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Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Nov 14, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha but so minimal..not counting calories.

Healthy breakfast buffet I picked up bc running early and didn't have a good dinner: just YUM:

8:30am Egg whties huge portion scambled 150, sauteed broccoli 50, canadian bacon 100, roasted potatoes 150 (small amount).coffee 50 (from work):  500 cals only!

10am Snack: RXBar (not a major fan, but a good change of pace) 200

11am choc 70 really good from coworker

1pm lunch: chicken soup lots of chicken / veg 400, too many chips 200

almost 3pm fruit from coworker, a diff one! 100 :)

ok serious indulgence now.hummingbird cake. 450 cal? more? lots of icing, walnuts, it's rich.

5pm almonds 50.

around 7:45pm during errands still (small supermarket trip and to pick up a quick thing at the pharmacy) this cool natural bar and a sf drink 250

2200, good.

5day:

no workout tonight, bed early...not sure what to eat...i think laying light. protein bar / drink / bed.

 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/14/2018:
I commented on yesterday's comments. I'm very sorry :(

Breakfast sounds delicious! Here's to a wonderful day!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
i want you to know, i do take your feedback as helpful always...that i do come here looking for advice and am glad for getting it always..

it was the best breakfast in a long time!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
and you did nothing wrong, you have no idea the importance of getting your feedback...something you said reminds me though...to be true to myself, i need to realize that the friendship will always be changed. and i will have to perhaps bring up again to her, if/when necessary, that i'm sorry i am not as available as i once was on several levels including emotional, unfortunately. but this is not something to discuss out of nowhere with her :) just something to keep in my mind as what is best for ME.


BearCountryGG on 11/14/2018:
Looks like a nice breakfast you had there.......good way to start the day.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yummy.


graindart on 11/14/2018:
???? You went to a buffet and left with 500 calories or less? That doesn't even compute in my head. Don't think I've ever left a buffet without eating at least 2000 calories.......

Good job.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yes, but it's a buffet but you pay also by the weight...and it was a TAKEOUT to bring to work to eat! hahaha

also, most of what i got was the eggwhites, around 1.5 cups of it..then a side of broccoli under a cup, two pieces candadian bacon (slices), and around 1/2 cup of potato roasted..! that's why! maybe just over a half cup of the potato...all egg whites...getting extra to feel full. LOL.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
the food is very tasty too...high quality!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
so not a sit-down buffet...just to get my breakfast, choose exactly what i want! :)...wasn't in mood for a breakfast sandwich which i could have gotten anywhere, any deli or takeout.


graindart on 11/14/2018:
Poor little hummingbirds.....

Can't believe there's a dessert I've never heard of. Googled it and it looks tasty. Some of the photos make it look kind of like a carrot cake, with pineapple / banana instead of carrot. Just another thing to add to my list once I make it to maintenance mode....

Horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yes, it tasted a bit like carrot cake, yes!.

it was REAL good, but, so NOT WORTH the calories. and screwed me over for the rest of the day. i shoulnd't have taken a slice. grrrrr! lol...

this dessert, a larger piece too, really wasn't worth it. everything high cal...the cream filling / outer and the nuts galore...i guess it's good in small amounts, but it was new flavors and i couldn't stop halfway thru...kept eating till it was gone...grrr, see...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
lately i splurge a lot and i'm at the very high end of my calorie needs...even a hair over as of late!


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Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 13, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha 50, later coffee 50

Indian treat 340 from coworker from Bangladesh! very good! and tastes of my coconut brownie 60

after 10am snack: tbd 270 natural bar. balanced amount sugar, carbs, fats

Lunch: 230 chips, chicken breast 250, veggies 150 630,

3-4pm clem oranges 100

5pm salt and vinegar almonds 100

evening snacks small chocolate, fiber one bar, and a pumpkin brownie so good!

2000 total today :)

4day: 2225, better...

Walked around 2mi home :) then as i was walking a bus stopped seriously next to me, the door opened right beside me, and i got on for the rest of the way home! :) lol...

Stayed at work extra late till 7pm bc i wanted to finsih some extra work, as i was very distracted today :) I feel good about this.

______________________________________________

Regarding traveling w/ the friend and if i could trust her after what she said to me during our heated argument a couple years ago:

Ended up texting her and it turned into another heated argument over the phone yesterday afternoon where i reminded her what she said to me. She didn't recall saying everything that i told her because of course the words would have a greater affect on me, the receiver as they were about me. I forgave her, as she apologized saying it was because things were heated and that she didn't mean the words (that i'm a failure / failed teacher, embarass my dad every chance i get, amongst a few other things).  I forgave her, she admitted she said them only because things were heated, that she hadn't actually meant them or believed it to actually be the case with me. she said she hoped i didn't actually take her words to heart (of course i did) and she hoped i don't believe those words today (they still ring in my ear - especially when facebook reminded me thru one of the memory posts...).

i forgave her, explained how i do not know if what she says is truthful or not because she had said these things to me...that it's like being two-faced...i YELLED so loud thru the phone, making sure i could explain as well as possible what's going thru my head now.

she started to compare her friendship with me to mine with Ricky.....and i stopped that right away. i said, do not change the subject!...i explained there's no reason to bring him up - for MYSELF even to have or want to think about him...that she was practically giving me a headache. i said i wasn't eager to even discuss him. and so the topic eventually turned back to me and her....and the main important point....she did try to tell me how bad ricky is for me...but in the end, it's my decision if i'll ever speak with him again (i haven't yet)..

..but i told her to stay on the topic which is my friendship with her, not a comparison to Ricky...i said to her, do you really want me to start to have to compare you with Ricky? i said, you know he has some issues and problems...and i asked her, do you want me to start to think about you that way? i questioned her why she'd find it necessary to start to compare herself with other friends and how they treat me....i explained the situation was about me and her...she didn't yell once over the phone...only me....because i needed to get my points across.

there's a lot more we discussed.

early on she said i have changed....YES, I HAVE CHANGED!

my life has been so different these past almost 8 years in this field of work. Far away from my original line of work as a band teacher. too much has changed for me to remain the same in the least.

and my time is more precious than ever.

she did complain about mostly texting and not talking on the phone...and this is something i think that'll have to change a little in the friendship unfortunately the reason is my lack of time outside work especially during the week.  i just cannot devote myself to the phone calls as much as i did...i'll have to explain this to her at another point, because we didn't talk too much about that.

because of all the changes to my life especially the changes in my free time (the amount of it) outside work, i have to prioritize differently...a game per se - a game of give and take...or of priorities.

the only reason i have the home gym is that i don't even have the time anymore to want to or think to drive to the gym during the work week...it's just too much after a public transportation commute. it would cramp on the hours i'd like to be ASLEEP.

so many things have changed. i had to make changes to keep some things the same...like have a home gym if i want to keep exercising.

it's been a lot of change. i've had to change as my entire experiences have changed.

and this has affected my friendships and time managment.

and in turn, i cannot be the original Jackie she had as a friend years ago....tho i enjoy being her friend.

there's a lot more to this.

the argument we had ended positively and we were on the phone over 2 hours which worked out because it was a slow day for me as well as her.

so the friendship is better now. after much talking and discussion.

but it's true that what i'm able to give to the friendship has changed over time due to my own experiences and life changes. i know she's changed too, but the way we have both changed differs greatly stil.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/13/2018:
I'm surrounded by brownies. I can handle reading about your daily brownies because I can't smell them. However last night my daughters baked 2 large pans of chocolate brownies for a school project. They smelled sooooooo good. Thankfully they were all for school and left the house this morning.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i wouldn't want fresh baked brownies here either...

when i make them in these nutritious ways, it also helps me a little bit to eat less...


BearCountryGG on 11/13/2018:
What was in the Indian treat?

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
On the box, made in India, they are called "Soan Papdi" mostly made with sugar, ghee, almond powder, spices"


happy-1 on 11/13/2018:
feel you on growing apart from a friend. Hugs.

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i still want to be her friend, but our life experiences have changed the friendship.


Donkey on 11/13/2018:
I confess I'm not sure why you're lying to this person about your real feelings and trying to salvage the relationship. "To thine own self be true..."

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
wait, but i'm not lying now?....what do you mean?

i enjoy her friendship now, but not the way it was before. i enjoy it now but my experiences have changed me, how she mentioned that she thought i changed..

she apologized telling me she said it bc she was heated and did not mean it...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
do you feel i'm not being true to myself?


graindart on 11/13/2018:
Looked up Soan Papdi. Looks mildly interesting for a change of pace, but I don't think it'll be replacing the chocolate bar any time soon. I'm sure it tastes nothing like it, but some of the photos I found make it look kind of like a completely dry piece of baklava.

I've been avoiding nuts due to lack of portion control and higher calories if I eat too many, but love several of the Blue Diamond almond flavors. Salt & vinegar, smokehouse, wasabi and soy sauce are all delicious (and I don't even like the taste of plain almonds). Just checked their website and they have a flavor I'm never tried before = toasted coconut. Might have to give those a try when I get to goal.....

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Yup it looks like a dry baklava and is very light - falls apart easily. It's very light and melts in your mouth. Sorta like a meringue does.

I also do not like plain almonds. I tried toasted coconut and do not like it - it was too sweet and not satisfying !


graindart on 11/13/2018:
Had to come back and further comment on the coconut flavored almonds. Wanted to see how they described the taste / flavor of them on the website. They described the flavor and then added near the end "Order a case of six 14 oz resealable bags today!". Had to laugh a little when I read that. It appealed to my online ordering / bulk ordering tendencies. Did a little math and those 6 bags of almonds would equal 13,440 calories. While it might take me awhile to eat them all, that's just too many snack calories to allow in my house at any one time....

Just found it odd that they didn't say something like "buy a bag at your local grocery store", but rather that you should order a case of six 14 oz bags.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Yeah right ! I'm soooo glad you didn't order them. They aren't that nice mix of sweet and salty like all the other flavors you mentioned that you like! These toasted coconut are only sweet in my opinion...


Donkey on 11/14/2018:
I mis-read what you had written, with respect to your friend. I deeply regret this and extend a wholehearted apology to you. Ironically, in reading more carefully, I see that you were actually being true to yourself and getting everything out in discussion.

You're very forgiving; the world needs more people like you (especially in politics) :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
cute joke...politics...oh how i can't agree more! ;)


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Horn_of_plenty - Monday Nov 12, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

7am Tasty Breakfast: 2 smallish pumpkin choc chip brownies 260, with larger serving whipped cream 140, kombucha 50.

8:30am 2% greek yogurt, chai latte stevia, cinnamon 150

9:30 just bigger hunger lately, so i ate something satisfying: 2 pieces salami 50, egg and egg white 100, 1/4 avocado 80, wrap 100. 330.

...now def waiting till lunch time for the next eats...planning on a cheesy riced cauliflower by bird's eye in my freezer.

1:30pm lunch: salami 100 (because it's around and fast), 1/4 avocado 100, 2 corn cakes 150. 350.

2:30 snacking leading into workout 120 choc chip fiber 1 cookie and caffeine 

4pm tasting the chicken soup 100, banana 100, strawberries after workout 50

caulifower crust 300 and more soup veggies 100, i think going to indulge in a brownie.150

2200...good!

3 day: 2300....EXCELLENT.

 

_______________________________________________________________

I was totally again thinking to go to gym today....but decided, again - just like what happened Saturday, on a home workout. just set on staying home for the whole day :) There's simply no good reason to leave my apt...it's cold out & i'd much rather stay home & save time by skipping out on driving to gym....yes :) and that leads to more time to probably spend cleaning the tub / bathroom as i should! it's about time! ;)

Catching up on some cleaning today - Hamster cage, i swiffered the floors and vacuumed the rugs...i should clean the bathroom a bit, but, it might wait again...lol. laundry is put away. very organized for the week.

i will get in a weights workout tonight at home. laying off a lot of cardio this week, until ankle and legs feel close to 100%.  i was very slightly sore in my thighs from the walk, it didn't bother my ankle at all.

_____________________________________________________________

Happy Monday !!! I woke up around 7am because i went to bed before 8! i was so tired after the walk maybe i was feeling that way because it was also so cold out which potentially can wear you down?

Either way, Yeserday was sooo much fun! I'd never walked the bridge, and still didn't actually finish :( because our route went 2/3 over the bridge and turned around so anyone parking at the site would be routed directly back :) a good idea, i'd say :) If it was nicer weather, it'd be fun to walk all the way over the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and enjoy lunch at a restaurant there after and stay in Brooklyn. But, being that i was so tired and all, it was better how it worked out and that i'd be able to come home yesterday with time to do laundry and get organized so that today i can relax a little bit again and also cook Chicken Soup in the crockpot since i'm home in honor of Veteran's Day holiday off from work :) 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/12/2018:
A couple years ago we did a California vacation and one of the places we visited was San Francisco. Parked at one end of the Golden Gate Bridge and decided to walk across it with the family. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Made it halfway across and was starting to regret the decision, but was determined to make it across and we did. The walk across in one direction was mostly fun, but the return walk back across wasn't much fun at all. But it's another thing on the family's list of things that we can say we've done (and never have to do again).

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
if you had to, you could have taken a taxi back!...honestly, i'm keeping that option in mind for other trips / adventures hahahaa.

that's awesome you walked it...i hope to walk it someday too!


BearCountryGG on 11/12/2018:
Seems like Sunday! This week is going to be confusing.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
oh, as long as it's a short week, i'll take the confusion :)


Donkey on 11/12/2018:
I wish I had today off... Well, maybe it will be a quiet day, since the banks are closed.

I recently bought myself 5% Fage Greek yogurt. O.M.G. -- SO GOOD and, more importantly, SO FILLING!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
yes, i'm totally a lover of the higher fat yogurts. i find 2% to be at least satisfying, and stay away from fat free :)

sorry you are at work!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
regarding the friend, please read my comments in my previous entry.


BearCountryGG on 11/12/2018:
Yogurt...I'm happy to see that appearing here....so much nutrition in that and great for the gut. ( intestines, not pot belly...LOL)..because you and Donkey don't have pot bellies anyway!!! LOL

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
the yogurt which followed a few sips of kombucha earlier today....is all working on me lol...glad to be home.


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Walking the bridge is a big windy workout!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
Is was very windy but also very sunny :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
It was a good workout !


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Some days we all get out of bed like this.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atUuy4_m4NE

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i will watch this later......


BearCountryGG on 11/13/2018:
I watched Happys you tube video above......and that gal made me super nervous.......had to turn that off........

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Darn Ty for reminder to watch it...


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Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Nov 11, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

2 small pumpkin brownies 230 total. Coffee 70. 300. peanut butter 100

Wrap 300 popcorn 100. 400 150 huge apple 

sorta light lunch, but i doubt calories were accurate? entire beef hamburger from Shake Shack. 400 ? really!? that's it? 450-500 is more like it?

back at home, doing laundry and relaxing the rest of tonight with an early bedtime :) few strawberries 50, some raspberries 100 and some sf drinks.

...and relaxing the rest of today at home, glad i could take care of laundry now.

5:30 dinner: salami 100, napa cabbage and broth 100, tortilla chips and avocado 350. 550 total...dessert: pumpkin choc chip brownie, by far my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!! 150 cal only, small piece.

7pm and 1 more pumpkin choc chip brownie 100 smaller piece! sooooo darn good!!!!!!!!!

2350-2400 total...maybe a hair more but counting on sleep early, too tired to do much else today.

2day avg: 2350, fine...been pretty active.

__________________________________________

Chicken soup will have to wait until tomorrow....since i'm not sure i'll be up enough hours today to pack it away out of the crockpot lol. so tomorrow i'll cook it.

 

 

 

________________________________________________

have to be somewhere close, just under 10 min walking, at 7:45 today. meeting friend to go downtown near WTC area and brooklyn bridge for the "Kidney Walk" fundraiser for all Kidney Diseases.

________________________________________________

24 pumpkin brownies, small size, 130 cal each. i had two of them at 2am lol...230 cals. too much caffeine in afternoon finally affected me, so i'm up a little at night, it's ok...still have two days left of this weekend :)  the brownies are better at room temp...so, they'll be good this week for work breakfasts.  they are less good straight outta the fridge bc using almond flour, they are a bit dry since the recipe called for whole wheat flour, not almond. i still like them...def cannot share since i was eating out of the pumpkin puree all week and it's the same puree in these brownies lol.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT.  IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.

HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....

RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.

SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.

SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER. 

AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!

THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...

LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH. 

ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP. 

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN. 

TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..

LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT. 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/11/2018:
I can sleep after drinking caffeine too...never did keep me awake.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2018:
sleep will soon come for me tonight, and it's only 7pm.


graindart on 11/11/2018:
Guess I drink so much caffeine, that it doesn't alter my sleep patterns anymore.

Good to see your will-power and self-control. If I had 24 freshly baked brownies in the house right now, I'd fall off the wagon and be stuffed by bedtime. Only a handful of them would probably survive until the next morning, when they'd be eaten for breakfast......

Horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2018:
the more and more i get used to maintenance, the easier it becomes to work on portions. i try to never let myself get too hungry and snack often so that i do not get into one of those modes where i want to eat everything i see.

these pumpkin brownies have sf choc chips in them...they are simply AMAZING.

i will make them again soon.


Donkey on 11/11/2018:
Vent away, friend. I do remember this "friend" from some time ago, when you had decided, "that's IT, no more". I'm surprised to hear that you let her back into your life, but I get it. There's a lot of history there. Unfortunately, it sounds like things haven't changed with her? Or maybe the wounds haven't healed? Those were some pretty harsh words.

But I'm proud of you for at least trying again. You have a kind heart.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
nothing has changed for her - if anything, she's more lost than ever, meaning i feel he hasn't grown or changed at all.

her words i'll never forget as they were beyond hurtful. and if my mind thinks it'll be ok to do any trip with her just, i'm reminded first to think of those words she yelled over the phone at me.

reason i had reached out last Spring to her is because i thought it'd be nice to go to beach with her a few times this summer and stuff...which it was.

but i have had plenty of reminders already this year, that i cannot rely on her for very much.

there are things she has helped me with, it's her crockpot i use bc she lent it to me (i've offered tho to give it back and by my own - seems she didn't like the crockpot which is why she lent it)...and other things she's helped and shown me...

but just the backstabbing and hurtful words..and her expectations that if i ask her to go on a trip (like i did), that she expects me now to plan it into a group thing (which requires a lot more responsibiliity at COMMUNICATION on my part with many people)...she just can't have such expectations anymore bc i will NOT fulfill them.

now, if i ask her to do something, and she says "maybe so and so wants to come to"...i'll tell HER TO ASK THEM.

I'm no intermediary. she can COMMUNICATE for hereslf.

i tried making mutliple diff plans on Saturday, trying to see availability in group form...she did not thank me for it...and i did it for her.

therefore, less expectations on my part of what i gotta do for her....because she is not thankful! :) she cannot just expect me to know her schedule (she got mad at me bc i asked her why she didn't respond all day saying to me, jackie, you know i have class.." - i didn't realize bc it was a long weekend - i didn't know she had class....

what i'm saying is, COMMUNICATE girl!

if she's so difficult to communicate with, i just will walk away slowly again. do less with her.

i don't have time for someone who thinks i should jsut memorize their schedule!

i don't know anyone's schedule but my own! like really!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
jdonk...it's like everything she does, she pushes me farther and farther away from accepting any kind of responsibility other than being an acquaintance with her.

everytime she tells me "maybe this person wants to come, or lets do it with the group"...she should be saying, i'll ask so and so...or let me help you out to make the plan with a group.

she's just assuming i take all responsibility. um, NO.


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Hugs. Stuff our female friends say sticks with us waaaay longer than anything a guy we are dating does. It hits us in our most vulnerable spots because we let them into our safest spaces.


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Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Nov 10, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Coco Brownie made my myself - too many air bubbles at the top layer, bc of how i whipped the whole mix too much but still tasty! :) 200, oatmeal with milk and pumpkin (with chai latte stevia and cinnamon - amazing) 50. 270. kombucha. 70

10am Smores protein bar - decent ! 200

1130 plain greek yogurt, chai latte sweetener, sf jello 150

1:30 6" healthier subway Sandwich 400 followed by caffeine drink Bc gym around 3:30 :-)

More caffeine and fruit 250, another banana during workout 100

1650... decided to workout at home ..

2250 today. good.

NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT.  IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.

HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....

RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.

SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.

SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER. 

AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!

THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...

LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH. 

ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP. 

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN. 

TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..

LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT.

 

 

 

______________________________________________

Plans for later include bank (for copay $$) & dr appt (deciding to take the bus to appt bc parking is brutal),

gym (driving there) - not interested in a very chilly 30 min bike ride there and i do NOT need more cardio right now as my ankle has been a nousiance bc i have had to stand quite a lot on my commute and sometimes in place up to an hour, followed by more standing..so i'm good right now on cardio.

Quick grocery shopping - making chicken soup today using skinless chicken on the bone (i was debating and this is my final decision to remove the skin before cooking),

Tomorrow is a Kidney Disease fundraiser walk and laundry.

Monday i may give a music lesson (prob not bc it's not confirmed with coworker) and gym. (off for Vet's Day!)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/10/2018:
Oh I wouldn't let a few air bubbles stop me from enjoying a dessert ;)

"Feels like 7F" here but that didn't stop me from running outside in my Crocs (no socks) to chase the squirrel out of my birdfeeder! I think that's enough cardio for today, don't you? ;)

Your walking fundraiser sounds fantastic! I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope it won't tax your ankle/legs too much... Are you worried about that?

Horn_of_plenty on 11/10/2018:
IT WILL BE OK TOMORROW :)

yes, you are right in your guess. YES, i am nervous tomorrow bc i have such strong memories involving the leg pain. that i can never forget bc it was sooo painful.

and i struggle still with those memories and realizing it's always more important to listen to your body when it signals pain.

but, i'll be ok :)

thank you so very much for asking.

it will be a sunny day and perfect for this fundraiser and i'm very glad to go.

very windy here....crazy cold bc of the wind chill!


BearCountryGG on 11/10/2018:
Brownies are like that...I know the boxed mixes always say to just stir until mixed...Hope your ankle feels better soon...tomorrows walk could be difficult......have any ace bandages to wrap it with?

Horn_of_plenty on 11/10/2018:
i have an ankle brace that is very stretchy that i wear EVERYDAY.

I will wear it tomorrow with my most comfortable walking shoes.

it is feeling slightly better. just aggrivated from loads of standing due to train and bus delays this week. and i had also done my own 3mi walks home...and really wanted rest the mornings after to sit, but ended up standing on public transport for over an hour a couple mornings...and one morning the commute in morning was two hours of mostly standing.

i look forward to the walk.

and yes, i mixed the brownies too much~


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Horn_of_plenty - Friday Nov 09, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

kombucha 60, coffee 50

Whipped cream 60, pumpkin 80, coconut keto brownie (made last night, recipe in earlier entry) 200

Snack: 260 healthier protein bar natural ingredients., so hungry - had a few almonds 50

Lunch: from home, napa cabbage cooked last night in microwave to add to my soup :) the leftover tofu, and CHIPS!... 300 in indulgent chips, tofu 200, veggies 100. 600...

snack: choc wafers 100, ALMONDS 50

1500...

2300

 

and overall very healthy day with a good mix of food !

Dinner: really have my eye on eating lots of veggies, maybe a takeout....but really sick of everything lately...lol, not many options for walk home for veggies, i'll have maybe greens with israeli cooked veggies...

EARLY TO BED, limited cardio since i've been standing extra long on my commutes lately on bus / train...and i have a big walk to do on Sunday, so trying to rest up my legs...

It's a fundraiser Kidney Walk (raising funds for Kidney Diseases - all types), being held and going over the Brookyln Bridge at the bottom area of Manhattan..

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

legcramps on 11/09/2018:
What kind of big walk are you doing on Sunday? Sounds fun!

Get some rest tonight!

horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2018:
a Fundraiser walk for Kidney diseases...all kidney diseases...


legcramps on 11/09/2018:
Nice!


BearCountryGG on 11/09/2018:
Early to bed for me tonight too...still getting used to daylight savings time...

horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2018:
i've been sleeping so well lately...even if i drink caffeine right before a strong workout, it wears off and i'm sound asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow!


graindart on 11/09/2018:
I've been eating my share of pumpkin flavored stuff lately too. Just baked a squash that I'll be adding fake sugar / pumpkin pie spice to for tonight's dinner.

Not that I want to live in a big city, but I do envy the number of food / restaurant choices and ethnic foods that you mention.

horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2018:
that's cool with your squash. you can always add some sf substitute to a 2% greek yogurt to also have with the meal if you want protein, or, add sf whipped cream (by Cool Whip) to add to the squash if you want to - overall cals will not change too much and the squash tastes better that way...well, i'm talking about pureed pumpkin is what i do this for!

excellent food choices.

yes, i'm really lucky...i got all ethnicities by me, and, Queens, NY (my burough of NYC) is i think the most ethnic area in the UNITED STATES, possibly the world.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/09/2018:
yup i googled it, my area, a part of Queens, is the most ethnically diverse neighborhood in the WORLD. (not my exact small town but the borough that includes my town). it's adjacent to Manhattan..well, a subway or tunnel away :) (and cheaper to live than manhattan (NYC) of course!)


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Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Nov 08, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

6am Kombucha 50, later coffee 50 100...

9:45pm Atkins Bar 170, later salt and vinegar almonds 180

11:45am Another snack before lunch - chocolate not even that good! some Russian brand 100

I cannot go out today bc i was an hour late...but will leave on time 5pm :-D...maybe a hair after 5 :) LEFT AT 5:20...go me :)

Lunch: healthy: tofu lots of it, seasoned from my broth, 200..wrap 100, egg 100, salami 100, avocado 150. 650. healthy. clementines 50, almonds 100

fruit in evening when i got home with seltzer sweetened with stevia...before getting down to baking...then i wanna eat something i bake

banana 120 and large orange 130: 250

Light snack before bed, after baking: granola bar 120, almond milk (big serving) with stevia 80, peanut butter spoonful 100. total here around 300.

1900, very good :)

6day: 2040, excellent.

Before workout (even tho tired i'm not planning to skip bc will not want to do it tomorrow night.)... 

decided to skip workout tonight for rest....as i have a big walk scheduled for weekend and stuff going on, so i'm changing my schedule around and planning one less workout (skipping tonight) so my workout is stronger on both Saturday / Monday.

tonight, i'll be cooking more veggies and brownies :) and resting...no extra exercise & bed early again.

this will be a 2x per week workout with weights, not 3x - due to scheduling and planning and to make my other two workouts better (and planning to go to gym for the next two workouts bc i will be off from work on Satuday / Monday)

__________________________________________________________

and tonight i baked keto brownies, recipe below (i've done this recipe before and coworkers loved it!) i don't add fruit or any topping, they are so good by themselves and i cut into 12 pieces, 200 cal a piece (approx).

Ingredients
 
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  • ⅓ cup + 2 tablespoons coconut oil
  • 5 tablespoons raw cacao powder
  • 5 tablespoons sweetener, such as honey or erythritol (depending on your carb goals)
  • 4 whole eggs (separated)
  • Mixed berries of choice (or other fruit)
 
Instructions
  1. Heat the oven to 170 C / 320 F. Place coconut oil in a heat-proof bowl and melt in the oven, but don’t get it too hot, just warm enough to get to liquid state. Prepare the cake tin, lined with non-stick baking paper. I cut out a circle piece for the bottom and strips to line the sides. You can use pegs to secure the side strips to the tin (see picture).
  2. Add the cacao powder and the sweetener of choice to the coconut oil and mix through really well. Set aside.
  3. Separate the eggs whites from the yolks and add them to a large mixing bowl. Reserve the egg yolks in a separate bowl for now.
  4. Add a little pinch of salt to the egg whites and beat them with an electric hand mixer or a standing mixer until firm peaks, about 1 minute to a minute and a half. You should be able to turn the bowl upside down. Set aside.
  5. Back to our chocolate mixture. Make sure it’s not too hot, it can be warm to touch but we don’t want to cook the eggs in it. Add one egg yolk and stir it through the chocolate mix with a spatula. Then add the rest of the egg yolks and whisk them in really well. The mixture will now thicken slightly.
  6. Add one third of the whipped egg whites to the chocolate mixture and stir through with a spatula until completely combined. Then add another third of the egg whites and fold those through, scraping the sides as you go along. Once the mixture is well combined, add the final third and fold it in as well, until there are no egg white clumps left. Don’t mix it too vigorously, nice and gentle is best for keeping the final cake mix airy and fluffy.
  7. Pour the cake mix into the prepared tin, spread evenly and cut away excess paper that sticks over the top of the sides. Gently tap the cake tin on the surface tp flatten the top and break any trapped air bubbles in the cake. Place in the oven, middle shelf, for 30 mins.
  8. While the cake is baking, prepare the berries or other toppings of choice.
  9. After 30 minutes, turn the oven off and open the door. First, let the cake cool down slightly in the oven with an open door and then remove it from the oven and cool in the tin for 15-20 minutes longer. Only then remove from the tin.
  10. Decorate with berries and serve as is or with a side of whipped coconut cream or ice cream, or drizzled with melted chocolate sauce.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/08/2018:
Never seen salt and vinegar almonds....did you make them?

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
i bought them...these: Blue Diamond Brand

https://jet.com/product/Blue-Diamond-Almonds-Bold-Salt-N-Vinegar-1-Lb/a7ee46c5ad054b0ca9507d136299e7d3?jcmp=pla:ggl:jd_cons_cwin_grocery_a3_neast:grocery_snack_foods_nuts_seeds_trail_mix_a3:na:PLA_1434134322_53650157222_pla-307676782775_c:na:na:na:2PLA15&pid=kenshoo_int&c=1434134322&is_retargeting=true&clickid=edef975e-dfbf-4fb3-861e-77988eba45cf&kclid=edef975e-dfbf-4fb3-861e-77988eba45cf&gclid=Cj0KCQiA2o_fBRC8ARIsAIOyQ-koBaEG6bgs8Y_V1zIkDL1si5OmiHl-k1ZvYG6kSPSVnYqOXd5lrOEaAqN6EALw_wcB


BearCountryGG on 11/08/2018:
I will look those up...they sound interesting.

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
very strong flavor, very salty.

just like the Lays brand salt and vinegar chips!


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Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Nov 07, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

kombucha 60

brownie 150, pumpkin 50, whipped cream 60., coffee 50

Snack: salt and vinegar almonds 100

Lunch: leftover soup lots of noodles but small portion and some chicken 300, yellow pepper 50, other veg 50, tofu 100. later 2 clementines 50.

snack: more almonds 100, 2 more decaf coffees during the 3 mi walk home...and then i walked straight to my car to quickly run the one errand !!150 in coffee

Walk home- did the 3mi get car and pick up rX that i forgot to do on Monday night...

Healthy dinner: light wrap 100, egg and egg white 100, half avocado 160, piece of lox 40.400. dessert - big orange 150

1850...good!

5day: 

Sleep early

Maybe bake pumpkin brownies. i have quite a bit of pumpkin left over that i have been eating and i've already sweetened it a little bit...i'd like to use it to make brownies...even though i've already messed with it...i think it'd be good to just use up in brownies when i get home, if time permits tonight!...since i'm also walking / running an errand.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/07/2018:
Pumpkin time!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2018:
you know it!!!!!!


graindart on 11/07/2018:
My vote is for pumpkin brownies with a few dark chocolate chips on top or maybe some lightly sweet cream cheese frosting.

horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2018:
i have been enjoying my sf whipped cream with my avocado brownies....but i will not be able to share the pumpkin brownies with coworkers since i've been eating out of the jar with a spoon for the pumpkin i'll be using, lol.


happy-1 on 11/07/2018:
Yum! Pumpkin brownies

Horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2018:
maybe on weekend :) ....soon the pumpkin mix will go bad :( but it's almost 8pm and i'm not baking anything now!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2018:
yum is right!!


Donkey on 11/08/2018:
Well done on your walking!

horn_of_plenty on 11/08/2018:
thank you...i'm still getting used to it and so happy i've planned it in my scheduled commute :)

today there was MAJOR traffic and i should have walked it in the morning but legs were tired from last night. i ended up having to stand on the bus and wait for the bus for an hour...same as it takes to walk the 3mi!!!!!!!


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Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 06, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

KOMBUCHA 60

brownie 150 avocado low carb, pumpkin with stevia and pumpkin spice 50, whipped cream 60 260, coffee 40 

Snack: 200 cal healthy bar with chocolate

Lunch: tbd...coworker's chicken soup she brought for me!!!! how nice!!! homemade! 300? and a bunch of my crackers 300, clementine 50, almonds 50

Light snacking before exercise AND after i voted..bought it for the walk home but still relaxing on couch before i exercise now lol...: granola bar and small coffee...250

After exercise: cauliflower cheese pizza crust 400-450, also had a banana during workout. 100. 550 total.

2100 total, very good!

4 day 2120.

Voting after work, followed by a good weights workout.  :)  i got to work soo early because schools are out, so, i left a hair early too to go vote since i was in earlier.

Luckily, voting is very close to home. no wasted time commuting around tonight, really :)

_________________________________________________

Yesterday was VERY successful with being able to vote and exercise and even go to bed on time! :)

 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/06/2018:
Do you just eat the pizza crust by itself? Do you put toppings on it? That would be a really good base for some roasted onions, garlic and tomatoes.


BearCountryGG on 11/06/2018:
Pesto would be good on that too I'd bet.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2018:
yes, pesto would be great especially on a plainer type flavor...

i do usually eat the crusts without anything because they have a TON of flavor and are a mix of carbs / fats / proteins..like a meal.

and the cals are sort of high for a whole entire crust at once. .. and i enjoy eating the whole thing at once!

it could also be used as a wrap like with a slice or few slices of turkey in them!

they sell flavors like italian and hot flavors and other types, so, there's so much flavor that many types of the crust overpower any other ingredients.

they'd also be good with a side of fresh veggies.

and your idea of toppings would be nice on a plainer crust, yes.

it would be good if i could share half the crust with someone, and add those types of toppings.

they say the crust is only less than 300 cals total per crust, but i highly doubt it.

there was an error already on the labeling of the crusts, and, the calories on the package have already been increased one time.

i like the taste of the product, but the company hasn't been too transparent with their calorie / nutritional entire info in my opinion....but they taste GREAT.

also, their crackers, are terrible! i bought plain ones, hardly any taste and high calories!


legcramps on 11/06/2018:
Awe, chicken soup for the soul! There is a full time trainer at the gym I work at that gets lots of food brought in from members; I am so very jealous of that guy :)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/06/2018:
and it tasted good! she cooks well, lots of experience, so i'm generally happy trying her food. I'm glad to have something healthy and tasty for lunch...and it's free gift from a coworker. i give her nice things too, like when i bake! :)

i'd be jealous of the guy too....it's nice to get gifts of food, indeed!


Donkey on 11/07/2018:
I think I'm going to have to check out those crusts, just to try them. They sound delicious! (But I don't blame you for being suspicious of the nutritional information.)

Good for you for voting!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/07/2018:
they are not cheap...it's the Cali'flour brand....link below:

https://www.califlourfoods.com/

also, the Italian is very good flavor...try to get a deal on your order.


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Horn_of_plenty - Monday Nov 05, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

2am small banana 100

Kombucha 60

brownie 150 and whipped cream 150 and coffee 50

Snack:akins coconut almond bar 200, later salt and vinegar almonds 50

Lunch:  my own tasty tofu soup with veggies and 1/2 white potato (larger size..)...healthy, healthy...potato 150, tofu 100, veggies 150 400.

snack bc too hungry / snacky: chocolate coconut bark thins stuff, so good 200? and plum 50

more snacking: chocolate balls lol 100 and decaf coffee 50

did a 2 mi walk and errands after work, home decently at 8pm which is pretty good considering everything i did today after work.! 

Light dinner, bed early: 2% greek yogurt 150, pumpkin with stevia and cinnamon 50, brownie 150 350...small banana 100 450 :)

2000 :)

3day: 2120, good

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/05/2018:
Lots of healthy stuff there!

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
ummm, i hope you don't think all the packaged things are healthy! haha


legcramps on 11/05/2018:
Wow, that's a very healthy lunch! And it sounds delicious too. Did you make it in the slow cooker?

horn_of_plenty on 11/05/2018:
yes....and it tastes like chinese soup ...especially the tofu it totally took on the ginger taste of the broth! amazing!


Donkey on 11/06/2018:
Chinese soup sounds so yummy! I haven't been paying attention beyond the pictures!


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