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Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Jan 06, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

3am chips Bc woke up a bit hungry and couldn't fall back to sleep 200


800 cal before lunch including snack of chips (200 cal) at 3am along with a weak sleeping pill. carbs help me sleep. I was both hungry and heart racing due to late evening caffeine around 5pm yesterday still affecting me at 3am. Not giving up the caffeine yet - I have excellent workouts bc of it.  Workouts are more intense, usually faster to finish, & stronger overall compared to if I didn't take the caffeine. So, until sister's wedding early April - i'm doing them with caffeine.

too bad I couldn't continue to sleep lol past 6. I am half asleep at work - good I don't need to do much!? jk...all is good. making it thru. tonight i'm working on sleeping thru the night. I haven't done so for a couple weeks - waking up constantly throughout the night every 2-3 hours for around 2 weeks straight.

I may need to consume more carbs to even out my mood and also sleep. tonight I may get nails done fast after work - but then the plan is nice dinner and reading and bed. that's it!

1450 before dinner

Dinner was huge - very emotional day - not gonna talk about it right now though.

Cabbage 100, other veggies 100, garlic spinach 150, eggs 100, chips 350 800

Saying 2250 for today.

15 min walk at lunch.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 01/06/2016:
Go back to bed !

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2016:
I wish :-)

puddles on 01/06/2016:
I hate it when I wake up hungry and it is hard to fall back asleep without having something to eat.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2016:
yes, carbs help!

innerpeace on 01/06/2016:
OMG, I feel so sorry for you. I have never been affected by insomnia. Sleep is the only thing I excel at. Good look!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/06/2016:
LOL :-D Insomnia is very annoying lol!

Awesome50 on 01/06/2016:
I agree! Insomnia is horrible!

horn_of_plenty on 01/06/2016:
I am going to have major insomnia tonight :(

grannyannie on 01/06/2016:
Caffeine after about 5 or 6 and it affects my sleep.

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Jan 05, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

been busy.

sorta good sorta so-so guy drama too.

decent healthy eats.

1150 cals before end of workday.

1400 before gym and caffeine.

after gym 200

1600 total = excellent.

excellent workout as well.

4day total = 1750 per day. excellent.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Jan 04, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Overall, it was a very good day :-)

1350 cal after a bigger lunch - I was tired from it lol...

dinner: also bigger: tons of brussel sprouts at least 150 cal, some white meat chicken with curry flavors but not really any sauce 150 , some leftover full of sauce Sri Lankan leftovers from Saturday veggies only 150, and some chips as carbs / fat 150: prob not more than 600.

total: 1950 - excellent.

3 day total - 1800/day = very good.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/04/2016:
Good Job on your 3 days of staying at the level you wanted.

OhioRaven on 01/05/2016:
I never get enough brussell sprouts.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/05/2016:
I think they aren't in season and are quite expensive right now? they are easier to cook when you cut them in half...so they get softer a little faster :) to me, they almost taste buttery!

OhioRaven on 01/05/2016:
Yep. I need to start cutting them up.

biscottibody59 on 01/05/2016:
I usually get the frozen Brussels sprouts--easier to deal with. Not the ones with sauce--just the plain ones.


horn_of_plenty on 01/06/2016:
Good idea and they prob are easier to cook - good idea - I may try it.

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Jan 03, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Best of all, after last night, I have no doubt I will be a great NYPD officer when my time comes. I have NO DOUBTS! :-) talk more about it later.


Morning :)

Dress shopping today with mom for my sister's wedding. Everyone has a dress already except me...so I am catching up! :)

4am woke up hungry and little anxious so had some carbs (chips) 180

9:30am: kombucha again with stevia because the flavor was not a sweet one 70

10:45am: healthy oatmeal 120 with egg whites 60, banana 120, and caramel whipped peanut butter 100, also stevia for taste. total here: 400 cal.

total so far: 650, very good.

1pm tasty, larger lunch: dark meat chicken 250, white rice 150, lots of veggies (some in sauce) 150, 150 - total 700 - good, healthy.

total so far: 1350 - good.

5pm snack before gym 150

After gym: protein bar and aminos 200

Total 1700! Nice!

2-day average is excellent - 1725 per day.

today is busy but at least i'll find a dress and be done with that which is very stress relieving actually!


1. already finishing up laundry at 11am.

2. maybe buy a coffee...then DEFINITELY Go out to Rite Aid and buy some detergent, toilet paper, tissues, maybe fabric softener if it's on sale, bottled waters for work / gym you know, I might as well save my $$$, and just buy what I really need right now - little bit of detergent and tissues.

3. maybe stop and get some food for the week (fruit, some veggies) I can buy meat later on tonight for after the gym...?

4. drive to long island and meet my mom at 2:30 at the dress shop

5. snack & gym (4-5??) get there sometime after I find a dress...

6. pick up a chicken maybe - probably wait for Monday on this...

7. was gonna do nails but I may cut them off myself...

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

puddles on 01/03/2016:
Happy shopping with your mom. Have a great day.

cybermom4 on 01/03/2016:
Did you find a dress??? What are some of your favorite stores?

grannyannie on 01/04/2016:
Enjoy the shopping!

Donkey on 01/04/2016:
I hope you'll talk more about the NYPD goal. Why do you think it will happen in 2017 and not this year?

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Jan 02, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Happy Saturday!


11am: kombucha mixed with seltzer and added some stevia bc it wasn't a sweet type of kombucha. 70.

Noon: Huge pancake with sugar free jelly 50, ingredients: 1 small banana 120, 1 cup egg whites 130, 1/2 small avocado 150, stevia, cinnamon: 450 needing more "whole foods, fats, good carbs."

total so far today: 520 -

Snack coffee drinks 130

3:45 Snack bar and candy: 200

Dinner at 7 - not more than prob 750 cal and later at 11pm before bed a protein bar 150 900 total


trying to save calories for dinner tonight in city - but when I order, I don't care if people think i'm weird - I plan to order their seasoned veggies (whatever they have on menu) and shrimp...but...maybe i'll opt for a healthier fish or something - gonna look at menu again now!


This whole weekend so far, I am feeling the challenge of the New Year. In a good way. I realize I am very in control of my future (as well as now).  But my point is that I know I have the power to be happy now & make decisions now & that all my feelings / actions now will fully affect my future. I know this doesn't make a lot of sense because it's sort of ambiguous, but it makes sense to me.

I have my goal to join the NYPD. And it's up to me to realize it for myself. I need to be proactive in my feelings and actions. I need to have faith and confidence in myself. That's what will get me there in this new year! Oh, just to mention, I do still have at least 1 more year till joining.

But, it will happen either January 2017 or July 2017. And this is the year that I am fully making that 180 degree change and getting myself there! Without a strong 2016, my desires for 2017 can't happen. It's NOW OR NEVER. And I choose now to be happy and move forward with my life!

Tonight I'm going out to dinner in NYC. I may also go to the Museum of the American Gangster if I can get my butt into the city a little earlier :-) I have yet to decide if I'll stop by the museum. It would be nice, mind opening experience & there is a guided tour. I would go by myself and then meet my friends for dinner later. We are meeting for Sri Lankan food! So cool! This is my big event for the New Year's long weekend and i'm happy about it.

This is the restaurant i'm eating at:


This weekend may have been more relaxed, but it was also definitely ENOUGH for me. With a two big, hardcore gym days and a nice afternoon / evening in city, I'm happy.  As an adult, I have learned in the past few years that you have to pick & choose what's most important to you. I've learned that life is a give & take (not fully all games!). haha. And to be happy with my own choices - which I am this weekend!


Tomorrow: i'll buy a little more food for the weekend, some bottled water for work, also need a couple boxes of tissues, little bit of laundry that I didn't do yesterday & gym.


CHANGE OF PLANS - my mom decided we should go dress shopping this weekend instead of next and because she is buying my dress I am going with her despite her asking me today and that not being on my schedule for tomorrow. It bothers me that she asked me last minute for Sunday Bc we originally had made plans to go NEXT weekend and that would have been my big plans for the weekend. I was honestly looking forward to a more laid back day tomorrow - not a lot of running Around. But oh well, she's buying my dress so I have to go. But I also have to worry about my rest and health. In many ways, it would have been better for me to totally say I wouldn't be around fr tomorrow. My mom doesn't understand my desire to stick with the plan.and the plan was to go NEXT weekend as this is what I discussed with my mom LAST WEEKEND. What she did was wrong to make me go tomorrow. I should have stick with saying no.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/03/2016:
Have an amazing weekend HOP!

OhioRaven on 01/03/2016:
Have a Good day, HP.

cybermom4 on 01/03/2016:
Love your positive attitude about being in control. good luck with NYPD goals and do your best to enjoy the dress shopping. I totally understand the angst that you are feeling as I am the same way. I like to stick with the 'plan' too. Maybe you will feel better once you go out and walk around a while. blessings

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/04/2016:
yes, I get very anxious about dressing up / wearing things that are more exposing. although, my plan is to wear a dress that is very revealing in the back. might as well show off the parts of me that do look nice!

haha...in general I do get anxious though, glad someone here relates...

same thing with plans. I like to be in control - same as you it seems - I did feel better once I was actually trying on the dresses - you were right.

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Jan 01, 2016
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1840-7day average. Very decent.

Happy New Year :-)

Today's some laundry & gym. (I don't think I need to do any food shopping until Sunday except for some Kombucha that i'll pick up after the gym....trying to also save money this weekend and not throw out any of the food that I have in my fridge already !)

Also - Filling out some online paperwork stuff...Probably talking on the phone with my best friend also but will get off if she starts getting me anxious lol. just being honest.

Anyways, already getting things done today. :-)

Early Kombucha 100.

Breakfast: peanut butter 200 on brown rice cakes 60, small banana 120, sf jelly 10, little bit kabocha squash 30...energy drink

before gym: decaf coffee and a chocolate 130

After gym: bean chips 210 around 2:15pm

3pm: more chips 270, aminos 30, protein bar 170. total here around 470

3:30pm salad 150, popcorn 80 230

5:30 more chips yes really! 160 1720.

6:30pm cereal and almond milk 220


8pm: bar 210, small banana 120, peanut butter 100. blech. total here: 430

total today: 2370 - fine. indulged for the new year, I guess!


Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 01/01/2016:
HappyNewYear, HP.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/02/2016:
to you too!

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Dec 31, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

Welcome to all the new folks these past couple days! I knew the site would start blossoming again soon after Christmas! Glad to have some new folks with us as well as our veterans! I am a veteran here lol.  I can never thank the folks here enough. 

When I was at my absolute worst and sick this past late September-Mid October, the folks here had some incredible advice and support to give me.  This is a special site.  I do hope that it will always be around. 

Two other sites I've belonged to have ceased to exist during this year. One of them was Answerology. You could go there, ask any question in the world just about, and people would answer it!  You could do polls or surveys or just ask for advice by asking a question! Sometimes, I could get 20 answers for each question! Long answers, short answers, you name it! it was great. But the site got bought out this year by a magazine company and now Answerology doesn't exist anymore. Too bad. And then I joined ANSWERBAG. well, I guess someone's buying all those questions & answers. I hardly used answerbag, just switched to it when Answerology closed down. Hopefully, i'll find a site like those one day as this is a DIET site / life site. Answerology was good for getting a thousand answers all at once lol. Oh, but I didn't develop any close relationships there since it's not that sort of site.

The only site that I've actually felt closer to folks is here.  Because we are literally making diaries about our diet & lives.

Calories before afternoon snack 650 Afternoon snack: 2 cups squash kabucha 150... 800....3pm now doing errands after work..work was stressful talk about it later.

4:30pm-6pm food: lots of sautéed onions 150? with lots of cabbage and bok choy 100, some nuts 100, popcorn 80, chips 100, other chips 280, Quest protein bar (feeling really lazy, really tired, but wanted the protein - no good, I know, I've been eating too many bars each day bc of convenience, i'll do better this weekend bc i'm home mostly myself throughout it besides Saturday night. I planned some alone time on purpose because it's what I wanted!) 810..and the bar 1000. trying to think if I forgot anything else? doubt it.

total here: 1800 = quite fine!

on the way home from work: 2 errands - oil change / car inspection & cleaners.

After doing those things, I decided I was wiped out and headed home. got home 4:30 and I was really feeling very tired. so happy to be home and be able to relax. gym tomorrow, but then more relaxing. Saturday night will be entertaining in city. and sunday - more relaxing & gym.

It's a slower but still eventful weekend to ring in the New Year. And more importantly, it's what I want to be doing!


Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

cybermom4 on 12/31/2015:
You are so kind. Wonderful share and I'm so glad this site has not closed down. That thought never crossed my mind! I have been a member of this site for many years, but not active to my shame. I don't know what I would have done if the site said "error the page you were looking for is not here" wow~

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/31/2015:
yes, I know you've been a member a long time too :)

grannyannie on 01/01/2016:
Happy New Year HOP!

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Dec 30, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

1740 5-day average :-D Good. Tomorrow will be another "rest day" from gym. Looking forward to a nice workout on Friday around 11:30am & then again on Sunday in the afternoon. This weekend i'm getting in two really good workouts! That's the plan :-D And Saturday a nice dinner in NYC!


1250 at work.

450 calories thru morning

Big work party lunch: one large meatball, couple slices roasted turkey, sautéed broccoli w. garlic, took some mushrooms in sauce off of whatever meat it was on lol, little bites of ziti, little bites of pasta salad, regular salad, and maybe a few more noodles. Overall, not too bad. Can't be more than 800 calories.

It was a nice day at work. We had a lunch party! So I ate my food with coworkers and had a happier day for sure.

Once again, my very sick Chinese coworker went home sick. He makes me sick that he's so stubborn not to go to the dr ever and i'm glad he went home. Because he was seriously choking on his phlegm! Disgusting! He let himself get very sick over a period of over 2 months by not going to the dr sooner. He finally did go to the dr yesterday, but obviously he needs to heal & recover a bit now.

Snack on way home grapes and celery. 100 or so.

BIG dinner: lots of roasted brussel sprouts with very small amount of bacon pieces 150-200?, some roasted squash 150?, got lazy and still didn't cook the egg...maybe i'll bring an egg tomorrow. but I did have good protein at lunch (I keep forgetting it was at least a natural lunch, even if higher-calorie) so a had a chocolate brownie quest bar 200. and seltzer with added stevia. bed early for sure. 550-600, good.

total today: around 1950-2000 at most (very good!)

Exercise: 1 mi walk at 6pm after work! Go me! Proud of myself to get moving. I was sitting most of the day, so this was a healthy thing to do. And I didn't overdo. Just enough!


Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 12/30/2015:
Holiday parties are always challenging. Sounds like you did well.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/31/2015:
Thank you - I feel I did very well too. Proud of myself in general for this week.

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Dec 29, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 118.0

4-day calorie total: 1675 per day.

9pm Tuesday evening edit:

Weight this morning was pretty much 118. So that's what i'm gonna put down. I don't have a digital / battery scale but the old-school mechanical one :-) I like it that way!

Calories thru morning 450 semi-healthy (had a bar)

Calories at lunch: 400 and all healthy

Calories in after-work snack to gear up for gym: strawberries 100, bar 150, Monster sugar free energy drink total here 250

Calories after workout: Amino acids in my water for recovery purposes 30, bar 170 total here 200

1300 total.


I am not really craving any food right now despite the lower calories. I am not in the mood for eating. My boss told me some private things about someone else's (another manager in my company) extra source of income and it riled me up so badly.  He rents out an apt he used to live in in NYC for $30,000 a month annually. That's an income of $360,000 EVERY YEAR. I didn't really need to know that. It makes me think the guy is smart to do instead of sell, yes, but...it makes me angrier about my own situation.

My salary is approx. a little over $40,000 / year. I live in Queens, NY. It's not a lot of money to make to live where I live. And not a lot of money to make to save for my future. I don't save any money right now. When I was working STEADY overtime, i'd bring up to $60,000 a year home. It's a big pay cut without the STEADY overtime. And another stressor for me. I don't need to hear about someone else's GOOD fortune. Of course i'm a little jealous of his ability to do such a thing, but, also....instead of spending too much time being jealous....

....it feeds the already burning fire underneath my a$$ to change my own situation, on my own, for the better. To do what I NEED TO DO and not worry about anyone else. TO TAKE CARE OF ME.

So I've been saving 2% of my paycheck these days (several months - probably around 9 months of no overtime or very little OT). Previously, at the higher salary, I was saving 14% of my paycheck before taxes.  It's a constant small stressor to think about. 


Noon edit: 

I retraced my steps including looking where I parked on my errand before work yesterday morning and still couldn't find my 2 keys. So I went to the housing office before work & asked them to replace the garage cylinder & give me new keys. I bet anything that my old key is still on the floor inside my garage. I'll find out when I get home. I do hope to find my old key because my parent's house key was also attached to the key ring.

Either way, housing is placing my new key under my door mat so that means i'll be able to have the new garage key tonight & have a nice spot for my car - instead of searching and searching for street parking. yes, this was annoying - but no it wasn't the worst problem to deal with for sure. Lucky it wasn't all my house-keys (and I have 3 separate doors I need to enter for that - it would have totaled well over $100) to replace the garage door cyclinder and key - only $20 :-) could have been much worse.


Morning Entry: 

Gotta find two keys I lost yesterday before going to work today (I may be late to work if I have to get a key from housing for my garage).

I lost the two keys that are on a separate ring on my key chain sometime between leaving my garage in the morning, doing one errand before work, and having car valet parked at work. Of course, this morning, i'll be backtracking.

I would have backtracked last night, but, I noticed the lost garage key when I went to open my garage and realized it wasn't happening! It was more important to me to park my car as street parking is limited. So I parked & planned to backtrack this AM. If I don't find the key, i'll definitely get one from housing before heading to work.  It'll be good to have an extra even if my keys do turn up.

The other key was to my parents house and I always LOVED having it. I could visit them as well as come and go as I pleased even if they werent' home...especially taking walks when I'd visit my house. Oh well...hopefully it'll turn up but not a big deal!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 12/30/2015:
Hang in there! Have a healthy day.

cybermom4 on 12/30/2015:
Hi! I know exactly how you feel about the $ situation. There is a woman at my work who is getting an extra 5,000 for doing nothing. Unless there is some behind the scene work going on - I am really ticked. It really bothers me when my mgr says that I could have had that job and probably done real work for the team. I guess it is easy to get angry over money. I have so much to be thankful for and yet this silly black cloud hangs over me - the "could of , should of, would of's" I try to stop and think - be thankful - there will always be someone doing better than me but I have to think of all the people who are struggling worse than me. Many with serious health issues, or deep pains and mental sufferings. Relationship issues and / or rivalries of some sort. Some people can't even pay for internet and I just spent $60 on a special flea collar for my kitty. I guess I need to keep things in perspective. Every little bit you save is like Old Ben Franklin says " a penny saved is a penny earned' - My grandfather always told me even if all you have in your pocket is a dollar - take 10 cents for yourself, 10 cents for saving and the rest to meet your needs. I was just a kid when he said that so I could only imagine a dollar - but I understand his point. he was a great man and lived to be 96 and just passed away this past September. Well, I'm sorry for writing a book. Just venting a little with you and keeping my mind off my hungry belly. I hope today was better for you!! Fondly,

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/31/2015:
My boss sometimes does the same thing, actually. I guess it means your boss does like you - and kinda letting you know that the opportunities for you ARE available...something like that.

Anyways, THANK YOU for writing the book. I appreciate all your thoughts and the story about your grandfather. My grandfather always saved too - he would have been the ripe old age of 105 this year. His wife, my grandmother, is still alive although she's sick. She's 94. It seems the two of them always gave the best advice - especially about saving. The world was definitely NOT as materialistic back then.

I love this site for being able to share views and get our minds on & off the food. It's good friends here! ;)

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Dec 28, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 119.0

2200 cal, 15 min walk at lunch....bed early tonight is what's on my mind. :)

Later, I need to type about the things going down over here....I need advice badly.  this time, it's not about anything I did wrong. I just need some advice & badly.


All that ever happens lately when I get together with my best friend is TENSION for me. I’m talking about my best friend, female, that I like to think of as a sister. Except lately, it sucks and is only fighting – especially at the close of the evening. I CANNOT take it ANYMORE. I seriously cannot take it. My patience with her is DONE. I have no patience for arguments, for ruining my night or day at the end to end it with a lasting negative memory for the final moments or moments towards the end. I cannot take it ANYMORE and I really don’t know what to do.

I don’t feel it’s my fault, AT ALL. It may take TWO people to have a disagreement – argument, but, it could also be true that one of those people is DEFINITELY more at fault.
These arguments used to be rare and not happen too often but they stem all the way back to several years ago – first one a remember to the best of my knowledge is from around Fall (October or so) of all the way back in 2013. That’s quite some time ago – 2 years & 2 months. I remember when it was well because i have photos from that night.
Usually, that is prior to last night, these arguments occur when I’m doing activities that involve a GROUP of people. These activities were the arguments I have with her also are usually activities that are usually more high energy, change of routine, and take place in NYC meaning I either have to meet her on the way, go with her there, or – as of lately – meet her on the tracks of a subway line so we can continue on the route together. Why? because I have never thought she wanted to go along and she doesn’t like going alone – so therefore, I’m a good friend duh – and we go together.
But through all these times that she has come out with me and this group of friends (which are originally MY FRIENDS, not hers), there’s stress and tension. I worry she’s not having a good time. She’s complaining to me about the food. She’s quiet and not talking much at the dinner table. She’s complaining about when she wants to go home, ETC, ETC, ETC.
This is not cool on her part to cause me such grief. After all, I’m a person too – with MY OWN FEELINGS that aren’t made of steel. Her feelings AFFECT MY FEELINGS. And this poses major stress to me having a good time with my friends. This is why I’ve told my friends, which are now also her friends, that if they want to invite her, THEY CAN. But I’m NOT. Meaning, the invitation to get together or do any event together needs to come from the source – whoever is putting the event together & inviting everyone. NOT ME. If I’m not the source of the invitations or rather the source of the emails / texts, etc., I’m not the one who needs to invite her…
Do you guys get what I mean?
I am not the one who needs to invite her unless I’m the one planning that particular event. I want to have no extra part in her decision on whether she decides to COME OUT to the event or SKIP IT. I don’t want her to come if she doesn’t want to come. I don’t need to feel like I forced her out, and now I need to SUFFER because she’s nagging to me and not enjoying her own time out. I’m SICK of it.
My arguments with her have become more & more frequent as I have been going out with this group of friends more often and she’s been coming out more often. This whole fall season, even before these arguments started getting out of hand, I made it clear to my friends that they would need to invite her if it’s their event & not myself. I didn’t really explain too much of why to them – but – finally they actually saw a fight between her and me happen which I am glad about because I’m sick of them thinking that possibly I’m making this annoying garbage up.
It’s annoying to me – because these arguments are ruining my days & nights with my friends. I cannot take it. I can’t take her extra anxiety. I can’t worry about her having a good time. I need my own good time since I’m not her mother but her friend. I don’t need to personally take care of her when I’m out having fun. If she can’t take the crowds & excitement that she just shouldn’t come. I just don’t care anymore.
I’ve been putting up with this problem with her for multiple years. And it’s only a problem with HER that I’m having. I don’t have fights with anyone else in this group of folks when I only go out with them. It used to be me only going out with them – but then I started to invite her – thinking she’d want to be included instead of ONLY really hanging out with ME and NOBODY else. I thought I was being a good friend. INCLUDING her with the group – letting her meet them, become their friends as well. These are really easy-going & nice folks. They don’t judge. They are the most down to earth – not picky or discriminating – not judgemental…I have some of the greatest friends in the world. They are a special bunch. Not typical. More easygoing, more accepting.
My friend has been going thru a tough time, even more anxious than normal for 6 months now. I’ve noticed that whenever I do anything with her, it’s a problem. We went to Bath & Body works the weekend after Black Friday, and the crowds bothered her so much she was dizzy in the store. I went to eat with her several times in the past months and she can hardly eat. I drive places with her and she tells me how horrible her life is. She simply doesn’t even try to see the positive, unlike myself, when I was suffering so badly. It’s like she’s in competition to be at her worst all the time, worse than everyone else….I go to MOVIES with her, and they are all too much for her – EVEN A COMEDY yesterday! She told me she wanted to get up and walk around – and I said “CALM DOWN, the movie is ANIMATED and FULL OF EXCITEMENT, but YOU are JUST SITTING, you are WATCHING IT, not IN THE MOVIE.” She sat & dealt with it. I’m not about to baby my friend and miss the movie because she can’t take a COMEDY. No freakin way.
Then we went to dinner last night & a guy at the restaurant buffet was weird a little bit. He offered to let us go before him on line, but I declined letting him stay in his spot in front of us. But he kept offering & my friend was getting fully anxious so she says “this is weird, let’s just move ahead…” which is really no problem and she stomps ahead….but I THANKED HIM for letting us in front of him on the line (since he was so weird, I didn’t need a problem with her being rude…). But then my friend kept telling me how weird he was – with him right by us! I ignored her, but she KEPT going….and it was Friggin Annoying to me! And then, there was a baby crying and she complained to me and I said “Christine, yeah, I don’t want to sit by the baby either, yes, we will sit far away…) since she was already complaining to me about where we’d sit…(far away from the baby…DUH!). Then we sit, she brings up the WEIRD GUY…again!!!!!!!!! I flipped OUT ON HER! I told my friend, “you can’t talk about him or bring up he’s weird if he’s standing right near you!” “he’s weird – we don’t need a problem with him like if he’s violent or something!”
And my friend said to me “how can you talk to me this way…? Stop mothering me!”
I flipped out on her at that moment.
Her complaints were PLENTY the whole day. And her anxiety pissed me off completely.
I simply can’t hang out with someone who stresses me out to bits like she is.
There’s more to it than this. Trust me. But this is enough for now.
I sent her an email telling her more….I need to paste that in here later.
When she does this to me – she ruins my time.
And this week she’s off from work. I’m not.
I couldn’t sleep all night – I think there was caffeine in my coffee when I asked for decaf.
OR, I may have just been thinking too much about everything all night.
Sick of this. And when the night ends with her this way, I simply need more & more time away from her. I won’t see her this coming weekend, thankfully.
I’m looking to better myself, continue to grow, and have new experiences.
Not regress with this girl / woman, my so-called best friend.
It sucks.

Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 12/29/2015:
Sorry, but I'm not great at giving advice without knowing both of you personally. I don't want to say stay away from her as that may not be the best advice.

horn_of_plenty on 12/29/2015:
That is the best advice. It's just a difficult time right now.

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