exercise: weights and abs. no walking.
calories: around 2000.
remember my whole talk with my boss about OT!?!?!??!?!
well F it.
It got me NOWHERE.
I worked 1.5 hours OT today.
and FOR NO PAY.
bc apparently all the extra time I gave the company to make up for the company being closed two extra days (Friday after Christmas & Friday after New Years), I was PAID for. so, all those extra hours, probably at LEAST 15-20 if not much more since Christmas, means squat. Because I was paid. SO.....I STILL HAVE TO MAKE UP 16 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHEN I SPECIFICALLY WAS TRYING TO PUT A DAMPER OVER IT FOR AWHILE.
THERE IS NO MERCY. AND I'M NOT JOKING HERE. I AM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED.
MY BLOOD IS BOILING.
I have no balance in my life.
I HOPE I CAN MANAGE THRU THIS JOB TILL THE ACADEMY.
I WANT TO QUIT SO BADLY BUT CAN'T AS I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO RIGHT NOW.
PLEASE DON'T TELL ME TO LOOK FOR A JOB. THIS IS IT FOR NOW. AND IT'S BAD.
I AM ANGRY, HURT, AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
REGULAR ACNE ON MY CHIN, ALMOST ALWAYS THERE FOR THE PAST 3 MONTHS, NOW I'M ALSO SICK SINCE LAST WEEK, TWO UTI'S IN THE SUMMER, AND FOR THE PAST 4 MONTHS - BREAKTHROUGH BLEEDING BETWEEN PERIODS AS WELL AS LATER AND LONGER PERIODS THAN NORMAL.
I AM STRESSED OUT.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THIS OT SH.T.
THIS IS WHAT PROLONGED MY LEG SYMPTOMS.
THIS JOB SUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
AND THE MEN ARE FREAK-N AS-HOLES. (it's all men in administration - no women).
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Good Morning & Happy President's Day :)
my entry got deleted not fair! lol I can't type it again right now....
breakfast: hot water with lemon, turmeric, sea salt & stevia 20...followed the Maypo Oatmeal (not oatbran, I read it wrong lol), with a mix of coconut water/almond milk 150, 1/2 cup of canned pumpkin 50 made with tons of cinnamon & stevia, and what I look forward to lately - 2 tablespoons of peanut butter on top of everything which usually melts a little bit. 200. total here: 420 and tasty....and, surprisingly, this type of breakfast is leaving me pretty satisfied in the morning - so much that even though it's a lower protein amount, I may start having it / something similar during the week and not just weekends!
Exercise was walking 80 flights of stairs (at my apartment, with a bazillion rest breaks) building is around 20 floors high and I walked it 4x up and 2x down (elevator the other 2x) Snack after exercise: Larabar coconut cream pie 210, kombucha 70 and lunch an hour later Lunch: cabbage vegetable soup 150 and tasty sweet potato chips (comfort food) 1150, good! Laundry soon :) spending this cold day at home. It's 4 degrees Fahrenheit. Okay....another Larabar Alt Bar - chocolate chip maroon 270 cal. The only good thing about these bars is they have very little ingredients and are all natural. Similiar to if u baked a treat at home... Around 1450, must relax now a bit with the eating.
2250 cal.
throat is still a little sore, but, no fever.
plan is for gym tomorrow night. weights. and to walk on the treadmill for 20 minutes during lunch.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Day was great. Started off shakey but got better as it went along! Dinner with family was also better than expected !!
Around 2250 cals, great!
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Happy Saturday.
8am Breakfast: Maypo Oatmeal with coconut water/almond milk mix 210, 1/4 cup pumpkin 30, and peanut butter 200....and a big indulgence in sweet potato chips 360. total: 800! hopefully it'll hold me over till lunch.
overeating too much not sure why. 10am - protein bar and some veggie chips 300
1100. not so great...will fix it up, not in the mood for a binge. (clothes already tight, there's no wiggle room for poor choices when i don't have to - i have TONS of veggies at home right now!) most already cooked up!
light meal at noon: vegetable soup, mainly with cabbage in a tomato broth along with some other veggies, but mostly cabbage. 100
1200, good!
Calories probably around 2200, great!
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
now I officially have one last vacation day :) to use for work. I plan to use it in March when my taxes are ready - so I can drop them off personally to the acct and not have to worry about mailing them in. and also so he can do them right there - while i'm there. and that should only take up a small portion of the day! And then we get new days in April. I always do a great job spreading them over the year lol.
around 2300 cals. good. did a full weights routine upper body and abs. also walked quite a bit today. feels good to be getting more active again!
it was such a weak strain of the flu. i'm taking Tamiflu. and getting much better already. thankfully :)
Happy Friday! Got a lot of sleep last night so I am feeling a bit better. Woke up around midnight and took NyQuil to ensure extra sleep and it worked. Probably around 10 hours sleep. So bc if that, and bc my symptoms are better, off to gym for weights. I just can't sit home the whole day I have off. I may also go to the mall to walk bc it's too cold to be outside for more than 5 minutes! But we shall see, bc it is also important that I actually do also relax and rest up!
breakfast: 550 (maypo oat bran w/ some almond milk and coconut water mixed = sweet oatmeal taste, some canned pumpkin with cinnamon & stevia, 2 tablespoons peanut butter, sweet potato chips).
snack: coffee and then a protein shake made with one banana, one scoop protein, and milk. around 400 here. followed up by another small banana 100. so 500.
total here: 1050, good.
big late lunch around 2pm: tons of veggies, sautéed, and some slaw salad with oil / vinegar: probably around 450. oh and some blackberries. 500.
1550, good. allowing myself more calories today, since I did some cardio and weights. and i'm off...and feeling better. for me, it's more about increasing cardio than limiting calories.
4:30 bigger snack than planned bc I was holding a big bag of potato chips and had the craving....250 cals for sweet potato chips - worth it.
total so far: 1800, good...
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
A little under the weather since Monday afternoon. Throat is now sore and yesterday I def had a small fever before bed so going to the dr this am and deciding after if I will go to work...probably.
At dr now, getting tested for strep and flu.
Breakfast: oat bran 120 with some coconut water and almond milk 30, 1/2 cup canned pumpkin 50, peanut butter 200. Total 400, excellent.
Calories Wednesday were good. Not more than 2000 and half hour lunch. Fell asleep early bc I was feeling sick and took some over the counter cold/flu medicine which knocked me out.
Prob around 2300 and no exercise.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Around 2200. More carbs bc exercising. Walk at lunch outside and weights in evening.
Goodnight.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
not more than 2,000 cal.
25 min stroll on treadmill at lunch :)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Good Morning :)
Once again, I slept well last night. Maybe even more like 9 hours. I went to be very early, around 8pm because I was feeling really tired and slept till around 5:30am? Don't wanna write it, but my legs are burning a little bit this morning. I did extra walking yesterday, so maybe that's why or maybe it's in my head. who knows. I will at least use the leg massager rod I have here before leaving for the gym.
Breakfast: Maypo Oatbran 200, made with coconut water 60, canned pumpkin with stevia/cinnamon 40, and smart balance nut butter 200. total 500. good!
I am planning on a good weights workout this morning, around 8 or 9 when the gym opens. just gotta shower ;)
Very dizzy and tired this afternoon.
Overall calories around 2350, good.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Starting this beautiful Saturday off right 
I woke up around 6:45 which def counts as sleeping in for me. around 7.5 hours sleep which is great. I slept very soundly and just woke to use the bathroom once. Glad to get a good night's sleep. I feel happy and more productive after it.
I am started to catch the negative thoughts moving into my consciousness but the problem is that i'm kinda trying to block them before i can figure out exactly what they are. Still they seem to be thoughts about not being good enough, not being able to make it in the NYPD, and my health - worrying i'll ever make it to the academy & if my health will be restored fully. but the truth is, i shouldn't worry, i'm generally healthy and no different than the average person. I have all the resources to get there (I've done the whole application and i just have the physical fitness test left - that's it).
I just need to reinstate the application and it's all less worry than i realize...i am thinking about that right now. It's actually pretty simple! I just need to keep working at my current job, till next January (but that means leaving in December) or next July 2016 (meaning i'll leave before Labor Day in May) to actually start.
Calculated, the months from the current date until end of May 2016 is 16 months away. that is not even so many...I can do this. it's under a year. If i stay in my current job now till the summer 2016, i'll be rewarded with a small pension every year for my service - from 55yrs old and on. If i leave before January 2016, I'll not have that benefit because i will have been in my job under 5 years. By summer, it would be a few months over the 5 year mark.
Summer is a better time than the cold, freezing winter to be in that academy. In general, it's better for the body to be active and in training during the warm summer months. and at that point, i'll be 33 almost 34, so, it's important i think about my body and health in this way. i won't be one of the young 21-25 year old NYPD recruits.
16 Months is nothing. But also enough time to regain all my health, as long as I can continue with more positive thinking day by day. I will have to look out for myself. And do what I need to do for me in order to achieve this. This time period is a team for emotional, mental & physical healing. I know that next winter is too early, but next summer is just perfect. And, knowing i can leave my job whenever i want to is great too. Knowing i can leave as early as I want to in May 2016!
Heck, i can even take TWO MONTHS off work before the academy. I can leave in April 2016....(because new vacation days start in March / April - so i may be able to be paid for some of the time i am not working!) ...So let me focus on getting these 5 years under my belt (Feb 1st of next year i'll be in my union for 5 whole years). So i gotta make it to 2/1/15 in order to reap the benefits of all the working I've done already these past 4 years. If i can stick it out, i'll be rewarded...i'm guessing at least $1,000/year after age 55. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it's good money nonetheless.
July 2016 is probably a better time for me - no spring allergies to deal with around March-May (they can make me tired -& lethargic - not in the mood to study - especially from the allergy medicine side effects - and it would be better if i wasn't studying and in the academy at the time i have allergies if i could prevent it).
And finally i am working less hours and working on restoring both my physical and mental health so they are both strong. So i am not constantly worrying to the degree i do now about things. I also want to "live a little" and start enjoying more activities & events with friends. Not saying i want to become a more outgoing person really, but just want to be able to plan events time to time that involve a little more action - actually going into the city, more walking, etc. I want to pull away from being a homebody so much - to the point of being on the couch all day - because that is something that has happened over the past two years because of the shin splints. I am looking to at least be able to enjoy being a little more active because it'll help me mentally (doing fun things!) and also be beneficial towards my goal to be a cop.
I want to a boxing event only a 10 minute walk away from where i live last night - and that was one of the best things i could have done last night. and i realized, i was having a lot of fun, and hardly thought about my legs at all. i'm making big progress. so doing these things, getting out of my head & apartment, is very helpful...
Breakfast Kombucha first 50, then Maypo Oat Bran with almond milk, cinnamon & stevia 200, pumpkin 50, and peanut butter yum! 200: 500 and wonderful.
early lunch around 11:30: chips 200, wrap 100, with leftover chicken sausage (just a few pieces) and veggies 200, and a full fat greek yogurt bc I needed to calm my hunger (I felt very hungry and like my blood sugar was out of whack) 200 - the yogurt helped completely.700 at most.
total: 1200 so far, excellent. will try for a walk at the park later, if the snow stops.
craving carbs today, not sure why. anyways, fruit - orange and grapefruit 150, followed later on by wasabi coated almonds 170.
probably around 2300 total. had a lot of extra carbs with dinner (white rice) and I think I needed it.
today I walked overall probably around 3 miles. half in the morning half in the late afternoon. I think legs are starting to be able to handle more.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
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I understand jobs that suck! Good luck getting through the unfairness!!
puddles on 02/18/2015:
Sorry to hear all the stuff that is going on. Hope you have a better day.
thinnside40 on 02/18/2015:
Dangit anyway H-O-P! YOU ARE STRONG. Going to make it.... Your worth it! Use it to fuel your hearts desire!!!!!
nenak on 02/19/2015:
Hope it eases soon x
nenak on 02/19/2015:
Hope it eases soon x