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Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Feb 12, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

A little under the weather since Monday afternoon. Throat is now sore and yesterday I def had a small fever before bed so going to the dr this am and deciding after if I will go to work...probably.

At dr now, getting tested for strep and flu.

Breakfast: oat bran 120 with some coconut water and almond milk 30, 1/2 cup canned pumpkin 50, peanut butter 200. Total 400, excellent.

Calories Wednesday were good. Not more than 2000 and half hour lunch. Fell asleep early bc I was feeling sick and took some over the counter cold/flu medicine which knocked me out.

Prob around 2300 and no exercise.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 02/12/2015:
Uh Oh.... Positive vibes you'll feel better soon.

Maria7 on 02/12/2015:
Prayed for your healing...hoping you feel better. :-) Rest.

Umpqua on 02/12/2015:
Take care of yourself and I hope you feel better.

innerpeace on 02/12/2015:
take care, hope you are feeling better soon!

liza36 on 02/12/2015:
Oh no, hope you feel better soon!

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Feb 10, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Around 2200. More carbs bc exercising. Walk at lunch outside and weights in evening.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 02/10/2015:
Good job with your exercise!

puddles on 02/10/2015:
Sounds like a great day.

thinnside40 on 02/10/2015:

museumgirl on 02/11/2015:
A walk sounds great, have a good day.

Umpqua on 02/11/2015:
I hope all is well HOP. You're kicking butt with the exercise!

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Feb 09, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

not more than 2,000 cal.

25 min stroll on treadmill at lunch :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 02/09/2015:
{*;*} YAY {*;*}

Horn_of_plenty - Sunday Feb 08, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Good Morning :)

Once again, I slept well last night. Maybe even more like 9 hours. I went to be very early, around 8pm because I was feeling really tired and slept till around 5:30am?  Don't wanna write it, but my legs are burning a little bit this morning. I did extra walking yesterday, so maybe that's why or maybe it's in my head. who knows. I will at least use the leg massager rod I have here before leaving for the gym.

Breakfast: Maypo Oatbran 200, made with coconut water 60, canned pumpkin with stevia/cinnamon 40, and smart balance nut butter 200. total 500. good!

I am planning on a good weights workout this morning, around 8 or 9 when the gym opens. just gotta shower ;)


Very dizzy and tired this afternoon.

Overall calories around 2350, good.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

museumgirl on 02/08/2015:
Glad you got a good night's sleep. Hope your legs feel better today :)

puddles on 02/08/2015:
Sleep is important. Congrats on that. Have a great day.

nenak on 02/08/2015:
Have a great day x

thinnside40 on 02/08/2015:
Take it easy if your still dizzy/tired.... Sorry about it.

Umpqua on 02/09/2015:
I hope you have a great week and stay safe with all this snow we're getting!

Horn_of_plenty - Saturday Feb 07, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Starting this beautiful Saturday off right 

I woke up around 6:45 which def counts as sleeping in for me. around 7.5 hours sleep which is great. I slept very soundly and just woke to use the bathroom once.  Glad to get a good night's sleep.  I feel happy and more productive after it. 

I am started to catch the negative thoughts moving into my consciousness but the problem is that i'm kinda trying to block them before i can figure out exactly what they are. Still they seem to be thoughts about not being good enough, not being able to make it in the NYPD, and my health - worrying i'll ever make it to the academy & if my health will be restored fully. but the truth is, i shouldn't worry, i'm generally healthy and no different than the average person.  I have all the resources to get there (I've done the whole application and i just have the physical fitness test left - that's it). 

I just need to reinstate the application and it's all less worry than i realize...i am thinking about that right now.  It's actually pretty simple!  I just need to keep working at my current job, till next January (but that means leaving in December)  or next July 2016 (meaning i'll leave before Labor Day in May) to actually start.

Calculated, the months from the current date until end of May 2016 is 16 months away. that is not even so many...I can do this. it's under a year.  If i stay in my current job now till the summer 2016, i'll be rewarded with a small pension every year for my service - from 55yrs old and on.  If i leave before January 2016, I'll not have that benefit because i will have been in my job under 5 years. By summer, it would be a few months over the 5 year mark.

Summer is a better time than the cold, freezing winter to be in that academy.  In general, it's better for the body to be active and in training during the warm summer months. and at that point, i'll be 33 almost 34, so, it's important i think about my body and health in this way. i won't be one of the young 21-25 year old NYPD recruits.

16 Months is nothing. But also enough time to regain all my health, as long as I can continue with more positive thinking day by day. I will have to look out for myself.  And do what I need to do for me in order to achieve this. This time period is a team for emotional, mental & physical healing.  I know that next winter is too early, but next summer is just perfect. And, knowing i can leave my job whenever i want to is great too.  Knowing i can leave as early as I want to in May 2016!

Heck, i can even take TWO MONTHS off work before the academy. I can leave in April 2016....(because new vacation days start in March / April - so i may be able to be paid for some of the time i am not working!)  ...So let me focus on getting these 5 years under my belt (Feb 1st of next year i'll be in my union for 5 whole years). So i gotta make it to 2/1/15 in order to reap the benefits of all the working I've done already these past 4 years.  If i can stick it out, i'll be rewarded...i'm guessing at least $1,000/year after age 55. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it's good money nonetheless.

July 2016 is probably a better time for me - no spring allergies to deal with around March-May (they can make me tired -& lethargic - not in the mood to study - especially from the allergy medicine side effects - and it would be better if i wasn't studying and in the academy at the time i have allergies if i could prevent it).

And finally i am working less hours and working on restoring both my physical and mental health so they are both strong. So i am not constantly worrying to the degree i do now about things.  I also want to "live a little" and start enjoying more activities & events with friends.  Not saying i want to become a more outgoing person really, but just want to be able to plan events time to time that involve a little more action - actually going into the city, more walking, etc.  I want to pull away from being a homebody so much - to the point of being on the couch all day - because that is something that has happened over the past two years because of the shin splints.  I am looking to at least be able to enjoy being a little more active because it'll help me mentally (doing fun things!) and also be beneficial towards my goal to be a cop.

I want to a boxing event only a 10 minute walk away from where i live last night - and that was one of the best things i could have done last night.  and i realized, i was having a lot of fun, and hardly thought about my legs at all.  i'm making big progress.  so doing these things, getting out of my head & apartment, is very helpful...

Breakfast Kombucha first 50, then Maypo Oat Bran with almond milk, cinnamon & stevia 200, pumpkin 50, and peanut butter yum! 200: 500 and wonderful.

early lunch around 11:30: chips 200, wrap 100, with leftover chicken sausage (just a few pieces) and veggies 200, and a full fat greek yogurt bc I needed to calm my hunger (I felt very hungry and like my blood sugar was out of whack) 200 - the yogurt helped completely.700 at most.

total: 1200 so far, excellent. will try for a walk at the park later, if the snow stops.

craving carbs today, not sure why. anyways, fruit - orange and grapefruit 150, followed later on by wasabi coated almonds 170.

probably around 2300 total. had a lot of extra carbs with dinner (white rice) and I think I needed it.

today I walked overall probably around 3 miles. half in the morning half in the late afternoon. I think legs are starting to be able to handle more.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/07/2015:
Have a great weekend! Good luck with your plans.

nenak on 02/07/2015:
Sounds like a good plan x

museumgirl on 02/07/2015:
Good plan, great attitude!

Horn_of_plenty - Friday Feb 06, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

I think one of my unconscious fears is that I will not be able to handle or be successful working as an NYPD. I know I will be. Maybe this is what brings me some of my pain. I can do it. I can be successful on my own. Still working on relieving myself of pain and Lots of negative, compulsive thinking (thinking about certain things too much) everyday.

Calories around 2000.

Exercise probably total of 45 min walking during day, excellent.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

puddles on 02/06/2015:
Think positive. Have a great day.

museumgirl on 02/06/2015:
Fear of success can be stalling...but what's the alternative? Definite failure. Take a chance on yourself, you might be surprised. :) A couple years ago I started to try to step outside of my comfort zone, and I've had both success and failure, but even the failures have been way more fun than not trying :) have a good day.

grannyannie on 02/06/2015:
Try thinking every day of what you are grateful for. It helps when you're feeling negative.

liza36 on 02/06/2015:
I like what everyone has had to say. You can reach your goals and rid yourself of the fear and pain. You do have it in you!

Umpqua on 02/06/2015:
Those negative thoughts can turn into a vicious cycle and you will only end up hurting yourself in the end. Try to visualize your future and the things you hope to achieve and make a habit out of it. Eventually the positivity will win out over the negative thoughts.

biscottibody59 on 02/06/2015:
Glad things appear to have settle down at work for you!

Yes the Sarno concepts are something everyone should be aware of just in case. We're all human and go through the same trials at some point. I suppose some people get away unscathed throughout life, but it's good to know that there's an alternative way of thinking about the subject of pain.

thinnside40 on 02/06/2015:
The ole mind can p;ay nasty tricks. Your worth doing your best to reach for those goals!

thinkpositive on 02/06/2015:
It's normal to question and doubt but from reading your posts your goal of NYPD was and is well thought out. Go back & read your posts and remember how you came to the decision and how hard you have worked. Hang in there.

Horn_of_plenty - Thursday Feb 05, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Around 2250 which is amazing considering that I ate 1700 cals thru end of workday.

No waking, purposely took a break, did a good weights routine.

Hormones are not good as my chin acne is pretty bad and I once again am spotting when I pee. The Gyno went well Monday - so it's stress that's doing this. It's ok, I will def make it thru :)

Worked no OT and took short lunch in order to leave at 4:30pm. Best decision ever.

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 02/05/2015:
Despite the acne & spotting, sounds like a good day for you..

Horn_of_plenty - Wednesday Feb 04, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

Around 2100 today. Good and all healthy.

Walking at lunch.

Forgot to take my anti inflammatory and trying not to worry about it since I should be getting much better anyway. But legs are slightly bothering me - I believe it's in my head though. So over it :)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

museumgirl on 02/05/2015:
your attitude is great lately, you're making progress and hopefully the walking helps strengthen you. I'm turning into a jello over here....

horn_of_plenty on 02/05/2015:
Thank you for the encouragement bc I need it!! I am still a bit stressed and it's difficult constantly shooting these negative thougjts and unconscious anger away - but I doing it little by little :)

Horn_of_plenty - Tuesday Feb 03, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

No catastrophe happened today at work bc of my behavior last week. it all went fine - i spoke with my superior about decreasing the overtime & it went fine.  i saw the VP that i told i was looking to be in the NYPD and as he passed by my desk he said hi...i said hi back...and that was it. he was pretty much busy in meetings anyways and my best friend advised that i don't continue it with him...or bring it up again (with the VP) - even if it's to say that i fixed my own problem. so, i didn't bring it up to him again today. you can tell he did remember though - by his facial expression and attitude. i could tell as he saw me that it registered right away what i said to him Friday. but, so far so good. he may decide to bring it up to someone - and if he does - so be it....i'll tackle that hurdle when it comes.

everyone was so busy today, it was easy to not have to run into Russ the VP or speak with him again...which is good...my friend told me NOT to bring it up to him again. NOT to remind him. i am glad she texted me and told me - bc i was about to tell him that i took care of what was upsetting me myself...glad she told me to stop.

calories thru lunch: 1500...(had pretzels)

dinner: lots of cooked cabbage around 200?, chicken 200?, some cauliflower 50?...i want some more cabbage...i may have a little more and a piece of fruit.

so total today is around 2100-2200, good.

i walked around 30 minutes at lunch. legs are hurting so very minimally and it's only when i remember...i am READING the books that biscottibody suggested and so far it is BEYOND INTRIGUING....i can definitely relate....and more than just a little....so i am enjoying the book....and i am actually highlighting in it....i like it that much. the author John Sarno is so fluid with his writing that there are so many points that he makes so well....that i am highlighting quite a bit :)  I am highlighting bc i plan to look back at these books when i am done - and review them again in the future.


Good Morning :)

Feeling ok today. Woke up ample times during the night, but overall, i feel relaxed and ready to start the day.

Breakfast: oatmeal with pumpkin, cinnamon & stevia, almond milk: 250 or so.  nut butter 200. 450 total. can't even finish it - will eat the remainder at work.

snack: full fat greek yogurt 200.

lunch: soup broth 100, some salmon 200?, chicken 150?, cauliflower 50?, avocado 100: 600 or so, good.

1250 (and prob coffee at work - so 1300)

Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

SkinInTheGame on 02/03/2015:
Have a great day!

museumgirl on 02/03/2015:
have a good day, hope you feel good today and get some decent sleep.

Umpqua on 02/03/2015:
I hope things go well for you today. I'm so happy to hear you're speaking to your boss about changing your hours and putting yourself and your health first. I didn't realize moving to another department within your company was even an option, so that's great news. Also, excellent news on your weight, you're kicking butt!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/03/2015:
thanks girl! :)

it's not that i have skills for another dept - but could always manage something really secretarial i guess...point is, if it came down to the fact that someone in my dept didn't want me, i still think the owner would probably move me .... another option is out to the field but that's a long commute...so defeats the purpose of relaxing...haha. (the field is mostly in Manhattan, NYC - so a bus and train everyday)

thinnside40 on 02/03/2015:
Thinking about you and wishing you calm and peace today.

Horn_of_plenty - Monday Feb 02, 2015
(counting calories/walking/elliptical/weights/bike)
Weight: 126.0

I was actually writing a new entry just now & it got deleted. so rather than write it again, i'm just gonna say that tomorrow i'll be going into work early to speak with my immediate boss. I don't think my job is in jeopardy, i'm trying to be positive about the whole situation.  I'm no longer angry and glad I had today off despite the crazy weather bc I had a chance to really think about everything and finally put it into perspective.

in order to achieve the nypd goal, things need to change. not remain the same. i'll be talking to my boss about making my hours normal and that's the end of it. if they can't be arranged, i'll have to change where i'm working - same company...but different dept or something to that effect.

that's it. done. even if I don't want to talk to my immediate boss about these things (change of hours, etc.), it's what I plan to do tomorrow morning. because if I don't make these changes for myself, nobody else will either, and I will in no shape or form ever reach that nypd goal. so, i'm going to do what I have to  - for myself. nobody can help me but me....right??

i'm being positive purposely and because it's the only way I can be. i'm going to focus even harder on my life and what I want from it. I needed Friday to realize this. I know I still have my job.  i do...

i'm going to tell my superior basically this - that i am young, i have a long life to live, my health is very important to me, especially the progress of my legs. that i was having a backslide the past couple weeks and was holding it in....and that i can't afford this to continue to happen. that i need to be able to care for my body after work and the only way is if he would please help me out and be understanding that i need to do certain things after work and can no longer work long hours. that once in awhile it's ok, but not every week. that set hours, like most of the staff, is what i need in order to care for my own wellbeing.


not sure on my calories for today - probably around 1700. perfect.


According to the scale at the gyno, i weigh 126. Not really too sure about that accuracy, but i'll take that low number. And since i love that number so much, i'll list it here :)

Skipped breakfast bc i was running extremely late for my appt at 8:30am and the weather was very snowy / slushy / wet / poor driving conditions.  I am looking at the window now, around noon, and finally it looks like the weather might be clearing up! Before my appt, I just had some broth with some added in turmeric and salt. around 100 cal.

Had a nice, filling lunch once at home: 1/2 avocado around 150, egg whites 60, egg 100, some leftover chicken sausage not more than 100, a low carb wrap 100, some kombucha 30. around 550, good...

650 cal so far today, i am aiming to keep today around 1500-1900 cals.

I finally cooked up some cauliflower for later. i must learn to prepare more meet / protein at home but it's just not a priority.  i was getting into it 3-4 years ago while still living home with my parents but opted for convenience in buying meats / fish from stores around here since there are so many place to go for it. However, i'd save a lot of money the other way - and of course i like preparing my own food. it's just a matter of time where i start to do more of that...

I had to throw away the collard greens that were in my fridge. i was meaning to cook them, but since they've been sitting there for 2-3 weeks, they spoiled. it's nice to be home an extra day - makes you want to do all those things you usually don't have the motivation to do when you are busier....I don't have a lot of vacation days. In total, I have 12 (2 days extra instead of 10 days for the Jewish holidays bc my company is generous!) days this year. and 5 sick days.  So, this is not an extra day or time off, it's part of  what i'm entitled to. 

Thinking about tomorrow makes me nervous, how it will be at work. i am going to try to just act normal and calm and hopefully everyone else will also be that way...hopefully all of my unprofessional behavior doesn't screw me over completely. i honestly don't think it will.


Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 02/02/2015:
Best wishes H_O_P!

puddles on 02/02/2015:
Things turn out exactly the way they are suppose to turn out whether we worry or not. Have a good day.

biscottibody59 on 02/02/2015:
It's the easiest thing to be hard on ourselves. I hope all goes well tomorrow!

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