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Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Sep 25, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I actually forgot to write an entry yesterday! amazing!

yesterday's info:

so, i got in a good amount of exercise: 1 hr, 40 min. biking and walking.

foods were good too.

total sept exercise: 27 hrs, 30 min :)

today's entry:

however, my body has been a bit tired lately and i want it to feel better so i can exercise with more drive and energy. I am pretty much taking tonight to recover as i am tired and not in the mood to exercise. I KNOW that tomorrow will be a good day. I'll probably go to the university to use the gym...or park to walk. I would like a change of pace from walking...and i'm not really up for biking right now.

my ankle bothers me a little...which isn't good. i'll make sure i stretch a lot tonight, do some helpful yoga poses, and do some ab work. really, i don't think i need to do any exercise...i can tell my body needs some rest. Sometimes, i motivate myself by realizing that unlike people that must commute by walking or biking long distances to work, i've NEVER had to do that! Therefore, the only exercise i get is the planned exercise. most of my routine doesn't involve exercise; and that's why it's so important that i put it in!

my wrist even hurts...i was testing kids today and it involved a LOT of FAST writing!

foods today:

pb sandwich with banana, kombucha drink, diet hot chocolates, pineapple, whole wheat wrap with chicken inside, 2 cucumbers with balsamic vinegar...1.5 cops bean mix....soup, popcorn,

for dinner, i plan on canned chicken soup with some of the kelp noodles i have around...and maybe shirataki also. I'm in the mood for comfort food and also filling food. yeah, i have a bit of that shakey feeling that i get when i'm about to binge. so far, i've controlled myself. I think i am going to be fine. I also have laundry to do and things to read. If i want, i'll sit on the stationary bike and watch some tv at home. i need to occupy myself :)

after dinner: rice pudding, crachers, creal, milk....gosh...i'm eating past full...need to count calories...they are: 1250 (this is just for one of the desserts after dinner)

eesh...3125 calories today. + 3 milanos = 3235 + a wrap of pb and banana = 3700. = oh well.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Sandra aka Soul on 09/25/2007:
I would love to learn yoga, any suggestions for an easy way to introduce me to it?

legcramps on 09/26/2007:
Hey, hey, hey, lay off the binge eating!!!!

You know what helps me to not binge? (that is, when I actually do it, cause i'm a great binge-eater) - going to bed early or taking a nice long hot bath.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 23, 2007

Weight: 114.0

edit after dinner: i splurged and had another wrap - just the bread not the inside filling - after dinner. actually, i took two, but as i started to eat the second i realized i was pretty full and i only wanted one more, not two. I actually spit out the second wrap and threw the rest of it away! Usually, i CANNOT waste these wraps because i LOVE them! so, i'm glad i'm heading in the right direction again! This would be the direction of stopping when full, not pain-ful!

total calories are 2850.


dit: ok, for dinner i'm having a wrap with brussel sprouts and some egg whites in it. total calories: about 200.

I have definitely been derailed because of this weekend! but, i did exercise a lot today, which makes up for a lot of the calories.


2500 calories before some dinner. yeah, i'm definitely having a bit more to eat...or i'm going to regret that i didn't have anything before bed and eat poorly tomorrow.

i was a bit lonely today: I need a weekend part time job or a boyfriend or both!

i overate at breakfast: 2300 calories.

i walked a TON. 8 miles = 2 hrs, 40 min. not at all once.

total sept minutes:25 hrs, 50 min!!!

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

GG on 09/23/2007:
Man, what did you have for breakfast! haha!

maria777 on 09/24/2007:
What did you have for breaky if you don't mind my asking..it must have been REAL GOOD!!! That sounds terrific about your Grandma...mine loved to cook, too. I might look up some sucotash recipes online. Looks like you sure did get plenty of exercise in today! Have a good evening!

mcwoo40 on 09/25/2007:
Hiya,hope you are keeping on track.Not a great fan of brussel sprouts.Good luck on getting your p/t job and boyfriend,there is someone for everyone they say,Bye,Julie

Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Sep 22, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I'm going to need a LOT of will, desire, motivation and any other qualities that will help me get through today!!!

edit: 6:38 am: i know i am not hungry anymore. i am going to have some liquids now. I am going to work on not totally destroying the rest of today. I have to understand that this is my life and I have the power to end this food struggle.

edit: its 6:15am...and i cannot sleep!! It's been really rough all week! I had a large pb sandwich...around 500 calories. and i also had a LARGE piece of jelly nut cake...500 calories. I got full before finishing the sandwich, but i ate it all anyway. and now i had fried rice and white rice, leftovers. total so far: 2000 calories. I want more food and I don't want more food...all at the same time.

Sunday morning update: after overeating @ dinner yesterday, even though i don't regret any of it, i feel like restricting today!!! But, i'm not going to. I was thinking of just have vegetables all day. But, the thought of that makes me get edgy and shakey and want to binge! so, i guess eating veggies is not the way to go. We'll see. However, I do plan on just breakfast, lots of water, lunch, and dinner. I didn't want to have a pb sandwich for breakfast, like i do on the weekdays. We'll see...


Saturday night update:

happy report: the guy i've been talking to online has been staying in touch with me. LOL, he was drinking last night and left me some messages on my phone...haha. anyways, i'll keep you all updated. we are living in two separate states right now...

today was a pretty easy fast. i mostly sat around after temple this morning. but, i did go on a 2.5 mile walk: 50 minutes.

I overate at dinner...but, actually, most of the overeating was done at dessert. so, calories are 3500. If i didn't factor in dessert, calories would have been 1500! big difference, huh!? but, i tell you, it was worth it. I am happy with myself at this point in my life...i am getting into the exercising, walking is getting easier. Tomorrow i plan on 6 miles...maybe 7. If I do walk 7 miles, i will do two workouts. One being 4 miles, the other being 3. We'll see. Sometimes, i tell myself i want to get back into yoga. I was thinking about going tomorrow, but i'm going to wait it out.

Goodnight all.

Total exercise in sept: 23 hrs, 10 min

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/23/2007:
You and me both, Horn. I hate Sundays. Let's pull each other through today, ok?

workingit2 on 09/23/2007:
The urge for me to just eat everything is very strong. And the way you are eating compulsively is exactly what I was doing for those few days. It is taking herculean effort to not do it, and even now, I still want to eat and eat and eat. I am thinking about going to a TOPS meeting near me to see if I can get some in-person support and accountability. For me, when I start thinking food will help solve my anxiety and problems or at least help me avoid them or pretend they don't exist, it is very hard for me to get back on track. And it is scary. Food as an addiction, must feel to me the way drinking feels to an alcoholic. Until I feel that pain in my stomach, I just can't stop eating. And when that feeling of overstuffed starts to go away, it is like something triggers in my mind that I HAVE to keep eating to aoid losing that feeling. For me, dealing with the real issues and trying to make sense of the things that bother me, is key. I know it is. But it is so difficult. Anyway, that is just me....that's why I binge. I am hoping I can get back on track and put this episode behind me for now, lose some more weight. But I know I'll have to deal with it again eventually much like alcoholics have to learn to be non-drinkers. One day at a time, right? *sigh* **hugs** take good care of yourself today!

Sandra aka Soul on 09/23/2007:
All of those qualities that you want (strong will, desire to do right, motivation) are in you, let them come out and play.

greengirl on 09/23/2007:
Be strong, HoP !!! You know you can do this, you just need to get your head around it. Will be thinking about you. Hope you have a good day :)

Horn_Of_Plenty - Friday Sep 21, 2007

Weight: 114.0

saturday afternoon edit. the fast is going pretty well. i did have some water/flavored water. I'm not in the mood to move around or even do cleaning. i'll just relax...possibly read and possibly nap! lately i've been NOT getting along with my sister. actually we haven't gotten along well in years...but lately it's been extra bad. I don't like her attitude that everything's coming to her on a silver platter. actually, i despise her outlook on life alltogether. i should prob not let it get to me or take it so personally. but i do. and i hate that she can actually get my parents involved and have them start blaming me for things. she's 22 and i'm 25..both of us living at home. she is always starting problems between me and my parents...and is pisses me off to no extent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!arg.


today was a good day.

exercise: 6 miles. difficult, but glad i did it! = 2 hours.

total sept: 22 hrs, 20 min.

breakfast: pb on bread

lunch: skipped...seriously couldn't go...was held up.

snacks after work: pear slices, protein shake, apple.

dinner: taco bell chips and grilled stuffed burrito which i didn't finish.

everything was good. i'm happy. tomorrow i fast all day for a jewish holiday. Of course, the idea of fasting makes me nervous..but i know that i should and i will. we eat after sunset tomorrow evening.

goodnight all! :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/21/2007:
Have a happy Yom! Fasting for religious reasons is different than fasting for dieting reasons. Keep that in mind and you will come out of Yom Kippur just fine.

GG on 09/22/2007:
Oh man, I know gum is so bad for me, but I just cannot shake the habit! I have restricted SO MANY THINGS in my life that gum is just a must! haha! In the long run I probably will die of some sort of Aspartame overdose but right now I am feeling ok! I like to live in the now! he he! How is everythign else going for you? School, etc? Good LUCK fasting tomorrow: I know I could not do it! Are you even allowed to drink water?! Sister issues huh? Luckily my sister and I get along pretty well, yet I am the one giving her advice on EVERYTHING and I am the younger one! (she is 24 and I am 20!) but other than that things are ok! How does your sister look at life?! Maybe there is a way to "slap" some reality in her?! Does she go to school or anything?! Must be lovely living in a full house? haha!

Workingit2 on 09/22/2007:
(((((((((HOP))))))))))))))) thank you thank you thank you for always being so sweet!

greengirl on 09/22/2007:
Oh dear I was one of three sisters and I know its not easy. Keep your chin up HoP. Good luck with the fast and try not to binge at sundown :o)

Horn_Of_Plenty - Thursday Sep 20, 2007

Weight: 114.0

I'm really tired right now...and its only 6:45pm.

I slept better last night...and got up only a half hour before my alarm clock. I was planning on exercising at the university gym by me...and I even drove there! However, I just couldn't bring myself to leave my car and go to the gym! Instead, i felt like I wouldn't have the energy unless I had another snack. I went to get a snack, but I still didn't feel right. So, I told myself I'd go to mcdonalds and have a small 4 pc mcnuggets. after that, i was STILL not wanting the gym. I drove to wendys (they're all very close, like way less than a mile apart!) and got a crispy chicken sandwich and fries with a diet coke. after that, i was satisfied...although i did eat all of it and that's something i'm trying to do less! :)

I almost decided to go somewhere for dessert and i'm proud of myself that i didn't.

even with all that "extra food," calories are pretty good. I'm probably not exercising and I've already taken a shower even though it's not even 7pm. I just want to read. Last night, i didn't get a chance to speak to the friend that i've been keeping in touch with because he was out. Hopefully we'll talk tonight. I wish he'd be interested in some kinda relationship...i'd be ecstatic. :)

foods today:

breakfast: pb on bread..and a kombucha drink when i got up.

lunch: mellon...does the trick.

snack: salad with corn...and an apple...and i think that's it.

dinner: soy crisps...chicken mcnuggets...crispy chicken sandwich...fries.

total calories: i'm pretty sure between 2000-2100. this makes me really happy, actually.

exercise: NONE. and seriously, that's ok! :)

goodnight all, thanks for being so good to me! :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/20/2007:
WTG on passing on the dessert!!!! That surely would have been down a dark path. Good for you!!!

borntocry on 09/21/2007:
I'm willing to bet anything that your friend would be interested in a relationship with you. In fact I bet he's already got some scheme in mind! If I know anything about guys, it's that they're rarely interested in pursuing platonic relationships with girls. Even when they know you well enough to know that you're not compatible, they'll still inevitably make a move on you at some point. Trust me on this one. If it doesn't happen, it's because he hasn't got the nerve or because he's convinced that you're not interested. And even then it will probably happen.

You must be the only person aside from me who needs a snack before exercise. I do that all the time. Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm just using the snacks as an way to put off doing the actual exercise!

Thanks for your comments on my picture. That was very observant of you to notice that the girl next to me wasn't wearing the traditional outfit! She's a friend of my cousin's from London. I think that's why I look so happy in that picture, because I was in a more relaxed mood hanging out with a couple of my cousin's friends from London. They weren't as obsessed with appearance as the other girls there.

jon'smom on 09/21/2007:
Passing up the dessert was a great choice! I hope things work out between you and your friend. Keep us updated:)

Sandra aka Soul on 09/21/2007:
I'm feeling full just reading all that you ate, lol. You and I are alike, I will forego exercise for a good book.

have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Wednesday Sep 19, 2007

Weight: 114.0


Today was a good day, despite being unable to sleep last night. however, i know it'll catch up...so i must go to bed on time tonight. Hopefully all though liquids I just drank...decaf coffee...will go through me before going to sleep this time around!

Thanks for all of your supportive comments! They mean a lot because they are encouraging!

Foods were interesting, to say the least!

4am: banana, kombucha

6am: ham sandwich on a hamburger bun...and then more ham! haha! deli ham.

8am: small pb sandwich. i make sure to use a nice, satisfying amount of pb so it creates a smooth, wholesome feeling going down! haha

2pm lunch: mellon

3:45 snack: salad with an entire corn from corn on the cob sliced up in it...followed by a chocolate protein shake.

7:10 dinner: from the supermarket: prepared seaweed salad, eel sushi rolls. coffee from DD. I finished the whole dinner. it was quite good! :) I may be getting sushi for a few days this week since it was sooo good!

exercise was good as well. However, i tried to run...but stopped because i was getting tired and my ankle started to bother me. I had to stop after walking 4 miles bc of my ankle!!! I thought i would do 6 today. Also, it was getting late...so i need to practice getting started even earlier!

exercise: 1 hr, 20 min

total sept: 20 hrs, 20 min! :)

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

GG on 09/19/2007:
OMG OMG your dinner sounds DEVINE! I absolutely LOVE EEL & SEAWEED SALAD! Oh man, I am dying of jealousy! haha! I love sushi night in general: I get so excited when I plan on having those days: I go all out too, and get my nori, soy sauce, wasabi, ginger, chop sticks...the works! hahaha! Your day of eating sounds pretty darn good: it seems like you are jumping back on the "wagon" and controlling yourself a little better these days! Go You! Ugh, I feel you about HATING not being able to sleep at night. I have come to the conclusion that if I go to bed before midnight, I will not sleep through the night and will constantly be tossing and turning! I absolutely hate that feeling...my findings are such a drastic change from my old life of going to bed at 9pm and waking up at 4:30....yikes! College definitly changes a person! haha!

Donkey on 09/20/2007:
Yes, sounds like a great day. If you are going to run, you need to make sure that you have the proper shoes (do not run in walking shoes), and I would suggest doing run/walk intervals. I hope today is a good day as well.

maria777 on 09/20/2007:
Yummy peanut butter sandwich! Have a fantastic day and hope your ankle feel better!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Tuesday Sep 18, 2007

Weight: 114.0

Wed. Morning update: I couldn't sleep since like 3:30am!!!!!! terrible! I was actually really hungry...around 4 I had a banana and some kombucha. Now, I'm just drinking tea....at 6:24 I had some turkey slices on a roll. Followed by some ham slices. It was really good - probably from boar's head brand...seasoned virginia ham. Now, I have to admit I am satisfied and not stuffed. I will pack PB on a roll...and eat it at the school if I am not hungry later this morning since I leave the house at 8. we'll see. I might to some stretching. I don't think i want to go walking in the morning. I'll save that for afternoons. Hopefully my lack of sleep wont lead me to make poor food choices. I believe I have all of that power in my hands right now!!!

Today I'm making a phone call to the hospital about a part time job...i need to be a little busier on the weekend :) But, i'm not going to be looking for any part time work during the week. School hours are enough for me, especially because I've been using my time exercising. This is a main goal for me this year. I want to change my body.


Tuesday evening entry:

exercise: a nice hr and 10 min

total sept exercise:19 hrs

today was a good day too. but, this is due in part to me being busy...but, i have faith in myself that when i am less busy, i'll be able to succeed as well!

breakfast pb and j on roll

lunch: melon. i have a late lunch and the fruit is good after that many hours.

snack: kombucha drink, peppers...

snack 2: more kombucha, peppers, tea

dinner: salad and bean salad. 2 slices mango :)

starting the morning off with a good mix of carbs, protein and fats makes it so that even though i do get a tad hungry before lunch, my blood sugars remain pretty stable compared to usual!

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 09/19/2007:
Good day yesterday! YAY! When I saw Mango on your menu I remembered I had a wonderful one Saturday - they are one of my FAVORITE fruits! When they are good YUM!

borntocry on 09/19/2007:
Hi HoP! Thanks for the comment you left me. I was sorry to read about your recent struggles (in the food department). I fear I may be in a similar situation soon as I plan on making a couple of trips to London to see my parents next month (and for some reason that's where I'm always at my worst - hey, that's an idea - maybe it's being around our families which does this to us!!). Anyway, the only advice I can offer is to do what I always do when I feel like I really can't stop myself from eating. I give myself a really intricate, multi-layered, slow-drying manicure. I know it sounds crazy but it keeps me from touching anything (like preparing or unwrapping food!) and the fumes kind of help kill my appetite too, haha!

It sounds like you have things under control at the moment, though, so keep it up! And try to get some sleep!

mcwoo40 on 09/19/2007:
Just passing and thought i would say 'hello'.Hope you have caught up with your sleep there is nothing worse.I'm up early for work, so when the girls are at school i like to get an hour or so.I think that is why i turn to food for comfort because i am tired majority of the time.Good luck on the job hunting,take care,Julie

Horn_Of_Plenty - Monday Sep 17, 2007

Weight: 114.0

overall good day:

i exercised a ton! yay. 1.5 hours walking.

total sept. exercise: 17 hrs, 50 min

well...it's a monday. and that usually means better eating.

breakfast: peanut butter on a hamburger roll. this was good for blood sugar levels and was an enjoyable breakfast. i also had a bit of melon.

lunch: melon

snack: some red pepper and then i drove to get a starbucks pumpkin latte - perfect before i exercised.

dinner: salad, wrap made out of tapioca wrap (its like what they use for making the cold summer rolls) with chicken inside and a few veggies.

calories were not measured for anything. i did finish almost everything. breakfast i finished, lunch i finished, starbucks i finished.

dinner - i left over a bit of salad and a bit of the wrap.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Soon2BThin on 09/17/2007:
Sounds like you had a good day! Good for you! My sister loves the pumpkin latte too but I don't drink coffee. I know, weird. Just never got the taste for it. Keep up the good work!

geevee on 09/17/2007:
I had pnb on the brain this week and had it 2 or 3 times on a toasted whole wheat mini-square bagel. SO good!

Everything you ate sounds good except that white hamburger roll. I've gotten to the point where I simply can't eat white bread of any kind. That's why I like Subway where you have a choice of several different whole grain rolls. Not that I go there regularly, but at least I know it's there.

greengirl on 09/18/2007:
Sounds like a good day for you HoP, especially all the exercise. Well done, and lets hope you have many more days like this :o)

Donkey on 09/18/2007:
Yay, a great day! And I mean that -- this was a really good day!!

Horn_Of_Plenty - Sunday Sep 16, 2007

Weight: 114.0

Monday morning edit:

breakfast = nice amount of pb on a hamburger roll. not much fiber in the roll. I can say that i'm satisfied (then again, my stomach is still full from yesterday). just drinking tea...I don't want to reach for a yogurt now. i didn't go food shopping yesterday - so it would be my mom's yogurts and they are higher in calories. lol. am i counting again? i didn't measure the pb. i guess i'll have a lunch of tofu on salad, since i have it in the house. snack?? red pepper slices and fruit? sounds good...



sept exercise: 16 hrs, 20 min. i did more exercise in the evening.

my dad is upset because i didn't finish the hamburger for dinner. it's ok that my sister didn't eat a lot. but, all because I didn't eat all of the hamburger he was pissed as could be. he said he knows how i can eat a ton of food at a time and that i must have had food beforehand in order to not have an appetite to eat. well, i did eat a lot, at 1pm. but, he was persisting that if i didn't eat it all, that's not normal because i always eat a lot. that made me a little angry. its ok with them if my sister its little food bc she never has a big appetite. but, why should i have to finish all my food just because i'm a "big eater?"

should i have just finished it? my stomach is messed up from before. i know i shouldn't have binged today. if i didn't binge, i would have probably had a bigger appetite...lol, or a stomach that wasn't already congested with tons of bulk of food from before.


thursday = 7900, fri =5500 , saturday =4800 ,sunday =5000 .

overall excess calories for the past 4 days(i subtracted 2,000 from each day) = 15,200. this equals 4.4 pounds!!! supposedly, over the past 4 days, I have gained 4.4 pounds. that's a lot.


today's total calories - about 5000

6pm edit:

park: 4 miles 1 hr, 20 min.

total calories before dinner: 4700

2600 before the park. i'm back from the park...and eating didn't get better. I left my house and immediately went to get a personal pan pizza from pizza hut (620 cal). after that, i stopped by dunkin donuts for a jelly donut (300)and some cookies and cream ice cream (600). then, i finally finished with two mcdonalds apple pies (550)...i was supposed to have one, but they give me two. !?

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/16/2007:
I guess planning ahead, as was yesterday's intention, did not work for you.

I can see where your dad is coming from. BTDT. You eat so much when you binge, but then you won't finish food (i.e. you waste food) at the proper meal time. As a parent who pays for groceries, I can see why that would piss him off.

The issue isn't whether you should have finished the hamburger or not. The ISSUE is that you shouldn't be bingeing like this. This is just crazy, Horn. It is not a good thing.

Donkey on 09/17/2007:
Listen to you complain about the higher calories in your mom's yogurt, when you've digested over 7000 calories on Thursday alone. How ironic....

crategrl on 09/17/2007:
Just my thought but instead of worrying about the calories look at the amount of fat, cholesterol and sodium you are ingesting. Calories are an issue but the greatest health risk are the other items. Have you been to a doctor to have them look at your blood pressure and cholesterol as I would think with the types of items you are eating you could have a bigger issue then weight.

Horn_Of_Plenty - Saturday Sep 15, 2007

Weight: 114.0

alright, i'm done with this bad eating spurt. tomorrow's a good day. 3 days is long enough. I'm better than that! I am I am I am. I just finished a book I was reading, that occupies my time pretty well. I find it terribly difficult to occupy myself and NOT turn to food for comfort. That's been my issue lately...especially with time off from work because of the holiday.

total cals: around 4800

ok...and now i can add rice pudding.

added a yogurt and slice of marble cake to todays 4,000 calories for a total of 4500. nuttyness.

plan for tomorrow's exercise:

breakfast, bike to get newspapers

snack, read, walk

lunch, read or some other activity. walk

snack, read, walk

dinner, reading/cleaning/whatever else

ummm, tomorrow sounds a little boring. this proves i need a life...not that i don't like boring...but i've been very reclusive lately...hanging out with myself...that's what has enabled my binging. nowhere to be. driving around eating. i like the time. finally i have time, but i also finally have time for a relationship. but, i don't have a good job or any extra cash.

i want to eat healthier...i know later in this entry i mention eating everything, but honestly, i like how healthy food makes me feel. otherwise, i get really bad sugar crashes. arg. do i even know what i want? no psycholgist can help me. honestly, i'm going to have to figure it out. too bad if i go into this new field i'm going to be without money for two more years after this. not good.

I'm gonna try somewhat planning tomorrow's menu:

B = oatmeal w. yogurt

s = pear + yogurt

L = bread and tofu (need to use it up) and red pepper slices

s = red pepper slices, pear (lots of pears are in my house right now.)

D = salad, grilled veggies and something lean from the supermarket or something like that.


today's calories = 4000

september exercise = 14 hrs, 15 min.

I think i want to buy roller blades...but that's probably a waste of money since i don't have extra cash!!!!!! I walked at the park; and then went to another park where I visited this olympic size pool and saw some divers and people scoring their dives. I want to learn how to swim better. Maybe i'll splurge and do that. Then again, i really don't have money to splurge. so, maybe if i get a part time job, i'll use that money for swimming. that's fair i think.

today was kinda similiar to the past two days. It started out well, with a protein shake...but definitely drifted QUICKLY in the wrong direction.

I had a huge peanut butter cookie after. A smoothie made with banana, blueberry, soymilk, and protein powder. Then, a taco bell chicken quesadilla...followed by a piece of zita with rigatoni alla voda sauce on a piece of pizza! holy...it's amazing i finished it...because twice i went to throw it in the bag...but, of course, leave it to me because i MUST finish things. well, oh well. basically, i've proven to myself that like to eat all types of foods...good and bad. and hopefully, with lots of exercise, ALL foods can be part of my diet. that's all.

after exercising, i had some kind of summer roll made with tapioca paper with avacado, veggies, shrimp, and imitation crab meat inside. It was pretty good. pretty healthy. then, i considered getting ice cream. hehe. I didn't. Maybe once i start giving myself treats, i'll start NOT craving them like crazy. Can that be? maybe. If I always know that nothings off limits, i can have what i want; and also eat healthy when i want. I'm gonna give it a go. A little scary though because I know that in order to look lean you have to eat right. If i have taco bell and mcdonalds all the time, I'm going to look like it. That's why I'm not sure what direction I want to go in right now!

calories for today are 4000.

Progress as of today: -0.6 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Donkey on 09/15/2007:
Well, perhaps planning ahead will help. You know the saying, If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Isn't it Geneen (whatever) Roth who advocates allowing yourself to have as much of whatever you want until it doesn't become a craving any more as a way to "cure" bingeing? Maybe that would work with you.

I don't know how you can stand going out to fast food though. Paying good money for binge food. That's like going out to a drug house to get a fix, to me. (You have to understand, I'm a cheapsake, so that's kind of where I'm coming from.)

Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you!

Workingit2 on 09/16/2007:
I know exactly what you mean about eating healthy and feeling better. What can we do besides keep trying our best every day to make better choices? We know what to do, we know how to do it, I guess it takes us digging down deep and deciding to walk the line that will help us stay on track. One foot in front of the other! We can do this!

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