Got good sleep last night, at least 8 hours :)
7:30-8am Breakfast: kiwi 50, lot of fiber one around 200 with milk around 100 and some dried fruit around 100 - total 450-500.
10am kiwi - 50
11:30 peanut butter 100
650
1pm lunch- huge salad with vinegar: lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, onions 120? And avocado and tofu 150, crackers 150 and leftover Bok Choy and shrimp from last night 150? 570-600..
1250...
Big dinner, Indian food, very tasty with parents....prob at least 800..
Total today prob at least 2050-2200.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
7:15am Breakfast fruit and a natural nut bar on way to gym 420.
10:30am Snack peanut butter 100
520.
1pm lunch: banana 120, toast 180, avocado 160 and tofu 50 - 510 - with garlic and pepper
1030 :)
Prob 1850-1900 today, good.
Went as a guest with my dad to his gym for a weights upper body workout. He likes to go really early in the morning and actually left later to go with me. We got there at 7:30am. Hadn't done one in just shy of two weeks. Felt good getting it in - I didn't lose too much strength either. Got dizzy at times but worked thru it.
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Happy Friday :) feeling better day by day. Still staying at parents house. No car here, just relaxing. No weights upper body exercise since last Tuesday. Weight still down although I don't see it in my clothes - weirdly it feels clothes feel the same. Not sure if the 121 is a fluke but it's the lowest weight I've had in years now - gotta look back really to see, I should keep better records ;) probably lowest weight since before my 30th bday which was 3 years ago. However, I was in far better cardio shape then - best ever in my life before hitting an injury 6 months later after turning 30. All time high in excellence followed by an all time low with my first overuse injury.
So...I believe the last time I weighed 121 was sometime during my last year in teaching - sometime around end of the year of 2007 or early 2008. 7 years ago! So, I would say we can always lose weight if we are consistent in our goals and strategy. For me, most important in attaining a lower weight is two things: not binging and keeping slightly lower calories. Also that holiday day of fasting I am sure helped. So it is def very possible if we stay focused....
....okay just looked back a bit at my diary. It's not been 7 years...lowest weight after losing weight again was right after my 30th, that fall. I was 119. So, 121 right now is my lowest weight in 3 years :) still awesome.
I think one of my earlier goals this past early spring 2015 was to reach 120 at the end of the summer. Even though that didn't happen, I am still reaching right around there now :) I would not really want to dip too far below 115 or just be content at 115 for sisters wedding in April. I guess a few low cal days could do it along with not binging. 115 is not very far off now. Only approx 6lbs away if I continue to make good choices. More than weight, I hope to strengthen my legs by then and be healed fully from overuse injury. I am making good choices and resting most of today. If I go out, it will not be for a long walk at all :) I may even do some ab work later today - we shall see :) laundry now :)
8:30am - Breakfast was a bit high in sugar and made me tired afterwards: fruit salad made with blueberries, strawberries, grapes, and cantaloupe (parents have healthy food and don't live off bars and processed things like I do) around 200, pineapple cottage cheese around 200, peanut butter 100. Total 500. Legs burning when I rest but not as I walk around the house!? Weird. Just settling down for some seltzer and to read a book.
11am: peanut butter 100
12:30 fruit - banana and a plum 200 followed by real lunch leftover Chinese brown rice 150, little bit of sautéed eggplant 150, veggies 50, 3 large shrimp around 50 total for Chinese 400 or so.
1200 so far, excellent
Pretzels and an orange 200
1400
Dinner salad: fried eggplant 150?, avocado 150, salad 100, tofu 50, fruit 50 a 500?
Total around 1900-2000 - and a walk for around 45 min I think. Ankle hurt but not that badly...
Progress as of today: 5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!
Early Breakfast 6:15 150 fruit
8:45am Breakfast wrap (low carb wrap and a small veggie patty microwaved) and salmon jerky: 250 400.
Lunch: Chinese food but healthy - some pickled cucumbers with garlic flavoring amazing! 150? at most?, little bit of hot and sour soup such a disappointment that they have to make it so think and starchy? is that how they make their sauces thick? 100 at most and prob less, steamed veggies with jumbo shrimp around 150 at most, little sauce 50?, and some rice 150? - 550 or so.
4:30pm snack: Bulletproof chocolate collagen bar, hits the spot. 250, maybe a sucking candy later.
1200 :)
Total cals prob around 2000.
Today I left the house with my dad at 6:20am - he was dropping me off at my apt before he went to work less than 5min from where I live...He dropped me off around 6:50am or so in the morning.
At 9:15am my dad picked me up once again to drive me to the therapy / psych apt. (30 minutes away) And he actually stayed there, went into the therapy apt with me (since he was there, he might as well) but didn't go into the psych apt which was short (under 15 min) anyways. After that, we had lunch back by me around noon and he dropped me off at my apt and then he went to work, around 1pm.
It was really good of him to help me out (dad driving me to my appts), despite his really busy work schedule it's really amazing he can fit it all in. I actually helped him last night on some things for his work - I think I worked with him around 1.5hrs. He was very nervous about what I was helping him with - I was adjusting an excel sheet that he made. I cross my fingers that I didn't cause him any grief & that everything I did with him was for the better...
rest of the day....being home at my apt, going home with my father tonight when he leaves work...
2pm: decided to clean up some outstanding health bills that I submit to my account for reimbursement...still not submitting them until I have more copays, but organized and wrote out the 4 I have now. glad that's organized. threw out any paperwork on my desk in my apt that I don't need...
2:30pm also called my bank because I have credit line account that I don't use but charged me $50 for an annual fee, despite not using it. so I wanted to close the account. the woman on the phone said I have till 11/11/15 to pay the $50 and i'd have better luck walking into a branch and they might waive the $50 fee when they see there's been zero activity, ever. so i'll wait on this, until i'm driving again - I will probably do it sometime in early October.
3:30pm or so - I decided to take a very short walk to get my nails done. No polish as my nails usually don't do well with it, just the filing, shaping, buffing, pushing cuticles back. If there's one thing I don't do very well, it's my own nails. I just can't seem to get them to look good, not that I've tried so many times, but it's a treat & it got me out of the apartment. The nail salaon is walking distance around 5 min away.
I was still marginally panicky during the walk and even at the place getting my nails done but I did what the tapes say to do in order to help my body calm down & it worked quite a bit. I then did a little extra walking, but not too much at all, because I do feel weakness in my left ankle, but not my leg really, as USUAL! ugh! anyways, it is getting better and I would say I judged the walking correctly and didn't try to push myself past what would be healthy right now. I only walked around 1mile total today, which is good i'd say, considering I was telling myself yesterday and the day before that I wasn't going to walk at all. 1 mile is way better than nothing. and the weather was PERFECT.
5pm: gonna relax, wait for my dad to finish work & go home with him later, probably around 5:30-6. we'll see. I will listen to the relaxation CD as given to me as an assignment from my psych. sick to say i'm going to one, but I am :) and it's ok, just looking to get better, that's all.
I would say I made pretty good use of the afternoon compared to the days that I was so panicky I couldn't even leave my parents house, so, getting better. Still not fully myself, but, getting there.
I told the dr that I don't want to go back to work if i'm still feeling the anxiety and he fully agreed saying I will go back when i'm fully 100% and no less. My days run out 10/5/15 and I am pretty darn sure i'll be taking that full week off. I will probably go back to work after 3 weeks home. 99% sure I would not feel good about heading back to work sooner, being that I used already 1 full week of vacation recooperating.
...i'm lucky I can do this, but I am also being smart and doing exactly what I need to do to feel better. I will not push myself to go back, after just feeling 100% for a day?! no way. If I could take a month I would, but that may be pushing it, unfortunately. Good thing about when I am is that it will be a 4-day work week as I think Columbus day is 10/12. Gotta plan it a little bit, right?
Because I haven't been shopping, spending money on almost nothing while with my parents, just very few things, I have more money in my account and it is perfect right now. I can take the extra time off and not feel any real consequence with paying rent because I've been spending FAR less since last week. this is good. I can get away with not working or getting paid for 4 days if I decide to go over the 12 days I have (vacation / sick total I had left) and not feel it..
Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
You seem to be doing really well!
If you've been prescribed a benzodiazepine (benzos), please know that they are for short-term use. They are incredibly addictive (some just say you only become dependent, but meds that change your brain are serious business no matter what you call it)--just read the Wikipedia page.
If you've not been prescribed them, then you're that much farther ahead. From a friend's experience with klonopin (clonazepam)--I took notice. Not an easy road for her to go. (Just my little PSA--haha!)
Fasting most of the day for the Yom Kippur day of fast here. No temple but will actually watch a live service on tv with my parents. It's of central synagogue in NYC. We watched last night as well. I had a plum this morning to take a small pill the psych gave me that I have been taking at breakfast everyday for anxiety. My dad argued that I shouldn't wait till dinner to take it - he is right lol. I was ready to take it at dinner so I could fast all day. So fasting still now, just had that plum :)
Thanks for all of your support.
Legs still bothering me - burning. I think I have shin splints but luckily pain is not too crazy and I will try not to hound on it - hopefully the pain will subside and not last.
Avg calories Saturday thru Tuesday (4 days) are 2000/day. Good.
Prob around 1000 calories today.
Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
and that service was good. I watched 2x yesterday, morning & evening. and the cantor (singer) was the same one, the whole day! I give her so much credit. to be such an AMAZING singer, beautiful voice, and do it without food, whole day, and without even water. she is amazing. I could picture her beautiful soprano voice on Broadway or in the opera. I haven't heard many singers as talented as her, and I have a music background. I felt her voice was as beautiful as some of Mariah Carey's songs. just outstanding!
9am: Bigger breakfast all natural,mostly carbs. Fruit 150, banana in oatmeal with fat free milk 350...and later some peanut butter 100?. Total 600. Surprisingly having small cravings today. Legs burning from last night's walk with my mom. I hope they feel better in a couple days from now.
11:30 Snacking plum 50, popcorn 360 still craving carbs more than anything else
2:30: full fat small yogurt 120
3:45 plum 70 and pretzels 100?
1300.
Even though I said I wasn't going to walk yesterday, I went with my mom when she came home from work Monday. I hope it wasn't a mistake as my lower legs are bothering me and burning on the lateral outside part on both legs. I have done very little Cardio over the past 5 months and before that not much for two whole years. So...I am not sure I needed 2 days in a row of higher intensity walking (Sunday def over 4 miles) and Monday def I would say around 4 miles. Sunday was good but Monday wasn't necessary. Gonna lay off everything today and tomorrow - being that it's the Jewish holiday my folks won't be eager to walk outside anyways, at least not during the daytime. We will all be home together again as I am still staying at my parents house.
Last night I woke up panicky but now that I know what's going on, I was able to control it somewhat and go back to sleep. Thankful for being able to sleep in these days off and fix this.
Progress as of today: 3 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Hang in there!
Edit: I did go walking with my mom In the early evening after she got home from work from around 5:45-6:45. I am not sure it was the best idea. My muscles in my butt and legs were sore still and during the walk my left ankle was hurting quite a bit and now I feel as though I may have slight shin splints bc I have some burning on the outside of my lower legs. Whatever - I am taking these two days now to relax. No exercise till Thursday or Friday. I have stayed away from weights since I don't feel the urge to do it in my parents house, I am not going to the gym, and I just want to relax right now anyways. Total calories for Monday were around 2050 I think.
++++++++++++++++++++++++
Anxiety in morning but feeling better as the day has gone on. Still very low energy though. Feeling s bit of soreness from an at least 4 mi walk with my mom yesterday after not waking that much since April and before that for around 2 years. Looking to improve on all of this and move on to live a meaningful life. Taking it one hour at a time right now and not really pushing anything. No exercise today. Last time I did weights was last Tuesday. Good to have gotten some cardio in with my mom on Thursday, Friday and Sunday. Right now sorta content with no cardio today bc like I said I am def a bit sore. And weights will happen when I am feeling better.
Was hanging onto my mom during some of the walk yesterday and hanging ontoy father as we walked around Costco in the afternoon. I am looking towards a full recovery and beginning to feel better today.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
550 throughout morning. 550 or so lunch
Prob around 1800-1850 today. Nothing fake. Pretty balanced. Still have anxiety but feeling a bit better. Still sorta weird appetite but in some ways a good thing at least I am eating more balanced but really that's about it...
Actually had some kinda build-up of anxiety over the past month and it caused me to slowly but as I look back there were signs throughout the month - slowly building up until I actually woke up in a panic at 11:30pm Wednesday night. I felt totally out of control and couldn't stand being alone. I was very dizzy and panicing. I called my parents and father drove the half hour to pick me up and bring me home to my parent's house. The next day my mom drove me to see a psychiatrist and I had my parents come in with me because I wanted them to witness it all going down instead of them waiting outside the room.
I am not yet feeling like myself and the past few days I could hardly even get the motivation or rather desire to go on here or even Facebook as much. I can write more but this is enough for now. I am not driving and last night I was even dizzy walking with my mom. So I am doing things to get better and this is something I have never experienced before.
The things that usually I find to be comforting I don't have as much energy to do - calorie counting, going on Facebook, coming here to at least track calories. Everything seems an extra chore or too obsessive or I am just uninterested..
I am still sorta anxious with a heavy head and dizziness but doing a bit better today. Past three nights I did wake up in a panic...doing better today than I have all other days since Tuesday / Wednesday.
And also my appetite has been noticeably less and different especially since Tuesday. It's almost a chore to eat and especially when eating alone, all I want are bland foods. No veggies. Mostly carbs and some fat - potato chips, roll with butter, bananas, luckily I am staying with my parents and am still eating pretty balanced despite it all because I am at least having dinner with them each night and also lunch today. I do feel anxiety even when eating.
Yesterday both parents were at work the whole day. The entire morning I felt like I was in a panic and struggled a lot just laying on the couch listening to a cd I bought for anxiety. Noon I forced myself to burn the other cd with the actual exercises on it and I brough it upstairs and went back to the couch, listening to the cd for the rest of the afternoon until around 4:45 when my friend texted me. I called her and asked if she was ok hearing what I went thru and I didn't want to upset her...she then told me all about her job afterwards and I felt my anxiety creeping up and up. My mom came in the door around 5:45 and I was glad bc I had no more energy to be on the phone or give advice. I had enough. I went walking with my mom - finally leaving the house and when we got to the school track I did walk 2 laps but felt unsteady during them and also took major breaks sitting and saying the slogans and breathing techniques from the cd. They seemed to help somewhat but I still felt dizzy and unconnected to what was going on around me.
Sunday: 400 cal thru morning fruit, later a natural protein bar (first packaged bar since Tuesday or Wednesday last week), lunch: 700 - big sandwich with whitefish salad, lox, butter, some leftover vegetables in butter, and an apple for dessert. Total cal Sunday prob around 1900-2000. Pretty healthy. More walking than I've done in months. Sorta had to hang onto my mom during some of it but felt better near the end. Then went shopping with parents very high anxiety at beginning fully hanging onto my dad but better at the end.
Monday: breakfast is cereal with fruit. Still craving easy food and carbs. Snack: fruit but I may reach for something else soon...just feeling a lot of ups and downs still in appetite. Def different Fromm typical...I would say I like not always being hungry of course and that I am satisfied after meals but also I know it would be better if I were feeling better overall and that I will admit I am still obsessing over food and calories or I wouldn't be on here? Calories so far today are 550. I am happy not to feel bloated lately or extremely full. That's a benefit to eating more normal portions but still not feeling myself when eating and the rest of the time. Working on it and def better than last Friday when I was home while parents went to work. Today I am still at their house. Def no driving right now. Still working to feel back to my old self even waking.
Lunch: toast 250 with butter 50, lox 50, cheese 100, marinated vegetables in a lot of oil 150 600.
Around 1150 after early lunch.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
7:30am: fruit & kombucha
10:30am: KIND fruit & nut bar...dark chocolate and nuts, only 5g sugar, it had a lot of fiber from inulin...like 7grams...feeling like I don't even want so much fiber & vegetables.
11:45: banana, leftover calamari & veggies in hot thai sauce and around 1/2 cup brown rice, another banana total around 600.
total: 900.
total around 1750, good.
exercise: weights routine
did laundry in AM. then relaxed on couch basically till afternoon. went to gym around 2, then got mani/padi as a treat, went to supermarket. and had a good evening.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!
Happy Monday. Today is relaxed. Not going to temple, but relaxing at home for the New Year. Dinner with family was nice last night, I left my parents house around 10pm, later than I was planning on. And as typical with me for the past month, I got very anxious driving on the highway coming home, especially in the dark. I had to actually pull over to the shoulder of the road because I felt out of control of my car. I don't know what's wrong lately. I get anxious on the highways - day and night - maybe because I don't drive on them that frequently anymore? I'll have to get over this. Today is a nice day to just relax.
I do have physical therapy in the afternoon and later my friend who has the day off is stopping by for a quick visit & we'll share some dinner together.
Lately, anxiety pops up for me when driving and also while exercising. Truth is, I also should lay off all caffeine. Because caffeine sure doesn't help with it. I know the anxiety is all in my head and I am working to calm down a bit..
Thankful for these 2 days off :)
8am Breakfast: 2 plums 100, egg whites 60, avocado 80, banana 120, stevia, cinnamon, spray 20, oat bran 20: 400.
12pm Lunch: plum and chips 200, wrap 100, with some leftover brisket my mom cooked 200 at most...
900, good.
1200 after snack of pb on a wrap...
Dinner Thai food with best friend. Brown rice with vegetables and squid in a sauce. Total around 450 maybe.
1650, good.
Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!
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Hope you are having good days.....posts looking good!
Thanks Holly :) today I was home all day, resting legs seems to be a good idea right now, just relaxing :) thanks for the vote of confidence :)