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Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 20, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

kombucha 60

breakfast: 2 small pumpkin brownies 200, whipped cream 120, coffee 50, chocolate 100

Noon snack: almonds salt and vinegar :) 100 and part of a bar i almost forgot 100

Lunch: my own brisket not too big a piece 200?, cabbage lots and some cooked carrot too 200,, crackers 120, small tastes of cupcake from fancy dessert place brought in by coworker 80. 600 :)

Snack: almonds

before workout raspberries 120, coffee 80, coconut office treat i brought home 150. 350, peanut butter during workout 100....workout was broken up bc phone calls  lasting over half hour..maybe closer to hour? so i ended up hungry and eating a little more..Reese's peanut butter cup 90

After workout: the rest of the cauliflower crust that i didn't eat during the workout lol. 300 

2300...good.

2175 4-day :)

update: not going to hospital so I will do a workout after work tonight 

Planning to do an evening workout tonight, despite being able to do it tomorrow, i'd rather do it tonight....then again i may be i hospital.

 __________________________________________________________

My sister has been admitted to hospital....to be given hormones to induce labor (since she is like a week past the due date)...so she'll prob give birth today. my parents are keeping me in the loop. I work in midtown Manhattan and I believe the hospital is Uptown Manhattan...it would be good to go there during the workday...as i'm already in NYC, better than going home and coming back which would defeat all logic...so, i think 90% if i go to hospital, it'll be sometime during today, straight from work, taking of course public transportation.

 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 11/20/2018:
Hugs. Prayers and love in you and yours health, happiness, and joy!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/20/2018:
how kind!!!! <3 <3 <3


Donkey on 11/21/2018:
I was 2 weeks overdue with both kids. Given hormones to induce labor. Ended up having c-sections with both. Probably just as well, since my son was just under 10 pounds, and my daughter was over 10 pounds. OUCH.

horn_of_plenty on 11/21/2018:
wowwww...those are huge babies to come outta you, maybe another reason for the c-section.

she delivered hers naturally, in only 15 min of pushing.


Donkey on 11/21/2018:
You're going to be an aunt soon - if not already!

horn_of_plenty on 11/21/2018:
the baby i got a photo and he's very very cute.

6 lbs and 12 ounces.

we are mostly small people :) in my family :)



Horn_of_plenty - Monday Nov 19, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

kombucha 50

breakfast: brownies pumpkin style 250, whipped cream 120, coffee  50..,

bar later as a snack 170 coconut chocolate atkins

Lunch: from home beef brisket cooked by me!!!!!!! 250 cal tops, veggies (mostly cabbage, some carrot) 200. and crackers 150. 600, healthy. 

2 clementines 50, nuts 150. 200, m&m's 50

dinner tofu and cauliflower crust 500

2000 total

2133 3 day weight dropped a hair so maintenances is very good 

 so much gas today...grrrr. body is off.

 _______________________________________________________

Yesterday was sooo strange starting around 3pm with a very unexpected female friend visitor that ended up shopwing up at my apt by Uber (she lives half hour away, doesn't have a car at the moment)...so she doesn't have a car. I had just showered and had a second wind...ready to head out to the gym after almost a month of home workouts away from my fave place - the gym! She came along, but her attention / workout didn't last to the length of mine, as i expected as my gym workouts are rather LONG.  I stopped my workout early when she asked me to take her home, 30 minutes away from the gym I drove her home...still having a workout that i thought i'd finish when i got back to my apt....but....this didn't even happen...!..it was a very disrupted, sorta annoying night (but not the worst)...and a lesson learned...to think about how i reply to a text from ANYONE when they write "where are you, what are you up to..." and to make sure i'm clear i do not accept "drop ins" or people showing up at my place expecting me to just go to a bar when i may have plans myself! 

I ended up having to drive her home around 7pm and then I drove back to gym to pick up the keys she forgot there! but i also finsihed my workout at the gym before i drove the keys back to her, at 8pm...getting to her home around 8:30 for the second time...and then she wasn't there to accept the keys...i left them basically in her mailbox as i am BUSY and was just spending 1.5hrs of my evening driving around for HER, unexpectedly and also with severe interruptions to what i thought would be an "epic" sunday workout, lol...but, really!

 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/19/2018:
What a good fried you were.

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
i guess so... :) decent, anyways.


graindart on 11/19/2018:
Have this one "friend" that this kind of reminded me of. We were friends in high school (20+ years ago) and see each other once or twice per year as he lives in another state. He never calls / texts more than 20 minutes ahead of time. In fact he usually just shows up at my door with no warning. I don't know what's going through his head. He just shows up and expects me to drop everything and entertain him. Like I don't have a life, family, plans, etc. Like I'm just sitting at home for 6 months at a time, waiting for him to show up so that I can do something for a couple hours. It's soooooo frustrating!

And when he's called ahead of time, it's usually because something's broken down or he's in need of some type of assistance (needs rides to / from parts stores, etc).

I'm not the only one he does it to either. We have a mutual friend that lives here that he does the same thing to also. Once he even tracked them down to a remote lake where they were ice fishing and just showed up (not invited) - all based on Facebook posts.

I shouldn't have read your entry today, now I'm all worked-up for no reason.....

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
....yes, your story has me worked up for you! ....that guy is nuts, man!!!!!!!!!!! showing up based on facebook posts....ahhhh, scary!


Donkey on 11/20/2018:
Oh my what a saga with your drop-in friend... Who does that???

I hope your tummy problems resolve themselves. That's no fun.

horn_of_plenty on 11/20/2018:
she was having boyfriend troubles and also didn't seem to want to be home...very weird....tho, it's a lot of drama that i am not in a good place to be able to take on...i am literally running from drama lol...another weird occurance happened to me yesterday with a guy! long time not hearing anything, he reaches out with a long note on facebook how he feels so hallow without a relationship with me (that in my mind never had, i considered him a just a Canadian friend with benefits that i visited 2x and he visited me 1x in 7 years of knowing each other)...he feels hallow without me in his life...tho....i was never really fully in it. i had to explain how wanting different things and not communicating with each other led to this scenario. and that he should trust he has the confidence to move on and date other women...he blamed our "relationship" on his inability to date women now....like really!?



Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Nov 18, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Grazing on fruit later at night and in morning 2 bananas and  also raspberries very 360 

8am oatmeal and almond milk 180, small brownie 100, whipped cream 150 430. and a ton of seasoning from the mushroom packet my coworker gave me...amazing. and stevia.

9:30am snack: coconut choc bar 170

12:30 after 2 hr nap: egg and egg white 100, most of half avocado 100, pita 120. 320, blackberries 50, some caffeine and bite of chocolate 

...Snacking afternoon rest of the pita 120. 

At gym another banana and a bigger one 2 of them due to lots of issues to write about later or another time - unexpected visitor and did lots of sriving 

1750 before dinner 

2150

________________________________________________________ 

Because of the short week, i'm skipping out on Laundry this weekend...and going to workout at the gym today for a long session instead...Laundry can seriously wait...or, i'll just do some of it later on but not bed sheets...either way. Looking to simplify things & actually make it to the gym for a workout there this weekend. Haven't been there in a LONG time...maybe Oct 21st was my last time...would be a good challenge to work out there today instead of at home.

QUICK RINSE AND OFF TO THE GYM GET THERE BEFORE 3:30 :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/18/2018:
I'm so excited for a short week!!!!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/18/2018:
oh, me too!!!!! so happy about it.

bc my sister (tho not close with her) is pregnant and was due to give birth and hasn't yet i am thinking my family may not do anything at all for Thanksgiving. my parents will be involved but i'm staying out of some of it. she even told me i "don't need to be at the hospital" so i've decided to consider that to be "do not go to the hospital."

I am very thankful for the extra days off.


BearCountryGG on 11/18/2018:
Napping going on around here today too.

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
yes, naps were good...loving the extra sleep / change in my schedule for the weekend!


Donkey on 11/18/2018:
I agree with your assessment regarding your sister. Just let her be...

horn_of_plenty on 11/18/2018:
I'm starting to regret not gojng so I told my parents to keep me in loop


Donkey on 11/19/2018:
^^^ That's OK - and I do not think it hurts anyone to be kept in the loop at least.

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
yes :) thank you Jdonk...i'd hate her to remember how her sister failed to show up to the first baby's birth at the hospital...i'll decide a bit based on convenience of getting to the hospital, not sure which one, but it's in the city, uptown, i work midtown...so, should be easy if i'm in city for work to go after...if i get this kinda luck it'd be good...


graindart on 11/19/2018:
Was thinking I should keep my mouth shut on the subject, but decided to share my opinion anyway. If it was me, I'd get a card and go to the hospital to see the baby. (I'm not a "card" type person, but it's a memento that might end up in the baby's birth photo album.)

Even with ill feelings with your sister, birth of a new baby is a special event that will always be remembered. Reasoning for showing up / not showing up will be forgotten by everyone else, but whether or not someone shows up will be remembered by all.

Plus, it's a newborn baby! You get to hold a brand new baby, enjoy it's precious innocence, and then hand it back when it starts crying or needs something.

Again, just my opinion on what I'd do. Not trying to tell you what to do.

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
no, you are right...and i'm going to make the effort to go...hopefully i can leave work early (either tomorrow or the next day she would be having it, it seems)



Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Nov 17, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Strawberries  200, spiced (added a special spice packet given to me by coworker and it's really nice) unsweetened almond milk and blended it with small amount stevia 50...250, small pumpkin brownie 130 sooo darn good!

small croissant 200, Bellini 200, 2 coffees 100, healthy egg whites omelette 200 800 tops....oh salad with dressing 150

snack free at butcher shop! Tastes of eggplant dip 50 and pulled pork quite a bit 150

Dinner bought at butcher shop: 3 marinated portabella mushrooms 300, brocc raab sauteed 200

dessert: small pumpkin brownie, greek yogurt 2%, stevia chai latte flavor 250

2300 :)

 

___________________________________________

it's a friend's bday brunch at 11:30 and around 20-30min drive....Brunch menu isn't great for health conscious ...but i did find something outstanding on the Lunch menu.. 

Regarding that powder to mix into a drink, above, i am not going to buy it...it's expensive and i am not going to start with it. tho, they would be so tasty in OATMEAL!...but it's a spice blend and very expensive. it's like powdered special mushrooms mixed with cocoa, and i'm not about to spend $30 and maybe $50 after taxes and shipping on it right now. i buy enough products as it is ;)

On my menu for the crockpot cooking today will be CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE. after brunch, i'll pick up the beef! I 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/17/2018:
Have been seeing the various milk substitutes for years, but have never tried any of them until a couple weeks ago. Bought some vanilla unsweetened almond milk. Tastes ok and has 1/2 the calories of the milk we normally buy. Just drinking it straight, I'd prefer the cow milk. If the kids flavor it (chocolate / strawberry), I doubt they could tell the difference. Also I'm guessing it would be hard to tell the difference when used in cereal. Doubt we'll buy it again anytime soon since it costs more and the wife / girls don't need to watch their calorie intake. I rarely drink milk, so it would be of little help for me.

Brunch always screams "Eggs Benedict" with a side of hashbrowns to me. I'm sure there's a way to eat small portions of it and / or make it healthier, but I'd guess the way I like it would be 1500+ calories.

horn_of_plenty on 11/18/2018:
In my coffee I always do regular milk Bc I like the taste.

But making oatmeal of if I have "milk" and cookies or a protein bar or my brownies, the glass will be filled with 30 cal almond milk and sweetened with my liquid stevia and maybe added cinnamon. Even two cups of unsweetened almond milk is a combined 60 cal and half of a cup of milk !

I got lucky with the egg whites :) they weren't even greasy and had nice mushroom and spinach :)


BearCountryGG on 11/17/2018:
One thing about a brunch...there is usually some fruit and veg there.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/17/2018:
NO FRUIT on menu...yes veggies :)


Donkey on 11/17/2018:
Your whole building will be envious of the corned beef! :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/18/2018:
I couldn't find a corned beef brisket so I cooked a regular beef brisket without it being brined. We shall see .....! So now it's brisket and cabbage

horn_of_plenty on 11/18/2018:
Butcher didn't have it corned and supermarket either - so I got a regular brisket and we shall see thevflavor it takes on... i hope it will be ok to eat this week! Smells ok!



Horn_of_plenty - Friday Nov 16, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha 50

bone broth awesome type of bar flavored peanut butter / choc chip really good, trying for the 1st time. 250, coffee 50. 

Mid Morning: 1/2 avocado 160, wrap 90, egg 100. 350....didn't finish it. almonds 50

Lunch: will be buying it out...buffet and extra veggies. . looking towards a BIG VOLUME lunch. Turkey light and dark larger serving 200-250, roasted brussel sprouts, tomato and cucumber salad 550, coffee 50

almonds 50

dinner: dark meat turkey small amount 100?and veggies 150, 2 egg whites 50, cauliflower pizza crust has a little cheese in it and is VERY satisfying - i just microwavedit from the fridge and it was a little different concistancy from when i bakethem but still great! 300 600-650; seltzer with stevia ...later a pumpkin brownie 150

2200 :)

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

After Work Plan: maybe walk home a little bit - yes did the full 3+ miles

if the snow has melted on the sidewalks a bit more. 

______________________________________________________________________

Tomorrow, i'm going to a brunch...after i'll come home get laundry done. hang around my apt, cook some things.

_____________________________________________________________________

Sunday's plan is a major weights workout at the gym, but thinking MAYBE to go Saturday night instead....and do laundry Sunday

____________________________________________________________________

My sister is due to have a baby any day now but we aren't close. I didn't get the shot - i thnk for Whooping Cough - to be able to be around a baby.

In the past i have group phone texted / messaged her and my parents to stay in communicatoin and send photos - and she had said that the texts were too much and to stop...she pushes me away by being a retard!

My sister and I arent' friends on facebook and the reason we aren't friends on facebook is i'd post things and she'd tell my parents and make them upset at me. then, she didn't wish me a happy bday on there. i also invited her to celebrate my bday - a facebook invite, and she didn't reply either way yes or no to that facebook invite in September. And, she mentioned around this time that "facebook is not real life." therefore, i told her if this is her belief, i cannot be friends with her there! :) i'm actually happier now about it!

So, the ball is in her court when she wants to invite me to see the baby...but i will not push at all. i've got my own life, busy life. and she making me a far priority is now how i regard her. low priority.

i'm uninterested in goign out of my way to appeal to her to see the baby or visit...she needs to make the offer to me...totally out of trying to be in touch with my sister. my dad accepts this 100% with me.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/16/2018:
Buffets are the best for loading up on well prepared vegetables!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/16/2018:
uh huh!!!! and in the NYC, they are abundant! cannot wait - i left eh remains of the chicken soup at home on purpose, i'll eat it Saturday.


BearCountryGG on 11/16/2018:
We got a really big snow here and it's still coming down...roads are icy and I have to say as long as I can stay inside...that it is beautiful!

horn_of_plenty on 11/16/2018:
i love to be inside too. out of the mess :) i'm such a homebody.


legcramps on 11/16/2018:
My cousin and her sister are on the outs as well; totally understand if you need to distance yourself because she's toxic to you in some form. Just because they're family doesn't mean they're healthy for you!



Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Nov 15, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha 50

Breakfast: pumpkin brownies 260, whipped cream 140. coffee 50. 

snack: bar 230 (very healthy bar - EXTREMELY expensive called Gary Null - Coco Magic Bar - Flavor is Almond-Chocolate-Coconut and it's an extremely high quality bar and very nutrition with like 7g sugar, high fat, stevia) btw - this bar is EXTREMELY high priced but my spending is very relaxed when it comes to food and the ingredients are seriously outstanding if you read the label. and decaf hot green tea

Lunch: veggies in chicken soup and chips total 550-600

Snacks: couple clementines, later few almonds 100

choc and lg coffee 140, bang drink, no caffeine type

2 bananas while working out and loads of stevia drinks 250, blackberries 50

After workout: cauliflower italian pizza crust. 300-350

2250, and very healthy.

Bus and train delays this AM, will have to leave 15min late today, but that's it...as commute will be messy...snow. ...but that will NOT hinder my exercise :) i'll caffinate up! :) with a nice cup of coffee :)

Last night i got good sleep...tonight i'll exercise at home ;) once i get there! :) and after a coffee.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/15/2018:
Today is our last decent day of a slight break in the weather. Tomorrow we get snow and colder weather again. The cold has really stopped me front wanting to walk or do much of anything. Just want to hibernate.....

Horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2018:
it's up to you, whether you want to keep repeating a habit of exercise, or if you decide to take a break. either way, it's your choice :)

Horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2018:
this year i have a trip to Miami in January for two weeks to get out of the cold, get sun, and to do at least 6 gym workouts. i'll be staying with a friend who's married.


legcramps on 11/15/2018:
Glad you got some good rest! Kill the workout tonight!

horn_of_plenty on 11/15/2018:
yes yes AND YES!


Donkey on 11/16/2018:
Having a home gym means bad weather can't stop you! And it's really important to keep active during these winter months. Bravo!



Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Nov 14, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha but so minimal..not counting calories.

Healthy breakfast buffet I picked up bc running early and didn't have a good dinner: just YUM:

8:30am Egg whties huge portion scambled 150, sauteed broccoli 50, canadian bacon 100, roasted potatoes 150 (small amount).coffee 50 (from work):  500 cals only!

10am Snack: RXBar (not a major fan, but a good change of pace) 200

11am choc 70 really good from coworker

1pm lunch: chicken soup lots of chicken / veg 400, too many chips 200

almost 3pm fruit from coworker, a diff one! 100 :)

ok serious indulgence now.hummingbird cake. 450 cal? more? lots of icing, walnuts, it's rich.

5pm almonds 50.

around 7:45pm during errands still (small supermarket trip and to pick up a quick thing at the pharmacy) this cool natural bar and a sf drink 250

2200, good.

5day:

no workout tonight, bed early...not sure what to eat...i think laying light. protein bar / drink / bed.

 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

Donkey on 11/14/2018:
I commented on yesterday's comments. I'm very sorry :(

Breakfast sounds delicious! Here's to a wonderful day!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
i want you to know, i do take your feedback as helpful always...that i do come here looking for advice and am glad for getting it always..

it was the best breakfast in a long time!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
and you did nothing wrong, you have no idea the importance of getting your feedback...something you said reminds me though...to be true to myself, i need to realize that the friendship will always be changed. and i will have to perhaps bring up again to her, if/when necessary, that i'm sorry i am not as available as i once was on several levels including emotional, unfortunately. but this is not something to discuss out of nowhere with her :) just something to keep in my mind as what is best for ME.


BearCountryGG on 11/14/2018:
Looks like a nice breakfast you had there.......good way to start the day.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yummy.


graindart on 11/14/2018:
???? You went to a buffet and left with 500 calories or less? That doesn't even compute in my head. Don't think I've ever left a buffet without eating at least 2000 calories.......

Good job.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yes, but it's a buffet but you pay also by the weight...and it was a TAKEOUT to bring to work to eat! hahaha

also, most of what i got was the eggwhites, around 1.5 cups of it..then a side of broccoli under a cup, two pieces candadian bacon (slices), and around 1/2 cup of potato roasted..! that's why! maybe just over a half cup of the potato...all egg whites...getting extra to feel full. LOL.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
the food is very tasty too...high quality!

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
so not a sit-down buffet...just to get my breakfast, choose exactly what i want! :)...wasn't in mood for a breakfast sandwich which i could have gotten anywhere, any deli or takeout.


graindart on 11/14/2018:
Poor little hummingbirds.....

Can't believe there's a dessert I've never heard of. Googled it and it looks tasty. Some of the photos make it look kind of like a carrot cake, with pineapple / banana instead of carrot. Just another thing to add to my list once I make it to maintenance mode....

Horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
yes, it tasted a bit like carrot cake, yes!.

it was REAL good, but, so NOT WORTH the calories. and screwed me over for the rest of the day. i shoulnd't have taken a slice. grrrrr! lol...

this dessert, a larger piece too, really wasn't worth it. everything high cal...the cream filling / outer and the nuts galore...i guess it's good in small amounts, but it was new flavors and i couldn't stop halfway thru...kept eating till it was gone...grrr, see...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
lately i splurge a lot and i'm at the very high end of my calorie needs...even a hair over as of late!



Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Nov 13, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

Kombucha 50, later coffee 50

Indian treat 340 from coworker from Bangladesh! very good! and tastes of my coconut brownie 60

after 10am snack: tbd 270 natural bar. balanced amount sugar, carbs, fats

Lunch: 230 chips, chicken breast 250, veggies 150 630,

3-4pm clem oranges 100

5pm salt and vinegar almonds 100

evening snacks small chocolate, fiber one bar, and a pumpkin brownie so good!

2000 total today :)

4day: 2225, better...

Walked around 2mi home :) then as i was walking a bus stopped seriously next to me, the door opened right beside me, and i got on for the rest of the way home! :) lol...

Stayed at work extra late till 7pm bc i wanted to finsih some extra work, as i was very distracted today :) I feel good about this.

______________________________________________

Regarding traveling w/ the friend and if i could trust her after what she said to me during our heated argument a couple years ago:

Ended up texting her and it turned into another heated argument over the phone yesterday afternoon where i reminded her what she said to me. She didn't recall saying everything that i told her because of course the words would have a greater affect on me, the receiver as they were about me. I forgave her, as she apologized saying it was because things were heated and that she didn't mean the words (that i'm a failure / failed teacher, embarass my dad every chance i get, amongst a few other things).  I forgave her, she admitted she said them only because things were heated, that she hadn't actually meant them or believed it to actually be the case with me. she said she hoped i didn't actually take her words to heart (of course i did) and she hoped i don't believe those words today (they still ring in my ear - especially when facebook reminded me thru one of the memory posts...).

i forgave her, explained how i do not know if what she says is truthful or not because she had said these things to me...that it's like being two-faced...i YELLED so loud thru the phone, making sure i could explain as well as possible what's going thru my head now.

she started to compare her friendship with me to mine with Ricky.....and i stopped that right away. i said, do not change the subject!...i explained there's no reason to bring him up - for MYSELF even to have or want to think about him...that she was practically giving me a headache. i said i wasn't eager to even discuss him. and so the topic eventually turned back to me and her....and the main important point....she did try to tell me how bad ricky is for me...but in the end, it's my decision if i'll ever speak with him again (i haven't yet)..

..but i told her to stay on the topic which is my friendship with her, not a comparison to Ricky...i said to her, do you really want me to start to have to compare you with Ricky? i said, you know he has some issues and problems...and i asked her, do you want me to start to think about you that way? i questioned her why she'd find it necessary to start to compare herself with other friends and how they treat me....i explained the situation was about me and her...she didn't yell once over the phone...only me....because i needed to get my points across.

there's a lot more we discussed.

early on she said i have changed....YES, I HAVE CHANGED!

my life has been so different these past almost 8 years in this field of work. Far away from my original line of work as a band teacher. too much has changed for me to remain the same in the least.

and my time is more precious than ever.

she did complain about mostly texting and not talking on the phone...and this is something i think that'll have to change a little in the friendship unfortunately the reason is my lack of time outside work especially during the week.  i just cannot devote myself to the phone calls as much as i did...i'll have to explain this to her at another point, because we didn't talk too much about that.

because of all the changes to my life especially the changes in my free time (the amount of it) outside work, i have to prioritize differently...a game per se - a game of give and take...or of priorities.

the only reason i have the home gym is that i don't even have the time anymore to want to or think to drive to the gym during the work week...it's just too much after a public transportation commute. it would cramp on the hours i'd like to be ASLEEP.

so many things have changed. i had to make changes to keep some things the same...like have a home gym if i want to keep exercising.

it's been a lot of change. i've had to change as my entire experiences have changed.

and this has affected my friendships and time managment.

and in turn, i cannot be the original Jackie she had as a friend years ago....tho i enjoy being her friend.

there's a lot more to this.

the argument we had ended positively and we were on the phone over 2 hours which worked out because it was a slow day for me as well as her.

so the friendship is better now. after much talking and discussion.

but it's true that what i'm able to give to the friendship has changed over time due to my own experiences and life changes. i know she's changed too, but the way we have both changed differs greatly stil.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/13/2018:
I'm surrounded by brownies. I can handle reading about your daily brownies because I can't smell them. However last night my daughters baked 2 large pans of chocolate brownies for a school project. They smelled sooooooo good. Thankfully they were all for school and left the house this morning.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i wouldn't want fresh baked brownies here either...

when i make them in these nutritious ways, it also helps me a little bit to eat less...


BearCountryGG on 11/13/2018:
What was in the Indian treat?

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
On the box, made in India, they are called "Soan Papdi" mostly made with sugar, ghee, almond powder, spices"


happy-1 on 11/13/2018:
feel you on growing apart from a friend. Hugs.

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i still want to be her friend, but our life experiences have changed the friendship.


Donkey on 11/13/2018:
I confess I'm not sure why you're lying to this person about your real feelings and trying to salvage the relationship. "To thine own self be true..."

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
wait, but i'm not lying now?....what do you mean?

i enjoy her friendship now, but not the way it was before. i enjoy it now but my experiences have changed me, how she mentioned that she thought i changed..

she apologized telling me she said it bc she was heated and did not mean it...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
do you feel i'm not being true to myself?


graindart on 11/13/2018:
Looked up Soan Papdi. Looks mildly interesting for a change of pace, but I don't think it'll be replacing the chocolate bar any time soon. I'm sure it tastes nothing like it, but some of the photos I found make it look kind of like a completely dry piece of baklava.

I've been avoiding nuts due to lack of portion control and higher calories if I eat too many, but love several of the Blue Diamond almond flavors. Salt & vinegar, smokehouse, wasabi and soy sauce are all delicious (and I don't even like the taste of plain almonds). Just checked their website and they have a flavor I'm never tried before = toasted coconut. Might have to give those a try when I get to goal.....

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Yup it looks like a dry baklava and is very light - falls apart easily. It's very light and melts in your mouth. Sorta like a meringue does.

I also do not like plain almonds. I tried toasted coconut and do not like it - it was too sweet and not satisfying !


graindart on 11/13/2018:
Had to come back and further comment on the coconut flavored almonds. Wanted to see how they described the taste / flavor of them on the website. They described the flavor and then added near the end "Order a case of six 14 oz resealable bags today!". Had to laugh a little when I read that. It appealed to my online ordering / bulk ordering tendencies. Did a little math and those 6 bags of almonds would equal 13,440 calories. While it might take me awhile to eat them all, that's just too many snack calories to allow in my house at any one time....

Just found it odd that they didn't say something like "buy a bag at your local grocery store", but rather that you should order a case of six 14 oz bags.

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Yeah right ! I'm soooo glad you didn't order them. They aren't that nice mix of sweet and salty like all the other flavors you mentioned that you like! These toasted coconut are only sweet in my opinion...


Donkey on 11/14/2018:
I mis-read what you had written, with respect to your friend. I deeply regret this and extend a wholehearted apology to you. Ironically, in reading more carefully, I see that you were actually being true to yourself and getting everything out in discussion.

You're very forgiving; the world needs more people like you (especially in politics) :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
cute joke...politics...oh how i can't agree more! ;)



Horn_of_plenty - Monday Nov 12, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

7am Tasty Breakfast: 2 smallish pumpkin choc chip brownies 260, with larger serving whipped cream 140, kombucha 50.

8:30am 2% greek yogurt, chai latte stevia, cinnamon 150

9:30 just bigger hunger lately, so i ate something satisfying: 2 pieces salami 50, egg and egg white 100, 1/4 avocado 80, wrap 100. 330.

...now def waiting till lunch time for the next eats...planning on a cheesy riced cauliflower by bird's eye in my freezer.

1:30pm lunch: salami 100 (because it's around and fast), 1/4 avocado 100, 2 corn cakes 150. 350.

2:30 snacking leading into workout 120 choc chip fiber 1 cookie and caffeine 

4pm tasting the chicken soup 100, banana 100, strawberries after workout 50

caulifower crust 300 and more soup veggies 100, i think going to indulge in a brownie.150

2200...good!

3 day: 2300....EXCELLENT.

 

_______________________________________________________________

I was totally again thinking to go to gym today....but decided, again - just like what happened Saturday, on a home workout. just set on staying home for the whole day :) There's simply no good reason to leave my apt...it's cold out & i'd much rather stay home & save time by skipping out on driving to gym....yes :) and that leads to more time to probably spend cleaning the tub / bathroom as i should! it's about time! ;)

Catching up on some cleaning today - Hamster cage, i swiffered the floors and vacuumed the rugs...i should clean the bathroom a bit, but, it might wait again...lol. laundry is put away. very organized for the week.

i will get in a weights workout tonight at home. laying off a lot of cardio this week, until ankle and legs feel close to 100%.  i was very slightly sore in my thighs from the walk, it didn't bother my ankle at all.

_____________________________________________________________

Happy Monday !!! I woke up around 7am because i went to bed before 8! i was so tired after the walk maybe i was feeling that way because it was also so cold out which potentially can wear you down?

Either way, Yeserday was sooo much fun! I'd never walked the bridge, and still didn't actually finish :( because our route went 2/3 over the bridge and turned around so anyone parking at the site would be routed directly back :) a good idea, i'd say :) If it was nicer weather, it'd be fun to walk all the way over the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and enjoy lunch at a restaurant there after and stay in Brooklyn. But, being that i was so tired and all, it was better how it worked out and that i'd be able to come home yesterday with time to do laundry and get organized so that today i can relax a little bit again and also cook Chicken Soup in the crockpot since i'm home in honor of Veteran's Day holiday off from work :) 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/12/2018:
A couple years ago we did a California vacation and one of the places we visited was San Francisco. Parked at one end of the Golden Gate Bridge and decided to walk across it with the family. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Made it halfway across and was starting to regret the decision, but was determined to make it across and we did. The walk across in one direction was mostly fun, but the return walk back across wasn't much fun at all. But it's another thing on the family's list of things that we can say we've done (and never have to do again).

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
if you had to, you could have taken a taxi back!...honestly, i'm keeping that option in mind for other trips / adventures hahahaa.

that's awesome you walked it...i hope to walk it someday too!


BearCountryGG on 11/12/2018:
Seems like Sunday! This week is going to be confusing.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
oh, as long as it's a short week, i'll take the confusion :)


Donkey on 11/12/2018:
I wish I had today off... Well, maybe it will be a quiet day, since the banks are closed.

I recently bought myself 5% Fage Greek yogurt. O.M.G. -- SO GOOD and, more importantly, SO FILLING!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
yes, i'm totally a lover of the higher fat yogurts. i find 2% to be at least satisfying, and stay away from fat free :)

sorry you are at work!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
regarding the friend, please read my comments in my previous entry.


BearCountryGG on 11/12/2018:
Yogurt...I'm happy to see that appearing here....so much nutrition in that and great for the gut. ( intestines, not pot belly...LOL)..because you and Donkey don't have pot bellies anyway!!! LOL

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
the yogurt which followed a few sips of kombucha earlier today....is all working on me lol...glad to be home.


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Walking the bridge is a big windy workout!!!

horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
Is was very windy but also very sunny :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
It was a good workout !


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Some days we all get out of bed like this.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atUuy4_m4NE

horn_of_plenty on 11/13/2018:
i will watch this later......


BearCountryGG on 11/13/2018:
I watched Happys you tube video above......and that gal made me super nervous.......had to turn that off........

horn_of_plenty on 11/14/2018:
Darn Ty for reminder to watch it...



Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Nov 11, 2018
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights)
Weight: 114.0

2 small pumpkin brownies 230 total. Coffee 70. 300. peanut butter 100

Wrap 300 popcorn 100. 400 150 huge apple 

sorta light lunch, but i doubt calories were accurate? entire beef hamburger from Shake Shack. 400 ? really!? that's it? 450-500 is more like it?

back at home, doing laundry and relaxing the rest of tonight with an early bedtime :) few strawberries 50, some raspberries 100 and some sf drinks.

...and relaxing the rest of today at home, glad i could take care of laundry now.

5:30 dinner: salami 100, napa cabbage and broth 100, tortilla chips and avocado 350. 550 total...dessert: pumpkin choc chip brownie, by far my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!! 150 cal only, small piece.

7pm and 1 more pumpkin choc chip brownie 100 smaller piece! sooooo darn good!!!!!!!!!

2350-2400 total...maybe a hair more but counting on sleep early, too tired to do much else today.

2day avg: 2350, fine...been pretty active.

__________________________________________

Chicken soup will have to wait until tomorrow....since i'm not sure i'll be up enough hours today to pack it away out of the crockpot lol. so tomorrow i'll cook it.

 

 

 

________________________________________________

have to be somewhere close, just under 10 min walking, at 7:45 today. meeting friend to go downtown near WTC area and brooklyn bridge for the "Kidney Walk" fundraiser for all Kidney Diseases.

________________________________________________

24 pumpkin brownies, small size, 130 cal each. i had two of them at 2am lol...230 cals. too much caffeine in afternoon finally affected me, so i'm up a little at night, it's ok...still have two days left of this weekend :)  the brownies are better at room temp...so, they'll be good this week for work breakfasts.  they are less good straight outta the fridge bc using almond flour, they are a bit dry since the recipe called for whole wheat flour, not almond. i still like them...def cannot share since i was eating out of the pumpkin puree all week and it's the same puree in these brownies lol.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT.  IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.

HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....

RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.

SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.

SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER. 

AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!

THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...

LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH. 

ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP. 

I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN. 

TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..

LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT. 

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/11/2018:
I can sleep after drinking caffeine too...never did keep me awake.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2018:
sleep will soon come for me tonight, and it's only 7pm.


graindart on 11/11/2018:
Guess I drink so much caffeine, that it doesn't alter my sleep patterns anymore.

Good to see your will-power and self-control. If I had 24 freshly baked brownies in the house right now, I'd fall off the wagon and be stuffed by bedtime. Only a handful of them would probably survive until the next morning, when they'd be eaten for breakfast......

Horn_of_plenty on 11/11/2018:
the more and more i get used to maintenance, the easier it becomes to work on portions. i try to never let myself get too hungry and snack often so that i do not get into one of those modes where i want to eat everything i see.

these pumpkin brownies have sf choc chips in them...they are simply AMAZING.

i will make them again soon.


Donkey on 11/11/2018:
Vent away, friend. I do remember this "friend" from some time ago, when you had decided, "that's IT, no more". I'm surprised to hear that you let her back into your life, but I get it. There's a lot of history there. Unfortunately, it sounds like things haven't changed with her? Or maybe the wounds haven't healed? Those were some pretty harsh words.

But I'm proud of you for at least trying again. You have a kind heart.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
nothing has changed for her - if anything, she's more lost than ever, meaning i feel he hasn't grown or changed at all.

her words i'll never forget as they were beyond hurtful. and if my mind thinks it'll be ok to do any trip with her just, i'm reminded first to think of those words she yelled over the phone at me.

reason i had reached out last Spring to her is because i thought it'd be nice to go to beach with her a few times this summer and stuff...which it was.

but i have had plenty of reminders already this year, that i cannot rely on her for very much.

there are things she has helped me with, it's her crockpot i use bc she lent it to me (i've offered tho to give it back and by my own - seems she didn't like the crockpot which is why she lent it)...and other things she's helped and shown me...

but just the backstabbing and hurtful words..and her expectations that if i ask her to go on a trip (like i did), that she expects me now to plan it into a group thing (which requires a lot more responsibiliity at COMMUNICATION on my part with many people)...she just can't have such expectations anymore bc i will NOT fulfill them.

now, if i ask her to do something, and she says "maybe so and so wants to come to"...i'll tell HER TO ASK THEM.

I'm no intermediary. she can COMMUNICATE for hereslf.

i tried making mutliple diff plans on Saturday, trying to see availability in group form...she did not thank me for it...and i did it for her.

therefore, less expectations on my part of what i gotta do for her....because she is not thankful! :) she cannot just expect me to know her schedule (she got mad at me bc i asked her why she didn't respond all day saying to me, jackie, you know i have class.." - i didn't realize bc it was a long weekend - i didn't know she had class....

what i'm saying is, COMMUNICATE girl!

if she's so difficult to communicate with, i just will walk away slowly again. do less with her.

i don't have time for someone who thinks i should jsut memorize their schedule!

i don't know anyone's schedule but my own! like really!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/12/2018:
jdonk...it's like everything she does, she pushes me farther and farther away from accepting any kind of responsibility other than being an acquaintance with her.

everytime she tells me "maybe this person wants to come, or lets do it with the group"...she should be saying, i'll ask so and so...or let me help you out to make the plan with a group.

she's just assuming i take all responsibility. um, NO.


happy-1 on 11/12/2018:
Hugs. Stuff our female friends say sticks with us waaaay longer than anything a guy we are dating does. It hits us in our most vulnerable spots because we let them into our safest spaces.



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