2,030 - 5day average = decent average. not really overdone to the point of horrible weight gain or horrible side effects. I'm ok :-D
HI! Ok, let me tell you, the cravings this week are HUGE. for sweets & carbs and fats. But this time, i have given in a bit & it seems that this approach has been the best approach for now.
6am Home: vinegar drink 40., seltzer with stevia. soon i'm going to be making my own vinegar drinks.
8:30am Work Breakfast: wrap 120 with lox 100 and whipped cream cheese 80, banana 120, 3 chocolates 150:
11am snack: bar 130 (atkins peanut caramel cluster)
750 before lunch, excellent progress to getting back on track after a few major days of emotions & cravings!
1pm Lunch: HEALTHY - chicken grilled leftovers from Sunday, now finally finished 250?, some beans / fries i know - weird 50-100cal, cooked veggies in some sauce 200 at least, popcorn 100: 650, fine. all very healthy and balanced. finally. feeling actually quite good, just bloated but due to woman-stuff.
1400 after a tasty, healthy lunch....
snack before gym: caffeine and bar 100, maybe an apple also
1600..
after gym: planning on a protein muffin which i plan to make super extra chocolately with extra, extra cocoa added in for sure... & sf jello? jello 60, extra chocolate in a protein muffin 260, whipped yogurt 100. 420. and chips 160. total here is 580-600.
total today is decent, 2200. this isn't the week to beat myself up.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
1990 4-day average
6am early breakfast - vinegar drink 30, light ice cream 210, pita bread lightly oiled 210. 450. still a bit emotional regarding the date but really it's regarding myself. i'll be ok. just taking a deeper look into myself and knowing that i must strive more with my confidence as well as my goals. that i must have 100% faith in my own efforts and my own success. that's it for now. i will try to eat moderately for the rest of today.
wrap with salami 200. and banana 120.
chocolate 70, bar 130
lunch around 580 tops. HEALTHY.
so, 1550, good..
snack: maybe apple 100
dinner: light ice cream 300.
2100 today.
1950 :)
lunch: lately i am craving carbs which seems normal now that i think about it - time of month does this always to me. i crave sugar and fast carbs. so i will have my other pita at lunch and with veggies and a piece of chicken or so.
if calories come out higher for a couple days, so be it...always trying to stay within reason over here. seems my body is craving carbs quite a bit.
Right now I am struggling on the relationship end also. It's more like i'm beginning to realize that the cop thing will only work out if i really cut the hanging out quite a LOT this winter in order to make sure i'm not running around ragged and then tired all week and getting myself drained in the process...so....the goal is get into NYPD and retain my health throughout it. Not an easy feat with a desk job.
HONESTLY, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A LOT OF FRIENDSHIPS OUTSIDE OF WORK THIS WINTER. the ones that i do have, i know can be maintained. but other than that, i just don't care.....i only care to get myself the job that will benefit a single jackie for the rest of her life without needing help from anyone. this is a must-happen situation over here.
i have cut my friendships in the past 2 years that were hurting me. and have cut friends in the past for this reason. not often, thankfully.
but this is it. i need to retain my confidence and get where i need to be. i am here, reminding myself as i am starting to feel very vulnerable lately and desperate - that - i can accomplish this without a problem.
i haven't been feeling great lately due to a lot of change in my friendships - loss of a best friend due to an irreperable fight. we won't be making up anytime soon - i don't want to. i have no time to help her thru her life. it was beginning to drag me down!
i need to help myself. so right now - i cannot have lots of restraints and restrictions...it just has to be me....paving the way toward success for myself...
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other thoughts -
I think in general I do really well independently and being independent gives me the ability to move forward academically / professionally at work. When I hang out too much, I find it totally drains me & when I am home, I just want to relax and am not necessarily able to study or do more productive things.
I’m not in school now, but plan to go back in the summertime for the NYPD academy which will definitely involve a LOT of studying. I have taken lots of classes in my lifetime. Actually have a Master’s degree which I got all while teaching for 3 years. Once I got the degree, I taught one remaining 4th year & then left the field due to difficulty in attaining a tenure (lasting) track position. I was interviewing every single summer for the next school year. Constant stress with it. Constant starting over every school year someplace new. If I never gave up, I might have eventually made it as a teacher for the long run…but…
I value the degree & experiences while in school & teaching, but am also happy to have left the field. After leaving the field, I drifted around for a few years before coming to my current job of 6 years now (never thought I’d be here this long!).
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
so what you say is true, they will understand me. as they always have. and now that i have sorta but an end to my relationship with my best friend, i now have more time on the weekends to spend as i prefer - and it seems that now is an amazing time for me to become prepared for 2017. thank you so much JDonkey.
I wrote a bit in yesterday's entry about the date i want on or rather that it wasn't meant to be. i wasn't feeling a connection, at all.
Morning: sparkling vinegar drink 30 and some seltzer with stevia
breakfast: small banana 120, wrap 120, with extra farmer's cheese 80, and salami 120. and energy drink 30. 470
snack: i don't know yet...a bar...currently my mood is slightly down due to not feeling great about the date i went on yesterday - it was basically boring & nothing is in coming except for the gym. bar is prob 150 cal.
lunch: i currently have vegetables for DAYS. did a lot of cooking yesterday morning in combo with leftovers from last week as well as last week...no issue on bread / veggies this week....just need to grill some pre-cooked chicken sausages i bought for the 2nd half of this week!...a lotta bread 200 (one of those greek pitas that is already oiled if you know so tasty!), lots of veg 200, some chicken 150 and veggie balls 100?, apple 100, candy 50. 800.
Before gym i was craving to eat more, but glad i stuck it out with 1 smaller red bull (thinking of switching to it to save $ - or to something even cheaper by me...it's $1 per can - would save me a ton...or, switching to caffeine drops, we'll see, but i'm going to work on a way of saving more $). anyways, 100 in special K snack bar and caffeine but only 80mg and not my usual monster which is 160mg. Felt much better at the gym, too.
after gym, i splurged, and gave myself the permission to do so (female stuff and i was good all weekend): microwave protein muffin with extra cocoa powder and cooked cranberries 300, a yogurt and jello 150 tops, and chips 200. yeah.650. but it's fully ok right now. totally ok.
2200. absolutely alright.
3 day avg: 1950. fine.
gym was really super. to say the least!
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
2day avg 1825.
Won't be going out with the new guy again. Today was the second time and it's just not meant to be. He's a great guy. All is good with him. But i doubt I am the right match for him and i don't see a reason to try again. 2x was a good amount. Honestly, i am probably too "different or unique" for him....and also i'm not attracted to his body at all. body or face, not attracted to him...
We don't share the same interests either. Except for gym. Not meant to be. I took him to the park, and i asked him if he'd ever go to walk or run at a park by himself and he answered no...he seems to be into the gym even more than me going during the day on both days of the weekend and goes out with his friends in the evening which is sorta the opposite of myself - who likes going out during the day...and being home in the evening. Anyways, like i said, I won't be going out with him again.
He prob thinks I am a bit weird as I tend to say the strangest things in conversation, but that's me. I know what i need to do for this winter - and it's what i was doing before - get myself in shape for NYPD.
I can say right now - it's going to be a relaxing winter with less plans with friends and more focus on my goal. I struggle to do everything at once, like see friends and also be successful in life - but - I have learned that my idea of "balance" is different from others. And "Jackie's Balance" is what works for her (me!).
I am ready to take life in the way that I prefer...and make my dreams come true.
This coming weekend, I have a wedding to attend and I am looking forward to it (but wll not dance so much that i'm in pain the next day...due to ankle stuff and the fact that i want to get into running mid winter around feb or march).
After this weekend, it's Thanksgiving.
So my plans are pretty packed until December. and then, i'll just go with life. No plans isn't always the worst thing...Maybe i'll go to a few happy hours with work friends. Sometimes it's good with the unknown ahead. And i need to be able to train for the NYPD (increase my cardio strength).
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Breakfast: small banana 120, protein muffin with chocolate 260 and cranberries 80 460...ice cream 120: 580-600.
snack: bar 130
Light lunch: bread 200 with salami 100.
1010...
Dinner: salad with chicken and some buttery bread 600
snack: jello and yogurt 200.
total 1800, good.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
OMG happy Saturday! It's so nice with this extra day attached to the weekend (yesterday, Veteran's Day!).
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I got up pretty late today, around 8am and - surprise - no sleeping pill. I was quite exhausted last night and fell asleep by around 10pm. waking up just once around midnight. happy to get this extra sleep & naturally.
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breakfast: 9am - balanced enough. small banana 120 or less calories, cooked cranberries 60 inside a protein mighty muffin in peanut butter flavor with added cocoa powder - SO GOOD! 250, then i decided on chips 200 - extra fat & carbs isn't the worst...and extra potassium. anyways - total is 630. but this is good as breakfast was late.
12pm snacking: more chips around noon, good. 120.
1pm lighter lunch: tofu scramble Amy's brand wrap 200 and some salami on the side and extra mustard with that wrap. 50.
going to a short 1hr concert later at 3pm it starts till around 4pm and then driving sraight afterwards to the gym at around 5-7:30. nice!!
200 before gym
after gym, endulged a bit, 650 dinner, all healthy! 2 fried eggs 200, come cooked veggies 100, a pita 220 and also a flatbread 120.
1850, good.
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Plans today are possibly to head to the library in afternoon for an hour musical recital (i really love listening to live music, nice it's free, and it's unique in that it's quartets for oboes and bassoons. as a former music major with a masters, i really love these free and unique events i find at the local libraries. So I hope to attend, it's at 3pm I believe.
After the hour or so of music, I intend to work out at the gym tonight.
I have already done one more load of laundry of more delicate clothes and things i wanted to do back here at home including a light jacket i have - so that i can make sure they don't get damaged & hang them up here as soon as they're done washing / drying...so i'll actually go back downstairs right now to get those few items i washed today.
On purpose i'm planning to be very organized by Monday because next weekend on Saturday I have a wedding to attend - and I'd like to be prepared this whole week leading up to it - including the gym tonight, Monday night, Wednesday night & Friday night...so that next weekend I can truly enjoy the wedding Saturday night & not have much on my agenda for Sunday afterwards - no gym next weekend except for Friday night. It's good to plan - because planning leads to success and making sure I get my goals in (gym 3x per week).
Tomorrow I'm going on a second DATE with Dave. He is a nice guy and I truly want to see what's possible with him & I...
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I visited my dad yesterday and we had a nice lunch. Then we did some errands at both Costco and Target. Overall the day went quite nicely & I also managed to do two HUGE loads using my parent's washing machine / dryers. I was amazed that i really did bring so many clothes / towels home with me to fill the machine with two loads. I guess now I can say that the machines at my apt building aren't as small as I thought they were...since I was thinking I could have fit all my clothes in one load at my parents'...ok, enough!
It was a full afternoon yesterday with my dad and we were both very tired when we got back home. I was possibly going to help him with his reading of a prayer in hebrew (he's trying to get it down, it's slightly long like over a minute it can take to read it...) and hard in a different language. but we were both really knocked out after the busy afternoon. Plus, my dad had exercised in the morning, running 4 miles. So, he really had a full day!
I stayed sorta later than I had expected at my parents' place until 6:00pm or so because i had waited for my mom to come home and so i could be there when she opened her birthday gift and card from me. But then i left bc i felt if i didn't leave then, i'd end up sleeping over which i didn't plan for - and would have disrupted the rest of the weekend by me getting back here later today and everything getting off track. Glad i left when i did. Always seems that when i visit my parents, I am there later than expected...
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
Breakfast - later side around 9am kombucha and seltzer with stevia 350.
Big lunch: cup or so of white rice 250, chicken Thai dish with dressing 400 tops and salad 100. 750.
3:30pm Big apple 100. 1200 wow so much .. more seltzer I am sure - very thirsty. Oh and snacks around Costco! And chips back at home 150 1350.
I wanted low cal day (like 1600-1800) but didn't stick with it so had still normal calories but higher than planned at 2150.
But a good calorie avg for 7 days = 1870, success.
I ate a bit too much ice cream though - 2 full pints, one being 280 cal and the other was 240 cal (for the whole pint). Halo Top. one was strawberry and one was vanilla...my mouth is irritated a hair from it all, so taking a break till sometime next week! One pint was with breakfast and the other after dinner.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
1820 6-day average!!!!
weight was around 116-point something on the digital scale today. that's a decent weight...but...i do want it more around 113-115 range...like i want it a few lbs lower, yes. I do have a little fat to lose, but truthfully, i need to gain more muscle. lately jeans are a tad tight (some of them). overall, I am def happy with my weight. I tried on the black dress I'm wearing to a wedding next weekend - it looks great. I may not even wear stockings at all?or just shear black? NOT OPAQUE DARK BLACK! looks so bad and tends to not show the silouette of the dress!
6am Morning at home: seltzer with stevia and vinegar drink 30.
Morning at work: coffee 50 with milk & equal, wrap 60 with extra farmer's cheese 80 and salami 100: 300.small banana 120.
snack: 1 mini resee's pieces cup so GOOD! 40 cal.
500 before early lunch at 12:30 can't wait.
early lunch probably 12:30pm instead of 1pm. 500-550 approx lunch.
1050 or so before end of workday...
before gym: caffeine and special k crisps 130 cal-150.
1200 before gym.
after gym: thinking my typical ice cream...with jello.
eating light right now.
1750 today -
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Tomorrow i'm getting a nice massage at 9:45am (and it's a relatively close drive to me - 20 min or so away)It's for an hour massage until 11pm and then driving home takes around 45min to have lunch with my dad i'll get there by noon.
i will do laundry at my dad's house (and also help doing any of his laundry as well and wash the gross couch blanket that smells so bad!!! - but - may also do some of my own laundry back at my apt tomorrow night - for things that i'd rather hang dry and not be wrinkled from the commute of bringing clothes back from my house...but everything else i'll do at my parent's home for free LOL since i'll be there - and it takes far less time!
i may also do some reading at their house and i am sure my dad would enjoy the quiet time too (he does like to read and do his own stuff when he has a free moment (very rare for him!) - change of scenery from my own apt. when i read back at their house.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
vinegar / kombucha / probiotics are good for digestion / elimination. they work well on an empty stomach in morning.
1830 5-day....gonna get some good sleep tonight!
Good Morning :-)
My opinions / thoughts on election:
1) We are still 1 Nation, United under the flag & god.
2) If the miliatary backed Clinton, maybe she would have done better but the military (for the entire United States in general) despises her.
3) We'll have to make do with the outcome...and work to stay united and work for the benefit to keep our nation strong.
4) I myself have no hatred and hope that as a whole we can support each other, no matter our political views.
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400 cal before morning snack.
200 cal bar, higher sugar.
lunch: maybe as high as 600 tops. but lots of veggies in it :) and a veggie burger.
apple 100
at work today i am very bored and tired and cannot wait to go to sleep early tonight. i knew it would be a hard week after a busy weekend - and i am def tired.
light ice cream with peanut butter, 400, chips 200.
1900.
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Today I have no plans after work besides to relax & continue reading a book I've been reading which is quite motivating and inspiring. That's the idea and general notion of the book. I wish i had started reading it sooner! just kidding, i'm very glad though that i'm reading it now. Lots to think about and realize. Lots to be thankful for. Lots of reminders on what is really important in life and that finding happiness is not the way - but being thankful for what we can give now is more rewarding...it makes sense.
Yesterday was very productive. I voted before work. Worked the full day, actually being early. And I went to the gym along with dropping off something at a local store to help them order new ice cream flavors that they don't currently have (a page with the new bar codes for these new flavors) and then after the gym i decided to drop by again and pick up some of the currently available Halo Top flavors...It was a full day & I woud have changed nothing.
I look forward to getting to know the guy that i went on a date with last week. He's a good guy with a nice body....and he likes my body...so....and he did absolutely NOTHING WRONG on the first day...such a nice guy...time to try it out again and be openminded more than i have ever been bc life is short and meant to be happy for us if we are open to happiness!
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
1812 4-day average :)
Already voted before work around close to 7am, was early to work by 7:30am which is fine! & will be going to gym after work. Lately planning for success works out wonderfully, to say the least!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
2am bc my stomach was slightly turning and sleep was fully interrupted: small banana 120, 6am i had a vinegar drink 30 cal. 150 total.
8am early at work: another small banana 120 (good for me because of potassium and settles stomach), some of a coffee 30 ( i seem to hate coffee now), energy drink 1 serving only, wrap 60 of farmers cheese 60 and salami 100. total here: 370.
520... good, good. it will be a tired day...i can tell. but i can also realize it's not worth it to hound on about it...and to sorta forget about being tired bc it'll eventually work itself out.
prob will have a bigger protein bar, 200 cal for snack. Not gonna finish the bar - it's big and i'm full, more tired than anything...left ankle hurting. ah, it's a tough week after a busy weekend. but i'm getting thru it!
750 (finsihed the bar...so bored and tired lol).
600 lunch.
100 and caffeine before gym
1450, good.
after gym: approx 350.
1800, perfect!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Didn't sleep well because was woken up again by neighbors and video games at 2am-2:30am or so! no good. Left them a note under their door that if they are going to watch tv / listen to music in the middle of the night, they need to lower the volume because it's heard very audibly in the surrouding apartments. I thanked them in advance and didn't sign the note, so they don't know who left it...I really did NOT want to sign my name as i feel they should know better and that i shouldn't have had to deal with it.
I'm sure it won't happen again. it's happened 2x already - friday night around 10pm and last night around 2am (which seriously can't be happening all the time! during the work week!)...anyways, i am sure i have solved the situation and i am sure i will speak up if the situation doesn't resolve itself. Not angry about it, as it's a 1-time deal for during this week - and i am positively thinking that it's not going to be ongoing especially after i asked them to lower the volume. It's a single mom with teens next door, and i'm sure it's the teen boys that were doing it - she may have slept over her boyfriend's place nearby which is why they were probably up so late with the volume so loud.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
1816 3-day avg.
probiotic soda and seltzer with steiva 20
wrap 60 with farmer's cheese 50 and salami 100, banana 120., tea with milk 50.
400 :)...really craving the caffeine that i left at home (half a monster drink).
bar 130
550 before lunch.
Lunch: sorta too big. shrimp from Friday but seem ok since fridge here wasn't opened all weekend! lol. 150-200, sauteed cabbage 150 and also sauteed other stuff 150 and chips 100! 600.
1150....
600 with apple and dinner. 1800 tops :)
Planning to begin a couch to 5k running program in February and do it twice as slow, taking 18 weeks (4.5 months) instead of 9 weeks to get myself back into jogging before NYPD academy. Ankle still sucks, but, I'll just "do it." my body IS getting stronger & stronger and i plan to be stronger by February, when i begin this program. And if i feel like it, I'll start in march, no worries.
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I am finally moving away from my whipped fave cream cheese and onto farmer's cheese - I tried it today for the first time - and it's great on a wrap as a substitute to cream cheese. and half the calories! I will throw out the weight watchers brand of whipped cream cheese i bought - it's terrible! but other brands of whipped cream cheese i do like! - but Farmer's cheese is the healthier option and tasty too! It has a nice ricotta flavor and smooth texture...good for wraps / sandwiches. Only 40 cal per two tablespoons. Whipped cream cheese has 80 cal for 2 tablespoons. BIG difference. - one is close to 50cal, the other close to 100.
Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
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