1930 3-day average
Photos in below entry!
Morning everyone!
Kombucha at home 100 (3 servings)
Lighter eating at work: coffee (maybe i'll have 2) 50, smallish banana 120, wrap with cc and salami 280. 450.
1pm lunch: 2 salads (1/4 lb each) 150?, wrap of tuna on light wrap with mustard 150, popcorn 100. 400.
Snacks 150
dinner: sauteed bean sprouts 100, chips 150, lite ice cream 450 total 700.
Total today is good 1800.
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Monday morning edit: It's 7:04am...totally overslept bc of sleeping pill but happy to get the extra sleep. Still can get to work on time. Actually overslept just about 1 full hour.
There's something bothering me that i'd like your take on......lately when i hang out with my "bestie" i realize how "old and set in her ways" she has become and it saddens me. more and more I realize that to have new experiences, i'll have to hang out with others, not ask her for new things as she is typically against it all. so sad. she's off all summer and still when i asked her to go to a new beach with me - she turned my suggestion down! we are both adults, both our choices and wishes are fine....i just wonder how she can sit home all summer and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!?
she literally doesn't have any desires to do ANYTHING new in summer. i cannot understand how someone so young, 33, no kids or family is content going nowhere with her life. and it doesn't help that i consider her my best friend. i wish she didn't hold me back so much in this way. I don't like doing the same thing over & over again. I am supposed to go to the beach with her this weekend, but i'm trying to get a massage and facial instead since i have a lot of unused prepaids and really just wanna do my own thing, ALL WEEKEND. she has plans anyways on Sunday, and i don't wanna rush to the beach Saturday, so i'm trying to get out of it for this weekend by making my own plans. Hopefully there's something available for this weekend for me...
It just doens't make sense to me for someone to want to do NOTHING everyday? That's why i cannot owe her the beach each weekend. just NO....not this weekend, even if i can't get a massage, maybe i'll go to another place instead or something....
...right now i've decided - i'm doing my own thing this weekend because i need to recharge. big time.
because i have my own life goals. and she's not helping me reach them. i'm gonna relax. have a good gym session sunday. i need to feel good come August because I will get my own desire - my man here - and she doesn't even care to go with me to meet him....so....doing my own thing this weekend, for sure.
i'm get annoyed SO QUICKLY when she starts complaining to me how she has to go out of her way to get things she wants. Including last weekend NYC - she complained she had to come alone to the Broadway show and that trains don't come on time which is why she was so late!? well...take an earlier train girlfriend! plan ahead for once. !!!! if you know the subways are as slow and unreliable as shiat....then plan ahead of time like we all do. She says to me "oh, you were already in city from morning which is why it was easy for you to get to the show on time!"...i gotta laugh...does she actually think it matters? i was showing my friend around NYC...we had plans to meet....start taking responsibility and start planning.
then she complains to me about having to get work on her brand new (under 1 yr) old car...its free with warranty...she just has to bring it into a place, call insurance, and see how the paperwork has to be. she complains that she doesn't know how it works and she'd rather just drive 2hrs to Pennsylvania to have it done over there...so she doesn't have to deal with the paperwork of doing it in a New York shop....guys!!!!
OMG GUYS...i just can't. !!!!!!!!!!
she's home all summer.
if she wants the dam* scratches taken out of her car....just go to the shop, submit the paperwork...and do it. what else is she doing anyways?
stop complaining that you "don't know how to do things...." or "don't know the system...." and actually just do it...learn how to go with the flow....
learn how to "help yourself" and stop making small problems or small challenges into major ones.
then...she's asking me about how to tell her therapist that she's gonna stop going to her....she's asking me how to "let the therapist down easy"...i'm like, just tell her "you're taking a break for now"...like who really cares anyways!? it's your life...it's your therapist's work....if you don't like your therapist, just stop going man!.
I just can't deal with little situations that seem so big in her mind!?
i need a friend to challenge me....and i need a man to challenge me....this is starting to be VERY important.
and if my guy Paul doesn't start to wake up, i'm gonna stop trying to wake him up. and i'm going to start hooking up with someone else and leading my own life.
and this also will involve pulling away from my best friend....when she starts to whine and complain about little things in her life.
that is life girl!
make the best of it.
stop making little things into huge problems.
get a hobby.
do something you enjoy.
dam* it.
I'm not angry. I did have a nice weekend at the beach with her. I just don't understand how she's so complacent and against every challenge no matter how small. It frustrates me.
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Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
2-day average: 2000......i can do better. lately eating too much and too many weeks of higher calories. i think i want to get back on track rest of this month - yes i will!!
remember the guy i like around here? he's driving me nutz because he REFUSES to let his guard down. I won't be getting together with him this month, for sure. We'll see about August when it comes. I'll be concentrating on myself for the rest of this month since i'm still trying to get back on an even keel after partying for two weekends straight.
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Photos at the bottom of this entry :-)
Banana 120, quest bar 190: 310
Peanut butter , popcorn 250 Peppers 100, popcorn 100, lollipop 50, pretzels 50 300 850...ices 200 plum 50 peppers 50 300 1150...lollipop 1200
bigger meal at diner: piece bacon 50?, avocado 100?, shrimp 150?, little salad dressing 50, some salad 50?. so total here is: 450 i'll estimate extra...and also had a plate of stewed zucchini 300? 750-800. 2 small cookies also.
total today: 2,100. good.
took a nice stroll on beach, short one.
ankle feeling pretty good.
took a sleeping pill at 8pm (late) but worth it. need to keep getting good sleep to start the week. whatever. have a long summer to feel good about.
skin is really BAD. because of stress and picking at it. ah well.
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Morning All!
Figured I should post some photos of my adventures last week. Lately, I am getting used to the lower weight sorta...trying to maintain...and it's generally working...but lately i just feel "skinny fat" like I've lost muscle and that i'm flabby all over in my stomach area always (never had abs except maybe as a kid and also as a teen just because i was so thin but not very defined as a teen, just very slim). anyways, my legs have no muscle, my arms don't show it as much, and my stomach is flabby. I feel like my body has gotten used to the lower weight. I want to try to still lose a few more, even if it's after summer when things die down a bit over here. It's not like i'm "unhappy" with my weight. I bought two pairs of size 2 shorts. They are on the tight side, but they fit. But when i see photos like what i post below, i am not happy with how "unfit" i look. I need to start up cardio. After the summer, that is. Beach right now is enough punishment to my body since it's difficult for me to walk on sand.
So as much as I want to do cardio and figure it all out and get into the NYPD, I'll deal with this soft look in my body. And start doing more leg exercises at the gym. I'll make this work for me. I can do this. I need to keep strengthening my legs and ankle before starting up cardio again...sometime after summer.
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Here's some photos from last weekend:
This photo is from Fire Island. It was a nude beach, so when i put the top back on, i forgot to put a space in the middle....anyways, it's a candid shot and i was having a ton of fun with my friend from Toronto who came to visit for the weekend!...
Here's where i noticed my legs need major work and that i have no muscle in the lower half my body:
My Canadian friend and I at the beach (Fire Island, NY)
Me at the gym yesterday afternoon, feeling pretty slim but want abs definition....lately i'm very skinny fat....
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
I always love your pictures when you post them :-D
thanks for the compliments.
Home :-D
Debating taking a day off the gym again...like i did the weekend my friend stayed over last week....but i may go tomorrow morning to gym instead. I am physically and emotionally drained right now.
There is NO GOOD in constantly skipping the gym. That's why I didn't skip. I had planned on it once I knew i was going to the beach Sunday. Staying fit is a choice. It's not always easy, but it certainly is WORTH IT.
Morning: banana, sf jello, and a chocolate protein muffin 380
snack Chips, 2 servings, 270
lunch: wrap with lox and cream cheese: 300
before gym: 4pm-5pm: more caffeine, 2 plums 100, tomato & onion salad 100, kale salad 100. 300., wrap with mustard and smoked Boars Head turkey breast around 150 only., water.
bar 140, ice cream 240...380...more ice cream...around 180
total: 1730. 1900...gave into temptation, had ice cream until i couldn't have anymore because i was full of it. (very light ice cream, 60 cal per half cup....so i had ALMOST 2 pints. finally tired. finished my book. texted my guy too much. going to bed REALLY soon.
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and about to KILL my neighbors who are blasting oldies music....i'd rather them have sex (if that's what they're doing!?) without it. stupid neighbors. cannot stand them, actually. i feel they forget they have neighbors and when they slam the door every time they close it, it frustrates me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
i'll be heading off to the gym soon after i bring up my laundry and finish my book probably. i'm glad i got everything done today (food shopping, laundry, and will do gym, too). I'll not be buying a dress for summer as it's truly i waste of my hard-earned money right now :-)
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gym will probably be a fast one as I'm glad to get it in, but don't plan to be there long...i'll prob do minimal sets of everything (no more than 3) in an attempt to get out of the gym fast.
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I wish it were a 3-day weekend but the good thing is that i'm prepared already for Monday.
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
Def not trying to complain but just wanna say that I was really smart to make this a 3-day week. I didn't go to bed early enough last night & I am not feeling on top of the world today at all. Hints of sadness and emotions that usually wouldn't come up i feel like they are resurfacing like they tend to when i get overtired.
I'm just really happy it's a Friday & don't plan on shopping tonight, that's for sure. Maybe tomorrow. Gonna try to go home, eat a LIGHT dinner since i overdid lunch, and get myself to bed early. Only thing i want to also do it read. Maybe even stay off the computer and electronic devices.
Just feeling like I need some more alone time :-) which i will get tonight and tomorrow. I may even skip doing most laundry this weekend....or do it sunday after beach. trying to limit money spending and doing any extra activities this weekend besides minimal things because my body is still resting up still from the previous 2 weekends.
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Morning! Nice, short week over here! :-) Well Planned!!!!
6am at home: kombucha 80 (4 light servings, worked finally!)
8:30am-9am at work: banana 120, coffee 50, wrap with cream cheese and lox 300:
11:30am snack: small atkins bar 130
Lunch: to be healthy...lately popcorn does the carb trick for me....gives me enough carbs & i feel full... don't really need to even go light on lunch... had a coworker's leftovers 700-800. more than expected.
1500...and not in a mood to do errands after work. if i go to buy anyting from OLD NAVY it'll be tomorrow!
1600 after fruit.
Dinner: strawberries 50, frozen yogurt 120, 240: 410
Total today 2010.
1925 7day avg. I want next week to be better..
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Maybe tonight after work i'll stop by OLD NAVY here in Jamaica.no i'll have to go by me in Flushing....i'm not walking around Jamaica again after work nah....YES....that would be good, then i don't need to do this errand on the weekend really and just get it done after work. I need a light short summer dress...at least one....and they are on sale. Probably not buying the sundress today....no.
gonna try to get my weekly calorie average to be in the 1800's...shouldn't be majorly hard...and i have a TON of light ice cream and jello at home so it should be okay to eat a lower calorie dinner tonight & maybe bed early.
Saturday i'll be doing laundry, errands like food shopping, and MAYBE buy a dress on sale at old navy...oh....and gym in evening...so it's a full day but a good day & i can sleep a lot - def going to bed early tonight. also gonna finish my book this weekend. i really loved the Harry Clifton Chronicles. Read all except #7 because it's not in the Queens Public Library system yet! All 6 books were fantastic!
Sunday is Beach day....should be great!
Then a full week next week.
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I am totally in love with my ex-physical therapist. we've been texting 3 years or more most days of the week if not all, lost track. He knows i had a guy from Canada over. I texted him (Paul - my old PT GUY here) even while Canadian guy was at my place.
I want to maybe someday marry Paul...although he has no clue that i love him or that i may marry him yet! jajajaja.....it's still a LONG time coming...i'm working my magic....slowly....on him. and it's WORKING!!!! so happy. lately he's more comfortable in texting with me....and he's much calmer overall. I don't want a typical marriage. I want to always have my own apartment. I just want to "belong" to somebody...ya know? i want to always walk around knowing that there's a guy who loves me to the moon and back....i hope it works for us in the end!!!!. :) like i said, it's a work in progress with me and him.
I probably wont even hang out with him until August as I'm not this weekend (just trying to relax, still quite tired out from the past 2 weeks!)....and i don't think the rest of July (but this can change, we'll see overall how i'm feeling!)
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
Morning: Kombucha and selzter (still can't use the bathroom !) what!? 40.
At Work: a bar 130, but then gave into half the sandwich i bought from dunkin (croissant with bacon and and cheese 500, coffee 50
total here: 720, good.
bigger lunch: popcorn 100, some chinese chicken someone brought and it was so tasty 250?, and chinese veg soup in tomato broth 300 most. 650 tops.
total around 1300 after lunch, good, higher cal day...
going to gym this evening
before gym: small banana 100 and granola bar 130...and caffeine 0. 230.
And plum 50around 1550 before gym.
1600 before gym...After gym cliff bar chocolate chip 250
1850 super success!!!!!
Had a small indulgence - 2,000 cals today, still good :-)
1911 6-day average
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
thanks TP! haha. toilet paper...that's like your nickname...TP! :-D
6:30am-7:15am Kombucha 130 4 cups (but couldn't use the bathroom? i think body is screwed up...since i was getting up late for 5 days straight...body still asleep this morning lol)
8:45am Breakfast: banana 120, wrap with cc and lox: 250.
11:30am snack: coconut flavored whey protein bar 150
Lunch: tofu 100 most in tomato broth veggie soup 150-200? popcorn 100: 400 MOST.
1050...
Small plum 50
Dinner 600. Total 1700 excellent. And a fruit around 50.
5day avg: 1894.
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
Food:
8am-8:30am breakfast: 600, good. banana, sf jello, protein muffin, chips (big cravings for chips as of late)
snack: yogurt 100 full fat, strawberries 100. 200
12-1pm: lunch: mostly steamed broccoli raab 100, wrap with cc and lox 300. total 400, caffeine.
dinner with dad: up to 700, tops.
total today 1750 is the absolute most and probably far less.
calorie average 4-day: 1930
gym soon then dinner with dad...was planning to do nothing today or just gym and shopping but shopping cancelled for dinner with dad, pushing it to get to gym before dinner and not skip. Trust me, i want to do nothing...and actually, since weekend looks like bad weather, i may go sundress shopping on weekend. :-) it can wait as i don't have $ anyways.
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I go back to work tommorow. gym today and dinner with dad later on when he gets out of work. so i realize i'll have to get out to the gym around 2pm....or i may just go earlier - prob not though.
Dad pushed me to get together today (spoke to him last night on the phone)...although i wish he hadn't asked to get together as i'm feeling a bit under and tired. i had wanted to buy the summer dress - and don't feel like running around ALL DAY. so the shopping will wait. Don't have much money to spend anyways. Hope to be back on track with $$$ come August!
I wanted to buy a light summer dress at old navy bc i only have 1 (which i bought around 3yrs ago!) and my guy friend here already saw it. I was thinking to get a dress for when i see him next (like a short one to the knees or hair shorter and sleeveless...you know, typical summer clothing....but i am too lazy to go out to the store...i may change my mind, but totally NOT likely. I don't wear many dresses.
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
then i could go to dinner with dad and maybe get the dress after? there's a sale today.
I'm just so not motivated to do very much as i did run around a lot of yesterday....
but if i did get the gym out of the way...i could even buy the dress after work tomorrow...
glad my dad wanted to get dinner with me, but it makes me schedule a little more restricted as i would have went to the gym just around dinnertime as i usually do.
thinking out loud...need a summer dress...to wear when going out with guys especially lol.
i am actually guesing both veggies can be cooked and then prepared the same exact way as the recipe...
since both bok choy and chinese napa cabbage are tasty when cooked :-) i find them in thai soups often as well as regular veggies in the hot thai dishes! yum!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2,000 3-day average.
Hi!
9am: chocolate candy 20, kombucha 80, seltzer with stevia (drank while company had a dunkin donuts breakfast, but i just brought my stuff - best choice)...100..oh and a small bit of his donut 20. 120.
I dropped him off at airport around 9:45 and did a few errands / made a few important phone calls, dropped off waterproof camera, picked some home supplies up from Rite Aid..back home around 11:30am..
.Overall it was a very nice weekend!! I'll write more another time...still trying to get organized...laundry is almost done already now it's 12:30pm & in the dryer till 1pm. I washed everything again - so many towels from two people and beach towels, bedding, even my couch throw...everything. I want my apt back to "Jackie Cleanliness Status..."
Noon brunch sorta: bigger banana 140, protein muffin with sf jello 260, chips 300: 700.
Total so far: 820, planning on a lower cal day
1:30 - Veggies and soy chicken 300 1120...fruit 80...1200
dinner chips and light ice cream :-) 600
1800, good!!
...and i am actually getting a massage at 4pm before i come back here to once again relax. Massage is already paid for, i just have to tip. (i have like 4 massages built up from a 1x per month charge package i have & it'll be nice to use one...)
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
2100 2-day avg...
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Kombucha 40 wrap 300. 350 Iced decaf 50
Subway sandwich 450
Fruit and drink 200
Burger some extra bread 800 tops
1850
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
Drinking my kombucha and having some alone time with him in other room. Is good...
2350?
Progress as of today: 4.4 lbs lost so far, only 2.6 lbs to go!
was a nice weekend !!
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Probably time for you take your own goals and life in hand and find yourself a new friend and definitely a new boyfriend doubt this Paul will ever change such a waste of your time. Negative people are unhealthy to keep around they drag you down. That is my 5cents of advise to you take it or leave it.... lol Have a great day J. Wishing you new beginnings.
yeah, this whole weekend was a push for me to see how I have my own goals still and that i will get them...and not to let ANYONE take me down :-D yes...
You are right to forget him. Absolutely right.
And as for her, you are also right. I owe this girl nothing. A girl, my dar* bestie no less, that really sets no challenges...i don't need to set those challenges.
i was invited to get together with friends Friday after work...but i see myself going home and relaxing...or i would go...
yeah, i will take my life in my own hands this year. and do what i have to do for myself.
thank you for additionally reminding me of these things...and for pushing me to reach out to new people also.
thank you.
best friend doesn't even offer to come with me to beach to see Paul / make plans.
I am happy with the weekend, but not content with settling ever...for lower standards or achieving as "little as possible."
lol...and my friend wants someone to challenge her?...she speaks of wanting to meet a guy who'll challenge her....
i laugh! what guy wants to challenge someone who refuses every challenge?
so confused.
Puddles, i'm listening. I booked a massage and facial at Massage Envy on Saturday to fill my time with solitary stuff...and the rest of the day to be home relaxing. Low key weekend to recoop after being pretty busy since the 4th of July....and honestly, if i want to be home next weekend also, I will.
I want to feel 100% re-energized ASAP! lol
innerpeace on 07/18/2016:
I learned in the Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People class to ACE - Accept, Change or Eliminate.
I see you can't accept how your friend is, I say she may be mildly depressed if she doesn't want to do anything! Set in her ways uninterested to do and/or learn anything new. That is very sad, and I doubt you will have much success in changing her this is evident. So you're only left with eliminate her from your life. You have your goals and you work very hard towards them and I wouldn't let her bring you down! You GO GIRL!
I think you are right that she is mildly depressed.
I think I will just accept her as I've always done.
But in lesser quantities.
I guess i'm left with seeing her less then...ya know? I don't want to rid myself of her as I do enjoy doing things with her. Just not ALL the time.
I agree it's very sad. I have stopped trying to change her as my energy isn't that high where i need to work on someone else before myself & like you said - my goals.
Thanks for the reminder that i have a busy & challenging life of my own ahead of me...and that I will have to do what my life requires..and not be brought down by anyone negative influences around me.
Maybe I should get a book like this from the library.
Donkey on 07/19/2016:
I think it's easy to become addicted to complaining. Maybe that's the first step in getting old? Getting stuck in one's ways? Your friend might not even realize that she's stuck.
I'm not sure about eliminating, but one has to be careful not to let the toxicity of complaining become contagious. I think I want to read the book that innerpeace recommended...
yeah, even i catch my own self complaining sometimes. she doesn't realize she's stuck.
we go to the beach, she doesn't even try to walk over these big rocks like i do and i see 50-60yr old women doing it too - instead, she's scared and walks around. she's not tough...which is fine, i just don't think she realizes...?
not that it really matters :) she's her own person, not me :-)
yes, like i recommended to you - i'm gonna to try to get myself thinking on the positive side first (rather than after...)