 14,900. about 4.3 pounds! yes, that's right. so now i can say i weigh around 140. this is with bloating, so subtract a pound or two and thats my weight. HIGHEST weight in my life. i'm not really depressed more than angry at myself for CONSTANTLY going back and binging. it sooooo sooo old. sorry guys, that i have been complaining soooooo much on here.
well, eating didn't help me do much. sat home all day today which was ok because my parents are out of town and it's nice having the house to myself. i am feeling better actually.
my only FEAR, and i will totally call it that, is the christmas party i MUST attend as its the only right thing to do. it's dec. 11 and i am upset that i have gained and NOT lost weight for it. it will be filled with everyone from the radiology department at the hospital where i go to school. so, lots of doctors and people in fancy dresses. I DIDN'T want to buy a dress. i really, really don't. :( I am not happy to buy a dress that is such a large size and have to be around all of these fancy, important people. it is stressing me to the core, actually. it is not mandatory we go but i DON'T want to be seen as an outcast.
i will continue to ask this to everyone on here so i can get some answers. should i definitely go to the party (believe me, i know i'd have a good time but i'm not happy at ALL at how i will look...) i am very serious. i've been looking at pics of myself from 2 years ago and i have gained so much weight since then. in the past year, i have gained 30 lbs. i really don't want to buy the dress....i don't think i'm going to go. i really don't want to. it is major stress to get the dress. sorry it all sounds dumb but it'll all be forgotten soon after, hopefully. i just really don't want to go. it'll be like a weight lifted off my shoulders. if i go, i feel like i will have to diet like crazy, which will not work...etc. i just really don't want to go. but i do know how it is and how to be social i should go. BUT, most people there i do not really associate with and i do have 1.5 years left of this program. is it wrong to just know in my mind i will go next year?
if you guys think that i am out of line and i have to go, just say it.
but just understand that preparing to go will STRESS me to the core. i'd rather just be more relaxed and when we have a party in class enjoy the pizza and not have to worry about this christmas party on 12/11. then, i can just focus on weight loss generally. i'm telling you, i totally don't want to go. i have always said yes to EVERYTHING. and i don't think its wrong that i'm not going. :( but it's making me sad. and if i'm the only one not going?? then i really have no choice. i guess i will have to see on monday if anyone else is NOT going. if everyone's going, i have to go!!! so angry about this!
Progress as of today: -15 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
"26" is a great age.... Enjoy it!
breakfast: mixed cereals/milk: 600, muffin w. tons pb: 500, popcorn 250, drink: 90. TOTAL: 1440.
snack: 180
lunch bag of microwave fries and some dried cranberries: , grapefruit 880
total: 2500...
Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!
Take Care Horn!
this week has been one big eating fest for sure!
breakfast: 400
lunch: 400
happy hr: 2 glasses of wine: 300???
snacks galore at home: ugh. 200, 800, 50, 250...pint of ben and jerry's..1200...400 muffin:
calories : 4,000
Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!
breakfast 1350.
lunch: 200
snack/dinner binge: 20, 240, 400, 20, 600, 200, 600, 400.
...more snacking...will have to check i didn't leave anything out...4500.
sorry for the lack of commenting recently...
Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!
total calories: 3200. on a 1-10 scale, i rate this day a 2 with 1 being worst, 10 best. I must think more positively about everything. there is NO reason that 26 yr old female such as myself should be having such a hard time with everything.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i thought i was going to do better but did give in a bit today. no yoga because i am just plain exhausted. i went to bed really late bc of studying/and binge procrastinating.
today: breakfast: stomach was full but body hungry. 200 cal peanut butter.
snack: part of an apple 40
lunch: dried fruit/nut mix small package 270
snack: protein bar, green drink 310
another snack: 2 red peppers80, tea....sleeve of ritz 600, cereal w. almond milk: 450, choc. raisins: 230.
total: 2180ice cream....2800.
lots of water today. my calves are bloated and hard as rocks with the fluid they are retaining. so bad. because of binging.
Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 18 lbs to go!
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thank you for your words of encouragement! its so hard to get out of self defeating mode. i feel like crap...eww. hope i can move on and remember the success i have had in the past!! xoxo hope you had a great time with your family
Donkey on 11/29/2008:
Oh HoP... :-( Hugs to you. I'm so sorry. I know, this must be a very rough patch for you. Eating won't solve anything though. Sooner or later you'll get to that point.
Have you considered this? It would seem to me that peanut butter seems to be a trigger food for you. On days where you start with peanut butter, they seem to go downhill afterwards. Sometimes, I have to swear off peanut butter for a while, until I have more self-control. Thankfully, I don't have to eliminate it entirely but there ARE foods that I DO have to give up and banish from the house FOREVER because I cannot control myself (potato chips fall under this category).
Hang in there!
WI3 on 11/29/2008:
Hello there! I agree with Donkey...and I know my trigger is chocolate. As soon as I eat some chocolate, I start getting 'hungry' for other stuff. I have no clue why, unless it is because chocolate triggers a serious pleasure rush in my body chemicals and then I spend the rest of the day trying to keep that 'high'. Well, don't beat up on yourself..tomorrow is another day and for that matter, this day isn't over yet. I'm a little high on cals right now and prety disgusted with myself right about now. Thanks for the heads up on that movie! I loved the first one and will have to check out the second. I watched "Meet The Browns" last night...OMG there were some funny things in that movie!
Take care! And don't sweat the petty stuff, and don't pet the sweaty stuff. =)
loveray on 11/29/2008:
i hope you are hanging tough today...i know how hard it can be once we get started, but just remember how one less thing might make it easier to lose the weight you want to lose. i know you are strong enough to resist. love to you! xoxo
selina on 11/30/2008:
Hi HoP! I hope you are having a good day, today! Hugs to you!
grumpy on 11/30/2008:
i didnt do well at all this weekend, either. tomorrow is monday and the festive weekend will be behind us. Xo.
loveray on 11/30/2008:
cheers to a MUCH healthier, saner week. xoxo
WI3 on 11/30/2008:
The way I see it, you are still counting calories so you haven't fallen totally off the wagon. And you are here every day, are honest, and attempting to do what you know is best for yourself. Taking it one day at a time. You are going to be ok!! You already are ok! I think your yoga is good for you because you feel in control and confident doing it. Sometimes it is that one thing that we are good at that helps us move forward and accomplish more.
Thank you for the kind thoughts for Brian and I. He really is a gem and a good man. I am a very lucky woman =)